Medical Examiner 4-5-24

Page 1

MARCH

Madness, defined for our purposes as “the state or condition of being mad, hopping mad, angry, furious, piqued, livid, outraged, highly provoked, fuming, beside oneself, seeing red, sore, fit to be tied, hot under the collar, incensed, seething, irate, burned up, boiling, apoplectic, flipping one’s wig, or merely irked or annoyed” is, unfortunately, not merely a March phenomenon. According to the Medical Examiner Research Department, millions of people are blowing their tops at every moment of every day of every month, 365 days a year (except for leap years). Anger is a nearly universal emotion: even dogs snarl and bite; cats hiss and scratch. But one thing at a time. Let’s focus on people for now.

lovely North Augusta, two drivers had a minor traffic accident. Tempers flared. In no time at all, one man was lying face down in the middle of Martintown Road, shot dead in broad daylight.

We’ve all heard the recent case of the man who shot an unarmed teenager after an argument that erupted over loud music. In another recent incident, a man texting in a movie theater during previews was shot and killed by another moviegoer.

Still another chilling trend finds people taking out their anger at the world in general by going to the nearest crowded public place and randomly killing as many people as time and bullets allow.

rage deaths are the result of crashes caused by enraged driving

You might be surprised at other ways anger kills: on-the-job injuries are often sparked by anger. Research shows a worker’s level of annoyance has a direct link to their likelihood of injury, from “extreme irritation” (five times more likely to be injured) to “rage” (twelve times more likely).

Good thing working conditions at your job are perfect, huh?

It’s no accident that anger and anxiety are related. They both start with “an,” after all. The physical effects of anger and anxiety are legendary.

This article from 10 years ago describes conditions that are only getting worse. The subject is more relevant than ever. Even during April. Please see

Anger: just one D away from danger

Get real mad and you would not believe the dominos that might be about to topple. You could easily end up dead. It happens all the time. Not long ago on a perfect Saturday afternoon in quiet,

These are not isolated incidents. Sad to say, they are merely the tip of the anger iceberg.

Anger kills fast and kills slow Road rage is one of the speedy killers, but bullets aren’t always in the mix. Many road

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MADNESS page 3

PARENTHOOD

Your 4 year-old son has had a difficult time adjusting to the birth of his new baby sister. He didn’t seem to have any serious problems before she was born. He hasn’t been aggressive toward her. In fact, he has been gentle and loving with her. However, he has started wetting the bed, crying easily, and talking “baby talk.” He even asked for a bottle recently. What do you do?

A. This is normal behavior. Indulge him until he gets used to the new baby in the family.

B. Be very firm with him about acting his age until he gets over this phase.

C. Don’t give in to him. Remind him that he is a big brother and that’s a pretty special thing to be, but don’t worry too much either.

D. These are signs of a serious emotional problem. Take him to a mental health professional for an evaluation.

If you answered:

A. This is a normal regression in response to stress, but don’t indulge this immature behavior. That is likely to lead to more serious problems.

B. This is a normal regressive response to stress. Over-reacting just creates more stress. It won’t help the situation, it will probably make it worse.

C. This is the best response. Regression is common when a new sibling comes into the family. You should encourage age-appropriate behavior and make him feel special for being more mature.

D. In this case, the immature behaviors, called regression, are normal responses and will probably go away in a short time. There is no need for a mental health professional unless they get worse or don’t go away.

We all handle stress in different ways, and there are many different ways to handle it successfully. Young children often regress. This is not likely to be a successful strategy, but your job as a parent is to understand the stressful situation and help your children deal with it.

Dr. Proefrock is a retired clinical and forensic child psychologist.

FROMAUGUST2022

MEDICAL MYTHOLOGY

SHARKS DON’T GET CANCER

Some myths are harmless; others lead to tragic results. Have you heard this one about sharks? Many people believe it, but as anyone can find out by simply asking your neighbor, the one who is a marine biologist (or if you keep missing him or her, do a web search), it isn’t true.

The medical myth holds that since sharks don’t get cancer, taking a shark-based supplement will help prevent, slow, or reverse cancer.

Sharks absolutely do get cancer, but the false belief that they don’t has contributed to two separate tragedies.

First, sharks are paying an extremely high price for this pseudoscience: North American shark populations have dropped by 80% in the last decade. One study found that cartilage companies were harvest-

ing up to 200,000 sharks per month; a single cartilage plant in Costa Rica processed some 2.8 million sharks annually.

Second is the human toll: cancer patients are being diverted away from effective treatments in favor of a treatment that isn’t simply unproven; it’s disproven

Birth of a Myth

If sharks do get cancer, then how did this myth get started? During the 1970s, two researchers at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine were pursuing a common theme in cancer research: angiogenesis. As the name suggests, angiogenesis describes the creation (-genesis) of blood supply (angio-). Tumors are great at angiogenesis; they have to be in order to

survive and multiply, creating their own network of self-feeding arteries. But cartilage has no blood vessels, so it must contain some kind of signaling molecules that prevent even capillaries from forming. Initial studies inserted cartilage from cows and bunnies into tumors with success. Another researcher reasoned that since shark skeletons are 100% cartilage, they would be a better source than the smaller amounts of cartilage available from baby rabbits and cows. These very small, preliminary studies ended without being able to demonstrate any benefit for cancer patients from shark cartilage. But the 1992 best seller Sharks Don’t Get Cancer: How Shark Cartilage Could Save Your Life opened the floodgates. A follow up book in 1996 was titled Sharks Still Don’t Get Cancer.

University of Hawaii researchers responded with an oceanographic survey that found 42 sharks with tumors, including tumors in their cartilage. The FDA and independent researchers have repeatedly published studies showing that shark cartilage does not treat or cure cancer in any way.

Sharks do get cancer. Even if they didn’t, there is no evidence that shark cartilage prevents cancer. The myth has cost the lives of millions of sharks, and an untold number of people.

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2020
THE FIRST 40 YEARS ARE ALWAYS THE HARDEST
A
FAVE

Can you imagine Gandhi having a fit because he was cut off in traffic or had to wait 5 minutes?

MADNESS from page 1

Getting mad is famous for giving people gastrointestinal problems like ulcers, upset stomach, intestinal cramps and diarrhea. Other rage reactions include headaches, including migraines, high blood pressure, heart attacks, and insomnia. Frequent anger is also a predictor of high cholesterol, smoking, obesity and alcohol abuse.

All in all, getting angry all the time boils down to slow motion suicide, with a significant risk of instant death, as we considered earlier.

Obviously, anger management is a crucial skill. Let’s consider some specific ways to cage the rage and stay in a happy place:

W When you think in a detached, after-the-fact way about the road rage incidents you’ve heard about (or been involved in personally), you realize they are usually events so minor that you wouldn’t even remember them the next day. Yet some of these trivial incidents have cost people their freedom and their very lives.

Road rage is representative of much of what really ticks us off: usually the triggers are quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things: a knot in our shoelaces refuses to untangle when we’re already late; a total stranger or someone we’ll never see again says or does something annoying; for something that should happen instantly, our computer makes us wait ten whole seconds.

