Parenting NH September 2016

parenting

COMPLIMENTARY

SEPTEMBER 2016

NEW HAMPSHIRE

THE

TWEENS & TEENS ISSUE

Cell phones: is your child ready?

Tips on talking about the tough stuff

ParentingNH.com

Elliot delivers the highest quality and most comprehensive Urgent Care services by board certified emergency medicine doctors!

Two Convenient Locations Elliot Urgent Care at River’s Edge

Elliot Urgent Care at Londonderry

603-663-3000

603-552-1550

185 Queen City Avenue Manchester, NH 03103

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK

7AM – 10PM

www.elliothospital.org Elliot Health System is a non-profit organization serving your healthcare needs since 1890.

2 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

40 Buttrick Road Londonderry, NH 03053

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK

9AM – 8PM

Every Child Deserves a Ta-Da Moment

Register Now for Fall Classes and Lessons!

MusiC • DaNCE • THEaTRE • PREsCHooL

20 Years

Celebrating 20 Years as Southern NH’s premiere school for the performing arts!

155 NH 101 Bedford, NH

603-472-3894 september 2016 www.bypc.org www.parentingnh.com 3

contents september 12

23

departments From the Editor’s Desk

The Short List

I Want That

Cook with Your Kids

Dad on Board

Learning Curve

House Calls Parenting… in the Moment

Out and About

Five for Families

6 8 10 34 36 37 38

features

Tweens and teens: Who 23 is this kid? Preparing for the PART ONE OF A first day of high THREE-PART SERIES school

17 27 Is your child

20 31 Cafeteria concerns

Etiquette: from elbows for kids with food to electronics allergies

ON THE COVER: Kylie Saling, 14, Meghan Simard, 14, and Katelyn Gullage, 14, enjoy the last days of summer. Photo taken Monday, August 15, at the Robert Frost Farm in Derry by Kendal J. Bush, Parenting New Hampshire’s longtime cover photographer. Check out her work at www.kendaljbush.com.

4 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

PRESIDENT/PUBLISHER:

Sharron McCarthy, x5117 smccarthy@mcleancommunications.com EDITOR:

Melanie Hitchcock, x5157 editor@parentingnh.com GROUP ADVERTISING SALES DIRECTOR:

Kimberly Lencki, x5154 klencki@mcleancommunications.com PRODUCTION MANAGER:

Jodie Hall, x5122 jhall@nhbr.com SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER:

Nancy Tichanuk, x5116 ntichanuk@mcleancommunications.com MARKETING REPRESENTATIVES:

Barbara Gallaher, x5156 bgallaher@parentingnh.com

How to talk to your ready for a kids about tragedy cell phone?

39 40 43

NEW HAMPSHIRE

Debbie Birch, x5133 dbirch@parentingnh.com OFFICE MANAGER:

Mista McDonnell, x5114 mmcdonnell@nhbr.com EVENT & MARKETING MANAGER:

Erica Baglieri, x5125 ebaglieri@mcleancommunications.com BUSINESS & SALES COORDINATOR:

Heather Rood, x5110 hrood@mcleancommunications.com DIGITAL MEDIA SPECIALIST:

Morgen Connor, x5149 mconnor@mcleancommunications.com 150 Dow Street, Manchester, NH 03101 (603) 624-1442, fax (603) 624-1310

20

www.parentingnh.com Subscription: One year (12 issues) $15

©2016 MCLEAN COMMUNICATIONS, LLC

17

Parenting New Hampshire Magazine® is published by McLean Communications, 150 Dow St., Manchester, NH 03101, (603) 624-1442. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher assumes no responsibility for any mistakes in advertisements or editorial. Statements/opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect or represent those of this publication or its officers. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this publication, McLean Communications, LLC.: Parenting New Hampshire Magazine disclaims all responsibility for omission and errors.

Back-to-school savings are in season

ANNUAL FALL FESTIVAL Saturday, September 24 10:00am-2:00pm Free- horse-drawn hay rides, apples & hot cider, live music and more!

PUMPKIN PEOPLE CHALLENGE Starts October 1 Come see a huge collection of Pumpkin People, part of Jackson’s Return of the Pumpkin People Contest!

Make An Impression — Save 20-70% off back-to-school sales at Settlers Green. Nike Factory Store, Carter’s Outlet, Gap Outlet and more. Shop with a Coupon Book with special offers to 35+ stores to maximize savings! See our latest sales at settlersgreen.com/save.

Explore Your Style!

W H I T E M O U N TA I N H W Y, N O R T H C O N WAY, N H

settlersgreen.com Open 9-9 Mon-Sat | 10-6 Sunday

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 5

from the editor’s desk EQUALITY FOR ALL? In 1923, the Equal Rights Amendment was first introduced into Congress. Perhaps emboldened by the ratification of the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right to vote in 1920, woman’s rights activist Alice Paul championed the ERA, which would provide equal rights under law for women. It failed but it would be introduced into Congress every subsequent year.

Buoyed by sweeping social changes and the passing of civil rights legislation in the 1960s, its best chance to pass was in 1972 when it was finally passed by Congress, but it failed to gain support from enough states to be ratified. Though it has been re-introduced in subsequent years, it has not come close to having the momentum it did in the 1970s.

During that time, in other parts of the world, female leaders such as Indira Gandhi, the prime minister of India (1964), Golda Meir, the prime minister of Israel (1969), Margaret Thatcher, the prime minister of the U.K. (1979) joined the world stage. According to the Los Angeles Times, there are currently 18 female heads of state.

And now finally, for the first time in our country’s history, a woman is a major party’s nominee for president of the United States.

Even though we have reached this milestone and have come a long way since the early 20th century, women still face an uphill battle.

