Volume 48, Issue 18

The Independent Student Newspaper of the University of Toronto Mississauga since 1974

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Issue 18 Volume 48 February 14 2022

02

NEWS

Editor | May Alsaigh news@themedium.ca

The Aphrodite Project returns for another year With almost 46 thousand matches made in 2019, students look forward to yet another year of online pairing.

May Alsaigh News Editor

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reated by the University of Waterloo, the Aphrodite Project made its return this year on January 24—just in time for Valentine’s Day. The project operates based on an algorithm that connects participants with a potential match

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grounded on answers submitted through a personality test.

This year, submissions were due on February 9, as match results are set to come out on February 13.

The project is open to students and alumni from various postsecondary universities including U of T, McMaster University, Western University, and even Harvard University. In 2020, over 3,000 students from U of T participated in the project.

The student-run initiative is a free online matchmaking service for students across various universities. According to their website, 45,954 matches have been made since 2019, with one in two individuals going on a date based on their results.

The interface has adopted new updates since last year. This year, participants are now able to upload a profile photo and other information that would be emailed to their matches.

To complete the test, students must verify their university email and complete the questionnaire. Some of the information on the questionnaire requests for the participant’s contact information, demographic information, profile photo, as well as personality, lifestyle, values, beliefs, relationship preferences, and future plans.

With sexual violence becoming a common threat on campus, the project also makes it a priority to frequently update their protection policy. It was last updated on January 20, 2022.

The project advocates for meaningful connections among students, as they state on their website, “Through Aphrodite Project, we hope to create oppor-

tunities for intimate and meaningful relationships for anyone from any walk of life.”

According to some participants as disclosed in the website’s reviews, many claim that the project helped them find their “soulmate.” However, others have not had the same luck with their matches.

On a Reddit thread by U of T students in 2021, one user writers, “My match seems nice, but they aren’t really my type, so I probably won’t message them.” Another user even shares a similar opinion, “[I] have a pretty high compatibility with my match but based on social media [they’re] not really my type.”

Several users even claimed that they could not be matched or did not receive an email from who they were connected with.

After all, the project does not guarantee a 100 per cent response rate. On their website, they aim to match 95 per cent of submissions. On the occasion students are unable to get matched, members of the project will reach out via email personally.

The method used to create online matches is based on the Gale-Shapley algorithm, developed to pair couples who share the same characteristics based on personality. Designed by Lloyd Shapley at Harvard University, this algorithm was awarded the Nobel Prize in Economics Sciences in 2012.

Overall, the pandemic has made it difficult for several students to establish meaningful relationships after years of virtual learning. Run by students, The Aphrodite Project considers these challenges and aims to match students as safely and easily as possible.

Dating trends reveal interesting results among students With nearly eight million users, Tinder is the most common online application for casual relationships.

Anjalli Becharbhai Staff Writer

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or many students, post-secondary school is a time to form devoted relationships with others. However, several statistics have recently revealed interesting data regarding student dating and romance.

Southern Regional Health Authority in Manitoba discusses the importance of relationships and what couples should keep in mind when dating. On their website, they state, “Clear expectations, open communication and established boundaries are important.”

As relationships often encompass sexual interactions, the website also emphasizes the importance of consent while arguing that no individual should feel pressured to engage in sexual intercourse by their partner.

Dating trends among teenagers reveal 35 per cent of high school students between ages of 13 and 17 have experience with relationships and dating culture. Further, exposure to both serious and casual relation-

ships at a young age can help individuals strengthen their viable skills for adulthood.

These skills include respect and responsibility, especially among the 40 per cent of high school students in serious relationships. This form of serious commitment can enable them to navigate through longterm relationships later in life.

Dating trends among students from academic institutions such as colleges and universities have revealed that majority of students prefer an emotional connection with their significant other when it comes to dating.

In 2022, a popular blog revealed 63 per cent of college men prefer being in a long-term serious relationship opposed to something casual. In comparison, 83 per cent of women in college also prefer serious relationships but are still interested in ca-

sual relationships to focus on their studies and academic goals.

Trends have also shown 75 per cent of college students are willing to make long distance relationships work, even with sacrificing physical intimacy for the longevity of the relationship.

When it comes to finding a partner, several researchers have conducted studies to assess how long relationships last among couples with age gaps of 20 years or more.

A study conducted among 3,000 people revealed 18 per cent of couples that have a five year age gap will likely end up in divorce. Comparatively, 39 per cent of couples who have a ten-year age gap are even more likely to foresee a divorce.

This study demonstrates that dating someone closer in age can make a re-

lationship last longer based on shared values, interests, stances on issues related to culture, and intimacy.

Online dating is popular, accessible, user-friendly, fast, and convenient for most individuals who want to keep their options open and find their ideal match. Data shows that Tinder is one of the most popular dating apps for casual relationships in 2022.

Trends reveal that in the U.S., Tinder has over 7.86 million users, and 45 per cent of users use the app to get a confidence boost through receiving compliments and heightened active engagement with strangers.

Success rates with Tinder have also shown that within the first year of dating 85 per cent of couples say, “I love you.”

Despite the busy lifestyles of students including work and school, 70 per cent seek marriage, and 74 per cent envision a family and children with their partner.

As students and millennials begin to navigate the initial stages of their new relationships, they are challenged with making important decisions about their future.

It raises the question for many if university and college is the best environment to seek long-lasting relationships with one another.

03

The Ontario School Board releases framework to protect students against sex trafficking The Ministry of Education has created a mandate to ensure students are protected against sex trafficking in all school boards in Ontario.

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n January 31, the Ministry of Education announced a protocol against sex trafficking for all school boards. The new mandate was introduced to provide students protection from sex trafficking. Through a concrete plan and a newly released report, Anti-Sex Trafficking Protocol P16 will keep children and youth safe within their school communities.

According to Statistics Canada, “about half (45 per cent) of all victims of police-reported human trafficking since 2009 were between the ages of 18 and 24. Nearly three in ten victims were under the age of 18 (28 per cent).”

Lately, human trafficking is becoming an urgent issue, especially in Canada. According to Ontario Newsroom, “the average age of recruitment into sex trafficking in Canada is 13 years old.” Further, children are being labelled “prime targets for traffickers for sexual exploitation.”

Additionally, it was previously announced that 2.4 million dollars would be invested into addressing these issues in Ontario. The structured framework would make it easier for the

board to integrate safety policies into the education system.

The Keeping Students Safe: Policy Framework for School Board Anti-Sex Trafficking Protocols has established a foundation for Ontario school boards where they will collaborate with the community and police organizations to ensure that the policy is in place for “all provincially-funded schools” by January 2022.

The new framework outlines four actions to secure a safe environment for students by making those in the education system aware of sex trafficking, supporting the protocols in which a student is at risk of being sex trafficked, or anyone who might be “grooming” students. All these protocols start with the ministry initiating training for all employees, educators, administrators, and other school staff. Specifically, instilling a system that will support “accountability and evaluation.”

The Ontario Public School Board Association has created a template for all school boards to assist them in creating a local anti-sex trafficking regimen specific for their board. The template was reviewed during the meeting on January 31 to see if it serves the best interest of students and their teachers.

As revealed in the report, the outline serves

as a guide for the “roles and responsibilities of Upper Grand District School Board staff in raising awareness, identifying, and responding to incidences of sex trafficking.”

The policy applies to all district school boards, school authorities, and provincial and demonstration schools.

The framework can be interpreted differently, but the goal remains the same—to protect students. Teachers will be trained to ensure students are informed of the most current and pressing issues relating sex trafficking.

The updated curriculum allows grade one to three students to learn about how to maintain healthy relationships, how to seek assistance, and to identify, as described in the policy, exploitative and coercive behavior. These skills will help students develop a mindset where they will understand how to stay cautious in unsafe situations that may result in sex trafficking.

The curriculum is designed to be developmentally appropriate.

