Military Press, Jan. 1, 2016

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Serving Active and Retired Military, DoD Workers and Civilians for More Than 40 Years

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DONALD TRUMP

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come to praise Caesar, not bury was murdered in San Francisco by an him,� to inverse Shakespeare’s Mark illegal immigrant who was supposed to be deported.

Antony.

When he made the statement that he I’ve used this quote to express my would bar all Muslims from entering the personal feelings about Donald Trump.

Mr. Trump has brought to the forefront United States legally, he should have made most of the thoughts and feelings of many it clear that he was against Syrian refugees people here in the United States — he that have flooded Europe — some of which just does so in very politically incorrect may be ISIS terrorists.

Our own FBI says fashion. they cannot be vetted, Most politicians and Mr. Trump’s are fearful of losing proposal isn’t far off voters by speaking out from that offered by against the problems Sens. Ted Cruz and that are on the minds of the majority of

by Richard T. Matz Rand Paul to halt immigration from Americans.

This includes illegal immigration, radicalized Muslim nations with jihadist movements.

We must remember that all it takes is Muslims, racial divisions, purchase of firearms and policing of our cities, which just one or two terrorists to kill hundreds includes white, black and Hispanic police of Americans.

The thought of having a career politician officers.

Mr. Trump does not believe in using a becoming our next president is disastrous teleprompter, but maybe he should. His in the minds of many Americans. We’ve style of shooting from the hip — or should seen over the last two decades what we say, shooting from his lips, has created politicians have done to America. We’ve many problems that he claims are just a lost thousands of jobs, some have lost misunderstanding or a negative bias by their homes and the financial future of our country, our children and grandchildren is television networks and newspapers.

When he made the statement that abysmal!

So if Mr. Trump wins the crown of Mexican immigrants had committed crimes of rape, drug trafficking and presidency, it will be no surprise to many criminal violence against American of us who realize we cannot put up with citizens, he forgot to use the words the Democrats and Republicans that are ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. This was in bed together.

But to get there, Mr. Trump may need a mistake, and the backlash will cost Mr. Trump a lot of Hispanic votes if he to refine his proposals and think before he becomes the Republican candidate for the opens his mouth. presidency.

Richard Matz is the publisher of the Military He wasn’t wrong, though. Just after he Press. Send comments to rmatz@militarypress. made those comments, Kathryn Steinle com.

PUBLISHER’S POINT

remember when...

1932

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Axl and Slash back together Page 2 +BO 1

GUNS N’ ROSES TO REUNITE FOR COACHELLA Stadium tour possible, too

By Ray Waddell Billboard

Guns N’ Roses, with founding members Axl Rose and Slash, will headline the Coachella Music & Arts Festival in Indio, Calif., set for April 15-17 and April 22-24, according to multiple sources.

The reunited band is also negotiating with promoters to play as many as 25 football stadiums in North America in the summer of 2016, and is scheduled to be one of the first acts to play the new Las Vegas Arena, set to open April 6. Guns N’ Roses is said to be asking as much as $3 million per show, with tickets topping out in the $250-$275 range.

The last show Axl Rose and Slash played together was on July 17, 1993 at River Plate Stadium in Buenos Aires. Guns N’ Roses’ most recent tour, which only included Axl Rose from the original lineup, took place primarily in South America and The Joint in Las Vegas, grossing $15.2 million.

Representatives for the band, as well as Coachella producer Paul Tollett and agent Ken Fermaglich at United Talent Agency,

Axl Rose and Slash of Guns N’ Roses perform in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil in 1991. Both members of the band are expected to reunite for Coachella this year.

could not be reached for comment.

