2 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • May 15, 2014
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May 15, 2014 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • 3
2014 JUDGES Cathy Daly Spouse of Brigadier General Ed Daly, Deputy Chief of Staff, AMC, Redstone Arsenal
Denise Wyche Spouse of Major General Larry Wyche, Commanding General, Combined Arms Support Command and the Sustainment Center of Excellence
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here’s nothing quite like a military spouse to remind you how to effectively use the 24 hours we are all given each day. Military spouses know how to make the most of every moment and pour their very souls into every opportunity. They specialize in multitasking and their superpowers include being able to be in two places at once. If you ask, and the need is evident, they will probably say yes, but don’t presume you can take advantage of them, because they have their priorities straight and they know how keep them in check. They love their families, their country, their communities, and those around them … and they use every available moment to help them! As you read through the stories of the 2014 Heroes at Home Finalists, one thing should stand out to you. These spouses know them-
Michelle O’Neil
selves well. They know their own talents and strengths, as well as their struggles and weaknesses. They know how to employ their resources, time, and abilities to improve the lives of others. We can all learn a lesson or two from these men and women who juggle more in a day than many do in a week. A lesson of endurance,
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perseverance, scheduling, and priorities. Of course, none of them would brag about all they do. In fact, they all would rather talk about people who do even more. Yet, the impact they have each left on the lives of their families and friends is evident. And every moment they spend caring for others is a legacy they build every day.
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Spouse of Brigadier General John O’Neil, 52nd Quartermaster General, Commandant, U.S. Army Quartermaster School
Susan Loden Army Volunteer Corps, Army Community Service
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4 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • May 15, 2014
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Tell us briefly about your background/life as a military spouse. I have been married to my Solider, SFC Wesley Wilcox for 14 years. We have PCSed as a family five times, had one unaccompanied tour and two deployments.
2014 Fort Lee Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year
Spouse of SFC Wesley Wilcox, 508th Transportation Company, Fort Lee
What is the best part of being in a military family? The best part of being in a military family is that it is unusual for us to be stuck in a rut in our everyday lives. The frequent changes in our lives allow us to grow in areas of life that we may not have been able to experience if we were always doing the same things and keeping the same schedules. How do you balance family/work/ military life? I have realized from observing the military in action that everyone must work together to fulfill the mission. For me to balance these three important areas (family, work, and military life) of my life, I must have a strong core. That core is my family. When we work together as an energetic and focused family, this allows us to accomplish our daily “missions” as smoothly as possible.
What do you do to support other military spouses/families? I have always had a place in my heart to help ease new and overwhelmed family members coming to a new duty station. I love supporting my fellow military
I love supporting my fellow military families by offering advise, answering questions, making meals....” -Deborah Wilcox, on supporting other military families
families by offering advise, answering questions, making meals and helping with their children or fur babies. I want to be available to help lift a little bit of stress because I too am a military spouse that has been and will again be in their shoes. List volunteer service highlights. • Army Community Service (Exceptional Family Member Program, Coupon Organizer) • American Red Cross Provost Marshall Office, Stray Animal Facility (Stray Animal Assistant) • United Service Organization of Hampton Roads and Central Virginia, • Fort Lee Office Combined Arms Support Command Family Readiness Group (Committee Member) • Fort Lee Area Spouses’ Club (Board of Directors Hospitality Chair) Words of wisdom or advice for other military spouses: As I military spouse I am constantly on the move. I have learned to quickly adapt to new situations, familiarize myself with new locations, never hesitate to ask questions, be willing to make new relationships and never be afraid to ask for help.
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Spouse of WO1 Timothy Rogers, HHC CASCOM, Fort Lee
May 15, 2014 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • 5
Tell us briefly about your background/life as a military spouse. My husband and I are high school sweet hearts who have been married for 12 years now. Our duty stations include Caserma Ederle in Vicenza, Italy where our son was born during his second deployment, Fort Eustis, Virginia where our daughter was born, Fort Riley, Kansas where he left for his third deployment, Cleveland, Ohio for the Training With The Industries Program at Lincoln Electric Welding Company, and here at Fort Lee. We are set to leave here in June of this year and report to Joint Base Lewis McChord in Washington.
now and again and it is nice to be able to share that with other spouses as well. They know exactly what you are going through because they are going through it too.
