FEBRUARY 2019 1
2 MODA
MODA’S GUIDE TO BEING A
SEXUALLY HEALTHY ADULT 1. Sex is serious, but it can also be funny, goofy and silly—what you see in movies isn’t always accurate. 2. Protection is never overrated. Use it at all times, including multiple kinds when possible. (But never double up on condoms!) 3. Consent is mandatory. Enough said. 4. Masturbation is healthy and fun for all genders, not just the ones with penises. 5. You deserve to orgasm during every sexual experience—never expect less. 6. Vibrators and sex toys are normal to use. 7. Being honest with your healthcare provider is important when it comes to sexual health. 8. On that note, get tested for STIs as often as you can if you are having sexual interactions. 9. Don’t stop having sex as you get older—it’s healthy for all ages. 10. Sex is different for everyone and with every partner.
FEBRUARY 2019 3
TEAM EDITOR IN CHIEF Eva-Delilah Wieland
ART CURATOR Channing Smith
DEPUTY EDITOR Cassie Hurwitz
PHOTOGRAPHY DIRECTOR Max Goldberg
ART DIRECTOR Lauren Chung WUD PRESIDENT Mills Botham WUD PUBLICATIONS COMMITTEE DIRECTOR Fernanda Martinez Rodriguez WUD PUBLICATIONS COMMITTEE ADVISOR Jen Farley ON THE COVER Adrienne Olivia by Marissa Haegele
CREATIVE DIRECTORS Geordon Wollner Reilly Koch FASHION EDITOR Ashley Mackens LIFESTYLE EDITOR Molly Rapozo CULTURE EDITOR Haidee Chu ARTS EDITOR Naomi Gallagher SOCIAL MEDIA AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Lindsey Young FINANCIAL DIRECTOR Maggie Brennan WEBMASTER Anna Soboleva EVENT DIRECTOR Ashleigh Perry
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STAFF WRITERS Allyson Konz Ariana King Gloria Requena Kate Lawless Katie Herrick Madeline Rasmussen Marin Smith Samaaya Jayamaha Saya Inoue CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Isabel Calvert Olivia Stack MODELS Adrienne Olivia Andrew Johnson Annie Staskunas Fatoumata Ceesay Kaila Ruppel Kanesha Freiberg Lakish’a Sutton Livvie Van Lanen Mary Quitain Mitchell Pralle ART Channing Smith Kaitlin Banafsheha Reilly Koch PHOTOGRAPHY Jordan Biagomala Josh Redfearn Marissa Haegele Max Goldberg Molly Rapozo
TABLE OF CONTENTS FEBRUARY 2019
LIFESTYLE
14 18 20 22 46
ARTS
IF YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY, WHERE DOES IT GO?
32
SHAPING THE PERCEPTION OF VULNERABILITY
YOUR VAG & YOU
ARTISTIC EROTICA
Getting to know each other
33
LADY IN THE STREETS, ACTRESS IN THE SHEETS
36
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY
Trick question
We need more porn
ONE-NIGHT WHO?
Curbing your casual sex attachments
15
CHECK YOUR FETISH
17 23 34
POLYAMORY
ONE-NIGHT BOO
48
The best thing for arousal is a healthy diet
CULTURE The fine line between “foot pics” and lesbian obsessions
Redefining romantic relationships
The misleading reality of sexual freedom
A look at the unique potentiial of seductive photography
A short but saucy guide to sex podcasts
FEATURED
3 7 24 38
FOOD PORN
The works of Egon Schiele
MODA’S GUIDE TO BEING A SEXUALLY HEALTHY ADULT
SEXUAL HEALTH RESOURCES
SEX BY THE NUMBERS FOR THE LOVE OF DENIM OFF / ON
When the clothes come off, we are turned on to the here and now
LOVE WITHOUT (MUCH) SEX
A demisexual/gray-A’s take on living life on the asexuality spectrum
FASHION
10
I FEEL SEXY
16
WHAT LIES BENEATH
Everyone has that one piece in their closet that, without fail, makes them feel amazing
2019’s top lingerie trends
FEBRUARY 2019 5
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
RO GETTING
eal
ABOUT GETTING IT
n
Finally, Moda has put together an issue that is all about—you guessed it—sex. Moda is a sex positive magazine, and we are fortunate enough to have a voice in which we can share our thoughts on the topic with a sentient and relevant audience—you!
lives are stigmatized or patronized, we are talking about it. We want our readers to be confident and comfortable in every part of their lives, including their sexual encounters!
insights about this touchy subject, and in return we challenge you to open your mind and continue a bangin’ destigmatized dialogue.
xxx, Eva
It is a subject that is hardly discussed enough, considering the role it plays in our everyday lives. Although it is something we all experience differently, we all experience it!
As with most things, knowledge gives us power—and when it comes to sex, it is essential to understand your needs, body and the sexual world around you. For those of us with our own vaginas or partners who have them, you’ll get to know this mystery zone from Lifestyle’s piece Your Vagina and You, as well as why virginity—and the loss of said virginity—is totally absurd. You may learn something new about less conventional preferences like asexuality and polyamory. Finally, you’ll read about what makes us feel sexy, from our favorite clothing pieces and lingerie to the foods we eat.
So, especially for women and marginalized peoples whose sexual
This month, our writers opened their hearts to share their views and
We want this issue to be a resource and guide for everyone, whether or not you are sexually active. Being a sexually healthy adult means understanding your own needs and preferences, as well as following the wise rules on the page prior. That is relevant for all of us.
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P.S. As fun as it is to talk about (and do!), sex is serious and can have impacts on your mental and physical health. If you have questions about your sexual health or have experienced sexual harassment or assault in any way, look to the resources at the end of the issue or talk to your healthcare provider. Especially on campus, many of these resources are free and are there to help. It’s their job!
SEXY FIGURES 98%
In a familiar heterosexual relationship...
85%
the effectiveness of perfect condom use
WOMEN
the effectiveness of nonperfect condom use, taking human error into account
orgasm
“How Effective are Condoms?,” Planned Parenthood.
FIVE MILLION DOLLARS: How much
of the time
MEN orgasm
KIM KARDASHIAN allegedly settled after suing Vivid Entertainment for releasing her sex tape with Ray J
$1000 5.16 The average erect penis is
inches
“What’s the Average Penis Size?,” Healthline.
1960:
Roughly how much a woman makes in a heterosexual porn film
Chris Morris, “Porn’s dirtiest secret: What everyone gets paid,” CNBC, January 2016.
the year the FDA approved the first oral contraceptive
Kirsten M.J. Thompson, “A Brief History of Birth Control in the U.S.,” Our Bodies Ourselves, December 2013.
69
the number of calories women burn on average during sex Sarah Jio, “How Many Calories Does Sex Burn?,” Woman’s Day, January 2019.
85%
of the time
Laurie Mintz Ph.D., “The Orgasm Gap: Simple Truth & Sexual Solutions,” Psychology Today, October 2015.
EJACULATION
Dusty Baxter-Wright, “How did Kim Kardashian actually get famous?,” Cosmopolitan, September 2017.
63%
38 : 18-60 the amount of women aged
PERCENT
that admit to
MASTURBATING Michael Castleman M.A., “How Common is Masturbation, Really?,” Psychology Today, March 2009.
produces roughly
1/2
A TEASPOON of semen “Sperm FAQ,” WebMD.
The average age of first sexual intercourse is
17
FEBRUARY 7 “Adolescent Sexual 2019 and Reproductive
Health in the United States,” Guttmacher Institute, September 2017.
