ParentingNH August 2019

FAMILY FAVORITES VOTING, PAGE 4 • CATCH A SHOW

COMPLIMENTARY

AUGUST 2019

Steering toward the teen years

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INSIDE features

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License to drive

The rules of the road for teen drivers in NH

14 Social media 101 Get to know the apps, sites and networks your teen is using

18 Reading, writing and vaping

AUGUST 2019

24 Vaccines for teens & tweens Vaccinations doctors recommend that will keep them healthy

27 Looking ahead to senior year A local high-schooler shares her thoughts about this time in a teen’s life

departments 3 From the editor’s desk

4 The short list 6 I want that 30 Tween us parents 35 My turn 38 Dad on board 39 House calls 40 Never a dull moment

42 Out & about 44 Time out

How New Hampshire schools are handing the health crisis

ON THE COVER: Camden Roberts, 16, (driver); Jake Beaudin, 16, (back seat); and Kaden Razvi, 16, (back seat, not pictured) of Bedford with McLean Communication’s “driving instructor” Heather Rood. Cover photographed on July 2, 2019, in Bedford, by Kendal J. Bush Photography; See more of her work at www.kendaljbush.com.

SPECIAL THANKS to AutoFair Automotive Group for providing the 2019 Honda Accord Sport.

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| AUGUST 2019 1

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NOW WELCOMING NEW PATIENTS. Call CMC’s Access Line at 603.314.4750 to find a provider who’s right for you.

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from the editor’s desk DEMOCRACY IN YOUR BACKYARD Where can you meet a senator from California, a mayor from South Bend, Ind., and a former Vice President of the United States? Well, in New Hampshire, of course. And they’ll likely be, or have been, in your town or a town near you.

That’s the advantage of living in the first-in-the-nation primary state.

More than 20 Democrats are running to win the right to take on the Republican candidate for president — most likely incumbent President Donald Trump (though he too has challengers, most notably former Mass. Gov. William Weld) in November 2020.

We have a front row seat to “retail politics.” With the exception of Iowa — whose caucus is the first nominating contest — no other state has the privilege of seeing democracy in action right in their backyard. The candidates will be kissing babies, shaking hands and speaking to as many voters as they can through February 2020 in their effort to win the Primary.

This New Hampshire Primary will be the fifth I’ve covered as a journalist, and I’ve participated in several more. After all these years of living here, it’s easy to forget how unique an experience and opportunity it is to have presidential candidates appearing at barbecues, town halls, even at people’s homes, with throngs of local and national media following closely behind.

With a few weeks left of summer vacation and appearances abounding, this is the time to try to see and meet some of the presidential candidates. It’s also a good way to engage your kids in the democratic process, maybe for the first time.

Even if you know who you are voting for, whether it is a Democrat or Republican candidate, it’s worth your time to expose your kids to the buzz and excitement surrounding the politicians and the press who come through here every four years. There’s nothing else like it.

With the number of candidates, there’s no excuse for not being able to catch one or more of the candidates in the diverse field. Encourage your child to ask you questions and be sure to follow up by taking them with you to the voting booth so you can set the example for your future voter.

Not sure where to start? Local media outlets, both print and online, are posting candidate appearances in New Hampshire. You can also visit the individual candidate websites to find their schedules.

WELCOME, KATHLEEN

Kathleen Palmer’s column, “Never a Dull Moment” debuts this month in ParentingNH. You may recognize her from her role as the editor of Encore, an arts and entertainment publication based in Nashua, for five years. You may have also seen her on stage. She’s been a member of Actorsingers for 25 years and performed this spring in “Mamma Mia!’’ A longtime Granite State resident and lifelong writer, Kathleen has a tween-age daughter. She’s one of the funniest ladies I know and I’m thrilled she’s joined us so she can share her comedic take on parenting with our readers.

contributors • AUGUST KATHLEEN PALMER is ParentingNH ’s newest contributor.

She is an awardwinning editor and journalist, marketing/ communications content writer, and occasional comedic actress. Nothing makes her happier than making people laugh. She is a single mom to a teenager, so naturally she enjoys a glass of wine, or two. Check out her new column in this month’s issue.

MELANIE PLENDA is an award-winning freelance journalist and mom based in Keene. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic.com, The Daily Beast, American Baby and Parents. com, among other media outlets. She’s also the project manager for the Granite State News Collaborative.

KRYSTEN GODFREY MADDOCKS has worked as a journalist and in marketing roles throughout the Granite State. She writes regularly for NewEngland based higher education, business and technology organizations. Mom to preschooler Everett, she has enjoyed calling the Seacoast her home for more than 25 years.

MARY ELLEN HETTINGER, APR is an award-winning reporter, editor and writer, and accredited public relations professional. She won a bronze award in 2017 from the Parenting Media Association for her news feature on perfluorochemicals in New Hampshire’s water supply.

MELANIE HITCHCOCK, EDITOR www.parentingnh.com

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the short list ENTER THE YOUNG WRITERS ESSAY CONTEST DEADLINE IS AUG. 7 ParentingNH is holding its fifth-annual essay writing contest. If you are a Granite State kid who loves to write, we want to put the spotlight on you.

The essay topic is: What is your favorite book? Tell us about it. Why is it your favorite? Why is it meaningful to you? What do you like most about it?

Do you have a favorite character?

Winners will be chosen from three age groups: age 7 and younger; age 8-11, and age 12 and older. A winner from each of these age categories will have their essays published in the September issue of PNH. Additionally, an overall winner will be selected — their essay will also be published and they will be photographed for ParentingNH’s September issue.

Essays will be judged on clarity, thoughtfulness and creativity, and must be 100 to 300 words.

The deadline is Wednesday, Aug. 7. Winners will be contacted via email or phone on Thursday, Aug. 8; a photo shoot will be scheduled for the winner shortly after they are notified.

For additional requirements and contest rules: www.parentingnh.com.

Get your vote on! Choose your Family Favorites Local organizations and businesses play a key part in making the Granite State a fantastic place to live and raise your family. And we want you to tell us who you think is the best of the best.

Now in its ninth year, our Family Favorites reader poll at www.parentingnh.com is open through Wednesday, Aug. 15. Readers can cast their votes for New Hampshire’s best in more than 50 categories including Out & About, Baby Stuff, Birthday Fun, Shopping, Activities & Learning, Family Services and Restaurants. What’s the best indoor play park?

What’s your favorite restaurant? Where do you go on date night? We want to know!

Everyone who completes the survey is entered to win prizes including Water Country tickets, NH Fisher Cats tickets, a splash birthday party at the Workout Club in Salem, a Breathe NH Fun Pass and a family membership to the Children’s Museum of New Hampshire.

Look for ParentingNH’s Family Favorites list in the November issue.

for even more fun ParentingNH.com

facebook.com/ParentingNH

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twitter.com/ParentingNH

SYLVAN LEARNING CENTERS CELEBRATING 40TH BIRTHDAY WITH FAMILY EVENTS On Aug. 8, Sylvan Learning centers in Portsmouth and Salem have planned fun, interactive family events from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. at each center location. This is an open house, free to the public, that will include entertainment, educational demonstrations, refreshments and raffle prizes.

“We also love giving back and participating in community events, and at our 40th Birthday Bash we will also be accepting donations and signing up a team to participate in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Light the Night Walk,” Krista Martin, owner and executive director of the Sylvan Learning centers said.

RSVP through www.eventbrite.com, “Sylvan’s 40th Birthday Bash.”

PHOTO COURTESY OF KAREN BACHELDER

Don’t miss the Friends of Aine Kids TRY-athlon on Aug. 18 Aine loved to be outside doing things. In the winter time she was crazy for sledding and in summer she turned into a fish – when she wasn’t riding her bike or running around with her friends. The Kid’s TRY-athlon, now in its seventh year, encompasses the three things Aine loved to do all summer: swim, bike and run.

It’s a race at the Bedford town pool and high school for kids ages 4 to 15, no matter their athletic ability. This fun event includes prizes, raffles, music, pancake breakfast, face painting and more. All proceeds support bereavement services offered at the Friends of Aine Center for Grieving Children & Families. ParentingNH is a proud sponsor of this event. Register at www.friendsofaine.com.

PARENTINGNH PUBLISHER GOES ‘OVER THE EDGE’ For a third year, the United Way of Greater Nashua and Granite United Way brought the “LIVE UNITED Over the Edge” event to Manchester’s Brady Sullivan Tower in June. The event is a fundraiser that brings together nonprofits with the goal of raising awareness about their missions. This year, 28 organizations recruited individuals to fundraise and ultimately rappel from the top of the 24-story, 300-foot high tower.

Sharron McCarthy, president and publisher of McLean Communications (shown above, mid-rappel) which publishes NH Magazine, NH Business Review and ParentingNH, among other titles, raised about $3,000 for United Way and Girls Inc.

Dept. of Ed launches annual Backpack Drive The state Department of Education’s 4th annual Backpack Drive is underway. The Department is asking for donations of new backpacks for students of all ages. Drop off the backpacks at the Department of Education, 101 Pleasant St., in Concord through Aug. 16. The backpacks will be given to school nurses across the state, who will distribute them to students in need. Last year, the drive collected more than 500 backpacks. For more information, contact Diana Fenton at 271-3189

MONADNOCK UNITED WAY IS TRAINING LOCAL AGENCIES ON FAMILY INVOLVEMENT Research has shown that family involvement is critical to building systems that support children’s development. With the help of a recently awarded federal preschool development grant to the state of New Hampshire, the Monadnock United Way/Impact Monadnock is hosting two training sessions for organizations and schools to create systems to bring families into the conversation and planning processes.

The first training session is Aug. 13, from 9 a.m. to noon, at the Alumni Center at Keene State College in Keene. For more information about the session or to sign up to attend, contact Paige Martin at paige@muw.org or go to www.muw.org/PDG.

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I want that TWEENS AND TEENS EDITION

Dorm room solution The BunkTrunk is a safe/locker, nightstand and work surface all in one. It doesn’t require mounting hardware or take up floor space, and it easily fits above the top bunk in college dorm rooms or under the bed. The BunkTrunk has a power strip with USB ports to charge your gear. It’s perfect to store textbooks, laptop, jewelry, money, medication and more.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: WWW.BUNKTRUNK.COM

Their first debit card

Don’t stress out

Great for parties

Huggaroo’s ultra plush 15-pound weighted blankets feel like a gentle, soothing hug.

The steady pressure is proven to lower stress hormones and get minds to calm down and relax for restful sleep. The outer cover is minky fabric; the inner quilt is 100% cotton filled with hypoallergenic, leadfree, non-toxic, odorless glass microbeads. Seven-pound blankets are also available for kids weighing 30-90 pounds.