Executives at AEG, which will operate the new Vegas arena, also did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

The band’s first album, “Appetite for

Destruction,� is the biggest-selling debut in They have sold 44.5 million albums total U.S. history, with 18 million sold. It spent in the U.S., according to the Recording five weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 Industry Association of America. chart, and launched the No. 1 Billboard GUNS N’ ROSES, continued on Page 11 Hot 100 single “Sweet Child O’ Mine.�

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Award-winning Cafe Coyote, www.cafe- A Day in Balboa Park coyoteoldtown.com, San Diego’s Balat $10, is a super barboa Park is home to gain: Old Town ambi15 museums, various ence, excellent food art venues, the world and oversized marfamous zoo, dozens garitas (not includof gardens, recreation ed). Their two-course

by Howard Hian and play areas, shops flexible menu allows and restaurants. guests to order either an appetizer and Where to go, what to do? entree, or entree and dessert. The birria Start the day with a free ranger-led ex(stew) is excellent. ploration of the park with emphasis on its At $15, Croce’s Park West, www.cro- botanical and historical features. This outcesparkwest.com, delivers superior food ing is only offered on Tuesdays and Sunand service with a jazz-centric, sophis- days. ticated vibe. Choose between an entree Don’t miss the IMAX film, “Jerusalem,� and either a starter or dessert. The menu at the Ruben H. Fleet Science Center, includes breakfast and lunch items. Eggs www.rhfleet.org. The aerial photography Benedict or a Kobe burger are equally is spectacular, the story engrossing. tempting.

Then stroll over to the Spanish Village My $20 pick is Rei Do Gado, www. Art Center, www.spanishvillageart.com. reidogado.net, a Brazilian steak house. Its colorful tiles lead you to 37 local artists’ There’s a nice salad bar to start. Then Pas- studios and galleries, featuring an amazsadores, “meat waiters,� come to the table ing array of fine arts and crafts. with knives and skewers, on which are Finish up at the San Diego Museum of speared various cuts of meat, chicken and RESTAURANT WEEK, continued on Page 11 sausage. It’s an all-you-can-eat extrava'PS BEWFSUJTJOH JOGPSNBUJPO DBMM t BEWFSUJTJOH!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN

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Woods turns 40, but it sure looks like 70

Manny Pacquiao will meet welterweight titleholder Timothy Bradley Jr. for the third time April 9, in what may be Pacquiao’s last fight.

PACQUIAO TO FIGHT BRADLEY JR. FOR THIRD TIME

April 9 bout could be Pac-Man’s last

Manny Pacquiao has made his decision: He will fight welterweight titleholder Timothy Bradley Jr. for a third time on April 9 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas in the main event of an HBO PPV card, Top Rank promoter Bob Arum said.

Although the paperwork is being final-

ized, Arum said that he has deals with both fighters and that he closed with Pacquiao by wiring him a $2 million advance against his $20 million guaranteed purse.

Although the fight is supposed to be the final one of Pacquiao’s legendary career — he is likely to be elected to a six-year term in the Philippines Senate in May, which will provide him little time to train or focus on boxing — Arum said he would not promote the bout as a career finale. “I am not going to position this as his

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last fight,â&#x20AC;? Arum said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It may very well be his last fight, but I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put myself in the position of selling it as his last fight and then he decides he wants to fight again and I look like a schmuck. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not sure it is his last fight, despite what he told me.â&#x20AC;?

Pacquiao will be fighting for the first time in 11 months, since he lost a decision to Floyd Mayweather in their record-shattering welterweight title unification fight on May 2, also at the MGM Grand.

Pacquiao fought despite a shoulder injury and had surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff following the bout, which sold a record 4.6 million pay-per-view subscriptions and generated in excess of $600 million, also a record.

Pacquiao and Bradley have split a pair of welterweight title fights. In June 2012, Bradley claimed a split-decision win in one of the most controversial decisions in boxing history. While Duane Ford and C.J. Ross, neither of whom judge any more, gave the fight to Bradley, most boxing experts saw Pacquiao winning easily.

In the April 2014 rematch, Pacquiao won a lopsided unanimous decision as he dominated in a similar manner as he did the first time.

Tiger Woods turned 40 Dec. 30. Forty, going on 70.

It certainly seems that way what with all the injuries and surgeries and controversies and missed tournaments and headlines stretching across the decades since he appeared as a 2-year-old on The Mike Douglas Show in 1978.

Happy Birthday to the oldest 40-yearold in sports.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost hard to believe that the ultratalented, brash 21-year-old who won the Masters by 12 strokes in 1997 is now middle-aged.

Then again, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not hard to believe at all.

