ARE YOU A CO-SIGNER?

by Ken Wilson Steppingstones to Recovery

You can be one without signing your name in pen and ink! To “co-sign” is to assume responsibility for another’s actions. Believe it or not, it is not too far from being a “co-conspirator.”

I was educated on this when a friend sought a divorce a few years ago. He was self-employed and sometimes received cash for payment of services without reporting the income on his tax returns. His wife knew of his practice and did not report it to the IRS, yet cosigned their joint tax returns for years. After the divorce when she sought more compensation from her ex-husband, she decided to report it. She quickly backed off her claims against him when she learned that she could be charged as a co-conspirator, knowing of his practice and not exposing it, and that she could receive the same legal consequences as her ex!

Of course, co-signing isn’t limited to financial schemes. Family members of addicts are famous for co-signing. In other words, for endorsing addictive behavior and accepting responsibility for the consequences of addiction. Here are some of the ways you can self-assess to see if you are one:

• If you turn a blind eye or a deaf ear. You ignore the problem and hope your loved one is just “going through a phase.” Know that when drug use starts causing problems, without intervention or treatment the roller coaster is going downhill from there… guaranteed. You may’ve thought, “Well son, I smoked weed when I was a teenager and it never hurt me, so you can too.” Know that THC now is not the THC of your youth, dad!

(See: learnaboutsam.org)

• If you are addicted to an addicted person. Do you think about their actions 24/7? Wake up at night thinking about them? Give them money, time, food, shelter, clothing, transportation against your better judgment? Make excuses for their negative actions versus calling a spade a spade? I knew a lady years ago who was hospitalized with various organ issues over anxiety about her addicted son. She went to counseling for that “addiction” and got well mentally, saving thousands of dollars in medical bills and sleeping pills. • If you do things for a substance abuser that they could and should do for themselves. Call in sick to their job for them? Get them to bed if they come home drunk and sick? The alcoholic/addict is thinking, at least subconsciously, “Hmmm…. if I get wasted my wife will see that I get to bed and cleaned up and off to work in the morning. What a deal!” I know of a case in which the wife quit sponge-bathing her hung-over husband and getting him to bed and instead started letting him spend the night in his vomit on the floor. After a few episodes of that he decided to be a big boy and stop drinking after work every day!

• If you allow him or her to steal from you without reporting it to the authorities You just yell at them and believe it when they promise not to do it again. I know of parents and spouses who chose to sleep with their valuables in their PJ pockets or pillowcases, and others who locked (yes, with a double-sided deadbolt!) their bedroom door at night to prevent stealing. And others whose children have drained their bank accounts to buy drugs. It’s a similar story every time…”the bank will give me my money back but then they will prosecute and I can’t bear the thought.”

One father initially didn’t report his son, instead giving him the choice to either join the military or be reported. Junior chose the military and spent 10 years there learning about cyber security and is now employed full time in that field. I guess I can’t fault him for his choice!

If you find yourself in even one of the categories above, there is (free!) help for you. Go to ga-al-anon.org, as just one example, for a meeting schedule. You’ll find a lot of help there from adults who have “been there, done that.”

Then read the fine print under “co-signer.” It’s a sobering alert.

… from page 1 the solution — is personal, person by person, family by family.

Personal action can start today, versus legislation that can take years to enact and even longer to go into effect.

What can an individual or a family do immediately? As suggested by the picture to the right, it might seem counterproductive, but get kids in the water — with certain caveats, of course.

Water interaction #1: swimming lessons. Knowing how to swim is a huge factor in drowning prevention. It isn’t an iron-clad guarantee, since experienced swimmers have been known to drown, but it cuts the odds significantly.

You can’t afford swim lessons? Are you sure? Have you checked prices? There are very reasonably-priced options, especially when you consider the unbearable potential cost of not knowing how to swim. A few weeks of lessons can offer a lifetime of protection, to say nothing of the enjoyment offered by being able to swim in weather like this week’s.

Another extremely important step to take in drowning prevention: never allow children to swim unsupervised. Always have them carefully watched when they are in the family pool or at the lake. An adult watcher should be designated, and watching should be that person’s sole job:

MIDDLE AGE from page 5 never eat a carbohydrate “unopposed.” I had to find out what that meant. The short answer is that you should balance any carbohydrates you eat with protein eaten at the same time. In other words, don’t eat that biscuit unless you slap some eggs, cheese, sausage and/or bacon on it. At least that’s what my ears heard when I was told that, and I intend to follow this advice zealously.

It turns out too that there are good fats and oils, and bad ones. Who knew? I would have thought that any vegetable oil was good. At least that is what we were told a long time ago. However, most of them are not. Most of them are omega-6 oils, which compete with the good oil (omega-3) for enzymes in the body, and from what I have read, a good ratio is no higher than 2:1 of bad omega-6 to good omega-3 oils. Olive oil and avocado oil are the good ones, but canola, peanut, soybean, cottonseed, sunflower, sesame, and rice bran oil are from the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. We can get the omega-3 fatty acids from eating wild-caught fish, but not so much from farm-raised, usually. This is because the fish don’t manufacture it. They get it from something they eat, that in no paperback, no magazine, no cell phone. Just vigilant watching. Contrary to popular belief, drowning is a silent event. A semi-vigilant watcher cannot depend on screams or cries for help; they will not come. turn gets it from some algae in the sea. The good health people also say we need to reduce stress in our lives (good luck with that) and get enough sleep. These two things may prove the most difficult for some, but they are important. I’m not sure how to reduce stress any more than I have already. I could go to jail for what I’d have to do to eliminate some of my stress, but sleep usually comes to me easily. Staying asleep is the hard part. I wake up to go to the bathroom more than I want, but I learned that even this can be related to diabetes. If you get too much sugar, you will need to go more often, so hopefully, my new diet will fix this.

Kids should be taught that they are never to go into the pool for any reason or even play around it unless an adult is nearby and watching alertly. Kids and adults can be in the swim - and stay there - with only a few common sense steps.

Well, I have more than run out of space for this issue. We will have to take up the other part of the plan — exercise — next time. Until then, take care of yourselves. You’re not getting any younger.

J.B. Collum is a local novelist, humorist and columnist who wants to be Mark Twain when he grows up. He may be reached at johnbcollum@ gmail.co

More Americans have died on US roads since 2006 than in World Wars I & II combined

Not every state allows roadside memorials at the site of fatal accidents, but Georgia does. “The Georgia Department of Transportation (GDOT) supports the placement of memorial markers within the State Highway rights of way...to increase public awareness of highway safety and to memorialize people who have died as a result of a vehicle crash,” reads a portion of the state’s official policy. For the non-DIY crowd, the state will erect an official marker at or near the site of a fatal accident for a nominal fee. (https://mydocs.dot.ga.gov/ info/gdotpubs/Publications/6160-9.pdf).

The people whose deaths are marked along our roadsides surely would want us to notice their memorials and learn from their experiences, sad as they are, so we don’t end up as they did.

Will we notice? Will we learn? +