Methodist Message: May 2023

THE PARENTING ISSUE

Vol 125 No 5 MAY 2023

Parenting perspectives: Compassion and Tough Love

ISSN 0129-6868 MCI (P) 031/11/2022

5 lessons from the first year of motherhood

Stars, Planets and Aliens

AldersgateSG 2023 speaker Rev Prof David Wilkinson talks about faith and science

Contents

/ Bishop’s Message /

Editorial Board Adviser and Publisher

/ News /

Dr Anthony Goh Chairperson, Council on Communications

2 Walking humbly for MethodistWalk 2023

Communications Manager Lynn Tan

Managing Editor Alvin Tay

Editor Lianne Ong

4 Christian Fellowship students pilot

Reading Buddy programme with community 7 Living Waters Methodist Church celebrates 20 years

of God's goodness and faithfulness 10 BRMC launches a new (old) way of doing small group ministry 12 Preschoolers explore the wonders of God's creation

through Space Buds Programme

Communications Executive Kathrynn Koh

/ Feature /

Sub-editors

15 Stars, planets and aliens: All in a day's work for this theologian

Lucy Cheng Janice Khoo Tan Chiu Ai

Proofreaders Kenneth Lee Christabel Tan

19 Parenting with compassion:

Tending to your children's psychological needs 23 5 things I've learnt from the first year of motherhood

/ Relationships / 26 You and Your Family: How tough is your love?

/ Opinion / 25 Book review: The Generations Project 28 Soundings: God's preventing grace

The official monthly publication of The Methodist Church in Singapore. Published material does not necessarily reflect the official view of The Methodist Church. All Scripture quoted is based on the English Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

32 They call me "mama": Parenting hostelites is part of my job

70 Barker Road #06-04 Singapore 309936

/ Worship /

6478-4793 | 6478-4763

35 Being our children's role model in worship

methodist.org.sg/message www.methodist.org.sg communications@methodist. org.sg

/ Outreach / 30 Overcoming chronic and complex issues of debt,

marital and parenting woes

/ People / 37 Christ continues to write my life story

fb.com/Methodist.SG @methodist.sg @methodistsg Have something to say or share?

Email us at

communications@methodist.org.sg Layout by Londonbob Design Printed by Adred Creation Print Pte Ltd

ON THE COVER: Cover art designed by Dominique Wang for AldersgateSG 2023

Aldersgate assurance and fluctuating feelings Be merciful to those who doubt.

Jude 22 (NIV)

E

very May, Methodists celebrate John

So perhaps we should not be too alarmed

Wesley's Aldersgate Street experience

if our feelings of assurance or doubt come

of which he wrote: "I felt my heart strangely

and go. There is a place for both faith and

warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ

doubt. And when doubt presses upon our

alone for salvation, and an assurance was

hearts and minds, let us "doubt wisely", to

given me that [h]e had taken away my sins,

quote the English poet John Donne (Satire

even mine, and saved me from the law of

III), who was also a Christian pastor.

sin and death."

The Church would be wise to follow the We thank God for such times when we feel

Bible's advice: "Be merciful to those who

assured of God's accepting and forgiving

doubt" (Jude 22 NIV). Or as a modern

love. God desires all his children to be

paraphrase renders that verse, "Go easy

assured of his divine love. But God knows

on those who hesitate in the faith" (The

that feelings ebb and flow, and feelings of

Message).

assurance and doubt are not exempt.

Are you feeling uneasy with doubts today?

This seems to have been true for John Wesley also. Wesley was brutally honest

Go easy on yourself, and be merciful to

about his feelings in his Journals, and

any who are living with doubts. But even

within months of his heart-warming

as we doubt, let us find hope and help

assurance of God's forgiveness in May 1738,

by clinging to the Bible's promise that

he would express his spiritual inadequacies

"(nothing) will be able to separate us from

and doubts. On 4 January 1739, he wrote,

the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our

"I feel this moment I do not love God."

Lord" (Romans 8:39 NIV).

John Wesley: The World, My Parish

by Favian Ee is a graphic novel about the life John Wesley's Aldersgate experience, taken from the graphic novel John Wesley: The World, My Parish by Favian Ee

of John Wesley. The book will be sold at the Aldersgate Celebration Service and Lectures.

Also available via this order form https://www.methodist.org.sg /graphicnovel/

May 2023 Methodist Message 1

News

Kathrynn Koh is the Communications Executive at MCS Communications Department. / Photos courtesy of Daniel Lie and Kelvin Seah

Walking humbly for

MethodistWalk 2023

The vibrant turnout for MethodistWalk 2023

S

tudents, teachers, parents and alumni

Themed "Walk Humbly with God", a total

of Methodist schools and Methodist

of $1.087 million* in donations and funds

church members gathered at Anglo-

was raised for MethodistWalk 2023. The

Chinese School (Independent) bright and

funds will go towards supporting the work

early on 25 March, a Saturday morning,

and enrichment programmes in all 15

for MethodistWalk 2023. The return of this

Methodist schools. In particular, they also

biennial fundraising event, following the

help the schools provide the necessary

pandemic-wrought three-year hiatus, was

financial assistance and bursaries to needy

welcomed by more than 4,000 participants.

students. This year, a new initiative to raise

Organised by the Methodist Schools'

additional funds drew more attention and

Foundation (MSF), Minister for Education

participants—a first-ever Sustainability

Chan Chun Sing graced this year's

Bazaar with stalls run by students, selling

fundraising walk.

pre-loved items ranging from apparel to books to sporting equipment.

The Environment Committee at Methodist Girls' School (MGS) has an annual collection of pre-loved clothes and accessories that are sold at their MGS Thrift Shop, which started two years ago. The genesis of the thrift shop to give pre-loved clothes and accessories a new lease of use was as important as the message the students wished to drive home: the impact of waste generated by fast fashion and consumerism on the environment. This year, they not only brought the MGS Thrift Shop to MethodistWalk 2023, but also got

Guest-of-Honour Education Minister Chan Chun Sing interacting with young participants during the MethodistWalk

2 Methodist Message May 2023

to spread their message and raise funds for a worthy cause.

Sale of our pre-loved items from the MGS stall went very well at the MethodistWalk. We were happy to see students from the different schools browsing through the selection. We had made a conscious effort to select and bring down items that we thought would appeal to our fellow students in the Primary and Secondary schools. We hope that through this initiative, our peers have gotten a deeper appreciation of pre-loved items and found some treasures from our stall to take home!

- Sammi Tee Yang Xin Sec 2R, Chairperson of the MGS Environment Committee

Left: Bishop Dr Gordon Wong looking on at how the shell of the gong gong (common sea snail found in the waters surrounding Bintan) has been given a new lease of life as a whistle

Geylang Methodist School (Primary)

Middle: Education Minister Chan Chun Sing speaking with student stall owners at MethodistWalk’s first-ever Sustainability Bazaar

another slant on sustainability by focusing

Right: Rev Tay Kay Leong (4th from left) with participants from Kampong Kapor Methodist Church

MethodistWalk 2023’s co-sponsors Aldersgate Methodist Church  Barker Road Methodist Church  Bedok Methodist Church  Cairnhill Methodist Church  Covenant Community Methodist Church  Faith Methodist Church  Holland Village Methodist Church  Toa Payoh Methodist Church  Wesley Methodist Church

Volunteer representatives Emmanuel Tamil Annual Conference  Fairfield Methodist School (Secondary)  Red Cross  Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)

probably had the cleanest stall on the grounds that day—they sold self-made orange peel detergent! Not just these, but

About the

also planting kits and gong gong whistles.

METHODIST SCHOOLS' FOUNDATION

Run by the Primary 6 student leaders, this activity is part of their community service to the Chen Su Lan Home.

Anglo-Chinese School (Junior) took

The Methodist Schools' Foundation (MSF) is an Institution of Public Character that was established in 1997 with the following objectives:

on recycling. With the help of the Green

(i) Construct, maintain and improve the

Captains of the Primary 6 classes, the

school buildings and facilities of the

students decided to share the gift of reading

Methodist schools in Singapore;

by selling pre-loved and new books donated by fellow students.

The event traditionally sees primary school students complete a 2 km walk while secondary school students manage a 4 km route. Group walks among various alumni friends and church groups are a common, and heartening, sight as well. Kelvin Seah, a small group leader from Kampong Kapor

(ii) Purchase educational equipment, teaching aids for the Methodist schools in Singapore; and (iii) Provide financial assistance and bursaries to needy students.