Just as Tiger was in a hurry to win majors, it turns out he also was in a rush to reach middle age. Not by choice, of course, but it appears to have been inevitable, considering how he lived his life outside of golf, how he contorted his body to make a golf ball do what he wanted it to do (putting tremendous pressure on a back that eventually couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take it anymore), how he drove himself so hard so fast that he has driven himself right out of the game he once dominated, at least for the time being.

It all played out in front of our eyes: major by major, year by year, even if we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t realize it at the time. He was young, the youngest man to achieve the career Grand Slam and the fastest to reach 50 tournament victories on the PGA Tour. He was going to easily catch Jack Nicklausâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; 18 majors, and pass him on his way to 20. Maybe 25? Whatever you could imagine, it might come true.

And then, he wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t young anymore. Tiger was only 32 when he famously won the 2008 U.S. Open on what turned out to be a broken leg. It was to be his last victory in a major â&#x20AC;&#x201C; to date, or forever, depending on your level of optimism.

Little more than a year later, Tiger was caught from behind on the final day of

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U.S. Air Force Academy football players say a prayer prior to the start of the Air Force vs. Navy football game at the U.S. Air Force Academyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Falcon Stadium in Colorado Springs, Colo., Oct. 4, 2014

Air Force Academy allows players to pray publicly Air Force Academy football players have will continue to reaffirm to cadets that all a right to pray publicly before games, an Airmen are free to practice the religion of academy athletic department review has their choice or subscribe to no religious belief at all,â&#x20AC;? academy officials said in the found. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The United States Air Force Academy statement. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The players may confidently places a high value on the rights of its practice their own beliefs without pressure members to observe the tenets of their re- to participate in the practices of others.â&#x20AC;?

But Mikey Weinstein, founder and presspective religion or to observe no religion at all,â&#x20AC;? academy officials said in a statement. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Recently the United States Air Force Academy received a complaint about its football players kneeling in prayer. An inquiry was initiated, which â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Air Force Academy Statement found the football playersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; actions to be consistent with Air Force In- ident of the Military Religious Freedom struction 1-1 and its guidance on the free Foundation, said be believes the issue is exercise of religion and religious accom- far from settled. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This outrageous internal administramodation.â&#x20AC;?

The Military Religious Freedom Foun- tive decision to allow its football team to dation, a group that opposes proselytizing engage in massive orchestrated sectarian in the military, complained about academy Christian prayers right before kickoff for football players praying in the end zone af- the world to see on television is a monter its Nov. 28 game against the University strous travesty and brutal breach of fedof New Mexico. The Falcons also prayed eral constitutional law and Department of in the end zone before their Dec. 5 game Defense/Air Force regulations,â&#x20AC;? Weinstein against San Diego State University despite said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;On behalf of our 144 Air Force Acadthe complaint.

Shortly afterwards, the academy re- emy clients, including five members of the ceived an â&#x20AC;&#x153;opposing viewpointâ&#x20AC;? from The football team, the Military Religious FreeAlliance Defending Freedom, a group that dom Foundation is in consultation with its advocates for religious expression, arguing litigators to decide if it is possible to go into that the football players should be allowed federal court to obtain injunctive relief to to continue to pray publicly, an academy stop this pernicious and pervasive practice of fundamentalist Christian supremacy, spokesman said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The United States Air Force Academy triumphalism and exhibitionism.â&#x20AC;?

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players may confidently practice their â&#x20AC;&#x153;ownThebeliefs without pressure to participate in the practices of others. â&#x20AC;?

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â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You cannot extend the mastery of government over the daily life of a people without somewhere making it master of peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s souls and thoughts.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Herbert Hoover 31st. U.S. President Served March 4, 1929 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; March 4, 1933

Babe Ruth makes his famous

Charles Curtis

â&#x20AC;&#x153;called shotâ&#x20AC;? in the World

tion for Reichspräsident. t Emperor Haile Selassie abolishes slavery 31st. U.S. Vice President in Ethiopia on April 17.

Served March 4, 1929 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; March 4, 1933 t The Nazis win 37 percent of the vote in the Reichstag election July 31, becoming the largest party in the Reichstag.

