Miscellany, Volume 117, Issue 4 by MISC. Magazine, Trinity College Dublin

T.C.D.

The Burj Khalifa | Mark Little | Clubbing condemned | Generation Y

Au revoir Trinity studentsâ€™ plans: graduate and get out

Volume 117 | Issue Four | March 2010

Issue 4 book.indb 1

05/03/2010 12:31:32

Editor’s letter Conor James McKinney

The difference between this bath-salt and actual mdma was barely noticeable. A true connoisseur may be able to tell you the difference

y father recently got me a subscription to the London Review of Books. At a time when I was concerned about the utterly hetrogeneous nature of the submissions to this, our final issue of the year, the contents of the number for 25 February were eminently reassuring: salmon, gargoyles, incest, World War II, MP’s expenses and the moon splendidly mashed together. So we present, once more, the pick of the thoughts bubbling through the fertile brains of our contributors since the New Year. Politics, as ever, gets a mention, with some solid liberal fare served up by Messrs Bell and Warner, albeit in very different styles. We’re not utterly immune from the contemporary: tickets for the Trinity Ball were sold — and quickly sold out — just before we broke up for reading week. (I got my two, on the basis that I’m in final year, so I have to go lest I get bullied, and my girlfriend loves Dizzee Rascal, so she has to go lest I get bullied.) In this spirit of wanton hedonism, we include two nicely contrasting takes on what makes a good night out from Dominic Gallagher and Matt Martin. Being a Senior Sophister isn’t all hip hop and nostalgia, though. There’s the realisation, as one of our contributors puts it, that “When I grow up, I want to be...” is a worryingly live issue. What we’re going to be, it seems, is unemployed. Our survey, carried out by three of Miscellany’s dedicated staff, reveals that most students are set to flee the country upon completion of their degree. Fittingly, our graduate diarist, Hugh, is a prime example of this trend. He’s been in Japan since the summer, and he ain’t coming back. Who knows — I just might join him.

interview

Face(book)ing the future Have we seen the death of news as we know it, or can journalism be resurrected through social media? Broadcaster and Trinity graduate Mark Little provides his opinion on the future of news. by Jean Morley

“

nformation coming through that Mostafa Mirebrahimi died under torture in Iran, I cannot confirm but sources usually v good”. Meet Oxfordgirl, one of the world’s most famous social bloggers. Her tweets appear on the homepage of 10,609 Twitter users each day. Oxfordgirl tweets about Middle Eastern politics, focussing mostly on the resistance efforts of Iranians against the country’s regime and, more recently, the riots spreading across the country. So respected are Oxfordgirl’s Tweets, the Guardian newspaper recently named her a crucial link between Iranian protestors and the outside world, quoting her opinion that, before the Iranian government started blocking phones, “I was co-ordinating people’s individual movements”. But who is this all-powerful Oxfordgirl? Apart from her Twitter name and Twitter location as “somewhere safe”, nobody really knows. Oxfordgirl represents the doubleedged nature of social media. Useful, even revolutionary for some, to others, it is a mass movement with an almost chilling anonymity at its centre. Ten years ago, a mysterious genius directing events behind a laptop would have appeared in a far-fetched action film. Today, anybody can have ownership over a political event — simply join Facebook, Blogger or Twitter and you can generate news on a Little at the Dublin Web Summit in the Edmund Burke Theatre on February 4 this year. Photo: Martin McKenna.

platform with experts. In Ireland, questions over the legitimacy of social media have resulted in its being treated like a mysterious poltergeist. On one side, public figures like politicians acknowledge its ability to stir opinion and shake young voters into awareness. Brian Cowen has his own well-populated Facebook fanpage, and with a clear description of the structure of his cabinet it is clearly working to educate a young target audience. For other state officials, social media ought to be invisible; it is not so much about denying its existence as want-

“Even when I was in rté I found that social media made me a better reporter. It just really forces us to live up to the eternal rules... They are things like be succinct, less is more, always cite your sources, always be objective.” ing it to be ignored. Last fortnight, the Ombudsman and Information Commissioner Emily O’Reilly argued that, when faced by the “shrieking” of social media she favours a traditional editorial voice that she can trust. Discussing her fears of applications like the new Google Buzz, she argued, “I don’t see Bambi, I see I, Robot interlaced with the sound track of 1984”. Nobody is more aware of the murky reception of social media in Ireland than journalist Mark Little. The former

Prime Time presenter famously left his tv slot in December in order to start working on his own social media platform. Just weeks after his departure from rté, Little broadcasted The Future of News. Through a kind of online manifesto, he outlined the redundancy of traditional news broadcasting. In fitting with the conversational nature of news at the moment, I rang him to ask him his current views. “Yesterday I sent out a tweet saying how sick I was of hearing journalists on radio slagging off Twitter and then realising that they have Twitter addresses themselves. It’s so contradictory. Every time certain media people mention Facebook, they have a laugh in their voice. I don’t think people are really laughing anymore — the laugh is one of nervousness.” There is a sense from these words and his online statements that Little is battling against traditional journalists and news styles. Was his departure from Prime Time and subsequent web broadcast intended to act as a critique of the previous areas in which he worked? “No, it was an exposure of limitations as opposed to a critique. I don’t think there is anything fundamentally wrong with the ethos of a programme like Prime Time or rté, for that matter. I was trying to illustrate that the business model, cost structure, personnel structure and the old technology which I laboured under for a long time, that they were the big problems.” 13

It is only now that the Celtic Tiger has been sent to the great safari in the sky that we are left to deal with reality

he n pending premedita sit easily w nal quest f To kno dictates existenc given time, at a given by the death warran determinism on the To know that the str will persist in the fa tion methods, in the a vocal anti-death pe face of our most hea pleas for mercy, to e

T.C.D. Miscellany is funded by a grant from DU Publications Committee. This publication claims no special rights or privileges. Serious complaints should be addressed to: The Editor, T.C.D. Miscellany, 6 Trinity College, Dublin 2. Appeals may be directed to the Press Council of Ireland. T.C.D. Miscellany is a full participating member of the Press Council of Ireland and supports the Office of the Press Ombudsman. This scheme, in addition to defending the freedom of the press, offers readers a quick, fair and free method of dealing with complaints that they may have in relation to articles that appear on our pages. To contact the Office of the Press Ombudsman go to www.pressombudsman.ie.

Issue 4 book.indb 2

05/03/2010 12:31:37

Volume 117, Issue 4 Contents 8

I am the platypus: a head shopping story Matthew Martin takes a trip

10 Nightclubs are crap Dominic Gallagher sits in the corner

12 Face(book)ing the future Jean Morley has a Little chat 16 Energy, cuts, tax, lift American spirits Neil Warner carpets conservatism

Coming second last in a potato and spoon race, I can empathise with the sentiment that we are a group that crave affirmation

uture

enter famously left cember in order to n his own social media eeks after his deparLittle broadcasted The Through a kind of online tlined the redundancy of broadcasting. In fitting sational nature of news I rang him to ask him his

sent out a tweet sayas of hearing journalgging off Twitter and at they have Twitter selves. It’s so contradiccertain media people ok, they have a laugh in n’t think people are reymore — the laugh is one

18 The administration of death Eamonn Bell doesn’t like the death penalty 20 Generation Y Laura Twomey wonders how 90s kids will ever get jobs 22 Nightmare on Main Street Niall Morahan considers prostitution a viable career move 23 Exams are tough, but what about being unemployed? Christiane O’Mahony is productive on the dole

nse from these words atements that Little is traditional journalists Was his departure from subsequent web broadact as a critique of the n which he worked? n exposure of limitad to a critique. I don’t ything fundamentally ethos of a programme or rté, for that matter. lustrate that the busistructure, personnel e old technology which I for a long time, that they blems.”

Politics PHilsoPHY

The administration of death Capital punishment, and the means to carry it out, are not only evil in themselves, but remove the incentive for society to examine itself. by eamonn bell

he notion of an impending cold, calculated, premeditated death does not sit easily with that of an eternal quest for liberty. To know that society dictates that our worldly existence should cease, at a given time, at a given place, as mandated by the death warrant, puts the kibosh of determinism on the life of the convict. To know that the structures of authority will persist in the face of failed execution methods, in the face of calls from a vocal anti-death penalty lobby, in the face of our most heart-rending deathbed pleas for mercy, to ensure the successful

termination of our existence, is deeply disturbing. Yet states around the globe ritually engage in this wilful ignorance of the redemption through repentance and the

Perhaps there is an element of collective culpability for the crimes that our most depraved citizens commit value of compassion. This is the archstubbornness that results in the appall-ing pantomime of state execution that takes place day upon day. We have all been born into a world in which this class of human behaviour

continues. It’s foolish to ignore it. To be frank, what chills me most about capital punishment isn’t necessarily the absurd extension of the notion of retributive justice; it’s not necessarily the unsettling thought that innocent accuseds have been and will continue to be killed unjustly; it’s not necessarily the grisly methods which are used today to do away with death row inmates. It’s the fact that certain nations have developed a state apparatus of death, an arm of the state tasked exclusively with the systematic erasure of its own miscreant citizens in the calculated fashion described above. The appliances of elimination, the

execution chambers, the intravenous drips, the lethal cocktails, the viewing windows, the opaque curtains, the witnesses, the melodramatic rite of the last words are all artefacts necessary for the performance of this warped ritual of society. All are saturated with the idea that elimination is valid. Execution is the very essence of these man-made objects. Unsettlingly, lest trained and accredited doctors become Hippocratic hypocrites through their involvement in the execution of a prisoner, the death-inducing act of injection is almost invariably delegated to a “technician” of dubious qualification. The existence of these subservient agents of the state, whose exclusive purpose is to kill, necessitates the existence of a hierarchy that deals in death, that hands down eternal elimination through a chain of command which dilutes and trivialises the morality of the act with each descent through the hierarchy. At the point where the collective will, as expressed in the law, arrives at the manifestation of the individual — the technician — the act has escaped true moral scrutiny. I tentatively suggest that no decent, right-thinking human being, when faced with a fellow human strapped to the gurney or hands tied and bent double against the ground, should ever inject the lethal poison or fire the deadly round into their brother. If we could isolate and suppress our outrage at their criminal act, take the poor fool for what he or she is worth, namely an image of our self in humanity, it would be impossible to stand over their execution. But the burdens of context rest on the individual who controls the life or death of the prisoner. The aspirations towards a peaceful society, the perceived need for some form of retribution, the need for consistency in the judicial system all bear heavily upon the small subset of society charged routinely with the technical act of execution. These external pressures make it exceedingly difficult for the select few to make a level-headed, rational and ultimately virtuous moral choice. Instead these technicians unquestioningly administer death as if it were just the next logical step up in intensity of the State’s deprivation of our liberties, the kind we rely daily on the penal system to exact. However, death is unquestionably the ultimate step. It is the end to our sensations insofar we know them to be. And it is not just the demesne of the unknown, but the demesne of the humanly unknowable. I wonder what agency do we truly have to wilfully discard our fellow man into the inferno, for after all, this is where many of us believe

these immoral bastards should end up. Death is trivialised to the point where these technicians are mere life enabler/ disablers. Using capital punishment society legitimises, endorses, but more caresses, welcomes into its warm em embrace this idea that life can be likened to a service, like the most mundane things in life - satellite television, say - that

Broadly speaking, the act of execution is a failed act of societal self-surgery can be withdrawn if the party to the contract fails to keep his or her side of the bargain. This treatment ignores one fundamental truth about our life. It only happens like this once. For me, a failed existence trumps eternal non-existence by virtue of its potential beauty - even if repulsive to the shared sense of right and wrong that is somehow embodied in law. Broadly speaking, the act of execu execution is a failed act of societal self-surgery. We remove these cancerous nodes of the human web with the goal of cur curing an ill humanity. It’s quackery. This kind of remedy relieves the symptoms temporarily but fails to tackle the causes. The environment of our existence, cre created solely by ourselves, determines our moral development a lot more than we wish to believe. We want to wash clean our hands and reject the suggestion that perhaps a broken society is at fault. Perhaps there is an element of collective culpability for the crimes that our most depraved citizens commit. Ruefully, a system of capital punish punishment discourages this necessary mass

introspection and encourages the creation of a shared totem for evil where the death row inmate becomes the effigy for all things despicable, all things beyond forgiveness. That this effigy is swept away in the tumult of a state sponsored killing distracts us from our collective failure. And we relish in our blissful ignorance, as a so-called humanity that consigns its “broken individuals” to the abyss of death while ignoring the root causes of their problems, treating a minority so woefully inhumanely so that the majority maintain their delusion of inculpability. Do you think you would feel human, strapped to the gurney, punctured by the deadly needle, four, five, six times in search of a vein? Do you think you would feel human, as an administrator of death, drawing the curtain back to reveal to the witnesses the fruit of your labour, your contribution to this society, another poisoned corpse? Mercy, mercy, mercy! cries the writhing corpus of victims and we choose to hear silence, deafened either by ignorance, apathy, or worse, willful permissiveness of a so-called humanity that has constructed a social apparatus that purposes the single most revolting act at the disposal of our will, to kill, to kill, to kill. Eamonn Bell is a Junior Freshman student of Music and Mathematics.

Capital punishment Rowing back on death row » In 2009 there were 52 executions in the United States, and an esti estimated 5,000 in China. » The former figure, provided by the Death Penalty Information Cen Centre website, is charmingly stated to be “accurate as of most recent execution”. » According to Amnesty Inter International, since 1973, over 130 people have been released from death rows throughout the US due to evidence of their wrongful conviction. » Since 1990 an average of three countries a year have abolished the death penalty.

