New Canaan-Darien Magazine, Sept-Oct 2020

TOP TEN TEENS

DINING OUT: A NEW NORMAL

SEPT/OCT 2020 | $5.95

Sixteen months after she vanished, we dig deep into the case of missing New Canaan mom, Jennifer Dulos

JUSTICE FOR JENNIFER

Jennifer Dulos disappeared from New Canaan on May 24, 2019

SPECIAL A-LIST GUIDE TO HOME-DESIGN PROS EXPERT ADVICE FOR YOUR WEDDING DAY

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contents SEPT/OCT 2020 vol. 20 | issue 5

If you haven’t tried the burger at Elm in New Canaan, you’re missing out.

TRAILBLAZERS Our picks for the top local teens of 2020

62

WHERE IS SHE? We dig deep into the case of missing New Canaan mom, Jennifer Dulos

76

FALL FASHION New trends to buy right now

10 EDITOR’S LETTER 13 STATUS REPORT

BUZZ Support for black owned businesses GO We review the new Toyota Camry DO Set your kids up for academic success; A chat with Dr. Tim Corvino of ONS HOME Create a new look for working from home EAT Restaurants keep diners safe and happy 84 A-LIST GUILDE TO HOME DESIGN PROS

99 INDEX OF ADVERTISERS 100 LAST WORD

SP

EC

IAL

WEDDINOGNS SE

35

CT

I

Big event or inimate affair, check out our planning guide

NEW CANAAN • DARIEN & ROWAYTON SEPT/OCT 2020, VOL. 20, NO. 5. NEW CANAAN • DARIEN & ROWAYTON (ISSN 1942-1028) is published bimonthly by Moffly Media, Inc., 205 Main St, Westport, CT 06880. Periodical postage paid at Westport, CT, and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes (Form 3579) to NEW CANAAN PO BOX 9309, Big Sandy, TX 75755-9607. U.S. Subscription rates: $19.95/1 year (6 issues), $32.95/2 years; Canada and Foreign $40/1 year, $66/2 years. newcanaandarienmag.com

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ANDREA CARSON

42

departments

features

25

Preparing boys for life in a changing world.

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VOLUME 20

ISSUE 5

SEPT/OCT 2020

creative director Amy Vischio

publisher Jonathan W. Moffly

editorial

sales + marketing

executive editor Cristin Marandino editor Julee Kaplan

Jonathan W. Moffly

market editor Megan Gagnon

publisher, athome, greenwich, fairfield living

advisory editor Donna Moffly

jonathan.moffly@moffly.com

art

Gabriella Mays

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publisher, westport

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contributors editors

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Jennifer Frank account executive

Diane Sembrot - editor, fairfield living; westport; stamford

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writers Liz Ariola, Liz Barron, Timothy Dumas, Chris Hodenfield, Jill Johnson, Malia McKinnon Frame

Rick Johnson account executive

copy editors

rick.johnson@moffly.com

Terry Christofferson, Kathy Satterfield

Hilary Hotchkiss

editorial advisory board

acount executive

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Robert Doran, Sue Frelinghuysen, David Genovese, Nancy Helle, Claire Hunter, Robyn Kammerer, Rita Kirby, George McEvoy, Julianna Spain, Amy Wilkinson, Torrance York

Jennifer Petersen acount executive

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digital digital media manager Amber Scinto digital editor Diane Sembrot

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business president Jonathan W. Moffly business manager Elena V. Moffly cofounders John W. Moffly IV and Donna C. Moffly

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published by 205 Main Street, Westport, CT 06880 phone: 203-222-0600 fax: 203-222-0937 mail@mofflymedia.com Publishers of FAIRFIELD LIVING, GREENWICH, NEW CANAAN - DARIEN, WESTPORT, STAMFORD and athome Magazines advertising inquiries Lamuel Bandala email advertise@mofflymedia.com.

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editor’s letter

STORIES OF HOPE

W

hen Jennifer Dulos disappeared on May 24, 2019, we were horrified at the thought of what could have happened to her. Women don’t go missing in our sweet little town…they just don’t. Days passed, months, then a full year. When her estranged husband, Fotis, the number one suspect in the case, committed suicide in January after being charged with her murder, we were blown away yet again. Would we ever know what happened to her? Would there ever be justice for Jennifer and her family?

This year has been like no other in so many ways—we are living through a pandemic, surviving massive power outages after that crazy tropical storm Isaias, etc. As we look toward this fall and prep our kids for a back-toschool season like none we’ve ever experienced and hope that the end of living through this pandemic is near, we wanted to dive deep into Jennifer’s story. Because we cannot, and will not, forget what happened to one of our fellow New Canaan moms. October is Domestic Violence

newcanaandarienmag.com

10

Awareness Month and we hope that Timothy Dumas’ in-depth piece, Where Is She? (page 62), not only tells her story but provides some guidance on where women (and men) who are being abused can seek help.

Right now we need stories of hope. And there is still hope. Jennifer’s case is not closed and authorities continue to investigate and search for what happened to her. And, speaking of hopeful, we hope you enjoy Malia McKinnon Frame’s interviews with this year’s top teens (page 42). These remarkable kids really do want to make their mark on this world and give us so much hope for the future. We are pretty confident that this won’t be the last time you see their faces and hear their names.

Stay safe and be well,

julee.kaplan@moffly.com

PHOTO BY KYLE NORTON

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Virtual Visits mean there’s a doctor wherever you are Get the care you need virtually anywhere Your place. Your time. Your peace of mind. Connecting to a primary care, urgent care or specialty doctor or clinician has never been easier. Whether you have allergies, cold/flu symptoms or need a follow-up appointment, Virtual Visits are a convenient way to get the care you need, wherever you are. It’s just one more way we’re here for you.

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buzz STATUS REPORT

by jill johnson

OPEN FOR BUSINESS

SUPPORTING BLACK BUSINESS OWNERS in Fairfield County

KITT SHAPIRO BY JERRY GRAHAM; KELVIN SMITH BY ANNA PAULA PACHECO

Kitt Shapiro, owner of West boutique

Kelvin Smith, owner of Hustle gym

T

he video footage of the brutal death of George Floyd elicited a collective gasp of horror from our country, ubiquitous protests and fervent dinnertable discussions. We know Black lives matter; we know white privilege has nudged many of us along the path to cushy homes in towns with top-ranking schools; but many of us don’t know how to further racial equality beyond turning our Instagram stories black.

KELVIN SMITH, owner of the gym Hustle, offers some encouraging input. “Personally, I haven’t felt any racial bias in New Canaan,” he says. “The owners of the building where I lease the gym—all white men—have been amazing. I go in local stores and know people on a first-name basis. I’ve even been pulled over by police, and they’ve been nice and say, ‘Hey, you’re speeding a little. Just take it easy.’” Smith, who lives in Stamford, brought his fouryear-old daughter to New Canaan’s Black Lives Matter protest. But he emphasizes there’s more we can do: “Educate yourself on true Black history—not just Abraham Lincoln to Martin Luther King Jr. Educate your children. That’s the huge thing, so when they become leaders, they are exposed to other cultures and empathetic. With exposure and education, our society will be so much better. You can donate and march now, but it’s truly about the future.”

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

13

buzz Dr. Kim Nichols, owner of NicholsMD and SkinLab

businesses now so that they can survive, which in turn bolsters the community connection we are all craving.

JERRI GRAHAM, a Black woman, photographer and Westport mom, offered two straightforward suggestions in Dan Woog’s 06880 blog: foster relationships with your Black neighbors and “put your money where your mouth is; support Black-owned newcanaandarienmag.com

14

companies.” To help you do that, we have compiled a list of businesses in Fairfield County that have Black owners or partners.

Please join us in growing this directory by sending us any listings we missed (email us at editor@greenwichmag.com) and we will add it to our list at greenwichmag .com/ blackownedbusinesses. Let’s keep the conversation going.

CONTRIBUTED

DR. KIM NICHOLS, who owns NicholsMD of Greenwich and SkinLab in Stamford, agrees. “As a mother, I believe having meaningful conversations with your children about racism and social injustices in our country is a great start,” she says. “As a business owner and Black woman, I encourage companies to hire from diverse technical programs, colleges and universities.” She adds, “Sometimes I am told—both explicitly and implicitly—that I wouldn’t have succeeded if not for special treatment due to affirmative action initiatives; in other words, that I can’t compete on merit alone. My answer is just to continue to work hard, be proud of who I am and to try to be a model for others.”

CLAUDETTE ROTHMAN owns Claudette’s in Old Greenwich, an eclectic women’s clothing and accessories store “catering to women of every age, body type and economic status.” She is grateful for the support of “this fantastic community. I have lived in Greenwich for more than twenty-five years, and I’ve owned my store for over eight years.

I see myself as a local businessperson who happens to be a woman and a person of color, and I hope that’s how my customers view me.”

Unless they are aware famous singer Eartha Kitt is her mom, customers don’t realize the owner of the boutique West in Westport has an African American background. KITT SHAPIRO bought the boutique two years ago—perfectly encapsulated in the tagline: If Chanel and Jimi Hendrix had a daughter.

Shapiro says, “I know people look at me— my mother was Black and my father White— and don’t realize it because of my skin tone. I grew up hearing stories of my mother’s life in the South. Those stories are still in existence in more places than we realize, and that’s clear from the news. It’s really important, as uncomfortable as it is, that we all talk about it. I walk into a store and don’t get prejudged because of my skin color. We need to realize we are not all treated the same, just based on how we look. We live in a bubble a lot of the time and don’t want to face the reality. We need to keep the conversation going.” Shapiro also emphasizes the urgency to support local

buzz

PLACES SHOPS CLAUDETTE’S Women’s Clothing 177 Sound Beach Avenue Old Greenwich 203-990-0600 claudettestyles.com

OWNER: CLAUDETTE ROTHMAN

INSIDE THE ARMOIRE Fine Lingerie 45 East Putnam Avenue, Greenwich 203-422-2055

OWNER: PAULINE SIMPSON

LACE AFFAIRE

Lingerie, Swimwear, Gifts 23 Danbury Road, Wilton 203-529-3793 laceaffaire.com

OWNER: CARLINE DEAN

WEST

Women’s Clothing 117 Post Road East, Westport 203-557-4157 west2westport.com

YOU WILL O L VE TO

SHOP, VISIT, BOOK & EAT

HUSTLE 45 Grove Street, New Canaan 203-807-2300 hustlefitness andathletics.com

OWNER: KELVIN SMITH

PURE BARRE 280 Railroad Avenue, Greenwich 203-489-3500 purebarre.com/location/ greenwich-ct

OWNER: ASHLEY ALLEN

REVOLUTION TRAINING 579 Pacific Street, Stamford 203-355-2666 revolutiontrainingct .com

OWNER: AHMAD MICKENS

S E RV I C E S ALEXANDRE1983 PHOTOGRAPHY Stamford alxphotog.com

OWNER: ADRIAN ALEXANDRE ALLEN

OWNERS: PAUL AND BRIAN HERMAN

Stamford thesolhaus.com

OWNER: DEMETRIUS GLOVER

SUPER SCISSORS

70 Danbury Road, Wilton 203-770-0321 ctlashbrow.com

OWNER: GISELE WORKMAN TYLER

OWNER: MELISHA NEWELL

LEARN TECH TEACH

HANDYMAN/ CARPENTRY

Online Course Development

100 Stuart Avenue, Norwalk, 203-829-8245

330 Railroad Avenue, Greenwich 347-554-7706 learntechteach.com

OWNER: JAMES TRUITT

OWNER: KHAITSA WASIYO

WILTON PEDIATRIC DENTISTRY 101 Old Ridgefield Road, Wilton 203-529-1242 wiltonpediatricdentistry .com

OWNER: GREG MOORE

GATEWAY ART AND FRAMING 33 Danbury Road, Wilton 203-834-0020

OWNER: GORDON FLASH

JERRI GRAHAM PHOTOGRAPHY 18 Riverside Avenue, Westport 203-803-5485 jerrigrahamphotography .com

OWNER: JERRI GRAHAM

190 Main Street, Westport 203-293-4564 190mainwestport.com

CHEZ COBY Haitian

OWNER: DR. ASHLEIGH SEBRO

MR. BEEZ WINDOWS & CLEANING, LLC

WINNING APPLICATIONS

203-334-2067

OWNER: BILLY THOMPSON

PICTURE THAT Art Consultants 203-977-8203 picturethatart.com

15

OWNER: LLOYD MELLAD

PEOPLE’S CHOICE JAMAICAN AMERICAN RESTAURANT

OWNER: MARGARET CHERY

OWNER: DUDLEY FOSTER

HERB’S PLACE

SOUL TASTY

Food Truck 120 Water Street, Norwalk herbsplacenorwalk.net

OWNER: HERB EDMONDSON

JEFF’S BBQ & CATERING BBQ, Rubs and Sauces 203-852-0041 jeffsbbqandcatering.com

OWNER: JEFF ESAW

LA PERLE

AmericanCaribbean Cuisine 15 Bank Street, Stamford, 203-388-8600 laperlect.com

OWNERS: SMITH ST. JUSTE, PETER MEDOIT, HAROLD JEAN-FELIX

MISS BARBARA JEAN’S SOUL FOOD

73 Old Ridgefield Road, Wilton 203-762-6500 winning applications.com

115 Main Street, Norwalk 203-939-9598 msbarbarajeans.com

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

182 Connecticut Avenue, Norwalk 203-318-6250 noleftovers restaurant .com

Jamaican 77 Wall Street, Norwalk 203-838-8272

College Admissions Prep

OWNER: STEPHANIE KLEIN WASSINK

FOUNDING OWNER: VALERIE COOPER

NO LEFTOVERS

Jamaican/Caribbean

111 Main Street, Norwalk 203-956-5625

Hair Salon 1 Danbury Road, Wilton 203-210-7250 superscissorswilton .business.site

203-650-5295

2215 Black Rock Turnpike, Fairfield 203-916-4949 doubleupdancestudio.com

Wellness Events

LASH BROW CENTER

OWNER: MARC ANDRE

190 MAIN Seafood and Tapas

SOLHAUS

OWNER: CARLINE DEAN

HEATING/AC/ PROPANE SERVICE AND MANAGEMENT

R E STAU R A N T S/ C AT E R I NG

OWNER: MELISSA GORMAN

23 Danbury Road, Wilton 203-762-6140 illuminationsalon.com

FITNESS

DOUBLE UP DANCE STUDIO

OWNER: KIM NICHOLS

ILLUMINATION SALON AND COLOR BAR

34 Sherman Street, Fairfield 203-979-0589 mgandregroup.com

OWNER: LYNROY NELSON

50 Old Field Point Road, Greenwich, 203-8624000; 24 Harbor Point Road, Stamford, 203-862-4006 kimnicholsmd.com

OWNER: DR. KIKELOMO OTUYELU-GARRITANO

MARC G. ANDRE ARCHITECTS

10 Bay Street, Westport 203-557-3040

Dermatologist, SkinLab

65 Old Ridgefield Road, Wilton 203-409-2539 herwellnesshealthcenter .com

OWNER: KITT SHAPIRO

BODY PULSE FITNESS CENTER

KIM NICHOLS MD

HER WELLNESS CENTER

Soul Food

OWNER: BARBARA JEAN

Soul Food 29 Main Street, Stamford 203-504-2625 soultastyct.com

OWNER: JEAN GABRIEL

TACO DADDY Contemporary Mexican 121 Towne Street, Stamford 203-541-5770 tacodaddy stamford.com

PARTNER: MO MAJOR

TEFF Ethiopian/Eritrean 113 West Main Street, Stamford 203-998-7474 teffstamford.com

OWNERS: MEKONENMENGESHA FAMILY

EMAIL US AT EDITOR@NEWCANAANDARIENMAG.COM IF THERE ARE OTHER LOCAL BUSINESSES WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT.

go

b y chris hodenfield

SMOOTH OPERATOR

TOYOTA PACKS A LOT OF WONDER INTO ITS NEWLY SHARPENED CAMRY

Camry and wrapped it in svelte and swoopy styling. It is now no disgrace in the driveway.

And it could be in that driveway a long time: 200,000 trouble-free miles out a of Camry is nothing.

The basic four-cylinder is smooth, surprisingly strong and outrageously thrifty. It averages 32 mpg and on long highway cruises expect up to 44 mpg. And this is a normal engine without any kind of hybrid assist. Opt up for the slightly more expensive hybrid edition and you will see mileage in the 50s. Toyota just has this way of taking ferociously advanced

technology and making it seem ho-hum normal.

Toyota now has about 17 versions of Camry to choose from.

The sleeker, optioned-up XSE has a muscular 301-horsepower V6.

An all-wheel-drive version, a first for the Camry, is about to hit the showrooms. And go-faster people who prefer sinister styling and taut handling moves can muscle into the TRD edition.

Even the modest LE can be taken round a spirited turn with confidence. While the stripper model has a full range of safety features, some customers will want

newcanaandarienmag.com

16

to move up to better, leather seats, NAV, satellite radio, and all those goodies.

The Camry has surely come a long way in its 37 years of existence.

And as any owner will tell you, it’s going to go a long way, too.

STATS TOYOTA CAMRY LE Drivetrain: 203 hp 2.5-liter 4 (Optional hybrid or V6).

Front-wheel drive.

Base price: $25,000 EPA mileage ratings: 28 city/39 highway

CONTRIBUTED

Y

our reviewer has parked plenty of high-priced rides in his driveway.

Some neighbors have actually wondered what’s going on. The thing is, when manufacturers send us cars for review, the vehicles are often maximized, optioned-out grandees.

The question today, however, is: What can you get in today’s basic stripped-down sedan? A lot, it turns out. The sedan arena is actually a competitive place for manufacturers and some beauties have come our way. Toyota, for instance, took its drab-looking

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do by liz barron

FACE TIME

With the new school year now underway and UNPRECEDENTED TIMES STILL UPON US, parents have growing concerns about their children regressing academically.

JESSE BASS CAN HELP.

In this new environment, students are finding themselves less bound by their next standardized tests, which means that it might be the perfect time to think about hiring a tutor. And, thanks to Zoom, the convenience of athome educational resource assistance has never been more convenient.

Bass finds online tutoring to be just as effective as in-person learning and relies on factors such as eye wandering to help him keep tabs on students who are losing focus.

No. 2

TAKE ACTION NOW Instead of waiting until you see your child struggling and taking action defensively, Bass suggests an offensive approach. He explains that “a golfer would never consider changing their swing mid-season” and that “most growth comes during the off season when you’re not afraid to fail.” Most learning comes from making mistakes, so now is the time.

Normally Bass tutors students for six to 10 weeks in preparation for big tests but now

T

here once was a time (pre-2020) when schools and parents relied on test results to measure progress. In today’s world, assessing academic standing has become more challenging. We reached out to Carnegie Prep tutoring guru Jesse Bass, aka “the math whisperer,” for some helpful insights into keeping kids on the academic right track. Having tutored more than 600 students during the past 14 years, Bass has logged over 600,000 minutes of experience and yet, he says that he’s never met a student who was “maxed out on math.”

newcanaandarienmag.com

18

that he’s seeing more students “studying indefinitely,” having a tutor is a great way to stay on track.

No. 3

SEEK FREE HELP In addition to seeking learning assistance from a professional there are numerous great free resources available for online help and there has never been a better time to take advantage. Bass often suggests that students visit the graphing website desmos.com. It has built-in lessons for students but can also be a great tool for them to explore on their own. The college board and the ACT have also released free, easy to access resources that Bass highly recommends.

life situation. Bass instructs students to take the RASA (read, asses, set up a game plan and then attack) approach when looking at an equation. Most importantly, Bass reminds students that their job is to figure out how to do everything that a calculator cannot.

No. 5 WHO NEEDS MATH Turns out, real life skills come from being good at math • An ability to anticipate what’s next • Being efficient with your time • Reading comprehension and interpretation • Problem solving

No. 4 THE RASA METHOD “We often think that math is simply about adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing, but what it’s really about is developing the necessary critical thinking skills,” says Bass. He aims to help students learn techniques to find solutions to problems in the same ways that they would with a real

©METAMORWORKS /STOCK.ADOBE.COM

The Math Whisperer

No. 1

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HOMETOWN CEO NEW CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF ONS, TIM CORVINO, MD RETURNS TO HIS ROOTS

by eliz abeth hole

A

You joined ONS in February. Then the pandemic hit. What kind of challenges did you face?

The biggest change when I first arrived at ONS was working through the COVID-19 crisis while staying focused on the future and growth opportunities for the next two to five years. Organizations need to continually evolve to remain vital and relevant. I knew it was important to be disciplined about looking ahead beyond the immediate circumstances.