This means that as school children move into junior and intermediate grades, they will learn more age-appropriate skills, focusing

on both in-person and online environments.

With the prevalence of sex trafficking within Canada, it has become crucial for teachers to let their students know how to stay safe.

Even at such a young age, students should be given the necessary information to help make decisions in this matter.

Students can expect to see future changes in their learning as the Ministry will continue to structure the education system best suited for students’ needs and safety. Having this new addition to the curriculum will enable teachers to know how to handle these situations more effectively.

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Razia Saleh Associate News Editor

Students review current sexual violence and harassment policies at U of T The UTMSU holds virtual meeting inviting students to share their experiences and comment on sexual violence on campus.

Larry Lau Associate News Editor

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exual violence and harassment on campus continue to be a widespread issue for many students across Ontario. To maintain the safety of students, universities including the University of Toronto Mississauga (UTM) and U of T are actively reviewing policies regarding these issues.

A report in 2020 by Statistics Canada revealed that 71 per cent of students in Canadian post-secondary institutions have either witnessed or experienced sexual violence. Additionally, 80 per

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cent of women and 86 per cent of men stated that the perpetrators of their sexual assault were fellow students.

The same Statistics Canada report also showed that in general, students were reluctant to report on experiences of sexual assault, both as witnesses and as victims.

Around 90 per cent of students chose not to intervene in witnessed assaults out of fear for their own safety or not knowing what to do. Women were notably more worried for their own safety and more likely to avoid intervention due to being uncomfortable with the situation.

As for victims, most students did not report their experiences as they did not know what to do and also did not trust their institution’s policy on sexual violence.

On January 26, the University of Toronto Mississauga Students’ Union (UTMSU) held a meeting regarding U of T’s current policy on Sexual Violence and Sexual Harassment, discussing its potential risks and issues. The meeting explored reasons as to why students often question their institution’s handling of their sexual violence experiences.

The policy reveals numerous methods and steps to resolve a sexual violence incident. Serious punitive measures include expulsion from U of T and an academic notation on one’s transcript. However, students suggest that other resolutions by the policy are inadequate and too forgiving.

Maëlis Barre, Vice President of External at the UTMSU shared her opinion on one of the proposed sanctions in the policy.

“There would be an email or letter from the Vice-Provost sent to the perpetrator. It was literally just a letter reprimanding them.”

Barre claimed that this method can enable perpetrators to get away with inconsequential sanctions, which can serve as a deter-

rence for victims to report on their experiences.

During the meeting, speakers raised concerns about the timeframe of when sexual violence cases can be reported, as this information is not in U of T’s handbook. This creates ambiguity due to the lack of transparency between the student body and the university administration. Students considered that victims may need time to recover from their experiences, after which they can consider if further steps need to be taken.

The actual process of reporting a sexual violence case also reveals numerous inconsistencies.

Speakers shared some of their experiences regarding how the university handles reports on sexual violence cases. Some had even stated the Sexual Violence Prevention and Support Centre of U of T is not responsive to students’ phone calls. A student claimed that they were calling in place of a victim they were close to, and despite calling three times, no one responded.

Victims also revealed that the school’s current UniversityMandated Leave of Absence Policy deterred them from reporting their experiences. In the past, this policy was brought up several times by students and considered controversial.

Students have criticized the policy for further stigmatizing mental health and claimed it did not provide them with sufficient resources.

With this in mind, U of T is currently reviewing its sexual violence and sexual harassment policy. Recently, UTM also held a public meeting on February 7 via Zoom to address concerns.

With input from the student body, it is hoped that the future revised policy can offer more protection to U of T students, lowering the occurrence of sexual violence in a place where people hope to pursue higher education.

MASTHEAD EDITORIAL BOARD Editor-in-Chief Elizabeth Provost editor@themedium.ca Managing Editor Elisa Nguyen managing@themedium.ca News May Alsaigh news@themedium.ca Opinion Aroni Sarkar opinion@themedium.ca Features Ricardo Jaroslav Valdes features@themedium.ca A&E Danica Teng arts@themedium.ca Sports Duaa Nasir sports@themedium.ca Photo Hayden Mak photos@themedium.ca Design Manjot Pabla design@themedium.ca Copy Juliana Stacey juliana@themedium.ca Miguel DaSilva miguel@themedium.ca Social Belicia Chevolleau social@themedium.ca Videographer Nikolas Towsey video@themedium.ca

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04

OPINION

Editor | Aroni Sarkar opinion@themedium.ca

Dating with strict parents The trials and tribulations of jumping through your strict parent’s dating hoops.

Simran Rattanpal Contributor

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e have all heard the horror stories from our friends with strict parents. The expectations, curfews, rules, and all the other hoops they must jump through to appease their parents. Trust me, I would know.

I had those parents that said no to dating in high school. The intentions of my male best friends were constantly questioned. The topic of having a boyfriend or even a crush was completely off the table in my house. Because of this, my sisters and I had to get creative. I mean, we were normal high school students; what else were we supposed to do?

Most parents will explain that they want you to stay focused, that you have your entire life to fall in love and date another person, blah blah blah. But what they refuse to acknowledge is that we are normal kids with all-consuming crushes.

You can try and convince your parents to change their rules about dating, or you can go about the more popular route—hide it from them. We all know how the saying goes, “strict parents raise sneaky kids.”

Step one, you realize your crush likes you back. But how do you maintain a normal relationship while hiding it from your parents?

More often than not, your significant other understands the circumstances when it comes to your parents. And it starts off with both of you in the honeymoon phase of your newly budding romance. You meet up at school and go out for lunch together, you say you’re going over to a “friends” house, or that you’re meeting up with

your friends to get some coffee and study. Each one of these are very valid, strict parent proof ways of spending time with your partner.

I have pulled some sneaky tactics while trying to spend time with the boy that I had a crush on in high school. My favourite was saying I was going out to spend time with my large group of friends when I was really meeting up with him. Pro-tip: when it comes to friends your parents like, they rarely ever say “no.”

But make sure everyone wrapped up in your little story knows the circumstances, and what their response should be if they are questioned. Nothing is worse than your mom asking your best friend how your coffee or study date went, and them inventing a not-soconvincing lie.

It starts with one slip up, a time where your omission of the truth is not completely fool proof. From then on, your parents start to question and analyze everything more than usual.

Step two, the talk.

At one point, your significant other is going to ask about the possibility that you come clean to your parents. Ease into it. Slowly work them into conversation, bring them around as a friend, and propose the idea of someone asking you out. Take it step by step, so you can judge your parents’ reactions.

This way you don’t get the definite “no” you dread will come from your parents, and you can satisfy your significant other. And maybe, just maybe, the impossible will come true.

To those of you without strict parents and less stressful dating rules, no, none of this was exaggerated. And to those of you who are a lot like me, take my advice and I wish you the best.

Happy Valentine’s Day lovebirds.

Sincerely, Your expert on strict parents

Technology is also a love language How to show your friends you love them in a worldwide pandemic.

Hamna Riaz Staff Writer

“@

yourfriend tagged you in a photo.” Have you ever received this notification and immediately felt excited or happy?

Appreciation posts, screenshots of funny text conversations, memes specific to an inside joke—all these things generally make people happy. They are small displays of one’s appreciation for the other even if they don’t realize it. Through the pandemic, we see how technology not only eliminates distance and allows people to stay connected but also aids our expression of love.

If person A has 10 units of love to give to person B but they don’t know the most efficient way to deliver it, person B will never get the full 10. We all receive and display our love in different ways, which is often influenced by the way we were given love as children.

To better understand these, Dr. Gary Chapman created the five love language categorizations: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts.

Words of affirmation is about putting aside all bells and whistles and being honest with the person about the importance they have in your life. Normally, you can just speak to your friend at some point when you’re around them but through technology you can send them a random paragraph throughout the day, make an appreciation post on social media, or even just send them a post that talks about good friends.