» 58 countries maintain the death penalty in both law and practice. 35 maintain the punishment in law but not in practice. » The death penalty in Ireland is banned under the constitution, following a 2001 referendum. » The death penalty is also forbidden under the European Convention on Human Rights, ratified by Ireland in 2002. » The last official killing to be committed by the Irish state was in 1954, when Michael Manning was executed for murder by a hangman on loan from the UK.

24 The value of education and the cost of emigration Our survey of Senior Sophisters 26 Lambs to the slaughter Sarah Walker comes over all Bill Cullen 28 The eco-friendly way of spending your summer Tara Monaghan looks forward to the holidays 29 Panning possibilities: a way out of recession? Anthea Laccia on an unusual way of making your fortune 30 Canada: a progressive paradise Kate Rowan explores Canadian culture 33 City of blinding heights Sehreen Qureshi at the foot of the world’s tallest building

34 The Last Word With Mark Walsh T.C.D. Miscellany 6 Trinity College Dublin 2 www.miscellany.ie editor@miscellany.ie Printed in Co. Wicklow by Conway Media Limited.

editor Conor James McKinney deputy editor Aoife O’Reilly assistant editors Niall Brunell, Elaine McCahill sub editors Rachel Gregg, Louisa McIndoe, Sehreen Qureshi chief copy editor Dana Davis copy editors Polly Dennison, Sarah-Kate Geraghty, Emma Walker layout & design Martin McKenna

Correction: In Volume 117, Issue 3, we published on page 21 an article by Christiane O’Mahony, who was described as a “Senior Sophister student of Psychology”. In fact, Ms O’Mahony is a graduate with degrees in both Psychology and Acting Studies. We apologise to her and and to Christine O’Mahony, SS Psychology, who would like it made clear that she is not the author of the piece in question. We are happy to make this clear.

33 3

Issue 4 book.indb 3

05/03/2010 12:31:44

Old Miscellany

1976

Typophilia not just tittle-tattle W

hat’s in a name? In the case of this publication, having been called many variations on “Miscellany” over the years, the answer is very much, “Don’t ask!”. What you’re welcome to ask about, on the other hand, is the typesetting of that word on the front page, which I had the pleasure of designing in August 2009. Without much historical guidance for the visual

appearance for Miscellany available, I was given carte blanche to choose the fonts and design with which the magazine would deliver its content to you, the reader. The magazine also needs a face to stare at you, just like a person — at once distinct and recognisable. New York Magazine provided inspiration, with their swash italic nameplate and covers that skewered targets

like Eliot Spitzer (left). It turns out that it’s difficult to strike a balance between swash italics that are on one hand too “The Ambassador requests the pleasure”, and on the other, too kooky. This I learned the hard way, trawling through hundreds of examples, none of them suitable. The answer came when I wasn’t looking, on a magazine rack in Superquinn. I turned to an online forum, Typophile, to identify the font in the camera phone snap I took. 54 minutes after I posted it, Carl W. Scar-

Issue 4 book.indb 4

05/03/2010 12:31:45

A few words with The Trinity News editor What’s your name? David Thomas Paul Kelly Molloy. Where are you from? Clontarf. How do you travel into College in the mornings? Why is that important? Bike or bus, depending on how lazy I feel. What’s your favourite thing about College? The people. There’s so many different disciplines and different people all getting along, it’s brilliant. You’d think they’d be killing each other. Er, are you expecting interesting responses? How has College changed in your time here? New funding models, semesterisation... Things don’t change that much in half a decade, but the small changes do end up being quite important. Do you ever go to any student society events? On official TN business, or when I’m reliably informed there will be good wine. Do you ever read any of the college newspapers? You always stay on top of what other people are doing; I even read the ones from other colleges. brough, an art director in Boston, had provided the answer: Bellevue. The font was perfect. With a subtle slope, the letters are transitive, showing the path of the pen from letter to letter. The ball terminals recalled Mercury, the font on the inside pages (compare the lowercase c). What wasn’t perfect was the way the word “Miscellany” set in Bellevue, which Typophile’s experts were quick to point out (www.typophile.com/node/61305).

An amputated X was grafted onto the M and intentionally left hanging below the baseline — mathematically incorrect, but a visual illusion that appears optically correct. The identical twin ls were separated, their heads now sloping harmoniously. The ambitious “tittle” — that’s the dot on the i — was reined in and lowered slightly to sit more happily below the serif on the M. Thus Miscellany joined a family containing l’Hôtel-Restaurant

Le Jabron in Drôme in France and the National Gallery of Ireland’s slide collection — you can see the familial resemblance, as Bellevue is the face of both. The patriarch of this family is Gustav Jäger, the German designer of Bellevue, released by H. Berthold AG in 1986. This makes us second cousins of Google, too, as their logo is set in another of Jäger’s designs, Catull. Martin McKenna

What’s your favourite book? I’ll give you whatever answer you want. The Student Newspaper Survival Guide? No, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski is better. What’s your favourite ice cream flavour? It’s gotta be cookie dough, doesn’t it? Are we totally copping out by interviewing you rather than a proper staff member? Conor, I’m very disappointed in you. I wouldn’t do a thing like this until at least twenty minutes before deadline. This is bullshit. Agreed. 5

Issue 4 book.indb 5

05/03/2010 12:31:47

Diary of a Fresher Lara Stewart

“

Issue 4 book.indb 6

NO BOYFRIEND, NEW COURSE, NO REGRETS h how I love reading week. Although, something tells me that this reading week is a lot more serious than the Michaelmas one. The library will become packed and motivation is surely going to set in. I mean it hasn’t yet for you too, right? The end of year exams are completely terrifying for me, I don’t really know what to expect. One thing is for certain: when they’re over, I shall celebrate for the whole student body. I suppose the scariest thing is that, while you can learn the lecture notes off by heart, nothing is really left to rote learning. Which to a Leaving Cert student (seems like a lifetime ago) is a bit daunting to say the least. (Will probably have a mini-meltdown and binge on lecture notes come April). I’ve heard through the grapevine that The Pav is in it’s most appealing and attractive state during the 2 week pre-exam break. I find that easy to believe, it’s like an unwritten law or sick joke from God that the weather is always glorious during exam time. But then I suppose that makes finishing for the summer all the more satisfying! All throughout first year, I’ve been trying to get a job, and failing miserably. (My timetable is a complete shambles. For example, Monday: tutorial at nine, tutorial at two and a lecture at six. Academic breakfast, lunch and dinner... delightful!) There are little in the way of part-time jobs that I’ve seen. Or maybe they’ve all read these columns and decided I’m a miserable bastard. Anyway, the lack of funds means I hope (hope) to jump ship this summer and go to a nice Greek island for 3 months. The Greeks don’t have access to these columns, do they? I can’t afford Oz or Canada or that whole Santa Barbara/San Fran/San Diego adventure. Europe seems more viable. For one, working is less hassle due to our EU status; if everything goes horrible wrong I can trust good old Ryanair to bring me

back to Dublin at a cheap enough price. Fingers crossed it will all work out though, there’s nothing worse than a rainy summer in Ireland without a job, especially without the premise of ‘college’ to wangle cash out of my mother. Let me get back to reality for a moment. (In my head I am on a Greek beach.) I started this diary not knowing what to expect. I remember being afraid that I would feel like I didn’t fit in, or that my relationship with my boyfriend would not survive the trials and tribulations of college. Well, in retrospect I had a reason to be worried. I’ll try to make this as optimistic as possible, but as I look back on the year it was by no means an easy ride. I did break up with my boyfriend and moving courses I found it harder than expected to deal with the social (or lack thereof ) side of things. I do like Trinity, I feel very lucky to be going here, even overwhelmed. I have a few midterm tests on the horizon which I am dreading but on the whole if I was to start it all over again, honestly? I would. I would still have chosen Sociology and Social Policy but I would approach it differently. I would definitely have made moving out a huge priority. But there’s no point having regrets. I’ve become more independent, and college makes you very aware of who you are or who you want to be for that matter. While I haven’t figured that out completely I’ve definitely grown (metaphorically; I don’t think I’m getting any taller, much to my dismay). It’s March and I’m still here in the Arts Block. To conclude my last ever Freshers’ Diary, best of luck to you all in the impending exams and have an amazing (however jobless you may be) and memorable summer! Here’s hoping to not see you at the supplementals, Lara. Lara Stewart is a Junior Freshman student of Sociology and Social Policy.

”

05/03/2010 12:31:47

Diary of a Graduate Hugh McCafferty

“

THE MASTER’S ADVICE FOR PANICKING SOPHISTERS iven that this is the last issue of Miscellany for the year (and, consequently, my final Graduate’s Diary column), I thought it apt to gather together all of the wisdom I have accumulated in the last eight months or so for the benefit of those readers set to leave the warm, comforting bosom of university in a few months time. Sorry, Freshers, you may continue as you were, enjoying your exciting, care-free, promiscuous lives. 1. being in fourth year does not mean that you’re shit and old. Perhaps I’m projecting a little here, but bear with me. You all know the feeling: you’re in a pub or a club in which you’ve enjoyed many great nights over the best part of four years. Suddenly, you notice something different about the faces around you — you can’t quite place it, but there’s a definite sense of youthful vitality and dew-fresh, sexual potency in the air. Then it hits you: you are the oldest person in the room. And that makes you weird. Fear not, though — this disturbing development is the natural result of reaching the top of the food chain, as it were. Regardless of what you do after college, you’re pretty much guaranteed to come into regular contact with lots of people who are much older and shitter than you. Whether you find yourself in a new job, a post-grad course, the dole queue or your old room in your parents’ house, you will, once again, be a hot, young thing. 2. you don’t have to do something “real” after you graduate. The idea that, directly upon graduating, one should go forth into the real world and use the skills newly-acquired at university in a productive way is as dated as the smelly, old curmudgeons that propagate it. First of all, if you’re soon to be awarded an arts degree, you’re going to be essentially unemployable anyway, so you might as well arse about for a bit longer. If, on the other hand,

you want to make money and are feeling a little gloomy with the economy as it is, cheer up because it could be a lot worse — you could have been paying fees for the past four years (sorry, foreign students). Take heart then, from the suffering of your international counterparts and bear in mind that they’d kill to be so comparatively responsibility-free. If you’re not really sure what you should do once college is over, don’t worry. A lot of people feel the same way and there’s nothing wrong with taking your time to figure it out. Eventually, of course, you will more than likely have to do something proper with your life (you don’t want to turn out like that visibly older man in the tatty, green windcheater who still drinks cans in the Pav even though he graduated some time in the early 90s) but that doesn’t have to be for a while, so don’t get stressed. 3. always be partying. It’s as simple as A-B-P. Now, obviously you’re going to have to give yourself some space for summer exams and all that but, for the love of God, don’t forget to have a laugh. As Mark Twain once said, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the mad deadly parties that you didn’t go to in college than by your II.I degree in Sociology and Political Science”. As far as my future goes, I’ve decided to stay in Japan for another year. It’s a pretty amazing place: trains come on time, the food is delicious, hard liquor is dirt cheap and — with the exception of the odd rush hour train groper — people are genuinely very nice. Regardless of what your post-graduation plans may be, though, remember that if I can go from faffing about the Arts Block every day to teaching Japanese schoolchildren how to order their steak medium rare, then anything is possible. Ganbatte! Hugh McCafferty graduated from Trinity in 2009 with a degree in Psychology. See more at www.whatthefukuoka.blogspot.com.