We tell our daughters and granddaughters they can do anything men can do and that we are equal to men, yet we are paid less than men and we pay more for medical care. We pay more for personal care products because they are being marketed

7th Annual Harvest Festival

Saturday, Sept. 17, 2016; 10:00-3:00 Help us celebrate timeyearat the Farm Unplug, Relax, and Connect with harvest Nature with horse drawnEducation hayrides, music, a petting farm round at Prescott Farm Environmental Center! and more! Admission is FREE!

• Summer Camps (day camp) for ages 4-15 Pumpkin Patch • Naturalist-led walks“Not-So-Ordinary” and workshops Every Sept. 24 - Oct. 15 • Hands-on educational programs for allSaturday, ages 11:00-12:00 & 1:00-2:00 • Natural Playscape ($6 to Members of Prescott Farm) • 3 miles of woodland, pond and$7.50 field trails (open to the public dailyJoin fromourdawn till dusk for tour FREE!) naturalist-led of 30 unique varieties, from newly • Vegetable, Herb & Flower Gardens to explore (Children’s heirloom Garden & pumpkins. Pick and purdeveloped hybrids to hard-to-find Garden tours) chase your own from our traditional pumpkin patch after the tour.

Visit us online to find out what’s going on today!

Visit us online to find out what’s going on today!

E ❖

PARTIES ❖ EDUCATION ❖ COMMUNITY EVENTS ❖

WWW.WILDLIFEENCOUNTERSNH.COM

120 ANIMALS 75 SPECIES

603-923-1168

ALL VENUES ALL SEASONS

TRAVELING YEAR-ROUND FROM ROCHESTER, NH FULLY LICENSED AND INSURED

6 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

to women. Only 25 companies in the Fortune 500 are led by women. According to the Center for American Progress, in 2014 women held 52 percent of professional jobs but across several industries women made up fewer than 20 percent of leadership positions in those fields.

But at least now we can now point to Hillary Clinton as a woman, who after 30 years in politics, was finally able to put the “biggest crack” in the “highest, hardest” glass ceiling.

Love her or hate her, the fact that a woman for the first time ever is a major party's nominee for president of the United States is a great achievement. It will hopefully help other women in their races as they vie for local, state and national seats. It may encourage more women to join the political process. And the more women that are in positions of political power, the better chance we have of making substantive and long-lasting changes in the lives of women.

It’s more important now than ever to tell your daughters and your granddaughters that yes they can.

Melanie Hitchcock, Editor

In case his 4.0 average isn’t above average enough,

SM

at least you’ll be ready to pay for college.

Less than 1% of high school students receive a full ride to college* — which is why most parents can’t afford to leave tuition to chance.

The UNIQUE College Investing Plan offers great tax advantages that can help your savings grow over time, along with a new college gifting service that helps friends and family give to your account online. So even if that full ride isn’t in his future, college still can be.

Managed by:

To learn more, or to open an account, visit Fidelity.com/unique or call 800.544.1914.

Please carefully consider the Plan’s investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses before investing.

For this and other information on any 529 college savings plan managed by Fidelity, contact Fidelity for a free Fact Kit, or view one online. Read it carefully before you invest or send money. *Source: http://www.finaid.org/questions/20110419scholarshipsecrets.pdf

The UNIQUE College Investing Plan is offered by the state of New Hampshire and managed by Fidelity Investments. If you or the designated beneficiary is not a resident of the state of New Hampshire, you may want to consider, before investing, whether your state or the beneficiary’s home state offers its residents a plan with alternate state tax advantages or other benefits.

Units of the portfolios are municipal securities and may be subject to market volatility and fluctuation.

The Fidelity Investments and pyramid design logo and the navigational line and directional design are service marks of FMR LLC. Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC, Member NYSE, SIPC, 900 Salem Street, Smithfield, RI 02917 © 2015 FMR LLC. All rights reserved.

647981.7.0

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 7

19901_07_AD_ParNH_Gift_FP.indd 1

4/2/15 8:15 PM

the short list ...TIPS, TRENDS & NEWS COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

This month on www.parentingnh.com:

Plan for fall fun

The kids have headed back to school and summer is officially coming to a close, but that doesn’t mean the fun has to end. There are many activities going on throughout the Granite State for families this fall, including festivals, fairs and corn mazes. And you don’t want to miss out on picking your own apples and pumpkins at local farms. After Labor Day weekend, be sure to check out our web-exclusive lists and plan to have fun this month.

 Parenting NH’s Guide to fall: www.parentingnh.com/fall  Where to pick your own apples: www.parentingnh.com/apples  Find a corn maze: www.parentingnh.com/cornmazes  Fall events and festivals listing: www.parentingnh.com/fallevents  Where to take your family hiking: www.parentingnh.com/hiking

Local girl finds her voice through music, to sing at Apraxia Walk

Kalina Melia and Sibvon Rose perform at the North Main Music student concert in May at Tupelo Music Hall in Londonderry.

Robyn Neville photo.

NASHUA – North Main Music student Kalina Melia, 8, will sing at the opening ceremonies of the New Hampshire Walk for Apraxia in New Castle on Saturday, Sept. 17. Kalina, who lives in Brookline, was born with Apraxia of Speech, a severe speech disorder characterized by the inability to speak, or a severe struggle to speak clearly. It occurs when the oral-motor muscles do not or cannot obey commands from the brain, or when the brain cannot reliably send those commands. She began intensive speech therapy at 15 months of age, but even with therapy, she did not speak her first intelligible sentence until she was 5.

Kalina has always loved music and singing, so her parents, Lauren and Sean Melia enrolled her in voice lessons to help her build self-confidence. Through the guidance and instruction of Kalina’s teacher, Sibvon Rose, Kalina has realized her dreams of becoming a singer. She has also begun learning to play the piano and is writing her first original song.

The New Hampshire Walk for Apraxia raises money to support the Childhood Apraxia of Speech Association, which provides support to children and their families through research, workshops and financial assistance. At this year’s event, Kalina will perform a cover of “Fight Song,” by Rachel Platten to symbolize her fight with apraxia. For more information about the walk, go to www.casana.apraxia-kids.org.

