Santa Accused of Union Busting at North Pole

Braeden Nett WebsiteManager

Recent testimony from a whistle-blower in Santa’s workshop has alleged that Santa has instigated various union-busting efforts and engaged in organized murder. These allegations come after Santa has received recent criticism for various tweets regarding elves and unions that many have labeled as offensive and in poor taste.

In turn, many elves working at the North Pole have called for Santa to resign over his comments. However, Santa retaliated by making the dissenters disappear, with some allegations claiming that he fed the elves to reindeer.

“When some of us expressed our grievances against Santa’s comments, [Santa] forced us into the workshop’s basement and fed the dissenters alive to the reindeer, while he forced us to watch as a message to the rest of us,” the anonymous whistleblower said. “He then told us that he could replace us at any moment with machines and that we should be thankful to be allowed to work for him.”

Along with telling the MIHS Islander about their experiences working for Santa, the whistle-blower also shared an email supposedly written by Santa that confronted the elves’ attempts to unionize:

“I know some of you have expressed the desire to unionize following the incident where Francis was killed by exploding machinery that I probably shouldn’t have leased from Alibaba. But it is ultimately not a decision that’s best for our operation and the downpayment on my Tesla Cybertruck.

Going forward, any attempts to unionize will be met with beatings that will last until morale improves. If the beatings fail to prevent talk of establishing unions at the North Pole, then those discovered to be conspiring to form unions will be sent to the coal mines and be forced to work alongside the gremlins. Additionally, anyone associated with discovered union organizers will be fed to the reindeer.

But because I’m such a great guy, I’m allowing a 24-hour grace period for those who knew union organizers to report on their identities to prevent becoming food for the reindeer. Additionally, I will be giving any union organizers the opportunity to turn themselves in to get deported to Albania instead of becoming indentured coal miners. The choice is yours. Peace losers, Santa out.”

When pressed for comment by the MIHS Islander, Santa declined to speak on the validity of the allegations against him and of the veracity of the email that the MIHS Islander has published here.