Try This For a Change: Ask for What You Need�����������������

KRISTI COUGHLIN

MS, RDN

INCOMING DIRECTOR OF MEETINGS

Over the past few years, the topic of self-care has grown in popularity� Since the onset of the p**demic, it feels as though we have been inundated with self-care messages�

I often hear objections such as “I don’t have enough time” - while others point out that they are strapped financially and are unable to splurge on pedicures or massages�

As nutrition professionals, we are well aware that people often overcomplicate things� Case in point, the foundation of healthful eating includes vegetables, fruit, whole grains, nuts and seeds� Meanwhile, fad diets call for people to restrict a laundry list of foods — many of which we, as dietitians, eat regularly� In other words, fad diets make it unnecessarily challenging to eat well�

Self-care is no different� Simple techniques, such as setting healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself, are often overlooked as ways to take care of yourself� One form of self-care that has made its way front and center in my world lately has been asking for what I need�

Recently, I sat down with my husband and laid out the ways I needed him to support me and my business� Summers are particularly difficult for me as an entrepreneur because of travel and the kids’ schedules — it feels like I am constantly on the go which leaves little time and energy to get work done� In the past, I would have tried to shoulder the bulk of the summer commitments without asking for support� Inevitably, I would reach a breaking point and ask my husband for help while sobbing� Not sure if this has been your strategy in the past, but it doesn’t usually result in a happy conversation� This year required a revised strategy; it was time to be proactive in asking for what I needed�

Instead of waiting until I had met my breaking point, we talked before my schedule got overwhelming� We started the conversation by discussing the fact our oldest is getting her license in a few short months which requires additional funding for insurance and a new vehicle�

In order for my family to purchase a new car, my business needs to make enough money to ensure I consistently receive a paycheck� This, of course, means I need to work my business� However, with our family’s summer schedule, it can be difficult to carve out enough time to get things done� So, I asked for what I needed without being tied to a specific outcome� Here’s what it was: 1) Buy me a car without me financially contributing and I will continue to chauffeur the kids around by myself� Or, 2) Help with the kids’ schedule so I can dedicate time and energy to my business thereby ensuring I can contribute to the car purchasing process�

Before the conversation, I was worried about how my husband would react� In the past when we’ve talked about this sort of thing, after I’ve reached my breaking point, it has felt uncomfortable� This time was a completely different experience because I followed the tips outlined in this article� Much to my delight, he quickly agreed to taking the kids for two full days a week to free up time and energy for me to work without interruptions� In fact, I’m sitting here writing this as he is in charge of the kids for the day�

Learning to ask for what you need can be difficult� It also takes time to learn, but is entirely possible� Once you receive support from others, you will wonder why it took you so long to ask for what you need�

Of course, asking for what you need can be easier said than done in real life, especially if you have spent a lifetime relying on only one person to get things done — yourself� Regardless of your history with asking for help, the more you practice, the easier it gets� Therefore, I encourage you to start practicing advocating for yourself by asking for what you need�

Here are a few different ways to jump-start this essential skill:

Ask Without Expectations. Frequently, we ask for help with a desire for a single outcome� We are tied to a single solution, and when our need goes unmet because it is not feasible for the other person, we are all left feeling unfulfilled� To avoid this issue, ask for what you need and be open to receiving support that may look different from what you originally had in mind�

Ditch the Fear of Rejection. In some cases, we have already decided that we will not get the answer we desire — even before asking� Tying it back to asking without expectations, ask for what you need without worrying about the answer� Remember, if you don’t ask, the answer is always “no� ”

Be Clear in What You Need. If you are struggling to juggle multiple responsibilities, ask for help with a specific project or task (or offer a few to pick from)� A key point to remember: you can’t assume others will know what you need help with or that you even require assistance� Be sure to specify what you need rather than simply saying, “I need help� ”

Self-care is more than facials and bubble baths� It is about ensuring your basic needs are met to maintain your health and prevent (or deal with) issues in life� In the matter of inhibiting life issues, be proactive in asking for help� Ask for what you need before you have reached your breaking point� If you are already dealing with problems due to unmet self-care needs, take stock of where you are struggling the most and figure out a few tasks that can be delegated� Then ask for help while keeping in mind the pointers above�

Final thoughts - prioritizing your self-care is foundational in health, happiness and success in life and as a Nutrition Entrepreneur� Most importantly, remember this fact: you are worthy of help from others�

Kristi Coughlin, MS, RDN, loves spreading happiness with her business Bring About Happy by creating uplifting products inspired by former private practice clients� In her spare time, she can be found with her family by the lake, traveling, or enjoying her favorite food - pizza!