A teacher reads a storyboard with children from her Wonderworks preschool class along one of Crotched Mountain Rehabilitation Center’s accessible trails Courtesy photo.

‘Story Walks’ now in place on accessible trails at Crotched Mountain GREENFIELD – Crotched Mountain Rehabilitation Center has installed the 2016 Story Walks on its accessible trails to encourage people of all ages and abilities to combine getting outdoors for physical activity with learning. Placed intermittently along the Gregg and Dutton Brook trails, the story boards are a convenient height for children and people who use wheelchairs.

This year’s stories are “As an Oak Tree Grows,”

by G. Brian Karas, featured on the Dutton Brook Trail, and “The Tree that Time Built,” a collection of poems celebrating nature, science and imagination, by Mary Ann Hoberman, poet laureate of the United States, on the Gregg Trail.

Each story board found on the trails has a QR code that can be scanned using a smart phone to bring up a website that reads the story aloud.

Both trails open 30 minutes after sunrise and close 30 minutes before sunset, depending on the current trail conditions. For updated trail conditions, go to www.cmf.org/trails or call 547-3311.

Don’t miss your chance to go to a museum for free

8 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

You can now download your tickets for Smithsonian magazine's 12th annual Museum Day Live! Event.

On Saturday, Sept. 24, museums across the country will adopt the policy of the Smithsonian, and open their doors to visitors for free who have a Museum Day Live! ticket. Each ticket grants free admission to the ticket holder plus a guest. To find a museum in New Hampshire and download your ticket, go to www.smithsonianmag.com/museumdaylive.

At the heart of New England.

At the heart of the morning.

At the heart of the home.

At the heart of the kitchen.

At the heart of it all.

Put Your Child’s Care in Our Hands

Top Row, L to R: Rochelle Heit, M.D., F.A.A.P. Catherine Leighton, APRN, CPNP Alix Handelsman, M.D., F.A.A.P Mary Shupe, MPH, APRN, CPNP

Front Row, L to R: Martin Schwartzberg, M.D., F.A.A.P. Sharon VanTuil, M.D., F.A.A.P. Helen Poremba, M.D., F.A.A.P.

For more than 160 years, New England families have welcomed HoodÂŽ Milk into the heart of their homes. And it is an honor to have a seat at the table.

River Road Pediatrics is a well-established, highly respected group of board certified pediatricians and pediatric nurse practitioners. We have been providing health care services for children for over 30 years. Our experienced and dedicated staff provide quality care for newborns, infants, children and adolescents in a sensitive and supportive manner.

New patients are welcome and same-day appointments are generally available.

Keeping Kids Healthy for Over 30 Years!

Please call us to schedule a free group prenatal meet and greet visit.

(603) 622-8619 New Patients Welcome 58 Hawthorne Drive, Bedford, NH 03110

HoodHeartOfItAll.com

www.riverroadpediatrics.com

july 2016 www.parentingnh.com 9

I want that ...HOT ITEMS FOR KIDS & FAMILIES COMPILED BY MELANIE HITCHCOCK

Dream Lites help with the bedtime routine Back-to-school means getting children back to a regular bedtime. The creators of the Pillow Pets foldable plush have introduced a series of Dream Lites to help children drift off into a night’s slumber. Children will rest easy knowing their Dream Lite will light up the room with stars and friendly icons. Parents will appreciate the built-in timer that provides 20 minutes to give little ones enough time to fall asleep. For ages 3 and older.

Available at www.pillowpets.com and major retailers; $29.99

For your collegebound teen, or yourself The TUSK College Storage Bedside Caddy is ideal for storing small personal items when there's no room for a nightstand. There are four pockets to store your smartphone, glasses or tablet conveniently bedside. It also has a strap and a ledge to hold a drink.

Available at www.dormco.com; $7.19

Show off your love for the home team The NFL & NCAA iPhone 6 eyn cases (eyn stands for “everything you need”) have a compact design and easily accessible “wallet” that allows fans to breeze through security by carrying just their phone, ticket, credit card and some cash. Leave the bulky purse or wallet at home and store all of your necessities in one place. The eyn case offers protection for your phone, staying securely shut to keep all your essentials safe. Available in all 32 NFL teams and 10 NCAA teams.

Available at www.eynproducts.com; $39.99

Wearable blanket helps infants stay asleep Mompreneur Stephanie Parker created the Zipadee-Zip, a starfish-shaped wearable blanket, to help her daughter stay asleep.

The Moro (or startle) reflex jolts a baby awake with a falling sensation. Babies are startled because they wake up and can’t feel their “edges” like they could in the womb. The innovative pointed sleeves and starfish design of the Zipadee-Zip provides those "edges" while giving babies the freedom to roll and use their arms and hands safely.

Available at www.sleepingbaby.com; $34.95 to $39

10 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

More coffee, please The new Krups Savoy Thermal Coffee Maker features a thermal carafe that keeps coffee warm for up to four hours. The device features a programmable clock to begin auto-brewing your favorite breakfast blend the moment your alarm goes off.

The “Bold” function lets you select the strength of your coffee — whether you'd like a rich cup to start your day or a softer brew with an evening dessert.

Available at www.amazon.com and major retailers; $99.99

ConCord PediatriCs, P.a.

248 Pleasant St., Suite 1700 Concord, NH 03301 • (603) 224-1929 www.concordpediatricsnh.com

Concord Pediatrics is a child-focused practice meeting the needs of children from infancy through adolescence.

Accepting new pAtients

Call Us to Book an Appointment TODAY!

224-1929

We offer Saturday appointments.