For more information on MSF, please visit https: //www.methodist.org.sg/whatwe-do/methodist-schools-foundation/

Methodist Church, sums it up well, "We made MethodistWalk a small group event so that we could bond as brothers in Christ and support this worthy cause after the pandemic." *Correct at time of publishing

May 2023 Methodist Message 3

News

Dominique Wang is the Digital Content Producer at MCS Communications Department. / Photos courtesy of ACS (International)

Christian Fellowship students pilot Reading Buddy programme with community

Mr Wee Lian Kuanh, Christian Ministry Staff, delivering donated books to Ms Shirley Soh, Centre Principal of Sparkletots

O

ACS (International) CF students put their storytelling skills to the test

n 24 March 2023, students and staff

which was led by one of the CF leaders.

from ACS (International)'s Christian

Fellowship (CF) led in a joint community

The 13 CF students had to step out of their

effort with a community library in Holland

comfort zones, as many of them were

Village, to engage preschoolers from

not well-versed in interacting with young

the nearby Sparkletots branch through

children, much less leading a programme

educational and fun activities. The event

for them.

took place at the void deck of Block 2 Holland Avenue, where a ground-up

CF student from Year 2, Zhu Ruo Tong,

initiative known as "HV Little Library"

recalled how she felt "very awkward" given

sprung up last year, through the efforts

that it was her first time being with so

of Holland Village residents. It was the

many young children.

first time CFers had organised such an outreach event.

However, the responsiveness, attentiveness and good nature of the children helped

Kicking off the Reading Buddy

the CFers ease into their roles. For CF CCA

programme, the CF students read the

Captain, Luke Lai, he learnt to adapt the

book, The A-B-Cs of Kindness, a book

programme to suit the children's attention

which illustrates examples of kind acts.

spans. "The children began to get restless,

This was followed by a colouring activity

so we adapted by quickly finishing the

on the same theme. The hour-long

book and moving on to the next activity,

programme ended with song and dance,

which was colouring."

4 Methodist Message May 2023

The HV Little Library at Blk 2 Holland Avenue provided a cozy venue for the Reading Buddy outreach programme

It certainly paid off. "All of the children

The library started with a small collection

shared the pencils and began colouring

of books, and has gradually grown from

happily. They were also really talkative and

the generosity of residents living nearby.

continued to talk to me as they coloured. It

Besides being a space for residents to

gave me a confidence boost, as it showed

read, residents also come to the library to

that they were engaged in our outreach,

make friends, and participate in sewing

and allowed me to push on," said Luke, a

classes. The library has become part of

Year 5 student.

the community at Holland Village and garnered media attention.

Collaborating with the community library

"Her sharing spurred our CF community

A month prior to the Reading Buddy

to do this outreach in dependence on

outreach event, Ms Wong Kae Chee, who

God," said Mr Wee Lian Kuanh, a Christian

started the community library, was invited

Ministry staff at ACS (International).

to a CF meeting to share on the theme of "Serving our Community" and why she was

As Mr Hong Ching Chong, CF CCA teacher,

led to start the library. Ms Wong, who is a

remarked, "I am thankful to God for his

Christian, reminded the students and staff

provision and this opportunity to bless

that service was not by personal efforts

the kindergarten children. Many of our

alone but that God had multiplied her

students are heartened and encouraged to

efforts to serve the community.

serve in future."

May 2023 Methodist Message 5

ACS (International)

ACS (International) Singapore is a distinctive international secondary school open to all Singaporeans & other nationalities, offering an all-round English-based education for students aged 12 to 18 years leading to the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) and the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme (IBDP).

Senior Leadership Team

Building Through Belief, this school of choice provides • Exceptional examination results, strong value-added achievement and an all-round holistic education • 50:50 mix of local and international teachers who uphold the dual Methodist ethos and ACS heritage • Small class sizes with overall student-teacher ratio of 8.7 : 1 • 40 different CCAs – 16 Sporting, 12 Visual and Performing Arts, 12 Special Interest Groups • Over 200 formal student leadership positions • Scholarships for four Singaporeans to undertake the IBDP

Mr Gavin Kinch Principal

Mrs Tan Siew Hoon Vice-Principal

Achievements include • Students with perfect score of 45 points in IBDP • 23 “Top in the World” awards in IGCSE examinations over each of the past twelve years • Students accepted to Oxford and Cambridge universities for the past eight years

Mr Christopher Hayward Vice-Principal

Dr Kristopher Achter Vice-Principal

For more information, please contact Joseph Ng or Serene Lim at +65 6472 1477 or admissions@acsinternational.edu.sg

• Admissions to top universities in the UK, the US, Australia and Singapore • PSLE and GCE ‘O’ Level students obtaining outstanding value-added examination results for the IBDP and improved pathways to good universities • Successes at national level in Athletics, Touch Rugby, Debating, Orchestra, Volleyball, Taekwondo, Ice Hockey, Fencing, Swimming, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics and Wushu.

Dean Baey is the LCEC Chairperson of Living Waters Methodist Church. / Photos courtesy of James Thie

News

Living Waters Methodist Church celebrates 20 years of God's goodness and faithfulness

Right: TRAC President and Vice-President, former and current LWMC pastors, honorary stewards, leaders and representatives from the different generations

(Left to right) Rev Chan Siew Chye, Rev Dr Aaron Tay, Rev Khoo Kay Huat and Rev Alex Chew—some of our former and current pastors share a moment at the photo booth

I

Jeffrey and Charlotte, emcees at the Anniversary lunch, met in LWMC and are now married with three children

Flowering of the cross

Fun and games with our church family

n early 1885, the work of the Methodists

More than a century later, The Methodist

began in Singapore through missionaries

Church in Singapore continued in the same

Bishops James Thoburn and William

spirit as our pioneers in ministry. In 1998,

Oldham. The early team of missionaries

through the leadership of Barker Road

focused on education, social outreach

Methodist Church (BRMC), a Preaching

and medical work. Within the first year of

Point @ ACS(I) was established within

establishing the first Methodist church (now

the premises of Anglo-Chinese School

Wesley Methodist Church), Bishop Oldham

(Independent) at 121 Dover Road.

established the Anglo-Chinese School (ACS).

Through the ministry of Bishops Thoburn

Five years later, on 20 April 2003, Preaching

and Oldham, many came to know the Lord.

Point @ ACS(I) became Living Waters

May 2023 Methodist Message 7

Living Waters Methodist Church celebrates 20 years of God's goodness and faithfulness

Methodist Church (LWMC). Today, LWMC

anniversary commemorative book titled Into

is a vibrant, intergenerational community

A Mighty Torrent. It is our prayer that these

focused on living out our motto: "To Know

stories of faith will be passed down through

and Proclaim Jesus Christ – the Way, the

generations, so many more will be able to

Truth and the Life."

taste and see that our Lord is good.

LWMC meets onsite and online for worship

As we look to the future,

at 10 am every Sunday, followed by

we acknowledge that God

Children's Ministry, Youth Ministry and Life

has called LWMC to be:

Groups. We recognise the responsibility of being called Living Waters Methodist

A Centre of His Presence

Church—we are a church empowered by

– we desire to have His presence

God's living waters, who will go forth as one

in all that we do

mighty torrent for his Kingdom's purposes.

A Community of His People – we are committed to growing together in Christ-likeness as an intergenerational ekklesia

A Channel of His Purpose – we minister to God and people as a royal priesthood

On 9 April 2023, over 400 members and guests gathered as one church family to celebrate 20 years of God's faithfulness by participating in our worship service, anniversary lunch and mini-carnival. That day, we went home with our hearts warmed and our tummies full. May God continue to build up our community here at LWMC.

Into a Mighty Torrent was produced to commemorate LWMC's 20th anniversary.

