EHT
CHRONICLE
REALITY CHECK.
BURMAN UNIVERSITY’S
Student-Led Newspaper
OCTOBER ISSUE
Editor’s Letter If you’re anything like me, October usually arrives with a box of tissues, a throat lozenge, and the annual tradition of catching whatever plague is floating around campus. But this year? Plot twist: I am somehow still standing. No fever, no hacking cough—just crisp air and cautious optimism (knocking furiously on wood right now).
This Month’s Theme: Reality Check We’re calling this month’s issue Reality Check, and honestly, we couldn't have picked a more fitting theme. We’ve barely crossed the threshold into autumn, yet a strange sort of fatigue has already set in. Between staring at bank accounts that seem to drain faster than the daylight, realizing we've overcommitted ourselves to every club and project in sight, and wondering why we already feel like we're playing catch-up, October brings a very unvarnished kind of clarity But a reality check doesn’t have to mean defeat. It’s an invitation to pause, drop the pretense, and recalibrate—whether that means learning how to actually connect with our professors and campus staff, or just figuring out how to budget for groceries without crying. Here’s to keeping our notes organized, our immune systems intact (fingers crossed), and facing the rest of the semester with a little more grace and a lot more truth.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." — Psalm 139:23–24
Go visit the Muttart Conservatory if you have nothing to do or want to plan a cute date !
Contents IN EVERY ISSUE
Editor’s Letter Student Spotlight Financial Lessons Brought to You by BUSA Photo Lens Dump Ms. Yap’s Advice Corner
FEATURES Overcommitting in September, Regretting by October The "Augtober" Epidemic The Hustle Culture Trap The Cost of Being a Student
CAMPUS Behind the Desk: Connecting with faculty and staff Service Day Summary Wise Week Recap & Highlights: The Guide to Making Extra Cash
LIFESTYLE Fall Fashion What’s In Your Bag The Rise of Digital Nostalgia BUSA Playlist Little LA (LAcombe) Discounts
GAMES
Are You the "Chud" Friend Quiz Would You Rather Who Said That? (Teacher Edition): WIN A GIFTCARD
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WHO SAID THAT Burman Professors in Their Own Words ANSWERS WILL BE SHARED NEXT MONTH We’re now two months into the semester, and we’re starting to pick up on the ins and outs of our professors’ speaking patterns. You know the phrases they repeat, their current vocal stims, the stories they somehow bring up every class, and maybe even the exact facial expression that comes with them. You’ve probably heard these quotes in class, and maybe even repeated them to your friends, but can you actually remember which professor said what? We asked Burman students to share some of the most memorable things they’ve heard in class. Now it’s your turn: match each quote to the professor who said it! Disclaimer: All quotes were provided by students! Some professors may deny saying these, students may remember otherwise.
Match each professor to their famous quote. (A professor may have more than one quote!) “If you bring bagels and cream cheese, you’ll do fine.” “Right? Right.” “You will be analyzing your pee.” “Have kids, at least one, name it, take care of it, love it.” “Very good. Very good.” “Ford said the customer can get any colour they want, as long as it’s black.” “Stigma beta rizz.” “OMG, she was pregnant!” “Easy like sweet potato.” “Eliminate elimination games!” “Alright???” “Let me give you a dumb example.” “It’s great weather today. What are we doing inside?”
SCAN NOW TO WIN A. Klaus Irrgang B. Joyce Amoako-Sekleh C. Ron Shafer D. Peter Otieno E. David Delafield F. Sihlobosonkosi Mpofu
G. Stephane Beaulieu H. Louicius Michel I. Kwame Adom J. Robert Opoku K. Pekka Maattanen L. Samraj Tennyson
Written by Liza Ovdienko
First person to correctly match all the quotes and complete the google forms (scan the QR code) wins a prize!
Hi, I’m IKE
STUDENT SPOTLIGHT Interviewed by Justin Pandala
Message to Burman: “Never forget God”. &“Always keep Him as top priority in your life”.
Ike Nwaojigba
Quote that inspires me: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Pre-med track
Where are you from, and what has the transition to university been like for you? So I am from Atlanta, Georgia. I moved here a month or so ago, before school started. The transition has been good so far. I need to learn how to time manage a little better. I was worried about making friends, but I haven’t had any problems with that. Ethnically, my mom is from Jamaica, and my dad is from Nigeria. Why did you choose Burman? I chose Burman because I kind of like the atmosphere of the school. I like that it’s small, close-knit, and everyone knows each other. I also got a scholarship to go here, which helps to pay my tuition, which makes it a lot more affordable, which I love. What instruments do you play? I play the piano and the clarinet. That’s about it. Are there any hobbies you’re into right now? Sports is the main one – soccer and basketball. I can play other sports too but those are my main two. Music also, I play piano a lot. I also would say talking to friends If you could visit anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? If I could visit anywhere, I think I’d visit Hawaii, it seems like a calm place, and I like calm places, kind of like Burman. I like the island aspect of it too, kind of like where I’m from. If you could switch lives with any fictional character for a day, who would you choose? I would choose… probably, Dr. Strange. He’s my favourite fictional character in general. If it was a real person, I would say Messi in his prime, I’d want to see what it’s like to just cook anyone on the field. What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you at Burman so far? I was playing piano at CAYA, and then for one of the songs I was playing, I actually forgot how it goes when it was starting. So I literally had to just play random chords and LARP and pray that it was alright. Looking back it was funny but in the moment it was stressful. My heart was beating so fast it was crazy.
Describe what a perfect day looks like for you.
A day of me just gaming the entire day. Just gaming with my friends would actually be the perfect day. And just have a bunch of snacks by us.
