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goy to the world (don’t look, this santa’s jewish) p29

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12.16.09-12.22.09

05

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I have a degree in ethnic studies from Humboldt State University. I believe that the mock article on Buju Banton is nothing more than slander (â&#x20AC;&#x153;One Hate, One Fear,â&#x20AC;? Dec. 2). He is an individual and his music is religious. Why not be critical of those who belong to a Christian church and speak out against homosexuality? I am not homophobic myself, but I respect that not everybody shares my beliefs. I love reggae music. Why not highlight the conscious, Godloving music that Buju writes? There is a lot of good that could have been written about, but the author chose to label it hate. Only one paragraph talks about the religion of Rastafarianism. This article targeted uneducated readers, and I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s racist.

A well-done if sad story about the decline of a music that was long about human rights, spirituality and positivity. For nearly two decades, I was privileged to be a journalist, volunteer and then staff member backstage at Reggae on the River in Humboldt County.

It was a warm, exciting place to be. But when â&#x20AC;&#x153;dancehallâ&#x20AC;? artists began to show up, the entire vibration changed for the worse. Beyond the homophobia your piece explores, there was rampant sexism, hard drug use and general thuggery. Perhaps most ironic was the racist disdain â&#x20AC;&#x153;singersâ&#x20AC;? such as Capleton and Bounty Killer would express towards their own (white) fans; it was clear that, should such fans ever venture into the Jamaican strongholds of dancehall â&#x20AC;&#x153;culture,â&#x20AC;? theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d likely regret it.

Thus, like many longtime lovers of true roots reggae, I lament the downfall of the music in generalâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but, it must be added, the Boonville Sierra Nevada Music Festival does keep the faith

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Rastafarianism arose from Judaism and Christianity, as Buju himself could probably confirm were he not currently locked up in Florida on suspicion of purchasing massive amounts of cocaine from a DEA officer.

Oh, wheel of karmaâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;turn and turn!

each June with mostly wonderful lineups of positive music.

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BD27 70=3H C8?B Rather then commiserate about the difficulty of opening clamshell packaging or trying to engage legislators to solve another of lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s little problems, why not use the occasion to adapt and enjoy life in a creative way? (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Shell Shock,â&#x20AC;? Dec. 9.) If these difficult-to-open packages are a challenge to common household tools and common dexterity, why not purchase a good set of heavy-duty scissors or maybe a rotary Dremel tool equipped with a saw blade? Then one can hone oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s manual abilities by performing the opening operation without damage to oneself or the items inside. The more of a test this may be, the more it becomes a rewarding learning experience. Personally, I find using a propane torch with pinpoint accuracy to burn through the packaging extremely gratifying. Be sure to do this outdoors, the fumes may be noxious, and be fire safe, which adds another degree of difficulty and some more challenging enjoyment.

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This is how bad things happen to good people: A â&#x20AC;&#x153;yesâ&#x20AC;? on Proposition 8 meant â&#x20AC;&#x153;No Gay Marriage.â&#x20AC;? A â&#x20AC;&#x153;noâ&#x20AC;? on Prop. 8 meant â&#x20AC;&#x153;Please Marry Early and Often!â&#x20AC;?

Lots of non-Mormon voters had trouble figuring it out.

We memorized itâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;for a while. And so it was that we were busily editing reader Joe Arcangeliniâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dec. 9 letter (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Murder Musicâ&#x20AC;?) and felt assured that a no on Prop. 8 meant â&#x20AC;&#x153;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Second-Class Citizens!â&#x20AC;? and so used the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;defeat.â&#x20AC;? Mr. Arcangelini rushes to correct. A week or so later, so do we.

And furthermore . . . Richard von Busack actually reads this paper, laden as it is with his film reviews. He stoutly retorts that The Imaginairum of Dr. Parnassus support-site staffer Theresa Shell is wrong about him being wrong (Letters, Dec. 2). He writes: â&#x20AC;&#x153;The novelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s title is The Circus of Dr. Lao, and I hardly suggested Heath Ledger starred in that 1960whatever-it-was movie. Heckola!â&#x20AC;?

Heckola, indeed.

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THE BOHEMIAN

news for Sonoma, Marin & Napa Counties

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Official Newspaper of Not Running for Office to Help Out a Bunch of Fat Catsâ&#x20AC;?

/9.@A y ?>E4ACH BD2:B

BDI0==4 30;H

;8CC;4 6DH CAH Michael Carnacchi, a Sebastopol custom boot maker who owns the Apple Cobbler, is representing himself against the government and Citibank.

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A Sebastopol boot maker takes on Citibank and the U.S. government over the legalities of credit card debt

By Suzanne Daly

>

n a warm October morning, Michael Carnacchi stands respectfully in the Sonoma County Civil Court as his case, Carnacchi v. Citibank, is called. A boot maker by trade, on this day he sports a black suit and tie, and his hair is neatly kept back into a waist-length ponytail. The presiding judge, the Honorable Mark Tansil, also wears black as he sits behind an imposing desk decorated with a tiny pumpkin. A uniformed deputy sits nearby, watching the proceedings attentively. Carnacchi is petitioning to change his civil suit to a federal case. The judge asks him if he has a lawyer and when

told â&#x20AC;&#x153;no,â&#x20AC;? asks if Carnacchi is a lawyer or has ever studied law. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m representing myself, your honor,â&#x20AC;?

Carnacchi replies. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve spent thousands of hours studying the subject.â&#x20AC;?

Judge Tansil smiles. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thousands of hours?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes, your honor,â&#x20AC;? Carnacchi replies. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thousands of hours?â&#x20AC;? the judge repeats. â&#x20AC;&#x153;OK, hundreds of hours,â&#x20AC;? Carnacchi admits, to smiles all around.

In representing himself, Michael Carnacchi must have a sense of humor, the ability to adapt quickly and an obsession for his cause. His case is one of many that are repeatedly reported in the daily papersâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; credit card debt and credit card companiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

egregious mismanagement of their clientsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; accounts. But his case differs dramatically in one major aspect: Carnacchi is actively fighting these injustices. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Michael is pushing a big boulder up a steep hill,â&#x20AC;? says Alan Cone, a civil practice attorney who finds Carnacchiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s case fascinating. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bright as hell, reads tons and prepares his documents well. He has passion, intelligence and a supportable, ingenious argument. And heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s defending himself in court, which is incredibly difficult to do.â&#x20AC;?

And whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s every indication that he might actually have a case.

For five years, Carnacchi had a faultless record with his Citibank credit card &%

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account. He had a perfect payment history and was never late with his minimum monthly payment of $213 on a balance of $14,233.54. In December â&#x20AC;&#x2122;07, however, his payment was four days late. When Carnacchiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s January â&#x20AC;&#x2122;08 statement arrived, it showed a new balance almost $600 higher than December had, totaling $14,851.03.

Most shockingly, his minimum monthly payment had been increased by 575 percent to $1,224.52 per month, and his interest rate went from 2.99 to 31.24 percent.

He called Citibank, and citing his previous unsullied record, asked them to reverse the charges. He was refused and told that the interest rate could not be adjusted.

When Carnacchi pointed out that increasing it was an adjustment, the representative answered that they could increase it but couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t decrease it. After a multitude of phone calls trying to negotiate an affordable payment plan, Carnacchi told Citibank that he would make no further payments until they reversed the rates and charges.

Three months later, his monthly payment had increased to $3,132.12, almost 15 times the amount of his original payments. He contacted a lawyer, and together they concluded that his options were to declare himself insolvent or fight. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I could declare bankruptcy and still keep my business and walk away clean with a brand-new start, but I see an injustice thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happening to thousands of people,â&#x20AC;?

Carnacchi says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I need to fight first before I just lie down and take the easy road. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cost me almost everything I have because it takes so much of my time. But if I end up losing, at least I can say I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go down without a fight.â&#x20AC;?

Carnacchi started exploring the very core of U.S. law, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. A section of the Eighth Amendment prohibits the federal government from imposing excessive fines, and this clause caught his interest. He noted the connection between the U.S. Treasury purchasing $45 billion of preferred stock in Citigroup and using it as collateral for the bankâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bailout money. Citibank accepted the bailout under the Trouble Assets Relief Program, and the sale of the stock effectively made the federal government part owner of the bank. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The 575 percent increase in my payments and the fact that the bank made it impossible for me to recover by denying me a workable payment program is a penalty grossly disproportionate to my misdeed,â&#x20AC;?

Carnacchi says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is an obvious violation of the Eighth Amendment.â&#x20AC;?

Carnacchi cites a second argument against the bankâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lending practices, the Racketeer Influenced and Corruption Organizations, or RICO, Act. The RICO Act was initially enacted to stop Mafia racketeering, but has spread widely through the courts by applying to other forms of corrupt moneylending practices. The RICO Act states that â&#x20AC;&#x153;a debt incurred in connection with lending money with a usurious rate at least twice the rate of the interest owed is against the law.â&#x20AC;? Citibank is headquartered in South Dakota where 15 percent interest is the highest allowed by law. In charging Carnacchi 31.24 percent interest, Citibank is dunning him over twice the allotted interest rate and, he reasons, is therefore as unlawful as a mobster.

Carnacchi has yet to reach an agreement with Citibank, which has since sold the debt at pennies on the dollar to LVNV Funding LLC, a debt buyer. LVNV is now seeking almost $20,000 from Carnacchi plus penalties and fees. The collection agency has threatened to post a sheriff â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s keeper, a government employed enforcement officer, at his shopâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s door and, â&#x20AC;&#x153;for months, if necessary,â&#x20AC;? seize all the businessâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; income.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The 575 percent increase in my payments and the fact that the bank made it impossible for me to recover is an obvious violation of the Eighth Amendment.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; While fully acknowledging that he borrowed money from the bank and that he is not trying to avoid payment, Carnacchi maintains his stance. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What I am fighting is the ability of the bank to add all these excessive fines to the point that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impossible for me to recover my good standing with them and for me to pay them back,â&#x20AC;? he says. Carnacchi counted almost 2,000 collection law-firm cases filed in 77 days on the Sonoma County court website alone, and notes that most go to default. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happening is appalling. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wrong morally, socially and financially,â&#x20AC;? attorney Cone declares. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s basic grievance is a flesh-and-blood example shared by thousands of people. This represents an event worth talking about.â&#x20AC;?

Carnacchi wants to publicize his case in hopes that others in the same financial position recognize that by banding together and filing a class-action lawsuit, changes can be made to banksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; control of moneylending practices and, ultimately, peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives.

A new credit card act goes into effect in January 2010, but it is of little help to Carnacchi, since it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put a cap on interest rates. There is a series of hurdles to overcome, even for lawyers. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am struck by the depth of Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s research and impressed that he referred back to the Bill of Rights,â&#x20AC;? Cone says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got a passion, and it will rub off. You can see the fire in his eyes.â&#x20AC;? Carnacchi has said that some people think heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crazy for attempting to take on the government and the banking business, likening it to David taking on two Goliaths. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use the word â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;crazy,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? Cone says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;but even if it applies, what difference does it make? Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the first crazy man to try something of merit. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a toughie and, crazy or not, I really feel for him. All the people who are less crazy and are having the same experience donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel empowered to do anything about it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the right guy at the right place at the right time.â&#x20AC;?

<=2; :60

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Have yourself a merry John Moss Christmas

By John Moss

8

n these financially strained times, it is important to make a holiday plan. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re like me, you have a number of responsibilities: family, friends, work, gifts, parties. Times are tough and funds are limited, but if you follow each of my simple holiday steps, I guarantee you will be f lush come January.

Family Admittedly the toughest nut, but if you start early, a little seed-planting can go a long way. I like to begin the holidays by really offending the relatives at Thanksgiving.

Usually, I get drunk and say embarrassing and offensive things like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Christ, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gotten fatâ&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;Remember when _____ used to be at the table? Too bad your anger problem drove him away.â&#x20AC;? These insults serve two purposes.

One, to offend the relatives who might be thinking about inviting you to Christmas, and two, to make your wife embarrassed to be with you (which comes in handy later). Remember, Thanksgiving is the time to relive all that childhood ugliness with the original cast.

As far as your own kids go, being the offensive relative and picking fights with their mom casts them in the role of pleaser, something they will never outgrow. And when it comes to Christmas gifts, their expectations will be small. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gee Dad, thanks for the pencil.â&#x20AC;? Also, ramping up the drinking problem will help them understand that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impossible to go anywhere. â&#x20AC;&#x153;No, Dad, we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to go see Wicked in San Francisco! Renting a movie for home would be great.â&#x20AC;?

The wife is a little tougher to manipulate, but if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re like me, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve already established a pattern of false promises and disappointments. Gift certificates for building projects work great. Retile the bathroom, install new cabinets, build a writing studioâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; these are all perfect â&#x20AC;&#x153;giftsâ&#x20AC;? because you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t actually have to do anything.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also smart to give gifts that are really for yourself. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I know you didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ask for a new snowboard, but I got it in a larger size so I can use it when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not.â&#x20AC;? And always remember to include a really hot negligee under the tree.

It tends to work sort of the same way.

Friends Gifts for friends can really break the bank, but they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to. This year, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m giving the Recession Basket to all my friends: used wicker containers from the thrift store filled with a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, a gift certificate for some false promise (see above), a box of saltines, a can of squeeze cheese and a Snickers bar. Five bucks can go a long way if

youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re careful. Again, if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re like me, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been offending your friends for years, so theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be shocked to get anything at all.