Granted, there are the ongoing burrs under all our saddles that can last for years, like the aggravating habits of co-workers, bosses and marriage mates, or the longterm stress of chronic financial or health issues.

These and countless other annoyances are all breeding grounds for anger, and when you put the BTUs from them all together, all those little flames can create a lot of heat. Given the health consequences of chronic stress and anger, however, it’s wise to make anger management a top priority.

Notice that you’ll never hear people talk about anger

abatement. That’s just not realistic. But management is definitely doable. See how many of these ideas you can use to douse the fires of your anger.

TAILGATING

I’ll go first. Few things aggravate me more than a tailgater. When I see some big truck’s grill completely filling my rearview mirror, I used to fantasize about slamming on my brakes, and all the things I would buy with the insurance settlement I got for damages, plus pain and suffering. Of course, I wouldn’t actually do that, so it was a frustrating experience. And as we all know, tailgating isn’t exactly rare: it’s America’s thirdfavorite sport.

What I do now is very simple and effective. I look in the rearview, make brief eye contact with the driver behind me, and then move the mirror completely askew so I can no longer see the tailgater. And he knows it too. Then I proceed to drive on, serene and undisturbed.

(Note: make sure you’re not giving the tailgater valid reasons to get angry, such as driving in the left lane obstructing the ability of others to pass.)

TRAFFIC JAMS

Fortunately, Augusta isn’t like Atlanta (or Grovetown) where you can expect to be stuck in traffic hours every day. Even so, traffic happens,

FROM3+YRSAGO

Why do I twitch right after I fall asleep?

Statistically, about 30 percent of the population has no idea what this question means. The other 70 percent want answers.

Officially, these twitches are known by various labels: hypnic jerks, hypnagogic (hip-na-GAH-jik) jerks, myclonic jerks, and more informally as sleep starts or night starts. Here at Medical Examiner World Headquarters we call them napjerks.

For most people these jerks are not a nightly occurrence, and neither are they usually grounds for medical concern or a symptom of any serious problem or disorder. The biggest health issue associated with hypnic jerks is sleep interruption. Some people sleep right through them, others are awakened only briefly, but still others wake up because of them and have a hard time falling back to sleep.

even here. There are ways to enjoy traffic jams. Make sure you have your favorite music with you and pop in a CD or pop in the ear buds. I know people who always have the book they’re reading in the car, and if a freight train stops them, they’re only too glad to dive in. Others listen to audiobooks and podcasts and practically look for ways to slow down the commute, especially on the way home. Phone a friend and chat, and the minutes will pass quickly and pleasantly.

POOR SERVICE, RED TAPE

Human nature being what it is, the temptation is to lash out at the clerk or waiter. In the process you create a scene while likely solving nothing. You play your own private game of Whack-A-Mole, striking out here at something that will pop up again there. It’s fighting a battle you’ll always lose: do you really think a clerk or waiter will respond to your rude badgering with better service?

Instead, why not fight fire with water? It cools things down. In this case, the water is kindness, courtesy and good manners.

Sleep researchers have yet to figure out the exact cause of these sudden spasms. There are several working theories. One is that nerves in muscles misfire as muscles switch from daytime activity and possible tension to nighttime inactivity and relaxation. Other sleep scientists theorize that consumption of alcohol and/or caffeine too close to bedtime can interfere with the transition from wakefulness to deep sleep. Another theory is that vigorous exercise during evening hours or too soon before bed could be a cause. And finally, other researchers speculate that being overly fatigued or sleep deprived leads to a greater likelihood of hypnic jerks.

Without a clearly defined cause, treatment would obviously be difficult, but in any case, treatment is rarely necessary. Side effects and complications are unlikely. These jerks are normal and natural, even if their exact cause is unknown.

For anyone whose life and sleep habits are seriously affected by hypnic jerks, the best advice might be to avoid busy evenings which ask the body to abruptly transition from activity time to sleep time. An effective approach to improve the odds of avoiding jerks might be to avoid alcohol and caffeine during evening hours and pursue calmer and more relaxing pursuits in the final couple of hours before going to bed

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Opinions expressed by the writers herein are their own and/or their respective institutions. Neither the Augusta Medical Examiner, Pearson Graphic 365 Inc., nor its agents or employees take any responsibility for the accuracy of submitted information, which is presented for general informational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnosis, and treatment, consult your doctor. The appearance of advertisements in this publication does not constitute an endorsement of the products or services advertised. © 2024 PEARSON GRAPHIC 365 INC. www.AugustaRx.com The Medical Examiner’s mission: to provide information on topics of health and wellness of interest to general readers, to offer information to assist readers in wisely choosing their healthcare providers, and to serve as a central source of salubrious news within every part of the Augusta medical community. AIKEN-AUGUSTA’S MOST SALUBRIOUS NEWSPAPER Direct editorial and advertising inquiries to: Daniel R. Pearson, Publisher & Editor E-mail: Dan@AugustaRx.com AUGUSTA MEDiCAL EXAMINER P.O. Box 397, Augusta, GA 30903-0397 (706) 860-5455 www.AugustaRx.com • E-mail: Dan@AugustaRX.com TMMEDICALEXAMINER www.Facebook.com/AugustaRX
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Who is this?

For the first time in 93 installments, the answer to Who is this? is: we have no idea. No one does. This beautiful, enigmatic and anonymous face does have a name, though: L’Inconnue de la Seine, the Unknown Woman of the Seine. Hers are said to be the most-kissed lips in world history, and possibly the most life-saving lips of all time.

Her story dates back to the late 1880s, when her lifeless body was pulled from the River Seine not far from the Louvre. As the story goes, a pathologist at the Paris morgue was so taken by her beauty that he made a plaster cast of her face. In addition, death masks of unidentified people were often made in past eras so that burial could take place while attempts to identify the victim continued using the mask. Another copy of the mask was made, and then a dozen, and then hundreds. She appeared in poems and short stories by writers from Albert Camus to Vladimir Nabokov. Her smile was compared to Mona Lisa’s. Eventually the serene and beautiful face of L’Inconnue de la Seine was found in museums, cafés and private homes around the world.

One of those replicas was owned by a Norwegian toy maker named Asmund Laerdal. He didn’t know it at the time — the mid 1950s — but Peter Safar, an Austrian doctor living in America, had discovered a means to keep victims of heart attacks alive long enough to get them to a hospital. The procedure came to be known as CPR, short for cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Safar demonstrated that chest compressions combined with mouth-to-mouth breathing could keep oxygenated blood circulating, cutting the risk of brain damage and death.

Dr. Safar thought the procedure was so simple that anyone could do it provided they had a way to learn and practice. Remembering the rubber cars and trucks made by the Laerdal company he played with as a child (they were marketed as “furniture friendly”), Dr. Safar convinced the company, also a doll maker, to build a mannequin that would be suitable for CPR training purposes.

Asmund Laerdal, working with Safar and Safar’s colleague James Elam, developed what many people today call Rescue Annie or ResusciAnnie. Asmund Laerdal modeled Annie’s face after one he had gazed upon many times: “The Unknown Woman of the Seine.” Still in production today, Annie’s lips are said to be the most-kissed lips of all time, and the pair that have saved more lives than any other. If you ever took a CPR class, you’ve kissed them too.

