MEEKIE MONTHLY Issue 4
S S E N D A M E I K E E M This month:
Hear this man’s amazing story!!!!
celebrity interviews, quizzes, horoscopes, real life stories*, garlic, made-up letters, horoscopes (sorry, I think I Plus: Little and Large already said that), battle it out in our erm...garlic….ooo, Celebrity Shootout! there’s a quiz. Said that too. Oh just have Your embarrassing sex a frickin look yourself problems– solved! will you.?
Contact details: firstname.lastname@example.org Editor: Royston Butterscotch Contributors: James Harris, Rhian Jones, Lowri Jones, Katy
Hiya My name’s Brenda and I’m Royston’s wife. He’s not available to write this column this month as he’s in hospital having his asteroids removed. So he’s asked me to write some stuff for Cover girl: Kaylee Evans the beginning of the magazine where he would www.myspace.com/kayleighmodel normally write some stuff. It’s not a problem– I Find us at www.myspace.com/meekiemonthly and don’t mind doing it and to be honest, I quite www.meekiemonthly.co.uk like writing stuff. It gets me out of the house Meekie Monthly is a free especially with all the rubbish they put on TV subscription-based E-Magazine. To subscribe, email email@example.com there these days. So Royston has asked me A small portion of our profit goes to Cancer to welcome you to the magazine and to Research say welcome to the magazine and that (Editor’s Bit of Fluff) we hope that you enjoy reading the magazine… oh pissflaps. I’ve run out of MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 2
Issue 4 May 2007
In this month’s Meekie Monthly: 5. Interesting facts about football 6. Celebrity Showdown 8. The BIG Interview– with a real life celebrity! 9. Letters page 13. The Lads’ Page– Tits and Beer. Wahay! 14. Agony Aunt– Get your genital warts sorted! 15. Rugby World Cup Preview 16. Quiz 20. A Flowchart Thing that says you’re ugly. 22. Real life parties! I read Meekie of Monthly instead 24. Nudist Special h the Bible. It’s muc s ha 26. Siop Meekie Monthly more fun and nicer pictures in. 28. Horoscopes Rev B Holy 30. Sport Llandeilo
For those expectin g to read the resul ts for the “Best Ar s Competit e ion”, unfo r tunately, due to in clement weather judging d on ay, all ars es had to be covere d up and judging was adjo ur ned un til a later date. We will e ndeavour to get yo the resul u ts w hen w e can be can be ar sed (pun intended ) If you think you’re good enough to write for us, drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org We’d love to hear from you to make MM the best online mag... erm...online.
MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 3 MEEKIE
? e i k e e
m a s i t This is a drawing of a h a meekie by a wellW renowned artist Sigh! Do we really have to go through this every month?
For those of you who do not yet know, a meekie is a person with a very large head, usually through no fault of their own. There is nothing wrong with these people. Meekie Monthly aims to celebrate these amazing people and has been doing so since 1988.
