Melbourne Observer. 111130A. November 30, 2011. Part A

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Caravans & Camping Pages 52-33

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Travel Extra Places To Go: Pages 70-82 PHOTO: ASH LONG

■ Radio personality Keith McGowan was honoured by the Australian recording industry at a surprise presentation at Toorak this week. Keith is pictured (above) with wife Angela, and recording industry executive Bill Duff. The ceremony (pictured below) included Max Robenstone (Discurio), Bill Duff, Marcus Herman (Planet/Crest), Kenn Clark (Katies) and Bill Armstrong. Story on P87.

Healthy Living Pages 66-67

Antiques & Collectables Page 47

Pets Feature Pages 100-101

GREEN HEARTS Melbourne

Observer ISSN 1447 4611

■ Melbourne’s newest not-for-profit organisation, Green Hearts Recyclers, will be launched on Monday by businessman Philip Sidebottom.

The launch will be held at Ormond Hall, Moubray St, Melbourne. Green Hearts aims to intercept unwanted items, reduce demand on landfill, and provide people with affordable recycled goods. More on P37.

VICTORIA’S INDEPENDENT WEEKLY NEWSPAPER

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Page 2 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

ADVERTISERS’ INDEX Alarm Australia ........................ P43 Alpine Mowers, Monbulk .............P25 Avivida .................................... P58 Beaver Bricks .......................... P37 Bennetts Boots ....................... P61 Beutyliner ................................. P46 Birthday Room ......................... P60 Bloodwood Ridge ...................... P51 Boot Camp Aust. Sandringham .. P67 Candlepines ............................. P32 Church of Scientology .............. P102 Clough Choristers .................... P69 Coral Pools ............................. P39 Creative By Design .................... P41 Dahan Trading ......................... P48 Darwin’s Barra Base ............... P104 EcoBright ................................ P45 Emerald Astrology .................... P68 Emerald Travel ......................... P82 Everhard (Aqua Nova) ................ P44 Finborough Place ...................... P31 Fix Engineering ........................ P49 Fresh Express ......................... P62 Garage Door, The ..................... P72 Global Fitness .......................... P99 Goldcare Eco Villages .............. P35 Goodwin Village ......................... P36 Greenvale Dental Group ........... P66 Group Travel Marketing ............. P74 JMR Australia .......................... P57 La Pesh Steakhouse ................ P70 Leutenegger ............................ P27 Lifetime Distributors ............... P103 Little Joey’s Caravan Centre . P52-53 Maroondah Sports Club ............ P71 Masterlifts .............................. P30 Metro Hospitality Group ............ P79 Michael’s Trailers .................... P54 Mokutu ................................... P76 Party & Co ............................... P55 Pavilions, The (Port Douglas) ..... P75 PCMG Shand Umbrellas .............. P5 Phil’s Affordable Barra Tours .......P3 Petorium ............................... P101 Petway ................................. P100 Play Music, DVDs & Games ...... P59 Poppa’s Fudge & Jam Factory ..... P24 Quaint Wondecla Quilts ............ P28 Replica Furniture ...................... P23 Resene Paints ......................... P42 Rollators Australia ................... P38 Route 66 ................................. P77 Sanity Education ..................... P50 Scootersmart .......................... P33 Sea Change Safety Cove ............ P73 Sportslander Moama ............... P78 Sufi’s Craft .............................. P26 Tasmanian Gourmet Gifts ......... P63 Templestowe Orchards ............. P34 Terry Dean Guitars ................... P64 Thompsons Menswear ............... P4 Topez ...................................... P40 Torb and Reiner ....................... P29 Toy Cupboard ........................... P56 Train World ............................... P6 Velvet Collectables ................... P47 Water’s Edge Resort ........... P80-81

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Antiques and Collectables .......... P47 Buying Guide ........................ P55-65 Camping and Caravans ......... P52-53 Christmas Buying Guide ............. P55 Christmas Craft .................... P26-38 Craft, Fashion ........................... P29 Education and Training .............. P50 Finance and Investment ............. P51 Healthy Living ...................... P66-67 Melbourne Homemaker ........ P37-46 Melbourne Seniors News ...... P31-36 Motoring .................................. P54

Observer Readers Club .............. P15 Pets ................................. P100-101 Places To Go ....................... P70-72 Sports and Fitness .................... P99 Things To Do ........................ P68-69 Travel Extra ......................... P73-83 Victoria Pictorial ........................ P84 Victorian Rural News ............ P48-49 The Melbourne Observer is printed by Streamline Press, 155 Johnston St, Fitzroy, for the publisher, Ash Long, for Local Media Pty Ltd, ABN 67 096 680 063, of the registered office, 30 Glen Gully Road, Eltham, 3095.

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Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 7

Breaking News

It’s All About You!

Melbourne

‘RUDELY TREATED’ BECAUSE Observer SHE IS ABORIGINAL COMPLAINT DISMISSED

In This 104-Page Edition

2012 shows announced

● Kaarin Fairfax will direct Good People ■ Red Stitch Actors' Theatre Artistic DirecThis is a taut and exhilarating portrait of a tor, David Whiteley, last night (Tues.) an- destructive relationship told through a poetic nounced the company's first season for 2012. and highly physicalized stage language.

Opening the season in February is the AusAlso in May, The Arts Centre will present tralian premiere of Pulitzer Prize winner a return season of Red Stitch's 2011 sell-out David Lindsay-Abaire's Good People. production of The Laramie Project: 10 Years Directed by Kaarin Fairfax, this new play Later at the Fairfax Theatre. provides a compelling examination of class To conclude the season, the company will distinction and the impact of those little deci- showcase Stephan Adly Guirgis's audacious sions that can affect the rest of our lives. hit comedy The Motherf**ker With The Hat, In March, the company and director which explores the relativity of principles and Suzanne Chaundy will bring award winning will be directed by David Bell.

Australian playwright Tom Holloway's Be"Our commitment to the very best new writyond The Neck to Victorian audiences. ing and the very highest standards in producThis is an intriguing meditation on the re- tion, performance and design remain our greatcovery of a community struggling with the est strength", David Whiteley said. aftermath of the Port Arthur massacre.

"Red Stitch has truly arrived on the In another Victorian premiere, Red Melbourne scene, with a new season of plays Stitch welcomes the acclaimed and extraor- that offers our loyal and ever growing audidinary talents of another theatre maker, Tanya ence yet another compelling reason to come Gerstle to direct Bryony Lavery's thriller back to the theatre."

Stockholm.

- Cheryl Threadgold

Mike McColl Jones

Top 5 THE TOP 5 TV SHOWS THAT MIGHT WELL BE WORSE THAN KYLE SANDILANDS AND JACKIE O'S ‘A NIGHT WITH THE STARS’ 5. 'Mastermind' hos ted by Warwick Capper 4. 'Power Without Glory' starring Peter Slipper 3. 'Some Mothers Do Ave 'Em' featuring Max Markson 2. 'Car 54, Where Are You?' with Professor Allan Fels 1. "Julia and Tim's Gap Year'

■ An allegation by Lisa Ryder that she was treated rudely by Money3 Corporation Ltd because she is aboriginal, has been dismissed by the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal.

Ms Ryder complained to VCAT Member Anna Dea that the rudeness occurred when Ms Ryder attended the company’s office in Bendigo for a small loan.

“Money3 approved a loan for a lesser amount than Ms Ryder applied for and she accepted that,” Ms Dea said.

Ms Ryder claims the disrespectful and discriminatory treatment came as she went to borrow funds to buy Christmas presents for her children.

Ms Ryder said two female staff members acted “funny” after she said she could not read well, and had trouble with some of the bigger words in the forms.

Ms Ryder said the women whispered between themselves, were leaning in towards each other, and did not look directly at her.

She was given a $50 loan, free entry in a Christmas hamper draw, and a free stubby holder and key ring.

“The difficulty for [Ms Ryder] is that there is nothing in the material before me to point to the reason relating to her race other than her own belief,” Ms Dea said.

Melbourne People: Myra’s 95th party ...... Page 8 News: Pool company back in Court ....... Page 9 Di Rolle: True spirit of Christmas .......... Page 10 Melb. Confidential: Coles sues pet shop . Page 11 Long Shots: On the buses .................. Page 12 Max: Court Martial appeal dismissed ... Page 13 Kevin Trask: Dame Nellie Melba .......... Page 14 Outback Legend: Warren Williams ........ Page 14 Magazine: Bruce’s 50 years in radio .... Page 15 Classic Books: Rudyard Kipling ........... Page 19 Melbourne Trader - 64-page liftout Radio boss axed McGowan honoured ‘Nanni’ Denise quits Gossip galore

Observer Showbiz

Latest News Flashes Around Victoria

Shot beanie off head ■ QANTAS engineer, Bjorn Ekeberg, 64, of North Shore, Geelong, who shot the beanie off Daniel Milliken's head with a firearm during a scuffle, has been handed a two-year suspended jail term.

Violent rage sequel ■ Lavington man Daniel James Smith faced Court after a violent rage with his former girlfriend . He attacked her car with a golf club, she had grabbed to protect herself. Smith has been bailed to live at his brother’s residence. He is due to face Court on December 5 on an assault matter.

684 HIGH ST, EAST KEW. 9859 8999 Di Palma's fine Italian cuisine and wood fired pizza Special pre-Christmas offer to Melbourne Observer readers only

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Page 8 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Book launch

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People Melbourne

Send news to editor@melbourneobserver.com.au

● Dr Buzz Kennedy ■ A new book, Internet Dating: Men to Avoid, Men To Enjoy, was launched by Dr Buzz Kennedy at My Bookshop, Hawksburn, on Monday night (Nov. 28). In attendance were Noni Hazelhurst, and publicists Julie Cavanagh and Jill Fraser.

Fax: 1-800 231 312

Myra’s 95th birthday party

Tropic Island Discs

Stateside

● Craig Hutchison ■ The Footy Show’s Craig Hutchison is calling New City, NeYork, as his home address.

The Warragul-born lad, who is CEO of Crocmedia, has business interests in NYC. Within three days of his move there, his bicycle was stolen.

Welcome to Noo York!

● Loretta Rymer arrived from Los Angeles to attend the 95th birthday party for her mum, Myra Healey, at the St Patrick’s Community Centre, Lilydale. More than 180 guests, all wearing a splash of red joined the Yarra Valley resident for the celebrations. Myra is the oldest and longest serving President of Legacy Widows, and is also an honorary life member of the Vietnam Veteran's Association. The action-packed party started when Myra arrived at the party in her Red Rover V8. Entertainers Ronnie Charles, Bruce Rowland, Ted Hamilton, The Bradley Sisters, Welsh tenor John Lewis and magician Lew Romano were part of a special tribute show. More photos on Page 13.

For Koorie Trust

● Willy Zygler and Deborah Conway are performing in Concert for Youth at the Athenaeum Theatre on December 5 ■ The Koorie Heritage Trust is presenting its fundraising Gala Concert for Youth at the Athenaeum Theatre, Melbourne on Monday, December 5 at 7.00pm.

The event features a showcase of indigenous and non-indigenous visual and performing arts and artists – ranging from stand-up comedy, cabaret, music and dance performances.

More details on P87

● Julie Houghton ■ It’s a busy time for Observer arts correspondent Julie Houghton.

Julie is also a broadcaster of 3MBS FM 103.5 Julie is presenting special guests on the longrunning Tropic Island Discs (6pm Sundays, repeated at 10am on the following Saturday).

Judith Durham will be Julie’s special guest on the December 11 show.

Benjamin Northey, conductor of Opera Australia's Don Giovanni, starring Teddy Tahu Rhodes, will speak with Julie on December 18.

Gin and Razor Blades ■ The wonderful thing about cabaret is that it can be about almost anything, and can range from hilariously funny to dark and brooding.

Jennifer Vuletic's latest cabaret show at the Butterfly Club, Gin and Razorblades is a good example.

It promises to satisfy 'those who like their love songs and their songs of rage with a big swig of gin and a triple olive serving of sardonic humour.'

Melbourne Observer readers may remember Jennifer from her fun roles as a singer and actor in Mamma Mia and Menopause The Musical, but in Gin and Razorblades' she metamorphoses into Ivanka, the Eastern Bloc's Miss Havisham, taking you on a sidesplittingly merry manic-depressive romp from Romania to the present day.

With her ever-present bottle of Tanqueray and a trusty shovel, Jennifer as Ivanka promises you an evening like no other.

The Butterfly Club is an internationally known intimate venue for cabaret stars from here and overseas, and Jennifer says she loves performing there.

"It's possibly the most intimate audience experience you'll ever have you can practically inhale your crowd!

“I also love the last-century atmosphere of the building - all those staircases and rooms and the demented bric a brac … it's truly like entering another world, for both audience and actor.' Jennifer enthused.

Gin and Razorblades runs from Thu.Sat., December 8-10.

- Julie Houghton

● Jennifer Vuletic

● Jennifer Vuletic as Ivanka

Observer Flashbacks

● Rhonda Palmer ■ Ex-Observer team member Rhonda Palmer sent a Thanksgiving Day message from the US where she has been a publishing industry executive for some years.

Rhonda recalled some of the Observer personalities from the 1970s and 1980s ■ Paul Fraser. Copy Boy 1980-ish (left to join the Mike Walsh Show, later became Hey Hey It's Saturday producer before heading off overseas to work at Star TV in Hong Kong, Orbit in Malaysia and Celador in the UK producing Who Wants to Be a Millionaire foreign editions.

■ Clay Adams. Copy Boy/journalist early 1980s, now a Health Industry PR guru in Canada.

■ Mike Brudenell.

Sports Editor in the 1980s. He's been in Detroit for 20 or so years and is now writing for the Detroit Free Press.

■ Adam Edwards.

Writer, late 1970s now a noted London journalist ex The Times, FT, The Express and The Telegraph.

■ Ed Nimmervoll (also known as Egg and Bacon Roll by the subs) was the pop writer.

■ Peter Olver was traffic manager when the paper was at the St Kilda Rd offices.

Rhonda recalled some of the nom-deplume by-lines used for international stories in the Sunday Observer: ■ Tony Pope in Rome ■ Sue Vlaki in Greece ■ Winston Castle in London ■ Les Cargo in Paris.

Rhonda recalled that on the the advertising side of tyhe Observer in its 1970s days at Newton St, Richmond, selfproclaimed clairvoyant Tom Wards was a salesman and Bob McVeigh was the Advertising Manager.

Typesetters included Colleen Johnson and Maureen Maher.

● Ed Nimmervoll

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 9

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Observer

Breaking News

Brady meets Brady

POOL COMPANY BACK IN COURT Briefs No Wayne ■ The Dainty Group has announced that the Australian solo shows for Lil Wayne, which were scheduled for Melbourne, Adelaide and Perth, have now been postponed due to “scheduling conflicts”. He will be at the Eminem at Etihad Stadium tomorrow (Thu.).

Mystery ■ Publicist Max Markson has a new job. Rob Foenander has all the details on P88.

● Max Markson Melbourne

Observer

Birth of Christ ■ Lazaway Pools and Spas has been at the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal again - and has been oredred to pay $8958 immediately to Darley residents Ron Clark and June Downs.

Mr Clark and Ms Downs engaged Lazaway to build a swimming pool at their home, near Bacchus Marsh.

“The parties agree the swimming pool is incomplete, but disagree about who is responsible,” said VCAT Senior Member Margaret Lothian in a small claims hearing.

Lazaway suspended works, after seeking money for ‘variations’. Mr Clark and Ms Downs refused to pay.

The contract had been completed on the standard SPASA Victoria Ltd form, and the contact sum before adjustment was $47,000.

Ms Lothian said she accepted that Ms Downs believed that she was entering a fixed price contract. She said the Lazaway salesman, Ray White, had said the $47,000 was a fixed price, with his written note saying ‘$47,000 - fixed price x 12 months”.

