Honoring our unsung heroes for their strengths, many sacrifices and commitment to our Hampton Roads community
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MILITARY
Photos above courtesy of Department of Defense
NEWSPAPERS OF VIRGINIA
www.flagshipnews.com | www.militarynews.com | 9th edition
We recognize the important role our military spouses play in the Hampton Roads community and thank you for your dedication, service and support of our Armed Services!
www.usadiscounters.net
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Our Strength Together
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ilitary spouses by definition come from a world of various backgrounds. By our very label, we only have a seeming shred of a thread in common. What could seem more disassociated than our spouses job in common? And more disconnected than that, our spouses’ jobs are all over the board. Some are in the air, some are on the water, some are on the ground. Some are in offices here in the states, some are in combat zones. All we seem to have in common is our spouses’ employer. It’s strange when you think about it. What if articles were written about the spouses of employees at a certain Fortune 500 company? It’s really rather giggle-worthy. What if families of a nationwide, publicly traded company lived together in little housing groups? What if we talked about Such and Such Corporation spouses as if they could all have the same struggles, the same issues, the same concerns? And yet, by definition, that’s what connects us. Yet, when you talk to the 10 women listed in this section, these 10 finalists for Heroes at Home, these 10 noteworthy military spouses, you will note that the thread that binds them is far stronger than a line on their spouses’ paycheck. Sit down for just a few moments with each of them. Ask them where they’re from, ask them what they always wanted to be when they grow up, ask them about their childhood. The answers will be as varied as they can be. Ask them about their last move, ask them about the last time they felt overwhelmed or stressed, ask them about what they care about. Ask them about what keeps them up at night, ask them what gets them up in the morning. The stories become eerily similar.
Publisher: Laura Baxter The Flagship® Managing Editor: David Todd
You’ll hear about pride and tradition. You’ll hear about separations and difficult decisions. You will hear about really full calendars and carefully planned schedules. Ask for a little advice. That’s where it will get really interesting. From every background and every life, the advice for success as a military spouse is so similar. They all talk about staying busy and pouring yourself into a cause, to distract yourself from the frustration and loneliness. They talk about flexibility and preparation. They talk about staying positive and truly enjoying the adventures ahead. They mention the stresses military life puts on marriage, but also focus on not putting additional stress on marriage by blaming the service member. They all encourage priority making and putting lots of attention on family time and personal time. And ironically, they all talk about their personal passions and various interests. We aren’t all the same people. We don’t come from the same place and we don’t all have the same experiences. But our journey is shared and our goals are the same. It all comes down to love – for each other, for our families, for our spouses. That’s the tie that binds. For the ninth consecutive year, the military and civilian communities in Hampton Roads join forces to honor the nominees, finalists and Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year. In this issue, we profile the 10 finalists whom our judges selected as true “Heroes at Home.”
Sales Development Manager: Adair Wells Creative Director: Tricia Lieurance Graphic Designer: Rebecca Soorani Hastings Photographer: Harry Gerwien
Kristin Auch – Spouse of Col. Kory Auch, Commander, Joint Base Langley-Eustis Laura Baxter – Publisher, The Flagship® and Military Newspapers of Virginia Jim Bowles – Promotions Coordinator, Max Media Toni Hall – 2012 Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year Sue Hoppin – Founder, National Military Spouse Network (MNSN) Len Santivasci (U.S. Navy, retired) – Director of Marketing, USA Discounters Heather Welch – Public Affairs Specialist, Commander, Navy Region Mid-Atlantic Adair Wells – Founder, Heroes at Home/Sales Development Manager, The Flagship® and Military Newspapers of Virginia Toni Williams – Community Affairs Coordinator/Producer, WAVY-TV 10 & FOX 43
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Contributing Writer: Tiffany Silverberg
2013 committee included:
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MILITARY NEWSPAPERS OF VIRGINIA
The contents of this special section are not necessarily the official views of or endorsed by the U.S. government, the DoD, the DoT or the U.S. Coast Guard. Opinions of contributing writers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Military Newspapers of Virginia or The Flagship®. The availability of these newspapers and the appearance of advertising in these publications, including any inserts or supplements, do not constitute endorsement by the federal government, the DoD, the DoT, the U.S. Coast Guard or Military Newspapers of Virginia of products or services advertised. Military Newspapers of Virginia is a private firm in no way connected to the Department of Defense or United States Coast Guard.
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 10 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 7 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 1 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: Wreaths Across America to ensure all fallen troops buried at Hampton National Cemetery are remembered with dignity and pride.
Maribel Beckwith
Spouse of ATCS James W. Beckwith, USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71)
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herever the military takes her and her family, Maribel Beckwith believes it’s important to pour herself into the local community. A native New Yorker and a survivor of the 9/11 attacks, Maribel has seen firsthand the power of community and the lasting impact of selflessness and togetherness. “During 9/11, communities reached out in a way that I found awe-inspiring,” she explained. “No man is an island. You can’t do it alone.” Maribel has taken this inspiration and allowed it to drive her community involvement wherever she is. Even in a Navy sea, she clings to the belief “island life” only makes things more difficult on everyone, and commits herself to getting to know the people and organizations that comprise a community. “Local communities are so supportive of the military community,” she explained. “There is deeprooted respect for the military,” she said. “They go out of their way and offer discounts and support.”
There is deep-rooted respect for the military. They go out of their way and offer discounts and support.