Quality time is about taking a pause in this busy world and carving out time for the person. Most people associate quality time with being around the person and, while that may still be the ideal way, it’s now easier to make time when you can FaceTime, have

deep late-night conversations, or play video games together.

The only love language that does not benefit from technology (yet) is physical touch. However, who knows, in the future realistic artificial intelligence could supplement human touch.

Acts of service is about going out of your way to do something that will make the person feel better. Traditional examples of this include aiding them in day-to-day tasks like picking something up, giving them a ride, getting coffee, making dinner, or even helping them finish a stressful project. Now, through technology, there are endless ways to support someone whether it be reposting their small business, editing their essay, ordering their favourite food, or finding them resources for their problem.

The gifts category is often misunderstood as materialistic when in reality, it is simply about a physical manifestation of love. It is essentially something a person can always look at to remind themselves of the support they have. If someone is walking along a beach and finds a rock that they feel their friend would like, even that is valuable. This is made even easier through technology by online stores and delivery services. Even sharing a meme that you know this person would appreciate is a small form of a gift. The point of it is showing them that it reminded you of them.

Living in the digital world means expressing our appreciation is much easier. The thing with love languages is that we may not always have the same ones as the people we want to appreciate, so it is our responsibility to learn how our friends best receive our appreciation. That can be through paying closer attention to them, or simply by asking them and using that love language to show them how much they mean to you.

I think we all agree that, in such turbulent times, the most valuable thing is love.

Editorial

05

Celebrating the many forms of love and intimacy Instead of focusing solely on romantic relationships, some people use February 14 to recognize the relationships they have with their family, friends, and self.

The Medium

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or many, Valentine’s Day began with a box of cards from the Dollar Store. Our teachers made us hand out notes to every student, so no one felt left out, and we each had a messy pile of folded squares on our desks by the end of the day.

Throughout middle school and high school, February 14 turned into a celebration of romantic relationships. We saw

couples with bouquets of roses and boxes of chocolates kissing in the hallway. Later in the day, Instagram showed off fancy dinners and dates illustrating the celebration of Valentine’s Day and romantic love.

For some people, this was great. However, for others, February 14 became a reminder of what they didn’t—or couldn’t—have. Some people aren’t attracted to the opposite sex. Some people experience desire and attraction differently.

Some people are in situations which demand their time and attention, and some people just haven’t found someone yet.

This may have been discouraging for those who choose to treat Valentine’s Day like any other, but others chose to reinterpret its definition and make it more inclusive. Rather than focusing solely on romantic love, for some, February 14 celebrates familial, platonic, and self-love, too, raising the value and recognizing the importance of other relationships in life.

Cynicism is fine—if it works for you. But if you’re someone who dreads the thought of being single on a romantic day, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your definition of it.

RODNAE PRODUCTIONS/PEXELS

Top (or bottom?) ten songs I’ve heard while having sex A reflection on past musical mistakes.

Erin Delaney Satirist

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hile there is no better music than the sweet symphony of love making, sometimes the sweaty sound of body parts slapping together can get tiring and leave the possibility for someone to overhear you at your most vulnerable.

Next time you are looking for something to muffle your moans, be sure to learn from my mistakes. I’m following Bill Clinton rules, so oral sex doesn’t count.

It would be a very different list if I included oral sex.

10. A roommate practicing piano on the floor above.

While in theory, the thought of getting porked while listening to someone tickle the ivories is a sweet, almost romantic idea. It becomes less romantic when the sex is over and you realize it didn’t even last long enough to get through one song.

9. “Stronger” by Britney Spears The only problem with this song is that it reminded me of something greater.

I could not get the episode of Glee out of my head where Artie sings this while he is trying out for the McKinley football team. In fact, most of the time in my life I am thinking about the Britney Spears episode of Glee.

8. “Stronger” by the Glee Cast Did I stop hav-

ing sex just so I could play this song and then get right back to it? You bet I did.

And I’m stronger because of it.

7. “1-800-273-8255” by Logic Ah yes, the suicide hotline bling. You don’t know true frustration until you’re almost about to orgasm and you hear “I don’t wanna be alivvvvvve. I just wanna die today, Who can relate? Woo!” If I didn’t want to die before, I most certainly did after.

6. “Gangnam Style” by PSY You know, if you told me right after I lost my virginity while “Gangnam Style” was playing that this is not the worst song I would ever have to hear while having sex, I probably would’ve started crying.

5. Lover (The Album) by Taylor Swift I was on a tinder date when this album had its midnight release and I suggested we listen to it. Was this man my lover?

No, he was a mailman with a chainsmoking habit and a doodle of Drake tattooed on his ass. Did we make sweet love to Swift’s glittery electro-pop? No, he actually had a lot of trouble getting it up. Was I the first person in the world to fuck to the album Lover by Taylor Swift?

I’d like to think so.

4. Travis Scott’s discography I was having sex the first time I heard “Sicko Mode” in 2018, and the line “Stacey Dash/ Most of these girls ain’t got a clue” actually made me laugh

out loud. That would be bad enough, but unfortunately early last year, I had gotten into the habit of asking my Google Home to play Travis Scott whenever I was about to get “romantic,” as I believed the intense production of his songs almost acts as a white noise and absorbs the sound from filling the rest of my mom’s house. What a horrible, horrible choice in hindsight. Not only that, I asked my Google Home to play Travis Scott so often that he ended up as my third top artist in 2021. From now on, I only pork to Gregorian chants or showtunes.

3. Any John Mayer song Sometimes I think about the hours I’ve spent getting fucked to John Mayer and how I will never get that time back. But at least I’ll always carry with me that my body is in fact a wonderland.

2. “Ophelia” by the Lumineers On the surface, this is a perfectly fine song to fuck to. The only catch is I ended up reading Hamlet in two different grades when I was in high school, so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about Ophelia’s character. It’s hard to fully focus on pleasure when you’re thinking about someone who drowned themselves out of grief.

1. The sound of your own inner shame and desperate need for validation Sometimes it doesn’t matter if it’s quiet or if there is music blaring. You can’t escape your inner soundtrack.

When it comes to your Valentine’s Day, play it safe and abstain from sex.

It won’t just save your soul, it might just save your dignity.

The origin of ‘xo’ is believed to have originated from Medieval Ages, where signing a letter with ‘x’ expressed blessing or sincerity.

By: Reid Fournier

06

: The nuances of gift-giving It’s the thought and intention that matters most.

Open Relationships: Yay or Nay? Everyone has different needs and ways of showing affection.

Serena Uribe Contributor

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t’s a given that dating isn’t what it used to be (or as traditional as it used to be). From the twentieth to the twentyfirst century, the sphere of dating has radically changed. Some may say that modern dating and relationships have taken on a progressively liberal approach, and others may say that they have digressed from their conventional roots. By conventional, I mean monogamous, heterosexual relationships. While monogamy (and therefore faithfulness) is undeniably desired in exclusive relationships, there is a community for those who desire an open relationship.

Elizabeth Provost Editor-in-Chief

Dear Liz, My boyfriend always gets me really expensive gifts for my birthday and other celebrations. With Valentine’s Day coming up, and the budget of a broke university student, I want to get him something just as nice but am feeling a lot of pressure to match his generosity. What should I do?

Signed, Broke Mama Claus Dear Broke Mama Claus,

L

et me get right to the point! A gift isn’t generous, valuable, or meaningful because of how much you paid for it, but rather it’s the thought and effort you exerted to pick it out that makes a difference.

A few things to consider that could possibly give you some ideas.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Understanding your partner’s love languages could help you determine what to get them.

Here are some ideas for each: • • • •

•

Words of affirmation—a jar with some handwritten notes that they can open at dedicated times.

Quality time—an organized day-date where you spend the whole day doing something you both love.

Physical touch—a blanket or something soft that would keep them warm and comforted when you’re away.