LIFESTYLE
ES FI SIE SH N NE A T IL P ST O O LI CK SH IN | GS
Add an extra passionate touch with bright, warm nail polish.
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BOTHERED SIZZLING SHADES TO HEAT UP YOUR MAKEUP ROUTINE WRITTEN AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY CASSIE HURWITZ, DEPUTY EDITOR
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Cherry and raspberry pouts are a sweet meets sultry way to amp up your face.. 8 MODA
LI O P N IL A ELO N IE RM S E ES AT W
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BLUSH L COVE | CORA
AIL MAY POL BELLIN ISH E | DI SUPE VIN R E W STAY INE 7D AYS N
MILANI
Spice up cold winter cheeks with unexpected brick red or peachy coral.
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Fluttery lashes are the perfect companion to a fiery color palette. TOO F A THAN CED BETTE R SEX M ASCA RA
NARS BLUSH | EXHIBIT A
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S OU EY CI DA DR AU | AU RS K NA STIC LIP
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FEBRUARY 2019 9
FASHION
I Feel Sexy
BY ASHLEY MACKENS, FASHION EDITOR FATOUMATA CEESAY, ANNIE STASKUNAS, LIVVIE VAN LANEN AND MARY QUINLAN PHOTOGRAPHED BY JORDAN BIAGOMALA
SAY IT, ‘I FEEL SEXY.’ NOW SAY IT AGAIN, BUT WITH GUSTO: ‘I FEEL SEXY!’ The daily trials of life sometimes make it hard for us to believe this statement, let alone proclaim it to ourselves and to the world. But nothing is better than owning your natural beauty and confidence than finding ways to enhance it. Clothing can often evoke comfort and happiness when placed on the body. Almost everyone has that one piece in their closet that, without fail, makes them feel amazing. And the best part is that item is unique to the individual.
MARY QUINLAN: H&M PATENT LEATHER PANTS Mary almost didn’t take the plunge on these perfectly impractical pants; in fact, she intended to return them until New Years Eve rolled around. “They were hidden in my closet, and then I pulled them out and decided they were my new favorite thing,” Mary says. “I just feel so good in them.” Overtime, Mary has embraced her body and started showcasing it. “Growing up I didn’t love how tall I was and how long my legs were, but as I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate them and these pants help me do that,” Mary gushes.
LIVVIE VAN LANEN: BURBERRY CASHMERE COAT Livvie loves clothing items with a lot of structure and fun accents. She feels most sexy when she feels powerful. This coat’s streamline shape and dramatic collar definitely achieve that feeling!
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“I grew up with a very powerful and independent woman as my mom—everything that she has taught me is to feel comfortable in my own skin, trust who you are and know that what you have to offer is enough,” Livvie says.
ANNIE STASKUNAS: AKIRA CROPPED FUR JACKET When Annie slips into this jacket before a night on the town, something clicks. Annie says that having a lot of confidence takes work. Wearing something that makes you feel good is one step in feeling comfortable in your own skin, but it goes beyond just that. “What helps me be confident is uplifting others and being around a group of strong women that remind each other what we love about one another,” Annie shares.
FATOUMATA CEESAY: URBAN OUTFITTERS LACE DRESS Recently Fatoumata has become more confident with what she wears and this is the dress she picks when she wants to feel good. “I saw this dress and had to have it even though at the time I didn’t really wear short dresses,” says Fatoumata. “If you wear something that you think shapes your body well, then you are genuinely going to feel good…and eventually you won’t have to rely so much on clothing, you’ll just start to feel good about yourself because you’ll learn that your body is beautiful no matter how it looks,” Fatoumata exclaims. Individuals have different preferences when it comes to how they want their clothing to look, fit and feel. Determining what works best on you is one step in the process to feeling sexy.
FEBRUARY 2019 11
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FEBRUARY 2019 13
LIFESTYLE
IF YO U LOSE YO UR VIRG IN I TY,
W HER E DO ES IT G O? BY CASSIE HURWITZ, DEPUTY EDITOR ILLUSTRATED BY CHANNING SMITH, ART CURATOR Much of the discourse surrounding virginity is archaic and a product of a heteronormative, patriarchal society. There’s the old wives’ tale that men should check if their newly-married wife bleeds after the first time—if she doesn’t, she’s obviously lying about being a virgin. The very definition of losing one’s virginity denotes a woman with a vagina having penetrative sex with a man with a penis. This limited idea completely ignores same-sex couples, transgender or intersex folks and anyone else who falls outside of the cis/straight paradigm. It also begs the question: why, if it is both biologically incorrect and erasive of many peoples’ sexual experiences, do we continue to pursue this idea of losing our virginity? The phrase alone is cause for fear, implying that this act strips people— cis women, historically—of the pure, chaste characteristics they are paradoxically expected to have. It’s no wonder women are thought to be less interested in sex—all of society has conspired against them, tricking this group into believing they will not enjoy sex as much as men.
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People with vaginas are lead to believe that sex will be painful during the first time. Biologically, they are told, a membrane called the hymen completely covers the vaginal canal. This is supposed to be broken during intercourse, causing blood, pain and the common phrase “popping your cherry.” Yet, these descriptions of the hymen are completely false. It does not usually cover the entire vaginal canal, as this would obstruct menstruation. It does not break, but can stretch or tear during insertion of something into the vagina—including tampons, fingers, penises or other items—or during strenuous activities like horseback riding and cycling. While this sometimes causes bleeding, it often does not. Every hymen is different in shape, size and amount of tissue, making it impossible to measure up to any sort of standard.1 It does not contribute to a person’s worth and is a useless way to determine someone’s sexual activity. Carol Roye, “Hymen Mystique Remains Intact in Bare-All Culture,” Women’s News, December 2008. 1
The duality of virgin/non-virgin can also be confusing for younger people exploring their first sexual experiences. Regardless of sexual preference and gender, virginity can create very disorienting and conflicting ideas in less knowledgeable minds. Even with the privilege cis, straight men have, there is still an expectation that they should not be virgins past their mid-teens. They are supposed to know what they’re doing during sex. Not only that, but they should consistently crave it. Again, this notion of masculinity blocks groups outside of the heteronormative spotlight and further fuels a sexual gap between men and women. Moreover, this upholds the dualities we hold in society. Man/woman, straight/gay, white/black, virgin/non-virgin. These parallels are harmful to those in the large gray area between. When you think about sex, I challenge you to consider the multifacetedness of the subject. Rather than using erasive language, frame the act as positive—something that allows you to gain, rather than lose.
CULTURE
C HEC K YO U R FET IS H BY KATIE HERRICK, LIFESTYLE STAFF WRITER ILLUSTRATED BY CHANNING SMITH, ARTS CURATOR With the conversation of sex often comes the discussion of kinks and fetishes. To many, kinks might be presented in the form of internet memes; but to some, they can introduce harmful implications to life inside and outside the bedroom. Consider popular jokes about selling feet pictures to pay the rent. More often than not, we shame others for their fetish or a kink because we find it weird, thinking, “how could you be attracted to feet?” among other things. The problem with this, though, is that we focus our attention on innocent people with kinks we find distasteful. On the other hand, we rarely shame people for kinks that are actually harmful to communities. The fetishization of the LGBTQIA+ community—those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, gender fluid and more—specifically has become a huge problem. Conversations about gender and sex often lead to contentious debates in today’s society; many members, if not most, of the LGBT+ community are neglected or abused. Trans women in transition and lesbians, especially, bear the brunt of fetishization. One search of the word “lesbian” on Porn Hub brings ups hundreds and hundreds of videos. These videos depict a number of stereotypes—an older woman enticing a younger woman, two lesbians relying on a man for sexual satisfaction or a man “curing” a woman of her “gayness” by some good oldfashioned heterosexual missionary.