To view Living Waters Methodist

A song, "Rivers of Life", was written to

Church's 20th anniversary book, visit

commemorate LWMC's 20th anniversary.

https://livingwatersmc.org.sg/wp-

Stories of God's love and faithfulness to

content/uploads/2023/04/Into-a-

his people were also recorded in our 20th

Mighty-Torrent-Compressed.pdf

8 Methodist Message May 2023

Rivers of Life Music and Lyrics by Michael Cheong, Eugene Yeo, Joshua Hoe and Huang Yufang

VERSE

You rescued us out of murky waters Your gentle voice, our comfort in our fear You've stayed with us through the trials and terrors Faithful through all generations You heard our cry We put our trust in You CHORUS

Praise to the Lord, mighty is Your hand We are Your people, by Your grace we stand May Your Spirit fill us till we overflow O Lord! Let us be rivers of life for You! BRIDGE

Take our hands Take our feet Take every breath, each word, each song Every crown At Your feet Every moment, to You belongs Take our hands Take our feet Take every breath, each word, each song We bow down At Your feet Lord have it all, we are Yours

Anniversary lunch at ACS(I)’s auditorium

May 2023 Methodist Message 9

Zachary Yong worships at Wesley Methodist Church. He is part of the Kopi kakis comics team and loves his coffee with milk and no sugar. / Photos courtesy of Barker Road Methodist Church

BRMC launches a new (old) way

of doing small group ministry

B

arker Road Methodist Church (BRMC)

At the 47th Trinity Annual Conference

announced the launch of the Connect

(TRAC), President Rev Stanley Chua

Experience 2023 (CE'23), with the objective

exhorted all TRAC churches to make small

of unifying its approach to small group

group ministry a place where members

ministry. The official launch took place on

not only experience God through the Holy

22 April, kick-starting a sermon series on

Spirit, but also hold each other accountable

biblical koinonia or fellowship.

for their discipleship.1 Rev Lai Kai Ming, the pastor leading CE'23, believes that the Lord

Recognising that many church members

has "already started the renewal of [BRMC]",

are not yet in a small group, while others

and that being in a Connect Group is "the

attend small groups that have been

first step to rediscovering what being a

running for decades, CE'23 will run separate

Christian and a church is really about".

programmes to close this gap. BRMC members who are not part of a small group—called "Connect Group" in BRMC— can sign up for an Experience Group, while those who are already in a Connect Group can join the BRMC family in rediscovering and experiencing transformational community life through a weekly guided exercise spanning eight weeks. Registration for CE'23 is open now until 17 June.

10 Methodist Message May 2023

A Connect Group made up mostly of parents with children of different ages

taste the goodness and joy of authentic Christian community. It will give people the opportunity to reflect on how God wants them to apply his Word in a safe and encouraging small group environment.

BRMC hopes that CE'23 will strengthen existing groups and encourage those not in any to join one.

Annabelle Tong (first from left) and Timothy Sun (second from left) say the Connect Group provides a safe and honest space to share about the struggles they face

The Connect Group model is based on the original Wesleyan method of community life (also known as the Class Meeting), one which emphasises the sharing of the believer's daily experience with God rather than just head knowledge of the Bible. With the initial aim of re-examining what being a Christian and a church really means,

Leong Mei Lin leads a Connect Group at BRMC

BRMC's 3-week sermon series on biblical koinonia will dive deep into the 4As:

Leong Mei Lin, a Connect Group leader at BRMC, believes that

•

•

Authority of God's Word: We are called

such sessions are a start to

to be doers of the Word, not just

authentic fellowship with fellow

hearers.

churchgoers, and a protected

Authenticity in relationships: How real and honest are we with each other?

•

Accountability for good works: We are commanded to watch over one another in love.

•

Acts of the Holy Spirit: The Spirit helps

time where one can reflect on his or her walk with God. "Small group sessions give me a window to look into the lives [of group members] and to learn from them—how they live out their Christian faith."

us connect with God and one another for the sake of the world.

Based on these 4As, CE'23 continues in July and August with an 8-week guided exercise that will help participants

1

https://www.methodist.org.sg/methodist-message/recovering-our-methodist-doctrine-spirit-and-discipline/ May 2023 Methodist Message 11

News

Chan Yuey Sum is the Manager (Marketing & Promotion) at Methodist Preschool Services Pte Ltd (MPSPL). / Photos courtesy of MPSPL

Happy graduates of the Space Buds Programme

T

he mystique of space and galaxies

In Part 1 of the Space Buds Programme that

is fascinating to adults and children

was conducted in April, educators from

alike. It invokes curiosity, sparks

the Space Faculty conduct lessons and fun

imagination and fuels the quest to

hands-on activities on various space-related

explore, discover and learn about the

topics to pique preschoolers' curiosity and

unknown. That is the objective of the

interest about space.

Methodist Preschool Signature Space Buds Programme. The first of its kind to be

The aspiring astronauts are looking forward

incorporated into a preschool curriculum,

to Part 2 of the programme that will feature

the STEM-focused programme for K2s was

interactive learning with an astronaut

piloted at Faith Methodist Preschool in

through a live virtual session during World

2021 and rolled out to all centres in 2022.

Space Week in October. As part of the celebration of World Space Week from

The Bible teaches that God is the creator

4–10 October, children of all levels across

of the universe. "It is our hope that

the family of Methodist Preschools will

the learning and exploration of space

also engage in a myriad of space-themed

inspires a sense of wonder and awe in

lessons and activities throughout the week.

our preschoolers about the vastness

Children will be transported to "outer

and amazing design of God's creation,"

space" through space-themed lessons and

said Adrian Lim, Director of Education

setups that will ignite their imagination

Services, Methodist Preschool Services

and fuel their passion for space exploration

Pte Ltd.

and STEM learning.

12 Methodist Message May 2023

Methodist Message chatted with some young space cadets to see what they learnt during the engaging Space Buds journey!

Astronauts wear a special suit in space.

The helmet protects the astronaut from the very hot sun!

i ka

Adv ll e

Xi

e (Fa

ith Met

ho

dis

ch o o l )

What do astronauts wear in space?

Gi s e

ld

She

L uc as

dis t

The food is dry in space.

If there's water, it will get mouldy very fast.

re s

I enjoyed the space ice-cream! It's the flavour that I like—vanilla!

Space ice-cream is not cold.

(Faith Metho

What did you learn about the food in space?

tP

school)

Tell us about the space ice-cream that you tried.

o Te

hool) esc Pr

n

Uranus spins on its side. It is blue because it has methane gas. It smells like fart!

ho Pre

Al d e

What's special about Uranus?

od is chool)

The lesson on planets.

I can also name the 10 dwarf planets, can you?

kang Meth

re s

Which was your favourite Space Buds lesson?

en g (S

tP

g (Faith Met

st di

W

on

(Sengkang M et

reschool)

Presch odist oo l)

I would try to create big explosions outside of the spaceship!

I also want to find out how black holes suck things in.

n Ta

P ist

eth

If you were an astronaut, what experiment would you want to do in space?

as

(Sengk an g

L uc

L am

d ho

n

M

o

Here are snippets of the conversations:

Can you tell us what you learnt about satellites?

Satellites are objects that go around the earth.

The moon and the ISS are satellites.

May 2023 Methodist Message 13

2023

THE SEARCH FOR GOD IN A UNIVERSE OF ALIENS Rev Prof David Wilkinson’s unique background as a theologian, astrophysicist and academic promises a thought-provoking session with new insights and perspectives. Mark your calendars and invite your friends for the lectures!

A L D E R SGATESG 2023 LEC T URES

aldersgate.methodist.org.sg

20-24 MAY

Star Wars, Star Trek & Exoplanets

Lianne Ong is the Editor of Methodist Message.

Stars, Planets and Aliens: All in a day's work for this theologian

I

f you look at Rev Prof David Wilkinson's CV, the first thing that strikes you is that he is

both a scientist and a Methodist theologian.

Many Methodist pastors have had very different careers before becoming pastors, career trajectory came immediately after he had obtained his PhD in astrophysics from Durham University in the United Kingdom.

Read on to see what this year's speaker at the AldersgateSG 2023 lectures has to say about how the study of stars, planets, and the universe has informed him of the Creator God and affirmed his faith in Jesus.

Image credit: David Wilkinson

but for Rev Prof Wilkinson, the change in

Stars, planets and aliens: All in a day's work for this theologian

Methodist Message: Why did you make

DW: That's a very good question. The

such a seemingly drastic change from

reaction from my friends and family

astrophysics to theology?

were very mixed. My parents were lovely Christian people. They were Methodists.

David Wilkinson: Well, it was never

But they were really disappointed when I

because I fell out of love with science. I've

first said that I was going to leave physics

always loved science. I became a Christian

because they thought that I should

at the age of 17 just before I started my

become a great professor in a university.

physics degree. My interest in science

And they thought that by becoming a

and my Christian faith grew together.

Methodist pastor, I would not fulfil the kind

But alongside that was a call that I could

of role that they'd always envisaged for me.

only describe as a vocation to Christian

Some of my friends within certain churches

ministry. That is, I felt that God was

were quite negative as well. They wondered

calling me to Christian leadership in a

whether the zealous faith they saw would

way that would not be fully encompassed

be knocked out of me, or whether I'd

by continuing as a professional scientist.

become too liberal in my theology.