The mannequin marked Laerdal’s entry into the medical field, and today the company remains a leader in building simulated and interactive medical training devices for practicing CPR, intubating patients, inserting IVs, and more.

L’Inconnue de la Seine, thought to have been around 16 at the time of her death, was never identified. Considering the countless lives she has saved, the irony is that because her body showed no signs of violence or trauma, her death was believed to be a suicide.

AUGUSTAMEDICALEXAMiNER APRIL 5, 2024 4 + THANKS FOR READING! #93 IN A SERIES
+ SERIESFAVORITE! This article originally appeared in the March 7, 2014 Medical Examiner. Augusta Office: 2283 Wrightsboro Rd Augusta, GA 706.733.3373 Aiken Office: 2110 Woodside Executive Ct Aiken, SC 803.644.8900 GADERM.COM 461 Greene Street at 5th • www.gregleopardlaw.com • 706-724-7511 GREG LEOPARD PC ATTORNEY AT LAW CRIMINAL DEFENSE • FAMILY LAW • PERSONAL INJURY He just looks friendly. Your fierce defender The examiners + by Dan Pearson + The examiners + + Lemon-Lyme disease. He said I need to cut back on Mountain Dew. So what did your doctor tell you? © 2013 Daniel Pearson All rights reserved. That’s quite a combination. So what was his diagnosis? I did. He’s concerned about the sodas and the tick. Huh? I thought you found a tick on your leg. AN ENCORE PRESENTATION OF A FAVORITE FROM 2013 DIGESTION

Middle Age

Have I got a tale for you! It was the greatest adventure of my life and I’ve been wanting to share it for a long time, but I only recently mustered up the courage to relive my harrowing experience through the written word. I was deep in the swamps of South Georgia when I witnessed

Hey!

Hey!

anywhere else where deadly and venomous creatures congregate — although I usually leave it in the car when I go into Walmart. Fortunately, the day before this trip I had watched an episode of MacGyver. Just before I lost consciousness I remembered that he made a concoction using 2 blueberries and a

This is JB Collum Jr, and I’m taking over this story today. Dad left his laptop unattended and I decided to put in my thoughts this week. Don’t worry about his adventure, I already read it over and it had no medical information. If you’re really interested, the long and the short of it is, don’t trust a kayak tour guide who looks like an alligator in overalls.

I was stripped of all my human dignity — and clothing.

What I want to talk about are the constant dangers of “Dr. Google” and how Adventures in Middle Age can be far more comfortable when you do what your doctor tells you to do. Like taking med- ication. Sounds simple, right? You go to your doctor, they prescribe something, and you take it as prescribed. Yet somehow or another, people begin to listen to their own nonexistent medical degree. In the case of dear old Dad, he was on atorvastatin (Lipitor) for his cholesterol. Note that I said was And he made some terrible choices.

How can you tell if someone is consulting Dr. Google for medical advice? Your first hint is that in casual conversation they’ll say, “I was doing some research and...” Brace yourself when you hear these words, for they are omens of a bad decision. You can still help them at this point. It’s not too late! Sadly I chose to tune it out and nod politely about what he found. Don’t do what I did! He spoke about protein flags, bad and good cholesterol, latest studies, blah, blah, blah. By dinner he was saying he didn’t even need to take Lipitor. Mother brought up some concerns, but he dismissed them with his “well founded” research. If only I had shut these ideas down earlier! Like a ship setting a course, it is better to suggest changes during planning, not when it is en route. It is far easier to help someone decide than it is to change their mind.

hed as related in previous stories in this column. While we can never say with absolute certainty what caused all of the blockage, plaque, and ultimately the stent he needed, going off his medication most likely contributed. Trying to save $40 a month for a prescription ended up costing $62,000 in medical bills.

Hear my plea! Starting or stopping medications on your own is listening to the siren calls of your own invincibility or pride, stranding you on the rocks of consequence later. Bills will run high, family will be strained, vacations will be mildly spoiled (the horror)! Make your middle and later ages the best they can be by consulting with your licensed medical professional instead of consulting search engines and social media.

Sometimes suddenly dropping a medication doesn’t cause instantaneous change. My father felt great, proud in how he knew better than doctors what was best for him. A couple of years passed and while we were on a grand vacation, his health crashed as he’s told you in previous installments of this column. While we can never say with absolute certainty what caused all of the blockage, plaque, and ultimately the stent he needed, going off his medication most likely contributed. Trying to save $40 a month for a prescription ended up costing $62,000 in medical bills.

Hear my plea! Starting or stopping medications on your own is listening to your own arrogance, in- vincibility and pride, stranding you on the rocks of consequence later. Bills will run high, family will be strained, vacations will be mildly spoiled (the horror!) — assuming you survive. Make your middle and later ages the best they can be by consulting your licensed medical professional instead of consulting search engines and social media.

If you think someone is considering this, what can you do? If you live with them, consider becoming “medication buddies”, taking your pills at the same time. One way might be to frame it as them helping you to stay on track. This way you can set up a routine, see what they are taking, and help them if they “forget” something.

If you think someone is contemplating the dangerous advice of Google M.D., what can you do? If you live with them, consider becoming “medication buddies,” taking your pills at the same time. One way might be to frame it as them helping you to stay on track. This way you can set up a routine, see what they are taking, and help them if they “forget” something.

-JBC Jr out. Back to Dad’s story now.

This is JBC Jr, and I’m taking over this story today. Dad left his laptop unattended and I decided to put in my thoughts this week. Don’t worry about his adventure, I already read it over and it provided no medical information. If you are really interested, the short of it is; don’t trust a kayak tour guide who looks like an alligator in overalls. Anyway, I want to talk to you about the constant dangers of “Dr. Google”, and how Adventuring in middle age can be far more comfortable when you talk to your doctor before changing medication. Sounds simple, right? You go to your doctor, they prescribe something, and you take it as prescribed. Yet somehow or another, people begin to listen to their own nonexistent medical degree. In the case of our dear writer, he was on atorvastatin (Lipitor) for his cholesterol. Let’s investigate what led him to make some terrible choices. How can you detect if someone is consulting with search engines for medical advice? Your first hint is in casual conversation, “I was doing some research and...” Brace yourself when you hear these words, for these are not just idle musings, but a precursor of a bad decision. You can help them at this point. Sadly I chose to tune it out and nod politely about what he found. He spoke about protein flags, bad and good cholesterol, latest studies, blah, blah, blah. Don’t do what I did! By dinner he was saying, “I don’t even need to take Lipitor, it isn’t really helping me anyway.” Mother brought up some concerns, but he dismissed them with his “well founded” had been underwater for maybe two minutes. I thought my lungs were about to explode, but the gator still had me in its jaws. Correction: two gators. But at that point, who’s counting? I managed to reach the machete I always have with me whenever I’m deep in the swamps or

-JBC Jr Out. Back to Dad’s story now.

...I later learned that it wasn’t even a kayak at all! And thus concludes the greatest adventure of my life. Until next time, my friends!