This is a real-life photo of a meekie Meekie Fact: Meekies can be found the whole world over– even in places like Yorkshire
Royston says: “For some meekies, finding that perfect for their wedding or fancy dress can pose a mighty problem. The hat industry can overcome this by building bigger hats”
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ball t o o f t u o b a w r kne e v e n u o y s g 15 thin time that you knew as w it t gh ou th ly th e Mon on May 19th, Meeki ed ay pl g in be up C With the FA susâ€œBeautiful Gameâ€?. e th t ou ab but the leg injuries th g, tru pi e th ad de a ith w ayed -
d in st pl t and kick that roun ll. The game was fir ou ba r ot de Fo ad y bl rc s Pe g' pi by e to take th nted in 1207 eant that they had m , 1. Football was inve nd ou ar g pi ad r the night before. g a de in ge la ck e ki s th er on ay t e ago. pl ou by en tained now. It was a long tim rd ally if the pig had be lle ci ca pe e es er w n, fu ey ry th t ve ers were awarded co wha ay et pl rg n fo I he . stead. It was w ed ly rm al ci fo s pe played on problems, es football team wa that they should be This caused many d d. 2. In 1467, the first de un ci ro de t ct fa an rt in po re ite im pitches we 0 years, someone qu d pig's bladders. 10 ne 3. The first football er tio ov en r fo em s or he af tc e pi th on round some were medium ped in favour of nd op A dr l. e al er w sm ners. After playing e gs er pi w e ad m big and so 50 years later, de history. Some were ut ho rectangular pitches. ug ro th ze si ve varied in 4. Football teams ha sized. team. make up a football w no s er ay pl g gum. e week en ev 5. El on other days of th has to chew chewin w ed d and la ay by pl es ho m w , ga er e ag os ing the Milky Bar Ki for th be pt r fo ce s 6. Plus a man ex , ou ay m fa rd tu ce Sa on reer. kham was played on a ccessful singing ca football. David Bec su 7. Football is always ay a pl r te to af , on 49 ne of go e ry good. at the ag ople have , took up the sport ed. But it wasn't ve 8. Some famous pe ld as or le w re e ng th so in r a lle e as ba w s foot : how much they ar ort. In 1992, there ed sp st e th -te Pele, the most famou ns ur ea no m ho e to ar uch. They n roll been invented many times they ca for not doing very m w ey ho 9. Many songs have , on m ve di of n ts ca lo ey id w far th r back are now pa far they can spit, ho they can lie on thei w 10. Football players ng ho lo g in w ho ud cl d in an s , m or veral fact eir right ar paid depends on se dentally brushes th ci ac er ay pl r ils, he ot n an yle, broken false na st ir ha across the pitch whe up d ffe d. ui pa sq slightly and their shin ace. These include: pl on clutching their shin m m co y el at un are unfort 11. Football injuries pain. e of course, shinpad d an irt . "They're a complet sh otball teams. e aw fo th dr o 0 tw on 0n a ee in mud lt tw su be re ed games that this year be play idering banning all ns co 12. The FA Cup will e ar ll, ba ot fo ing body of rson. 13. FIFA, the govern . e" said a spokespe tim s y' od MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 5 MEEKIE yb er on a postcard please s ev ie of tr en ... waste rm ..e e. ers ar ld ho up C ld or W t ll. 14. The curren people with a footba l al to e bl la ai av is 15. Football
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Celebrity Showdown Little
intelligent re o m im h ld make eyes shou r sn’t. u fo ’s id ately it doe n u 8/10 rt Looks: S fo n u t bu e n o t fa e than th legt guy in this h ig a tr s e ny. much th ot very fun n Sid is very ’s t: e n h le , a y tl T 4/10 sequen Comic le act. Con b u o d ry a end at dded W he re h ’S e th ple of rfect exam in the 1970’s. e p a is ir a h Scargill 7/10 Hair: Sid’s by Arthur d re e e n io Head’, p is hould be h s re tu ta s o, Sid’s bo com r of the tw heat in lim c le tt n li a c e e th h s ns that 9/10 Height: A ver, it mea e w o H . ll downfa petitions
Large Looks: Eddie’s motto of “There’s more to love” sadly smacks of desp eration 2/10 Comic Talent: Eddie’s quickfir e wit always left crowds in stitch the es. Quite literal ly sometimes 9/10 Hair: Eddie ha s maintained ra ther a splendid over 80 years no meekie for w. Impressive. 1/10 Height: Eddie stands at a surp risingly 17ft tall dwarves his co and mic partner so much that Sid ha on stage as a m s to appear agnified hologr am
This Month’s Winner: Sid “Four Eyes” Little MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 6 MEEKIE
Omega 66 New EP out soon www.myspace.com/omega66 MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 7 MEEKIE
What day is your bin day? Monday for usual household rubbish, every second Friday for recyclable stuff. Last week, tho, they refused to take it because next door's dog shat all over the bags. Not nice, having to clean dog shit off a bin bag.
w e i v r e Int This month’s celebrity is the multi-award winning novelist and author Niall Griffiths. Niall has recently launched his latest book ‘Runt’. One of his other books ‘Kelly and Victor’ is soon to be made into a feature film.
Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day? Yes. If you get in a taxi on your own, do you get into the front or the back? Front. Cabbies can be quite interesting people. Altho in London, of course, you're not allowed to sit in the front, and in Birmingham, they tend to be driven by Herman Goebbels, so I sit as far away from the driver as possible. What did you have for tea last night? A chicken pie and peas. Nice enough.