As I prayed and read my Bible, and talked with other Christians, this sense of

But there were people who were most

Christian leadership was important.

positive about it—my fellow scientists, some of whom were Christians, many

What I didn't expect was when I became

of whom weren't. Many of them were

a Methodist pastor and led a church in

fascinated by some of the big questions,

Liverpool, many of the science questions

like: Where do the laws of physics

star ted to come back into my life, as

come from? Why are they universal?

people asked me, "How can you be a

Why are they intelligible? A lot of my

scientist and a Christian?", "How do

colleagues who wouldn't be part of faith

we read the first chapters of Genesis?"

communities were fascinated by these big

or "Is there other life elsewhere in the

questions and saw that there was a role

universe?" I found that these questions

for theology to explore these questions

were par t of local church ministr y, they

alongside physics.

were par t of ministr y to those outside the church who are fascinated by these

MM: Your parents' prayer was answered

questions. And slowly, I found that there

though—you did become a great

was a space that God had given me to

professor in a university! What would

explore some of these questions. I'm still

you say to someone who is struggling to

excited by science. I'm still excited by

reconcile science and theology?

Christian ministr y. And most of all, I'm still excited by my Christian faith.

DW: The first thing I'd say is sometimes you can't get the answer to every question.

MM: What were some of the reactions

Sometimes, you just have to say, "I don't

from your friends or family when you

know. And I'm going to leave it to the

made the decision to study theology?

Lord." Not every question—this side of new creation—has an easy answer to it.

16 Methodist Message May 2023

The second thing is I have taken great

MM: How has your knowledge of

encouragement from theologians and

astrophysics helped with the Great

scientists far ahead of me. When I don't

Commission? Have students become

know the answer to some questions, I

believers because of what you shared,

take comfort knowing that professor so-

what you taught?

and-so has thought that through both as a scientist and as a Christian. I've been

DW: A number of folks over the years have

guided in some of the lack of answers

become Christians. Now, of course, you

to my own questions, by others who are

never quite know how people become

distinguished scientists and Christians, of

Christians because the main role in that

which there are many.

is the work of the Holy Spirit. Our role is to witness that which we have received,

The third thing is the core of the Christian

to pass on what we've understood. You've

faith—Jesus. Often, within science and

also got to be careful with a teaching

theology, people get into arguments for

role, that you don't force people into

proving or disproving God. And those

belief because the relationship between

arguments are often about the nature

a student and a professor is always a

of the natural world, or what started

power dynamic.

the universe. Whatever unanswered questions I might have, I've come back

I've been asked, "How can you be a

to the importance of Jesus, that God has

Christian and a scientist at the same

spoken of God's self in the life, death and

time?" At that point, I can tell the story

resurrection of Jesus. And that means I

about how I became a Christian at the

can explore the universe knowing that

age of 17. Many people think science

at the heart of it is the God who reveals

and religion are in conflict with each

himself in Jesus.

other, but it's much more of a dialogue, a

May 2023 Methodist Message 17

Stars, planets and aliens: All in a day's work for this theologian

conversation, a bit like the one that we're

MM: Your wife is also a Methodist

having now. We might not get to the end

minister. What's it like to have two

of all of our questions or our conversation.

Methodist ministers living under the

But we're beginning to listen to each

same roof?

other, and learn a bit more. And by the grace of God, a number of people

DW: I've been given a gift of Alison as

have come to faith, some of whom have

my wife, she is my minister. I attend her

come from very antagonistic positions

church. She preaches far better than I do,

about Christianity. Now, if I've been

but in a very different way. Our children,

able to contribute a little by talking and

Adam and Anna, are also involved in

witnessing to what God has done in my

Christian ministry and they're both

life, I'm thankful for that.

preachers as well. In fact, you really should have invited to Aldersgate the other three

MM: Is there anything you wish God could

Wilkinsons. I'm the one who fills in when

reveal to you?

the other three aren't available!

DW: One is about God's extravagance

God calls us in lots of different ways. There

as a creator. People often ask me, "Why

is no one template for how you preach or

did God create the universe so vast with

how you lead a church. And that's the joy

billions of stars, billions of galaxies?" That's

of being in the body of Christ. Sometimes

a lovely question to ask of God about his

the church is very good at affirming

artistry in creating the universe.

pastors, and saying, you're following the call of God. What we need to be better at

The most serious question which I

is to say to science teachers, engineers

don't have an answer to, is why in this

or technologists, that's your ministry, we

beautiful creation, do we experience evil,

affirm it. Thank you for serving God as

suffering, war and poverty. Now part of the

scientists and technologists.

reason for that I understand is because of human beings turning away from God in selfishness, and our own selfishness, or sinfulness as Christians call it, causes pain to others as we grasp power, fortune or fame.

But I think there are just some things in this universe that don't have an easy answer.

To find out who Rev Prof Wilkinson's favourite scifi character is, and whether he thinks aliens exist, follow our social media channels

@methodist.sg

18 Methodist Message May 2023

Feature

Koh Ai Jin is a senior counsellor in private practice and has extensive experience in marriage and family counselling, in addressing mental health concerns and psychological trauma. She counsels children, adolescents and adults, and is also a parent-coach. Passionate about both counselling and Christian ministry, she has worked in church settings for over a decade, and was previously a polytechnic lecturer for several years. She serves as Vice-President of the Association of Christian Counsellors (Singapore) and is a registered clinical counsellor and clinical supervisor with the Singapore Association for Counselling. Ai Jin is married to a Methodist pastor and has three teenagers. She worships at Holland Village Methodist Church.

Parenting with compassion Tending to your children's psychological needs

T

here are no easy answers as to why some children have behavioural issues such as school withdrawal, low moods, angry outbursts, anxiety and fears. We can start to understand them if we ask the question, "What unmet psychological needs could be driving these behaviours?"

The idea of psychological needs is not new.

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we learn that human beings are motivated to get these needs met—the physiological needs of rest, food, safety and shelter, and at higher levels the psychological needs of love, acceptance, belonging and esteem.

When a baby cries, a parent quickly checks if the baby is wet, hungry, in pain, or needing attention and comfort, and responds accordingly. The baby's physical and physiological needs are met and the crying stops.

When an 8-year-old child whines at the frustration of not being able to figure Maths out, this whining behaviour is somehow frowned upon, and quickly dismissed. The child feels frustrated, not validated for his

efforts, is discouraged and concludes that he is probably not smart.

Or a 14-year-old who is constantly being told to clean up his room repeatedly hears, "You can never do anything right" and together with disappointments from school, feels discouraged and unaccomplished. As he walks away, it appears to the parent as if he did not care.

These unmet needs continue to build up and can produce feelings of isolation, inadequacy, insignificance and inferiority.

While parents do a lot to provide shelter and food, children's psychological needs may not have been adequately attended to.

When we look beyond children's misbehaviours (e.g. disrespect, disobedience, rudeness, anger or bad attitude), we may in fact perceive a lonely, fearful, rejected, disappointed, wounded and hurt child.

This is how complex psychological needs are. Deep inside, unknown to the child, are unmet needs and desire for acceptance, empathy, understanding, validation, affirmation and comfort.

May 2023 Methodist Message 19

Parenting with compassion

The Crucial Cs Clinical psychologists Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner explain how a child's behaviour is linked to a child's psychological needs.

Known as the Crucial Cs, instilling Connect, Capable, Count and Courage in children will help develop the internal belief that "I belong", "I can do it", "I matter and can make a difference", and "I can handle what comes" respectively. The goal is to raise children who are secure and cooperative, independent, interdependent, contributes to others and are resilient.1  Connect Children need to feel connected to others and have a sense of belonging within them.

Children high on Connect are successful in making and keeping friends. They can relate in ways that build relationships and feel secure. Children low on Connect struggle to form meaningful friendships and as a result lack a sense of belonging and feel isolated. They may be driven to act out in undesirable attention-seeking ways.  Capable Children need to feel competent and confident to take care of themselves.

Children high on Capable have selfmastery, are independent and responsible.

Children who are low on Capable feel inadequate, are not willing to try and can give up easily. They may compensate by displaying controlling behaviours.  Count Children need to feel that they matter and can make a difference. Children high on Count feel valuable and valued by others through their contributions. Children low on Count would feel "I don't matter" and have low self-worth. They may compensate their feelings of insignificance by acting superior, hurting and intimidating others.  Courage Children need to believe that they can handle challenges that life brings. Children high on Courage will be willing to try new

20 Methodist Message May 2023

experiences and persevere through difficult tasks. Children low on Courage tend to be fearful, unwilling to try and give up easily. They display avoidance behaviour which reinforces inadequacy.