Lazaway representative John White told the Tribunal that he did not believe Ray White would have made a representation that the price would be a fixed price.

The Tribunal was told that Ray White folded back the first four pages of the contract when it came time to sign. Those pages have a warning that changes to price are possible., John White told the Tribunal that disputed variations arose from excessive rain (72mm) that filled the excavated hole for the swimming pool, causing Lazaway to incur extra cost for excavation and necessiatted constriction of formwork.

John White submitted that if such works were necessary, Lazaway was entitled to undertake the work and charge the owners without seeking their permission.

“His submission is surprising as a similar submission by Lazaway was unsuccessful before Senior Member Walker in Wilson and Another v Lazaway Pools and Spas Pty Ltd,” Ms Lothian said.

Your Stars

● Robert MacFarlane ■ The Consort of Melbourne presents its Christmas concert, In Dulci Jubilo at 7.30pm on Saturday (Dec. 3) in the Elisabeth Murdoch Hall at Melbourne Recital Centre in Southbank, Directed by Peter Tregear and accompanied by La Compania and guest instrumentalists, the Consort of Melbourne offers an alternative Christmas musical treat. Its centerpiece is German composer Heinrich Schutz's Christmas Oratorio.

Tenor Robert Macfarlane narrates the story of the birth of Christ against a dramatic accompaniment of solos and choruses and a rich instrumental accompaniment.

Renowned baroque violinist Rachael Beesley will bring her exciting sound to the evening's musical delights and there will also be seasonal hymns and contributions from composers Palestrina and Gabrielli.

Tickets are $50/$40 from MRC box office on 9699 3999 or www.melbourne recital.com.au - Julie Houghton

with Christina La Cross

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20) Careful of saying things you do not mean to those who are younger than you. Watch out that you do not let slip a secret that a friend is entrusting you with. Words need care today.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) Don't let less adventurous signs put you off; the world is yours for the taking. You just need to believe in yourself. Deep down inside we both know you can do it. Prove it.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21) It's party time for you my friend, as invitation after invitation just seem to drop in your lap. Travel is also forecast making this one of your most enjoyable weeks in quite some time.

Cancer (June 22 - July 23) Put a family member's new partner at ease, they're sure to be grateful and your efforts will not go unnoticed. You definitely have some making up to do after last weeks mix ups.

Leo (July 24 - Aug 23) It's ok to be upset about something that has happened. If you don't go through these emotions you won't be able to move on. Life is all about learning; it's what takes us to the next level.

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sept 23) You can't afford to miss out on the kind of opportunities that are coming before you over the next few days and the current line up presents you with the perfect chance to make your plan.

Libra (Sept 24 - Oct 23) There is a decidedly jealous side to your nature which is evolving at this time and it has got to be nipped in the bud sooner rather than later. Having faith today can pay back dividends.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Something you had lost faith in shows signs of life again as the stars give you a helping hand. You are at last working out what and who you need to be happy in life.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 21) The current line up is making it hard for you to work out what a close one's words and actions really mean. Phone calls you miss today must be returned. You'll thank me if you do.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20) You find it hard to see anyone's problems but your own. Take a more active part in close ones lives and you'll see you have the support to make even your wildest dreams come true.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19) There's no point in falling out with a family member who you know will never see your point of view so back off and show your close ones how very mature this month has seen you become.

Pisces (Feb 20 - March 20) Many new opportunities will be coming into your life, just don't be in too much of a rush to organise events, as the best offers arrive at the last minute. Keep an open diary.

● Phillip Brady meets Brady Brown ■ Melbourne media’s Jenchurai Brown has named her new dog after close friend Philip Brady.

“Our good friend Philip Brady is so dear to me that I named my new dog after him,” Jen tells the Observer.

“I adopted Oscar from AnimalAid in Coldstream late August.

“I didn't think the name Oscar suited him. .. Brady Brown sounded better. So I asked Philip's permission to use his name - not in vain - and the two Brady boys finally met up at our place this week.”

Radio station birthday ■ Heidelberg-based community radio station, 96.5 Inner FM, celebrates its 21st birthday on Monday, December 8.

The station was led in its early years by former Parliamentarian, Bruce Skeggs.

The Observer’s Kevin Trask will celebrate the 21st anniversary of his That’s Entertainment program at 12 Noon this Sunday.

Observer Reader Special Offer

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Page 10 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Heading for Sydney ■ Saturday night at home is certainly one of my favourite things.

Graham Norton was on in background with Johnny Depp as special guest.

It was raining outside and hitting the windows as I typed.

I have been drinking tea, I am so thirsty lately. I am sure it’s the weather.

I have a busy week. I am off to Sydney at the end of the week to see Kevin Spacey in The Bridges Project’s Richard III. I must say I am very excited about that.

My suitcase remains open at all times as I am forever jumping on and off planes.

I am packing my Sunday best to go and see him. Im taking my sister, it is a treat.

Kevin Spacey is a long-time favourite of mine. Who can forget him as Bobby Darin in the film Beyond The Sea? Richard III is an exclusive Sydney season and will be on at the Lyric Theatre – The Star from December 1-11.

Australian producers Andrew Kay and Liza McLean are proud to bringing the theatrical event of the year to Sydney.

Directed by Sam Mendes, this wonderful work by Shakespeare kicked off its world tour in London’s West End in late June this year.

The production has already received rave reviews.

“Kevin Spacey is the perfect Richard III,” said the Wall Street Journal. “Spinetingling,” remarked The Independent, “An exciting and richly entertaining production,” judged The Telegraph.

I will bring back pictures!

● Kevin Stacey

Voice like strawberries ■ Kevin Spacey is like Stephen Fry to me, you want to take them home forever – just to talk to!

Nigella Lawson is like that to me. I adore her and am thrilled she has her new TV series commencing on ABC1 from last night (Tues., Nov. 29).

She really is rather special. Men love her that’s a given, but women love her too.

Nigella Kitchen is a1 13-part series about food, food, food for the family, and more food, I do hope she goes to the fridge and eats out of the fridge. I like it when she does that, it not only great to look at she has a voice like strawberries and chocolate.

My mate Colette Mann told me that meeting Nigella Lawson was a particular thrill as she has long admired her.

Colette and I work in an industry where we are blessed to meet a lot of our favourites and sometimes it can be disappointing. Not a lot but sometimes.

Colette met Nigella when Nigella came on a TV show to talk about her latest cookbook, Colette was very thrilled when she gave Nigella her very own copy of the book for her to sign and Nigella wrote inside “Dear Colette, from your most ardent fan!”

Nigella, it turned out was equally delighted when meeting Colette who was her favourite from Prisoner, one of her favourite TV shows in London .

Colette said she was “even more beautiful in person.

“She looked like a porcelain doll and she emailed me from London to say she had gone back and said she had met Colette Mann from Prisoner!”

Nigella Kitchen, ABC1, Tuesdays 8pm – Colette and I will be watching!

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

To

Di

I love my job!

Di Rolle is heard most Mondays with Andrew McLaren on 3AW, just after the 1am quiz.

For TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS with leading Melbourne publicist DI ROLLE

■ What about the Bali boy? Rewarding bad behaviour! It seems to be a new thing! I don’t get it. Maybe I need to read more about the case!

How precious is Princess Mary? Just love her, she can’t put a foot wrong and some of those pictures in the newspapers of her with the children were just superb.

And Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark, is all class.

What a superb man he is, just loved watching him with Mary so gracious and that wonderful sense of humour!

Nothing like a European Prince I say! packed entertainment is returning to Australia with WWE RAW. Fans will be able to see all their favourite WWE Superstars including John Cena, Alberto Del Rio, CM Punk, The Miz and many more - live at the Melbourne Rod LaverArena Tickets go on sale on Thursday, December 8 at 9am and can be purchased online at: www.ticketek. com.au Or phone Ticketek on 132 849

● Mrs Claus and Santa from the 2011 Christmas Show ■ I want to talk about and the young at heart. August 30 - Septemthe activities coming There is plenty of ber 1, 2012.

Tiockets are on up for kids over singing and dancing to Christmas. keep the littlies enter- sale from December 8 – in perfect time for I love Christmas tained. for all sorts of reasons: The 40 minute Christmas stocking seeing friends, catch- Christmas Show will fillers!

The WWE RAW ing up with family, put- be held at the ting up the tree, re- Clocktower Centre, World Tour returns to membering what it is Moonee Ponds, on Australia on Saturday 1in all about and gener- December 7; the September ally the goodness that Whitehorse Centre, Melbourne.WWE’s it brings and allows us Nunawading, on De- unique brand of action all to do. cember 9; Kingston I am always inter- City Hall, Moorabbin, ested in what is going on December 10; and on in the school holi- the Forum Theatre, days for the kids and Melbourne on Deideas for friends who cember 16 and 17. have children or even Each venue has grandchildren which sessions at 10am and some of my friends 2pm and all tickets are have. just $24.90 (with unThe magic of der-12 months free on Christmas springs into a lap). life in theatres around For further inforMelbourne in Decem- mation or to book tickber with The Christ- ets for The Christmas mas Show 2011, star- Show 2011, call 8689 ring the great man him- 9090 or visit www. self, Santa Claus ,and christmasshow.com.au a host of lovable and familiar Christmas characters.

The inaugural 2011 ■ Another great gift Christmas Show – a idea - and I am doing live stage show packed this for a couple of with music, excite- friends’ kids - is tickment and fun. ets for the Christmas Along with familiar stocking to see WWE songs and Santa, Mrs Wrestlers.

Claus will be there I have worked with along with Star, these guys and they Flooky, Pixie, Trilly are utter gentlemen, the Christmas Tree particularly the fabuand Puddles the Pen- lous John Cena who guin, all who will will be returning in make this show an in- 2012 WWE Raw Restant hit with the young turns to Australia ● John Cena, WWE

WWE Raw

Abigail Disney

● Abigail Disney PHOTO: ROBIN HOLLAND ■ I was excited to see that one of the United States most influential female philanthropists, and heiress to the Walt Disney family fortune, Abigail E. Disney, is inAustralia for her first visit for a four-day visit from November 29-December 2 .

The renowned social activist, filmmaker, humanitarian, philanthropist and member of the global philanthropic initiative Women Moving Millions is visit Melbourne until tomorrtow (Thu.),and Sydney on December 1 and 2.

She is the 2011 International Guest for the Australian Women Donors Network, who work to connect the philanthropic community with projects that invest in women and girls.

Abigail will speak at a Gala Dinner in Melbourne tomorrow (Thu. at Crown Palladium. She will hold a master class at Nova Cinema, Carlton this afternoon (Wed.) 2pm – 4.30pm.

Tickets and more information www.womendonors.org.au While Abigail E. Disney’s fortune is said to be in the hundreds of millions, she is most famously known for her hands on documentary work, where she brings to life the effects of modern warfare in places such as Columbia, Bosnia, Liberia and Afghanistan, far away for the glittering lights of Hollywood.

Her latest film Women, War & Peace, spotlights the stories of women in conflict zones from Bosnia to Afghanistan and Columbia to Liberia. ● Turn To Page 97

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 11

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Confidential Melbourne

Talk is cheap, gossip is priceless

COLES WINS $328,717 CASE AGAINST SUBURBAN PET SHOP

Bitch Melbourne’s Secrets

Ernie longs for Glenys’s cooking ■ He might be officially retired ... but Ernie Sigley has never been busier.

The former 3AW afternoon host is midway through a series of engagements at Victorian venues with Denise Drysdale. He has seven more to fulfill before Christmas. ● Ernie Sigley Ernie met with Obser ver arts correspondent Julie Houghton at South Camberwell on Sunday.

He told Julie that his wife, Glenys, is currently in Africa, and os due home this week, so Ernie is looking forward to Glenys's cooking again!

Ernie recently caught up with his former 3DB workmate, Dan Webb, for a barbecue and was raving about Dan's cooking skills as a BBQ chef with steak.

■ As reported elsewhere in this week’s Observer, Denise Drysdale announced her TV retirement on Friday, after 53 years in show business. She especially thanked producer Pam Barnes for giving her a chance.

● Denise Drysdale with Gorgi Coghlan on DD’s last episode on Friday

MTR: Off the rails ■ MTR 1377’s Steve Price is now blaming Melbourne’s trams for the station’s small audience figures.

“Melbour ne trams are our major enemy. Anywhere under a tram line it’s almost impossible to hear,” Price told reporter Graeme Hammond.

Official research ● Steve Price shows only onequarter to one-third of radio listeners are in cars. Most are not on roads with tramlines.

&

Whispers

Looted

Short Sharp ■ The giant Coles Group has won a $328,717 case against Travis Hill, operator of the failed Complete Pets store at Showgrounds Village Shopping Village at Ascot Vale.

Hill, a director of Complete Pets Pty Ltd, negotiated to sub-lease a shop at the new retail centre, but took the Coles Group Property Developments Pty Ltd to court, claiming false representations had been made by the leasing agent as an inducement to him to sign a lease.

Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal Senior Member Eric Riegler heard that representations were made by leasing agent Colin Earner of Retail Advantage that all other shops at the centre were to be leased.

Hill, who had worked for his father who had successfully built a chain of four pet stores and a pet food manufacturing business, said he received a letter of invitation saying Coles would contribute $50,000 plus GST towards fit-out costs.It later offered to fully finance the fit-out costs.

Lease documents included a section that said that a letter and enclosure contained all agreements and representations that influenced the tenant to contemplate entering into proposed lease.

Against a clause that ask for other matters of influence to be listed was the word ‘Nil’.

Hill said he also received further representations about the centre being fully leased out from Sharon Spillard, a tenancy co-ordinator employed by Coles.

Complete Pets started trading at the centre on April Fools Day last year. It ceased trading and vacated the premises on February 20 this year.

Coles claimed $284,053 rental in arrears, $102,997 outgoings in arrears, $5680 promotional fund payments in arrears, $1375 for removing shleving and signage, $1545 legal fees, and $164,068 for the shop fitout.

Some credits were allowed.

VCAT Senior Member Riegler said he did not consider words spoken by agents Earner and Spillard as meaning that all of the premises had been let.

Hill was ordered to pay $328,717 to Coles. Other applicants in the case were Complete Pets Pty Ltd, Ken Daniels and Demand Chain Solutions Pty Ltd.

FIRM APPEALS SUSPENSION ■ A Melbourne-based company is appealing the cancellation of its Australian financial services licence cancelled by the Australian Securities and Investments Commission.

ASIC cancelled FP Investment Partners Pty Ltd’s AFS licence on November 18 following an investigation .

ASIC alleged FPIP had failed to ensure that adequate arrangements for the management of conflicts of interest were in place.

FPIP had allegedly failed to ensure that one of its previous representatives, Joshua David Fuoco, had complied with financial services laws.

FPIP has lodged an application with the Administrative Appeals Tribunal or a stay and review of ASIC’s decision.

■ The Country Fire Authority has rejected a plea from Dandenongs residents for the Upwey Fire Brrigade siren to be sounded in times of danger.

The CFA says pagers and mobile phones provided a more reliable way of communicating with fire fighters that they were needed.

■ The French transport company, Veolia, plans to tender to operate some of Melbourne’s bus services when tenders are invited soon, for the first time since the 1990s. Veolia operated trains under the Connex contract, since replaced by Metro.

■ Chad Rosenlis, 23, of Eaglemont, has been sentenced to 3½-years jail after drugs were found in his underpants at a Bulleen car wash. Police found 996.7g of methamphetamines and $71,700 in cash, some from trafficking, at his home.

■ Police want to question this woman, described as ‘gaunt’, after a bus driver’s takings were stolen when he went on a toilet break.

The woman and her accomplice were pictured on the bus CCTV as the bus was parked this month at the La Trobe University Medical Centre.

Popular

Rumour Mill Hear It Here First

Spicks, Specks replay ■ Audiences farewelled the Spicks and Specks TV show last week, with supporters sending goodwill messages to regulars Adam Hills, Myf Warhurst and Alan Brough.

