BURST Magazine - Spring 2021

BURST Re olutionize Spring 2021 Issue 4

Athletes and Activism/COVID-19 Heroes and Survival Tactics/Forgiveness in the #MeToo Era/ LGBTQ+ Love/#BlackLivesMatter

04

TABLE OF

CONTENTS

MilliBits

Kendra Steele 10 TV Episodes You Should Watch During Quarantine

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MilliThoughts

Lauryn Kenny A Spoon Full of Sugar

Sydney Sinks From Hating This Love to Loving Myself

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12 14

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Emilie Hicks Someone Call Animal Control

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Riley Sawin A Sluggish Life

7

Jordan Diver Can You Be an Athlete and an Activist?

8

Ryan Ogden Calm Your Mind One Breath at a Time

10

Caleb Buehrle Country Revolution

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Features

Sydney Sinks Who Do We Forgive?

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Bella Hernandez Revolution Repeats Itself

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Gwen Klinkey Am I a Gamer Yet

31

Tessa Laslo A Quiet Introspection

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Arica Burns A Zooming Class

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Athena Pajer Kamryn Harris 18

Jeana Pierson The Sound of Change: A Playlist

44 BURST

MilliPeople

Molly Phoenix Not All Heroes Wear Capes.

(Some Wear Masks.)

3

Staff

No body copy abov

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Writers: Caleb Buehrle, Arica Burns, Jordan Diver, Alit fugit quasped molupidus nonsePhotographers: Millie Gegg, Tessa Laslo Bella Hernandez, Emilie Hicks, Lauryn Kenny, Gwen quae sequam fugit, ut molecatquam, Klinkey, Ryan Ogden, Molly Phoenix, Riley Sawin, aperovi tatur,Bates sition porist Faculty Editorial nisima Advisor: Dr. Julie Kendra Steele ipsaperiam ex erspellam, aut unt ex Faculty Design Advisor: earum. Professor Jessa Wilcoxen Facipicae optat ommodit voluptatia di sa dem fuga. Ugia eat officidis ero ea earum re, venet, qui occus aceprorunt saerunt pro et ut volorestiae qui quas eaqui cor sit re, samende lendess erchillecus dolo blam, te vita.

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Did you know our 2020 issue won a Bronze American Quatis doluptaturia non ra Advertising Award? Join the BURST team and help dolore, quiditiis porpor sequi tem move us forward! dignata simolorem siti tenihit iljsdflkjdsflkjdslkfjdklfjdsklfjlkjdsforibus For the 2021–2022 school year, we are looking for magnim eaqui alique remperum talented writers, editors, photographers, designers,venihitUm que dolupta dolest autem and ad salespeople. Interested in helping us produceacimolu ptOruptibus ent. Alit fugit next year’s magazine. quasped molupidus nonsequae sequam fugit, ut moleporist ipsaperiam Contact Dr. Julie Bates (jcbates@millikin.edu) today.ex erspellam, aut unt ex earum. ent. Alit fugit quasped molupidus nonsequae sequam fugit, ut molecatquasition porist ipsaperiam ex erspellam, aut unt ex earum.

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Letter

bove or below the 0.5 line.

Dear readers,

Editors

One goal of a college magazine is to capture this time in our lives, to articulate what it’s like to be young in this specific moment. That goal weighed heavy on us this year. Our college experience has been drained by a global pandemic; injustices are televised, but justice still goes unserved; national politics feel more precarious every day. And beyond these bigger issues, our day-to-day lives as college students can be overwhelming as we try to balance our fear with homework, relationships, and planning for the future. It’s a lot. And lately, it feels like everything around us is changing as we adapt to our “new normal.”

We’re living through history. So . . . how do you articulate that? How do you digest everything that’s happening and document the hundred emotions that arise?

When it was time to choose a theme for this year’s issue of BURST, we kept going back to these ideas. We noticed that, often, it was young people leading the charge, whether by organizing protests or advocating for new legislation or just being there to support each other through the fight. We talked to our friends about how their hobbies and interests have changed in the past year. We reflected on how it feels to live through a time that will be immortalized in textbooks.

What resulted was a magazine that—hopefully—captures these experiences.

Yes, we’re living through history in the form of Black Lives Matter protests, the debate about mask-wearing, the intersection of politics and sexual assault, and the ways that the pandemic has affected our productivity and schooling. But, like any generation of college students, we’re also living our lives: playing video games, listening to music, learning how to bake. And somewhere in there, we’re figuring out who we are and how we’re going to change the world both during and after our time at Millikin.

As you read this issue of BURST, we hope it prompts you to think about today’s revolutions and what you’re doing to revolutionize your own life and the world around you. And we hope, even though we’re isolated right now, that you feel less alone after reading our stories.

Our generation might be overwhelmed by how quickly our world is changing.

But working with this year’s amazing staff has shown us that, on the other side of revolution, there’s a lot of cause for hope.

the

S S S S S

from

All the best, Sydney Sinks, Danielle Minnis, and Jeana Pierson

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By Kendra Steele

TV EPISODES YOU SHOULD WATCH

Fellow quarantine binge-watchers, are you tired of watching your favorite TV show characters eat out at restaurants and go on beach trips? Are the shows that normally distract you from our crumbling reality now only reminding you of the lack of agency you have over your own life? Well, I’ve got the perfect watch list for you!

While no one could have predicted the COVID-19 pandemic, there are quite a few classic TV episodes that involve characters avoiding sickness, getting trapped in one place for too long, or losing their minds after being around the same people for several hours.

Right now, the most revolutionary thing that you can do is safely find any small bits of joy you can. I hope that you’ll find these episodes relatable and comforting in these times of woe.

01. “The Gang Get Quarantined” – It’s Always

Sunny in Philadelphia, S9 E7 In this episode, “The Gang” is preparing for a singing competition and must quarantine themselves in order to protect their vocal chords from a viral flu.

Quote: “Oh my God, for the last time, we’re not playing quarantine, this is a quarantine.” —Dennis

02. “Cooperative Calligraphy” – Community, S2 E8 The study group places themselves in a voluntary lockdown after a pen goes missing. The question of who stole it threatens to tear these friends apart.

Quote: “Accidents don’t just happen over and over again, okay? This isn’t budget daycare.” —Annie 03. “Sam Again” – New Girl, S5 E13

When Nick gets the flu, it isn’t long before the rest of the roommates get it as well. Schmidt, who is terrified of getting the flu, forces his infected friends to quarantine themselves.

Quote: “No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer.” —Nick

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04. “All-Nighter” – Superstore, S1 E9

In this episode, the Cloud 9 workers find themselves trapped in the store after hours. The retail workers reflect on their lives and vent about their harrowing jobs.

Quote: “We’re locked in!” —Glenn

05. “Hurricane Wanda” – Broad City, S1 E7

After a dangerous hurricane hits New York, Abbi and Ilana must stay inside with their quirky roommates and Abbi’s crush! This awkward group struggles to keep themselves calm and entertained during a night without electricity.

Quote: “In case we all die, there is something that I must confess to you, Ilana. Last summer I switched our laptop chargers in the night like a sneaky thief.

And that’s why yours never works. And I see you try and you try and you try and it’s because it’s mine. It’s never gonna work, Ilana.” —Jaime

06. “Leslie and Ron” – Parks and

Recreation, S7 E4 After a falling-out between the two, Ron and Leslie’s friends force them to stay in the Parks and Recreation office until they forgive each other.

Quote: “I feel extremely angry.” —Ron

MILLIBITS

DURING QUARANTINE 07. “Heat Wave” – New Girl, S5 E9

While Los Angeles experiences a citywide heat wave, the tenants of apartment 4D must find electric fans, ice machines—anything to keep cool.

Quote: “The heat is untenable.” —Schmidt

08. “9 Days” – Brooklyn 99, S3 E12

When Jake and Captain Holt are exposed to the mumps, they are forced to quarantine themselves for nine days.

Quote: “You’re quarantined! You can’t go outside spewing mumps like a couple of mump fountains.”

—Amy

09. “Mindy St. Claire” – The Good Place,

S1 E3 Seeking refuge, Eleanor and the gang escape to “The Medium Place” and have to decide if they want to live a life of mediocrity or fight for something better.

Quote: “Ooh, I’ve never had to walk before, this is fun! [Walks a few steps] Now I’m bored. Walking is dumb.” —Janet

10.

“The Flu” – Parks and Recreation, S3 E2 In this episode, Leslie and the rest of the town go to extremes to avoid getting the flu.

Quote: “What’s with the mask?” . . . “Flu protection.

My body is finely tuned like a microchip and the flu is like a grain of sand. It could literally shut down the entire system.” —Chris

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Someone Call Animal Control The Growing Epidemic of Catcalling and Sexual Harassment in the United States

By Emilie Hicks

An old man touched my ass in a Home Depot when I was 13. At 14, I was groped in the middle of my high school hallway by a senior. At 15, my church pastor told me to close my legs while wearing jeans because it was “unwomanly.” As the years went by, these incidents haven’t gotten any better.