What games do you play? On console, I play Rocket League. I also play FIFA. On computer, I play Roblox. On my phone I play chess and Clash Royale. Also a lot of Among Us. I’ve gotten into it since coming to Burman since a lot of people are playing it here.
What’s a fun fact about you that people might be surprised to learn? I’m left-handed. But it’s kind of weird, since I do a lot with my right hand. But I do writing and stuff with my left hand.
What are some songs you’ve been listening to lately? Been listening to a lot of Elevation Worship. Come Rest On Us, Washed by Elevation Rhythm. Oh, and this one song called Redeemed by Roosevelt Stewart.
What’s your honest rating of Burman so far, and why? I’d say 9/10, because I really like the feel of the school and the people. Everyone is super nice, and the staff are always looking out for your success, which you don’t always find in other schools.
What has been the biggest challenge you've faced so far?
At Burman, it’s a test I took last week in Biology. Yeah, that fried me. 50 questions of pure madness and 45 minutes to do it. My biggest challenge in life was moving. I’ve moved 7 times. The process of moving and leaving your friends behind is hard.
Have you learned anything about yourself since starting university? I’ve learned how I study a little bit more. For example, I enjoy studying with people, but when it comes to doing assignments, I get distracted with people, so I go back to my dorm to do those alone. Also I learned that flashcards are the method.
What advice would you give to another student who is about to start university? Make a schedule. I’d give that to myself a month ago. I think that's the most important thing. If you don't properly time manage for having time for yourself, and studying, you’re going to get pretty overwhelmed, pretty quickly.
THE AUGTOBER epidemic
The smell of pumpkin spice pervades my senses as I double and triplecheck that it still, in fact, is August. This can’t be right. No part of me wants to see it, but the inevitable invasion of fall has begun - a month earlier than it should. Every year, it seems like we are being accosted by more and more companies adopting the Costco advertising approach way too early. I’m pretty sure all of us have entered a Costco and had our eyes violated by the sight of winter coats being sold in July, reminding us of the bitter months to come. But why is it that these trends seem to be creeping earlier and earlier into our year, and is it really that much of a problem? To answer the why of it, I think we need to consider the average attention span of people these days. Am I about to be focused on a pumpkin spice trend for more than a day or two? Not at all! Therefore, companies have decided to lengthen the advertising period in order to capture our attention more optimally. In terms of the problematicness of this approach, I need to point out that there are really only 12 months in the year, and most advertisements are applicable quarterly, so realistically companies could continue to move the advertisements up in a cyclical fashion, as every four years it would return to normal times. The seasonal timing of these advertising approaches ensures that it can’t be wrong for too long if they keep moving it. Additionally, we would be able to experience seasonal trends throughout the year. Maybe pumpkin spice is better suited to February - ever think of that? There are many previously unexplored connections to be made, and companies are finally figuring it out. They are really just attempting to expose us to the wider range of applications that seasonal trends and advertising really have.
Winter coats in July? Maybe we just needed the cushioning for our beach visits. Ever think of that? Valentine's Day decor on Remembrance Day? Maybe you needed to take the time to remember your exes. How about bunny rabbits and pastel colors on a fall day to complement the yellow colors of the fall season? Stop bemoaning the early arrival of trends and recognize it for what it really is: an opportunity to switch things up and get outside of our societal comfort zone! Alternatively, we all could just abolish pumpkin spice and other unnecessary and highly overrated trends that basic people around the world seem to love, leaving the rest of us normal people in peace and happiness. Unfortunately, it seems that there are an inordinate number of these strange human beings inhabiting the planet, so it would appear that accepting it is the most realistic way to deal with it.
Written by Alayna Moore
The Hustle Culture Trap WRITTEN BY SELINA MCINTYRE
Students seem to be in a new culture trap, or as I consider it, a hustle trap. Alright lets make this more clear, we all have the common traps we harmlessly fall into, like cancel culture, brain rot, saving tiktoks for later (but never watching them), free trials, and Alberta weather (Iykyk). Then you have the one that many university students fall into called the hustle trap. What is the hustle trap?
It is the badge of honour that some students wear, bragging about sleeping 3 hours, drinking a bunch of energy drinks, and pretty much suffering and sacrificing their health for an A. This trap is where self care is ignored, and exhaustion is somehow romanticized as sacrifice. Behind the casual brags of all nighters, we really should be finding proper ways to cancel hustle culture.
AVOID PROCRASTINATION Hustle culture encourages this last minute rush to success, which means finishing assignments late at night, having at least one panic session, and doing anything else but what is due. This, my friends, is a product of procrastination. In order to tackle procrastination, we need to break the viewpoint of “I work better under pressure” and replace it with steady progress to success. Take away the urgency of late progress and protect your sanity.
INVALIDATE TOXIC FLEXES AND ENCOURAGE HEALTHY HABITS Guys, running on empty is far from impressive. This is not a healthy habit. In your friend groups, when you hear word of late night struggles, procrastination, and exhaustion encourage them to inhabit good habits. Like, starting assignments way before they are due, and getting at least 7 hours of sleep. By doing this, you refuse to applaud burn out, instead you applaud the effort of trying good habits.
SET NON-NEGOTIABLE BOUNDARIES Knowing what you can and cannot commit to is really important. From experience, I know that it is very tempting to get involved in the many things Burman has to offer. But, knowing your schedule, how you work, and your time is essential to set clear boundaries for yourself. I have found that setting time aside throughout the week for studying and assignments works really well. Connecting with fellow students from your degree to study with them will help you stay on track and encourage good study and social habits. Hustle culture is only a trap when we keep stepping into it, so it is time to retire these toxic f lexes and adopt good habits, proper boundaries, and make healthy connections. Because, at the end of the day, we are what we put out in the world, so why not have a positive output?