What’s the best part about being back in your hometown?

So much. It feels like home; I love the community; and I’m so excited for my wife, Dina, and my two children, Emma and Liam, to experience living here. The beaches, the food, the Yankees... the list goes on and on.

How did your background in emergency medicine prepare you for your new position?

One of the unique attributes of emergency medicine is that you

Besides sports medicine, what are the other specialties there?

ONS is fortunate to have 26 fellowship-trained physicians with expertise in the full spectrum of musculoskeletal conditions and injuries. Along with sports medicine, we provide minimally invasive orthopedic, spine and brain surgery, physical medicine and rehabilitation, outpatient and inpatient joint replacement, trauma and physical therapy.

work with physicians in every specialty in medicine and surgery, each of which has a unique set of challenges. Part of my role as CEO at ONS is to make sure our specialists are best equipped to deliver the highest level of care to patients today and in the future.

With my understanding of the specific needs of ONS specialists, I am able to work closely with them to shape our future as a practice.

It sounds like healthcare is in your blood. How did that experience inspire you to become a physician?

My mother and father were extremely important in shaping my career in healthcare. I learned a lot from my dad about the importance of serving the needs of the community and putting the patient first and foremost in the center of all decisions. While president of Greenwich Hospital, my dad worked with an incredible team of professionals. I learned so much from getting to know each of them. I also learned the importance of working as a team and the art of compromise. My mother’s influence was equally important. She served as the Director of Surgery at Montefiore Medical Center for 20 years. I was a pharmacy intern at the

ONS physicians serve as team doctors for New Canaan High School and Darien football and lacrosse. Are your doctors involved in other local organizations?

Working with patients of all ages to keep them healthy and active is central to our mission. ONS physicians provide team support to more than a dozen youth sports organizations in our area, including Greenwich High School, Greenwich Academy, Iona Prep and White Plains High School.

We also provide injury prevention programs for coaches, parents and student athletes to help our youth avoid injuries that can affect their play, and perhaps become a chronic problem later in life.

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later part of her career, where I was fortunate to witness so many memorable moments with her that still impact my approach to healthcare delivery today. I never contemplated a career outside of medicine because of them.

What are some of your goals as CEO? The primary goal is to continue our mission of providing the highest standard of orthopedic and neurosurgical care through professional collaboration and compassion for our patients.

With the emphasis on safety, we launched the telemedicine services and adapted our medical offices to meet CDC standards.

We are also presenting patients in need of joint replacement with a same day, outpatient option, so they can recover in the comfort and safety of home. Looking ahead, my goal is to make it possible for ONS to stay ahead of the pack with cutting-edge innovation and patient-centered care and expand our unique brand of care through strategic partnerships with practices that share our high standards and values. With the support and commitment throughout the entire organization, I know we will accomplish great things.

CONTRIBUTED

fter growing up in Greenwich and working in Stamford Hospital’s emergency room, Tim Corvino, MD continued his profession in the Midwest and Southeast. The son of parents in the medical field, he spent more than a decade at Emergency Medicine Physicians in Canton, Ohio, before heading to the Chicago area, where he was president of Integrated Acute Care. Most recently, he served as chief operating officer at Covenant Physician Partners in Nashville. As the newly appointed CEO of the Greenwich-based Orthopaedic and Neurosurgery Specialists (ONS), Dr. Corvino is thrilled with his new role—and the opportunity to raise his family in Fairfield County.

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home by diane sembrot

left: Expect a mix of in-office and virtual work—and create a professional-looking and productive space at home. below: Christine Stucker and James Veal, the creative force of Fairfield County's DistanceDesigns

the new of f ice

S M A R T D E S I G N I N T H E T I M E O F C O V I D - 1 9 W I T H DISTANCEDESIGNS’ J A M E S V E A L

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ust like that, The Office is dated. When Covid-19 blew into town, desk workers flew out of their offices and quickly set up shop at home. So what does the global pandemic mean for office space in Fairfield County? JAMES VEAL and CHRISTINE STUCKER are on it—they recently launched DistanceDesigns, an area architecture and interior design studio that addresses office health and safety issues and creates sustainable solutions. They look beyond retrofitting space to meet new policies and to proactively design for productivity and interaction in the new normal.

Here’s what James Veal shared.

If the traditional office is outdated due to Covid-19, what’s the future of workspaces?

“Post-Covid, companies need to change on an operational and habitual level. A redesign must be more than just placing desks six feet apart and adding hand-sanitizer stations, which could eventually erode work culture and have a negative implication on productivity.

Reduce the footprint, lessen the touchpoints and ensure that activity-based tasks can be accomplished with the safety aspect built right in. Companies still need an office space that will enhance and reinforce their brand and corporate culture, while growing and enticing talent—no matter what the industry.”

What’s the new overall goal?

“Our goal is to empower people through design while achieving proper social distancing. We are redesigning and reimagining spaces that reinforce a brand culture but in the safest way possible. We solve problems through design as we 'futureproof' the modern workspace.

There are tons of positives to office working environments, we just need to eliminate the negatives.”

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left: The new work space must define traffic flow and allow for social distancing in collaborative spaces. below: Revised floorplan design by the team

If remote work is working, why have an actual office?

“The major factor people miss from the office is socializing and collaboration. In our recent survey we found that if office space design was optimized for specific tasks like collaboration, 66 percent of respondents said they would be more likely to want to undertake the specific task in an office. In addition, they are concerned about career development.

When questioned about how being in an office affects career growth, more than 72 percent of respondents answered that they believe working in a physical office with a boss, manager, mentor or colleague—as opposed to working remotely and individually—will help their career growth. Workspaces have to be a hybrid model that empowers people where they do their best work, both at home and in an office.”

How do you start designing a new office?

“Out with the old and in with the new, as they say. We are breaking with the traditional model of an office space catering to the company as a whole and packing employees into a space. New design focuses on and improves the employees’ experience and well-being.

We are well-versed in this concept through our background in retail design where we are primarily focused on the consumer experience in the environment. We break down how

consumers walk through the space, how they feel and interact with that space, what is the best for them—and then we design from that perspective. We are applying that discipline to the corporate workspace to create healthy, empowering and sustainable environments that employees will want to come back to and do their best work.”

What about technology?

“Technology plays a huge role and is a perfect example of how design can solve problems.

First, it will drive and support health and safety, as every control will be done from a personal device with limited physical touchpoints. For example, we will use technology—primarily our smartphones—to automatically turn on and off the lights, control the heating or book a meeting room. There will be docking stations for your laptops in order to limit communal electronics. All this will help enable social distancing. Second, it needs to reinforce activity-based tasks and promote productivity.

Good technology is key for collaboration, communicating with teams and supporting remote working. Our viewpoint is less is more: Companies should have three tech platforms for collaboration that are super easy, otherwise people will not use it. Seamless technology must be in place to support the activity for those in the office and those simultaneously working remotely.”

HOMEWORK James Veal on Setting Up a Remote Workspace

No. 1 FOCUS

The biggest problem that people have working remotely is distractions. They are everywhere—from the kids and the pets to the laundry and homeimprovement projects. We can all get distracted while working from home. So, start by finding a room with a lockable door.

No. 2

FUNCTION No matter your budget, design a comfortable and inspiring space—ergonomic furniture and good-quality lighting are key and help your energy level. The design is more important as it serves as the backdrop to many meetings via video conferencing.

No. 3 EXTRAS

Invest in good, professional technology, and we also recommend plants to increase your air quality and aesthetics.

No. 4

REMINDERS CONTRIBUTED IMAGES

Figure out how you work best— what time of day, in short or long bursts. And always take time to recharge—take walks and hydrate.

Finally, a “Do Not Disturb” sign would help too!

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b y julee k apl an • photo gr a phs b y a n dre a ca rs on

HERE TO SERVE

BJ Lawless, co-owner of BJ Ryan’s and BANC House is masked and ready.

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n March 14 Governor Lamont ordered all Connecticut restaurants and bars to close their doors in an effort to stop the spread of Covid-19. Today, they’re (cautiously) open and adjusting to this new order of business. Staffing requirements have changed along with new cleaning and safety measures, but our local restaurants have gone above and beyond to ensure the best possible dining experience. And it shows.

“The pandemic has really forced us to rethink our entire business, from service standards, to physical layout, staffing, menu etc.,” states Nikki Glazer, co-owner of Tavern at GrayBarns in Silvermine.

And they’re not the only ones.

“This has been an unprecedented learning experience and very challenging,” says Rowayton Seafood owner, Kevin Conroy.

“What we learned and continue to learn is this is an opportunity to innovate and reimagine, to streamline all procedures and slow everything down.”

But, according to Luke Venner, chef and managing partner at Elm in New Canaan, it’s all been worth it.

“Most diners really appreciate everything that goes into a restaurant experience now more so than ever,” says Venner. “Their gratitude and enthusiasm made the hospitality industry even that much more special to me.”

Here, in photos, Andrea Carson captures how some of our restaurants have managed to thrive in the toughest of times.

B.J. Ryan’s NORWALK

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LEFT Chef Luke Venner BELOW Venner says they have raised their service standards at Elm now more than ever before.

LEFT All Elm employees head to work via private shuttle service that Venner has arranged to ensure they can safely arrive without having to rely on public transportation.

Tavern at GrayBarns NORWALK

“There is not an area of the business that didn’t undergo this thorough PROCESS OF EVAUATION

BEFORE WE REOPENED.”

— nikki glazer, graybarns ABOVE Restroom signs, masked BELOW In the bar area, custom built partitions allow for easier social distancing for diners.

Executive chef, Ben Freemole at the Tavern.

RIGHT Brent Arnold reaches to Jane Seymour and Billie Armour in the window below

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Rowayton Seafood ROYAWTON

ABOVE Rowayton Seafood manager Lou Cutrone BELOW The restaurant follows all state mandates plus some added safety measures to ensure the comfort of diners.

LEFT Diners enjoy Rowayton Seafood's outdoor experience, sitting by the Sound; The restaurant's truffle parmesan fries are a must try.

“We don’t know what’s next, but we are hoping that with heaters we will be able to keep OUTDOOR SEATING OPEN LONGER.” — kevin conroy, rowaton seafood newcanaandarienmag.com

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eat RIGHT Darien First Selectman Jayme Stevenson enjoys outdoor dining at Ten Twenty Post BELOW New safety measures ensure staff and diner safety at the restaurant.

Ten Twenty Post

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One Fine Day Whether you’re newly engaged or changing plans, we’re guessing you’d love to have some help from our local wedding experts. Let the pros who style, design and shoot these events guide you towards creating a celebration to remember by megan gagnon

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places that add an elevated feminine vibe to gowns.

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Clean Lines // There was a definite return to clean lines and fabrics even before Meghan Markle walked down the aisle. Designers are going back to simple designs, but they are using luxurious and interesting fabrics to keep the gowns from being too basic.

Veils // The Plumed Serpent has always been a big fan of veils for our brides. They add romance and drama and can finish off your weddingday look beautifully.

What is fun and new now is that designers are experimenting with color and untraditional design work. One of my favorite veils is handpainted along the border with vines and flowers. Another is embroidered with light pink and blush flowers, adding just a touch of color to the bridal look.

DRESSES

Aisle Style YOUR DREAM DRESS I S W A I T I N G

Alison Luciano

Alison Luciano of THE PLUMED SERPENT knows how to get her brides to say yes to the dress.

Her guidance (and gorgeous selection) are just what you need to navigate the latest in gowns, accessories and big day looks.

240 Post Road East Westport, CT 06880 plumedserpentbridal.com

What bridal trends are you seeing for right now?

This is such an exciting time for bridal gowns and new trends. There are as many different styles and looks as there are women getting married; but I have been noticing a few trends that are popping up throughout the collections of many designers.

What are some of your favorite styles right now?

That is like asking me to pick a favorite child! My favorites are always evolving and changing as I see brides come in to try them on and fall in love. This week my favorites are from two NYC-based designers, Lela Rose and Enaura.

Rose’s gowns are the ultimate for refined preppy with a twist.

They are equally suited for a NYC black tie wedding as well as a garden wedding in the backyard. The shapes and fabrics she chooses are always so creative

Bows // Bows are having a moment again. And what’s not to love about that?

Designers are using them in creative and unexpected places— anywhere from a giant bow at the train to a super modern look where the bow is asymmetrically on the bodice. They are also showing up as delicate details on straps, belts and other unexpected

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and stylish. Enaura is on the other end of the spectrum of style and one of our new designers who is quickly becoming a favorite for me.

They are all hand embroidered and beaded, and the beading is so elegant and quiet. Their gowns don’t sparkle, they twinkle.

industry, pictures solve the problem.

They are so helpful in showing your consultant what you are looking for.

And even if you don’t have an image of the perfect gown, that’s okay, too.

Your pictures also help us see your vision and vibe for your special day.

What should a bride be thinking about before her first dress appointment?

Brides are always nervous before they come in, because they feel that they need to know exactly what it is they want.

But that is absolutely not the case.

Have an open mind. You might think that you know exactly what you want, but sometimes your consultant will throw you a curveball and show you something unexpected.

Bring only a few trusted friends and family with you. If you bring too many guests, your opinion might get lost among the opinions of others.

Pictures are everything. Even though you might not know the terminology of the

How do you know when you’ve found the one?

That’s easy! You know when you don’t want to take it off and you can’t help smiling.

I always tell my brides, choosing your wedding gown is not an external decision; it’s an internal one. It isn’t about how you look in a gown; it’s how you feel in it.

top: Rows of gowns line Luciano's Westport boutique above: Two styles from Enaura prove why the new designer is already a favorite

STORE: MELANI LUST PHOTOGRAPHY; LUCIANO: JOANNA FISHER; ENAURA: COURTESY OF BRAND

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left: A blooming bar created with Design Collaborative right: An infinty altar makes for a modern moment below: An industrial bohemian setting dreamed up with Daylynn Designs

FLOWERS

Benjamin Newbold

What WINSTON FLOWERS is able to create with greenery and blooms is truly extraordinary. We spoke with Benjamin Newbold, creative director of floral and events, a visionary who shares his insight on palette, proportion and the best petals for each season.

382 Greenwich Avenue Greenwich, CT 06830 winstonflowers.com

M A K E A R R A N G E M E N T S T O P L U C K T H E S E FRESH FLORAL IDEAS

What floral trends are you seeing right now?

For the past several years, muted tones have served as the color palette of choice at weddings—think blush tones or classic whites and greens— but this year we’ve seen couples go big with color. People want to be different and want their weddings to express who they are as a couple, so they are opting for bright, bold colors that make a dramatic impact.

Another popular trend is heavy use of greenery and candlelight as opposed to an emphasis on florals.

Traditionally, leafy greenery and foliage have taken a backseat to flowers, but we’re seeing couples reverse that trend by moving flowers into a supporting role. Centerpieces and décor that put greenery front

and center create an earthy, natural atmosphere that is very desirable right now.

We’ve also seen a move toward pieces that are more designed and structural, versus the very flowy and whimsical looks that were common in the past few years.

Couples want to see their décor push boundaries and defy expectations; it’s more flowers as art as opposed to just a simple centerpiece.

Which flowers or trends are always in style?

Seasonal classics will never go out of style.

In winter, anemones are at their peak and make a statement as part of your wedding décor. We love peonies in spring, garden roses in summer, and dahlias in the fall. You can’t ever go wrong with flowers that are blooming naturally during the season, since choosing those ensures that your blooms will be as fresh and lush as possible.

What advice would you give to a couple that doesn’t know where to start with flowers?

Start with the season.

When you consider season first, you’ll be working with flowers at the peak of their beauty. For example, peonies have a brief season and make a stunning addition to wedding décor. When they are at their peak, why not use them?

Then, consider your favorite color. Your wedding should be a reflection of who you are as a person and as a couple, so be sure to choose a palette that you love—even if it’s out of the norm.

The season of your wedding and the color palette will dictate what’s available, and then you can work with an expert to help you choose from the options available.

PHOTOS, CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: MOLLY ANNE PHOTOGRAPHY; JOHN DOLAN PHOTOGRAPHY; MOVE MOUNTAINS CO.; COURTESY OF WINSTON

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café, walking your dog, riding bikes, or even photographing at the proposal location will give the images more meaning for the next generations than just having a pretty backdrop. I also recommend that the couple get a little dressed up and that the bride wear a dress; we always love “twirl factor” in the compositions. This is also a great time for a makeup trial. Have your makeup done just before the shoot, and then make sure to plan a fun night out afterwards.

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DRESSES PHOTOGRAPHY

Picture This

CAPTURING THE MOMENTS Y O U ’ L L C H E R I S H F O R E V E R

What advice would you give to a couple ahead of an engagement session shoot?

“Engagement session” is a misleading term, I prefer “lifestyle couples session.”

These images will reflect this time in your lives and have

an authenticity to them that will bring you, your children and grandchildren right back to when you were a young, fun and carefree couple in the early days of your love. The session gives you a chance to experience how I work and direct and helps

you feel comfortable in front of the camera, so that your guard can be down on the wedding day. I always recommend that the couple chooses a location and situation that has meaning, something as simple as cooking together, going to your favorite

What are some of your favorite locations to shoot couples in Fairfield County?

There are so many fantastic locations, but I think that taking advantage of the shoreline is my favorite. The pastel colors in the sky as the sun sets are so soft and beautiful. I like to add a bit of light to my couple so that they are nicely exposed within the setting of the soft sky and the sea.

Melani Lust

Melani Lust has photographed over 250 weddings since 2007. Although she shoots all over the world, the locations near her Westport home are some of her favorites.

Wherever you’re celebrating, she’s here to help you get camera ready. melanilustphotography.com

top: A couple's sparkling exit from Westport's Birchwood Country Club above left: Newlyweds at Greenwich Country Club above right: A candid moment from a wedding in Madison newcanaandarienmag.com

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LUST: KRISTEN JENSEN; ALL OTHER PHOTOGRAPHS BY MEANI LUST PHTOGRAPHY

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b y m a lia mck i nnon f r a m e

TRAILBLAZERS

SKYLER BENNETT

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BEN CARPENTER

IAN BROWN

DANIELLA DONZELLI SCORZA

HENRY JODKA PIPER VAN WAGENEN

DANIEL FUENTES

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OLIVIA SHERIDAN

his year, when we interviewed our towns’ top teens, they had stories of how they’ve reflected, grown, processed and kept it together in spite of the Covid-19 pandemic. School was far from normal in 2020—proms were cancelled, graduations halted. Despite it all, this group of young people are incredibly positive and most reported an ability to adapt and be more flexible as the world was in upheaval around them.

As usual, their accolades and achievements are varied and outstanding.

Among our 10, we feature teens who are incredible athletes, STEM and STEAM standouts, flourishing researchers, rising stars of stage and film, public servants, activists and social justice seekers.

OLIVIA WEST

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WHY DANIEL IS A TEEN TO WATCH Cadet Platoon Commander and Color Guard Commander for NJROTC

Daniel Fuentes

Top 12 percent of his class

Brien McMahon High School, class of 2020

First in his family to attend college Wants to become an officer in the armed services

The best thing about my school is… the NJROTC (Naval Junior Reserves Officer Training Corps) classroom.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, Daniel and other members of his AP computer science class developed a website to help people locate goods at various stores.

This fall, I’ll be… at Army basic training in Fort Benning, GA. And after that… studying computer science at UConn when I return next spring.

What impacted me most during high school was… For two years I was in the Medical Academy where I learned basic healthcare. Afterwards, I joined the NJROTC for two years. I took on two leadership roles, and this organization made me want to pursue being an officer in the armed services. I made friends, learned how to lead and improved my skills at working with others.

One of my biggest challenges so far was when…I immigrated here from another country in seventh grade, and it was hard.

Cultural things were completely different and I didn’t know the language. I had a goal to learn the language as quickly as possible and I also read every day and pushed myself to learn conversational English so I could communicate clearly.

I stayed sane during quarentine by… I knew I was shipping out for three months of army basic training in July followed by three more months of AIT (infantry training), so I worked out every day, running or strength training.

I was also still responsible for my platoon, so I supported

those 33 people by reaching out continuously to make sure they were okay. For fun, I experimented with digital art and Scratchboard.

This year I learned that… Things can always change, so don’t get too comfortable. Be mentally prepared when things don’t go your way.

I'm most proud of... being able to adapt so quickly to the new environment when I moved here.

My biggest life goal is… no one in my immediate family has graduated from college in the U.S., so I want to be the first and want to inspire my own kids to do the same. I’m also the first in my family to join the U.S. military.