Work If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re lucky enough to have a job, congrats. The perfect gift for that office party gift exchange? One word: re-gift. Most of us have a stash of weird shit weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve saved because the items are too crappy to be returned for anything decent but tough to throw away because theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re new.

The office Christmas party is also a great place to really let your freak flag fly. Go a little insane the Friday before the holidays, and by the time you get back to work, most people will have forgotten your shenanigans. I always like flashing my train tattoo, which rides a rail across my left butt cheek (long story). Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never seen a party get weirder or end faster than when someone drops trou and shows his hairy ass to strangers.

Gifts Still canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find that special something for Uncle Gene? Nothing says holiday joy like handmade crafts.

Since I always seem to have a number of empty wine bottles around the house, craftwork is easy.

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Beach in a Bottleâ&#x20AC;? (fill with sand, draw ocean scene on label) or â&#x20AC;&#x153;Spa in a Bottleâ&#x20AC;? (fill with liquid detergent, draw bathtub and flowers on label). My favorite, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jenkumâ&#x201E;˘ in a Bottle,â&#x20AC;? is a gift that will never be forgotten. Guaranteed.

Parties First, never host a party.

Why shell out for anyone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s booze? Second, when attending other peoplesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; parties, always front-load at home and arrive by yourself. If it looks like the wife is actually planning to go, I prefer the surefire method: â&#x20AC;&#x153;They say women gain an average of seven to 10 pounds during the holidays.â&#x20AC;? Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll take the bait, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be flying solo.

When you arrive, the hostess will see youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re drunk and alone and not expect much from you. Plus, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll provide some necessary scandal and drama, which all parties need. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But who will drive John home? Do you think he and Kathy are divorcing? Is there anything we can do?â&#x20AC;?

This time of year is tough, but with the right plan and a completely irresponsible attitude, you too can survive unscathed. Good luck and happy holidays.

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never seen a party get weirder or end faster than when someone drops trou.

John Moss, once a happy and productive member of society, has been transformed into a dull and weary cynic after 15 years teaching high school in California.

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the Bohemian.

We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 700 words considered for publication, write openmic@bohemian.com.

THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

11

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A short guide for more meaning, less stuff

By Juliane Poirier

1

ehold, I bring glad tidings (and fewer Glad garbage bags) for the holidays, especially for those of us who have mixed feelings about the whole crazy business. For instance, we all know that every year many of us get stressed out between Thanksgiving and Christmas and buy things for good or weird reasons, including guilt, collectively sending off about 20 billion cards, letters and packages and handing over about $30 billion to U.S. department stores alone. Not many mention the empty or sad feeling that comes when the stuffbuying and getting doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t turn out to be all that much fun.

One of the upsides to the downturn this year is how the pressure to consume has lessened. The good news is that the unwritten holiday regulations are changing, and being part of the change is ecologically responsible and socially sophisticated. It takes some daring to break into a new tradition of giving. Here are some ideas members of the creative minority suggest.

Give Justice Make sure all those holiday chocolates and coffee are fair-trade. Shop at local crafts sales that benefit nonprofits in your community. Buy art from artists who live in your own town, especially those adults labeled with disabilities, whose artistic depth and expression is often remarkable. Invest in a farm animal for someone you may never meet and give it in the name of a loved one (www.heifer. org). Donate in loved oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s name toward housing a family in the Bay Area (www.

habitatgsf.org) or New Orleans (www.habitat-nola.org).

Give to the Earth Buy imaginative gifts and cool, old decorations at thrift stores.

Get lots of artistically unmatching plates, cups and silverware at thrift stores and garage sales so every one of your green parties is a celebration of things not going to the landfill. Decorate with LED lights to save energy.

Skip the Mylar and make paper chains with construction paper and f lour-andwater glue.

Wrap gifts in newspaper and fabric scraps. Recycle old wrapping paper. Refuse to purchase any item that comes with lots of packaging or with toxic elements.

Protect small children by avoiding the purchase of plastic toys.

Give of Yourself Make gifts rather than buy them. Stack someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s firewood. Fold origami cranes to give good luck. Knit a scarf. Say â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love you.â&#x20AC;?

Pot some herbs. Deliver a singing telegram.

Twist-roll some fire starters out of newspaper.

Write a love letter by hand. Bake cookies. Pen a poem. Offer to bathe, comb and dry the pet of a person who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get to it. Sew a quilt.

Paint a picture. Assemble a memory book.

Wash a car for someone whose back is out.

Make jams. Issue favor-granting coupons for kindnesses including cooking, cleaning, petsitting, errands, and play-time. Read aloud to someone. Take homemade bread to a neighbor you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t yet met.

Give to Yourself Last but not least, unAmerican as it sounds, aim to be content with what you already have.

Happy holidays.

One of the upsides to the downturn this year is how the pressure to consume has lessened.

It takes some daring to break into a new tradition of giving.

12

12.16.09-12.22.09

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2WP\_Tab ^] cWT 7P[U B_[daVT In which â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Bohemianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; staff did loyally gather to waste most of one afternoon simply drinking Champagneâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;for you, dear readers, for you

By James Knight

C

he holidays are traditionally a time to open our homes and our hearts, but mostly, our wallets. In short, they are a time to throw money like confetti at $100 bottles of Champagne. When we party like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2009, however, we need not be reminded of expensive bubbles and their attendant consequences. So while we trade down, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no need to stoop grimly to the bottom shelf, to apologize to the hostess for lugging a paper bagcovered Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to the soirĂŠe. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s party timeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;go wild. Abstemiously wild.

Recently we sampled 15 locally produced sparkling wines under $25. A bakerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dozen Bohemian staffers and associates, having been dragged from their desks with no trifling effort, gathered to drink Champagne on a slow Thursday afternoon, and did their level best.

Wines were tasted blind and scored on a scale of 1 to 5. Rankings are accurate to one decimal; stars have been rounded to the nearest half-point.

1. Korbel Brut ($11.99) ++++ To much general surprise, our top-scoring wine is among the most ubiquitous, a nationwide standby a staggering 750,000 cases strong. While thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing particularly outstanding about this California Champagne, nor were there any complaints. Korbel has been in the bubbly biz since 1890, and presumably has gleaned a thing or two about consumer tastes during the century. Mediumgold, with a modest aroma of straw and taste of dehydrated apple, this dry sparkler leaves an agreeable sweetness lingering only after the brisk finish.

2. Mumm CuvĂŠe M ($20) ++++ With a light effervescence that rises fast to the roof of the mouth, a balanced finish and a hint of vintage aromas (one taster noted simply â&#x20AC;&#x153;cupcakeâ&#x20AC;?), this cuvĂŠe was well-received.

3. J CuvĂŠe 20 Brut NV ($20) ++++ With aromas of lemon zest and crackers, and a fine

mousse, the J scored well with the groupâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; garnering only one inexplicable â&#x20AC;&#x153;yuck.â&#x20AC;?

4. Korbel Brut RosĂŠ ($11.99) ++++ Notes of cream and strawberry make this slightly sweet rosĂŠ appealing.

5. Korbel Brut Organic ($15.99) ++++ Noted for its lively bubbles, mineral aromas and clean finish, this is among Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only certified organic sparkling wines; friendly to the palate and benign to the earth, although one tasterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s notes growl gluttonously, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I could guzzle this.â&#x20AC;?

6. Korbel Chardonnay California Champagne ($11.99) ++++ Pine, moss and overall woodsy aromas were claimed for this one, with gin appletini flavors.

7. Domaine Chandon Extra Dry Riche ($22) +++ A sweet, floral aroma was universally ascribed to this alluring sparkling, undoubtedly due to the addition of the muscat grape. &+ THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

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1>74<80= 1D11;H

8. Mumm Brut Prestige ($20) +++ Its abrupt finish drew controversy: â&#x20AC;&#x153;No romance,â&#x20AC;? said one taster, while another complained, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The door closes on its way out.â&#x20AC;? At least this otherwise well-liked, finebubbled brut doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hit you on the ass, too.

9. Schramsberg Mirabelle ($23) +++ One taster thought of Sauternes; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also reminiscent of Schramsbergâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world-famous Blanc de Blancs, only more heavy-handed on the fermented apple, golden raisin character. Fine bubbles, and hints of lees, but Mirabelle lost points with the antisweetness contingent.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Reminds me of stealing AndrĂŠ from my parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cupboard!â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 10. Toad Hollow Amplexus ($15.99) +++ Tasted last, Amplexus was generally wellregarded as a decent, smooth sparkling, and inspired this cryptic note: â&#x20AC;&#x153;One-night stand, no going back.â&#x20AC;?

11. Toad Hollow RisquĂŠ ($13.99) +++ Owes its ranking to a schism, its sweet, applecider taste much-loved by some; others were indifferent. Turning the Martinelliâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s motto its head, RisquĂŠ offers the taste of sparkling apple ciderâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;when a little alcohol is desired.

Notable for its whimsically sexy label (if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re into frogs) and low, 6 percent alcohol that ensures you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t kiss any real frogs.

12. Korbel Natural ($15.99) +++ Aromas of soot and charcoal, a steely-apple taste undermined this otherwise sound sparkler. Garnered just one â&#x20AC;&#x153;yummy.â&#x20AC;?

13. Domaine Chandon RosĂŠ ($22) ++ Initially pleasant, with yeasty, strawberry aromas, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s undermined by a bitter finish.

14. Domaine Chandon Brut Classic ($22) ++ Austere, with a whiff of sulfur offset by hints of citrus and apple; not wellreceived overall.

15. Domaine Chandon Blanc de Noirs ($22) ++ With the caveat that it was the first taste of the session, it was found to be somewhat flat, with cooked fruit, and inspired one participant to reminisce, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Reminds me of stealing AndrĂŠ from my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; cupboard!â&#x20AC;? A vintage memory, to be sure, but fresh and effortlessly recalledâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;an object lesson in bubblyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s power to make memories.

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THE BOHEMIAN

THE BOHEMIAN

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18

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THE BOHEMIAN

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>33B ž=ž B>3B very restaurant planning to stay open on Christmas day or Christmas Eve plans a special menu for such special times. Rocker Oysterfellers out in Valley Ford, however, is fairly secure in its singular status as a restaurant offering a New Orleansâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;style â&#x20AC;&#x153;Revillonâ&#x20AC;? repast for the holiday. Traditional to the Big Easy, revillonâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;which means â&#x20AC;&#x153;waking,â&#x20AC;? denoting that revelers stay up late to fully feastâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;is connected to the Catholic tradition of midnight mass and features luxury foods too expensive or rich to eat ordinarily. The Revillon Dinner at Oysterfellers is no exception, a three-course meal with two seatings at 5:30pm or 7:30pm that features creamed winter kale with baked eggs and trufďŹ&#x201A;e oil, a prime rib of pork and Scharffen Berger chocolate baked Alaska among its prix-ďŹ xe offerings.

Dinner is $60 per person and should be reserved. Joyeux noĂŤl! 14415 Hwy. 1, Valley Ford. 707.876.1983.

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As the Napa revitalization continues with the expansion of the riverfront area and new life in the West End District, new businesses also bloom. Case in point is the Norman Rose Tavern, set to open Dec. 28 at 1401 First St. The newest venture of Michael and Christina Gyetvan, who own the Azzurro Pizzeria and Enoteca, the Norman Rose will be a comfortable fall-in-the-door spot featuring sustainable local comfort food at sustainable prices for local eaters.

Featuring a patio, two bars and artisanal rootbeer on tap, the tavern starts with dinner service only, planning to expand to lunch in mid-January.

From the ever-evolving We Love Clark Wolf Files, we rush to note that our favorite international restaurant consultant and Bohemian contributor has gosh darn branded himself, entering into a collaboration with the good ladies of Cowgirl Creamery to introduce â&#x20AC;&#x153;Clark Wolfâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s American Cheese Collections.â&#x20AC;? The author of American Cheeses, The Best Regional, Artisan and Farmhouse Cheeses, published last year, Clark has a full slate of lactic loves, none of them involving vegetable oil or the sufďŹ x â&#x20AC;&#x153;-food.â&#x20AC;? Stop by the creamery in Pt. Reyes Station (inside Tomales Bay foods) or go online at www.cowgirlcreamery.com to ďŹ nd a â&#x20AC;&#x153;collectionâ&#x20AC;? chosen by the ďŹ ne Mr. Wolf.

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F>A;3 F8=4 F41 oes it take Twitter and Facebook to effectively sell wine today?

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Yes, said magnates of the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wine industry, when they met in Sausalito on Nov. 17 for the New Generation Vintners and Growers convention. The meeting addressed several challenges and topics relevant to winemakers and marketers, including Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s evolving wine styles, eco-friendly growing and how the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s older vintners can smoothly pass the torch without the next generation bungling things up.

At a discussion panel titled â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hip and Trendy Marketing,â&#x20AC;? reps from four wineries discussed tactics for seducing the newest demographic of drinkers: those barely legal millennials who are shamelessly hooked on the web. The favored tool, it seemed, for reaching this money-spilling crowd is social networking. Cheryl Murphy Durzy, vice-president of Clos La Chance Winery, says her staff spends about three hours each week making announcements via Facebook. Durzy says the internet is the â&#x20AC;&#x153;core componentâ&#x20AC;? of marketing today, and those wineries that neglect to maintain an account are behind the times.

Wine blogger Thea Dwelle, who, as the Wine Brat, has produced an astounding 80,000 tweets about adult beverages, was in attendance, sending out some 15 tweets while the hip and trendy discussion proceeded.