Physician Available by Phone 24/7

CARING FOR CHILDREN IN CENTRAL NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR OvER 50 yEARS! september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 11

N E E T & S N E E W T G N R A ISI

S

arenting will explore p t a th s e ri se rt ens a n d of a three-pa ll-adjusted te e w d n a y h This is Part 1 lt u p h ea of how to d to bringing l the mystery ve ra n u issues relate to t p em nit y. Part series will att sing your sa lo t u o h it w tweens. The hoolers - and high-sc raise middle ars. ff the tween ye le the big stu 1 focuses on how to hand – es g n le al ch R: Parenting IN OCTOBE

Who is this T

he waters are choppy to say the least. The waves come fast and furious at the small unwieldy boat trying to make its way through to the other side. It’s hard to see for the dark and spray; hard to hear over the roar and rush of the water.

But there is a light. Steady and strong, reaching out, showing the way home.

“Parenting [a tween] means being a lighthouse for your children,” DartmouthHitchcock Medical Center pediatrician Catherine D. Shubkin said, referring to the theory of lighthouse parenting popularized by author and child psychiatrist Kenneth Ginsburg.

“You can imagine the analogy; there are storms breaking around you, there are waves, and your job as a parent is to be that beacon, that light, that source of strength for your kid.”

It’s probably not hard for you to remember what it was like to be a tween, to be a 10- to 13-year-old stuck in that strange, awkward time between elementary school and high school. The time where everything is constantly changing — schoolwork, friendships, even your own body. It is a weird time when things feel kind of the same, but somehow are no longer familiar.

Everything is changing “The tween years are a very exciting time, but it is a tough time to be a parent,” Shubkin said.

“One of my colleagues says parenting at this age is not for the faint of heart, because there are a lot of changes physically, cognitively with the way they think, and social, emotional changes.”

Physically, tweens start going through puberty. Many tween girls experience

12 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

How to handle the big changes you see happening in your child during the tween years

By Melanie Plenda

kid?

“They are really coming into their own identity,” Daniels said. “It’s a really tricky developmental time... because they also start to experience the feeling of wanting to fit in. Now it really is about conforming. It’s a really difficult time and they might not always stand up and make the right choices.”

This is also the age where parents need to be aware and paying attention to the desire tweens feel to experiment with drugs, alcohol, sex and other risky activities. In short, tweens are under a tremendous amount of pressure and stress.

“We expect tweens and middle school students to feel powerful emotions,” Shubkin said. “To feel happy one moment and sad the next minute, and really experience these emotions as a roller coaster sometimes. Part of that is absolutely normal.”

That said, there are times when this behavior breaches the normal bounds of just being a moody teenager. Shubkin said if the child is always angry or sad, or disconnecting from things they have loved in the past, isolating themselves from friends, sports, church or other things they are passionate about, or if their grades start slipping in unexpected ways — these are all signs that something more may be going on. It might well be a good idea to seek out some help from a pediatrician, school counselor or child therapist. (See sidebar for more details.)

Patience and persistence

their first period around age 12, but puberty can begin as early as age eight or nine, said Maryann Evers, a licensed social worker and program director of early childhood programs with Child and Family Services in Manchester. Boys, meanwhile, enter puberty around 11. Growth spurts can cause rapid changes in appearance. For both boys and girls, there are strong hormonal changes, Evers said.

Additionally, they are at a stage where more is expected of them at school. The projects get harder and more involved, and the kids are expected to be more organized, attentive and conscientious, Emily Daniels, a counselor at ConVal High School in Peterborough, said.

Meanwhile, their social circles are changing, and while that’s happened before, what is new is how much they care about it.

Just when they could use a parent the most, children often start pulling away from their parents when they become tweens. So what’s a mom, dad or guardian to do? Be patient and persistent, Daniels said. She said she can’t even count how many students come to her believing their parents have given up on them or just don’t care, only to find out it was the parent thinking the child wanted him or her to back away and doing just that.

Daniels said it’s important to keep asking questions, keep trying to get through even if it doesn’t seem like it’s working. The effort is registering with the tween and sending the message that you are there and that you care.

They want and need boundaries still, Daniels said. Shubkin advises continuing to establish rules and expectations for them and gently reminding them of the family’s moral standards.

“It’s important to stay there,” she said. “As your child pushes you, you may want to move your rules or expectations or your standards, but it’s really important for kids to be grounded with what your family believes in.”

At the same time, foster their independence. Let them fail sometimes and be there to provide support when they do. Feel free to catch them when they fall, Shubkin said, but don’t feel like you have to solve all their problems. Instead, be a good sounding board to help them problem solve.

And don’t immediately rush to judgment. Be a good listener and keep an open line of

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 13

R A I S ING T W EENS & T EENS SIGNS OF DEPRESSION IN CHILDREN, TWEENS AND TEENS The whiplash-inducing speed with which a tween can go from happy-go-lucky to on-the-floor miserable can be unnerving for the people who love them. While much of this moodiness is normal and will subside in time, some of it can be signs of something more serious.

Maryann Evers, a licensed social worker with Child and Family Services in Manchester, says in judging the difference, the best thing to do is be safe rather than sorry. “If and when you feel concerned... seek the advice of your child’s doctor,” she said.

Evers said to look for the following signs of depression:  Withdrawing from friends and activities  Sleeping disturbances — sleeping too much, not sleeping well or avoiding sleep  Declining grades  Obsession over their body image  Feelings of frustration  An inability to complete simple tasks  Overwhelming guilt and feelings of worthlessness  A change in behavior or personality changes  A change in appetite — eating too much or not enough  Reluctance to participate in social activities  Anger and other frequent emotional outbursts  Frequent stomachaches or headaches that don't respond to treatment  Body aches that can't be explained or treated  An inability to enjoy life and a lack of interest in the future Evers says many tweens will rotate through these symptoms routinely, so that doesn't necessarily mean they're suffering from childhood depression. But, she said, if the child's behavior lasts for more than two weeks, it could be a sign that the troubles are more than a temporary slump.

When this happens, Evers suggests asking other family members, the child's teacher, and any other adult who has frequent contact with the child for their thoughts concerning this behavior.

If the behavior persists, seek help or guidance from a pediatrician, school counselor or child therapist.