”

Issue 4 book.indb 7

05/03/2010 12:31:48

recreation Travel

I am the platypus: a head shopping story “Our paths through life must be righteous; I urge you to go home and look in the mirror, and pray that your son doesn’t succumb to the path of fear” — Mrs. Farmer, Donnie Darko. by Matthew martin

here is a way to procure drugs these days completely legally, thanks to the new bathsalt and plant fertilizer “head shops” sprouting up around the city, multi-coloured and opentill-late. For 20 euro, through prison-sell doors, customers can pick up a half gram of Magic, Blow, Smoke xxxx or WildCat, and chose to snort, bomb and smoke these brand-new chemicals into oblivion, along with themselves. The effects on the subject are more often than not equivocated in terms of currently illegal drugs, such as mdma, cocaine, ecstasy and marijuana. The procurement of legal drugs, by contrast with illegal ones, is taxed, the packages bought are regulated in their content, and almost entirely nothing is known about these new chemicals’ effects on the human body and psyche over a prolonged period of usage. 8

Issue 4 book.indb 8

05/03/2010 12:31:48

I met my friend the Poet one given Friday for a night of bath-salts and plant fertilizers, for a club down in Harcourt, for one of the best techno djs of our generation, for a night that was destined to reach long into the following morning. The queue to the head shop on South William Street was full of delightful characters. From tetchy tramps looking for a gram of any shit they could find, stoners drawling along looking for a bag

The difference between this bath-salt and actual mdma was barely noticeable. A true connoisseur may be able to tell you the difference to burn, to people already on uppers out for a mad one, nodding and fidgeting and talking at 90 miles an hour. The man on the other side of the 17-inch hole in the door walked back and forth taking money and orders from this array of customers on for a hitch, half a gram here, a gram and a half there. All legal, all above board, all grand. But “not fit for human consumption”, of course. When it hits, abra cala kazaam, smack! it comes into the system that binds you, thrown into your perceptions like some socially masturbating invertebrate, striving, driving you to communicate with every other human in the vicinity; this guy’s looking at you funny, what’s his deal? Ignore the platypus for the minute, the wreak is being havocked, the binds released and the smoke has filtered through the air-conditioning. Here comes the imposing, impending buzz, off of which you are wrecked, across from a sea of simple symphonic

stouts to barrels of unparalleled caricatures of inward-leaning walls and faces. A dusty kid plays puppeteer with a crowd who are full of perfectly palatable bath-salts, the effects of which resonate in its subjects like mountains and sound-systems and unearthly-long life. And the beat pounds penetration into yourstruly, that is the heavy noise in which he’s enveloped, whilst being struck and slut upon in ways most forward, most hurried, most up-to-date and rushed and forceful and entangling. And everybody wants more. A salivating, writhing mass of horny corpuscles and shallow-friends, wishing and wanting and moving and sparking and flaunting. Sound. At four in the morning, you can continue to soar, mindfully humming in a loud and pseudo-euphoric burst of light, glazing and smiling with other people’s directions, both physical and mental. It’s the state when you talk for hours about Einstein and relativity and motion and empiricism versus idealism, childhood and base truths and other people. Sharing music and a beautiful ability for social activity, you live for the moment as much as you can, because you know it can’t last. The body has its limitations, and in a few hours sobriety will kick in, and you’ll come tumbling down on a

Both Morpheus and Miscellany recommend taking only one red pill at a time.

couch somewhere, and the thing you’ll want most in the whole world is your bed. The real world will in. The Poet and I parted ways at about 8.30 a.m. on a beautiful morning, and walked home past people out to the shops or on their way to Mass. So far removed from one’s own mentality are these people that to Head shop products are generally successfully communicate effective in producing with them, esthe desired effect. pecially at this stage of the night, would be exceptionally difficult indeed. My legs were heavy. My cheeks hurt. My dilated eyes did not appreciate the sharp yet divine rays of sunlight that were piercing them like spears. Just keep on walking. The legality of the evening I’d experienced continues to perplex an already frazzled brain. The difference between this bath-salt and actual mdma was barely noticeable. A true connoisseur may be able to tell you the difference, but judging by our behaviour, the results were the same. Yet an associate of mine, who is by no means a regular drug-user, informed me that he stayed awake all night on some legal cocaine and stayed indoors and did work. Ignoring pedantic issues of legality, the boy decided to stay up all night doing cocaine. I picture him running up and down his stairs, chewing wood and getting really into everything he did. Wirelessly communicating with people at all hours of the morning; people who just didn’t deserve it. I doubt he would have done the same with actual cocaine, but I don’t know why. Is the difference in the name? Maybe if we call it something different, we think differently about it, and our qualms with doing Class A chemicals are quelled. The self-judging bastard that makes the average citizen adversely inclined at the proposition of a cocaine binge somehow becomes less judgemental when we consider the chemical legal, and it happens to be called Morpheus instead of cocaine. Hell, Morpheus sounds cool to me, like some new kind of energy drink. Morpheus, I’ll have the red pill please. I need an exit. Matthew Martin is a Senior Freshman student of Mental and Moral Science. 9

Issue 4 book.indb 9

05/03/2010 12:31:49

recreation

Nightclubs are crap Clubbing may be all very well for a postexam blowout, but surely being jammed noisely and sweatily together doesn’t constitute the acme of our social evolution. by Dominic Gallagher

was trapped, all around me bodies pressed against me in this dark, demonic pit. Wide, dazed eyes stared blankly into mine as we tumbled awkwardly into each other. They must have been drugged. I tried to talk but my words were smothered by deafening noise and I gave up. Alone I swayed helplessly among the tangled limbs, and the stench. I was in a club. I was meant to be having fun. I wasn’t. The description above seems better suited to a 19th century Middle Eastern jail rather than the magic, mingling places of the young and carefree. Is this what I’m going to reminisce about when I’m 60? Will I really be telling the younger generations that “back in my day” we couldn’t even move on

the dance floor? Or that wearing white shoes was ridiculous because they would doubtlessly be fouled by all the people standing on them? The emperor is in fact naked and we’ve stripped along with him. We’ve lost our individual ability to reason in

Sometimes I tune out in a club and imagine David Attenborough narrating as if in one of his wildlife programs this mad rush to be accepted by our peers. I don’t think I’ve ever made a new friend in a club nor had a proper conversation except in the smoking area. It’s amazing how many non-smokers like me you find there. People who don’t enjoy clubs, but due to a lack of alternative,

are forced to spend eight euro to stand outside in the cold and the rain. I accept that if I drank I would enjoy clubs much more. But this still does not negate the fact that clubs are useless. If something which is boring while sober becomes good while drunk what would happen if it was actually good while sober? Surely it would become amazing while drunk? Or maybe we wouldn’t even need to become intoxicated to enjoy it. I’m sure that many reading this will have contemptuously thrown out my assertions that clubs are boring. They will have remembered the many great nights they have had in clubs and will pity my cold, sheltered life. But I have had great nights in clubs too. You’re bound to if you head out with friends. Don’t confuse

Issue 4 book.indb 10

05/03/2010 12:31:50

happiness produced by clubs with happiness due to being out with your friends. I have a good night despite the club, not because of it. What is the function of a club? You can dance for the first hour and it is really enjoyable. But then the tipping point is reached and all the hormone-charged losers feel that it’s safe to swarm. Instead of being able to lose yourself in spontaneous harmony to the musical vibe you’re now constrained on all sides. You can nod your head, bob from side to side, but there is no room for any real creativity. Does anyone even try to dance anyway? In my own experience I find it rare to come across more than three or four people who actually try to throw some shapes in time to the rhythm. You can’t communicate to anyone in any meaningful way either as the sound means you can only shout. The inability to vary your tone of voice ultimately leads to an exchange of information being the only form of communication that achieves any real success. The third and last function of a club seems to be to pull. Admittedly it’s an awful lot easier and less awkward in a club than in normal life. It’s also about half as much fun. The thrill of the chase adds a spark to any relationship but this is killed stone dead by the ritualistic ceremony that is repetitively enacted. Sometimes I tune out in a club and imagine David Attenborough narrating as if in one of his wildlife programs. “The

alpha male scans the floor. He picks up on the signals of the females by how they ‘get low’. With partner he slides over and flanks them. He stares until eye contact is made then oscillates in their direction. The female will respond in like kind if interested...” It was fun when I first started heading out, when you would have a great laugh dandering round the

I accept that if I drank I would enjoy clubs much more. But this still does not negate the fact that clubs are useless floor with a wingman, but it has become stale by now. I’m not totally against clubs as I do think that they do provide the perfect setting on a few occasions. Sometimes when you’ve got something to celebrate like sporting success, a birthday or the end of the exams your emotions go beyond the rational and jumping up and down in a packed club surrounded by mates is all you want. But this doesn’t happen that often, certainly not two or three nights a week. If you abuse it like that it becomes drained of any excitement and you fall into a horrible succession of average nights. But you don’t want to admit this, so wearily pass it off as “a good night” every time someone asks, until you reach the point that you almost believe it. We seem obsessed with quantity over quality.

What do I suggest as an alternative? Pubs are good if you’re already with a group but not if you want to meet new people. My ideal is the house parties you see in American movies though I have yet to find out if they actually exist in real life. Every one I go to seems to be more of a gathering and lacks the essential cheerleading team. An immediate improvement I propose would be for clubs to have a soundproof room where you could have more relaxed conversation. I also think they should limit the number of people they allow in, although I realise that club owners aren’t in a hurry to make less money. They will however respond to demand, and if students boycott packed nights then they could implement this change. When there is actually room there can be moments of euphoric selfexpression on the dance floor when you just enjoy being alive. It can be a joyful shedding of inhibitions which bonds people together. This is nightclubs at their finest. I do know that our methods of social interaction are constantly changing from the formal dance balls of the past to the clubs of today, and will continue to do so. It is unwise to assume that we have reached perfection. It’s up to the innovators of our generation to make sure these changes will be for the better. Dominic Gallagher is a Junior Freshman student of English and Philosophy.

Issue 4 book.indb 11

05/03/2010 12:31:52

â€œ

Issue 4 book.indb 12

05/03/2010 12:31:55

interview

“

Issue 4 book.indb 13

05/03/2010 12:31:56

Little is impressive in his efforts at objectivity. Eager not to appear to be criticising individuals, he focuses on the antiquated nature of an impersonal system. “To keep costs down you get issued with certain phones that are not digitally enabled. It’s the same with any big media organisation, any organisation in general. Sometimes the organisational structure is the enemy of innovation. I think media organisations are coming to the point where they have serious inabilities to adapt to technology.” He is keen to point out that his move was quite personal, in fitting with what were his own “big interests”, which he cites as “world affairs” and “social media as opposed to technology.” He stresses, “I’m not a big technologist, anyone who knows me will realise that I have fairly little technical ability. I keep saying to people, there’s way too much attention paid to the actual hard technology of social media. It’s important to have people who understand, but we have to remember it is really a new form of expression. “There is a danger with social media that it becomes a bit too clubby, that the

“To keep costs down you get issued with certain phones that are not digitally enabled. Sometimes the organisational structure is the enemy of innovation. I think media organisations are coming to the point where they have serious inabilities to adapt to technology” people who are already active regard themselves as a kind of progressive elite. That can be intimidating. It’s like joining a crowd of people — when you walk into a pub and you take part in a chat, it can be intimidating to begin with.” With news becoming so overwhelmingly conversational, surely it makes the job of reporting harder. “I think it might, if you’re still locked in that kind of daily routine of journalism. Social media requires engagement, you have to put time aside for it and be exposed to criticism and correction. “But, you know, I think the two have to be reconciled in some way. The liberation is that I can join [in on] conversation as an equal. I don’t have to defend decisions. I don’t have to defend rté. I don’t have to defend a piece I did last night on Prime Time. Even when I was in rté I found that social media made me a better reporter. It just really forces us to live up to the eternal rules.”

Little at the launch of Your Country Your Call, a competition to find “two truly transformational proposals so big that, when implemented, could secure prosperity and jobs for Ireland.” What are they? “They are things like be succinct, less is more, always cite your sources, always be objective.” It is clear that Little has faith in social media’s potential for precision. But inserting an issue like Haiti into a 140-characters tweet, is there a danger it becomes too compressed in the process? “No — if anything, it is the opposite. Haiti was a great example of how social media is an authentic channel of reporting. Newspapers and broadcast stations spend far too much time in a disaster like Haiti getting their person onto the scene. We have a case where we wait three or four days and we finally see a reporter standing at an airport. That is the way that old news covered Haiti. “I knew when the disaster struck I could get three or four views that mattered, from seismologists, to Red Cross workers, to a local radio show host. All these people were immediate and on the scene, they knew something which a reporter did not. “Secondly, Twitter offers not just 140 characters. It contains shortened web addresses — you can send somebody a 10,000 word article from an academic journal, photographs, videos. It is not 140 characters — Twitter is a link in itself. “I remember that one Canadian reporter did a blow-by-blow Twitter account of what was going on, updating every ten, twenty minutes. I don’t want to criticise but I was looking at the Today programme which did an entire programme on Haiti with the reporters standing on a runway of an airport. At one stage, I saw a programme discussing the weather from a us airport. At the end of the day, when I hear old media journalists telling me how abbreviated and irrelevant Twitter is, I think back to that. I think thanks, but no thanks.”

Little repeatedly uses the word “authentic” to describe journalism which interacts with citizens on the scene. But surely we must question the authenticity of these views. Without somebody from a station like rté out on the scene, it may be difficult to verify information transmitted our way. Little listens to my musing in its entirety before beginning a careful answer. “Well, it is definitely a problem, but every day there is a new media technology which allows us to sort the news from the noise. An example of that is Twitter Lists. You can now go on and look up any subject and find out who is mentioned the most. You can find the most trusted and highly recommended user on any particular movement. If somebody loads up a video through an application like Qik, you can see where — within 60 feet — that video was loaded. This means if somebody comes around and says that they shot a video in Tehran, in the middle of a demonstration, you can see that it was loaded up in California. “You can now detect the photoshopping of images online. There is so much technology that your question will become irrelevant within a year or two. If you think of the largest journalistic cockups of the last two years, many of them have been by the mainstream media. Many of them that started off with faults on Wikipedia, the fault was that the journalist did not check the source. Twitter is not a source, it’s a tip. People cannot accept it, they must investigate it, treat it with care. There are ways of creating a professional filter for all this and this is partly what I’d like to do”. To another burning question: since leaving Miriam’s side and the screens of the public, what does Mark Little do on an ordinary day?