-Maribel Beckwith, about the local community
Maribel is always looking for ways to give back to the local community and support them anyway she can. Much of that involvement comes through her role as the local president of the Navy Wives Club of America chapter. With the chapter, she and her team revitalized a local Wreaths Across America program. Having participated in Wreaths Across America programs in Arlington and Calverton National Cemeteries, Maribel knew the program could display all the pomp and reverence of a proper military ceremony. “We wanted to pay homage and pay respect,” she explained. “We wanted our spouses’ comrades to be remembered with dignity.” The wives set to work organizing and creating a program that enveloped those ideas. “We decided it was important to bring in active duty,” she continued. They also involved JROTC students from four local high schools, retired military members, church members of the church hosting the program, other members of the Navy Wives Club of
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America and local citizens. When the opportunity came available to make an impact on this event, Maribel told her fellow Navy Wives Clubs of America members “We can do this” and they did, making the program successful and replicable. Her commitment to community didn’t start on 9/11, however. As a member of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, she has spent her whole adulthood pouring herself into the local community, dedicated to improving the quality of human life. Maribel encourages new spouses to learn the delicate, empowering balance of self-reliance and community-involvement. “Learn to be self-sufficient. Develop a little independence and develop strong relationships,” she said. “Join local organizations because only a military spouse truly understands the plight of military spouses.” Her son and husband know how important her volunteering work is to her, coming home with new opportunities and saying, “Hey guess what, I found out what you can do.”
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 13 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 10+ NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 6 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: Raising awareness on the responsible use of social media, as a conduit between families in need, and military, religious and education resources.
April Golden
Spouse of Lt. Col. Martin Golden, Air Combat Command Headquarters, Joint Base Langley-Eustis “Each of us has a story and song,” April Golden believes. “And each grey hair and wrinkle tells a story!” For April, the story involves going from a new military spouse to a seasoned spouse. While she’s not quite sure how or when that happened, she does remember the turning point. As she was dropping her husband off for a countless deployment, she turned around and noticed that the other wives were crying, but her eyes were dry. It wasn’t that she wasn’t experiencing the same emotions, she had just done it enough to know. After 10 to 12 deployments, April has lost track of exactly how many she has traversed. “You can’t take the term ‘dependent’ literally,” she explained. “Military life is like your computer. We have multiple tables open and we just keep rebooting.” April’s tabs are full of organizations for which she volunteers that support and empower military family members as they wade through the difficulties of military life. Two programs close to April’s heart are Waiting Warriors and Camo Kids. As a coordinator for Waiting Warriors,
April planned support group gettogethers to offer a place for military spouses, of deployed service members, to gather, vent, learn from one another and gain new skills. Each gathering centered around a different topic, with a base counselor and chaplain on hand for spouses to talk with about specific issues or needs. Similarly, April ran a program called Camo Kids, which supported kids of deployed military service members, as well those of imprisoned parents. April would gather children in classrooms at her local elementary school. She provided artwork and activities to help them process the difficulties of being separated from their parents. She worked with the school counselor to keep an eye out for problems detected in the artwork and would set up appointments when necessary. Over the course of her journey from a new spouse to a seasoned spouse, April has moved from being a key spouse on a squadron level to a director level, which gives her an opportunity to support military families on a wider level.
Military life is like your computer. We have multiple tables open and we just keep rebooting.
-April Golden, about the military lifestyle
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Beyond these specific programs, April has always been involved in the Officers’ Wives Club and Spouses Clubs wherever her husband is stationed. “At the end of the day, it’s all about making money,” she explained. “Both organizations give thousands of dollars to charity. And it allowed me to grow, make a change and build bridge. We are a sisterhood of all – we have no rank.” April also sits on the executive board of the national Military Council of Catholic Women. She treasures working with the Military Council of Catholic Women and the Protestant Women of the Chapel, as they offer a particular diversion from the standard support groups. “They help women to grow in their faith,” she explained. “It has a huge impact on your attitude and your marriage.” April encourages new spouses to never judge a group or organization based on another’s opinion. Every story and song is different, and soon enough, you will turn around and discover you are the one not crying.
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 5 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 2 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 3 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: Continue my volunteer work in Colorado - Wounded Warriors, spouse clubs, charity events for scholarships for military children, church and Toys for Tots. My goal for 2013 is to begin volunteer work with local veterans and families.
Christina Gordon
Spouse of Mjr. John Travis Gordon, TACRON 21, JEB Little Creek-Fort Story
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When Christina Gordon gets involved in a project, she digs in and gives it all her energy. While her husband was stationed in Pensacola, Fla., she spearheaded a program to restore and preserve gravesites at St. Michael Catholic Church. Every Saturday, for three years, Christina, her husband and dozens of young Marines would spend their mornings pouring themselves into this arduous, but fulfilling work. They worked tirelessly to clean up around the historic gravesites and preserve them for years to come. At times, they even had to dig around and under stones that had sunk after decades of exposure to the elements. While she found great joy in the preservation work, she was even more pleased to get to know the young Marines who worked alongside her every Saturday. “I learned to love the new Marines,” she explained. “I have such a place in my heart for them. They are still growing.” During those long Saturdays, Christina heard story after story about why the Marines joined and what they had experienced. “They are
still kids,” she said, “but they have more responsibilities than most 30-year-olds. I’ve since geared my volunteering to those just starting out.” When she and her family moved to Quantico, she shifted her focus slightly, organizing the wives organization’s Dollars for Scholars events, which raised money for scholarships for service members’ kids. While in that role, she had the privilege of working with service members from all ranks, getting to know them personally and learning more about their needs. Her successful efforts in that role led to scholarships being available for everyone who applied. “Everyone that turned in a form,” said Christina. “We were able to spread the money out to everyone.” Since getting to Little Creek, Christina has taken all that she learned from her former roles into her roles as vice president, president and treasurer of the Family Readiness Group (FRG). As the overwhelming majority of FRG members are young families, Christina hearkens back to her Saturdays at the cemetery ... remembering those early
struggles and making every effort to ensure that everyone feels appreciated and supported. Her dedication to and focus on everyone else spills into her personal life as well. When a pesky tumor returned after years in remission, Christina’s husband was more worried about her than she was about herself. Although he had to leave in the middle of her treatments, she insisted he go. “I felt I was fine,” she explained. Christina’s treatments took place at Bethesda and Walter Reed, which gave her instant perspective, as she witnessed young, Wounded Warriors suffering around her. “Looking around, I didn’t even know why I was complaining. It was nothing in comparison.” When she isn’t busy with her own full family life and full-time job, Christina still finds time to volunteer with a number of organizations. She’s always looking for opportunities to dig in and get involved. “There’s fulfillment in helping others,” she explained. “You just make your time. I enjoy it and enjoy being busy.”