Trans women have likewise become an archetype in porn and personal sexual fantasies. People have fetishized the idea of their partner appearing one way but having the genitals of the “opposite” sex. They have also fetishized the idea of punishing “shemales” with severe BDSM sex, allowing transphobic individuals to live out their fantasies in the sickest way possible. These distortions in media have created a huge demand in sex work for trans women, too.1 The consequences of these toxic, dehumanizing depictions are especially detrimental because they can easily influence perceptions of people who have never met anyone from the LGBT+ community. Distance and unfamiliarity often lead people to imagine others based on generalizations. When those who have never met anyone who identify as queer see a handful of gay pornos that depict queer people in a certain light, they, too, are often guided to see queer individuals in that light. These misunderstandings and fetishizations of how a person “should be” are not just dangerous, they are wrong. They subject women to severe objectification and devoid them of their human qualities—emotions, dreams and hopes. Rather than acknowledging women’s humanity for what it is, fetishizations render them sex toys for the bedroom. Entire communities are dehumanized soley for others’ sexual entertainment. Imagine a man in the club approaching you and your girlfriend after spending Janet Mock, Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & so Much More (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2015). 1
too many minutes watching you dance together. He asks for a threesome because he knows “what you really need is a man.” “Lesbians are not really real,” he says. “Women just need the right man or are just in a phase.” He fetishizes the idea of being the one who can change you—the one to take the gay away—because that’s how good he is in bed. Imagine Tinder matches sending messages about “f**king you so good you’re straight again.” Imagine your identity dismissed and your desires rendered a phase. Most of us can’t because no one has ever told us that wanting a college degree was a phase. That loving our cat was a phase. That we don’t actually like ice cream but we pretend to because it’s cool to like ice cream. I am not one to kink-shame anyone. What you do in your bedroom doesn’t affect me. But it’s not okay when it affects someone’s well-being and image in society. Someone’s sexual orientation or identity should not be the reason you are attracted to them. You should love the other parts of them that make them human. We have created a whole market of sexual entertainment that negatively affects entire communities’ mental health and status in society. It is time that we take a serious look at the material we consume and the fetishes they perpetuate. Instead, we should encourage individuals to express themselves in the bedroom how they wish—not as they were painted in a film.
FEBRUARY 2019 15
FASHION
WHAT LIES
SAV AG E
XF EN
TY
b e n e a th 2019’S TOP LINGERIE TRENDS
BY GLORIA REQUENA, FASHION EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
Lingerie goes beyond bras and panties, despite what the contents of your underwear drawer might suggest. The shopping experience involved in building an afterhours wardrobe is a special moment in which everyone can truly connect with themselves and focus on what makes them feel confident and gorgeous. Modern lingerie brands are blurring the lines between traditional and edgier, fetish-esque items. The current trends in intimates are flirty, creative and aim to empower all sizes and shapes.1 Embracing the desire of comfort, your underwear set might consist of pure basics, keeping you distant from the lingerie universe. Yet, the time is now to add diversity to your selection with extra-sexy essentials to start the year fresh.
HIGH-LEG, SHEER INTIMATES
The 80s comeback is ever-present in this year’s lingerie trends, with highleg cuts enhancing body shape and boosting curvy body parts. These garments come in a range of varieties with brazilian and cheeky back briefs being key in their designs.2 If a more romantic look is desired, Valentine NYC and its delicate use of luxurious lace to create unique pieces might have arrived just in time. This label is known for making affordable lingerie while using premium fabrics Ellen Hoffman, “The beginner’s guide to sexy lingerie,” Refinery29, February 5th, 2015. 2 Hannah Lewis, “5 Trends to Add to Your Underwear Drawer in 2019,” Whowhatwear, December 2nd, 2018. 1
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and seeking comfort for everyday wear. From high-waist panties to sheer thongs, the shape of their designs feels like a second skin and will definitely have you coming back for more.
UNDERWIRE BRAS
Their popularity has grown as their users experience two main benefits, first the undeniable support and secondly the natural shape provided. Underwire bras are often designed with adjustable shoulder straps and lined with beautiful mesh fabrics to give additional support to the body.3 Rihanna revolutionized lingerie with her brand Savage x Fenty, stripping away intimates’ overly sweet spirit for something edgy. Her designs cover a range of titillating love-inspired pieces meant for aspiring bad girls, focusing on celebration of the female body rather than exploitation.4 If you are daring enough, the hot-pink unlined bra from her Valentine’s collection will definitely impress your date. Its velvet hearts at the center of a sheer fabric half-cup provide an irresistible look that no one will be able to stop staring at.
hit for intimates this year. Being smooth to the touch and giving you that luxury feel you love makes it the perfect option for winter lustworthy sets. Fleur du Mal has carved a niche for itself as a luxe lingerie brand, offering endless possibilities to make high-end lingerie purchases. The sultry contrast provided by velvet floral embroidery lined with stretch mesh in its Lily longline bra, sets out what everyone needs and doesn’t necessarily have. Complete the set with the matching velvet lace cheeky for a unique masterpiece that will be a timeless hot choice for any situation.
SMOOTH AND LUXURIOUS FEEL Although velvet might not be an alltime favorite lingerie apparel, recent Fashion Shows prove that it will be an undeniable Shreya, “Lingerie trends that are going to be hit in 2019,” Beautynbest, December 4th, 2018. 4 Steff Yotka, “See Every Cheeky Piece From Rihanna’s Savage x Fenty Valentine’s Collection,” Vogue, January 8th, 2019. 3
VALEN T
INE NY C
CULTURE
P O LYA MORY REDEFINING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS BY SAYA INOUE, CULTURE STAFF WRITER ILLUSTRATED BY CHANNING SMITH, ART CURATOR There is an assumption that romantic relationships can only involve two people. One person meets another—no more, no less. But romance is full of emotions: joy, pleasure, anger, hatred and sometimes, betrayal. Our typical definition of romance, then—monogamy—seems oversimplified for this range of emotions and today’s society. Polyamory—open marriages and relationships—is different from polygamy. The latter describes when one spouse marries several partners, whereas the first describes when spouses or partners are afforded equal opportunity to experiment with multiple partners.1 Open relationships and open marriages describe relationships in which more than two people are involved with each other, whether romantically or sexually. You have a primary partner and a secondary one—the former with which you share a romantic relationship or marriage, the latter with which you engage either sexually or emotionally.2 I could not grasp the idea of polyamory when I first learned about it. I had assumed a relationship must be between two people. Any more than that, and the relationship would turn toxic—promiscuous, filled with jealousy and emotionally unhealthy. But I’ve come to understand that polyamory is much more complex than what I had originally believed. Monogamy, Explained, Vox — YouTube, May 23, 2018. 2 Mitchell Moffit and Gregory Brown, “Polyamory: what’s it like to be in a polyamorous relationship?,” June 27, 2018, in Sidenote, produced by AsapScience, podcast. 1
Although relationships are often associated with monogamy, these marriages are historically often devoid of romance—they have been mainstream legal mechanisms to ensure property shares and right to one’s offspring.3 Monogamy based on emotional attachment is a fairly new phenomenon.4 Step away from a western-centric worldview, and the concept of polyamorous relationships will no longer seem so foreign. Some cultures and religions have historically practiced polygamy—Fundamentalist Mormons in Utah and some Muslims, for example. Though more people are involved in open relationships than in monogamous relationships, these two forms of relationships do not necessarily lead to difference in satisfaction. In fact, they yield similar patterns of trust, intimacy and emotional attachment.5 On the other hand, monogamy is actually difficult to practice—an estimated 25 percent of men and 14 percent of women cheat in their lifetimes,6 and about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the U.S. divorce.7 Increasing interest in experimenting with polyamory may signal that people are reconsidering traditional modes of relationships in The History of Marriage - Alex Gendler, Ted-Ed — YouTube, February 13, 2014. 4 Anthony Giddens, Sociology (Cambridge, England: Polity, 2006). 5 Vox, Ibid. 6 Cory Stieg, “The Truth About How Many People Cheat,” Refinery29, March 15, 2017. 7 “Marriage and Divorce,” American Psychological Association. 3
