365 Days of Karolina

Karolina Gacke

365 Days of Karolina

365 Days of Karolina A few words of introduction On the 25th of April 2019 I turned 44. I wanted to explore who I am at this stage of my life, and so for one year, I will created a self-portrait every day and posted it on Instagram.

It turned out to be an emotional journey of selfreflection and self-discovery through art..

The portraits I created aren’t always ‘pretty’, but that’s ok, the idea wasn’t to show a realistic representation of myself that would be pleasing for others, but to be real. We mostly think of selfportrait as a picture of a face, but obviously, there is so much more to who we are, outside and inside.

And this is what I tried to explore through this project.

Love

Dedicated to my beloved ones

Day 1 So I’m 44 today, which is close to 45, which means I won’t be able to say “I’m in my early 40s” anymore, which means I’m getting closer to 50, aaaaggghhhhh!

Day 2 The lines are getting harder.

Day 3 I like watching the world from a train window.

Day 4 Protesting against the decision of the Minister of Culture, who ordered the artworks of Natalia LL and Katarzyna Kozyra to be removed from the walls of the National Museum in Warsaw.

Day 5

Sometimes I worry too much.

Day 6 I have big feet

Day 7 My morning look

Day 8 Just me and my cup of coffee is fine.

Day 9 When I have back pain, I stretch out on the floor like this.

Day 10 Some days, when they all want part of me.

Day 11 I started to draw my face and noticed all these new lines and crevices, so I decided to focus on them in my drawing, because pretending they’re not there won’t make them go away, I’ll have to learn to love them somehow.

Day 12 Just do it tomorrow

Day 13 I used to be able to do things with my body, which now require much more effort.

Day 14 Unfortunately, fighting for freedom of speech again :( A woman in Poland was arrested for a picture of the Virgin Mary with a rainbow halo.

Day 15 Art of the Day

Day 16 When I was younger, I used to only wear contact lenses, as I thought glasses would make me look old and uncool. Now I only wear glasses, hhmmmm.

Day 17 When it’s grey and rainy outside, I curl up on the sofa and eat chocolate.

Day 18 I like to see the world in colour.

Day 19 My self portrait for today, done while waiting for a friend. Can you tell I’m feeling a bit fed up?!

Day 20 Some days my head is so full of thoughts and ideas, I feel like it’s going to explode

Day 21 I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart.

Day 22 Observing myself every day is turning out to be an interesting experience, you are forced to notice, reflect and compare.

Day 23 Eat, sleep, create, repeat

Day 24 My face today

Day 25 Being with people is nice, but being on my own is also nice.

Day 26 For a long time, I was never good enough, according to the unachievable standards I had in my head. I fought with that, and now my head tells me I’m ok most of the time. Luckily, the voice of doubt has become much quieter, but it hasn’t completely disappeared, and sometimes still shows itself.

Day 27 I see so many people, who are sad and lonely 🌧 and all they need is Love

Day 28 Do you know who you are when you close your eyes?

Day 29 I have learned that life starts outside our comfort zone, it takes a lot of hard work and courage to get there, but it’s

Day 30 I do too much searching, instead of just being.

Day 31 At the end of the day

Day 32 Every morning, I make my coffee and then go and look at all my plants and flowers.

Seeing them grow makes me feel happy and calm.

Day 33 If you look well enough, there’s always an interesting detail to discover.

Day 34 I just realised how rarely we see ourselves in profile.

Day 35 Today was a good day.

Day 36 If you don’t open the door, you’ll never know what’s on the other side.

Day 37 I often start the morning with a list of things I want to do that day, and then I start painting and nothing from the list gets done!

Day 38 Being a girl is hard work!

Day 39 When there’s so much green around you, the sky is blue and the sun is warm, you know that life is good.

Day 40 The way things are going in the world, upsets me a lot and fills my head with thoughts and worry.

Day 41

Just spent a whole day preparing for my exhibition, exhausted, everything aches and too tired to write anything!

Day 42 Take off your masks and just be you.

Day 43

I have learned that we are not just one person, but we have so many people inside of us, and it’s important to let them all be.

Day 44 We artists are rarely happy with our work, but when, after months of effort and preparation, my paintings are finally hanging up, and i know i did my best, I feel a sense of pride, and that’s good.

Day 45 We artists work on our own most of the time, so I really appreciate having friends who support my passion.

Day 46 At the end of the day, when all your work is done, stretch out your legs and just be a contemporary portrait artist.

Day 47 Some days you are a rainbow and other days you are a cloud.

Day 48 Instead of sitting under a tree with my toes in the grass, I’m here trying to make things perfect.

Day 49 Just because I like pink, doesn’t mean I don’t bite.

Day 50 In my head, there’s a whole other world.

Day 51 I keep facing situations where people want to label me and put me in one of their boxes. Don’t they understand that life is much more colourful when you step out of the box?!

Day 52 I have nothing to say today.

Sometimes no words are needed, let the art speak for itself.

Day 53 It’s Sunday morning and the world is quiet outside, slow is the way to go today.

Day 54 Some days I wish I could just sit in a chair all day and feel pretty.

Day 55

Some days I’m happy to just blend into the crowd and be invisible.

Day 56 Some days, I feel like I’m not sure what the point is, but I keep on going anyway.

Day 57 Me at the end of the day, a happy tiredness.

Day 58 Make sure you dress yourself in flowers from time to time.

Day 59 First thing in the morning I look and feel like this 🐲 🦖🐗. I become more human after I’ve had my coffee.

Day 60 Happy Sunday mornings, when the birds are twittering outside and you’re feeling cosy in your favourite chair, in your pyjamas with a coffee and an art book.

Day 61 Day 61 of me!