World events t Forrest Mars produces the first Mars bar t Aldous Huxleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Brave New Worldâ&#x20AC;? is in his Slough factory in England on Aug. 1. published Feb. 1. t Adolf Hitler obtains German citizenship t Germany walks out of the World DisarFeb. 25 by naturalization, opening the op- mament Conference on Sept. 1. t Mohandas K. Gandhi begins a hunger portunity for him to run in the 1932 elec-

Series. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tarzan the Ape Manâ&#x20AC;? debuts.

strike in Poona prison, India on Sept. 20. t The Soviet famine of 1932â&#x20AC;&#x201C;33 begins Sept. 22, millions starve to death as a result of forced collectivization and as part of the governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s effort to break rural resistance to its policies. The Soviet regime denies the famine and allows millions to die.

U.S. News

t Charles Lindbergh, Jr., the infant son of Anne Morrow Lindbergh and Charles Lindbergh, is kidnapped from the family home March 1 near Hopewell, New Jersey.

He would be found dead ten weeks later. t Four people are killed when police fire

Jack Bennyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s radio show

upon 3,000 unemployed autoworkers marching outside the Ford River Rouge Plant in Dearborn, Mich. on March 7. t Comedian Jack Bennyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s radio show airs for the first time May 2. t The first of approximately 15,000 World War I veterans arrive in Washington, D.C. May 29 demanding the immediate payment of their military bonus, becoming known as the Bonus Army.

President Hoover would order their removal in late July. t The Dow Jones Industrial Average reaches its lowest level of the Great Depression July 8, bottoming out at 41.22. t The 1932 Summer Olympics open in Los Angeles on July 30. t Babe Ruth makes his famous called shot in the fifth inning of game 3 of the 1932 World Series on Oct. 1. t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Buck Rogers in the 25th Centuryâ&#x20AC;? debuts on American radio Nov. 7. It is the first science fiction program on radio. t Franklin D. Roosevelt defeats President Hoover in a landslide victory for the presidency Nov. 8. t Radio City Music Hall opens in New York City on Dec. 27.

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remember when...

Hupmobile Roadster

1932 COST OF LIVING

w begins airing.

Movies t t t t t t t t t t

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Freaksâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tarzan the Ape Manâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Scarfaceâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Grand Hotelâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;One Way Passageâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Mummyâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Polly of the Circusâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Most Dangerous Gameâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Trouble in Paradiseâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Vampyrâ&#x20AC;?

BORN THIS YEAR: Johnny Cash, musician (Feb. 26).

Above left: Ted Kennedy, politician (Feb. 22); Elizabeth Taylor, actress (Feb. 27); Peter Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Toole, actor (Aug. 2); Little Richard, musician (Dec. 5).

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Music

t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Night & Day,â&#x20AC;? Fred Astaire & Leo Reisman t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?â&#x20AC;? Bing Crosby t â&#x20AC;&#x153;All of Me,â&#x20AC;? Louis Armstrong t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dinah,â&#x20AC;? Bing Crosby & The Mills Brothers t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Please,â&#x20AC;? Bing Crosby t â&#x20AC;&#x153;In a Shanty in Old Shanty Town,â&#x20AC;? Ted Lewis & his Orchestra t â&#x20AC;&#x153;It Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Mean a Thing (If it Ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Got That Swing),â&#x20AC;? Duke Ellington t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Lullaby of the Leaves,â&#x20AC;? George Olsen t â&#x20AC;&#x153;Paradise,â&#x20AC;? Guy Lombardo t â&#x20AC;&#x153;River, Stay â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Way from My Door,â&#x20AC;? Kate Smith

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News Briefs

Marines to comply with law raising smoking age Starting Jan. 1, Hawaii-based Marines will have to be 21 to smoke â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or they could face state and Marine Corps penalties.

In an administrative message, Marine Corps Deputy Commandant for Manpower and Reserve Affairs Lt. Gen. Mark Brilakis announced the Corps would cooperate with a new Hawaii law that raises the minimum age to use or purchase tobacco products from 18 to 21. The law, signed in June, is intended to stop people from becoming habitual smokers.