The program earned top ratings.

It must have seemed like a long-term memory for them ... the ABC-1 final episode was recorded back in July!

● Myf Warhurst

250 jobs to make TV ■ Anyone wanting a job in television, should keep their eye on the new ABC-TV series, Redfern Now. The projevt will see 250 jobs created for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in various roles from producers, directors, writers,m actors, to production and pre-production staff.

JOY back in the back ■ Happy times have returned for Joy 94.9 radio station, with a $72,832 profit for the past financial year. The Gay-Lesbian-Transgender station is a significant turnaround from $49,400 and $106,000 deficits in previous financial years.

E-Mail: Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

● Pete Smith ■ P re s e n t e r Pete Smith has been engaged for the 10th year in a row to host the Monash City Council’s Carols By Candlelight at Jells Park on Sunday, December 18.

■ The Knox Carols will be held this Saturday (Dec. 3) at Wally Tew Reserve, Ferntree Gully, and feature Gina Jeffreys and Jay Laga’ aia.

Blitz ■ Unlicensed drivers beware!

Police blitzes using portable number plate scanners led to nine drivers being nabbed at Mrlgrave in just four hours.

The scanners instantly link number plates and licences, as well as identify outstanding fines that need to be paid.

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Page 12 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Melbourne

Observer ON THE BUSES Melbourne

Observer

The Best Columnists

Incorporating the Melbourne Advertiser Victoria’s Independent Newspaper First Published September 14, 1969 Every Wednesday

1-800 231 311 1-800 231 312 www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

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● An early school charter job for Ventura Motors in Melbourne ■ These days, Melbourne school kids are chauffeured by their mums in expensive fourwheel-drive ‘Toorak Tractors’.

For earlier generations, if it wasn’t walking to school, a bus, train or tram was involved.

One of the major transport groups in Melbourne has been Ventura, which was founded by Henry (Harry) Wilson Cornwall in 1924.

Long Shots

Distribution STATE EDITION: Available weekly at approx. 400 newsagents across the Melbourne metropolitan area, Geelong, and Mornington Peninsula.

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If your local newsagent does not currently stock the Melbourne Observer, you can place a weekly order with them.Use their ‘putaway’ service.

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Independently Owned and Operated The Melbourne Observer is printed by Streamline Press, 155 Johnston St, Fitzroy, for the publisher, Ash Long, for Local Media Pty Ltd, ABN 67 096 680 063, of the registered office, 30 Glen Gully Road, Eltham, Distributed by All Day Distribution.

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People Ian Brook Aldous

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Melbourne

editor@ melbourneobserver.com.au

with Ash Long, Editor “For the cause that lacks assistance, ‘Gainst the wrongs that need resistance For the future in the distance, And the good that we can do”

● Harry Cornwall

£816 Reo ■ Harry bought a 14seater Reo for £816 and worked the multiple-operator route between Box Hill and the City.

In 1930, he applied to operate the Box HillMentone route over dirt tracks ... meeting his wifeto-be, Myra Hammond, as she travelled to her workplace, the Melbourne Benevolent Society on Warrigal Rd. Their company - and family - expanded, with takeovers of Clarinda Transport, High Street Road Bus Services and Knibbs in the eastern suburbs.

Expansion ■ Ventura expanded as fast as the Melbourne suburbs it served.

After Harry’s death in 1952, son Ken, and his boys John, Geoff and Andrew grew the business, taking over routes in Mitcham from C Young, and later, Boronia Bus Lines.

Later, they absorbed Bentleigh Bus Lines, Rennies, Willis and Hawthorn Bus Services, as well as Mount Dandenong Bus Lines and National Bus Company.

This month has seen CEO Andrew Cornwall announce the takeover of Grenda’s Transit group of Dandenong.

Takeover

● Ken Grenda ■ George Grenda started his four-bus service in 1945 after operating a milk carrying firm since 1925.

His son Ken and family have grown their business to 600 buses.

Together, the VenturaGrenda group will have more than 1250 buses in its fleet.

Short Shots

● Ventura’s Box Hill depot in 1950

■ Wisdom: If all; the cars in Australia were placed end-to-end, some hoon would try to pass them.

■ Only three more Observers to Christmas.

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT COURT REPORTS Contents of Court Lists are intended for information purposes only. The lists are extracted from Court Lists, as supplied to the public, by the Magistrates’ Court of Victoria, often one week prior to publication date; for current Court lists, please contact the Court. Further details of cases are available at www.magistratescourt.vic.gov.au The Melbourne Observer shall in no event accept any liability for loss or damage suffered by any person or body due to information provided. The information is provided on the basis that persons accessing it undertake responsibility for assessing the relevance and accuracy of its content. No inference of a party’s guilt or innocence should be made by publication of their name as a defendant. Court schedules may be changed at any time for any reason, including withdrawal of the action by the Plaintiff/Applicant. E&OE.

■ Seymour businessman Ian Brook Aldous has died suddenly.

The former fuel retailer was husband of Yvonne, father and father-in-law of Brett, Matthew and Sarah, and Scott.

His community service involvements included CFA and the Duke of Clarence Masonic Lodge at Yea. ● Ian Aldous A funeral service was due to be held yesterday (Tues.) at the Seymour Anglican Church, followed by private cremation.

Marcus Herman returns ■ Eighty-year-young music industry man Marcus Herman has returned to Australia after a three-week adventure to Zurich, accompanied by his sister Lorna, now of Bellingen, NSW. The pair had a mission to find the three-level home in which their father, Daniel, was raised with his 18 siblings!

Daniel had a famous brother - Australian artist Sali Herman.

● Marcus Herman

Rachel D Taylor ■ Rachel Taylor of The Production Company is excited about Grey Gardens, which opened at The Playhouse on Thursday night.

Starring Nancye Hayes and Pamela Rabe, the play features Rabe in twin roles as Edith Bouvier Beale in 1941 and her daughter ‘Little’ Edie Beale in 1973.

Simon Parris, reviewing for TheatrePeople. com.au, describes it as ● Rachel Taylor an “embarrassment of riches”. Rachel commented: “I'm giving thanks for and to the brilliant Grey Gardens company. I'm honoured to be a part of their success and incredibly proud. Also a bit in love with each and every one of them.”

Grey Gardens plays until Sunday (Dec. 4).

Observer Treasury Thoughts For The Week ■ Great news for insomniacs. Only three sleeps to Christmas.

■ Too many people believe their doubts, and doubt their beliefs.

Observer Curmudgeon ■ Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Text For The Week ■ “The wise have wealth and luxury, but fools spend whatever they get.”

- Proverbs 21:20

Free reader ads are available in the Melbourne Trader section of the ‘Melbourne Observer’

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 13

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au Melbourne

Been & Seen

Observer

Latest Gossip

ToThe Max

GHOST RIDER DISPUTE

MAX ● Birthday girl, Myra Healey, 95, with Emma Jager, at St Patrick’s Lilydale

E-Mails: Editor@MelbourneObserver.com.au

● Jason Romney and Melissa Roberts with movie director Michael Rymer

Every Wednesday in the Observer “There are only two types of journalism - dull journalism and exciting journalism. The true journalism is exciting and decidely unobjective.

True journalism, in my view, is devoted entirely to the revelation of facts which someone does not want revealed. That is the high point of journalism; it is the real meaning of being a journalist; it is also exciting and is interesting to read.” - Maxwell Newton

● Andy Lee ■ Andy Lee (Hamish and Andy) will team with Glenn Robbins and Cackling Jack on The Summer Fill In Show on FOX 101.9 FM from Monday. ● Ghost Rider ■ Alison Windsor, a Melbourne delegate of the Registrar of Trade Marks, has had to adjudicate over a dispute between Marvel Characters Inc and a man who wanted to register the ‘ghost rider’ trade mark.

Gary Charles applied for the trade mark, mainly for clothing. The Marvel organisation, which produces comic books, successfully objected.

Carol Pinkus, a long-time employee of Marvel, told the Australian Trade Marks Office that ‘Ghost Rider’ was one of the company’s most famous characters, appearing first in 1972.

The character is usually shown as having a flaming skull instead of a head and face, its motorcycle is also shown surrounded by flames.

Ms Pinkus described ‘Ghost Rider’ as “a mystical motorcycle stunt rider with superhuman strength and power to control Hellfire”.

She said the character appeared in a movie of the same name starring Nicholas Cage filmed at the Docklands studios in Melbourne.

Gary Charles said he “liked” the name ‘ghost rider’, and that his products were nothing like the Marvel character: “If Dove soap and Dove chocolate can co-exist, I think we can too.”

Charles has also applied for trade marks ellegedly connected with the Red Bull logo , the Beat Down movie, and the title of an episode of The Sopranos.

Melbourne

Observer The Max Factor

COURT MARTIAL APPEAL DISMISSED

● Myra with crooner Ted Hamilton

● Songwriter Bruce Rowland and Dave Herzog at the birthday celebrations

● Rachael Porter and Tony Cavanagh

■ A Melbourne-launched appeal against a Navy Court Martial has been dismissed by the Defence Force Discipline Appeal Tribunal.

HMAS Leeuwin Petty Officer Jason George Low sought to appeal proceedings in which it was alleged he became drunk and committed an act of indecency.

It was alleged that Low held the wrist of Able Seaman Renee Jahnes, and, without her consent, moved her hand up and down against his penis.

Low was also alleged to have assaulted his subordinate, Able Seaman Luke Housego, tackling him to the ground.

Low was also accused of using insulting words to Seaman Owen Thornthwaite” “you fat gay medic, open up or I’ll knock you the f--- out you faggot” or words to that effect.

The Tribunal, comprising President J Tracey and members J A White and J Mildren, heard questions of whether the Court Martial could be satisfied beyond reasonable dount that the offence had occurred, and the credibility of the evi-

Brekky

Indecency charge fought by Petty Officer

● HMAS Leeuwin dence of complainants. though I don’t remember Low said the original trial much of the evening due had been unfair by reason to alcohol consumption. of errors of law.

“The buffer was blind The incidents were al- drunk .... there were no leged to have occurred incidents to report.”

Allegations were also when the Navy crew was staying the night at the put in the Court Martial Rapopo Plantation that PO Low had sugRFesort, Kopoko, arfter gested to AB Jahnes that conducting surveys of the she was having an affair waters around Papua new with a female crew member, Able Seaman Guinea.

AB Jahnes was re- Sullivan.

Justices Tracey, White corded as giving edvidence to Lt Peter and Mildren said: “We Waring: “The alleged in- consider that it was open cident did not occur al- to the Court Martial to

be satisfied beyond reasonable doubt of PO Law’s guilt.

“The complainant, whose evidence was critical to the prosecution case, had been reluctant to implicate PO Low and had made inconsistent statement to investigators.

“She explained her reasons for being reluctant to make a statement and give evidence for the prosecution.

“Her reasons were credible and not uncommon in cases of sexual assault, particularly in a hierarchical military environment.”

Low had pleaded guilty to charges of assaulting a subordinate and prejudical conduct contrary to the Defence Force Discipline Act. The Restricted Court Martial also levelled charges of indecency, and using insulting words in a public places.

The convictions were confirmed

Ratings ■ The final radio ratings for 2011 are due to be released are Tuesday, December 13.

The eighth survey is usually accompanied by announcement of artists ‘signing off’ from their radio jobs.

Jail break

■ Are you owed money by the prisoner Jamie Holt? The State Government has placed an ad seeking anyone who may be seeking money, after Holt was awarded damages against the State.

“The award money, excluding legal costs and medical expenses, has been paid into the Prisoner Compensation Quarantine Fund, where it will be held for a period of 12 months. “ C re d i t o r s and victims in relation to criminal acts of Jamie Holt are invited to seek further information from the Secretary of the Department of Justice. Contact 1-800 819 817

Klapp out ■ The partnership between Reinhold Johannes Klapp and Irmgard Klapp, carrying on business under the name Long Gully Estate, has been dissolved

Page 14 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Observer Life & Style

WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS News Briefs High pay

■ Spending a few hours at the Kindiland Op Shop in Hamilton St, Surrey Hills, was a real highlight of the week for me, and I had a great time.

It was very déjà vu, plus some wonderful bargains to boot.It’s amazing how much time you can spend just browsing, and in no time someone starts talking to you and the conversation is usually about some of the stock that is similar to some items that they gave away a few years ago.

And here they are looking for similar things, as well as some pots and pans the same that belonged to their mother that they gave away with gay abandon, never dreaming that they would ever want to use them again.

Yvonne’s Column

Absolute bliss ● Peter Couchman ■ Described in publicity material as “charming and professional”, former ABC personality Peter Couchman was paid $13,000 to be MC of a twoday child protection legal conference/ In 2000, Couchman pleaded guilty to the unlawful assault of a 12-year-old boy at Middle Brighton Baths.

In crisis

■ The coach and 14 players of Hampton Park Football Club have walked, with news that the Redbacks owe money. Players are yet to be paid for the two final games for the 2011 season.

Dissolved ■ The partnership partnership between Ian Livingston Kemp, Karen Wendy Kemp, Peter Henricus Schreiner, SallyAnne Larkman, Sari Louise Goosey, Andrew Christopher Parsons and Paul Robert Garrett, carrying on business as Kemp & Partners, has been dissolved. Ian Kemp and Karen Kemp will carry on business separately.

■ When Peter was away planning the antiques for the Mirage Resorts for Christopher Skase at the Gold Coast and Port Douglas, I only saw him every couple of months when he came back to Melbourne hunting new stock.

I’m sure Pixie and Christopher felt sorry for me stuck at home and I would be invited to spend a few days in sunny Port Douglas having a reunion.

It was very pleasant flying in their private jet and not having to face that dreadful drive to Tullamarine Airport.

Their plane took off from Essendon, and all I had to do was get out of the chauffer driven limo on the tarmac, step into the plane, and when the door would shut, strap myself in and off we would go. Absolute bliss.

Gone .... in a blink!

■ No traffic snarls to contend with, no huge trucks tailgating trying to make me go faster than the speed limit, no expensive parking, and no bossy airline counter staff making life difficult.

Ah. That was living and so very civilized! I thought of that 12 months holding the fort at home, because I took the opportunity to have a huge spring clean and quite frankly I was enjoying the task.

I also had air-conditioning installed and a couple of other things, but that is another story. However, for a year I was queen of the castle.

I couldn’t wait to get home from the office at night, grab a sandwich and then get to work burning the midnight oil.

Everything I put out on the nature strip went so quickly, I wondered if the human bowerbird that was pilfering the goods was sitting in his car around the corner waiting for the next lot to be thrown out.

He had to be hovering because the things went in the blink of an eye. Gosh, what I would give to have some of those items back.

How I could let them go?

■ And here I was in Hamilton St looking for the identical items that I’d so happily thrown away.

I still regret being so reckless, and although I eventually replaced the Sunbeam mixer, which had been mums and had given her many years of hard service, my husband still laments my extravagance and reminds me that it was essential to his culinary efforts.

Of course it was snapped up by a passing motorist in half an hour, in fact I was filling my nature strip with goodies as fast as they disappeared..

How could I have discarded the muffin and cake tins, the tins for high rise bread and the metal patty pans, and now I find that they have been replaced modernized and cost a poultice to buy new, even at the sales?

CD shopping spree ■ One of the good buys I had during my Op Shop shopping spree, and even Peter was pleased with my purchase, were CDs featuring the songs from the early 40s, 50s and the 60s.

In fact, there was a male shopper who was ready to pounce the minute I stopped thumbing through the container, and when I was snapping them up by the dozens, he asked if I was going to buy the lot.

I explained that I do a radio program and was looking for music from the 40s onwards and I had to think about it.

We decided to go through the box together, but the joy of perusing and thinking about each CD at my leisure had gone.

with Yvonne Lawrence yvonne.lawrence@bigpond.com

Still, I did enjoy talking to him about a television programme featuring the music from the 60s that had just started on Foxtel. It’s a 10-part series and I was fortunate to have found it at the first episod

Enormous range of books ■ It was hard to believe a very slim Tom Jones looking so young and untouched by the surgeon’s knife and botox.