My personal motto is… Be the best at what you do, keep in mind that things can always be worse, and God has a plan for you so just hang in there and keep going.

My role model is… My Senior Naval Science Instructor, in charge of the NJROTC. He was an officer in the Marine Corps and overcame a difficult life. He knows how to talk to people and gives great advice.

The biggest dilemma facing today’s teens is… not succumbing to peer pressure.

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My favorite subject is… science.

There’s always something new to learn.

People may be surprised to learn that I…like art and it’s my creative outlet.

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Skyler Bennett Darien High School, class of 2020

The best thing about my school is… the theater program.

The people are unbelievably supportive, and they form an unbreakable community.

This fall I’ll be at… The University of California, Berkeley.

Majoring in… molecular and cell biology, with a minor in theater.

My most successful study tips…

I live religiously by color coding my study notes, especially in STEM classes. I have a set of Staedtler limited edition color series fine line pens and every single subject is color-coded based on difficulty, levels of concern I have and what I need to work on.

My favorite teacher was…

Janet Keeler, my freshman bio and AP bio teacher. She’s so kind, understanding and inspirational.

During quarantine I spent time by… exploring new things. I spent time with my grandmother since she lived with us for the first few weeks. We knitted, sewed and crocheted together. I also spent time painting, doing arts and crafts and made gifts for several friends.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned so far was when… I was working on a production of Godspell with Theatre 308, Darien High School’s theater group. I found that I’d spread myself too thin and realized that despite loving to be in control that I need to depend on other people.

Collaboration is always best.

I spent my summer… taking online classes in Swift programming and Pearl, worked for my dad’s software consulting company and went to Nantucket with my family.

My favorite app is… Scrabble.

My entire family is super competitive.

The biggest dilemma today’s teens face is… discrimination is the biggest problem. The good news is that our generation is so obsessed with equality.

I joined a college group called College Students for Black Lives Matter. During quarantine, we set up a program where people could donate, sign petitions or write articles to support various charities that supported Black Lives Matter. In return, we peer tutored them or helped give feedback on their college essays.

including several of my cake designs.

I’m dedicated to… Madre, a women’s global nonprofit run out of South America. They focus on a variety on women’s issues including female genital mutilation, providing sanitation products and educational programs.

I relax by creating… ceramics.

My father bought a wheel and turned our outdoor shed into an art studio.

In 10 years, I’ll be… in medical or law school. I’m currently pre-med and pre-law at Berkeley. I want to pursue higher education.

My dream job is… an environmental lawyer with a focus on bioremediation.

My favorite local spot to meet up with friends is… My BFF and I have been going to the Darien Diner every Sunday since freshman year. Each time, we order Nutella milkshakes, Nutella crepes and a side of Nutella.

People might be surprised to learn that… I’ve done a few culinary internships and received training in culinary arts. For my AP art and ceramics classes, I submitted an AP art portfolio

I give back by… being involved with several clubs, but the most memorable was volunteering with the Darien Arts Center last year. I worked as head production volunteer for A Wrinkle in Time with middle schoolers. I loved spending time with these kids and teaching them about the technical side of theater like writing and stage managing.

WHY SKYLER IS A TEEN TO WATCH Model UN Member Assistant Stage Manager and board member, Theater 308 Production Volunteer, Darien Arts Center Business Manager, Darien High School Filmmakers Club Received the 2020 CT State Halo Award for Stage Managing for The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.

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think I should be a football player because I’m 6’6” and 290 pounds.

Aaron has shown that bigger people can play baseball and be really great.

The biggest challenge facing today’s teens is… the perception that everyone has to fit into a certain mold, look a certain way and be a certain way.

I’m dedicated to helping… food pantries and soup kitchens.

I volunteered for several of them when I was younger and as a person who appreciates food I want to make sure others always have enough to eat and also experience a sense of community.

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My best vacation ever is… my family’s house in Lake George.

Both sets of grandparents and my extended family spend summers there. It’s my favorite place in the world. There’s limited internet service and no distractions, you can just have fun being in the water and playing board games.

Ian Brown Greens Farms Academy, class of 2020

This fall I’m attending…

Grinnell College playing baseball

Stay present and don’t look too far into the future.

I'm majoring in... computer science, economics and artificial intelligence. I want to be a part of the AI evolution.

My most successful study tips are… Don’t procrastinate. Learn the material early and don’t just memorize it— be able to apply what you’ve learned.

What I love most about GFA… The beauty of GFA is its desire and ability to include everybody in everything. The small class sizes and student teacher ratio helps everybody learn from each other and stay focused and passionate about learning.

I stayed sane during quarantine by… video conferencing my friends once a day and play virtual games to stay social. I focused a lot on baseball, keeping in contact with my coach and doing lots of strength training and conditioning.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned... Live in the moment.

My pre-game ritual… I have to wear a certain undershirt and a pair of white socks. If my team’s color is red that day, I wear the white socks under my red ones. I always listen to my country music playlist to get me in the right mindset.

People are surprised to learn that… I can play four instruments: piano, guitar and two different saxophones, the baritone and alto.

If I could travel anywhere in the world, I would visit…. either the North or South Pole.

I give back by… On the robotics team for a few years I led a team that held a tech fair for younger kids. I volunteered at BVSA (Bobby Valentine’s Sports Academy) running clinics in Stamford and was an assistant coach for one of their younger teams. I also tutor math and science to high school students.

My personal mantra is… Think big. Don’t settle and push yourself beyond what is required.

My role model is… Aaron Judge because he’s an amazing player and physically big like me. People would always look at me and

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WHY IAN IS A TEEN TO WATCH Head of School distinction first semester senior year Head of School High Honor Roll Received a certificate in STEAM (science, technology, engineering, arts and math) His yearlong STEAM research project produced the invention of an adaptive hydrofoil technology that improves fuel efficiency in power boats.

Ranked Top 10 Nationally for baseball recruits in batting average, exit velocity and distance traveled Selected as FAA (Fairfield Athletic Association) First Team, first baseman, 2019 GFA Robotics Team, two years Baritone saxophone soloist, GFA Upper School concert band and wind ensemble

Piper Van Wagenen Sacred Heart Greenwich, class of 2020

WHY PIPER IS A TEEN TO WATCH Participated in her school’s Science Research Program with a group that analyzed effects of the sunscreen chemical oxybenzone on aquatic environments.

Recognized, with a group, as a Conrad Challenge Innovator for developing a chemical-free sunscreen with dissolvable film packaging to help eliminate plastic in the oceans.

Member of the Teen Board at Abilis, a nonprofit that provides services to individuals with special needs and their families.

Helped plan and earned coveted role of Cohost of the Sacred Heart Film Festival 2020 Acted in the movie First Man, a documentary about her grandfather, Neil Armstrong

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The best thing about my school is… the community and my friends.

My most successful study tips… Time management is important, but so is taking time to have fun. I make a schedule of when to do homework, I often study with flashcards, and I always make sure I have time to see friends and relax.

This fall you can find me at…

Stanford University.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned this year was… the need to be flexible. Not everything will go according to plan and perseverance is a big part of dealing with that.

I’ve been staying sane during the pandemic by… trying to stick to a schedule. Besides synchronous learning, I went on a lot of walks and spent time with my family.

This summer I… did a lot of research for some documentaries I’m working on and was a lifeguard at the Greenwich Water Club.

the Abilis club at my school and did my research project on the impact friendly interaction in a respectful setting has on the social and emotional well-being of children with disabilities, as well as how that interaction builds character in those without disabilities.

My greatest challenge has been… My youngest brother has some learning and developmental disabilities. I’ve seen his challenges, how other people treat him and how that makes him feel.

I want to be able to help him and kids like him so I’ve become active in some nonprofits that focus on kids with disabilities.

In the future I hope to… pursue broadcast journalism. I was very active in the broadcast journalism program at Sacred Heart, and because I love acting, writing and directing films I hope to go into the field.

The organizations that mean the most to me are…

I volunteered for two years at the Waterside School helping to tutor kids on the weekends. I’ve worked at Sibs Gym, a YMCA gymnastics program for children with disabilities and their siblings.

In addition to being a member of the Abilis Teen Board, I started

My personal motto is… Start with yes. I adopted this from my mom and it motivates me every day. Sometimes our first instinct is to say no, but this impulse can

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hold us back from experiencing our true potential.

Favorite book… The Alchemist.

Everyone should read it because it’s about a man, Santiago, who spends his whole life trying to achieve his personal goals and find a treasure. In the book, he finally realizes the treasure was in front of him the whole time.

Favorite teacher… Dr. Mottolese, my sophomore and senior year English teacher. He pushed me to work hard, his classes were so interesting and he prepared us well for writing in college.

5

Jamie Ullman

because they enabled me to use computer science to create something that had a palpable benefit for others.

My favorite app is… the camera.

Most of my storage is taken up by photos.

St. Luke’s School, class of 2020

The biggest dilemma today’s teens face is… conflicting expectations. On one hand teens are expected to be teens— living in the moment and being independent—at the same time, there is a sense of social pressure to plan our whole lives out, from what college to go to, what to major in, and even what job or master’s degree to shoot for. I’m involved in the Lunch and Lead program at SLS where we invite leaders to share their life stories, and the common thread that many of our lecturers discuss is how life is full of course corrections. More times than not, the speakers share times when their career, goals or outlook shifted as they continued to move through an ever-changing world. I feel like the message that it’s okay not to have your life planned out can be lost sometimes in our fastpaced world.

The best thing about my school is… the community—the faculty and student body are incredibly supportive and kind.

structured person and fairly rigid with plans, so going with the flow is something I’m learning to enjoy more.

This fall, I’ll be at… Stanford University.

My best quarantine coping strategies were… enjoying the great outdoors and Zoom. I regularly hiked, mountain biked and worked out. Also, Zooming with friends helped me stay connected.

The greatest challenge I’ve faced was… In middle school, I joined theater to overcome my fear of public speaking. It took me years to realize that my fear couldn't be shed like a skin but had to instead be channeled and transformed. This process ignited a new passion for me, and I found a love of singing.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned was to… become more adaptable. I’m naturally a

In college and beyond I’d like to… be involved with innovation that helps society in some way, likely blending computer science and other STEM fields. One example would be genetics and bioinformatics. I’m also very intrigued by physics and quantum computing. Whatever job I end up in, I want to have a sense of purpose and feel that my work will make a difference in society in some capacity.

I was honored to receive… academic distinction in St. Luke’s choir. STEM coursework, which I very much enjoy, tends to come more easily to me than other subjects. With singing, on the other hand, it has been a long and difficult process to improve my technique and learn to be comfortable performing, including learning to push aside my perfectionistic tendencies. As a result, I felt very rewarded by this acknowledgement.

I give back by… having interned at a socially conscious trail mix start-up in Idaho called Play Hard Give Back the summer before junior year. That, along with my experience working on a team to build a scheduling application for the SLS student body in ninth grade, were extremely motivating

WHY JAMIE IS A TEEN TO WATCH Last year’s recipient of the Harvard University Book Prize Member of SLS winning Hackathon team every year since 2018, and winner of the Rube Goldberg competition at SLS in middle school.

Took seven AP courses at SLS including AP Computer Science in eighth grade. Took 19 other honors/ advanced courses in high school.

Completed every Computer Science course offered by St. Luke’s by the time he was a junior, including three postAP courses.

Member of St. Luke’s Cum Laude Society Accepted to and attended the Applied Science and Engineering session as part of the Yale Young Global Scholars (YYGS) program Accepted into SLS Senior STEM Scholars program: A yearlong, self-study and coursework program Completed 191 hours of community service (more than double the 80 requisite hours) Served on SLS Honor Council for two years Cocaptain of Varsity Cross Country team

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6 Olivia West New Canaan High School, class of 2021

The best thing about my school is… the many learning opportunities and amazing people.

I’m most dedicated to… LiveGirl which I cofounded with my mom in 2014. It’s a nonprofit girls’ leadership organization dedicated to building confident leaders. I currently serve as the leadership council president and cohost a podcast with my mom—it’s a huge part of my life. I’ve learned a lot through LiveGirl, really found my voice and it’s taught me how to activate to make positive change.

The greatest challenge I’ve faced has been… my grandma is battling metastatic breast cancer.

It has been tough because we haven’t been able to see her due to the risk of the coronavirus, but we

FaceTime daily and I am inspired by her courage and strength.

I stayed sane in quarantine because… our family got a puppy!

We adopted an adorable mini Goldendoodle named Lucy. She brought our family even closer and we have taken a lot of walks together.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned so far… the pandemic taught me how to deal and lead through uncertainty. At LiveGirl I had to plan, then re-plan and re-work many of our meetings and activities. I’ve learned the resilience of how to lead and how to be flexible.

In the future I’m… considering majoring in political science, public policy or even law. Whatever I do, I want to fight for social justice and make a difference.

I spent the summer… interning at the CT Institute for Refugees and Immigrants, a nonprofit that provides legal, economic and social services to immigrants, refugees and survivors of human trafficking throughout CT. My personal motto is… I love to welcome all voices at the table and listen to people whose experiences are different from my own. Inclusivity is vital if you want to be an effective leader, make

change and provide a welcoming environment.

I would love to cure… metastatic breast cancer.

My role model is… Michelle Obama for her passion, leadership, compassion and charisma. She’s truly an amazing leader. I love her quote, “There are many causes worth sacrificing for, so much history yet to be made.”

The last book I read was… I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown. It’s a powerful account of a black, Christian woman. It’s so important that we listen to and amplify the voices of color and experience.

The biggest dilemma today’s teens face is… body image and mental health issues. Social media is great, but there’s a point where it can be toxic and fuel the fire for these issues.

If I could change the world, I would… create equality for all.

My secret talent is… Cohosting the podcast “Confident”. It’s an amazing experience and I learn so much from the people I interview, such as Janneke Niessen (Harper’s Bazaar Woman of the Year) and Yiffat Susskind (Madre CEO). I also have been inspired by people like poetic activist Cheyenne Tyler Jacobs. My mom and I do this together so it’s a great mother-daughter activity.

My creative outlet is… producing a sports podcast on YouTube with my younger brother.

I love video editing and creating graphics for that.

In ten years, I’ll be… graduating from law school and fighting for social justice.

I aspire to learn… how to be a better ally and to continue to use my voice for change.

WHY OLIVIA IS A TEEN TO WATCH Cofounder and Leadership Council President of LiveGirl Cohost of Confident Podcast Editor for NCHS Courant, the school newspaper Member of WE Club, which focuses on mental health and women’s rights Member NCHS Girls’ Basketball team

“ We wondered, ‘What could we do to help Above & Beyond the community?’ We wanted to spread kindness in these unkind times.”

- Arjan Kochar, 6th Grade

If you wonder whether young people can really be leaders, look no further than St. Luke’s Middle School students Arjan ‘26 and Nihaal ‘24 Kochar. The brothers wanted to alleviate some of the suffering caused by the Coronavirus crisis. They launched Zouchers.com—a website supporting small, family-run businesses. Watch the Kochars’ interview with Head of School Mark Davis at www.stlukesct.org/slsheroes

On campus and online...

An Exceptional Education.

Join a Welcome Webinar www.stlukesct.org/visit St. Luke’s is a secular (non-religious), college preparatory day school for grades 5-12 and a Best Private High School in CT - niche.com 203.801.4833 | 377 North Wilton Road, New Canaan, CT 06840

The greatest challenge I’ve ever faced was… Between my freshman and sophomore years I wasn’t playing golf as well as I wanted to—I was down mentally and physically. That fall, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease.

I was put on antibiotics for six months and went to see a mental coach to get back on track for golf. Overcoming the physical and mental challenges were tough, but I was able to build up my confidence and improve my mindset until I felt stronger and able to play well again.

My favorite course is…

Cypress Point Club in Pebble Beach, CA. The history is interesting and it’s beautiful— right on the coastline.

My dream job is… a professional golfer.

My preferred subject is… math. I enjoy solving problems.

My sports idol is… Jordan Speith. He is all about perseverance, and I really look up to him.

My role model is… my grandfather. He drives me to be my best and push myself.

My personal motto is… Never ever quit. I’m a Texas Rangers baseball fan, this is their motto and I strongly believe it.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned… Don’t take anything for granted, even the smallest things.

Top-flight junior golfer in middle school

The last book I read was…

Ready Player One. I watched the movie and then had to read the book.

Made storied Brunswick team as a freshman

The biggest dilemma facing teens today is… stress. Living where we do, there are high expectations across the board.

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Ben Carpenter The Brunswick School, class of 2020

The best thing about my school is…the tight-knit community.

15 minutes is more valuable than half the effort for an hour.

This fall, I’ll be at…

Yale University.

I stayed sane during the Covid-19 pandemic by… I’m a huge golfer, and the courses stayed open throughout the spring. I’d have online school, get lunch, then go to the course. Having a structured routine, being able to play golf anfamily movie nights helped a lot.

I’m interested in majoring in… economics.

My most successful study tips... Stay organized and focused, even if it’s for a short period of time. Studying hard for

WHY BEN IS A TEEN TO WATCH

My most favorite family vacation was… After I committed to Yale we went to Switzerland for a week. It was an awesome experience, and we went hiking, mountain biking, did ropes courses and a lot of sightseeing. It was the first trip in six years that I didn’t bring my golf clubs.

Tackled five AP courses his senior year Last spring, his high school team was undefeated and set two golf tournament records.

Last summer, he won the MGA Carter Cup at Baltusrol Golf Club.

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Daniella Donzelli Scorza Brien McMahon High School, class of 2020

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This fall I’ll be attending…

Barnard College.

what I believe in, even in the face of adversity.

The best thing about my school is… the Center for Youth Leadership Club, which advocates for social issues such as child abuse, dating violence, sexual harassment, mental health, immigration workers’ rights and soon, racism and racial bias.

This club provides a place where students can learn that awareness brings real change. We participate in peaceful protests, create exhibits in the school hallways, and attend public hearings to advocate for the passing of certain bills. It’s the reason I fell in love with activism.

The best book I’ve read was…

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman. The story is incredibly detailed and lets you into the mind of the protagonist, Elio, sharing with you all his vulnerability.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is… We can reset expectations of ourselves, goals or society. Once we do that, the possibilities of achievement are endless. We don’t know what the future brings, so as long as we adapt to change and continue moving forward, anything is possible.

My most successful study tips… Quizlet was my best friend in high school. I used digital flashcards and wrote out my notes for certain classes. Visually seeing information helps me retain it.

I give back by… working with the community. At college, I want to study English, social issues and human rights. My work will be focused on uplifting marginalized voices in society.

My personal motto is… A quote I hold dear from Walt Whitman’s poem “Song of Myself” is— “I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.” To me, this means that I’ll continue to be unafraid when standing up for

My favorite app… Medium. It allows you to read blog posts and essay entries. It’s like TED talk for writing.

My biggest pet peeve is… performative activism where people outwardly say that they advocate for a social cause just to not fall behind the movement, yet they don’t take any action themselves.

WHY DANIELLA IS A TEEN TO WATCH

If I could travel anywhere in the world, I would visit…my family’s home country of Venezuela. Due to the continued economic and social crisis, I haven’t seen my family in a very long time. I’m curious to learn more about my family history.

Member of the Center for Youth Leadership Club Executive Committee

I unwind by… meditation or painting, reading or writing in my journal.

Drama Club student director BMHS Political Club Cofounder

In 10 years, I’ll be… a politician or journalist working to uplift marginalized voices.

Member of Chamber Singers

I aspire to learn… as many languages as possible.

Member of the Student Safety Committee

My favorite meal is… my grandmother’s homemade gnocchi or paella at my family’s restaurant, Basso Cafe.

Member of Norwalk Women Who Vote

If I could change the world, I would…reroute the funds of police into the community to go toward education, public housing, mental healthcare and free transit. The

hope is this would lower the crime rate and eliminate the prison industrial complex that continues to marginalize people in society.

One day I hope to… work on Capitol Hill or possibly become a lawyer or a writer.

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gain a strong academic foundation and acquire critical skills, habits of mind, and confidence.

GCDS is a joyful environment where \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ curiosity and/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ creativity are valued, \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ resilience is cultivated, and the health \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ and well-being of every student is essential.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

WHY HENRY IS A TEEN TO WATCH Recipient of The Selden Performing Arts Award

9 Henry Jodka St. Luke’s School, class of 2020 The best thing about my school is… the close relationships between everyone, especially teachers and students. It’s amazing to have great role models that also teach us important things.

This fall I will attend… Bowdoin College.