Men have been the catalyst for many of the world’s problems. One of these problems that never goes away is sexual harassment.

As a woman, it’s hard to imagine a world without harassment. A world where going on a walk at night is safe, wearing a skirt isn’t “asking for it,” and simply having a vagina doesn’t make you a target.

Catcalling is the introductory version of sexual harassment, where you aren’t being physically touched, but the intent to touch, or harm, is there. For some reason, many men think this is acceptable behavior.

They think making a woman feel inferior and sexualized is fine.

Well, there’s one thing I have to say to that: Men in Cages 2021.

Okay, not really. But some men deserve it. Why is their behavior not reprimanded? Why do so many men get away with sexualizing and harassing women? And why do they consider it acceptable in the first place?

When asked about her sexual harassment experiences, Millikin 6

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sophomore Elliana Anderson says, “It is scary for me at work to just take out the garbage. I always have to have the camera watching me in case something happens.” This experience is not uncommon.

Women are often worried when doing basic tasks because they fear the unsolicited attention from men.

Although I would love to give you a quote from a sexual harasser or catcaller, when confronted, the middle-aged man who catcalled me outside of Target had no comment.

He simply turned away and tried to pretend nothing happened. Did he finally understand that what he was doing was wrong? Or has he simply never been stood up to before? I suppose we’ll never know.

The epidemic of catcalling—and worse—is growing more prevalent in the United States today. A study done by the Girl Scouts of America showed that 1 out of 10 girls will be sexually assaulted before her eleventh birthday. These are young girls being sexualized before they even hit puberty.

We must protect the women and girls we care about by stopping the harassers who engage in such disgusting activities.

A friend of mine, Helen Miller, says, “I’ve been followed home a few times. It’s pretty scary. Especially when you don’t have anyone to help you.” Her story is felt by women all

over the world, and these stories and experiences strike fear into their hearts.

Women are the backbone of society. We run businesses, care for loved ones, make the world a better place, and deal with monthly periods, all while facing harassment from men on a daily basis. We are both creators and the creators of life, and we deserve respect.

.

Or has he simply never been stood up to before? I suppose we’ll never know.

A Sluggish Life It’s hard to be productive in a pandemic, but these tips are a great place to start. By Riley Sawin

Since COVID-19 started, many of us have faced a lack of motivation to do anything, in large part because there is so little to do out in the “real world.” It’s been over a year since we first were thrown into stay-at-home mode. Almost overnight, we went from thinking of our homes as a place to relax to trying to see them as productive work environments. As the pandemic drags on, here are some tips to stay motivated until life starts to pick back up—hopefully soon!

1

Set small daily goals. These aren’t normal times, and your productivity is likely not at its peak right now. Setting goals can help you make your day as productive as possible. But be realistic—set a goal that you know you will be able to accomplish, like writing three pages of the major paper that is due next week.

2

Build a routine. Building a routine can help add some predictability back into your life. Again, this doesn’t mean adding a hundred new parts to each day—start small and test out a few habits here or there. For example, getting dressed in the morning and eating a healthy breakfast can help you build a routine and start the day off right.

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Emphasize self-care. One of the most common pieces of advice for someone feeling the mental/emotional impact of COVID-19 is to emphasize self-care. If we continue to drive forward and push ourselves during such a period of anxiety and stress, we will burn ourselves out without realizing it. Dedicating time each day for self-care that focuses on your mental and physical health is crucial to keep moving. Creating a spa day or working out could be great examples of taking care of your body during a time like this.

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Stay social. Keep up social connections even when you’re at home to boost your motivation.

Staying distant from one another can be harder for some than others. Many of us didn’t realize how important it is to interact with others until the pandemic started. Setting up Zoom calls with friends and having that connection with other people will make the time pass by. It may not be the same as chatting in person, but it’s still a way to spend time together.

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Exercise. If you’re not ready or able to hit the gym yet, head outside. Take a walk, ride a bike, or even just play outside with the people you are quarantining with at home. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, cue up a yoga video or high-intensity interval training (HIIT) workout on YouTube—no fitness equipment required.

Even a year in, many of us are still experimenting with the best way to endure staying at home and being isolated from the outside world. Staying motivated is challenging, but having goals and time for yourself can make it easier. Although COVID-19 has turned everything upside down and feels endless, eventually we’ll get back to “normal.” Staying motivated and active can help you refocus attention away from the pandemic and move forward to a more hopeful future.

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By Jordan Diver

Sauvignon Hayes Offensive Lineman 8

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Patrick Cooper Wide Receiver

Protests in sports are nothing new. Going back all the way to the Nika riots, which began on Jan. 13, 532 A.D., athletes have used their platform to elicit change. Although protests in sports have gone on for centuries, many modern-day athletes who raise their voices face backlash.

In 2016, football player Colin Kaepernick took a lot of heat when he kneeled during the playing of the national anthem to protest racial injustice. Kaepernick continues to be blackballed by the NFL for his protest. Despite this, his actions inspired many.

“He understood what the risk was,” Millikin senior Patrick Cooper says. “He might lose out on a lot of money, or never be able to play the game—which in my opinion is very respectable because that’s what you’ve been working for your whole life and you dream about it as a little kid. To be willing to give it up because you feel like something isn’t right in the world . . . I feel like everyone can learn from that.”

Cooper plays on Millikin’s football team as a wide receiver.

He is from Lockport, Illinois.

Millikin senior Sauvignon Hayes also plays on Millikin’s football team, as an offensive lineman. He is from McDonough, Georgia. Both men are inspired by Kaepernick and athletes like him, but they have different ways of continuing his legacy.

“I love it when athletes kneel because many people look up to them—to strive to be them,” Hayes says. “So, when we see that even with the publicity and backlash that they are still willing to have a voice, it is so inspirational.”

As the Black Lives Matter movement surged last summer,

many protesters, including Cooper and Hayes, took to the streets to demand change.

“I attended a march back at home before they tore down the Patrick Henry statue,” Hayes says.

“I don’t kneel during [Millikin’s] football games, but I support my teammates who do. I love that we have a voice during our games, especially over racial inequality. So, for them to kneel is great.” Hayes knows that kneeling as a protest is controversial, but he questions why.

“Other teams definitely don’t like us when we do it, but why hate us when it’s something as peaceful as kneeling? Kneeling is still a sign of respect; we’re just not standing at full mast as they want us to. It’s more a half mast.”

“I marched back at home and I have marched here,” says Cooper.

Over his past four years playing football at Millikin, Cooper has followed in Kaepernick’s footsteps.

“During football games and since I’ve been here, I’ve always taken a knee. There are probably about 10 to 15 of us every year who take a knee. But no matter where Millikin plays, criticism follows.”

“You go off to Wesleyan or Wheaton and we’ve taken a knee, you will hear all the different remarks from the people yelling at you from the stands,” says Cooper.

“The schools are a little more

privileged or living more privileged.

The players on the team probably won’t have to experience so much social injustice. You can hear those fans in the crowd; they will say something really out-of-pocket, but I don’t feel like they understand completely. It’s a little discouraging, but at the same time, you know what you’re doing it for.”

Nevertheless, change doesn’t stop at the football field.

Cooper believes, “It’s going to take time for things to change. You just have to be persistent and patient. If you lose out on one of those things, if you stop trying to fight the fight and you think something is going to happen overnight, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. It’s been so many years. The steps we have taken have been slow, but progress has been made.

You just have to look at it from that standpoint.”

Cooper adds, “We can all do more. Everybody can do more.”

“It’s going to take time for things to change.

You just have to be persistent and patient.”

—Patrick Cooper

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Meditation has a ton of benefits. Here’s how to get them.

Calm Your Mind One Breath at a Time 10

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By Ryan Ogden

W

ith COVID-19 breaking down the normalcy of our lives, we have to remember to always take time for our mental health. Think about it: You have a Zoom class at 2:00, and then you have to go to your minimum-wage job, where you will get yelled at by a middle-aged woman for telling her to wear a mask during a global pandemic. And let’s not even start on the current political state of the world.

Lately, life is making it a little too hard to take time for yourself, but being able to sit in your own mind for at least 10 minutes a day can truly change your outlook.

The simple act of meditation can be done at almost any time in any place.

Buddhist meditation is the practice of intentionally working with your mind. The important thing is that you are working with and not on your mind. A common thing you hear about meditation is that you meditate to better your mind and yourself. In fact, you need to meditate not to better yourself, but to love yourself and be okay with who you are in the universe at that moment.

There are many different forms of meditation, but the one I want to focus on is breath meditation. Follow these steps to try meditation for yourself.

Step One Take a seat and sit as if your back is against a chair.

Step Two

Follow your breaths and focus on the time it takes to inhale and exhale.

Step Three

Notice the feelings and thoughts that take your focus away from your breath. Explore those thoughts. Allow yourself to feel your brain and what it is telling you.

Once you feel like you’re in a good place from your meditation, you can continue your day.

A lot of things in the world can and will distract you from your meditation, and that is okay!

The world is a distracting place.