Brilakis said he was directing all stores aboard Marine Corps installations in Hawaii to stop selling tobacco products, including smokeless tobacco and electronic smoking devices, to anyone under 21. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Personnel cited by state and local police for violations of Hawaiiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tobacco laws are subject to fines and community service imposed by the state,â&#x20AC;? he said.

Punishments stipulated by the law include a fine of between $10 and $50 for anyone under 21 who purchases or possesses tobacco products. Those who sell or give tobacco products to people under 21 will be fined between $500 and $2,000.

Community service hours may also be ordered as punishment.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not clear yet how the Marine Corps will punish those who break the law.

Notably, the new law does not apply to Navy ships in Hawaii, which do not fall under state and local jurisdictions.

ference limits â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 39 inches for men and 35.5 inches for women â&#x20AC;&#x201D; they will pass the BCA. If the circumference method still indicates that a sailor isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t meeting regulations, he or she can test under the Defense Department standard, which involves a multi-site tape measure assessment. Male sailors will be measured around the waist and neck and female sailors around the waist, neck and hips to determine a bodyfat percentage estimate. To pass the BCA using this method, a sailor must be found to have 26 percent body fat or less for males and 36 percent or less for females.

This tape test, which is also used by the Army, Air Force and Marine Corps, is widely reviled by troops who complain that the waist-to-neck algorithm tends to yield inaccurate body fat calculations.

Even if a sailor fails the BCA all three ways, he or she will still be given the opportunity to take the physical readiness test, or PRT, to assess overall fitness. Under the current system, a BCA failure would preclude a sailor from taking the PRT. Anyone who does fail the BCA will be enrolled in the Navyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fitness Enhancement Program, or FEP, and nutritional counseling as well under the new rules.

FEP enrollees will take a â&#x20AC;&#x153;mock PFAâ&#x20AC;? every 30 days to monitor ongoing fitness.

When a sailor can pass the PRT and meet new BCA standards, he or she can disenroll from FEP. While these changes offer more chances to pass the BCA, they also decrease the number of failures a sailor is allowed before being involuntarily separated from the Navy. Currently, sailors are separated if they fail the BCA three times in four years; after Jan. 1, they will be shown the exit after a second failure within three years.

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U.S. Sen. Michael Bennet hopes a pair of studies due in 2017 will give lawmakers Sailors will have more opportunities to a better view of how the Army is treating prove they are fit for duty with a slew of fit- its troops.

The reviews by the Government Acness policy changes that take effect at the countability Office and the Department of start of the year.

The changes, which include new gradu- Defense Inspector General will examine ated body fat percentage maximums that whether the Army improperly discharges account for age and a three-step process to soldiers for misconduct driven by wara complete body composition assessment, caused mental illness.

The Army orderd the latest study after or BCA, were introduced in August by Vice Adm. Bill Moran, chief of naval personnel. Bennet, D-Colo., and other senators deMoran described them as an effort to manded an investigation after new media pivot from a fitness measurement system reports revealed the services increasingly that is punitive in nature to one that em- use disciplinary measures to downsize. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are still hearing a lot of concerns phasizes better health for sailors. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been talking about this for two about mental health discharge issues,â&#x20AC;? years, and I think weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve finally got a policy Bennet said.

Bennet said he expects the reviews to thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to make some changes to the [physical fitness assessment] program show whether Army leaders purposefully that sailors are anxious to hear about,â&#x20AC;? he kick out mentally ill soldiers with benefitdenying discharges. said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;That is to give us the data we need to Sailors taking the BCA will first be assessed using the Navyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s current height and really understand whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on,â&#x20AC;? he weight standards for men and women. If said.

Bennet said both studies are moving they fall outside maximum weight standards for their height, they can take a forward, but results could be months away. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Things move at a glacial pace and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re single-site abdominal circumference measurement. If sailors fall within the circum- going to have to stay on it and get it done.â&#x20AC;?

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and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.

As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.â&#x20AC;?

White House fence

Just for

Laughs Blondeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s appendicitis

A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You have acute appendicitis.â&#x20AC;?

The blonde says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.â&#x20AC;?