He was just starting to gyrate the hips, but the voice was unmistakable.

The Rolling Stones, still skinny teenagers, and sporting stovepipe pants with winkle picker shoes so long that most were turning up at the toes like a pair of Aladdin’s slippers.

The acne was unmistakable through the heavy make-up. I’d not heard of half the groups who sang, but my listeners will remember.

So I can’t wait to play some of the CDs that I bought for a dollar. Now that is going to bring back memories.Imagine being able to buy a double CD featuring Louis Armstrong and two compact discs of the musicals such as Porgy and Bess, My Fair Lady and many more for $2.

Whoever looks after the books at the Kindiland Op Shop does a marvellous job. I suspect he or she may have been a librarian.

They have an enormous range of books, with the different genre in sections and clearly labelled.

I didn’t go anywhere near the books because I would have returned home with a stack, and really I can’t cope with the number of books I have in my library now. But, if you are looking for a book, you are bound to find it, or at least something written by the authour at Kindiland.

Melbourne Observations with Matt Bissett-Johnson

Head

■ I usually look at the plant section that is always in a carton at the base of a lamppost just as you go in the shop door.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw three long pieces of Pig Face selling at $1 each. I’d been hunting for Pig Face for ages.

I wanted the large one, not the small cactus, and there it was. So I snatched it up, and at the time of writing it’s already been planted in a great sunny spot in the garden.It was such a good day.

And remember I’m virtually a prisoner at home and it was just so good to get out and do something I enjoy so much.

I started to fade after making my purchases, and Peter took me for coffee whist I recharged my batteries.The Op Shop was buzzing with people.

Christmas cards at $1.50 each were going like hot cakes, and I saw many women trying on summer garments.

It wouldn’t surprise me if a reader was there and witnessed the activity – every sale is for a good cause, and the standard of their goods is impressive.

I’m looking forward to playing Christmas carols on my programme. There are not that many days left before the big tribal feast, so between the carols and my newfound Op Shop music there won’t be much time for talk.

Christmas at our house

■ Peter is determined to host Christmas Day at our house this year. Recipe books are littering every spare surface and he’s already consulted the butcher.

I truly believe that men can make good cooks, and seeing the creativity of girls and boys appearing in the top cooking shows, it appears the children are turning into young Jamie Oliver’s and Nigella Lawson’s.

I’ll keep looking for the mince pies tins of long ago, and if I can’t find the exact ones that I threw out and with which mum had such enormous success I’ll become the new Donna Hay and create a new variety. - Yvonne Contact: Melbourne Observer, P.O. Box 1278, Research, Vic 3095 3WBC 94.1 FM, P.O. Box 159 Box Hill 3128.

Observer Mailbag ■ I read with interest your article some weeks ago in relation to newsreaders and ‘pronunciation’.

Female newsreaders,both AM/FM continue to use the word ‘temp’ when reading with weather instead of ‘temperature’ and use the word ‘bingle’ or ‘crash’ instead of accident.

One female newsreader on AM said “All is cool on our roads this afternoon” You would not hear the likes of Rob Curtin, Dennis O’Kane, Donna Demaio or Ron Burke announce in that fashion.

Must be behind the times and this is a new ‘hip’ type of news reading.

- GaryTurner

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 15

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Observer Readers’ Club THe Way We Were

Melbourne Photo Flashback

100 Years Ago The Maffra Spectator Thursday, November 30, 2011 ■ There died in the Bairnsdale Hospital, on Sunday morning, a middle-aged woman who for some years had, says The Advertiser, been living amongst the Chinese in the local camp.

The death of the unfortunate woman occurreqd under very sad circumstances For some considerable time she had been a victim of opium smoking, while of late, when special precautions were taken to prevent. the sale of opium, she purchased certain quantities of "yen shoo," which is said to be the scrapings of opiuml after it ihas been smoked in a pipe or otherwise burnt.

The effects of yen shoo are said to he just as injurious as opium itself. It is stated that the Chinese opium tile scrpings from Melbourne, and that the vile drug is delivered by post, there being no restrictions placed on yen shoo by the postal officials.

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● As people start to plan their upcoming summer holidays on the Mornington Peninsula, Shirley of Mt Eliza forwards this picture of Mornington’s Grand Hotel.

Life’s Lessons

Reader Recipes

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■ Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

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Word Of The Week

■ Seen at Watergardens Shopping Centre, Taylors Lakes: “I souport publik edekasion”

■ Troke. To fail, be unable to do something or to deceive.

Just remember

Trivia Challenge

■ “There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can’t. What you’ve got to do is turn around and say ‘watch me’.”

- Layne Beachley

■ By 1907, Melbourne had how many lifts/ elevators? Was it (a) none; (b) 4; (c) about 100; (d) more than 1000.

D. More than 1000

Birthdays/Celebrations

This Week’s Competition

WIN A COPY OF ‘ENGINEMEN OF THE VICTORIAN RAILWAYS’ The Melbourne Observer has TWO copies of Nick Anchen’s new book, Enginemen Of The Victorian Railways, to give away to Melbourne Observer readers in this competition. It is published by Sierra Australia, and selling for $50 RRP. To enter this competition, complete the details on the form below, and post it - so it will reach us by first mail, Monday, December 5, 2011. Winners’ details will be published in the Melbourne Observer on Wednesday, December 7, 2011. Prizes will be mailed to winners.

To enter, post to Railways Comp.

Melbourne Observer PO Box 1278, Research Vic 3095 to reach us by first mail, Mon., Dec. 5, 2011

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● Irish Cream ■ Bailey's Irish Cream - Copycat Yield: 4 cups Ingredients” 1 c Light cream 1 14-oz can sweetened condensed milk 1 2/3 c Irish Whiskey 1 ts Instant coffee crystals 2 tb Chocolate syrup 1 ts Vanilla 1 ts Almond extract Method: Combine all the ingredients in a blender set on high speed for 30 seconds. Bottle in a tightly sealed container and refrigerate. The liqueur will keep for at least 2 months if kept cool. Be sure to shake the bottle well before serving.

■ Observer reader Betty Sutton of Surrey Hills asked last week if anyone had a recipe for Brandy Cream. Jon Staton of Vermont South replies: “Would you please pass on this Brandy Cream recipe to Betty, who made the request in the Observer Readers Club (Nov. 23)?

“It is a great recipe to have with Christmas just around the corner.”

Ingredients: Serves 4 Ingredients: 1 cup heavy cream (whipping cream) 2 -3 tablespoons icing sugar 3 tablespoons brandy Directions: 1. Whip cream & icing sugar together until soft peaks form.

2. Then quickly fold in the brandy.

3. Serve with dessert of your choice.

■ Last week: Mrs E Womerseley of Leeds Rd, Mount Waverley celebrated on Friday, November 25.

Betty Smith of Westgarth St, Northcote, had a birthday on Monday, November 28.

Melbourne florist Debra Cooper had a birthday yesterday (Tues., Nov. 27).

■ Wednesday, November 30. Melbourne newspaper executive Felix Gander has his 64th birthday today (1947). Actress Kat Stewart was born in Bairnsdale, 39 years ago. Actress Kate Fischer (Kate Zipporah) was born in Adelaide, 38 years ago.

■ Thursday, December 1. Melbourne actress Jane Turner was born in Newcastle, NSW, in 1960 (51). Musician Ross Hannaford is 61 today.

■ Friday, December 2. Media industry man Bob Muscat blows out 64 candles today.

■ Saturday, December 3. Radio man Bob Rogers was born in Donald (Vic.), 85 years ago He started his career at 3XY in 1942. Tony Barber is 68; he was born in England. The Project co-host Carrie Bickmore was born in Adelaide in 1980 (31).

■ Sunday, December 4. Happy birthday to Dick Dashwood of Yea. Footy reporter Craig Hutchison was born in 1974 (37). Geelong footballer Jimmy Bartel is 28 (1983). Radio man John Vertigan celebrates. So does media man Barry Minster.

■ Monday, December 5. Kinglake reader Peter Beales, who is Mayor at the Murrindindi Council, is 63 today. Entertainer Denise Drysdale is 63; she was born at Moorabbin. Observer reader Tess Lezard celebrates.

■ Tuesday, December 6. Actress Ally Fowler was born in Adelaide in 1961 (50). Melbourne writer Claire Halliday celebrates.

Cheerios ■ A big Observer ‘cheerio’ to Christian Wagstaff from Suzanne of Docklands, who is also preparing for a big birthday next week of Megan of Toorak.

Page 16 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

■ It is 80 years since the passing of the first Australian operatic soprano to achieve international success.

Dame Nellie Melba should not be forgotten as she was a wonderful performer and ambassador for our country.

Helen ‘Nellie’ Porter Mitchell was born in Richmond in 1861 to David and Isabella Mitchell.

She received her first singing lessons from Madame Christian in Melbourne.

Following the death of her mother in 1880, Helen moved to Queensland with her father where she met and married Charles Armstrong.

She gave birth to their son George in 1883.

The marriage was not a success and Helen returned to Melbourne to pursue her singing career.

She made her professional debut in a Liedertafel Concert at the Melbourne Town Hall in 1884.

When her father was appointed to a Government post in London, Helen and her son George accompanied him.

After further studies, she made her European debut playing Gilda in Rigoletto at the Théâtre Royal de la Monnaie in Brussels.

Helen took the stage name of Melba as a tribute to her home town of Melbourne.

Melba was now moving in very high social circles performing for the crowned heads of Europe and her fame was spreading throughout

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Whatever Happened To Dame Nellie Melba

By Kevin Trask of 3AW and 96.5 Inner FM the world. By 1889 Melba was starring in London at The Royal Opera House and had established herself as the leading lyric soprano at Covent Garden.

She also performed at the Metropolitan Opera in New York. Her divorce to Charles Armstrong was finalised in 1900.

In 1902 Madame Melba (as she was known at that stage) made a triumphant return to Australia and sang in concerts in Sydney and Melbourne.

She returned for more concerts in 1909 and 1911 and worked for the war effort during World War One. Melba bought a property at Coldstream and built Coombe Cottage on the land.

● Dame Nellie Melba She was created a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire in March 1918.

In 1924, at the age of 63, Dame Nellie Melba began a series of ‘Farewell Tours’ throughout Australia.

The expression "more farewells than Dame Nellie Melba" came for these tours. Her final performance was a charity concert in London in 1930.

Shortly afterwards Melba returned to Australia and died in St Vincent's Hospital in Sydney in February 1931 from septicemia.

Her friends said that whilst lying on her deathbed she sang Ave Maria before the great voice was finally silenced.

Her body was taken by train from Sydney to Melbourne and when the train stopped at stations along the way, locals silently filed past her coffin to pay their respects.

Dame Nellie Melba was given a State Funeral and thousands lined the streets for the procession from Melbourne to Lilydale Cemetery.

My friend, the late Russell Johnson, from The Athenaeum Theatre in Lilydale was a huge fan and collector of Dame Nellie's memorabilia.

Russell left his wonderful collection to The Lilydale Museum in Castella Street, Lilydale.

Russell is buried close to Dame Nellie's grave.

I have visited her grave and the headstone bears the words of her character, Mimi from La bohème - "Addio, senza rancor" (Farewell, without bitterness).

I am sure that the primitive sound recordings of Dame Nellie Melba that exist today cannot do justice to the magnificent voice of our first legendary diva.

- Kevin Trask

The Time Tunnel - with Bruce & Phil Sundays at 8.30pm on 3AW That's Entertainment - 96.5FM Sundays at Noon 96.5FM is streaming on the internet. To listen, go to www.innerfm.org.au and follow the prompts.

LATEST ‘DOINGS’ IN THE TERRITORY ■ Whilst I regularly spoke with Keith McGowan on radio every Tuesday morning, a few incidents in Alice Springs seemed to form a pattern, so each week such incidents were regularly discussed.

The first phenomenon we dubbed ‘Spearing of the Week’!

Many Alice Springs and many community residents would attack each other, either individually or en masse, with a formidable array of weapons - axes, nulla-nullas, sharpened star pickets or good old spears.

Rarely was there a fatality, but the Alice Springs Hospital needed to treat many a wound resulting from such melees.

And there was another one just last week. The ongoing family dispute at Yuendumu has flared up once more, and a riot ensued.

This time, however, only one hospital casualty - a gentleman run over by a 4WD. Last year many of the residents decamped to Adelaide's parks to escape the violence.

Also last week there was another violent attack with a weapon; this time involving a knife and a husband and wife in Tennant Creek.

The wife had seemingly harboured suspicions of her husband's infidelity, so had attempted to slice off his testicles!

Happily for him she didn't succeed, but he was flown down to Alice Springs Hospital with scrotal stab wounds.

Ouch!

■ Another regular report with Keith was: "Who's been p----d in the Territory this week?"

I'll try and avoid this becoming a regular report here, but it seems that there may well be a degree of repetition creeping in because of continued noteworthy tippling activities!

There was a blitz on last week, with an inevitable expected result.

The lowest reading was a mere .056, which is not regarded as at all serious in the NT, because readings between .05 and .08 merely attract a fine - it is only after .08 that suspension comes into play.

The other readings were higher!

There were two .101's, a .119, a .140, a .147, an l-plater at .141, a disqualified driver at .209 and an unlicensed lady at .217.

Then, of course, was the lady in

The Outback Legend

with Nick Le Souef Lightning Ridge Opals 175 Flinders Lane, Melbourne Phone 9654 4444 www.opals.net.au Borroloola who was not only too drunk to drive, but technically too drunk to live!

"She didn't appear drunk," claimed the barman who sold her a 30 pack of Fourex Gold which she was casually depositing in her car before she was apprehended.

She had also driven, apparently ably, to the pub, fuelled the car and made other purchases without apparent intoxication.

"A hard drinking town!" observed the Licensing Commissioner who was hearing the case.

Her reading? .343!

■ I first met Warren Williams when my mate John Chester came through Alice Springs on his way north to the Katherine Country Music Festival, where he and Ted Egan were guests of honour.

Warren was also working on a new album, Country Friends And Me, and he and John were collaborating on one of the tracks, John's Big Red Rock.

Also on the album were John Williamson, with It's Raining On The

Rock, and Ted and Jimmy Little and Greg Champion.

I still love to hear those songs - it was a classic album!

Warren has a deep and resonant and unique voice, and his collaborations worked well.

Keith also became good friends with him on his visits to Alice, and they worked together at CAAMA local radio station.

He played a few interviews with him at 3AW. He's now about to release his latest offering, Urna Marra (Good Country), his 5th, in a couple of weeks.

He' dedicated the album to his late father Gus, who was also an accomplished musician.

"A tribute to all his lifelong musical influences", he claims.

I'll look forward to tapping along to that!

■ There's an old adage -"If it aint broke, don't fix it!"

A perfect example in the Territory right now!

For decades, long before I was an Alice Springs resident, international tour groups, mainly from the US and Germany, have descended upon the Centre to see the Rock and the Outback.

Usually they have a tour guide accompanying them on their travels around Australia, but as soon as they arrive in the Centre they are joined by a local tour guide who is not only bilingual, but a local resident who knows the Outback and Aboriginal culture intimately.

So what's happening now?

The bureaucracy is changing this policy, and allowing the multilingual tour guides, who've never been to Australia, to merely translate what the bus driver tells them as he drives them through the Centre.

Not only is this denying employment to many multi-lingual Australians, who have been doing this for decades, and putting them out of business, it is also annoying the bus drivers who can't do their job properly, and disadvantaging the tourists themselves who must get this secondhand information from an interpreter who really doesn't know what they're talking about!

And, to boot, and to add insult to injury, it appears that it's technically illegal from a Temporary Visa perspective. Stupid!