Capture the Flag started 70plus years ago as an outdoor game where teams sneak into their opponents’ territory and try to steal their flag. Now it’s been adapted for today’s generation using glow-in-thedark lights. The kit’s 25 reusable light-up game pieces allow for up to 10 players. It also includes 12 alternate ways to play, allowing for four to 20 players.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: WWW.HUGGAROO.COM

AVAILABLE AT WWW.STARLUXGAMES.COM; $59.90

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Introducing Greenlight, a customizable debit card for kids that enables parents to choose the stores where their kids can spend money. Controlled via an app, Greenlight is a safe way to give your kids money, approve their spending and prepare them to be financially-smart adults.

Parents monitor their child’s card and are notified via the app in real time.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: WWW.GREENLIGHTCARD.COM

Write now, read later Keep in touch with your past, present and future selves with this collection of 12 letters.

Letters to My Future Self is a journey into the future that becomes a priceless memento.

Write letters to yourself and seal them up with the included stickers. Assign a date in the future for opening and don’t peek until the time arrives.

AVAILABLE AT WWW. UNCOMMONGOODS.COM; $14.95

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License Know the rules of the road for teen drivers

BY KRYSTEN GODFREY MADDOCKS

G

etting a driver’s license at age 16 is a rite of passage that symbolizes freedom for teenagers. But before your teen can experience driving independently, he or she must spend a significant investment of time in a classroom and behind the wheel to prepare for the safest driving experience possible.

Safety advocates say New Hampshire’s graduated driver licensing law helps ensure that teens under 18 learn how to drive safely before they are granted full privileges on the road.

According to New Hampshire Driving Towards Zero, speed and inexperience of novice drivers are the major causes of fatal crashes among teens as reported by the New Hampshire Division of Motor Vehicle’s Division of Motor Vehicle Fatal Accident Reporting System. Although drivers age 16 and 17 held about 2% of the total number of driver’s licenses in the state in 2015, these same drivers were involved in 15% of total crashes.

Factor in additional distractions that teens find difficult to resist — friends, music and cell phones — and the risk multiplies.

Up to 60% of all teen crashes are due to distracted driving, said Pat Moody, manager of public affairs for AAA Northern New England, who also oversees AAA driver

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education in the states of Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire. The most common forms of distraction leading up to a crash by a teen driver include interacting with passengers (15%) and using cell phones (12%), he said, citing a recent AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety study.

“For each additional person in the vehicle, the distraction increases. If you add someone older than 25, the risk deceases by 32%. That’s why I tell parents that even after your child gets their license, you should get back in the car with them as often as possible,” Moody said.

Before your son or daughter reaches the age when he or she is ready to start learning how to drive, it’s important to understand the facts related to teen driving and licensure in New Hampshire.

to drive RESOURCES FOR PARENTS • New Hampshire Division of Motor Vehicles: www.nh.gov/safety/divisions/dmv (click on “driver licensing”) • AAA Keys 2 Drive — Guide to Teen Driver Safety: www.teendriving.aaa.com/NH/ • New Hampshire Driving Toward Zero — Parent Toolbox: www.nhparentsofteendrivers.com

FACT: IN NEW HAMPSHIRE, TEENS CAN START DRIVING AT 15 1/2 YEARS OLD AND DO NOT NEED A LEARNER’S PERMIT. Yes, it is true that the DMV allows teens to practice driving early, even before they can begin attending driving school. (The earliest a child can attend driving school is age 15 years and 9 months; he or she must be 16 when they test at the DMV.) • An unlicensed 15½-year old must be accompanied by a parent or guardian or responsible adult who is at least 25 years old and holds a valid license.

• The adult in the car with the unlicensed teen is liable for any motor vehicle violation committed by the unlicensed driver.

• Teens do not need to pass a written exam before they start practicing driving.

FACT: SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF A DRIVER EDUCATION COURSE IS REQUIRED FOR ANY DRIVER UNDER 18.

If your child wants to get their license before turning 18, the State of New Hampshire has specific requirements he or she needs to complete before applying for a license.

• To first earn a driver’s education certificate, teens must complete a course of study that includes 30 hours of classroom, 10 hours of driving, and six hours of observation, according to the NH DMV website.

• Although there more than 60 driving schools to choose

from throughout the state, many of which are listed on the NH DMV website, some report being full months in advance. For example, AAA’s driving school in Merrimack is booked up until winter 2020. 1st Gear Driving School in Amherst is also booked this fall and is registering for winter classes, according to its website.

• Driving schools take about six weeks to complete, depending upon the school and your teen’s course schedule.

But no driving school can compress driving instruction into a few blocks. By law, teens are only allowed to drive in driver’s ed classes for up to two hours in a week, but no more than one hour a day until hours seven and eight of instruction. For the first six hours of driving instruction, teens drive for one hour and observe for one hour each driving session. In total, driver’s ed provides students with eight driving sessions. This is why many driving school instructors urge parents to practice driving with their teen as much as possible before a teen begins school.

• Parents can expect to pay $600 to $700 to cover the cost of driving school. Some schools will pick teens up at their high schools or offer drop off and pick up from home; whereas others do not.

• How do you know which driving school is the best fit for your teen? Ask around. Some things to look for include years of experience, instructors’ experience and rapport with teenagers, and patience with inexperienced drivers.

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• However, online driver’s education is a good option for today’s On its Keys2Drive website, AAA also encourages parents call and visit busy teens who could benefit from the flexibility online courses prodriving schools to see if they use current training materials, hire provide, but only if the online curriculum is research-based and of high fessional instructors, and maintain clean classrooms and safe vehicles. quality, Moody said. (AAA has advocated for this bill.)

A good driving school should also facilitate parental involvement and have reasonable student-instructor ratios, acFACT: YOUR TEEN WILL NEED TO DOCUcording to AAA. MENT AT LEAST 40 HOURS OF DRIVING AAA’s License to Learn driving school curWHAT YOUR TEEN EXPERIENCE; 10 HOURS AT NIGHT. riculum is based on research and crash data. It WILL NEED TO APPLY • Your teen’s 40 hours of driving time must be doesn’t pick up and drop off teens from home FOR A LICENSE certified by a parent or guardian on the Certificaor school. Instead the road portion of its 10 tion of Additional Supervised Driving (Log Sheet) driving classes follows routes that expose stuprior to applying for a license, according to the • $50 fee dents to different road conditions that meet NH DMV website. particular objectives, Moody said.

• Completed application for a • It’s imperative that parents support their John Pacheco of Chico’s Driving Center in driver’s license children in learning how to drive. They can’t just Goffstown has been in the driver’s education • Proof of identity; requirements sign the paper so that their teen will get his or business for more than 20 years and said he has are different for Real ID-compliher license quicker; in fact, doing so when a teen ant licenses never had to advertise his classes. Pacheco said hasn’t really completed the hours violates RSA the best compliment he hears is when a parent • The original, green Driver 641:3 (Unsworn Falsification), Pacheco said. tells him years after their child has received their Education Completion Certificate • Moody agrees that parental involvement and issued by your teen’s driver license, they still haven’t experienced a crash or teen driving practice is critical to passing the education instructor a moving violation. “To me it’s a badge of honor. road test and being prepared for any traffic conIt means I got through to them,” he said.

• Signed parent or guardian dition your teen may face. AAA recommends 100 authorization certificate Jon Benson of Benson’s Driving School has hours of practice time before a teen takes his or grown his business from one center to 10 cen• Completed Certification of her road test. (Maine now requires 70 hours of Additional Supervised Driving ters in southeastern New Hampshire over a pesupervised driving.) riod of 15 years. During his first year, he taught — Source: NH DMV • Benson said driver’s education should focus 149 students, and last year that number swelled on teaching teens correct habits and emphasize to 2,000 students. His instructors include famiskills that a parent may not normally teach (for ly members, but also former police officers and example, parking, merging onto highways, or teachers — people who enjoy working with kids, driving in the city). If a teen has enough driving he said. practice before he or she begins driver’s educaFACT: TEENS CAN’T TAKE THE CLASStion, instructors can work on those skills rather ROOM PORTION OF THEIR DRIVER’S than spending the bulk of road time teaching stuEDUCATION COURSE ONLINE…YET. dents the basics, he said.

• Although state law does not determine • While there are online providers of driver’s where teens should drive or stipulate that they education programs, the state so far has not aldrive in certain weather conditions, experts say lowed online education to supplant classroom that they should be exposed to as many differeducation. A bill that passed in June 2019 (Senate ent environments as possible to gain experience and Bill 40), opens the possibility that it could be allowed learn how to drive safely. Practice on rural roads, highin the future. The bill would allow for up to 15 hours of ways, city traffic and even during snowstorms helps them classroom education to be completed online. It further states gain confidence, Moody said. that “the commissioner may enter into contracts for assistance in • The only person who can drive with your teen is his or her pardeveloping, assisting, and conducting an online driver education ent or legal guardian — and that person is liable for any moving vicourse.” olations. Benson said he understands parents are busy and some of • Benson said he is not in favor of the online classroom option as them are frightened to sit in the passenger seat alongside their new it would be hard to determine whether students could rely on othdriver. He suggests parents and teens start off slowly in low-risk siters to guide them through that portion of the curriculum. During uations. his driver’s education classes, Benson said he’s able to use his own “Start off in a parking lot or a seldom-used development,” he life experiences to relate to students in a way that they can rememsaid. “The more they drive, the more experience they will get.” ber and understand certain driving situations.

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DREAM BIG BECOME A YMCA LEADER THE CENTER FOR YOUTH AND TEEN LEADERSHIP supports youth

development by providing services and opportunities that support all young people. Located in Manchester and Goffstown, The Center is a safe place to be and belong that enriches the spirit, mind, and body. Building character and community, The Center focuses on the Y’s four core values of caring, honesty, respect and responsibility.

• Cooking Programs • Monthly Teen Nights • Leaders Club For more information, contact Teen Directors: Bridget Johnston, YMCA of Downtown Manchester 603.232.8660 | bjohnston@graniteymca.org Rodney Brown, YMCA Allard Center of Goffstown 603.232.8699 | rbrown@graniteymca.org www.graniteymca.org | financial assistance available

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Infants Schedule a Personal Tour Online. WorldAcademyNH.com/Tour

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FACT: TEENS DON’T HAVE TO SCHEDULE THEIR KNOWLEDGE OR VISION TESTS, BUT DO HAVE TO SCHEDULE ROAD TESTS.

• To take a knowledge or vision test, the NH DMV asks that you arrive at an office no later than 3:30 p.m.

• To pass the vision test, you must be able to read the 20/40 vision line with both eyes. Teens who wear contact lenses or glasses will be required to wear them while driving.

• To pass the knowledge test, teens need to score a passing grade of 80% on a computer-based touch-screen test with a time limit. (If you fail the test, you can retake it in 10 days).