Hormonal imbalance

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well,â&#x20AC;? he says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.â&#x20AC;?

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.â&#x20AC;?

The Chicago contractor doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, â&#x20AC;&#x153;$2,700.â&#x20AC;? The official, incredulous, says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?â&#x20AC;?

The Chicago contractor whispers back, â&#x20AC;&#x153;$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.â&#x20AC;?

She opened it and found a brand new boss says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Where are you going?â&#x20AC;? The â&#x20AC;&#x153;Done!â&#x20AC;? replies the government official. bathroom scale. Bob has been missing man says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going home, too. I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t since Friday. work in the dark.â&#x20AC;?

A distraught woman goes to her gynecologist. When the doctor asks her what is wrong, she says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Remember the hormones you gave me? Well, look what happened!â&#x20AC;?

She unbuttons her blouse and reveals her chest, completely covered with hair.

The doctor is aghast. He says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never seen anything like this. How far down does it go?â&#x20AC;?

She says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;All the way down to my penis! Forgotten birthday And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the other thing we have to talk Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedabout!â&#x20AC;? ding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that Christian lion Two guys are walking through a game goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT park and they come across a lion that has BETTER BE THERE!â&#x20AC;?

The next morning he got up early and not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men. left for work. When his wife woke up, she They run as fast as they can and the one looked out the window and sure enough guy starts getting tired and decides to say there was a box gift-wrapped in the mida prayer, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Please turn this lion into a Chris- dle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, tian, Lord.â&#x20AC;?

He looks to see if the lion is still chasing brought the box back in the house.

Take the day off

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can make the boss give me the day off.â&#x20AC;? The man replies, â&#x20AC;&#x153;And how would you do that?â&#x20AC;? The woman says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just wait and see.â&#x20AC;?

She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;What are you doing?â&#x20AC;? The woman replies, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a light bulb.â&#x20AC;? The boss then says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been working so much that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.â&#x20AC;?

The man starts to follow her and the

Snowboards and light bulbs

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, â&#x20AC;&#x153;man, I could do that!â&#x20AC;?

The Popeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crossword

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is exciting,â&#x20AC;? thinks the gentleman. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Perhaps Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be able to see him in person.â&#x20AC;?

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in â&#x20AC;&#x2122;unt?â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Only one word leaps to mind. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My goodness,â&#x20AC;? thinks the gentleman, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t tell the Pope that. There must be another word.â&#x20AC;?

The gentleman thinks for quite a while, and then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think the word youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for is â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;aunt.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Of course,â&#x20AC;? says the Pope. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Do you have an eraser?â&#x20AC;?

Bugs for dinner

10 +BO

A boy asks his father, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dad, are bugs good to eat?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s disgusting. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talk about things like that over dinner,â&#x20AC;? the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Now, son, what did you want to ask me?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, nothing,â&#x20AC;? the boy says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There was a bug in your soup, but now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gone.â&#x20AC;?

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WOODS Continued from Page 4

a major for the very first time, losing the 2009 PGA Championship to Y.E. Yang, hardly an equal. At the time it was viewed as a significant upset, not a watershed moment in Tigerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s career. Now, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seen as much more the latter than the former.

And then, the big one: Tiger destroyed his marriage with a personal scandal the likes of which the sports world had never seen, then started breaking down physically, missing months at a time, undergoing surgical procedures the way he used to rack up major titles.

This fact says it all: Tiger has had three surgical procedures on the same spot in his back in a span of 19 months. And it hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been just the back: at various times, he

has had knee, Achilles, leg, wrist and neck problems, including four surgeries on his left knee alone.

Tiger says that since his third back surgery on Oct. 28, he can only stretch a little and walk. He is not able to play golf, not at all. See what I mean about 40 going on 70?

Most 40-year-olds who love golf find more time for it as they get older. Tiger is going the wrong way.

And yet, a milestone birthday comes with hope. Interestingly, even though the Masters always will be Tigerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best shot at another major victory, he went oh-for-his-30s in Augusta. Unbelievable, but true. He last won the Masters in 2005, when he was 29.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a run of bad luck that none of us saw coming.