One easy way to get away from those distractions is by playing music that makes you feel calm and focused and then allowing that feeling to block out other distractions.

With the act of meditation once a day, you will find yourself going easier on your own mind, and you’ll notice things in life starting to flow a lot more smoothly. Just always remember that no matter how crazy life is, you can always do it. I believe in you.

co

T R Y N U

Over time, music genres go through course-altering revolutions. The British Invasion, hip-hop becoming mainstream, and jazz music’s evolution into the swing era are just a few examples. Country music is doing the same thing right now . . . actually, check that. Country is going through two revolutions at the same time. And these two revolutions also happen to be competing with each other.

The first of these is known as “pop country.” Pop country has been the more popular (no pun intended) trend within the last 10 years, with radio stations dominated by music that is as much pop as it is country.

Artists like Thomas Rhett, Kane Brown, and Maren Morris are at the forefront of a blend of pop music and country music— an approach that aims to remove the confinements of genre, allowing artists to make whatever music they please.

This side of the genre is generally what gets the most radio airplay. It’s the least controversial, it pisses off no mainstream fans, and the vast majority of songs, such as Luke Bryan’s “Most People Are Good”

REVOLUTION

BY CALEB BUEHRL E

and Niko Moon’s “Good Time,” are aimed solely to make you smile. It’s a lighter sound, not typically diving into deep topics.

In the other corner, if you will, is the traditionalist movement aiming to bring country music back to its roots. What “roots” means is up for debate, but what is agreed upon is that hip-hop beats and collaborations with Diplo aren’t exactly what traditionalist fans have in mind. Instead, it’s a push for the genre to remind itself of its roots.

Country music used to represent the average person—country legend Johnny Cash, for example, sang for the disenfranchised and beaten down of this country, not about how much of a redneck he was. Today, the genre—and especially the pop country side— has seemed to be on a mission to prove how “country” they are. In reality, this isn’t what makes country music country at all.

What many traditional artists are trying to do is bring back the simplicity of the genre by using instruments that the common person can play and singing songs about what’s going on in actual people’s lives. Eric Church points this out in his song “Stick That In Your Country Song,” and Tyler

Childers does the same in “Long Violent History.” Both songs are about how many within the country genre are ignoring the political issues of our nation, such as the Black Lives Matter movement, violence in our cities, and the fear teachers shoulder as they go to work every morning.

While technically under the same genre, these two sects of country music couldn’t be further away from each other. One aims to break down the walls of genre, making music that isn’t “stuck” in one genre or another.

The other side is aimed at taking the genre back, if you will, from those who don’t really care about the things that have made country music special for as long as it’s been around—the ability to share the triumphs and failures of the common American. As we progress through the 2020s, it will be interesting to watch how the mainstream sound of the genre changes and which side of the competing revolutions remains relevant. Furthermore, will the genre even be one genre anymore? Or will the traditional sound continue to be pushed into the “Americana” category? We wait and see.

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A Spoon COVID-19 is difficult for everyone—especially for someone living with eight people. But the family that bakes together stays together.

They say practice makes perfect, but after multiple baking mishaps, that seems unlikely. Add seven family members to the mix, and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

I am a busybody. Always have been, always will be. Whether it is going out with friends or staying busy with school, I can never sit still. COVID-19 hit like a ton of bricks, and doing my normal hobbies became impossible. How was I, a lonely 20-year-old with nothing but

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time on my hands, going to handle the simultaneous isolation and continuous noise from the other people I live with? How was I going to survive?

The answer struck me one day.

As I was scoping out my kitchen, wondering what I could do with all of this time, I realized I wanted to make a cake. Right then. I went downstairs and dragged my brothers away from their afternoon nap to make the best chocolate cherry cake in existence. My brothers, tired and obviously not awake yet, walked to the kitchen.

I have no idea why I wanted to make this cake with my brothers.

I never baked a cake before. My brothers never showed a big interest in baking. Why should they want to bake now?

“I wanted to make the cake because I just like to bake. Cakes are one of my favorite desserts to make,” says my 20-year-old brother Liam.

First, we had to look for a recipe. It took some research and arguing, but the perfect recipe finally

arrived at our fingertips. It was the Devil’s Food Cake recipe from the Food Network. Not only did the recipe look easy, but the cake looked fantastic. Perfect, I thought.

What could go wrong?

It was pretty simple at first. We added the dry ingredients in one bowl. The hardest part was stirring the milk. To make sure the milk doesn’t scald, one person had to whisk the milk at all times. While I was mixing the milk and water, Colin and Liam worked on the wet ingredients. Then, with determination, we added the cherries. Everything seemed to be going well. In fact, it was going perfectly. We did what the recipe told us to do. We made the buttercream frosting with ease.

We worked well together.

Upon reflection, the Kenny family has one fatal flaw: our impatience. We can’t wait for anything. When the cakes were finished, we took them out of the oven and let them cool. But we got bored quickly. Maybe we should’ve waited a bit longer. Maybe we

By Lauryn Kenny

should’ve started baking earlier instead of late in the afternoon. Our patience finally hit its peak when it reached 11:00 p.m.

“That’s it,” I told them. “I’m not waiting any longer. We are frosting this cake.”

It was a tiring process. We each took turns trying to smack the cake out of the pan so we could frost it.

We all gasped as one of the cakes fell apart.

You know what happens when you see your project fail? Denial.

When you know that everything is falling apart, your brain tries to think positively. “This can still work,” I tried to tell myself. With a dash of hope and berries, we managed to put the cake back together.

It looked . . . Well, I realize now that it looked stomped on. The cake looked caved in. The decoration was subpar. Not even the strawberries on top could save it. Our baking project was monstrous in every sense of the word. “It looked like a lopsided pile of dirt with fruit embellishments,” Liam says. “In other words, it looked horrendous.”

When we showed the cake to our family, they all had varying degrees of shock on their faces.

“They pretended not to notice how ugly it looked so as not to hurt our feelings,” Liam recalls. “We could all sense the insincerity.”

It felt like a stab in the gut. We all worked so hard on this. It took hours to prepare. It was going so well. It hurt to see how the cake had turned out. But, in a shocking turn of events, “It tasted great,” Liam remembers. Even though it looked lopsided, we still managed to make a good piece of cake.

I remember looking at my brothers, covered in chocolate and frosting. Their smiles, while small, were plain to see. It didn’t matter how awful this cake looked. My brothers helped me with this. With all the pain, the struggle, and the stains on our clothing, we all felt closer—and that was exactly what we needed during the pandemic.

“It made us motivated to bake more, to improve. Thus, we started baking every week to varying degrees of success,” Liam says.

We baked cookies, cupcakes, brownies, banana bread, and strawberry shortcake. It helped me forget the pandemic for just a few hours. It forced me into the moment instead of the future. With baking, I had a new purpose.

That first day of baking is an experience that I look back on fondly. Most importantly, it helped my brothers and I grow closer.

Maybe a lopsided cake baked during a pandemic was the best cake we ever made.

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MILLITHOUGHTS

Full of Sugar

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From Hating This Love to Loving Myself It took a long time, but I’m finally embracing my LGBTQ+ identity —and I’m happier than ever before.

By Sydney Sinks Alone in the dark room, curled up on the couch, I finally sobbed.

The 2016 Tony Awards played on TV, more subdued than other years, but I couldn’t pay attention.

All I could focus on were the facts that had swirled in my head since the news broke that morning: a shooter in Orlando, a gay nightclub, 49 people dead.

All day, I had pretended to be fine. I was devastated, but I couldn’t seem too sad, or else people would get suspicious. I couldn’t react to the homophobic Facebook posts on my newsfeed even though it felt like each comment was cutting me personally. I couldn’t be angry or show that I was mourning. I couldn’t even seem abnormally interested in the news story. Or else people would know. And absolutely no one could know.

So I waited until everyone was asleep, and then I wept.

This game of wearing masks and suppressing how I felt wasn’t new; I had been doing that for a long time.

When I realized that I noticed girls in ways my friends didn’t, I ignored that feeling. I kicked it as far away from myself as possible and hid it completely. Then I learned how to pretend like I wasn’t constantly holding my breath.

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It was so, so lonely.

But on that June night, I had this desperate, unavoidable understanding that I couldn’t live like that anymore. I listened to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s acceptance speech at the Tonys, his now-famous sonnet commemorating the people who died that day—“Love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside!”

And I suddenly got that love can’t be ignored or hidden, either, no matter how much I wished it could.

I may have finally acknowledged my identity that night, but actually accepting it has been an even more complicated journey. Many members of the LGBTQ+ community experience internalized homophobia.

While I love my queerness, I’m still working to change how I view it.

Deciding to stop ignoring who you are is one thing; overcoming the deep-seated, hateful beliefs you have about yourself is another.

As I began college and slowly let people in on my secret, I struggled to find the words. I loathed the idea of “coming out” and felt painfully awkward every time I mentioned dating or referenced an LGBTQ+ experience. When I did speak about it, I turned it into a joke and noticed defiance in my voice, like I was

daring people to question me. I even wondered if I had made a mistake telling people at all. I had faked it for years; maybe I could push it down again, just go back to holding my breath and pretend to be straight for the rest of my life.