Acts of service—take care of a chore they’ve put off for a while—such as taking their car for a wash or cooking them a meal.

Receiving gifts—something personalized such as jewelry or their signature scent.

The best way to determine what to get your partner is to listen. Tune into their interests and catch small comments about things they like, want, or value.

With love,

lationship were heterosexual men, and, from personal and observed experience, this has proven to be true (screw you, cheaters). Desiring and engaging in an open relationship without discussing it and getting the consent of your partner is unethical and cheating.

So, what’s the point of an open relationship? Some may answer to “keep their options open.” Others may say to explore different kinds of romance, intimacy, and love, perhaps to keep the spark-filled excitement of their original partnership, or to fulfill different kinds of needs from a variety of partners.

Maybe the original partners are bored and want to venture out into the world of dating, without the loss of one another.

Whatever the case may be, to each their own. There are undoubtedly those who experience inner conflicts of jealousy, insecurity, possessiveness, and regret, and so embarking in an open relationship should be thoroughly considered

KELLY SIKKEMA

What exactly is an open relationship, you might ask? Well, an open relationship is a consensually ethical non-monogamous relationship. In an open relationship, partners mutually agree on the freedom to pursue intimate, sexual, and sometimes emotional, relations with other people, while still remaining attached to one another. Think of it as an infinite hall pass for both parties. The relations that occur in open relationships are typically casual encounters and interactions, and so the term ‘open-relationship’ differs slightly from ‘polyamory’ which involves the pursuit of multiple serious relationships at once, like in the American TLC show Sister Wives.

Although the concept of an open-relationship may seem unusual or absurd to most of us, including myself, the appeal of an open-relationship has enlightened many. According to a survey conducted in 2019 by the University of British Colombia amongst 2000 Canadian adults, 12 per cent said they would like to be in an open relationship, four per cent said they were currently in one, and 20 per cent said they were previously in an open relationship. It’s also interesting to note that the majority of those who idealized being in an open re-

/UNSPLASH

and discussed with your partner. Couples must be on the same page about this decision. Mutual consent is vital for the well-being of the relationship. At the end of the day, you don’t want to end up hurt, or worse, heartbroken.

As for myself, I am a serial monogamist, and I expect my partner to be as well. I believe that the sanctity of a relationship should be upheld, especially when considering long-term devotion. I maintain four non-negotiable principles in a relationship: respect, loyalty, honesty, and devotion. Personally, as someone who has been broken-hearted, open relationships are not for me, and I don’t think they ever will be. For myself, love between two is better than love amongst a slew.

However, I bare no judgement toward the decision that others make surrounding their personal and intimate lives. At the end of the day, everyone has a different love language. Love and intimacy are subjective, not objective, therefore what suits me may not suit the next. We all express and require different kinds of affection, and if dating multiple people at once fulfills your needs, then you do you. Like I said, to each their own. So, who are we to judge?

Letter to the Editor:

Sending love to The Medium for many years of dedication Larissa Fleurette Ho Contributor Dear Editor, This April, it will be ten years since I finished my tenure as the Features Editor and started my first of two years as the News Editor at The Medium. Today, on Valentine’s Day, I

wish to write a “love letter,” of sorts, to all The Medium’s editorial boards, for upholding the high standard of the paper. Thank you to every editor and writer for your tireless dedication to the Medium. To the current editorial board: you may not know it now, but every story you write is an important lesson in how commitment to journalistic integrity can shape a campus (and how it can shape you, personally, for years to come, as it has impacted me in that way)...

Read more online at www.themedium.ca

07

features

Editor | Ricardo Jaroslav Valdes features@themedium.ca

An arrow to the heart Surprise! We’re over.

Rain Moh Contributor

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’ve never had high expectations for my love life. That way, I can be pleasantly surprised by the smallest gestures and events.

And yet, men somehow still manage to disappoint me—time and time again. From being told by my high school boyfriend that he would like me better if I was transgender (I have no explanation for that one), to my university boyfriend asking me to give him a Yelp review on his performance as a partner after destroying my mental health and self-esteem.

It’s clear I’ve never been lucky when it comes to dating, yet none of these experiences really mattered. I wasn’t in love with any of those guys, so they became a joke between me and my friends. I was willing to keep my love life as a running joke, but then I fell in love with a boy—let’s call him Harry.

I was introduced to Harry by a friend, one who vouched him as being a great guy. To be fair, he was. Harry was never the type to be overly affectionate, or any amount of affectionate for that matter. But in the rare moments that he did show affection, he put me on cloud nine: like when he nonchalantly told me he had an album on his phone of just my pictures, or the time he referred to his cat as my future daughter. You can imagine my surprise when he asked me if I wanted to go on a date for Valentine’s Day. We promised not to get each other gifts, but being me, I got him a gift: a collection of magnets in the shape of cat butts to commemorate our shared love for cats. I prepared my outfit a week in advance, and of course it included Doc Martens—his favourite shoes of mine. I wrapped his gift and waited for Valentine’s Day to arrive, like a kid waiting for the dismissal bell on the last day of school. Four days before Valentine’s Day, my phone rang.

“Hi, can we talk?” asked Harry. The tone of his voice sounded serious. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I don’t think we’re right for each other. I think I want to break up.”

“Oh!” I gasped. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“About two weeks now.”

“So, when you asked me out for Valentine’s Day, you already knew?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

I didn’t dare to ask for the reason. I still don’t know it. Instead of enjoying a nice evening on Valentine’s Day, I bawled my eyes out in bed. I still have the gift I got him. It’s sitting on my desk, just like another cruel joke about my love life.

When saying “I love you” goes wrong M. Gate Contributor

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love you. These are the words we all dream of hearing from our loved ones. But when I heard those words from one of my best friends, I gave her a blank death stare.

I have never been good at forming bonds or affirming my emotions with people. Back in primary school, Isabella, one of my closest friends, told me that she loved me. My face froze and my brain stopped functioning. Instead of reciprocating her feelings of platonic love, I blanked—I truly did not know what to say.

After a few minutes, the bell rang. I dashed to the classroom, making sure I didn’t have to sit next to her. My reaction hurt Isabella. She constantly avoided eye contact with me, and we barely spoke. She remained distant until I finally spoke to her a couple of days later.

We talked about our classes, classmates, and teachers.

Though gossiping wasn’t usually to my taste, being best friends, I knew Isabella loved to. I was hoping it would make our conversation more entertaining and we could move past our hiccup—and it worked.

My reaction and behaviour were so silly. Evidently, I felt awkward, which made her feel even more uncomfortable. In hindsight, I hope this exchange didn’t make her wary of expressing her feelings. That is one of Isabella’s qualities that I find admirable—one I wish that I possessed more of.

A meagre Valentine’s Day Serena Uribe Contributor

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t was a regular Sunday morning. I got ready for work while my boyfriend prepared his gear for ice fishing. Once ready, we gave each other a kiss and parted ways. On the way to work, I passed by many Valentine’s Day advertisements, but I was tired, so I didn’t take them in.

When I arrived at work, I overheard my colleagues talking about their post-work Valentine’s plans. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. I forgot it was Valentine’s Day. I called my boyfriend panicking. He forgot too. I didn’t even get him anything!

On such short notice, all I could do was buy candy apples— his favourite. On the way home, I picked up takeout.

Maybe he’ll surprise me, I thought. Perhaps forgetting was part of his plan, and I’ll be greeted with rose petals and candles.

Instead, I was greeted with a messy apartment and fishing gear thrown everywhere. I sighed in defeat, put my stuff down, greeted my partner, and went to get changed. When I came out, he was lighting candles on the table. He had spelt out “I <3 U.” The flickering candlelight illuminated his apologetic face. We smiled, then burst out laughing. In our messy, candlelit apartment, we happily ate our takeout.

