recipes for
aliens
by alice morris
tomatoe soup perfect for those cold neptunian nights around the fire‌or whatever heat you can find. Maybe move somewhere else.
INGREDIENTS
EQUIPMENT
10 big toes
space whizzer
4 eyes, diced
intergalactic wok
500ml blood
dish (death ray proof)
1 tbsp fat 1 tbsp eyelashes a handful of matted hair
METHOD 1.
preheat your oven to 300 laser beams.
2.
chuck 5 of your toes, your diced eye and blood into the space whizzer and blitz until it forms a chunky texture.
3.
pour the mixture into a death ray proof dish, cover and place in the oven for about 3 earth hours.
4.
15 earth minutes before the soup is done,, fry the fat and the rest of your toes in the intergalatic wok until brown and crispy.
5.
once the soup is finished, pour into bowls, plop the fried toes in, garnish with the eyelashes and serve with the matted hair.
INGREDIENTS
EQUIPMENT
12 pack eyeballs
intergalactic wok
500ml blood 350g hair (thick if available) 2 tbsp earwax 2 tbsp fat 1 tbsp eyelashes, chopped finely 1 tbsp eye sleep, grated
METHOD 1.
fry fat and eyeballs in intergalactic wok at 300 laser beams until browned.
2.
add the earwax to the pan and fry for 2 earth minutes.
3.
lower the heat to 100 lasers, pour in the blood and eyelashes and let it simmer for 45 earth minutes, stirring intermittently.
4.
higher the heat to 250 lasers and add the hair for 15 earth minutes.
5.
serve in a bowl with eye sleep to sprinkle on top.
spaghetti & eyeballs “mama mia it’s a spicy eyeball!”
dauphinose potatoes yummy as a side or as part of a buffet.
INGREDIENTS
EQUIPMENT
20 cooked noses
dish (death ray proof)
4 eyes, sliced thinly
intergalactic wok
150g of human milk, grated 2 tbsp earwax 1 tbsp eyelashes
METHOD 1.
in the death ray proof dish, layer your noses and eyes in an orderly fashion.
2.
mix the cheese and earwax together and spread over your dish.
3.
heat at 300 laser beams for 30 earth minutes.
4.
garnish with eyelashes and serve from dish.
INGREDIENTS
EQUIPMENT
20 index fingers
sonic screwdriver, laser
8oz of human cheese,
cut setting
swiss style
dish (death ray proof)
METHOD 1.
with your screwdriver, chop the stalk off the index fingers and remove the bone.
2.
place in death ray proof dish and place in the oven for 15 earth minutes.
3.
whilst the fingers are cooking, start cubing your human cheese with the screwdriver - there needs to be at least 20 cubes.
4.
once the fingers are done, remove from the oven and stick on skewers along with the cheese.
fingers on sticks great for your intergalatic parties.
ear scratchers moreish - martians love ‘em.
INGREDIENTS
EQUIPMENT
10 pack of fresh ears
dish (death ray proof)
1 tbsp sweat crystals 1 tbsp eyelashes
METHOD 1.
rub sweat crystals and eyelashes into the ears.
2.
let the seasoning settle into the ears overnight in a cool, dry place.
3.
once thoroughly seasoned, place the ears into a death ray safe dish and cook at 300 lasers for 30-45 earth minutes, depending on how crispy you like them.
“ you saved our lives we are eternally grateful ” LITTLE GREEN MEN
“ perfect for the modern day vulcan” SPOCK