WHAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT MOTHERHOOD DURING THE PANDEMIC

FEATURE What I’ve Learned about Motherhood during the Coronavirus Pandemic A collection of personal accounts written by four Los Angeles moms

PHOTOS BY RACHEL CARRILLO

In March 2020, our lives were suddenly upended when COVID-19 arrived threatening the well-being and livelihood of millions across the country. In Los Angeles, Mayor Eric Garcetti imposed a Safer-at-Home order for Angelenos.

Life as we knew it took a drastic change. At the time, few could imagine what this change would mean. Mothers with school aged-children were suddenly forced to act as nannies, teachers and tutors. Those with career responsibilities were suddenly placed in a multi-tasking arena like never before. Expectant mothers had to suddenly prepare to give birth alone and stay-at-home moms who were already responsible for much of the work involved with raising kids, were abruptly denied the resources that would generally make their daily routines feel manageable. Parks were closed. Museums and indoor playgrounds were closed. Social gatherings and children’s events were cancelled and certain daycare centers that would have otherwise provided a bit of relief with babysitting options, were mostly focused on attending to the children of essential workers, which in itself posed a new risk for parents. The disruptions of the COVID-19 on daily life have left women feeling anxious, overwhelmed, often depressed and even pessimistic toward a future that still seems uncertain. Yet, even with the many obstacles the pandemic has delivered, local moms have remained resilient. Some have used this year as an opportunity to restructure their habitual duties. Some have developed and launched entrepreneurial ventures, others have used their creativity to manage household duties and tap into projects that a busy Los Angeles lifestyle had made them abandon. And most if not all local moms, have used the time to think and reflect. Here are four accounts from local moms of different backgrounds, sharing what the pandemic has taught them about motherhood, in their own words. Meet Ana Pompa Alarcón, Iris Hosea, Tina Li and Lindsey Neller.

“In the stress of everyday life pre-COVID, we often didn’t have the time to watch and breathe and discover all these aspects of ourselves and our children.”

ANA POMPA ALARCÓN

CEO, findSisterhood Beverly Hills, CA

The most surprising thing COVID-19 taught me was that I am a much better mom when my kids are around more. I was a stay-at-home mom with both kids for the first two years, so I was used to being around them 24/7. But once they started pre-K and Kindergarten, our new normal was school most of the day while I worked. I am the founder of a tech company, findSisterhood, so I never get a break from work and I used to travel a lot for business before the Coronavirus.

Now that we are all stuck inside our home, I panicked at first because I had no idea how I would get all of my work done and homeschool without going crazy. But after only a few weeks, I noticed how much calmer and patient I became. I think part of that was not having to miss them all day. Sure, things are very stressful, and I have to work half the night because nothing gets done during the day. But the day is ours.

I sit next to Leila while she is doing her Zoom classes, I help Ezra with his puzzles, and we cook and laugh together so much more. The pressure of having to “be present” and create memories after spending the day at school/work is now gone. We are creating memories and we are getting to know each other so much more. I had no idea my daughter was the first to raise her hand in class, EVERY SINGLE TIME the teacher asks a question. This is an entirely new side of her that I didn’t know. Also, I didn’t realize that when I’m working and Leila is doing homework, Ezra actually entertains himself for hours looking through every single book we have.

Both of my kids love to work with me. Leila calls herself my co-worker at findSisterhood, and every time I open our app (she recognizes the logo), she asks, “Are we working on findSisterhood Mami?” and it makes my heart burst. Ezra pretends to work by packing his backpack, putting his shoes on then saying: “I am going to work now, Mami, bye!” and when I ask where he works, he responds: “I work at findSisterhood”. Those things make me really proud since I used to feel guilty about working so much. Now I understand the kids were always watching me and are proud of the work I do, especially when they see me juggling so many things at once. In the stress of everyday life pre-COVID, we often didn’t have the time to watch and breathe and discover all these aspects of ourselves and our children. It’s already hard for me to imagine how life will be once schools reopen. I will miss them so much!

Don’t get me wrong; there are moments when I can’t wait for it, and I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and reaching the end with my energy. But as soon as my favorite people in the world are asleep, I lie in bed, and I miss them, and I am so proud to be their mom. ‘Togetherness’ has a whole new meaning for our little family.

