LESSONS IN LOSS

Matthew Panter Meets Ashropshire Funeral Director Determined To See Bereavement Awareness Added To The School Curriculum

John Adams was just 12 when his beloved mother Maria died of cancer.Naturally heartbroken, he says the experience left him feeling adegree of isolation. His family rallied around to support one another,of course, but school was adifferent matter

Teachers and pupils simply didn’t know how to react, John says.

He doesn’t apportion any blame to anyone for not knowing how to support him. Indeed John, who is adirector of Perry & PhillipsFuneral Directors, totally understood how grief was, and in many ways still is, ataboo subject.

But he wants to channel his own experience into supporting others moving forward and especially into helping those who suffer grief as children to be given the tools to cope.

As aresult, he’s on amission to get bereavement awareness incorporated into the national curriculum for schools.

He hasenlisted the supportofPhilipDunne, MP for Ludlow, Bridgnorth and South Shropshire,tohis cause, and close to 11,000 people have already signed his petition to havethe idea considered.

His campaign also has somehigh-profile supporters, including the actor Jason Watkins, while King Charles III is also aware of his efforts, having invited John, in his role of President of the National Association of Funeral Directors, to Buckingham Palace recently

“It was reallyhard when my mum died,” John reflects. “No one knew how to react to me.

“I was fortunate that, within my family,wespoke about it but at school it was quite alonely place for me.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault.People often just don’t know what to say and that’s not just children but alsoadults.

“But, from my experience at school, Iknow it canbe so much better thanitwas for me and it’s about tryingtoimprove on that. If more schools start talking about bereavement, I believe the outcome will be akinder,more compassionate and empathetic society.”

Maria, Johnsays, is the driving force behind his determined campaign.

He is happy to talk about her.Maria died in 1999, having had cancer for six years.

“I remember that, from six until 12, we lived through uncertainty,” he reflects.

“But Ijust feel lucky to have had her for 12 years and honoured she was and still is my mum.

“She is still ahuge part of my life. She is partofeverything I do now

“The love and emotion has stayed with me.

“She was determined, friendly and just avery kind person who would always find time for other people. She is the fuel and fire for what Iamtryingtoachieve

“Withthe experience Ihad as achild and arrangingfunerals as part of my profession, Iknow how important it is to talk about grief and how people can be helped in the hardest of times

“It’s about being pro-active and not reactive, giving people information and support in asafe and controlled way.”

John is hopeful the idea of bereavement awareness being added into the national curriculum will at least be talked about in parliament.

“All we can do it keep banging the drum,” he said. “I believe in it. It’s not guaranteed, nothing is with politics and government, but the louder the voice, the greater chance we have of getting something passed.

“I just want to give children tools of support and offer advice, in the same way pupils learn about sex education in school.

“It is about helping them understand emotions and feelings when someone dies, exploring those things associated with loss but in agentle way

“It’s about trying to take the fear out of death through offering support to achild,compassion to friends and support for teachers on how they can communicateand speak. If we get things right we can have apositive impact on society and how we treat one another

“Opening up on sadness and grief through honest conversation is important and you can still protect people by giving them information.

“It doesn’t mean you will suffer a close loss but it just means, when you do, it will help. It’s just in case.”

John said that aparentdies every22 minutesinthe UK. And he said: “Wehave charities such as Child Bereavement, who carry out very special workbysupporting young people when they lose aloved one and provide care andsupport whena child dies.

“The educational work they already have in place could help so many,prior to suffering aloss. We just need to see this all aligned and Ibelieve we are getting there in Parliament.”

And John’s petition has shown he is far from alone voice.

“I have been overwhelmed by the reaction to it,” he says. “It is not just about how many people have put their signatures to it but thefact many people have told their storyaswelland explained why it means so much to them.

“Weare approaching 11,000 signatures so we have hit our target and opened up the conversation and we are getting communication.

“The fact Ihave also hadthe opportunity to speak to The King about it was both surreal andahugehonour

“He looked on it positively and, of course, he has experience of grief with the loss of his parents and what his two children went through. He understood at first hand how this canhelp.

“I just feel that grief can be the darkest of times, but there are things we can do to make adifference, moving forward.” n The petition is running until April 10 and can be viewed at petition.parliament. uk/petitions/624185