Responding differently to misbehaviours When you need to correct your child's misbehaviours, there is no need to make them feel worse in order to elicit better behaviour. A parent's negative emotional reaction can perpetuate the problem by causing the child to further act out in frustration or be discouraged.

As Colossians 3:21 cautions us, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

Discipline methods do not have to ruin the parent-child relationship. They can be ageappropriate and do not have to be harsh. An example for a time-out for an 8-year-old who does not like to read could be reading for 30 minutes alone. Likewise, the 14-year-old who displayed bad attitude can be asked to send a 50-word text apology, stating what they could have done differently.

In conclusion, parents can adopt another way to perceive a child's behaviour if we see it from a child's unmet psychological needs, while reflecting on these questions: •

How are we meaningfully connecting with our children and fostering a sense of belonging in them?

•

How can we help our children build selfconfidence and a sense of self-efficacy that they can say to themselves "I can, and I am enough"?

•

How can we communicate to our children that they matter? Not only by what they do, but because of who they are as children of God?

•

How can our graciousness instil courage (encourage) in our children?

 To foster

C onnect

 Engage in activities you can do together Bake a cake, play a ball game, walk the dog, plan a birthday party, share duties to host cell group meetings at home or serve alongside a worthy cause or ministry at church.  Increase connection Pay attention to what is important to your child, be present at your child's sporting competition, support an event your child is leading, take an interest in your child's favourite digital game.  Model positive interactions Speak calmly even when upset, say please, sorry and thank you, initate topics and sustain conversations, demonstrate helpful social skills at home for them to learn.

By fostering Connect, Capable, Count and Courage, parents can better channel their efforts to the encouraging and positive aspects of parenting. Keeping our tone light-hearted helps to cushion difficult conversations.

 Increase sense of belonging Create family traditions. Go to a favourite restaurant or do a regular family activity like watching a movie. Invite your child's friends to the home.

 To foster The next time your child is having difficulties, consider different responses.

How different would it be, if we had said to the 8-year-old, "I know Maths is so hard and you are trying, here's a hug for you", thus conveying the message that you can identify with your child's difficulty, and are present to give your support. And to the 14-year-old, lending our strength by saying, "I know you had a tiring day, let me give you a hand and together let's quickly tidy up your room, so that you can have a clean space to work."

When we are slow to anger, and parent with compassion, our children will be able to come to us for comfort and find courage to face their setbacks.

God sees us beyond our outward appearances. May we also look beyond our children's outward behaviours, and instead, discern our children's hearts, focus on addressing their psychological needs and build up their emotional health.

C apability

 Communicate you believe in them Focus on what your child does well, highlight your child's uniqueness and strengths.  Make space for growth Help children feel capable around the house by assigning age-appropriate responsibilities—for example, a 7-year-old can tidy and organise his study corner, a 10-year-old can take public transport, a 14-year-old can prepare her own meals and a 17-year-old can plan the family vacation.  Be patient and have reasonable expectations Scaffold difficult tasks and teach with patience. For young children, use a threestep process of first providing information and showing them how, then doing the tasks with them, before expecting them to complete the task independently.

Allow teens to share their views, seek understanding of their views as you coach and guide from there.

May 2023 Methodist Message 21

Parenting with compassion

 Provide age appropriate structure and limits for self-empowerment Younger children require more guidance, structure, rules and routine for forming healthy habits to grow and develop skills.

Teens should be given more latitude to make choices, try things out and learn from their experiences, and consequences.

 To foster

C ount

 Give them a voice Ask teens for suggestions when choosing a lunch place for the family, paint colour or a piece of furniture for their room.  Highlight their contributions Children who represent their school in competitions, assume a leadership role, or accompany a friend to the sick bay are moments parents can remind their children they made a difference. Simply looking out for small acts of who they are—enjoying the story they tell, the laughter they bring, or how they express concern for their younger sibling.

 To foster

C ourage

 Communicate grace Children need to know and experience that making mistakes is a normal part of learning.

Parental reactions can be gracious.

 Assign tasks that are achievable first Start them with tasks that have a higher chance of success or lend them your strength and capabilities to help them achieve more challenging ones.  Grow together with them Parents can expand a teen's horizon and worldview by exploring new experiences together with them.

Joseph A. Cice. (2021). "Cice Crucial Cs Assessment (CCCA): Practical Implications for an Assessment of the Crucial Cs", Journal of Individual Psychology 77 (2).

1

Koh Ai Jin will be speaking on

“Parenting with Compassion” at a Heart2Heart Mothers’ Fellowship, Barker Road Methodist Church, on Friday, 14 July 2023, 9.30 a.m. to 11.30 a.m.

Register by 7 July 2023 at https://brmcsg.churchcenter.com/ registrations/events/1615991

WE ARE HIRING!

PROPERTY MANAGER To apply and view other Employment Opportunities at MCS, visit

bit.ly/mcsjobs

Alternatively, send your resume to

hr@methodist.org.sg

Ashley Ho is the Social Media Executive at MCS Communications Department. / Photo courtesy of Ashley Ho

Feature

5 things I've learnt from the first year of motherhood In the May 2022 issue of Methodist Message, Ashley Ho wondered, "Am I ready for motherhood?" She shares her thoughts after one year of motherhood.

I

t's still early days in my parenthood journey, but I feel like God has filled the first year with so many teaching moments.

Through my experiences and the wisdom of mummy friends, here are five lessons I've learnt. Fathers, I hope that this will help you understand what your wife, a new mother, is going through.

1.

I knew the "fourth trimester" would be tough, but I never knew it would be that tough.

The fourth trimester—the first 12 weeks after giving birth—is a steep learning curve for any new mother because she is learning to care for an infant while her body is recovering.

Throw in breastfeeding, and you've got the perfect recipe for a stressed out, tired mother. My boss, Lynn, once shared, "Giving birth isn't the most painful, breastfeeding is." I experienced it first-hand myself—the immense pain from blocked milk ducts is not something I would wish on anyone.

Physical pain aside, the fourth trimester is very emotionally and mentally trying.

Self-doubt creeps in, especially when you are waiting for your milk supply to kick in, worrying whether there will be enough milk for your little one. (My personal view is "Best is fed", whether by formula or breastmilk.)

I found myself at a loss many times, not knowing what to do when I could not decipher the baby's cries. Then there are the comments and questions from wellmeaning people. Imagine having to manage all of that while being sleep-deprived.

My advice to all parents is to go for a prenatal course. Read up as much as you can before the baby arrives. I wish I had done so; perhaps I would have been less clueless.

2.

Postnatal blues is real.

It's a new situation, you're frustrated and you cannot control your hormones. You might feel like you know nothing at all. Or worse, you feel like you've lost your identity to this human being that is constantly tethered to you. Go ahead, let the tears fall.

After that, pick yourself up. Give yourself time. It is very important to have your spouse's support (he might get the blues too, so support each other). Get all the support you can rally—from your church, mentors, family and friends. It's true, raising a child really takes a whole village.

But most importantly, bring those feelings and tears to the foot of the cross. Listen to worship songs when you do have the chance. God knows and he is near.

May 2023 Methodist Message 23

5 things I've learnt from the first year of motherhood

3.

This, too, shall pass.

Things may not get easier, but you learn and grow along the way. You learn to understand your baby better, you learn to cope better, your body adjusts to the lack of sleep. Before you know it, your stretches of sleep get longer as the baby grows.

Therefore, though it’s difficult, try to enjoy and cherish every moment; your baby will only be that small once.

I once wondered how other mothers could be such supermoms. And then I realised, it is God that gives resilience to mothers. As you continue to seek God, ask him to give you the strength, the wisdom and the help you need to carry on and pull through each difficult situation.

4.

Forget about what you see on social media. (It's a bit difficult with my job!)

Do not compare yourself or your baby to that glamourous mother and smiling baby.

You haven't seen what happens behind the scenes. Almost every mummy friend I have spoken to has struggled and cried at some point.

When I saw how other mothers could bring their newborn babies out by themselves, or go on a vacation with their infants, while I stayed at home in pyjamas and messy hair, struggling throughout most of my maternity leave, I would ask myself, why couldn't I be like them?

Today, I'm still in my pyjamas, and struggle from time to time. But I'm content. Not all new parents have helpers or family members who are available to help, and not everyone has easy babies to deal with! Remember God made every single one of us unique and different. As your baby grows, you grow with the baby.

You will manage better, and be happier when you are content.

5.

You will make mistakes. Lots of them.