J.B. Collum is a local novelist, humorist and columnist who wants to be Mark Twain when he grows up. He may be reached at johnbcollum@gmail.com

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MADNESS… from page 3

The story is told of a person who moved from the big city to a small town where he constantly complained about the slow service and rude staff at the town’s only drug store. One day the person heatedly complained to his neighbor, who happened to know the pharmacist.

“I’ll talk to the owner,” said the neighbor.

The next time the city slicker went into the pharmacy, he was treated like royalty.

“I guess you gave them my list of complaints,” he said the next time he saw his neighbor.

“No,” said the neighbor. “I told them you said they had the best pharmacy you’d ever seen.”

Get the point?

RUDE PEOPLE

We have all responded to rudeness with rudeness. We’re human, after all. It’s rarely a positive experience. Afterward you always think of the perfect clever barb you could have hurled, but in the heat of the moment it was just rude and crude vs. more of the same.

When we let that happen, all we’re doing is going down to the level of the person who was rude to us.

Here’s a principle that is easier said than done, but that fact has no bearing on its great value: never let another person’s poor conduct infect you.

While it might be tempting to get down in the mud (figuratively) with a rude person, it’s actually amazing how effective silence can be. In a battle between a mudslinger and a silent person, the mudslinger probably loses 99 times out of a hundred.

RED LIGHTS

Planning does wonders. Leaving early can eliminate a lot of stress and the anxiety and the anger it can breed. But being late is never going to

disappear from our lives and schedules.

One Augusta psychologist teaches his patients relaxation and breathing techniques to help conquer their anxiety disorders. They can be used before big presentations or other stressful events. But he encourages his patients to practice them often. How often? Among other times, at every red light they encounter.

LIFE’S FRUSTRATIONS

Let’s admit it: some of our most intense anger is sometimes aimed at inanimate objects: the jammed printer, the slow computer, the flat tire, the car that won’t start, the lost keys.

If you’ve never tried breathing exercises for anger and stress management you might think they’re some gimmicky new-age mumbojumbo, but they really work. When we get angry we tend to take short, halted and shallow breaths. Try this experiment: take your blood pressure when you’re relaxed, then spend five minutes breathing like you’re enraged and then take your bp a second time. You may be in for a shock. Angry breathing, like panicked breathing, sends a clear chemical signal to all kinds of body systems: get ready to fight. Or get ready for flight.

Instead, make yourself consciously aware of your breathing, and slow it down.

Take in deep breaths, and exhale slowly. If you’re in a place or situation that allows for it, close your eyes while you do this. Think of some peaceful place or happy occasion, even if only for a minute. You’ll be surprised by how effective this simple technique can be.

FAMILY ARGUMENTS

One of the dynamics of family arguments — and there are many — is playing the heredity card: “You’re just like your mother,” for example. Family arguments can be among the nastiest displays of anger. Maybe we feel more comfortable with those we supposedly love, so all restraint can fly out the window.

Another “family” card that gets played a lot is genetics: “This is just the way I am. My father was a hot-head too.”

That makes for a mighty convenient crutch to lean on, absolving you of any responsibility to change. You think it’s like saying, “I can’t help it that I’m tall.”

Actually, saying that you’ve always had a temper is a little like saying “I’ve always worn my hair like this.” Like your hairstyle, letting your anger have free rein is something you choose. Research has established that nobody is born with a specific way of expressing anger. They are learned behaviors, and as such, can be unlearned, although not without patience and concerted effort.

In summary, there are undeniably plenty of reasons to get mad. But there are more reasons — and better ones — for avoiding uncontrolled rage. Having a calmer outlook and learning to control anger and frustration can add years to your life, and quality to those years.

The blog spot

— Posted at www.gruntdoc.com

A WORD TO THE WISE: WHEN YOU LAND IN THE ER...

Please consider the following:

• Your Doctor is your Doctor, not your waiter. “Will you be waiting on me?” is the wrong question.

• The Doc doesn’t care where you parked or that it’s paid parking. Deal with it.

“Have a clue as to why you came.”

• Have a clue as to what brought you to the ER, and be able to express it in three or fewer sentences. “You’re the doctor, you figure it out” will not cause the doc to laugh. We’ve heard it all. Ditto for “an ambulance.”

• The gown goes on with the split in the back. And not over three layers of clothing.

• Practice being able to answer a direct question: “Yes” and “No” are perfectly reasonable answers.

• We really don’t care that your neighbor is the chairman of the hospital board. Unless he comes in with you and holds your hand, you’re a patient. If he does come in holding your hand, you’re a painful patient and we’re not going to enjoy taking care of you.

• We care about you, really. Don’t make us regret it by asking for two weeks off for your sore throat, or by asking us to fill out your disability forms. Or by calling your nurse names. Big mistake.

• Yes, we know you get medicaid if you are pregnant. Go to the Health Department and get a test. Don’t fake “abdominal pain” to get a test.

• If you take an ambulance to the hospital for your paper cut, expect to wait in the waiting room.

• We do not call the waiting room the penalty box, but there’s a committee considering it.

• We understand you don’t plan for emergencies. Behaving badly doesn’t reflect well upon you, and doesn’t make us care more.

• Your litany of complaints about all your prior doctors does not endear you to your current doctor.

• The louder you get the less we want to deal with you.

• If you take a medication, go write it down, now, and put it into your wallet/purse/whatever. “It’s a small white pill” narrows it down to about 2 billion medicines.

• “You have it in my records” is not a usable dodge for the above. This is your responsibility to keep track of, not ours.

• Yes, I know your doctor told you “...and have them call me when you get there.” Even money says if I call your doc they’re going to tell me you’re a P.I.T.A. and to do what I want.

• Never, ever lie to your ER nurse. Their BS detectors are excellent, and you lose credibility when you lie. Same for the docs, but we have fewer direct ways to show displeasure.

There’s more, but if I give it all to you now, will you keep reading?

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TIMELESS!

TRYTHISDISH

Facebook: facebook.com/eatingwellwithkimb

Pizza is a comfort food for many and this recipe increases the nutrient value, making it a nutrient rich comfort food.

Ingredients

• 1 12-inch pre-made pizza crust (preferably thin whole wheat)

• 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

• 1 (14.5-ounce) can roasted tomatoes with garlic

• 1 cup chopped fresh spinach (tightly packed—it’s okay to use more spinach)

• 1 (14.5-ounce) can artichoke hearts; drained and chopped

• ¾ teaspoon Italian seasoning

• ¾ cup mozzarella cheese (substitute some mozzarella with feta for a twist)

Directions

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Place pizza crust on a pizza pan and brush with olive oil. Mix the tomatoes with the spinach and spread evenly across the crust. Next, top with artichoke hearts, seasoning and cheese.

Bake for 8-10 minutes until warm and cheese is slightly melted

Yield: 6 Servings

Nutrition Breakdown: Calories 230, Fat 7g (3g saturated), Cholesterol 10mg, Carbohydrate 32g, Fiber 4g, Sodium 830mg, Protein 12g.