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There’s fulfillment in helping others. You just make your time. I enjoy it and enjoy being busy.
-Christina Gordon, about her volunteerism
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 15 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 10+ NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 6 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: To keep helping others as the command ombudsman for my husband’s ship. I volunteer in both of my children’s schools, I am a leader in the Girl Scouts and also volunteer with the Red Cross. I love being able to help my military families – we are together in this.
April Kumley
Spouse of ATC William Kumley, USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71)
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pril Kumley’s schedule is almost overflowing. The only way to keep it under control is careful organization. And that’s exactly how she does it all. April attributes her ability to volunteer with multiple organizations at once, even during her husband’s deployments and raising their two kids, ages 8 and 12, to her calendar. When asked how she manages to stay afloat when Navy life gets stressful, that’s her answer. “It’s all on my calendar!” April served as the ombudsman for the USS Eisenhower (CVN 69) for three years and is currently serving as the Ombudsmen for the USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71). It’s a job she cherishes, even during extraordinary trials, such as back-to-back deployments of the Eisenhower. April makes it a priority to be available to the spouses, especially during those stressful times. “I want them to know that they can call anytime, even just to chat,” she said. “I love being there for the Sailors and their families.” Although many would consider that
to be enough, April’s calendar wasn’t quite full enough. She also took on the role of vice president for the PTA at her kids’ school. Her primary jobs as the vice president are event planning and volunteer recruitment. Her success with both of those hearken back to her strict organization skills. Before the start of each school year, she and her team plan all the PTA events for the year. Then as school starts, she starts lining up volunteers with events that suit their interest and skills. “I like the whole idea of giving them specifics. I don’t like just asking for a list of volunteers,” she explains. “I like to be organized.” Of course, she’s not always by the book. When her daughter started a new school and was in need of a new Girl Scout troop, April stepped in to start a new troop with one goal in mind – fun. “Starting my own troop allowed me to let the girls enjoy the troop,” she said. “It’s not just about the book. I want them to come and enjoy.” And if all that weren’t enough, this busy mom also sets time aside for the
I want them to know that [spouses] can call anytime, even just to chat.
-April Kumley, about her position as an ombudsman
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American Red Cross. As an on-call volunteer with the disaster services team, April is ready to help when a fire or other crisis hits. She arranges for emergency housing, food, clothing and other needs of those effected. How does she remain prepared for such occasions, even in the midst of everything else she does? “I tell them when I can be available,“ she explained. “I put myself on a schedule so when my husband is deployed I can work from home.” April does all this volunteering with clarity and focus because she keeps her priorities in line. She knows that her family needs her attention and time above all. To maintain this order, April is adamant about scheduling family time with all the other responsibilities on her calendar so that it is never set aside or forgotten. With her husband’s deployments and busy schedules, she knows how important it is that she puts that time on the calendar. “Calendars keep things set in stone,” she explains. “That way you can get it set, forget about it.”
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 13 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 3 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 7 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: My club Navy Wives Clubs of America Portsmouth #221, working within our civilian community/military community bringing morale to the Wounded Warriors at Naval Medical Center Portsmouth.
Christina Lara
Spouse of HM1 (SW) Pablo Lara, USS New York (LPD 21)
I don’t want my families to feel any fear. I made sure that things went on as normal. Normalcy is key.
-Christina Lara, about families of service members with extended deployment
Christina Lara has a deep love for wooden ships. Her collection grows with every move she and her family makes with the Navy, and graces every house she makes a home. It’s not just her Navy connections that make those ships special. They represent more than her nautical driven life. They are a metaphor of sorts. “You’re in this boat,” she explained. “The water and ocean is your life. You will have the calm times and the rough times. But you’re in control and you’re at the helm. There are scars, memories, chips.” And so Christina illustrates her life as a Navy spouse. With ups and downs, bumps and bruises, unforgettable moments and an adventure the whole time. For Christina, being at the helm means keeping things as calm and normal as she can for those around her. She first started volunteering as an ombudsman after 9/11 because she wanted to bring a sense of calm in an otherwise treacherous time. “It was very unnerving,” she said. “We were seeing everything
through CNN.” Christina’s philosophy is, “Whatever I’m feeling, the families are feeling it a hundred times worse.” As a result, even when she was hospitalized just as she was receiving news that the deployed ship, for which she was an ombudsman, was being extended, Christina didn’t defer her responsibilities or take a break. “I don’t want my families to feel any fear,” she insisted. “I made sure that things went on as normal. Normalcy is key.” Even in the face of her own struggles, Christina knows how to absorb the realities of the situation and process them so she can convey information without her own personal emotions interfering. “That’s my job – to stand by,” she said. “Our active duty spouses have a job. Our job is to make sure everything is going well here at home.” Staying positive and in control doesn’t mean she ever lies or pretends. Sometimes, she has to be the bearer of bad news, like when deployments are extended. She believes that it’s in being honest, clear and focused that
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she’s able to build a good rapport with the command and the families. “When they have that trust, they know that everything will be straightforward and honest,” she said. “I never sugarcoat anything. I’m going through the same thing.“ Of course, Christina know it’s important to remember that she’s not at the helm alone. Her key to personal sanity is her personal support system, which allows her to be flexible and available to families, as she needs to be. It’s the only way she is able to balance being an ombudsman, a fulltime student, a volunteer in numerous other roles, and a wife and mom. “I have a great support team. I have great friends,” she attested. “We jump in for each other. It’s a great support system. My friends are there for me as well. That’s the key for staying normal.” “You are part of something so full of tradition and rich history,” she reminds new spouses. “It’s been an adventurous time. Take full advantage and enjoy every moment of everywhere you go.”