Have you ever seen the film Groundhog Day? Niall in a big coa t and a Yes. hat stood by a la ke
Next month: We ask another celebrity the same questions!
What's your favourite aisle in Kwik Save? There is no Kwik Save in the town where I live. Favourite aisle in Morrison's, tho, is the one that leads out of that infernal warehouse. Hate those places. Or, of course, the alcohol aisle. Did you make love last night? In my mind, yes.
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. . . . y l h t n o M e i k e e Dear Mfavourite letters page..cos we say so Your
Bloody Barry Sc ot t
Heartbeat Horror at Home ourite Is it me or is TV’s family fav orded an ‘Heartbeat’ rather dull? I rec nday night I Mo episode last Sunday and s half an hour sat down to watch it. It wa it on pause. before I realised that I’d left with some sex Why don’t they spice it up car chase? and murder and maybe a Tina Wembley
llocks Last nigh t me and my wife the telly tu on to wa tch some rned were soo te n bomba rded with lly but for Cillit Bang. W adverts hy have to s hout so lo does Barry Scott him the fi u rst time. d? W e heard I’ some of m going that stuff to buy , and spr Barry Sc a y it on ott BANG! A . ND HE’S We wish GONE! ! SID JEN K Caerphil INS ly Wales
phe Conundrum Catastro y rs ve ro nt Co ts is cl Crap Cy
e? It takes do they think they ar ho W . sts cli cy t ou ab hind a in nutes if I get stuck be I would like to compla mi 19 or r, ca my in to work n afford a car, me 4 minutes to get er job so that they ca op pr a t ge to s ist cl cyclist. I call on all cy in the 21st century. and join the rest of us
Send your letters to meekiemonthly @yahoo.co.uk er thly Moth n o M ie k IMee
onthly Meekie M f o r e d a ur lar re you on yo d u I’m a regu la p p a riting to and am w lication. ub a splendid p , I settle down with th n biscuit Every mo Rich Tea a d n a a te our cup of t loud at y res. u o h g u la and pictu tories and hilarious s says that it’s a pile nd My husba e’s a boring frigger. th of crap bu y day! oyston an R y rr a m I’d ples Cindy Tip am Chippenh England
Meek ie Mo nthly Wales UK World Unive rse et c
Eric Doncaster MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 9 MEEKIE
task column e opening of this Last month was th nting to join ve plenty of you wa at you and my, did we ha th u eling. I put it to yo e to the pi in in the Easter fe as t ee r be as sw the ei to se oo ch could ose the latter! in nasty. Most ch pla t jus or nt ie recip worst entries, are the best and re he d, ise om pr As which: disagree which is ay m u yo h ug ho alt
, rt in a festive Dear Queen Kong reader to take pa e th to g kin as ce pie have been trying W hen I read your For many years I y. e jo or th m wi in d s pe er ad activity, I nearly jum t unwelcoming dish, with many re no , bu is recipe to share this splendid es. I have undoubtedly sent in th t to have it in az ag an the years, d ye er conventional m ov s ge pa ing thin your rent cook you look deep wi less than 30 diffe at th u yo th wi a many mouths ore I ple m come true, for published, theref ea dr ed ait aw g y lon heart and make m . taste this cuisine to rld wo e th across Yours faithfully ell, Cardiff Madeline Blackw
The Worst Dear Queen Kong , I read your piece last week and thou ght play a trick on my 9 year old daughte I could use this as an excuse to r, who at the mom quite cheeky and ent is being is being spoilt qu ite a bit by her m face Easter Sund other. Imagine he ay when I told he r r that this year, be bought rather a lot cause she’d been of stuff over the ho lidays, this was al ting. No chocolate l she was geteggs, just eggs. I have never seen like it! Needless to a tantrum quite say, she wasn’t am used, and she sh throwing the artw owed this by ork onto the kitch en floor. Hm, the with me. wife still isn’t happ y Meirion Owen, G wynedd.