Service Day: A Summary WRITTEN BY EMIKO BOYS
On September 16th, over 150 Burman students and staff spent the afternoon volunteering with 23 different service projects throughout Central Alberta. Organized by Burman Staff and Campus Ministries, Service Day invites those of us at Burman to come together and serve our surrounding community. During the day, I took the opportunity to interview as many volunteers as I could. Here are some of their highlights from the day and why serving is important to them [Note: Responses were edited for clarity]:
“I’m looking forwardto tome helping outitthe community we have and getting “Serving is important because gives us an opportunity to give back,toasknow we the people we wouldn’t otherwise interact with on campus. Service is how we can be so stressed as students. It’s a chance to change our focus from ourselves really we care, connecting with-them, can show God’sRandom love to to doingshow something for and the by people around us.” Pashawe Grant, 4th year, otherofpeople.” - John Galbraith, 3rd year, Ng Family Garden Acts Kindness “I’m looking forward to helping out the community we have and getting to know the people we wouldn’t otherwise interact with on campus. Service is how we really show we care, and by connecting with them, we can show God’s love to other people.” - John Galbraith, 3rd year, Ng Family Garden “Serving the community is what Christians are called to do. To touch lives and share the message of Jesus, not just by opening the scriptures, but by carrying their burdens and making them lighter.” - Annie Onyenso, AfterDegree Student, Youth Unlimited “It was great to see smiles on people’s faces. When you live for more than just yourself, life is more fulfilling and beautiful. There is this kickback of joy that you get when you serve and share goodness in the world.” Carl Cunningham, Associate Chaplain, Random Acts of Kindness “The most fun part for me was when the little Kindergarten kids came over and, one at a time, thanked us profusely for all the work we were doing to make their play area nice again. I want the community to know that Burman cares about them and considers them to be part of our community.” - Crystal Johnson, Staff, J.S. McCormick School Outdoor Classroom
Throughout my interview with students, many emphasized the importance of “giving back” to the community and the joy they got from helping the “less fortunate” during their different service projects. As I organized a shed for Youth Unlimited, I was personally challenged through the teamwork involved, and learned how serving is best done in community. Even Jesus, who was literally God of the Universe, chose to work alongside his disciples, and now us as members of His Church, to restore His Kingdom on Earth. So in joining together as a Burman community to serve Central Alberta, we are modeling Christ, who came before us. And I hope that from all the stories, sweat, and smiles that came out of Service Day, we can see Christ here with us.
Over-Committing in September, Regretting in October WRITTEN BY ALAYNA MOORE
September is by far the jolliest time of the school year; no dedication, no stress, no assignments due yet. It’s a time of straight tomfoolery and overcommitting to every single event on the year's social calendar. As a veteran of the September jollies, I can confidently state that few to none of these events will actually be attended, and your once pervasive presence on campus is more than likely about to become a distant memory the instant October hits. The losses start coming in the form of due dates, midterms, etc., leaving the once strong and confident soldiers falling left, right, and center. There really is no way to prevent this loss; the inevitable downfall of the September student must occur. reshmen and returning students get humbled by their workloads.
Clubs begin sending out desperate cries for reinforcements as deserters accumulate and losses hit. Come November, the original body is a tattered fragment of what it once was. No club or social event comes out the same; while it may persevere with the stronger, more experienced soldiers, there are still heavy casualties. The downfall is inevitable, but it can also be highly entertaining to watch the overconfident freshmen and returning students get humbled by their workloads. As a veteran of multiple Septembers, I wish to now impart some valuable knowledge, both for the leaders and the students. Leaders, I highly recommend blackmail or bribery if you wish for huge turnouts for events. Free food is generally an excellent investment, attracting the starving students who were previously relying on rations of ramen and cafeteria slop. There really isn’t any other way to ensure that people actually show up to your events. Students, don’t overcommit. Realistically, there are only a few events you can commit to, so choose the ones with the greatest return and least irritation. Strategy is key here. Choose events with the most freebies, the lowest time commitment, or that actually interest you (not too sure about that one). Also, realize that you really don’t need to sign up for the club, since most events are advertised to the entirety of the campus anyway. It’s somewhat redundant to sign up for something that is going to be accessible to everyone anyway. As someone who doesn’t bother signing up for anything, I can confidently say that I have not missed out on anything. Most clubs get desperate enough to take anyone, part of the club or not, so you really don’t have to worry about it. If you want in, you can generally just ask. But if I’m going to be completely honest with you all, it’s usually more beneficial to join and leave versus not joining something and then getting rejected later...so do with that as you will.
Behind the Desk:
Connecting with Faculty WRITTEN BY TERESA BRUCE
At $577/credit, you may wonder what in the world your tuition is paying for. What could possibly necessitate the need to pay that much to simply teach yourself everything after? Well, dear friends, although I recognize that Burman ain’t exactly cheap, I challenge you to ask if you are getting the most out of your tuition. You can’t do anything about the tuition/fees, but you can choose how you utilize your efforts after you have made that fateful deposit. First and foremost, Burman is SMALL. This is a GOOD thing because you have the unprecedented opportunity to form GENUINE relationships with your professors! Unless you have been to a large university with 400+ people in your lecture, I don’t think you understand how valuable this is. This is PRECIOUS gold, and so many of you are letting it slip right through your fingers.
DON’T SQUANDER the opportunity to talk to your professors outside of class! Take a deep breath and build up the courage to visit them during their office hours! Every professor has their specific office hours listed on the front page of their course syllabus. I have found that most professors are also willing to accommodate extra requests to meet even outside their listed office hours. Visiting during office hours doesn’t need to be such a formal ordeal! If you are feeling nervous or just want some moral support, you can bring a couple of friends from class and just pop in!