What is the best part of being in a military family? The best part of being a military spouse is the camaraderie. I am often the first person in my neighborhood to greet and welcome an incoming family, offer my assistance in moving in, offer my air mattresses if they need it, or offer to watch their children while they unpack boxes. I learned this from other spouses doing the same for me when I was a new Army spouse just moving in. During deployments we need a break from the kids
What do you do to support other military spouses/families? Besides helping move and watching children, I help military spouses and their families in different ways. If another military spouse has a dream of helping out the community in a specific way I am the first to help. This is how I became a Girl Scout assistant leader. With my Family Readiness Group (FRG), I helped give out free school supplies to kids who needed them the most. Understanding the military way
How do you balance family/work/ military life? Juggling family life, work, and military life is easy for me. My work is my family and military life. I volunteer with my daughter’s Girl Scout troop as an assistant leader, I am a co-leader with my Family Readiness Group, and I volunteer at the USO. Everything is family and military oriented.
of life is how I am able to help. I know we move around a lot. I know we don’t always get paid a lot. I know we need support sometimes. Please list volunteer service highlights: My greatest volunteer service highlights are being inspired by other volunteers that share the same passion to help as I do, the smiles and appreciation of those I have helped, and being a part of the largest volunteer Army in the world even though I haven’t signed that contract. Words of wisdom or advice for other military spouses: My Words of wisdom for new spouses are to never wash your undergarments with the ACU’s, if you have small children and live on post then keep your blinds pulled up out of reach or you will have a large out of pocket expense when you move, and if a seasoned spouse gives you advice then seriously consider it. They have been around the military for a lot longer and chances are they know what they are talking about -- maybe not from personal experience but because they have seen it all before.
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6 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • May 15, 2014
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Tell us briefly about your background/life as a military spouse. We have been married for seven years and have moved three times. I experienced my first deployment six months after we were married. I credit the Family Readiness Support Assistant (FRSA) and Rear Detachment Captain for helping me navigate through that deployment. I constantly refer back to what they taught me and share those memories with others. What is the best part of being in a military family? I love being a part of the Army Family! Most people would never have the opportunity to have that growing support system in their lives. Nothing is more comforting that moving to a new place and connecting with people that you share mutual friends.
Spouse of LTC Christopher H. Robertson, HQ/266 QM BN, Fort Lee
How do you balance family/work/ military life? Priorities are a key part in balancing your life. Being mindful of what is going on in each part of your life is an important tool to know what your priority is day to day. Looking far enough ahead for what you can manage and being honest about what your cannot. Sometimes it is hard to say
no, but you have to do the right thing for yourself and your family. What do you do to support other military spouses/families? I have a positive attitude about the challenges that I have faced in our military life. We all face challenges being
Priorities are a key part in balancing your life.” -Katie Robertson, on being a military spouse
a part of it. Getting through them is a learning experience that others should benefit from. I am active in our Family Readiness Group (FRG), Fort Lee Area Spouses Club, and have had the opportunity to work with some amazing spouses here at Fort Lee. Volunteer service highlights: • Gold Presidential Volunteer Award 2014- 586 hours • Newsletter Editor for the Fort Lee Area Spouses Club 2013-2014 • Gift Wrapping Fundraiser for Fort Lee Area Spouses Club • Delivering Toys from Dollar Tree Stores during the Holiday Season for Fort Lee ACS • Family Readiness Group- 2012-2014 Words of wisdom or advice for other military spouses: A very wise senior spouse told me “only do what you can, not what you are asked -- there is another spouse waiting to say yes.” Balance in your life is the most important thing you can do for your family. Get to know others around you, and their strengths and talents, and include them in what you are doing. Have fun!
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8 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • May 15, 2014
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Tell us briefly about your background/life as a military spouse. We are approaching our nine-year anniversary in October. Our first official date was a Presidential Inaugural Ball, engaged two months later, married seven months after that, and from there it has been an adventure I never saw coming. We have moved four times since switching from Air Force to Army (that’s where I entered the military picture), we have had one deployment since being married, a lock-down at Fort Hood while he was at Chaplain School in Ft. Jackson, and all sorts of interesting events in between.