• The average road test lasts 15-20 minutes and requires you to provide a vehicle for your teen to drive. The test measures skills such as driving in traffic, driving habits, knowledge of traffic signs and the rules of the road, and how a teen physically, mentally and emotionally handles the stress of driving. Teens who fail the road test must wait 10 days before they can retest. (If you miss your road test with less than 24 hours’ notice, you must wait 30 days to re-test.)

FACT: TEENS DON’T GET FULL DRIVING PRIVILEGES RIGHT AWAY, AND PARENTS HAVE SOME OVERSIGHT. • Until they turn 18, teens operate under a youth operator license and may not drive between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m.

• During the first six months of licensure, teens are prohibited from driving with more than one passenger under age 25 (family members exempt) unless accompanied by a licensed responsible adult who is at least 25.

• Parents may revoke the license of a teen under age 18 for any reason.

FACT: EVEN AFTER RECEIVING A LICENSE, PARENTS NEED TO SET EXPECTATIONS AND REMAIN INVOLVED

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While teens may be in a hurry to get their licenses, parents need take an active role in helping them understand the responsibility a driver’s license carries. Setting rules before your teen takes the wheel can help set clear expectations.

• AAA offers a Parent-Teen Driving Agreement on its website that helps parents set the rules for the family vehicle and teens agree on the consequences, should those rules be broken, Moody said. The agreement clearly spells out the road conditions a teen is permitted to drive in, the consequences if a teen arrives late or fails to use a seatbelt, and even how car maintenance and expenses should be shared between parents and teens.

“It has been proven that the more a parent is involved, the safer the teen will be. More parental involvement equals less driving risk,” he said.

• In his classes, Pacheco said he explains to his students that a license is a privilege you can lose at any time. In New Hampshire, a youth operator can get one moving violation and lose his or her license for 20 days. And if caught driving while intoxicated, teens can be charged with a Class B criminal misdemeanor. (Drivers under 21 with a BAC of . 02% or more typically face an administrative license suspension of six months.)

“I tell kids, if that happens, you might as well forget about [federal] student loans — you aren’t going to get one. And if you need to fill out a job application and you are convicted of a crime, you must include that,” he said.

Krysten Godfrey Maddocks has worked as a journalist and in marketing roles throughout the Granite State.

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• 100 Free Nightly Concerts FREE Events paid for by the Residents of • 17 Spectacular Fireworks Displays Hampton Beach Village District Every Wed. Night & Holidays • Free Movies on the Beach Monday Nights • Beach Volleyball Tournaments • Aug. 12-16, Children’s Festival • Aug. 17,18, Hampton Beach Soccer • Aug. 23-24-25, Talent Competition • Aug. 31, Circus Night at Stage • Sept. 14, Fire Show on Beach

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A PARENT’S GUIDE TO

social media Get to know the apps, sites and networks your teen spends time on

BY KRYSTEN GODFREY MADDOCKS

J

ust because you are friends with your children on Facebook — if they are even still on the platform — doesn’t mean you are privy to the full scope of their activity on social media.

New social media apps pop up every few months, sprouting innovative ways in which teens can connect with one another.

This furthers the digital divide between what kids are communicating and what their parents can see. It’s now more important than ever for parents to know about the myriad of social media apps popular with teens including the potential risks each brings, experts say.

“Kids have dropped off Facebook now that their parents are using it. It’s not as visual and not as video-centric, and it has tons of ads,” said Kris Bowden, who owns Social Guru, a local

14 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

SOCIAL MEDIA TIPS FROM HEATHER INYART OF MEDIA POWER YOUTH • When you first provide your child with a cell phone or device that allows them to join social media, create a family use contract.

This lays out the expectations of how they will use their device.

Part of that contract could include an agreement regarding not signing up for fake accounts, agreeing not to bully peers, and consequences for violating any part of the contract. It’s important to create a climate to develop healthy relationships with technology and what it means to use a phone responsibly.

• Talk about what it means to share too much/inappropriate information. If teens share personal information about friends, family and their location, they inherently put themselves at risk. Young women also feel pressure to share inappropriate content — such as nude pictures — as early as the sixth grade. Because teens don’t realize the legal implications of sharing those types of images, it’s important for parents to have this discussion.

social media marketing company based in Dover. “But the huge part of why they leave is the fact that they want their own space.”

There are several social media apps that appeal to teens — and they run the gamut from text, chat, meeting rooms, to picture and video sharing platforms. Some popular ones that may be familiar to parents include Twitter, Instagram and YouTube — while others such as Snapchat, Kik Messenger, WhatsApp and Tik Tok — may be less so.

Each app has a unique audience, and although they set age restrictions (usually age 13-plus), it is nearly impossible for a software developer to verify the age of a subscriber. And even if you join every app and demand that your child “friends” you, there are still other ways your child may stay under your social media radar.

“My daughter had five Instagram accounts. Kids make duplicate accounts by signing up for a new account with a new email,” Bowden said. “I’ve given up trying to keep all of her passwords, because it inspired more secret accounts. Instead it’s about having a conversation — we talk about social media every day.”

START A CONVERSATION AND KEEP IT GOING It’s typical for teens to have multiple accounts and sign up for apps they may not be old enough to join, said Heather Inyart, executive director of Media Power Youth, a nonprofit organization based in Manchester that focuses on teaching youth to consume and create media safely. The mission of the organization is to change the way kids think about and use media.

Media Power Youth, funded by individual donations and grants from local philanthropic organizations such as the New Hampshire Charitable Foundation and the Granite United Way, offers curricula for teachers and professional development training, family nights, and other programs that focus on how to create positive media and cultivate healthy relationships with technology.

• Parents should be on the lookout for “vault” apps which look like traditional cell phone tools — such as a calculator — but provide secret, password-protected hiding spaces to store photos, videos and other content. You can set up controls through your phone data sharing plan to ensure children get permission before they download an app.

• Be aware of the types of cyberbullying that can occur and talk to your teen about it. The latest data shows that 57% of teens have experienced some sort of harassment via social media apps, according to Inyart. These could include anything from someone spreading false rumors about your teen to offensive name calling to bullying. Even worse, your teen’s picture could be subject to someone pointing out their so-called “flaws” for all to read. The blurring of the line occurs when someone starts a “fight” online that spills over into a physical threat situation.

• Keep cell phones out of your tween’s bedroom. Inyart suggests families charge all their devices in the kitchen or another family space and leave them there overnight. Having all technology out before bedtime allows teens the mental space they need to leave social media. Otherwise, they get sucked in and can be up late responding back and forth.

• Take phones away when your teen needs to focus on the task at hand. Even if a teen’s phone is on their desk, they are thinking about it. It’s hard for them to take in and process information in the presence of a phone, Inyart said. If they are trying to learn in school or do homework, part of them will always be distracted if their phone is within an arm’s length.

• Understand that there are some benefits to connecting on social media if there is balance. Social media tools can help teens find others who share a common interest, no matter where they live.

Social media apps do allow for support and collaboration on projects, too — for example, there are apps that allow teens to manage a community project and help fund that project.

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 15

Get to know your teen’s favorite social media apps ‘SECRET’ APPS

TEXTING APPS

Snapchat

Kik Messenger allows your child age 13 or

became popular quickly, thanks to its promise that videos shared would “disappear” over time. It is free and available to anyone over the age of 13, including adults. Why it poses a danger:

older to text for free with no character limits or ads. Why it poses a danger:

• It does not show up in you’re a cell phone messaging service, so you won’t know what or when your child is texting to others.

• Strangers can message your child if they know your child’s Kik username.

• It features “promoted chats” in which your child can chat with a brand and be subliminally marketed to.

WhatsApp is another messaging

service; this one is for teens 16 and older only. You can send text, audio and video messages to as many people as you want with no size limit or feeds.

Why it poses a danger:

• Many people younger than 16 sign up anyway.

• Although it offers “end to end encryption” between users who send messages to one another, claiming that even the software developer can’t read or store messages, this could give teens a false sense of security when sharing — as anyone can screenshot a conversation and share it later.

PHOTO/ VIDEO-SHARING APPS

Tik Tok is for teens older than 16 who want

to be the next breakout rock star. This app allows them to record and share videos of their performances. Why it poses a danger:

• Songs and videos include bad language and other types of content you might not want your young teen exposed to — as anyone can post videos in this app.

• Users can comment on videos, which can result in hurt feelings, inappropriate or sexually suggestive comments. Again, adults can participate in these conversations, too.

Houseparty enables group video chat-

ting through mobile and desktop apps for teens 13 and older. Users receive a notification when friends are online and available to group video chat. Why it poses a danger:

• Again, while you may think the harmless, goofy video you are sharing with up to eight people stays between you, anyone can screenshot a moment that your teen might regret later.

• Teens might get involved in video chats with people they don’t know well, exposing them to inappropriate content that can’t be “stopped” by a moderator.

16 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

SNAPCHAT IMAGE COURTESY OF IMORE.COM

• Embarrassing or inappropriate photos never go away if a friend screenshots them to share with others.

• Snapchat does keep data on “snaps” sent and received, so there is a way to recover sexy images or other photos that shouldn’t be shared.

• “Snapchat is a camera where it matters more how you feel than how you look,” according to its website. With many filters and the ability to copy and paste images into carefully curated photos, your teen may receive images that don’t accurately reflect reality and feel pressure to curate his or her own “better” reality.

Whisper is positioned to get teens 17

and older to expose their innermost secrets, claiming anonymity to the user. There is no way for Whisper to verify the age of any user.

Why it poses a danger:

• Teens don’t even need an email to sign up.

And they don’t need to input their names.

However, if the location identification is left on, predators can easily tell where a teen is located.

• Teens may reveal secrets that they regret.

And they may be exposed to “confessions” with sexual or inappropriate content that they feel pressured to “share.” One example of a shareable meme posted on the Whisper website: “When I start talking to a girl, I test her and see how long it takes her to send me a naked picture. If it’s within a week she fails and isn’t for me.”

• A review of the app in the Apple Store by a teen reports that she often gets asked to share nude pictures.

— Information courtesy of Common Sense Media

The New Hampshire Attorney General’s Office is funding the organization’s “Screenshots” middle school media literacy curriculum as part of a broader violence prevention initiative to proactively address the influence of media on school violence.

“Teens are very smart, and they know their parents are looking out for multiple accounts. They manage their online reputations and are guarded about the information they share in certain circles,” Inyart said.

That’s why it’s critical for parents to talk to their children about media use and discuss expectations around responsible online behavior, she said, adding that Media Power Youth advises parents in its workshops to explain to kids right away that nothing shared online is private and that certain choices in how kids communicate can have consequences for them.

“We encourage parents to be curious and try to understand why their children enjoy using an app or following a certain YouTube influencer. This type of dialogue builds trust so that when kids encounter content or situations that make them uncomfortable, they will come to their parents for support,” Inyart said.