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In any relationship, building connections takes time and effort! So you can’t simply visit office hours once and suddenly expect a stellar letter of recommendation!
On that note, a great way to showcase your personality/goals/values is to attend office hours and build relationships with your professors outside the classroom! Sure, your professor can talk about how you show up to class and answer questions - but the real depth and testament to your character often comes from deeper interactions.
You’re not dumb if you visit office hours! Seriously, some of the best-performing students attend office hours, and it’s during these visits that they receive feedback on that assignment that pushes them from an A to an A+. You’re not necessarily trying to suck up or become a teacher’s pet if you go visit office hours! If anything, you are taking the initiative to set yourself up for academic and future professional success. Please don’t feel the need to put on this persona when you visit office hours - just be yourself. You may be surprised by how relatable your professors are and just how much wisdom they have.
The teacher during office hours
Me after being called a Teacher’s pet
To all my empaths out there, this is for you: Imagine your professor just had a bleak time in class as no one was paying attention to their lecture or participating in the discussions. Not one student could even pretend to be amused by the professor's passionate preaching about the topic they had dedicated years to studying. From that tedious undergrad, to that tiring master's, to that gruelling PhD, the professor now finds themselves alone in their office during office hours. Tomorrow they will get up and once again teach in a Burman classroom filled with students who are struggling to stay awake. The cycle continues, and now this professor feels as though the days merge into a mundane blur, and they question whether all that education was worth it. But then BAM - you and your friend come along during office hours, and suddenly there is a change in atmosphere! In other words, you just saved the day!
To all of you in need of jobs - this is SUCH A GREAT FOOT IN! Make yourself and your future goals known to your professor. Ask if you can be of any assistance and offer your availability/resume for future reference. Now I’m not saying this will work every time, but I have pulled this move a few times, and every time I somehow walk out with a new job or project! I promise that your professors want to see you excel! With that said, sometimes you simply may not get along well with your professors, and that is OK! Regardless of how your experience goes, please continue to extend grace to them, as although they are experts in their fields, they are still human.
P .P .S - T o a ll m y P re d e n t/ m e d /l a w s tu d e n ts : Y OU BETTER LO C K IN AND TAKE T H IS A D V IC E S E R IO U S L Y START MA P.S - The Burman grapevine lives on even in the professional setting! K IN G G O O D CONNEC Guys, I promise you the professors talk about some choice students, so T IO N S ! please do yourself a favour and strive to be talked well about instead of being blacklisted.
WISE RECAP & HIGHLIGHTS
ISE is one of the hallmarks of the start of a new semester at Burman. With 7 one-hour sessions full of W communal worship, biblical teaching, and prayer activities scattered throughout the first full week of the semester, WISE gives students and faculty alike the opportunity to start off their studies on the right foot by centering their focus on Jesus. When reflecting on my own experiences during WISE and talking with other students involved, I found it really cool to see so many people come together to worship and create a positive impact through all the activities. The guest speaker was Chaplain Anna Bennett, joining us from our sister school, Southern Adventist University in Tennessee. Her messages explore the central theme of “Beloved”, inviting us to reflect more upon what it means to be fully known and fully loved by God.
TUES, SEPT 8TH (MORNING) - BELOVED BY GOD
TUES, SEPT 8TH (EVENING) (EVENING) GOD SEES US—EVEN WHEN WE ARE HIDING)
God’s love is not based on performance, but remains constant and unconditional despite failures or successes. Consider God’s love more deeply as many of us “know [God’s love for us] but don’t BELIEVE it.” ( 1 John 3:1)
Jesus chooses to encounter us in His love despite our sins or worldly status. He sees every part of us and wants us to share it with Him instead of trying to hide. (John 4:1-38)
WED, SEPT 9TH - FORGIVENESS
THURS, SEPT 10TH (MORNING) - HEALED BY GOD
God commands us to forgive others, because in His great love, He forgives our own sins. When we surrender our wounds in forgiveness, Jesus gives us healing and freedom. (Matt. 6:9)
Jesus sees us in our suffering, and invites us to “rise up” into a fuller, but possibly scarier life— not by our own strength, but through the healing power of the Holy Spirit. (John 5:1-30)
THURS, SEPT 10TH (EVENING) YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN Jesus promises us new life through His love and forgiveness. But we cannot “manufacture” our own transformation; it is a gift we must embrace. (John 3:1-21 & Ezekiel 36:25-27)
FRI, SEPT 11TH (CAYA) - GET OUT OF THE BOAT
Sometimes, we avoid taking a step of faith because we are waiting for a guarantee that nothing bad will happen. But our courage should instead come from knowing that Jesus loves us and is with us in the “storms”. (Matt. 14:22-32)
SAT, SEPT 12TH (MORNING CHURCH SERVICE) - ALIVE IN JESUS Jesus loves us so much that He calls us to partner with Him in “resurrective faith” so we too can rise up from the grave— out of death, fear, bitterness, apathy, and buried hopes. (John 11:1-45)
INTERVIEW WITH CHAPIN ANNA Q: WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO PREACH ON THE TOPIC OF BELOVED FOR WISE? A: Summer gives me the opportunity to enjoy long, slow moments with Jesus, diving more deeply into Scripture and praying for the school year ahead. As I did, the theme of Beloved kept resurfacing. I keep hearing the voice of Jesus say, “I just want them to know how much I love them.” Our quest for identity, belonging, and purpose can all be found in the love of Christ. I've been in Adventist spaces long enough to know that, sadly, so many people say they know the love of God, but they aren't able to live in it. I want to help model and invite people into the safety and freedom of being fully known and fully loved by God.