Percent Daily Value: Vitamin A 20%,

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Calcium 20%, Vitamin C 35%, Iron 10%
Choices: 2 Carbohydrates
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NO NONSENSE

NUTRITION ASK DR. KARP

Evelyn, a Facebook friend from Dallas, Texas, writes:

“How can the average person determine if something is good medical science or nonsense? My friend just sent me a video with some doctors speaking on it. Should I believe it?”

I can quickly answer that last question. Should you put any trust in scientific or medical discoveries announced by a video of “experts?”

No. Medical scientists never announce scientific findings in videos, social media postings or on the evening news. Instead, medical discoveries are always subject to disciplined and rigorous peer-review and then published in reputable medical and scientific journals. What peer-review means is that at least two independent experts critically evaluate the data, results and conclusions and judge whether they are valid. Peer-review always occurs as an important part of any medical science discovery.

Hint #1 for wondering about the truthfulness and accuracy of medical science information is this: if it is reported in a video, on a TV talk show, or on social media…don’t walk away; run!

Another important way of determining if medical information is accurate is to understand how the information evolved. Scientific inquiry is a progression of thought. You begin with what is known, you hypothesize an idea, then you design experiments and collect data to support or dispute your hypothesis. Scientific knowledge is not like a pendulum swinging from one extreme to another. Evolving scientific thought is not the same as someone simply changing their mind. Evolution of thought is part of the scientific process. When new information is gained, scientific thinking is adjusted based on the new facts and data. Next, you advance your hypothesis one step further; it is a fine-tuning of ideas and information.

Hint #2, then, is this: are the “experts” telling you that everything that is currently known is false, but they have

discovered the “true” answer? If you hear a claim like this, a red light should start flashing in your brain.

Today, testimonials and personal experiences are touted as alternate ways of discovering facts, especially on social media and in politics. They are not. I am not saying that testimonials and experiences are not valuable. They can be, but they are the very beginning of scientific discovery, not the end result. Testimonials and experiences should never be used as a replacement for research and facts. They should never be used to make intelligent decisions or recommendations. I have seen the testimonial approach to health care used so much recently, and it is alarming. We need to get back to evidenced-based decision making. If history is the judge, then our culture

should eventually get back to science and move away from “gut feelings.”

Hint #3 is this: if the study is being publicized by people telling you their experiences or feelings, beware. It is an advertisement, not a study.

What is the “No-Nonsense” advice for today? Be a critical thinker. Seek out peer-reviewed nutrition and medical science data and information. It isn’t hard to do. Use popular sources of medical information as guides or suggestions for further exploration and thought. Don’t accept what you read or hear on social media as a scientific fact. It is not. Go back to the original sources of information and make sure they are evidenced-based. Scientific truth is independent of personalities. Science is data-drive, not people- or personality-driven.

Have a question about food, diet or nutrition? Post or private message your question on Facebook (www.Facebook.com/AskDrKarp) or email your question to askdrkarp@gmail.com If your question is chosen for a column, your name will be changed to insure your privacy. Warren B. Karp, Ph.D., D.M.D., is Professor Emeritus at Augusta University. He has served as Director of the Nutrition Consult Service at the Dental College of Georgia and is past Vice Chair of the Columbia County Board of Health. You can find out more about Dr. Karp and the download site for the public domain eBook, Nutrition for Smarties, at www.wbkarp.com Dr. Karp obtains no funding for writing his columns, articles, or books, and has no financial or other interests in any food, book, nutrition product or company. His interest is only in providing freely available, evidenced-based, scientific nutrition knowledge and education. The information is for educational use only; it is not meant to be used to diagnose, manage or treat any patient or client. Although Dr. Karp is a Professor Emeritus at Augusta University, the views and opinions expressed here are his and his alone and do not reflect the views and opinions of Augusta University or anyone else.

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A FAVE FROM 2020!

Dear readers: We would be delinquent in our duties if we failed to include a sample of Bad Billy Laveau’s popular column. This one is from 2012.

We have always been fascinated with the number 3. We find it everywhere.

In the Bible, we have the Trinity: Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

WHAT EVERYBODY OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT THE NUMBER 3 THE BestMEdicine

In politics, we have the 3 branches of government: The Judiciary, the Executive, the Legislative.

Workdays have 3 shifts of eight hours each: Days, Evenings, Graveyard.

Weekends have 3 nights: Friday; Saturday; Sunday.

For murder, you have 3 groups: Shooter, Shootees, Witnesses. Witnesses can’t seem to agree on who did what, and with which, and unto whom.

In a court trial, you have 3 conflicting teams: Defense, Prosecution, Jury. Judges and bailiffs are there to keep the various parties from committing mayhem upon each other.

Marriages require 3: Preacher, Bride, Anxious Mother. Have no fear, they will find a husband.

Wars have 3 participants: Winner, Loser, Innocent populace caught in the middle.

Spiritual life has 3 levels of residence: Earth, Heaven, Hell. You have no choice except to be born on Earth, but you have your whole life to decide whether to spend eternity in Heaven or Hell. And for the life of me, I can’t see why that is such a hard choice.

Pregnancy has 3 trimesters:

First, Second, Third. Each trimester lasts 3 months.

Funerals have 3 participants: Minister, Grieving Congregation, Dearly Departed.

ER nurses and EMTs know that DOAs come in 3s. If you have one death, two more are almost certain to follow.

And with that sobering thought in mind, I hereby take note that Earl Scruggs, at age 80 something, recently left us behind to play 3-finger rolls for Jesus. Jesus was fair enough with us. He let Earl be born in poverty in the rural South.

B.E. (Before Earl) the banjo was an ancillary instrument played in carnivals and by jokesters in country bands. But God turned a few extra knobs and made Earl special. In his early teens, Earl got a banjo, retreated into his room for 3 days and came out doing 3-finger rolls on a 5-string banjo. Banjo playing changed forever. Just listen to Earl blast your mind away with Foggy Mountain Breakdown. Or the intro to TV’s Beverly Hillbillies. Try to fathom just how a backwoods teenager with no musical training could conceive of, much less invent, those intricate digital wonders.

Everyone who plays the banjo must compare themselves to Earl. They all come up short. But there is no shame in that. There is a sort of grace in trying to surpass Earl, but failing, while praying you got vaguely close.

Just a couple weeks before he died, Earl visited Little Roy

Lewis of the Lewis Family in Lincolnton. Little Roy is a banjo player of considerable note. I was not invited to hear Little Roy and Earl jam, so I didn‘t go. Had I known that Earl was soon departing us, I would have beaten the door down to shake Earl’s hand just before the High Sheriff hauled me off to the cooler. Overnight in the Lincoln County Jail would have been a small price to pay for such a privilege.

I shall always hold Little Roy accountable for me missing out. Never mind that Little Roy doesn’t even know who I am. That’s his problem.

And that same week, Harry Crews passed on to Glory. Harry was a couple years ahead of me in Bacon County High School in Alma, Georgia. He most likely did not know or remember me. But I knew him. He became a prolific writer of books and articles formagazines such as Esquire He taught Creative Writing at the University of Florida. His book, A Childhood, vividly captures the post-WWII era in Bacon County. If you haven’t read it, you have missed out. It is in the same vein as Erskine Caldwell’s Tobacco Road about the pre-WWII CSRA.