Issue 4 book.indb 14

05/03/2010 12:31:57

Little addresses attendees at the Dublin Web Summit. Photo: Martin McKenna. “My company is trying to put in place the boring bits: the web-architecture, the design and building of platforms. We’re trying to raise the money for a long-term global pitch. On top of that, we’re trying to make new editorial formats to answer the questions which you have just asked. “I think we’re trying to create a new form of storytelling. In some ways, the word “news” is incapable of expressing what people want. People do not want things in neat categories, they don’t want journalists standing in front of them, speaking to them like the voice of God. They want something more challenging and authentic. We need a new grammar of storytelling to describe what is happening. Philosophically we’re trying to come up with sources and stories which tell us more about real life, something about the great big issues in the world. It’s about more than ten-second headlines and ten-minute news reports.” Given the idealism fuelling Little’s words, it feels a bit cynical to be asking economic questions. But considering his own views that news will be free, how exactly does he believe that there is money to be made? “Listen, I kind of feel we’re in a ground zero scenario. Things are changing so quickly that predicting where we’ll be, even in two years, is crazy. Facebook had 400,000 Irish subscribers last January, now it has 1.2 million. “In terms of financing, advertising and sponsorship are going through a kind of transformation. The big brands know they have to pay attention not to

the products, but to the communities gathering around them. They have to be engaged with the people buying their stuff. The best way to do that is on social media platforms. We’re creating communities and platforms around us that advertisers would want to talk to. We can also create packages of content that

“I was looking at the Today programme which did an entire programme on Haiti with the reporters standing on a runway of an airport. At one stage, I saw a programme discussing the weather from a US airport” we can sell. Hopefully we will persuade the big broadcasters, who are struggling to sell and cope with the social media revolution... we’ve got ten, twelve things to try but we know that only around half of them will actually work. “Hopefully we’ll find the sweet spot. But it’s out there, it’s definitely out there — somebody’s got to do this. I hope it’s not a big conglomerate like Rupert Murdoch’s people, like Google, like aol. I hope that social media paves the way for a more agile response and more socially useful storytelling.” Does Little see himself as the sole pioneer? “There are lot of people out there but we still haven’t heard their names. But I admire Nicholas Kristof, foreign correspondent for The New York Times, I think what he is doing is stunning. Even

in Ireland, we have Una Mulally in The Sunday Tribune, George Hook, Nialler9, people like that. I’m watching things like that as these are people I would be very proud to work with. I’m glad I’m on their side, but many of the people and pioneers haven’t yet been identified.” This brings us back to the issue of Oxfordgirl. Does Little commend Twitter for its anonymity? “No, it’s one of the things I would criticise. Sometimes, yes, you need to protect identity, but it does encourage people to say the things they would never say if they ever had to use their name. You get a lot more uppercase rants from people who don’t have to say who they are. You get road rage from people hunkered behind metal. If you ever watch people’s behaviour in a car, they do things they would never do as an individual.” Perhaps there are problems with the degree of privacy or publicity certain internet pages decide to allow? “Yes. I think that Facebook needs to be more private and Twitter needs to be more public.” Little stresses that while the form of social media can be problematic, the overall idea is going to work. “These are small things. I always say, there is nothing wrong with social media that can’t be cured by what’s right for social media. Now, stick that on a T-shirt!” I hang up the phone and get thinking that it might be more useful to tweet it instead. Jean Morley is a Senior Sophister student of English Studies. 15

Issue 4 book.indb 15

05/03/2010 12:32:00

Politics Philosophy

Energy, cuts, tax, lift American spirits While for some conservatism can be a dirty word, it is worth remembering that it is a term that comes in many different flavours. Some, it turns out, are more palatable than others. by Neil Warner

s Conservatism an intellectually dead ideology? Any claim that a widely acknowledged ideology, cherished by millions of people, is ‘intellectually dead’ should not be taken lightly, even by a very fierce critic. Anyone who makes such an argument rightly opens him or herself up to criticism and even ridicule as intolerant or totalitarian. Indeed, even in the case of many ideologies with which I disagree, I would feel very presumptuous in making the claim. However, I believe that the argument can be made that a certain form of Conservatism is at least vulnerable to such an accusation. Let me be very clear as to what I mean when I say Conservatism. I do not mean Conservatism in the more vague, more socially progressive, moderate and European sense, which I shall call Chris-

Conservatism is... a suspicion of change mixed with a selfish wariness of, disregard for and sense of superiority over others tian Democracy to avoid confusion. This is the ideology adopted by elements of the cdu-csu in Germany and Gaullists in France and is held instinctively by many ordinary people. This perspective is not particularly intellectually clear and contains many laudable values;

such as individual responsibility and the dangers of excessively rapid change. It also offers a welcome relief to some of the blind spots in liberalism, with which it overlaps significantly. In particular, where liberalism tends to become obsessed with the abstract and unreal conceptions of progress and individual freedom, Christian Democracy reminds of the virtues of society. Socialism does this as well, but Christian Democracy avoids Socialism’s unrealistic dismissal of hierarchy and fixation on “progress”, which it shares with liberalism. But a new form of Conservatism has been on the rise, one which has scandalously adopted the term as its own. In many respects we may say that it is synonymous with “neo-Conservatism”, but many who dismiss the ill-reputed “neo-” share essentially the same ideology. It is not an exaggeration to say that this is a despicable and utterly facile ideology. It takes the worst in human instinct and turns it into a doctrine; it empathises the faults in Christian Democratic Conservatism and chooses the worst of the liberal ideology, which Christian

Democrats have traditionally resisted. It takes the hierarchical and oppressive aspects of social life and discards all the sympathy and fellowship contained within. It takes the brutality of individualism while disregarding the freedom one should gain as compensation. Modern Conservatism in this sense has developed its heartland in American Republicanism, with disastrous consequences, but it is worryingly encroaching upon Europe. In many respects it fits better the sentiment from which Conservative feeling “Energy, budget arises. Conservacuts, tax, lift tism is an instinct American that we all have; spirits” – a handy a suspicion of summary of US change mixed conservatism. with a selfish wariness of, disregard for and sense of superiority over others. These emotions are an inevitable part of the human character. What is remarkable, however, is that rather than simply failing to discourage these rather unwelcome emotions, an intellectual discipline has been

Issue 4 book.indb 16

05/03/2010 12:32:00

Palin may be criticised for her over-reliance on the ideas of Plato and Aristotle. developed to justify it. In recent times, intellectuals such as Leo Strauss, Irving Kristol, Gertrude Himmelfarb and Allan Bloom have rowed in to provide theoretical arguments for what, in essence, is simply ignorance and bad behaviour. The arguments which they bring in, as outlined below, are essentially fallacies built from truisms. The respect they are accorded is a testament to the self-serving manner in which an intellectual establishment may be directed. The first argument which intellectual Conservatives make is that Plato and Aristotle were rather clever. Hence, we should base our moral principles on what they said and dismiss the charlatans who have come in their wake in the last 2,000 years. Leaving aside the fact that Plato and Aristotle have been considerably over-emphasised in Greek philosophy, due to the survival of their works (at the expense of equally interesting and to some extent more attrac-

If you want to refute me you need to show me why I am misguided in liking chocolate ice cream tive thinkers like Democritus), no one disputes the first part of this argument. When I say I disagree with Plato I am not saying that I am smarter than him; I am simply saying that we have a lot of other clever thinkers and quite a lot of post-Platonic experience of the world to work from. Intellectual Conservatives genuinely seem to have failed to appreciate this, even building an entire form of education in philosophy at the University of Chicago on the grounds

that “Plato was clever, so there!” Second: values other than liberty and progress are important, hence arguments based on liberty and progress are wrong. Himmelfarb genuinely uses this argument in her critique of JS Mill’s On Liberty. “What about all the other things in life, like justice and tradition?” she asks at one point. Well, it’s not an either/or situation; Mill was simply saying that liberty was essential in society, not that it is all that is needed. When I say “Chocolate ice cream is very nice”, the correct refutation of that is not “But vanilla tastes pretty good, why are you degrading vanilla?” I have said nothing about vanilla ice cream. If you want to refute me you need to show me why I am misguided in liking chocolate ice cream. Third: change can have bad consequences, hence we should protect the status quo. You may see a pattern emerging here: take what is obvious to absolutely everyone, act like it is a remarkable revelation and use it to argue for a conclusion which does not follow at all. Of course change can be dangerous. That is why we are careful about what we change. As Burke says, change can be gradual and organic. That does not mean we cannot do some good by encouraging it, while being mindful of its bad sideeffects. Fourth: people are responsible for their own actions, hence we should not help them. Well, yes, even the most ardent socialist would admit to individual responsibility. But just because people’s actions have consequences for them as individuals, does not mean we should turn that into a doctrine for how we behave towards people. Actions have consequences that must be faced, but when

someone falls into a frozen lake from walking on thin ice I would take it as imperative to get them out as quickly as possible. Not to wait a minute or two to make sure they have learnt their lesson. Fifth: that values which have been held for a long time were held for a reason, hence we should keep them. Well, no kidding! Of course there was a reason, no one does anything without a reason. We’re simply saying that we might have better reasons now for doing things differently. Sixth: that religion has served a function in society; so we should believe in God. This is a particularly ridiculous subset of number five. I happen to believe that might have something to do with God’s existence, and that when we have come across evidence that we are doing something wrong we should not keep doing it for the reason that “it has worked for us up to now”. Leo Strauss, however, knows better. Finally, it uses grotesque historical oversimplifications. There are many of these; for example their selective use and interpretation of various revolutions. Another is the interpretation of

Of course change can be dangerous. That is why we are careful about what we change the Weimar republic provided by thinkers such as Leo Strauss and Allan Bloom. Hitler came to power, the argument goes, because of the liberal decadence of Weimar culture, which helped usher it in. The problem with this is that Hitler came to power through the support of the rural Conservative German heartland and that decadent Berlin was the last bastion against him. It may be argued that the above presentation of Conservative ideas in itself an oversimplification. Of course it is! My argument in many senses has been crude and unfair. But this is done, in part, deliberately in order to make a point. Many of the arguments Conservatism uses to protect itself are pretentious over-elaborations of the absurdly crude ideas whose basic skeleton is outlined above. I think what we may conclude from this analysis is that Conservatism, at least in its American sense, is a set of emotions that builds from much of what is bad in us rather than something that can be presented as a rational, coherent ideology. Neil Warner is a Junior Sophister student of History and Political Science. He recently edited the Theory section of Trinity’s Social and Political Review, Volume 20. 17

Issue 4 book.indb 17

05/03/2010 12:32:01

Politics PHILSOPHY

The administration of death Capital punishment, and the means to carry it out, are not only evil in themselves, but remove the incentive for society to examine itself. by eamonn bell

termination of our existence, is deeply disturbing. Yet states around the globe ritually engage in this wilful ignorance of the redemption through repentance and the

Perhaps there is an element of collective culpability for the crimes that our most depraved citizens commit value of compassion. This is the archstubbornness that results in the appalling pantomime of state execution that takes place day upon day. We have all been born into a world in which this class of human behaviour

Issue 4 book.indb 18

05/03/2010 12:32:02

these immoral bastards should end up. Death is trivialised to the point where these technicians are mere life enabler/ disablers. Using capital punishment society legitimises, endorses, but more caresses, welcomes into its warm embrace this idea that life can be likened to a service, like the most mundane things in life - satellite television, say - that

Broadly speaking, the act of execution is a failed act of societal self-surgery can be withdrawn if the party to the contract fails to keep his or her side of the bargain. This treatment ignores one fundamental truth about our life. It only happens like this once. For me, a failed existence trumps eternal non-existence by virtue of its potential beauty - even if repulsive to the shared sense of right and wrong that is somehow embodied in law. Broadly speaking, the act of execution is a failed act of societal self-surgery. We remove these cancerous nodes of the human web with the goal of curing an ill humanity. It’s quackery. This kind of remedy relieves the symptoms temporarily but fails to tackle the causes. The environment of our existence, created solely by ourselves, determines our moral development a lot more than we wish to believe. We want to wash clean our hands and reject the suggestion that perhaps a broken society is at fault. Perhaps there is an element of collective culpability for the crimes that our most depraved citizens commit. Ruefully, a system of capital punishment discourages this necessary mass

Capital punishment Rowing back on death row »» In 2009 there were 52 executions in the United States, and an estimated 5,000 in China. »» The former figure, provided by the Death Penalty Information Centre website, is charmingly stated to be “accurate as of most recent execution”. »» According to Amnesty International, since 1973, over 130 people have been released from death rows throughout the US due to evidence of their wrongful conviction. »» Since 1990 an average of three countries a year have abolished the death penalty.