“While I’ve been home in quarantine, I’ve discovered my power to set the mood in the house.”

IRIS HOSEA

President, Festively La Puente, CA

The beginning of quarantine filled me with so many emotions. At first I was dealing with the fear of the unknown and worried about the safety of my family. Then I became overwhelmed by the constant updates in the news and also the responsibility of my new title, mommy-teacher. The schools in our district did not have their virtual curriculums established in the first month, so we were on our own initially.

I soon realized I did not miss my calling as a teacher. But I discovered that my husband, who is a teacher, is a really good one. I have really enjoyed seeing the bond grow between my boys and my husband in a way that that wasn’t there before simply because of the constant running between work, school, home, extracurricular activities and a whole lot of other stuff.

While I’ve been home in quarantine, I’ve discovered my power to set the mood in the house. It’s fascinating how I have the power to keep the calm in my home or stir things up for fun with a few pranks here and there. My son Nicholas turned 6 while in quarantine. He woke up that morning singing happy birthday to himself because he has been waiting a whole year to become 6-years-old. I made him pancakes and the entire day was spent making him feel appreciated. If we were not in quarantine, I would have sent him off to school and he would have spent most of the day with his teacher and classmates. I also made his favorite chocolate cake, ordered birthday balloons in his favorite color and brought together friends and family on a Zoom call to sing happy birthday to him. He was so happy and felt so special. This time with him was precious for us all. One of my favorite things is seeing the boys read stories in their pretend library. They have us sit around in the family room, as they roll out the big office chair and pretend they are the adult in the library, reading a book. They even pause and turn the book around to reveal the illustrations on the pages. This is such a cute thing for our family and the boys enjoy the attention from both parents at the same time. I wear many hats in business as the co-founder of Festively and at the same time wear many hats at home. COVID-19 has given me time with my family, time that I often miss because I am working, attending events, and trying to be a super mama. I admit, some days it gets really hard and other days I am filled with so many wins. Going through this with my family has me definitely thinking about ways to maintain these special moments and memories in our new normal. Because Festively is an online marketplace, my work will allow me to work from anywhere and more moments and memories with my family can be our new normal.

“What this whole thing taught me is just go with the flow, do whatever works for your family.”

TINA LI

Founder, In the Clouds Events

For us, in the very beginning, when nobody had any plans, we we’re panicking. During the first week, we literally did nothing at home. We just kind of hung out, enjoyed the time with activities and did not focus on school! Then the second week rolled along and the kids were already bored. That’s when we busted out summer workbooks but it wasn’t very structured. The kids were kind of all over the place. We sat down and had a family meeting and we let the kids pick a subject that they liked. We set an hour block of time, but then it was just way too long and there was no way they could sit there doing math for an hour. So we did 30 minute intervals mixed with academics, arts and crafts from YouTube, drawing time and outside play time. We had entire days planned out, which worked for about two weeks. Then our school district finally got organized and started their distance learning program.

I think what the pandemic has taught me is that it’s time to accept things. This is what it is. I’m a nanny, I’m a teacher. I’m everything. Homeschooling is going to happen and what this whole thing taught me is just go with the flow, do whatever works for your family. My event business is called In the Clouds Events, and I started the business about 10 years ago out of necessity as the recession in 2008 kind of led us out of a job. It was a time when my husband and I we were like, “What can we do? What is something I could do that’s fun and not daunting and still (allows me to) manage my time?” At that time, a lot of my friends were getting married. I was formerly, and still am, a project manager. Friends would ask me to help with their wedding and that’s how the whole thing started.

(During the Pandemic) most events have been postponed, but I’m working with one of my friends whose daughter had a birthday party over the summer and we decided we’re going to plan! I think in these times, we just have to be more creative and make it work in a safe environment.

“I think before quarantine I knew my son as my son. But now I will forever know him as his own person.”

LINDSEY NELLER

Hairstylist

Quarantine has taught me a lot.

Most of all it has taught me to slow down.

It has made me understand that even though I am the provider— providing should not be my main focus.

I realize now how many Saturday football and baseball games I missed, because of work.

We’re programmed to think we can’t stop, we’ve got to keep progressing!