Then again, Tiger should look at the bright side. At least his turbulent 30s are over.

GUNS Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ROSES Continued from Page 2

Billboardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s confirmation comes on the heels of two rumor-inducing hints dropped over the past week, the first a cryptic update to the Guns Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Roses website and the second during screenings of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Star Wars: The Force Awakens,â&#x20AC;? where footage of a concert crowd was shown with GNâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;R music overdubbed. Though longtime fans may be understandably wary after the decade-plus wait for â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chinese Democracy,â&#x20AC;? which became a totem of sorts to frontman Axl Roseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sometimes unpredictable behavior, this reunion bears no sign of that recordâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bumpy road.

Coachella has a pedigree for coaxing much-loved acts out of retirement, or being the linchpin to plans that had already been simmering. The fest has previously hosted the reunions of Rage Against The Machine in 2007, My Bloody Valentine in 2009, Pulp in 2012 and Outkast in 2014 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; not to mention Tupacâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s posthumous return to the stage in 2012. Guns Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Roses will arrive a year after two other legendary acts, AC/ DC and Steely Dan, headlined the 2015 edition. Last yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s edition drew 198,000 to the California desert, generating $84.2 million in revenue, according to Boxscore.

Balboa Parkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Spanish Village Art Center features 37 local artistsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; studios and galleries.

RESTAURANT WEEK Continued from Page 3

Art, www.sdmart.org. It is the oldest and largest art museum in the area. Their newest exhibit, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Art of Music,â&#x20AC;? with more than 200 works, gives a fascinating face to the nexus of art and music from various cultures and time periods.

Deals â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Most attractions have mili-

tary, senior and/or educator discounts.

On Tuesdays, various museums are free to San Diego residents. Balboa Parkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s friendly website, www.balboapark.org, provides a calendar of daily activities, exhibitions, pricing options and coupons. Download the free app at the iTunes store.

Safe travels and enjoy the journeyâ&#x20AC;Ś For more from Howard Hian, to go www.Travelswith-Hian.com.

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+BO 11

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PUZZLES ACROSS 1. Not first 5. Yeses 9. Russian parliament 13. Countertenor 14. Demise 16. God of love 17. Average 18. Roam 19. Applaud 20. Start 22. Pursuits 24. Prima donna problems 26. Egyptian peninsula 27. Reddish purple 30. Tent fabric 33. Mystical 35. Tidy 37. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Eureka!â&#x20AC;?

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12 +BO

Publisher: 3JDIBSE 5 .BU[ Customer Service Manager: $BSPM 8JMMJBNT Advertising Manager: 7BMFSJF 4XBJOF Account Representative: .JDIFMMF )VMM Public Relations: -JTB .BU[ Editor: 5PN $IBNCFST Distribution: %FOOJT 8JOL Contributing Writers: %PVH "HVJMMBSE ,FJUI "OHFMJO &MJTF $PPQFS "SU (BSDJB )PXBSE )JBO +FSJ +BDRVJO 5IF .PWJF .BWFO $BSMPT ,SFNFS )FBUIFS & 4JFHFM $POUBDU 6T Tel 858.537.2280 430 N. Cedar, Escondido, CA 92025 NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN t FEJUPSTEFTL!NJMJUBSZQSFTT DPN GBDFCPPL DPN NQOFXTQBQFS UXJUUFS DPN NQOFXTQBQFS SUDOKU The rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

4. This evening 5. Commercials 6. Abominable Snowman 7. Deservedly receives 8. Interference 9. Lead astray 10. Website addresses 11. Protective ditch 12. Vipers 15. Doglike mammal 21. Schnozzola 23. Relative status

25. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Your majestyâ&#x20AC;?

27. Terror 28. Doorkeeper 29. Assist 31. A diplomat 32. Arguments 34. Spy agency 36. Tall woody plant 39. Consumer Price Index 40. Male turkeys 43. Normal 44. Ear-related 46. Expectoration

47. Soup thickener 49. Raise 50. Plain-woven cotton fabric 53. A cloud of fine particles 55. Immediately 56. Tropical tuber 57. Margarine 58. Gush 60. Hazard 61. Picnic insects 64. S

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