It didn’t make sense. I was certain of who I was. I loved the community that I had found. I felt more like myself than I ever had before. Why could I barely talk about it?

I genuinely didn’t understand that I was dealing with internalized homophobia until just a few months ago. I was talking to a friend and I mentioned kissing a girl. “Sorry if this is, like, disgusting,” I interrupted halfway through the story.

“How is it disgusting?” my friend asked.

And . . . I froze. Why had I said that? Almost five years after I had come to terms with it, I realized I still had it in my mind that my identity was shameful, something to apologize for. That it was disgusting.

We need to change how our culture views queerness. At best, we’re made to feel like LGBTQ+ identities are challenges to overcome, burdens that we have to figure out how to live with. At worst, we’re taught they’re a sin and

LOVE IS something to hide. When people tell you that your feelings are bad, you believe them.

You try to hide that part of you.

And then you start to hate it.

I’m working on challenging those negative beliefs. I’m not so defensive anymore, and I don’t feel like I’m constantly wearing a mask or pushing down my emotions. And I am decidedly done hiding. Instead, I talk to my LGBTQ+ friends about self-love. We look out for each other. We gossip about girls like I used to fake my way through gossiping about boys. It’s fun. More than that, it’s real. It feels like the most natural thing in the world.

Even so, I’m still waiting for that swell of self-acceptance like what I had in 2016. Maybe it won’t ever come, and I’ll keep chipping away at internalized homophobia for the rest of my life; I don’t know. But I do know that it’s a journey I’m glad to finally be on.

And sometimes I imagine talking to the 16-year-old girl who cried alone in the dark on that June night.

Look at me now, I’d say to her. I’m working on it. It’s still messy, but better. I’m so much happier than I ever thought I could be.

LOVE IS LOVE IS

LOVE IS

LOVE IS LOVE IS

LOVE IS LOVE CANNOT BE KILLED OR SWEPT ASIDE!

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Not All Heroes Wear Capes.

(Some Wear Masks.)

Meet Marian Lafferty, the master of stopping the coronavirus.

By Molly Phoenix We are living in a time in which we are constantly forced to think about the coronavirus. Everything, even school, has become a constant reminder that things will not be the same for a long time. Is there any hope for an end to this madness?

Marian Lafferty, a senior music major at Millikin, is the hero we all need. Her courageous actions toward ending the virus may single-handedly flatten the curve.

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“I wear my mask around campus, I wash my hands often, I try not to touch my face, I avoid enclosed spaces with a lot of people, I do all the things I need to do,” Marian says. Clearly, she is going above and beyond.

Why the bravery? “I don’t want to die in a global pandemic,” Marian explains. I can’t emphasize how inspirational this answer is.

Who would have considered the

fact that the virus can kill people?

Surely not anyone who has seen any piece of news or has lived as a human being through the past year.

Marian’s selflessness is beyond compare. “The more I protect myself, the more I protect the people around me. That’s what I really care about,” Marian says. She truly is of a different breed . . . a superior breed that is able to consider the health of others.

MILLIPEOPLE “I feel like a lot of people aren’t taking the virus seriously. I’ll walk into a grocery store and there will be some rando with their mask around their chin,” Marian says.

“Retail workers and people like that will ask people to put their masks on the correct way, and then they throw hissy fits. It’s like, ‘Wow, I didn’t realize we’re in a country full of toddlers.’”

Is Marian the only one in the world who takes precautions? So many people in the community ignore the guidelines that were put in place to keep us protected. But luckily, there are others who follow in Marian’s footsteps. Consider this situation similar to Jesus and his followers.

While the outside world is on fire, there might be hope for Millikin. “On campus, I see less people who go against the coronavirus precautions,” Marian says. Undoubtedly, her actions have caused a wave of awareness

to spread throughout campus. This awareness is almost as contagious as the virus.

Marian spoke more on the importance of taking precautions; however, her dialect is so advanced and above the typical human’s understanding that I was only able to grasp on to some of what she said. At this point in the interview, a blinding light surrounded her, emphasizing her boldness for protecting herself and others during the pandemic. Everything became so overwhelming, but what I was able to catch was revolutionary.

“The more people don’t follow precautions, the more I’m like, ‘Wow, I really do need to wear my mask everywhere because this

isn’t going to end any time soon,’” Marian says, “People need to be more cautious about the things they’re doing.” Spoken like a true poet.

Marian says she is confused as to why I call her a hero. Of course, she’s just being humble.

“A lot of people need individual praise for doing small things. I don’t really feel like I need to be put on a pedestal for doing the bare minimum,” Marian says. “We can all be heroes if we all wear our masks.”

Want to be a hero like Marian? Go above and beyond: Wear a mask, social distance, wash your hands, and stay away from people you don’t need to be around.

I know it’s difficult to wrap our heads around . . . But seriously, at least do the bare minimum.

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KAMRYN HARRIS

Meet the hometown volunteer, the team player, the social activist.

By Athena Pajer Many students jumped to the forefront of the fight for social justice in the past year. Through charitable work, event organization, and activism, entrepreneurship major Kamryn Harris became a campus leader and ally.

Harris, a junior, has been part of the Millikin community for some time but has grown more outspoken in the recent months.“I finally branched out,” Harris says.

“I was like, ‘Okay, I have to use my ideas somewhere.’”

These ideas concerned some of the most pressing issues at Millikin and around the country: voting rights, supporting the homeless, and the Black Lives Matter movement.

Harris connected with several leaders in the Decatur area to host social justice events, including a large Black Lives Matter march down Main Street in October, a voting drive in late October and November, and a coat drive for people experiencing homelessness.

The coat drive was a collaboration between “Shoes to Fill,” an organization Harris helped found, and Millikin’s chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Helping the Decatur community is important to Harris because she grew up near here. She was born and raised in Argenta-Oreana, a two-village area nearby with a population of about 1,750. Growing up, she also spent a lot of time in Chicago, where her father lived.

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“I think seeing and being in that environment that was so advanced compared to Argenta-Oreana, it was like, ‘Wow, this is what it’s actually supposed to look like,” Harris says. “And this is how people actually get along. And I learned that from a very young age.” Harris adds that she was blessed to be exposed to the Chicago area and her dad’s diverse set of friends. This, she says, set a good example for how to get along well with people from all types of backgrounds.

Influenced by the idea of diversity and inclusivity, Harris worked hard to be part of her high school Honors Program, which allowed her to travel to Europe. She was also proud to volunteer with the Special Olympics.

However, high school was also a difficult time for Harris. That was when her social anxiety became a significant barrier. She slowly learned to cope in various ways. “If I were to say anything to anybody who has anxiety, I would just tell them, you know, ‘Find ways to cope with your overthinking,’” Harris says. “I read a lot about it.” Another way she copes is to “schedule” her thoughts. One doctor told her, if an intrusive thought comes at an unexpected time, mentally saying, “I’ll schedule you for 9:30” can make these thoughts easier to manage. It has helped her a lot.

Sometimes, the social anxiety still bothers her, but it no longer

impedes her ability to run events that matter. “Even when I’m attending these social events, and I’m doing interviews or speaking to people, there’s so much going through my mind, but when I’m in the moment, I’m really dedicated,” Harris says. “I’ve just really taught myself to slow down and think about what I’m dedicated to, and how I want to address that.”

When Harris isn’t at an event, she’s trying to have conversations that matter. In her small, conservative hometown, her viewpoints do not always match those around her. “I just think it takes a lot of time and a lot of understanding and talking to people because you can’t just have your opinion and not hear theirs out, even though you don’t agree with them,” Harris says. “We still have to hear the other side, even though you don’t want to.”

Harris continues to care deeply about her hometown, and she hopes to continue to help in the future.

“I hope to graduate and go back and be a mentor, to go back and have some conversations with them,” Harris says. “But overall, I’d like to tell people, I think a lot of people there, you know, really have their heart in a good place for the town.

I think they really want to see the town thrive, and they all have good ideas. And I just hope to be the person that puts those ideas out there for them.”

“I just think it takes a lot of time and a lot of understanding and talking to people because you can’t just have your opinion and not hear theirs out, even though you don’t agree with them.” —Kamryn Harris BURST

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WHO DO WE FORGIVE ?

In the age of #MeToo, there are finally conversations—and consequences— surrounding sexual assault. But how does our society decide when perpetrators deser ve restorative justice and who should be canceled for good?

By Sydney Sinks 20

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Even worse, we often prioritize the futures of offenders over the healing of survivors, which is a major issue on college campuses. Stanford University student Brock Turner made headlines in 2015 after assaulting Chanel Miller. He was sentenced to six months in jail by judge Aaron Persky, who cited his belief that prison would have “a severe impact” on Turner as one of his reasons for the light sentence.

Survivor Chanel Miller wrote that Turner had ruined both of their lives—and yet the potential impact of punishment on Turner’s life is what swayed the judge.

Turner was released after three months.