I felt like I couldn’t take a Saturday off…how could I!? That was my busiest day!

Now I see it differently. I see how important it is to have a balance, and now I understand moments with my son will always outweigh my busiest day in the salon.

I think before quarantine I knew my son as my son.

But now I will forever know him as his own person.

Thank you quarantine for giving this single mom that chance.

HISTORIC HEART OF LOS ANGELES ON LIFE SUPPORT FROM COVID-19

By BRIAN MELLEY Associated Press Photos: ASSOCIATED PRESS December 2020

For nine nights culminating on Christmas Eve, the oldest street in Los Angeles typically comes alive with a festive re-enactment of the nativity story, as children playing Mary and Joseph go door to door seeking shelter where she can give birth to Jesus.

If the procession were held this year, they would find many of the businesses on Olvera Street shuttered.

The Mexican market, known as the birthplace of Los Angeles, has been particularly hard hit by the coronavirus pandemic, with shops and restaurants closed and others barely hanging on. California is enduring by far its worst outbreak of the coronavirus, and Los Angeles is among the locations seeing the greatest spike.

“It’s pretty grim right now,” said Edward Flores, owner of Juanita’s Café, where under the state’s health order meals can only be served to-go and business is down 90%. “I know of six (businesses) that have gone belly up. These are my neighbors and my friends. To see them fail through no fault of their own is heartbreaking.”

On Olvera Street, the tree-covered brick alley typically teeming with tourists is empty. Many of the shops that sell everything from traditional Mexican folk dresses to paintings of artist Frida Kahlo to sombreros are padlocked and the ones open have few,

My dad left this to me because he knew I would take care of this business.

if any, customers. The strains of mariachi trios have fallen silent and the fragrance of taquitos frying has become less pungent.

The response to COVID-19 in California — various degrees of shutdowns and shifting rules limiting capacity and how food can be served — has been crippling for many businesses. But the impact on Olvera Street is somewhat unique.

The shops and eateries rely heavily on tourism that has collapsed worldwide under lockdown orders, quarantine rules or the reality that many people don’t want to risk exposure during travel.

They also count on a lunch crowd driven by downtown office workers and people attending proceedings in nearby courthouses. Those customers have evaporated with so many people now working from home and many legal proceedings held online or by phone.

The cultural events held yearround that draw large crowds were called off this year to prevent mass outbreaks. There was no blessing of the animals in April, no Cinco de Mayo, no Dia de los Muertos in the fall and no Las Posadas celebration marking the journey to Bethlehem for the birth of Jesus.

When Debbie Briano’s great-grandmother established El Rancho Grande as a restaurant in 1930, there was no electricity. She cooked

meat on charcoal at home and the market was lit by oil lanterns. Briano’s father, from whom she inherited the business when he died, spent his whole life on the street and as a boy would pull a red wagon with cooked beans from his grandmother’s house to the restaurant, she said.

“It’s amazing when I hear all this stuff and I think, ‘I can’t let this go,’” Briano said. “My dad left this to me because he knew I would take care of this business.” Even as the December light casts long shadows over the market, Briano is not giving up. She’s serving takeout food and is paying five employees — including brothers who have worked there 55 years and 48 years each — but not herself.

It’s sad to see shops closed and the emptiness feels like she’s entered an episode of “The Twilight Zone,” she said. Canceling the Las Posadas celebration means no children swinging at a pinata each night or carolers singing as they follow the procession of angels and shepherds leading Mary and Joseph on their journey from Nazareth.

But Briano still decorated her cafe like she normally would at Christmas. She bought poinsettias, put up a real tree, hung tinsel, lights, and strung little snowmen and Santa Claus above her window.

“I had to do that to feel normal,” she said. “I’ m not going to let COVID take away our Christmas magic.”

It’s sad to see shops closed and the emptiness feels like she’s entered an episode of “The Twilight Zone,”

STAGES OF REOPENING

Nearly a month after establishing strict stay-athome orders for Californians in an effort to prevent the spread of COVID-19, Governor Gavin Newsom unveiled six key indicators for modifying the orders and allowing the state to return to normalcy.