14 www.parentingnh.com

communication. That doesn’t mean condoning bad behavior, but avoiding blame, judgment and criticism right off the bat can go a long way to keeping communica-

tion open between parent and child.

“Remember, you are your child’s greatest resource for negotiating the confusing world of middle school,” Evers said. “As they become more independent you will need to make decisions about how to support their independence within the limits of their capacity. This negotiation will continue throughout adolescence.”

Daniels suggests asking the tween how he or she feels about something that’s happened, asking what they did about it, and asking what they wished they would have done about it.

“They want to know that they are heard and valued,” Daniels said.

“That’s more important to them than a concrete solution. That’s what will open up the doors.”

But sometimes tweens will want nothing to do with you. And that,

while heartbreaking for a parent, is completely normal, Evers said.

“Don’t take this personally,” she said.

“It is normal for children to withdraw from you as they increasingly focus on their peers. They are trying to figure out who they want to be and are beginning to better understand that there are choices involved — both good and bad. Sometimes they need a little space.”

Still, during these years the attachment to parents remains strong, as does the need for parental support, she said.

So continue to check in with them. Let them know you are interested in what’s going on with them and are available to talk, Evers said.

“This can work really well when you are driving them somewhere as the interaction feels less directed and intense to them,” she said.

It’s also a good idea to get to know their friends and their families. Evers said to keep in touch with other parents so you know what's happening in your community and to get to know your child’s friends by including them occasionally in family activities or inviting them over for sleepovers.

Daniels also suggests doing some research online to keep up with the tween trends, both good and bad. This is a good way to keep up with your child, and keep ahead of dangers that might be coming down the path.

But the most important thing, Shubkin said, is to hang in there and keep doing the thing that comes most naturally.

“You need to love them unconditionally even when they are pushing your buttons, even when they are acting out, even when they are moody,” Shubkin said. “Having that unconditional love for them is what matters.”

Melanie Plenda is a full-time freelance journalist and mother living in Keene.

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 15

HAVING A BALL Gymnastics Village offers a safe place to build confidence, self-esteem and a healthy foundation for life, while having a ball.

Offering classes for all ages (18 months to 18 years) School Year Schedule 2016-17 begins August 25th.

Friendship

...when it matters most.

NH Catholic Schools Diocese of Manchester

catholicschoolsnh.org

Registration now open. Call 603.889.8092 or visit www.gymnasticsvillage.com

Before and after school care that is fun, safe, affordable and right in your neighborhood.

Did School AgeAge Adventures provides Didyou youknow knowthat that School Adventures provides beforeand andafter afterschool school care to elementary school before care to elementary school childrenininNashua, Nashua, Merrimack, Hudson andand Litchfield? children Merrimack, Hudson, Hollis Litchfield?

Find out more by visiting us at www.adultlearningcenter.org Or contact the School Age office at 603-882-9080 x212 or dtrybe@adultlearningcenter.org for more information. lparsons@adultlearningcenter.org Ask about our holiday, vacation and summer camp!

4 Lake Street, Nashua, NH 03060

The Future Starts Here.

Spaces Available for Fall Placement What our students dream, whether it is to be a scientist, lawyer, artist, inventor, doctor, rock star or do-gooder, is what they can achieve.

Our seamless, intentionally-planned educational roadmap guides their journey so each child can reach their maximum potential.

To learn more about our Cradle to Careers roadmap, visit us online or call Samantha Bonenfant, our Director of Admissions at (603) 888-1982.

We’re proud of our Alumni student Emily who is now exploring her passion for music at Berklee College of Music.

138 Spit Brook Road Nashua, NH 03062 603.888.1982 WorldAcademyNH.com

16 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

Is your child ready for a cell phone?

When they should get a phone and how to set ageappropriate guidelines

By Rob Levey

D

eciding whether yo ur child is ready fo ra cell phone and sett ing the ground rule s for how they can us e it is a ch allenge most parents face.

We asked local expe rts to answer some of the most co mmon questions pa rents have about cell phones an d children.

When should a kid get a cell phone? How do you know if they are ready to take care of one?

According to Jodie Lubarsky, director of Child Adolescent & Family Services at Seacoast Mental Health Center in Portsmouth and Exeter, both age and readiness are specific to the family and child. She noted many parents tend to give cell phones to their children when they enter middle school.

“At this age, many youth are more involved with athletics and other afterschool activities, so many families see the cell phone as a safety and communication device,” she said. “For many parents, especially those who work, this offers an opportunity to remain connected throughout the day and gives their child a means to contact them if there is an emergency.”

She said signs a child may not be ready for a cell phone include if a he/she is forgetful, easily loses things, or does not

respect items in his/her possession.

Stephanie Vazzano, child and family therapist at Genesis Behavioral Health in Laconia and Plymouth, said it is important parents recognize the role technology plays in their children’s lives.

“For a lot of parents, cell phones and other technologies are something they’ve had to incorporate into their lives — for kids, it’s just there and is part of their world,” she said.

She said it is just as important for parents to be ready for cell phones, too.

“Parents shouldn’t get kids a cell phone as a way to ‘spy’ or watch their kids’ every move and read every text — it’s a big temptation for a lot of parents,” she said. “It’s important to remember, kids only grow when we give them opportunities to be outside their and our comfort zone.”

Can I get them a cell phone made specifically for kids?

What are the safety features available on regular cell phones?

According to Maryann Evers, program director for early childhood programs at New Hampshire’s Child and Family Services, many smartphones have a tracking feature that enable them to be located if lost.

“You'll need to set up the phone with the tracking service before using it,” she said. “After you do that, you can see the phone's location on a map. The tracking app may also let you lock the phone remotely so no one who finds it can use it.”

Vazzano added that phones also have various features, such as password protected “guest modes” and “basic functionality,” that

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 17

typically address the needs of parents.

She added one caveat, however, for all parents.