This Month’s Task…if you choose to accept it This month, the option of being nice is take away from you, just like that. I feel mean, therefore you must be mean. If you see someone tripping in the street, point (your cameraphone, click) and laugh at them. If a chav is being too big for his/her shoes, get on your high horse and be ready to quote ‘Oh, the youth of today!’. If you see a well groomed lady looking rather smug, ask her if she has a compact in her handbag. If you see a child admiring… anything, destroy it! These are merely suggestions, use your imagination. Don’t forget to take photographic evidence. Best and worst entries will feature in next months’ issue. Send you entries to : email@example.com before May 18th Get to it!
Queen Kong Over and Out MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 10 MEEKIE
Even in small business, image is everything Press releases · web page content · sales letters · newsletters · advertisements · advertorials · brochures · feature writing
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! ! C I L GAR
T U O K LOO ews from the Science
Shock n eekie MonthBlyyJames Harris M Desk of For time immemorial, man has long known of the garlic destroying uber herb parsley. Its use has been recorded as long back as the Egyptians who used to shove it up their arses (or noses, or to make the hieroglyphics a bit smudged. Meekies handwriting expert tied it down to the two options. Professor Johnson MD MB MC HIP HOP BA Hons also added the fact it was written in biro could make it, to quote , 'bollocks'.) The science desk has learned of the biggest geneto-muto story since the pack of lies that is bird flu. Here it is science lovers: Parsley is mutating into an animal, entering the world into a possible state of anarchy, as now garlic will have a natural predator , and no matter how wild that garlic may be - “It’s fokked” said the Prime Minister A spokesman for middle class people was 'concerned' , and urged the lower classes not to eat garlic as '...they don’t really appreciate it anyway, the pikey bastards'. Meekies Science Desk will keep you informed but we can only suggest panic buying of any freezeable garlic containing product for DNA profiling to ultimately use the good of genetic engineering to cross garlic with dogs .probably, to beat the shit out of that parsley bitch once and for all.
Some garlic yesterday MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 12 MEEKIE
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g sex? n i v a h e t’s it lik a h W : MM ise you r rite n o g ’s o t c I e : r ? Jo people ik Save o w D K . h n i g MM: O hoppin s o g u o when y out? s t i t r u yo . Jo: No ou get y f i n e t ev MM: No ew d the n e i r t u Jo: No yo .. Have . h ? O : MM Munch r e t s n Mo e they? r a r u flavour o lav W hat f . o N : flavour Jo k c o C onster MM: M Jo: No
How to pick your nose without getting caught Ok guys– we’ve all had a boulder or two up the old gink that we’ve just had to get out. But here’s how to isolate and remove the offending item without embarrassment. The ThumbThumb-Index Method (for advanced practitioners) 1. 2. 3. 4.
Position your index finger of the opposite side hand alongside the exterior of the obstructed nasal channel. Nonchalantly slip the thumb as deep as necessary into the nostril. Using the thumbnail, delicately clamp onto the dried mucous mass. Slowly withdraw the thumb and its payload from the nostril. At this step in the process be particularly vigilant for any trailing mucous which might be attached to the payload. These un-noticed “stringers” can jeopardize the entire operation. Return the hand to a more natural position and discreetly execute a flicking motion with the thumb. This should launch the projectile sufficiently far away from you that it becomes someone else’s problem.
e g a P ’ s d a The L Bras * * Beer* Bogies* Belches* BO
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Dear Katy Our resident agony aunt sorts out your embarrassing problem that you’ve been too lazy to sort out yourself………………….
Cock Pill Chaos I recently replied to an advert for cock pills I saw on the internet. I paid $400 on my credit card and they duly arrived. But I'm somewhat disappointed. Last night I took one and walked into the bedroom to show it off to my lady, but within seconds, it'd turned green and fallen off. How do I go about getting a refund, and more importantly, what shall I do with my little green fella? He's been sat in a margarine tub in my fridge for over a week now and I'm too embarrassed to write to the local newspaper about it. Darren York
Hairy Toes make me Unhappy I'm a beautiful 24 year old blonde but I suffer from hairy toes. It's so bad that my boyfriend ties me up and uses me to buff up the skirting boards. Is there a known sure to this problem and will I ever be able to wear flip flops again without looking like I'm wearing a pair of comedy gorilla slippers? Claire Swansea Claire There are a lot of men out there who love the hairy type, let it all hang out, neglect your arm pit hair and your bikini wax, stop plucking your eyebrows or shaving your legs and let that little moustache on your top lip grow (we know you are not a REAL blonde) go au natural you could polish the floor then as well as the skirting boards!