Veteran journalist Steve Heimoff of Wine Enthusiast, meanwhile, ďŹ&#x201A;aunted a dashing old-school style with his trademark rustic pen and a crinkly pad of paper.

He broke from his notes just once to ask the panel if, through this incorrigible focus on social media marketing, we might expect to see wineries succeed based on a slick web presence rather than on their winesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; quality. The panel answered in consensus that there is plenty of room for both making good wine and frolicking on the web after hours.

Durzy elaborated for me later, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Almost every winery has a website and still makes good wine or bad wine, so whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the difference if weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on Facebook?â&#x20AC;?

But by making yourselves so socially available via Facebook, I asked Durzy, might winemakers be compromising their mystique? â&#x20AC;&#x153;So few of us are celebrities, anyway,â&#x20AC;? she said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and what people want are winemakers who are relatable.

People want that personal connection.â&#x20AC;?

Irony of the Information Age, that connection comes through computer screens. But at least one thing will never ďŹ&#x201A;ow through cyberspace: wine itself. In the end, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll always have to actually drink it.

Alastair Bland

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THE BOHEMIAN

IgjX]VgY K^cZnVgYh

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12.16.09-12.22.09

23

Napa Smith Beersâ&#x20AC;Ś

Make Food Taste Better

24

12.16.09-12.22.09

THE BOHEMIAN

Vote!

for Your Local Favorites for 2010

Best Restaurant, Breakfast, Brunch Best Spot to Dine Alone Sonoma County

Best Cigar/Pipe Shop Sonoma County

<ZMI[]Z M[

8TMI[]ZM[ WN \PM /WLLM

www.willowwoodgraton.com

[[

Best Local Gift Shop Best Local Jewelry Store Sonoma County www.milk-and-honey.com

Best Optical Store Sonoma County www.sonomaeyeworks.com

Best Kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Clothing Store Best Restaurant, Cocktails, Bartender, Wine List, Outdoor Dining, Dining After 10PM Sonoma County www.underwoodgraton.com

Best Toy Store

Best Place to Inspire Your Kids

Best Baby Gift Shop Sonoma County www.earthchildonline.com

www.bohemian.com North Bay Bohemian Best of 2010 Readers Poll

THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

25

North Bay Bohemian presents

The Boho Online Ballot North Bay Bohemian Best of 2010 Readers Poll

Vote Online! www.bohemian.com (mailed ballots will not be counted)

We're just the bossiest bunch. For 51 issues a year, Bohemian staff and contributors quite literally make it our job to tell North Bay readers what the best bet is for music, what the great restaurants are, which art we're looking at, which wineries we're loving up, which movies are worthwhile, which stage shows are rad and which happy hours we're throwing our dollar bills towards—to name but a few of our bossy bossy ways. But for one issue a year, this aggressive nature quiets enough to let you shout back at us about your best-beloved places to dine out late, the pubs you prefer, the places where you get a massage or new lingerie or fresh chestnuts—to name but a few of your smart and wise ways. It's called the Best of the North Bay Readers Poll and

it's your chance to share with us and some 124,000 of your best friends all of the many groovy spots and businesses that you like best.

This ballot is a template for you to use in considering your faves and preparing your votes. Once you're ready to cast your ballot, go online to www.bohemian.com between now and Friday, Jan. 15, at 5pm. Then vote. Look for your informed picks to appear in our annual Best Of issue, publishing on March 17, 2010. Best Of is all about supporting and identifying local businesses and people; we will discard any big box corporate entities. Vote for your favorites today!

A few online voting rules: J Complete at least one third of the ballot or it won’t be counted J Include your name and a daytime phone number J Ballots are confidential, but you may be called to confirm your vote J Only one entry per person is permitted J Bohemian staff members, contributors, advertisers and their families may vote J Deadline for online ballots is Friday, Jan. 15, at 5pm

100 Culture 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115

Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best

Art Gallery Ballet Company Band Dance Studio Festival Media Personality: TV, Radio, Print Music Festival Movie Theater Museum Music Venue Outdoor Art Event Performing Arts Center Performing Dance Company Place to Dance Theater Troupe

200 Recreation

201 Best Bike Shop 202 Best Gym 203 Best Health Club 204 Best Independent Bike Frame Builder 205 Best Martial Arts School 206 Best Outdoor Gear Shop 207 Best Park 208 Best Pilates Studio 209 Best Public Golf Course 210 Best Snow/Skate/Board Shop 26

12.16.09-12.22.09

THE BOHEMIAN

Important! Check one of the following. My selections are for:

Ì Sonoma Ì Marin or Ì Napa Counties Honorable Mentions will be included in the Sonoma votes!

211 Best Surf Shop 212 Best Yoga Studio

300 Food & Drink 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 321 322 323 324

Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best

Bagel Bakery BBQ Breakfast Brew Pub Brunch Burger Cabernet Caterer Cafe/Coffeehouse Chardonnay Chef Chinese Cocktails Deli Diner Dining After 10pm Dive Bar Farmers’ Market French Ice Cream Indian (must specify town & complete biz name) Italian

next page

The Bohemian’s online 2010 Readers Poll L O C A L LY- O W N E D C H O I C E S !

325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346

Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best Best

Japanese/Sushi Restaurant Juice Bar Mediterranean (must specify town & complete biz name) Mexican (must specify town & complete biz name) New Restaurant Organic Farm Outdoor Dining Pinot Noir Pizza Restaurant Sauvignon Blanc Seafood Sparkling Wine Sports Bar Spot to Dine Solo Syrah Thai (must specify town & complete biz name) Vegetarian Vietnamese Wine List Winetasting Room Zinfandel

400 Family Stuff 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421

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BdRRTTSX]V Pc BP]cP Can a skinny, middle-aged Jewish man achieve fulfillment as a Rent-A-Claus?

By Robert Sward

0

buxom, aspiring female Santa Claus in a quilted down jacket swaggers out of room C-1 in the Civic Center where Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m next in line for my â&#x20AC;&#x153;RentA-Santaâ&#x20AC;? interview. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ho ho ho,â&#x20AC;? she says over her shoulder, giving me an unnerving sidelong glance, a sort of knowing sneer tinged with holiday spirit. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s warring with me for the job of Santa Claus. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ho ho ho yourself,â&#x20AC;? I answer, wondering what I, at age six, would have made of a bigbreasted female Santa. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Are you Santa Claus?â&#x20AC;? I might have asked. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Ms. Santa Claus. Mr. Santa Claus is home making dinner.â&#x20AC;?

My own children will be away this Christmas visiting relatives. I want to be Santa because I know how much Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be missing them. I want

to be Santa so I can give love and gifts to other children. If I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t personally give these things to my own children, I can at least try to give them to other peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s children. The truth is, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m the loneliest man in town and I want to be Santa Claus so I can distract myself, so I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel so much pain.

I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t practiced my â&#x20AC;&#x153;ho-ho-hos,â&#x20AC;? but plan to wing it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ho ho hoâ&#x20AC;? from the diaphragm, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ho ho hoâ&#x20AC;? from the heart.

I wanna be Santa.

My qualifications? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Jewish. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a teacher, Fulbright scholar, Guggenheim fellow and the author of 14 books. I have a beard. But mostly, for 53 years I have wanted to participate not as an envious Christmas outsider, but as a wholehearted insider. What better way than to become the plump, white-bearded, old man himself ?

My shortcomings? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m tall and skinny. I am a neurotic ectomorph. I have a lean, hungry look about me, sad hazel eyes and a slightly hooked nose.

But I do have a white beard of my own, though tinged with wiry black hairs. I like children. That is, most children. Not all. The little boy down the street who applied red enamel paint to my friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Boston terrier puppy will be lucky to get a lump of coal this Christmas.

C

he door to room C-1 at the Civic Center opens and the Santa Claus personnel officer invites me inside. We shake hands.

She introduces me to her assistant. The two interviewers sit at one end of a mahogany conference table and I sit at the other. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What wonderful weather weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re having,â&#x20AC;? volunteers the female interviewer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Not at all like Christmas. This is going to be my first Christmas in five years without snow,â&#x20AC;? I stammer, violating my promise to myself not to ramble. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Robert, to start off would you give us a sample of your â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ho ho hoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;?â&#x20AC;? (% THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

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'.

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I take a deep breath and summon up all the jolliness I can muster. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ho ho ho!â&#x20AC;? I roar.

They nod approvingly and make notes on their lined yellow pads. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m feeling more at ease. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What are the names of Santaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reindeer?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Comet. Dancer. Prancer. Blitzen.

Rudolph . . . Hmmm.â&#x20AC;? An un-Santa-like expletive follows.

I get only four out of eight correct. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m failing. What the hell am I doing here? I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even know the names of eight stinking reindeer.

Again, they make notes on their lined yellow pads. This reminds me of visits to my therapist. I begin to sweat. I want the job and they know I want the job and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not going to get it and they know theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not going to give it to me. The humiliation of it all. I passed my orals for an MA degree, I taught at Cornell University, but I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get hired as Santa Claus. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dancer, Prancer, Comet, Vixen, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen,â&#x20AC;? the woman says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rudolph doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really count. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a latecomer.â&#x20AC;?

Next question. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What would you say if you had a kid sitting in your lap and he pulled off your beard?â&#x20AC;? asks the assistant Santa Claus personnel officer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d try to control myself. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d say something like, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;See, I have a real beard, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s white and black because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m young.

And I wear an all white beard over my own beard so Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll look older than I really am.

People expect Santa Claus to have an allwhite beard. But now you know the truth.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m younger than people think.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? What a ridiculous answer.

To my surprise, the two nod approvingly.

Again, they make notes on their pads. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why do you want to be Santa Claus?â&#x20AC;? the assistant asks.

Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re wondering if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a child molester or a drug addict. They obviously donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want a Santa Claus whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to arrive at some holiday office party too ripped to climb out of the sleigh. But Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m just a straight, conventional citizen. A writer. A professor.

Solid and stuffy.

I tell them about my children and how much I miss them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What will you say if children ask how come they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get what they wanted last Christmas?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d say that Santa Claus loves them and that he gives children what he thinks they need most. That he has many children to give things toâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;children in all parts of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and that some years he runs out of presents before heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finished. But that he tries to make up for it the next year.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;OK, but remember Santa Claus never makes promises,â&#x20AC;? says the male Santa Claus recruiter, hiding behind his hand. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Also you may be asked to appear in some unusual ways.â&#x20AC;?

Like a Rent-A-Santa-Stripper who must drag along a bag of toys while somehow jumping naked out of a cake?

To my relief, he explains, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Last year, our Santa Claus was met at the end of a deserted mountain road with a horse-drawn wagon filled with hay. You want to be prepared for anything.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;And Santa Claus does not use drugs and he does not accept drinks,â&#x20AC;? the female personnel officer warns. â&#x20AC;&#x153;No liquor. No drugs.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;What if Santa is invited to stay for dinner?â&#x20AC;? I ask, hoping at some point along the way the old guy will be asked to sit down with some generous family to feast in style. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Santa Claus does not accept dinner invitations.â&#x20AC;?

Santa does not smoke cigarettes, because his uniform is flammable . . .

Right. I should have known. He doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t accept anything. But how in Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s name is Santa going to fatten himself up if you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feed him?

Feeling depressed, I cross my thin arms and look down at my skinny legs.

The interview ends with them asking me to make up a story. My imagination fails me.

I can think of nothing to say. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve written a novel, poems, short stories, magazine articles, and I sit at the mahogany conference table with nothing to say. I bomb. I need a drink. â&#x20AC;&#x153;OK, well, thank you, Robert. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t call us. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll call you Thursday or Friday of next week.â&#x20AC;?

Both Thursday and Friday pass with no call from Santaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s personnel officers.

So this would-be St. Nick sweats it out over the weekend. On Monday, he can stand it no longer. Can he subject himself to further mortification? He must know whether or not heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s made it. He does what they asked him not to do. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Robert Sward?â&#x20AC;? says the voice at the other end of the line. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Santa Claus!â&#x20AC;?

7

ired as a Rent-A-Santa Claus, I immediately begin wondering if there hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t been some mistake. Me? Santa Claus? Surely there must be a hundred aspiring Santaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s out there better qualified than I. Oversized professional actors with droll little mouths and noses like cherries.

Accomplished, 300-pound right jolly old elves. Reindeer ranchers whose round bellies shook when they laughed like bowlfuls of jelly.

The truth is, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m scared. Having gotten the job, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m up to it. Think of the responsibility. Sinterklaas, Saint Nicholas, Father Christmasâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Santa Claus is a supernatural being who brings happiness and knows the names, addresses and dreams of every child on earth. Who knows the good ones from the bad and who loves

both equally. Who has unconditional love for everyone, even noisy, runny-nosed, sneezy children who whine and cry and pull his beard.

Yes, this Santa Claus worries about being too thin and believes there is nothing more obscene than the sight of some undernourished Father Christmas moving about with obvious pillows inside his oversized red polyester suit. Better no Santa at all than an unconvincing, self-conscious, tacky Santa with skinny legs.

My girlfriend—delighted, by the way, to be dating Santa Claus—tells me that, if everything goes well, I will not merely put on the cheap suit and fake white beard and “play” Santa, but I will become Santa, just as good method actors and actresses become the parts they play. She promises to help me with the logistics of costume and makeup.

Maybe there’s something kind of sexy about Santa after all.