Most people look down on offenders, and our knee-jerk reaction is to punish them. Though we might personally cancel perpetrators, our society often allows them to live without legal consequences.

Others advocate for rehabilitation rather than punishment, and the movement for restorative justice is growing on college campuses and in the courtroom.

The question, then, is forgiveness. Who deserves to be forgiven, and can we support restorative justice while also advocating for the survivor? The answers are just as polarizing as you might think.

F E AT U R E S

Everybody loves a redemption story. In our media, we like characters who are morally gray rather than black and white. We want to see rehabilitation and catharsis. We crave happy endings. But in real life, who deserves forgiveness? What if you do one of the worst things that you can do to another human being?

In 2017, the #MeToo movement flooded social media after allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein surfaced. The point of the movement was to show how widespread the problem is and to start a long overdue conversation about sexual assault. For the first time ever, people were facing backlash for sexual misconduct on a large scale, and our society vowed that those who weren’t convicted would, at the very least, be canceled.

Yet all too often, people who have been accused of sexual assault are unaffected by these allegations. Their names might be smeared, but their careers continue.

Look no further than Washington, D.C. Brett Kavanaugh underwent one of the most publicized sexual assault hearings in history, and he still became a Supreme Court justice. Our 2020 presidential race was between two candidates who had sexual assault allegations against them, and it wasn’t even a debate topic.

The question, then, is forgiveness. Who deserves to be forgiven, and can we support restorative justice while also advocating for the survivor?

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Ruining Lives Let’s play a game. Go to Google and type in, “The #MeToo movement . . .” Let autofill do the rest of the work. Notice that the suggestions include “needs to stop,” “is getting out of hand,” and “is out of control.”

One of the loudest arguments against the #MeToo movement is that it’s ruining lives. People argue that it’s a tragedy when careers are shattered by sexual assault allegations. They worry that their loved ones will face allegations and have their lives torn apart.

This is not a new viewpoint. The Brock Turner case was so shocking because it showcased this argument on a national scale. We learned that even our justice system prioritizes and protects offenders. We’re concerned about inadvertently ruining the offender’s life by punishing or canceling them. Meanwhile, we often disregard the intense impact that the offender has already had on the life of the survivor.

But while some believe that the #MeToo movement is too extreme, the majority of people would disagree or even argue that the punishment for offenders is not extreme enough. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), an American is sexually assaulted every 73 seconds.

In a society where so many people are impacted or have loved ones who have been hurt, it’s no surprise that a conversation about forgiveness elicits strong reactions.

“It’s like, you raped that person? Oh, you deserve to be put in a guillotine and have your head chopped off,” Millikin student Savanna Prasun says. And she’s not 22

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alone in this sentiment. Most people subscribe to the eye-for-an-eye mentality, especially when it comes to violent crimes like sexual assault.

Often, our impulse is to hurt people who have hurt others, which is why retributive justice—criminal justice that prioritizes punishment over rehabilitation—is so appealing.

But while a violent reaction might be instinctive, other people argue for a restorative justice approach. This is where forgiveness comes into play. Proponents of restorative justice support rehabilitation for criminals. As part of that, perpetrators are encouraged to face their victims and apologize to them. This alternative to retribution is gaining popularity throughout the U.S. “Restorative justice, at its core, is based in indigenous justice (New Zealand’s Maori tradition and practice) where offenders face their victims, with representatives of the community present to witness the encounter, but also to participate,” writes Millikin criminal justice professor Dr. Kenneth Laundra. “In this form of justice, punishment for offenders is not the overriding goal.

Instead, this form of justice seeks reconciliation, repair and a restoration of relationships.”

According to Laundra, key aspects of restorative justice are forgiveness and empathy. The public apologies can be “powerful moments of transformation” for offenders, and also help the survivor heal. Additionally, his research has shown that restorative justice results in lower rates of recidivism.

While the practice of restorative justice for sex offenders is still controversial, Laundra feels that it

can improve the lives of offenders and survivors.

“My research into [restorative justice] used in such criminal scenarios reveals that, because strong and brutally honest, emotional confrontations are often witnessed, a satisfactory outcome (measured in post-session interviews) is reported by most victims and offenders alike, with a stronger sense of resolution (and often genuine forgiveness) being reported by offenders, victims, and the community,” Laundra writes.

But even if an offender can be rehabilitated, even if they apologize to the person they’ve hurt, do they deserve to be forgiven? For a lot of people, the answer is still no.

“If you are out there, pushing something on somebody else, whether it be sex or something else,” Prasun says, “you don’t deserve jack shit.”

No Means No

Misconduct at Millikin According to RAINN, 26% of women and 6% of men in the U.S. experience sexual assault during their undergraduate education.

Clearly, sexual assault and the #MeToo movement are major issues on college campuses— including Millikin. You most likely know people who have been affected by sexual assault, and you might even know someone who has pursued a student conduct hearing. Let’s break down the process at Millikin.

After making a report, the survivor has the final say about whether to proceed with a criminal complaint or student conduct hearing, or they can simply ask for resources to help them move forward. Millikin’s Title IX coordinators will work with students to help them get what they need.

There are major differences between conduct hearings and criminal cases. Student conduct hearings have an emphasis on equity and restorative justice, and the university has an obligation to both the survivor and the accused student. When a student is found responsible for sexual misconduct, the focus is not on punishment, but rehabilitation. The goal of a student conduct hearing is to help both students move forward and reach their educational goals.

Although sexual misconduct is a major issue on college campuses, it is severely underreported. In 2019, Millikin’s safety report noted zero sex offenses and only six instances of dating violence. The actual numbers are almost certainly much higher.

So why do so many people hesitate to report? Becca* didn’t want it to affect how other people at Millikin saw her. She was concerned that she would lose respect or be known as a “slut” or “that girl.” But she eventually told her RA, who helped her make a report to the university.

“I’m very much the type of person that I’m like, I don’t want to tell other people. And I was so ashamed of it, too,” Becca says. “But they were like, ‘It’s not your fault.

We’re here to help you.’ They were very supportive . . . and [they] didn’t push anything. It was more, ‘What do you want? You lead this process.

But here are your options.’”

After Becca reported, she received a list of resources on campus and in the Decatur community, and she found that everyone she talked to was discreet and supportive. They kept her updated on what was happening after her report. Because the offender was a staff member, the report went through Millikin’s HR department rather than a student conduct hearing, and it eventually led to the staff member stepping down. Becca decided not to pursue a criminal case. A year later, she had a meeting with a member of Campus Life and officially closed the case.

While Becca felt supported

by Millikin, there is a difference between her case and the student conduct hearings. There are several stories of students who report and feel like their needs are not met, that their offender was erroneously found not responsible, or even that Millikin made their situation worse. But even so, Becca encourages students to report so

that they have more options and access to resources.

“Once the people around you know about it, it feels less like you have this secret to hold,” Becca says.

“I think just, you know, have the confidence in yourself and respect yourself through the process, and know that it’s not something you brought on yourself. I don’t know how to put it in words, that it’s going to be fine and that you just gotta keep going through it. And people are trying to help you.

They’re not there to question you.

They’re there to give you resources and make sure you have what you need to still succeed. Not only in college, but just, like, in life.”

Whether it is reported or not, sexual misconduct remains one of the leading issues on college campuses. For most students, the student conduct process is perhaps the most relevant example of restorative justice. But forgiveness is a lot harder to measure.

“I’m very much the type of person that I’m like, I don’t want to tell other people. And I was so ashamed of it, too,” Becca says.

*This student’s name has been changed to protect her identity.

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Rehabilitation versus Redemption Of course, the question of forgiveness goes a lot deeper than whether or not a perpetrator apologizes.

The ways that our society views and labels offenders have a major sway over recidivism and rehabilitation.

The term “rehabilitation” often calls to mind people who are struggling with addiction. With hard work and support, they can overcome their struggles and go on to lead fulfilling lives. But Prasun is quick to highlight the differences between a heroin addict and a sex offender. To Prasun and many others, the idea of rehabilitation is not applicable to offenders.

“Rehabilitate rapists? They don’t fucking deserve it . . . This isn’t an addiction . . . You ruined your own life. And now you cannot fix it. It is not fixable, ever,” Prasun says.

“These are people who are horrible people, who have no morals, who don’t deserve kindness.”

This, then, is our society’s prevailing opinion of offenders. A reaction like this is common, and pretty understandable for people who have witnessed the impact that sexual assault has on their loved ones. But while we tend to characterize offenders as “horrible people,” Laundra cautions against such labeling.

“From this perspective, it’s not so much the deviant or criminal act that is committed that counts but, rather, how the community responds to that act. So, when an act of deviance (like sexual assault) is committed, it is the society, community or group who dictate how that act is perceived and, thus, 24

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what consequences will befall the ‘offender,’” Laundra writes. “It can also transform the offender into a downward spiraling self-fulfilling prophecy where the offender submits to the label and begins to act in ways that confirm, or conform to, that label (reoffending). And the label ‘sex offender’ is probably the most severe label one can be given in our society.”