I plan to double major in… chemistry and theater..

My best advice for students…

Don’t procrastinate. Finish the work now, relax later.

I stayed sane during quarantine by… staying very busy. I was doing online school until 3 p.m., and in a Zoom production of The Imaginary Invalid, so we rehearsed for two hours each day. I also produced two different acapella videos and finished my yearlong independent STEM study.

For my STEM project… Three students including myself tried to find an efficient, affordable way

Recipient of The Daniel Ireland Award, for bringing pride to SLS

to remove ink from paper so the paper could be recycled.

service hours for them and they’re an amazing organization.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned this year was… Staying on a schedule is key. It helped me stay positive, be resilient and able to focus on the things I could control.

My most favorite spot on earth is… Cape Cod, where our family goes during the summer. We go to the beach, do a lot of walking and running and totally recharge.

The most challenging time in my life was… In seventh grade I was diagnosed with severe scoliosis and had to wear a full body brace for a year. I ended up having to have full spinal fusion surgery in eighth grade, so sports weren’t really an option anymore.

My older brother encouraged me to get involved in the world of arts and musical theater, which is one of my biggest passions today.

People might be surprised to learn… that I became three to four inches taller after my scoliosis surgery.

In 10 years, I’ll be… a chemist and inventor, or an actor on Broadway.

I aspire to learn… guitar.

If I could change the world, I would… eradicate COVID.

I give back with… For my STEM research this year we did something that tried to help climate change. Also, I love giving back as an actor and singer by entertaining people and helping them get lost in a story.

Recipient of the Fred Waring Director’s Music Award Recipient of Best Actor CT Halo award for his role of Charlie Luther in Admissions and two CT Halo Best Play awards given to the production cast for other plays.

Winner of three St. Luke’s Thespie awards.

2019 BMA Stephen Sondheim Award nomination First Place for his group at the 2019 SLS Hackathon.

Winning musical group at SLSing Off acapella competition three years in a row.

Active member of Chorus and the Acafellas acapella group.

My favorite teachers are… my music teacher Mr. Griffa, theater director Mr. Peck and my chem teacher Mr. LeBris. I love the way they engage with students and the material. I’ve grown very close to them, and they inspire me.

The biggest dilemma today’s teens face is… uncertainty. After Covid, everything changed and became a “maybe.” Also, with our country being so divided right now it just feels very stressful.

I’m dedicated to… The Summer Theater of New Canaan. I completed a lot of community newcanaandarienmag.com

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10

Olivia Sheridan King School, class of 2020

Competitive rower for Greenwich Crew.

I’m dedicated to… volunteering at the New Canaan Food Pantry with my mom. I like to interact with the people there, and it makes me happy to see that we are helping them.

Selected for King School’s prestigious ASPIRE course, a researchbased course and in-person lab experience that culminates in student’s published research.

My favorite teacher is… My advisor and teacher Dr. Shulman, is a pillar of support. She used to be a researcher in genetics, a field I’m really interested in, and she runs the research department at King School.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is… the importance of perseverance. Even things that don’t seem achievable really are if you persist during setbacks.

Next fall I’ll be… rowing at The University of Virginia.

My greatest challenge was…

Last spring I injured my back while rowing. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong until they realized I had herniated discs. In addition, I injured my hip and needed surgery. It was a tough time, but because I was so determined to get back to crew, I had a positive goal to work toward that got me through it.

I’m majoring in…biology. I’m also interested in going to med school to get my MD and would like to incorporate research with that as well.

My best study hacks…Study well ahead of time. Hand write flash cards and make study guides.

I stayed sane during quarantine by… staying on top of online school and work and crew practice. Every day at 4 p.m. I had team Zoom calls and workouts, so this gave me something to center my day around.

My most special life experience was when… I worked my internship at Yale University School of Medicine, which I got through the ASPIRE program. I worked in a cell biology lab using CRISPR, a type of gene editing technology that’s been gaining popularity because of its potential to be used in humans. My goal was to use CRISPR to edit a certain gene in fission yeast, a eukaryote with a genome similar to humans.

Once I got the CRISPR to work, I was trying to determine whether or not normal DNA repair is hindered by CRISPR, something that has major implications in deciding whether or not CRISPR-editing is safe for humans. It’s a lengthy process, and I was able to design the new system and get the gene editing to work, something that had not been done by others in my lab.

My pre-race ritual… My rowing team warms up together, I have a favorite playlist that I listen to and I have special snacks that I save just for race day.

The biggest dilemma facing today’s teen is… the fact that there’s so much to fix in the world and not knowing where to start.

I give back by… being a member of National Charity League, a mother-daughter organization

newcanaandarienmag.com

58

King Scholar four years in a row.

that offers opportunities to volunteer with many different philanthropies.

The best book I’ve read is…

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. I reread it a few times. I relate to the main character Kya, her curiosity and wanting to learn more about the world around her.

The best thing about my school is… the community. Everyone is so supportive, and the teachers are always willing to provide any help you might need.

WHY OLIVIA IS A TEEN TO WATCH

Interned at Yale School of Medicine Organized a winter clothing drive with other students for a local women’s shelter Took five AP courses senior year

My dream job is to be… an ER doctor.

My creative outlet is to… cook a big meal or bake for my family.

I aspire to learn… sign language.

If I could change the world, I would… provide equal healthcare for all. A lot of deaths that occur would be preventable if people had quality healthcare.

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by timothy dumas

THE MAY 2019 DISAPPEARANCE OF NEW CANAAN MOM JENNIFER DULOS PAINTS A BROAD PICTURE OF WHAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE—THE MOST HIGHLY REPORTED VIOLENT CRIME IN FAIRFIELD COUNTY—LOOKS LIKE RIGHT HERE IN OUR COMMUNITY newcanaandarienmag.com

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CONTRIBUTED

#JUSTICEFORJENNIFER SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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I

n the fall of 2011 Jennifer Farber Dulos, a 43-year-old housewife with a masters degree in writing, started a blog about her life. We live in Connecticut, which is where I always wanted to live growing up. I am living my own personal dream for myself. Three boys, two girls, a loving husband whom I adore. It’s all here, right now.

For 20 months Jennifer chronicled her perfect-seeming family: Fotis, her Greek husband, bright and athletic, the owner of a luxury home building business, and the beautiful children they’d had in quick succession: twin boys in 2006, a twin boy and girl in 2008, and another girl in 2010. Was there a worm

in the apple? Not that she mentions; just the mundane dissatisfactions of suburban living. My to-do list grew beyond anything—you should see it now, like some endless sock that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting. Between the chauffeuring and the meal-making and the interminable laundry, Jennifer laments that she has little time to enjoy her children. Or her husband. As the family moves to a brick mansion that Fotis built at 4 Jefferson Crossing in Farmington, she writes, I do wish for one moment though, in this new house, with Fotis—alone. After the kids have gone to bed, to pop some champagne, even if I don’t drink more than a thimble-full of anything nowadays, to toast to this new structure, to our family, to this fresh and lovely start. To commune with my husband, really.

Jennifer titled her blog, with a hint of premonition, “And Five Makes Seven: A mother of five in Connecticut writes to her children as a way of capturing this moment in time.” In somber retrospect, we see that what Jennifer captured for her children were memories of life when life was good—days of family happiness before she fled the brick mansion for a rented house in New Canaan; before the ugly, drawn-out divorce proceedings; before she went missing and Fotis stood accused of her murder; and before Fotis took his own life, protesting his innocence to the bitter end.

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The story of Jennifer and Fotis also tells a broader story, one largely hidden from view, about the ways and workings of domestic violence in America. While the Dulos case offers an extraordinary view of the problem given its Shakespeare-in-the-suburbs texture, it appears to fit a depressingly classic pattern: that of the marriage gone bad escalating to emotional terrorism and all-out violence.

We pick up Jennifer’s words in 2017, as she beseeches the court for full custody of the children: I am afraid of my husband. I know that filing for divorce, and filing this motion will enrage him. I know he will retaliate by trying to harm me in some way.

Two years later, at age 50, she was gone.

Investigators believe Fotis ambushed Jennifer at her New Canaan home on the morning of May 24, 2019 as she returned from dropping the kids off at New Canaan Country School.

They found the garage floor, as well as the Range Rover parked in the middle bay, smeared and spattered with her blood. They found partial bloody shoe prints. And though there was an attempt to clean up the scene, they found a red smudge on the kitchen sink faucet, containing a mixture of Jennifer’s blood and Fotis’s DNA—a fact all the more troubling because Fotis was not permitted inside the large gabled house at 69 Welles Lane.

An hour after the attack and cleanup, the kids’ nanny, Lauren Almeida, arrived at the house to discover a series of small but ominous clues. Jennifer’s Chevy Suburban was gone, but her handbag was still there, sitting on the floor—strange, because Almeida knew Jennifer had a morning appointment in the city. In the pantry someone had looted the supply of paper towels Almeida had stored there the night before—only two rolls of a twelve-pack remained. What kind of spill required ten rolls of paper towels? When Almeida tried in vain to reach Jennifer, “my stomach sank,” she told police. “In the almost seven years that I have worked for Jennifer I never, ever had a hard time reaching her.” And when she learned Jennifer had failed to show for her children’s orthodontist appointments

that afternoon, “my first thought was that Fotis did something.”

Though Fotis enjoyed the presumption of innocence—legally if not popularly— one wonders how he’d have explained away the mountain of evidence gathered against him. Our brave new world of ubiquitous surveillance played a critical role in tracking his movements on the day of Jennifer’s killing. To begin with Fotis borrowed, without permission, a Toyota Tacoma pickup truck belonging to Pawel Gumienny, the project manager of Fotis’s building company, Fore Group Inc. Cameras at rest stops and on school buses show the red Tacoma making its way to New Canaan on the morning of May 24 and returning to Farmington in the afternoon. In between, various cameras spy the Tacoma parked on Lapham Road by Waveny Park, and a man believed to be Fotis, wearing a dark hoodie, riding a vintage ten-speed bicycle up Weed Street in the direction of Welles Lane.

A home security camera, meanwhile, glimpses Jennifer cruising up Welles at 8:05 a.m., toward her imminent death; the same camera shows her Suburban leaving the house at 10:25, presumably with Fotis at the wheel and Jennifer’s body in the back. (That evening the Suburban was discovered abandoned on Lapham Road, with blood inside, near where the Tacoma was parked that morning.) The Tacoma is next seen as it passes the New Canaan rest stop on its way out of town, the camera catching a filigreed shape in the truck bed: the wheel of a bicycle.

Those who would discount this evidence because Fotis is not definitively sighted in New Canaan must consider the following: That night, yet more surveillance cameras catch Fotis, with his girlfriend, Michelle Troconis, tossing garbage bags into receptacles along Albany Avenue in Hartford. When investigators recovered the bags, they found an assortment of items stained with Jennifer’s blood—her Vineyard Vines T-shirt, her bra, a bath towel, a sponge, a mop handle, gloves, paper towels, four zip-ties, and two clear rain ponchos. (State police were unable SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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which itself has that many), plus several more brutal assaults on intimate partners. Even peaceable New Canaan has its pre-Dulos horror stories. In 2010 John Michael Farren, deputy White House counsel in the George W. Bush administration, battered his wife with a flashlight, breaking bones in her cheek and jaw. (He’s serving fifteen years for attempted murder.) Last year in Fairfield, James Taylor killed his ex-wife with a .22 rifle shot to the head. (Like Fotis Dulos, he committed suicide while out on bail.) In 2013, at a mansion on Round Hill Road in Greenwich, Michael DeMaio bludgeoned his wife nearly to death with a baseball bat. (He’s serving eight years.) More diabolical yet is the 2009 case of Adam Dobrzanski, a live-in landscaper on a Greenwich estate who fatally slashed the throat of his 20-year-old daughter in order to spite his wife. Why? She was leaving him.

Murder is only the grimmest metric of our domestic violence problem. Other statistics suggest an epidemic. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, or 10 million people a year. More than 20,000 phone calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines every day. One in 4 women has been a victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in her lifetime, and 1 in 10 has been raped.

While there’s a growing awareness that men, too, suffer domestic violence, they are overwhelmingly the perpetrators: 85 percent of offenders are male. Nearly half the women murdered in America are murdered by a current or former intimate partner, and for every such killing, nine more are nearly killed. Victims who endure the subtler forms of domestic abuse— mocking, belittling, intimidation, coercion— may go unrecorded in crime statistics, though these abuses can devastate the spirit. In ways large and small, the most dangerous place for a woman is in the home.

Our fair towns do not inoculate us from domestic violence. In Greenwich, domestic violence crimes are the most frequently reported of all violent crimes, and this pattern

THE BIG PICTURE If Fotis murdered Jennifer as charged, then she must be counted among the 1,200 women (and 300 men) killed annually by an intimate partner in these United States. Such cases are not all that rare in Fairfield County. There are roughly two a year (not counting Bridgeport, newcanaandarienmag.com

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to retrieve everything Fotis dumped along Albany Avenue. But according to the Hartford Courant, a homeless man found a bloodsoaked pillow and a knife in one trash can, and traded the knife to another homeless man for a $5 piece of crack.)

Norman Pattis, Fotis’s defense attorney, professed to be unconcerned by the evidence.

“If this is all the state’s got, we wonder why it bothered,” he said in January, after Fotis was charged with murder. Troconis and Kent Mawhinney, a lawyer and close friend of Fotis Dulos who lives in South Windsor, were also arrested, on charges of conspiring to commit murder. (Last year, separately, Mawhinney was accused of raping his estranged wife and violating a protective order; those cases are still pending.) Mawhinney’s arrest warrant raises the suspicion, based on cell phone records, that he had something to do with a grave-sized hole discovered at the Windsor Rod & Gun Club in East Granby on May 18, 2019, the week before Jennifer went missing. The hole was concealed with barbecue grates and leaves, and contained two unopened bags of lime. Lime is sometimes used in clandestine burials to reduce the odor of decomposition.

Through the summer of 2019, Fotis peddled the odd notion that Jennifer was still alive somewhere—her body was never found.

Norm Pattis went further, suggesting that she’d framed her husband for murder in the manner of the Gillian Flynn novel Gone Girl. (He also advanced the contradictory theory that she might have committed suicide as an act of revenge.) But Dr. James Gill, Connecticut’s chief medical examiner, noted that without immediate medical help, Jennifer could not have survived her grievous wounds.

holds for New Canaan, Darien, Westport, and indeed all of Fairfield County save the urban centers of Bridgeport and Stamford. But these crimes, ranging from threatening to hitting to rape, are also thought to be the most underreported ones. “We only see the tip of the iceberg here at the PD,” says Sgt. Brent Reeves of the Greenwich Police Department’s Special Victims Section. Even so, GPD works 250 to 300 cases a year. What Reeves calls “the services streams” see much more of the iceberg, because a victim can go to them confidentially, without setting the legal wheels in motion. “Once the judicial process gets rolling, it’s a steamroller, it doesn’t stop,” says Reeves. “I think that’s why people are a little afraid of the system.”

The Greenwich YWCA’s Domestic Abuse Services provided counseling and other services to 833 victims last fiscal year, including 242 who simply walked in the door. The Domestic Violence Crisis Center, or DVCC, which covers Stamford, Norwalk, Westport, New Canaan, Darien, Wilton and Weston, served nearly 5,000 victims during the same period. And the Center for Family Justice, covering Fairfield, Bridgeport, Easton, Monroe, Stratford and Trumbull, served nearly 4,000. Together, these three entities fielded roughly 10,000 crisis calls, and their safe houses protected nearly 500 people.

A good chunk of the iceberg is seen neither by police nor by advocates. Rachel Louise Snyder, author of No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us—a widely praised book published last year—tells us the stigma of intimate partner violence is especially keen among the privileged, who set great store by privacy and tact. “And that means they kind of endure this alone, and their children endure it alone.” That brings to mind a story Brent Reeves told us.

Once, he responded to a “DV” at an opulent backcountry home, but found the abused wife wanted nothing to do with him. Reeves asked why she declined help when her situation was obviously so dangerous. She replied, “Cost of doing business.”

“The trouble is, we don’t talk about

“[THE CHILDREN] ARE PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED...

WE ARE ALL TERRIFIED TO DISOBEY MY HUSBAND.” —jennifer dulos, in court filings

this,” Rachel Louise Snyder continues. “We talk openly about other social issues— homelessness, mass incarceration, gender inequality.” What surprised Snyder most during her decade of research was the way domestic violence intersected with those other social problems. “Eighty percent of incarcerated men were child victims or witnesses of domestic violence. For women, that number goes up to 92 percent when you include sexual abuse. It’s the leading cause of homelessness for women in this country. Over half the mass shootings in this country are domestic violence homicides, they’re just not framed that way. You want to address social issues en masse in this country?

Start with domestic violence.”

RED FLAGS Jennifer Farber Dulos would have turned 52 in September; she was raised in Brooklyn Heights, the daughter of the late Hilliard Farber, a Wall Street banker and brokerage house founder, and Gloria Ortenberg Farber, a lifelong educator whose family cofounded Liz Claiborne Inc., the apparel giant. Though the Farbers were wealthy, they weren’t flashy: “They were understated, and tended to donate SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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to educational causes,” says Jennifer’s friend Carrie Luft. “They were not ‘social diary’ kinds of people.”

Jennifer had luxuriant brown hair, high cheekbones and a broad, bright smile. “She was an incredibly sensitive and perceptive person,” says Luft, who met Jennifer in 1990, when both were aspiring writers in New York. “She was soft-spoken. She was gracious and kind.

She was the most conscientious, responsible, thoughtful person I’ve ever known.” A Connecticut friend of Jennifer’s who wishes to go unnamed says, “She was quiet. And very sweet. She could be sassy, but kind of a sweet sassy.” This friend says that she too was a victim of domestic violence, and that she and Jennifer recognized their sad kinship without discussing it openly. “Women who are victims of domestic violence are afraid to speak. We have to be careful, because if we speak up, or attempt to protect our children, we will be harmed in some way.”

Fotis Dulos, 52 when he died in January, was born in Istanbul and raised in Athens. A lifelong waterskiing buff, his Facebook page was replete with flattering photos of himself on the water, like a modern-day Narcissus. He was handsome, certainly, with square, neat features, watchful dark eyes, and a smallish, wellproportioned physique. In TV interviews he sat for after Jennifer went missing, he projected a charisma—“charm” is too warm a word—that might incline one to believe him if the evidence weren’t so damning. “We’re all very worried about Jennifer,” Fotis told WNBC’s Sarah Wallace last July. But his manner is so composed, so nearly detached, as to arouse suspicion. And sure enough he makes a narcissistic stumble: “Somebody has to look at who is the worst affected in this situation,” he says.

“And you’re saying that’s you?” asks Wallace.

“Yes,” Fotis replies.

Both Jennifer and Fotis graduated from Brown University—he in 1989, she in 1990— and both went on to earn masters degrees—he in finance from Columbia Business School, she in dramatic writing from New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts. They were friendly

at Brown but traveled in different circles. Fotis married another Brown alumna first, in 2000, but in 2003 he encountered Jennifer by chance at an airport in Aspen. And serendipity cast its spell, she would write. We had a special chemistry together, always… One month after Fotis’s first marriage ended, in July 2004, he wed Jennifer in the living room of her parents’ home. (A large celebration followed at the Metropolitan Club, courtesy of Hilliard Farber.) Jennifer was then nearly 36 and eager to start a family; one can imagine her thinking that Fotis came along not a moment too soon. Jennifer’s friends were cautiously supportive. “It happened very, very fast and that seemed out of character for Jennifer,” says Carrie Luft. “Jennifer’s very measured. She’s not a rash, impulsive person.

She’s pretty much anti-impulsive.”

Fotis was perhaps even more zealous to marry, and here we’re reminded that rushed courtships (in combination with other behaviors) are a classic precursor of domestic abuse. Certainly, there were signs. Fotis had told Jennifer he was divorced when he was merely separated, hinting at the schemer in him. “Jennifer found out he’d lied, and that was concerning, but I think she felt she was too deeply committed,” Luft says. And he had a temper. Even before they married Fotis had a disturbing episode of rage, Jennifer told a friend whom we agreed not to name. “He ranted at her for about ten minutes without allowing her to get a word in edgewise. I can’t even remember what it was, it was so insignificant. Something very small. He just laid into her verbally, cutting down her character: ‘You’re a terrible person!

How dare you do this!’ To me, there was a warning sign in that. That’s usually just the tip of the iceberg, right?”