Day 62 It’s funny, because even though I am getting more and more wrinkles, i still feel like the same person, I feel like a young girl with wrinkles.

Day 63 Today I walked up a mountain and saw things from far away, it’s good to sometimes get some breathing space.

Day 64 Most of the time I do what I should do, and I try to keep other people happy, but some days I don’t care, and I want to be left in peace to doodle all day.

Day 65 Happy to be a girl.

Day 66 It’s hard not to worry about what people say, even though you know it shouldn’t matter, it still does.

Day 67 What colour would you be, if you were a colour?❤🧡 💛💚 That’s the question I’m asking myself today, each colour has a different mood and evokes different reactions, so far turquoise is my first choice.

Day 68 I am struggling to accept that I can’t change the world, however hard I try.

Day 69

Four apples fit in this cardboard box, the slogan on the side says “A bite more crunchy, seduce life”!

Day 70 Self-Portrait from yesterday, posting it a day late, because internet wasn’t working.

Day 71 Follow the line and you’ll get somewhere in the end.

Day 72 Happiness is going for a long hike in the mountains, when it’s just me, my shadow and Mother Nature.

Day 73 I like it when things are fair, unfortunately the world doesn’t work that way, and that upsets me.

Day 74 “To be beautiful, mean to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

When you are born a lotus flower, be a beautiful lotus flower, don’t try to be a magnolia flower. “ Thich Nhat Hanh

Day 75 It’s good to connect to your inner child and to get lost in a fairytale world sometimes.

Day 76 Make sure you look at flowers every day, they will fill your heart with joy.

Day 77 Some days I wake up with heavy legs and I feel like an elephant.

Day 78 I try to always remind myself that I have to keep reaching up no matter what, and one day I might catch a star.

Day 79 Some days I like to sit quietly in chair and watch people go by.

Day 80 Who cares? Should be a sentence I say to myself more often, life would be much easier.

Day 81 Some days you’re so busy living, you don’t actually have time to check the internet. Note to selfmake sure to have more of such days.

Day 82 Some days I need to have time for myself and not think about the outside world.

Day 83 We all need to jump for joy from time to time!

Day 84 Sometimes I have a lot in my head, but not a lot to say.

Day 85 Some days you’re a shape and some days you’re a line.

Day 76 Make sure you look at flowers every day, they will fill your heart with joy.

Day 77 Some days I wake up with heavy legs and I feel like an elephant.

Day 78 I try to always remind myself that I have to keep reaching up no matter what, and one day I might catch a star.

Day 79 Some days I like to sit quietly in chair and watch people go by.

Day 80 Who cares? Should be a sentence I say to myself more often, life would be much easier.

Day 81 Some days you’re so busy living, you don’t actually have time to check the internet. Note to self-make sure to have more of such days.

Day 82 Some days I need to have time for myself and not think about the outside world.

Day 83 We all need to jump for joy from time to time!

Day 84 Sometimes I have a lot in my head, but not a lot to say.

Day 85 Some days you’re a shape and some days you’re a line.

Day 76 Make sure you look at flowers every day, they will fill your heart with joy.

Day 77 Some days I wake up with heavy legs and I feel like an elephant.

Day 78 I try to always remind myself that I have to keep reaching up no matter what, and one day I might catch a star.

Day 79 Some days I like to sit quietly in chair and watch people go by.

Day 80 Who cares? Should be a sentence I say to myself more often, life would be much easier.

Day 81 Some days you’re so busy living, you don’t actually have time to check the internet. Note to self-make sure to have more of such days.

Day 82 Some days I need to have time for myself and not think about the outside world.

Day 83 We all need to jump for joy from time to time!

Day 84 Sometimes I have a lot in my head, but not a lot to say.

Day 85 Some days you’re a shape and some days you’re a line.

Day 86 Over time I’ve learned to become friends with my body, and now we have a good relationship.

Day 87 Remember to give yourself a pat on the back from time to time.

Day 88 I need to learn to stop knocking on doors that are closed, and look for open ones instead.

Day 89 If you want to wear a turban on your head, then do it.

Day 90 We are made up of all the places we’ve ever been to.

Day 91 If one day, you wake up and you feel happy, without a reason, that’s ok, allow that feeling to be.

Day 92 Hello!

Day 93 Trying to find inner peace, when I feel like there’s a bees nest inside me.

Day 94 Sometimes I spend ages wishing I had said something or not said something.

Day 95 Being an artist means having lots of time alone, without that, we feel suffocated.

Day 96 Sometimes, having too many choices is not a good thing.

Day 97 There are many things I wish I had the time and resources to do, but I don’t let that get me down, I am grateful for all the things I can do.

Day 98 The little things in my daily routine, make me feel safe and comfortable.

Day 99 I like to keep stuff, because you never know.

Day 100 In my head, 2+2=5, If it feels right, it doesn’t have to be correct.

Day 101 What do you think about at the end of the day, when you stop running and there’s nothing else to do?

Day 102 The right side.

Day 103 The left side.

Day 104 Some days it’s all too much, and i don’t know where up is and where down is anymore.

Day 105 On some days there is nothing to say.

Day 106 Some days there are too many distractions around me and I can’t find myself.

Day 107 You need to believe in what you do, even if you don’t understand it, one day it will all come together.

Day 108 Looking at myself in the mirror and drawing, today i only feel exhaustion.

Day 109 I know it’s important to be brave and fight for what you want, but sometimes I can’t do it and so I get left alone in the corner.

Day 110 You can’t go back in time and change things that happened, so just let them go and stop thinking about what could have, would have or should have been.