favor of personal freedom and happiness.8 As conversations about sexuality became more open and diversified, so have conversations about marriage. Romantic polyamorous relationships are similar to friendships in that sense. You do not have just one friend. Instead, you fulfill your different needs by interacting with friends from varied social contexts like those in college or your hometown. Afterall, it is difficult to get everything—emotional attachment, shared value, excitement, stability—from just one partner in life. Open relationships may work better than monogamous relationships for some people. Conversely, some people reject the idea of entering a polyamorous relationship completely. Neither are strange at all. While polyamory is more “natural” than monogamy,monogamy is a practice which many societies have been socialized by law and culture to believe as the “norm.”9 Social norms throughout history have been artificially crafted out of privilege and power. As cultural norms change, so should our public discourse around dating and marriage. It should evolve to encompass new conceptions of human sexuality and customs. Sommer Brugal, “Polyamory Is on the Rise, but Negative Assumptions Still Exist,” The Lily, February 16, 2018. 9 Vox, lbid. 8
FEBRUARY 2019 17
With more and more women—myself included—encountering sex for the first time in a casual context without the hint of a relationship on the horizon, it can be difficult to realize what we do and don’t like. Many young women I’ve spoken to have shared the same feelings of trepidation when it comes to having sex for the first time or after a period of, shall we say, “sexual hibernation”; we think it’s meant to hurt, like going to the dentist and getting a tooth pulled. Last time we got together, my friends and I all sat with a drink in hand nodding in agreement that it would only hurt a little at first. It was then that my friend with the boyfriend chimed in, “But don’t you tell him that it hurts?” Silence fell among the group. This had never crossed my mind before. Less out of ignorance, but rather that I assumed it was meant to hurt if you were young and only having sex sporadically. Furthermore, from all our experiences watching porn, we thought we were supposed to love that stuff. No—not just love it, but moan and scream about it. We’re supposed to ask for our hair to be pulled and to go faster like we want to get our money’s worth out of some kind of “bucking bronco.”
I’m certainly not here to dismiss anyone’s sexual preferences—even if some of these verbs sound more fitting to describe the plot of Star Wars than to describe what goes on in the bedroom—but this does explain why many women are having casual sex that is more violent than they would ideally like. If the norm in porn dictates that men should be dominating and almost ruthless in bed whilst a woman “takes it” and seemingly enjoys the
Hear me out—if there was more porn made by women for women, then we could broaden the types of sex and sexual expectations people in the real world have. One pioneer in this realm is Erika Lust, a Swedish erotic film director, screenwriter and producer. Her films are available through a monthly subscription service, and in them she explores all different sexual fantasies through the female lens. Lust’s work is not trying to undermine other styles of porn where “ramming” is the operative word. Instead, she’s offering alternatives that mix in the classic element of porn—oral and anal, included—with something that seems radically new in the industry: women having real orgasms and real enjoyment on their own terms.
“ IF THERE WAS MORE PORN MADE BY WOMEN FOR WOMEN, THEN WE COULD BROADEN THE TYPES OF SEX AND SEXUAL EXPECTATIONS PEOPLE IN THE REAL WORLD HAVE. ”
On those occasions when I have asked if we could slow it down or try an alternative, the response I’ve often been met with is either a dismissive “shhh” or perhaps even more patronizingly, “You’re new to this, I can tell you actually like it.” With so many people using porn as an instructive tool to learn new things or even as someone’s first insight into the world of sex instead of just a way to pass time—porn matters. Just look at the titles of some of the most popular videos and searches on porn websites and you’ll find them littered with
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words like “rammed,” “annihilated” and “destroyed.”
process, then this trickles down to the sexual dynamic of dorm rooms in Wisconsin. Female actresses in porn are directed to beg their male co-stars to perform more adventurous sex acts on them, and this can be overwhelming to young women back in reality who are told that they should be keen to do similar things by their partners because porn makes it seem like “everybody’s doing it.” The solution? We need more porn.
I only wish that Lust’s porn was already in the mainstream so that myself and others would have been able to speak up when we needed to express what we like in bed. To have been able to speak more openly with our casual partners without being branded as being “over-sensitive.”
Wanting gentler sex shouldn’t be considered “vanilla,” just as having a certain kink shouldn’t be shamed. Porn made by women for both men and women is key to helping us bridge the gap in terms of what each party might like and dislike. Exposure to the “authentic” female orgasm might have to be drip fed into the public subconscious, as it will take a while before the top searched terms on porn websites deviate from the solely “hardcore” norm. However, the more female-made porn circulates online, the faster this change in our taste in porn consumption can occur. A revolution is coming and your girlfriend might just be cumming as a consequence, too.
LIFESTYLE
streets sheets
LADY IN THE
ACTRESS IN THE
BY ISABEL CALVERT, CONTRIBUTING WRITER ILLUSTRATED BY KAITLIN BANAFSHEHA
FEBRUARY 2019 19
LIFESTYLE
YOUR VAGINA & YOU GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER
BY KATE LAWLESS, LIFESTYLE EDITORIAL ASSISTANT ILLUSTRATED BY RACHEL COHEN
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For those of us who have vaginas, the subject of our own bodies and sexual gratification is undoubtedly taboo. We grow up in a society that, at best, skims over female sexual education and shows us images of exactly one kind of body, sometimes making us feel like we can’t talk about our own, out of fear of it being “different” or “wrong.” Standards set by porn and misinformation about our bodies have stopped women from having a healthy relationship with our vaginas, taking away from our sexual happiness and self-esteem. It’s high time that we get educated about our vaginal health and learn to love and celebrate all parts of our bodies. Firstly, let’s establish this—your vagina is normal. Women don’t typically talk casually about our private parts as much as men do, so we can sometimes feel like we don’t know much about vaginas or what they’re “supposed” to be like. But, like every other part of your body, vaginas come in all shapes, sizes and colors. There isn’t a right vagina or a wrong vagina; everyone’s is unique!
the person. Lastly, the clitoris is the small, erogenous bulb you can see at the crown of your labia, which also extends internally down both sides of your vagina. So now that you know what you’ve got down there, how do you take care of it? Well, there’s basic stuff, like wiping front to back, wearing breathable underwear and not leaving your tampon in for more than a few hours. You definitely shouldn’t use a vaginal douche because it can mess with your pH balance—fun fact: vaginas
The outside, what you can see, consists of a few more parts. You have two sets of labia, the majora and the minora. The labia majora is your outer vaginal lips and the labia minora sits just on the inside of the majora. They aren’t really symmetrical and they vary in size and color depending on
are acidic—and increase your risk of getting an infection or cause problems with pregnancy.2 You can take care of your healthy vaginal bacteria and pH balance by eating probiotic foods like yogurt and cheese, and drinking cranberry juice.3 Like the rest of your body, your vagina will benefit from eating lots of fruits and vegetables. The vagina is self-cleaning, so you don’t need to worry about it beyond “Douching,” Womenshealth.gov, May 22, 2018. “Foods That Make Your Vagina Happy and Healthy (yes, Really),” Bedsider. 2
“Female Sexual Anatomy | Vulva, Vagina and Breasts,” Planned Parenthood.