But of course these extra fridges do chew up a little more juice, and it has come to pass that there is a ‘Surrender, Swap or Switch Off’ campaign to encourage NT drinkers to reduce their consumption thus.

Alice Solar City is running this campaign, and the General Manager, Sam Latz, has run a survey of the refrigeration habits of Alice Springs residents.

His officers have regularly found that households are regularly running two, three or even four extra fridges for their grog, so they're offering a $100 voucher for every extra fridge switched off.

Also on offer is $400 to replace an old clunker with an energy-efficient new model. ● Warren Williams Knowing the average Territorian's ■ Most drinking households the coun- predilection for tippling, combined try over boast a ‘Beer Fridge’, usually with the stifling climate, I think that in the garage. he'll be pushing icy beer uphill!

Certainly no exception in the Ter- Nick Le Souef ritory!

‘The Outback Legend’

From The Outer

Melbourne

Observer

kojak@ mmnet.com.au

With John Pasquarelli

■ When I left school in 1956, my father who was a successful medico and drove a Rolls told me to go and get a job during the holidays before I went to Uni. I picked peas at Colac alongside Aborigines who had spent time in Pentridge Jail and there were no dramas - later vacation jobs included bagging spuds, stooking flax, cutting pulpwood in Gippsland and working as a construction labourer, all of this bringing me into contact with many ordinary Australians.

I find it impossible to understand all this Schoolies' nonsense where our TV screens are filled with drunken and drugged students 'celebrating' the end of their school years while battling unfortunate Police who should be occupied detecting and investigating real crime.

Our young people are our future and here we have many of them putting all sorts of rubbish into their stomachs as well as those killing themselves by jumping from heights into hotel swimming pools.

Australian society is under siege from those whose agenda is to destroy the Australia I knew as a kid and it will take courage and determination to resist these well organised forces.

There are many young Australians who believe in their past and now it's up them.

- John Pasquarelli kojak@mmnet.com.au

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 17

Observer Magazine

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50 YEARS IN RADIO

By Ash Long

■ 3AW’s Bruce Mansfield is soon to celebrate his half-century on Melbourne radio.

Mansfield, 68 in April, first went to air, 50 years ago, in 3UZ’s ‘Quest For A Disc Jockey’ junior announcer competition in late 1961.

As winner, Bruce won £100 in the competition judged by station General Manager Lewis Bennett, Program Manager John McMahon, and Publicity Manager Bill Dodd.

Bruce won the quest, after writing an application to Lewis Bennett, pointing out: “I have had experience in microphone work, and although yet in my teens, am very keen to have an opportunity to prove my ability in this.”

In that application, Bruce neglected to mention that the “microphone work”, was as a spruiker in his work as a junior at Myer’s and Foy’s.

There was also a bit of “who you know” in Bruce’s letter to Bennett: “I appear to have a flair for radio work like my uncle Terry Dear’.

Dear (1913-1995) had been a part of Melbourne radio, starting in the early days of 3KZ, then becoming one of the first personalities on GTV-9 in 1957.

He had actually started at 3UZ in 1933, but within weeks was dismissed as “incompetent”, reported The Age Radio Supplement on July 19, 1956.

On radio, Terry Dear was known nationally for the Amateur Hour. On TV, Dear hosted shows such as Concentration and Leave It To The Girls.

Bruce’s memory for dates is cloudy, but his 3AW website bio confirms that he joined 3KZ in 1962 as a panel operator and late night announcer.

(In a 1965 press interview, Bruce varied his claim to say that he started at 3KZ in 1960 at age 16. In 3AW onair chats, he more recently has changed his KZ radio start to age 14 in 1958.)

● Terry Dear, uncle of Bruce Mansfield

● Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady have hosted Remember When and Nightline since 1991 Christian Israelite. 8.00pm. Hebrew As an office junior at 3KZ in 1962, Mary Hardy.

3XY had substantial Italian con- Angelistic Society. 8.15pm. EnlightBruce’s duties included running messages between the studios at Trades tent in those years. The Green Guide ening Truths. 8.30pm. House of DeHall in Lygon St, Carlton, and the program schedule for 3XY (1420 kilo- cision. 9.00pm. Oral Roberts. 9.30pm.

Back To Bible. 10.00pm. Radio Bible offices of Val Morgan in Elizabeth cycles) for October 10,1966, lists: 5.30am. National First 50 Albums. Class. 10.30pm. World Tomorrow St, City.

In 1964 compulsory National Ser- Ian Major, inc. News every half-hour. with Dr Armstrong. 11.00pm. Christvice for 20-year-old males was intro- 9.30am. Doug Elliot. 11.30am Bruce ian Calvalcade. 11.30pm. National duced under the National Service Act Mansfield. 5pm. Continental Program. First 50 Albums. 12 Midnight. News.

6pm. Youth For Christ. 6.15pm. Brit- Albums with Barry Seeber. 1am. All (1964).

The selection of conscripts was ish-American News. 6.30pm. Bible Night Service.

In 1967, Bruce’s 11.30am-2pm based on date of birth, and conscripts Speaks To You. 6.45pm. Theowere obligated to give two years’ con- sophical Society. 7.00pm. News. show was followed by a program tinuous full-time service, followed by 7.05pm. Liberal Party - Political Talk. compered by Ray Lawrence. The pair a further three years on the active re- 7.15pm. Back To God. 7.45pm. were in a car crash on the Geelong serve list. The full-time service requirement was reduced to eighteen months in 1971.

Having been born on April 24, 1944, Bruce was 20 in 1964.

A 1965 story in The Age has some of the jigsaw pieces: “(He) worked in Adelaide for two years, where he did some freelance radio work and modelling.

“He went on a world tour in 1964, was away for about 12 months and visited over 26 countries.”

Bruce was accompanied on the 26-country trip by his father Stan, who operated a printing business, Clyde Press, at 608-610 High St, Thornbury.

The business printed the Digger Books series in the 1950s, and many of Christadelphian (‘Brtehren in Christ’) religious publications, authored by South Australian relatives prominent in that faith.

Bruce joined 3XY in late 1965 (listed in his 3AW bio as 1964), first as a news reader, and then conducting an afternoon program from 2pm4pm.

Some of his colleagues at the time, broadcasting from studios in Faraday ● Bruce Mansfield behind the 3UZ microphone St, Carlton, were Vi Greenhalf and

● Bruce Mansfield with Mary Hardy at 3XY Road, which landed Lawrence in hospital for six months. Bruce Mansfield walked away from the smash, and has rarely spoken with Lawrence since.

In 1968, the 3XY line-up included Paul Konik at breakfast, Bruce Mansfield presenting the ‘morning women’s’ program, followed by Jeff Sunderland, Johnny Young, Lawrie Bennett, Barry Seeber, Hal Todd, and the all-night service presented by Gary Hoffman (who these days is General Manager of Magic 1278).

Bruce moved to GTV-9 in 1968, where he appeared in guest segments alongside Graham Kennedy on In Melbourne Tonight. One of his roles was also as ‘Big Bad Bruce’ and the ‘Chinese Superman’ with a young Daryl Somers on Cartoon Corner.

Channel 9 duties for most on-air staff also included shifts at its radio station, 3AK. The 1971 radio station line-up of ‘Good Guys’ included Gary Nicholls, news-man Tim Hewat, Lionel Yorke, Alan Aitken, Bruce Mansfield (6pm-Midnight), and Gary Mac. In 1973, Bruce Mansfield made the move to Channel 0, Nunawading, reading ● Continued on Page 18

● “Big Bad Bruce’ at GTV-9

Page 18 - Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011

www.MelbourneObserver.com.au

Melbourne

Observer Magazine

BRUCE MANSFIELD’S HALF-CENTURY ● From Page 17

● The ‘new-look’ Bruce Mansfield at Channel 0 He was first billed as late news reader and general announcer, but soon took over as anchor for Eyewitness News, from Ralphe Neal.

He explained his new-look to Patrice Murphy of the Sunday Observer who wrote: “Bruce Mansfield began his broadcasting career at the age of 15 on radio 3KZ where he was the late night announcer: “I suppose I’m a more serious person now - with a more serious job to do.”

He told Truth: “I have nothing against Channel 9. It’s just that there wasn’t a regular place for me and I felt I was in a rut after my five years with the station.

“My new job will give me more on-air exposure and associate me with news in which I have always been interested.”

With Michael Schildberger taking over from Mike Willesee as Channel 0 news boss, Annette Allison was teamed with Bruce at the news desk for 12 months.

However, TV’s axe swung, and Bruce was relegated to hosting the Midday Movie, and being the announcer for Young Talent Time.

A chance meeting with John Blackman led to a 10-year radio partnership at 3AW. Bruce told Helen Thomas of The Herald (in an interview, where the junior announcer competition had found its way to now be 14), that his day was starting at 5am to go to air on radio as ‘Uncle Roy’ with John Blackman in the breakfast session.

● Interviewing the Rev. Jeremy Whales, Mayor of Cheltenham, UK, from BBC Studios, Gloucestershire Says Bruce: “We were employed really on a two-week basis. Every two weeks if the sponsors renewed it meant they had the budget to re-employ us.

“And then for about the first two months of the program, we were really flying by the seat of our pants, because we didn’t know whether our next show would be our last.”

When Alex Kenworthy was sacked in controversial circumstances from the Nightline program by 3AW in 1991, 3AW boss Tony Bell said Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady would be taking over the program “until a permanent replacement can be found”.

Twenty years on, the search must be ongoing. Bruce and Phil are still there - produced by Simon Owens.

Other producers over the years have included Wes Turnbull, Paige McGinley, Ken Francis, PeterAdams and Nathan Zwar.

One year (2000) in the 20-year chain was broken when Bruce Mansfield was at 3AK after the contra-forcomment controversy. He had been sacked by AW for accepting goods and services from sponsors, in return for on-air mentions.

Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady re-ignited their 3AW Nightline partnership, just 12 months later.

They have regularly been at or near the top of the ratings tree, which meaures the number of listeners turned in to the station.

Since commercial radio started 86 years ago in Melbourne in 1925, only a handful have been able to hold a career stretching 50 years.

Congratulations to Bruce Mansfield on his half-century.

● John Blackman and Bruce Mansfield topped 3AW ratings with their 1980s breakfast show Some radio work had occurred in including Uncle Roy’s adopted daugh- Corso bought the radio station from 1980 where Bruce joined Philip Brady ter, Angela; Dickie Knee; Derek The Alan Bond - and the entire 3AK staff at the community radio station 3CR to Derro, Stinky and Sister Narelle. was fired. And that was the end of the appear on the nostalgia program with Bruce was appreciative of the ra- era for ‘Uncle Roy’.

Johnny Milne and John Ferguson.

Or as Damien Murphy of The dio work, he told the late Amanda Bruce’s time with ‘Blackers’ in- Zachariah of TV Week: “I am still with Herald wrote: “Radio is probably the cluded the popular Storytime segment Channel 10 doing hosting announce- most cut-throat and no-beg-pardons of which featured fictional characters ments and Young Talent Time, but if it the media industry.”

But ... as is often the case ... somehadn’t been for the success we have had on the breakfast show I could be thing better was just around the corner. just another hack announcer.”

On a Sunday night at Christmas Times were good. Bruce told Dave Pincombe of Melbourne Winners 1990, Bruce Mansfield teamed with Weekly: “I’m very satisfied with what Philip Brady to present the RememI’m doing and I’m making the most ber When program on 3AW. of it. You never know when it will stop.”

And stop it did. Junior Herald reporters Andrew Bolt and Terry Friel, in a story headlined ‘The day they had each other for breakfast’, reported on John Blackman’s shock departure from the 3AW partnership with Bruce Mansfield, to defect to a new ill-fated network being assembled by Kerry Packer.

Bruce stayed on for another four years, teaming with Darren James.

When sacked by 3AW General Manager Mike Petersen, the pair took their program across to 3AK. ● Bruce Mansfield and Ash Long appeared on Bert Newton’s Within a year, that was all over ● Geoff Manion interviewed on the Mansfield’s Melbourne when Italian businessman Peter Good Morning Australia in the late 1990s TV program on Optus Channel 50 in 1997

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 19

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Something Of Myself CHAPTER 6 SOUTH AFRICA But at the back of my head there was an uneasiness, based on things that men were telling me about affairs outside England. (The inhabitants of that country never looked further than their annual seaside resorts.) There was trouble too in South Africa after the Jameson Raid which promised, men wrote me, further trouble. Altogether, one had a sense of ‘a sound of a going in the tops of the mulberry trees’— of things moving into position as troops move. And into the middle of it all came the Great Queen’s Diamond jubilee, and a certain optimism that scared me. The outcome, as far as I was concerned, took the shape of a set of verses called ‘Recessional,’ which were published in The Times in ‘97 at the end of the Jubilee celebrations. It was more in the nature of a nuzzur-wattu (an averter of the Evil Eye), and — with the conservatism of the English — was used in choirs and places where they sing long after our Navy and Army alike had in the name of ‘peace’ been rendered innocuous. It was written just before I went off on Navy manoeuvres with my friend Captain E. H. Bayly. When I returned it seemed to me that the time was ripe for its publication, so, after making one or two changes in it, I gave it to The Times. I say ‘gave’ because for this kind of work I did not take payment. It does not much matter what people think of a man after his death, but I should not like the people whose good opinion I valued to believe that I took money for verses on Joseph Chamberlain, Rhodes, Lord Milner, or any of my South African verse in The Times.

It was this uneasiness of mine which led us down to the Cape in the winter of ‘97, taking the Father with us. There we lived in a boardinghouse at Wynberg, kept by an Irishwoman, who faithfully followed the instincts of her race and spread miseries and discomforts round her in return for good monies. But the children throve, and the colour, light, and half-oriental manners of the land bound chains round our hearts for years to come.

It was here that I first met Rhodes to have any talk with. He was as inarticulate as a schoolboy of fifteen. Jameson and he, as I perceived later, communicated by telepathy. But Jameson was not with him at that time. Rhodes had a habit of jerking out sudden questions as disconcerting as those of a child — or the Roman Emperor he so much resembled. He said to me apropos of nothing in particular; ‘What’s your dream?’ I answered that he was part of it, and I think I told him that I had come down to look at things. He showed me some of his newly established fruit farms in the peninsula, wonderful old Dutch houses, stalled in deep peace, and lamented the difficulty of getting sound wood for packing-cases and the shortcomings of native labour. But it was his wish and his will that there should be a fruit growing industry in the Colony, and his chosen lieutenants made it presently come to pass. The Colony then owed no thanks to any Dutch Ministry in that regard. The racial twist of the Dutch (they had taken that title to themselves and called the inhabitants of the Low Countries ‘Hollanders’) was to exploit everything they could which was being done for them, to put every obstacle in the way of any sort of development, and to take all the cash they could squeeze out of it. In which respect they were no better and no worse than many of their brethren. It was against their creed to try and stamp out cattle plagues, to dip their sheep, or to combat locusts, which in a country overwhelmingly pastoral had its drawbacks. Cape Town, as a big distributing centre, was dominated in many ways by rather nervous shopkeepers, who wished to stand well with their customers up-country, and who served as Mayors and occasional public officials. And the aftermath of the Jameson Raid had scared many people.

During the South African War my position among the rank and file came to be unofficially above that of most Generals. Money was wanted to procure small comforts for the troops at the Front and, to this end, the Daily Mail started what must have been a very early ‘stunt.’ It was agreed that I should ask the public for subscriptions.