Even though most sexual assault cases never make it to the courtroom, our society is judge and jury. But of course, our society is historically wrong when it comes to social justice issues, and the handling of sexual assault and the rehabilitation or punishment of offenders is no different. Our biases play a major role in how we handle—or fail to handle—justice.

“I think even though we are a society of justice, or we preach that we’re a society of justice, we’re a society of vengeance,” Prasun says.

She’s quick to point out that vengeance is not equally delivered.

She cites the prison system as an example: With a drug charge, a Black person might get arrested, while a white person gets “a slap on the wrist” or community service.

Similarly, wealthy people receive social backlash for crimes while poor people are jailed. The question of who gets canceled versus whose life is genuinely ruined often depends on your place in society.

Let’s take one last look at Brock Turner. A blond, blue-eyed Stanford student with Olympic swim team aspirations rapes a woman of color and spends three months in jail. He didn’t fit our typical (discriminatory) idea of who a rapist is. He was affluent and athletic. And the judge

who gave him the light sentence was a Stanford alum.

Perpetrators like Turner are often able to move on with their lives with few consequences.

There are a lot of issues with a justice system that punishes some and expects only an apology from others.

In the end, the question of forgiveness doesn’t have a clear-cut answer. It seems that while it’s hard to decide who deserves forgiveness, it’s ultimately our society—all of us collectively—that makes that decision. And some of us aren’t quick to forgive.

“I think even though we are a society of justice, or we preach that we’re a society of justice, we’re a society of vengeance,” Prasun says.

How Can You Report Sexual Misconduct at Millikin?

Tell a Millikin employee.

All Millikin faculty and staff are mandatory reporters, which means they are required to report if they hear or see something. You can talk to a trusted professor or an RA, for example, and they’ll help you report it to the university.

Talk to a Title IX coordinator.

Raphaella Prange (vice president for student affairs), Tammy Maxwell (assistant director of human resources), and Diane Lane (director of human resources) are all Title IX coordinators. They can help you access resources and make decisions about what to do next.

They also can help orchestrate accommodations, including room reassignments, extra time to complete homework, or assistance in securing medical or mental health support.

Email TitleIX@millikin.edu.

You will receive an automated list of support services. Then, Raphaella Prange (vice president for student affairs) and Chris Ballard (director of public safety) will reach out within 12 hours to talk about what comes next.

If you want to remain anonymous, use the Campus Conduct Hotline.

You can use the online portal (found under the “Employment” tab on Millikin’s website) or call 866-943-5787. You don’t have to provide any identifying information unless you want to.

At the end of the report, you’ll receive a case number that you can use to track the investigation by calling the hotline and providing the number.

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Revolution

No body copy abov

By BeLla HernANDEZ

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R Repea R

Itself Repeats eats Repeats Repeats

bove or below the 0.5 line.

As the decades pass, injustice remains the same. What do the 1960s teach us about our current era?

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Though many dubbed 2020 “the worst year ever,” years of political unrest and racial tension are not new to the American landscape. The current age of disillusionment can be attributed to the government’s history of apathy and cruelty toward marginalized people (which simply became more apparent under Donald Trump’s administration) as well as the abysmal results of said administration’s “response” to the COVID-19 pandemic. These are newer issues, but this era of frustration and protests is actually quite reminiscent of the late 1960s, an era in which Americans fought for social change against the backdrop of senseless death and blatant prejudice, spurred on by a need to end Jim Crow laws, segregation,

like they were alone sometimes, really. Like they were in cells and no one listened to them. [Today,] I see this larger number of sustained [protestors], and I think it’s kind of different, and, I thought, pretty exciting. And as far as similarities go…there’s certain dissatisfaction with the White House in both cases, and a seeming lack of empathy from the guy inside.”

Although protests, specifically those in support of the Black Lives Matter movement, have gained traction amongst a wider range of people today, their reason for being has stayed very much the same. Margaret Burnham, a 1960s protester-turned-law-professor at Northeastern University, tells News@Northeastern, “We are

a terrorist organization), protests must happen to counteract it.

Although age-old, violent narratives persist, could modern innovations be used to put an end to them? “The ubiquitous presence of digital recording devices ensured that if someone could record it, someone would,” Brooks D. Simpson, ASU Foundation Professor of History at Arizona State University, explains to AZ Big Media. “The killing of George Floyd invited viewers to see for themselves what for decades Black people had told the rest of America was happening.” According to Simpson, the now-famous video of Floyd’s murder played a big role in this. “The video cultivated the emergence of empathy . . . the same

“We are as divided as we were then. . .” and the Vietnam War. So what has changed for Americans in these last few decades, and what remains the same?

In Fall 2020, I talked with Dr. Brian Mullgardt, associate professor of history here at Millikin, about the similarities and differences between the ’60s and today, specifically in reference to social movements. He explains, “Almost from the get-go, in the last few months you had a much larger and diverse group of American citizens out there working really nicely with each other.” According to Mullgardt, this sense of community is relatively new. “In the ’60s . . . they could feel 28

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as divided as we were then . . . It’s about white men who are deeply, deeply worried about their loss of authority. That’s what this is about.

When I see that guy’s knee on George Floyd’s throat, that is what I see: A white man acting out of an old playbook and expressing frustration that indeed there has been change in this country.”

White supremacists will never be placated by silence and peace from the oppressed. As long as white supremacy goes unchallenged by those in power in our government (at the time this article is being written, the Ku Klux Klan has not been declared

sort of empathy against Black oppression that Harriet Beecher Stowe elicited in ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’ back in 1851 or network coverage that the Civil Rights movement in the American South fostered in the 1960s.”

Movements are able to garner sympathy when they become real to those outside of the immediate impact. With the advent of smartphones, a high percentage of Americans have a recording device on their person at all times, and the ability to upload footage online—which speeds up social movements by unprecedented degrees.

As Mullgardt puts it, a major difference between the ’60s and today “is the multiverse that is the Internet, the outlets that were all over [the current protests], and the fact that you can whip out your phone and show a guy shooting somebody in the streets of Kenosha.” In the ’60s, similar events were covered by ABC, NBC, and CBS. “And you got their lenses alone,” Mullgardt adds. “The productive part is that [today] we have so many people shooting so much stuff that we might not have seen had the cameras not been on certain people.” As empathy grows and lesser-known narratives

take the spotlight, lasting change becomes more and more possible.

The undeniable proof in people’s pockets is piling up, and, with social media, it is easier than ever for the average citizen to amplify their voice—not only to their fellow Americans, but across the globe.

I was curious about what comparisons could be drawn between particular protest groups from the ’60s and today.

Mullgardt pointed me toward the Weather Underground Organization, a left-leaning radical group that could be compared to what today’s conservative right fears “Antifa” to be. Also known as The

Weathermen, this group, which lasted only from 1969–1977, believed that the evils of racial inequality and the violence of war needed to be protested in an extreme fashion—with the use of dynamite bombs.

Mullgardt adds, “People pointed fingers at the Black Panthers, too.

‘Oh, oh my goodness,’ you know, ‘violent organization.’ Well, it’s also a multifaceted organization. They also had free breakfast programs for kids, and they had medical aid and free legal aid for the people who needed it . . . There were other right-wing groups, by the way, interestingly enough, that have not BURST

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“Law & Order” been as publicized. The Minutemen was a 1960s very far right-wing organization.” In fact, Mullgardt says there was a chapter located nearby in Clinton, Illinois, that the FBI busted. Members of the Minutemen, known for their use of dangerous weaponry and guerilla warfare, were dedicated to preventing what they considered an imminent Communist invasion.

Similarities can be drawn not only between current and past movements, but also between

current and past leadership. “Sometimes I discourage my students from drawing too strict a comparison between then and now, because you can’t always make a straight line between, let’s say ’68 and today,” Mullgardt says when I ask about Donald Trump’s use of Richard Nixon’s campaign slogan. “Well, ‘Law and Order’ was a straight-up ’68 slogan . . . I don’t know if Trump knew that when he first started saying it, but when it was pointed out to him, he held onto it.”

Though our society is still plagued by many of the same ills, it has progressed, if more slowly than any of us might want. But perhaps our generation can be a cause for hope. “I would like to think that some of the pros of the Millennial and Z generations is broader acceptance,” Mullgardt says. “Those groups in particular are right on the spot when they saw a problem. I’d like to think it’s because we have more empathy and more sympathy amongst members of society.”

“though our society is still plagued by many of the same ills, it has progressed” 30

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BY GWEN KLINKEY

Women have never been accepted in the video gaming industry, but change is in the air. How can we, as Millikin students and supportive friends, encourage that necessary change?

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It’s Christmas morning and my sister and I are huddled around the tree in our matching pajamas waiting to tear into the presents. On the count of three, we begin unwrapping, a video camera in my mother’s hand.

I finally uncover it, my first gaming device: a pink DS Lite. Although this seems like a fun, but ultimately insignificant, gift, my DS led me down a road that brought me here—sitting in my room, writing this article, and trying very hard to ignore the Xbox that sits nearby.