World of L ea
ther I've spent far too lon g on sunb used as ta eds rget practi ce by the lo and now my face lo plastic su oks as if it rgery as I c hear that th al Catapult Team. I 's been my hubbie d ey cut skin on't want says) and to o ha a ff less droop nd I've trie y. Is there d all sorts my arse to put on m ve anything I y face (so to try and bloodhoun can do to make my s d? stop myse k in look lf from loo king like a Tracey
Dear Darren, MY GOD BOY run to your nearest circus and get a job there! I can see the show title, no longer will the bearded lady Tracey, be the biggest attraction it will be Darren and his amazing Chop your leg green fella! Give it a few years and you will have made love you an s off die your hair gre en and bec d your droo ome an Oo py skin wo your £400 back and be famous! Now there’s a nt be a pro mpa Loom b pa. Kids wil le m. bonus!!! I l
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Rugby World Cup Preview Most people have seen the fearsome All Blacks performing their legendary haka. The haka is a traditional dance that reflects the passion and the pride of the Maori culture. It lays down a terrifying challenge to the opposing team.
The Manu Siva Tau is a Samoan war dance, performed by the Samoa's rugby team before each match. They used to perform the traditional 'Ma'ulu'ulu Moa' on tour. Before the 1991 World Cup though, the 'Manu' war chant was composed. It was considered to be more aggressive and as a result, psyched up the players more. England, current World Cup holders seem to have lost their way over the last few years. Having equalled their worst ever string of defeats, they have now adopted a traditional English dance inspired to strike fear into the heart of their opponents. Hereâ€™s the current English team getting in some gentle practice.
In a new series, Meekie Monthly counts down to the Rugby World Cup this September by looking at the various tactics used by the worldâ€™s teams. This month we look at the pre-game ritual of the war dance.
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Christian p eople are a lways very happy people bec ause they know t hat t hey a re going to he aven. But h ow good a Chr istian are y ou? Let Meekie Monthly de cide whether yo uâ€™re a Holy Saint or a Holy S hite s the to cros g in t i a s and ll dog w in your a m m r s a a r with g he ld lady d, takin mily? o a o il r a r e f h ing t ot an nd fa you sp e cross s about life a c n n e a h t w is n as s road stio us? e needs sking her que ing the er 5 2 b h s b s s m f o i r u r c N e ile a sk h ming You are you? y and a oad, all the wh n onco 1. d a f la o o y l D h r t . e r a road patting of the the eld ught? o the p e ly t o h t h c id in n t a s e d a o r g ? r n t e you an d hou rse a e oth a) App nee. Do sweet supply uick wit dog up the a er t o t h k q h ir d g e a n h o i t r help the t the their zing across old lady, boo and gra and replacing h s s t a e D e ) w e b supply their s t shop, ir up to th g e e l e l in h l t o w il r t s g p t n S c) res ou s teali ont of y em to the nea efore s r b f p in u s g h ttin ild trip king t from ge ? mall ch aid, before ta mfort them? m y s e a h A w t r t u n 2. ace? first t o co on yo preve to fair p hild to e head you continue a) Offer e c h t t l a l r n a e o also m them sh but ild as n the s ction at a mod a h o c c s f e e o h o l t t l fu dire pota over wodged sack of in an easterly b) Step 's t ? e I g . r s u la b a r happy off 62 e r h e p b e m e c) Place and running e nu s to k o g for th y. Do you? teabag g round. in offy, e it a m of Harib o w s 're tin lad e local nd u r h a a o t ld f y g o o e t o le e b d i l n t e to a lit dow mall se w h ging to along with a s aven't got tim fore heading ? d a pur n in lo f e u b o h e , Y b ID ies -I 3. woman station y off your tits, s and munch s some l g contain e purse to the e local police e a t f solu oze, th th d get ab he max on bo n a) Take he purse into a l a c t to t e lo b) Hand urself down th d credit cards n o c) Get y your new fou g n i MEEKIEMONTHLY MEEKIE Page 16 and us