Q: WHAT WERE YOUR MAIN IMPRESSIONS OF BURMAN DURING YOUR VISIT? VISIT? A: I loved experiencing Burman. What Burman has going for it is the vibrant life you experience through the students and the generous hospitality from faculty, staff, and administrators — together it feels like the best version of family at the holidays: a warm home, a long table full of food, laughter and joy emanating from everyone seated around, family, friends, and strangers alike. My husband Euwayne and I really enjoyed the tour of your campus and seeing how everyone works together as a team. We benefited from the slow, casual, come-as-you-are pace where we felt truly embraced and valued. CAYA isn't just an event on Friday evenings—it feels like an intentional culture you've built as a campus family, and that's something beautiful.
Q: NOW THAT IT’S OCTOBER, WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WANT TO CONVEY TO BURMAN STUDENTS AND STAFF? A: Burman—you are special. Don't try to be like anyone else. Whatever it is that you feel you can't do, Jesus can. Invite the Holy Spirit into it. Continue the richness of what you've built, and then add this to it: the lived knowledge that you are beloved. May every student, faculty, staff, administrator, pastor, and chaplain know and feel beloved by God this year. And if we don't see each other again beforehand, I can't wait to worship with you in the throne room of heaven!
Q: HOW CAN WE BE PRAYING FOR YOU AS A CAMPUS COMMUNITY THIS MONTH? A: That I would be Holy Spirit–saturated: as a woman of God, in my marriage, in my family, and in my role as a chaplain. And I'd love for you to pray the same over our sister campus, Southern Adventist University. How awesome would it be to be known for being so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit!
WRITTEN BY EMIKO BOYS
Would you Rather Be able to teleport anywhere once a day, but there’s a 50% chance that all your clothes will be replaced by peanut butter
Be able to lift any object once a day, but there’s a 50% chance that you lose all memory from the past 6 hours when you use your super strength
Find a picture posted on the official Burman Instagram account of you that looks REALLY unflattering, and the post has 300 shares and 20 likes
You make a horrible gametime decision at the end of a Burman home game where the gym was filled, and everyone goes silent (it costs the game)
Have a minion who is your personal assistant inside your home but if he doesn’t get handfed 3 bananas a day by you, he will explode
Receive 100 million dollars but EVERYONE you know is aware of it and they constantly ask you for money and spam you
Fight all members of the Chronicle team at once (everyone wears boxing gloves)
Wear clown shoes for a whole week straight, even in the shower and while you sleep
Have a small robot that lives inside your house that gives you the fastest Wi-fi possible for free, but he secretly unscrews random things around your house and lies about it
Receive 1 million dollars a year for the rest of your life that no one knows about
Fight all of your current Burman professors at once (everyone still wears boxing gloves)
Only eat food that is the colour red for a full week
Alter the temperature outside by 10 degrees Celsius daily within a 100 km radius of you
Be able to drench anyone within a kilometre of you in apple juice once a day
Comically slip on a banana peel once a week at a random time (unavoidable but you won’t get hurt)
Your breath always smells a little and no one tells you
When you are the driver of your vehicle the light will always be green
Be able to spawn a raccoon daily that blows raspberries and sticks his tongue out at anyone you point at
Randomly have a water balloon thrown at you once a week at a random time (undodgeable, you’ll always get a little wet)
Everytime you get embarrassed a background laughter sound effect plays out loud
Every time you meet someone new you are forced to say “BAZINGA!” when they introduce themselves to you
When you are wrong in an argument, everyone near you points and laughs at you
Nothing you ever say is actually funny but everyone fake laughs at your jokes because they just feel bad
Whenever you laugh you fart in proportion to that laugh (the bigger the laugh, the bigger the fart) though they don’t smell very bad
Written by Justin Pandala
Lessons in Personal Finance: Credit Cards BROUGHT TO YOU BY BUSA WRITTEN BY FINANCIAL VP SANDRA GLOVER
Are you finally ready to get your very own credit card? Are you actually using your existing credit card correctly? You came to the right place to find out!
How it works A credit card lets you borrow money from the credit card company to make purchases. At the end of the month, you pay the credit card company back for everything you spent on your card (it’s not free money). It works just like a debit card when you pay, except the money doesn’t leave your bank until you transfer it to pay off the credit card (you can do this in your banking app). A positive number, or balance (e.g., $200) on your credit card, means you owe the credit card company. A negative balance means you paid more than you had to, and you don’t have to pay your credit card until there is a positive balance again. Purchases listed as “pending” are items you just bought, and they may take a day to be “posted” and added to your total credit card balance.
Pros
Cons
Paying your balance on time and not going over your limit can help build your credit score (which banks use to measure how trustworthy you are with borrowed money). You need a good credit score to get loans or buy a house. You can get money back! If you spend a lot using your card, you can earn rewards like discounts, points toward flights, or cash. You can make online purchases with a credit card, which you can’t do with a debit card. You can finally stop asking your mom to pay for your online textbooks or Domino’s orders!
Credit cards charge you extra money (interest) when you don’t pay off your full balance by the due date. If you only make the minimum payment, paying off an overdue balance can take you months! Pro tip: Sign up for automatic payments from your bank account so you never forget to pay your balance. Credit cards let you spend more money than you have in your bank account. It can be easy to overspend if you aren’t budgeting! Don’t spend what you don’t have.