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 14 – celebrating 15 in September NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 4 working towards 5 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 3 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: Additional childcare options for single military members and military suicide prevention/intervention
Amber McKinney
Spouse of ABF1 (AW/SW) Eric McKinney, USS Harry S. Truman (CVN 75)
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If you’re looking for Amber McKinney, she admits to being “the woman who looks like her hair is on fire,” but it’s only because she does so many things. And she does them well. At times, she carries up to three cell phones with her. Knowing any one of them could ring at any given time could be enough to make anyone go crazy, but Amber just takes it all in stride. “I keep a positive attitude,” she said. “I laugh a lot.” She’s also learned to be flexible. As a Navy wife and ombudsman, she knows the only thing consistent about military life is inconsistency. “I expect extensions on deployments and I expect them to happen sooner,” she explained. It’s this kind of flexibility that Amber encourages families in her ombudsman role to adopt. But even she wasn’t prepared when two days before her husband’s ship was set to deploy, the deployment was canceled. “We had told families to prepare, prepare, prepare,” she said. “Families had made long-term plans.”
And it wasn’t just the other families that she needed to help wade through this unprecedented territory. In preparation for the deployment, knowing she would need more time for her family and her ombudsman commitments, Amber gave her notice at the USO job she loved and enrolled in school full-time. When the news arrived that the deployment was being put on hold, life was in limbo. That’s when Amber’s flexibility and adaptability came into play. She helped hundreds of families reorient themselves and find resources they suddenly needed. “I truly have a passion for military families and members,” she explained. “If I can do something to ease their burden, I just feel that’s what I need to do.” Living by the motto “expect the unexpected,” Amber got a call from the USO soon after she resigned from her position. They asked if she could help them as they transition. She was poised to jump back in and help. On her limited free time, she volunteers with her children’s activi-
ties, from the PTA to Girl Scouts, from the classroom to baseball field. Sometimes she even steps in and offers emergency childcare for other families when necessary. “Prioritize and set boundaries” is the way that Amber maintains a sense of sanity throughout all her responsibilities. “In my early days, I wasn’t the best,” she explained. “Because I’m positive, I know if I’m becoming grouchy, or things aren’t seeming normal for me, I stop and set a boundary.” Amber encourages new spouses as they come into the military life to make the most of the people and opportunities around them. “Surround yourself with positive people. Educate yourself with all the benefits of the military. Truly we are very blessed with so many resources,” she advised. “Be creative. Do something that incorporates your kids and family. Make it work for your family. Get out and get involved.” Of course, above all, Amber recommends, ”Be flexible, because in the military, it will change.”
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If I can do something to ease their burden, I just feel that’s what I need to do.
-Amber McKinney, about military families
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 9 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 4 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 2 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: I want to keep helping military spouses and their children with all the wonderful adventures, and positive things of being a military family. I want them to know we are all in this together, we are a family.
Rosalyn Mendez
Spouse of AOC (AW/SW) Hector Mendez, HSC-9, Naval Station Norfolk
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osalyn Mendez knows military life from all angles – as an active duty service woman, then as a dual military couple, and now as a military spouse. This unique perspective gives her empathy for military families as a whole and keeps her focused on their needs. She pours much of her time into support of the 250 families in the helicopter squadron to which her husband is assigned. As an ombudsman, she works tirelessly to connect families with resources and information, both about the squadron and the ship to which the squadron is attached. She is always in communication with the ship’s liaisons, creating opportunities for squadron families to attend events with ship families. “I’m a direct link between the spouses and the chain of command,” she explained. “When they just had a family move, and need to look for a job and school, I connect them.” Making connections is one of Rosalyn’s special super powers. Her friends compare her to the Hot Coupon blog-
When they just had a family move, and need to look for a job and school, I connect them.”
-Rosalyn Mendez, about her position as an ombudsmsn
ger, but for military families. She is always looking for links for resources and the people that need them. When she learned that the local USO chapter had a surplus of supplies that they didn’t have an outlet for. Instead of letting them sit around, Rosalyn stepped in and found a welcome place for the donations to go. In this case, she created “Return to Homeport” gift boxes for single Sailors who were returning home from deployment. As a resource link, she makes things easier for both the donor and recipient. She also uses her super powers to create events for military families. “I’ve always been that way,” she admitted humbly. “I always did events. I’ve always been crafty.” What some people call crafty, others call resourceful. Pulling together a children’s Christmas party in just a few weeks with limited supplies and even less time is downright genius to many and certainly a welcome for the families she helps. Her perspective of military life is particularly useful from behind her camera lens. Rosalyn donates her
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rather taxed time to military families during special events from births to homecomings. Because she knows how special those moments are for family members and service members, she gladly gets behind the camera and captures those memories. Knowing the emotions personally and intimately, Rosalyn keeps a picture of her daughters with her while she is covering those homecomings. She looks down at them when her own emotions start to distract her. They keep her focused. Rosalyn’s daughter and husband are her number one focus. In addition to all her time donated to the squadron Family Readiness Group and ombudsman role, Rosalyn spends time volunteering in her daughters’ classrooms, Girl Scouts troops and sports events. “I have the overall perspective,” she explained, offering her advice for new spouses. “Understand there is someone out there that can help you through this. You need to find that person to help you. It doesn’t last forever. If you get yourself out there, it really helps things.”
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S
POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 6 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 1 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 2 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: My family since my husband has been deployed! Also inspiring other military spouses to follow their dreams and accomplish their goals in this difficult lifestyle
Misty Menken
(deployments/PCSing, etc.)
Spouse of Staff Sgt. David Menken, 83d NOS, Joint Base Langley-Eustis
I need to live my life and accomplish things. I’m going to make the choice.