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rt? suppo u? o p y u o e? m D u e mad 'v r roof. n suit to dr i u e o h y t that rom cke profit tolen f a large chi e s l t t n i l e e tidy sb n in ith the that ha und the tow n me. w d a teps to b e S u l p o e a w r e e h e r t g h u? din d Th for n kets wn t . Do yo ates, calle oking le, and para bigger poc nd head do o m l l i s f i to o sa ch urch t h your two m Steps ve got k to them, a ' h l chur e a jumble e y c a e e l c r h a o h t l loc w it he nsng bac ed T o your rock band 4. T Hastily arra s, call hristia f their roof t e C t g r a n i e to m h n f a) r two Steps 're com p a Christia it to ot ou nicked o u y e o e e e y r v h t a h h t t e T wi th a gu ed dy b) L s, call g you efore settin k band he lea t e n c t i l l o l a l r e e m t n S c) stia two you ut, b a Chri rite to your hair c h your t p w i u w e g s i d n i t Pr a ge ett ban ngs of ew suit, and TV? efore s n rock o b a i , S t t s i u r c 5. on an air a Ch a) Buy aven to play d get your h ng up i t t e s u? n He efore Do yo . b suit, a n TV? r , t e w v u e c e i n o a ai r bel s? b) Buy aven to play d get your h nger a e their mind o l o . n n e H it was ey are they chang suit, a n TV? e h k t w a t t e a s n i h o a dm ou t until c) Buy aven to play at a ba y tell y rottle them h e h w t e d n H d th whe on? t han s you onal box an ithout religi an see firs n u t s nd ssi ey c sw est frie o the confe ir life i ot so that th b e r h t u o h t Y is p m ds. 6. w rubb ce the n the s terwar f a a) For nd them ho and then o s s ene i re forgiv ? r n b) Rem er them the o a f i t k s i d n as Chr c) Mur nd the eing a a b , r o o d f t to son t I wan s. ur rea eaven. a e o i h r y o w 's s t to h cces to do Wha 7. t to go shionable a 't allow me n a w I fa a) on ions d y wear b) The e other relig th y? c) All e stor l b i b e ? it avour o Domestos f r u n. o tting' i hat's y the Road t chase? a g W e b ' 8. car l on s of a) Pau ne with the s it's got lot o a b) The ne as long o y c) An oly
very h ly e r ’ u o As– Y uite ho Mostly s– You’re q t very holy B o Mostly s– You’re n C Mostly
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Advertise here for as little as ÂŁ10
per month. Meekie Monthly is a fast growing E-Magazine with its roots in South Wales but with a global readership base.You can be part of this growing phenomenon by advertising on our hallowed pages. JustÂŁ10 will buy you a full page advert in glorious technicolour, street cred and exposure to new clients. Email firstname.lastname@example.org for further details
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Jordan Jones- the Voice of Tomorrow MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 19 MEEKIE
Meekie Monthly is committed to allowing people from all walks of life to be heard. This month, Jordan Jones, aged 8, from Cardiff, tells us how living with parents can be so hard. Orrite? My name's Jordan and I'm fokkin sownd as a pownd. I comes from Kaerdiff, which is also fokkin sownd az a pownd. I lives with my dad, mum and my four sisters- all of them younger than me apart from me mam and dad. They're all stupid, especially my dad. He's a bin man, but he says that he's called a 'refuse collector'. Fok that. He collects all the shit from other people. What makes him stupid is not his fokkin job, cos there's good money in that job- more than my fokkin nan gets on the fokkin streets anyway. Nah, it's not that. It's what he did last week- him and his butties [mates] decides to go on strike. So they goes on fokkin strike cos they want more money. But when they goes back to work, with no pay rise, they got twice as much fokkin rubbish to clear up and no extra money. Fokkin daft he is mun. My mam's daft too. I wandered into the bathroom last night and she was in the bath. I says to her "Fok me mam. What's that's between your legs?" "Oh" she says "It's....erm...it's an axe wound" "Nasty” I says, “Right in the snatch too". She finks I'm fokkin daft like. You can't pull the wool over my shoulders. I'm fokkin sownd as a fokkin pownd me.
