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Anxiety

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Cheyenne Flagg

A person I love to visit is Delilah Watson; or as some people call her, Lilah. I come and see Lilah all the time and I think we are pretty close. I mean, I know all of her deepest fears and protect her from them by letting her think about the worst case scenarios so she won't mess up. I protect her. I keep her safe.

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But one day I heard her talking to a therapist. This therapist was trying to get rid of me. Can you believe this? I have done nothing but protect her. I’m her guardian angel and she wants me to leave her? I mean, we've had so many good times together.

The first time I visited Delilah was when she was in third grade doing her first ever multiplication test. She was so scared of failing, so I made sure she wouldn’t by making her overthink every little detail. I made sure her heart was racing, so much so that she thought it would beat out of her chest. I made sure her hands were so sweaty she could barely keep her pencil from slipping out of her hands. I made sure all she could think about was failing. I sent her down a rabbit hole until she got to the point where she thought she would never get a job if she failed this test.

A few days after the test she got an eighty-four percent, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bummed I didn’t get a thank you.

Another time I came to see Lilah was on her first day of middle school. She was going to a school where she didn’t know anyone. She was so scared she would do something to make people laugh at her. So I made sure no one would even get to know her enough to make fun of her. I made sure she was too scared to even have a conversation with someone.

To make sure Lilah wouldn’t talk to anyone, of course I had to make her heart race and her palms sweaty again, but I also wanted to try something else to make sure she wouldn’t start a conversation. I made her feel like an earthquake was happening inside of her. I made her hands shake so much she almost forgot how scared she was to talk to people. I even made sure she was too scared to talk to her teachers in case they would make fun of her, too.

The day ended successfully and Delilah didn’t have a conversation with a single person. When she got home she seemed almost sad, but I’m sure it was just that she was exhausted after that long day.

Another time I visited my good friend was when she had to present in front of her whole English class. English was always her best subject; she loved to read and write. What she didn’t love was public speaking. In fact, public speaking terrified her. So I did what any good friend would do and I saved her from it. While other people were presenting, I started by putting thoughts of her messing up or forgetting what to say in her head. Then, of course, I made her hands and breath shaky. I made her heart race faster than she thought possible. She got so nervous tears started to well up in her eyes.

This is when I should have stopped, but I had to make sure she wouldn’t present. I was just helping out. I took it too far and she couldn’t catch her breath. She started to get light headed and she couldn’t bend her fingers. Delilah’s English teacher Mr.Wilson finally noticed and walked her out into the hallway. At this point I couldn’t undo what I had already done. She went to the nurse and calmed down enough to go back to class.

That is how Delilah ended up in therapy trying to get rid of me. I didn’t mean for it to go that far. I only messed up that one time. I wish she would give me a second chance. I thought we were closer than that. We went through so much together. I thought we were best friends, but apparently I’m not valuable enough to her to stick around.

But I will not give up, and I will prove to her I am helpful and that she needs me.

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