Dear Readers, The students here at Mercy High School have unbelievable talent that we believe should be showcased to the rest of the community. This literary magazine, The Crusader Outlit, has become a perfect place to do so as students are able to submit pieces of writing and art that express their originality, skill, and creativity. The pieces featured in this publication are unique and highlight the students’ emotions and opinions. They have been chosen because they exemplify the openness and tight-knit nature of the sisterhood at Mercy, as well as the diverse qualities of the Mercy students. We are beyond proud of what each student has accomplished this past school year and we are excited to give everyone a glimpse into the talent this school holds. Congratulations on your success this past school year and we can’t wait to see what the future holds for every single one of you. Love, Danielle Basco ’19 Editor-in-Chief
Emma Cleary ‘19 Editor-in-Chief
Maya Zeidan ‘20
The Yellow Couch It was an insignificant piece of furniture. It was a small blimp on my radar. I didn't even notice it most of the time. It smelled like my childhood. It was a yellow couch. What a peculiar color: yellow. What an odd combination. It did not mix well with the similar cream colored floors. Neither did they. My parents. Their marriage. A mistake. The colors were too similar. That was the problem. He tried to fix the problem. He tried to fix their cold marriage. He moved the yellow couch to a different room. She moved too and she took us with her. The couch always seemed to carry the fighting voices. The couch became terribly tarnished and trashed. No one cared or respected it anymore. There was no hope in reviving that life because it died. Soon the couch was ruined and there was no longer a problem because the colors were no longer similar. Then it was gone. The couch didn't just disappear, it burned and the only thing left was ashes. When they were on speaking terms, I was forbidden to touch the couch due to her fear that I would contaminate the perfection. This is the reason is why it didn't work out. My brother and I contaminated the perfection; We unleashed the virus into the world. I took it for granted, in the false hope those two supposed role models would forever be together. I thought even if the flame was small at times, it would always keep burning. The flame burnt out when we came like a gust of wind and snuffed out the peace. My naive self was mistaken. - Charlotte Liberty ‘21
Won’t forget My friends are moving away Is what they told me While I was sitting in a tree What I yelled as I feel But I got back up and yelled I said how could you do this to me Especially while I was in a tree They looked back up at me Please they told me just remember the good times And it’s been one day since you have been away And I won’t forget you today Or in fact any day
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Emma Bradshaw ‘21
Why I Write I write because I’m too embarrassed to say it out loud. I write to release my anger. I write to release my anxiety. I write to expel the thoughts in my head that have overstayed their welcome. I write to understand my feelings. I write to let people know my feelings exist. I write the words I can’t understand in hopes to understand them. I write to visualize. I write to relax. I write because I’m afraid the unforgettable will be forgotten. -Peyton Snyder ‘20
Eye contact The blue, the green, the brown, and the hazel. The literal eyes into the soul, Piercing through and exposing every side. Too much attention, Too much connection. Look away Look back Look away again Look at their nose Look at their forehead But never at their eyes. Impolite, inconsiderate, rude. But what can you do? Medusa’s power takes shape in everyone, Pulling you in and freezing you out. Intense, intimate, special. It is truly a power To glance into one’s essence, Their sense of self. Who are they? Who are you? How are you connected? Painful, brilliant, confusing Look away Look back Look away Look away Iris Huang ‘19
Daniela Shatzki ‘19
One Day My mouth has no courage. My brain tells me stop. My eyes start to water, As my heart I unlock. Will you roll your eyes? Will I hear a scoff? Will your view of me change? Perhaps I should not. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll tell you someday. I’ll open up in the future. But I just can’t today. I am yearning to do it. I am trying my best. I don’t know why I can’t tell you. My life is a mess. I don’t know why I can’t tell you That I’m feeling alone. I don’t know why I can’t tell you That I miss my old home. I don’t know why I can’t tell you That I need a hug. I don’t know why I can’t tell you That my heart needs your love. I don’t know why I can’t tell you That you mean the world to me. I don’t know why I can’t tell you That I’m deeply sorry. One day I will tell you. One day I’ll be strong. One day that is perfect, I’ll sing you my song. -