How do I get a credit card? You can make an appointment with your bank or apply online, and they’ll mail you your card. There are lots of different kinds of credit cards with different rewards and fees, so do some Google searching or ask your bank to find one that matches your needs. Before you get a credit card, make sure you are confident in your ability to manage debt. If you don’t think you can pay it off each month, don’t get a credit card. Credit cards can be great tools for managing your money, but only if they are used properly. Make sure you do your own research! To read more, see https://nomoredebts.org/blog/credit-cards/should-firstyear-students-get-a-credit-card-pros-cons-and-tips
with Malachi
Fall Fashion STEVE MADDEN
HOLLISTER
Kim By Melissa Enache
Neve
99.98$ ON SALE (usually 120$)
PEPPERMAYO
64.99$ CLEARANCE
DYNAMITE
17.50 $ ON SALE (usually 39.95$) UNIQLO
126$
59.95 $
NORDSTROM
39.99$
DYNAMITE
59.95$
GAP 69.64$ ON SALE (usually 139.27$) 59 $ ON SALE (usually 118$)
35$ ON SALE (usually 118$)
H&M JACK&JONES
19.97$ CLEARANCE
39.99$
CAFE/RESTAURANT RECS IN THE LITTLE LA (LACOMBE)
Hey Burmanites, happy fall! Aka my favourite time of year because of the cooler nights, crisp autumn leaves, and the ultimate activity: sipping a chai latte with a cosy knit on. Well, however you do fall, I’ve got you covered with some of our very own Lacombe cafe/restaurant spots to check out this October - with discounts! Yup, you heard me right, DISCOUNTS!!!
😮
REQUIRED
Show Burman Student ID upon purchase
TEA MOTY 25% discount on drinks Discount will run till the end of October
OISHII 15% discount on total purchase purchase One-time offer offer Discount will run until the end of October October
PANAGO
$8.50 for a small pizza. 20% off any pizza of your choice, excluding small pizzas. Cannot stack with other promotions; only the 10% promotion can stack. Pizza party? Tell Panago, and they will beat any other pizza place in Lacombe! Promotion is ongoing
These cafes and restaurants have been very sweet to do this for us, so make sure to give them a big thank-you or a smile when you pop by! Have the most wonderful time eating or sipping your way through Lacombe, and maybe just maybe if you tell your friends about this news, you may see another feature like this again ;) Love,
BRONWYN CHRISTISON
Fall Playlist JEMMA
SHEL
JEMMA
SHEL
SHAWN
PASHA
SHAWN
PASHA
MEL
BRONWYN
JUST I N
SELI NA
JUST I N
SELI NA
BRONWYN
EMI KO
SANDRA JM & JANNI N JM
EMI KO JANNI N LI Z A
MEL
LI Z A
MYRA
T ERESA
MYRA
T ERESA
MELI SSA
ALAYNA
The cost of being a student Breaking down hidden fees, textbook markups, and practical budgeting tips for off-campus grocery runs. Although being a university student is a special experience, there is nothing more sombering than checking your student ledger. Let me hold your hand while we peruse the information shared on the Cost Summary page of Burman University's website:
International Student
Canadian / American Student
At $696/credit, a full course load of 30 credits a year is $20,880
At $577/credit, a full course load of 30 credits a year is $17,310
Confirmation of Attendance Fee: $150
-
Application Fee: $150
-
All Students Mandatory fees: $1000 Health Plan: $360 unless you opt out due to separate coverag Dorm (Double Occupancy) & Meal Plan: $8,000 1. Estimated Total for a Commuter Student: $18,671 2. Estimated Total for a Dormitory Student: $26,671 3. Dorm room damage deposit: $450.
Textbooks: Not charged to the student account. Suggested to budget $1500 per year for personal purchase.
Additional charges Now of course, we can’t forget about the slick little additional charges that pile up and suddenly catch you by surprise.
labs ($182 per course per term) sports team dues music dues gym memberships ($48 per semester) transportation ($66-$85 per airport trip) parking pass ($50-$125 per year) grad fees and cafeteria overages dorm fines ($10-$500 per offence). But before we get overwhelmed and question all our life choices, we must remember that we’re investing in our future and that there are tangible things we can do to feel a little less broke during our university years.
scholarships PLEASE CHECK SCHOLARSHIP opportunities on the Burman email! Whether you are an international student, a talented musician, a leader in a club, or boast a high GPA Burman has something for you! Please take the time to look at external scholarships as well! Student loans are also available as a resource!
GEt a job Try to get a job on campus - although the pay won’t make you millions, it can help offset the day-today costs of living (groceries, gas, miscellaneous things, your strange temu orders, etc)
Learn how to budget Learn to budget! It doesn't have to be aesthetic or follow a neat Pinterest template (although that can make it more enjoyable) - as long as it makes sense to you! Some little tips:
One thing I always do is NEVER spend more than I make. Short and simple - please don’t spend $700 a month if you make $24 a week. I’m being serious, some of ya’ll spend money like you HAVE the money to spend! Now I’m not saying you must deprive yourself of all the little luxuries of life - but try to do so within reason.
Compare the monetary value of an item/experience to how many hours you need to work for it. This is a great way to ground yourself and realize, maybe just maybe, you don’t actually need that pair of shoes.
DON’T MAKE BUDGETING BORING! Add little goals/prizes to keep yourself motivated. Make a mindset shift to see budgeting as a way to set yourself up for future success, not as something that hinders you from living, laughing, and loving.
OPTION B: BE RICH, MARRY RICH, OR WIN THE LOTTERY… :) In all seriousness, being a student can be an especially taxing season of life. With that said, please do what you can (budget, thrift, live within your means) to not put yourself further into a dark, deep pit of despair. But DO NOT LOSE yourself in this process - please allow yourself to have fun and try to make the most of your university experience.
WRITTEN BY TERESA BRUCE
What’s in Your Bag? WRITTEN BY JUSTIN PANDALA
Are you stuck wondering what to put in your bag this semester at Burman? Are you looking for some new bag inspo? Have you ever looked at someone and wondered what’s inside their bag? Well, this article is just for you! Students (and a Dean) were stopped around campus and asked the question “What’s in your bag?”. Here’s a look into their bags, backpacks, tote bags, or whatever they use to carry all their essentials to their Burman needs.