● Rudyard Kipling That paper charged itself with the rest. My verses (‘The Absent-minded Beggar’) had some elements of direct appeal but, as was pointed out, lacked ‘poetry.’ Sir Arthur Sullivan wedded the words to a tune guaranteed to pull teeth out of barrel-organs. Anybody could do what they chose with the result, recite, sing, intone or reprint, etc., on condition that they turned in all fees and profits to the main account —‘The Absentminded Beggar Fund’— which closed at about a quarter of a million. Some of this was spent in tobacco. Men smoked pipes more than cigarettes at that epoch, and the popular brand was a cake — chewable also — called ‘Hignett’s True Affection.’ My note-of-hand at the Cape Town depot was good for as much as I cared to take about with me. The rest followed. My telegrams were given priority by sweating R.E. sergeants from all sorts of congested depots. My seat in the train was kept for me by British Bayonets in their shirtsleeves. My small baggage was fought for and servilely carried by Colonial details, who are not normally meek, and I was persona gratissima at certain Wynberg Hospitals where the nurses found I was good for pyjamas. Once I took a bale of them to the wrong nurse (the red capes confused me) and, knowing the matter to be urgent, loudly announced; ‘Sister, I’ve got your pyjamas.’ That one was neither grateful nor very polite.

My attractions led to every sort of delightful or sometimes sorrowful wayside intimacies with all manner of men; and only once did I receive a snub. I was going up to Bloemfontein just after its capture in a carriage taken from the Boers, who had covered its floors with sheep’s guts and onions, and its side with caricatures of ‘Chamberlain’ on a gallows. Otherwise, there was nothing much except woodwork. Behind us was an open truck of British troops whom the Company wag was entertaining by mimicking their officers telling them how to pile horseshoes.

As evening fell, I got from him a couple of threewicked, signal-lamp candles, which gave us at least light to eat by. I naturally wanted to know

how he had come by these desirable things. He replied; ‘Look ’ere, Guv’nor, I didn’t ask you ‘ow you come by the baccy you dished out just now. Can’t you bloody well leave me alone?’

In this same ghost-train an Indian officer’s servant (Muhammedan) was worried on a point of conscience. ‘Would this Government issued tin of bully-beef be lawful food for a Muslim?’ I told him that, when Islam wars with unbelievers, the Koran permits reasonable latitude of ceremonial obligations; and he need not hesitate. Next dawn, he was at my bunk-side with Anglo–India’s morning cup of tea. (He must have stolen the hot water from the engine, for there was not a drop in the landscape.) When I asked how the miracle had come about, he replied, with the smile of my own Kadir Baksh; ‘Millar, Sahib,’ signifying that he had found (or ‘made’) it.

My Bloemfontein trip was on Lord Roberts’ order to report and do what I was told. This was explained at the station by two strangers, who grew into my friends for life, H. A. Gwynne, then Head Correspondent of Reuter’s, and Perceval Landon of The Times. ‘You’ve got to help us edit a paper for the troops,’ they said, and forth with inducted me into the newly captured ‘office,’ for Bloemfontein had fallen — Boer fashion — rather like an outraged Sunday School a few days before.

The compositors and the plant were also captives of our bow and spear and rather cross about it — especially the ex-editor’s wife, a German with a tongue. When one saw a compositor, one told him to compose Lord Roberts’ Official Proclamation to the deeply injured enemy. I had the satisfaction of picking up from the floor a detailed account of how Her Majesty’s Brigade of Guards had been driven into action by the fire of our artillery; and a proof of a really rude leader about myself.

There was in that lull a large trade in proclamations — and butter at half a crown the pound.

We used all the old stereos, advertising longsince exhausted comestibles, coal and grocer-

ies (facepowder, I think, was the only surviving commodity in the Bloemfontein shops), and we enlivened their interstices with our own contributions, supplemented by the works of dusty men, who looked in and gave us very fine copy — mostly libellous.

Julian Ralph, the very best of Americans, was a co-editor also. And he had a grown son who went down with a fever unpleasantly like typhoid. We searched for a competent doctor, and halted a German who, so great was the terror of our arms after the ‘capture,’ demanded haughtily; ‘But who shall pay me for my trouble if I come?’ No one seemed to know, but several men explained who would pay him if he dallied on the way. He took one look at the boy’s stomach, and said happily; ‘Of course it is typhoid.’

Then came the question how to get the case over to hospital, which was rank with typhoid, the Boers having cut the water supply. The first thing was to fetch down the temperature with an alcohol swabbing. Here we were at a standstill till some genius — I think it was Landon — said; ‘I’ve noticed there’s an officer’s wife in the place who’s wearing a fringe.’ On this hint a man went forth into the wide dusty streets, and presently found her, fringe and all. Heaven knows how she had managed to wangle her way up, but she was a sportswoman of purest water.

‘Come to my room,’ said she, and in passing over the priceless bottle, only sighed ‘Don’t use it all — unless you have to.’ We ran the boy down from 103 to a generous 99 and pushed him into hospital, where it turned out that it was not typhoid after all but only bad veldtfever.

First and last there were, I think, eight thousand cases of typhoid in Bloemfontein. Often to my knowledge both ‘ceremonial’ Union jacks in a battalion would be ‘in use ‘at the same time.

Extra corpses went to the grave under the Service blanket.

Our own utter carelessness, officialdom and ignorance were responsible for much of the deathrate. I have seen a Horse Battery ‘dead to the wide’ come in at midnight in raging rain and be assigned, by some idiot saving himself trouble, the site of an evacuated typhoid-hospital. Result — thirty cases after a month. I have seen men drinking raw Modder-river a few yards below where the mules were staling; and the organisation and siting of latrines seemed to be considered ‘nigger-work.’ The most important medical office in any battalion ought to be Provost–Marshal of Latrines.

To typhoid was added dysentery, the smell of which is even more depressing than the stench of human carrion. One could wind the dysentery tents a mile off. And remember that, till we planted disease, the vast sun-baked land was antiseptic and sterilised — so much so that a clean abdominal Mauser-wound often entailed no more than a week of abstention from solid food. I found this out on a hospital-train, where I had to head off a mob of angry ‘abdominals’ from regular rations. That was when we were picking up casualties after a small affair called Paardeberg, and the lists — really about two thousand — were carefully minimised to save the English public from ‘shock.’ During this work I happened to fall unreservedly, in darkness, over a man near the train, and filled my palms with gravel. He explained in an even voice that he was ‘fractured ‘ip, sir. ‘Ope you ain’t ‘urt yourself, sir.’ I never got at this unknown Philip Sidney’s name. They were wonderful even in the hour of death — these men and boys — lodge-keepers and ex-butlers of the Reserve and raw town-lads of twenty.

But to return to Bloemfontein. In an interval of our editorial labours, I went out of the town and presently met the ‘solitary horseman’ of the novels. He was a Conductor — Commissariat Sergeant — who reported that the ‘flower of the British Army’ had been ambushed and cut up at a place called ‘Sanna’s Post,’ and passed on obviously discomposed. I had imagined the flower of that Army to be busied behind me reading our paper; but, a short while after, I met an officer who, in the old Indian days, was nicknamed ‘the Sardine.’ He was calm, but rather fuzzy as to the outlines of his uniform, which was frayed and ripped by bullets. Yes, there had

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From Page 19 been trouble where he came from, but he was fuller for the moment of professional admiration.

‘What was it like? They got us in a donga. Just like going into a theatre. “Stalls left, dress circle right,” don’t you know? We just dropped into the trap, and it was “Infantry this way, please.

Guns to the right, if you please.” Beautiful bit of work! How many did they get of us? About twelve hundred, I think, and four — maybe six — guns. Expert job they made of it. That’s the result of bill-stickin’ expeditions.’And with more compliments to the foe, he too passed on.

By the time that I returned to Bloemfontein the populace had it that eighty thousand Boers were closing in on the town at once, and the Press Censor (Lord Stanley, now Derby) was besieged with persons anxious to telegraph to Cape Town.

To him a non-Aryan pushed a domestic wire ‘weather here changeable.’ Stanley, himself a little worried for the fate of some of his friends in that ambuscaded column, rebuked the gentleman.

The Sardine was right about the ‘bill-sticking’ expeditions. Wandering columns had been sent round the country to show how kind the British desired to be to the misguided Boer. But the Transvaal Boer, not being a town-bird, was unimpressed by the ‘fall’ of the Free State capital, and ran loose on the veldt with his pony and Mauser.

So there had to be a battle, which was called the Battle of Kari Siding. All the staff of the Bloemfontein Friend attended. I was put in a Cape cart, with native driver, containing most of the drinks, and with me was a well-known war-correspondent. The enormous pale landscape swallowed up seven thousand troops without a sign, along a front of seven miles. On our way we passed a collection of neat, deep and empty trenches well undercut for shelter on the shrapnel side. A young Guards officer, recently promoted to Brevet–Major — and rather sore with the paper that we had printed it Branch — studied them interestedly. They were the first dim lines of the dug-out, but his and our eyes were held. The Hun had designed them secundum artem, but the Boer had preferred the open within reach of his pony. At last we came to a lone farm-house in a vale adorned with no less than five white flags. Beyond the ridge was a sputter of musketry and now and then the whoop of a field-piece. ‘Here,’ said my guide and guardian, ‘we get out and walk. Our driver will wait for us at the farmhouse.’ But the driver loudly objected. ‘No, sar. They shoot. They shoot me.’

‘But they are white-flagged all over,’ we said.

‘Yess, sar. That why,’ was his answer, and he preferred to take his mules down into a decently remote donga and wait our return.

The farm-house (you will see in a little why I am so detailed) held two men and, I think, two women, who received us disinterestedly. We went on into a vacant world full of sunshine and distances, where now and again a single bullet sang to himself. What I most objected to was the sensation of being under aimed fire — being, as it were, required as a head. ‘What are they doing this for?’ I asked my friend. ‘Because they think we are the Something Light Horse. They ought to be just under this slope.’ I prayed that the particularly Something Light Horse would go elsewhere, which they presently did, for the aimed fire slackened and a wandering Colonial, bored to extinction, turned up with news from a far flank. ‘No; nothing doing and no one to see.’ Then more cracklings and a most cautious move forward to the lip of a large hollow where sheep were grazing. Some of them began to drop and kick. ‘That’s both sides trying sighting-shots,’ said my companion. ‘What range do you make it?’ I asked. ‘Eight hundred, at the nearest. That’s close quarters nowadays. You’ll never see anything closer than this. Modern rifles make it impossible. We’re hung up till something cracks somewhere.’

There was a decent lull for meals on both sides, interrupted now and again by sputters. Then one indubitable shell — ridiculously like a pip-squeak in that vastness but throwing up much dirt.

‘Krupp! Four or six pounder at extreme range,’ said the expert. ‘They still think we’re the — Light Horse. They’ll come to be fairly regular from now on.’ Sure enough, every twenty minutes or so, one judgmatic shell pitched on our slope. We waited, seeing nothing in the emptiness, and hearing only a faint murmur as of wind along gas-jets, running in and out of the unconcerned hills.

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Observer Classic Books Then pom-poms opened. These were nasty little one-pounders, ten in a belt (which usually jammed about the sixth round). On soft ground they merely thudded. On rock-face the shell breaks up and yowls like a cat. My friend for the first time seemed interested. ‘If these are their pom-poms, it’s Pretoria for us,’ was his diagnosis. I looked behind me — the whole length of South Africa down to Cape Town — and it seemed very far. I felt that I could have covered it in five minutes under fair conditions, but — not with those aimed shots up my back. The pom-poms opened again at a bare rock-reef that gave the shells full value. For about two minutes a file of racing ponies, their tails and their riders’ heads well down, showed and vanished northward. ‘Our pom-poms,’ said the correspondent. ‘Le Gallais, I expect. Now we shan’t be long.’ All this time the absurd Krupp was faithfully feeling for us, vice-Light Horse, and, given a few more hours, might perhaps hit one of us.

Then to the left, almost under us, a small piece of hanging woodland filled and fumed with our shrapnel much as a man’s moustache fills with cigarette-smoke. It was most impressive and lasted for quite twenty minutes. Then silence; then a movement of men and horses from our side up the slope, and the hangar our guns had been hammering spat steady fire at them. More Boer ponies on more skylines; a last flurry of pom-poms on the right and a little frieze of faroff meek-tailed ponies, already out of rifle range.

‘Maffeesh,’ said the correspondent, and fell to writing on his knee. ‘We’ve shifted ’em.’

Leaving our infantry to follow men on ponyback towards the Equator, we returned to the farmhouse. In the donga where he was waiting someone squibbed off a rifle just after we took our seats, and our driver flogged out over the rocks to the danger of our sacred bottles.

Then Bloemfontein, and Gwynne storming in late with his accounts complete-one hundred and twenty-five casualties, and the general opinion that ‘French was a bit of a butcher’ and a tale of the General commanding the cavalry who absolutely refused to break up his horses by gallop ing them across raw rock —‘not for any dam’ Boer.’

Months later, I got a cutting from an American paper, on information from Geneva — even then a pest-house of propaganda — describing how I and some officers — names, date, and place correct — had entered a farm-house where we found two men and three women. We had dragged the women from under the bed where they had taken refuge (I assure you that no Tantie Sannie of that day could bestow herself beneath any known bed) and, giving them a hundred yards’ start, had shot them down as they ran.

Even then, the beastliness struck me as more comic than significant. But by that time I ought to have known that it was the Hun’s reflection of his own face as he spied at our back-windows.

He had thrown in the ‘hundred yards’ start’ touch as a tribute to our national sense of fair play.

From the business point of view the war was ridiculous. We charged ourselves step by step with the care and maintenance of all Boerdom — women and children included. Whence horrible tales of our atrocities in the concentrationcamps.

One of the most widely exploited charges was our deliberate cruelty in making prisoners’ tents and quarters open to the north. A Miss Hobhouse among others was loud in this matter, but she was to be excused.

We were showing off our newly-built little ‘Woolsack’ to a great lady on her way upcountry, where a residence was being built for her. At the larder the wife pointed out that it faced souththat quarter being the coldest when one is south of the Equator. The great lady considered the heresy for a moment. Then, with the British sniff which abolishes the absurd, ‘Hmm! I shan’t allow that to make any difference to me.’

Some Army and Navy Stores Lists were introduced into the prisoners’ camps, and the women returned to civil life with a knowledge of corsets, stockings, toilet-cases, and other accessories frowned upon by their clergymen and their husbands. Qua women they were not very lovely, but they made their men fight, and they knew well how to fight on their own lines.

In the give-and-take of our work our troops got to gauge the merits of the commando-leaders they were facing. As I remember the scale, De Wet, with two hundred and fifty men, was to be taken seriously. With twice that number he was likely to fall over his own feet. Smuts (of Cambridge), warring, men assured me, in a black

suit, trousers rucked to the knees, and a top-hat, could handle five hundred but, beyond that, got muddled. And so with the others. I had the felicity of meeting Smuts as a British General, at the Ritz during the Great War. Meditating on things seen and suffered, he said that being hunted about the veldt on a pony made a man think quickly, and that perhaps Mr. Balfour (as he was then) would have been better for the same experience.

Each commando had its own reputation in the field, and the grizzlier their beards the greater our respect. There was an elderly contingent from Wakkerstroom which demanded most cautious handling. They shot, as you might say, for the pot. The young men were not so good. And there were foreign contingents who insisted on fighting after the manner of Europe. These the Boers wisely put in the forefront of the battle and kept away from. In one affair the Zarps — the Transvaal Police — fought brilliantly and were nearly all killed. But they were Swedes for the most part, and we were sorry.

Occasionally foreign prisoners were gathered in. Among them I remember a Frenchman who had joined for pure logical hatred of England, but, being a professional, could not resist telling us how we ought to wage the war. He was quite sound but rather cantankerous.

The ‘war’ became an unpleasing compost of ‘political considerations,’ social reform, and housing; maternity-work and variegated absurdities. It is possible, though I doubt it, that first and last we may have killed four thousand Boers.

Our own casualties, mainly from preventible disease, must have been six times as many.

The junior officers agreed that the experience ought to be a ‘first-class dress-parade for Armageddon,’ but their practical conclusions were misleading. Long-range, aimed rifle-fire would do the work of the future; troops would never get nearer each other than half a mile, and Mounted Infantry would be vital. This was because, having found men on foot cannot overtake men on ponies, we created eighty thousand of as good Mounted Infantry as the world had seen. For these Western Europe had no use.