In Jennifer’s blog Fotis is a sketchy presence, slipping in and out of the scene. He is on the move. And I get his need for speed, movement, business, action. The two do not seem terribly compatible—the contemplative writer and the cocky sportsman. She mentions a video message Fotis has sent from Greece in which he blurts, “I love my Jennie!” Then he makes some bizarre faces and grunts. Not the most romantic, but I suppose it will have to do. At

“[FOTIS] ENJOYED SCARING PEOPLE...

WE MADE A PACT THAT WE WOULD NEVER RIDE IN A CAR WITH THAT MAN AGAIN. ” —carrie luft, friend of jennifer dulos

another point, they go out to see a Quentin Tarantino movie. Ugh. I kept on leaving to get air, sanity, a break from the blood-letting. Fotis was in his own particular brand of heaven. But while spending a night away from the family, she writes, I want to be home, warm with my husband. My sleeping children. The cats and dog. If Jennifer makes one thing clear in her writing, it’s that she cherishes above all else the cozy cocoon of family.

Fotis presents an alternative picture. “She’s up in her writer’s studio. She has absolutely nothing to do with the kids,” he said during the divorce proceedings, a lie calculated to hurt Jennifer, her friends say. After her disappearance Fotis told a Greek magazine, “My marriage has not been so happy since 2010. Jennifer gradually began to take me out of her life and became increasingly distant, a hermit. I tried hard to reach out and understand what was happening, but it never felt better. I’m sorry to say it, but Jennifer was suffering from serious psychological problems…” This too seems dishonest. It was Fotis who was always “on the move,” far from home, and Jennifer who longed for closeness.

What’s more, Fotis traveled not for business, but for pleasure, to waterski in competitions at far-flung resorts. “He was frequently absent,” the longtime friend says. “I think she was often very lonely in the marriage. He’d post photos

of himself with attractive waterskiing women.

But Jennifer was a mature, understanding person, and did not want to be unreasonably suspicious of a husband who was an athlete.”

Jennifer did suffer from moderate depression—not “serious psychological problems”—for which she took prescribed medication. Fotis’s absenteeism was a likely contributor to her depression; so was his volatile demeanor, careening from flattering to dictatorial, and darkening into sheer, abusive anger. Jennifer would say in court papers that his anger extended to the children, whom he drove hard to excel at waterskiing. One day, she said, Fotis smashed a ski against a rock when a son refused to train. “They are physically and emotionally exhausted and have begged me to do something about it,” Jennifer said. “We are all terrified to disobey my husband.”

Carrie Luft and her husband would come out from New York and socialize with the Duloses, but even in that relaxed setting they noticed red flags. “We experienced early on that Fotis drove like an absolute maniac,” Luft says. “He enjoyed scaring people. We were definitely not hothouse orchids, but we made a pact that we would never ride in a car with that man again. It was terrifying—wrong side of the road, crazy, breakneck speeds on winding Connecticut roads. Just unnecessarily show-offy and disturbing.” Carrie took note of Jennifer’s reaction. “She was in the passenger seat and could only laugh softly. Obviously, she was afraid to say anything to him. It spoke volumes that she couldn’t intervene and was embarrassed about it afterward.”

IT’S OVER Fotis built the Fore Group upon Farber largesse.

Between 2004 and April 2016, he borrowed $10 million from Hilliard Farber, and at Fotis’s death he owed Hillard’s estate $2.5 million, a sum he contested by calling a “gift.” “I think Fotis truly had designs on their money from the get-go,” the longtime friend says. “He behaved like a complete parasite.” Despite his dependence on their fortune, Fotis did not always treat the

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Farbers very well. “I think they ended up being held hostage, in a way. If they denied him money, they were afraid he would take it out on Jennifer.”

To this friend’s knowledge, Fotis never physically assaulted Jennifer while they lived together, and Jennifer said as much in court.

(Though nanny Lauren Almeida recounted an episode in which Fotis chased Jennifer through the house and banged forcefully on a bedroom door as Jennifer braced herself against it; he stopped only when he realized that Almeida and one of the children were present.) But domestic violence isn’t only about bruises and breaks. It’s also about degradation and toxic criticism; about threats; about destructive lies and isolation from family and friends; about harassment, coercion and manipulation; about financial and legal abuse. In other words, the “violence” can be soul-deep as well as bone-deep. “Emotional abuse can be far more effective” as a means of control, Rachel Louise Snyder observes, “because what it does is build a wall inside the victim’s own head. As it says in my book, they are ‘passive hostages.’”

We don’t know when Fotis’s infidelity dawned on Jennifer, but she suspected it long before Michelle Troconis came along. “She was very frightened to confront Fotis about it, and did not know quite what she would do if it were affirmed,” says the longtime friend. “She had five children and very much wanted them to grow up in an intact family.” Her suspicion about Michelle ran deeper than prior hunches, perhaps because the Florida brunette who figured so prominently in Fotis’s social media had resettled in Connecticut. Fotis owned up to the affair in March of 2017. “Then, about a month later, Jennifer got confirmation of a whole bunch of other women,” her friend says.

“People who’d been overseas with Fotis had seen him with other women on his arm.”

For Jennifer the dam had crumbled; the marriage was over. Fotis did not dispute her assessment, but he resisted Jennifer’s pleas to have a peaceable break mediated. Instead he proposed—decreed, really—an arrangement that can only be seen as cruel: Michelle and her daughter would move into 4 Jefferson

Crossing, and Jennifer and the kids would live there, too, on weekends and in the summer, all under one roof. Jennifer’s friend says, “I think Fotis thought, because he believes he’s the only person who matters and other people are either there to serve him or get out of the way, ‘So you’re nothing; you don’t matter; you and the children can just live here and I’ll live here with Michelle, and I’ll just keep taking your family’s money.” (Hill Farber died in January 2017; one doubts Fotis would have proposed so brazen a plan if he were still alive.)

“Essentially,” Jennifer said in court papers, “he expects to continue to exhibit complete control over me and the children.”

During these tumultuous months—the spring of 2017—Jennifer began to sense something chilling in Fotis’s scheming. “She was frightened in terms of what would become of her,” says her longtime friend. “He obviously wanted to replace her. Then she found out that he had acquired a gun—even though they, as parents, had said they never wanted to have a firearm in the house. That frightened her even more.”

Jennifer demanded that Fotis get rid of the gun, but he refused, citing a sudden desire for “protection.” (According to a study published in American Journal of Public Health, the presence of a firearm in an abusive relationship boosts the risk of homicide by 500 percent.)

Events came to a head on May 30, 2017.

Fotis handed Jennifer a custody schedule that would give him the children for almost the entire summer. When she balked, “he became enraged with me, that I wasn’t just agreeing to all this,” she testified in family court. She said Fotis then threatened to kidnap the children and abscond to Greece. “I knew in that moment when he made that threat, I knew I had to get us out of there,” Jennifer told the court. Her departure from 4 Jefferson Crossing, on June 19, 2017, was not a move, but an escape.

An abused woman is in greatest peril around the time she tries to leave. “To understand intimate partner violence, we have to understand that it’s about power and it’s about control,” says Meredith Gold, director of abuse services at the Greenwich YWCA. “Any time SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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PRIVATE MATTERS In the dark ages of domestic violence, as recently as the 1980’s, incidents of abuse were deemed “private matters.” The issue was poorly understood. Domestic violence was also, in its peculiar way, embarrassing, since it signified to many people a personal failure—on the part of the abused person. The late feminist writer Andrea Dworkin said of her first, brutally abusive, marriage, “I had been told by everyone I asked for help the many times I tried to escape— strangers and friends—that he would not be hitting me if I didn’t like it or want it.” (Brent Reeves says victim-blaming is still very much with us. “Friends and family can turn on the victim and start to ask what we in the business call the ‘why’ questions: ‘Why did you have to call the police?’ ‘Why can’t you just leave?’”)

The new century brought to light compelling research, and bit by bit that research filtered down to advocacy groups, counselors, police departments and lawmakers. No research was more important than that of Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell. A professor at The Johns Hopkins School of Nursing and a registered nurse herself, Campbell identified abusive behaviors that, in various combinations, put victims at risk of being killed or badly hurt by an intimate partner, and fashioned them into a list of questions called the Danger Assessment tool. Does he control most or all of your daily activities? Is he morbidly jealous? Does he own a gun? Does he spy on you? Has he ever forced you to have sex? Threatened to kill you? Tried to choke you? (There’s a potent literature around strangulation; choking should be seen as the gravest of warning signs.) Some risk signifiers are less obvious: Is the abuser unemployed? Are there children in the household who are not the abuser’s own? Victims then list incidents of abuse on a calendar, the better to gauge escalation. Often they don’t realize the abuser has escalated until they see it plotted on the calendar in black and white. A certified assessor can then determine a victim’s level of danger.

Which is to say, domestic violence homicides are in some measure predictable. “That blew

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a victim is trying to take back a little bit of control, there’s going to be an escalation. Most of the tragedies we hear about, the headlines about women who’ve been killed, the incident happened very soon after she filed for divorce, or moved out of the house, or filed for a restraining order.”

Each case mentioned earlier fits just this pattern. J. Michael Farren’s wife, Mary, had served him divorce papers two days before he strangled her and pummeled her with a metal flashlight.

James Taylor’s ex-wife, Catherine, had moved off his property on a Friday and was murdered that Sunday. Michael DeMaio’s wife, Diane, had served papers two weeks before he came at her with a baseball bat. Adam Dobrzanski’s wife, Renata, fed up with her husband’s emotional abuse, had filed for divorce two weeks before he killed their daughter. “I tell people all the time, if you’re in an abusive relationship to start with, and now you’re in the divorce process— and you’re living in the same household—that’s the hot zone,” Brent Reeves says. “Something is destined to happen.”

It seems that Jennifer intuited exactly this.

She believed Fotis would never allow her to leave on her own terms—at least once, he’d turned away her moving crew—and so she planned her escape carefully, in secret. “She was scared. She was absolutely scared,” Gina Bunch, co-owner of Daley Moving & Storage, told Fox 61 in Hartford. Jennifer instructed the Daley crew to show up in an unmarked truck and in regular clothes in case Fotis returned early from an out-of-town waterskiing competition. She and Lauren Almeida then piled the kids into her Range Rover and set off for Gloria Farber’s place in Manhattan.

The following day, June 20, Jennifer filed for divorce and for an emergency custody order. In court papers, she describes Fotis as “irrational, unsafe, bullying, threatening and controlling”— an emotional abuser’s constellation of bad behaviors. “I am terrified for my family’s safety, especially since discovering the gun,” she said.

“He is dangerous and ruthless when he believes that he has been wronged.”

On June 21, Fotis was obliged to turn his un-permitted gun over to the Farmington police.

me away,” says Rachel Louise Snyder. “What’s that Tom Cruise movie where he predicts future crimes and stops them? Minority Report. I can’t even tell you how many people referenced that movie when I was working on this book.” Dr. Campbell’s startling findings are now used jointly by police and domestic abuse clinics as the “Lethality Assessment Program.” Five Connecticut towns, Greenwich among them, piloted LAP in 2012; now it’s state-wide, in every municipality. “LAP has really allowed us to work collaboratively with law-enforcement,” says Ann Rodwell-Lawton, director of programming and quality assurance for the Stamford-based DVCC. “Law-enforcement often would leave the scene feeling like they didn’t do enough. Now, with this program, if someone screens at high risk, police are required to connect that victim to an advocate in real-time, before they leave the scene.” The advocate then develops a safety plan with the victim, who could otherwise be imperiled all over again when her abuser makes bail.

Family court is one realm where domestic violence is not given its vital due. Judges shunt aside claims of abuse in the interest of what they see as the primary goal—keeping both divorcing parents in children’s lives.

In a landmark study on domestic abuse and custody battles, Joan S. Meier, a professor of clinical law at George Washington Law School in Washington, D.C., found that judges usually do not “credit” claims of intimate partner violence, and almost never credit claims of child sexual abuse. (This flies in the face of conventional thought, which holds that a mother need only cry abuse to “win.”) The upshot can be alarming: In judges’ desire for a co-parenting outcome, thousands of children each year are delivered into the unsupervised care of an abusive parent, usually the man.

“Unfortunately, the moment someone raises domestic violence in the context of family court, the court views it as a mechanism for that person to try to get a leg-up,” says Karen Jarmoc, who heads the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence, or CCADV. “It’s incredibly discouraging.”

Equally discouraging is the fact that abusers

“SHE TOLD PEOPLE SHE WAS SCARED...

THAT’S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW.” —rachel louise snyder, author

excel at being believed. Far from coming off as misfits or psychos, they’re usually solid citizens, articulate and even charming. Think of Rob Porter, the White House Staff Secretary forced to resign in 2018 after both of his ex-wives’ claims of abuse came to light. “The average abusive person, he’s two different people—the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome,” says Suzanne Adam, executive director of DVCC. “They could be a coach, a congressman, a mayor, a salesman.” Mary Lee A. Kiernan, president and chief executive of YWCA Greenwich, adds, “They can be perfectly pleasant and agreeable in the workplace and go home and be a monster.” Meredith Gold, director of domestic abuse services at YWCA Greenwich, asks us to picture the abuser and the abused at a parent-teacher conference.

“The abuser is the one who is very much in control, who has got it together, who’s slick and cool,” she says. “And his wife might be acting flaky or flighty or inconsistent. We know that behavior is a direct result of trauma.”

Judge Thomas Colin denied Jennifer’s bid for emergency custody. While the judge clearly grasped Fotis’s domineering nature, he was unconvinced that the children were at risk of physical or psychological harm. No doubt Jennifer’s admission that Fotis wasn’t a hitter factored in Colin’s ruling. “The court is hopeful that once things settle down and cooler heads prevail, these extremely well educated and accomplished parents will be able to reach an agreement,” he said. Alas, Colin did not credit Jennifer’s unambiguously stated terror. “She SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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told people she was scared,” says Rachel Louise Snyder. “That’s all we need to know.” From a judge’s point of view, though, the Dulos case may have looked like just another high-conflict Connecticut divorce in which the parties bleed each other dry.

Karen Jarmoc stresses that family court judges should be better versed in detecting signs of abuse. “Domestic violence is not, on its face, always easy to view,” she says. “It’s important to understand how the offender uses a series of strategies to manipulate, harass, intimidate and threaten their partner.” Brent Reeves of the Greenwich Police Department illustrates what she means. “I’ve arrested people for sending a smiley face emoji,” he says, referring to a case in which the offender had a “no contact” protective order against him. “That smiley face is a felony—and it’s only an emoji. What I train the officers is, it’s not the action, it’s what the action represents.

That action represents to the victim that the offender can reach out to her at any time, regardless of the police, regardless of the judge, regardless of the process. They don’t care. After years of abuse, think of the fear that that smiley face emoji instills in the victim when she gets it at two o’clock in the morning.”

In Fotis’s case, the intimidation was not so subtle. Days after Jennifer was denied emergency custody, Lauren Almeida found her crying in the driveway of the first of her two New Canaan rental homes, on Chichester Lane. Fotis had just been there, she said; he’d driven up in his S.U.V. and accelerated at Jennifer, who leapt out of the way as the children watched. “You’re insane,” Fotis reportedly told her. “You should be locked away. Why don’t you pop another pill?”

He reportedly added, “I can do whatever I want.

You don’t have a restraining order.”

HE’S COME UNDONE As the divorce case progressed, things started going badly for Fotis. To begin with, the ravenous machinery of divorce—lawyers, psychologists, family therapists, guardians ad litem, custody monitors, forensic auditors— required Fotis to shell out hundreds of

thousands of dollars. Beyond that, however, he had only himself to blame. In flagrant violation of Judge Colin’s order that the children not be exposed to romantic partners, Fotis let them spend time with Michelle and her daughter, who were now ensconced at 4 Jefferson Crossing. Then he coached the children to lie about it to a court-appointed psychologist.

Colin had returned to private practice, so it fell to Judge Donna Heller to throw the book at Fotis.

On March 1, 2018, she suspended his visitation rights and awarded sole physical custody to Jennifer. Heller said Fotis “does not seem to appreciate in any respect the consequences of lying under oath and willfully violating a court order. His facility in testifying falsely to the court suggests that he is equally comfortable in encouraging the children to lie to achieve his desired outcome.” Though the file is publicly available, some of it remains under seal, so we may never know the reason why Heller added: “[T]here is an immediate and present risk of psychological harm to the children if they have unrestricted and unsupervised contact with the defendant, as well as a risk of physical danger.”

Thus we find a man accustomed to total control reduced to helplessness by the court.

Fotis proceeded to act as though he was the persecuted one. “He’s always the victim,” says Jennifer’s longtime friend. “He’s never at fault.

He believes he’s great and has done everything right and everybody is just against him.” Sure enough, Fotis asserted that it was actually Jennifer who would say the disparaging, threatening things. She’s supposed to have told the children, “I can have the Mafia break your dad’s legs with a baseball bat.” But Heller said the evidence suggested that Fotis had invented the charge and pressured the children to repeat it. (Abusers are not always so readily caught out.

In fact, Karen Jarmoc says, family court often constitutes a new arena for domestic abuse— “legal abuse”—accomplished with a storm of motions, “dragging someone back into court again and again.” Fotis, as it happens, out-filed Jennifer by about two to one.)

Finding himself undone in Heller’s courtroom, Fotis slyly endeavored to get her disqualified from the case. At some point in

WE’VE COME A LONG WAY, BUT… Connecticut holds a historic place in the annals of domestic violence

then did the police arrest him.

Tracey survived, and won a $2.3 million judgment against the Torrington Police Department. “From that moment on, Connecticut took domestic violence very seriously,” says Suzanne Adam, executive director of the Stamford-based Domestic Violence Crisis Center.

Thurman’s case gave rise to the Family Violence Prevention and Response Act of 1986, also known as the Thurman Law, which requires police to make an arrest when confronted with domestic violence. Before that, police would ask a victim if she wanted to press charges—and she might well be too afraid to do so. Also, an arrested abuser must now be arraigned the next day, so that a judge can

O

quickly put into place an order

from her estranged husband,

both parties when each pointed

Charles “Buck” Thurman, as

a finger at the other. This had

the Torrington police officer

the effect of re-punishing the

she’d summoned waited in

abused person and dissuading

his car across the street. Buck

her from ever calling the police

slashed Tracey’s cheek with

again—and Connecticut had

a knife, stabbed her in the

the highest “dual arrest” rate

neck, then threw her down

in the country. (Dual arrests

and stabbed her twelve more

also took mothers away from

times. Finally the officer

their children, temporarily but

entered the yard and got Buck

traumatically.) In 2018 the state

to give him the knife. But he

passed its dominant aggressor

made no arrest. He stood by

law, requiring police to “figure

as Buck kicked Tracey in the

out who the bad guy is, and

head and broke her neck. As

only arrest the bad guy,” as Sgt.

paramedics loaded Tracey into

Brent Reeves of Greenwich

the ambulance, Buck made yet

Police Department’s Special

another run at her—and only

Victims Section puts it. The law,

n June 10, 1983, Tracey

newcanaandarienmag.com

72

of protection.

State law continues to evolve.

Thurman

After 1986, domestic violence

received one

arrests rose dramatically, but

last beating

police were obligated to arrest

applauded by police, advocates

domestic violence in all its

notes that Ireland voted to

send them anywhere,” Rachel

and victims alike, went into

shades, and the Connecticut

do so in 2018. Its Domestic

Louise Snyder tells us. “It’s just

effect on January 1, 2019.

Coalition Against Domestic

Violence Act 2018 criminalizes

a complete misread of what the

Violence has proposed

psychological and emotional

psychological underpinnings

violence are often linked, but

legislation to create one. If

abuse, or “coercive control,”

are. You can quote me on that

Connecticut’s family court

judges could confidently

recognizing “that the effect

twice.”)

system is ill-equipped to deal

determine the presence of

of non-violent control in an

with the two issues at once,

abuse, they could make better

intimate relationship can be as

reauthorization every five years.

critics charge. One easy fix:

decisions, says Karen Jarmoc,

harmful to victims as physical

Alas, we’re still waiting for the

make abusers suffer serious

CCADV’s chief executive. The

abuse,” said Charlie Flanagan,

2018 reauthorization—largely

consequences for breaking

Connecticut Judicial Branch

Ireland’s Minister of Justice and

because of certain senators’

restraining and protective

says it has a guidebook

Equality.

objection to a provision barring

orders (for now they don’t,

already, but Jarmoc believes

advocates say, though some

it’s inadequate: “It’s just

altered the complexion of

violence, including stalking, from

criminal defense lawyers

something they’ve developed

domestic violence in the United

possessing firearms. Current

would disagree). A harder

internally, without the expertise

States. The first was O.J.

and former spouses convicted

fix: identifying abuse in

of other disciplines” such as

Simpson’s arrest for the murder

of domestic violence crimes

the context of divorce and

psychologists, family lawyers

of his ex-wife Nicole Brown

already are prohibited from

custody battles. Family court

and researchers, she says.