Still, I ask myself, what would my parents think? A nice Jewish boy, bar mitzvahed, educated, the works—what’s he doing, our son, the crazy teacher, age 53, in a red suit trimmed with rabbit fur promising Barbie and Ken and GI Joe to gentiles? Flying through the air like a peddler in a magic sleigh, a bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he’s giving them away, Gertrude.

He’s giving them away!

And worse, what if, even after boning up on their names, I confuse or forget some of my reindeer? Cutie, Blitzen, Bagel and Vixen.

Donder, Dasher, Schwartzkopf and Prancer.

It’s like some New York law firm.

I buy a copy of Clement C. Moore’s The Night Before Christmas, a facsimile of the original 1848 edition, and write down reindeer names in my Day Timer appointment book for reference and study.

I go to the downtown library and read everything I can on Christmas.

I begin to notice that when I talk to myself, I address myself as Santa.

I try not to let it bother me.

B

anta’s friend tells him he’ll make a great Santa. They say that Santa’s “Ho ho ho” is just bravado. That that’s not the real Santa Claus. That Santa is a private, loving, soft-spoken actually fairly sexy guy, who doesn’t go to parties very much—only at New Year’s—and that, when he does, doesn’t stay very long because he’s always working on his next novel.

With that encouragement, Santa goes to the Rent-A office to pick up his new suit and beard and his instructions. He also has to sign a contract. Of course there is a set of rules, some already made clear, to learn: 1. No alcohol, drugs, no smoking. Santa Claus does not smoke cigarettes, because his uniform is flammable and he wants to set a good example for children and not go up in flames or die an agonizing death from cancer.

2. Santa Claus does not accept cookies or cake to put into his big red velour bag “for the reindeer.”

3. Santa is not a surrealist. He tells stories about sharing. He tells stories that have an appropriate moral message. Santa, in short,

follows tradition. More Charles Dickens than Richard Brautigan.

4. Santa arrives at his gigs on time and already in uniform. He does not need to first go to the bathroom to “change” where he may be seen by children.

Cutie, Blitzen, Bagel and Vixen.

Donder, Dasher, Schwartzkopf and Prancer. It’s like some New York law firm.

B

anta spends a sleepless night and, at dawn, takes a shower and trims his beard.

Two hours before he is due at the community center, Santa does some yoga exercises: the sun salutation, the pose of the holly wreath. Then he meditates.

Next, Santa lays out his clothes and begins to dress. He imagines himself a toreador preparing for what Hemingway calls “the moment of truth.”

Santa puts on his blue fleece-lined sweat pants and shirt, to which his girlfriend pins four pillows—front, back, both sides. Then he pulls on his red velour pants and socks. He borrows a pair of Girlfriend Claus’ red socks (one size fits all) to pull on over his own. He pulls on his high rubber boots with the white fur. She sews jingle bells onto his boots.

When he is at last ready, Girlfriend Claus begins to weep. She has helped create Santa, a fantasy from her childhood, and has done so in the privacy of her own home. Here he is, as real as any Santa she has known. Only this is her own Santa, seated on her sofa. He is as moved as Girlfriend Claus. He feels himself to be transformed.

“I am the happiest man in the world,” Santa says, seated in GFC’s car on his way to the local community center. Suddenly he hears children screaming and yelling, “Santa!

Look, there’s Santa Claus.” A mother stops in the middle of the street, risking her own life and the life of her child to gasp, “It’s Santa!

Mickey, there’s Santa!”

Traffic-stopping Santa waves and waves and shouts over and over, “Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

Impulsively, he improvises. “Happy Hanukkah, too!”

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12.16.09-12.22.09

31

.?A@ 612.@

ŸC8<4;8=4B½ Work by 83-year-old fiber artist Kay Sekimachi is showcased at the SVMA.

;XUT[^]V 2aTPcXeXch SVMAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Life of Makingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; exhibit shows how art keeps us alive

By Gabe Meline

:

ate Eilertsen meets her visitor at the entrance and holds out a welcoming hand before turning on her heel and leading a tour of the Sonoma Valley Museum of Artâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new exhibit, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Life of Making.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is a show,â&#x20AC;? she explains, â&#x20AC;&#x153;that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been working on my whole life.â&#x20AC;?

Curating an exhibitâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;this is Eilertsenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s inaugural in her new role as SVMAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s executive directorâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;does not literally take a lifetime, and the comment seems offhand, the exact sort of casual thing one might say to add pizzazz. But after Eilertsen has led the visitor through the airy museum, she sits down. Her father, she says, is a retired 84-year-old pastor living in Minnesota.

Her voice takes a sad tone when she speaks of him. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just given up,â&#x20AC;? she says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s waiting to die. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the opposite of these people.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;These peopleâ&#x20AC;? are the exhibitâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stars, 91-yearold metal worker June Schwarcz, 79-year-old ceramicist Jim Melchert and 83-year-old fiber artist Kay Sekimachi, whose vibrant work well into the September of their years illuminates the idea of art as a catalyst for longevity. The exhibit examines whether, when human beings discover what theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re good at, passionate about and able to better master on a daily basis, they have a

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THE BOHEMIAN

preternatural ability to live longer, healthier lives. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Life of Makingâ&#x20AC;? is laid out around this inspiration, and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something that Eilertsen clearly wishes her own father could possess.

While the show wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be seen by Eilertsenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dad, it flows from her sympathetic championing of perseverance. Schwarcz, the oldest of the three artists in the show, walks slowly every morning down to her studio to work with enamels from the Sausalito home sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lived in since 1959; in the exhibitâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s video installation, she quips, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I resent things that keep me from working.â&#x20AC;?

Some of Schwarczâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s early, architectureinspired enamels are on display, with rigid lines on f lat panels, but she eventually burst open the enamel-making process. Her newer pieces are beautiful bulbous vessels, loosely resembling cubic graduation caps, hatchet blades or sagging jeans. Small bubbles like tree sap frozen in time hang at the edges in very dynamic colors that shine ever more brilliant on the piecesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; interiors.

The Oakland-based Melchert is the bestknown of the three artistsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;he served as visual arts programming director at the NEA, among other thingsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and his conceptual pieces are concerned with the natural imperfections in ceramics. Broken tiles are toyed with, their cracks becoming tree branches and their leftover ends, in the case of the square, bold, Density Squared,

can be jumbled together in a busy, metropolitan relief map. Snapped electrical coils from Melchertâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kiln have burned the ceramic, creating work normally headed to the dumpster transformed and celebrated instead as centerpieces.

Sekimachiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s woven, hanging pieces may be the only overt reference to the winding down of life in the show. Casting long, lovely shadows on the museum floor, the ghostly, abstract hourglass figures wear flowing manes of telling white hair. Her earlier work, also, is on display, underscoring how age has opened Sekimachi up to fresh possibilities.

An adjoining room allows visitors the chance to interact with much of the same material used in the show, and Eilertsen speculates the exhibit will reach both the young and the old. Still, with work so vibrant coming from Schwarcz, Melchert and Sekimachi, the issue of age fades to the background in favor of passion and inspiration. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m just curious about what keeps people healthy, and strong,â&#x20AC;? Eilertsen says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This show could have been done with young people, too, and had the same idea. But having them as old as they are, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easier to understand that value.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Life of Makingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; runs through March 14, 2010, at the Sonoma Valley Museum of Art, 551 Broadway, Sonoma. Museum hours are Wednesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Sunday, 11amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;5pm. $5; Sundays, free. 707.939.7862.

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Woody Harrelsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Messengerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; brings back the best of Wayne

By Richard von Busack

F

oody Harrelson may be the John Wayne our war in Iraq deserves. If Harrelsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest, The Messenger, seems to run off the rails, it may be the kind of movie that wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t intended to be on the rails in the first place. Made in the shadow of Hal Ashbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 1973 film The Last Detail, The Messenger has a profane streak.

Like that movie, it features a pair of soldiers on a sort of liberty leaveâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;at least, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re unsupervised and frequently on the road.

Harrelsonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Capt. Stone is a Casualty Notification Officer, one of the pair of soldiers who turn up on doorsteps to regret to inform.

He seems self-assured (heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an easy-going Southern girl-chaser) and he feels thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a system behind what heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s doingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x153;Do not touch the NOK [next of kin].â&#x20AC;? Stone has enough of a sense of humor to put â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Funeral Marchâ&#x20AC;? on his ringtone. Stoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new partner, Sgt. Montgomery (Ben Foster), is a simmering, tattooed fan of punk rock; heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s scarred from the war and is boiling with his own contempt for the civilians around him.

The horror of this assignment seems realistic. The Messenger has inside details about what needs to be done, such as the importance of getting to the fateful doorstep before the blogs or the newspapers. And the two-man team keep the pity for themselves and not for the survivors. The first people we see informedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the pregnant fiancĂŠe and the mother of the killed-in-Iraq soldierâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;blow up, howling in horror. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clear that being such a messenger is a job for which there is no real preparation.

But we start to see celebrity actors playing the bereaved: Steve Buscemi as a spitting, furious father; Samantha Morton, plumped and cushiony, with hair swept back to look like late-period Ann-Margret. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s previous deathâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s-head irony starts to grow a little domestic.

About the third time I heard Ben Fosterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s acting for this film praised, I went back for a second look at The Messenger and felt the same way I had the first time. Certainly this is Fosterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best work; he does exemplary listening and reacting. Other critics have singled Foster out, but I feel that the reason why this is one of the few Iraq war movies to stick around is because of Harrelson.

Harrelson is the repository of the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s humor. Note the way he curls his lip to suppress a smile when recalling the time he told a survivor that her grandson was â&#x20AC;&#x153;no longer with us,â&#x20AC;? and the old lady thought it meant heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d defected to the terrorists.

Coming out of this and talking about Foster is like coming out of The Last Detail and talking about Randy Quaid instead of Jack Nicholson. Audiences today are distrustful of juicy, savory work; they prefer heavy-lifters (literally the case, as when we watch Montgomery bench-press weights), and they never seem to notice how much acting is on the nose.

Despite recent cartoony work in schlock films, Harrelson seems on the verge of something great. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s already an assured movie star, and The Messenger is proof that he is much more than that. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (John) Wayneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world he inhabits: heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a seasoned soldier too cracked by his own experience to fit into the life of a civilian.

Writer-turned-director Oren Moverman did the research, and the slang sounds right; the soldiers use the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jodyâ&#x20AC;? to describe the guy who stayed behind and helped himself to your girlfriend. But he also uses ideas and symbols that could have been done without. The first shot of Sgt. Montgomery, putting drops in his wounded eye, all but screams, â&#x20AC;&#x153;This man cannot weep,â&#x20AC;? just like his line â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not going to be offering any hugsâ&#x20AC;? indicates that of course he will be. Fosterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Montgomery sits solid as Harrelson judges him with the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worst line: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Another lost child looking for a family.â&#x20AC;?

The last third seems particularly shook upâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a little drinking and fighting, a little bonding, this way to the hopeful ending. The locations, in New Jerseyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aluminum-siding belt, give the story realism, and Mortonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sober acting seems delicate and appropriately shell-shocked. But inside The Messenger is a much harsher and bigger film, and Harrelson might have shown the way to it. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Messengerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; starts on Friday, Dec. 18, at the Rialto Lakeside Cinemas, 551 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa. 707.525.4840.

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Bargain Bargain Tuesday Tuesday -- $7.50 $7.50 All All Shows Shows Bargain $7.00 All Shows Schedule forTuesday Fri, Dec Feb -18th 20th Thu, Feb 26th Schedule for Fri, –– Thu, Dec 24th Schedule for Fri, June 22nd - Thu, June 28th Academy Award Nominee PLEASE NOTE: No Shows After 4:30p on Christmas Best Foreign Language Film! Eve!

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I]Z BZhhZc\Zg G0 &%* b^c# L^aa Bdci\dbZgn ^h Vc >gVf lVg ]Zgd l]d ]Vh _jhi WZZc gZVhh^\cZY id i]Z 6gbnĂ&#x2030;h 8VhjVain Cdi^[^XVi^dc0 ]Z ]Vh Vahd WZZc Vhh^\cZY V eVgicZg! Idcn HidcZ LddYn =VggZahdc ! V [Zaadl d[[^XZg# HZZ gZk^Zl! e()# :8

Steven Bates Rock

Saturday, December 19th â&#x20AC;˘ 8pm

EaVcZi *&

DJ JPS Thursday, Dec 17 @ 7 pm Friday, Dec 18 @ 7:30pm

The Felt Tips

Jennifer Tuker

Saturday, December 26th â&#x20AC;˘ 8pm

Acoustic Folk www.myspace.com/jennifertucker2008

Thursday Night KARAOKE â&#x20AC;˘ 8:30pm

Saturday, Dec 19 @ 8pm

Rock / Blues

$100 Cash Drawing

SeX and Machines Prized Pig www.myspace.com/sexandmachines

Sun, Dec 20 @6 pm

Radio K-Bob 5 miles North of Ukiah, Hwy 101 â&#x20AC;˘ West Road Exit, Ukiah

707-485-0700 â&#x20AC;˘ www.coyotevalleycasino.com

707.874.9037 | www.barleynhops.com 3688 Bohemian Highway, Occidental

www.bohemian.com

www.bohemian.com

www.bohemian .bohemian.com

www.bohemian.com

36

12.16.09-12.22.09

THE BOHEMIAN

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Film capsules by Richard von Busack and Eloy Camacho.