Day 111

That feeling of resignation, when you thought you were walking down the right path and then after hours you realise it’s the wrong road, so you have to turn back

Day 112 I might look calm when you see me, but I’m actually feeling a bit like on a rollercoaster, a lot of ups and downs and inside outs.

Day 113 You can be beautiful and ugly at the same time.

Day 114 Most people have no idea what being an artist means, they think we play with colour all day and have an easy life. Actually, this is one of the hardest and bravest life choices to make. In every piece of art I give you, is a piece of my heart, my soul and my deepest inner me. It’s like peeling off your skin and showing everyone what’s underneath. And that’s not easy, I can tell you!

Day 115 Saying goodbye is not easy, but each person you meet along the way, adds a little something to who you are, so

Day 116 Some days all you can do is sit still and stare at the wall, as your brain is working in slow motion and you know you might have had one glass of wine too many last night.

Day 117 It really upsets me when people only think about themselves and have no respect for others, life is hard enough and the world is a cruel place, it would help us all if we tried to spread the love a bit more.

Day 118

I find it’s good to change something in the way you look, from time to time, that way you can explore different sides of yourself.

Day 119 Make sure to sometimes look in the mirror and say “I love you”.

Day 120 You need to give me some time, I won’t tell you all my secrets straight away.

Day 121 Do not disturb, I’m going to be sitting on the sofa all evening watching complete nonsense on tv and stuffing myself with

Day 122 Sometimes, it is what it is, and nothing more and nothing less.

Day 123 Home is where I recharge my batteries.

Day 124 I think we should always stay curious and learn new things, no matter how old we are.

Day 125

Some people have asked why I often paint myself looking ugly in my selfportraits. I don’t think it’s ugly, but real. We live in an instagram world, where everything we show has to be prefect and beautiful, but that’s not real life. I want to just be myself, up to you if you like it or not.

Day 126

Some days I’m just going around in circles, I start one thing, then don’t feel like finishing it, and I start something else and feel the same and somehow I can’t find my place.

Day 127 I used to be able to touch my toes without any difficulties, but i can’t do that any more. I imagine that I will be using the phrase “I used to” more and more in the future.

Day 128

I wonder how much influence our life experiences have on the way our face looks. If i has had a different life, would my face look different?

Day 129 Whatever!

Day 130 When I do things, I do them properly, or not at all.

Day 131 Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much pressure there is on us to look young. Getting older is part of who we are, why should we cover it up, with make up, hair dye and beauty treatments? There’s a lot of pressure to pretend- that we have a perfect life, a prefect relationship and that we are young and beautiful, all of that is such hard work.

Day 132 We all have our demons that follow us throughout life. I spent a long time trying to fight mine and get rid of them, until I understood that isn’t possible. Now I just try to accept them whenever they show themselves

Day 133 Sometimes you need to make your body happy too.

Day 134

I often feel pressure to say and do what other people expect.

Day 135 Some days I feel very brave, and other days even simple things are too difficult.

Day 136 I probably won’t believe you at first. A lot of people say stuff that they don’t really mean, or they don’t follow through with.

Day 137

wish I could just be in the moment and allow whatever is there to come out and find it’s place.

Day 138 To have a garden, you need different types of plants, so if I grow, you can grow next to me. You don’t need to pull out the plants that grow faster than you., or the ones that have more flowers or are bigger. We all bloom in our time.

Day 139 Some days it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself and give yourself a bit of kindness.

Day 140

I love looking closely at things around me, even the most boring objects can have exciting and interesting details.

Day 141 Sometimes, I can’t relax until everything is done.

Day 142 It surprises me that many people give up so easily and make excuses, instead of putting in a bit of effort. Yes, life is hard and it’s a constant battle, but I do my best to keep fighting and moving forward. The alternative is to stay where you are and keep going around in circles.

Day 143

There are some things that are just not part of my reality and I have no interest in, one of those are numbers.

Day 144

I spent a long time trying to make sure I wasn’t like my parents. Now I don’t mind if I see their qualities to me, it keeps us bonded and means they’re always there in a way.

Day 145 It’s discouraging if I always have to make the first step.

Day 146 Someone once told me that our character is not only determined by our parents and our upbringing, but also by the country we are from and the history of that country. I’ve been thinking about that recently.

Day 147 I made a conscious decision a long time ago, not to have children. Some people might say I’m selfish, but I really appreciate the freedom of not being responsible for anyone.

Day 148 I don’t like asking people for help.

Day 149

I pay too much attention to details, when it’s really not necessary, as most people can’t tell the difference anyway.

Day 150 I’ve been noticing more and more that nature will never let me down, but people will, if you’re looking for me, you’ll find me in the forest.

Day 151

As a woman, I have always felt pressure to be a certain size, in my head, being that perfect size, meant being beautiful and happy. Obviously, not true, I know that now.

Day 152 I don’t really like being in a big group, one or two people is fine, but more than that is too much for me.

Day 153 Sometimes, it’s nice to sit in a posh chair and pretend you’re someone else.

Day 154 I compare myself to others a lot, I wish I wouldn’t do that, it makes no sense.

Day 155 Actually, I think amazing things happen to me every day, I don’t always see them though.

Day 156 Once upon a time, my body would do what I told it to, now it rebels a lot more and if I mistreat it, I can really feel it.

Day 157 There are many things I can’t have in this world, but I don’t care, I try to be ok with what i can have, expensive stuff is not for me, I would just feel guilty about spending a lot on something I don’t need.

Day 158 Sometimes, my head is working even when I’m sleeping. It means I wake up feeling exhausted, but sometimes the best ideas come to me in my sleep.

Day 159 My body has some weaknesses, and sometimes it hurts, but I try to keep it in me and not let you know.

Day 160 Everything I have achieved in my life, is through my hard work, it annoys me that some people just sit around all day feeling sorry for themselves, if you’re not happy with something, then make a change, life is hard for all of us.

