Microwave Misery

The kitchen is a terrifying space, especially if you don’t know how to hold a knife. I never held a knife properly before I absolutely had to. And when I had to, I held it wrong. Until - I started holding it right. And here I am, writing a cookbook.

The kitchen is scary for a multiplicity of reasons. When you come from a culture of food or find yourself within a culture of food the kitchen starts to act as an examination hall, with every meal you cook being a litmus test to your taste and composure. Are you a frantic cook who burns a portion of something because it’s hard to keep up with all the ingredients and instructions? Are you modest as a person and does that translate into your dishes always being moderate and always good enough but just kind of missing something? Is your hand smooth and you yourself, grounded in your strengths and openness to learn - so your final products are always not just good in taste but visually an illustration of your composure?

The reason cooking is scary is because it reveals you inside out. I felt shy, panicked and timid in the kitchen because I’m scared of change and rejection. It took me the longest time to approach the stove independently because sure I would burn my food - but what would that say about me? Would everyone who’s a witness to my cooking and my meal be able to tell I’m still a young little girl hungry for praise and terrified of disappointment?

Making a meal makes you vulnerable. And that is why so many of us who don’t listen to our moms and learn to cook while even younger, feel immobilised by the thought of whipping up a meal for ourselves, multiple times in the day.

But the good news is - I overcame it (still a journey in progress) and honestly that is testament enough to the fact that you can too. I overcame it by starting small and listening. I paid attention to whatever people around me (especially my parents, aunts, mom’s friends, friends and their moms) had to say about making an easy meal and I became curious enough to ask questions and implement their answers to my own meals. And so, I started cooking. And with these easy, concise and maybe a bit blasphemous (I’m sorry, one has to offend something to be able to reach conclusions themselves) recipes, you’ll be able to battle cooking numbness and put the stove on.

Aloo Anday ki bhujiya/ Mashed Eggs and Potato Curry A South-Asian saalan (curry) that was the first meal I ever cooked and almost burnt, independently on the stove. I almost burnt it because I was anxious and anxiety will spoil your broth more than too many cooks ever will. But, the recipe is simple and one that I’ve grown up eating and the first one my mother taught me over the phone as I scurried around the kitchen like a rat.

Ingrediants 2 potatoes 2 eggs Salt (per your taste) Cumin (¼ teaspoon) 1 Medium sized Onion (if you like) Black Pepper (¼ teaspoon)

Utensils

A deep pot (any size will do) and a round spatula.

Procedure Peel the potatoes and then chop them into small cubes. Cut the onion into small pieces, too. Don’t worry about the shape too much, it’s all the same in your stomach. Simultaneously, start warming the oil in the pot. Add your chopped onions and fry till it’s light brown. Now put potato cubes in and stir the whole thing around, gently.

On the side, in a bowl you should beat/whisk the eggs and add salt and black pepper to the whisked mixture. Now turn your attention back to the pot, add cumin to it and stir until you’re sure the potatoes are properly fried. Add ¼ small cup water and continue stirring. Once you’re certain the potatoes are cooked well, add your egg mixture to it and just gently stir until the egg is cooked and you can’t smell the egg smell anymore.

When properly mixed, dim the fire and let it cook for maybe 5-6 more minutes.

To seal the deal. Just garnish with a little coriander on top and your first dish is ready!

You can and should pair this with roti (frozen ones at the grocery store work perfectly fine), nan, warmed bread OR boiled white rice.

Tuna Sandwich As basic as it sounds, a tuna sandwich has been one of my favourite quick lunch (or snack) while also being filling and a good source for protein! And I also learnt how to open a can for the first time.

Ingrediants 1 can (of ½ if you’re not that hungry) of Tuna (preferably swater based tuna).

1 tbsp of black pepper Salt per your taste A little squeeze of mayonnaise (or tomato sauce) 1 Boiled and mashed egg (if you want to make it extra filling)

Procedure Open your can of tuna and gently drain the water out. Take a medium sized bowl and pour out as much tuna as you need and squeeze in some mayonnaise/tomato sauce in it (just enough that it gives it a good base but not so much that it becomes a bit liquid-y). Add your 1bsp of black pepper, salt as per your taste and any other spice in case you’re looking for more zest, like me. On the side, boil an egg, peel it and mash it into a mush. Add your egg mush into the bowl and just whisk it all together.

Toast 2 toasts as per your desired level of toastiness and stuff the mixture in there.

Your tuna sandwich is ready to be consumed.

Rice and Veggies Now this one, is something I taught myself how to make.

Not that there’s anything novel about it - it’s the most basic formation ever that has been done probably 50 million times - BUT it is an existing knowledge I found myself stumbling onto, through sheer exhaustion and no desire to follow any rules by the end of the day.

Ingrediants A packet of frozen veggies from the supermarket. The combination can be any you like - nothing particular and nothing specific. I sometimes also get an extra packet of mushrooms and zucchini to add to it.

Basmati Rice Oil Salt (as per your taste) 2 spoonfuls of Tomato Sauce 1 tbsp of red pepper 1 tbsp of curry powder 1 tbsp of cumin (if you’re feeling it)

Procedure Take a small frying pan that’s a little deep and start by warming 1 cap of oil in it.

Once warmed, open up your packet of veggies and pour in as much as you need depending on your taste. Stir and fry them until you feel them defrost. Amidst this, add your 2 spoonfuls of tomato sauce and stir further. You’ll hear some sizzling throughout this process and that means everything is cooking well. Add your spices and fry a bit more. Lower the fire and let it cook a bit.