Mum guilt is real. Don't beat yourself up over things you cannot control. Be gracious to yourself. No matter how careful you are, or how much you want to give the best to your baby, accidents can and do happen.

When my baby was seven months old, I once left her on my bed, thinking I would only be stepping away for a short while.

But she rolled off the bed unexpectedly (sorry, baby!). I had a huge scare and the guilt stayed for a long time. Thank God for his protection, as she didn't have any repercussions, and I learnt my lesson to be extra careful. Many parents can attest to experiencing similar situations.

Despite all that will happen, you are the best parent your baby has. Because God chose you to be his steward for his child.

Looking back at this first year of motherhood, there have been many joyful and heart-melting moments too. I am grateful that my husband, Daryl, is a hands-on father, partnering me in this journey. Our loved ones have also given us much support. Most of all, I give thanks to God for his blessing, his protection and his gift of my daughter, Cathlyn, who turns one this May. - Ashley Ho 24 Methodist Message May 2023

Book review

Lucy Cheng worships at Wesley Methodist Church and teaches in their BeTween ministry.

The Generations Project A book to make a reader go, "Hey, that's me!"

T

he Generations Project is impressive for a number of reasons. Firstly, it is not a boring

sociology textbook, although the breadth and depth of the research that forms the book, and the authors' thoughtful conclusions, should qualify it as "a sociology text with a church slant". The authors' findings are presented in a well-organised, highly readable format, with archetypes which a Christian who cares about their church, or is actively serving in their church, will easily identify (and identify with).

Secondly, it sets out to inform and not to preach. The main focus of the book is on whether, and how, the generational gap exacerbates the ever-present risk of discord with fellow believers, and not to preach solutions, although there are reminders of the Bible teaching on loving your neighbour and striving for unity in diversity. The book helps the reader to recognise the realities and disillusionments of church ministry, which are the frank results of surveys and interviews. The reader is also helped to recognise their own flaws, and thereby, it is hoped, encouraged to

The Generations Project

form a plan of action for themselves.

is published and sold by

Thirdly, the book is a clear and honest

Visit https://graceworks.com.

articulation of the problems that face a

sg/store/category/pastoral-

multigenerational church in Singapore

resources/the-generations-

today, as it strives to evolve into the ideal

project/ for more info.

publisher Graceworks.

state of an intergenerational church with an intergenerational church ministry. The authors have carefully defined these terms, as well as stated the limitations of their research.

Offering a unique collation of the thinking and behaviour of the seven generations in a Singapore church today, The Generations Project is a book for every Christian who seeks a better understanding of their fellow believers of any generation.

May 2023 Methodist Message 25

How tough is your love?

L

ove is often associated with ideas of

and setting exacting demands, all in the

romance, roses, soft-focus pictures and

interest of teaching the loved one self-

gentle, kind words. Toughness, being stern

discipline and self-reliance.

and exacting, seem to be diametrically opposite. Yet many of us would have heard

I suspect many parents would agree that

of "tough love". What is it?

a little tough love every now and then is good when raising our children.

Tough love is a way of showing affection, but not in an overindulgent manner, to

In March 2011, a photograph of a National

someone we love. Proactively, it involves

Serviceman with his maid carrying his

enforcing strict but fair punishment

backpack drew much criticism. This young

26 Methodist Message May 2023

soldier perhaps did not experience tough

In a conversation with a client who has

love in his growing years. Recently, a friend

three sons (one of whom has Attention-

recounted how upset she was at seeing

Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder), he

a Primary One pupil dumping her school

was painfully honest to admit that he

bag at the first sight of her maid. Without

sometimes wished his boys were "not there".

saying a word, she expected the maid to

He was surprised by my response that his

pick up after her.

struggle to care for his sons showed how much he loved them. He retorted that he

Thanks to the hard work and economic

was simply doing his duty. To which I said

success of earlier generations, many of our

that even duty comes from love—doing

young in Singapore have not experienced

one's duty is an expression of love.

hardship. They thus grow up expecting, and maybe even feel entitled, that

It is sad that in these days of

life must treat them kindly and with a

preoccupation with the sugary sweet

measure of generosity.

version of love, doing one's duty is not recognised as love. Indeed, tough love is

The young are fed only positive feedback,

another expression of love.

which risks emotionally crippling them.

A young social worker carried this into her first job. While going through her performance evaluation, she said to her supervisor: "Just give me positive feedback." This was clearly not meant as a light-hearted statement because when the conversation veered to areas where she needed to improve, tears welled up in her eyes and she abruptly left the meeting.

We must rid ourselves of thinking of love in such a one-dimensional manner. Life is full of ups and downs; parents need to equip their young to face it. As they grow up, our young ones need to learn that when they fail, they can pick themselves up and survive. They need to believe that failure is not final unless one gives up.

I am not proposing we run our homes like boot camps. But tough love is, well, tough to execute. It is a restrained response of love. It involves not giving in to your emotions and inclination to pour out your disappointment and wrath.

May 2023 Methodist Message 27

Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity.

God's preventing grace come before. It should not be confused with the way in which the word "prevent" in English has come to mean today, i.e. as stopping something from happening.

In his sermon entitled Working Out Our Own Salvation, prevenient grace, according to Wesley, is that work of God which makes fallen human beings in some important sense once again capable of him. It precedes or comes before what Wesley calls convincing grace or repentance (II.1). Thus, in classical Christianity, prevenient grace is used interchangeably with "preparatory grace" or "enabling grace".

Based on Philippians 2:12-13, Wesley identifies prevenient grace as first in his order of salvation (ordo salutis): John Wesley by George Romney (Image credit: Wikipedia Commons)

"Salvation begins with what is usually

A

s we observe Aldersgate Day this month to commemorate Wesley's

termed (and very properly) preventing grace; including the first wish to please

transformative experience of the grace of

God, the first dawn of light concerning his

God in his life on 24 May 1738, let us turn

will, and the first slight transient conviction

our attention to one aspect of his theology

of having sinned against him." (II.1)

of grace, namely, prevenient grace.

This facet of the outworking of God's grace

Wesley's critics are quick to jump to the

is extremely important—we may even say,

conclusion that his doctrine of prevenient

foundational—to Wesley's understanding of

grace is a tacit denial of the total depravity

salvation. Yet it is also an aspect of Wesley's

of the sinner, his inability to relate to God

teaching that is gravely misunderstood and

in any positive way. This, however, is to

heavily criticised in some circles.

misunderstand Wesley.

What does Wesley mean by prevenient or

In his sermon entitled Original Sin, Wesley

preventing grace?

asserts emphatically that every human being is "empty of all good", and "filled

"Prevenient" is derived from the Latin

with all manner of evil" (III.1). Wesley used

praevenire, which means to precede or to

the language of "total corruption" and

28 Methodist Message May 2023

"entire deprivation" to indicate that fallen

prevenient grace only enables such a

human nature is entirely corrupted by sin.

response—it does not coerce it.

But God in his mercies did not leave fallen human beings in this woeful state of

In a similar vein, Wesley maintains that

total depravity, but restores them by his

conscience—that ability to discern good

(prevenient) grace so that, to use Wesley's

from bad—that is found in all human

expression, they may have "the first wish

beings, is the outworking of God's

to please God". Prevenient grace therefore

prevenient grace. In his sermon On

is that common or universal grace of God

Conscience, Wesley explains:

which restores in fallen human beings a genuine openness to God. "This faculty seems to be what is usually Wesley's doctrine of prevenient grace can be further clarified by considering his understanding of the human will and conscience.

meant by those who speak of natural conscience; an expression frequently found in some of our best authors, but yet not strictly just. For though in one sense it may

For Wesley, fallen human beings no

be termed natural, because it is found in all

longer have "natural free will", since they

men; yet, properly speaking, it is not natural,

are enslaved by sin. In fact, in his sermon

but a supernatural gift of God ..." (I.6)

Original Sin, Wesley goes so far as to state that due to the fall, human beings who once bore the image of God (imago Dei),

Wesley's doctrine of prevenient grace is

now bear the image of the devil (imago

in harmony with the Reformation dictum

diaboli): "We bear the image of the devil,

that salvation is by grace alone (sola

and tread in his steps" (II.9).

gratia). Prevenient grace, as we have seen, is that work of God which precedes every

However, in his treatise Predestination

inclination and work of human beings

Calmly Considered, Wesley argues that by

such that sinners can never claim merit for

God's prevenient grace, "there is a measure

their salvation.

of free will supernaturally restored to every man, together with that supernatural light

Prevenient grace points to the divine

which 'enlightens every man that cometh

initiative which is so eloquently articulated

into the world'" (para 45).

by the apostle Paul: "… but God shows his love for us in that while we were still

This restoration allows the sinner to

sinners, Christ died for us" (Rom 5:8).

respond to the gospel and the overtures of divine love positively and move to

Because of the divine initiative, God's

repentance, justification, regeneration,

prevenient grace is already at work to

sanctification and ultimately glorification.

create the requisite conditions which

However, it must be stressed that

make human salvation possible.