As the state continues implementation of the four-stage framework to allow Californians to gradually reopen some businesses and public spaces while continuing to preserve public health, Governor Gavin Newsom announced back in May that based on the state’s progress in meeting metrics tied to indicators, the state would be allowed to move into Stage 2 of modifying the stay at home order. The Governor released a Report Card showing how the state had made progress in only two months in fighting COVID-19 in a number of categories such as stabilized hospitalization and Intensive Care Unit (ICU) numbers and acquiring Personal Protective Equipment (PPE).

“Millions of Californians answered the call to stay home and thanks to them, we are in a position to begin moving into our next stage of modifying our stay at home order,” said Governor Newsom on May 8. “But make no mistake – this

virus isn’t gone. It’s still dangerous and poses a significant public health risk. As we move into the next stage of reopening, we will do so with updated guidance to help qualifying businesses make modifications needed to lower the risk of COVID-19 exposure to customers and workers. Californians should prepare now for that second stage of reopening.”

The state Report Card from May 2020 indicated the state had 18.2 million surgical masks, 5.8 million face shields and 7.2 million gloves. It also indicated the state was ready with “hundreds of millions” of surgical and n95 masks. As far as the surge capacity, California moved quickly to prepare for a possible COVID-19 surge by preparing 14 facilities statewide ready to accept patients and secured 10,000+ ventilators throughout the state not in use. In May the state had also expanded its testing capacity and met its goal of 25,000 tests per day and setting up nearly 100 new sites in rural areas across the state. Back then, as the state was moving into Stage 2, the Governor also announced that counties were allowed to move more quickly through Stage 2, if they attested that they met the state’s readiness criteria. Counties had to create and submit a readiness plan which the state would make publicly available. An executive order signed by the Governor directed the State Public Health Officer to establish criteria to determine whether and how, in light of local conditions, local health officers may implement public health measures less restrictive than the statewide public health directives. Counties had to meet criteria including demonstrating they had a low prevalence of COVID-19, that they met testing and contact tracing criteria, that their health care system was prepared in case they saw a sudden rise in cases, and that they had plans in place to protect vulnerable populations.

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COVID-19 CAR PARADES & PANDEMIC PARTIES

In 2020, parties were out during the Coronavirus lockdowns, so people started turning to car parades and drive-bys to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, graduations and other events.

The hosting families generally send out an invitation to friends and relatives and ask that they drive by their home at a certain date and time to celebrate the special occasion. Some families organize car parades by assembling a meeting point allowing guest cars to line-up and initiate a type of procession or caravan in front of the celebrated individual. Vehicles are often decorated with balloons and banners and drivers tend to honk or play loud music through their own vehicle’s speakers to express celebratory cheer.

Guests generally stay in their vehicles wearing a mask and hand a gift through their car window. In exchange, the hosting family often has a table set-up outside the home with candy and other party favors to give the drivers-by as a thank you.

For many, the drive-through pandemic car parades are the only opportunity to see loved ones after months of quarantine. For other families, the pandemic has turned into a perfect excuse to keep celebrations small and intimate, many times giving their parties a comical COVID-19 theme.

Still, many families feel the threat of the virus remains a major cause for concern and even after reports of a decrease in LA County COVID-19 cases, many have opted to avoid even socially distanced car parades and celebrate tiny home gatherings or Zoom calls with friends and relatives.

LA Communities United by Car Parades during Quarantine

1. LA residents decorate their cars with balloons and banners to celebrate special occasions at a distance.

2. Nursing School Graduations are held as drive-by ceremonies during the 2020 COVID-19 Pandemic year

3. A young Ivan Peraza celebrates his 13th birthday with a few relatives in Glendale. His mom, Lizbeth Ramos says: “It was a very special occasion for my son and we made the most of it, even if we couldn’t have the extended family join us.”

4. Little Pablo Cruz from Oxnard, CA celebrates his 7th birthday with a Quarantine-themed party that includes sanitizer and toilet paper as decorations. His mom, Laura Lopez said: “This birthday is a little different but we’ll make it up to you when this is over!! Love you my son!!!”

5. Ricky Garcia excitedly welcomes drivers-by to his Paw Patrol themed drive-by celebrating his 4th birthday outside of his home in Norwalk on June 27, 2020.

