Eight Universal Truths I Discovered the Hard Way

Amy Chambers Executive Coach / Life Coach / #1 International Bestselling Author / Speaker / Consultant

In 2015, I got dumped- at an airport. The breakup was abrupt, and it was painful. It wasn’t the first time I had been dumped, but this time felt particularly traumatic. Perhaps that was due to the nature of the breakup; perhaps it was because I had believed this man was bound to become my husband, but whatever the reason: I was devastated. For months, I did nothing but cry alone in my apartment, and write long emails and letters to my ex, begging for him to take me back.

Something snapped. One day, I woke up and knew that something simply had to change.

So, I decided to make a different decision than I had made with past breakups. Instead of blaming my ex and telling my friends about how it was primarily his fault (as I had done in the past), I made a choice to figure out how, this time, it was my fault. I decided I wanted to learn something from this breakup.

In the year that followed, I sought two mentors to assist me, and read numerous books on the power of mindset, choices, and happiness. For the first time in my life, I made a vision board. Then, I made a vision and mission statement. I determined what my core values were too, and put those on paper as well. Then, I set long-term, mid-range, and shortterm goals for my life. I began to follow all these documents; they became my guide. And as I did, things began to change for me.

Within only a year of creating that first vision statement, I became a marathon runner, after not ever having been able to run even a 5k, met the man of my dreams, and became a Chief Operating Officer. A year later, I bought my dream home. A year later, I became a skier after having been deathly afraid of it. A year later, I started my own business. And within a year of that, I had published my first book, which became a #1 International bestseller. Within 2 short months, my second book will launch. All of this started with the process of me crafting a personal mission statement and setting some SMART (specific, measurable, actionable, relevant, timely) goals and then pursuing them through daily activities. I can’t say enough about having a written- down vision and mission statement.

As part of that process, I was forced to think deeply about what I truly believed. I searched deep within my soul and realized that some of my top values were integrity, humility, transparency, and curiosity. Around that time, I began developing some key maxims that transformed my life.

Today, life is more than great; it’s extraordinary. Since experiencing this profound transformation, I now realize much of my success boiled down to eight maxims that I adopted and began to follow starting in 2016.

Today, my life’s work is all about helping others become successful and experience immense joy and fulfillment, so I want to share these eight maxims with you now.

MAXIM 1: Our power in life comes from focusing on the things we can control; not the things we can’t. Anytime that we start to complain, whine, or vent about someone or something outside of ourselves (that we can’t control), we start to lose the game. While some of us have a tendency to look at successful people and think about how lucky they must have been or how their circumstances were better than ours, thoughts like these never help us. It’s been said that only roughly 10% of our success is determined by what happens to us; the remaining 90% is how we respond to what happens to us. Nearly everything that we say, think, and do is a choice. It’s a choice that we get to make. Regardless of what’s happening to us, we always have a choice in how we respond. When we pay less attention to what’s happening to us and focus all our energy on what we can do about it, we find ways to win and succeed. Knowing our thoughts and feelings are all choices (including gratitude, happiness, love, acceptance, appreciation, and even forgiveness) changes nearly everything.

Anytime that we start to complain, whine, or vent about someone or something outside of ourselves (that we can’t control), we start to lose the game.

MAXIM 2: Fear is not real. Fear lives in our minds. It’s a product of our imagination. When we feel afraid, it’s often about something that may (or may not) happen. We often fear negative consequences that haven’t even occurred yet. Sadly, this opens us up to self-fulfilling prophecies, which I’ve come to know are a real thing. It’s as Henry Ford was rumored to have said: whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Fear is not real. Fear lives in our minds. It’s a product of our imagination.

When we’re afraid that something bad will happen to us, we actually make it more likely to happen. The chances of that bad thing occurring become more likely just because we believed it would. When we fear failure, we make failure more likely. When we believe we’ll be successful, we increase our chances of success. My former boss, CEO Joseph Whitaker, once told me that “fear also inhibits action. But, action can overcome fear.” Truer words have never been spoken. When we’re feeling afraid, we’re least likely to act. Fear often does paralyze and cripple us. However, when we’re afraid, that’s often when we need to act most. Recognize that fear is often part of a story we’re telling ourselves. Fear often comes from our subconscious minds; it’s not always grounded in reality. Any time we catch ourselves telling ourselves a story that’s based in fear, we always have the opportunity to change the narrative, flip the script, and tell ourselves a different story. Recognizing we have that power, and using it, is a major gamechanger.

MAXIM 3: Mistakes and failure do not run counter to success. They are a part of success. In fact, we often cannot have success without mistakes and failure. When we get comfortable with making mistakes and failing, we allow ourselves to learn, grow, and evolve. We’re also able to enjoy the process of growth (and the journey of life) so much more. As Winston Churchill said, “success is going from failure to failure, without a loss of enthusiasm or energy.” Churchill was right. We only truly begin to fail when we feel like we’re failing; when we call it failure. Otherwise, we’re still just learning. As Thomas Edison said, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up too soon. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”Mistakes and failure do not run counter to success. They are a part of success.