Modern Valentine’s Day rituals have turned into celebrations of materiality and performative love, rather than a celebration of love and partnership. The absence of grand gestures doesn’t mean love is lost. Valentine’s Day should be about spending time with and appreciating your loved ones. When you are in love, every day should feel like Valentine’s Day. Romanticize each day, instead of just one day a year.

How to lose five guys in 10 days Rosie Cotton Contributor

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ith the Valentine’s Day themed semi-formal coming up in a few days, love and desperation were in the air. Couples ran around asking each other to the dance. In my case, six of my guy friends asked me out—something I never imagined could happen. Not once was I asked to any school dances in middle school, not even to last year’s semi-formal. I did what any other girl in my position would do: I said yes to all six of them.

The semi-formal arrived ten days later. At the entrance, I realized what I had done after seeing the heart-shaped balloon decorations. I panicked.

What kind of person says yes to six different boys for semi? I’m in way over my head.

Before the doors to the hall opened, I approached each of the six guys individually. I started with the one who asked me out through a tortuous scavenger hunt. With the least possible finesse, I rejected all of them on the spot. Luckily, no one took it to heart—except for Sam. Sam and I had known each other since grade seven. He was one of my closest friends and knew I wasn’t the type of person to reject someone the day of an event.

Sam messaged me after the semi-formal. We talked it out and I discovered I had true feelings for him. We started dating shortly after. Who would’ve thought saying yes to six guys and then rejecting them all would’ve landed me in a relationship? Not me.

A warm night with my blushed teddy bear Amanda Liu Contributor

“H

ow about we go for a stroll along the Avenue of Stars before a drink?” Chubby says.

“Aww, yep!” I smile.

We leave La Petite Maison restaurant. I hold Chubby’s warm hand, our fingers interlaced. He takes off his coat and covers my shoulders. The gentle breeze caresses my face. Hong Kong’s city lights shimmer on the other side of the Victoria Harbour. I never get tired of this view.

Chubby gives me a peck on the cheek. I hug him back like a teddy bear. As we saunter along the promenade, we get near to the Victoria Dockside and the grandly-built Hotel Rosewood Hong Kong. I’ve long told Chubby that I want to try out the new Rosewood’s DarkSide bar.

As we enter the hotel’s main lobby, we follow the escort’s direction. We take a seat at a table close to the window and I look up at the ceiling. The triangular decor soothes my soul. I gander the drink menu but hesitate on what to order.

“Which drink will you recommend today?” I ask the waiter.

“The Almond Blossom Crusta,” he says. “It’s sweet but not too sweet.”

“That sounds great.”

“A Grande champagne cognac please,” Chubby says. The waiter leaves with the drink menus.

“Hon, I like the ambiance here,” I say as I warm my hands near the glowing heater. Chubby agrees.

The window reflects the distinct night view of Victoria Harbour. The bar’s ceiling mirrors the extensive library of rum, whisky, and calvados.

I glimpse at the stage. A lady in a red sparkling dress dances to Jazz. A bearded man plays the viola alongside. I bob my head in time with the music.

“Cheers!” We clink our glasses and take a sip.

Chubby’s face becomes indistinct in the dark. “You’re blushing!” I tell him. He smiles and kisses me. It feels gentle—like the sea kissing its shoreline. I nod to the beat of the soothing jazz music. I turn my head and take a sip of my cocktail.

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Love 101: The university dating scene in the era of Covid-19 Having a romantic relationship in university is a challenge for many students. The pandemic only made it worse.

Faiza Sattar Contributor

*Names have been changed to protect the individual’s privacy*

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hen my friends and I get together after an extended period, the conversation inevitably drifts to the topic of our love lives— or lack thereof. We prod each other for the usual: “Are you seeing someone? Has anybody caught your eye?”

Personally, the realm of dating and romance is foreign. I often hang back and listen to stories from my friend’s romantic lives, usually in disbelief at the way some of them play out. The arrival of Valentine’s Day heightens the pressure for university students to find “the one,” something that’s increasingly difficult while navigating a global pandemic.

Previous surveys have shown that more university students, and young people in general, are opting to engage in casual dating or no-strings-attached relationships, with the idea of “settling down” being the last thing on their minds. David Alvarez*, a fellow fourthyear student, agrees with this statistic. “For me in my early 20s, I don’t really care that much about [relationships]. I’m more focused on enjoying the present,” he says. But what is causing this shift?

Today’s students face a barrage of challenges, like the skyrocketing prices of higher

PRATIK GUPTA/UNSPLASH

education, balancing heavy course loads, the unending societal pressure to hustle, and the fierce competition for jobs upon graduation.

These challenges leave little time (or money) to worry about dating—let alone scoping out a potential spouse. However, that doesn’t mean all university students are uninterested in committed relationships.

According to a 2013 study by the American Psychological Association, 63 per cent of men and 83 per cent of women reported that they would prefer a traditional relationship.

And yet, with the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic, this rite of passage suddenly became a pipe dream. For those who weren’t already in romantic relationships when stay-at-home measures were implemented, the prospect of seeking romantic connections became more challenging within the confines of four walls.

For Alvarez, the winter season, coupled with new waves of the pandemic, made dating impossible. With strict public health measures, meeting people for dates in-person was practically out of the question. But not everyone adhered to these guidelines. Some still managed to find ways to foster romantic connections in the interim. Record numbers of people flocked to online dating platforms like Tinder and Hinge. Nonetheless, not all university students are eager to download dating apps. In 2021, 62 per cent of students at the College of New Jersey reported they would not consider downloading a dating app for Valentine’s Day, while 28 per cent reported they already had an account.

Meanwhile, the Covid-19 pandemic encouraged U of T students to get creative with helping people find love during the lockdown.

In 2019, the Aphrodite Project, an initiative that uses an algorithm to “match” university students with compatible partners, was launched. In 2020, this project featured a special pandemic-edition of the service at U of T and the University of Waterloo, encouraging other Canadian universities like McMaster to do the same.

Compared to “real life” dating, online dating is often perceived as superficial and inauthentic. The flexibility, convenience, and efficiency of swiping right make these platforms an attractive option for meeting people. For those who are unable to spark connections in person, dating apps offer a sense of comfort and more options.

In Alvarez’s experience, they have negatively impacted his dating life at university. When he first tried dating apps last year, he recalls being “so distracted by [them],” and shared that his “grades tanked.”

There is, of course, plenty of stigma attached to dating apps, namely that their users aren’t looking for anything serious. However, a 2020 Swiss study may prove those claims to be unfounded. The study examined the origins of 3,000 Swiss individuals in relationships. Lead author Gina Potorca found that those who met on dating apps had similar chances of having long term intentions with their partners than those who met traditionally. In fact, the study exposed that those who had met their partners online were more likely to move in together and start families with them sooner than those who had met offline.

Some experts suggest that dating apps may be part of a larger shift where users increasingly opt to pursue long term commitment.

If true, this could be a moment of rejoice for university students that feel discouraged about finding “the one” or (anyone for that matter) amidst the pandemic.

As Covid-19 restrictions loosen and inperson interactions become the norm again, Alvarez’s advice for those looking for love on campus is to join clubs and connect with people on social media. According to him, if you’re someone who gets nervous to approach people in person, talking virtually before meeting in real life can help mitigate some of that awkwardness.

Does the language we speak influence the way we think?

Not all languages carry the same words, which creates barriers when expressing ourselves.

Amani Al-Dailami Contributor “To have a second language is to have another soul.”

- Charlemagne, Holy Roman Emperor

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remember exactly how I felt the day I was asked to write a test that would determine the grade level I’d be enrolled in. I walked into an apartment with kids laughing and playing as they awaited their turn for the test—and suddenly, it was my turn.

Feelings of anxiety overtook me as I looked at the paper with letters that formed words I did not understand. I skipped the literacy part and rushed to complete the short mathematical section that I knew would be the easiest part. To my surprise, I received my test back with check marks on every mathematical question—although there was a question mark at the end of every answer indicating that I only received part marks.