“There are certainly many apps available for iPhone and Android which limit functions, but parents should use apps with caution because kids, particularly the older ones, can often find ways around them without much trouble,” she said.

According to Evers, prepaid phones are another option. To use the phone, parents pay a set amount to load it with minutes. When the minutes run out, parents can buy more before the phone can be used. “These devices usually have no long-term commitment and no contract, so you won't need to pay a cancellation fee if it doesn't work out,” she said.

Managing a child’s access to data is another important consideration for parents. “[Some] tools block further data usage after your child's usage reaches a limit of your choosing,” added Evers.

“Your wireless service provider may also offer a way to restrict usage—for example, you could set a daily time limit for your child's phone use or prevent your child from texting or emailing photos.”

Vazzano said there is also merit in speaking directly to cell phone carriers.

“They often can suggest phones, functions and plans that offer parents the control and peace of mind they want,” she said.

In setting rules for usage, is it age-specific? Should you take them away at night?

For Lubarsky, encouraging and recommending limits and rules around cell phone usage is critical. Such rules, however, should not be restricted to children.

“All family members, including parents, should respect the ‘no screen time’ rule during family meals and activities,” she said. “As parents, we need to remember to model the habits that we want our children to develop.”

She also recommended that parents take away cell phones at night. “We should all be shutting off electronics at least a half-hour before bed so we can begin to prepare for a restful sleep.”

Vazzano said it is also common for parents to take away a child’s cell phone after school and return it to them after their homework is done, although she

18 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

said it is important to be practical.

“Taking a high-schooler’s phone for the entire time they are doing homework might actually impede their progress if they have group work or want to use peer support,” she said.

Lubarsky agrees and added, “Practices

used for younger children don't often work for teens…the removal of a cell phone is devastating for a teen. I often remind parents that limiting access to a cell phone can be a very powerful consequence for a teen.”

Echoing Lubarky’s sentiments regarding no cell phone usage at the dinner table, Vazzano said another rule for teens, as well as parents, might be to place the cell phone in the trunk when driving.

“Whatever the expectations are, you as the parent need to model them,” she said. “Are you prepared to lock your cell phone in the truck when you’re driving and resist temptation to peek at your text messages while finishing dinner?”

Should you check your child’s text messages and browsing history?

According to Vazzano, newly emerging studies on kids and technology suggest that looking at texts, apps and browsing history with the kids on an occasional basis is the most effective way to monitor use.

“When kids and parents do this together, they can talk about errors in judgement and have a discussion about good decision-making, rather than simply giving a punishment,” she said.

Like Vazzano and Evers, Lubarsky acknowledged the challenge in balancing the need to respect a child’s privacy with their safety. She said parents must demonstrate, however, trust in their children and avoid any “sneaky approaches” regarding monitoring their cell phone usage.

“If parents are going to view and monitor usage, have a dialogue with your child about it,” she said. “Let your

child know what you will be viewing and why so parameters are established and understood.”

Vazzano said another practical consideration parents should keep in mind is that the behavior kids have without technology is a good indicator of how they will behave with it.

“Parents who know their kids’ problem areas can use that to help tailor a plan for cell phone use and head off problems before they begin,” she said.

Rob Levey is CEO of Exponential Squared, a marketing and organizational development company focused on helping businesses achieve their business goals and promote wellness in the workplace. You will find his freelance writing in numerous publications, including Parenting NH.

For more information on Mainstage Productions, Auditions, Theatre Arts Classes, Private Studio and School Vacation or Summer Theatre Camps please visit our website.

It’s not too early to start thinking about college...

October 14th - 23rd

November 11th - 20th

December 9th - 18th

February 10th - 19th

March 10th - 19th

May 12th - 21st

PURCHASE TICKETS - Box Office (603) 886-7000 or online

Manchester Community College is the affordable choice for a quality higher education.

Learn more at www.mccnh.edu or join us at our next Open House!

Open House:

Wednesday, August 31st from 5-7pm Now Registering For All Fall Classes!

Ages 2 - Teens Jazz • Tap • Ballet Hip Hop • Contemporary Erica O’Donaghue, Artistic Director

Check our latest schedule, events and fees at

Photo ©Ed Wonsek

www.happyfeetdanceschool.biz

www.mccnh.edu | 1066 Front Street, Manchester, NH 03102 | (603) 206-8000

Specializing in ntary preschool & eleme ion at dance educ

Windham Commons, Rt.111 25 Indian Rock Rd., Windham, NH

603-434-4437

ENROLL NOW FOR 2016-17!

Schedule your tour TODAY! Londonderry, NH

• Toddler through Middle School • High quality, whole-child instruction • Experienced teaching staff • Proven academic curriculum • Cutting edge learning tools and technologies • Bright, modern classrooms • Enrichment curriculum for all students • Emphasis on character development, independence, respect for oneself and others, and self-expression

Inspiring students from 18 months through 8th grade with hands-on learning.

603-818-8613 www.snhec.org september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 19

From elbows to ele Etiquette tips for tweens and teens • By Mary Ellen Hettinger

E IS FOR ELECTRONICS The first rule of being responsible for using electronics and mobile devices is to know when to turn them off. Don’t be that guy in the movies whose cell phone blasts the Star Trek theme music just as the ax-wielding psychopath creeps up on the kids at the campfire.

Also, no one should have a cell phone on during meals (and parents should set the example).  Mute or turn devices off when appropriate.  Don’t send a text, or post a message or photo that you wouldn’t want people to see on TV. What’s on the Internet never disappears.  Although it may feel that way in cyberspace, you are never really anonymous. Never say or do things online that you wouldn’t say or do face to face.  Never take or send inappropriate photos of yourself or someone else.  Respect others’ privacy, and be aware that whatever you put out there about yourself is virtually making it public.

When you apply to college or start a career, what will your online profile look like?

20 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

ave you ever been told to keep your elbows off the table?

This rule probably originated in medieval times, when dining halls consisted of long tables and benches and people were packed in next to each other, according to www.culinarylore.com.