Understanding how a teen’s mind works can help parents better understand why their child joins particular social media apps or groups in the first place. For example, today’s kids have grown up around media in a way their parents did not. They are used to instant gratification, thanks to mobile devices. Most parents start providing their children phones when they begin middle school, for convenience. Their peers receive phones at the same time, creating a group of children who suddenly can all communicate with one another, she said.

“Parents grew up with answering machines. If you didn’t hear from a friend in a couple of days, you thought nothing of that. Today’s kids would think of two days as an eternity and think that if they hadn’t heard from a friend, something is really wrong — that they do not want to talk to me anymore,” Inyart said.

BY THE NUMBERS SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE LAW New Hampshire law enforcement officials see firsthand how social media can play a role in victimizing teens and say that there is no one application that poses a greater danger than another.

“Snapchat is widely used only because of its ability to allow people to quickly communicate with messages that seemingly disappear from the device. Kids gravitate toward similar apps that have that capacity. Online predators are on the same apps, because they have the familiarity with how the technology operates and how their prints and tracks can be eliminated so they stay off the radar,” said Matt Fleming, an investigator with the Hillsborough County Sherriff’s Department, who is assigned to the Internet Crimes Against Children Taskforce (ICAC) in New Hampshire.

Because children are not aware of social media’s overall potential for danger, parents need to be especially vigilant. They want to enjoy the ability to communicate locally and globally but aren’t aware of the inherent risks. What can happen is that a child will supply too much personal information and start to meet the demands of an online predator, who demands more and more information.

“Kids are still developing, and they are asking lots of questions about life and sex, and they are going to the internet and applications to ask random people information,” Fleming said. “I encourage parents to have conversations with their kids — you have to in a digital age. Sexual assault now can take place thousands of miles away.”

Another issue that teens may not understand is how their ages dictate what they can legally say or share in online communications. For example, a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old are allowed to date, as the age of consent is 16 in New Hampshire. However, you are not allowed to talk about sexually explicit topics or share sexually explicit photos legally until both parties are 18. If you do, the 18-year-old could be charged with a Class B felony and be required to register as a sex offender, Fleming said.

“We know parents struggle, but it is important to take the time to learn how an app works.

There are tons of resources, including our task

force, where we do presentations all over the state at the request of communities, he said.

The federally funded Internet Crimes Against Children Taskforce provides resources to parents and schools and plans to use additional state funding set aside by Gov. Chris Sununu to add and train officers and provide forensic examiners with the right equipment, said John Peracchi, commander of ICAC and a detective/ sergeant with the Portsmouth Police Department.

In May, Operation Cyberguardian yielded 12 arrests in a three-day period, thanks to undercover officers who followed individuals meeting up with minors they met online. The undercover operation was conducted by ICAC, as well as the U.S. Secret Service, Department of Homeland Security, police from Nashua, Lebanon and Portsmouth; and the sheriff’s departments in Strafford, Cheshire and Grafton counties.

Social media victimization is not uncommon.

If a parent suspects that their child may be a victim, they should start out by contacting their local police department. ICAC works closely with local departments around the state and has 100 affiliates, Peracchi said.

“As far as evidence goes, they [parents] should not delete, manipulate, or forward to anyone else any of the evidence. Keep it in its original form,” he said.

Social media is here to stay, as more than nine in 10 American teens say they have access to a smartphone or social media, according to a 2018 Pew Research Center Survey. The key to facilitating safe social media use is awareness, education, and keeping the lines of communication with your teen open.

“Encourage conversations and don’t be afraid to engage with them [your teen] to the level that they want you to be engaged. If they are okay with you being one of their followers, do it,” Bowden said. “You can also be that ‘extra eye’ by being friends [on social media] with their friends and inform their parents if needed.

We are in this together. If you see something, say something.”

Krysten Godfrey Maddocks has worked as a journalist and in marketing roles throughout the Granite State. She now regularly writes for New-England based higher education, business and technology organizations.

AS SOCIAL MEDIA USAGE GROWS, CYBERCRIME CONTINUES TO BLOSSOM, TOO. JOHN PERACCHI, COMMANDER OF ICAC AND A DETECTIVE/SERGEANT WITH THE PORTSMOUTH POLICE DEPARTMENT SHARED THE FOLLOWING STATISTICS STEMMING FROM ICAC INVESTIGATIONS SINCE JANUARY 2019.

18 260

Traveler cases (adult looking to meet with a minor)

Cybertips received

40

28

Arrests

Child enticement

282 30 Number of investigations

Child pornography manufacturing

50

37

Community presentation

Distribution

79 Possession

82

Search warrants executed

For more information Media Power Youth, a nonprofit organization based in Manchester, focuses on teaching youth to consume media safely: www.mediapoweryouth.org Common Sense Media has been the leading source of entertainment and technology recommendations for families and schools since 2003: www.commonsensemedia.org

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 17

Reading, writing and vaping As the number of teens using e-cigarettes goes up, NH schools try to deal with the crisis and educate students

BY MARY ELLEN HETTINGER

18 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

W

hile combustible cigarette use has declined among young people, vaping — the use of electronic nicotine delivery systems (ENDS) — has skyrocketed.

The widely held attitude about e-cigarettes and similar devices among teens and many adults is that vaping is safe, and that e-juice, which contains nicotine, is only water and fruit and candy flavoring.

“The overall perception is that vaping is ‘better than smoking.’ Parents and teens don’t understand the health impact of these products — many of which are more potent in terms of nicotine than cigarettes — on young people under 25,” said Kim Coronis, Breathe NH’s policy and program manager.

“Healthy teenagers are harming themselves by putting unknown chemicals and toxins into their bodies. It’s concerning to see how little they know about the effects of vaping,” said Christine Bostaph, program coordinator at the Raymond Coalition for Youth (RCFY), a group whose mission is to empower the community to promote positive youth development and reduce youth substance use and suicide risk.

SCHOOL POLICIES Schools are increasingly dealing with students who are caught vaping or with vaping materials.

A 2010 change to the existing tobacco law banned minors from possessing or buying e-cigarettes or liquid nicotine. In 2019, the state legislature passed HB 511, a bill that expounds upon those changes, but it had not yet been signed by the governor in early July.

The state Department of Education mandates that every school has a policy for substance possession and/or use on campus, but each district sets its own policy. Combustible cigarettes, e-cigs, Juul, opiates, marijuana and alcohol, all fall under the illicit substance category — and all are illegal for minors.

In a Seacoast school district, one student resource officer reported in 2018 that a senior would not be graduating with his class, due to multiple

BY THE NUMBERS

10-day suspensions for vaping. Other schools believe out-of-school suspensions are counterproductive and take a different approach.

“When we catch kids with illegal substances, we do a five-day suspension with learning opportunities,” Steve Chamberlain, superintendent for the Hopkinton School District said. The out-of-school program is supervised, with students connecting to an adult mentor and given academic support.

They return on probation and do a required learning activity such as researching substances, their effect on long-term health, etc. “to help them learn and understand.”

“Students return relatively current on academics, and parents appreciate that. Our overall vision is to change the behavior, not just punishment,” Chamberlain said. “In this way we exhibit care for families and students.”

Now the administration is trying to make Hopkinton one of several towns in the state with a “Tobacco 21” law, which would prohibit the sale/possession of any tobacco product to anyone under 21.

Mike MacFadzen, executive director of the Belknap Country Restorative Justice/Juvenile Diversion Program in Laconia, typically works with juveniles 12 to 17 years old who are caught at school using vape products. The punishment is usually 10 days suspension, but only five if they agree to do the diversion program.

A parent or guardian must attend the informational program, too, MacFadzen said, “So there’s no confusion between parent and child. We want to educate parents on the dangers of vaping, smoking weed, drinking.”

The diversion program takes a team approach, including the student, parents, teachers and coaches in the plan, depending on the student’s attitude and number of times they’ve been caught. Because incidents of vaping have been increasing in recent years, the program started in September 2018 after

23.8% of NH high school age youth

reported having used an electronic vapor product at least one day during the 30 days before the 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS)

Use of any tobacco product

grew by 38.3%

among high school students (2017-18)

4.9 million

middle and high school students were current users of tobacco products in 2018

For a 5th straight year, e-cigarettes are the most commonly used tobacco product among youth in the U.S.

There were

1.5 million

more youth e-cigarette users in 2018 than 2017 — Information courtesy of Breathe NH

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 19

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What parents need to know • Vapes, e-juice and flavor pods are classified as tobacco products by the government • Vaping is illegal for minors and carries serious penalties at school • Vapes contain highly addictive nicotine — the same nicotine that’s in traditional cigarettes — which affects developing brains • Vapes contain chemicals known to be dangerous • Vape devices and liquids also contain unknown, unregulated ingredients

student resource officers (SROs), principals and administration determined they had to do more together.

MacFadzen said younger students are now being caught: “We see a lot more seventh-, eighth- and ninth-graders.” Parents often buy devices and “e-juice” (liquid nicotine) for their kids, believing that they are safe.

Kicking kids out of school was having little effect, MacFadzen said, so now the school encourages peer-to-peer work, with students who have gone through the program and done the research talking about their experience to others.

Some kids are “definitely addicted” to vaping, he added. “They say, ‘I need to have it;’ they readily admit they’re addicted. They kind of have to suck it up and go cold turkey through withdrawal.”

Nicotine dependency is a physical chemical addiction. When users try to quit, withdrawal symptoms include irritability, depressed mood, restlessness and anxiety, to an intensity of mood disturbance “similar to that found in psychiatric outpatients,” according to the National Institutes of Health.

Teachers say they can see the difference in students who vape when they return to school after a break. They’re more restless and anxious, having vaped more over vacation. This is a reason why out-of-school suspensions can be counterproductive.

Nicotine is one of the most powerfully addictive substances, especially for those whose brains are still developing, said Albee Budnitz, MD, a retired pulmonologist from Nashua and Breathe NH board member.

“They could be good kids,” Dr. Budnitz said, “but their not-fully-developed brains are telling them to try it.” Compared to adults, he warned, nicotine has a more intense effect on young brains. This means they can get addicted much sooner and have a harder time withdrawing from use.

GET EDUCATED, SET A GOOD EXAMPLE The health education requirement to graduate high school is a ½ credit or one semester, but textbooks often can’t keep up with the times.

In response to what the FDA and CDC has called an epidemic, Breathe NH created Vaping Unveiled, an educational program about the dangers of e-cigarettes, Juul, and other devices on still-developing brains and lungs.

After a Vaping Unveiled program, presenter Kim Coronis heard that a mother was rewarding her daughter for doing homework by buying her flavor pods for her Juul. One flavor pod has the same amount of nico-

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Additional help and resources QuitNow-NH: www.quitnownh.org or 1-800-QUIT-NOW Medications to help adults kick nicotine addiction are not approved for youth use. Young people trying to quit vaping should consult with their doctor. Youth over 14 can call 800-QUITNOW (800-784-8669) to talk to a quit coach. The Truth Initiative has a free, quit-smoking mobile program called “This Is Quitting.” Text QUIT to 706-222-QUIT to get started.