»» 58 countries, mostly in Asia and Africa, maintain the death penalty in both law and practice. 35 maintain the punishment in law but not in practice. »» The death penalty in Ireland is banned under the constitution, following a 2001 referendum. »» The death penalty is also forbidden under the European Convention on Human Rights, ratified by Ireland in 2002. »» The last official killing to be committed by the Irish state was in 1954, when Michael Manning was executed for murder by a hangman on loan from the UK. 19

Issue 4 book.indb 19

05/03/2010 12:32:03

Student life Philosophy

Generation Y What should we students expect from careers of the future? Miscellany examines the changing faces of the employment sector, as it makes way for Generation Y’s entrance to the working world. by Laura Twomey

s 90s kids are finally growing up. We have left our packed lunches far behind us behind us. The programming schedule of Nickelodeon and Backstreet Boys albums must be confined to the archives of our memory. Here in Trinity, we now make up a burgeoning majority of the college undergraduate community. Although the scholars of today, we are the employees of tomorrow — however worrying that may sound in the current climate. Our generation differs greatly from both the capitalistic, vocational boomers, and the corporate-driven Generation X. Our millenial faction has given rise to a new buzzword, as we have been dubbed “Generation Y”, encompassing those born after 1982 (or thereabouts). Are you an aspiring late teen or twenty-something undergraduate? 20

Issue 4 book.indb 20

05/03/2010 12:32:03

Welcome to the club. Generation Y is not merely a buzzword, or a trending topic. The generation Y zeitgeist is here to stay, and will irrevocably change the landscape of many employment environments. The working world has been preparing for our arrival, and they, using a combination of psychology and guesswork, think they have us figured out. We have been slowly trickling into the workforce for a couple of years now, and we seem to have several defining characteristics. First, as part of Generation Y, many of us in Trinity form part of the estimated 1.1 billion worldwide who will be graduating and diving into the workforce pool in the next few years. We watched the twin towers collapse, the property bubble burst and employment opportunities contract at an alarming pace. We experienced the increasing ubiquity of the internet, the expansion of social activism, and have become the most socially liberal group in history. As a group, we’ve been through a lot. We will be entering the employment pool as the most technologically literate and (however much we like to deny it) technologically dependant stream of potential employees. The internet has become our crutch when it comes to research and investigation of information. To “google” has become a verb used in times of doubt in pursuit of the unanswerable questions of life, and the more mundane ones. Social networking has given us a fascinatingly claustropho-

The scholars of today, we are the employees of tomorrow, however worrying that may sound in the current climate bic web of connections, contacts and 160-character news updates. This allows us to sail through our networks, instantly gratifying ourselves with what exactly is going on within our circles, researching new acquaintances and stalking love interests in our cyber world. Many corporate ecosystems are now introducing such networks internally to improve productivity, which also provides a comfort zone for the dot com generation. From editing Google docs in “the cloud” to bosses twittering their staff, we are a wired (or more likely wireless) generation. Employers have identified us as a generation of “trophy kids”. Speaking as someone who bewilderingly owns a bronze medal for coming second last in a potato and spoon race, I can empathise with the sentiment that we are a group that crave affirmation. That medal does hang proudly as one of my few sporting

accolades; the fact I do not feel devoid of achievement in the sporting realm has markedly improved my self-esteem. We have been described in quite a delightful manner recently by a commentator in the Wall Street Journal, as a generation who were “spoon-fed self-esteem cereal for the past 22 years. They’ve been told it’s all about them — what they want, what they are passionate about, what they find fulfilling”. The increase in participation levels in extra-curricular activities of the 90s kids probably caused this phenomenon; perhaps we are a generation brought up by the archetypal “pushy parent”? As a result, employers have identified that Generation Y employees crave feedback, rating and affirmation. And while their response to this problem is far from a rudimentary system of gold stars and homework passes, many corporations have implemented an affirmation system to satisfy their incoming innovators. Google Ireland, which has an average employee age of 25, has adopted a system in which each employee is allocated a rating, which drives salary, bonus and stock options. What type of jobs will attract us? There is no fixed career path that a Generation Y member will pursue, but there is a common thread emerging of late with regard to the most sought-after jobs by Generation Y’s high achievers. As a group, many of us experienced prosperity in recent times. We have been on the New York shopping trip, done the exotic coffee run every morning and we have worn the (insert pretentious designer label name here) T-shirt. Along with our strong sense of civic duty and robust social consciousness, employers have identified that these factors combine to give us an insatiable desire to have a socially worthwhile

job — whether that involves working at a company that participates in ethical trading, researching methods of sustainable energy consumption, or even just volunteering for a couple of hours a week. Employers see that an increasing number of Generation Y employees are foregoing the “rat race” previously fought by their parents. We are a group that shows the desire to work to live rather than live to work. In response, many employers are introducing flexitime hours for new recruits, allowing for a work force with more freedom to pursue their own interests and dreams. Finally, our generation has been defined as one with plenty of hope, as unashamed optimists with a healthy outlook for the future. A recent survey on Irishjobs.ie showed that 45% of Generation Y believed that although they were affected by the worldwide economic downturn, they would be able to find a new job within three months. Optimism seems to be a contagious disease, caught from the man who could be described as the protagonist in the Generation Y saga, Barack Obama. Generation Y united before him, endorsed his liberal policies, wore the T-shirt and followed him on Twitter. He made the White House relevant once more to the youth of America, disillusioned with the baby boomer that had led them into seas of disillusionment in a post-9/11 world. Recently he even advertised for the White House Position of “Social Network Manager”. He’s a president who

Coming second last in a potato and spoon race, I can empathise with the sentiment that we are a group that crave affirmation knows his way around Facebook and the way to influence the next generation of ceos, entrepreneurs and innovators. Supporting acts to Obama are many. You only have to look at Mark Zuckerberg, founder of the aforementioned site, and Google founders Sergei Brin and Larry Page to see the innovators that are influencing our generation. Undergraduates are no longer overly concerned with the value placed on a vocational career. The corporate ladder has morphed into a sort of winding side road, taking us on a meandering course through the myriad of new career opportunities that present themselves in the 21st century. So employers think they have us sussed. Only time will tell if we live out the prophecy. That is, if any of us manage to get a job at all! Laura Twomey is a Junior Freshman student of Law. 21

Issue 4 book.indb 21

05/03/2010 12:32:04

The Economy student life

Nightmare on Main Street Better to prostitute oneself out down by the canal —no pimps, though, we’re still Trintiy students — than to undergo the various indignities of the modern workplace. by Niall Morahan

ver since September ‘08, all of my friends, colleagues, associates, relations, spiritual guides, romantic interests, lecturers, tutors, taxi/bus/ Luas drivers, pets, household appliances, foodstuffs, fashion accessories, alcoholic beverages and facebook groups have been turning to me and saying the same thing: “Recession.” Admittedly there is some truth to this. The Recession is fast becoming an all-powerful entity. We can’t see it, but it sees us and passes judgement. We can’t see it, but we know it’s there. We see the 2-euro chicken fillet rolls. We see the 4-euro footlong combos. We see the tumbleweed blowing across the dance floor at the once-rammed midweek indie/electro night. “It’s quiet” we think, “too quiet.” When the

Recession began, I quickly found myself eating more cheaply than ever before. Along with millions of others, I found myself being forced to diversify my music taste by attending genre-aspecific house parties. But worse even than

this, I found myself scrabbling desperately for employment, driven insane by blind panic at the prospect of a bleak future of poverty. I felt that I had missed the brief historical window during which Ireland was not a famine-stricken hovel and that I was doomed to watch helplessly as the Irish people, including myself, slid back into our pre-Celtic Tiger state. Before I knew it, I was doing things for money which I would normally never consider doing. We’re talking smiling at customers, when inside I was feeling extremely apathetic. We’re talking washing dishes. We’re even talking wearing a tag around my neck with my name and “favourite book” on it. And I wasn’t alone in this either. Not only did other idiots, beaming away at customers and spending hours each day cleaning out ashtrays surround me during all of this, I was also being regaled with tales of workplace degradation by my friends, outside the hours during which I actually worked. Whenever I started to feel like the things I went through working in bookshops or cafés were bad enough to justify walking away, one of my hombres would come through with a blockbuster tale of sadistic bosses or deranged customers which would root me to my seat and solidify me in my post. I will never forget some of the anecdotes which emerged around this period, such as that of my friend who worked in Tommy Hilfiger and had to stand at the door for entire shifts, awkwardly saying “hello” to everyone who came in, or my friend who worked in Leisureplex and had to dress up as a dinosaur and stand in “the Zoo” to have his balls kicked by little vindictive shits. Eventually, though, even fear of the dinosaur suit was not enough to keep me in my soul-destroying, if ball-protecting, job. After slaving away in a café where I was the only employee who spoke

English fluently for 6 weeks at minimum wage, I packed it in. I did this by heading off to fuck around Europe for a month and, needless to say, missing a few shifts as a result. I still try and hide my face every time I pass the place, but it was worth it. In the end I really just couldn’t handle how much control my ill-educated, uncharismatic “bosses” had over me. Every aspect of me was being controlled in the name of customer service/brand image. From my uniformed appearance (no one could possibly buy something from someone without the name of the shop on them somewhere) to my regulated emotions (customers like happy staff!), I was selling my body and soul for 9 quid an hour. They say that prostitution is the oldest profession in the world, and from my experiences of working for a living, it may just have laid down the archetype for all no-qualification work. Think about it. The dynamics of the average workplace in which students might find themselves are as follows: there is one central mack-daddy, usually an older gentleman. He keeps power through the use of various minions, who compare directly to sub-pimps or madams. Sometimes he draws in young, impressionable teenagers with promises of fat stacks of cash, so that they might save up and buy a car or expensive sneakers. Other times, the youths come to him desperate, knowing what they are in for, but thinking they will not fall in too deep, paying their college tuition/interrailing debt and leaving (unfortunately this does not happen). He forces these poor youngsters to dress up in a specified manner and to prance around the shop floor, half for his amusement and half to butter up his “customers” for a sale (called “fluffing” in the industry). Sometimes there is a “special delivery”, at which time he requests one of the youths be brought into the back, and makes them bend over repeatedly while he pretends to deliberate where he wants the boxes put (they always wind up in the same spot). He rewards good behaviour by tossing his “team” a few quid, but never enough for them to leave and find more savoury employment. So I could certainly use what I learned during my stints in part-time employment and become a common street whore. If the Recession drives me to prostitution, though, it’ll be on my own terms, not under some pimp-manager, college drop-out. I hear the canal down around Harold’s Cross is a mad good spot. Niall Morahan is a Senior Freshman student of English Literature and Psychology.

Issue 4 book.indb 22

05/03/2010 12:32:05

The Economy Philosophy

Exams are tough, but what about being unemployed? With jobs being cut every day, unemployment is a legitimate fear for many recent graduates. Are unpaid internships the best way to make it in the workplace? by Christiane O’Mahony

oing out into the working world can be intimidating at the best of times. Now you have to put your money where your mouth is. “When I grow up, I want to be...” becomes a statement relevant to your immediate occupation. The end of college can bring a collision of significantly stressful events: final exams, a complete change or loss of a social circle, moving home, city or country and then there’s the looming prospect of a career, or lack there of. So what is the best way to cope with a period of unemployment? You could just sign on and look for work. Researching and applying for jobs takes a lot of time and patience, as well as being available for interviews at short notice, etc. However, after a while it can be pretty disheartening if all your energy is focused on something that is totally out of your hands. In my experience the major pitfalls of being on the dole are having too much time to think (you can get very low); trying to keep a normal body clock; keeping a certain amount of discipline; and becoming isolated. Here are some things I have done while being unemployed that I found helpful:

1. Join the library (public, Trinity and national). Even going in there to check your emails and do your reading is good because it at least gets you out of your house. 2. Go to talks for inspiration — for example, Suas do great career evenings with the Extraordinary Lives series. 3. Listen to good radio programmes, again for inspiration. 4. Sign up for an adult education course — they are half-price for unemployed people. 5. Start your own projects and impose a deadline that you cannot get out of.

6. Join mailing lists for interesting events: the free event guide, ypn (young professional network), Green drinks, college societies. 7. Let people know you are doing it. 8. Exercise regularly. 9. Try to keep a normal body clock and daily routine. 10. Reduce the amount of time you spend online. Internships can be a good way to fill the gap. In theory, they seem like a great idea. A way of getting insights into a workplace, building contacts, padding out your cv, etc. In practice, there are a few things to watch out for. Be realistic. It is a cliché when people talk about making coffee and doing the photocopying, but these menial tasks are going to be part of most low-level jobs as well as internships. So a certain amount of that is normal. Safeguard your rights as an employee. Even though you’d think interns should be greatly appreciated, there is a risk that if your internship is ill-defined, you may end up taking on too much work or work that is beyond your current capabilities. And what about working hours? It is worth negotiating some kind of contract or understanding about what is expected of you. I have had the experience of being taken advantage of as an intern, particularly when it comes to the ngo sector. It is important to be assertive and look for help. Otherwise there’s the risk that you’ll become totally disillusioned

and lose motivation. So speak up if you need to. Take the initiative. Don’t expect the ideas to be created for you. and don’t be afraid to trust your own ideas. I met some un interns once, working in the Nairobi Headquarters, and they said their work placements were very much about them taking the initiative and working hard to start projects on their own. Internships can lead to paid employment. A friend of mine worked unpaid in the National History Museum for a year before getting a full-time position there. Unpaid work experience is a necessity to getting into many professions. Internships are great for building up contacts. Know how to build them and how to use them. Keep in touch with people, ask for their advice, let your ambitions be known. People are flattered to be asked for their advice. Watch, ask questions, learn as much as you can. Even if you are mainly just making coffee, by being there you can absorb a lot. On a final note, surround yourself with good people. Remember, everyone has to start somewhere. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself thinking “this is it”. The reality is that a lot of people change the course of career many Nearly times in their half a million lives. As human people in Ireland are beings we learn unemployed. You may more from our as well get used to it. mistakes and our failures than we do from our successes. Most experiences will provide you with something valuable. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to try things out. I have come to realise of late that all of those philosophical statements about life being about the journey and not the destination, do actually mean something. You’ll only wreck your own head if you compare your current position to where you want to be. It’s all about the small steps and working towards where you want to be, but rememebr to experience the journey and learn from it. Everything usually works out in the end. Christiane O’Mahony graduated from Trinity in 2008 with a degree in Acting Studies. 23

Issue 4 book.indb 23

05/03/2010 12:32:05

the economy

The value of education and the cost of emigration Everything old is new again: respondents in a Miscellany survey overwhelmingly plan to emigrate. With professional bodies urging engineers to become (lower-paid) teachers, that might not be the worst of your options. by Polly Dennison, elaine Mccahill & aoiFe o’reilly

he recession has affected everyone, including recent university graduates. Miscellany interviewed some of Trinity’s final year students, asking them questions in relation to their plans for the future after they graduate. We found that some past patterns are repeating themselves, particularly with regard to emigration. Once again, most young Irish people find the option of emigrating far more attractive than remaining here. The countries have become more varied Australia, Dubai and Singapore have become popular, while the UK and US have fallen somewhat out of favour – but aside from that it’s a return to the norm. Emigration was a fact of life for most of Ireland’s history, particularly over the last two centuries. Even if one only focuses on the realm of the 20th century, roughly half a million people emigrated from Ireland in the 1950s, 500,000 of whom went to the UK alone.