Simultaneously you should have started preparing your rice. 15 minutes before you start, take 2 cups of plain basmati rice and submerge them into a big bowl of water and leave them for 15 minutes. Afterwards, drain the water from the rice and let the water drip out. But your pot on the stove and add 1 cup of oil to it and let it cook a little. Now, add 2 ½ cups of water followed by the rice. This is also where you can start adding any spices (if you’d like). I add a pinch of salt and a tbsp of cumin. Stir often but not too roughly and bring the water to boil. Proceed by placing a lid on the pan, lowering the heat and letting it sit that way for 20 minutes. Turn the heat off and continue to let it sit for 6 more minutes.

Take a plate, pour as much rice as you need and add some veggie mix to it and enjoy yourself a great, healthy and quick dinner. You’re welcome.

Sausage Omelette One of the greatest joys in life is breakfast for dinner. I stumbled upon this recipe when one of my closest friends showed up one morning to cook us breakfast, all groceries stacked in her bottomless tote bag. 20 minutes in the kitchen with me slouching on the kitchen island silently observing and listening to her instructions - she served me one of the most impactful breakfasts I’ve ever had.

Ingrediants 2 eggs 2 sausages (can be whichever meat depending on your vice) 1 big onion 1 big tomato 2 slices of cheese* 2tbsp of red pepper Salt as per your taste 4 slices of any sort of bread of your preference

Procedure The process is simple - we’re just going to make an omelet. Start by breaking both the eggs into one big bowl. Cut the onions and tomatoes into tiny pieces and add it to the bowl.

Add your spices and start whisking (I’m realising there’s been a lot of whisking in this entire cookbook so far - but remember, eggs are your best friends when cooking scares you).

Put the mixture to the side and take out a pan. Take the sausages and cut them into tiny circular pieces. Add oil to the pan, warm it and throw in the cut sausages. Fry them and throw them into the bowl of our whisked mixture. Whisk again!

Once you feel they’ve been whisked well throw your mix back into the same pan (you can add more oil to it before you start cooking). Fry it the same way you would an omelette.

The tricky part is the flip, since the sausages are too dense to just mix very easily with the egg. A way around it is to cut the omelette in half (midway) while frying it and just folding each half. Just flip the halves and call it a day. Fry well to ensure nothing on the inside is left undercooked. As the omelette nears completion, add a slice of cheese on top and let it melt onto each half. Don’t let it liquify too much into a gooey messy situation/

Chicken Qorma Now this one is a bit trickier, but I’m adding it because I have faith in you. One of the best South Asian curries out there and a staple of our culture (especially Pakistan). Let’s do this.

Ingrediants Half KG chicken with bone 2 medium sized onions ½ spoon garlic paste ½ spoon ginger paste (mixed together) Tomato paste/sauce (3 tomatoes if you want to make it) 3 tablespoons of tomato paste Salt (per your taste) 1 teaspoon Red Chilli (unless you want more spice, you can add it) 1/4th teaspoon turmeric ½ teaspoon Indian Hot spices

Procedure Start by cutting the onion into small pieces (again shape doesn’t matter) and simultaneously prepare your tomato paste (unless you’re using storebought one, which also works perfectly! Just not ketchup, obviously). If you’re making the tomato paste at home, take three big tomatoes and just throw them in the chopper (if you have one). I know there are better and more authentic ways to make it and if you’re an Italian reading this, please don’t hurt me - but for the Chicken Qorma, a simple mashed up tomato sauce will do perfectly fine.

Once you’ve battled with the chopper (just buy store based tomato sauce), you move on to make your garlic and ginger paste. Just in time for another chopper battle. Peel a few cloves of garlic and a whole stem of ginger. Cut them into small pieces and throw them in the chopper.

Make it go vroom vroom and there you have it- your garlic and ginger paste is ready.

Moving on, it’s time to wash the chicken. Wash it good and thoroughly in a strainer. Make sure there’s no sign of blood in there (ew , I know).

Once done, place the strainer with the chicken on a plate bigger than the strainer’s base and let all the water drip out. Put it on the side.

Time to use our tools. Put your deep pot on the stove at medium heat, add oil and let the oil heat well. Add the onion and cook till it’s light brown. Now add your drained (hopefu;;y) chicken to the pot and ently stir, stir, stir, stir and stir till you feel that the chicken is cooked (should be white). The stirring will take probably up to 5 minutes since chicken is a soft piece of meat and doesn’t need to cook too much.

On the side, take the yogurt and beat/whisk it in a bowl. Once whisked, add all the spices mentioned in the ingredients to it except dry coriander to it. Perfetto.

Now, add your garlic and ginger paste to the pot and fry it till the paste is visibly also turning brown. Add your tomato paste too and continue frying till it starts to sizzle. Now, add the yogurt mix to it and fry and sir the whole thing, well.

Once you feel like its fried well, add half a cup of water, lower the fire to be even dimmer, cover the pot (but make sure you don’t shut ot completely. Leave a tiny, teensy weensy bit of space to let the steam out) and leave it to itself for 5 - 8 minutes.

Take the top off, garnish with mixed hot indian spices and ta-da! Your chicken qorma, is ready.

About the author Misha Farhana is a cartoonist, illustrator, animator and maybe more (or so she would like to believe). When she’s not going through an emotional reckoning in the kitchen, she’s drawing comics and losing sleep over where her spot in the grand world of art is.

For lavish praise you can reach the author on her instagram: @nicenichecartoons or email: mishasnichetoons@gmail.com