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tine as an entire pack of cigarettes.

Dr. Budnitz said kids get mixed messages, with parents using e-cigarettes to quit smoking, and states legalizing recreational marijuana, which can also be vaped.

Kameo Chasse, coordinator of the Nashua Prevention Coalition, works closely with schools, presenting in health classes at the high schools; educating parents, teachers and coaches; and working with community partners such as Breathe NH. “Parents are typically surprised that this is such a developing issue, with new devices constantly being developed,” Chasse said.

Parents are also shocked at what vape companies “can get away with” in terms of marketing to youth. Parents need to educate themselves and then have those conversations with their kids, she added.

“The belief that [e-cigarettes] are less hazardous than tobacco or are completely harmless is a very difficult hurdle to get over with juveniles especially,” said MacFadzen.

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Unfamiliar devices in their backpacks or alterations made to clothes can also be vaping clues. Shapes range from pens to thumb drives to medical inhalers to lipsticks, or teardrop-shaped devices, that can be hidden in the palm of the hand. There is even “vapor wear”: hoodie drawstrings that are hoses to deliver vapor on the sly. Inventive kids may hide a device in a waistband and thread a hose through their shirt.

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT

Vaccines for

The vaccinations they need decrease, but teens and tweens need protection from a different set of diseases

BY MELANIE PLENDA

24 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

tweens and teens

P

arents are full of advice for their teens and tweens when it comes to being safe: Be careful who you talk to on the internet, buckle your seatbelt, wear your helmet, don’t eat something weird on a dare.

We give the warnings then sit back, cross our fingers, and hope it’s enough to keep our growing babies safe. But there is something else more concrete that parents can do to protect them, according to health officials — remember to get them vaccinated in their tween and teen years.

While the number of recommended vaccines for children decrease after age 6, health officials say that at around age 11 it’s time to get your tweens and teens back to their doctor.

Dr. Sandra Truebe, a pediatrician with Doctor’s Park Pediatrics in Manchester, said adolescents should first be up to date with their early childhood immunizations, which includes the vaccine against Hepatitis A, an infection passed through food and drink. “[There’s] a current outbreak in New Hampshire,” Dr. Truebe said. “Teens may not have received this yet because it has been given to children between 1 and 2 years old since 2006, but some teens may not have received it if they were older than 2 in 2006.”

VACCINE SCHEDULE In addition to catching up on childhood vaccinations they may have missed, the Centers for Disease Control recommend these vaccines for ages 11-12: • Influenza (Flu) — every year • Meningococcal (MenACWY) — one dose • HPV — two doses within 12 months • Tetanus, diphtheria and whooping cough (pertussis) (Tdap) — one dose For ages 13-18: • Influenza (Flu) — every year • HPV — if not already vaccinated; a three-dose series is needed for ages 15 and older

• A booster dose of Meningococcal (MenACWY) given at 16 years old; and Serogroup B meningococcal (MenB) (Bexsero® or Trumenba®) may be given at age 16 to 23 years or as early as age 10 if recommended by a pediatrician.

TDAP Truebe said the vaccines that young children have had for this (DTaP) have worn off by adolescence. There is good reason these days to be on top of this vaccine since it is, “unfortunately, seen more commonly again now,” she said.

“Although the [pertussis] vaccine isn’t perfect, it does provide the best protection available,” Truebe said.

“Pertussis is also known as the ‘100 day cough,’ but since early symptoms are the same as cold symptoms — runny nose, cough, low grade fever — it is typically not recognized as such until two to four weeks into the illness, at which time antibiotic treatment no longer shortens the course of the cough, and others will have been exposed.”

Truebe said pertussis can be life-threatening for older adults and for infants, who will not be fully protected until the 15-month dose. For others, it causes a “miserable” three-month cough that can lead to rib fractures and that interferes with sleep, school and life, she said.

MENINGITIS AND MENINGOCOCCAL DISEASE Meningitis is an infection of the covering around the brain and spinal cord (the meninges). Bacterial meningitis is a dangerous infection that, although rare, can be deadly within hours of symptom onset. According to the CDC, bacteria are transmitted to others by exchanging respiratory and throat secretions during close or lengthy contact.

Rates of this disease have been declining in the United States since the late 1990s. There were only 350 cases of the disease reported in

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| AUGUST 2019 25

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2017 giving it an incidence rate of .11 cases per 100,000 people. While anyone can get this disease, the CDC said that the rates are highest in children younger than 1 and adolescents and young adults ages 16 to 23.

Meningococcal disease can be deadly. Ten to 15 out of 100 infected people will die and up to one in five survivors will have long-term disabilities that include long of limbs, deafness, nervous system problems and brain damage, according to the CDC. Truebe said the vaccines given in adolescence protect against Neisseria Meningitidis, which is most commonly seen in adolescents and college-age youth. At 11 or 12, youth are given a vaccine to protect against four of the five strains of N Meningitidis Groups A, C, Y and W-135. (Menactra, Menveo or Meomune).

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The HPV vaccine protects against the Human Papilloma Virus.

Truebe said the current vaccine protects against nine different strains, including the strains of HPV that cause 90% of cervical cancer and abnormal PAP smears, and 90% of genital warts.

HPV is spread through intimate skin-to-skin contact and is contracted typically through sex with someone who has the virus, according to the CDC. Truebe said the HPV vaccine has been widely studied and as of March 2014 more than 60 million doses had been administered in the United States.

HPV infections are so common that nearly all men and women will get at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives. Nearly 80 million Americans, are infected with some type of HPV and about 14 million Americans including teens, become infected each year, according to the CDC. “Although nine of 10 HPV infections will go away by themselves within two years,” Truebe said, “HPV infections can last longer and cause cervical, penile, oral and anal cancers.”

Every year in the United States, HPV causes 33,700 cases of cancer in men and women. For the vaccine to be most effective, the CDC recommends that the doses be given prior to exposure to HPV. Which is why, they say, it’s recommended for adolescents to ensure that children are protected long before they are ever exposed to the virus.

Talk with your child’s pediatrician if you have any questions or concerns about vaccinating your child.

For an easy-to-read immunization schedule chart, go to www. cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules.

Melanie Plenda is an award-winning freelance journalist and mom based in Keene. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic.com, The Daily Beast, American Baby, and Parents.com among other media outlets. She’s also the project manager for the Granite State News Collaborative.

d a e h a g n i r k a o e y o L r o i n e s to ghts u o h t r es he r a h s r na i e l e o o m i h t c scary, high-s l d a n NH c a o l , g A NTING n E i R t i A P c L TO is ex h t SPECIA t , E u K o R U ab IE B

BY KAT • e f i l teen’s

I

t’s been 11 years in the making but

I’m not the only one going through this.

We’re all in the same boat. Here’s a little of what I’ve learned, what my friends have arrived and all the shared with me and what I can pass along. challenges and Throughout my junior year, I finally started thinking more about my future. I questions that had never really put much serious thought come with it. into it since graduating high school and pursuing my own career never seemed real until now.

I figured out that I want to go to college for music education. I have played music for many years now, but I never thought I’d want to do it as a career. I was worried it would take the joy out of playing music, but I realized that I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. It became more of who I was and I found myself enjoying music much more this past year as well, which has made me more optimistic about my future.

I started touring a few colleges, with a focus on the music program.

It was good to get a perspective on what my everyday life might look like in a year. It was exciting to get a glimpse of something that I had only heard about before, and made it seem all the more real.

Many of my friends have now graduated, meaning most people I talk to have already been through what I’m just now starting. It’s been helpful, but it also means my last school year is going to be very different. It will be much more difficult with my friends heading

senior year has

A little bit elegant, and a little bit rock-and-roll.

Katie rips a riff before heading off to the prom.

COURTESY PHOTO

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| AUGUST 2019 27

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off to college when I have to stick around for one more year. But as it grows closer I feel more optimistic about things, since they’re heading off to start their futures. It’s exciting to see them do that.

I’ve heard mixed things about senior year from my friends who have just finished it — that it was stressful, that it was great, or that they just ran out of motivation. But one thing I’ve heard over and over from many different people is that it goes by in a flash. It’s a relief, but it also adds more stress. I have even less time to pick a college, apply, decide for sure if I want to spend my whole life playing the bass as a career, and return all my library books.

I’m expecting my final year of high school to be similar to previous years, but easier. At this point I’m used to how things go. I finally know where each hallway is, and I don’t have to take science this year.

It’s very exciting. It already feels like things are wrapping up for me.

I’m about to face a lot of challenges, which makes me like everyone else. I think the hardest thing has been trying to wrap my mind around how quickly life goes by and that I’m going to be getting ready to head off to college in a year. A year sounds like a long time on paper, but if I think about where I was a year ago, it seems like it was just yesterday.

I’ve found that I have both long-term and short-term problems to worry about. Where will I go to college? Also, the issue of the inevitable, unreasonable and unavoidable student loan debt. The extent of the debt problem depends on where I decide to go. It could end up being a little bad, or very bad.

We’re all going through it. Student loans and permanent debt is a growing problem for young people. We have to consider paying back

Vote now at www. parentingnh.com

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28 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

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MOM many thousands of dollars over 10, 20, 30 years. I just wish I didn’t have to worry about not being able to go to my dream school because it might be too pricey.

I don’t want to sound negative, though. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited to head off to college and study topics I am passionate about. I’m excited to have a new sense of freedom, and to live on my own and take care of myself. I’m also a little worried that I won’t know how to do that, since there can be a few too many luxuries currently, like buying whatever frozen foods I want, whenever I want.

I still have another full year of high school ahead of me. I remember as a freshman having no idea what it would feel like to be a senior, and now we’re here. I’m taking classes I feel I’ll enjoy while at the same time benefit me as I pursue music education. I’m taking a teaching class I’ve only heard good things about, and a music theory class that could really put me ahead in college.

Here are my thoughts for parents: give your kids a break, and let them take their time deciding who they want to be for the rest of their lives. You have been through this before, but things are a bit different now.

It’s a new generation of people heading into college for the first time, so it’s our turn to discover our future.

Katie Burke will be a senior this fall at Timberlane Regional High School in Plaistow, where she is president of the orchestra and the Tri-M Music Honor Society, a member of The Milkmen improv group, the Timberlane Players, the National Honor Society, the school’s jazz combo, jazz band, orchestra, chamber orchestra, rock ensemble, the NHMEA All State Chamber Orchestra and NHMEA All State Orchestra. Katie, daughter of Amy Burke, has had her life chronicled over the past 11 years by (her) Dad on Board Bill Burke.

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TWEEN

US

S

T PAREN

Advice and tips on raising older kids If you’d like to be considered as an interviewee for a future Tween Us Parents roundtable, email editor@ parentingnh.com. The views expressed by participants do not necessarily reflect the views of ParentingNH.

