beginner MIND

QI reacted with anger, rage, and frustration when a difficult friend ignored my request for space. This person punishes and is unlikely to forgive. Do I apologize even though my words will likely fall on deaf ears?

@Weltzchmerz

@clemserrell

@ ninaandtito

AIt sounds as if you’ve already made the leap into more compassion through your own practice—you recognize you reacted in a way that doesn’t feel right. So it may feel helpful for you—to set your heart at ease, and if it feels like the ethical thing to do for your own self—to say to this person, “I’m really sorry I responded with so much anger, I lost touch with myself and I realize that was not fair to you,” or whatever you want to say.

The trick here is to apologize without being attached to the result. If you’re hoping that they’re going to say, “I totally accept your apology, I love you, our relationship is wonderful,” you’re probably going to be in trouble. There’s another option, from the 12-step world. They talk about the concepts of direct amends—when we directly ask a person for their forgiveness—and living amends, when we make a decision to live our lives differently. It may just be that in a case like yours, that’s a better, kinder approach.

@ JPBrown5

@ buzy263 ”