Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 16 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.
Change is more than a feeling or
T
an i
nte
he final exam of a counselling course I
concerns bothering the
teach involves my students analysing
Wives, they hesitantly
and proposing a plan of action for a
disclose the sexual
hypothetical case. In addition to writing an
indiscretions. This
essay to demonstrate their analytical skills,
happens only after the
they do a role play.
Wives insist on honesty with the Counsellor.
The scenario involves a couple in their mid40s, married for 15 years with two young
The Husbands typically
children. After being diagnosed with a
express surprise at
sexually transmitted disease, the Husband
their Wives still being
had to reveal to his Wife the double life he
troubled. After all,
had been living for years. On the surface, he
three months have
was a loving father, a good provider for the
passed since they
family and an active church member. With
last spoke about it
the crisis came the revelation of his addiction
and the Wives had
to pornography which started in his late
ostensibly forgiven
teens. He also had a habit of visiting massage
them. The Husbands
parlours and paying for sex.
are disappointed and feel judged by
I find it interesting that the same scenario is
their Wives rather
played out in different ways by the "clients"
than receiving
and the student counsellors. No script is
the support and
given and the students have full liberty to
help they want
improvise.
to battle the addiction to
My observation is that the role plays
pornography
generally fall into three categories, with the
and sex.
prognosis ranging from bleak to potentially
Some of the
positive.
Wives try to "support" their
In the first category, the Husbands initially
Husbands
present themselves as rather confused
by renewing
by their pastor's recommendation to
sexual
see a marriage counsellor, whom they
relations,
approached for help when their Wives
spurred by
expressed outrage over the trivial matter.
fear that if the
When the Counsellor asks about any other
latter’s need
26 Methodist Message June 2023
nt