Around the Home Meekie Monthly’s guide to doing stuff around the home #1 Ironing Something Now that you’ve set up the ironing board you need to put the iron in a standing position at one end of the board.
Once you’ve done that, turn the iron on at the switch. To do this, you need to plug the plug into a plug socket in the wall. You then need to wait until the light on the iron goes out. You’re now ready to iron! Next month: How to iron a shirt MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 18 MEEKIE
How sexy are you? Let Meekie Monthly decide whether youâ€™re a minger or not START HERE Have you ever had a partner?
Were they half decent?
Did they ever tell you that you were no ugly?
Did they enjoy getting you into bed?
no no yes Youâ€™re as ugly as fok and have no chance of pulling. Ever.
yes Were they right? yes
no Do you wash? yes
yes no no
Are you deluded in the fact that you think that you are lush?
Do you smell of arse cleft then?
Was it because they told you that you were shit in bed?
Was it because you were a bedroom legend?
no Do you consider yourself lush?
Were you able to turn them on just by rubbing your crotch ?
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Meekie Monthly Parties Our good friends at UrbanTraffic held their Launch Party at Cardiffâ€™s IOTA nightclub on April 28th. Visit them at www.urbantraffic.co.uk
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Meekie Monthly Parties Our good friends at UrbanTraffic held their Launch Party at Cardiffâ€™s IOTA nightclub on April 28th. Visit them at www.urbantraffic.co.uk
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Sydney S.O. Smooth sends us his monthly ramble about rambling with a difference…. Dear diary
neighbouring age of Upper Uppington to the vill my s join t tha h pat dal ng the bri Today I went for a walk alo ts of oon sun prevented certain par ern village of Lower Uppington. aft the in eze bre tle gen naked walk, as the The weather was ideal for the and uncomfortable. I saw a patch of my body becoming too sticky sounds of nature at its best the in ing tak d an ws vie give the ness and my self put pick one up and p hel ’t As I was enjoying the fresh ldn cou I . wn blo me the each re full of seeds, ready to you must wish upon it, and n dandelions. Their heads we elio nd da a k pic you en my mother that wh d the dandelion it a little puff. I was told by your wish to come true. I hel for es tak it s day of t oun is the am blow it takes to clear the seeds d blew. e. As it eyes, made my silent wish an ce, something caught my ey tan close to my face, I closed my dis the in t bu ds, see n to bes a haze of dandelio it came and the vision began ser As I opened my eyes there wa clo e Th r. hte lig ing om heavenly med to change, bec dressed in the most beautiful came closer, the air it self see gel an an n, ma wo a t no n, e of a woma g, and she was come clearer. It was the outlin for! I could see she was smilin g kin loo e com s ha gel an r closer I wn. My than word could say. Come ful uti white (semi see-through) go bea re mo l, fu uti bea I was in a s come true. She was waving at me. My wish ha those delicate hands waving. d an ile sm s rou nd wo t tha rvellous body, ser. I could hear could see the curves of her ma glory and still she came clo her of all in e tak to s ard a step backw dumbfounded state. I took ls. ven like the sound of heaven bel became frantic. The angel hea d the sounds she was making, an cy ica del its t los g vin d its smile. The wa . Then, her face slowly droppe it turned gravely and harsh t, sof t no s wa ce voi r He r. bell sounds became shrille ty perv!” r into a patch of stinging net ove me ed “Get out of my way you dir ock kn he t tha e so fast on his push bik It was the village priest, going lovvlon in the car. skip naked hand in hand as can we so n soo e her tles. Good job I had some Sa be l wil e Sh angel, it’s a sign I know it is! But again today I saw my ers do.
