Human Factor

Letting Go, Sailing Forward

There are ways that we subconsciously limit our ability to grow. Careful observations can help us move past them. BY JOSEF MARTENS

Earlier this year I went sailing with a friend of mine. In the slip next to his boat, there was – by the standards of most weekend sailors – an enormous sailboat, a 78-foot ketch. I mentioned how great the boat looked. He told me that it was for sale. The seller had left the keys with him, and he’d be happy to show it to me. How could I resist? He gave me a tour, and it was spectacular.

When I checked it out online, to my surprise, I found that I could afford it. (Although I assumed there was more work to do than met the eye.) Owning a boat has been on my bucket list for years. I never imagined I could own such a big one. Over the next few days, I fell in love with the idea of buying it.

I started negotiations with the owner, then talked to lenders, insurance companies and marinas. It was easy to imagine how I could use the boat in addition to sailing it myself. Maybe I could run executive retreats on board; charter it out for weddings; use it as a specialty Airbnb.

Everything seemed fine until suddenly, the seller become hard to reach and wouldn’t return calls or emails. After a week or two of not quite knowing what was going on, I discovered that I was just a backup buyer. He had sold the boat to someone else. It made me fume; it was very disappointing. After I got over the initial hump of emotions, I tried to turn lemons into lemonade: I had done a lot of work to prep for a boat purchase, so why not go ahead with that plan – just with another boat?

I started looking. But all the options fell short. There was always something that didn’t seem quite right. Then I realized, the problem was not with the boats. The problem was with me. I had become attached to the first boat and wasn’t able to let go of it.

You may be able to think of an example in your professional or personal life where you were in a similar situation.

We invest time, energy and emotions in something or in a relationship. We become attached to a certain outcome. Maybe we get what we want; maybe we don’t. This happens much more often than we realize, in hidden ways that we don’t notice.

There are many instances where we hold on to patterns in our lives. It may be a regular schedule; it may be as simple as a certain route to drive to the office, the supermarket or the church. It may be the habits we have developed in our relationships.

We hold on to customs not always because we decide to do so, but because we’re used to it. And here’s the kicker: every pattern that we cling to, every habit that we keep, every routine that occurs during the week means that we are saying “yes” to something – and “no” to all the alternative options that we have. We don’t do this intentionally. It just happens.

Your feelings of attachment to a certain custom may not seem as strong as my excitement about that boat. But in truth, they can be deeply rooted and hard to let go.

What are the things that you hold on to? What do you say “yes” to – and as a consequence, say “no” to? Over the next week, try to become more aware of these implicit decisions that you make. Become more intentional so that you get clearer about the choices you make all the time.

In that same spirit, it’s time for me to let go of contributing to “Human Factor.” It’s been a pleasure writing for you, and to you, over the last couple of years. I wish you fair winds and following seas as you sail onward. And by the way, I haven’t bought a boat yet – but I’m still sailing the best (and cheapest) boat there is: one owned by a friend.

Every routine that occurs during the week means that we are saying ‘yes’ to something — and ‘no’ to all the alternative options.

Josef Martens helps organizations dramatically improve their performance. You can reach him at JM@JosefMartens.com or (240) 938 1274.