I shall miss both Earl and Harry. The world is less well off without them, no doubt. But I must suck it up and bear the disappointment. Now, neither of them have aging bodies nor failing health. In the cool of the afternoon, I can just see Jesus reclining gracefully in the shade of magnolia trees surround by the wonderful fragrance of sweet shrubs. He and the angels listen attentively as Earl plays soaring 3-finger rolls on a banjo of gold, and Harry reads his latest composition from a crystal pedestal. Both the playing and the reading will be well-crafted beyond the abilities of us mere mortals.

But all that imagery leaves me with a heart tugging problem: Who is Number 3? These rthings always come in 3s, so who is the next person so important to our lives that will soon slip silently away? I don’t want to lose anyone. Neither do you.

I dwell, as you also should, on the joys derived from the enjoyment I received from the lives of 1 and 2 rather than dreading the sure-to-happen #3.

I guess #3 will be different for each of us. I just hope that it will not be worse than the funk of losing both Harry Crews and Earl Scruggs in one tragic week.

Bad Billy Laveau is a retired MD with a pointed sense of humor. Bad Billy speaks and entertains at public and private events for audiences not subject to cardiac seizure secondary to overwhelming laughter and glee.

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FROM 2022!

CRASH COURSE

More Americans have died on US roads since 2006 than in World Wars I & II combined

his space has been devoted to various aspects of speeding a few times since the inaugural installment of Crash Course (which was 3 years ago today).

Let’s launch the 4th year of the Course with a discussion of, frankly, how foolish speeding is. Of course, one aspect of this particular sin is the penalty that may be exacted by Caesar. Speeding tickets are not cheap all by themselves, but they can also add major bucks to car insurance premiums over a considerable time period.

Another aspect of speeding that we don’t plan to focus on is the potentially massive expense of collisions. In a mere second or two, tens of thousands of dollars, possibly even hundreds of thousands, can be lost in collisions that would never happen except for excessive speed.

Crashes can also cost far more than the direct cost of the collision. Sometimes citations are issued. Sometimes insurance rates go up. Sometimes lawsuits are filed, and millions of dollars can go up in smoke, again from a situation solely caused by driving too fast.

But instead of those specific aspects of speeding, we’d like to explain our earlier comment about the folly of speeding.

First, let’s be realistic. Just about everybody speeds. Nationwide, an estimated 112,000 speeding tickets are written every day. Speeding can be unintentional, or it can be deliberate: most of us go with the flow of surrounding vehicles, so if they’re speeding, so are we. Maybe we don’t even know what the posted speed limit is, just what the flow of traffic around us happens to be. Other times speeding is deliberate because we’re in a hurry. We’re that one person driving faster than everybody else, weaving between lanes as necessary to keep our pace.

That is the particular aspect of speeding we’d like to discuss. Human nature being what it is, if we’re late for an important appointment, a job interview, or the first day on a new job, it’s

I thought you were going to get a LASIK procedure.

practically impossible not to press it, pushing our speed as far as we think we can get away with, squeaking through lights that are no longer yellow, etc.

But here are a few numbers that expose the ridiculousness of speeding to save time.

Let’s say you have a 5-mile commute every day over roads that have a 45 mph speed limit. Assuming no red lights and smooth sailing all the way, that trip should take you 6 minutes and 40 seconds. Drive the whole way at 50 mph and you will save a grand total of 40 seconds. As we said earlier, maybe the flow of traffic will be 50 anyway since speeding is so common. So let’s assume that you push it farther, driving 55 mph the whole way. That will get you to your destination 33 seconds sooner than the person driving 50, and a whole 73 seconds quicker than someone who drove the speed limit the whole way. That’s not much.

The numbers are just as dramatic at higher speeds and longer distances. A 10-mile trip over a stretch of interstate posted at 65 mph will take 9 minutes and 14 seconds. Cover that same 10 miles at 75 miles an hour and you will get there in 8 minutes, a savings of 74 seconds.

It might be even more enlightening to enlarge the numbers. Drive down a straight road — no traffic lights, no construction, no school zones — that’s 1,000 miles long, and do so at the posted speed of 65 mph. It will take 15 hours and 23 minutes to cover that distance. Make the same journey at 75 mph at it will take you 13 hours and 20 minutes. Speeding 10 miles over the limit for a thousand miles only gives you a 2-hour payback? That just isn’t worth it, especially considering that the 2-hour gain might be offset by a speeding ticket or a crash. And when it comes to local driving, speeding offers dividends measured in seconds.

Speeding can be expensive, but for all its cost it doesn’t give a lot of value back in return.

No, my vision is absolutely perfect. I did, both eyes.

Any problems?

So what’s up with the glasses?

Oh, those. I still need something to hide the bags under my eyes.

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to every one of our advertisers, our columnists, and each and every reader. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT We are profoundly grateful for each one of you.
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The blog spot

— Posted August 2012 at whendoctorsdontlisten.blogspot.com. Excerpted and edited.

5 THINGS YOUR DOCTOR WANTS YOU TO KNOW

1) Antibiotics will not help the common cold. Colds are caused by viruses, and antibiotics kill bacteria, which is a whole different type of organism. Some patients will swear that taking antibiotics will help, but we know scientifically that this is not true; the cold was going to go away on its own anyway. Much better than taking a pill that doesn’t work is to strengthen your immune system and prevent the cold from happening in the first place. Get adequate sleep. Eat a healthy diet. If you do have a cold, drinking lots of fluids and taking tylenol and ibuprofen is key to your recovery--not antibiotics.

2) A CT scan will not help a headache. Having a headache, just like catching a cold, is unpleasant. Your head throbs. You might feel that you can’t concentrate and go about your daily activities. While there are potentially serious causes of headache, the vast majority of them are due to tension headache or migraine. They will go away with time. Overthe-counter medications like tylenol and ibuprofen can help, as can rest in a quiet, dark room and lots of fluids. A CT scan will only show what you DON’T have, and in the vast majority of cases won’t make you feel better.

3) Tests are not the ultimate diagnostic tool. Patients often ask their doctors for tests to figure out what’s wrong; doctors often rely on tests to save time making a diagnosis. Studies have shown that actually sitting down with the patient and talking will much more likely yield the diagnosis than any test. And every test has potential side effects. CT scans involve radiation, and each individual scan increases your lifetime risk of getting cancer. Some CTs and MRIs involve administering contrast dye that could cause kidney damage. Even the simple blood draw can lead to complications like infection and bruising. This is not to say that you should never get tests done; it’s just a reminder that tests are not always the answer.

4) Lifestyle changes make a huge difference. Study after study show that the single most important contributor to decreasing your risk of heart disease, for example, is your lifestyle. You can take pills to decrease your blood pressure, lower your cholesterol, and control your diabetes--but even better is to eat a healthy diet with low saturated fat and exercising. Similarly, the single biggest risk to health that is preventable is smoking. Within even a few months of stopping smoking, the risk of cancers and heart disease begins to decrease. Don’t get me wrong: it’s not easy. Working on your lifestyle requires far more investment in your time and energy than popping a pill. But it’s the most effective way to really make a difference in your health.