87%

13%

In the 1960s the world economy boomed and, as Sean Lemass put it, “a rising tide lifted all boats”. However, the 1970s were remarkable in that it was a period of net immigration. Emigration didn’t stop in the 18-25 age group, but it certainly slowed to a trickle, and was made up for by many people returning from abroad and bringing their families with them. Sadly, the 80s saw things returning to the old pattern. Thanks to a difficult economic climate, emigration rose rapidly once again. The countries favoured by emigrants remained the same, despite Ireland’s membership of the eec. A National Economic and Social Council report suggests that in the 1981-1990 period, 68 percent of all emigrants went to the UK, 14 percent to the USA and 18 percent to other countries. In the past two years, more and more graduates have had to pack up and leave, be it for employment or further education. In previous years, graduates of physiotherapy, occupational therapy and radiation therapy were pretty much guaranteed employment within their field in Ireland. Now, however, these graduates are being advised to travel to places like Singapore, Australia, New Zealand and Canada. Needless to say, this an unpleasant reward for years of intensive training. With the civil service recruitment moratorium and the general lack of employment, it’s hardly surprising that many young people are having to start their lives elsewhere. This comes at great personal cost to families and friends, not to mention the

more pragmatic concerns about the bizarre economics of the situation. It costs the government a lot of money to train people at third level, particularly for intensive, specialist careers such as radiation therapy, medicine or engineering. It seems a false economy to pay to train the workforce and then not utilise their skills. According to our survey of final year students in Trinity, eighty-seven percent of them plan to emigrate. This is in line with the current trend whereby the majority of the newly trained professionals are having to leave the emerald isle in search of better prospects. We’re no economists, but that’s just plain silly. However, there are those who are disinclined to leave Ireland and travel across the waters in order to further their studies or find work. Unfortunately, staying in Ireland to find work is far less simple than it once was. A recent graduate can no longer walk out of college and into a corporate job or specialised profession with a starting salary of 50-odd thousand euro. While the general consensus in this country is one of doom and gloom, one where unemployment and corrupt banks prevail, there is a level of optimism that we are progressing. Here in Trinity, as in every other university in the country, there are limited options available for those in their final year.. There are fewer graduate programs for those studying science. The post-graduate and masters programs available in arts are as competitive as ever and anyone hoping to get a job after they graduate will be entering

Left: 87% of respondents in our straw poll plan to emigrate after graduation. 24

Issue 4 book.indb 24

d 81-1990 perio A National Econo mic and Social Council report suggests that in the 19

05/03/2010 12:32:06

68%

eriod

into an extremely competitive, dog-eatdog market. Miscellany spoke to the college’s Careers Advisory Service and while they admitted that things are tough out there, especially when emerging from the college bubble, they encouraged optimism to all those endeavouring to find work here. They did acknowledge that the market had become a lot smaller and a lot more competitive as a result. Of course, they approached this in a positive light, claiming that it meant everyone had to improve themselves and step up to the mark. They encourage those seeking employment to really research the companies that they wish to apply to and to aim their CV to each individual company as opposed to sending out a general one. The Careers Advisory also suggested that the economic downturn was almost, in some ways, a good thing for recent graduates, as instead of going straight into a well-paid job that they may not like, they now have time to really think about their abilities and what occupation would suit them best. While this is true to an extent, it’s not a hugely inspiring statement for graduates who have been unemployed since last year. Those interviewed for our survey were mostly positive about the role Trinity plays in helping graduate students with their future career. Many said the Careers Advisory Service was very helpful, and that the talks organised by the college were very informative if one took it upon themselves to attend. Others claimed that some talks were scheduled during the day when they had lectures, and as they are in their final year, they could not miss college to attend. As frustrating as this recession is for everyone, its about remaining positive and getting through it. It’s about considering other options, such as retraining to work in other professions, or perhaps working a bum job if that’s what you have to do to pay the rent. Hoping to provide a solution to the current situation that some are facing, Engineers Ireland recently published a report in which they put forward a suggestion that unemployed engineers retrain as secondary school maths and science teachers. The report says that the downturn in the construction sector should be taken advantage of, and that unemployed chartered engineers should retrain. From surveying final year students and asking them if they were at all

interested in ever retraining, even if it was a last resort, the answer was pretty much a resounding “No”. Engineers Ireland say that getting work as a teacher would, of course, be subject to completing some sort of postgraduate diploma or degree in education. They suggest a new pro-

One student we spoke to said that he would refuse to retrain as he does not have an aptitude for teaching gram in nui Maynooth in education and mathematics. However, this course will not be starting until 2011, and if it is in line with nuim’s other education postgrads, it will cost between ¤4,800 and ¤5,150. Postgraduate diplomas and degrees in education can cost anywhere from ¤4,800 in nuim to ¤6,350 in ucd. If you’re on the dole and can’t get work, either raising a loan for, or saving that amount is not exactly going to be a walk in the park. Engineers Ireland propose that tax breaks could be introduced for unemployed engineers so that they can go about retraining. But a mere tax break will hardly be enough to help pay for a postgrad program. Not only that, but paying that sort of money to do something in a field that is not related to what you originally wanted to work in, a field in which you may not even get work, is hardly going to be an inviting prospect. From our survey of senior sophister students, we found that only 21 percent of them would want to retrain. Of those, only 8 percent said it was something they would actually like to do. The rest of the 21 percent said they would retrain if there was absolutely no alternative for them. GradIreland say that an engineer can expect to get a starting salary of around ¤28,000, whereas, according the Teacher’s Council of Ireland, a secondary school teacher can expect to start off with ¤22,000. So, that’s a six grand pay drop after you’ve paid out nearly six grand to do something you may not really want to do. Even if you did decide that you did want to or had no choice but to retrain, the chances of finding a job in Ireland as a secondary school teacher may be similarly slim. The Teaching Council of Ireland say that there are currently 64,000 teachers in Ireland, with 6,200 going through Garda vetting during 2009 alone. The recruitment moratorium will

also affect teaching, with the government saying that the number of teachers will remain at their September 2009 levels. Vacancies that may arise can be filled, but no new positions are to be created while the moratorium is in place. One student we spoke to said that he would refuse to retrain on the grounds that he does not have an aptitude for teaching, feeling it would be irresponsible to have someone else’s future resting with him. It’s all well and good to offer a solution to the amount of unemployed graduates, whether they be engineers or not, but it seems like Engineers Ireland simply have not acknowledged some pretty big issues. There’s the moratorium to consider, the cost of retraining, the drop in salary that people would be experiencing, and then the fact that not everyone would make good teachers. There are hard decisions to be made by students graduating this year. Emigration is a life-changing choice, while staying at home with no guarantee of work is also taking a risk. Our survey has shown that people will go where, and do what they have to in order to find work and pursue their chosen careers. Our main prerogative is to remain positive and try to make the best of the global economic situation. The authors are on the editorial staff of T.C.D. Miscellany.

22k

28k

Right: Although engineer’s starting salaries are on average ¤28,000, Engineers Ireland suggest out-of-work graduates retrain to be secondary school teachers — whose starting salaries are ¤22,000. The cost of a post-graduation qualification in education (around ¤5,000) is almost as much as the difference in the two salaries.

68% of all e

he UK, 14% to the USA and 18% to other coun migrants went to t tries.

Issue 4 book.indb 25



05/03/2010 12:32:06

The Economy

Lambs to the slaughter Spoon-fed with constant reassurance of their own greatness, have the new generation of graduates got the drive to fight for a place in Ireland’s dwindling pool of jobs? by Sarah walker

e all expect the best. Four years spent in Trinity College Dublin with summers in exotic locations. First class honours without breaking a sweat. 1.5 kids and an interior design spread in Hello! magazine. We worked hard to get here after the Leaving Cert and expected the rest of life to be plain sailing. Success stories ringing in our ears, we waited for wonderfully-paid employment to slide right into our laps. But that was then. Although I’m loath to mention the Celtic Tiger, a term that’s been bandied about with unnecessary frequency, we have to reconcile ourselves to the fact that those were our glory years. It was all matching Mini Coopers and exploring the latest fashionable retreat. Don’t you know that Bulgaria is the new Croatia? Not any more. The up-and-coming resorts have slid back down the scale, along with that impulse-purchase apartment in Latvia that you were assured was going to treble in value. We are all victims of our own success. Never before has Ireland seen a youth force with such

a high level of expectancy. We’ve been told we are the best, that we deserve the best, and we want only the best. It is only now that the Celtic Tiger has been sent to the great Safari in the sky that we are left to deal with reality. And that, ladies and gentleman, is the overwhelming sense of entitlement we now possess. We Irish are used to suffering. We’ve lived through thousands of years of hardship and we got through it. So what’s another thousand? But I fear our generation will be less able to cope. The message that has shaped our short lives is: work hard and anything is possible; whatever we desire can be ours. As the cream of the crop, highly educated and cultured, we have been promised the stars. They made us believe we could achieve anything. But now the deal has gone sour. Nearing the end of my college days it is becoming increasingly clear that I am not the best and there is a very strong chance that I won’t even be able to reach a high shelf, let alone the sky. While I won’t be on the streets, I doubt I’ll be the ball-breaking ceo of a multinational company, breathing fire at my cowering

Issue 4 book.indb 26

05/03/2010 12:32:06

employees. Instead, I’ll probably be one of the lowly slaves, hiding under my desk in fear, blood turning cold as I realise I’ve forgotten to fill up the photocopying ink again. While many of us have worked during college, it was not with pride. Obviously we talk up the long hours graft in the restaurant or clothes shop that we put in to finance our summer dreams. But it is always with a hint of condescension, safe in the knowledge that it is just a stopgap until we reach our true calling. We merely deign to work in the service industry, looking down on our co-workers and thinking, “I can’t believe this is your actual life” with the sort of smugness that comes with knowing a higher education awaits us. But this is where we’ve got it all wrong. Despite our qualifications, our overachievements and high expectations, there’s a distinct chance that many of us will not be successful at all. For every student with a high II.I in humanities, there are now several years’ worth of unemployed graduates and pos-graduates lining up to fight for a job. Any job. Competition is so fierce because of the (here we go) Recession that employers can afford to replace every slacker in the firm with someone vastly overqualified. The kids two years ahead of us have been waiting it out in further education and now they’re armed and ready to fight to the death for that sales assistant position. We can stamp our feet and whine all we want but now the unvarnished truth is upon us. We believed that we were entitled to the best, but were we willing to actually work for it? We have been primed for greatness, safe in the arrogant knowledge that, as graduates, the world

is our oyster. And many of us will indeed go on to great things. But it’s time to reconcile ourselves to the fact that many will be lost along the way. Meanwhile, those “fools” we laughed at in retail are feeling smug, knowing that climbing their way to the top has paid off and they’re earning more than we will for the next 10 years. We could just blame our parents. For many of us, our elders worked hard to ensure that

It is only now that the Celtic Tiger has been sent to the great safari in the sky that we are left to deal with reality we wouldn’t have to. They put in the hours so that their little darlings would want for nothing. Ambition and drive were the tools that many of them used to claw their way to the top. But in protecting us from the hard knocks of life, many of us are now not able to fend for ourselves. Everybody knows that hunger eventually leads to success. But when we’ve never had to hunger for anything in our lives, how can we suddenly expect to be able to compete with those who are willing to crush us on their path to the big office? Our parents’ overindulgence has had a detrimental effect and now our foray into the real world is like sending a fattened three-legged lamb into a lion’s den. Where is our edge, our hunger? I’m not suggesting some sort of Rocky-style montage of self-improvement, but we certainly need a taste of reality. It is only by being truly miserable that we can learn to appreciate our privileged lives. I should know — I’m from Limerick. So

it’s time for us to suck it up. Stop complaining that we won’t immediately find the 40k-a-year-plus job that we were always promised. Relegate yourself to the fact that you may have to work for free, volunteering or interning to prove your worth before a job comes. Stop spending 20 euro a week on Lotto tickets, it’s counterproductive. The Irish people are known as one of the best workforce in the world, highly educated, cultural and multi-lingual. Plus, we’re generally pretty unattractive, so the risks of sexual harassment claims are minimal. So do what our ancestors have always done. Sidle in and make yourself indispensible, and before even your employers have noticed you’ll have taken over the joint. Irish people have been the sneakiest invaders of our time. We don’t use force or violence, but winning smiles and sparkling wit. We multiply with breakneck speed, but do it so charmingly that every country seems to think that they invited us in the first place. So it’s time to look on the bright side of this recession, and I’m not just talking about the eventual bankruptcy of Juicy Couture. The downturn will encourage a bit of steely determination in us all to fight for something we really care about. It will require us to prove ourselves as good workers, instead of just turning up and expecting a raise. Now that there’s more of a challenge involved it’s time for us to rise to the occasion. And I think we’ll learn greater life lessons from confronting reality than we ever will in expensive education. Sarah Walker is a Senior Sophister student of European Studies.

