-Na ManakukeAPRIL 2023
DA NEWSPAPER FOR MID-PAC
Major Conflicts Splitting Mid-Pacific Campus Due to New Mid-Pacific Mascot: the Mongoose By Aegot Eloy Stuff Writer
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he mongoose has been chosen as the new Mid-Pacific mascot, causing a new brewing conflict internally within the school. Sources told Na Pueo that this act of rebranding follows a top administrative killing a mongoose with a golf ball, in the same way that an owl was previously killed in Mid-Pacific history. The dead mongoose is in the process of being stuffed, in the same way as the owl. The owl is currently being removed from its current location and is being relocated to the archives to collect dust. Mid-Pacific is using this as an opportunity to rebrand using the invasive species, including NaPueo, which is currently being rebranded as
Na Manakuke. New merch, including hats, jackets, hoodies, shirts and scarfs are planning on being released, sources tell Na Manakuke. Scarves will especially warm, heavy, and mandatory, especially as the warmer season approaches. Mid-Pacific Athletics and Elementary School will plan on keeping special logos with the new animal mascot, despite the new change. Additionally, a new mascot costume is currently in production, according to sources. Rumor has it that someone in the math department is planning on taking over the role; however, sources have not been able to confirm this information. The cheer team is also in the process of rewriting the cheers to fit the mongoose.
This decision, however, has been met with significant backlash, due to the confusing pluralization of the word “mongoose”. People think the plural “mongooses” flows better, while “mongeese” matches the existing number of syllables in “owls”. The conflict between these two beliefs in pluralization have sources concerned about Mid-Pacific splitting back into Kawaihao and Mills Schools. Even if Mid-Pacific does not split, the conflict has already culturally divided the campus. Which of your friends secretly believe in the other pluralization? Which of your teachers are part of the other camp? Despite the conflict, a local grammar expert said that both camps are incorrect, and the
Mongoose killed with golf ball. Photo by a witness.
correct pluralization is “mongeeses”. The referred to expert is currently on the run for tax fraud. Also, Mid-Pacific is planning on breeding more mongooses to roam around campus, intent on biting students’ ankles to make sure they get to
class on time. No one in the community is expressing their concerns about the additional mongeese population, as Na Manakuke reporters including myself just didn’t feel like asking anybody about this issue.
10 for 10 is MANDATORY: time for student to fork over the $
Hacrizedi Gaulll’eeo Stuff Writer
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dministration announced that 10 for 10 would be mandated following the lack of student participation. “I mean, the struggle is real
guys,” said the 10 for 10 advisor. “We thought our 2023 class had more Pueo pride.” 10% of the Class of 2023 decided to donate, but 9% of that money was from one student. Class advisors decided this
wasn’t enough. “We’re so proud of this star pueo for going above and beyond the recommended 10 dollars, but we just need more,” said an anonymous source. Na Manakuke decided to interview
the stellar student who donated. “I didn’t realize there was a limit,” a prominent senior said. “I only donated $100 because I wanted to get it over with. I won’t remember every year.” In order to honor the students generous donation, the class advisors have decided to place a mural of him in Scudder. “He’s a true pueo,” said the advisor. “It’s
what he deserves.” Na Manakukue asked the senior how he felt about the mural. “Uh, it’s cool I guess? I don’t really like the photo they selected,” the senior said. The only other student who donated was part of the 10 for 10 planning committee. “I don’t know, I kind of had to,” said the planning senior.