Danielle Basco ‘19
Jordan Larratt ‘20
Morning With the loud clang of the bell you are woken with a start, Your heavy eyelids flutter open and suddenly you are in a strange new place You cannot recall how you arrived at this place Nor do you remember when you set foot in this place But nevertheless you are here Your inhalation of pure, fresh air, oxygenates your blood -
Uma Dowd ‘19
My moon, my sun; a blossom . you began so rare and so wild . a posy pink ; i repulsed at your beauty . but you grew, as did i. we became daffodils . bright and young ; we didn’t care . unforgivingly reckless ; majestic . we were so impossible . i don’t know how we were ever that ; youthful . and then we were water lilies . elegant and complicated . our roots navigating through muddy waters ; as we grew away from each other ; a pond became an ocean did i lose you? we reunited in the rose garden . we were stunning . yet picked and pruned till out petalled hearts became mere thornes . which stabbed at each other till blood watered our roots . but it was okay . we grew again ; scars patched up and rosy cheeks amiss in love . we became posies and wildflowers . we were lost in friendship ; it was wonderful . and look how far we’ve come . blossoms to blossoming . and now ; we are sunflowers . open and unforgiving again . we love and we love each other . unapologetically bright . we remind ourselves ; how the moon loved the sun so much ; that not even an eclipse could keep them apart . -
Katelyn Osborne ‘21
Forgive and Forget by: Callan Weir I’m tired of treating her the way I do. I’ve been cold and unforgiving. So I apologized, to the girl I never respected enough. I looked her dead in the eyes and said I was sorry. When I was done, I turned from the mirror and left.
Madeline Bonilla ‘20
reformed, reborn and forgiven i won’t forget the late september where we danced among the midnight embers but it's playing like a half-remembered dream the only thing i learnt in that year where i didn't smile once, not really is that nothing matters more than love we’ve not got long, you know to bask in the afterglow once it's gone, it's gone love waits for no one i am honest now, not a shouter i am reformed, reborn and forgiven and you've been busy, but you've missed me and i plagued your mind you will never go outside you will never go back to being blind -sophia poblete
Untitled 39 , redacted I've been dancing alone in my room, Windows open and music blasting. Then breaking down in tears and Lying on the floor, Staring at the ceiling for hours. I've been writing like crazy, Then throwing everything away. I've been making plans and promises, Then canceling on everything. I've been throwing away all my stuff, And donating piles of clothes. I've been writing letters That never get delivered. I've been painting on my body, Then bathing in a river of colors. I'm so alive but I'm lost. Nobody can see how I'm trembling. My head has been pounding My heart has been racing And my hands are shaking. I am on fire. -
Desiree Astabie ‘20
I am a daughter; I am a sister; I am not a morning person; I am kind of tall; I was not always tall; I have always liked to talk and seemed to always get in trouble for it; I look like my middle brother, but I am quite similar to my oldest brother; My worst state is when I am hangry; I listen to sad music a lot, even when I’m not sad; I have a really bad stamina; I can never finish an ab workout; I stick to the foods I like and feel really good when I branch out and try new things; I love sharing a common interest with someone; I have never been good at math; I always start a journal and never finish it; As I got older, I realized I like being around people more than I liked getting presents on my birthday; I still bite my nails; I wish I had better music taste; It’s really hard for me to wake up to alarms; I have the most energy at night; I am pretty impatient; I tend to give up when things get hard; I wish I knew how to skateboard; I have gotten a chicken quesadilla almost everyday of high school; I sometimes like to listen to country music; I love a good emoji combination; I want to go to San Diego State; I tend to daydream about things that will legit never happen; I lived in my blue Patagonia for a solid year; I am Sophia Godfrey. -
Sophia Godfrey ‘20
Kaylie Richards ‘20
Make Change We search for answers among those who grieve Mass shooting are part of our routine We hear word of “another” mass shooting We let it roll off our backs and into the silence that fills the air Let those who died be remembered not as statistics, but as advocators for change. It recent months we have seen anomalies become common occurrences Mass shooting has made us live in fear of the future We wonder if our school is next If we will become another statistic We must implement change to prevent future grief We need to advocate for change to prevent mass shooting We want to remember the Parkland High School Shooting not as another shooting, but as the last mass shooting ever. We want the victims and survivors to be remembered as the starters of change We want to be remembered as change makers not bystanders Don’t wait until tomorrow make change happen today! -Carolyn Reilly ‘19