-Misty Menken, on her outlook on life
Misty Menken doesn’t believe in making excuses. Despite the traditional challenges of military life and additional obstacles that life has thrown in her path, Misty has managed to maintain a busy life, pouring herself into her lifelong passions, namely history and theatre. And of course, caring for military families. As a key spouse, with nearly 500 families to care for, Misty is busy. She has regular meetings with the commander and first sergeant of her husband’s unit, acting as a conduit between the unit and the families. She organizes events and support opportunities. And she is always available at the other end of a call to answer questions or offer support. “People call when they need a resource,” she explained. “And I know whom to call.” She also serves on the board of the Langley Enlisted Spouses Club, as vice president, then president, now parliamentarian. She also sits on the scholarship committee and social committee. But despite all the work she does for military families, she hasn’t abandoned her lifelong loves – theatre
and history. She works tirelessly as a volunteer coordinator at the Peninsula Community Theatre. She does everything for them from coordinating a spring clean up to doing stage management – and even acting in some of the productions. And while it wouldn’t seem she has another hour in the day, she just started working with Fort Monroe’s Casemate Museum where she will be conducting and leading tours. Through it all, her number one focus remains her son, who has required a lot of attention in his life. Born at only 24 weeks gestation, less than one pound, Misty’s son has needed a multitude of treatments and therapies, which are taxing when Misty’s husband is deployed or otherwise occupied with his job. Misty remains committed to giving her child the very best opportunities she can. With that focus, she and her family have volunteered with March for Dimes, raising money for other families with similar early struggles. Misty is always on the lookout for ways to make life better for her family
PAGE 18 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
and other families around her. When she happened upon an abandoned and potentially dangerous playground in her neighborhood, she organized a community restoration project. Together, she and her neighbors cleaned up the park and made it safe for local children. Struggling with her own health issues and watching her son struggle with his, Misty’s outlook on life is deliberate and positive. “I need to live my life and accomplish things,” she said. “I’m going to make the choice.” While it would seem easy to abandon her personal ambitions under the weight of frustration, Misty finds that throwing herself into what she loves is the best option. In fact, the additional weight of volunteering and coordinating actually makes things easier. “I work better the busier I am,” she said. “I have a schedule and just the follow the schedule. And everything turns out.” And that’s her best advice for every young spouse just starting out. Whatever her love or passion, Misty recommends, “Get involved!”
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PAGE 19 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
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POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 13 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 7 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 7 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: Maintaining a healthy balance of time between my family and my work as a volunteer. I am continuing as the command ombudsman, serving on a committee for Operation Homefront, and have plans to host three fundraisers this year benefiting local charities/ organizations.
Jill Ray
Spouse of Lt. Cmdr. Jason Ray, Commander, Operational Test and Evaluation Force, NSA Norfolk
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PAGE 20 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
Jill Ray has been informally diagnosed by her family and friends with an incurable form of “volunteeritis.” It sounds like an unfortunate situation, but Jill is happy with the predicament. She finds personal joy and satisfaction in all the projects in which she involves herself. “It’s not about me,” she insisted. “I’m all about taking care of service members.” After serving for years as an ombudsman for various commands, Jill Ray moved on to training ombudsmen and now serves as the Hampton Roads Ombudsman Assembly Chair where she presides over and coordinates events for ombudsmen across the region. It’s a position she cherishes, with the opportunity to support and encourage ombudsmen in their particular roles. “I work with the commands,” she explained. “When I train, I tell them ‘they are standing watch over the families.’ We are the link between the command and the families.” Jill cherishes the opportunity to carry additional weight on her shoulders
during difficult times, when service members and their families are facing particularly harrowing obstacles. She has learned to carry the weight knowing how much they need her to take it on during those times. “There’s an instinct that kicks in,” she said. “It’s not about me. The best thing that I can do for the service member is care for the family.” Some moments are particularly unforgettable for everyone involved, when news is still coming in and outcomes are yet unknown. That’s when Jill’s instincts are particularly critical. “It was knowing what to do,” she explained. “It’s getting them through. It’s following orders and supporting. When you see that little bit of weight lifted from their shoulders, it’s worth it.” Jill didn’t always know that this would be her life’s goal and her fulltime job. When she married her husband, he had not yet joined the military and she admits she “was the last one to become a military spouse.” “In what world is this normal?” Jill
The best thing that I can do for the service member is care for the family.
-Jill Ray, about helping families of service members
admitted, referring to the 22 moves she’s made in 13 years and the countless deployments, detachments and separations she has endured. “It’s a new world, a new environment. You’ve got to find the best of it!“ she tells young spouses, encouraging them to find their own path and passion. “There’s plenty to do – I’m living proof!” she said. For Jill, it’s a matter of “family readiness equals mission readiness.” She knows that when military service members are prepared and confident that things are home are well, they can better serve in their roles. “This is an amazing life,” she reiterated. “Opportunities and support are there – just walk out your door and don’t be afraid. Go with the flow. Learn the ropes.“ Jill certainly has, deftly moving from a new wife who lost her Navy Lodge reservations at their first duty station to an ombudsman trainer with folders full of resources. “I love what I do,” she said, always looking for ways to help others love what they do, too.
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TODAY! Visit us online: www.navyleaguehamptonroads.org PAGE 21 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
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S
POUSE STATS YEARS AS MILITARY SPOUSE: 16 NUMBER OF DEPLOYMENTS: 5 NUMBER OF PCS MOVES: 5 AREA OF FOCUS FOR 2013: Creating a strong therapy dog presence at Joint Base Langley-Eustis for children of deployed Airman and Soldiers, returning members, Warriors in Transition. Also reading programs to boost the confidence of our military children facing fears of reading out loud.
Beth Treon
Spouse of Senior Master Sgt Sgt. Thuan Treon Treon, Air Force E Element VEMSO, Joint Base Langley-Eustis For Beth Treon, battle buddies, the ones you can rely on during the most difficult times in military life, come in all shapes and sizes – and even have four feet and fur. Her dogs are her companions through deployments, moves and all the stress of her life. When her family returned from a stint in Japan, they were eager to add another dog to their family. “I had always wanted a lab, but in Japan the quarters are just too small,” she explained. When they retuned to the United States, they adopted a bouncing, bumbling lab whom they named Kuma, which means “bear” in Japanese. He was a welcome, if not overwhelming, blessing for the family. “At the time he was 18 months old and he was 60 pounds,” she explained. “We were in the middle of a PCS, trying to learn how to be Americans in America again. It was quite an interesting journey.” In the midst of the journey, while a patient at Walter Reed, Beth noticed a therapy dog in-
teracting with the other patients. The spirits, the very air around them changed when he came in. Beth knew instantly – “That’s why Kuma is in my life.” Beth worked with Kuma to settle his bouncy nature and teach him how to behave in certain situations, training him to be a certified therapy dog. Now he accompanies Beth on visits to the VA hospital and with the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP). “He came in and just took their minds off whatever they are fighting,” she said. Beth relishes the open doors Kuma creates, as she has the ability to learn more about patient struggles and issues. “He does an amazing job. He just seems to know how to behave around little ones.” The EFMP is close to Beth’s heart as she herself is a member of that program, having lost her arm as a child in an accident. She is always looking for opportunities to get involved in the program and
As much as they need a battle buddy, they need someone to love as well.