Artillery preparation of wire-works, such as were not at Magersfontein, was rather overlooked in the reformers’ schemes, on account of the difficulty of bringing up ammunition by horsepower. The pom-poms, and Lord Dundonald’s galloping light gun-carriages, ate up their own weight in shell in three or four minutes.

In the ramshackle hotel at Bloemfontein, where the correspondents lived and the officers dropped in, one heard free and fierce debate as points came up, but — since no one dreamt of the internal-combustion engine that was to stand the world on its thick head, and since our wireless apparatus did not work in those landscapes — we were all beating the air.

Eventually the ‘war’ petered out on political lines.

Brother Boer — and all ranks called him that — would do everything except die. Our men did not see why they should perish chasing stray commandoes, or festering in block-houses, and there followed a sort of demoralising ‘handypandy’ of alternate surrenders complicated by exchange of Army tobacco for Boer brandy which was bad for both sides.

At long last, we were left apologising to a deeplyindignant people, whom we had been nursing and doctoring for a year or two; and who now expected, and received, all manner of free gifts and appliances for the farming they had never practised. We put them in a position to uphold and expand their primitive lust for racial domination, and thanked God we were ‘rid of a knave.’ ***** Into these shifts and changes we would descend yearly for five or six months from the peace of England to the deeper peace of ‘The Woolsack,’ and life under the oak-trees overhanging the patio, where mother-squirrels taught their babies to climb, and in the stillness of hot afternoons the fall of an acorn was almost like a shot. To one side of us was a pine and eucalyptus grove, heavy with mixed scent; in front our garden, where anything one planted out in May became a blossoming bush by December. Behind all tiered the flank of Table Mountain and its copses of silvertrees, flanking scarred ravines. To get to Rhodes’ house, ‘Groote Schuur,’ one used a path through a ravine set with hydrangeas, which in autumn (England’s spring) were one solid packed blue river. To this Paradise we moved each year-end from 1900 to 1907 — a complete equipage of governess, maids

and children, so that the latter came to know and therefore, as children will, to own the Union Castle Line — stewards and all and on any change of governess to instruct the new hand how cabins were set away for a long voyage and ‘what went where.’ Incidentally we lost two governesses and one loved cook by marriage, the tepid seas being propitious to such things.

Ship-board life, going and coming, was a mere prolongation of South Africa and its interests.

There were Jews a plenty from the Rand; Pioneers; Native Commissioners dealing with Basutos or Zulus; men of the Matabele Wars and the opening of Rhodesia; prospectors; politicians of all stripes, all full of their business Army officers also, and from one of these, when I expected no such jewel, I got a tale called ‘Little Foxes’— so true in detail that an awed Superintendent of Police wrote me out of Port Sudan, demanding how I had come to know the very names of the hounds in the very pack to which he had been Whip in his youth. But, as I wrote him back, I had been talking with the Master.

Jameson, too, once came home with us, and disgraced himself at the table which we kept for ourselves. A most English lady with two fair daughters had been put there our first day out, and when she rightly enough objected to the quality of the food, and called it prison fare, Jameson said; ‘Speaking as one of the criminal classes, I assure you it is worse.’ At the next meal the table was all our own.

But the outward journey was the great joy because it always included Christmas near the Line, where there was no room for memories; seasonable inscriptions written in soap on the mirrors by skilly stewards; and a glorious fancydress ball. Then, after the Southern Cross had well risen above the bows, the packing away of heavy kit, secure it would not be needed till May, the friendly, well-known Mountain and the rush to the garden to see what had happened in our absence; the flying barefoot visit to our neighbours the Strubens at Strubenheim, where the children were regularly and lovingly spoiled; the large smile of the Malay laundress, and the easy pick-up-again of existence.

Life went well then, and specially for the children, who had all the beasts on the Rhodes estate to play with. Uphill lived the lions, Alice and Jumbo, whose morning voices were the signal for getting up. The zebra paddock, which the emus also used, was immediately behind ‘The Woolsack’— a slope of scores of acres. The zebras were always play-fighting like Lions and Unicorns on the Royal Arms; the game being to grab the other’s fore-leg below the knee if it could not snatch it away. No fence could hold them when they cared to shift. Jameson and I once saw a family of three returning from an excursion. A heavy sneeze-wood-post fence and wires lay in the path, blind-tight except where the lowest wire spanned a small ditch. Here Papa kneeled, snouted under the wire till it slid along his withers, hove it up, and so crawled through. Mamma and Baby followed in the same fashion. At this, an aged lawn-mower pony who was watching conceived he might also escape, but got no further than backing his fat hind-quarters against one of the posts, and turning round from time to time in wonder that it had not given way. It was, as Jameson said, the complete allegory of the Boer and the Briton.

In another paddock close to the house lived a spitting llama, whose peculiarity the children learned early. But their little visitors did not, and, if they were told to stand close to the fence and make noises, they did — once. You can see the rest.

But our most interesting visitor was a bull-kudu of some eighteen hands. He would jump the seven-foot fence round our little peach orchard, hook a loaded branch in the great rings of his horns, rend it off with a jerk, eat the peaches, leaving the stones, and lift himself over the wires, like a cloud, up the flank of Table Mountain. Once, coming home after dinner, we met him at the foot of the garden, gigantic in the moonlight, and fetched a compass round him, walking delicately, the warm red dust in our shoes; because we knew that a few days before the keepers had given him a dose of small shot in his stern for chasing somebody’s cook.

The children’s chaperon on their walks was a bulldog — Jumbo — of terrific aspect, to whom all Kaffirs gave full right of way. There was a legend that he had once taken hold of a native and, when at last removed, came away with his - Continued on Page 85

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From Page 20 mouth full of native. Normally, he lay about the house and apologised abjectly when anyone stepped on him. The children fed him with currant buns and then, remembering that currants were indigestible, would pick them out of his back teeth while he held his dribbling jaws carefully open.

A baby lion was another of our family for one winter. His mother, Alice, desiring to eat him when born, he was raked out with broomsticks from her side and taken to ‘Groote Schuur’ where, in spite of the unwilling attentions of a she-dog foster-mother (he had of course the claws of a cat) he pined. The wife hinted that, with care, he might recover. ‘Very good,’ said Rhodes. ‘I’ll send him over to “The Woolsack” and you can try.’ He came, with corrugated-iron den and foster-mother complete. The latter the wife dismissed; went out and bought stout motor-gloves, and the largest of babies’ bottles, and fed him forthwith. He highly approved of this, and ceased not to pull at the bottle till it was all empty. His tummy was then slapped, as it might have been a water-melon, to be sure that it rang full, and he went to sleep. Thus he lived and throve in his den, which the children were forbidden to enter, lest their caresses should injure him.

When he was about the size of a large rabbit, he cut little pins of teeth, and made coughing noises which he was persuaded were genuine roars.

Later, he developed rickets, and I was despatched to an expert at Cape Town to ask for a cure. ‘Too much milk,’ said the expert. ‘Give him real, not cold-storage, boiled mutton-broth.’

This at first he refused to touch in the saucer, but was induced to lick the wife’s dipped finger, whence he removed the skin. His ears were boxed, and he was left alone with the saucer to learn table-manners. He wailed all night, but in the morning lapped like a lion among Christians, and soon got rid of his infirmity. For three months he was at large among us, incessantly talking to himself as he wandered about the house or in the garden where he stalked butterflies. He dozed on the stoep, I noticed, due north and south, looking with slow eyes up the length of Africa — always a little aloof, but obedient to the children, who at that time wore little more than one garment apiece. We returned him in perfect condition on our departure for England, and he was then the size of a bull-terrier but not so high.

Rhodes and Jameson were both away. He was put in a cage, fed, like his family, on imperfectly thawed cold-storage meats fouled in the grit of his floor, and soon died of colic. But M’Slibaan, which we made Matabele for ‘Sullivan,’ as fitted his Matabele ancestry, was always honoured among the many kind ghosts that inhabited ‘The Woolsack.’

Lions, as pets, are hardly safe after six months old; but here is an exception. A man kept a lioness up-country till she was a full year old, and then, with deep regret on both sides, sent her to Rhodes’s Zoo. Six months later he came down, and with a girl who did not know what fear was entered her cage, where she received him fawning, rolling, crooning — almost weeping with love and delight. Theoretically, of course, he and the girl ought to have been killed, but they took no hurt at all.

During the war, by some luck our water-supply had not been restricted, and our bath was of the type you step down into and soak in at full length.

Hence also Gwynne, filthy after months of the veldt, standing afar off like a leper. (‘I say, I want a bath and — there’s my kit in the garden.

No, I haven’t left it on the stoep. It’s crawling.’)

Many came. As the children put it: ‘There’s always lots of dirty ones.’

When Rhodes was hatching his scheme of the Scholarships, he would come over and, as it were, think aloud or discuss, mainly with the wife, the expense side of the idea. It was she who suggested that £250 a year was not enough for scholars who would have to carry themselves through the long intervals of an Oxford ‘year.’

So he made it three hundred. My use to him was mainly as a purveyor of words; for he was largely inarticulate. After the idea had been presented — and one had to know his code for it — he would say: ‘What am I trying to express? Say it, say it.’ So I would say it, and if the phrase suited not, he would work it over, chin a little down, till it satisfied him.

The order of his life at ‘Groote Schuur’ was something like this. The senior guest allotted their rooms to men who wished to ‘see’ him.

They did not come except for good reason con-

Melbourne Observer - Wednesday, November 30, 2011 - Page 85

Observer Classic Books nected with their work, and they stayed till Rhodes ‘saw them, which might be two or three days. His heart compelled him to lie down a good deal on a huge couch on the marble-flagged verandah facing up Table Mountain towards the four-acre patch of hydrangeas, which lay out like lapis-lazuli on the lawns. He would say; ‘Well, So-and-so. I see you. What is it?’And the case would be put.

There was a man laying the Cape-to-Cairo telegraph, who had come to a stretch of seventy miles beside a lake, where the ladies of those parts esteemed copper above gold, and took it from the poles for their adornment. What to do?

When he had finished his exposition Rhodes, turning heavily on his couch, said; ‘You’ve got some sort of lake there, haven’t you? Lay it like a cable. Don’t bother me with a little thing like that.’ Palaver done set, and at his leisure the man returned.

One met interesting folk at ‘Groote Schuur’ meals, which often ended in long talks of the days of building up Rhodesia.

During the Matabele War Rhodes, with some others, under a guide, had wandered on horseback beyond the limits of safety, and had to take refuge in some caves. The situation was eminently unhealthy, and in view of some angry Matabeles hunting them they had to spur out of it. But the guide, just when the party were in the open, was foolish enough to say something to the effect that Rhodes’s ‘valuable life’ was to be considered. Upon which Rhodes pulled up and said; ‘Let’s get this straight before we go on.

You led us into this mess, didn’t you?’ ‘Yes, sir, yes. But please come on.’ ‘No. Wait a minute.

Consequently you’re running to save your own hide, aren’t you?’ ‘Yes, sir. We all are.’ ‘That’s all right. I only wanted to have it settled. Now we’ll come on.’ And they did, but it was a close shave. I heard this at his table, even as I heard his delayed reply to a query by a young officer who wished to know what Rhodes thought of him and his career. Rhodes postponed his answer till dinner and then, in his characteristic voice, laid down that the young man would eminently succeed, but only to a certain point, because he was always thinking of his career and not of the job he was doing. Thirty later years proved the truth of his verdict.

CHAPTER 7 THE VERY-OWN HOUSE How can I turn from any fire On any man’s hearth-stone?

I know the wonder and desire That went to build my own.

— The Fires.

All this busy while the Committee of Ways and Means kept before them the hope of a house of their very own — a real House in which to settle down for keeps — and took trains on rails and horsed carriages of the age to seek it. Our adventures were many and sometimes grim — as when a ‘comfortable nursery’ proved to be a dark padded cell at the end of a discreet passage! Thus we quested for two or three years, till one summer day a friend cried at our door; ‘Mr. Harmsworth has just brought round one of those motor-car things. Come and try it!’

It was a twenty-minute trip. We returned white with dust and dizzy with noise. But the poison worked from that hour. Somehow, an enterprising Brighton agency hired us a victoria-hooded, carriage-sprung, carriage-braked, single-cylinder, belt-driven, fixed-ignition Embryo which, at times, could cover eight miles an hour. Its hire, including ‘driver,’ was three and a half guineas a week. The beloved Aunt, who feared nothing created, said ‘Me too!’ So we three house-hunted together taking risks of ignorance that made me shudder through after-years. But we went to Arundel and back, which was sixty miles, and returned in the same ten-hour day!

We, and a few other desperate pioneers, took the first shock of outraged public opinion. Earls stood up in their belted barouches and cursed us. Gipsies, governess-carts, brewery waggons — all the world except the poor patient horses who would have been quite quiet if left alone joined in the commination service, and the Times leaders on ‘motor-cars’ were eolithic in outlook.

Then I bought me a steam-car called a ‘Locomobile,’ whose nature and attributes I faithfully drew in a tale called ‘Steam Tactics.’ She reduced us to the limits of fatigue and hysteria, all up and down Sussex. Next came the earliest Lanchester, whose springing, even at that time,

was perfect. But no designer, manufacturer, owner, nor chauffeur knew anything about anything. The heads of the Lanchester firm would, after furious telegrams, visit us as friends (we were all friends in those days) and sit round our hearth speculating Why What did That. Once, the proud designer — she was his newest baby — took me as far as Worthing, where she fainted opposite a vacant building-lot. This we paved completely with every other fitting that she possessed ere we got at her trouble. We then reassembled her, a two hours’ job. After which, she spat boiling water over our laps, but we stuffed a rug into the geyser and so spouted home.

But it was the heart-breaking Locomobile that brought us to the house called ‘Bateman’s.’ We had seen an advertisement of her, and we reached her down an enlarged rabbit-hole of a lane. At very first sight the Committee of Ways and Means said; ‘That’s her! The Only She! Make an honest woman of her — quick!’ We entered and felt her Spirit — her Feng Shui — to be good. We went through every room and found no shadow of ancient regrets, stifled miseries, nor any menace, though the ‘new’ end of her was three hundred years old. To our woe the Owner said; ‘I’ve just let it for twelve months.’

We withdrew, each repeatedly telling the other that no sensible person would be found dead in the stuffy little valley where she stood. We lied thus while we pretended to look at other houses till, a year later, we saw her advertised again, and got her.

When all was signed and sealed, the seller said; ‘Now I can ask you something. How are you going to manage about getting to and from the station? It’s nearly four miles, and I’ve used up two pair of horses on the hill here.’ ‘I’m thinking of using this sort of contraption,’ I replied from my seat in-Jane Cakebread Lanchester, I think, was her dishonourable name. ‘Oh! Those things haven’t come to stay!’ he returned. Years afterwards I met him, and he confided that had he known what I had guessed, he would have asked twice the money. In three years from our purchase the railway station had passed out of our lives. In seven, I heard my chauffeur say to an under-powered visiting sardine-tin; ‘Hills?

There ain’t any hills on the London road.’

The House was not of a type to present to servants by lamp or candle-light. Hence electricity, which in 1902 was a serious affair. We chanced, at a week-end visit, to meet Sir William Willcocks, who had designed the Assouan Dam — a trifling affair on the Nile. Not to be over-crowed, we told him of our project for declutching the water-wheel from an ancient mill at the end of our garden, and using its microscopical mill-pond to run a turbine. That was enough! ‘Dam?’ said he. ‘You don’t know anything about dams or turbines. I’ll come and look.’

That Monday morn he came with us, explored the brook and the mill-sluit, and foretold truly the exact amount of horse-power that we should get out of our turbine —‘Four and a half and no more.’ But he called me Egyptian names for the state of my brook, which, till then, I had deemed picturesque. ‘It’s all messed up with trees and bushes. Cut ’em down and slope the banks to one in three.’ ‘Lend me a couple of Fellahîn Battalions and I’ll begin,’ I said.