Hopeful graduates face rough competition as a growing number of over-qualified people vie for a limited number of jobs. 27

Issue 4 book.indb 27

05/03/2010 12:32:06

Student life

The eco-friendly way of spending your summer With a lack of funds curbing our outrgeous summer plans, we seem doomed to work at home and holiday with the family. by Tara Monaghan

lright, I admit to being mildly shocked when buzzwords like “J1”, “Interrailing” and “repeats” started cropping up in conversations with my friends. Last time I checked, Saint Patrick’s Day was still in the distance and I had legions of college days ahead of me. Summer was a distant thing in the future to look forward to but not run towards. Perhaps it is due to the crushing pressure of the notorious Hilary Term, or maybe the disgusting weather, but for some reason or other everybody seems to be anxious to get on with their summer. College days are said to be the best of your life but I wasn’t aware they were all bundled together in one season. Pondering all of this I was thrown completely off guard when I was asked the critical question “What are you doing this summer?” Feeling slightly and unnecessarily violated, I answered ambiguously — muttering something about exploring my options. To be honest, plans of travelling the world or saving Africa one child at a time seemed incredibly ambitious to somebody like me who’s living on a tight budget of five euro a day. Although I have never been one for planning my holidays, there are a few things I do every summer that have proven to be satisfactory in their own way. I always plan on getting a summer job. Due to my course hours I don’t have continuous employment during the college term. Dependent on my parents for any source of income, I am more than enthusiastic about employment in Ireland’s finest supermarkets, newspaper routes and flyer distribution. Sarcasm aside, I would kill to stack shelves, babysit or hassle the general public on the streets of Dublin. The holy grail of summer employment would be distributing the Metro every morning. That’s a solid job with guaranteed satisfaction.

Everybody loves free newspapers but it is a very competitive market so my hopes aren’t very high. Regardless, I enthusiastically edit my cv, spilling into it all my hopes, ambitions and dreams. Every certificate, merit and gold star I have been awarded is gloriously highlighted with clear, concise bullet points and flawless punctuation. Did I mention I was class captain in my third year of secondary school? You can’t buy that sort of leadership experience. With a dazzling smile, satchel full of résumés and five or six cans of Coca-Cola in me to keep me upbeat and preppy, I roam the stores of Dublin city asking to speak to each general manager in turn. As I enthusiastically outline why I would make a great investment for their company and wouldn’t object to being overworked, I can see their eyes glaze over as they nod staring into the distance, or occasionally down my shirt. After an awkward silence has passed they instill me with confidence as they say they will add my cv to the file. I am still waiting to hear back. Another favourite summer activity of mine is spending time immersed in books. Whether reading the entire series of Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings continuously, I find it refreshing to do the things I never have time for during the academic year. I get very involved in these books and find myself spending more hours at Hogwarts than I do in my home town. So this summer I plan on becoming a rock star-astronaut, as well as a painter who writes several bestselling novels; get married; have two children; and watch them grow up to become evil geniuses before passing on

to the next world. This is an extremely rewarding way to spend one’s holidays. However, I’m not completely reclusive. I do intend of seeing a bit of the world this summer. You will of course be receiving a colourful moderately priced postcard from Wexford. The family bonding trip consisting of two weeks in a different county of my parent’s choice will naturally go ahead as planned. There’s nothing like fresh country walks in the rain, eternal games of Gin Rummy, bad reception of the Big Big Movie on rté and dial-up internet connection to really relax you while everyone else is off doing ridiculously fun things like saving the whales and skydiving during breakfast. The summer months are always quite rewarding in a sensory way for me. All those long lazy days of lying in the grass while reading a book are impossible for me to do, considering my extreme allergy to pollen. Having hay fever certainly does make living in the countryside a dream. I anticipate with great joy the multiple trips to the pharmacy, receiving explanations as why their various products do not work, as if my puffy red eyes and nose that outshines Rudolph’s don’t drive the message home. I guarantee you that many of my afternoons will be spent on the couch as the antihistamines send me into a drugged sleep. Don’t pity me for missing out on the sunshine — I’m a fairskinned redhead. Before I overload you with all of my crazy, exciting plans I must also further fuel your envy with Staying in Ireland the knowledge is the new going that I will also abroad. be embarking on glorious tasks like helping my parents redecorate the attic, organising all my notes so I will be extra prepared for my next year of college, extracting dog hairs from the “good couch” with precision, watching the grass grow, minding the neighbours’ children, uploading my family’s cd collection onto the computer, guessing which raindrop will make it to the bottom of the window first, cataloguing our dvd collection and, last but not least, putting photographs into albums. Please do try to contain your jealousy. Tara Monaghan is a Senior Freshman student of Music Education.

Issue 4 book.indb 28

05/03/2010 12:32:07

The EConomy sport

Panning possibilities: a way out of recession? Gold diggers take note: quite apart from the value of the precious metal, the potential fun of the burgeoning sport of goldpanning is worth its weight in… well, you know. By Anthea Lacchia

ver dreamt of finding a gleaming gold nugget? For many accomplished gold panners in the world, this is not entirely uncommon. In 2009, the World Goldpanning Championships took place in Biella, a small town in north-west Italy. The rivers of northern Italy yield a wealth of golden chips rather than huge nuggets, but the excitement of the gold seeker in finding one is far from diminished. Imagine filling a gold pan (the implement used to find gold, resembling a large saucepan) with fresh gravel from the banks of a river. The sound of the water accompanies the swift movements of your arms as you separate the light from the heavy materials in your pan. Your back aches as you unload the soil, pebble by pebble, back into the river.

Under the scorching sun, you start to wonder why you’re putting yourself through all this: a few gold chips do not bring you any closer to Croesus, after all… Then, suddenly, a glimmer lightens the dark, blackish material in your pan: two or three golden chips! You are immediately elevated to higher spirits as, with childish joy, you put the chips into your phial, to keep forever. Gold fever is not hard to catch, especially if you are new to the experience. Gold itself is a rare metal: in fact, our planet contains less than a third of a gram of gold per tonne of rock. As a metal, it is so resistant that it can survive the process of rock erosion and can accumulate in alluvial deposits. Hydrothermal activity is yet another way in which gold can become concentrated; in

this case, gold dissolves in some fluids and later precipitates from solution. Gold ore deposits are found in rocks dating from the Precambrian era (more than 3 billion years ago) to the present. Many rivers in northern Italy carry gold from the Alpine glaciers and deposit it along their banks, hidden in gravel. The amount of gold is not enough to justify a gold rush, as in Alaska, California or Australia, but it has led to the birth of many goldpanning associations, which not only organise trips to rivers, but also set up competitions in artificial pools. In

You are immediately elevated to higher spirits as, with childish joy, you put the chips into your phial, to keep forever the last case, an equal amount of gold is seeded in buckets of gravel that are systematically panned in each heat. This kind of competition is not at all confined to Italy, but goldpanning associations are numerous, from Slovakia, to Finland, to South Africa. The Czech Republic will have the honour of hosting the World Goldpanning Championships in the coming year; the small town of Zlate Hory is getting ready for hundreds of eager contestants who will arrive in August 2010. The participants will pan for their countries and hope to secure a medal for themselves. Of course it is not all hard work and rigour for the gold panners. Every night during the championships, the party is on, with dancing and music galore. Austria is the current National team world champion and it remains to be seen whether it will hold onto its title. If you are interested in participating, visit the site of the World Goldpanning Association. given below. But, you may ask, is there any gold in Irish rivers? Yes there is! In fact, there have been gold rushes in the past, notably in the Gold Mines River, located in Woodenbridge, near Avoca in County Wicklow. Panning our way out of recession may seem like a distant gold rush dream, since fluvial gold is quite scarce in Ireland. In fact, most of today’s Irish gold will soon be mined, following the major find in County Monaghan this year. However, the intrepid panner can sometimes be seen, bent down, shovel at his side, always hoping against hope, that the next nugget could be uncovered in an Irish river! Anthea Lacchia is a Junior Sophister student of Natural Sciences. See more at www.worldgoldpanningassociation.org. 29

Issue 4 book.indb 29

05/03/2010 12:32:07

Travel culture

Canada: a progressive paradise Canada is becoming widely known for its enlightened attitude towards sexuality, music and ethnicity. A previous visitor investigates the nation’s openness. by Kate Rowan

t is often said that an Olympic opening ceremony is a reflection of how the host city and country wish to be seen by millions of viewers around the world. Watching the opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, there were a number of interesting features that could have been taken as signals of how Canadians wish to be perceived across the globe. What the ceremony lacked in sheer scale and number of participants compared with the summer games almost two years ago in Beijing, the Vancouver games’ organising committee made up for with a great deal of heart and individuality. The range of musical performers was impressive, showcasing the diversity of styles not only in Canadian music but also in the image, identities and

backgrounds of the artists. First we were treated to the pop and soft-rock pairing of Nelly Furtado, the daughter of Portuguese immigrants, and one of Canada’s most famous musical exports, Bryan Adams. They were followed by singer-songwriter and animal rights ac-

Judging by the diversity and sense of inclusion in the proceedings in Vancouver, the Canadians certainly want to portray themselves as a tolerant and open society tivist Sarah McLachlan who has openly admitted that her music has often been inspired by the occult. Although not performed in person, Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides, Now featured in the ceremony.

The night’s musical extravaganza came to an emotional climax with a performance of probably one of the most iconic Canadian-written songs — Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah — by k.d. lang. Lang is openly gay and is a prominent gay rights activist. She has also championed animal and human rights, and was very vocal in the pro-Tibet campaign leading up to the Beijing Olympics, so I doubt she would have been a welcome addition to their opening ceremony. Much time was also given over to showcasing the various national and ethnic groups that make up the Canadian population. There was a colourful and moving presentation of the cultures of the First Nations, or aboriginal peoples of Canada. Another striking moment was when a poem was read celebrating the country in a poetry slam style. The poet proclaimed “Canada is a

Issue 4 book.indb 30

05/03/2010 12:32:08

k.d. lang is seen as a positive role model for young gay people. place where you can make choices”. Judging by the diversity and sense of inclusion in the proceedings in Vancouver, the Canadians certainly want to portray themselves as a tolerant and open society. From my own experiences, after visiting Toronto in 2008, I was struck by the ethnic diversity and how happy most seemed with their adopted homeland, by the incredible range of arts and cultural events and how well organised everything seemed. However, I decided to investigate the reality of just how progressive Canadian society is, beyond my own holiday observations. It is immediately apparent from talking to David Carroll, the National Network Manager for BeLonG To, an Irish service for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young people aged 14-24, that he is very impressed by the levels of openness in the country:

“On many levels I really like the society. They don’t just tolerate diversity, they embrace diversity”. Carroll first visited Canada three years ago on a field trip for BeLonG To, visiting “gay and lesbian and youth organisations in Toronto and the greater Ontario area. I straight away fell in love

“Because it’s a new country, they’ve managed really well to establish ethnic diversity” with Canada, on a personal and professional level with the inclusiveness of the society.” The Dubliner tells me, “It is not a problem-free society — like anywhere else there are pockets of homophobia but overall their whole emphasis is on inclusion. Gay people are really visible

in society.” From his experiences working with young lesbian and gay people in Ireland, he’s gotten the strong impression that they often feel very isolated and out of place, and even goes as far as saying, “A lot really do feel like they are the only gay in the village, as there are not as many positive gay role models in Irish society. There are more visible gay role models in Canada”. Asked about who he would see as these positive influences for young gay people, Carroll answers, “k.d. lang springs to mind, but it is not even celebrities but people working in government bodies and in the community”. He talks about the importance of seeing the rainbow flag, the symbol of gay pride, in the offices of Canadian government bodies and stuck on individual office cubicles: “It sends out a very positive message.” At home Ireland, Carroll spends a lot of time doing what he calls “gauging people.” He explains, “In Dublin, if I got into a taxi coming home from a gay bar, I would have to suss out the driver a bit if he asked where I was coming from. In Canada, people don’t bat an eye. You don’t have to gauge people in the same way”. Another very striking feature of life, particularly in Toronto, Carroll points out, is the “gay village” or “gay area”. He contrasts this to similar areas in London, Manchester and Amsterdam: “In these cities, the gay areas are catering for people with disposable incomes, usually young gay men. It’s mainly a party scene with lots of bars and night clubs, but they are not really communities. You get a real sense of community in Toronto. It is the most integrated place I have ever been. “There are supermarkets, dentists and gay businesses. You’re just as likely to see an elderly gay couple or a lesbian or gay family collecting their kids from the school bus.” Carroll was so impressed after his first visit, the following year he decided to return for a holiday with his longterm partner, Gary Fagan, who works for fás. Fagan also “really loved Canada”. At this point the couple “wanted to do something to celebrate our relationship and we thought it would be nice to get married, somewhere our marriage would have the same recognition as of that of a straight couple”. They returned to Toronto last September for their wedding, accompanied by family and friends from Ireland to join in with the celebrations. Carroll was impressed by the ease at which their marriage ceremony was arranged: “We just had to make one or two phone calls from here, and arranged the rest by email. We arrived in Toronto about 31

Issue 4 book.indb 31

05/03/2010 12:32:08

cover image.” As well as being very receptive to diversity in music, Canadians are also avid supporters of the music scene in its entirety: “There is a lot of funding in Canada for [the] arts; they started treating popular musicians as they would painters or sculptors. There are similar systems in

“Canada is more outwardlooking whereas the US has its gaze directed inward”

Canadian-born radio presenter Jenny Huston with Irish musicians Justin O’Mahoney, Mick Flannery, Kieran McGuinness and John FitzGerald (Messiah J). a week before the wedding, and all we needed to do was meet the registrar and organise some paperwork. The bureaucracy was really simple. Canadian services seem to be extremely user-friendly.” I ask Carroll why he thinks Canadian society is so progressive, and he replies, “I think maybe because it’s a new country, they’ve managed really well to establish ethnic diversity. Statistically, Toronto is the most ethnically diverse city in the world, and it stands to reason that lesbian and gay stuff [are] treated with similar open-mindedness”. 2fm radio presenter, writer and journalist Jenny Huston was born in Vancouver to Irish parents and grew up in Victoria, British Columbia. When I spoke to her about the progressive arts

The Canadian respect for individuality has opened the door for a number of Irish acts, such as Bell X1 and Fred and music scene in her country of birth, she is keen to point out that Canada is a “cultural mosaic, and perhaps this is why the Canadians are so open to differences in general”. This echoes the point made by Carroll — how the positive attitude to ethnic diversity in Canada has impacted on gay rights issues in the society. Huston tells me about how in school she learned that she lived in a “socio-cultural mosaic, meaning you were encouraged to cherish your individuality. Everybody talked about where they were from. We talked a lot about where our parents or grandparents came from originally, which is a huge part of the national identity”.