In Arabic, numbers are flipped. In English, 25 is spelled out as “twenty-five,” but in Arabic, the number five is read first. So, when I was answering these questions, I flipped the numbers and instead of writing “25,” I wrote “52.” The instructor seemingly understood that due to the implications of vastly different spoken languages, students tend to structure their thoughts and ideas in accordance with their native tongue. Little did I know that this would not only be a mathematical differentiation.

Language is culture, and culture is language. They heavily rely on each other in creating a sense of community that is built upon common values, beliefs, and attitudes. Culture influences us to act in certain ways, and that becomes intrinsic when expressed through language. This creates a sense of solidarity.

Dr. Ilan Danjoux, a language and education professor at the University of Toronto Mississauga, spoke with me about the concept of language and culture. He explains that these two elements shape the way we see and express things.

“It’s likely that one’s community might have more descriptive words for a shared practice that might not be found in another environment,” says Dr. Danjoux. “The English language has more words to describe different types of snow in comparison to languages that are located in the tropics region.”

The influence of culture and environment on language tends to formulate words that allow for a better understanding. Dr. Danjoux highlights the benefits of formulating descriptive words. “This allows people to prepare more appropriately and develop a common level of attitudes and behavior to similar conditions,” he explains.

In different cultures, people’s thinking is shaped differently merely because their language is limited to a certain set of words.

For example, the Arabic language has 12.3 million words, while the English language has approximately 171,146 words. This makes it difficult for Arabic speakers to convey the original meaning of a single word in the English language. Therefore, it becomes necessary to use multiple words to get the same mes-

sage across—oftentimes diluting its meaning along the way.

If we are to separate language from culture and environment, we may have a skewed perspective on how language influences the way we think, and why we think the way we do. The structure, form, and functions of a language allow humans to transit ideas and thoughts in a way that may not be very efficient in a different language.

“If I want to translate something from Urdu to English, I find that it’s difficult to convey the original meaning of an idea,” said Fiza Maqsood, a fourth-year Criminology student. “It’s often because that word in its original essence is actually missing in the English language.”

I was so intrigued by this conversion that I asked Dr. Danjoux if people who speak more than one language are more likely to demonstrate better problem-solving skills. “One of the main factors of productive problem solving is empathy, and research shows that bilinguals are more likely to demonstrate empathy,” he explains.

Dr. Danjoux further illustrates that speaking more than one language allows humans to have multiple perspectives on a particular matter, which also fosters better problem-solving skills.

So, if you’ve wondered why you can’t put your thoughts into words in a different language, perhaps it’s because you are limited to a certain set of words. As American linguist Noam Chomsky once said, “A language is not just words. It’s a culture, a tradition, a unification of a community, a whole history that creates what a community is. It’s all embodied in a language.”

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Arts

Editor | Danica Teng arts@themedium.ca

The reassurance of romantic comedies Finding comfort in the genre’s subtle formula for self-love.

Aidan Thompson Associate Arts & Entertainment Editor

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n the modern cinematic age, choice is both a privilege and a curse. The privilege is the convenience of being able to choose from thousands of films so that no mood or occasion is ever without a perfectly suited film. The curse is that choosing one film from an endless collection of genres is overwhelming and often corners us into rewatching familiar flicks. It is the reason you might spend two and a half hours scrolling meticulously through Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, or Crave, only to settle on a movie you have already seen a hundred times.

There have been dozens of studies, such as from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, on how an excess of choice can actually be detrimental to a business and discourage customers away from what they might otherwise buy; the extensive cinematic catalogue of multiple streaming services is a perfect example of this issue. So, despite thousands of films, we stick to the familiar on a typical day.

The predictable formula of romantic come-

dies tends to satiate that craving for familiarity.

Unlike the horror genre, which continuously tries to subvert our expectations, romantic comedies continuously seek to affirm our expectations. This is why the same actors appear in so many of these films, and the same storylines get rehashed.

This predictability only works within the confines of certain narratives, for no one wants to rewatch a film that disturbs or saddens them in a deep and lingering way. So, what makes a romantic comedy so beloved?

This nuance within the genre, often concealed by cliches and corny plot lines, is that love is not a solution to all of life’s difficulties but rather a reward waiting for the protagonist.

The structure of a romantic comedy thus insists to seek out some individual transformation to reach “happily ever after.” What makes the genre so resilient and widely enjoyed is not the easily discernible veneer of romantic idealism, rather it seems to be the emphasis on individual change.

Perhaps this is optimism, but I do not think

people are so easily duped by corny plot lines about love. What continuously draws us into the stories is witnessing someone overcome a difficulty in their life. This is a timeless structure proven to evoke some degree of catharsis.

So, while much of the movie is concerned with love, the immediate concern is confined to the individual.

To deconstruct this, let us examine the most fundamental structure of a romantic comedy, or as writer Kurt Vonnegut calls it in his famous thesis, Boy Meets Girl.

We meet our protagonist on a day like any other. Through the means of a “meet cute,” our protagonist is whisked away in romance until the “honeymoon” phase of the film is interrupted by some degree of reality. The serendipitous story gets messy.

Flaws and mistakes start to catch up to the protagonist, and they generally encounter some difficulty in romance. After all, it would be a short movie if there were not a few deviations from “happily ever after.” They try to push

Heartstopper—the beginning of a happy ending Alice Oseman’s webcomic is a heartwarming picture of love and healing.

Whitney Buluma Contributor

CW: mentions homophobia, emotional abuse, bullying, and mental illness.

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eartstopper is an ongoing Young Adult webcomic by Alice Oseman that follows the unlikely relationship between Charlie, an openly gay overthinker, and Nick, a kind rugby player. Set in an all-boys British grammar school, Heartstopper charts the development of Nick and Charlie’s friendship into something more; it is a prequel that grew out of Oseman’s first novel Solitaire, which features Nick and Charlie as background characters in a stable long-term relationship. It is comforting to know that there is an eventual happy ending as this pair faces a variety of obstacles in their relationship and in their lives.

The comic tackles, with sensitivity and care, topics such as homophobia, emotional abuse, bullying, and mental illness. There

GOODREADS

are also content warnings before each episode for potentially triggering content. But despite the heavy subject matter, Heartstopper manages to remain a remarkably sweet celebration of all kinds of love without relying heavily on tropes or stereotypes.

What makes Heartstopper heartwarming is its profound respect for its characters. Even as Charlie and Nick struggle with honesty and growing into the kind of people they would like to be, the comic suggests that, even in bad times, they remain deserving of empathy and respect. Even secondary characters are given a chance to demonstrate complexity and growth.

Oseman’s depictions of mental illness are especially remarkable. The characters must find the strength to deal frankly with their trauma and pain over time, and Heartstopper does not shy away from depicting how difficult, and potentially protracted, it is to learn to truly care for yourself and others.

The comic has a simple, crisp art style that maximizes expressiveness. It is primarily drawn in black and white, which means Oseman often plays with shading and panel orientation to convey emotion. The author said in an interview that she chose to make Heartstopper a comic because she did not have an overarching plot in mind and wanted the freedom to explore the small but significant moments in Nick and Charlie’s lives.

While this approach means that the author can explore a variety of themes and the steady progression of the characters’ relationships, the pacing is sometimes jarring because of the webcomic’s episodic nature. To keep audiences interested, most episodes end at a particularly tense moment. However, this does not detract from the overall quality of the comic.

With Heartstopper and recent queer media like Leah on the Offbeat and Red, White & Royal Blue, there is a huge market for unapologetically queer love stories. You can find Heartstopper for free on Tumblr, Webtoon, and Tapas, or purchase physical copies. A Netflix series written by Oseman based on the comic is forthcoming this year.

themselves toward things that they believe will make them happy, like work or meaningless sex, until they realize their mistakes in a moment of clarity, come to terms with their flaws, and make some grand gesture to express their never-ending affection for their romantic interest.