You can even strengthen your vagina by doing kegel exercises.5 You know that cool trick where you can stop yourself mid-pee? The muscles that cause that stop are your pelvic floor muscles. Kegels are a discrete exercise you can easily do by flexing and tightening your pelvic floor muscles. Don’t move your stomach while you flex, it is more effective when it is purely vaginal. Your vagina, just like the rest of your body, is something that you can exercise to feel stronger and healthier. Plus, having a strong vagina can increase sexual pleasure.
“ HAVING A HEALTHY BODY IMAGE ISN’T ONLY ABOUT CELEBRATING YOUR WEIGHT, HEIGHT, STRETCH MARKS AND CELLULITE— IT INCLUDES UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING YOUR VAGINA AS WELL. ”
Let’s start with a crash course in the basics: anatomy.1 The vulva is the general term for female genitalia and refers to basically everything— the inside, outside and all that’s in between. But most people use the word vagina to describe that area of their body. Technically, you can’t really see your vagina because it is the tube that connects your vulva with your cervix which then connects to your uterus.
1
just washing your vulva with mild soap. With that in mind, vaginal discharge is not cause for concern, as long as it is a clear or milky white color.4 It’s just your vagina cleaning out bacteria and fluids and can be a sign that you’re ovulating.
3
Finally, let’s talk about the benefits of masturbation.6 It’s perfectly normal for women to masturbate, so there’s no need to feel like masturbation is a boys-only club. Vaginal and clitoral stimulation are a great stress reliever, improve self-esteem, can relieve menstrual cramps and help tone your muscles like kegels do. It can also make sex with a partner a better experience because you’ll know what you like and feel more confident about how your body works.
Having a healthy body image isn’t only about celebrating your weight, height, stretch marks and cellulite—it includes understanding and accepting your vagina as well. Not talking and learning about our bodies can hold us back from being our happiest selves, especially when it relates to our sexual health and pleasure. Your body—specifically your vagina—is amazing, and you deserve to feel good about every part of you.
“Vaginal Discharge,” California Teen Health | Teen Health Information. 5 “Kegel Exercises For Women & Men,” Cleveland Clinic. 6 “Masturbation | Get the Facts About Masturbation Health,” Planned Parenthood. 4
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LIFESTYLE
ONE-NIGHT WHO? IN DEFENSE OF HOOKING UP BY OLIVIA STACK, CONTRIBUTING WRITER ILLUSTRATED BY REILLY KOCH Does a one-night stand really have the same emotional significance in everyone’s mind? For me and most of my friends, no. We might try to convince ourselves that yes, we had sex with a new guy that one Friday night out, but it was solely sex and nothing more. Bullshit. All of us, men and women alike, seek to find comfort and emotional connection during sex, and want to hold onto the people with whom we do the deed. Attachment is fine when it is a mutual feeling and you are both ready to start a relationship. But, in a lot of cases during our younger and naive years, we try to force a relationship that is simply non-existent. This could be because the other person doesn’t feel the same way or that you are simply not mature enough or at the right point of your life to be attached. Yet, even if we see all these red flags, we still dream that this random one-night stand could, and should, be our future soulmate. Why do we get so attached to the idea of having a relationship after one-night stand situations? Jim Psaus, a at Concordia as us having sexual desire
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psychology professor University, explains it an “overlap between and emotional love in
the brain’s insular cortex” that can be used to explain why, after having casual sex, we end up feeling so attached to a mere stranger.1 The connection between pure lust and actual love is much stronger than previously believed. We can also thank romance movies and cute couple posts on social media
“ IT’S TIME TO STOP MISINTERPRETING OUR FEELINGS AND START GAINING SOME EMOTIONAL GRANULARITY. ” for our attachment issues. We all want to have something like the easy perfection that we see on the screens of our devices. We begin wanting these unrealistic relationships with the people we sleep with because we barely know them, and we can imagine how perfect they could be— having no proof to tell us otherwise. 1 Maddie Schmitz, “Getting Attached After Sex: Myth or Fact?,” Her Campus, January 18, 2016.
We get attached to the idea of the imaginary person we have created in our heads, the person we think this stranger is and the life we could have with them. We take the fact that the most we know about this person is their name and sexual prowess and run with it. Ladies and gentlemen, we need to stop. We need to take a step back from our fantasy world and realize that not everyone is our “meant to be” partner. The best advice to give to all those guilty of being clingy is to take advantage of your younger years. This is your time to experiment with as many people as you want so that, when it is time to get attached, you know exactly what you do and don’t want. To cure this attachment illness of ours, we need to put ourselves out there and focus on making great friendships, and then having some fun on the side with whoever the hell we want to—without the expectation of a relationship. It’s time to stop misinterpreting our feelings and start gaining some emotional granularity. In the end, keep the spotlight on you, not some farfetched relationship potential. This is your time to find yourself by yourself. And, in the end, you will attract the people who truly belong in your life.
CULTURE
ONE-NIGHT BOO. COUNTERPOINTS OF CASUAL SEX BY ALLYSON KONZ, CULTURE STAFF WRITER ILLUSTRATED BY CHANNING SMITH, ART CURATOR Hookups are messy and hard to define. For some, they are a way to break the ice with someone they have been interested in for a while; for others, they are a one-night stand with people they will never speak to again. Although sexual liberation has rightly helped reduce sexist stigmatizations, this “liberation” is at the same time the culprit behind the disfiguration of intimacy and dating.
physical approval from others, take a look at why you feel these ways or what you’re looking for in empty hookups. Of course, not everyone wants a relationship—and that’s perfectly normal. Make sure, though, that the lack of accountability and commitment in casual relationships does not become detrimental.
“ WE CANNOT IGNORE HOW CASUAL SEX IS CHANGING THE WAY WE APPROACH INTIMACY AND OURSELVES. ”
In my experience, people generally hook up to have casual sex or to meet potential romantic partners. Other times, people hook up to feel recognized or attractive. Research has shown that active participation in dating apps—which are typical hookup platforms—is associated with “body dissatisfaction, body shame, body monitoring, internalization of societal expectations of beauty, comparing oneself physically to others, and reliance on media for information on appearance and attractiveness.”1 But hooking up is not a solution to deeply rooted self-esteem complexes. It should not be treated as a game or the foundation of your self-worth. Depending on someone else for your self-worth or self-confidence is not the end-all solution, especially if that person doesn’t have the interest to form a relationship or invest in you. Instead of seeking emotional and “Tinder: Swiping Self Esteem?,” American Psychological Association, August 2016.
From a heterosexual cis viewpoint, the simultaneous desire to hook up with someone and to limit emotional connection can sometimes be damaging, especially for women, who are neurologically more vulnerable to developing emotional feelings than men. The female body releases more oxytocin, a hormone that creates trust and emotional bonds.2
1
2
“About Oxytocin,” Psych Central, October 2018.
In addition, consider this quote, from Lisa Wade, author of American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus. She writes, “hookup culture is strongly masculinized, demands carelessness, rewards callousness, and punishes kindness.” Because men have less oxytocin released, it is easier for them to walk away from a onenight stand than women, and when this becomes habitual, it negatively affects both parties involved. In a seemingly equalized sexual environment, there are still areas in dire need of improvement.3 Social norms today pose less pressure to enter marriages and long-term relationships. However, we cannot ignore how casual sex is changing the way we approach intimacy and ourselves. The freedom to make these decisions is part of adult life, but don’t let your freedom become a free pass for others to mistreat you or to negatively influence how you think of yourself. While relationships are in no way a necessary part of your identity, hookup culture profits from the distorted ways young adults view hookups, especially when it involves sex. And in the end, sex should not only be fun, but empowering for you and your partner.