Hannah Barillo
“This is how to be the awesome and cool Hannah Barillo.”
Noah Kroeker
“Don't forget to clean out your backpack after you go hiking.”
Maria Guzman
“This is my life in a nutshell.”
Joshua-Hicks Kilongozi
Dean Tyler [Fergie] Ferguson
“Simple.”
“When you’re busy, you just have to keep certain things with you.”
Faith Khamasi
Reis Injeti
“Justin can you just make something up for me?”
“This is the bare minimum of supplies, but with these supplies, the possibilities are endless.”
Aden Sundaresan
“Tuff.”
The Burman Student’s Guide Being a university student can be expensive. Between tuition, groceries, snacks, and the somehow continual and mysterious disappearance of money, having a little extra income can definitely help. As it turns out, Burman students know a thing or two about making some extra cash. So here are some student-to-student suggestions for how to hustle while at uni. These aren’t billion-dollar ideas, but they might be enough to keep your bank account alive.
Ideas from your own Burman students REALISTIC: 75%
CAMPUS UBER “If I had a car, I’d drive people around Lacombe for $14.” - A student who has done the math If you already have a car, this could actually work as a little side hustle. Gas isn’t free, but neither is walking to Dollorama in January. REALISTIC: 85%
BAKING & SELLING SWEET TREATS "Baking cake and cookies and cinnamon rolls in the dorm kitchen and selling them around campus.” - A student with a recipe for success With the dorm’s public kitchen, the setup is already there. Just make sure you check the rules before turning the kitchen into your bakery.
REALISTIC: 90%
RESELLING TEXTBOOKS
- Someone who knows the resale market Honestly, a pretty good plan…although you’re just getting your spent money back. Still, textbooks are expensive, so finding someone who needs your exact edition can at least save your bank account from taking the full hit. REALISTIC: 82%
BABYSITTING
“There’s an elementary school nearby, so there should be customers" Someone who spotted the opportunity If you’re good with kids and have a fitting schedule, babysitting could be an easy way to make some extra money between classes. Ask around or post in community groups to let people know you’re available!
WRITTEN BY LIZA OVDIENKO
to Making Extra Cash BECAUSE APPARENTLY MONEY DOESN’T GROW IN DORM ROOMS
REALISTIC: 95%
RESELLING
- Someone who believes one person’s clutter is another person’s treasure Absolutely! Selling old clothes, furniture, or dorm stuff through Facebook Marketplace or Burman’s Items4Sale instead of letting it take up space is a great idea. There’s always someone looking for something you no longer need, and it’s an easy way to make a little money back. REALISTIC: 80%
PROFESSIONAL NOTE-TAKER “This one is not for me, but I know it’s a thing”- A student whose handwriting needs no witnesses If you’re already taking detailed, organized notes, why not make some money from them? I’d also add being a TA or tutor to the list! If you're good at a subject, you might as well put that knowledge to work. REALISTIC: 71%
AN OFF-CAMPUS JOB “Just any parttime job in Lacombe would work.” Someone keeping it simple and true True! No need to look for something uni-specific. If you see a place in Lacombe willing to pay you to show up and work, why not do it? REALISTIC: 85%
RESIDENT ASSISTANT (RA)
“They get single rooms?!” - Someone who now knows the RA perks If you’re already living on campus, becoming an RA could be a pretty good way to make some cash all the way to summer break. If you get a chance to apply, it might be worth looking into it and seeing what other perks may come with it. Well, that’s all for now… Hope you got some inspo out of this! Check these out for yourself before making any major financial decisions, though. After all, we’re students, not financial advisors! And if anyone does come up with a billion-dollar idea in their dorm room, let us know, The Chronicle would definitely like to hear about that!
THE RISE OF DIGITAL NOSTALGIA WRITTEN BY SELINA MCINTYRE I have a very serious question, why has there been a rise in interest for the late 2000s tech? Such as flip phones, and wired headphones. I have been noticing a few students wearing wired headphones, and different posts on social media with a recent trendiness around flipphones. This puzzled me at first, but with a little research it all made sense. I have compiled a list of the top five reasons why late 2000s tech is trendy once more.
REASON #1 - FASHION CHOICE
As people say "accessories complete the look” wired ear buds or earphones kind of bring out a vintage Y2K look. Visible wires, and baggy silhouettes give a vintage look that has recently been fashion inspiration for many Gen Z outfits. Wires drape, giving that effortless but cool look to many styles.
REASON #2 - COST EFFECTIVE Wireless bluetooth earbuds and headphones can be on the pricier side, you can get wired earbuds in many different stores for a lot cheaper. There is a practicality to them as well, easy to plug in and connect, no charging needed, some may agree that there is better sound quality, and less likely to lose them.
REASON #3 - MINIMALIST PHONE
A “dumb phone” is a basic mobile device that only has calling and texting (maybe a simple camera). It limits internet access, social media, and apps. This might not be your thing, but other Gen Z love this comeback that gives digital nostalgia. It helps people stay connected, not glued to their screens, and gives a tactical way to disengage from the digital world.
REASON #4 - SATISFACTION You know in "She's the Man”, when Channing Tatum does his iconic flip phone flip? That was funny and satisfying. People like the feeling of being able to engage and disengage really quickly. Fliphones support this satisfaction really well.
REASON #5 - RECLAIMING WHAT IS TANGIBLE
Being able to connect and unplug earbuds, and close a flip phone to end a conversation, offers this generation something modern technology cannot. That is a control of when you engage with the digital world and when you step back and enjoy the smaller things. Maybe we need to get away from the new technology features and enjoy the tangible, possibly a little dramatic retro tech.