If some hairy oaf had both elbows at the board, he’d interfere with diners on either side of him.

Today, teens and tweens are more likely to be scolded for bringing electronics to the dinner table.

But it still has to do with displaying good manners.

Although manners change and evolve over time, the principles behind them don’t, said Daniel Post Senning. As the great, great, grandson of manners maven Emily Post, he should know. Senning, and other Post family members, are still the guardians of good taste at the Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vt. Emily Post, the first lady of etiquette — whose 600page guide to graciousness was published in 1922 and hasn’t been out of print since — believed

that the basics of etiquette “are rooted in core principles and values,” Senning said. These are always relevant.

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. Being considerate, respectful and honest is more important than knowing which fork to use,” according to www.emilypost.com.

And while you may not need to know a shrimp fork from an oyster fork, respect remains the foundation of good manners.

Be prepared The middle- and high-school years can be intimidating. Knowing what is and isn’t appropriate in any situation, from dating to working, is the key to confidence and mastering new skills.

Mary Lou Wilson of Alton, an event planner, etiquette expert, and author of “Party Like a Pro,” suggests imagining what could happen ahead of time and planning what you would say and do.

“Manners set you apart from everyone else, and cost you nothing,” Wilson said. Looking people in the eyes and smiling when you meet them, shaking hands, and being present when talking and listening to someone — not looking down at your phone —

ctronics

AWESOME ETIQUETTE PODCAST Have a question? Tune in to the AwesomeEtiquette podcast or tweet and tag a question with #awesomeetiquette or submit one to awesomeetiquette @emilypost.com.

STREET SMARTS makes a great first impression.

Whether you are having a family dinner or sharing pizza with friends, keep mobile phones off the table. One trick college students use, according to Wilson, is to make everyone put their phones in the center of the table.

“The first one that looks at his or her phone has to pay the bill,” she said. “That’s positive peer pressure!”

Also, no date wants to be second fiddle to a text.

Rise to the occasion Special occasions call for an extra level of awareness about what’s appropriate, whether it is going to a prom, graduation, bar mitzvah, wedding or funeral.

It starts with the invitation. RSVP stands for “Respondez s’il vous plait,” which is French for “please respond” with a yes or no.

Senning said he asks teens to imagine what it would feel like to plan a party for 10, and have only one person show up. That’s why it’s important to let the host know if you’ll attend.

Respond to any invitation as soon as possible, and definitely before any date indicated. Look at the invitation for clues about how formal the event is and how to reply.

“An engraved invitation gives you clues such as a reply card. If it’s a less formal invitation via email or a Facebook group, it's OK to reply the same way,” he said.

Even a text invitation to come over after school deserves a reply, Senning said.

Ceremonial occasions have expectations regarding attire and conduct. If you’re not sure, check with your host. At the event, follow others’ lead about when to stand or sit.

If it’s a formal dinner with an elaborate place setting and numerous utensils, watch the host, and start from the outside in when choosing what silverware to use first.

Above all, be respectful of other cultures and traditions.

Be our guest You don’t need the white-glove training of a “Downton Abbey” butler to be a gracious host.

Whether you are just hanging out or are at a post-game barbecue for your team, it’s your job to make everyone comfortable. Being clique-y and exclusive is very poor manners.

According to Wilson, the primary consideration is to ask yourself how you would want to be treated.

Please and thank you These “magic words” are very basic, starting in toddlerhood. Once you’re old enough to craft them, thank-you notes are always appropriate.

In addition to acknowledging a gift, thank-you notes are appropriate for anyone who has done something for you, from recommending you for a job, to interviewing you for one. A thoughtful, handwritten note makes you stand out.

Interviewing skills Whether you are applying for a job at a fast-food restaurant or looking for a babysitting job, expect to be nervous.

Preparation and being polite is key to feeling confident and acing the interview. Just as it’s better to be a little overdressed than underdressed, you can never go wrong by using “Sir” and Ma’am” when addressing an adult, until they tell you otherwise.

“Sometimes kids mumble because they don’t know what to say,” Wilson said. Preparing a script and practicing can help your confidence. Something like, “Hi, I’m Josh and I’m 15. I’m looking for a part-time job and am available 10 hours a week.”

In classes for teens at the Emily Post Institute, Senning tells students: “Any time money is on the line, think of yourself as a professional and defer to a higher level of formality.”

It starts with a good first impression, and that starts with the greeting. Look the person in the eye, smile and speak clearly, and offer to shake hands. (And how is that handshake? Role play with someone you trust so you can nail it -- not wimpy, not crushing.)

At the end when you part company, thank them for their time or attention.

“When you honor greetings and partings, it leaves people feeling good about you,” said Senning.

Feeling confident and carrying yourself well are also important for personal safety.

According to Lt. Brian O’Keefe, spokesperson for the Manchester Police Department, looking people in the eye and being respectful shows confidence.

“When you’re walking somewhere, walk confidently—not cocky—and with a purpose, and you’re less likely to be victimized.” Bullies typically pick on “the weakest link.”

The worst thing you can do when walking to and from school or a job is to not be aware of your surroundings by looking down and texting and listening to an iPod. “That’s when bad things can happen,” O’Keefe said.

Road rage is an epic fail in manners and can be fatal. Never provoke or get involved in a confrontation.

In short, for an interview:

• Dress appropriately in clean clothes; boys need to keep their pants up.

• Smile!

Shake hands and look the person in the eye.

• Introduce yourself. Have a 30-second spiel prepared.

• Speak clearly.

• Stand up straight.

• Thank the interviewer for his or her time.

• “If you can do these things,” Wilson said, “you’re already ahead of half of the kids who are applying.

Good manners are the least expensive way to propel yourself into a great position.”

And, though there may not be an app for that, through the institute you can still find Emily Post’s etiquette advice at www.emilypost.com and in magazines and books. So if you have any questions, look them up, and you will feel confident and competent to meet any challenge.

