Surprisingly Similar: A Story of Friendship

story: Isabella O’Brien-Scheffer

photography: Laura Dudones

My roommate, Paige Hartenburg, and I text the boys to come up. In preparation for their arrival, we fix our beds to look somewhat more presentable and we hide the dirty dishes we haven’t yet washed. Paige gets into nicer clothes, even though she had already gotten comfortable in pajamas, while I get into my pajamas, as it’s getting later in the evening.

Chris Larson arrives with a knock on the door first. He sits in the cushiony pink chair Paige brought to college, which sits by my desk and faces the TV. Recently, he’s been bringing some sort of Rubix cube to fiddle around with. Then CaShon (Cash) Perry knocks, and we let him in. He sits on the blue ottoman beside my bed, and he and Paige start talking, which always results in him teasing her and Paige trying her hardest to turn the tide, often not succeeding.

We get Hulu up on the TV and put on the popular anime show My Hero Academia, and for a little over an hour, we enjoy the show, talking during advertisements or quietly as the show plays. The show is subtitled, so Chris can read it. He is the only one new to this show. The rest of us got him into it, so we can all have fun and enjoy it together.

Perhaps part of the reason we all love Kohei Horikoshi’s My Hero Academia is because we can relate to the characters so much. Paige relates to the character Shoto Todoroki with his awkward social interactions and aloofness, while Chris relates to this character as well, “because of his inner struggles and ability to grow from them and become stronger, even if he struggles to move past them.”

Cash relates most to a character known as Deku.

“I have insecurity issues and believe I truly have no skills and (am) behind everyone else in life, but thanks to some mentors, I’m doing what I can to be the best I can be,” Cash says.

I also relate to Deku, because of the bullying he faced growing up and his ambition to achieve his dream of being a hero like his idol, the Symbol of Peace, All Might. I don’t want to have superpowers or anything, but it is my goal to be an author who can put smiles on readers’ faces.

There is something important, however, lacking from this basic portrait. In order to understand characters, it helps to know where they come from.

Let’s start in high school.

For Chris, high school was not a great time.

“I weighed about 80 pounds, at most,” Chris says. Incredibly skinny, he had short dirty blond hair and thin-rimmed glasses. Socially awkward and insecure, he struggled to talk to people and on top of that, his Tourette’s worsened with adolescence.

Laura Dudones

According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, Tourette’s is a neurological disorder that causes repetitive, involuntary movements and vocalizations that are called tics.

“I think of it as blinking,” Chris says. “You can hold your eyes open for a long time, but you have to blink eventually. It’s very closely related to OCD. It’s like you have to do it.”

He couldn’t afford medication for Tourette’s which could have reduced his symptoms even though it wouldn’t be able to cure him. Instead, he took Adderall for many years for his ADHD.

“Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting roughly one-third of all teens, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.”

Paige stopped wearing clothes that fit her after her junior year, though she had no reason. She has brown hair and brown eyes, and genetic dark circles which aren’t helped by her iron deficiency. Her classes in high school were mostly advanced, and violin rehearsals and concerts took up a great deal of her time. Not until her senior year did she hang out with friends outside of school.

Paige’s struggles were largely a result of mental health issues. She battled depression, and as she didn’t always have the best friends, she had few people she could go to for help. Paige’s high school placed a great deal of pressure on students to get straight A’s. Taking advanced and honors classes, Paige pushed herself to a breaking point.

“If you’re not getting an A, you’re getting an F,” she would say.

Paige would punish herself for academic and also social mishaps. Constant thoughts of ending her life. Constant misery or feelings of nothingness and apathy. An underlying cause of many of the social issues she faces is her autism, which makes it difficult for her to read others’ emotions and, in her case, to empathize with others whom she does not personally know. It also affects her behaviors, such as when and where and if she goes out, due to an increased risk of sensory overload.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), an umbrella term that the American Psychiatric Association uses for four distinct autism diagnoses, can be tricky to diagnose in adults and people in their late teens. In adults, some ASD symptoms can overlap with those of other mental health disorders, such as anxiety or ADHD, meaning many people can be misdiagnosed at first.

However, the National Institute of Mental Health says “getting a correct diagnosis of ASD as an adult can help a person understand past difficulties, identify his or her strengths, and obtain the right kind of help.”

For Cash, high school was a miserable time the first couple years. Going to a Catholic school, he had to wear a uniform: white button-up shirt, tie, belt, dress pants. He struggled with racial tensions at his school and was bullied prior to freshman year. Freshman year, he was also suicidal. He had body issues and was overweight. On top of that, he was bald, had braces and wore thin-rimmed glasses.

“The trifecta of nerd,” Cash says with a laugh.

Luckily, Cash’s situation improved senior year. He refused to play by the dress code, avoiding belts and ties. He slimmed down, which helped his self-image. He also began carrying a knife on him at all times, playing up a “tough guy” image. He even has a dark scar on the soft of his forearm from when he got in a sword fight with a friend. When he raises his arm to show it off, he wears a proud smile.

Personally, I have struggled with anxiety since elementary school. Anxiety is one of the most common mental illnesses, affecting roughly onethird of all teens, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Though I didn’t receive a diagnosis until high school, I still dealt with a number of issues, one being social interactions. It wasn’t until after elementary school that I became fully aware of how I as a human being could be interpreted by my peers, what with my poor fashion choices and clownish behavior.

However, once I stopped caring so much about what others thought of me and found friends who didn’t manipulate me or put me down, I changed as a person.

In middle school, I no longer stress-ate. I lost weight. I also went gluten-free to help with my autoimmune disease, vitiligo. Though things were getting better, my anxiety peaked in high school, and I had to see a few counselors.

Laura Dudones

One was particularly helpful. She encouraged me reach out to friends and not isolate myself. She also encouraged me to cut back on the number of activities I was in and put less focus on getting A’s in school. I used to push myself to the point where I had no free time after school because of clubs and music lessons and had no weekends because of Speech and Debate on Saturdays and Cleveland Orchestra Youth Chorus practices on Sundays. Though I only cut back some music lessons, by senior year my anxiety dropped tremendously.

There are many factors that contribute to mental health problems today. Some speculate that it’s genetics, diet, trauma or external pressures, or some combination of these things. However, to point to any particular source of suffering as the ultimate cause would be to ignore the nature of mental illness—there are many disorders and illnesses, but what individuals experience before, during, and after a particular diagnosis can starkly differ.

Though underlying health issues may remain to varying degrees, these dark times did not stop us from going to college or working towards a better future. There are still goals and ambitions we have.

Not all is lost in the challenges we face.

Though Chris still has Tourette’s, he has gained significant confidence.

“I’m trying not to be cocky,” he says. “Without a bunch of stress, my Tourette’s have basically disappeared.”

Similarly, Paige will have ASD for the rest of her life. Still, she can work to improve how she handles stress and social situations.

“I have more friends than I did in high school and hang out with them more, for sure. Mentally I haven’t changed,” she says, “And I have guy friends, too, which I didn’t really have in school. My anxiety with men is a lot better than when I was younger.”

Cash continues to make optimistic changes in his life.

“I am much more chill, much less emotional, and have a lot more success with the opposite sex. And I’m a lot more confident with my nerdy passions,” Cash says.

And we all get along together. The general consensus is that we all like funny, nerdy people who aren’t easily offended. We like to laugh and can be open around each other, comfortable. And for people who struggled to feel comfortable for much of their youth, this change is welcome.

Not all battles can be overcome. Some are ongoing: a continuous race we’re forced to run. But sometimes, all it takes is a little water, just a drop of motivation, to keep our heads up and our feet moving.