Day 161

Sometimes, I have to speak to people I don’t know and pretend I’m confident, that scares me and exhausts me.

Day 162 Today was an important day for me- I had a haircut. Yes, I know you might think that is nothing special, but it was today, because normally I get my hair dyed too. And today I didn’t. I have decided to embrace getting older and to accept my grey hair.

There is so much pressure on women to look young and beautiful forever, well, I’m really tired of it, and that’s why I have decided to try and break out of this trend. I’m not saying I’ll never colour my hair again, but for now, I’m happy with the real me.

Day 163 I can’t really cook.

I can’t make jam.

I can’t make syrup.

I can’t bake.

Sometimes, I wish I could.

Day 164 If I’m in a room I don’t know, I will be looking closely at all the objects around me, my brain likes to understand the size, shape, colours and material.

Day 165 There is a constant battle in my head, the ‘yes, you can’ voice against the ‘no, you’re not good enough’ voice. Some days it really feels like I’m making one step forward and two steps back!

Day 166 I have lost touch with some friends along the way, the people who really care are still here, the ones who couldn’t bother to make an effort, not.

Day 167 I try to deal with every situation calmly, and I try to find a solution, getting angry makes no sense, it doesn’t help solve the problem.

Day 168 I know I can be stubborn, is that a fault?

Day 169 Don’t force me to talk about myself, it stresses me out.

Day 170 There are many things that make me feel uncomfortable, but I do them anyway, as I know that those are the moments I usually learn most from.

Day 171 If I’m with someone, I’m not only having a conversation, but I’m looking for a story, in their face, in their colours, in the patterns of their clothes.

Day 172 When I’m waiting at the airport for the person I love, and I have that feeling of excitement in me, even though it’s only been four days since we last saw each other. And I’m happy for the love.

I also didn’t have any drawings materials with me, so had to use a cafe tissue!

Day 173

There are many things I could say about what I could be doing differently, what I should have said or done differently or how things could be better, but actually, things are good as they are, and sometimes I need to stop myself and remember that.

Day 174 Nowadays, when I go to clothes shops that I used to like, I don’t find anything I like anymore. I think that’s a sign of getting older.

Day 175 I try to do my best to give back to the world, but sometimes I think-what is the point? I am so small in comparison with all the greed, hate and awfulness around, how can little me make difference?

Day 176 Thinking about self-portraits and why we choose to show our face as representative of us. Feet, for example, are just as interesting and have just as much character.

Day 177 Does it mean you’re getting older, if you start noticing that things younger people do, annoy you?

Day 178 I know I take things too seriously.

Day 179 Some days I am this, but I don’t mind.

Day 180 I am trying more and more, to do what I feel in my heart is right, because I know I will be criticised anyway.

Day 181 It hurts when people only take, and a lot of people are like that.

Day 182 Following your dream, is a long and lonely road, and it helps so much to have someone to hold on to.

Day 183 I expect from other people the same level of effort as I do from myself, and that’s why I often end up feeling frustrated and disappointed.

Day 184 I push myself to step out of my comfort zone every day, even though there are some things that really make me feel uncomfortable, I know I have to just take the step forward and get on with it.

Day 185 Some days I feel scared.

Day 186 It’s a good feeling, when you speak, and people listen.

Day 187 I notice more and more that people will let you down, you can only count on trees and dogs, they are always there for you when you need them.

Day 188 It’s hard to accept things as they are, when I know they can be changed and done better.

Day 189 Sometimes, I need to escape reality and the world outside, because I don’t have any more to give. When I recharge my batteries, I show myself again.

Day 190 I know I can’t change the world, but if, by being myself, I can inspire one or two people, I’m ok with that.

Day 191 There is no age limit to unicorns, glitter and gold skirts.

Day 192 I always feel responsible, and somehow end up putting myself in situations, where I feel responsible.

Day 193 Sometimes, I feel like I’ve lost the battle.

Day 194 Always try to find something nice to look forward to, even if it’s just a small thing.

Day 195 Leading a creative life is beautiful and rewarding, but also very demanding, as I have to face periods, when I need to dig deep inside myself to be able to create.

Day 196 Some days, my head is full of ideas, pictures, dreams and situations, and I am craving to paint them all, but then there’s real life and practical stuff that needs to be done and the painting needs to be put aside, that’s when you’ll see me feeling frustrated and irritated.

Day 197 Clothes shopping sometimes looks like this- have a big plan in head of things desperately needed, go to clothes shop, immediately feel overwhelmed, and start thinking- this is too small, too big, too expensive, too ageinappropriate etc etc., leave shop empty handed.

Day 198 Some days I miss my dad.

Day 199 Note to self- Resting time is not wasted time.

Day 200 There are some things I will never throw away, little parts of me, of trips I have made and people I have met along the way. They give me comfort.

Day 201 Happiness is time with friends, food, wine and sunshine.

Day 202 I wake up in the morning looking tired, even though I’ve had a good nights sleep.

Day 203 How lucky I am that I can make my own choices about my life and how I want to spend the day.

Day 204 “Being able to say no, is a sign of loving yourself”, I heard this sentence somewhere and I really like it.

Day 205 In my eyes, my body is the same as it was a few years ago, but apparently that’s not true, I realised that I don’t fit into some of the clothes I used to wear.

Day 206 It’s good to make changes from time to time, and trust the magic of new beginnings.

Day 207 I don’t mind doing things for other people, but it upsets me that most people take things you do for granted.

Day 208 Ask for what you wantsomething I need to practice more.

Day 209 There are some things on my “to-do” list that I keep putting off until the very last minute, it’s much more fun to stare into space and daydream.