Spouse of Chaplain (Capt.) Robert Petterson, 832d Ordnance Battalion, Fort Lee
What is the best part of being in a military family? Getting to know the soldiers and the families in our unit/s gives us an endless supply of fun. Sharing a unique lifestyle with my fellow military spouses is something I didn’t really come to appreciate for several years. Being a military family sure makes it “cool” to be patriotic and nobody thinks it is cheesy! However, I think the BEST part of being a military family as a wife is the opportunity to do great things on a big scale – there is power in numbers. In my case, the Army is so big that I can jump in
and bring a unique background and set of skills to volunteering. How do you balance family/work/ military life? I still have my own baking business, which has survived an appearance on the Food Network and two PCS moves. Juggling that while supporting my chaplain husband, volunteering and enjoying life living on post certainly can be a bit of a challenge on a daily basis. For Team Patterson, constant communication and checking schedules is key for survival.
Please list volunteer service highlights: • Started up the 832d Ordnance Battalion FRG Team • 1st Vice President on the FLASC (Fort Lee Area Spouses’ Club) Board • Created a Community Event bringing in Christmas Trees representing business, cities, and agencies around the tri-cties, to decorate the Lee Club for the season • President of CWOC (Catholic Women of the Chapel) • Donated countless cupcakes from my business (My Sweet Diva) to various agencies and groups around post to boost morale.
What do you do to support other military spouses/families? Since coming into the military as a spouse, I have been an active part of FRG and CARE teams. Being with someone who has lost their spouse at war is a heart wrenching experience but, one in which I was blessed to have met a truly strong and courageous woman. There are so many ways to get involved. However, I find one of my favorite ways to support military spouses and families is what we do in our neighborhood (currently) on post. Fellowship with each other is crucial to having a sound support system.
Words of wisdom or advice for other military spouses: Life will rarely go as planned – embrace the suck, have a good sense of humor and roll with it! Always have a battle buddy you can call or text when things are going downhill and when things are going really well. And, its ok if your husband is a little scared of how crazy, fun and awesome you are. That IS why he married you in the first place! It’s our job to keep them grounded, even if we drive them crazy in the process. Just keep driving each other crazy together.
JUST DO IT - IF JOBS AREN’T AVAILABLE, MAKE THE JOB YOURSELF By Tiffany Silverberg Contributing Writer What if you could do anything at all, at least as far as your career? What if you could move hundreds, thousands of miles from your current job and start fresh? What if your health care were covered and your housing situation taken care of? What if you had free schedule, unleashed from your former job, to launch a business or to start consulting or to freelance? What if? It’s a reality many military spouses find themselves in, although it’s not always immediately obvious. Sometimes the desire for a traditional career or a longing for the safety and income stream of the last job clouds our view of the opportunity that has just been placed before us. When we get to a new town where jobs aren’t everywhere, it’s easy to see the forest of closed doors rather that the trees of options. But one truth should stand out like a giant sequoia.
If you aren’t working, if jobs just aren’t available, if the hours are languishing under a blanket of coffee and talk shows, then why not grab this unique time and try to build a business. What if I fail, we ask ourselves honestly. The truth is many small business ventures do. Our chances of failure are great. That is kind of the point. Small business ownership, especially in the early days, is inherently precarious. Will anyone buy what you are selling? Can you sustain your success? Can you make a profit? It’s a game of chance. Some play their cards just right, some roll just the right dice, and some have to fold up and start over. That’s what keeps most potential small business owners away. The current job is too comfortable. The current income is just too alluring. But, as military spouses, we are in a unique position. We have all that comfort taken away. We have to start fresh anyway. Why not start fresh with a gamble of a small business?
And the crazy thing is, despite the inherent uncertainty of small business, you have all the control. No one can fire you. There’s no furloughing or sequestering or laying off. You can pivot and maneuver until you find the path to your own definition of success. With the aid of modern technology, the entry points to small business ownership are low. Open an Etsy shop or other online storefront for a few bucks with just a few items. There are dozens, even hundreds, of bloggers who have shared their own secrets to success for free. Learn from them and see what happens. Want to freelance as a writer, editor, designer, coder, or the like? Grab a domain and launch a website with your offerings. Email anyone and everyone. Someone will give you a shot. Go above and beyond for them and get raving testimonial. Put it on your site and start again. There is only one way to find out if you can make it. Just do it!
