Yes– There's Still Sex in the City

THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY Once upon a time, a Manolo clad maiden said “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” That maiden was Carrie Bradshaw, and she’s right. Premiering in 1998, “Sex and the City” ushered in an era of candid conversations about sex and relationships that served as the blueprint for shows like “Emily in Paris” and “Gossip Girl.” This July, producers announced that the original quartet sans Samantha (Kim Cathrall) will return to HBO for a 10-episode series; the reboot, “Just Like That,” will follow Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis) into their friendship — now in their 50s. Over the course of six seasons, a spin off, two films and too many romantic flings to keep track of, the early 2000s sitcoms taught women everywhere about one of life’s biggest truths: platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. Remember when a sex-deprived Steve cheated on Miranda and she moved to the Lower East Side? Or when Charlotte tried to doubledate two men and they both walked out on her? How about Samantha’s WHAT "SEX AND THE CITY" TAUGHT US ABOUT PLATONIC SOULMATES Written by Rachel Hale, Culture Editor YES – THERE'S STILL SEX IN THE CITY

THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY SEX AND THE CITY LIFESTYLE MARCH 2021 Valentine’s-Day-à-la-nude-sushi gone wrong and, perhaps most memorably, Big’s abandonment of Carrie on her wedding day? Big later apologizes, but it’s Carrie’s girlfriends who carry her out of the church and turn her Cabo honeymoon into a girls trip for four, staying at her side even as she drowns her sorrows in hard liquor and days of sleep. When things go south (or worse, north toward Aiden’s cabin in Suffern, New York) the girls are there with Chinese takeout and a shoulder to cry on in a New York minute. The women are not without their own flaws — Carrie cheats on her suitors multiple times and Miranda halfheartedly enters a relationship with a sports medicine doctor when she still has feelings for Steve. Even within the group, Charlotte’s judgement toward Samantha’s promiscuous nature borders on slut shaming. But throughout it all, the women remain a constant in each other’s lives, long after potential boyfriends have lost interest or given a cold shoulder. This platonic care extends far beyond relationships, becoming a lifeline as the women navigate children, careers and family deaths. While soulmates are often thought of in a romantic sense, psychotherapists suggest that platonic connections can be just as strong as sensual ones. Soulmates are viewed as two separate souls with a unique bond, cut from the same cloth. We can even have multiple soulmates over the course of our lives — hence the magnificent four of SATC. While there isn’t necessarily scientific backing for the concept, Dr. Shauna Springer, psychologist and relationship and lifestyle counselor, suggests that two people can become soulmates as the gradual result of time and commitment.1 Springer shared, “Consider the difference between the giddy feelings of being in love with someone you’ve ¹ Springer, Shauna, “Soul Mates Do Exist - Just Not in the Way We Usually Think,” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 2012.

known for a short time and the feelings of love you would have for someone who has been your journeying partner for the past 60 years of your life — the person who has been by your side through thick and thin, who has believed in you and invested in you.”2 The same can be said of friendship. From the companionship of a high school chemistry partner to a college roommate turned BFF, it’s not how we come to be friends with someone but the quality of the friendship that indicates if the relationship will withstand the test of time, heartbreak and distance. Beyond obvious social benefits, research indicates that platonic friendships have a plethora of health benefits, helping us live longer and lowering the risk of long-term illnesses like dementia and heart disease.3 Researchers from Michigan State University found that friendships are the singular most important relationship in our lives; unlike the familial and spousal relationships often attached to a level of commitment or obligation, we choose to maintain friendships because of shared interests.4 Science confirms what the women of SATC already know: keep your S/O close and your best friends closer. Part of SATC’s charm is its relatability — somewhere along the plotline, we all see a part of ourselves in Carrie’s aversion to commitment, Charlotte’s refusal to settle, Miranda’s struggle between career ambition and relationships and Samantha’s difficulty finding lasting emotional connections. But long-time fans have pointed out that similar to the likes of “Friends” ² Ibid. ³ Lawler, Moira, Kaitlin Sullivan, Lisa Rapaport, Angela Haupt, Elizabeth Millard, Allison Young, Don Rauf, and Sara Lindberg. “Yes, Friends Are Good for Mental and Physical Health: Everyday Health.” June 2021. ⁴ Chopik, William J. “Associations among Relational Values, Support, Health, and Well-Being across the Adult Lifespan.” Wiley Online Library. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, April 19, 2017. ARTS and “The Nanny,” parts of the beloved sitcom haven’t aged well: Namely, its lack of diversity and inability to use adequate dialogue to describe nonhetersexual relationships. In season three, Samantha claims she “didn’t see color”5 and fetishizes her brief relationship with Chivo, a Black record executive, and when Carrie first dates Sean, a bisexual man, she declares that she’s “not even sure bisexuality exists” and thinks “it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown.”6 Perhaps more noticeable is the show’s overwhelming display of privilege, parading Carrie’s newspaper columnist salary as realistic means for a spacey Manhattan apartment while neglecting to portray working class characters beyond Steve. “Just Like That” has the opportunity to delve into these shortcomings with a new lens — perhaps there will be scenes of Carrie reckoning with the effects of police brutality or Charlotte explaining a television show’s queer relationship to her kids. Even with its blemishes, “Sex and the City” did a lot of good. Framed in the era of ‘90s sitcoms, the show’s foray into female topics is remarkable, from vibrators to mammograms to infertility. Furthermore, its female driven plot line proved that women could partake in sexual humour just like men and helped mitigate the taboo surrounding female sexuality. The minute-long trailer teaser divulges little details about the “Just Like That” reboot. Yet, in a Carrie-like epigraph, I couldn’t help but wonder… How did Miranda handle quarantine? Are Charlotte’s kids prodigies? What will the girls do without Samantha? Will there still be, well, lots of sex? I suppose only time and an HBO Max subscription will tell. Regardless of whether or not viewers get insight into Carrie’s alleged new podcast, I know I’ll get a group of my girlfriends together to tune in — because the show is a testament to the power of friendship, and that’s something to celebrate. ■ ⁵ “Sex and the City.” Episode. 3, no. 5. “No Ifs, Ands or Butts,” HBO. 2000. ⁶ “Sex and the City.” Episode. 3, no. 4. “Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl...” HBO. 2000. SEPTEMBER 2021