Another bad habit I need to work on.

Day 210 I love travelling, but all the preparation beforehand, stresses me out.

Day 211 Starting a new chapter, is fun and exciting, but at the same time, closing the old chapter is sometimes sad and emotional.

Day 212 I now have to wear reading glasses.

Day 213

I sometimes tell myself that I need to do more for myself, so I go and get a massage. The whole time I’m there, I’m in constant pain, as I feel someone’s fingers digging into my muscles, but I keep telling myself that’s the whole point and that I should just enjoy it and let go. Not that easy! Ufff, this relaxing business is hard work!

Day 214 I always want to help people, find a solution to their problems and take a bit of weight off their shoulders, but sometimes they’re not asking for that, all they want is someone to listen.

Day 215 Sometimes, I want to feel like I’m cool, but then I tell myself I’m 44 and in no way cool, so then I tell myself that middle aged people can be cool too, and so the conversation in my head keeps going.

Day 216 It’s a huge challenge to feel content with what you have, especially in today’s world, where it’s all about buying more stuff, which apparently you really need to be happier, healthier and more beautiful.

Day 217 Even though I don’t think of myself as “old”, I have realised that for young people, I am probably already invisible.

Day 218

I really enjoy learning new things.

Day 219

If I see something is being done incorrectly, I try and tell the person. I shouldn’t do that, I need to accept that not everything has to be perfect. And most of the time it doesn’t really make a difference.

Day 220 We all take ourselves much too seriously, in the end, most of what we worry about, really has no significance.

Day 221

Kindness is something that really doesn’t require a lot of effort, but it’s a concept that’s more and more forgotten. I wish people would do things for others, without thinking about what they can gain from it.

Day 222 Sometimes, I’m really bad at making decisions, even something completely insignificant can take me a long time, it’s like there’s a ball in my head, bouncing back and forth, and I’m not sure where it will land!

Day 223 Before, the things I heard on the news seemed so distant, as if those stories didn’t concern me and were from another reality.

Now, those stories have come much closer and I often have trouble finding the right emotions to deal with them.

Day 224

It’s scary when you find out that parts of your body aren’t functioning that well any more and that that’s just how it’s going to be now.

Once upon a time I was invincible, what happened to those days?!

Day 225 Inspired by Matisse and his painting Portrait of a woman with green stripe.

Loving this sentence of his “In a drawing the character of a face does not derive from its various proportions, but from the spiritual light which is reflected in it.”

Day 226 “Let her sleep, for when she wakes, she will move mountains.” I hope this is true, and if so, I’m going to be moving whole mountain ranges, as lately, all I want to do is sleep, which is very unusual for me!

Day 227 I have to get up at 3am tomorrow to run a race for charity, the thought of getting up so early is really traumatising, but sometimes you have to make a bit of an effort for the good of others.

Day 228 There are times when I realise how lucky I am to have been born in a safe environment, to have always had enough to eat and a roof over my head.

Day 229 I like to plan ahead and have things sorted.

Day 230 Some days, I don’t feel inspired, but I know I just have to get on with it and put one foot in front of the other. Feeling sorry for yourself, and waiting till inspiration comes, won’t bring anything.

Day 231 It makes me happy to see people coming together and it inspires me to see people believe in something and have hope.

Day 232 I only recently understood that talking about womens rights is still an important issue, when I became aware that for some people, I’m just the woman next to the man.

Day 233 “A head full of fear, has no space for dreams.”

Day 234 Everything today is so fast and hectic, and I’m so used to technology being part of everything I do, and I don’t like it, so I’m now making a conscious effort to relearn how to spend time enjoying the simple things in life.

Day 235 On rare occasions, I wake up feeling happy and light, for no particular reason.

Day 236 I’ve found that many people say they’ll do something and then they don’t deliver, that’s why I’m often cautious, a lot of people are talk but no action.

Day 237 Some days I feel vulnerable and shy, and I don’t want to let anyone in.

Day 238 A lot of people live their lives in a bubble, and don’t really want to know what’s going on outside, they close their eyes to it all and are ok with that, I just can’t be like that.

Day 239 Those moments when you share a smile with a fellow human in the street, are becoming rarer, most of the time, we treat each other with suspicion and mistrust.

Day 240 Keep being curious, even if you think you’ve seen it all, there’s always something new to discover out there.

Day 241 This time of the year is all about giving love, kindness, friendship, time, freedom, respect and peace. Too many people forget that.

Day 242 Merry everyday and a happy always🎄💛🎉🧚 because there’s no need to wait till Christmas to add some sparkle to your day.

Day 243

There are so many topics we don’t talk about with others, topics that make people feel uncomfortable, that might shock them, topics that are too intimate, that we are not supposed to talk about.

But why? It’s all part of who we are.

Day 244 Give yourself permission to just lie there and be stroked by someone from time to time, because it’s ok to just let go.

Day 245 Our sexuality is part of being human, but society has taught us to feel ashamed of it, and has imposed rules on what we should and shouldn’t do with our bodies, it’s sometimes good to break those rules.

Day 246 It’s good that we all have different opinions and different ways of seeing things, that makes the world more interesting. But sometimes I really find it hard to keep quiet, when I hear some of the things people say.

Day 247 This morning, as I was brushing my teeth, I thought to myself that my life is so boring, and I do the same thing every day, but that’s the wrong way of seeing it. Actually, I should be thinking that I am so lucky to be able to have the same routine every day and so lucky to have the option of changing whatever I want in my routine.

Day 248 The last day of the year is always a time when I feel nostalgic, it’s a time to pause, look inside myself and reflect.

Day 249 I carry in me all my experiences from last year and I have hopes and dreams for this year, but I never make New Years resolutions.