While gaming has always brought me joy, I can’t ignore the problems that run rampant in both the games themselves and the culture surrounding them. Both before and after the Gamergate scandal of 2014—where gamers around the world harassed and doxed several female developers and writers—sexism has been a huge issue in the gaming industry.

One of the most apparent issues is the sexualization of women. Most games with a mature rating have earned that rating due to sexual content.

If there are any other combat game fans out there, we all know the liberties designers

often take with female costumes to cater to the male audience.

In fact, most games and most sexual content is included to attract even more members of the male audience. Dr. Michael Hollis-George of the Millikin English department says that a large part of this is due to the indoctrination boys go through at a young age.

“It’s kind of ingrained in our culture,” Hollis-George says.

“Adolescent boys would not be attracted to those sorts of representations if they had not already been indoctrinated into it, so they have gotten the message: ‘Yeah, this is how you interact with women.’”

Unfortunately, this cycle only continues as overly-sexualized video games have success in the market (think Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat, and Lara Croft). The hypersexualization of women in these games can have a negative effect on the psyche of young women and their enjoyment of the game.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

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I, personally, am a huge Skyrim fan. It was one of the first “serious” games I played, and I was only allowed to play because my dad couldn’t figure it out. As someone fascinated with TV shows and books concerning medieval times and magic, Skyrim was my dream. Not only did I get to consume another story, but this time I got to have a hand in determining the outcome. I turned out to be a pretty good player, and I found out how to make Daedric armor, one of the highest levels of armor. It took me weeks of gameplay to craft and covers my character entirely with glowing red spikes. On the other hand, I also have played a lot of Mortal Kombat maining as Mileena, a woman dressed in what is essentially a suspender thong bathing suit for women, which distracts from my real desire to play her—the fact that her double-rowed shark teeth can rip out your opponent’s throat.

Although I enjoy both of these games, I play Skyrim more often due to the liberty I have with customizing my female character in a non-sexual way. Despite this customization in Skyrim, many— if not most—games still revert to the “classic” scanty female apparel, if these characters are wearing anything at all.

The sexualization doesn’t stop at the apparel options. With the evolution of narrative-based games like Witcher 3, writers have also created the choice for the player to sexualize the female characters they encounter. Witcher 3, based on the Witcher books, allows you to play as swashbuckling outcast Geralt of Rivia. Along the way, you meet four different love interests who you can “romance.” For each one, there are borderline pornographic sexual encounters that play as cut scenes.

These romances and cut scenes all rely on how the player chooses to interact with the various women.

In the Grand Theft Auto franchise, prostitutes have been a staple since the first edition of the game. Players can choose to drive by and pick up a woman, and if they choose to have sex with her, certain editions of the game give the player a stamina boost. These graphic scenes can also seem like a goal or an important stepping stone for the storyline of the game.

Furthermore, many YouTube gamers have gone on record saying that sleeping with certain women in the game can actually give you a “better” outcome for the game.

Hollis-George remarks, “If you want to get the most for your money, you have to make the more sexual

Character Design for Skyrim

Character Design for Firewatch

Character Design for The Witcher

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choice.” He adds that this extra gameplay comes as a result of the idea that sexual choice can act as a reward system.

The gaming industry has discovered a way to avoid accountability and take themselves out of the equation. By providing a choice, they can say that they have no responsibility for the players’ decisions. But by offering these things and promising an easier journey, many gamers’ hands are forced, if they have not already willingly chosen, to make the decision to sexualize female characters.

One genre of games that this phenomenon has had less of an effect on are those of the indie and narrative persuasion. Millikin professor Dr. Tony Magagna, who teaches a class called Video Games and Digital Literature, says individuals who have chosen to make these games “are more conscious of the

kinds of stories they are telling, why they are choosing to write their story . . . They come to the table knowing they are committed to writing a narrative-based video game, that they are already doing something against the grain, and so that naturally lends itself to being more willing to experiment.”

Games like Life is Strange, What Happened to Edith Finch, and Gone Home are all very successful indie games that feature female main characters.

Life is Strange, for example, focuses on the intersecting stories of three young women, with a heavily-female supporting cast as well. This game is known for its depiction of the female experience . . . but it was written by two men.

The telling of female stories through a man’s mouth is sadly common in video games. Magagna says that in these situations, “it falls into that camp of ‘How do we view allyship?’” Of course these stories would be more authentic and meaningful coming from a woman, but with the lack of funding, encouragement, and celebration of women in the current climate of the industry, that isn’t always possible.

Dr. Julialicia Case of University of Wisconsin at Green Bay sees games like Life is Strange as a wonderful opportunity to “get people to identify with stories other than their own,” no matter who is writing them. She believes that “asking people to take on a persona, even if it’s different than their own,” can give gamers of different backgrounds and identities a chance to “process navigating [those personas] that can be really instructional.”

In recent years, more women have been coming into their own as gamers. I live in the Pi Beta Phi house at Millikin, and I often set

Firewatch

Try these progressive and enjoyable games.

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A middle-aged man takes a job watching for forest fires in a national park. Things go awry. The scenery is gorgeous, and when you get into the story you won’t be able to stop!

Life is Strange

A young woman discovers that she has the ability to rewind time. She must figure out how to use this power to save her town before a huge hurricane hits at the end of the week.

Birdland (free online) A young girl goes to summer camp and suffers from nightmares. What you do in nightmares helps determine if you will survive the alien invasion that the camp experiences during the day.

up my Xbox in one of our living rooms. There is never a shortage of curious people who come in and hang out for a while to watch. One woman has a massive PC set-up that she uses, and other women have brought Nintendo Switches and various gaming devices.

Rachel Diaz, who plays on a Nintendo Switch, says that video games provide her with an escape. “I like to engage in problem solving in a realm that’s not as pressing as the academic environment,” Diaz says.

Creating positive and encouraging environments like this can allow for a healthy and fun outlet on our own campus and beyond, and it’s vital in dismantling the patriarchal industry that is video gaming.

So what can you do? Maybe pick up a controller and see if video games are for you. Try some of the games I recommend (see tip box, below). Personal accountability is the number one way for us to create a more accepting, flexible, and diverse gaming community for people of all identities.

Her Story

You have access to a series of videos of police interviewing a woman. It is your job to find the right search words to put together all of the pieces and figure out what happened to her.

What Remains of Edith Finch

Edith inherits her family house when her parents die. Join her as she walks through the house and relives some of her family’s past.

Need Help?

This Hotline is Available.

Depression Quest

While suffering from a simulated mental illness, you have to navigate different tasks and try to make it through everyday life. This game was created partially in an attempt to help neurotypical people empathize with people who suffer from mental illness.

Gone Home

A young woman comes home from studying abroad to a house she’s never lived in before (her family moved while she was away).

No one is home, and she has to figure out what has happened to them and where they’ve gone

Lifeline (available on iOS) A science student crash-lands on a planet. They message you in real time as they try to escape.

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A Quiet

Introspection

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Using alternative process photography, Tessa Laslo constructs self-portraits that depict lethargy, discomfort, and vulnerability.

Caged, 2020 Silver gelatin print from pinhole negative 4 x 5 inches

Quiet Desperation, 2020 Silver gelatin print from pinhole negative 4 x 3.75 inches

Photographer Tessa Laslo is interested in the intimacy created between the subject and the viewer within selfportraiture. A senior BFA Studio Art major at Millikin University with concentrations in drawing, printmaking, and photography, Laslo works with alternative process photography and utilizes the gaze, or lack thereof, in an attempt to engage viewers with the subject—herself. “Overall, my work performs as an investigation of self and an exploration of the emotions and feelings I often encounter when confronted

with intimacy, as well as the undesirable sentiments that come with feeling exposed and vulnerable,” Tessa says.

To create the photos featured here, Tessa opted for long-exposure self-portraits using a pinhole camera to capture her facial features and expression with little background imagery. The images are taken in full sun with a proximity that simultaneously allows for closeness and a sense of detachment.

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Avoidance, 2020 Silver gelatin print from pinhole negative 4 x 5 inches

Overwhelming Unease, 2020 Silver gelatin print from pinhole negative 4 x 5 inches

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Split Consciousness, 2020 Silver gelatin print from pinhole negative 4 x 5 inches

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A Zooming Class Virtual learning has become the new way, and Zoom allows us to attend school from home. But even though it has its benefits, the program is not without its drawbacks.

By Arica Burns

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Security

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Participants

Chat

Share Screen

Record

Reactions

Zoom works similarly to FaceTime or Skype, except there are waiting rooms, which tend to frustrate students. It’s hard to miss when a student joins a class session—the program signals the host when they are there—but there’s always that one moment when a student is stuck in the waiting room for most of the class, despite desperately emailing the professor and texting other students to try to get in.

Despite the struggles of waiting in the waiting room, Zoom is the best tool that came out of the pandemic for students and educators alike. This pandemic forced all schools online, giving limited face-to-face options, so Zoom has made it easy to stay safe and keep learning. So do the benefits outweigh the challenges?