FOR NORTH BAY MOVIE TIMES, GO TO www.sonomamovietimes.com www.marinmovietimes.com www.napamovietimes.com

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Hicksville

The Rock

Cool Out

Gay for a Day

Do you travel religiously to Christmas Jug Band performances, only to be let down by the absence of your main man? Do you wear out your copy of Whereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Money?, pining for the actual thing, live and in person? Do you desperately watch on constant repeat the McDonaldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commercial from the 1970s that features said main man and actual thing, Dan Hicks? (YouTube â&#x20AC;&#x153;Very old Big Mac 70â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commercialâ&#x20AC;?; heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s at :09!) Well, your chance for a guaranteed appearance by Mr. CountrySwing Christmas is here, as Hicks himself brings his Christmas show, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Holidaze in Hicksville,â&#x20AC;? live and onstage. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be sleighed

by Hicksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; original tunes like â&#x20AC;&#x153;My Main Man Santa,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;A Yule Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Coolâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Christmas Card.â&#x20AC;? Pile on a preshow dinner of Big Macs, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be looking like Santa soon enough yourself ! Hicks hos and hos and hos on Friday, Dec. 18, at the Raven Theater. 115 North St., Healdsburg. 8pm. $25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;$35. 707.433.6335.

In one short verse of the All City party track â&#x20AC;&#x153;San Francisco Anthem,â&#x20AC;? the 32-year-old Baghdad-by-the-Bay rapper San Quinn manages to shout out Hunters Point, Hayes Valley, Candlestick Park, Twin Peaks, Barry Bonds, the Fillmore District, Jerry Rice and the Golden Gate Bridge. Add a sample from Scott McKenzieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;If Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Going to San Franciscoâ&#x20AC;? in the background, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got a Bay jam. All things Ess Eff come easy to Quinn, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also recorded songs such as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bay Luv,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Northern California,â&#x20AC;? and named an entire album, The Rock, after Alcatraz.

Unmistakable on the mic with a low, gruff timbre, Quinnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s destined to be one of the survivors of Bay Area rap; he was in the game before it was big, and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be here if it ever dies down. He performs with DJ Amen on Friday, Dec. 18, at 19 Broadway. 19 Broadway, Fairfax. 9pm. $15â&#x20AC;&#x201C;$20. 415.459.1091.

With all the focus on the 40th anniversary of Woodstock this summer, most stayed away from the imminent shadow of Altamont, an event with possibly more cultural significance but absolutely zero celebration. The story by now is familiar: more than 300,000 rock fans trekked to see the free concert by the Rolling Stones, only to witness the deteriorating situation with a security force supplied by the beer-fueled Hellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Angels, who stabbed a man, Meredith Hunter, high on meth and brandishing a revolver, in front of the stage during the Stonesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; set. As Hunter died, so did the hippie dream; the paradigm shift is examined in Ethan Russellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s timely new book â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Let It Bleed: The Rolling Stones, Altamont, and the End of the Sixties.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Russell reads from the book, and discusses what we in the Bay Area like to forget, on Thursday, Dec. 17, at Book Passage. 51 Tamal Vista Blvd., Corte Madera. 7pm. Free. 415.927.0960.

With no official â&#x20AC;&#x153;gayâ&#x20AC;? bar in Napa County, a group of fun-loving philanthropists have come up with a dahling idea: the Napa Guerrilla Gay Bar. Floating from location to location, the group announces a night, sets up a DJ, busts out the food before cutting a mean rug to some saucy tunes. The money goes to good causes, and for â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rockinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Around,â&#x20AC;? their holiday party this weekend, the causes couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be better. Half the dough goes to Napa Valley Shelter Project, a homeless services organization, and the other half goes to the Napa Valley Food Bank. Reads their website: â&#x20AC;&#x153;It doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t matter if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re gay or straight, male or female, single or coupled, owner of a cat or a dog, a Raider fan or a 49er fan, wearer of boxer or briefs, a coffee or tea or Coke or Pepsi drinker. EVERYONE is welcome.â&#x20AC;? Get down on Sunday, Dec. 20, at the Centre CafĂŠ.

388 Devlin Road, Napa. $20â&#x20AC;&#x201C;$35. From 3pm to 8pm. 707.603.3260.

6PQT <T[X]T

THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

37

Take a scenic drive for a unique dining experience

Dinner and a Show Reservations advised HAPPY HOUR Mâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;F â&#x20AC;˘ 4â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6PM EST. 1941

20 min from downtown Petaluma, 25 min from everywhere else!

PETTTY THEFTT Dec 18 The Ultimate Tom Petty Tribute Fri

0.92;1.? :B@60 Concerts HDCDB6 8DJCIN

8:30pm

Sat

Dec 19

SHANA MORRISON

Shana and Santa Together!

8:30pm

THE HOT CLUB OF SAN FRANCISCO 7:30pm

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4th Annual Holiday Bash!

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SANNTA & MRS CLAUS 2:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;4:00pm Dec 20 T C â&#x20AC;&#x2122; IM AIIN S CHRISTMAS SING-ALONG 4:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6:00pm Sun

Holiday CD Release Party Sat

Dec 26 THE 85â&#x20AC;&#x2122;S

80â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Party Band 8:30pm

FIREWHEEL Dec 27 Roots Rock Sun

4:00/In the Bar

New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Weekend New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Eve Party!

Thur

Dec 31 THE ZYDECCO F LAMESS

Party Favors & Champagne Toast 9:00pm

Fri

New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day

Jan

1 CHAMPAAGNE BRUNCH H

Sat

ROY ROGEERS & THE DELTA RHYTHM KINGS 2 Slide Guitar Genius

Jan Sun

Jan

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Reservations Advised 11:00amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;3:00pm

8:30pm

LAURALEE BROWN & COM MPANY 3 Jazz and Beyond 4pm / In the Bar

Outdoor Dining 7 Days a Week

415.662.2219

On the Town Square, Nicasio www.ranchonicasio.com

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THE BOHEMIAN

<>E8=ž 0=3 B70:8=ž Venues, bookers, rumors, etc.

ith the imminent reopening next year of the recently restored art deco Uptown Theater in Napa comes the news that Sheila Groves, longtime booker at Petalumaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Mystic Theatre, will leave the Mystic to fill the new managerial position at the 1,000-seat Uptown. Groves has been booking the Mystic for over 15 years, helping to build it into one of Sonoma Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finest venues; sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s certain to do the same over in the valley for the Uptown. In Grovesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; absence, owner Ken Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donnell and his daughter Shennon Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donnell will take over bookings and promotion at the Mystic, and thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no doubt that artist loyalty and the venueâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s excellent sound will help keep its live music alive and well.

Mill Valleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 142 Throckmorton Theatre, a victim of hard times threatened earlier this year with possible closure, has received a pledge from an anonymous donor (weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re thinking Robin Williams, but no oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s saying) to match up to $50,000 in donations for the old vaudeville house-turned-community nonproďŹ t arts theater. Those wishing to donate to keep the doors open should do so before Dec. 31â&#x20AC;&#x201D;thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when the matching-funds deal expiresâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;by calling 415.383.9611 or by visiting www.142throckmortontheatre.com.

Rumors continue to swirl about Emmyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Spaghetti Shack in Sonoma, a city that a certain well-equipped West County venue owner had originally set his eyes on to open a venue. The Old World atmosphere, the large back patio beer garden and the restaurantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recent aggressive campaign to get a live music permit from the city all add up to the perfect spot for a second location, though no one will comment. A sign on the door notes that, right at the height of the holiday shopping season, Emmyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s will be closed all next week. Hmmm . . .

Finally, in sad news, employees of Cotatiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Backdoor Disc learned this week that the long-running record store will close its doors for good after the end of this month.

The storeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parent company, Value Music Concepts Inc., is also closing several other stores around the country.

Inventory will be on sale through the end of the year and up to the storeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ nal days in January.

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12/17

H^adÉh

12/18

9 PM SHOW > $15 > AMERICANA ROCK

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CRACKER PLUS CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN

+ vicious rumors + seeds of hate

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8:30 PM SHOW > $8/10 > ROCK

NEW YEAR’S EVE

SWEET LEAF + SPIRAL ARMS + THE ESSENESS PROJECT + SHATTERED THEORY

12/31

WITH

TOMMY CASTRO

9 PM SHOW > $40 > 70'S-90'S DANCE

INCLUDES PARTY FAVORS, 11:00 BUFFET, DRINK TICKET OR CHAMPAGNE

nEW yEAR'S eVE PARTY

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FRI 1/22 • 7:00PM DOORS • $15 • 21+ AMERICANA

CHUCK PROPHET PLUS JESSE DE NATALAE

8:30 PM SHOW > $10 > BLUES ROCK

SAT 1/30 • 7:00PM DOORS • $25 ADV/$28 DOS • 18+ SINGER/SONGWRITER

GREG BROWN

9:30 PM SHOW > $10 > 70'S TO NOW DANCE MUSIC

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WITH LAPDANCE ARMAGEDDON

TWICE AS GOOD 1/9

1/16

SAVE $10 PURCHASE TICK ET BY 12/15

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SPECIAL GUEST BONNIE HAYES

DEATH ANGEL

MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE BAND + DJ ON-QUE

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CHRISTMAS JUG BAND

9 PM SHOW > $17/20 > METAL sfarzo guitar strings presents

NEVERLAND

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12/19

12/26

DICK DALE

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9 PM SHOW > $15 > 80'S DANCE

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GUITAR LEGEND

+ dj on-que

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FRI 12/18 • 7:00PM DOORS • $25 • 21+ ROCK

TAINTED LOVE

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Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner BBQ • Pasta • Steak

+ PAT JORDAN

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Mc Near’s Dining House

BOB SCHNEIDER

<d ;^h]

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DON’T FORGET…WE SERVE FOOD TOO!

THE BAR AND RESTAURANT OPENS ON ALL SHOW DAYS AT 4 PM

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the best place for live music, dancing and dining

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nightclub & restaurant

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the last day saloon

MARK HUMMEL’S HARMONICA BLOWOUT

9:00 PM SHOW > $20 > REGGAE

WITH KIM WILSON & ROD PIAZZA FEAT RUSTY ZINN

ANTHONY B

FRI 2/12 • 7:00PM DOORS • $23 ADV/$25 DOS • 18+ BLUES/SONGWRITER

+ DJ JACQUES + DIRTY DUB BAND

LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III SOLO

all shows are 21+ unless noted for reservations: 707.545.5876

PLUS SOLID AIR

707.545.2343

For All Ages Shows • No Children Under 10 Allowed

23 Petaluma Blvd, Petaluma

120 5th street @ davis street santa rosa, ca

lastdaysaloon.com

707-765-2121 www.mcnears.com

THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

41

:B@60

0DBC8= B>=6 <0278=4 Rob Schneider whittled down his new album from a whopping 50 songs.

2P]½c B[^f 3^f] Bob Schneiderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s many unstoppable voices

TOM RIGNEY WITH FLAMBEAU Sat, Dec 19 Wed, Dec 16 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45 Jazzercise 10am-12:15pm Scottish Dance Youth and Family 7:00-10:00pm Singles & Pairs Square Dance Club Thur, Dec 17 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 7:25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;10:30pm Circle Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Squares Dance Club Fri, Dec 18 8:45-9:45am Jazzercise 8:00pm North Bay Country Dance Society presents the band DRIVING MISS FERGUS Gala Holiday Dance, Dessert Potluck Sat, Dec 19 8:00-9:00am; 9:15-10:15am Jazzercise 10:30-11:40am Salsa Workout with DJ Steve Luther 8:00pm Steve Luther hosts TOM RIGNEY with FLAMBEAU $15 Sun, Dec 20 8:30-9:30am Jazzercise 10:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;11:30am Zumba Fitness with Anna 5:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9:30pm DJ Steve Luther Country-Western Lessons & Dancing $10 Mon, Dec 21 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 3:30pm WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING Weigh in 3:30, Meeting 4:00 7:00-10:00pm New! Scottish Country Dancing Tues, Dec 22 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 9:30am WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING

By Bruce Robinson

1

ob Schneider is just not a one-band man. In addition to performing under his own name, the Austinbased singer, songwriter and band leader also fronts a pair of very different hometown ensembles, the Scabs and the Texas Bluegrass Massacre. And, with infrequent exceptions, each group plays a separate set of Schneiderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s songs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Usually what happens with every project is Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have a song or a couple songs that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve written that donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite fit in the other thing that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m doing,â&#x20AC;? Schneider explains by phone from the Texas capital. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what happened with the Scabsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;I was playing in the band called the Ugly Americans, and I had written some songs with a friend of mine that didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite fit in that band, so I started the Scabs so that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d have an outlet to play those songs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Then I started playing solo when I wrote some mellow songs that didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fit into the Scabs, so I started a solo band project. I did the Texas Bluegrass Massacre because I had some friends who were great bluegrass players and I just wanted to play music with them. So I started doing that.â&#x20AC;?