This month’s question:

How can parents set their child up for success in the new school year?

COMPILED BY KATHLEEN PALMER

P

arenting teenagers: We all wonder if we’re doing it right. As teens and tweens experience their world and face glaringly different challenges than we did growing up, sometimes we’re unsure we have the tools to help them. We often seek out other parents who are also on the journey, or those who have the wisdom of experience in their rearview mirror.

ParentingNH is “hosting” a bi-monthly roundtable discussion to get diverse voices from around the Granite State to share their suggestions, opinions and advice on navigating the choppy waters of parenting older children.

The new school year is looming, the brief summer vacation erodes in August as we begin scrambling to plan, buy and organize everything that goes into going back to school.

With 20/20 hindsight, parents of teens and tweens realize how much easier it was to segue into the school year when their children were younger. We picked out the clothes, the supplies; we decided the

30 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

schedules and the routines. Now that our kids are older and wanting more independence and decision-making authority, we’re faced with finding the balance of power and appropriate choices.

This month’s panel: Larry W. of Amherst Melissa R. of Windham Michelle M. of Nashua Katheen P. of Nashua

Larry W.

» AMHERST, AGE 40

Michelle M.

» NASHUA, AGE 55

Married father of two girls, ages 11 and 9

Married, working mom of “five amazing young adults”

FOCUS ON EFFORT, BUILD ON PAST SUCCESS.

INSTILL CONFIDENCE THROUGH RESPONSIBILITY.

Our kids have drastically different feelings about returning to school each September. Our 11-year-old skips to the bus the first day with hopes to reconnect with friends she hasn’t seen since June. Our 9-year-old compares returning to school to nine months of hard labor without time off for good behavior.

They both tend to struggle academically and each has IEPs (Individualized Education Program, a written document developed for each public school child who is eligible for special education), so while we try to lower our expectations with relation to grading, they don’t get away without trying. We try to focus on effort and building upon previous success from the prior year; asking them if they’re looking forward to their favorite class again; asking what they’d like to do differently in classes they don’t like.

We also start the “school routine” (lunches packed the night before, laundry done, earlier bedtime) in mid-August. I imagine this has to be a bummer for them, but it makes the transition to a new school year a little bit smoother and less of a shock to the system.

Prepping our kids for each phase of development and new school experience (from kindergarten to college) begins with careful prep by us, the parents. But it’s more than clothes or supplies or a pep talk. As teens and tweens, there’s more of a social component that needs to be navigated every day. It’s difficult, and it means we have to trust them with hard things. Because let’s face it, it’s hard to be a kid at any age, but especially this phase.

You can help set your children up for success by instilling confidence. Give them responsibilities and tasks a bit above what they think they can do. Building confidence means you let them overcome hard things. Even very young children can and should help around the home. If it’s kind of hard? Good! Responsibility creates a sense of accomplishment and therefore confidence, which will carry over to their school life. As long as any failures are met with encouragement from parents, not criticism. Did they try their best? That’s the goal.

With these little successes over a lifetime, this pattern will set the stage for a positive teacher-student relationship.

Melissa R.

Kathleen P.

» WINDHAM, AGE 44

Stay-at-home married mom of three: 14-year-old twin boys, 10-year-old girl

PREP AND PRE-PREP. As a mother of three, three-sport athletes, musicians and active students, I’d say the key to success in any new school year is not just preparation, but pre-preparation. This means planning for homework and projects to be done ahead of schedule, if possible, but also anticipating what might be coming down the pike.

Everyone knows things are going to get insane with schoolwork and concerts and practices, so the more that can be done up front, the better. In order for this to work, kids need to constantly communicate with their teachers about deadlines and go for extra help to get a boost whenever they can.

One absolute must in our home is packing everything the night before. The kids don’t go to bed until laptops are charging, homework is done and packed in their backpacks, and athletic bags are stocked for the next day’s practice. My children each have a locker in our basement which has a checklist on it for whatever sport they are playing, so they can make sure they have everything they need. They also set out their school clothes for the next day. This helps to eliminate a lot of the frantic “where-ismy-left-cleat-the-bus-will-be-here-any-minute” nonsense in the morning, although I won’t lie — it does still happen.

» NASHUA, AGE 53

Single mom of a 13-year-old daughter

ORGANIZED AND PRIORITIZE. My daughter is 13 and will start high school in September. She’s driven to achieve academically, for which I take no credit. She absolutely loves getting ready for a new school year.

My plan for helping her will center around one important theme: being organized. I will encourage that by creating an organized plan for my own tasks. This will achieve the twofold function of offering an example to follow and a template to use, as well as helping me be as calm and stress-free as I can be. She will need me to be more of a patient “rock” for her in her high school years than I have been to date.

Now that she’s a teen and entering ninth grade, the focus is much stronger on buying, buying, buying. There will be debates about expensive purchases of clothing and possibly a new laptop.

She was a fall baby, so she will likely be the youngest in her grade for her whole school career. She will also be in the “youngest” class in the building, as a freshman. I’m expecting a robust concern around appearing older and keeping up with the upperclassmen. My second plan for helping her succeed will revolve around reminding her of what’s really important as a student and as a person, and to help her refocus her priorities instead of “keeping up with the Joneses.”

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| AUGUST 2019 31

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ASK THE EXPERTS: ANNUA L whole foods and less sugar and processed foods leads to a healthier life.”

Barry: “We measure height and weight at each well-child visit to make sure your child is growing at the rate they should. Their health can be measured by meeting percentiles in growth and if they are falling off or exceeding their previous percentiles, we need to follow this closely. By asking what and how much the child is eating or drinking, we may be able to spot problems early on to get them back on track. Children should be following the 5-2-1-0 rule: five fruits and vegetables per day, two hours or less of screen time, one hour of physical activity outside in the sunshine and zero ounces of sugary beverages. I also emphasize the importance of a regular bedtime and getting enough hours of sleep each night.”

The days are growing shorter, which means annual wellness examinations will soon be submitted to school administrators.

ParentingNH reached out to several health care professionals to learn about the importance of annual physical exams and about some best practices regarding sending our kids back to school healthy and ready to learn.

OUR EXPERTS: Elizabeth Melendy, MD, of Core Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine in Plaistow; and Denise Toshach, MD, of Core Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine in Exeter.

Heather Merrill, APRN, St. Joseph Hospital Pediatrics, in Milford.

Dr. Ann Barlow Barry, of Derry Medical Center, in Windham.

What is included in a well-child check, when should I have it, and why is it important?

Merrill: “I strongly recommend routine physicals annually for school-aged children and teens. These appointments are important because they cover all the bases of health and wellness including, but not limited to, growth and development, preventative care and behavioral/mental health. Hav-

32 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

ing yearly appointments also helps build and maintain an open, communicative, trusting relationship with your pediatric provider.”

Why is it important to assess growth and nutrition during a physical examination?

Toshach: “Assessing growth and nutrition is the wellness part of the physical.

There are many things we can do to help our children live the healthiest best possible life. Maintaining a healthy weight with good nutrition and adequate exercise is a good beginning. At each physical, fruits and vegetables will be discussed. The bigger variety and colors of vegetables and fruits your child eats, the healthier they will be. You frequently will hear the physician talking about ‘eating the rainbow’ as essential to a healthy lifestyle. We know a diet with fresh

Other than physical screening, what can be learned from an annual examination?

Melendy: “A large part of being a pediatrician is addressing both behavioral and developmental concerns. We regularly screen for both of these. In younger children (less than six-years-old) we ask developmental questions at every well visit. We also do a more formal assessment in the form of ages and stages questionnaire at 9, 18 and 30 months. We also have assessment tools for autism which are reviewed at 18-months and two-years of age. We also screen older children for depression at every well visit starting at 12-years of age (or sooner if indicated).”

Barry: “My favorite part of the well-child examination is discussing behavioral and developmental milestones. At each visit, a developmental screen should be administered.

Some screening tools are handed to parents to fill out, others are discussed with the provider. The sooner a developmental delay is identified, the sooner a child can access resources in their community and benefit from them. In New Hampshire, there are many agencies for early intervention, even before a child enters into the local school system. A

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A L EXAMINATIONS developmental delay can be identified as learning, language, behavior or motor skills.

The response to intervention is the greatest before a child has reached school age, therefore screening becomes paramount while they are still babies/toddlers. Children who have developmental delays, as well as their families, can suffer immensely if not introduced to early interventions at the appropriate time. As the child grows older, having access to emotional and behavioral therapies also becomes a priority. If you are concerned about your child, talk to your child’s doctor. We are here to assess and address every aspect of your child’s health which includes their social, emotional and physical well-being.”

What are some common developmental milestones, and what should I do if I’m concerned about my child’s development?

Toshach: “Developmental milestones are motor, language and behavioral skills your child learns over time. At one month, infants can focus on a parent’s face and lift their head. At two months, most babies are smiling, and then laughing at four months. At six months, infants sit and babble. By a year, they are generally walking, responding to their name and saying some words. You can ask your doctor for guidelines or track your baby’s milestones on the CDC Milestone App. If you have questions or concerns about your child’s development you should call to speak to your physician or discuss it at your visit.”

What are some emerging health concerns you’ve seen in children in recent years?

Merrill: “In recent years, I have noted a significant increase in the time kids spend with screens and a notable increase in the sedentary lifestyles of children. In my opinion, these poor lifestyle choices are directly linked to many health issues including difficulty sleeping, attention deficits and obesity.

“I’ve also observed an increase in the use of electronic cigarettes among our schoolaged population. Many people refer to this as ‘vaping’ or ‘JUULing.’ It is important for parents, health care providers and teachers to be aware of the many forms of e-cigarettes as they often present as everyday items (USB drives, pens etc.) and to do their

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 33

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best to educate kids on the risks associated with using them. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development.”

Melendy: “Vaping or e-cigarettes are a very common issue. Much of the advertising for vaping seems targeted to youth and offer flavors that are appealing to younger people. Teenagers can hide vaping easier than smoking tobacco because there is no longer the smoke scent that lingers. It can be done in bathroom stalls at school without easily being detected. However, vaping carries with it risks of nicotine addiction and possible transition to smoking tobacco.”

What are some concerns children have prior to physical exams, and how can I help ease those concerns?

Melendy: “The most common worry a child has is about getting shots.

Every child is different, but I think most children respond well to preparation (may be even months in advance) and firm guidance from parents about the importance of vaccines. If a child perceives that the parent feels uncomfortable with the shot then often the child becomes more anxious about getting it.”

Merrill: “Prior to physical exams, children are often concerned about what to expect during their appointment, including but not limited to vaccinations, screenings and the physical examination itself. To ease these concerns, it is best for parents to communicate expectations before the appointment. Your pediatric office is a safe space and providers will proactively work to build the trust between themselves and their patients and their families.”