-Beth Treon, about adopting a pet as a companion during deployments
PAGE 22 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
coordinate events. “I know what they are going through,” she explained. In addition, Beth works with Army Community Service to create unparalleled unique experiences and events for military families. She brings in speakers like Sara Jane Arnett and Jacey Eckhart to speak to the spouses and families. Other programs have covered nutrition, card making and parenting issues. Beth believes there is a nearly endless pool of resources and spouses need only reach out to find them. “Become an independent dependent,” she tells new spouses. “Connect, connect, connect until you get what you need.” And find a battle buddy, especially the furry kind. Beth encourages new spouses to be diligent in finding the perfect one. “Visit your local shelter. Take your time. And give it some time to train,” she said. “As much as they need a battle buddy, they need someone to love as well.”
PAGE 23 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
Advice to military spouses IN THEIR OWN WORDS BETH TREON I learned in “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” to, “Begin With the End in Mind.” Think of what you would like to accomplish as a family, financially, spiritually, in your education or career, and visit your family center to take advantage of the programs designed to help you. You may not be certain when you will move or when your spouse will deploy, but one thing you can be certain of is that you will separate or retire one day. MISTY MENKEN My advise for other spouses: Get involved in the community! Make friends inside and outside the military community and don’t let the fact that you may have to relocate every few years
stop you from accomplishing the things you want. Always follow your dreams. AMBER MCKINNEY Military spouses should support, encourage and empower other military spouses. Don’t forget where you came from. You will find strength, comfort and growth in helping fellow military spouses. Surround yourself with positive people. Focus on the positives of being a military spouse vice the negatives. Celebrate each day you have with your spouse. As the military member grows, so should their spouse. Resources such as Fleet and Family Support Centers (FFSC) and Military OneSource make it so much easier than years past for military
spouses to grow professionally and socially. I would encourage spouses to utilize these resources, build networks and get involved. “Why go through it alone when you can go through it with friends.” Being a military spouse is an honor – embrace this honor! APRIL KUMLEY When you feel stressed, put those things down and walk away, and give yourself time to relax. Those things will still be there when you are relaxed. On your busy days, write them down so they don’t overlap with family time. APRIL GOLDEN There are a few simple things to keep in mind as a military
spouse that I live by every day, and they have helped my family and me throughout our military life. Stay positive. This lesson I learned from my great grandmother, a simple country woman from the Arkansas Delta who shared advice and maintained an overarching positive mental attitude that I carry with me today. Turning lemons into lemonade was simply something she absolutely lived by, believed in and excelled at. Finding the good in all things sounds cliché, but I can’t imagine adopting a different strategy to cope with the military lifestyle. Actively seek resources. The difference between a new military spouse and an experienced one is in learning when, where,
Photo Courtesy Department of Defense
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why and how to find the resources that can really make a difference. The Airman and Family Readiness Center’s purpose is to help service members and their families, and provide a wealth of knowledge that can point you in the right direction. Military chaplains are invaluable resources and the military friends become as close (or closer) than your actual family. Take advantage of the time you have. Time is a finite resource and you must plan to maximize the time available to you. Set aside time for planning your day and thinking of ways to improve the quality of the time you spend, and make a point of sharing a part of your time each day to helping others. Remember that you serve too. You may not wear the uniform, but your spouse and family lead an unconventional lifestyle that is often subject to forces beyond your control. Be proud of the sacrifice and mindful of the privilege that you and your spouse share in order to support and defend the nation. CHRISTINA LARA Having an adventurous spirit will make any new PCS fun and exciting as you discover new places and new friends. Having a great support system always makes any challenge you face easier. Stay busy doing things you love, for it is that love that makes you a strong person. JILL RAY Realize the life you live is amazing! You have the honor of living a life that less than two percent of Americans ever experience. Yes, it’s hard sometimes. Yes, it’s challenging. No, you are not alone. Give yourself the credit you deserve. You are stronger and more resilient than you think. Lead by example to teach your children the real meaning
of pride and patriotism. Take advantage of what the military lifestyle has to offer. Learn from others who have been in your shoes. Help those who are just learning to walk in the same shoes. Tell your spouse every day how proud you are of what they do and the sacrifices they make. Most important, always be proud, because you are married to a true American hero and the story of your life together is, and will continue to be, absolutely amazing! MARIBEL BECKWITH Always remember, you are never truly alone. Get to know your fellow military spouses, for they truly understand your plight. They will always welcome you, through the day and through the night. Do not ever lash out at your spouse for their absence and their service to the flag. Thank them, embrace them and stand by their side, and if you truly did not know what you signed up for, remember they too feel the separation pain and long to be by your side again. Find a project, a purpose, to get involved with and keep you occupied, informed, to give you a feeling of the contributor as well. Remember the idle mind belongs to he who dwells in Hell. Do not email your deployed spouse with all that is going wrong at home. They are away, they cannot help you, they are on a mission and they will just get worried and frustrated. Again, reach out to that network I urged you to establish. If temptation should surface, remember who you are and shoo it away. It is not worth it to live with the guilt of that day! Find your support groups, your FRG, your local spouses club, your local church, your mommy’s club. If you absorb yourself, time will quickly lapse, and before you realize it, your
loved one will be home at last. Remember, the military romantic movie is just that – do not get disappointed or angry or hurt when you greet them at homecoming and they do not seem to come running. No one gave them a script, yet know they are glad be with you and to have come to the end of this trip! Now they are home at last, but they seem to be stuck in the past. Give them time. They too have a lot to deal with and they are trying to adjust. Romance them, respect them, caress them, but above all, support them. ROSALYN MENDEZ First and foremost, I would like to reiterate the fact that the military spouse is by far one of the most challenging jobs in America today. Being a parent is difficult enough, but adding the military lifestyle only expounds the daily challenges and obstacles.