We are all familiar with this structure, and granted, not every romantic comedy follows it exactly; it might be reconfigured, inverted, or in rare cases even betrayed, but generally the narrative can be deconstructed into this form.

What we have beneath the complicated, romantically charged story is a rather fundamental plot structure that focuses on character building and is adored across several different genres. But when you add quirky side characters, charming character flaws, and sex, it is no surprise the genre continues to be so successful.

So, the next time your cynical friend tries to shame you for watching films that end with people kissing in the rain, or running through airport terminals, just sit them down and meticulously deconstruct plot structures until they understand the universal attraction of romantic comedies (and do not forget to tell them they are wrong).

The timelessness of tropes New renditions of old love stories have us continuously falling in love with the romance genre.

Shruti Kamath Staff Writer

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nemies to Lovers. Childhood Friends to Lovers. Love Triangles. Familiar plots like these are found in books, movies, and TV shows—if there is a story with romance, we can bet that it uses a trope. And somehow, we cannot get enough of them.

Tropes act as a framework for how a story will play out, and due to their popularity, they are often used as a marketing tactic—like Netflix’s compilation video that declared Enemies to Lovers as “The BEST Romantic Trope.”

Despite everyone’s awareness of how a story will end, determined by the trope’s name, there is one thing that continues to capture the audience’s attention: the build-up to the relationship. Very few stories show what happens after a relationship has begun because the culmination of it is usually more interesting.

Pride and Prejudice is a classic example of the Enemies to Lovers trope. >> TROPES continues on page 10

10 >> TROPES continued from page 09 Mr. Darcy is too prideful to associate with Elizabeth Bennet, and she is too influenced by her prejudice to even consider him. Even though their relationship is inevitable, the way that these characters develop and the way that they must overcome obstacles to be together makes the story timeless—as proven by the continuous adaptations.

Essentially, romance tropes are convenient plot devices for inciting conflict and for fleshing out characters, while promising that at the end of it all, the audience will get what they came for.

Tropes are attractive because there is comfort in the familiar; sometimes people just want what they expect. Yet, the general framework that tropes provide leave plenty of room for creativity and make an otherwise predictable story appealing. Bringing something new to the known keeps it from becoming repetitive—whether it is a different setting or unique characters—and makes the story seem refreshing rather than redundant.

Nora Ephron, the writer of When Harry Met Sally (one of the most popular romantic comedies of all time), uses tropes like Opposites Attract and Friends to Lovers in this beloved film. The journey that our unlikely pairing takes, filled with miscommunications and failed relationships, intertwines the novel and the familiar—making When Harry Met Sally the romance genre standard.

From ancient myths to Shakespeare, to Austen, and to the modern rom-com, each era contributes something new to tropes. With increased representation and the drive to tell more diverse narratives, stories like Simon vs. The Homosapiens Agenda, Schitt’s Creek, Crazy Rich Asians, The Big Sick, and countless others are ushering in the next era of tropes— one where the universality of love is truly depicted.

Three rom-com tropes we (still) love and why

Helen Yu Comic Artist

Valentine’s Day Mixtape Five songs to listen to in the season of love. ing about them. Though these feelings were once unknown to her, she cannot help but long for her beau. When your thoughts are occupied daydreaming over someone, and when the thought of them brings on butterflies and flutters, you know you are falling for them.

Serena Uribe Contributor

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rom timeless classics to underground numbers, to contemporary melodies, here is a love-filled playlist that will have you yearning, romanticizing, and in your feels. It is a little piece of my heart, from me to you.

Say a Little Prayer—Lianne La Havas “Say a Little Prayer” sung by La Havas, is a modern rendition of Dionne Warwick’s original song. While the original song gives an upbeat, bouncy tempo, La Havas’s version is slow, soothing, and sultry. The song expresses a deep love for a partner, so much that even between mundane activities, like combing their hair and riding the bus, they say a prayer for their loved one—a prayer for their wellbeing, for requited love, and for an everlasting partnership.

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Baby—Donnie & Joe Emerson This late ’70s underground yet sublime ballad is for you nostalgic and romantic dreamers. Written by the then-teenage Emerson brothers, “Baby” embodies the sensual, passionate love shared between partners. The song describes an inseparable, passionate, head-over-heels kind of love—the kind where you cannot bear to spend time apart, as well as the kind where time appears to slow down, and the world seems to stop when you are together.

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My Cherie Amour—Stevie Wonder As an all-time classic love anthem, the 1969 oldie explores the trying pursuits of love. Stevie Wonder sings about being in love with a woman who does not notice him. As he observes this mystery woman, his infatuation grows, and his pursuit is prolonged.

The song entails the hopefulness of love; he longs for her attention and dreams about the day they can be together. In his mind, she is his “chérie amour” which is French for “darling love.”

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First Day of My Life—Bright Eyes “First Day of My Life” is a heartwarming, soft-alternative song about the life-changing power of love. The title is a metaphor for that Love at First Sight feeling, in which a person feels as though their life has changed forever and for the better all because of one encounter. The song points to feeling rebirthed, renewed, and gratified upon falling in love, with lyrics like “I think I was blind before I met you,” and “I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you.”

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Feels—Snoh Aalegra The soulful Aalegra delivers a funky yet sensuously raw number about not being able to get someone out of your head. She expresses the insatiable (and relatable) feeling of missing someone to the point where you lose sleep because you cannot stop think-

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A love and hate relationship with romance films A film to fall for and one to break up with.

Love—Your Eyes Tell (2020)

Hate—The Notebook (2004)

Sherene Almjawer Staff Writer

Dagale Mohammed Contributor

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C

e have all seen it, whether it was in a book or a movie: the Bad Guy and Good Girl trope. Your Eyes Tell, a Japanese remake of the South Korean love story Always, is no exception. The bad guy leaves his dangerous lifestyle to make the good girl happy, they fall in love, then split for some time only to reunite in a state of clarity. The beauty of Your Eyes Tell is that there is more substance to it than just “bad boy protects innocent and helpless good girl.”

Akari Kashiwagi (Yuriko Yoshitaka), the 9-to-5-working female lead, meets Rui Shinozaki (Ryûsei Yokohama), an exkickboxer with ties to the mob. The entire plot hinges on the fact that Akari is blind. This way, to my great delight, we dodge the tired Love at First Sight trope.

Unlike the male lead in many modern romance stories, Rui does not impose this creepy presence or self-entitled ownership over Akari. There is no whirlwind romance that happens outside time where the characters suddenly do not have jobs to worry about. Both Akari and Rui have depth; external forces affect them individually before flowing into their connected story. There is a layer of realism that makes Your Eyes Tell a story of humans, not just pure passion. With this Slow Burn trope, Akari and Rui spend the whole film getting to know what love feels like.

On top of being a reimagined bad boy love story, Your Eyes Tell’s eponymous theme song poses a stunning motif of where the line between physical barriers and the human instinct to love through pain blends. It is a gorgeous story of love, angst, societal pressure, and health—physical, mental, or otherwise.

Not to mention that it made me cry at least four times, as all good romance films should.

onfession time: I am a fan of the romance genre. Be it a book, show, movie, or play, you will find me there ready to eat it up. No-nonsense love stories will always hold a special place in my heart. With that context, I need it to be known that I hate The Notebook, which may be a controversial opinion.

Set in the early 1940s, The Notebook shows poor labourer Noah Calhoun (Ryan Gosling) and wealthy Southern belle Allie Hamilton (Rachel McAdams) fall in love. The rest of the film follows the tumultuous nature of their love affair over 60 odd years.

So far so good, right? The plot reads like every other sweepyou-off-your-feet romance of the late ’90s and early 2000s.

Where The Notebook went wrong was early on; the scene where Allie and Noah first meet is what turned me off from the film. Allie is on a date, and Noah—in love at first sight— vies for her attention. He goes so far as to threaten to kill himself (via falling off a Ferris wheel) right in front of her if she does not agree to a date.