6. Ivan Peraza’s 13th birthday photo with grandparents and a few close relatives, all wearing masks to commemorate the celebration as a sign of the times.

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Do we have to toss Halloween out the window this year, too? Public health experts give some guidelines

BY PAMELA AALTONEN & MEG SORG, PURDUE UNIVERSITY

alloween is spook-

Hier than ever this year because there is a real threat: COVID-19. With the dangers of infection and the anxiety surrounding the virus looming over the holiday, both parents and children are wondering what to do. And, as public health experts who have been closely following the pandemic’s progress, we have some tips on how you and your family can successfully handle Halloween this year. HOW RISKY IS YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD?

How much you and your kids should do depends on the risk of infection in your area. You can start by checking the Harvard Global Health Institute’s color-coded map, which shows the level of coronavirus risk in your county.

In some communities, you may want to skip trick-or-treating altogether. In others, you might set a time limit. Some neighborhoods may send kids out in shifts. One option is “reverse” trick-or-treating, with the children in their yards while adults toss candy from cars, parade-style. Obviously, this is best done where neighbors are good at organization and families know one another.

If you do trick-or-treating the traditional way, maintaining social distancing between families is a must. All children living in the same house should stay together. Use hand sanitizer between house visits, and make sure you and your kids are wearing appropriate facial coverings. Don’t rely on a

Halloween mask to provide adequate protection; instead, incorporate the child’s existing cloth mask into the costume itself. The CDC recommends face masks for children over age 2 when they’re out in public.

Arriving home, put the treat bag in quarantine for three to four days to allow time for any virus particles to die. Make sure everyone washes their hands. Have a pre-made “treat bag” available so the kids can enjoy something that night while waiting for their booty to be virus-free.

As for trick-or-treaters coming to your house, turn on your porch light to welcome them only if everyone in your family is symptom-free and low-risk. Be creative in distributing the candy; an Ohio man created a candy chute to deliver contact-free goodies. Keep your mask on and wear gloves. You can toss treat bags to the kids or drop the candy at a designated “Place Bucket Here” zone rather than letting them grab from a large pile. Mark off socially distanced areas for children and chaperones to wait. SKIPPING TRICK-ORTREATING

If you’re not taking your children door to door, you can still celebrate at home. Age-appropriate Halloween movies, read-alongs with Halloween books, a scavenger hunt for treats hidden around the house or a create-your-own-costume party are all ways to engage. A virtual Halloween party where children and their friends dress up and celebrate via videoconferencing lets kids show off costumes without risking exposure.

Older kids and teens may opt out of trick-or-treating this year. But they can enjoy virtual karaoke parties or scary movie nights. They can use culinary and creative skills to construct spooky treats, like meatball eyes, hot dogs carved like severed fingers and skeletons assembled out of relishes. And, of course, there’s the traditional activity: carving and decorating pumpkins. Whatever your family does this Halloween, don’t forget the basics of personal protection. Masks should fit well and be worn over the mouth and nose, even when outside if there is potential for contact with others. Avoid confined spaces. Keep a social distance of at least six feet between your family and others. Regularly clean frequently touched objects.

COVID-19 is scary – and dangerous. But you can still have a Halloween that’s fun, healthy and safe if you follow the guidelines.

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1. Famosa Toys COVID Nancy Doll - These Portugese toy dolls wear a protective mask. Some have a virus tester which can detect if the toy is “infected”. If it is, the child can cure the doll by tickling it. 2. Antivirus Science4u Activity set - A toy that lets little ones become microbiology scientists and find out what immunology is all about. The set also teaches kids to make their own protective gear. 3. SPOT Covid Heroes Toys - Intended for dogs, these plushies proved to be a hit among kids and furry babies alike. 4. Covid Mask Pinata - This anthropomorphic coronavirus pinata comes complete with a menacing expression and red spike-like projections. It even follows proper protocol by wearing a face mask. 5. Fisher-Price Little People Community Champions - Thank You Heroes FIRST RESPONDERS A special edition line of collectibles that honor the individuals leading the fight against COVID-19, as well as the everyday heroes who are working to keep communities up and running. 6. Pandemics for Babies board book - Explain Social Distancing, Transmission, and Quarantine with this STEM Board Book by the #1 Science Author for Kids (Baby University)