Amber Lapp, “Transforming Hookup Culture: A Review of American Hookup,” February 2017. 3
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FOR THE LOVE OF DE The only thing better than layering up is stripping down
KANESHA FREIBERG, ANDRE JOHNSON, MITCHELL PRALLE AND KAILA RUPPEL PHOTOGRAPHED BY MAX GOLDBERG & JOSH REDFEARN DIRECTED BY ASHLEY MACKENS, FASHION EDITOR 24 MODA
ENIM FEBRUARY 2019 25
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ARTS
SHAPING THE PERCEPTION OF VULNERABILITY
BY SAMAAYA JAYAMAHA, ARTS STAFF WRITER ART BY EGON SCHIELE Poignant, articulate linework builds up the grotesque nude figure drawings of Austrian artist Egon Schiele. His sitters, although often in stationary positions, are teeming with life and emotion while dripping with sensual overtones. Curves and joints are exaggerated while subjects are situated on the empty white paper, but careful choices in color and angles create a sense of depth and space in each piece. Schiele’s career was brief, due to his death at only 28 in 1918, but he managed to rise to prominence as one of the leading figures in the Austrian expressionist movement. However, even a century after Schiele’s death, his overtly sexual works are almost always accompanied with placards explaining and apologizing for the controversies surrounding his practice, taking away from his overarching ideas of deep-set sexual desires, frustrations and perhaps most importantly, vulnerability. Schiele’s numerous self portraits lend an abundance of information to the viewer, honing into his own particular insecurities. His confrontational glare in Self Portrait reveals deep set, internal conflict as his discolored, knotted form arches outward on full display. An alarming shade of red draws attention to his eyes, chest and genitals, leaving the viewer unsettled yet unable to turn away. Unlike any
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artist before him, Schiele presents male sexuality and vulnerability with a sheer amount of sincerity: he refuses to hold back, revealing the deepseated, conflicted problems that ate away his mind. His posture and facial expression evoke curiosity, but perhaps in a sense that most people would likely feel uncomfortable exploring. Furthermore, Schiele often used younger female models in many of his pieces, including his younger sister Gerti. He invited both boys and girls to his studio outside of Vienna to pose and spend time with him and his lover, Wally. Featuring younger females models in particular was highly risky and attracted a considerable amount of disapproval, as they were posed in vulnerable positions and gazed outward toward the viewer in a sensual fashion. Girl, a sketch done in 1918, serves as an excellent example of such work. Schiele’s purpose in this choice reflects thoughts he once wrote in a letter: “Have adults forgotten how corrupt, sexually driven and aroused they were as children? Have they forgotten how the frightful passion burned and tortured them when they were children? I have not forgotten, for I have suffered terribly under it.” Many of his works exploring these thoughts and the mindset of an
adolescent force viewers to face their underlying sexual desires and thoughts that society suppressed through much of history. Interestingly enough, Schiele’s work reveals how shockingly resistant society is and has been in terms of confronting sexual topics. We can easily imagine society’s tense and hypocritical views on suppressing sexuality in the early 1900s, yet just recently in 2018, an exhibition on Viennese modernism has proven that mindsets have not necessarily evolved after all this time. The campaign was forced to censor multiple advertisements in both the UK and Germany featuring Schiele’s work. Art critics, artists and historians alike argue that the work is erotic, not pornographic, therefore posing the question: Why is the public still unable to face the intimate and exposing questions that Egon Schiele posed over a century ago? Perhaps the grotesque nature of his figures are too threatening to an unassuming audience or the nudity of young children distracts from underlying messages. But if anything, no matter how startled, disturbed or entranced his viewers are left, Schiele managed to share his deeply personal view of the human condition in a fiercely lasting way.
ARTS
ARTISTIC EROTICA BY MADELINE RASMUSSEN, ARTS STAFF WRITER ART BY REN HANG
Is it erotica? Or is it pornography? Often when we deal with the sensual in art, it can be difficult to distinguish between these two perceptions. From the very beginnings of modern society, artists have attempted to construct a figure of pure human beauty, whether accentuating its fragility, fullness or robustness. Photographers, painters and sculptors alike have had to wrestle with the censorship and standards of their era, and often nudity was reserved for the medical or academic. However, even given the lewd essentiality of pornography, frankly sexual images and works have circulated through various populations for thousands of years. In many ways, society attempts to reconcile its need for arousal and fear of scandalization through the artfortified genre of erotica. The true distinction between erotica and pornography is erotica’s propensity for subtlety. Erotica attempts to pull forth a sense of allure from the human body, as if its sensuality comes from its status as a natural delicacy. It is not a general overview of the act of sex or of being “sexy,” but rather an accumulation of seductive details that contribute to an aesthetic. It is the unique contour of a vulva, the sensuous arch of the back or the bewitching entanglement of limbs.
However, erotica can also encompass the grotesque, and while this may not relate to our earthly desires, these images can be seen as provocative nonetheless. The work of the late Ren Hang, a China-based photographer, confuses our perception of disgust and arousal. In one image, a woman holds a dead fish against her breasts while its scales ooze a black, opaque liquid onto her skin. In another, a flash illuminates an eerie scene where lily pads frame a solemn, female face emerging from the murky water. Octopi entangled in hair, snails trailing over hips and cherries ensnared with tongues are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Hang’s work. In Ren Hang’s short 29 years on Earth, he managed not only to create a myriad of stunning work, but also frequently found himself at odds with the Chinese government, whose laws surrounding censorship and the nude body were at odds with the erotic nature of Hang’s photos. Strangely enough, his work often engages with the intrapersonal, and so much of the meaning is lost when it is pulled into this political context. Nevertheless, Hang’s photography is an important marker of emerging youthful thought and the power of taboo.
Erotica can be seen as a place artists feel comfortable pushing boundaries, and sometimes it is not only the photos that provoke but the people who take them. No one would know this better than the industrious Suze Randall whose career broke down walls. Starting off as an erotic model, Randall quickly found photography as a way to make a living. By 1975, her photos were picked up by Playboy, effectively making her the first female photographer to regularly shoot for the infamous publication. Her 35mm centerfold of Lillian Muller drove her into relevance, and her experience as a model and as a woman gave her a biting edge in the face of her male competitors. Randall’s work had a level of autonomy that gave new context to shooting the female nude, and consequently the models she photographed were given more agency as well. Erotica is inclined to be radical. Such a provocative medium will undoubtedly bring forth artists attempting to make a provocative message. Whether the intention is personal or political, the naked body is inherently raw, and we are more than capable of being seduced by its authenticity.