5) Aspirin is one of few medications that’s been definitively shown to help you. Big pharma would like us to believe that the newest and greatest drug is the best thing out there to prevent heart attack and stroke, but actually aspirin is one of very few medications that’s proven its weight. It reduces the risk of hear attack and stroke, and some studies are demonstrating that it may even be preventative against cancer. People who experience chest pain get aspirin first, before they get anything else, because it is the one thing that helps them if they are already having a heart attack. Not everyone needs to take aspirin, and there are some for whom it may be harmful (all medications, just like all tests, have side effects), but this is one more reminder that the newest and greatest isn’t always the best; sometimes it’s the tried and true that you need. +

FROM2014&STILLFRESH!

The cycle continues

o you have time for exercise? I didn’t. Or at least I thought I didn’t. And I’m self employed and work from home, so I set my own schedule. One more thing: I’m not naturally a morning person.

I’m sure this is conjuring up stereotypical images of an aimless guy with a 2-day beard and a laptop sleeping late and then hanging out in a coffee shop all day. Although I do like to bring my computer to my favorite coffee shop once in a while, I’m definitely more ambitious than that guy.

One battle every telecommuter/work-at-home/ self-employed person has to fight is that of making a good schedule of productivity without distractions. It has never been easier to waste time. Checking email and writing longer-than-necessary replies. YouTube. Google. “Research.”

My day often gets bogged down with administrative work. Yes, emails and research. With all of those details finally out of the way, I would often end up to doing my real money-generating work late into the evening.

The examiners

Did you write this article in the Medical Examiner about flatulence?

I sure did. Do you like it?

It has never been easier to waste time.

That would launch a domino effect: working late at night would trigger a late start the next morning, and that would naturally lead to working late that night, followed by another late start the next morning. And so it went.

I’ve never really subscribed to the notion of New Year’s resolutions, maybe because I’m looking for ways to improve myself everyday.

But late la st year I started a new routine.

What does this have to do with wellness? After reading about other people’s routines and how they get their day going, I decided to change my schedule dramatically. The results were more than I could have asked for, and left me feeling better physically and mentally all day.

Here’s what I did:

1) I wake up at 7:00 am on the dot (much earlier than I used to). No snooze button! I set my alarm across the room so I have to physically get out of bed to turn it off. Once

It’s interesting, but why use a jacket to illustrate the story? That’s not just any old coat.

you’re out of bed you’re half way there. Ne xt I splash a little cold water on my face to eliminate the sleepy eye.

2) Then I immediately jump on my bicycle and do a short but strenuous 3-mile ride (it’s quite hilly where I live). The ride takes about 20-30 minutes total.

3) I get home and take a cold shower to cool down from the ride, and then eat a real breakfast. By this time it’s about 8:30 am, and I get right to work. I’m more productive from the first minute than I used to be.

4) Finally, I usually end up getting in bed earlier too. I’ve already had a long, productive day with some physical exertion. This helps me feel more rested to attack the next day, and so the cycle continues.

After doing this routine in the mornings, I feel so energized for the rest of the day. I also get so much more done than if I allow myself to sleep in and work late to make up for it. I highly recommend it whether you’re self-employed or not.

— submitted to the Examiner by Alex David Nashville, Tennessee

You coulda fooled me. What is it?

A wind breaker.

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©
EVERYONE HAS A STORY
D
D
AN ENCORE PRESENTATION OF A FAVORITE FROM 2014

I can’t remember all this medical vocabulary I’m learning. Like what?

On my homework I have to use an adjective to describe a stab wound.

What adjective did you choose?

I said “punctual.” Is that right?

Personally, I would give you an A+ for that.

The Mystery Word for this issue: IDIOSNETG

Simply unscramble the letters, then begin exploring our ads When you find the correctly spelled word HIDDEN in one of our ads — enter at AugustaRx.com

next

The Examiners
AUGUSTAMEDICALEXAMiNER APRIL 5, 2024 12 THE MYSTERY WORD
14, 2024 + + by Dan Pearson by Daniel R. Pearson © 2024 All rights reserved WORDS NUMBER BY SAMPLE: 1 2 3 4 1 2 1 2 3 4 5 LOVE BLIND IS 1. ILB 2. SLO 3. VI 4. NE 5. D = by Daniel R. Pearson © 2024 All rights reserved. Solution p. 14
by Daniel R. Pearson © 2024 All rights reserved. E X A M I N E R S U D O K U QUOTATIONPUZZLE
cross
lower
Black
Solution
Use the letters provided at bottom to create words to solve the puzzle above. All the listed letters following #1 are the first letters of the various words; the letters following #2 are the second letters of each word, and so on. Try solving words with letter clues or numbers with minimal choices listed. A sample is shown. Solution on page 14. PUZZLE EXAMINER CROSSWORD by Daniel R. Pearson © 2024 All rights reserved 3 1 1 8 7 3 2 9 7 4 8 6 9 5 5 9 8 7 3 6 5 1 4 4 9 8 2 7 7 3 5 2 5 8 9 4 3 2 9 1 7 6 4 8 6 7 2 1 7 3 2 9 8 5 5 9 1 6 4 3 9 7 3 2 6 8 1 6 4 5 3 9 2 5 8 4 1 7 1. AAAASSTTCQ 2. HHOONNRRUI 3. DEEEEEMMMS 4. SEWPP 5. LLTTE 6. EIIIR 7. MSOC 8. NEA 9. TSS 10. E 11. D P 1 2 3 U A 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 M — Dr. Seuss L 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 62. Duck with soft down 63. River in central Europe 64. Comply 65. Prepared DOWN 1. Doctors (once upon a time) 2. Undeveloped ova 3. Esophagus 4. Malt beverage 5. Pronounce as a nasal sound 6. Augusta author Shivers 7. Rich tapestry 8. Aiken has-been 9. Raise 10. Augusta Park? 11. Portrayed 12. Not legal 13. Well-behaved 22. Med. prefix for “around” 24. Room within a harem 26. Meat stew braised in red wine 29. Female sheep 31. Character in Mulan 33. Exclamation of surprise 34. Pertaining to the voice 35. Major airline (1930-2003) 36. CSX, for one 37. Inferential; by inference 38. Write down quickly 39. In law, a defendant’s reply 41. Only movie ever named for an inner ear problem? 42. Caribbean calypso music 44. -ectomy beginning 45. Really, really small 46. Noisy insect not heard for years at a time 47. Preserved produce 48. Mean, stubborn 50. Skinflint 51. Facet 52. Too 57. Steal from 59. Hasten ACROSS 1. 1951 Masters champion 6. Last name, with 55-A 10. Medicine 14. Throat dangler 15. By mouth 16. First female U.S. Attorney General 17. Drug runners 18. Exhort 19. Untie 20. Entirely 21. Capital of Western Samoa 23. Emptied (as a bladder) 25. Unnecessary 27. Snake 28. Famed dancer and actor 29. Itinerary shorthand 30. Gamma follower 32. Israeli submachine gun 33. Wrestling acronym 34. Little old Chevy 35. One of 12 in ancient Israel 38. Java 39. Cowboy show 40. Welt 41. Pledge 42. UGA conf. 43. To be under the weather 44. Doggie doc 45. Famous area road 49. Noted downtown building 51. Unusual 52. Picasso or Prince 53. NBA team not ending in S 54. Georgia-based news pioneer 55. First name, with 6-A. 56. Tehran’s country 58. Land grant holder (in Old England) 60. Computer command 61. ____ Lane Parking Deck off R. A. Dent Blvd. — Author unknown L A H E N H T O L V E S Y E O R P Y E T O I A S H I P N R O G E R M O T P N T H H E E O Y E E
We’ll announce the winner in our
issue! Click on “MYSTERY WORD” • DEADLINE TO ENTER: NOON, APR.
DIRECTIONS: Every line, vertical and horizontal, and all nine 9-square boxes must each contain the numbers 1 though 9. Solution on page 14.
DIRECTIONS: Recreate a timeless nugget of wisdom by using the letters in each vertical column to fill the boxes above them. Once any letter is used,
it out in the
half of the puzzle. Letters may be used only once.
squares indicate spaces between words, and words may extend onto a second line.
on page 14.
© 2024 Daniel Pearson All rights reserved. AN ENCORE PRESENTATION OF A FAVORITE FROM 2013