Weigh in 9:30, Meeting 10:00

7:15-9:00pm AFRICAN DANCE with Victoria Strowbridge

featuring West African & Congolese Dance

Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Social Hall since 1922 1400 W. College Avenue â&#x20AC;˘ Santa Rosa, CA 707.539.5507 â&#x20AC;˘ www.monroe-hall.com

42

12.16.09-12.22.09

THE BOHEMIAN

Even in his solo projects, such as the recently released Lovely Creatures CD, Schneiderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wide-ranging musicality covers considerable stylistic ground, from the leisurely groove of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Realness of Space,â&#x20AC;? though bittersweet pop melodies like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bringdown,â&#x20AC;? to the endearingly cheesy vocal chorus that decorates the amusingly verbose â&#x20AC;&#x153;Your Head Holds Gold, Your Heart Holds Diamonds.â&#x20AC;? His new record also features the irresistible Latin rhythms of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bombonanzaâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tarantula,â&#x20AC;? two longtime staples of his live shows given hot-blooded, extra-brass-and percussion treatments, in part to dress them up for those who already know the songs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When a record like this comes out, my fans have already heard the music,â&#x20AC;? Schneider explains. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I record all my shows live and make them available for sale at the end of the night. So a lot of the songs that are on that record, my fans have live versions from when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve toured through that part of the country and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve heard the songs and are familiar with them already.â&#x20AC;?

Bootlegging his own shows also enables Schneider to showcase the output of his prolific pen. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I only get to tour the county maybe twice a year, so in that span of time between recordsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;maybe itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s two to three yearsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have written a lot of songs that will never get recorded on a record. So when people come to the shows, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like a brandnew record every time.â&#x20AC;?

The actual new record, just his third studio set joining Lonelyland (2001) and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Good Now (2005), wound up featuring a connective theme that Schneider insists was entirely inadvertent. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Once we had recorded the songs and put the record together, I looked at it and realized the common thread was that they were all love songs in one regard or another. Some unrequited, some are requited love songs, just different phases in love relationships. But that was just a coincidence.â&#x20AC;?

Often Schneiderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s songs are detailed miniatures, capturing a mood or moment and running with it, as in â&#x20AC;&#x153;Bicycle vs. Car,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Slower Dearâ&#x20AC;? or â&#x20AC;&#x153;Trash.â&#x20AC;? Other times it seems that the music can scarcely contain an upwelling of words and freely associated thoughts, such as the aforementioned â&#x20AC;&#x153;Your Head Holds Goldâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;40 Dogs (Like Romeo and Juliet),â&#x20AC;? the track from Lovely Creatures currently drawing the most radio play.

To at least some degree, that disparate output is a result of Schneiderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s restless creative urges. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always drawn my whole life, and I love making stuff,â&#x20AC;? he adds, animatedly. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kind of a continuation of that with my songs.

I just like putting some words together and putting some music in and recording it. I just do that all the time.â&#x20AC;?

Still, Schneider leaves room to introduce those new songs that constantly keep appearing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My whole drive is just to create somethingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;anything,â&#x20AC;? he continues, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m able to write a lot of stuff doing that.

Then later I try to figure out if this is a song I can play live or is this a song I may have to start another band for.â&#x20AC;?

Bob Schneider plays Thursday, Dec. 17, at the Last Day Saloon. 120 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 8:30pm. $15. 707.545.2343.

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The wily Mr. Wiley goes to Washington hat has William T. Wiley wrought? Or more appropriately what hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t he wrought? In a stellar career that began when he was in high school in the 1950s, and has spanned six decades, there isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t an art form that Wiley hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t plied. A long-time resident of West Marin, and an ex-professor at UC Davis, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s painted, sculpted, composed music and performed it, written poetry and recorded it, and made movies, too. Time and again heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s brought all the arts together in explosive works that take on the world and often turn it upside down. Wileyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s art has also always poked fun at narrow-minded American politics and shrill politicians. Unafraid to take on Washington, D.C.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s powers-that-be, Wiley has satirized whatever party happens to be in power.

A colossal exhibition of his work opened Oct. 2 in the nationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s capital at the Smithsonian American Art Museum and runs through Jan. 24, 2010. In the spring the exhibition travels to the Berkeley Art Museum and Pacific Film Archive, opening on March 17, 2010, and closing June 20. For art lovers who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t or wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t travel to Washington, or refuse to wait for Wileyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work to arrive in Berkeley, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the elegant new book, Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s It All Means: William T. Wiley in Retrospective (University of California Press; $39.95).

With provocative essays by outstanding scholars, Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s It All Mean includes work from every period of a career that has continually reinvented itself. Indeed, Wiley has had as many different periods as Picasso. If there is one single, living American artist whose name can be spoken without apology in the same breathe as Picassoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, it might be Wileyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s It All Means illuminates his artistic genius. The volume also shows that virtuoso critics such as Joann Moser, John Yau and John G. Hanhardt have, like the public at large, often been puzzled by Wileyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enigmatic paintings and sculptures that deconstruct, reconstruct and critique themselves.

Wiley has always painted against interpretation.

He has also always invited viewers to look closely at his work, and to hunt for hidden signs and symbols. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s It All Means shows how playful he can beâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;especially in pieces like Sold Yours Return and Mr. Unnatural Eyes the Ape Run Ledgeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and how masterful a punster he has been. With a name like Wiley you might expect heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be wily, and indeed heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s as wily as he is witty and worldly.

W

Jonah Raskin

THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

45

BOHEMIANROMANCE check us out online at: www.NorthBayRomance.com

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For customer service, email bohemian@ placepersonal.com, or call 1-617-450-8773 Women Seeking Men 1949 CLASSIC SWF, tall, slender, active, enjoys swimming, bicycling, mysteries, hiking, cooking, barbecuing, symphony. Seeking well-mannered, caring S/DWM, 50-60, N/S, N/D, N/ Drugs, with similar interests, for friendship and companionship. 415313

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LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MEET FOR DINNER SWF, 49, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;4â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, H/W proportionate, blondish-brown layered hair, big blue eyes, down-to-earth, mellow, nice, kind, sweet, considerate, laidback, seeks SM, 35-55, who has a good sense of humor.

I enjoy cats, beaches, hiking, camping, movies. 310278

LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S HAVE FUN Spiritual SWF, young 70s, petite, professional, employed, kids grown, ISO a fine, grounded gentleman, 65-70, for possible LTR. 240656

LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MEET AND TALK SWF, 39, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;3â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, loves music, dancing. Looking for a social SWM, mid 40s, for friendship first. 318133

LOCAL GAL WF looking for someone fun, nice, loyal, honest and intelligent who likes good conversation, wine tasting, art, barbecues, camping, hanging out at home and more. 40-55.

306414

A BIG HEART Caring, loving SF, 39, enjoys movies, the outdoors, travel.

Looking for SW/HM, 39-50, for friendship, maybe more.

305007

LOOKING FOR A FRIEND SAF, 48, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;4â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, looking for a friend who will eventually become my partner in life.

318943

PRETTY & SLENDER Bright and youthful SWF, 50+, enjoys listening to or playing music, travel, playing at the beach, and dating. Seeking nice-looking, kind, intelligent SM, 50s plus or minus, with sense-of-humor, financially secure, to share fun indoors and out, concerts and movies, dining out and walks, cozy fireplaces and sometimes campfires. 303711

LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 40, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;2â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, reddish-brown hair, enjoys horseback riding, art, the ocean, going new places, shopping, antique stores, movies, going for drives, taking trips. Looking for SWM, 40-55, with similar interests. 323931

LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S GO OUT & HAVE FUN! Honest woman, 50s, very caring, compassionate, kind, my interests are long drives, walks, dancing, visiting new places, dinners. Seeking nice SM, 50s-60s, for LTR. 297169

SHY AND ARTISTIC Single female in her 50s looking for a male who enjoys music, television. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s meet and see if we connect! 308997

FRIENDS OR MORE Nurturing, artistic, bright, hard-working, compassionate, feminine female in her 50s, enjoys music, dancing, travel, the beach, kayaking, dining, taking walks. Seeking male, 50-69, for friendship with the possibility of more.

309768

ONE HONEST WOMAN LEFT Bright SF, 60s, with good values, flexible and honest, likes reading, camping, travel, taking walks. Seeking similar male, 50-69, for friendship, casual relationship, possible LTR. 309769

VERY PERSONABLE Motivated, bright, artistic, hard-working, health-conscious female, 50s, personable and flexible, seeks male, age open, who likes museums, travel, long drives, camping, hiking. 309770

LOOKING FOR LTR Outdoorsy, health-minded, clean-cut, honest woman in her 30s, who enjoys biking, dining, shopping, the beach, hiking, taking walks, wants to meet a male in his 30s for LTR. 309772

Call costs $2.29/min. Must be 18+

CAPTIVATING! Adorable, hard-working, classy female, 50s, enjoys museums, shopping, travel, coffee shops, the beach.

Seeking SM, 50s, for friendship, casual relationship, or LTR. 309776

A CARING HEART Outdoorsy, flexible, nurturing, feminine woman, 50s, likes camping, long drives, travel, coffee shops, taking walks.

Seeking male, 40-59, for LTR. 309777

GOOD VALUES Caring, personable, compassionate, classy, hard-working female, 50s, likes music, dancing, travel, reading, museums, dining, the beach. Seeking SM, 50s, for friendship, possibly more. 309780

WAITING ARMS Caring, educated, honest, optimistic, hard-working SF, 30s, enjoys travel, dining out, long drives, the beach, reading, walks, hiking, music and more. Would like to meet likeminded man, 30-40, for LTR. 313123

TAKE A CHANCE ON ME Motivated, outdoorsy, honest, health-conscious woman, with good values and optimistic attitude, likes most kinds of music, dining out, walks, camping, travel and relaxing time at home. Seeking a nice, honest, active man, 30-40, with similar interests, to spend time with, possible leading to LTR. 313124

MANY FINE QUALITIES Caring, outdoorsy, honest, artistic, hard-working SF, early 50s, optimistic homebody with good values, has many interests including music, dining out, museums, travel, long drives, reading, walks, camping, biking and more.

Looking for an honest, downto-earth SM, 50-70, for friendship and dating first, possibly leading to something more serious. 313126

ADORABLE AND BRIGHT Caring, friendly, goal-oriented, feminine, honest, compassionate woman, 60s, likes travel, exercise, music, hiking, long drives, dining out, the beach, reading and more. Seeking a great companion, 50-70, to share these activities and quiet times with.

313128

COMPASSIONATE Friendly, honest, artistic, outdoorsy, caring SF, 30s, likes watching tv, dancing, the beach, travel, walks, music, hiking, museums, dining out, more. Searching for a partner in life, 30-50, for possible LTR. 313131

OUTGOING AND FUN Compassionate, caring, friendly, honest SF, 20s, likes going to clubs, camping, hiking, reading, the beach, dining out, more. Looking for a downto-earth, easygoing man, 2235, for LTR. 313136

LIKE GOING OUT? Honest, goal-oriented personable, artistic, sophisticated, hardworking SF would like to meet a SM, 40-60, who enjoys travel, walks, the beach, music, reading, camping, long drives, museums, tv, dining out, dancing and more. Seeking LTR. 313138

SEEKING LTR Honest, compassionate, artistic, friendly, goal-oriented, caring SF, 50s, health-minded with good values, into music, the beach, dancing, tv, travel, museums, walks, reading and more. Would like to meet SM, around the same age, for companionship. 313139

LIKE PBS? Personable, caring, goaloriented friendly, artistic, compassionate woman, with good values, likes coffee shops, music, reading, walks, travel, dancing, dining out and more. Looking for honest, respectful man, 50-70, for LTR. 313143

Men Seeking Women HANDSOME BM...

65, seeks female for fun-loving adventures and relaxation. I love cooking, surprises, and giving gifts. 302811

LONG HAIR A PLUS Good-looking Native American male, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;8â&#x20AC;?, 220lbs, long hair, in search of a Hispanic or Native American woman, 50s, for friendship first and companionship. 304173

SEEKING AN OPEN MIND SBM, 33, 250lbs, smoker, enjoys cars, long walks, working out. Looking for SF, 20-65, kids ok, for possible relationship. 304990

PACIFIC NORTHWEST Casual guy, enjoys mountain and beach trips, walks, outdoors, moonlit nights, cuddling. Seeking SWF, 40-56, slim/medium build, to come spend quiet times in Pacific Northwest. 954499

SHARED JOY SWM, 59, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;9â&#x20AC;?, 160lbs, nicelooking, with good SOH, seeking woman to have fun with, race/age unimportant. I like dancing, partying, shows and dining out. Call me! 972627

YOUR XMAS PARTY COMPANION Handsome, athletic, 54, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 195lbs, respectful gentleman, with good values, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s educated, N/S, sociable and mischievous. Looking for a classy, friendly SWF, dances, with a beautiful smile and pointed ears. 325406

LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CONNECT SM, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;2â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 220lbs, athletic, outgoing, loves the outdoors.

Looking for similar SW/AF, 18-55, for fun and friendship.

324795

LOTTERY WINNER if you respond to this ad you will in effect have won the lottery. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a bald 54 year-old, handsome man, well-traveled, love cooking, adventure, exploring. Ready to have a slender, attractive, sexy, happy girlfriend. 325270

NO GAMES OR DRAMA WM, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 190lbs, brownish-gray, hazel, goatee, loves playing pool, the outdoors, football, trying new things. Looking for a lady, 25-55, who wants to meet a nice guy. 323674

FUN, INTROSPECTIVE SWM, 52, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;4â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, in good shape, likes classic movies, reading, hiking, classical music, sailing, the outdoors, travel, the symphony. Looking for SF, 22-50, similar interests.

301801

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Next door to The Mighty Quinn on SR Ave Open 7 Days a Week 10am to 10pm

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;M NOT THE GUY... ...for long walks on the beach, dancing the night away. Retiree, 48, moderately disabled with MS, SSU grad, into jazz, films, progressive talk radio.