Simpson and her friend Ron

keeping firearms; this provision

Divorce and domestic

Two national events greatly

VAWA requires Congressional

those convicted of “dating”

judges (nationwide, not just

Meanwhile, state Sen. Alex

Goldman in 1994. As Rachel

would close the so-called

here) usually reject claims of

Kasser, a Greenwich Democrat,

Louise Snyder wrote in her

boyfriend loophole. As the date

domestic violence, and worse,

has proposed the Child

groundbreaking book No Visible

for reauthorization came and

“The victim actually gets

Safety First bill, also known

Bruises, published last year, “Her

went, actress and activist Alyssa

punished for bringing up the

as Jennifer’s Law, in honor of

murder hurled into the forefront

Milano tweeted, “What kind

issue of abuse,” says Meredith

Jennifer Farber Dulos, which

a conversation that advocates

of country allows its Violence

Gold, director of abuse services

would bring big changes to

had been having for years—that

Against Women Act to expire?”

at YWCA Greenwich. For

family court. It would, for

it could happen anywhere, to

example: Where judges usually

instance, make domestic abuse

anyone.”

disbelieve, or at least shrug

a paramount consideration.

The second event was

person at the New Canaan

off, abuse claims, they usually

It would also put cases with

the passage of the Violence

Police Department, offers

believe the abuser’s typical

more than 100 filings—and thus

Against Women Act, or VAWA,

sunnier news. Intimate partner

counter-claim—that the victim

suggestive of “legal abuse”—on

introduced by Sen. Joe Biden

violence cases in his town

is fabricating the charge in an

a special track. And crucially,

in 1990 but only passed in the

dropped from a high of 96 in

attempt to alienate him from

it would broaden the definition

wake of Nicole’s murder in

2005 to 22 in 2018, the latest

his children. So not only is the

of domestic violence in family

1994. VAWA provides funding to

year for which there are stats.

victim granted no protections,

court beyond physical violence,

cities and towns for domestic

Why the remarkable decline?

but she risks her abuser gaining

threatening and stalking to

violence services such as

“A continuous education

some or even majority custody

include emotional abuse,

advocates, shelters, transitional

campaign for umpteen years,”

of the children as the judge

intimidation, isolation and

housing, legal training,

he says, noting the work of

attempts to “correct” the

financial abuse (this might

and abuser intervention

such groups as the Domestic

alienation. According to the

range from denying the victim

programs. (Regarding the

Violence Crisis Center, which

Center for Judicial Excellence,

access to bank accounts to

last: Connecticut courts often

covers New Canaan.

738 U.S. children have been

ruining her credit).

mandate anger management

killed by a divorcing or

Rachel Louise Snyder sums

classes for abusers, though

up our current domestic

president and chief executive

domestic violence is far less

violence picture like this:

of YWCA Greenwich, would like

about anger than about the

“People ask me all the time, ‘Are

expert-produced bench books

to see a similarly broadened

need to exert power and

things getting better or worse?’

to help judges recognize

definition in criminal law: she

control. “They might as well not

And my answer is ‘Yes.’”

separating parent since 2008.

Some states assemble

Mary Lee A. Kiernan,

Officer Michael O’Sullivan, the domestic violence point

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73

GETTING HELP

Fairfield County has a rich network of services to guide you, whether you need practical advice and counseling, legal help, economic help, immediate shelter, safety planning, or all of the above Domestic violence, often called intimate partner violence or private violence, can be confusing to navigate. You might share good times with your abuser between the bad, and think that leaving is not the answer. You might be afraid to leave. You might think that leaving is impossible: Where would you go? What about the kids?

STAMFORD, NORWALK, WESTPORT, NEW CANAAN, DARIEN, WILTON OR WESTON

GREENWICH YWCA Greenwich Abuse Services 24/7 hotline

Domestic Violence Crisis Center, or DVCC

203-622-0003

888-774-2900

FAIRFIELD, BRIDGEPORT, EASTON, MONROE, STRATFORD AND TRUMBULL

RIDGEFIELD, REDDING, BETHEL, NEWTOWN, DANBURY, OR NEW FAIRFIELD

Center for Family Justice’s domestic abuse hotline

Women’s Center of Greater Danbury’s hotline

203-384-9559

203-731-5206

CTSafeConnect

National Domestic Violence Hotline

888-774-2900

1-800-799-7233

Visit any of these organizations’ websites for more information. (You can also call the police, but know they are obligated to investigate once you do call them.)

ost people call for help after experiencing abuse for a while; a few call after a single M bewildering incident. “I’ve had calls where someone’s had a wonderful relationship for three years, they get married, something happens on the honeymoon, and they’re reaching out for help the next day,” says Suzanne Adam, executive director at DVCC. So what happens when you do call for help? Meredith Gold, YWCA Greenwich’s director of domestic abuse services, says, “You reach our staff directly, and we do an immediate needs assessment and risk assessment, to find out what’s happening right now. Are you safe? Do you need medical? Do you need the police? Once that’s established, we try to understand what’s going on, and why you’re reaching out for help.” The next step might be to meet with a counselor in person. (But bear in mind: While advocates keep your story confidential, they are mandated to report any child or elder abuse that you reveal.)

Advocates understand that your life may well be resistant to easy solutions. “It’s very important to know that we just don’t tell victims to leave,” says Ann Rodwell-Lawton, director of programming and quality assurance for DVCC. “It’s much more complex.”

Indeed, for some who leave, the leaving may be a long, slow process.

Advocates also understand that abusers’ recidivism rates are high. So the best thing you can do is reach out to a domestic abuse service for help (even if you think your situation is not dire). “It’s the single strongest protective factor for intimate partner violence homicide, to be connected to a domestic violence provider,” says Meredith Gold.

“Sadly, we know that only 4 percent of women who have been murdered by a current or former spouse have reached out.”

By March the coronavirus pandemic had brought providers a wave of new problems: victims were trapped at home with their abusers, who sometimes threatened to kick them out if they got sick. But our domestic violence services, like our doctors and nurses, have struggled bravely on, taking care of the many in need.

2018, he called a bluechip New York divorce lawyer to ask about representation, explaining his intense dissatisfaction with his case out in Stamford. The lawyer said that hiring him would entail a $25,000 retainer, and there the matter ended. The lawyer’s name was Norman Heller— husband of Donna. On the basis of that one brief phone conversation, Fotis said, Judge Heller had “a reasonable appearance of impropriety” and should remove herself from the case. (Fotis made the dubious claim that he had no idea the two Hellers were related.) Jennifer’s attorney, the Greenwich-based Reuben Midler, noted that once again Fotis had deployed the “manipulative, coercive and scheming behaviors” he’d used throughout the case.

But Fotis wasn’t done. He told Heller he’d written to the state’s Judicial Selection Commission, accusing her of bias. He offered that perhaps she didn’t like him because he was Greek. “Judge Heller has ruled against me over and over,” he wrote. “I am not an alcoholic; I am not a drug addict; I am not an abuser.

I am a good father and my children adore me.” (Heller did not recuse herself, and the commission took no action.)

In retrospect, it’s Dulos’s words from the March 2018 hearing that stick in the mind. “I really want to see my children,” the frustrated father said. “I’m not Charles Manson.”

QUESTIONS, UNANSWERED If Fotis killed his wife, why did he do it? What spurred him to action? In some ways his prospects had brightened. A psychological evaluation described him as “confident and gregarious,” and Judge Heller relaxed his visitation rights. On May 22, 2019, two days before Jennifer went missing, he picnicked with the children in her back yard in New Canaan (albeit in the presence of an official observer). Nothing went awry. One might expect some visible sign, some hint, of the looming fatality. Then again the court warfare, now 470 filings deep, was dragging on like the nightmarishly ceaseless case at the heart of Bleak House, and Fotis’s financial life was in ruins: was $4 million in debt and Gloria Farber

was suing him for those massive unrepaid loans. Speculation ran that his motive could have been pure, desperate greed: If he had sole custody of his five children, then he’d have access to their collective $10 million in trust funds.

Yet doesn’t it strain the imagination to think of Fotis attacking “his Jennie,” the mother of his children, with such calculated, coldblooded, brutality? Isn’t there a disconnect here? He’d never raised a hand against her.

Jacquelyn Campbell, though, wonders whether this is strictly true. “It would be highly unlikely for an abuser to go from controlling-insultingthreatening (except with a weapon) to murder,” she tells us by email. “The odds are that she was physically abused and didn’t tell anyone (as in forced into sex), and that she was threatened with a weapon, which is considered physical abuse.” The physical abuse seems unlikely, though friends say she was too private a woman to confide any sexual trespasses. But the threat with a weapon? It would signify an extreme mindset not too far from the actual deed. And sure enough, it happened. Fotis’s speeding at Jennifer with his S.U.V. absolutely qualifies, Dr. Campbell says. The weapon need not be anything so overt as a knife or a gun, only potentially lethal, “and a car definitely is.”

Over the next two years, the frustrations of the divorce process, and of the financial freefall, would arguably heighten that violent mentality.

After Jennifer disappeared, Fotis may have imagined he’d removed his afflicting thorn. As Lady Mcbeth tells her husband, “a little water clears us of this deed.” But Fotis made one critical error: On the night of May 24 he took his cell phone to Hartford. Investigators traced its activity to Albany Avenue, which led to the surveillance footage of Fotis’s Ford Raptor creeping down the street, stopping every so often so he could unload a bag containing items smeared with Jennifer’s blood. The footage led to recovery of the bags themselves, and following the chain backward, to the New Canaan surveillance footage. The first arrests, for tampering and hindering prosecution, came only a week after Jennifer went missing. Judge Heller promptly handed down an emergency

“WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, BECAUSE IF WE SPEAK UP, OR ATTEMPT TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN, WE WILL BE HARMED IN SOME WAY.” —friend of jennifer dulos and victim of domestic violence

order forbidding Fotis from contacting his children. The unraveling had begun.

Last January, after rigorous investigation finally produced murder and kidnapping charges, Fotis must have known he’d been cornered. And yet he managed to commit one last act of abuse against Jennifer. Grieving citizens had laid out a memorial for her, consisting of candles and flowers, on a large rock at the foot of Jefferson Crossing. Had Fotis truly been worried about Jennifer, he might have appreciated the little shrine. Instead he dismantled it. “What you did was stupid,” said Judge Gary White, threatening to double his $6 million bond. When Fotis got home from court that day, he found the memorial back in place, bigger and brighter than before.

A week later he was dead, having locked himself in the garage and inhaled a fatal dose of carbon monoxide. In the car beside him lay a suicide note written neatly on lined paper. “If you are reading this I am no more. I refuse to spend even an hour more in jail for something I had NOTHING to do with,” he wrote. Would an innocent man surrender his life in quite this way? Fotis had spent only a droplet of time in jail, but a property foreclosure now called into question the soundness of the bond he’d SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

75

posted. This day, January 28, might well be his last as a free man. (Or so he thought: it turns out that a new bondsman was ready to step in.)

“My attorney can explain what happened with the bags on Albany Avenue,” Fotis continued.

“Everything else is a story fabricated by the law enforcement.”

Norm Pattis made the big reveal at Stamford Superior Court on March 3. On the day Jennifer went missing, a person supposedly known to everyone in the case—but whom Pattis would not name—dumped the bags of bloody clothes on the back porch of 4 Jefferson Crossing. After finding this person standing near “a pile of debris in his yard,” Fotis panicked, loaded the bags into the Raptor, and set off for Hartford.

That’s what Pattis said. It’s a vague and confusing story. Did Fotis say anything to this “third party”? Where did this person go? (He or she must have parked at Fotis’s house in order to unload the bags.) If the person’s goal was to kill Jennifer and frame Fotis, then why deliver the evidence to him? Or did this person mistakenly think he or she was doing Fotis a favor—is that where the Pattis defense was headed?

A final question: Where is Jennifer’s body?

From Pound Ridge to West Hartford, police scoured woods and parks, private lands and vacant houses; they probed lakes, streams, reservoirs, dump sites. Nothing. To think of Jennifer unceremoniously dropped into a pit or a pond only extends this appalling tragedy.

If she’s nowhere, she’s also everywhere, in that heavy-weather way of unresolved stories.

Perhaps we’ll learn more when the Troconis and Mawhinney cases—delayed by the pandemic— come to trial. Meanwhile, we the public have come to know Jennifer in a small way, and thus to see the beauty and intelligence and compassion that her friends describe. Those friends can still hear Jennifer’s voice when they close their eyes. What might she say, after all that has passed? She gave an answer long ago, in a blog post addressed to her children. I embrace you—all. I want to keep you safe and strong and wholly You… All five attentive faces that I watch and keep tabs on each and every day and night. You are the ghosts who continually and wonderfully haunt me.

2020

AL ASHION

by megan gagnon

FRESH-FROM-THE-RUNWAY IDEAS TO GUIDE US THROUGH A NEW SEASON

SEE BY CHLOÉ

Sheep key ring; $105. chloe.com

E

ven if you’re dressing up and staying in, we've gathered all the latest looks to get you out of your sweats and into something chic. (Don’t worry, luxe slippers are still in the mix.)

warm & fuzzy CURL UP WITH COZY SHEARLING FINDS

FRAME BLOOMINGDALE'S Shearling-trim leather gloves; $178. The SoNo Collection; bloomingdales .com

ISABEL MARANT

Radja shearling bucket bag; $1,190. isabelmarant.com

FASHION IMAGES COURTESY OF DESIGNERS/BRANDS

JOIE

Ambrosy coat; $448.

Greenwich, Westport; joie.com

ROGER VIVIER

Hotel Vivier RV broche fur mule; $1,595. rogervivier.com

SAINT LAURENT LOEWE

Shearling oversized jacket; $4,700. loewe.com

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

77

Double-breasted shearling trench coat; $6,890. ysl.com

JENNIFER BEHR

Bow-embellished velvet barrette; $150. jenniferbehr.com

GUCCI

Horsebit 1955 bucket bag; $1,790. gucci.com

HERMÈS

Women’s leather boot; $2,575.

Greenwich; hermes.com

saddle up

ETRO

Gold-tone pegasus leather waist belt; $580. etro.com

RIDE INTO COOLER WEATHER WITH

EQUESTRIAN ELEMENTS

MICHAEL KORS SCHUTZ

Tennie pointed toe lace-up boot; $254.95. schutz-shoes.com

VICTORIA, VICTORIA BECKHAM

Ruffled poplin tie-neck top; $430. intermixonline.com

ALEXANDER WANG

Fitted shirt jacket with pointed collar; $750. shopbop.com newcanaandarienmag.com greenwichmag.com

78

LAPOINTE

BALENCIAGA

Mini city metal leather bag; $1,850.

Neiman Marcus; neimanmarcus.com

ELIZABETH COLE

Gracelyn earrings; $98. elizabethcolejewelry.com

HOBBS

Haisley silk midi dress; $460.

Greenwich; hobbs.com

true blue

WE'RE SEEING SOME CERULEAN IN YOUR FUTURE

VALENTINO GARAVANI

FASHION IMAGES COURTESY OF DESIGNERS/BRANDS

Vlogo signature leather belt; $525. valentino.com

MICHAEL KORS

ZARA

MK1075 Naples; $139. sunglasshut.com

Lapel blazer; $129.

Greenwich; zara.com

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

79

PARIS TEXAS

Croc-effect leather knee-high boots; $815. mytheresa.com

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

TS Croc flat; $1,595. us.christian louboutin.com

ALEXANDER McQUEEN

Croc-effect patent-leather ankle boots; $775. cettire.com

GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI

STUART WEITZMAN

The Allie bootie; $675. Greenwich; stuartweitzman.com

Nidir leather boot with metal buckle; $995. giuseppe zanotti.com

STELLA McCARTNEY

Emilie lug-sole Chelsea boots; $975. saks.com

JIMMY CHOO

Cruz 65 boot; $1,295. us.jimmychoo.com

ALLSAINTS

Donita combat boot; $397.95.

Nordstrom, The SoNo Collection; nordstrom.com

heavy duty THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR ROCKING newcanaandarienmag.com

80

MONCLER

Hanya boot; $625. store.moncler.com

red alert

EUGENIA KIM

Harlowe wool hat; $295. eugeniakim.com

A.W.A.K.E. MODE

Asymmetric skirt with pleated detail; $651. awake-mode.com

CRIMSON HUES HAVE US STOPPING IN OUR TRACKS

REDVALENTINO

Wool-blend cape; $1,175. redvalentino.com

TOD'S

Burgundy leather timelessbag; $1,675. tods.com

L'AGENCE

Marsden red silk wrap blouse; $376.

Mitchells, Westport; shop.mitchellstores.com

ADIDAS ORIGINALS

FASHION IMAGES COURTESY OF DESIGNERS/BRANDS

Gazelle sneakers; $95. luisaviaroma .com

THE ATTICO

Mafalda satin pumps; $630. net-a-porter.com

MONSE

Kidney bean wool cutout sweater; $890. monse.com

CAROLINA HERRERA

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

81

shopping guide

LOCAL

THINK FALL,

SHOP SMALL

N

ow that you’ve made a checklist of the must-have pieces to add to your closet, let us remind you of all the shopping opportunities right here in our towns—from family-owned department stores on the Post Road to boutiques that line our bustling main streets. Revisit the ones you love and discover the ones that are not on your radar (but should be). The only thing better than that freshoutfit feeling is knowing you’re supporting the businesses and people that make our communities great.

WESTPORT & GREENWICH

MITCHELLS / RICHARDS GREENWICH DARIEN WESTPORT NEW CANAAN ROWAYTON FAIRFIELD

newcanaandarienmag.com

82

Westport’s first family of fashion has built their legacy and successful business model around unrivaled access to designer collections in an environment marked by exceptional service. Let one of their seasoned stylists help you navigate their sprawling spaces while trying not to get distracted by all the goodness beckoning from the jewelry cases and accessory walls.

WESTPORT

COTÉLAC With only seven U.S. locations, we're lucky to have a Cotélac nearby; giving us access to the layering pieces that say, “I just threw this together,” in a French accent, of course.

NEW CANAAN

TOGS It serves New Canaan’s stylish crowd for every occasion—from easy pieces for days when you’re running around town to complete looks for a night out at Elm.

WESTPORT

WEST Good vibes prevail at West, where Californiacool options sit among polished picks from designers like Smythe and Ulla Johnson.

GREENWICH

FAIRFIELD

PERFECT PROVENANCE

APRICOT LANE It’s not just for your college-aged daughter, although she might be stealing anything you bring home.

It's a great spot to find the latest trends without emptying your bank account.

A rotating selection from harder-tofind European designers will have you feeling like you’ve stumbled on something truly special.

GREENWICH & WESTPORT

OLD GREENWICH & WESTPORT

FRED

PENFIELD BY ALEX TATYLOR; PERFECT PROVENANCE BY JULIE BIDWELL; IMAGES COURTESY OF STORES

GREAT STUFF

You could build your whole wardrobe here—and you'll want to—when you see the selection of dresses by Misa and LoveShackFancy, Rebecca Taylor tops and denim for every jean queen.

The name says it all. This old school boutique is stocked with the newest staples from designers like DVF and Nili Lotan.

WESTPORT

TINA DRAGONE Tina’s expert edit of clothing and accessories has made her a go-to since her start in 1983. With racks of L’Agence, Milly and Elie Tahari, it’s no wonder customers keep coming back.

FAIRFIELD

ROWAYTON

CHOU CHOU

PENFIELD COLLECTIVE

Katharine Sanford’s seaside spot is always worth checking out, whether you’re in the market for fabulous shoes, daytime dresses or customizable basics.

Vanessa Lewis is the perfect face for her sunny store.

You’ll always be greeted with the smile—and plenty of style—in what we can only assume is a larger version of the owner's own closet.