He said also; ‘Don’t run your light cable on poles.

Bury it.’ So we got a deep-sea cable which had failed under test at twelve hundred volts — our voltage being one hundred and ten — and laid him in a trench from the Mill to the house, a full furlong, where he worked for a quarter of a century. At the end of that time he was a little fatigued, and the turbine had worn as much as one-sixteenth of an inch on her bearings. So we gave them both honourable demission — and never again got anything so faithful.

Of the little one-street village up the hill we only knew that, according to the guide-books, they came of a smuggling, sheep-stealing stock, brought more or less into civilisation within the past three generations. Those of them who worked for us, and who I presume would today be called ‘Labour,’ struck for higher pay than they had agreed on as soon as we were committed to our first serious works. My foreman and general contractor, himself of their race, and soon to become our good friend, said; ‘They think they’ve got ye. They think there’s no harm in tryin’ it.’ There was not. I had sense enough to feel that most of them were artists and craftsmen, either in stone or timber, or wood-cutting, or drain-laying or — which is a gift — the aesthetic disposition of dirt; persons of contrivance

who could conjure with any sort of material. As our electric-light campaign developed, a London contractor came down to put a fifteen-inch eductionpipe through the innocent-seeming milldam. His imported gang came across a solid core of ancient brickwork about as workable as obsidian. They left, after using very strong words.

But every other man of ‘our folk’ had known exactly where and what that core was, and when ‘Lunnon’ had sufficiently weakened it, they ‘conjured’ the pipe quietly through what remained.

The only thing that ever shook them was when we cut a little under the Mill foundations to fix the turbine; and found that she sat on a crib or raft of two-foot-square elm logs. What we took came out, to all appearance, as untouched as when it had been put under water. Yet, in an hour, the great baulk, exposed to air, became silver dust, and the men stood round marvelling.

There was one among them, close upon seventy when we first met, a poacher by heredity and instinct, a gentleman who, when his need to drink was on him, which was not too often, absented himself and had it out alone; and he was more ‘one with Nature’ than whole parlours full of poets. He became our special stay and counsellor. Once we wanted to shift a lime and a witch-elm into the garden proper. He said not a word till we talked of getting a tree-specialist from London. ‘Have it as you’re minded. I dunno as I should if I was you,’ was his comment. By this we understood that he would take charge when the planets were favourable. Presently, he called up four of his own kin (also artists) and brushed us aside. The trees came away kindly.

He placed them, with due regard for their growth for the next two or three generations; supported them, throat and bole, with stays and stiffenings, and bade us hold them thus for four years. All fell out as he had foretold. The trees are now close on forty foot high and have never flinched.

Equally, a well grown witch-elm that needed discipline, he climbed into and topped, and she carries to this day the graceful dome he gave her. In his later years — he lived to be close on eighty-five — he would, as I am doing now, review his past, which held incident enough for many unpublishable volumes. He spoke of old loves, fights, intrigues, anonymous denunciations ‘by such folk as knew writing,’ and vindictive conspiracies carried out with oriental thoroughness. Of poaching he talked in all its branches, from buying Cocculus Indicus for poisoning fish in ponds, to the art of making silknets for trout-brooks — mine among them, and he left a specimen to me; and of pitched battles (guns barred) with heavy-handed keepers in the old days in Lord Ashburnham’s woods where a man might pick up a fallow deer. His sagas were lighted with pictures of Nature as he, indeed, knew her; night-pieces and dawn-breakings; stealthy returns and the thinking out of alibis, all naked by the fire, while his clothes dried; and of the face and temper of the next twilight under which he stole forth to follow his passion. His wife, after she had known us for ten years, would range through a past that accepted magic, witchcraft and love-philtres, for which last there was a demand as late as the middle ‘sixties.

She described one midnight ritual at the local ‘wise woman’s’ cottage, when a black cock was killed with curious rites and words, and ‘all de time dere was, like, someone trying to come through at ye from outside in de dark. Dunno as I believe so much in such things now, but when I was a maid I— I justabout did!’ She died well over ninety, and to the last carried the tact, manner and presence, for all she was so small, of an old-world Duchess.

There were interesting and helpful outsiders, too.

One was a journeyman bricklayer who, I remember, kept a store of gold sovereigns loose in his pocket, and kindly built us a wall; but so leisurely that he came to be almost part of the establishment. When we wished to sink a well opposite some cottages, he said he had the gift of water-finding, and I testify that, when he held one fork of the hazel Y and I the other, the thing bowed itself against all the grip of my hand over an unfailing supply.

Then, out of the woods that know everything and tell nothing, came two dark and mysterious Primitives. They had heard. They would sink that well, for they had the ‘gift.’ Their tools were an enormous wooden trug, a portable windlass whose handles were curved, and smooth as oxhorns, and a short-handled hoe. They made a ring of brickwork on the bare ground and, with their hands at first, grubbed out the dirt beneath

Continued on Page 86

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From Page 85 it. As the ring sank they heightened it, course by course, grubbing out with the hoe, till the shaft, true as a rifle-barrel, was deep enough to call for their Father of Trugs, which one brother down below would fill, and the other haul up on the magic windlass. When we stopped, at twenty-five feet, we had found a Jacobean tobacco-pipe, a worn Cromwellian latten spoon and, at the bottom of all, the bronze cheek of a Roman horse-bit.

In cleaning out an old pond which might have been an ancient marl-pit or mine-head, we dredged two intact Elizabethan ‘sealed quarts’ that Christopher Sly affected, all pearly with the patina of centuries. Its deepest mud yielded us a perfectly polished Neolithic axe-head with but one chip on its still venomous edge.

These things are detailed that you may understand how, when my cousin, Ambrose Poynter, said to me; ‘Write a yarn about Roman times here,’ I was interested. ‘Write,’ said he, ‘about an old Centurion of the Occupation telling his experiences to his children.’ ‘What is his name?’

I demanded, for I move easiest from a given point. ‘Parnesius,’ said my cousin; and the name stuck in my head. I was then on Committee of Ways and Means (which had grown to include Public Works and Communications) but, in due season, the name came back — with seven other inchoate devils. I went off Committee, and began to ‘hatch,’ in which state I was ‘a brother to dragons and a companion to owls.’ Just beyond the west fringe of our land, in a little valley running from Nowhere to Nothing-at-all, stood the long, overgrown slag-heap of a most ancient forge, supposed to have been worked by the Phoenicians and Romans and, since then, uninterruptedly till the middle of the eighteenth century. The bracken and rush-patches still hid stray pigs of iron, and if one scratched a few inches through the rabbit-shaven turf, one came on the narrow mule-tracks of peacock-hued furnaceslag laid down in Elizabeth’s day. The ghost of a road climbed up out of this dead arena, and crossed our fields, where it was known as ‘The Gunway,’ and popularly connected with Armada times. Every foot of that little corner was alive with ghosts and shadows. Then, it pleased our children to act for us, in the open, what they remembered of A Midsummer–Night’s Dream.

Then a friend gave them a real birchbark canoe, drawing at least three inches, in which they went adventuring on the brook. And in a near pasture of the water-meadows lay out an old and unshifting Fairy Ring.

You see how patiently the cards were stacked and dealt into my hands? The Old Things of our Valley glided into every aspect of our outdoor works. Earth, Air, Water and People had been — I saw it at last — in full conspiracy to give me ten times as much as I could compass, even if I wrote a complete history of England, as that might have touched or reached our Valley.

I went off at score — not on Parnesius, but a story told in a fog by a petty Baltic pirate, who had brought his galley to Pevensey and, off Beachy Head — where in the War we heard merchant ships being torpedoed — had passed the Roman fleet abandoning Britain to her doom.

That tale may have served as a pipe-opener, but one could not see its wood for its trees, so I threw it away.

I carried the situation to the little house in Wiltshire, where my Father and Mother were installed; and smoked it over with the Father, who said — not for the first time; ‘Most things in this world are accomplished by judicious leaving alone.’ So we played cribbage (he had carved a perfect Lama and a little Kim for my two pegs), while the Mother worked beside us, or, each taking a book, lapsed into the silence of entire mutual comprehension. One night, apropos of nothing at all, the Father said; ‘And you’ll have to look up your references rather more carefully, won’t you?’ That had not been my distinction on the little Civil and Military.

This led me on another false scent. I wrote a tale told by Daniel Defoe in a brickyard (we had a real one of our own at that time where we burned bricks for barns and cottages to the exact tints we desired) of how he had been sent to stampede King James II, then havering about Thames mouth, out of an England where no party had any use for him. It turned out a painstaken and meritorious piece of work, overloaded with verified references, with about as much feeling to it as a walking-stick. So it also was discarded, with a tale of Doctor Johnson telling the children how he had once thrown his spurs out of a boat in Scotland, to the amazement of one Boswell. Evidently my Daemon

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would not function in brickyards or schoolrooms.

Therefore, like Alice in Wonderland, I turned my back on the whole thing and walked the other way. Therefore, the whole thing set and linked itself. I fell first upon Normans and Saxons.

Parnesius came later, directly out of a little wood above the Phoenician forge; and the rest of the tales in Puck of Pook’s Hill followed in order.

The Father came over to see us and, hearing ‘Hal o’ the Draft,’ closed in with fore-reaching pen, presently ousted me from my table, and inlaid the description of Hal’s own drawing-knife.

He liked that tale, and its companion piece ‘The Wrong Thing’ (Rewards and Fairies), which latter he embellished, notably in respect to an Italian fresco-worker, whose work never went ‘deeper than the plaster.’ He said that ‘judicious leaving alone’ did not apply between artists.

Of ‘Dymchurch Flit,’ with which I was always unashamedly content, he asked; ‘Where did you get that lighting from? It had come of itself. Qua workmanship, that tale and two night-pieces in ‘Cold Iron’ (Rewards and Fairies) are the best in that kind I have ever made, but somehow ‘The Treasure and the Law’ (Puck of Pook’s Hill) always struck me as too heavy for its frame.

Yet that tale brought me a prized petty triumph.

I had put a well into the wall of Pevensey Castle circa A.D. 1100, because I needed it there.

Archaeologically, it did not exist till this year (1935) when excavators brought such a well to light. But that I maintain was a reasonable gamble. Self-contained castles must have selfcontained water supplies. A longer chance that I took in my Roman tales was when I quartered the Seventh Cohort of the Thirtieth (Ulpia Victrix) Legion on the Wall, and asserted that there Roman troops used arrows against the Picts. The first shot was based on honest ‘research’; the second was legitimate inference.

Years after the tale was told, a digging-party on the Wall sent me some heavy four-sided, Roman-made, ‘killing’ arrows found in situ and — most marvellously — a rubbing of a memorialtablet to the Seventh Cohort of the Thirtieth Legion! Having been brought up in a suspicious school, I suspected a ‘leg-pull’ here, but was assured that the rubbing was perfectly genuine.

I embarked on Rewards and Fairies — the second book — in two minds. Stories a plenty I had to tell, but how many would be authentic and

how many due to ‘induction’? There was moreover the old Law; ‘As soon as you find you can do anything, do something you can’t.’

My doubt cleared itself with the first tale, ‘Cold Iron,’ which gave me my underwood; ‘What else could I have done?’— the plinth of all structures. Yet, since the tales had to be read by children, before people realised that they were ‘meant for grown-ups; and since they had to be a sort of balance to, as well as a seal upon, some aspects of my ‘Imperialistic’ output in the past, I worked the material in three or four overlaid tints and textures, which might or might not reveal themselves according to the shifting light of sex, youth, and experience. It was like working lacquer and mother-o’-pearl, a natural combination, into the same scheme as niello and grisaille, and trying not to let the joins show.

So I loaded the book up with allegories and allusions, and verified references until my old Chief would have been almost pleased with me; put in three or four really good sets of verses; the bones of one entire historical novel for any to clothe who cared; and even slipped in a cryptogram, whose key I regret I must have utterly forgotten.

It was glorious fun; and I knew it must be very good or very bad because the series turned itself off just as Kim had done.

Among the verses in Rewards was one set called ‘If ——’, which escaped from the book, and for a while ran about the world. They were drawn from Jameson’s character, and contained counsels of perfection most easy to give. Once started, the mechanisation of the age made them snowball themselves in a way that startled me.

Schools, and places where they teach, took them for the suffering Young — which did me no good with the Young when I met them later. (‘Why did you write that stuff? I’ve had to write it out twice as an impot.’) They were printed as cards to hang up in offices and bedrooms; illuminated text-wise and anthologised to weariness.

Twenty-seven of the Nations of the Earth translated them into their seven-and-twenty tongues, and printed them on every sort of fabric.

Some years after the War a kind friend hinted that my two innocent little books might have helped towards begetting the ‘Higher Cannibalism’ in biography.

To Be Continued Next Week

Observer Crossword Solution No 28 J U V E N I O Y E E U C A L Y A O R S A L I N E L L E I M P L O R A W I I N V I T E A L S S C U L P T S A W E V E N T F D D R I N C L I N S A O H E R E T I R M T O N S P E C I T H R E T Y P E E E A S I D E A S N T H C H E Y D A Y X H E S P R A I N E B A E L L I P S X E R P L A C E B A R V N O N F A T D E I S H R I L L O N E I M P E A C E X H B R O A D E U C R U N I T E S N N V M A D W O M E I K T R A P E Z

L I P S

E M A R F S E T E A S P E D T O A V O P S O M R E X M E G N I T E S D M I I O O R S I S P E A R L U L P S A L P V E R E E N O T A R I D I C E N T S N E E G G E A P E N A S P I D E T E T A R I R D T T W I N C H O O A I N A L L I N N E H O C M A T A E O B E S N I T A L T H R D A S I A E S T P L H B H L O C E R E I N R T E N E F E R U R O I L M A U L L A N E P I L C D F E S H A Y

S H Y E D R C A N N T E A O R S U L M U N T A O T I O N E G S T R A O G E L N E G H I R T O N A S E A T H R I C A N I E M L O N F E

A L E O F T D O V H E O R W L E E R E S F E R U M M P I O S W H N G O O A B L A N O D A G W E D H O V S T E E S T S E S S T T G U B V E

S S H A G L E F O C E M P T U O I L E R C E C H I D H N A F I E R T A L I G D A E L L S S S Y A N I N E D N R D A H O L M I S P E N E N R E E T R A H A M S O O K S E O M B E R A T D M E A Z E D T X A T I O B C A C A K S N E T S O R M W A M I C T H E F T E L I A R O N R E G

U F L C U T U T E G R S T I R I N N G R E R I N S O E R A T R C L A A M P I M R B I B D I N I G N F E E R O N O D E E E P V E N G S

F L A P I D D O U E T X A R M S E M E E R N G E A N C A Y E R A O P S L A N N E D E N F E O C T L O R A S M B I L E M E N A T B A X H E

E S E D A O R N S M I A R T E T N E A E S P T O O O N R C Y H E S S T E R A L A E R G R E S O S U E T I N G A S B G E N I T

A G P P B E A A R U D A I B L I E C

I L V A P E P O W R T P I O A N E D D O O

P D R E I B B L L E G R O A M G M L L Y

B R A D I O B N L A Y A C T S U A S T R K S R N A T I V I R S T U N E F L C F E S T Y L L I Y L I N D W M D H E M M I E E S E A R T H L S R P L A Z E E W C A L L I T S I P L A S T E N U N E A O N M N O B O L E E E L U D I F N N T W A D D W W O I C A D O N R R G R E S S E T M A R A U E S B N O B B L U N E S A D I H B D A N H O L T O E E A R S D

N G A T S S A Y S E S X U L A L E N E R A N G E E D L A S T E D A I D D S Y U D Y A N G R L E A R S E E S N D S L E D S S M O E S S A Y