A Winter Night Winter crept in secretly like a smile onto a face, A silent hush befalls the country where emerald pines they grace. How beautiful the snow sparkles tonight like tiny little gems. As the moonlight shines down so peacefully on them. When snow falls childhood memories ignite, The clear crisp air whenever snow falls, a guiding light shines bright. The stars how they twinkle so softly… what a sight. Such a wondrous beauty I behold in the Heavens tonight. Katarina Fontana ‘21
Emma O’Driscoll ‘20
“I do what I want” When trying to break the glass ceiling, A girl fell through it And collapsed on the Senate floor: Battered, bruised, but alive. The first time I remember Standing up to someone, I was punished Because some adults only accept the words and actions Of children When they’re controlled. People say “Be an activist” But only for what I believe— So what’s the point Of being angry If nobody listens to you when you disagree? And the people that agree Don’t care about you? -K.A.L.M - Kaetlyn Loeffler Malatest ‘21
Wildflowers When Summer beamed, every flower bloomed for her. The lavender gave off a delicate perfume that brought forth the rush of calm, Daisies sprouted playfully from the meadow, And the dandelions giggled in the fields. - Uma Dowd ‘19
Nikka Sekelj ‘20
I paint M.R
I paint To conceal the long days and short nights
I paint To calm myself before the storm
I paint To make myself confident
I paint To cover up what society considers imperfections
I paint And end up putting on a mask
I paint And end up covering up what makes me myself -
Maire Rock ‘19
Zither by Shangying Li Why should the zithers have fifty strings after my wife passed away? Each string, each note brings my thought back to the interval of youth. Daydreaming. the Sage Zhuangzi yearns to be a beautiful butterfly. The warm heart and benevolence of Emperor Wang is crying in a cuckoo; The shadow of the bright moon in the ocean sparkles as pearly tears; Blue fields are breathing mists in the warm days... Such moment that ought to have lasted forever Has come and gone before I knew. Chinese version: 锦瑟 锦瑟无端五十弦 , 庄生晓梦迷蝴蝶, 沧海月明珠有泪 , 此情可待成追 忆,
李商隐 一弦一柱思华年。 望帝春心托杜 鹃。 蓝田日暖玉生烟。 只是当时已惘然。 -
Jennifer Ye ‘20
Jenna Garcia ‘20
Where is the Love? Hatred taking over our lives Like the pink polka dot plague We've become immune to the Snip-crack sound of bullets Racism spitting it's putrid words Like chewing tobacco Our world is now a giant playground for Negativity of the worst kind Children's innocent ears being forced to Breathe in the toxic words of the media We've gone nose blind to the Rancid stench of sexism Love has been stripped down and now Sits naked and alone in the corner of a Small prison cell wondering when it will Break free and takeover once again while Hate booms its sinister hissing laugh Standing as the cell guard It seems division is now A standard in our society Where is the love? -
Gabriella Orlando ‘20
Into The Wishing Jar: I take the long thin papers Curl, fold, loop it around I squish them between my fingers, Make them pointy instead of round. I fill up the glass jar, full of tiny paper stars. I wish and wish and wish— I wish to be where you are. But of course that doesn’t happen, wishes don’t always come true. But still I wish and wish and wish that I could have seen you. I want to hold your hand under the sky; when with you my heart soars and flies. The warmth of your embrace keeps me safe; You’re what I can call home. Tediously, with no results, I keep folding the stars. Why? I wish to be where you are. ZM -
Zhari Malig ‘21
Sophia Rivera ‘20
To Honor Beauty Beauty is the color of our personalities bursting like dandelions into a million sparks. Like fireworks exploding out of their cages. It has no definite description and its essence has no limits. Beauty is not just of appearance, but that of the mind and soul. Beauty does not have to be one of color, but of sounds and vibrations that move us to the core. Music is a lifeline to our consciousness. To our awareness and forgetfulness as we are swept along with its drift. Beauty cannot be determined by a number or a specific factor. Beauty is the world around us as we idly watch the world spinning around like the specks of a snowglobe. We fade in and out as our essence is detached, and let our light float elsewhere, where beauty cannot be measured and is not listed by a rank of importance. Beauty is vital. Beauty is a gift. Its impact takes over the lives of so many people and society chooses to turn its back on the truth. The truth being that a price cannot mark a person as a celebrity who makes billions of dollars because they can walk down a runway. Society has carved out, not molded, its take on Beauty. Those aware, those awake, know that Beauty cannot be seen through a pinhole when you forget the entire spectrometry. Although a kaleidoscope only shows a small depiction, its image is inverted and is seen through an altered state. Beauty cannot be confined, but people’s expectancy and standards are only seen through that same pinhole in the Beauty’s overall essence. -