ATHEBESTMEDICINE

nice Jewish lady brings her son two new ties as a gift. Later that evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the new ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, “You didn’t like the other tie?”

Lawyer: You claim my client bit off Tom Foley’s ear. Did you actually see this happen with your own eyes? Tell the truth. Yes or no?

Witness: No, I did not see him bite Tom’s ear off.

Lawyer: Then please tell the jury how you can sit there and claim he bit off Tom Foley’s ear when you did not see him do it.

Witness (turning to face the jury): I saw him spit it out

As the pharmacist handed the prescription to a customer he said, “Take one of these every four hours, or as often as you can get the cap off.”

Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?

Patient: What pills?

Doctor: You’re in great health. You’ll live to be eighty.

Patient: But doctor, I’m eighty now.

Doctor: See? What did I tell you?

A new patient was in the examination room of a famous specialist.

“Who did you consult before coming to me?” asked the doctor.

“I went to see a chiropractor.”

“A chiropractor?” scoffed the doctor. “What a waste of time! Tell me, what sort of useless advice did that quack give you?”

“He told me to come see you.”

A couple was on a camping vacation. One morning the husband got up before dawn and went fishing.

Later, while her tired husband took a nap, the wife decided to take their boat out onto the lake and read. She rowed to a spot down the shore in the shade of a large tree, anchored the boat, and started reading. Before long a game warden pulled his boat up alongside hers.

“What are you doing, ma’am?” he asked.

“Just reading a book,” she said.

“Ma’am, you’re in a no-fishing area. I’m going to have to give you a citation for violating the no-fishing area.”

“But I told you, I’m not fishing!”

“Your boat is full of fishing gear. You say you’re reading, but you have all the equipment. I have no choice but to write you up.”

“If you do, I’ll charge you with rape.”

“That’s outrageous,” said the warden. “I haven’t touched you!”

“But you have all the equipment,” said the woman.

If you live beyond the Aiken-Augusta area, or miss issues between doctor’s appointments — don’t

hate it when that happens? — we’ll command your mail carrier to bring every issue to your house!

REMEMBER THIS ONE?

The Advice Doctor

Dear Advice Doctor,

I’ll be surprised if I see my question answered in the Medical Examiner because it isn’t really a medical question. I guess it’s more of a legal issue pertaining to a car I bought that turned out to be a piece of junk. I’m not sure I understand my rights. Am I only protected under the lemon law from the date of purchase, or from the date I first (or even most recently) reported problems?

— This Car Left a Sour Taste in My Mouth

I’m happy to answer this question. In fact, I have what might be a very unusual viewpoint on this issue: I wish more people would buy these lemons.

Think about it: they are fat-free, cholesterol-free, gluten-free, sodium-free, and low calorie. They are also one of the best sources of vitamin C. A single small lemon delivers nearly 90 percent of the recommended daily dose of vitamin C, and studies indicate that a regular diet of fruits high in vitamin C is linked to a reduced risk of heart disease which, along with heart attacks and strokes, is the world’s most common cause of death.

Low levels of vitamin C in the blood are also associated with increased risk of stroke, especially among people who are overweight or have high blood pressure.

Citrus fruits have been shown to decrease blood cholesterol levels, helping to prevent LDL (bad) cholesterol particles from becoming oxidized.

Although the evidence isn’t conclusive at this point, some studies have suggested that lemon juice and lemonade (the real thing) can be effective at preventing kidney stones. And other research indicates consuming lemons and lemon juice can aid digestion, and there are additional studies showing that lemons enhance the functioning of our immune systems.

One easy way to enjoy all this abundant goodness is to drink lemon water a few times every day. The recipe is simple: squeeze juice from a lemon into a cup (8 oz.) of water and drink it as you prefer: hot or cold.

Some people find the routine of regularly drinking lemon juice and its fresh, clean aroma and taste offers one more benefit: stress reduction.

I hope this answers your question. Thanks for writing!

Do you have a question for The Advice Doctor about health, life, love, personal relationships, career, raising children, or any other important topic? Send it to News@AugustaRx.com. Replies will be provided only in the Examiner.

AUGUSTAMEDICALEXAMiNER APRIL 5, 2024 13 ha... ha...
+
of our readers.
NAME ADDRESS CITY STATE ZIP Choose six months for $24 or one year for $42 . Mail this completed form with payment to Augusta Medical Examiner, PO Box 397, Augusta GA 30903- 0397 + SUBSCRIBE TO THE MEDICALEXAMINER +
try as they might, no one can stare at their phone all day. Why subscribe to the MEDICALEXAMINER? Staring at my phone all day has certainly had no Effect on ME! + Why read the Medical Examiner: Reason #714 BEFORE READING
By popular demand we’re making at-cost subscriptions available for the convenience
you
Because
AFTER READING Dear This Car,
+
©

THE MYSTERY SOLVED

...cleverly hidden on the chair in the p. 7 ad for ATTORNEY

GREG LEOPARD

THE WINNER: JOANN MURRAY

If that’s your name, congratulations! Send us your mailing address using the email address in the box on page 3. The new Mystery Word is on page 12. Start looking!

...wherein we hide (with fiendish cleverness) a simple word. All you have to do is unscramble the word (found on page 12), then find it concealed within one of our ads. Click in to the contest link at www.AugustaRx.com and enter. If we pick you in our random drawing of correct entries, you’ll score our goodie package!

SEVEN SIMPLE RULES: 1. Unscramble and find the designated word hidden within one of the ads in this issue. 2. Visit the Reader Contests page at www.AugustaRx.com. 3. Tell us what you found and where you found it. 4. If you’re right and you’re the one we pick at random, you win. (Winners within the past six months are ineligible.) 5. Prizes awarded to winners may vary from issue to issue. Limited sizes are available for shirt prize. 6. A photo ID may be required to claim some prizes. 7. Other entrants may win a lesser prize at the sole discretion of the publisher. 8. Deadline to enter is shown on page 12.

AUGUSTAMEDICALEXAMiNER APRIL 5, 2024 14
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