Are You The Chud Friend ??? Time for a Reality Check! Are you the campus meme-lord, a low-key lurker, or a total normie living in the physical world? You post unhinged memes in the group chat at 2 AM instead of studying for your midterm. You send a viral TikTok to the chat, but only after it’s been trending for a week. You have to ask your friends to explain the latest online slang in plain English.
You use absurd internet slang out loud while talking to your professor after class. You spend hours scrolling Reels in your dorm room, but you almost never post or comment. You’d rather hang out at the PE Centre or walk down to the lake than text back and forth.
Your camera roll is 90% reaction images, weird screenshots, and campus memes. You enjoy inside jokes, but you prefer when the group chat stays focused on real life. You mute your notifications so you can actually get your homework done.
You will passionately argue a completely nonsensical opinion for an hour just "for the bit." You read the group chat chaos instantly, but you only reply with "lol" or an emoji. You’re always the friend reminding everyone to actually show up on time to study groups.
Your screen time report is so high you’d be embarrassed if your roommate saw it. You know what’s trending, but you let your chaotic friends do all the weird posting. You’d rather spend a freezing Lacombe afternoon outdoors than fall down a 3-hour online rabbit hole.
You measure your daily success by how fast people react to your drop-in memes during CAYA. You only use the group chat to figure out who’s going to the Caf for dinner or the homework that’s due; You’ve genuinely forgotten your login info for at least two apps because you rarely open them.
NO RM IE BLUE
D U PINK CH
PINK
BLUE
Chronically online slang and obscure internet lore fly completely over your head—and honestly? You’re better off for it! While your friends are arguing over nonsensical memes in the chat, you’re the level-headed friend living in the real world. You keep everyone accountable, make sure cafeteria plans actually happen, and remind your crew that there's a whole world outside their screens.
LURKER
GREEN GREEN
You are completely, undeniably, chronically online. Your brain runs on 99% internet noise, and you’re the main reason your friends’ phone notifications are always blowing up at 3 AM. While your chaotic energy keeps the group ou entertained during boring lectures, yyou desperately need a break from your screen. Your Assignment: Put your phone on Silent, walk outside, take a breath of fresh Alberta air, and remember what life outside the screen feels like!
You know all the latest memes and campus drama, but you don't let it consume your life. You’re happy to laugh along with the chat’s weird inside jokes without being the one who starts the madness. You’ve found a sweet balance between digital brainrot and real-world sanity —making you the grounded glue holding your friend group together! Written by Melissa Enache
Meet Ms. Yap
Is Ms. Yap looking for a Mr. Yap? - The Burman Harbor Butcher Y’all - you don’t even know who Ms. Yap is. But if you must know, it is rumoured that she is gorgeous, kind, compassionate, lovely, wonderful, talented, and brilliant. She is also heavily occupied with her school work and other endeavours - aka she got no time for nobody. In the meantime to everyone else, I hope you find your Ms. Yap or touch grass because relationships alone WILL NOT FULFILL YOU!
Can Girls and Guys ever truly be just friends? - Miss Hot Take I certainly hope so. With any good relationship, communication is key. I believe that as long as boundaries can be established and revisited as necessary and everyone’s feelings are in check it should certainly be possible. The tricky part comes when established guidelines start to shift… good luck soldier.
Would you rather be japanese in 1947 or mongolian in 1863 - mercury You know what, I’m going to let the audience decide on this. Personally, I think I would rather skip both and be Emperor Xuanzong anytime during the peak of the Tang Dynasty (713–741 CE).
Why - Pluto Respectfully, what am I supposed to say to this? Why be a student at all? Why live a life encumbered by daunting stresses and artificial deadlines ? Why confine yourself to Lacombe limits? Why not devote yourself to the ever elusive chase of fulfillment? Also, why are you doomscrolling more than you’re doing your assigned readings? Matter of fact - why are some of ya’ll already skipping class? Like seriously, it is just October - wait, WHY IS TIME FLYING BY SO FAST?
Why do people equate friendliness with flirtiness?! Please I don’t want you or your friends! I just want to be friends but I don’t know how to have that convo without making it awkard! WHAT DO I DOOO?! - curious george Ya’ll I also have the same question. First things first - it is soooo frustrating how people equate kindness as an invitation for more… like ya’ll can’t that just be enough? Why does there have to be an ulterior motive - can’t we all just be friends and vibe? This is certainly a loaded question, but I think the most practical advice I could give is make sure people know you are a friendly person in general so that they don’t assume they’re getting special treatment. If Joel and John see that you treat them the same way as every other guy on campus, then they may no longer think you’re trying to make a move on them. I firmly believe that girls and guys can be great platonic friends, it may just take an extra ounce of consideration and intentionality.
How many days can you go wearing the same socks? - Mr. I have no more socks Oh! Well the moment you start to FEEL the perspiration between your toes or can roll up little lint balls … it may be due time to swap out. I fear if you have to ask yourself this question, it may already be too late. If you really are desperate and don’t want to do a whole load of laundry, consider washing your socks in the sink!
Is Ms.Yap the Ghost of this campus or is the campus haunted with all that yapping - cheeky charlie I am in your walls listening :) Nah, I’m just another yappy Burmanite who despite having little to think always has lots to say. So maybe that’s a growth point… nah. I look forward to next month’s submissions :)
Ask ms. yap anything you want for the next issue!
It could be a demand, a request, or information you’d like to share
Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts with me, until next time!
Thank you for reading the Chronicle! WANT TO WIN A GIFTCARD?
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Freshmen Edition
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See You Next Month! Photos taken by Bono Siago
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