Lizabella Nadelson ‘20
Desserts, Candies and Sweets Everyone is different. Everyone is different to other people. Humans are: As sour as warheads As sweet as a lollipop Cool like a peppermint As fun as ice cream Like burning hot chocolate As sharp and crooked as rock candy As comfy as hot fudge As bright as a birthday cake Dark like red velvet As light as a tart As heavy as a lava cake Either way, all are loved by at least someone. - Andrea Serna ‘21
Emma Cleary ‘19
I’m Still Learning M.R Learn Learn to love the person you are, not the person people think you should be Learn to strive to be the person you want to be, not the person you are Learn to be yourself, not someone else Learn to love yourself, because you only have one life Learn that it is okay to let go of people, if they don’t fit in your life anymore Learn to remember the memories of laughing at inside jokes with your friends Learn to add color to this black and white world Learn to write for yourself, but also learn to write for others Learn to do what makes you happy, not what someone thinks should make you happy Learn to take a break, to relax, to take an hour or two to yourself, it will help you in the long run Learn to escape your bubble and try that one thing you have already been scared to do Learn to keep yourself open, to both new experiences and new people, and to never close yourself off Learn to keep your family close, because family is everything Learn that it is okay to forgive, both yourself and others Learn to let go of the little things, because at the end of the day they won’t matter Learn to cherish those nights you stayed up late, laughing about something that you don’t even remember, because one day you might need a happy memory to cheer yourself up Learn to take off your mask, to lower your walls Learn what makes you happy, that is the most important lesson of all Learn -
Maire Rock ‘19
The Walking Girl A girl walking in mid air like Jesus walking on water. Walking so freely as if she didn’t know what freedom was. The cold touching her scaly skin and throwing her back so far she reached the stars. The light reflecting off her dress, dancing in the sky. With her dancing dress she walked, she walked far away from all her pain. Her arms wide open reaching out, waiting for someone to catch her. Nobody caught her. So she kept walking so freely as if she didn’t know what freedom was. -
Isabella Gutierrez ‘22
Carolina Gutierrez Rodriguez ‘22
The Earth and Me By: G.M. The blowing breeze, The simple peace, The sun is shining, The buzzing bees, Go away smoke, Let our Earth be, Go away plastic, Don’t ruin my serenity. - Gabriela Montenegro ‘20
Emma Cleary ‘19
Beauty is whatever you want it to be, and it is found in unlimited ways. Beauty is the first red leaf on a tree in the beginning of Fall. Beauty is the moment a baby cries when they are born, but stops as they are locked into their mother’s embrace. Beauty is the satisfaction of finishing a book you have been working on for months. Beauty is planting a seed in a garden and watching it grow and produce delicate flowers. Beauty is building a birdhouse and waiting to see the birds flock to the seed you provide for them. Beauty is skipping rocks on the calmest of waters, the ripples radiating outwards. Beauty is teaching a little boy to tie his shoes, so he does not trip on his way to school every morning. Beauty is holding the door open not only for the old woman with the cane, but also for the mother carrying a toddler in one arm and pushing a stroller in the other. Beauty is trying to prepare dinner for your father just to prove to him that you can cook. Beauty is sitting in your backyard and listening to the sounds of the world pass by as you bask in the sunlight. Beauty is dancing around in your room, blasting music, while you are folding your laundry. Beauty is sitting in between your grandparents from Minnesota during Thanksgiving dinner, talking to them about Thermodynamics (which you know they do not understand). Beauty is falling asleep beside your dog on the dog bed because you were laying in the sun with him. Beauty is going to get frozen yogurt and piling the toppings so high that it overflows. Beauty is sitting in the passenger seat of your dad’s car and sticking your arm out the window to feel the warm breeze as you are driving past the beach. Beauty is making silly faces at the toddler who is sitting at the table in front of you in a restaurant. Beauty is climbing into bed in between your parents because you had a bad dream, no matter how old you are. Beauty is dancing with the love of your life and having the rest of the world fade away. Beauty is the actions you choose to do to make the world seem better in your eyes. -