Day 250 Me and technology don’t have a good relationship. I mean, I appreciate everything technology does for me and how much easier it makes my life, but, I hate how dependant I have become. And I’m not really interested in finding out about technology and learning how it works, I really don’t care. And I don’t care that it’s trendy and modern. But, I know it’s here to stay, so whether I like it or not, I have to accept and respect technology.

Day 251 Lately, I’ve been going through a phase, where I have somehow lost my drive and will to fight, things that inspired me, seem uninteresting, things I wanted to achieve, seem like huge mountains I can never climb.

Who knows, maybe it means that I just need a break, or maybe it means there are changes coming.

Day 252 It’s interesting how each of us has our role in our family and society.

Some of us are the do-ers, some are the givers, others the takers, some are the victims, others the savers. And even if we don’t always like the role we’ve taken on, it’s very difficult to change it.

Day 253 Yesterday, as I was walking around a big shopping mall, I saw the sign “SALE” everywhere.

And I thought to myself, what a sick world this is- As the after Christmas sales start, and people run to the shopping malls to buy more clothes and shoes that they don’t need, others are losing everything they have in fire, and somehow that’s ok. I just don’t get it.

Day 254 Everything depends on your perspective, because everyone sees a story with different eyes

Day 255 Usually, when I do something wrong, I beat myself up about it for days, when I do something well, it’s forgotten very quickly. I need to make more of an effort to celebrate the positive moments.

Day 256 We often get caught up in daily struggles and forget to add some magic and fun to our day.

Day 257 Some people behave wrongly and say the wrong things, don’t because they mean it, but because they don’t know any better, and so I shouldn’t be angry at them for it.

Day 258 Every time I travel to a new place, I grow, I learn, I get inspired, and for that I am grateful.

Day 259 We always want more, when actually we need to learn that to find happiness with less.

Day 260 Sometimes, it’s good to leave your regular life and routine behind, and try something different. Then when you come back to your regular life, you see it with different eyes.

Day 261 We are shaped a lot by the expectations of our culture, and it’s only when we are confronted with another culture that we realize this.

Day 262 How many days can you go without looking at yourself in a mirror? Try it and see.

Day 263 Sometimes, I feel completely content just concentrating on the simple things in my day, like gardening, cooking or feeding the dog.

Day 264 Waking up in the morning next to the person you love, is the most beautiful thing.

Day 265 I’m somebody who needs nine hours of sleep a night, if I sleep less, I just can’t function properly.

Day 266

Sometimes, you just have to believe things, without questioning them, I’m not good at that, I need facts.

Day 267 Sunday is a day to enjoy being slow, we are fast enough the rest of the week.

Day 268 I have learned that people will talk whatever you do, so best to just do what brings you joy and satisfaction.

Day 269 Lately, I’ve been thinking about the meaning of religion and the place it has in my life, it’s an area I don’t have a very clear relationship with.

Day 270

Creative minds never sleepa feeling I know very well, ideas in my head constantly appearing, disappearing, transforming into other ideas.

Day 271 It’s the process that counts, and not the end product.

Day 272 I like learning about other people’s culture, habits and way of living, it’s inspiring and interesting and we can all learn so much from each other.

Unfortunately, so many people think that their way is the only way.

Day 273

We are constantly changing, not only on the outside, but also on the inside. What was good years ago, doesn’t feel good anymore, and it’s important to acknowledge, accept that and adapt to our new needs.

Day 274 I really don’t like arguing with people, but maybe sometimes it’s better than keeping it all inside.

Day 275 I believe that we all have something of the other sex in us, all men have some femaleness in them and women have something from men, some people more and others less.

Day 276 I don’t need a cape to be a superhero.

Day 277 People have their eyes open, but they can’t see. Most of us don’t bother to actually look at things and notice.

Things that at first glance seem boring and simple, can actually give us so much, if we just look.

Day 278 Sometimes, I like to set myself small goals for the days, then I feel like I’ve achieved something at the end of the day.

Day 279

I never thought I would live in a world, where I have to wear a mask to go out in the street. It’s something I can’t accept easily as part of my reality. It makes me feel anxious,, helpless and afraid, seems like we’re all falling into a deep black hole.

Day 280 Colour is a way for me to express myself and say things through art. Colour touches the soul and creates emotions.

Day 281

Some days, I don’t have anything particular go say, I just let the self-portrait happen. Like today.

Day 282 When you think about the whole world and the universe and everything that’s out there, we are so tiny and insignificant, just a small part of the whole thing, and yet we make it seem as if we are so important.

Day 283 Sometimes, it’s ok to be your own muse and find inspiration from what’s inside you.

Day 284 There are times when I’m grateful for the basic, a warm blanket by a roof over my head.

Day 285 A lot of what I read online, scares me, and it also scares me that I can’t help reading this stuff.

Day 286 Happiness is sitting on a train for the ride and not worrying about what time you arrive.

Day 287 In the end, we’re all interconnected, and dependant on each other, what someone does on one side of the world, can sooner or later have an impact on someone else’s life, somewhere far away.

Day 288 Have you ever wondered who you’d be, if you were born on the other side of the world?

Day 289

Before you go to bed at night, look at the day that has just finished and think about everything that you’ve experienced, felt, tasted, heard.

Day 290

It’s ok to need time and space for yourself, it’s ok to sometimes be unavailable.

Day 291

There are also times in life, when we have to admit that the road we took was wrong. It’s not always easy to admit it.

Day 292 Let’s make it a Monday funday, and give the child in us a little freedom to go wild, the world is serious enough already!

Day 301 When the world becomes a completely mad place, like it is right now, I find comfort, peace and sanity in the simple things, look at a flower, listen to the birds or have a nice, hot bath.