May 2023 Methodist Message 29

By the Methodist Welfare Services Communications Team / Photos courtesy of Methodist Welfare Services

"I could have given up on life": Overcoming chronic and complex issues of debt, marital and parenting woes

A

t the peak of the pandemic, Sheryl Tan* found her life falling apart. Her taxi driver husband's income was hard hit by Covid-19, and the couple was chalking up debt to fund their three children through school.

Sheryl scrimped and saved while working as a kitchen assistant to supplement the household income. But the family's financial woes compounded when Sheryl's husband was diagnosed with cancer in August 2020, robbing him of his ability to work.

At the same time, bitterness crept into Sheryl's marriage due to her shouldering the lion's share of parenting and household responsibilities. That led to frequent heated marital spats in the household. With her family's finances in tatters and her marriage unravelling, Sheryl flirted with suicidal thoughts in between episodes of self-harm.

30 Methodist Message May 2023

By the time Sheryl came to MWS Family Service Centre – Tampines (Tampines FSC), she was $20,000 deep in debt. Medical bills were stacking up on top of her children's education expenses. The cracks of anxiety and stress were palpable on her face.

Providing holistic care To clear their debt more quickly, the MWS social worker not only helped Sheryl's family apply for various financial schemes, but also placed them on a debt clearance and savings matching programme designed to lift families out of poverty.

Under the MWS Family Development Programme (FDP), every $1 of debt cleared

by Sheryl was matched with $2 by MWS. Through sheer determination and close guidance from the MWS social worker, Sheryl cleared the debts after two years and transited to savings matching.

Taking a holistic approach to casework management, the MWS social worker also worked with Sheryl to mend her marriage.

Sheryl's husband's initial resistance towards marriage counselling waned after benefitting from MWS FDP's support.

"Through couples' therapy, my husband and I learnt how to empathise with each other and adapt to each other's communication style. My husband also became more involved in our family issues," said Sheryl.

Improving their communication led to fewer fights between them and more stability at home, giving their children a more peaceful, healthier environment.

The couple was also referred to the evidence-based Positive Parenting Programme (also known as Triple P) run

by MWS Family Support Programme.

Triple P equipped them with effective parenting strategies for a better parentchild relationship.

Extending a circle-of-help to families in need Families with complex and chronic issues like Sheryl's need multiple types of intervention that tackle the root of their problems.

"We agreed that it was important to control our emotions when arguments escalate and not fight in front of our children," said Sheryl. "We also learnt to change the way we discipline our children, to reason with and affirm them, instead of resorting to shouting and physical punishment."

In Sheryl's case, she benefitted from

Today, Sheryl feels hopeful about the future and better resourced to face life's challenges. "MWS not only helped me, but saved my family. I could have given up on life or we could have remained a broken family. Instead, MWS brought us from the brink of helplessness to having hope for the future," she said. "I am thankful. I have more confidence to face what lies ahead and hope to be able to help others too."

MWS has created a unique continuum

One good turn deserves another

partner us to empower all to have life to

A heart of gratitude gave Sheryl a desire to volunteer. She has since supported MWS Tampines FSC to deliver food rations to other clients and escort an elderly client for her medical appointment.

casework and counselling, parenting and marital support, and a debt clearance scheme—three distinct yet integrated programmes run by multifunctional teams in MWS.

of family services from preventive to maintenance and remedial support to more effectively help our families in need. Our eldercare services which range from home-based to community and residential care, are also anchored on a holistic approach.

Find out more about how you can the full by visiting www.mws.sg .

To support our work, scan the QR code to donate.

"I feel fulfilled and accomplished being able to give back and help others," she said. "I also saw how there were others out there who were in greater need of help than me and that made me appreciate my circumstances." *Not her real name

May 2023 Methodist Message 31

Rev See Swee Fang is the MMS Missionary Pastor in Timor-Leste. She and her husband, See Jin Hoe, oversee the Dunamis Hostel ministry in Timor-Leste. / Photos courtesy of Rev See Swee Fang

They call me "mama": Parenting hostelites is part of my job these young adults? I had two grown children of my own, but it did not mean l would know how to be a mother figure to these 13 young adults, who came from a different background and culture. There was a need to know them, understand their background, values, concerns and aspirations. Parenting them would involve walking with them in their personal journeys and pointing them towards God, our Father, the ultimate parent.

These are some of the "parenting" practices that we put in place.

Rev See and her husband, Jin Hoe

A

fter overcoming a battle with cancer, and then serving in Faith Methodist Church for three years, I was all set for a new season of service in my life. The Board of Ministry had assigned me to serve in Timor-Leste. But when my husband and I arrived in TimorLeste in 2020, there was a change of plans.

It was not the right time to plant the church and there was a need for "house parents" in the newly established Dunamis Hostel. So that became our new assignment.

I was disoriented. The ministry required of us to parent 13 young adults! Who were these young adults calling me "mama" or "mommy"?

My new charges, aged between 19 and 26 years of age, were either studying in the local university or on a one-year vocational course or internship. All of them came from farming families. Some families lived in the mountains where they would need to trek four to five hours through the mountains to access public transport.

I wondered, would I know how to parent

32 Methodist Message May 2023

Establishing structure and routine as a foundation for self-discipline The farming culture is governed by seasons, but aside from that, the farming families work when they feel like it since they own the farm. Hence these young adults had no formal structure on time management and work. The concept of personal responsibility was also foreign to them.

At Dunamis, residents have to observe the structure and routine of hostel life. For example, all hostelites wake up by 6 a.m. and carry out their morning cleaning duties according to a roster, before breakfast at 7 a.m. Dinner is at 7 p.m. where all residents eat together.

Sitting down for a meal together at a fixed time—something we take for granted in Singapore—is a novel idea for the hostelites. Back in the village, food is cooked and left out for anyone to help themselves throughout the day at their own time, because either the adults are working on the farm or selling their produce by the roadside. Children are left very much to their own devices, playing and hanging out with others outside the house. Their absence from the home is not a cause for concern.

Modelling familial love and care If hostelites are late for dinner because their classes have ended late, they send a text message to inform me, and I usually respond by saying, "Noted, will keep dinner for you, and do take care." This is because public transport services end at 6 p.m. and they will have to walk home, passing through some stretches in the dark where there is no street lighting. On a few occasions, I have noted with a smile that fellow hostelites have responded likewise. Showing care for one another and being accountable is an important step in preparation for working life and adulthood.

Teaching them to fish All the hostelites struggle to manage their finances because their families do not send them money regularly. Often, they have no money for transport to school, no money to print notes as required by lecturers, no money for project work … the list is endless.

It was for this reason I started a tuition ministry so that they could earn pocket money teaching younger children in the community. Through this tuition ministry they have learned to fish for themselves, instead of waiting for handouts. It gives them a way to earn their allowance and enables them to pay the monthly hostel fee of US$10, instead of relying on their parents.

Top: Dunamis hostelites participated in the MWS Empowerun in 2021 Bottom: Dunamis hostelites, including six interns from St Paul Methodist School

Parenting through discipleship and nurturing Weekly Bible study and worship is built into our schedules. Each hostelite also takes turns to lead devotion. I have witnessed how the Word of God has changed and anchored the lives of these young adults. They now crave the Word of God. In Timor-Leste, polygamy is common. No one bats an eyelid when the head of household has more than one wife, and shares children with each of them. Through the study of the Pauline epistles, the hostelites have decided that they will not embrace polygamy. They now take a serious stand against adultery, even though it is at odds with their culture, which accepts cohabitation and having children out of wedlock.

Encouraging them to aspire to a purpose driven life One significant observation is the apparent lack of aspirations in these young adults.

Despite taking courses at the university or vocational institute in the hope of securing a job in the city, they are aware that the chances of securing a reasonably wellpaying job are slim. The reality in the TimorLeste job market is that job seekers need to know someone already in the company or the organisation who can recommend them. This is especially so for government jobs. Without connections, it is hard to find an open door and therefore, there is little motivation to aspire to a better life.