From Sydney S.O. Smooth
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s e p o c s o Hor
ARIES that you t. That Christmas Tree ou all it g 20 rtin r so Ap rt sta 21 t you and Mar get out in that garden ll that ‘For Sale’ sign tha to wi u as yo , go for to e ed tim ne at l gre wil May is a barbeque that salesperson from hind last year’s uneaten ended up in bed with u yo ht nig lugged in the corner be the b pu t way home from tha hilariously nicked on the en tool– the hoe. Superdrug. Lucky gard for your TAURUS s. Your planned meal be cu o Ox of t 21 ou y n Ma ru u yo , you Apr 21 ur aid this month when in an act of inspiration yo t bu to , s vy me gra co ck me so sto t e ge Your bovin you forget to to pour over the falling flat on its face as a beautiful beefy broth ate cre to an ep guests is in danger of uc sa ad hard enough over a simply scratch your he guests’ dinners. n that GEMINI e under the impressio ar ey Th n. rso 22 pe n me Ju sa and May 22 great fun shagging the remember to play safe ve st ha Ju u . yo ay , aw ins d tw en ur the yo of As the sign both been getting , when in fact, you’ve the banana. they have one partner rescent shaped fruit– w-c llo ye y ck Lu ry. sto have the same CANCER June 23 - July 23 ddums. The sign of the crab. Di LEO you can t can’t get any better for jus s ing 23 g Th . Au do u 24 yo ly ing Ju anyth other brilliant month for Ah Leo. Yet again, an they? VIRGO sweet and rather ek and they were very we t las e on et me Aug 24 - Sep 23 to ed e to all Virgos. I happen I would like to apologiz . rry So h. ll shit thoug sexy. Your reading’s sti MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 28
s e p o c s o Hor
when your first day on ll e w o to o ely things don’t g onth, but unlik y, m el is at th un le rt LIBRA ib fo ss ance is po Libra. But un 23 n this month ew boss. Rom n Sept 24 - Oct ria ur ra lib yo y a b 2 as b w job per Jo You’ll get a ne ding “Get Yourself a Pro arpish. a re t e d out pr tty sh e rt you’re caugh so is os lit et that ha unless you g . How e toilet seat up th e av le d n a Person oor handles for the “Nasty e that SCORPIO poGel over d ed a at V in s m k ic no V e b ar ru tissu 22 ough and you y people who s arse in the Oct 24 - Nov st th hi na th ed on ip se m w ho o is T h th rpios. the guy w o unnoticed Ooo. Evil Sco to the post by ess doesn’t g en at tin as be n re ur u’ o Y yo heartless. k. However, Evil. Award at wor ” ek e W person to find. e xt th e n of e th r fo toilet roll he left on the will own all e month, you th of nd e e th of sexual S by SAGITTARIU court in a case strength and in to p th u u ng yo re s st 21 r of staff ha the boss. g goes from Nov 23 - Dec do it– you’re with a membe f soup makin o n n ca tio ss u re ne si yo sc – di bu r Your new it tape– go on ever, a mino Closed Circu e world. How e th th in ll p a u y o so tr e th des Deny it all and harassment. ith your solid weeks w ur fo nd e sp u obal emails Yo email, send gl ng cock pills. lli ’s se on th rs CAPRICORN on pe m ry ss too this ck into eve 20 a new busine cision is to ha rogramme– any. Dec 22 - Jan e up d t al se fin s rn ou o Y Capric Anti-virus p ting strategy. Enterprising box. Unlucky clever marke m a a ng sp r si ei vi th de advisors, oesn’t go in hope that it d d an e pl eo p to tures. aring tempera er to so e th to e Rememb is month du AQUARIUS moistness th s or Pampers. te e a gl og tim T in m try 9 o 1 can always ou’ll suffer fr Jan 21 - Feb too bad, you the zodiac. Y s et of g n it g if si h ry ug te The wa wer altho hes. ay be the ans aring any clot Panty liners m d to keep cool by not we d an keep hydrate dings! thly’s next rea on M ie ek S e E C M PIS check out 20 it. Be sure to a w o h w Feb 20 - Mar e os come to th All good things MEEKIEMONTHLY Page 29
Sport The sport this month was quite good but our fat-arsed lazy reporter decided to watch the games down the pub, got absolutely bollocksed and forgot to send it his reports. Sorry to all those readers hoping to read about the recent Welsh win over England at the Millennium Stadium.
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Published on Aug 15, 2009