Day 23 Yes, I’m an introvert.

I enjoy spending time on my own and doing quiet activities, I find being in big groups of people draining, I work best on my own and I spend a lot of time analysing my inner experiences and feelings. And there are many of us out there, but somehow the world favours extroverts, I’m not really sure why.

Day 294 It’s important for me to make people feel something, to give them a moment of joy or push them to reflect.

And that’s enough.

Day 295 “When you get to a point where you really don’t care what other people think of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom.”

Day 296 Sometimes, I feel like there’s a rollercoaster moving inside me and I need to just lay still, and bring all the pieces back together again-mind, body, heart and soul.

Day 297 Just because someone says something, doesn’t mean it’s true, don’t make someone’s opinion into a fact.

Day 298

Have you ever thought about why it is you like certain colours more than others, do you know how you feel when you look at colours, are you even aware of the colours around you, and how many different shades they have?

Day 299

Spend your time doing things you love. Sounds so simple, and so obvious, of course we all want to do things we love and what makes us happy, but somehow, we often end up doing the exact opposite, I’m not sure why.

Day 300 There was a time I was interested in perfect, now I’m interested in what stories and secrets the not perfect has to tell.

Day 301 When the world becomes a completely mad place, like it is right now, I find comfort, peace and sanity in the simple things, look at a flower, listen to the birds or have a nice, hot bath.

Day 302 We need so little to make us content, and being able to realise that, is already the biggest wealth.

Day 303 Why do we constantly put restrictions on ourselves and tell ourselves No? Oh, I couldn’t wear that, I’ve always wanted to do that, but it’s not for me, I could never act like that.

Well, why not? We limit ourselves and make up rules for ourselves that are not necessary, stop it and just do!

Day 304

We don’t always have to talk a lot to be heard, sometimes saying less can be more valuable. Maybe people will listen then.

Day 305 Some days I just feel confused, about the world, about myself and where I’m going, I think that’s ok though, I have to untangle all the bits, to find out what’s in the middle.

Day 306

Be satisfied with just a little progress each day, when you look back in a year, you’ll see that you achieved a lot, even though it might not seem like that right now.

Day 307 Being an artist, means knowing yourself. You can’t create art, without looking deep into your soul and pulling everything out.

Day 308

Why does the word “female” have the word “male”in it?

Day 309

Worry, we are now in a world that forces us all to worry, and even if you try to get away from it and use your common sense, it’s not easy, because everywhere you go, they tell you to worry.

Day 310 Proud to be a woman today on womensday.

Day 311

Being creative is a lot about solving problems, making decisions and then correcting them, experimenting and trying to find the best way.

Day 312 We think we have control over everything and that technology can fix it all, but in the end, we are so small in the face of illness. Maybe after all this is over, and we start thinking and reflecting, the word “humility” will come to us.

Day 313 As I lie here, on my comfortable soft bed, with a pillow under my head, I have a feeling that we’re experiencing the end of the world as we know it.

Day 314 There are times when you feel disappointed, when things don’t work out as you had hoped, and it’s ok to have a moment to feel sorry for yourself, but then you just have to keep on going and put one foot in front of the other.

Day 315 There are certain things in the world that we can’t change, but we do have an influence on how we deal with them.

Day 316 Even if you have nowhere to go, sometimes wearing your favourite outfit at home for yourself, can make your day more special.

Day 317 One star in a dark sky is not a lot of light, but a lot of stars together, can make even the darkest sky glow.

Day 318 When I think of all the pieces there will be to pick up and fix, after the tornado is over, I feel very sad and worried.

Day 319 I let my art get me through the dark.

Day 320

Make your own rainbow, instead of waiting for one to happen.

Day 321 Maybe it’s time to look inside for happiness, instead of always relying on what’s outside.

Day 322 Don’t undervalue the importance of a comfortable chair, it can become your best friend at times.

Day 323

Be patient and trust the universe.

Day 324

Surrender. Your control. And be open. To what is.

Day 325 You can only understand what freedom is, when it’s been taken away from you.

Day 326 I’ve been going through an emotional rollercoaster recently- fear, shock, disbelief, confusion, helplessness, and somewhere in there, are also moments where I feel hopeful and positive.

Today’s feeling is a deep grief. I suppose it’s all a normal part of this new and strange experience.

Day 327 When the word turns upside down, the best thing to do is turn right along with it.

Day 328 Everything will be alright, they said, just be positive. But when she looked inside her, the reserve of good and happy thoughts was running very low.

Day 329

Wake up today and give yourself some love and lots of hugs and cuddles, they can’t ban that ever!

Day 330 Sometimes, a splash of colour helps.

Day 331 Taking it day by day, step by step, that’s all I can do.

Day 332

I’m so worried about the future, but I have to keep telling myself, that all I’ve got is the present moment. And even though this present moment may not be how I would want it to be, this is it, there’s nothing more, and I need to make the best of it.

Day 333 Some days it’s all so overwhelming, I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean, so much information to deal with, so many new emotions to come to terms with, but I know I have to keep on treading water and hope I’ll reach land soon.

Day 334 I have to keep telling myself, that this is still my life, so I should still be enjoying where I am now, and not waiting for the future to happen.

Day 335 Sometimes, we have to do things we don’t like, because in the long run, it’s better for us all. In situations like that, you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop thinking that it’s all about you and that you are the only one suffering.

It’s not about you, it’s about all of us.

Day 336

Some of the things I tell myself- Instead of filling yourself with negative emotions and feeling sorry for yourself, try to be grateful. You are in the safety of your home, you have enough to eat, your loved ones are with you and you have the Internet.