San Francisco native seeks caring, happy lady, 40-50, for companionship. N/S. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a good listener, talk to me. Tell me about yourself. 219612

WELL-TRAVELED WRITER Sensitive, compassionate, honest WM, warm, open, considered attractive, wonderful listener, quiet entertaining, likes most kinds of movies, music, travel, more. Seeking WF, 52-71, for possible relationship. 323098

HAPPILY EVER AFTER Single white male, 46, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;11â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 190lbs, brown hair, blue eyes, Aquarius, interested in music, film, literature. Seeking the real deal, the storybook, the fairy tale princess. 323596

BLONDE A PLUS SM, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;10â&#x20AC;?, 185lbs, black/ brown, light complexion, looking for a slim WF, 19-29, for dating. 324312

GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR SWM, 59, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;11â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 180lbs, nonsmoker, blue eyes, sandy brown hair, enjoys fishing, beaches, dining out and more. Seeking female, 5565, for possible relationship.

309857

FRIEND LOVER SOULMATE SWPJM, 56, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;10â&#x20AC;?, blue eyes, sandy brown hair, kind, passionate, artistic, sincere, committed and fun, enjoys ocean walks, travel, arts, food, wine and nature. Seeking SF, 5062, kindred spirit, kind, soft, sensuous, for lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s adventures together. 309779

GET TO KOW ME SBM, 53, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;1â&#x20AC;?, 190lbs, looking for a fun, loving woman, 2565, with a good personality, who likes having a good time, the beach, horseback riding, movies, walks and more.

314332

STARTING OVER Separated WM, loves hockey, the outdoors, golf, staying in and watching movies, gardening and more. Would like to meet someone fun who wants to enjoy life. Call me and lift my spirits. 282029

COLLEGE PROF-SUMMERS OFF! Tall, dark, handsome, positive, athletic SM, 60, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 200lbs, looks 45, feels 35, loves life!

A seafood vegetarian, nonsmoker and light drinker.

Loves the outdoors, hiking, walking, mountain biking, tennis, acoustic music, volunteer work, walks on the beach, traveling, long road trips, cuddling, spending time with someone special. 322787

LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315052

ABBREVIATIONS: A-Asian; B-Black; C-Christian; F-Female; G-Gay; H-Hispanic; J-Jewish; M-Male; N/S-Non-Smoker; P-Professional; S-Single; W-White Guidelines:BohemianRomanceisacommunitypublication.ParticipantsintheBohemianRomancemust be 18 years or older. Use of Bohemian Romance for any illegal purpose will be subject to prosecution. Bohemian Romanceisnotliableforthecontentofthepersonalsadvertisementsortheresponsetosuchadvertisements.BohemianRomance encourages readers to take appropriate safeguards when responding to personal and arrangingmeetings.Screenallrespondentscarefully.Meetingswithnew companions should occur in public places and participants should not divulge their addresses. Be smart, not sorry. Notallboxescontainavoicegreeting.

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THE BOHEMIAN

1210

12.16.09-12.22.09

46

BOHEMIANROMANCE To become a member, call To listen & respond to ads, call

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1.800.214.3435 To listen & respond to ads using a credit card or check, call

1 800.273.8235

Call costs $2.19/min. Must be 18+ Men Seeking Women HOPE TO FIND YOU Sociable, good-hearted, compassionate, healthy gentleman, 63, published writer/poet, D/D-free, non-drinker, enjoys quiet times, home, sports, simple times. Seeking loving, happy, intelligent woman to share life, love, possible LTR. Bay Area preferred. 224839

LOOK NO FURTHER SWM, 30, 5’4’’, looking for a woman, 30-40, who wants to hang out and get to know each other. 317907

COOKING FOR YOU! SWM, 62, 5’10”, 170lbs, N/S, light drinker, clean shaven, hazel eyes, self-employed, loves cooking, jazz and traveling.

Seeking a similar woman, 5080, race unimportant, for possible LTR. 318883

ONE GOOD MAN LEFT SHM, 32, N/S, likes soccer, running. In search of SA/BF for friendship first possibly leading to more. 319059

JUST MOVED HERE SWM, 5’7’’, 190lbs, brown eyes, wants to meet soulmate in similar SF, 30-55. I love swing dancing, travel, gourmet cooking, animals, nature.

305800

SOMEONE LIKE ME SWM, youthful 51, 5’11’’, 200lbs, dark hair, hazel eyes, looking for a lady, 40-59, who likes to party, is outgoing, adventurous. 319319

EASY ON THE EYES Outgoing, good-looking WM, 6’, 175lbs, salt-n-pepper/blue, good sense of humor, spontaneous, romantic, adventurous, likes weekend getaways, concerts and more. Seeking honest, appreciative woman, 22-65, who has goals in life.

320839

JACK OF HEARTS Handsome dude, 57, good SOH, interesting, spontaneous, fun, adventuresome, looking for attractive woman.

I enjoy dancing, concerts, dining out, hiking, beach combing and holding hands also loves animals, dogs, cats and horses. Happy trails! 201639

SEEKING A REAL WOMAN WM, 6’, 200lbs, blond/blue, a few tattoos, very athletic, loves the beach, bike rides, romantic evenings at home, great conversation. Seeking honest woman, 18-50, no games.

322539

KISSING & CUDDLING Single man in Sonoma County, extremely romantic, looking for an equally romantic partner. I love soft kisses, snuggling on the couch, and making you laugh! 315225

SOMETIMES MISCHIEVOUS Optimistic, honest, cleancut, caring, outdoorsy man, 50s, likes music, walks, long drives, running, watching tv, museums, dining out. Seeking SF, 50s, for companionship.

313135

COMPASSIONATE SM, 60s, with good values, likes camping, dancing, dining, reading, hiking, walking, biking. Looking for SF, 50s, for LTR. 318320

Men Seeking Men LOOKING FOR LOVE Seeking one man to love and care for completely and forever. Me: SBM, 50ish, affectionate, supportive, genuine, lots to offer. You: just be yourself, imperfect, mature older man, 70-90, with some humor, some laughter. Are you the one?

299175 COMPASSIONATE GUY Hard-working, classy, cleancut, caring, honest male in search of a male, 58-69, who likes night clubs, television, travel, dancing, the beach, taking walks, exercise. 308996

LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6’, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315055

Women Seeking Women

STRAIGHTFORWARD FUN SWM, 39, looking for SF, 18-50, who likes to try new things and isn’t afraid of having a little fun! 304707

JOIN US White couple looking for a female, 18-25, for fun, discreet times together. Give us a call.

311573

READY FOR FUN? SWM, 30, feminine bottom, looking for a top WM, 20-60, for good times and fun. Let’s see where it goes! 311892

SHE-MALE SEEKS GOOD TIMES Want to spend time with a man or a woman. I am very affectionate, beautiful, and love to be held. Interested? 279657 KEEP IT DISCREET WF, 30s, dark/dark, light complexion, fun-loving, bi-curious, seeks discreet female, 28-55, to have fun and party with.

314779

WHERE ARE YOU? You are 35-45, very feminine, dark, mystical, spiritual, with a sense of humor, know what you like, and want to enjoy life, but not alone. I’m trying to find you, where are you? 310085 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 41, Santa Rosa area, looking for a SWF, 30-45, to hang out and have fun with.

318644

LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE SM, 20s, bright, artistic, ambitious, optimistic, personable, likes dining, travel, the beach, walking, exercise. Seeking female, 20s, for possible relationship. 318319

CALL ME BiWM, handyman artist in Marin, 52, 5’6”, 180lbs, dirty blond hair, pale blue eyes, seeks couple or singles for fun in Marin or nearby. 293610

FRIENDSHIP FIRST Caring, honest, nurturing SM, 60s, enjoys music, watching tv, walks, camping, coffee shops, hiking and museums.

Looking for SF, 30-70, for dating possibly leading to LTR. 313144

DISCREET ENCOUNTER BiHM, 50, 5’6”, 180lbs, nonsmoker, seeking males, females or couples to have some hot fun and more. 324668

Alternative Lifestyles SPANK YOU VERY MUCH Woman,thoushalt be spanked.

Gentle or hard, clothed or naked, whatever you deserve, by a sexy man who knows how to do it. 288495 COUPLE SEEKS WOMAN Very attractive, middle-aged, married white couple, she’s 5’2”, 125lbs, 34D. He is 5’11”, 172lbs. Both and very sensual and she is multi-orgasmic.

We are N/S, light drinkers, heal-conscious, pleasant, nonpushy. Please be N/S, H/W proportionate, white, Hispanic or Asian, under 55. Bi or bi-curious ok. Discretion assured.

Let’s have fun. 314002 LET’S HAVE FUN SM, 38, 6’2”, 200lbs, looking for a top or couples to get together and share good times with. 324363

WHATEVER YOU DECIDE! SM, 5’11’’, 170lbs, light brown hair, blue eyes, athletic build, shaved, smooth and sexy, well-endowed, into a wide variety of pleasures. Anything goes; role play, fantasy fulfillment, toys, porn, lingerie.

Seeking couples and females to party and play. 316161

TURN THE TABLES Handsome, sane, married WM, 57 is looking for a woman, who knows how to use a strap on, for ongoing, mostly daytime play. I will please you in any way that you want and I take directions well. 318288

GREAT LEGS! Tall, slender cross-dresser, very nice legs, looking for men or a group of men. Give me a call, let’s have some fun!

318996

BD/SM SWM, submissive, wants one or two females or young male for BD/SM, watersports, torture, anal. Never did any of this before, but curious to try now!

319455

SEEKING COUPLES Good-looking bi male, 50, would like to meet bi man/ woman couples for erotic interlude. 319986

TRIPLE PLAY Handsome, easygoing, discreet, polite gentleman, 57, enjoys couples. I am a WM, 6’, 190lbs, athletic build, well hung and Bi. I also like dominant women. 232423

LET’S HAVE SOME FUN Male looking for an older gentleman, 35-65, to teach me the ropes. I haven’t been with too many people. I like watching adult movies and trying new things. 321782

I NEED HELP! Married HM, 49, 5’11”, goodlooking, doesn’t get it at home.

Looking for a wild woman with a high libido for a discreet sexual encounter. 322196

FREAKY MAN... looking for a freaky, spontaneous, wild, erotic woman, 18-55, to get together and have some fun, adult times together.

322361

JOIN US Bi couple looking for a stud, a muffin or both. Satisfaction guaranteed. 323336

SANTA ROSA AREA WM, 41, looking for openminded people who enjoy adult fun. I like adult movies, toys and looking for a couples and females. I can be orally bi depending on the chemistry.

323130

18+

866.689.5312

Get ready to meet someone special.

Missed Connections AMAZON KINDLE Hello, I met you Friday June 27 at the Russian River Brewing Company on Fourth St. in Santa Rosa. She may be a computer programmer from St. Helena Hospital and watched on this day 3 movies back to back in the theater on Fourth St. in the town of Santa Rosa The Love Guru by Mike Meyers, Wall-E and another film. And she sipped a little beer and read from her Amazon kindle. I would like to get in touch with this girl and ask her to edit my book. She is a perfect candidate for my book.

Hope to hear from you. Phil.

274972

CORINA IN OLIVER’S Saturday at 4:00PM, You had 15-year-old twins with blacks belts in karate. I have two cute little kids. We talked about children and kale. Lunch?

311695

call 1.800.214.3435

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47

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THE BOHEMIAN

1210

BOHEMIANCLASSIFIEDS

Placing an Ad

Contacting Us

§ By Phone Call the Department at 707.527.1200 Mon.-Fri., 8:30a.m.5:30p.m.

∏ In Person Visit our office Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m. at 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa

√ By Fax Fax your ad to the Classified Department at 707.527.1288

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≈ Deadline Fridays, 2:00pm

Career Development

g Employment Jobs

Seeking undercover shoppers urgently!!!

Earn $75-$200 Hour Media Makeup Artist Training.

Ads, TV, film, fashion. One week class. Stable job in weak economy. Details at www.AwardMadeUpSchool.com 310/364-0665. (AAN CAN)

If interested in Undercover **BODYGUARDS Shopping contact: Cook Depp WANTED** Refer all resumes/ FREE Training & Job Placeapplications to ment Assistance for members. cook.depp@gmail.com.

No Experience OK. Excellent potential $$$. Full & Part Pizza Shop Time. Traveling expenses Seeking shift leader with Food paid..1-615-228-1701. service experience. Requires www.psubodyguards.com excellent customer service (AAN CAN) skills and reliable vehicle.

Evenings and weekends.

Business Opportunities 707-537-9466

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$$$HELP WANTED$$$ Extra Income! Assembling CD cases from Home! No Experience Necessary! Call our Live Operators Now! 1-800-405-7619 EXT 2450 [ www.easywork-greatpay.com (AAN CAN)

$Low Start Up – HUGE Profits$ iHeater Dealers Wanted! #1 Portable Infrared Heater As Seen on TV. Don’t Miss This HOT Opportunity!

Call NOW! 1-800-714-8425 (AAN CAN)

Adult Entertainment

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g For Sale Electronics

Get Dish-Free Installation $19.99 per month. HBO & Showtime Free. Over 50 HD Channels Free. Lowest Prices no equipment to buy!

Call now for details: 877/242-0974. (AAN CAN)

no equipment to buy!

Call now for details: 877/238-8413. (AAN CAN)

Sleek Office Space Dividers Available!

Office/Space Dividers Blonde Finish 7 L Shaped Dividers 4 Ft. High, x 3 Ft. Width x 5.5 Ft. Width. Offered @ $600 per divider or Best Offer for the lot.Located @ 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Call 707.527.1200 ext. 201 or email rolson@bohemian.com

Cocktail Arcades for SALE

Computer Market

Ms.Pacman, Galaga.