The broadcaster contrasts this idea of a country, where every individual ethnic background is like a piece that is distinct, but is also part of a bigger picture, with the system of integration encouraged in other countries. “It’s quite different from the melting-pot model you find in the us, whereby as a consequence of becoming American, some of the individuality of your ethnic background is lost.” In her opinion, “The two countries are so similar in so many ways, but Canada is more outward-looking, whereas the us has its gaze directed inward”. Talking about music, Huston also makes some distinctions between Canada and its neighbour: “In New York, the style and the look of the band is very important, stuff like everyone in a band sticking to a certain image or having the same haircut. Here, this matters a lot less. “Look at Canadian bands like Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene or Stars. They’re more like groups of individuals. Each person has their own style. It is more of a hodgepodge, there is a sense of coming together, they are more openminded about the image of a band.” Huston believes the Canadian respect for individuality has opened the door for a number of Irish acts, such as Bell X1 and Fred, to gain popularity there. “Irish bands tend not to be style-driven in the same way London or New York bands would be, which is one of their common complaints. Canada is a good place for them.” The broadcaster highlights some of motherland’s most famous musical exports. “Look at Joni Mitchell, Neil Young or k.d. lang. A lot of famous Canadians like them don’t fit that Rolling Stone

some European countries like Switzerland, Holland and Belgium.” One of the main bodies that helps Canadian musicians is the Foundation to Assist Canadian Talent on Recordings (factor). With the help of factor funding, many acts such as Arcade Fire have been able to make a name for themselves on the world stage. Huston explains how this type of funding is very useful for bands hoping to make their name within Canada before they tour internationally: “If you are a group hailing from Newfoundland or Ontario and want to tour the west coast, it would be financially crippling to tour such a vast country. factor funding provides help with this.” She continues, “If you pick up a Canadian cd, look at the back and you will probably see a factor logo. I’m just looking at a Hey Rosetta! album now and they have the emblem.” I wonder if Irish bands and recording artists would benefit from a similar type of funding, and the dj says, “Ireland is such a small country, so with a good work ethic a band can make it here. However, I do think it would be a really good idea to give bands the funding to get out and tour internationally, make a name for themselves abroad”. Bands such as The Blizzards and The Script spring to mind, who have worked hard for years at establishing a fan base, before turning their attentions abroad and endeavouring to conquer the difficult international market. It is as much a testament to Irish talent that certain bands have gained massive popularity across the Atlantic as to the openness and experimental attitude of the Canadian ethnically diverse popultion. It would seem that by embracing cultural and ethnic diversity, Canadian society has become open-minded, accepting and understanding, and as a result it is a place where all matters of individuality are respected and appreciated, from key human rights issues right down to the sort of music playing on the radio. Kate Rowan is a Junior Freshman student of Sociology and French.

Issue 4 book.indb 32

05/03/2010 12:32:09

travel

City of blinding heights Despite its recent high-profile financial troubles, the emirate Dubai is still revelling in its position as the Middle East’s hub of tourism and innovation. by Sehreen Qureshi

he United Arab Emirates (uae) consists of seven states, but most well-known are its financial and political hubs Abu Dhabi and Dubai — often described as the “Pearl of the Persian Gulf”. The uae lies on the southern shore of the Persian Gulf, bordering Saudi Arabia and Oman. uae’s constitution was passed in 1971 and since then it has been an independent country. The president is Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan, the 3rd wealthiest royal in the world with a net worth of approximately $19 billion, while the prime minister is Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum who has a net worth of approximately $12 billion. Their wealth can be explained by the fact that the uae has the world’s 6th largest oil reserves. These make the uae the most economically developed country in the Middle East. Dubai is at the centre of all the attention, as it generates its highest returns from tourism and a very small percentage of its returns from oil reserves. Every year Dubai’s oil reserves are decreasing, so to combat that deficiency, Dubai undertook an enormous construction boom to expand its economy and diversify its wealth into areas of commercial and corporate activity. Sheikh Mohammed has been primarily responsible for making Dubai a modern, highflying and flourishing city from its industrial investments. His most significant business venture was the world class airline we know today as Emirates Airlines. In the last few years the state has become a landmark for

innovation, its skies filled with exceptional skyscrapers from the telecommunications buildings of Etisilat, to the many national and international banks such as First Gulf. It is in the process of developing one of the most technologically advanced buildings in the world – the Pad, an example of so-called “cybertecture” that takes its cue from the concept of the iPod. Most recently, though, it has had the inauguration of the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa, and believe it or not I was there. I’ll never forget my presence at this historic affair. You may not believe that a city such as Dubai, with its kind of planning and innovation, could ever face a recession, but the state went into a high deficit of roughly $1.14 billion in 2009 and the Sheikh has approved a budget deficit of $1.6 billion for 2010. Luckily for Dubai, Sheikh Khalifa of Abu Dhabi was kind enough to bail them out last year. Hence, the tallest building in the world - previously called Burj Dubai - is now known as Burj Khalifa as a gesture to His Highness. It stands at a soaring height of 800 metres, and standing at the bottom of this magnificent structure I couldn’t help but feel incredibly small myself. The opening ceremony was considered one of the most awaited ones in Dubai, ever since the launch of the Dubai metro. It lasted a few hours but the end was the main selling point of the entire ceremony. Initially we had to wait for

Sheikh Maktoum to arrive with his team of younger Sheikhs and the chairman of Emaar [property developers], Mohamed Alabbar. However, once they came and Sheikh Maktoum placed his hand onto the device that triggered the fireworks, the waiting turned out to be worth it. The display left me and my family speechless. It began with the fountain show that occurs in Dubai Mall, one of the biggest Malls in the world in downtown Burj. The water from the fountains harmonised itself with the music being played, going up and down according to the melody, and occasionally being blown on to my face with the light evening breeze. Not very often does one get to experience a firework display more amazing than those on New Year’s Eve. However, standing there I couldn’t help but wonder about the amount of money that had gone into doing a show of this calibre. Being in recession and all, I would have expected a little tightness of the purse strings — but why stop yourself when you’ve got Sheikh Khalifa to bail you out if there are any problems! Apart from going to the inauguration of Burj Khalifa, I also spent a good while checking out what else the place had to offer, starting by going to the famous Palm jumeriah man-made island created through the reclamation of land. This is one of 3 palm islands (the others being palm Jebel Ali and palm Deira) that extend into the Persian Gulf. It is shaped like a palm tree and at the top of the island there is a crescent that is home to the Atlantis Palm Hotel, a structure that consists of two towers linked by a bridge with nearly 1,540 rooms. There’s also an aqua venture theme park, a dolphin bay and an aquarium containing the famous whale shark in its own 11 million litre aquarium. At the official launch of the hotel, VIPs like Lily Allen, Robert De Niro, Denzel Washington, Charlize Theron, Sir Richard Branson, The Jonas Brothers, Shahrukh Khan, Lindsay Lohan and Kylie Minogue — just to name a few — attended the event. I wasn’t there, but as you can see all my friends did attend. Once you’re done looking at Atlantis, there is also the Burj Al Arab hotel, Ski Dubai in Emirates Mall — for all your indoor skiing needs — the “gondola” experience in Dubai Festival City Mall, Desert Safaris, the Gold Souk in the heart of Deira Dubai for the most exclusive jewelry brands in the world, and a ton of other great things to see and do while you visit. Sehreen Qureshi is a Junior Freshman student of Business, Economic and Social Studies. 33

Issue 4 book.indb 33

05/03/2010 12:32:13

The Last Word With Mark Walsh o here we are. The final column of the final Miscellany of the year. I’m starting to worry. The end of year exams are drawing near. All year I’ve been telling myself how I’ll be getting my act together soon. “Just after I go out this weekend, then I’ll start studying!” “Ah sure, I’m too hungover today, it can wait ‘til tomorrow.” “There’s too much snow this month, it’s a month for tracksuit bottoms and two pairs of socks, not the library and essays!” And now I’m fucked. Too many tutorials have passed by with me being the gormless mute at the back. Sitting there, open-mouthed, gawping in amazement at the amount of stuff other people know. How do they know about politics? Why don’t I know about these things? Why have I spent my college life drinking and wanking my days away, instead of reading? Why do I consider a productive day to be one where I’ve cut my nails, had a shave and gotten a good rest? Sometimes people have made jokes in reference to political happenings and everyone in the room laughs. I sit there trying to smile as if I know what the joke is. There’s one tutorial like this where everyone’s great, but then there’s me and one other girl who never really contribute. I appreciate her so much. Having someone else to look at and think, “Well, at least I’m not the only one.” So in a recent tutorial, I sat beside her at the back. The class begins as normal, everyone talking and answering questions, except me and her. Then we move on to discussing school exchanges and whether they have any sort of impact on international relations. She exclaims that she went on one of these exact exchanges we were talking about, and begins telling the class all about it. She’s one of them now. One of the knowledgeable ones. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my life. My partner in ignorance leaving me in my sordid little pit of silence, all alone except for the poor company of my own fading dreams and wasted potential. Selfish cow. I have started to make an effort though. I went to the library one Sunday. It was Sunday the 14th of February actually. A very romantic Valentine’s day I had. On the bus home I looked around and everyone was by themselves. I reckon that if I’d tried to initiate an orgy at that point, nobody would have declined. But how do you initiate an orgy? Do you start with one person and hope others just dive in, or do you make some sort of declaration to everyone? We got to my stop before I could come up with a plausible solution. I’ve also begun playing the odd bit of five-a-

“I know there’s been concentration camps in which millions have suffered and died... But do any of these people know what it feels like to have your birthday fall on a day when the pubs are closed? I think not.”

side football. I played football for my local team for ten years, then just lost interest. To this day I regret quitting, and still often have dreams where I’m back playing. So I like a bit of five-a-side so I can see if I’ve still got it. You see, of all the men who’ve played football, not one of them ever truly stops believing that someday he’ll play for his country. Obviously I know I won’t, but I don’t believe I won’t. There’ll come a day, when my grandchildren pay me a visit in the hospice, and I’ll be propped up, all withered and yellow and listless, smelling of piss. As they spoon some baby food into my mouth, they’ll ask me if I’m feeling all right. I’ll tell them I’m not, because I woke up that morning and finally realised that I really am probably never going to captain Ireland in a World Cup match. I imagine I’ll die the following morning, of a shattered heart. The five-a-side is good though. I do still have it. I change into my tracksuit bottoms with the hole in them, stick on the runners, take a swig of Lucozade, and trot onto the pitch (the small little indoor place) and play my heart out. Closing down, tackling, through balls, cheeky back-heels. For about five minutes. The following 55 minutes involve me doing whatever I can to stop myself from vomiting, and clutching my sides with a stitch. What the fuck is a stitch anyway? Before I tackle exams, I have my birthday to deal with. This year, my birthday falls on Good Friday. Now, I know there’s been an earthquake in Haiti, and thousands of people are suffering. I know about 9/11, and how many lives were lost and how some people had to throw themselves from the towers to avoid being killed in the inferno. I know there’s been concentration camps in which millions have suffered and died. I know about all sorts of horrors and plights. But do any of these people know what it feels like to have your birthday fall on a day when the pubs are closed? I think not. On the upside, I’ve managed to avoid the illnesses that everyone else seems to have gotten. I sit bewildered in lectures as everyone coughs and sneezes. Baffled as I watch people projectile vomit over each other. Now I’m worried that this is a brief respite from illness, building up to something serious. So that’s it. This is the final paragraph of the final column of the final Miscellany of the year. I should end it with something reflective and nice. Some food for thought, perhaps. Instead I’m just going to write tits, scrotum and clunge. Mark Walsh is a Senior Freshman student of Business, Economic and Social Studies. See more at www.walsho.net.

Issue 4 book.indb 34

05/03/2010 12:32:13

Trinity Publications AGM Do you want to be involved? Trinity Publications Committee invites applications for the following positions on next yearâ€™s Executive Committee:

Secretary Treasurer Publicity Officer Amenities Officer Alumni Officer Alternatively, if you have a great idea for a new publication why not apply for funding and use of our facilities? Our office provides all the facilities necessary for print production, from brand new iMacs to the normal office facilities youâ€™ll need. The deadline for all applications is Monday 8th March 2010 at 5pm. The AGM will take place on the 16th March 2010 at 7.30pm in the Hist Conversation Room. If you require more information or an application form please contact the Secretary, Grace Walsh at gwalsh2@tcd.ie

www.trinitypublications.info

Issue 4 book.indb 35

05/03/2010 12:32:14

Issue 4 book.indb 36

05/03/2010 12:32:16