Becky Roos ‘20
Softball The smell of the grass The pop of the glove The crack of the bat That’s what we all love CCS in our sights 3 in a row Can it be done We have to play the game to know Friends for life on that diamond we share Sore legs and sore arms But we don’t care Another season is here A few months away Time to play ball The crusader way - Riley Rodriguez ‘20 Sophia Rivera ‘20
Emma Cleary ‘19
don’t just simply exist live your life to the fullest every single day have no regrets do everything with passion be vulnerable and fragile don’t be afraid to experience hurt and pain love and joy live your life to the fullest every single day - be alive - Isabella Moreno
Gratitude Enjoy it Once the sun is gone, it is gone Once the moon is gone, it is gone Until tomorrow when you have a new start To see the sun and gaze at the stars Appreciate it Not everything comes back the next day Do not take today for granted Or worry too much about tomorrow Enjoy where you are right now and be thankful for all that you have Cherish each moment before it becomes a memory. -
Evelyn Walter ‘21
I Write to Honor Beauty In today’s generation, Beauty is defined with your physical appearance It is rare when someone actually looks at beauty Being from within. Seeing someone for who they truly are And not what is on the surface. Searching for their traits and characteristics Defines who they are as a person. We as people need to look beyond the surface And recognize one’s true soul. Seeing what a person is made up of and their being in the inside Of their hearts. Beauty is skin deep. - Franchesca Angeles ‘20
Carolyn Reilly ‘19
Walking Towards the Future The hopes and dreams we have are like gold, We want it but we can’t reach it Every effort to have a better life Is a step towards living a better future A future that opens a new door for us A door of happiness We are so close and then all of a sudden BAM we get held back We try and try but it always seems so far away It’s like the world is against you But one day we will make it And when we make it we will feel proud of who we are Proud of what we have accomplished Proud to say that we made it We will be like lightning dancing across the sky - Karina Gutierrez ‘22
Define Friend friend noun Valerie: a companion Becky: someone who gives you the last slice of pizza Sarah: someone who gives up their happiness for you synonyms: acquaintance, pal, bestie, buddy, my other half antonyms: enemy, rival origin: common interests and genuine care -
Kailyn Laubacher ‘20
Eme Dawes ‘19
Look Down I once said that a shooting star represented everything on this earth that caused humans to look down at the ground and not up at the sky. I said this as if it were a curse; that all things that weren’t the sky were a distraction and were no good. I realized now that I was slightly off from my mission of life. It wasn’t the ground that I cursed, it was the space between —phones, technology. Tiny devices that think that they hold the world, because everything imaginable from the world was in it. This I still agree with, but I can’t hate everything that’s not the sky. Look up at the sky on a clear night. Everything I’ve said before is true for this. But when it is cloudy?... At night, if it's cloudy, look at the trees. Are they still and quiet? Do they sway in the wind? Listen to them, as quiet as they may be. At night, look at your street. Look down the road, look at the houses. This is a rare moment when the world is really still; when it is actually quiet and peaceful. At night when it rains, look at the ground. When it rains, the snails come out. The wet pavement is easy for them to move on. Watch them as they move— slow, but with a purpose. No matter the distance, they keep going. We often think of ourselves as small in this world, unable to accomplish anything. Look at the snails though, they are not afraid of you. They are minding their own business and living their life. Don’t be afraid of people in this world who are higher up than you. Accomplish your goals and one day you’ll be the people you once thought you could never be, even if it takes you a long time to get there, don't give up. But instead of being like them, change, and be better. Look down at your pet. While you look down, they look up. They look up to you and love you, proud of your accomplishments as a friend. Remember to look down at the ground on a cloudy day or night. Remember the things you love and be grounded with your reality. But when the sky is clear at night, look up to the stars and let your imagination take you away. Soar high above the sky, always aiming to go farther up and visit the stars. -