Why should I have my child immunized?

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Barry: “Immunizations are one of the most beneficial and important preventative health measures to date. Every child who is vaccinated has a direct benefit of being immunized, and even children (and adults) who cannot get vaccines due to other health reasons, benefit indirectly through herd immunity. By having your child vaccinated you could be saving their life, as well as the lives of everyone around them.”

Should I have my child get the HPV vaccine, how many doses does it require, and at what age should they have them? Should I have my son get the HPV vaccine?

Melendy: “Yes, all children (male and female) should receive the HPV vaccine starting at age 11. It is a two shot series between the ages of 11 and 14. It is a three shot series above 14 years of age. The two shots are given six months apart.”

How can I tell if my child has normal back-to-school anxiety or if it’s something more?

Merrill: “It is not abnormal for a child to have some back-to-school anxiety due to the anticipation and unknowns that come along with the start of a new school year. A child experiencing occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. However, if this anxiety does not fade or begins to interfere with day-to-day functioning or even causes school avoidance, I’d recommend parents contact their child’s provider and make an appointment.”

58 Hawthorne Dr, Bedford, NH 622-8619 | RiverRoadPediatrics.com

34 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

My Turn is an occasional feature in ParentingNH. If you are a reader interested in sharing your parenting journey, please email editor@parentingnh.com. The views of those expressed by the writers of My Turn do not necessarily reflect the views of ParentingNH.

The college kid returns And he’s brought his dirty socks, unopened toothpaste and sword (??) home with him

BY JODI MACKIE

T

here are tears when you walk out of your child’s dorm room on move-in day. I was almost prepared for those tears; they’re an inevitable rite of passage.

What I was not prepared for were the tears that come on move-home day, when your calm, quiet, clean house implodes under the weight of your child’s college dorm room come home. As every last dirty bed sheet, sock (that can walk on its own), half-used notebook and unused hygiene product gets dropped all over your dining room where your child likely intends to leave it until summer’s end, you hold your chin high while choking back the tears.

Jodi Mackie and her son, Tyler, share a moment during his high school graduation from Timberlane Regional High School. COURTESY PHOTO

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 35

Tyler, Jodi and Kevin Mackie on a family vacation along the Appalachian Trail in Tennessee. COURTESY PHOTO Summer Camp is back at Gymnastics Village with half and full day options (9am-3pm)! Designed for boys and girls from 6 to 14, kids will participate in gymnastics rotations, fitness activities, Ninja Challenge obstacle courses, games, crafts, party apparatus like our inflatables, zip-line and more.

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Don’t get me wrong, I am happy my son is home, but here’s how move-home day goes:

» Open a bin to find a dirty sock mixed in with some text books, office supplies, a can opener and all the stamps he never used. You sort that bin and open the next one to find yet another dirty sock. It doesn’t match the last one. Are there dirty socks in every bin?

That’s the game apparently. How does he not have foot fungus?

» Is there a dead animal in that bag? Nope,

just his soccer goalie gloves. Phew, because I thought it was going to be gross. Oh, wait.

Tyler, a lifelong soccer goalie, protects the net for Southern Vermont College. COURTESY PHOTO

» Is that the five-pack of toothpaste I sent with him just completely unopened, the wrapper fully intact? Did he even brush his teeth this whole year? (Cue a mother’s heart palpitations.)

Are his teeth falling out of his head? I better go check.

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swords and a poker set. I guess I know where the laundry money went.

» Oh, these bed sheets. Please tell me these fell on the ground in a pile of mud when you were loading the car. Did these things ever get washed? I can’t ask. Don’t even think about the college dorm bed. Just don’t.

» Cards from home — aw, he really saved all of these. Maybe his soccer bag doesn’t smell so bad. Nope, still gross. But it’s so sweet he saved these.

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» This mess. Where will we put all of this stuff? Will he ever use any of this again?

» I need a nap. After I wash my hands, because they are gross.

» Wait, (yells upstairs) — “hey kid, take a shower, just for good measure and maybe brush your teeth. A few times.”

Thank God, my baby is home.

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| AUGUST 2019 37

dad on board POUND THE KEYS, NOT THE PAVEMENT SUMMER JOB HUNTING SURE HAS CHANGED SINCE THE LAST CENTURY

BY BILL BURKE

TOGETHER WE Explore!

Follow the new adventures of a feisty and resourceful Alaska Native girl. Don’t miss Molly of Denali!

nhpbs.org/kids

38 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

I haven’t been a teenager looking for summer work for a very long time, so it makes sense that any advice I recently gave my 16-year-old as she embarked on a search for employment would be charmingly old-fashioned.

Spoiler alert — it was. Only substitute “charmingly old-fashioned” with “the completely out-of-touch ramblings of a simpleton” and you know where this is all headed.

I drove her to the grocery store and told her to go in and ask to fill out an application. I lectured her about speaking up and I fired some hypothetical interview questions at her so she’d be prepared.

I pointed her at the customer service desk and watched from a distance as she parroted back what I grilled her to say.

I may as well have been advising her on how to change the tyre on her penny farthing, chum, because the kid behind the counter looked confused by her anachronistic request. Evidently, all the applications are processed online now. It became clear that any advice I had given her would’ve been good if this was, say, 1985.

Next we tried stopping at an ice cream shop across town. When we pulled in to the lot, we spotted a help wanted sign in the window. Jackpot.

“Go ahead in,” I told her. “I’ll wait here.”

She came back out two minutes later with a big smile on her face and two scoops of chocolate with jimmies. No job, though.

“They said to apply online,” she said.

Of course I meant well, but I’ve been out of the dishwasher/ grocery bagger game so long that it’s not like I could’ve helped much. If you ask me for job hunting advice, this is what you’re going to get: • “Make sure your piano key skinny tie is straight.”

• “Here’s a quarter so you can play Defender on your lunch break.”

• “Lock up your Kuwahara BMX when you get there.”

• “Eat all your Super Sugar Crisp — you need a complete breakfast to get through your shift.”

My first job was washing dishes at a breakfast restaurant in Seabrook. I’d like to say it instilled a good work ethic, but it was run by horrible people and I just learned how to not treat people and to make awesome omelets.

Time has passed me by. Apparently it’s not efficient to hit the pavement and knock on doors, and even the simplest jobs start with an online application.

OK, future robot manager down at the laser factory, we’ll play by your rules.

Bill Burke, the uncrowned Omelet King of the Northeast, is a writer who lives in southern New Hampshire with his wife and teenage daughter — who he hopes will have a job by the time this hits newsstands. He is also managing editor of custom publications at McLean Communications.

house calls KNOW YOUR BICYCLE BASICS HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR CHILD STAYS SAFE WHILE RIDING

BY JIM ESDON Bike riding is a favorite activity for children, but it comes with important responsibilities for staying safe. According to SafeKids.org, 242,931 children ages 19 and younger were seen in emergency rooms for injuries related to riding bikes in 2014. To avoid spending time in the ER, here are several ways to make sure your child stays bike-safe.

Wear a helmet New Hampshire law requires children younger than 16 to wear a bike helmet. Helmets should fit snuggly. Helmet straps must be no more than one or two fingers above the eyebrow, and no more than one to two fingers should be able to fit between the chin and strap. A helmet should sit on top of the head in a level position, and should not rock forward, backward or side-to-side. The helmet straps must always be buckled, but not too tightly. Check out the Helmet Fit Test video at www.safekids.org for more information.

Clothing and footwear Your child should wear appropriate clothing and footwear when riding their bike. Clothing should be bright or include high-visible yellow or green fluorescent or reflective material, especially if biking near dusk. Avoid letting them wear any loose-fitting clothing that could get caught in the chain. Never let them wear flip-flops or footwear that could easily slip off their feet.

Know the rules of the road Teach your child the rules of the road. This includes knowing hand signals and other rules such as where and when to ride on the sidewalk if there is one. If there isn’t a sidewalk, tell them to ride in the same direction as traffic and as far to the right as possible.

Bicyclists should never carry anything in their hands and shouldn’t have any passengers unless riding a tandem bike. Understanding the rules of the road and being able to follow them requires a level of maturity. Children younger than 12 riding a bike should always be supervised by an adult.

Be seen Light up your child’s bike. Reflective gear, such as bike reflectors, are essential to bike safety, even for daytime riding. Add reflective stickers, attach reflectors or have them wear a jacket, safety vest or sash. There are many bike lights and blinkers available, and luckily, for your child, there are some fun options.

For more information about other ways to keep your children safe, go to www.chadkids.org/injury-prevention.

Jim Esdon is the program coordinator for the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock (CHaD) Injury Prevention Center.

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ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF WANTED: READERS WHO WANT TO SHARE THIS CRAZY PARENTING JOURNEY WITH ME

BY KATHLEEN PALMER I am not an expert at being a mom.

Let me get that out of the way at the start. When I was approached to write a monthly (and hopefully occasionally humorous) column about the travails of parenting a teen, I worried, what if readers think I know what I’m talking about? Or worse — that I think I know what I’m talking about?

2019 I’m not here to spout time-tested and sage parenting wisdom. I’m here to flounder, flail and flop around like a fish on the bottom of a boat to show you that really none of us knows what we’re doing. For the most part, we’re all stumbling along and learning the right way to help our kids grow, learn, develop and survive, while we try to do those things ourselves, as parents and caregivers.

My daughter is 13. I’ve been a solo parent from the beginning. At first, the overwhelming responsibility of it was surprisingly tempered with the realization that hey, I also get to make all the decisions. That was pretty liberating.

I started out great! I nursed my baby until she broke up with me; I made my own baby food with organic fruits and vegetables; I read to her; I was engaged and proactive. I couldn’t get enough of my sweet little baby. We were happy.

And then, you know, life happened.

I had to go back to work. Others had to babysit. Things started to slide. My established rules and routines fell by the wayside.

I was tired and irritable from working. I was the dad and the mom. Hey, why did I think this was so liberating? This is awful!

Help!

So here I am: Kath, a solo parent who achieved the mantle later in life, who’s trying to keep her head above water — the water being expectations from family and society, and myriad financial obligations, and the fear of messing up my kid and her future. Meh, no big deal.

You will hopefully see some of yourself in these columns. Maybe you too feel like a secret fraud sometimes. Maybe you worry that you’re making irrevocable mistakes. Maybe you are wracked with guilt when you run down the litany of your choices. Maybe you should meet me for a big ol’ glass of wine. You can tell me I don’t suck as a parent, and I’ll do the same for you.

Please allow me to expose my parenting foibles to you monthly, in the hopes that both reader and writer can learn to not be so hard on ourselves. And let me know about that wine date.

Kathleen Palmer is an award-winning editor and journalist, marketing/ communications content writer and occasional comedic actress. Nothing makes her happier than making people laugh. She is a single mom to a teenager, so naturally she enjoys a glass of wine, or two.