But God has given us a vision and it has ignited hope and excitement in the hostelites. The vision is encompassed in this tagline, "Transforming Villages, Empowering Lives" (TVEL), where the hostelites, upon graduation, will return to the villages to help farmers to maximise the use of their land for agricultural use. The aim is to break out of the poverty cycle by creating jobs within the village. At the same time, it is meant to strengthen relationships at home, between spouses and between parents and children alike. The hostelites have been preparing themselves through discussions, research and training since 2020.

The TVEL Pilot Project with a small farm started in April 2023 and will last a year.

God willing, we will officially launch TVEL next year in 2024.

May 2023 Methodist Message 33

Eternal Peace GARDEN OF

THE AIR-CONDITIONED COLUMBARIUM Open daily: 8am-8pm | Public Holidays: 9am-2pm

• • • •

Lo cated n ext to Commonwea l t h MRT St a t ion 9 9 -year l ease commencing from 19 64 C l ean an d p eacefu l environment Tran s fer o f urns or exhu ma t ion ca n be a rra nge d

OPEN TO ALL CHRISTIANS Single and double niches are available with the following donations:

garden of eternal peace indesign.indd 4

REGISTER AT OUR COLUMBARIUM OFFICE 400 Commonwealth Drive Faith Methodist Church Queenstown Chinese Methodist Church (Level 5)

TIERS

SINGLE

DOUBLE

Open Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm (Closed on Public Holidays)

1 or 7

$2400

$4200

2 or 6

$3100

$5800

Tel : 6479 8122 | HP : 9670 9935 Fax: 6479 6960 Email: gepc400@gmail.com

3 to 5

$4000

$7200

For booking of niches, please contact the columbarium office to arrange for an appointment.

24/2/2023 4:41:50 pm

Worship

Amelia Leo is Programmes Executive at the Methodist School of Music.

She worships at Fairfield Methodist Church with her husband, Joshua, and daughter, Faith.

Being our children's role model in worship taught by Sunday school teachers. However, from the example I shared above, this need not be the case.

For most of the Church's history, children were expected to worship together with their parents, and parents were the primary instructors and role models from whom children learnt about worship. This went back as far as Moses' time, when God himself commanded Israelite parents to "impress them (God's commandments) on your children" (Deut 6:7 NIV).

"Please rise for the Scripture reading."

A familiar voice then started on the passage.

However, after a few verses, I heard a little voice that seemed to come from the same pulpit, but there was no one to be seen. A second later, I recognised that it was the voice of the lectionary reader’s eight-year-old son.

A father had asked his young son to join him in leading a segment of the worship service.

How brilliant!

Witnessing a father and son lead in Scripture reading was not only heartwarming, but possibly also a moment of great significance to the children in the congregation. My own three-year-old daughter, who usually prefers having the Bible read to her, stood up later that evening during Bible-reading time and started to read the evening's devotional verse after me. She proudly declared her aspiration to be like the "Gor Gor" (older brother) she saw in church that morning.

Since then, reading a verse a day aloud has become a daily habit at home.

More often than not, we parents think negatively about involving children in our worship services. We think our children will disturb the peace, distract the congregation and disrupt the flow of the service. Hence, we promptly usher them to the cry room or Children's Ministry class, leaving them to be

Perhaps it is timely for pastors, worship leaders and parents to consider the following: •

How can the church help parents assume their role as the primary instructors of their children on matters relating to the worship of God?

•

How can we encourage children to worship—and lead in worship—together with their families?

These are questions that can help open one's mind to the great number of possibilities in this area. Some ideas I have come across include: •

Informing parents one week ahead of time what the week's worship service would be about, so parents—as primary instructors—can begin the instruction at home first.

•

Providing worksheets about the day's worship service that have ageappropriate content pertaining to the service itself.

•

Planning the children's ministry curriculum with closer reference to the sermon calendar.

As we model worship for our children, they will in turn model worship for the younger ones, sometimes sooner than we expect!

May 2023 Methodist Message 35

SOUL CARE | SELF-CARE FOR RESILIENCE IN AN INCREASINGLY UNCERTAIN AND COMPLEX WORLD 27 May (Saturday), 1.00–4.00 p.m.

Asian Pastoral Institute, 20 Aljunied Road, S389805 Register via https://www.bible.org.sg/soulcare $40 per person This session on self-care is centred on The Mental Health "Second Pandemic": How did the Stress of Living through the Covid-19 Pandemic Impact Mental Wellness in the Community? Speakers Dr Steven Tham Chee Kin and Ms Alice Tan Guong Khim, will share on: •

Understanding how economic hardship, health issues, psychological stress, and social isolation interacted to impact mental wellness

•

Understanding the links between thoughts, behaviours and emotions

•

Self-assessment of thinking biases and negative beliefs that increase the risk of poor mental health

•

Learning practical steps to alter one's biased and negative thinking and beliefs

Co-organised by Sower Institute™ for Biblical Discipleship

THE SELECT: MISSION 1114 NIGHT EDITION 27 May (Saturday), 6.00–10.00 p.m. (includes time for dinner) Mixed format with physical and virtual activities.

A mission kit will be delivered to your home near mission day Details and registration via https://events.family.org.sg/the-select-mission-1114/ $115 per parent-tween pair (each registration comes with a Mission Kit) This once-in-a-lifetime programme brings you on an interactive and guided adventure with your tween (11–14 years old) as you build deeper connections and share unforgettable memories together through fun-filled mission activities. You will be recruited as Secret Agents in the first night edition of #TheSelect to restore relationships in the city!

Organised by Focus on the Family Singapore

MAN OF IMPACT (MOI): JULY – NOVEMBER 2023 INTAKE 25 July–31 October (Tuesdays), 7.30–9.30 p.m.

Hybrid format: Zoom and Cru Centre, 18 Verdun Road #03-01 Register by 11 July via https://www.cru.org/sg/en/train-and-grow/ the-significance-project/man-of-impact.html $43.90 for MOI Participant Guide Do you desire to be a man of God? This discipleship course consists of 8 fortnightly sessions, facilitated primarily via Zoom with up to three face-to-face sessions. It incorporates life-coaching methods along with facilitators and personal peer coaches to help you discover your personal mission. Begin your journey of living a life of purpose, significance and impact in God's power.

Organised by Cru Singapore

36 Methodist Message May 2023

Christopher Jayam is the LCEC Chairperson of Tamil Methodist Church, Short Street. / Photo courtesy of Christopher Jayam

Christ continues to write my life story challenges while growing up. With peer pressure and tempting lifestyle options, being a Christian wasn't always easy.

But I thank God for the constant reminder that no sin is unforgivable if we turn to Jesus. And Jesus continued to nudge me in the correct direction even as I strayed. I say with conviction that without Jesus, my life would have been a disaster. His Word and his availability 24/7 kept me focussed in life.

I am married and have a teenage daughter. I pray that she too, will seek and be comforted in Christ. And so, it is another chapter in my life. I thank my Lord as he continues to write every chapter of my life story.

Christopher Jayam with his daughter Kirsten Rena, and wife, Sujatha Maniya

I

was born into a Methodist family. My grandparents were strong believers and I was surrounded by many Christian relatives and friends. My brother and I attended church faithfully every Sunday, attending Sunday school and Youth Fellowship. My childhood was carefree. My faith journey sounds like fairy-tale perfection but just like everyone else, I went through many

I have learnt that life is more than just receiving, it is about giving too. I look to John Wesley for inspiration and particularly like this quote: "When a man becomes a Christian, he becomes industrious, trustworthy, and prosperous. Now, if that man, when he gets all he can and saves all he can, does not give all he can, I have more hope for Judas Iscariot than for that man!"

Kopi kakis by Lau Peng Leong, Yen Tun I and Zachary Yong

May 2023 Methodist Message 37

T H E

M E T H O D I S T

C H U R C H

I N

S I N G A P O R E

2023

RELIGIOUS

BY LOVING OUR NEIGHBOUR According to a study by the Pew Research Centre, Singapore is the most religiously diverse country in the world. Over 80% of our population have some form of religious affiliation.

This year’s Aldersgate sermon will reflect on the story of two religious persons in Acts 10 who experienced God in a deeper way.

As we remember John Wesley’s heart-warming experience on Aldersgate Day, may our own hearts be warmed to obey God’s command to love Him by loving our neighbours, including those of other faiths and beliefs.

ALDERSGATESG 2023 CELEBRATION SERVICE 20 May (Sat), 5.00 p.m. - 6.45 p.m.

Toa Payoh Methodist Church Speaker: Bishop Dr Gordon Wong Registration is required Dinner will be served after service

aldersgate.methodist.org.sg

Scan here

20-24 MAY

Love God