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

83

MARA MILLER Carrier and Company

JUDGES

JESSE CARRIER Carrier and Company

BRIAN SAWYER Sawyer | Berson

EDWARD SIEGEL Edward Siegel Architect

JOIN OUR VIRTUAL EVENT SEPTEMBER 16 5:30 PM

KEITH WILLIAMS Nievera Williams

A-List Awards 2020

TH

BRITT ZUNINO Studio DB

11 ANNUAL

athome magazine presents the

DAMIAN ZUNINO Studio DB

EXCLUSIVE GIFT BAG SPONSOR

PRESENTING SPONSORS

EXCLUSIVE AWARD SPONSOR

Our Sponsors

85

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

We hope this year’s set of finalists, with their innovative and imaginative projects, is just the inspiration you have been looking for. Join us on September 16, 2020 for our virtual awards ceremony, where the winners for each category will be revealed. We wish our finalists much luck, and we thank all who entered, as well as our judges and our generous sponsors, who have made this celebration possible.

The following is a listing of the 2020 A-List Awards finalists by category. Please note that this listing includes the entrant’s name and contact information for each finalist. To view the full list of professionals credited for each project as well as a project photo, please visit athomealistawards.com to view our new digital A-List Awards program. Each finalist “page” can be shared on social media, and the link to each “page” can be included on a website or forwarded via email.

This year has been unlike any other. Due to the worldwide pandemic, our vision for 2020 has been altered—we have been sheltering at home, pivoting how and where we work, and adapting to an ever-changing reality. Despite these unprecedented challenges, our design community has created and embraced a new vision for 2020—they have shown, now more than ever, how essential good design is to making our spaces reflect who we are, how we live, and the way we want to feel. Against all odds, we received more entries than ever before in this year’s A-List competition, and our esteemed panel of judges had the unenviable task of determining the finalists from a truly impressive pool of submissions.

We thank our judges for giving their time and expertise to this year’s competition.

Welcome to athome magazine’s eleventh annual A-List Awards.

Separate but together

Laura Kaehler Architects @laurakaehlerarchitects Laura Kaehler, Principal Matt Arnott, Project Architect Laura Kaehler Architects Greenwich; 203-629-4646 kaehlerarchitects.com

Hemingway Fine Homes @hemingwayconstruction Hemingway Fine Homes Greenwich; 203-625-0566 hemingwayconstruction.com

Clarity Home Interiors @clarityhome Amy Zolin Clarity Home Interiors Greenwich; 203-340-2468 clarityhomeinteriors.com

BATH DESIGN: Transitional/Modern

Steven Mueller Architects @steven_mueller_architects Steven Mueller Architects Greenwich; 203-869-3758 stevenmuellerarchitects.com

Sage Design @sage_design_ct Kathy Hodge Sage Design Fairfield; 203-553-9656 sagedesign.com

Pimlico Interiors @pimlicointeriors Melissa Lindsay Pimlico Interiors Westport; 203-972-8166 pimlicointeriors.com

Mark P. Finlay Architects @mpfarchitects Jay Valade Deborah Szabo Maureen Kokorda Mark P. Finlay Architects Southport; 203-254-2388 markfinlay.com

BATH DESIGN: Trad/Classic

Morgan Harrison Home @morganharrisonhome Morgan Harrison Home New Canaan; 203-554-0941 morganharrisonhome.com

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

DINING ROOM

Neil Hauck Architects @neil_hauck_architects Neil Hauck, Principal Brian O’Connor Robert Metzgar Neil Hauck Architects Darien; 203-655-9340 neilhauckarchitects.com

Laura Kaehler Architects @laurakaehlerarchitects Laura Kaehler, Lead Designer Richard Basic, Team Architect Victor Sheptovitsky, Team Architect Laura Kaehler Architects Greenwich; 203-629-4646 kaehlerarchitects.com

Cobble Court Interiors @cobblecourtinteriors Robert Rizzo Cobble Court Interiors New Canaan; 203-972-7878 cobblecourt.com

Jody Fierz Interior Design Ridgefield; 203-722-1447 jodyfierz.com

Jody Fierz Interior Design with Doyle Coffin Architecture @jodyfierzint @doylecoffin @doylecoffininteriors

Huestis Tucker Architects @huestistuckerarchitects Jennifer Huestis Huestis Tucker Architects Woodbridge; 203-248-1007 huestistucker.com

KITCHEN DESIGN: Trad/Classic

The Rath Project @therathproject Diane Rath The Rath Project Fairfield; 518-542-6268 therathproject.com

Pimlico Interiors @pimlicointeriors Melissa Lindsay Pimlico Interiors Westport; 203-972-8166 pimlicointeriors.com

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

ENTRYWAY

Robin Henry Studio @robinhenryid Robin Henry Studio Westport; 646-409-3099 robinhenrystudio.com

COMMERCIAL SPACE: Interior Design + Architecture Beinfield Architecture @beinfieldarchitecture Beinfield Architecture Norwalk; 203-838-5789 beinfield.com

Pimlico Interiors @pimlicointeriors Melissa Lindsay Pimlico Interiors Westport; 203-972-8166 pimlicointeriors.com

Studio KC @studiokcinteriors Katie Canfield Studio KC Stamford; 845-705-0684 studiokcinteriors.com

Robin Carroll (Interior Designer) KARP New Canaan; 203-972-3366 karpassociatesinc.com

KARP New Canaan; 203-972-3366 karpassociatesinc.com

KARP @karpassociatesinc

Deane, Inc. @kitchensbydeane Peter Deane Deane, Inc. Stamford; 203-327-7008 deaneinc.com

Alisberg Parker Architects @alisbergparker Susan Alisberg Alisberg Parker Architects Old Greenwich 203-637-8730 alisbergparker.com

KITCHEN DESIGN: Transitional/Modern

Sarah Blank Design Studio @sarahblankdesign Sarah Blank Design Studio Greenwich; 203-655-6900 sarahblankdesignstudio.com

Robert Dean Architects @robertdeanarchitects Robert Dean Architects New Canaan; 203-966-8333 robertdeanarchitects.com

Morgan Harrison Home @morganharrisonhome Morgan Harrison Home New Canaan; 203-594-7878 morganharrisonhome.com

Peter Coffin Doyle Coffin Architecture Ridgefield; 203-431-6001 doylecoffinarchitecture.com

JOIN OUR VIRTUAL EVENT / SEPTEMBER 16 / 5:30 PM

Roughan Interiors @roughaninteriors Roughan Interiors Weston and New York City 203-769-1150 roughaninteriors.com

Pimlico Interiors @pimlicointeriors Melissa Lindsay Pimlico Interiors Westport; 203-972-8166 pimlicointeriors.com

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

Charles Hilton Charles Hilton Architects Greenwich; 203-489-3800 hiltonarchitects.com

Ray Forehand Christina Lake Forehand + Lake Fairfield; 203-259-7636 forehandlake.com

Forehand + Lake with Charles Hilton Architects @forehand_lakedesign @charleshiltonarchitects

BEDROOM: Trad/Classic

Sage & Ginger @sageandgingerdesigns Emily Fuhrman Sage & Ginger New Canaan; 203-594-9862 sageandginger.com

Ryan Salvatore Design @ryansalvatorearchitecture Ryan Salvatore Design New York City; 212-475-0050 ryan-salvatore.com

ADDRESS:

Tischler und Sohn (USA) Ltd.

87

Tischler und Sohn (USA) Ltd. Six Suburban Avenue, Stamford, CT 06901 Telephone 203/674/0600 • Telefax 203/674/0601

®

7/28/20 11:59 AM

TISCHLER WINDOWS AND DOORS. UNCOMMON. UNCOMPROMISING.

A-LIST FINALISTS 2020 Alist.tischler.7.20.indd 1 SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

Tischler products are manufactured in our environmentally and Tischler und Sohn manufactures custom mahogany wood windows computer-controlled facility. These products consist of both European and doors in Germany. and domestic-style profiles and continue to be the benchmark in the products are manufactured our environmentally and industry,Tischler providing unsurpassed quality and in durability. computer-controlled facility. These products consist of both European To better serve our clients Tischler has added thermally broken, laserand domestic-style profiles and continue to be the benchmark in the cut stainless steel and hot-rolled steel, bronze and stainless steel industry, providing unsurpassed quality and durability. windows and doors. In addition, Tischler offers an aluminum sliding To system better serve ourofclients has added thermally broken, operating capable sizes Tischler up to thirty-nine feet by nine feet laser-cut stainless hot-rolled bronze and stainless steel ten inches and fixed units steel up toand twenty feet bysteel, ten feet six inches. windows and doors.a In addition, Tischler offers an aluminum sliding This product incorporates revolutionary patented pneumatic operating capable of sizes up to thirty-nine gasket system thatsystem can withstand extreme wind pressure. feet All by nine feet ten inches and with fixedspecifications units up to twenty feet by ten feet six inches. products are available that meet Florida Building This product incorporates a revolutionary patented pneumatic Code requirements for hurricane impact resistance, and air and gasket system thatproducts can withstand extremeready-to-install wind pressure.by All water infiltration.

Tischler are delivered products aretechnicians. available with specifications that meet Florida Building our factory-trained Code requirements for hurricane impact resistance, and air and water infiltration. Tischler products are delivered ready-to-install by our factory-trained technicians.

Tischler und Sohn manufactures custom mahogany wood windows and doors in Germany.

tischlerwindows.com

WEBSITE:

203-674-0600

tischlerwindows.com PHONE:

WEBSITE:

203-674-0600 Six Suburban Avenue Stamford, CT 06901

PHONE:

Six Suburban Avenue Stamford, CT 06901

ADDRESS:

Tischler und Sohn (USA) Ltd.

PRESENTING SPONSOR

PRESENTING SPONSOR

ARCHITECT: MARK P. FINLAY ARCHITECTS, AIA PHOTO BY WARREN JAGGER

Hobbs, Inc.

PRESENTING SPONSOR

Hobbs, Inc. is an award-winning builder of distinctive homes in Connecticut, New York and New Jersey. Brothers Scott and Ian Hobbs are proud to honor the legacy of integrity, quality and Hobbs,instilled Inc. is an builder of distinctive homes in client service by award-winning their grandfather and founder, Theodore Connecticut, New York and New Jersey.

Brothers Scott and Ian deFreyne Hobbs, over six decades ago.

Hobbs are proud to honor the legacy of integrity, quality and The company sustainsinstilled strong,by collaborative relationships with Theodore client service their grandfather and founder, the mostdeFreyne respected architects and designers in the construction Hobbs, over six decades ago. industry. They employ experienced, dedicated professionals and company relationships talentedThe craftsmen to sustains plan andstrong, executecollaborative every step of the “Hobbs with the most respected architects and designers in the construction Approach” for each project. Whether renovating an apartment in industry.

They employ experienced, dedicated professionals New York City, constructing a waterfront home in the Hamptons or and to plan and execute every of the “Hobbs buildingtalented a family craftsmen retreat in Connecticut, each team is instep constant Approach” for each project. Whether apartment in communication to deliver a superior building renovating experience an from New York City, constructing a waterfront home in the Hamptons or concept to completion and beyond. Hobbs Care, a division of Hobbs, building a family retreat in Connecticut, each team is in constant Inc., is available to clients to provide comprehensive maintenance communication to deliver a superior building experience from programs, renovations and continual home improvement services. concept to completion and beyond. Hobbs Care, a division of Hobbs, The company’s success to is marked byprovide their transparency, synergy Inc., is available clients to comprehensive maintenance and determination to adhere to the values and client services thatservices. programs, renovations and continual home improvement make the company great.

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WEBSITES:

203-966-0726

WEBSITES: PHONE:hobbs-care.com hobbsinc.com;

Hobbs Care: New Canaan, CT | Saddle River, NJ Hobbs, Inc: New Canaan, CT | New York, NY PHONE: Saddle River, NJ | Bridgehampton, NY 203-966-0726 Hobbs Care: New Canaan, CT | Saddle River, NJ

ADDRESS:

Hobbs, Inc: New Canaan, CT | New York, NY Saddle River, NJ | Bridgehampton, NY

ADDRESS:

Hobbs, Inc.

A-LIST SPONSOR

203.966.0726

www.hobbsinc.com

CONNECTICUT • NEW YORK • NEW JERSEY

DISTINCTIVE HOMES, ADDITIONS & RENOVATIONS

Jane Beiles Photography Interior Design by Lynn Morgan Brooks & Falotico Associates, Inc.

A-LIST FINALISTS 2020 JOIN OUR VIRTUAL EVENT / SEPTEMBER 16 / 5:30 PM

Fairview Hearthside Fairview Hearthside ADDRESS:

NY 12601

Hobbs A-List Program ad 2019 FINAL bleed.indd 1

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TOP DISTRIBUTOR OF

68 Violet Avenue | Poughkeepsie, NY 12601 Call for a free estimate: 845 452-8444 fairviewhearthside.com

The Leader in Sales and Installation of Fireplaces and Outdoor Kitchens Serving Fairfield and Westchester Counties

A-LIST FINALISTS 2020 7/26/19 11:53 AM SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

Our team sales would team would be happy visitjob your or home Our sales be happy to visittoyour sitejob orsite home for for a free estimate for your dream project!

Please give us a a free estimate for your dream project! Please give us a call at call at 452-8444 or email us at info@fairviewhearthside.com and CONNECTICUT • NEW YORK • NEWand JERSEY (845) (845) 452-8444 or email us at info@fairviewhearthside.com we will be happy to speak with you.

203.966.0726 www.hobbsinc.com we will be happy to speak with you.

Our pledge is to deliver an extraordinary service while Our pledge is to deliver an extraordinary service while maintaining a high level of professionalism, integrity, foresight, maintaining a high level of professionalism, integrity, foresight, and fairness. are committed to growing Fairview Hearthside and fairness.

We areWe committed to growing Fairview Hearthside DISTINCTIVE HOMES,satisfaction.

ADDITIONS & RENOVATIONS through complete customer through complete customer satisfaction.

Each project that Fairview Hearthside is involved in takes careful Each project that Fairview Hearthside is involved in takes careful thought and planning, and we pride ourselves on the ability to thought and planning and we pride ourselves on the ability to work with the customer in choosing the fireplace that best suits work with the customer in choosing the fireplace that best suits their style and needs. Fairview Hearthside offers many services their style and needs. Fairview Hearthside offers many services to complete your project, from designing the look that you want to complete your project, from designing the look that you want to achieve through the follow-up maintenance of your hearth to achieve through the follow up maintenance of your hearth product for years to come. We maintain a staff of experienced, product for years to come. We maintain a staff of experienced, Jane Beiles Photography well-traveled and fully ensured technicians, as well as specialists Interior Design by Lynn Morgan Brookswell-traveled & Falotico Associates, Inc. and fully ensured technicians, as well as specialists in our Sales/Design team, and we are confident that your project in our Sales/ Design team and we are confident that your project will be handled with professionalism, thoroughness, cleanliness, will be handled with professionalism, thoroughness, cleanliness, and with safety in mind. and with safety in mind.

For over 40 years, Fairview Hearthside is the Hudson Valley’s For over 40 years Fairview Hearthside is the Hudson Valley’s first name in hearth products. Having recently renovated our first name in hearth products. Having recently renovated our showroom at 68 Violet Avenue in Poughkeepsie, NY, we continue showroom at 68 Violet Avenue Poughkeepsie, NY, we continue to serve builders, architects, and designers with the very best of to serve builders, architects, and designers with the very best of the hearth industry, including gas and wood fireplaces, outdoor the hearth industry, including gas and wood fireplaces, outdoor kitchens, pizza ovens, grills, fire pits, and architectural stone. kitchens, pizza ovens, grills, fire pits, and architectural stone.

fairviewhearthside.com

fairviewhearthside.com WEBSITE:

845-452-8444 WEBSITE:

845-452-8444 PHONE:

PHONE: Poughkeepsie,

68 Violet Avenue ADDRESS: Poughkeepsie, 12601 68 VioletNY Avenue

A-LIST SPONSOR

PRESENTING SPONSOR

Kathleen Hay Designs @kathleenhaydesigns Kathleen Hay Designs Nantucket, MA; 508-228-1219 kathleenhaydesigns.com

Robin Carroll (Interior Designer) KARP New Canaan; 203-972-3366 karpassociatesinc.com

KARP New Canaan; 203-972-3366 karpassociatesinc.com

KARP @karpassociatesinc

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

Charles Hilton Charles Hilton Architects Greenwich; 203-489-3800 hiltonarchitects.com

Ray Forehand Christina Lake Forehand + Lake Fairfield; 203-259-7636 forehandlake.com

Forehand + Lake with Charles Hilton Architects @forehand_lakedesign @charleshiltonarchitects

BEDROOM: Transitional/Modern

Tanner White Architects @tannerwhitearchitects Tanner White Architects Westport; 203-283-4749 tannerwhitearchitects.com

Sellars Lathrop Architects @sellarslathroparchitects Sellars Lathrop Architects Westport; 203-222-0229 sellarslathrop.com

Robin Carroll (Interior Designer) KARP New Canaan; 203-972-3366 karpassociatesinc.com

KARP New Canaan; 203-972-3366 karpassociatesinc.com

KARP @karpassociatesinc

Douglas VanderHorn Architects @dvharchitects Douglas VanderHorn, Principal David Milliken, Project Manager Douglas VanderHorn Architects Greenwich; 203-622-7000 vanderhornarchitects.com

RENOVATION

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com Roughan Interiors @roughaninteriors ROMO VA NGUA RD K EL LY WE A RS T L ER Roughan Interiors Weston and New York City 203-769-1150 roughaninteriors.com

Wesley Stout Associates @wesleystoutassociates Wesley Stout Associates New Canaan; 203-966-3100 wesleystout.com LANDSCAPE: Less Than 1 Acre

Devore Associates Devore Associates Fairfield; 203-256-8950 devoreassoc.com

CEN T URY CISCO McGUIRE M A DE GOODS

SCHWART ZDE SIGNSHOWROOM.COM

A N I N T E R I O R S C O L L E C T I V E , C U R AT E D F O R T H E T R A D E

SCHWARTZ DESIGN SHOWROOM

EL I T IS ERIC K US T ER

D2 Interieurs @d2interieurs Denise Davies D2 Interieurs Weston; 646-326-7048 d2interieurs.com

Ray Forehand Christina Lake Forehand + Lake Fairfield; 203-259-7636 forehandlake.com

Charles Hilton Charles Hilton Architects Greenwich; 203-489-3800 hiltonarchitects.com

Vicente-Burin Architects @vicenteburin Paulo Vicente, Principal in Charge Vicente-Burin Architects Fairfield; 203-319-9571 vbarchitect.com

Sellars Lathrop Architects @sellarslathroparchitects Sellars Lathrop Architects Westport; 203-222-0229 sellarslathrop.com

Charles Hilton Architects with Forehand + Lake @charleshiltonarchitects @forehand_lakedesign

LIVING SPACE

Prutting + Company Custom Builders @pruttingbuilder Prutting + Company Custom Builders Stamford; 203-972-1028 prutting.com

Nautilus Architects @nautilusarchitects2019 Christopher Arelt Nautilus Architects Lyme; 860-227-1169 nautilusarchitects.com

MODERN ARCHITECTURE

Rosalia Sanni Design @rosalia_sanni_design Rosalia Sanni Design Old Greenwich; 203-918-4619 rosaliasanni.com

Renée Byers Landscape Architect @reneebyers_landscape architect Renée Byers Landscape Architect Greenwich; 203-489-0800 reneebyers.com

Renée Byers Landscape Architect @reneebyers_landscape architect Renée Byers Landscape Architect Greenwich; 203-489-0800 reneebyers.com

James Doyle Design Associates @jamesdoyledesign associates James Doyle Design Associates Greenwich; 203-869-2900 jdda.com

Wesley Stout Elisa Miret-Pollino Cory Jorgensen Wesley Stout Associates New Canaan; 203-966-3100 wesleystout.com

Charles Haver Stewart Skolnick Haver & Skolnick Architects Roxbury; 860-354-1031 haverskolnickarchitects.com

Haver & Skolnick Architects with Wesley Stout Associates @haverskolnickarchitects @wesleystoutassociates

LANDSCAPE: Greater Than 1 Acre

JOIN OUR VIRTUAL EVENT / SEPTEMBER 16 / 5:30 PM

77 91

SCHWART ZDE SIGNSHOWROOM.COM

A N I N T E R I O R S C O L L E C T I V E , C U R AT E D F O R T H E T R A D E

SCHWARTZ DESIGN SHOWROOM

EL I T IS ERIC K US T ER ROMO VA NGUA RD K EL LY WE A RS T L ER CEN T URY CISCO McGUIRE M A DE GOODS

A-LIST FINALISTS 2020 athomefc.com SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

Schwartz Design Showroom (SD Showroom) is a 5,500-square-foot Schwartz Design (SD Showroom) is a 5,500-square-foot showroom exclusive toShowroom the trade, located in the Stamford Waterside exclusive to the trade, located in the Stamford Waterside Designshowroom District. The stunning showroom offers area interior Design Theastunning showroom offers area interior designers andDistrict. architects unique experience, one that infuses designers architects a unique experience, one that infuses seventy years ofand industry experience with the forward-thinking years of experienceexecutive, with the forward-thinking visionseventy and creativity ofindustry former marketing owner Alexis vision and creativity of former marketing executive, owner Varbero.