Shooting/Driving/Fighting/Re demption/Amusement Games MacAdvantage & More! WWW.COINOPMacintosh FREE Diagnosis, Friendly STORE.COM CALL In-House Staff Hardware/ (888)378-9416 Software, DATA Recovery, Miscellaneous Internet, Email,Wireless Network Setup & Security, Get Dish-Free Apple Authorized Business Installation Agent, Tam Nguyen-Chief Tech, M-F 10-6 $19.99 per month. HBO & info@themacadvantage.com Showtime Free. Over 50 HD Channels Free. Lowest Prices 707.664.0400

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Bohemian Classifieds 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m. ph: 707.527.1200

Professional Services

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specializing in matching Miscellaneous birthmothers with families nationwide. Living expenses Gain National paid. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866/413-6293 Exposure Reach over 5 million young, (AAN CAN) active, educated readers for Classes & Instruction only $995 by advertising in 110 weekly newspapers like High School Diploma! this one. Call Jason at Fast, affordable and accredited. 202/289-8484. (AAN CAN) Free brochure. Call Now!. 1Remodeling/Repair 888-532-6546 ext. 97 www.continentalacademy.com.

(AAN CAN)

cd covers, photographic restoration, general marketing materials.

Mark Schaumann 707-795-0924, schaumann1@earthlink.net

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Green Earth Catering Organic and Earth friendly foods and supplies Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager. 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

CUSTOM PAINTING All The Best For Your Home!!

Interior & Exterior Custom Painting & Staining- Cabinet refinishing, wall paper strip ping, drywall patching, cedar siding, epoxy garage floors, pressure washing, decks.

Owner on all jobs. Licensed, Bonded, Insured, Local References. CSLB#888479.

Call Cotterill Custom Painting: 707-528-6832/ 707-396-6402

g Music Scene Bands

Lil Wayne, E-40, Snoop Dog, San Quinn Youth Failing School Thug World Records explosive or School Failing Our label features lil Wayne Youth ?

Try Rancho Bodega School Small Group/One on One Instruction - Enriched Middle/High School Curriculum - Special Studies/Independent Study Emphasizing Music & Art Serving Grades 7-12 NOW ENROLLING !!

Call 707-795-7166 www.ranchobodegaschool.

Snoop dog E-40 G-unit and more. Free Downloads, MP3s, RingTones, videos. www.thugworldrecords.com 408-561-1255

Family Services

Golden Star Grafix Need a quality designer?

Business cards, brochures, flyers, posters, digital collage,

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Pregnant? Considering Adoption?

com

Talk with caring agency

SANTA ROSA’S

Adult Entertainment

Quality and Maturity

Kara, in Marin. Call for photos.

Please, no calls from blocked phone numbers. No calls after midnight. 415/233-2769.

Adult Massage

**North Bay Beauties** Convenient incall off 101.

Ask about website pix.

Liza * 707-566-7866 Kayla * 707-843-2271 Chatline

WHERE SINGLES MEET Listen & Respond FREE! 707/583-1055 Code 6999 Visit MegaMates.com, 18+ Dateline

SINGLES! SANTA TA ROSA CALL NOW! SANT

707-206-6494 707 206 6494 SAN FRANCISCO....415-501-9701

Collect Call Billing! 1-866-607-5282 1-900 Pricing Options! 1-900-622-1100 Dial #CLICK (#25425) 79¢/min. Sprint, Boost, AT&T

18+ *Charges may apply to certain features.

MEN SEEKING MEN Browse & Respond FREE! 415-430-1199 Code 5631 Meet Your Man Here!

THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

48

HEALTH&WELL-BEING g Healing & Bodywork

RELAX!

Relaxing massage and bodywork by male massage therapist with 10 yrs experience.

707-542-6856

Lily Spa RELAX Asian Massage Thai â&#x20AC;˘ Deep Tissue Swedish â&#x20AC;˘ Hot Stone 1 HR/$65 90 MIN/$100 walk-ins or appt

707.528.2540 3401 Cleveland Ave #2 Santa Rosa

Tibetan Cranial Yoga Therapy, Ayurveda and Reiki treatments. Gift certificates available.

Christmas Specials. www.anandawellness.org 707-579-1546

Strong Thorough and Intuitive 30 yrs experience. Excellent Rates! 1/2 hour, hour or 90 mins. Colin, CMT 707-823-2990.

Petaluma Lavender Day Spa

Opening Specials â&#x20AC;˘ FREE Table Shower â&#x20AC;˘ Excellent Massage â&#x20AC;˘ Relaxing Body Treatments â&#x20AC;˘ Large Steam Sauna â&#x20AC;˘ Easy & Safe Parking

707.782.9898

131 Liberty St, Ste. D at Washington behind Walchovia Bank

FLOWER SPA

by Ron,

CMT Â&#x203A; JXk`]jp`e^ =lcc 9f[p Â&#x203A; Jn\[`j_&;\\g K`jjl\ Â&#x203A; JkXik`e^ Xk $+,&_i Â&#x203A; Gi`mXk\ Jkl[`f

Massage â&#x20AC;˘ Reflexology Swedish/Shiatsu Open 7 Days: 10am-10pm

1626 4th St. Santa Rosa 707.526.6888

Schedule Online

QuietMassage.com Santa Rosa 8 am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 8 p m

Massage Calendarâ&#x20AC;? for pics & availability.

Total relaxation $50/hr John (707)-536-1516 Santa Rosa www.completebodybalance. com

Massage for X-Mas

A Provider of Pleasure In a safe, relaxing, comfortable space by a â&#x20AC;&#x153;matureâ&#x20AC;?, compatible, easy-going gentleman! Since 1991 Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve provided pleasure to women, men, couples. Good virtues.

NW Santa Rosa, Jimmy, (C) 707-799-4467 or (L) 707-527-9497.

Golden Flower Massage Spa

(.'. ,*-$((*-

A healing touch through strong sensitive hands from Dan CMT. Give yourself or loved on a gift of massage for health, balance and reconnection. Swedish, hot stone, deep tissue techniques when required. Outcall and studio.

Women, Men Couples.

707-332-7999 or massagefromdan@yahoo.com

Full Body Sensual Massage With a mature, playful CMT. Comfortable incall location near the J.C. in Santa Rosa.

Soothing, relaxing, and fun.

Visa/MC accepted. Gretchen 707/478-3952.

Windsor: 4 Men Brent, C.M.T. 26 years experience. Nurturing, intuitive touch. Private, discrete studio.

707/477-0400.

Great Massage

By Joe, CMT. Relaxing hot tub and pool available. Will do outcalls. 707-228-6883.

g Massage & Relaxation

Deep Relaxing Full Body Massage To total Completion by a mature male $40/hour.

Napa Valley location.

Roger 707-525-1771.

â&#x20AC;˘ Swedish & Deep

Tissue Massage â&#x20AC;˘ Hot Stone Massage

699 Petaluma Blvd. N Open 7 days 9am-10pm

$40 Half Hour Massage Holiday Stress Relief Special For first time clients by Male CMT. 707-766-8269

Therapeutic Massage Center Body Massage $55/hr

707.578.3088 49

12.16.09-12.22.09

Foot Massage $19.99/45 min 2460 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa THE BOHEMIAN

Psychics

Psychic Palm and Card Reader Madame Lisa. Truly gifted adviser for all problems.

827 Santa Rosa Ave. Call for Appointment 707-542-9898

Pamela Joyce Aesthetician/Owner

Exquisite holiday pampering is yours with my full-body DEEP pain-relieving massage.

707-824-8700 or google search â&#x20AC;&#x153;James Dickson

204 G St. Suit " etaluma " A " 4 707.7 4

707.765.1879

NOW OPEN

Open 7 days 9-10pm

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Call the Bohemian NOW to advertise!

707.527.1200 sales@bohemian.com

TrueTone Skincare & Bodywork

SEBASTOPOL MASSAGE FOR GUYS

Relaxing Massage

First time $45/hr. www.garywtmassage.com, Gary, CMT. 707-235-5423

Holistic tantric masseuse.

Unhurried, private, heartfelt.

Monday thru Saturday.

NEW CLIENT DISCOUNT. 707-793-2232.

the way you like it. Swedish and deep tissue techniques.

Relaxing and rejuvenating.

Flexible schedule for your convenience. Outcalls available. Call James 707-477-4365.

Man of Your Dreams Men, women, couples. TLC, massage, Tantra, nurturing mutual touch.

William 707-548-2187

A Safe Place To Be Real

MEN! Get a Massage

Massage 4 Men

Menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Massage for Pleasure and Health

Ayurvedic

Indian Head Massage

Chinese Medicine & Massage Therapy Center FREE CONSULTATION with a Chinese medicine expert & Qi Gong Master. Treatment for pain & injury. Extensive traditional Chinese herbal pharmacy

â&#x20AC;˘ relief from tension headaches, eyestrain, and sinusitis â&#x20AC;˘ improves mobility in neck and shoulders â&#x20AC;˘ balances energy

Margery Smith 707.578.9642

MORE THAN 15 MASSAGE TECHNIQUES FOR PERFECT RELAXATION Swedish, Deep Tissue, Acupressure, Reflexology Qi Gong â&#x20AC;˘ Thai Chi â&#x20AC;˘ Acupuncture Cupping herbs â&#x20AC;˘ Infrared Sauna â&#x20AC;˘ Same-day Appointments Walk-ins Welcome â&#x20AC;˘ Treatments Start at $20 - Insurance Accepted Gift Certificates â&#x20AC;˘ Open 7 days, 10 AM to 8 PM

707.762.9111 â&#x20AC;˘ 172 Keller Street, Petaluma

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For the week of Dec. 16

Pet Services

ANIMAL LOVERS You can make a difference. People for Animal Liberation (PAL) in Sonoma County advocates for animals. More info email: jasminethevegan@yahoo.com

Place your

Low Cost Vaccination Clinics every Sunday, 9:30-11am

pet related ad here today!

Call 707.527.1200

WESTERN FARM CENTER 707.545.0721 21 West 7th St. Santa Rosa

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$100

off

35 years training experience

Doggie Boot Camp or

3 private sessions for $200 (reg $240)

Guest on the Discovery Channel’s K-9 Cops for his expertise Obedience training the natural way

exp. 12/31/09

10 acres of safe, country training grounds Exceptional for aggression issues Strong leadership skills taught for owners

707-322-3272 www.incrediblecanine.com

Meet Six • Kitty of the Week HI, I'M SIX – you can guess where the name comes from, with my cute six toes!

Some say my ancestors date back to the Hemingway cats all the way from Key West. In addition to possessing whimsically soft tabby markings, I am very loving, tender, and always up for a snuggle. Definitely stop in and meet Six - her tender little heart will tiptoe into yours in no time at all. To learn more about adopting Six or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us or check us out online.

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

Meet Koby • Doggie of the Week

Meet Spencer • Bunny of the Week

HI, I'M KOBY and I'm cute as the dickens with lots and lots and lots of love to give! But don't let my good looks fool you, I'm a real dog's dog – no cats allowed! I'm full of energy: that's my 1 year old Chihuahua/terrier mix coming out. I need someone to be my pack leader!

To learn more about adopting Koby or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us or check us out online.

MEET SPENCER One look and you are smitten. True to his silver marten breed Spencer is beautiful to look at and wonderful to live with. He examines his surroundings like a detective: methodical, no running hither and thither, just a quiet, calm exploration of all the perimeters with a constant up on the hind legs looking for the better view. To learn more about adopting Squiggy or many other homeless animals at the Sonoma Humane Society, please visit us or check us out online.

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

The Adoption Center is open 7 days a week from 12PM - 6PM and is located at 5345 Highway 12 West, Santa Rosa (just 5 miles west of Hwy 101 @ Llano Rd) www.sonomahumane.org

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THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

50

Singles Parties

ADULTS OF ALL AGES WELCOME!

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CO-SPONSORED by Bohemian Romance and Society of Single Professionals INFO at www. ThePartyHotline.com or 415-507-9962

Honoring the Season: An Evening of Reflection and Anticipation

Corby Auto Row

Rohnert Park

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Dec 21, 7-8:30 pm, Journey Center, Santa Rosa, 707-578-2121, www.journeycenter.org.

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Thursday, December 31, 9-1am, Grille 101 at Embassy Suites Hotel $20 101 McInnis, San Rafael

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Thursday, December 17, 7-9pm, Last Day Saloon $10 120 Fifth St., Santa Rosa

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Mahakaruna Buddhist Meditation Center Offers ongoing introductory and advanced classes. Weds at noon, Tues & Weds evenings 7:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;8:45pm Prayers for World Peace, Sun, 10:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;11:45am Everyone welcome. 304 Petaluma Blvd., North, Petaluma www.meditationinnorcal.org

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THE BOHEMIAN

12.16.09-12.22.09

51

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SUBUTEX/SUBOXONE available for Safe Oxycontin, Vicodin, Other Opiate Withdrawal!

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Open Mic Wednesday nights. A must try!

The Black Cat is located at 10056 Main St., Penngrove, 707.793.9480. Check it out now!

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Green Earth Catering Organic and Earth friendly foods and supplies Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

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Santa Rosa CopWatch First and third Tues at 7, discussion of police accountability and observation plus know-your-rights training. Free Mind Media, 546 Pacific Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.579.1605

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