For our less fortunate spouses who have lost their significant others during training or battle, it becomes even more paramount to network and maintain fellowship with our military families. The fact is, we mend tighter bonds and brother/sisterhoods in our military support groups than even with our own biological families. The best advice I can give is to communicate, support and follow up with each other – especially during deployments. If we can generate a solid support group within our commands, we can maintain morale, cohesiveness and esprit de corps with “all” of our service members and families. CHRISTINA GORDON Life as a military spouse is a special journey that we must all embrace. Encourage, support and have compassion for one another because we are all in this together.
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Oh, The Places You’ll Go By Tiffany Silverberg Contributing Writer
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PAGE 26 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
Oh, the many adventures of the military spouse. I remember, rather vividly, standing by the side of the pool. I was a lifeguard in college when a certain Navy guy came into my life. By the side of the pool, I had a lot of time to contemplate. I saw a path before me, I knew it well, I was a military brat. I had to decide if I wanted to take that path, more like if I could handle that path. But oh the places I’ve been since those days. Oh, the places you’ve all shared. Overseas in towns and countries we never could have imagined. Crisscrossing this country more times than we can count. Stopping at the big landmarks and the roadside drive-ins. We’ve seen so much of this country we love and this world we’ve only begun to understand. And oh the memories. For me, there was the time the moving van didn’t leave until well after midnight with my mattress bungee-corded to the back. It wasn’t
Oh the places you’ll go, we tell new spouses.
-Tiffany Silverberg, about the experiences, places and friendships military spouses discover
supposed to be like that, but what can you do after midnight. For you, maybe it was the time you lost your reservations, lost your household goods, lost your kids. The memories in the moment seem disastrous, but as time pulls away, they become dear. They become the memories of sweet reliance upon our family, friends, our military families. Oh the travels. The times we take advantage of his orders here or there. We say we refuse to go along. We say we couldn’t manage with the kids in tow. We say it would be easier at home with our parents. But then we do it anyway. When else would we get the chance to visit this country or that. When else is half our vacation paid for when we tag along. If we can keep the kids busy at grandma’s house, we can keep them busy in a hotel room. Why not, right? Oh the houses we’ve made homes. Some we vowed would
never work, and then they somehow do. Some feel too small, some look too big, some should be downright condemned. And yet, they become our homes so brimming with memories we would hardly trade it for an alternative. Who would have thought we could be happy there and yet we are, surrounded by our family we hold so dear and our friends that become closer than family. Oh the friendships. The ties that bind us together are stronger than anyone could imagine. We’ve seen the dark days together and we’ve muddled through. We’ve dried each other’s tears, cleaned each other’s homes, watched each other’s kids at all hours. And we don’t complain or exploit, because they have done the same for us. Oh the places you’ll go, we tell new spouses. Embrace them, each of them. They are dear and precious. A day will come when you wouldn’t trade a single one of them. For they are yours to cherish.
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2013 Nominees H E R O E S AT H O M E AWA R D S
Kristen Shortridge | Navy
Join us in honoring our unsung heroes for their sacrifices, their strengths and their commitment to our community. The Heroes at Home Military Spouse of the Year was chosen from the nominees below, whose nominations were provided by active duty personnel from all branches of the military, spouse support groups, charitable organizations, friends and family.
Lakesha Brown-Renfro | Navy LaQueta Hatton | Navy Laura Kelly | Air Force Laura Sue Brod | Navy Linda Hughes | Army Lupe Gerhardstein | Navy Mahrae Meek | Coast Guard
Alise Baldwin | Army
Danielle Dasher | Navy
Mandy Piowaty | Navy
Alyssa Groat | Navy
Danielle Streeter | Navy
Maribel Beckwith | Navy
Amanda Loefer | Navy
Dawna Stowers | Navy
Martha Goyet | Navy
Amber McKinney | Navy
Dina Varnes | Air Force
Mary Copeland | Coast Guard
Andrea Szekely | Navy
Erica Heesch | Navy
Melanie C. Kaylor | Navy
Angela Harcq |
Felicity Johnson | Army
Melissa Clark | Navy
Angelicque Hoffman | Navy
Heather Galloway | Navy
Melissa Visage | Marine Corps
April Golden | Air Force
Heather Ness | Navy
Meredith Allen Bennett | Navy
April Greer Smallwood | Navy
Heather Ulrich | Navy
Misty Menken | Air Force
April Kumley | Navy
Hoce Kalkas | Navy
Molly Irene Pargas | Navy
Ashley Brook Hall | Navy
Jill Ray | Navy
Christina Lara | Navy
Ashely La Rue | Navy
Jowan Miller | Navy
Yuchen Fan Hubbard | Navy
Becky Hilliker | Navy
Jennifer Laffey | Navy
Nicole Carlson | Navy
Beth Rebholz | Navy
Jessica Weers | Navy
Rosalyn D. Mendez | Navy
Beth Treon | Air Force
Justine Gibson | Air Force
Sarah Elizabeth Sattelberg | Army
Caroline Kenny | Air Force
Kandace Nicolette Isham | Navy
Sarah Whitmore | Navy
Christina Lara | Navy
Kathleen Knott | Navy
Scott Slay | Navy
Christina Melinda Gordon | Marine Corps
Kelly Diamond | Navy
Sean O’Driscoll | Navy
Christina Rowley | Navy
Kendra Thompson | Navy
Stacey Cummings | Navy
Christine Douglas | Navy
Kerry Lyn Miller | Navy
Tammy Middlecamp | Navy
Christy Randall | Navy
Kris Ledbetter | Navy
Tatiana Penigar | Navy
Cimone John | Navy
Kristal Olsen | Navy
Taylor Bowne | Navy
Cora Wortmann Nelson | Navy
Kris Ledbetter | Navy
Tenille Radzyminski | Navy
Kristen Poland Jackson | Navy
Tracy Dixon | Navy
Marine Corps
Cynthia Veronica Anguiano | Navy
PAGE 28 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
Just do it
By Tiffany Silverberg | Contributing Writer
Want to freelance as a writer, editor, designer, coder, or the like? Grab a domain and launch a website with your offerings. Email anyone and everyone. I F J O B S A R E N ’ T AVA I L A B L E , M A K E T H E J O B Y O U R S E L F
W