Maybe at a time like this, we can think about all the people who have been unjustly imprisoned around the world, and have been kept, sometimes for years, in awful conditions. we are so privileged. Be grateful.

Day 337

Imagine your life as a big book. Where you are right now is just a page in that book, or maybe it’s a whole chapter, but there’s still the rest of the book to look forward to and so many other chapters ahead.

Day 338

And then there are days when you just want to stay in bed.

Day 339

We are always waiting- for something better, for the future, for something different. Maybe we should try and embrace the situation we are in and create something good with what we have in this moment.

Day 340 Every day seems like a Sunday recently. I sometimes think I must be in groundhog day.

Day 341

Don’t forget to give your body a bit of kindness, I know that mine has to carry all the tension and emotions that I have in me. And when I focus on it, I can feel that my body is suffering too.

Day 342 Some days, I just need a break- from the world, from problems, from my emotions, from the people I live with, from trying to pretend I’m fine.

I think it’s important to accept those days and if I need to, just sit in a corner and take time for myself.

Day 343

Speed is very important in our world, and suddenly, we are forced to slow down. And now that we’re not running anymore, our senses are starting to pick up new things, we can hear more sounds around us, we can actually taste what we’re eating, we can see the beauty of the things around us.

Day 344 Time- I used to complain that I don’t have enough time. Now, I have too much time. But I don’t manage to get more done. It seems that it’s what you do with your time that’s important, and not how much time you have.

Day 345

Hello suspicious mind. I’ve noticed that I’m becoming more suspicious and alert, anyone I pass in the street could be a danger to me. I don’t like it.

Day 346 I feel tired, my brain is forced to make all these new decisions that I’m not used to. I have to rethink the way I do basic activities, like shopping or taking public transport. It’s tiring.

Day 347

There are a lot of negative thoughts that keep coming up in my head, and every day I try hard to fight them and not allow them to take over.

Day 348

Today a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh, which I feel fits well to the current mood- The best way to take care of the future, is to take care of the present moment.

Day 349 I realise more and more how much I need nature. It brings me happiness and hope to look at my plants and take care of them. And to see that from a small seed, a garden can grow.

Day 350 They can put me in a cage, but they can’t cut my wings off.

Day 351 Don’t lose yourself in fear and worry, it’s easy to get sucked into a big black hole, be careful.

Day 352 I’m used to being in constant action mode, doing things, being busy, having things that need to be accomplished. Now I don’t have any of that. Although it’s nice to have the freedom and flexibility, sometimes it’s hard to get used to having nothing to do.

Day 353 There are many people who have to constantly put on a brave face, pretend they feel ok and happy, for the sake of their families and children.

That must be an extra burden. I don’t have that.

Day 354 If you feel like you’re going mad, just let that feeling be, maybe now is the time to let out all your madness and weirdness, if it helps!

Day 355

I feel like I’ve been carrying this heavy weight around, I physically feel it in the tension in my shoulders. But I think I need to put this weight down and admit that I’ve lost.

Although I really want to help, I can’t carry the weight of the world and make things better, it’s just not working.

Day 356

I always thought that anger was a negative emotion and one that I tried to keep hidden. But now I’m thinking that I need to start giving some space to this feeling too, it’s there and needs to be released, grrrrrr.

Day 357

There are certain things we know we should or shouldn’t do, because that’s what society wants. But then there comes a moment when you realise that all those silly rules are so trivial and meaningless.

Day 358

It’s funny how a room that I never paid attention to, has now become my best friend, and everything in it makes me feel comfortable and safe.

Day 359 Even though I’m inside, closed in my four walls, I’m trying to do my best to keep my mind open.

Day 360 Sometimes, I pray.

Day 361

I’m not good at doing nothing, I find it very hard to sit still for a long time, so I spend my days constantly moving from one room to the other, from one corner to the other, like an animal in a cage.

Day 362

I can’t control what’s happening around me, but I need to control my reactions to what’s happening.

Day 363 I enjoy solitude, the lack of noise, the lack of distractions, the lack of constant comparisons, the lack of expectations from others.

Day 364 Lately, I have a lot of time to think. About deep things, like life. And I have come to realise that one of the purposes of life is to know yourself and be yourself. In a world that constantly bombards us with distractions and expectations, it’s easy to get lost. So to be you, with peace and pride, is already a huge achievement.

Day 365

I’m not good at celebrations, and I don’t like to make a big deal about my accomplishments, but sometimes it’s important to allow yourself to feel satisfaction and pride.

Today I celebrate myself.

And I try to feel ok about it.

I also feel a bit nostalgic, as you do when something comes to an end. One word that keeps coming up when I think about my life, the past year, where I am and who I am now, is gratitude.

Day 366 + 1

Dear friends, as this project comes to and end, I would like to thank you all for joining me on this personal journey of art and self-discovery.

Thank you for all your likes, comments, shares, for your feedback and kind words.

I started this project 365 days ago, as a challenge for myself and to better understand who I am at this stage of my life.

I have come to realise that to create art, one needs to peel off all the layers, and be ready to dig deep inside oneself and pull it all out. It’s not easy, it’s often painful and scary, but necessary. It’s how we grow as people, and as artists.

The self-portraits I created aren’t always “pretty”, but that’s ok, the idea wasn’t to show a realistic representation of myself that would be pleasing to others, but rather to be real. We mostly think of a selfportrait as a picture of a face, but obviously, there is so much more to who we are, outside and inside, and this is what I tried to explore through this project.

I hope at some point, to be able to show you all 365 self-portraits in a “real” exhibition and not only through social media. I’ll keep you posted!

Even though “365 days of Karolina” has come to an end, I am still here and still creating. Please stay in touch: www.karolinagacke.art.

Love to you all!