Manipulating someone into a relationship is gross. I could not enjoy Allie and Noah’s epic romance because of their toxic start and never will. I want my protagonists to be genuinely in love, not held hostage by one party. Do yourself a favour and watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai instead.

IMDb.com

IMDb.com

The Perils and (Eventual) Character Building of Too Hot to Handle A binge-worthy watch to see if the challenge is too much for lovers who cannot touch.

Paige France Staff Writer

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eleased in the summer of 2020, Too Hot to Handle is a Netflix original reality show with the growth of its contestants in mind. Riding on the coattails of Love is Blind, which involves proposing to a person you have never laid eyes on, Netflix continues its catalogue of reality programs that bans one of the five basic human senses.

“Netflix continues its catalogue of reality programs that bans one of the five basic human senses.”

Since Giannina Gibelli and Damian Powers of Love is Blind absolutely convinced fans that love is in fact not blind, we were gifted with Too Hot to Handle. Thanks, Netflix. Hosted by a virtual assistant cone—yes, a cone—that goes by the name Lana, Too Hot to Handle assembles 10 adults who possess terrible sexual politics. In their past, all contestants have engaged in meaningless flings, and this emotional distance prohibits them from developing longlasting relationships.

Lana is hell-bent on allowing these hopeless players to find meaningful love that is genuine and honest. But every-

one who binges on reality TV knows it would not be a true reality TV show without immeasurable drama and a twist that changes everything. The scantily clad and boozed-up contestants can flirt and mingle as they wish, but kissing, fondling, and fornication are off-limits for the entire duration of their 30-day retreat.

Glorifying sexual frustration in 40-minute episodes and inadvertently paralleling our quarantine lives, all participants are planted on the beach beside a sea of tanned, hot, and ready-to-trot singles. Attempting to remain celibate for their shot at winning $100,000, Lana guides them through falling in love with people’s imperfections and company, all without feeling the touch of their body. Even the smallest “rule break” results in the penalization of the shared cash prize.

Realizing that they must date just like regular humans with half the attractiveness and double the IQ, we—the unattractive humans in question—watch in amazement like

IMDb.com

spectators watch monkeys throw feces at each other behind fiberglass enclosures. We enjoy every minute of it, never able to look away.

“We have been blessed with a culmination of humans with two brain cells to share, finding love in a way none have been inclined to do in the past.”

In its quest to reveal love as more than skin deep, we have been blessed with a culmination of humans with two brain cells to share, finding love in a way none have been inclined to do in the past. Emotional relationships before sexual ones? The sheer blasphemy!

What started as a show to highlight the inauthenticity of modern-day romances based solely on “swiping right,” Too Hot to Handle transgresses into a platform that allows its contestants to transform and become not just lovers, but partners.

Reality TV is becoming more in-tune with romance by revealing hidden fears and harmful mindsets that often keep us from finding our soulmates. Check out season 3 of Too Hot to Handle (released on January 19, 2022), as well as the Latin American version of the show on Netflix. Who knows, maybe you will learn a bit about yourself, and your potential soulmate, along the way.

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sports & health

Editor | Duaa Nasir sports@themedium.ca

What falling in love does to your brain and body Although we often associate love with our heart, the brain and body are really the powerhouse behind this exceptionally strong phenomenon.

Kareena Kailass Associate Opinion Editor

A

lthough our first instinct is to associate our hearts with love, the real culprit of these fluttery heart feelings are in fact a product of our brain’s activity. As our brain puts us in euphoric states that linger overtime, we are experiencing something like a reward system in our brain involving a neurotransmitter called dopamine.

As even thinking about that special someone can trigger a dopamine release, we often find ourselves feeling excited and eager to go to any length to fulfill this desire. According to Healthline, researchers explain that this biological process is what gets us hooked on seeing this special someone: it’s simple, we feel good, and we keep doing it to feel that rush.

Apart from dopamine, oxytocin surges also play a huge role in our brain forming attach-

ments to that special someone, forging feelings of safety, comfort, and trust. Nicknamed ‘the love hormone’, oxytocin often gets stronger past the first rush, and strengthens after physical romantic interactions. Beyond this, oxytocin also decreases our interest in finding other partners. Since we feel so close and good with that special someone, we hope to get closer and closer with them overtime and toss away our search for new love.

Beyond chemicals and hormones in our brain, love also has us acting differently. From sacrificing things for the happiness, betterment, and/or support of our partner, our vagus nerve tends to sync with the other person’s. This pushes us to want to keep them from sadness, distress, and pain.

But let’s be real—if you’ve ever been in love, you know that that special someone is constantly circling through your thoughts. Maybe you even dream about them. According to research, the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain is related to obsessive-compulsive behaviours—circling thoughts that are quite normal when you first fall in love with someone. As they stay on your mind day and night, you desire to spend time with them and bond, increasing your chances of forming a relationship.

“The oxytocin and dopamine increases can not only improve your mood, but also lead to lower stress levels.”

Beyond this, the oxytocin and dopamine increases can not only improve your mood, but also lead to lower stress levels. Having someone you’re close with and can trust is one of the biggest things that falling in love does for us.

There are also documented links to improved physical health—a decrease in risk of heart disease, lower blood pressure, improved immune health, and quick recovery from illnesses are all in the line-up for love’s byproducts.

That being said, a healthy, loving relationship has

been shown to be linked with a longer life span.

There is also evidence that people feel less pain while they’re in love and use love as a distraction from that pain.

Although this all seems like a walk in a rose garden, unfortunately, these things can also get to the point where they’re harmful. Some relationships can actually cause stress and manifest feelings of anxiety, uncomfortableness (those butterflies in your stomach, they may not always be good!), lack of sleep, and loss of appetite due to constant thoughts, and poor judgement when you find yourself getting a little too consumed in the love story.

WEEKLY EXERCISE SERIES: Dance Dancing can improve communion and relationships due to added physical touch, teamwork, and intimacy.

Anjalli Becharbhai Staff Writer

D

ancing is an inclusive form of exercise that has a positive impact on one’s physical image and confidence. It can also relieve anxiety, depression, and any pent up energy.

Studies have revealed that the areas responsible for controlling memory, such as organizing, planning, and storing information, improve with exercises that require enhanced focus such as dance.

Dancing is ultimately an exercise that can strengthen relationships as it encourages people to interact with each other in a fun, relaxed environment. Often, this can take place during one’s youth, such as high school dances, semi formals, proms, and celebrations. Some of the most popular styles of dancing include ballet, salsa, jazz, and hip-hop.

Ballet focuses on flexibility with slower movements and increased cognitive awareness. It requires upper body strength and can be a great way to improve focus and balance.

Salsa dancing requires a partner to accompany fast and slow paced dance moves. It can be an energetic and upbeat form of dancing. It is also an excellent workout for your

heart and can improve circulation as it can burn up to 600 calories per hour.

It also involves enhanced physical touch as both partners aim to achieve communion among the rhythm of the dance moves. Salsa dancing requires team effort that can strengthen emotions and unity between couples and partners.

Jazz dancing involves a high intensity workout as it requires you to dance to energetic music with added kicks, leaps, and turns.

Hip-hop dancing allows people to freestyle and have some creativity when dancing to hip-hop music. This allows individuals to express themselves with different outfits and moves, leading to an elevated mood.

At the Recreation, Athletics & Wellness Centre, due to Covid-19 and safety protocols, group fitness classes will be available virtually. On February 18 and 25 there will be a Cardio Dance Fusion class offered to students, alumni, and U of T members from 12:10-12:55 p.m. in Gym C. A tip when getting involved with dancing is to experiment with different styles and choose one that makes you feel content and engaged.

With minimal equipment needed and an inclusive environment, students can engage in this activity by themselves or with friends or partners for both physical and emotional benefits.