Excerpts from
The Cure FOR GROUPS
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Component 1: The Destination DETERMINE THE GOALS OF YOUR GROUP “If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.” -LUCIUS ANNAEUS SENECA
Before you get on a ship—unless you’re trying to skip town with a bunch of gold—you need to know where it’s going and whether you’re willing to commit to the journey. Voyages are long. You don’t want to embark on that kind of journey without knowing what the destination is. As Yogi Berra put it, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up someplace else.” Just like sailing a successful voyage, this question of destination is foundational for any group that wants to grow together. Where do you want to go? Why are you going on this journey? Does everyone agree on the same destination, or are you all trying to get somewhere different? Deciding ahead of time on your destination will save a lot of unnecessary conflict and unmet expectations.
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Why This Matters in Groups Determining your destination as a group is vital to building a life-changing experience. When you embed this Core Component, you align your group expectations from the beginning, you protect everyone’s time and emotional investment, and you lay the foundation for a group that loves being together and is committed to each other.
Clarifying your destination helps align people's expectations. Your job as the captain of this
metaphorical ship is to steer the conversation and synthesize collective expectations. Do you know why everyone is in the group and what they hope to achieve by being involved? What are your expectations of the group? Is your goal to make friends? To learn more about the Bible? To experience an authentic community? To mature as men or women? To improve your marriage? To fix your spouse? (Hmm, you might want to reconsider that one). To mature in your faith? To experience more of God’s love? Many of us aren't even aware of our expectations until they go unmet. Unmet expectations are one of the most common sources of wounds in relationships, so don’t unnecessarily wound your group members. Most groups don’t take time to clarify those expectations, and then they wonder why people get frustrated. An hour of buy-in on the front end saves hours of realignment on the back end. When you ask your
group to get involved, you’re inviting them to buy in from the beginning. You can be certain they’re asking themselves if this time investment is really worth it. Think about your last ho-hum group. Didn’t you have your own set of hopes and expectations? So, if everyone has their own idea of what the group experience should look like and what they’re hoping to accomplish, why not get that out on the table from the get go? You’re going to have to deal with mismatches at some point. If you don’t do this up front, you’re setting yourself up for frustration at best and failure at worst. Don’t be afraid to set a higher level of commitment and expectation for the group than seems comfortable. The idea that setting a high bar scares people away is a myth. Playing it safe and leading with a
low bar of expectation usually results in mediocrity. Most folks would rather do something better with their time than meander through a mediocre group. If you paint a compelling picture of the destination, the group will usually rise to the occasion, and it will pay big dividends over the course of your time together. Many leaders avoid these conversations in the interest of playing it safe. As a result, they sacrifice transformation for momentary comfort. It is okay if everyone in the group doesn’t seem as committed initially or doesn’t agree on everything. The discussion itself builds trust with your group members, breaks the ice for those that don’t really want to be there, and gets the important expectations out in the open. The alternative—not knowing where you are going—will definitely not be helpful in the long run.
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Practical Group Application So, what’s the nitty-gritty of putting this Core Component into practice? In one of your early times together—we suggest the first or second meeting—take the time to unpack your group expectations and determine your destination. Remember, knowing where you’re going helps you get there. Most expectations for groups fall into
MOST EXPECTATIONS
the categories of Relationships and Spiritual Growth. For each
FOR GROUPS FALL INTO
of these two categories, first invite everyone to share their thoughts and ideas. For example, you could ask “What do we
THE CATEGORIES OF
want our relationships to look like in a year?” You can write
RELATIONSHIPS AND
them up on a flipchart, use sticky notes, write it down in an app
SPIRITUAL GROWTH.
on your phone, or whatever method fits your group. The technique is just a means to an end. RELATIONAL EXPECTATIONS
Some group members may be looking for one other person who fully knows them. Some group members may want to improve their marriage. Some may simply want social friends while others might be looking to build a life-long community—the type of friends where their kids call their friend “Uncle Corey,” or where they don’t have to knock when they visit each other’s homes. Understanding everyone’s expectations and hopes for relationships in the group is vital to the overall success. SPIRITUAL GROWTH EXPECTATIONS
People join groups at all stages of their spiritual journey and for all kinds of reasons. Some people might not be a Christian at all and have little or no desire to grow spiritually. Others might see this as the primary source of their spiritual maturity or hope for deeper discipleship. That’s okay. The richness that comes from various perspectives and faith walks has been a surprising blessing to many groups. GROUP GOALS
Every small group has its own fingerprint. Don’t worry if people have seemingly disparate ideas and preferences. Most groups will find a consensus on preferences without much drama. If people are being vague, ask clarifying questions and use more definitive words that you think may represent what they mean.
The key here is deciding that you will get everyone’s input at the beginning. Once everyone who’s willing to participate has shared, start to combine ideas and thoughts until you can articulate where your group wants to go for each category. We suggest doing this in one to two sentences per category. Remember, less is more. These group goals will serve as a north star for the group along the way, reminding you where you’re headed. Leading your group through a discussion around preferences, expectations, and goals will help get everyone on the same page from the beginning and give them an immediate internal answer to the question “Why am I going to group this week?”
This is an excerpt from The Cure for Groups by Robby Angle.
Do you want more out of your small group? If so, take your next step with the following resources: •
The Cure for Groups is the must-have guide for any new small group leader or existing leader who wants to take their group to the next level.
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Embark is a six-part study to launch or re-ignite your small group based on The Cure for Groups. Through videos, discussion questions, and group applications, your group will build a foundation for an amazing group experience. Discover the kind of life-changing group you can’t wait to go to.
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