hat if you could do anything at all, at least as far as your career? What if you could move hundreds, thousands of miles from your current job and start fresh? What if your health care were covered and your housing situation taken care of? What if you had free schedule, unleashed from your former job, to launch a business or to start consulting or to freelance? What if? It’s a reality many military spouses find themselves in, although it’s not always immediately obvious. Sometimes the desire for a traditional career or a longing for the safety and income stream of the last job clouds our view of the opportunity that has just been placed before us. When we
get to a new town where jobs aren’t everywhere, it’s easy to see the forest of closed doors rather that the trees of options. But one truth should stand out like a giant sequoia. If you aren’t working, if jobs just aren’t available, if the hours are languishing under a blanket of coffee and talk shows, then why not grab this unique time and try to build a business. What if I fail, we ask ourselves honestly. The truth is many small business ventures do. Our chances of failure are great. That is kind of the point. Small business ownership, especially in the early days, is inherently precarious. Will anyone buy what you are selling? Can you sustain your success? Can you make a prof-
it? It’s a game of chance. Some play their cards just right, some roll just the right dice, and some have to fold up and start over. That’s what keeps most potential small business owners away. The current job is too comfortable. The current income is just too alluring. But, as military spouses, we are in a unique position. We have all that comfort taken away. We have to start fresh anyway. Why not start fresh with a gamble of a small business? And the crazy thing is, despite the inherent uncertainty of small business, you have all the control. No one can fire you. There’s no furloughing or sequestering or laying off. You can pivot and maneuver until you find the path to your own
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definition of success. With the aid of modern technology, the entry points to small business ownership are low. Open an Etsy shop or other online storefront for a few bucks with just a few items. There are dozens, even hundreds, of bloggers who have shared their own secrets to success for free. Learn from them and see what happens. Want to freelance as a writer, editor, designer, coder, or the like? Grab a domain and launch a website with your offerings. Email anyone and everyone. Someone will give you a shot. Go above and beyond for them and get raving testimonial. Put it on your site and start again. There is only one way to find out if you can make it. Just do it!
Homecoming Hullabaloo MAKING HOMECOMINGS A LITTLE LESS STRESSFUL
Photos Ph t courtesy t off DDepartment t t off DDefense f
H
omecomings are hectic. On one hand, they are among the best days ever. I have often called them the holiday that only we get to celebrate. But to be sure, just like every holiday, they come with their own kinds of stresses. And sometimes stresses that can take all the fun out of it. I have a friend, with a 2-year-old, whose husband recently came home from deployment. I was thrilled for her. Her first homecoming since the baby joined their little family. I also worried for her. Would she be able to enjoy the day to its fullest? Knowing how busy her day would be, and knowing how precious homecoming memories are for the whole family, I was determined to help her ease the chaos. As I pondered the various options, I thought back on all the homecomings I’ve experienced – as a Coastie brat and Navy wife. And the moments that mean the most. Much of the stress of homecomings stem from the anticipation. The longer the deployment, the longer you have to hope, plan and dream of that magical moment. It’s like the lead up to Christmas morning. The longer you stare at the present under the tree, the more visions of grandeur you imagine it to contain. That’s homecoming. We are ready for our gift. We have waited long enough. And we have photographs of just how perfect that moment will be. Memories started flooding back. As an adult, looking back on the homecomings of my childhood, I remember those beautiful
By Tiffany Silverberg Contributing Writer reunited pictures flanked with tantrums, tears and utter exhaustion. Homecomings rarely occur during the happy, energetic hours of the day, those smiley, dreamy hours when everyone is content simultaneously. They are early or late in the day, and if they are in the middle, they straddle naptimes, snack times and playtimes. They are rarely in child-safe zones – on flight lines, in hangars, at airports, on pier sides. Not generally safe places for overtired kids to loiter about. Inevitably, meltdowns happen and that magical day degenerates into a nightmare. After a few homecomings under my belt, and a whole lot more observed, here’s what I recommend to ease the insanity of the day and maintain the beauty of the day you’ve dreamed of. Bring treats. My mom was an expert at this. You don’t have to spend a lot – it’s all in the presentation. Wrap crackers or other mess-less snacks in brown paper bags and label them for the big day. You can pick up sticker books, coloring books, small story books and little toys at the dollar store. In special patriotic wrapping, they make perfect distractions while you wait long hours for the even better gift to arrive. Hire a babysitter or mother’s helper
that morning while you get ready. You can shower and prep in peace, while your kids can run off some extra energy. Make sure whomever you hire knows whether or not you have told your kids about the homecoming. Nothing can shatter your peace like otherwise contented kids losing their mind over the anticipated event, still hours off. While you are at it, you may want to hire your sitter to come with you to the event, if you need extra pair of hands. Bring someone to take pictures. Too often spouses feel bad dragging someone along – waiting for hours with them. But many would be honored to be asked! And photographers love those lofty pictures in their portfolio. Don’t regret not having those moments captured. Make dinner ahead of time. If your family is like mine, no one will stop talking and catching up until bedtime – and no one wants to pull away from the stories and laughter to sweat in the kitchen. And if your luck is like mine, your perfectly planned meal won’t turn out and you’ll have to resort to a frozen dinner. Above all, take off all the pressure of the day. Just like your wedding day, things are bound to go awry. And unlike your wedding day, everyone is there for themselves and their memories. On your homecoming day, focus on your own family. Your needs, your kids’ needs, your spouse’s needs. And remember, at the end of the day, everyone is safe and together again – and that’s what matters in the hullabaloo of it all.
PAGE 30 | HEROES AT HOME - 9th ANNIVERSARY | MAY 2013
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