40 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 41

out & about

COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

The Jericho ATV Festival features food, music, fun and mud.

PHOTO COURTESY OF ANDROSCOGGIN VALLEY CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

10th annual Jericho ATV Festival 2-3 FRIDAY-SATURDAY

PHOTO COURTESY OF THEFELLS.ORG

BERLIN — Jericho Mountain State Park. The twoday Jericho ATV Festival is an ATV enthusiast’s dream come true, featuring mud races, demo rides, live music, delicious food and more. The annual festival takes place at Jericho Mountain State Park, which boasts more than 80 miles of trails. Food, music, beer tent, fireworks and helicopter rides.

Check website for schedule. Tickets: $10-$25. www.androscogginvalleychamber.com

CHAD BATTLE OF THE BADGES BASEBALL CLASSIC 2 SATURDAY MANCHESTER – Northeast Delta Dental Stadium, 1 Line Drive. The Badges are swinging into action at the CHaD Battle of the Badges Baseball Classic hosted by the New Hampshire Fisher Cats. Firefighters and Police are teaming up in support of the patients and families at the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock. Be a VIP and enjoy an all-you-can-

eat buffet in the left field picnic area beginning one hour before the game. Tickets: $10; VIP, $25.

6 p.m. www.chadbaseball.org

SUNCOOK VALLEY ROTARY HOT AIR BALLOON RALLY 2-4 FRIDAY-SUNDAY PITTSFIELD – Drake Field. The main event is the hot air balloon rally, but this three-day festival also includes a craft fair, 5K, helicopter rides, tethered balloon rides, river raft regatta, vendors and more. Go to website for complete schedule.

Free admission. www.suncookvalleyrotary.org

42 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

LEAGUE OF NH CRAFTSMEN’S FAIR 3-11 SATURDAYSUNDAY NEWBURY – Mount Sunapee Resort, Route 103. Celebrate traditional and contemporary craft during this nationally-renowned multi-day fair. View and shop the handcrafted work of over 300 juried craftsmen. Enjoy the inspiring exhibitions of both wearable and decorative craft, hands-on workshops and live demonstrations. Admission: $13$15; 12 and younger get in free.

Go to website for complete schedule. www.nhcrafts.org

HAY DAY 4 SUNDAY NEWBURY – The Fells, 456 Route 103A. A fun-filled day for all ages with old-fashioned games, music, art projects for the kids, scavenger hunt, petting zoo, face painting and more.

Explore nature trails and create a fairy house in the Fairy Village.

Admission: Adults, $10; seniors/ students, $8; ages 6-17, $4; age 5 and under and members get in free. 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. www. thefells.org

BIRTHDAY BASH FOR THE CRITTERS

WOODS, WATER & WILDLIFE FESTIVAL

8 THURSDAY

10 SATURDAY

HOLDERNESS – Squam Lakes Natural Science Center, 23 Science Center Road. You are invited to this oneof-a-kind birthday party. Learn how animal care staff provides a rich and stimulating environment for our animal ambassadors through daily enrichment activities. Watch the animals open their birthday gifts at special presentations held at different animal exhibits throughout the day. Admission: Adults, $20; ages 3-15; younger than 2 and members get in free.

9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.

968-7194; www.nhnature.org

MILTON MILLS – Branch Hill Farm, 307 Applebee Road. This family-friendly celebration of the natural world features fun and educational outdoor activities. Take a hayride, learn about rescued wild animals from Squam Lakes Science Center, use dip nets to find water creatures in the river, play in nature’s playground in the woods, borrow a pole and go fishing, help your kids saw a log and do crafts, watch demonstrations of traditional rural skills, and more. Rain or shine; no pets. Cost: Adults, $5; family, $10; 12 and younger get in free. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. www. mmrg.info/festival

VEGGIE HUNT 9 FRIDAY MEREDITH – Moulton Farm, 18 Quarry Road. The farm is hosting a veggie hunt to help kids age 5 to 9 get excited about eating vegetables. With parents or grandparents accompanying them, the children go into the fields with a member of the farm’s staff to learn about how each vegetable grows. The children bring home the vegetables they find; cost of vegetables is included in event fee. A Veggie Hunt will also be held Aug. 23.

Cost: $12 per child, $10 each additional child; free for parents or grandparents accompanying children.

10 a.m. www. moultonfarm. com

the game. Cost: $24. 11:30 a.m.

Find on Facebook.

MAGIC FRED 13 TUESDAY DOVER – Rotary Arts Pavillion, Henry Law Park. Magic Fred offers lots of age-appropriate comedy to keep everyone laughing, while the amazing high-quality magical illusions will leave you in awe. This show is perfect for all ages, and the kids will have crazy fun. Free. 10:30 a.m. www. cochechoartsfestival.org

SMOKEY BEAR’S 75TH BIRTHDAY PARTY 15 THURSDAY FRANCONIA – Cannon Mountain. New Hampshire Forest Lands and New Hampshire State Parks are throwing a birthday for Smokey Bear. Day includes Smokey Bear hot air balloon tethered rides, music, games, displays, touch-a-truck, Tramway specials and more. Go to website for more information. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. www.cannonmt.com

ROYAL BREAKFAST & PRINCESSES AT THE PARK DAY

FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN CHILI FEST 18 SUNDAY HENNIKER – Pat’s Peak, 686 Flanders Road. An annual celebration of all things spicy. It’s a family-friendly afternoon filled with food, beverage, entertainment and activities for the kids. Admission: $12, adults; $6, 10 and under; infants/toddlers get in free. Noon to 4:30 p.m. www.chilinewhampshire.org

MOOSE FESTIVAL 23-24 FRIDAYSATURDAY COLEBROOK – Downtown Colebrook. Head north the weekend before Labor Day to celebrate all things “moose.”

This year’s festivities include live music, arts and crafts vendors, horse and wagon rides and moose-calling contest. There will also be a dog show, maple syrup tasting contest and a classic car show. Go to website for complete schedule. Free admission. www.chamberof thenorthcountry.com

11 SUNDAY MANCHESTER – Northeast Delta Dental Stadium, 1 Line Drive.

Hosted by the New Hampshire Fisher Cats. The day begins with unlimited pancakes with oodles of toppings, breakfast sausage links, scrambled eggs, fruit salad, and breakfast beverages.

Take photos with and receive table visits from princesses. Participate in a singa-long before

show. The fun starts hours before dark with music, food, games, and activities for kids. Cost: Go to website; prices vary by carload. 4:30 to 9:30 p.m. www.jaffreyfireworks.com

FESTIVAL OF FIREWORKS 17 SATURDAY JAFFREY – Jaffrey Airfield-Silver Ranch, 190 Turnpike Road. This year’s theme is a tribute to the 50thanniversary of Woodstock with music from 1969 and the musical legends that performed at this iconic concert. At dusk, unfold your lawn chair or lay out a blanket, relax and enjoy the

www.parentingnh.com

| AUGUST 2019 43

time out ALL THE GRANITE STATE’S A STAGE

BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

I

recently saw a wonderful production of West Side Story at Seacoast Repertory Theatre in Portsmouth and it reminded me how much fun it is to go out for dinner and a show. New Hampshire is home to many talented actors, dancers, singers and performers, so take some time out to support the local arts community. Here are just a few shows you can include in a night out on the town in August.

Pirates of Penzance The Pirates of Penzance is one of Gilbert and Sullivan’s most beloved operettas, filled with hilarious lyrics and brilliant musical craftsmanship.

Join a crew of lovable pirates, a bevy of beautiful maidens and a nervous band of policemen for this delicious musical comedy treat. Through Aug. 11. Tickets: $15-$26 Rochester Opera House 31 Wakefield St. • Rochester www.rochesteroperahouse.com

Evita Evita charts the young and ambitious Eva Peron’s meteoric rise to sainthood. Set in Argentina between 1934-1952, the Tony-winning musical follows Eva Duarte on her journey from poor illegitimate child to ambitious actress to — as wife of military leader-turned-president Juan Peron — the most powerful woman in Latin America, before her death from cancer at age 33. Through Aug. 25.

Tickets: $22-44 Seacoast Repertory Theatre 125 Bow St. • Portsmouth www.seacoastrep.org

EDITOR’S NOTE: SHOW DESCRIPTIONS ARE COURTESY OF EACH RESPECTIVE THEATER’S WEBSITE.

Saturday Night Fever Based on Nik Cohn’s 1975 New York Magazine article “Tribal Rites of the New Saturday Night” and Norman Wexler’s 1977 screenplay it inspired, Saturday Night Fever focuses on Tony Manero, a Brooklyn youth whose weekend is spent at the discotheque. There he luxuriates in the admiration of the crowd and a growing relationship with Stephanie Mangano, temporarily forgetting the realities of his life, including a dead-end job in a paint store. Featuring the music of the Bee Gees. Aug. 14-18. Tickets: $33-$36 Interlakes Theatre 1 Laker Lane • Meredith www.interlakestheatre.com

More theaters and acting companies to check out: Palace Theatre in Manchester: www.palacetheatre.org The Colonial Theatre in Keene: www.thecolonial.org Hopkins Center for the Arts at Dartmouth in Hanover: www.hop.dartmouth.edu The Barnstormers Theater in Tamworth: www.barnstormerstheatre.org Hatbox Theatre I Concord: www.hatboxnh.com

44 www.parentingnh.com | AUGUST 2019

The Fantasticks The longest-running production in the history of American theatre, this romantic musical about the next-door boy and girl is set in a world of moonlight and magic – the kind of magic arranged by two meddling fathers who bring them together by trying to keep them apart. The Jones/Schmidt score offers wistful and rambunctious melodies, and the iconic “Try to Remember” is both nostalgic and as new as every couple falling in love. Aug. 22-31. Tickets: $27-$32 Jean’s Playhouse 34 Papermill Drive • Lincoln www.jeansplayhouse.com

Little Shop of Horrors The meek floral assistant Seymour Krelborn stumbles across a new breed of plant he names “Audrey II” — after his coworker crush. This foul-mouthed, R&B-singing carnivore promises unending fame and fortune to the down-andout Krelborn as long as he keeps feeding it… blood.

Over time, though, Seymour discovers Audrey II’s out of this world origins and intent towards global domination. Aug. 15 -Sept. 1. Tickets: $25-$30 M&D at Eastern Slope Inn Playhouse 2760 White Mountain Highway • North Conway www.mdplayhouse.com

Winnipesaukee Playhouse in Meredith: www.winnipesaukeeplayhouse.org New London Barn Playhouse: www.nlbarn.org Peterborough Players in Peterborough: www.peterboroughplayers.org Actorsingers in Nashua: www.actorsingers.org Derry Opera House in Derry: www.derryoperahouse.com Capitol Center for the Arts in Concord: www.ccanh.com

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