Mistakes and failure do not run counter to success. They are a part of success.

MAXIM 4 : Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The more we’re willing to be uncomfortable, the more that great things can happen for us. And, the way to get more comfortable with discomfort- is to practice being uncomfortable. Truly successful people don’t shy away from discomfort, but rather, intentionally look for ways to be uncomfortable.

This was a key topic in Carol Dweck’s “Mindset”, which was the result of years of research at Stanford University. In her famous book, Dweck asserted that there’s two types of mindsets: fixed mindsets and growth mindsets. Much of Dweck’s research was conducted with children. Dweck found that those children with a fixed mindset preferred to do puzzles that weren’t a challenge for them, ones where they already knew the answers and could easily solve the problems. Students with a growth mindset, however, eagerly volunteered to do the harder, more complex puzzles- ones that would challenge and stump them. Dweck’s core belief is those of us with growth mindsets excel in life because they’re not afraid to be out of their comfort zone.

Growth requires change. Many of us want to grow, but we’re not all willing to experience great change (and the growing pains that come along with change).

MAXIM 5: Don’t look for reasons to be offended. Many of us actually look for reasons to be offended. I should note that this isn’t always a conscious act. Highly successful people, however, do the opposite. They look for reasons not to be offended. It sounds counter-intuitive, but many of us want to feel like we’ve been harmed or wronged. Our ego subconsciously does this for us. We want to feel like we’ve been damaged; that someone owes us. It can be fun to play the victim.

Successful people, on the other hand, work hard to understand others and learn what they don’t know. When something hurts their feelings or psyche, they don’t make assumptions. Instead, they ask questions and listen in an attempt to learn about the other person (or even themselves). They’re not afraid to take feedback (or even criticism) because they view it as a gift; it’s information to help them become more self-aware (which is always a goal for them). When we’re feeling offended, the most helpful thing we can usually do is recognize it and choose not to be. We gain so much time and energy back by refusing to take things personally. Don Miguel Ruiz touched on these maxims in his book, the 4 Agreements. Agreement 2 is “Don’t Take Anything Personally” and Agreement 3 is “Don’t Make Assumptions.”

MAXIM 6: Growth requires change. Many of us want to grow, but we’re not all willing to experience great change (and the growing pains that come along with change). Some of us want the reward, but don’t want to do the work or pay the price for the reward. If we want things we’ve never had, then we must be willing to do things we’ve never done. If we want to grow, we must be willing to be stretched. Think about the elasticity of a rubber band. When we apply tension and stress to a rubber band, it stretches and grows. We too must be willing to absorb some tension and stress, if we want to expand. If you refuse to take on some stress and tension, recognise that you’ll likely stay stuck.

MAXIM 7: If you want to be happy, focus on doing what you love. Find the things that you are deeply passionate about – and pursue them ardently. We should never tolerate or stay in any job or relationship that makes us miserable. It’s been said that there are three forms of motivation. The lowest level of motivation is fear- it’s when we do things because we’re afraid of the consequences we’ll incur if we don’t. At a slightly higher level is obligation. That’s when we do things because we feel we should. The very highest level of motivation is passion or love. That’s when we do things because we want to. I encourage my clients to rarely do things out of fear or obligation. Instead, I implore you to determine what lights you up inside, and chase that down. It’s critical we evaluate what truly makes us tick inside. When we find jobs we love, we never work a day in our lives. The secret to fulfillment in life is aligning our beliefs and our actions. The happiest people I know make sure that what they think and dream about is congruent with what they do; how they spend their time. Recognise the power of setting boundaries and saying “no”. For those of us who were brought up to be people-pleasers, it can be hard to say no, but that’s okay. You can do hard things. Remember: every time to say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else (anyway) even if it’s just yourself and your mental or emotional health. While saying no can be hard, it’s far more important to make sure we’re making time to say yes to the things we truly love.

MAXIM 8: Yesterday is heavy. Put it down. Don’t live in the past. It doesn’t matter if you were wronged or mistreated last month or last year. Focusing on these things (or any part of the past) rarely serves us. The past is a great example of something that is only within our circle of concern; not our circle of control. It has nothing to do with what we can accomplish today and who we can (and will) become tomorrow. A former boss of mine, Johnny Montes, once said “The past is interesting, but nothing more.” I have found so much truth in that statement over the years. The past can be instructional, but the most surefire way we can make a difference in own lives or the lives of others is by keeping our focus on today. Staying connected to the present moment allows us to change the world; remaining stuck in “what was” does not.

Yesterday is heavy. Put it down. Don’t live in the past.

When I began living life with these eight maxims in mind, my entire world changed. I guarantee that if you start to practice them tomorrow (especially with consistency), you too will notice major changes in your life. I also can’t say enough about writing out a vision, mission, or purpose statement for your life. Living your life with deliberate intention will allow you to experience breakthrough happiness and success.

If you’d like to read what people are saying about Amy’s first book, the 7 V.I.R.T.U.E.S. of Exceptional Leaders, you can do so here: https://amymchambers.com/ book-reviews/