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CULTURE
LOVE WITHOUT (MUCH) SEX A LOOK AT ASEXUALITY BY ARIANA KING, CULTURE STAFF WRITER PHOTOGRAPHED BY JOANNA MALINOWSKA
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For as long as I can remember, my friends have always prioritized physical attraction when scouting romantic interests. In the years immediately after the cootie phase—a.k.a. fifth grade— some of my best friends just couldn’t stop talking about this cute guy or the next. The thing was, I could admit they were cute, but that didn’t mean I liked them anymore than I liked anyone else. My new friends in high school and college found it strange, too. Didn’t I ever see someone and just instantly want to ask them on a date? Didn’t I care about how a potential boyfriend looked? I supposed I did, but I never felt even romantically interested in someone until I got to know them. For me, romantic attraction is always tied to personality; most of my crushes only became “cute” after they became sympathetic, emotionally supportive friends. Until last year, this lack of attraction to admittedly good-looking guys puzzled me. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t like everyone else. So, like any good millennial, I turned to the Internet and discovered that, like sexuality, asexuality, too, is a spectrum—not black and white. According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, an asexual person is “someone who does not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships.”1 People who identify as asexual have many different experiences; some feel absolutely no sexual attraction, while others do fleetingly or in limited circumstances.2 Most people who feel limited sexual attraction call themselves gray-A’s.3 There is also demisexuality, which refers to those who are only attracted to someone after becoming emotionally connected. That, however, is not the same as simply waiting to have sex.4 After my discovery, everything clicked. I was grateful to have finally found a label for my sexuality. That label offered me a community because I knew there were others like me. With a label, I could embrace and advocate for my sexuality. “General FAQ,” The Asexual Visibility and Education Network. 2 Ibid. 3 Ibid. 4 Ibid. 1
Still, finding a label didn’t make being a gray-A or demisexual—I identify as both—much easier. In a society that repeatedly tells its youth that hook-up culture is desirable, it’s hard to believe that you’ll be accepted for who you are. You wonder if you’ll ever meet someone who will want to be in a limited or nonsexual romantic relationship. Personally, I’ve found relationships— or rather, potential romantic relationships—to be extremely complicated by my demisexuality. While a lot of my friends agonize over “being friendzoned,” I have never understood what is so bad about it—and I say that as someone who has been “friendzoned” numerous times. I never find it devastating to maintain friendships with those who I am not sexually interested in but
“ WHILE BEING DEMISEXUAL AND SOMEWHAT ASEXUAL HAS ITS CHALLENGES, IT IS A PART OF WHO I AM. IT’S A PART OF ME THAT I NEED TO EMBRACE. ” see in a romantic light. The emotional connection and ridiculous inside jokes we share are enough for me, and I have always been grateful for them. To this day, I have not confessed my feelings to any of these people out of fear that they’d never see me as someone more than just a friend without sex. Being on the asexuality spectrum is difficult to explain and often misunderstood. Many of my friends have told me that I just need to meet the right person or have thought that I have a fear of sex. There’s also a common misconception that all asexual people are repulsed by sex, so admitting to friends and potential boyfriends that I am on the asexuality spectrum is daunting. The conversation gets personal quickly, and I often have to use my own experiences to explain what being on the asexuality spectrum means to me.
A long history of mental health challenges has also made it difficult to conceptualize my sexuality.5 Major depression and antidepressants can cause a decrease in sex drive, as well as a lessened interest in love and romance altogether.6 Having dealt with major depression from my teen years to present day, sometimes I have wondered if I am truly a gray-A, or if a non-depressed me would be fully interested in sex. Mental health challenges also complicate potential transitions from friendships to relationships. While I may have romantic feelings for a friend, I am not confident that I am in a healthy enough place to begin a romantic relationship—even if the person were to accept that I’m a gray-A. I don’t think it’s fair to share my feelings when I’m not in a position to act on them. But this anecdote is not sad or even heartbreaking. While being demisexual or asexual has its challenges, it is a part of who I am. For me, being demisexual is mostly a gift. While it entails a limited interest in sex, demisexuality has offered me opportunities to build incredible emotional bonds—what I find to be the most essential part of any friendship. Sure, I may not act on romantic feelings that grow out of these incredibly close friendships, but I have found fantastic friends. Although none of my friends have ever become a significant other, that will never take away from how they have positively impacted my life. If you’re like me and feel as though you can’t relate to the way peers view sex, there are so many trusted sources that are worth exploring. Browse through the Asexual Visibility and Education Network’s FAQs, read any books you can or search Youtube for first-person accounts of being asexual. Doing so may provide clarity and community for those on the spectrum.
“Depression (major Depressive Disorder),” Mayo Clinic, February 3, 2018. 6 Arthur Allen, “Antidepressant Side Effects: Sexual Side Effects, Weight Gain and More,” WebMD. 5
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ARTS
LET’S TALK ABOUT
SEX, BABY
A SHORT AND SAUCY GUIDE TO SEX PODCASTS WRITTEN AND ILLUSTRATED MARIN SMITH, ARTS EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
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With podcast popularity on the rise, it can be overwhelming to choose the right ones to listen to. If you’re like me, you like a little bit of everything. Ranging from the New York Times’ morning news rundown, The Daily, to Roman Mars’ design podcast 99% Invisible, podcasts span as wide a range of genres of music and, honestly, most of them are great. However, I find
CUM TOWN Despite the name, this podcast isn’t explicitly about sex. However, it definitely is one of the better comedic podcasts out there and sex does come up a bit. While this podcast can get controversial, the two hosts, New York-based comedians Nick Mullen and Stavros Halkias, hilariously navigate topics on the fly. Their conversations range from the root of the word “phlabatomy” to bizarre stories of unanticipated threesomes. I had the pleasure of seeing these two hosts perform stand-up in Brooklyn, where I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard. I am happy to report that a lot of this in-person humor transfers into the podcast. Though some episodes are hit or miss and the production style is fairly rudimentary, the two hosts are funny to the core and always manage to make me laugh at the most inappropriate times.
MY DAD WROTE A PORNO The title says it all. In this British podcast, three siblings read out loud a pornographic fantasy
myself continually returning to the same select few. So, what do they all have in common? Two things: 1. Comedy. 2. Sex. Now, it might be obvious why this pair is so appealing. Nothing brings people together quite
tale that their father had written under the pseudonym “Rocky Flintstone.” In all honesty, the book itself is pretty terrible, but the live reactions of the siblings who are hearing their father’s erotica for the first time are what make it so hilarious. With over 150 million downloads, this podcast has garnered an international following, and it is easy to see why. This podcast is the perfect blend of audiobook, comedy and the awkward sensation of talking about sex with your family. Blushing and laughing guaranteed.
GUYS WE F*CKED I do not know where I would be without this podcast. I have been religiously listening to Guys We F*cked nearly every day for the past two years and it has changed me. Hosted by comedians Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson hailing from New York, this is one of the raunchiest podcasts you can get your hands on. These women, who perform as the Sorry About Last Night duo, are confrontational, real and boisterous. Guys We F*cked details the ins and outs of being sexually active in the 21st century while fully supporting consent,
like laughing, and there’s hardly anything more intimate than sex! So, the combination of these topics tends to make for a hilarious yet unabashedly human podcast. There is, of course, a nuance to it all, and as such, I have compiled a list of my three favorite comedic sex podcasts. Heads up! These are NSFW, so be sure to take a listen with headphones in.
kinks, love, vulnerability and mental and physical health. They have a cult-like following, and rightfully so, because listening to this podcast will expose you to a rather niche brand of humor that only some may love. Regardless, upon listening to their conversations with guests, who were initially only men they had slept with but now are a wide array of people and professions, you will hear a lot of explicit content about their lives, but also a lot of emotional content that can help you grow. This podcast is as much about the emotional aspects of sex and relationships as the kinky and explorative ones. It is fulfilling, hilarious and based in feminism. Fisher and Hutchinson do a phenomenal job of tackling the most difficult issues surrounding sex and relationships, all while in the pursuit of dismantling the patriarchy and ending slut-shaming. They are the best friends you wish you had, and after listening to this podcast you will want to have them with you wherever you go. Guys We F*cked is an absolutely bangin’ podcast.