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Spouse of Capt. Adam Stear, W Co., 266 QM BN, 23QM BDE, Fort Lee
May 15, 2014 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • 9
Tell us briefly about your background/life as a military spouse. My life in the Army started when I got married to my spouse at Ft. Benning, Georgia in 2000, so I’ve been married for almost 14 years. Maintaining a marriage through long work hours, field exercises, and deployments is something military spouses are familiar with. Being a young mom for 12 years has been good, bad, and challenging. We have two children that I’ve homeschooled on and off for the past six years. At the beginning it was difficult but looking back, I know I’m a stronger woman because of it. We have moved five times and my husband has been deployed twice: once to Turkey and once to Afghanistan.
ty through PWOC. Having that relational foundation everywhere we go has really helped me through hard times (deployments, etc.) and has also helped me to help other women going through those issues as well.
What is the best part of being in a military family? I would definitely have to say the sense of community within any military installation, but especially with the Army and even more specifically with the Army’s Protestant Women of the Chapel (PWOC) religious program. I have been to Vicenza, Italy to Fort Belvoir, Virginia to Fort Carson, CO and to Fort Lee. It doesn’t matter where I go, I always can link in with Army wives in the communi-
What do you do to support other military spouses/families? It’s mostly through PWOC. I was able to serve the local ladies through leading a bible study. Most recently, I was on the retreat planning board for our annual PWOC retreat where we planned, organized, and conducted many edifying events for those who attended. I have also been chosen to serve on the PWOC board as the vice president for next year. It’s an amazing opportunity to serve and I’m looking forward to it!
How do you balance family/work/ military life? It took me a while to figure it out. It’s still challenging because I seem to find out some events at the last minute. I like to lock in my schedule two weeks in advance. That’s the best way for me to balance everything. I also have a planner that I love which is really important for me. It’s easier to stay organized if I’m using tools that I enjoy.
Please list volunteer service highlights: My husband said I should mention how I helped his company at a couple volunteer events. One was park maintenance at the Lee Memorial Park in Petersburg and the other one was the Teal Ribbon campaign at the PX recently. I was mostly there to show him support, but my heart for service to the community is really through PWOC. Words of wisdom or advice for other military spouses: Within two years of newlywed marital bliss, I found myself as a 19 year old pregnant Army wife in a foreign country thousands of miles from my family and friends I loved – I felt totally alone. The PWOC there (other military wives) mothered me and taught me how to be a wife and a mother. Through dark days of miscarriage and depression, PWOC shone a beacon of hope for me. I would say to other spouses simply this: “You are NOT alone!” Linking in with other military wives everywhere I’ve been has been a guiding and changing force within my life as well as other lives of a multitude of women and the Army as a whole.
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10 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • May 15, 2014
BY SARA JANE ARNETT 2011 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year for Hampton Roads
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As a young woman wondering about “the one” way back when, thoughts of being married to a military man never once crossed my mind. Nearly 10 years into our military marriage, flashbacks of this unexpected journey find me completely fulfilled and enamored with emotion. Three beautiful sons, hundreds of new friends along the way, numerous duty stations and opportunities to live and travel abroad have added flair to this military lifestyle. However, I can pinpoint at the exact time in my life when I felt most valued and supported not only by my spouse and military community, but by the civilian community as well. As you may know, this year marks a decade of the inception of Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year event spearheaded and created by The Flagship and Military Newspapers of Virginia. It wasn’t until the Army moved to the Hampton Roads area when my role as a military spouse seemed to evolve; my spouse had nominated me for the 2011 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year. The nomination was very humbling because my husband sincerely valued my role as a contributor and integral part of the military mission. “Little” things such as cooking meals for families welcoming newborns home, hand-written letters and phone calls between visits, sleepless nights helping friends through heartache, holding our babies extra tight when their father or mother are deployed – these are the everyday pivotal moments that make the difference to be determined to endure another day – together we can do this. YOU are a hero. You are your children’s hero, your fellow military spouse’s hero, your service member’s hero and my hero.
OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO By Tiffany Silverberg Contributing Writer Oh, the many adventures of the military spouse. I remember, rather vividly, standing by the side of the pool. I was a lifeguard in college when a certain Navy guy came into my life. By the side of the pool, I had a lot of time to contemplate. I saw a path before me, I knew it well, I was a military brat. I had to decide if I wanted to take that path, more like if I could handle that path. But oh the places I’ve been since those days. Oh, the places you’ve all shared. Overseas in towns and countries we never could have imagined. Crisscrossing this country more times than we can count. Stopping at the big landmarks and the roadside drive-ins. We’ve seen so much of this country we love and this world we’ve only begun to understand. And oh the memories. For me, there was
the time the moving van didn’t leave until well after midnight with my mattress bungeecorded to the back. It wasn’t supposed to be like that, but what can you do after midnight. For you, maybe it was the time you lost your reservations, lost your household goods, lost your kids. The memories in the moment seem disastrous, but as time pulls away, they become dear. They become the memories of sweet reliance upon our family, friends, our military families. Oh the travels. The times we take advantage of his orders here or there. We say we refuse to go along. We say we couldn’t manage with the kids in tow. We say it would be easier at home with our parents. But then we do it anyway. When else would we get the chance to visit this country or that. When else is half our vacation paid for when we tag along. If we can keep the kids busy at grandma’s house, we can keep them busy in a hotel room. Why
“The thing about a hero, is even when it doesn’t look like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, he’s going to keep digging, he’s going to keep trying to do right and make up for what’s gone before, just because that’s who he is.” –Joss Whedon. There is no misprint in the title of this amazingly wonderful awards event highlighting your selfless service to filling other’s needs. You are a hero at home – holding down the fort while your spouse is often away, making sure your children’s teeth are brushed and homework is done, driving a friend to pick up their car out of the shop and doing all of this with a smile on your face; there is ultimate satisfaction that you survived another day as an independent military spouse. As you sit and soak up what it feels like to be nominated and part of this very prestigious honor and event, you might not feel worthy of your servant leadership-style actions landing you here. The true questions are “what will you do with this honor” and “how will you use this special gift” to empower and encourage others? My advice: Do not take this opportunity and experience for granted. Inspire others with your actions, not your words. You are here for a reason. Get to know the organizations that value your volunteerism and active energy into enriching others’ lives. You are unique and most valued as you continue to serve our country just as your service member, but contribute to another mission – a higher calling serve others. The Hampton Roads community lifts you up today along with your closest friends, family, children, and spouse. Although this very prestigious honor might not feel worthy of your selfless leadership, we all celebrate you today and everyday as you continue to make this unexpected journey the best adventure yet!
not, right? Oh the houses we’ve made homes. Some we vowed would never work, and then they somehow do. Some feel too small, some look too big, some should be downright condemned. And yet, they become our homes so brimming with memories we would hardly trade it for an alternative. Who would have thought we could be happy there and yet we are, surrounded by our family we hold so dear and our friends that become closer than family. Oh the friendships. The ties that bind us together are stronger than anyone could imagine. We’ve seen the dark days together and we’ve muddled through. We’ve dried each other’s tears, cleaned each other’s homes, watched each other’s kids at all hours. And we don’t complain or exploit, because they have done the same for us. Oh the places you’ll go, we tell new spouses. Embrace them, each of them. They are dear and precious. A day will come when you wouldn’t trade a single one of them. For they are yours to cherish.
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May 15, 2014 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • 11
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Running around the world is what we do New challenges and support of family helps to see us through Sometimes family is far away We don’t let the little things get in our way We make sure the Little Ones are fed We get them involved in lots of things, some we’ve even led We stay in touch with this one and that We pursue our many interests, as if changing hats When home has to shift to a new locale We grin and bear it, trying to keep up morale We get ourselves, and our families, excited about new adventures in the move ahead Setting aside our fears, apprehensions, and the sense of growing dread The search for work, with no sense of career Often hits hard like a kick in the rear But I personally wouldn’t have it any other way I help my spouse, my military member, to stay focused every day Our life of adventure is a marvel to those back home They envy our ability to pack light and set out to roam Our kids are balanced, worldly, and adapt well to change They may not always like it, especially when Mom or Dad are downrange But we press on because of the love we share Trying our best to be understanding and supportive for this lifestyle for which we so much care The military Life gives us so much more than merely a house I wear this lifestyle as a Badge of Honor, because I’m a Military Spouse.
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12 • FORT LEE HEROES AT HOME • May 15, 2014
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Deborah Wilcox The 2014 Fort Lee Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year
We are proud to sponsor the third annual Fort Lee Heroes at Home Military Spouse Awards We recognize the important role our military spouses play in the Fort Lee community and thank you for your dedication, service and support of our Armed Services!
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