Good Zooming As we all complete classes from home, a bedroom can be turned into outer space or even Athens. Use the virtual backgrounds feature to keep privacy during a class and still be present. This feature allows everyone to escape the reality of being in their homes, which is much needed after a year of social isolation. Dr. Carmella Braniger, an English professor at Millikin, teaches a class called “Classical Traditions.”

Most of the readings are based in ancient Greece, so she likes to put

her students in Athens using the virtual backgrounds feature.

“I just feel like it changes things up. I mean, you know, we wear different clothes to the classroom, we present differently throughout the day. And so it just captures a sense of, you know, you’re not just getting me from the corner of my living room every day, you’re getting me from some other worldly space,” Braniger says. “In Classical Traditions’ case—Greece, right? I’ve been trying to make us feel like we are in the place that we’re studying, which is something you can’t really do in a physical classroom. You can’t bring the Acropolis and put it behind you.”

Professors like Braniger are having loads of fun with this feature, using it to transfer students to another place in the world. They’re also getting conversations going in the Zoom chat while they lecture.

Professors are trying to keep students socializing, to help make them feel connected despite not being in a classroom, and the chat

helps the conversation flow—even when it gets off-topic.

“Sometimes the chat surprises me,” Braniger says. “And you never can tell when it’s going to explode all of a sudden, but again, I like that there is that feature there for you all to comment. And even when it gets kind of off topic, I am okay with that.

Because I think, again, there needs to be that organic space in class for things to come up. And who knows what will come up out of asking?”

When it comes to virtual learning, Zoom brought the breakout rooms and the screen share function to the table. These elements make discussions and lectures so much easier. Students love the breakout rooms because there aren’t people getting cut off while trying to take part in the discussion. Each person can take a chance to chat about whatever the topic is, and it doesn’t feel like they’re being ignored.

Serron Pettis, a junior sports management major, loves the idea of breakout rooms. “I didn’t know about it at first until I had class, and we actually did it,” Pettis said. “I saw people [on the Zoom call] just leaving, and then all of a sudden it popped up on my screen. I clicked it. And I’m just with my group and we’re talking and working on stuff.

It’s a nice feature, simple and easy.”

For a lot of students, the breakout rooms and screen share option are the most well-liked and generally most-used features because of how beneficial they are.

While the breakout rooms make discussion easier, the screen share

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function makes presenting extremely simple. “What I really love is that with the share-screen, you can choose which screen you’re sharing. So, you can be looking at your screen while sharing and still be able to see everyone else,” says Rosie Dickson, a senior elementary education major.

These are some of the major benefits to Zoom. But what about its challenges?

Bad Zooming Zoom has some drawbacks. As much as everyone loves it, there are some things that are frustrating to deal with. For a lot of people, the sound is a big issue. The sound on Zoom is very sensitive, so it’s hard to ignore when someone has their mic on and something is happening in the background. It can be very distracting, and it can make it difficult to focus on the discussion.

“One thing I don’t like about Zoom is that it picks up everything in the background,” Dickson says.

“So, when you’re on a call, if there’s someone halfway across the house ruffling a bag, you can sometimes hear it. But, I can see why it’s needed because sometimes people are quiet, and you need to be able to hear them, but I still like how sensitive it can be sometimes.”

Clearly, Zoom is a blessing and a curse. This program is the way

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that education can continue during the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s necessary, but sometimes it’s not wanted.

And being on Zoom feels different than being in class. Students have to be visually present for in-person classes, but on Zoom, cameras can be turned off.

Some professors have made it a requirement for students to turn their cameras on because the visual cues during discussions or in-class work can be so easily missed if cameras are off. But while it’s hard to know who’s paying attention and who isn’t when those cameras are off, some students just aren’t comfortable having their cameras on because of the look into their life that a camera provides.

What’s more, students have taken to pranking their professors, and it’s actually kind of startling. A video went viral on Twitter showing a student who had their friends “kidnap” them in the middle of class with their camera on. This left the professor lost, confused, and completely unsure as to how to handle it, something that strays from the norm of in-person classes.

It’s a serious incident, but it was only a prank, and the student came back not long after. But it’s scary that something like that could happen and be misunderstood so easily by the other people on the call. Some pranks are fun, but they can go sideways fast.

Whether it’s pranks or talking in the chat, Zoom helps provide

some social interaction while we’re all separated. But still, students and professors alike miss the community that’s formed at the very beginning of the semester in in-person classes.

It’s hard to form a community through online learning because the focus isn’t on community—it’s on getting the information out as efficiently as possible. It’s a flexible tool, but creating a community is hard to do over Zoom, especially when students don’t know each other or the professor.

“There’s not as much of a community feeling when you’re meeting in Zoom. So, we’re not in Zoom all the time, but there’s a sense of community you get, you know, even by the second week of being in the classroom, and there’s the before and after discussion,” says Dr. Michael Hollis-George, an English professor at Millikin. “You know, even with just ten minutes— I teach back-to-back three classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

There’s ten minutes between classes, and I tend to be in Shilling Hall. And there’s all sorts of conversations that go on that sometimes will lead into the class material. And that tends to get lost [on Zoom].”

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Being in person allows students to have time before and after classes to really discuss how the day has been and create that community themselves before the professor enters the classroom. For most students, this is when they learn more about their classmates and get comfortable in preparation for discussion time. For professors, this allows them to create a tight-knit class community, especially when the students talk on their own. That’s missing on Zoom.

While the app makes it hard to create a community, the professors still work to form one.

The introductions at the beginning of the semester are part of forming that community, but this year, it didn’t happen for many students.

Losing that formation, that start, leaves students a bit lost when they don’t know anyone. Some students have been lucky enough to know the professor or a few others in the class, but it’s much harder on the freshmen who don’t know anyone yet. A lack of that sense of community can halt discussions and make class time very silently awkward because there’s no comfortable feeling without that community.

Zoom has also altered how we work. It’s constantly changing everything that we do because we know now that we can do most of our jobs on Zoom, meaning that we miss less time at work or in class.

For example, what happens when a snow day occurs? We can still learn from home, despite the unsafe roads and weather. Even with doctor appointments or sick days, Zoom allows students to still be in class as long as they have access to WiFi. Obviously, Zoom has its drawbacks and its advantages, but many of us have no choice but to use it now. This program has changed the way learning happens, and there is no doubt that it has opened doors for more virtual learning options in the future even when the pandemic is over.

This meeting has been ended by host

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THE

SOUND OF

H N C A G

E

By Jeana Pierson

As I’m riding in my dad’s old white pickup truck, I hear the song “Revolution” by the Beatles playing. The Beatles are our go-to car jam. We sing along. The lyrics don’t mean much to me, a 13-year-old, but they stick in my head.

Now, seven years later, the lyrics remind me of how we can learn from past revolutions to change the future today.

Throughout every revolution, music follows, carrying the hopes of a better tomorrow in its lyrics. This is more than just a kick-ass playlist of songs. It’s a blueprint for how we can enact change right now.

“Revolution” by The Beatles (1968) – “Revolution,” which has three different recorded versions, was inspired by the civil rights movements in the U.S., France, and Czechoslovakia and worldwide tensions growing out of the Vietnam War. John Lennon calls for peaceful change through the lyrics.

“I Want to Break Free” by Queen (1984) – This song is all about “breaking free” from the societal standards of the ’80s, something the band Queen was known for. In the music video, the all-male band members dressed in “feminine” clothing to drive this point even further.

“Respect” by Aretha Franklin (1967) – Originally written by Otis Redding, this song declared women should be given the same respect as men.

Amidst the civil rights movement, Franklin added her own touch to make it about female empowerment.

“Same Love” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis feat. Mary Lambert (2012) – In 2012, gay marriage was still not legal in the entire U.S. This song was written during the ongoing battle for equality in the LGBTQ+ community and is considered an anthem for gay rights.

“Strange Fruit” by Billie Holiday (1939) – “Strange Fruit” is about the brutality and racism that long endured in the American south. The song is one of protest and is still looked at as a symbol of that history today.

“American Idiot” by Green Day (2004) – The “American Idiot” this song refers to may or may not be George W. Bush. This song was written as a reaction to the war in Iraq after the attacks of September 11, 2001.

“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid (1984) – This song was organized and written to raise money to aid the Ethiopian famine. Many celebrities including Phil Collins, Sting, and George Michael are featured on the track.

“This Land is Your Land” by Woody Guthrie (1945) – This song is a musical response to the song “God Bless America.” Going back to the feelings of the American Revolution, Guthrie writes about how America is land for all classes of Americans.

“Do You Hear the People Sing?” from Les Misérables (1980) – While the musical was written in 1980, Les Misérables, the book, written by Victor Hugo, was first published in 1862. The novel, and then the musical, follow the French Revolution in the late 1700s. This song embodies the entire revolution and the unrest felt by the French people.

“Alright” by Kendrick Lamar (2015) – This song was written at the birth of the Black Lives Matter movement. It encapsulates the black community’s hurt and pain caused by institutional racism and police brutality. This song is still relevant as the movement continues to grow.

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