Alexis Varbero.

Exclusive to the trade, SD Showroom helps clients build their Exclusive the provides trade, SDend-to-end Showroomexpertise helps clients their businesses.

Theto team and build support, businesses.

The team provides end-to-end expertise and from research through delivery and follow-up customer service.support, from research through delivery and follow-up customer service.

What began as a family-run furniture store seventy years ago Whatgrandfather, began as a has family-run storedestination seventy years

by Alexis’ evolvedfurniture into a design for ago by Alexis’ grandfather, has evolved into a design destination innovators across the tri-state area. Throughout its rich history, SDfor innovators across tri-state area.

Throughout its rich history, Showroom has been at the forefront of the interior design industry, has been at theservice forefront the interior design knownSD forShowroom its exceptional customer andofemphasis on the known for its exceptional customer service and emphasis designindustry, experience. on the design experience.

Alexis also understands the complexities and needs of small Alexis As also the complexities and needs of small businesses. a understands result, SD Showroom offers ongoing opportunities businesses.

As a result, SD Showroom ongoing opportunities to help foster designers’ professional growthoffers and development, with to help foster designers’events professional growth and a full calendar of networking and seminars.

And development, there is also withprogram a full calendar networking events seminars.

And there a loyalty offeringofspendable credits asand a way to further is also a loyalty program offering spendable credits as a way to build business for interior designers. further build business for interior designers.

@schwartzdesignshowroom INSTAGRAM: @schwartzdesignshowroom

schwartzdesignshowroom.com WEBSITE: schwartzdesignshowroom.com INSTAGRAM:

203-817-0433 PHONE: 203-817-0433 WEBSITE:

330 Fairfield Avenue ADDRESS: Stamford, 06901Avenue 330 CT Fairfield Stamford, CT 06901 PHONE:

Schwartz Design Showroom Schwartz Design Showroom ADDRESS:

PRESENTING SPONSOR PRESENTING SPONSOR

Ring’s End

PRESENTING SPONSOR

Ring’s End, a Connecticut-based lumber and building materials retailer, serves the CT shoreline, South County, RI, and Southern Westchester County, NY. Founded in 1902 in Darien, Ring’s End today End, alumberyards, Connecticut-based lumber and paint building materials has nineRing’s full-service ten free-standing centers, retailer, serves the CT shoreline, South County, RI, and Southern most with dedicated design and décor showrooms, a commercial Westchester County, NY. Founded in 1902 in Darien, Ring’s paint and lacquer facility, a custom millwork shop, a centralized End today has warehouse, nine full-service lumberyards, ten freestanding distribution and an education center.

Ring’s Endpaint is thecenters, most with dedicated andand décor showrooms, a commercial largest retailer of both Marvindesign windows doors and Benjamin paint and lacquer facility, a custom millwork shop, a centralized Moore paint in the Northeast. This family-run company remains distribution warehouse, and an education center.

Ring’s End is the true to its founding principles, catering to builders, remodelers and largest retailer of both Marvin windows and doors and Benjamin homeowners alike with an inventory of only the highest-quality Moore paint in the Northeast.

This family-run company remains materials, a reputation for superior service, and a commitment to true to its founding principles, catering to builders, remodelers the local communities. Over the course of its 118-year history, Ring’s homeowners alike with an inventory of only the highest-quality End hasand increased their product offerings and embraced technology materials, a reputation for superior service, and a commitment to with the launch of an e-commerce website to supplement its brick the local communities. the course of its 118-year history, Ring’s and mortar stores, complementOver the modern shopping experience, End has increased their product offerings and embraced technology and cater to a diverse demographic. with the launch of an e-commerce website to supplement its brick and mortar stores, complement the modern shopping experience, and cater to a diverse demographic.

RingsEnd.com

WEBSITE:

800-390-1000

PHONE:

800-390-1000 ADDRESS: 181 West Avenue WEBSITE: Darien, CT 06820 RingsEnd.com

PHONE:

181 West Avenue Darien, CT 06820

ADDRESS:

Ring’s End

PRESENTING SPONSOR

MARVIN SIGNATURE™ COLLECTION

MODERN

JOIN OUR VIRTUAL EVENT / SEPTEMBER 16 / 5:30 PM

RingsEnd.com 800 • 390 • 1000

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Your video produced by real journalists.

pgarynproductions.com (203) 722-5401

Emmy Award winning Noah Finz is a veteran TV Sports reporter and anchor. He created and manages the Vantage Sports Network from Frontier highlighting CT sports. He spent 18 years as Sports Director for WTNH-TV, Connecticut’s ABC affiliate.

NOAH FINZ

Emmy Award winning Kendra Farn is a veteran TV news reporter and anchor. She spent 13 years at WCBS-TV, and WNBC-TV in New York City, the country’s largest television market.

KENDRA FARN

Your business needs a high quality video. Still photos just don’t cut it. Nothing can sell you or your company better than video. Moving pictures and sound are far more engaging to customers and clients. Business videos can be multipurposed: to enhance your website, use for presentations, for e-newsletters, for social networking sites, and so on. Video is the way of today and is so easily accessible to everyone.

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

At Marvin, we’re driven by this purpose: to imagine and create better ways of living. As people spend more time indoors, we recognize that our work isn’t just about building better windows and doors—it’s about opening new possibilities for how people live, work, think and feel inside a Marvin space. Warm sunlight, fresh air and a connection to the natural world can instantly change the mood of a home or office. We design our products to make that connection feel seamless—even in the most challenging of spaces. We are committed to design that is as functional and intuitive as it is beautiful. Rather than meeting expectations, we push ourselves to elevate the standard for excellence. Whether we’re replicating historic millwork, engineering uninterrupted views or improving energy performance, we look for what we can do better—and then we design it. Since the day we opened our doors in 1912 as a family-owned and -operated cedar and lumber company, we’ve looked for ways to help people live better. We continue to evolve by raising the bar, building quality, beauty and simplicity into people’s everyday lives.

marvin.com

WEBSITE:

800-966-2784

PHONE:

2 Pearson Way Enfield, CT 06082

ADDRESS:

Marvin

PRESENTING SPONSOR

Yvonne Ferris Interiors @yvonneferrisinteriors Yvonne Ferris Interiors Westport; 203-292-8614 yvonneferrisinteriors.com

Roughan Interiors @roughaninteriors Roughan Interiors Weston and New York City 203-769-1150 roughaninteriors.com

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

Charles Hilton Charles Hilton Architects Greenwich; 203-489-3800 hiltonarchitects.com

Last Detail Interior Design @lastdetailinteriordesign Carey Karlan Last Detail Interior Design Darien; 203-921-5151 careykarlan.com

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

PLAY SPACE: KID

InnerSpace Electronics @innerspaceelectronics InnerSpace Electronics Mt. Kisco, NY; 914-937-9700 ieiny.com

Christopher Pagliaro Architects Darien; 203-838-5517 christopherpagliaro architects.com

Hemingway Fine Homes Greenwich; 203-625-0566 hemingwayconstruction.com

Hemingway Fine Homes with Christopher Pagliaro Architects @hemingwayconstruction @c.pagliaro.architects

D2 Interieurs @d2interieurs Denise Davies D2 Interieurs Weston; 646-326-7048 d2interieurs.com

Alisberg Parker Architects @alisbergparker Susan Alisberg Alisberg Parker Architects Old Greenwich 203-637-8730 alisbergparker.com

Forehand + Lake with Charles Hilton Architects @forehand_lakedesign @charleshiltonarchitects

Ray Forehand Christina Lake Forehand + Lake Fairfield; 203-259-7636 forehandlake.com

PLAY SPACE: ADULT

OFFICE/LIBRARY

D2 Interieurs @d2interieurs Denise Davies D2 Interieurs Weston; 646-326-7048 d2interieurs.com

KID/TEEN BEDROOM

William D. Earls AIA Architect @williamd.earlsaia William D. Earls AIA Architect Wilton; 203-219-7838 williamearls.com

Nautilus Architects @nautilusarchitects2019 Christopher Arelt Nautilus Architects Lyme; 860-227-1169 nautilusarchitects.com

Haver & Skolnick Architects @haverskolnickarchitects Charles Haver Stewart Skolnick Haver & Skolnick Architects Roxbury; 860-354-1031 haverskolnickarchitects.com

DeMotte Architects @demottearchitects DeMotte Architects Ridgefield; 203-431-8890 demottearchitects.com

POOL HOUSE

William Lyon Designs @williamlyondesigns William Lyon Designs Stamford; 203-489-5624 williamlyondesigns.com

Smart D2 Playrooms @smartd2playrooms Karri Bowen-Poole Denise Davies Smart D2 Playrooms Weston; 914-260-3042 smartd2playrooms.com

Mark P. Finlay Architects @mpfarchitects Jay Valade Deborah Szabo Maureen Kokorda Mark P. Finlay Architects Southport; 203-254-2388 markfinlay.com

Ray Forehand Christina Lake Forehand + Lake Fairfield; 203-259-7636 forehandlake.com

Charles Hilton Charles Hilton Architects Greenwich; 203-489-3800 hiltonarchitects.com

Charles Hilton Architects with Forehand + Lake @charleshiltonarchitects @forehand_lakedesign

TRADITIONAL ARCHITECTURE: Greater Than 7,000 Square Feet

Ryan Salvatore Design @ryansalvatorearchitecture Ryan Salvatore Design New York City; 212-475-0050 ryan-salvatore.com

Karen Bow Interiors @karenbowinteriors Karen Bow Interiors Darien; 914-953-1517 karenbow.com

DB Design @dianabyrnedesign Diana Byrne DB Design Rye, NY; 646-246-2617 dbdesigninc.com

JOIN OUR VIRTUAL EVENT / SEPTEMBER 16 / 5:30 PM

Sellars Lathrop Architects @sellarslathroparchitects Sellars Lathrop Architects Westport; 203-222-0229 sellarslathrop.com

Robert A. Cardello Architects @cardelloarchitects Robert A. Cardello Architects Westport; 203-853-2524 cardelloarchitects.com

Kathleen Hay Designs @kathleenhaydesigns Kathleen Hay Designs Nantucket, MA 508-221-0159 kathleenhaydesigns.com

Huestis Tucker Architects @huestistuckerarchitects Jennifer Huestis Huestis Tucker Architects Woodbridge; 203-248-1007 huestistucker.com

Browning Residential Design Margaret Browning Kufferman Browning Residential Design Westport; 203-610-1478 browningdesignct.com

TRADITIONAL ARCHITECTURE: Less Than 7,000 Square Feet

Robert A. Cardello Architects @cardelloarchitects Robert A. Cardello Architects Westport; 203-853-2524 cardelloarchitects.com

PRESENTING SPONSORS

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AWARD SPONSOR

GIFT BAG SPONSOR

Registration includes a suggested donation of $25, with 100% of the proceeds benefiting the Food Bank of Lower Fairfield County.

In this time of health and economic crisis, many more families are seeking help for the first time. Resources are running low and demand is greater than ever. Please consider donating and make a difference in your community.

So, sit back, pop the champagne and let’s celebrate together— you don’t want to miss this!

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

Register for your full-access pass to design’s biggest night!

Whether you’re a design pro or an aficionado, prepare to be inspired!

Coming to you from Norwalk’s Wall Street Theater, we will reveal the 11th Annual A-List Awards winners at our virtual ceremony.

Celebrate with us and your local design community!

Go to athomealistawards.com to register and receive your access link to the show. Watching with a group? Each individual viewer must register to receive a $100 gift card to Serena & Lily.

Registered attendees will receive a $100 gift card to Serena & Lily

REGISTER NOW FOR FULL ACCESS: athomealistawards.com

September 16, 2020 / 5:30pm

Find out at our 11th Annual A-List Awards Virtual Ceremony

And the winner is...

the premier home design competition

awards

BREAST CANCER ALLIANCE PRESENTS

A VIRTUAL ANNUAL LUNCHEON AND FASHION SHOW

D E N I G REIMA JOIN BCA IN THE FIGHT AGAINST BREAST CANCER Monday, October 19, 2020

FASHION SHOW BY CAROLINA HERRERA PRESENTED BY RICHARDS WITH A SPECIAL MEMORIAL TRIBUTE TO OUR CO-FOUNDER, LUCY DAY WITH DJ APRIL LARKEN MORE EXCITING DETAILS TO FOLLOW

For tickets, donations and event information visit: Media Sponsor

bidpal.net/BCALuncheon2020

BREASTCANCERALLIANCE.ORG

Be Part Of The Solution.

Help Close the Education Gap in Fairfield & New Haven Counties.

A lot of us are wondering how we can really make a difference in education inequality.

Shepherds empowers underserved local youth to build a foundation for success by providing a college-preparatory education at a non-public high school, academic and life skills, and the positive role model and support of a Shepherds Mentor.

Be a part of the solution.

Donate to Shepherds today.

CHANGING LIVES.... ONE STUDENT AT A TIME.

SHEPHERDSMENTORS.ORG/DONATE OR SCAN TO DONATE NOW!

O

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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We are re-imagining Lit Lunch to ensure the health and safety of our guests. This exciting event will be brought directly to your home. Expect all the usual Lit Lunch features including prize drawings, an online auction and other enchanting surprises.

Go to: NewCanaanLibrary.org/LitLunch

For more information or to become a sponsor contact Brooke Moore | bmoore@newcanaanlibrary.org • 203.594.5006

Your health and safety are our top priorities, so the Alzheimer s Association Wal to End Alzheimer s won t be a large in person gathering this year — instead, we invite you to wal in small teams of friends and family while others in your community do the same

Sunday, October 11 Fairfield County, CT

Registe today at

alz.org/wal 2020 NATIONAL PRESENTING SPONSORS

newcanaandarienmag.com

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advertisers index BUILDING & HOME IMPROVEMENT California Closets.......................................................................... 7 Fairview Hearthside Distributors...............................................89 Hobbs Inc....................................................................................88 Marvin..........................................................................................93 Neil Hauck Architects, P.C................................................. Cover 3 Ring's End....................................................................................92 Tischler und Sohn....................................................................... 87 Thompson Raissis Architects.................................................... 12

Paul D. Harbottle, DDS, LLC........................................................31 Hospital for Special Surgery........................................................ 5 Nuvance Health............................................................................ 11 Yale New Haven Health/Smilow Cancer Hospital.................. 32 JEWELRY Henry C. Reid & Sons.................................................................. 37 Lux Bond & Green.................................................................... 1, 41 Manfredi Jewels/Rolex...................................................... Cover 4

BUSINESS & FINANCE Cummings & Lockwood LLC.......................................................32 Davidson, Dawson & Clark LLP...................................................33 UBS Financial Services Inc./ The Shantz Mantione Group................................................... 21

NONPROFIT Alzheimer's Association.......................................................... 98 americares............................................................................... 32 Breast Cancer Alliance............................................................ 96 Elephant Sanctuary................................................................. 97 New Canaan Library................................................................ 98 P Garyn Productions LLC........................................................ 93 Shepherds, Inc......................................................................... 97 Yale New Haven Health/Smilow Cancer Hospital.................. 32

DECORATING & HOME FURNISHINGS Roughan Interior Design.................................................... Cover 2 Hollow Tree Self Storage.............................................................33 Schwartz Design Showroom...................................................... 91

REAL ESTATE William Pitt - Sotheby's International / Darien..........................19 William Raveis-Shelton HQ........................................................... 8

EDUCATION & CHILDREN Berkshire School................................................................................ 57 Brunswick School.......................................................................... 3, 49 Children's School, The.......................................................................60 Greens Farms Academy.................................................................... 53 Greenwich Academy......................................................................... 57 Greenwich Country Day School....................................................... 55 King School..........................................................................................61 Long Ridge School.............................................................................60 Independent School Guide...............................................................60 New Canaan Country School........................................................... 59 St Luke's School..................................................................................51 Winston Preparatory School............................................................ 59

REAL ESTATE/DESTINATION Ocean House........................................................................... 34 MISCELLANEOUS Westy Self Storage.......................................................................61

CELEBRATE YOUR WEDDING

ENTERTAINMENT Stamford Tent & Event Services.................................................39

ROMAN BODNARCHUK-STOCK.ADOBE.COM

EVENTS A-list Awards.................................................................................84 Closer to Free Ride......................................................................32 Walk To End Alzheimer's......................................................... 98 New Cannaan Library Literary Luncheon.................................98 Open Doors Shelter Virtual Gala & Auction................................ 31 FASHION Roundabout.........................................................................................61 FOOD, CATERING & LODGING Winvian.......................................................................................... 9 Table 104 Osteria Bar .................................................................29

We welcome wedding announcements together with candid photographs.

Weddings should have a current New Canaan, Darien or Rowayton family connection and must be submitted within three months of the wedding day.

Regretfully, we are unable to run every wedding submitted.

Send Information to: weddings@ncdmag.com New Canaan • Darien Magazine | 205 Main Street Westport, CT 06880

HEALTH & BEAUTY CT ENT Sinus and Allergy............................................................25 ONS Orthopaedic & Neurosurgery Specialists...........................17

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 NEW CANAAN•DARIEN

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last word by liz ariol a

THE GREAT DEBATE HOW WE DECIDED TO WAIT TO FIND OUT THE SEX OF BABY NUMBER THREE

WAITING After attempting to talk my husband into the idea of waiting for about two whole months with baby number one, he finally agreed to wait to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. There was something so beautiful about not finding out until the birth.

I'm not sure if it's the fact that there are very little surprises left in life, but there truly aren’t many things as magical as giving birth and finding out the baby's sex all within a few minutes. I can't put my finger on it, but the wait

really was so worth it. There are so many "planners" out there who would have a tough time waiting, but I think everyone should try it, at least once. It was the best surprise of my life.

OKAY SO NOW WHAT? Here’s how I’m planning baby number three, without knowing the sex

FINDING OUT For baby number two, we decided to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. I really loved the experience of waiting, but having only given birth 10 months prior, being pregnant so soon was as much surprise I thought I could handle at the time. We did the blood test around 14 weeks and was given an envelope with the results. We decided to wait until I was five months pregnant to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We did a little reveal with Charlie, and when I opened the box and read it was a boy, it was great... and then it was over. It almost felt anti-climactic compared to finding out the day I delivered Charlie. Yes, we shared hugs and kisses and celebrated a bit, but that was it. Then the three of us went out to lunch, and it felt like any other day.

BABY NUMBER THREE Here I am pregnant with baby number three, and even though I clearly favored waiting with our first, I'm torn yet again. Having two toddlers who understand that they are going to be big brothers changes the game. It would be so fun to be able to prepare them by sharing what we are having. There have been many times I wanted to call my doctor and find out, but something is holding me back.

That magical moment (when my husband accidentally announced the wrong sex in the delivery room...that actually happened), when I met my baby for the first time and found out what I was carrying all along, was unparalleled to anything I've ever experienced.

While I respect anyone's choice, if you've never waited, I highly recommend it.

The Baby Registery I'm a huge fan of neutrals and don't like gender-specific baby products. You don't need a ton of clothes before the baby is born. Your baby will live in onesies and pj's for the first few weeks. The only outfit I purchased for both a girl and a boy was the one he/ she would wear coming home from the hospital.

The Nursery Charlie slept in a bassinet next to our bed for six months, so we wouldn't have really used the nursery. I picked a genderneutral crib and accessories.

The Name Many people narrow down names to one for each gender, which I highly recommend.

But you don't actually need to leave the hospital with a name.

You can wait. We waited to name our second baby until we were home, and I'm so happy I took that time I needed.

LIZ ARIOLA is the creator of Mrs. Nipple, a lifestyle blog to inspire and connect women through practical motherhood advice.

She lives in New Canaan with her husband, Ray, and two sons, Charlie and Ford. mrsnipple.com, @mrsnipple_

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PHOTO BY JULIA DAGS

W

hen we announced that we were pregnant with both of our babies, the first question people would ask us was, "Are you finding out the sex?" The more we debated if we should find out with our first baby, the more I realized people have very strong opinions. Very rarely did I speak to someone that found out with one and waited with another.

It was either "You are crazy for waiting or don't find out…it's such a beautiful thing to wait." If a couple did do both, they had an even stronger opinion.