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off on ADRIENNE OLIVA & LAKISH’A SUTTON PHOTOGRAPHED BY MARISSA HAEGELE CREATIVE & ART DIRECTION BY REILLY KOCH & GEORDON WOLLNER THE ACT OF TAKING ONE’S CLOTHES OFF IS OFTEN SEEN AS PROVOCATIVE; THE CONNOTATION IS THAT ONE IS STRIPPING DOWN FOR SOMEONE ELSE. HOWEVER, WE FORGET THAT, BY SHEDDING OUR CLOTHES, WE ALSO SHED A SECOND SKIN. WE REMOVE THE DAY, TO RID OURSELVES OF THE EMOTIONS AND STRESSES THE PAST HOURS HAVE PRESENTED. WHEN THE CLOTHES COME OFF, WE ARE TURNED ON TO THE HERE AND NOW. 38 MODA
FEBRUARY 2019 43
LIFESTYLE
Food Porn
THE BEST THING FOR AROUSAL IS A HEALTHY DIET WRITTEN AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY MOLLY RAPOZO, LIFESTYLE EDITOR
You’ve probably heard it just about a billion times—chocolate makes you horny. Spicy foods, particularly spice coming from the chili pepper, turn you on. Maca powder, a superfood powder adored by many Instagram health gurus of late, is the key to boosting your libido. An aphrodisiac is some substance that is linked to arousal—therefore, aphrodisiac foods are defined as foods that increase libido when consumed. There are many arguments
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around the concept as to whether or not that’s based in truthful research— understandably, hard to investigate— but what we do know for sure is that these foods contain the proper vitamins, minerals and health benefits that affect the sex drive. When you browse through articles online about aphrodisiac foods, most go food by food, telling you how they have been “linked” to sex drive, “associated” with better libido or simply that they “affect” hormones in the body. Which all foods do!
Some foods just get their associations because they increase energy levels, which is great—and, I might add, an important factor in the bedroom. This guide to aphrodisiac foods is going to take a different approach: we are looking into those vitamins, minerals and other components of these commonly associated foods to see what effect they play on the body. Pleasure! This arguably key component to having good sex comes from dopamine, a neurotransmitter in
dark chocolates that help to open up blood vessels and increase blood flow. All genders need good blood flow to have a good time in bed. Foods with higher levels of natural fats and protein are great dopamine boosters, too. From an evolutionary standpoint, these foods were liked because they meant being fuller for longer. Even with the incredible access to food that many Americans have, these foods still trigger that dopamine release. Think eggs, nuts and certain fruits like avocado and bananas.
n
Back to blood flow—lycopene is a chemical compound found in plants that lowers inflammation in the body and increases movement of the blood. Lycopene is found in most red fruits, including tomatoes, pink grapefruit, papaya and watermelon. In the same vein—artery?—anything with vitamin C and a healthy dose of antioxidants will increase blood flow. Berries, such as cherries, strawberries and raspberries, as well as pomegranate seeds, grapes and most nuts can provide an incredible amount of antioxidants.
T
Hormone imbalances can cause you to not feel in the mood, too. From high cortisol levels—your stress hormone— to improperly balanced estrogen and testosterone, any sort of misalignment will cause a variety of issues like fatigue, vaginal dryness and low libido that will keep you from rolling in the sheets.
the brain responsible for many bodily functions. Most importantly to this conversation, dopamine is released when we experience pleasure. Certain foods trigger this response, mimicking the pleasure release of having sex. Let’s start with chocolate, a common feature on the aphrodisiac food list. When it’s dark—we’re talking 70% cocoa or higher—it’s amazing. Firstly, chocolate itself spikes dopamine levels in the brain. There are also bioflavonoids in those really, really
In all honesty, a healthy, well-rounded diet will do wonders to control your hormones and keep them in check. Making sure to get a good amount of natural fats and proteins, as mentioned before, will keep you feeling balanced. What it all boils down to is this: eat a healthy diet and you’re more likely to be “in the mood.” Most foods that are claimed to be aphrodisiacs just hold the highest levels of those vitamins that support energy and blood flow, or release a high level of dopamine, or have high levels of healthy fats that regulate hormones in the body.
SEXY BREAD: This bread encompasses some aphrodisiac ingredients—cherries, oats, eggs and cinnamon all contain those key ingredients to making you feel good in the bedroom. If nothing else, it tastes good and doesn’t have any refined sugar.
INGREDIENTS: Unsalted butter (for pan) 1 cup all-purpose flour ¾ cup of oats 1 ½ tsp baking powder 1 tsp cinnamon 1 ¼ tsp salt 4 large eggs ½ cup olive oil 1 tsp vanilla 4 tsp honey (plus extra for the top) ¾ cup milk 1 cup cherries (I used frozen and halved them)
RECIPE: Preheat oven to 350°. Butter a 9x5x3” loaf pan. Whisk all-purpose flour, oats, baking powder, cinnamon and salt in a medium bowl. Whisk egg yolks, oil and vanilla in a large bowl. Add honey and milk to wet ingredients and whisk until smooth. Sift dry ingredients into egg yolk mixture, then fold gently to combine. Whisk egg whites in another medium bowl until frothy, about two minutes. Fold into batter until incorporated. Pour half of batter into pan. Take halved cherries and layer on top. Pour in remaining batter. Layer the remaining halved cherries on top. Bake bread until risen and a tester inserted into the center comes out clean, about 50–60 minutes. Transfer pan to a wire rack and let cool five minutes, then remove loaf from pan and let cool completely, at least one hour.
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SEXUAL HEALTH RESOURCES WOMEN’S HEALTH CLINIC, UNIVERSITY HEALTH SERVICES
Don’t let the name put you off—UHS offers gynecological services, pap smears, STI screenings and pregnancy tests among other options for all students with vaginas. 333 E. Campus Mall | 608.265.5600
SEX OUT LOUD
The student-run group is full of knowledge on sex and sexual health, making them happy to answer all of your burning questions. 333 E. Campus Mall | 608.890.2138
GENDER & SEXUALITY CAMPUS CENTER
For LGBT+ folks and their allies—aka everyone— this campus center schedules educational and fun programming, in addition to supporting the well-being of this community. 716 Langdon St. | Red Gym 123 | 608.265.3344
UW–MADISON CAMPUS
If you’re in a pinch after a night of unprotected sex, Memorial Union, Union South and all Badger Markets offer an emergency contraceptive called EContraEZ—commonly known as the morning after pill. This is over-the-counter and only $13. Multiple locations on campus
UW HEALTH
Although slightly overwhelming because of its vast offerings, the University’s hospital system has an obstetrics and gynecology department, as well as fertility services, a 48 MODA
women’s pelvic health clinic and gender services for those looking to transition. Multiple locations in Wisconsin | 608.263.6400
PLANNED PARENTHOOD
Providers of birth control, HIV, STI and pregnancy testing, plus general vaginal healthcare options, PP is a one-stop shop for sexual health. The East Side location offers all that and abortion services on top. 2222 S. Park St., St. 210 | 608.251.6546; 3706 Orin Rd. | 608.241.3767
FIRST CARE CLINIC
This office is primarily for family planning, with pregnancy tests and ultrasound services. However, it also offers STI testing for women. 1350 MacArthur Rd. | 608.259.1605
DANE COUNTY PUBLIC HEALTH DEPARTMENT SEXUAL HEALTH CLINIC
With free or lower-priced HIV and STI tests, as well as all the free condoms and lube you need, this is the place to discuss any sexual health concern irking you. 2705 E. Washington Ave. | 608.243.0411
A WOMAN’S TOUCH
Billed as the “sexuality resource center,” this store provides advice on all things sex and sexuality. On top of that, they offer a lively selection of sex toys, vibrators, erotic books and lingerie. 302 S. Livingston St. | 888.621.8880
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