Ellen Lahey ‘19
Why I Listen to Music I listen to music to ease my busy mind. The lyrics and emotion allow me to discover the feelings I struggle to express. I listen to music to release my sadness. I listen to music to distract myself from reality. I listen to music to remember that others have felt the way the way I feel, and to reassure myself I’m not alone. I listen to music to express my excitement, to become inspired, and to focus. I listen to music to fall in love. I listen to music to fall out of love. I listen to music to pass time in bumper-to-bumper traffic on my morning commutes to school, and to prepare myself for the long day ahead of me. I listen to music to fall asleep and shut out the blaring noises of the world. I listen to music to feel what simple words cannot convey. I listen to music to heal. - Ranika Misri ‘20
Emma Cleary ‘19
I write to escape the rushing thoughts in my head. I write during sleepless nights. I write to explore the unknown. I write because as a child I spoke a different language. I write to make my parents proud. I write for the satisfying feeling of pen on paper. I write to diminish all my anger. I write for the surprise of a sentence. I write so I can store memories. I write with doubt. I write with confidence. I write with tears. I write with a goofy smile. I write things that I can not say aloud. I write for myself. I write for tranquility. I write without a limit. I write because I can. I write to create an image. I write to tell a fascinating story. I write because others can’t. I write for closure. I write to find myself. I write in silence. I write as a form of communication. I write to expand my knowledge. I write because as a child I was told inspiring stories that should be heard. I write because it is the one thing constant in my life. I write instead of scream. I write to run away from my troubles. I write as my own form of therapy. I write with the pen as a weapon, the world as an enemy, and the paper as my ally. I write for change. I write to let out my emotions. I write because no one else wants to know what I have to say. I write in the time of loneliness. I write in the time of happiness. I write for comfort. I write to create a perfect world. I write whenever I can. I write to live. I write in private. I write to show gratitude. I write to share. I write to finish a thought. I write to embrace my flaws and emphasize my strengths. I write without a care in the world. I write for the final product. I write for clarification. I write as a woman. I write for a cause. I write hoping to be heard. I write for relief. I write for connections. I write for fulfillment. I write for pleasure. I write to understand. I write so other people can understand. I write to reflect on the past. I write for hope. I write for fun and to pass time. I write because sometimes, nothing else in the world can make me happier. -
Sofia Postigo ‘20
The Stars We are the stars, bright and small. You can see a lot of us in the night sky. We aren’t seen in the morning though. We form outlines of constellations. Men, women, instruments, and many more! - Monica Chu ‘21
Danielle Basco ‘19
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Nora Abu-Arafeh ‘22
Emerson Dawes ‘19
Jacqueline Klingler ‘20
Carolyn Reilly ‘19
Follow the RoadFrom when you take your first breath, They say “follow the road”, “Follow the road, and do as you’re told, And in the end, It will lead you to gold” If you meet the request ‘till the day of your death, You'll never stop fighting to be better, and best. Pain and misfortune is all you’ll behold, If you do as you’re told and follow the road. -
Emerson Dawes ‘19
i am grateful for every person who has impacted my life this year for every opportunity that has allowed me to grow and learn for all of my friends that have supported me every day and every night through my ups and downs who have helped me and shown me compassion love loyalty for my teachers doing their best for me to learn for the universe teaching me lessons and allowing me to grow as an individual i am grateful for everything ~ gratitude -
Isabella Moreno ‘21
Anna Dawes ‘21
National English Honors Society Members Adriana Ajam
Joey Lo
Franchesca Angeles
Nancy Moran
Danielle Basco
Nisa Mostarshed
Alister Borabo
Andrea Nevarez-Pena
Caitlyn Brucks
Lizabella Nadelson
Kaitlyn Bullentini
Gabriella Orlando
Sarah Bullentini Emma Cleary
Samantha Panelo Sophia Panjwani
Emerson Dawes Sofia Postigo Jasmine Dorairaj Bianca Cecilia Rivera Margaret Dugoni Catherine Rocheleau Jessica Echarte Maire Rock Zoe Hammer Iris Huang Nicolette Ick
Becky Roos Nikka Sekelj
Karla Joachin-Alvarez
Peyton Snyder
Alexandria Kinney
Emily Wang
Klara La Guardia
Tori Wei
Ellen Lahey
Jennifer Ye
Kailyn Laubacher
Editors in Chief Seniors Danielle Basco Emma Cleary
Juniors Nicolette Ick Andrea Nevarez-Pena Sophia Panjwani Sofia Postigo
Cover Art by: Emerson Dawes