Mary Ellen Hettinger, APR is an award-winning reporter, editor and writer, and accredited public relations professional.

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 21

Call today to Enroll!

Individualized & Thematic Curriculum Degreed & Experienced Teachers Sibling Discounts Low Student to Teacher Ratios Snacks Provided Full & Half Day options for children 1–4 years

5:30p.m. a.m. :00 7 en Op

year ‘r ound

Discover how every day is filled with wonder, laughter and most of all - FUN! LEARNING ADVENTURES ECC • 51 OLD BEDFORD ROAD • BEDFORD NH 03110

603-669-2811 • LearningAdventuresNH.com • info@LearningAdventuresNH.com

at the academy, your child is our focus.

Half & Full Days Early Pre-K (age 3) Pre-K (age 4) Kindergarten

NOW ENROLLING

Before & After School Summer Programs

call scheduto your to le today!ur

fOR thE 2017 SchOOL yEaR

Learning Tree Academy

4 Cobbetts Road| Windham, | Windham, 03087 | 603 Cobbetts Pond PoPondRoad NH NH 03087 | 603 965965 34843484 WindhamLearningTreeAcademy.com www.WindhamLearningTreeAcademy.com 091207-WLTA-parentingNH-4x2ad.indd 1

www.WindhamLearningTreeAcademy.com 4 Cobbetts etts Pond Road | Windham, NH 03087 | 603 965 3484

22 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

12/9/09 1:54 PM

Preparing your child

for the first day of high

I

As the amount of homework increases, so does responsibility and independence

By Jacqueline Tourville

school

f I only went by my daughter’s interpretation of what getting ready for the first day of high school means, I would swear we were prepping for an all-day photo shoot for Vogue. She has Pinterest boards dedicated to back-to-school outfits, a Sephora wish list a mile long, and much of our free time in the weeks leading up to the start of school have been spent in dressing rooms at the mall.

In the rare moments when my daughter isn’t thinking about how to create the perfect image for her big high school debut, I have been trying my best to talk to her about all the other not-so fashionable stuff that goes along with transitioning from middle to high school. As a former high school teacher, I understand how much importance teens place on outward appearances. But I also know — and have seen firsthand — that a student’s success in high school depends almost entirely on what’s going on the inside.

As we enter the final countdown for high school, I am doing my best to focus on this inner prep work. What pearls of wisdom have I tried to impart to my daughter? Here are a few that I hope sink in and help her in the days and months to come.

Get ready for a heavier workload: According to guidelines endorsed by the National Education Association, a student should be assigned no more than 10 minutes of homework per grade level per night. For example, a first-grader should only have 10 minutes of homework, a second grader, 20 minutes, and so on. This might not seem like much when your child is younger, but by the time they hit ninth grade, get ready for nightly homework that clocks in around the 90-minute mark, and sometimes more. Will your child have the space and quiet time needed to complete assignments? Have your child take time now to clear off a desk area and set ground rules, such as waiting until after homework is completed to text friends.

Get ready for more independence: As your child makes the leap from middle school to high school, one of the biggest adjust-

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 23

ments can be coping with the increased amount of independence high school offers. During my years as a high school social studies teacher, I could see the love/hate relationship freshmen had with suddenly being thrust into a world where teachers didn’t hover over them to make sure they copied down the homework assignment word-for-word in their planner. For most kids, this ends up being a freeing moment when they realize, hey, I can keep track of my homework without anyone telling me to! For kids who may be accustomed to more structure and not quite ready to go at it on their own, they may still need to know that for the first few months at least, their parent will check in on their assignments at home.

Baby steps are OK. Get ready for the “big pond”: Incoming freshmen are going from being a big fish in a smaller pond — aka their middle school or K-8 school — to a little fish in a very big pond.

For many kids, the beginning of high school is a time of adjustment as their existing social groups reshape themselves and they shift their own place in it. This is especially true when multiple middle schools feed into one district or regional high school. Your freshman may keep the same group of friends, but don’t be surprised if you start hearing the names of kids you’ve never met before.

Encourage your child to invite new friends over so you can get to know each other. Or better yet, volunteer to be the parent chauffeur to the mall for the next few months.

Get ready for group dates: Heavy-duty high school romances still exist,

but many teens these days seem to prefer socializing or going out in large groups of mixed boys and girls, aka the group date. Is your freshman son or daughter ready for a girlfriend or boyfriend? Is “going to the movies with friends” code for going on a group date? If you haven’t sat down with your child to talk about dating and all that goes with it, now is the time.

Get ready to strike a balance: Does your teen play a sport? Babysit on the weekends? Does he or she already have a part-time job? Part of the high school experience is learning how to strike a balance between different sets of obligations like they will have to do in the “real world.”

What is your role in all this? Support your teen to make sure he or she gets enough sleep and check in from time to time to make sure that after-school activities or sports aren’t eclipsing your child’s academic obligations. Work with your child to readjust as needed.

Get ready to feel nervous: Sending your child off to

School supplies for high-schoolers Start high school off on the right foot by having the right supplies. This is a general list of supplies that are helpful to have on hand. For specific supplies, check your high school’s website.

Agenda or planner to keep track of homework assignments Classic backpack or the on-trend bicycle messenger bag Binders and binder dividers College-ruled notebooks and loose-leaf paper Ruler with both English/metric measurements Zip drive or USB drive to save work done on home and school computers One folder per subject Scientific/graphing calculator Index cards for taking notes Pens/pencils Highlighters Colored pencils Graph paper

the first day of high school is a milestone for both of you. It’s OK for your child — and for you — to feel nervous.

In practical terms your child might be worried about getting lost in a new school, not knowing where to sit at lunch, or which bus to take home. Do your best to keep the lines of communication open so you can help your child face his or her fears. For example, if your child is really worried about getting lost, stop by the high school before the first day to check out it out and pick up a map to plot out where his or her classes are. Also, try your best to keep fears and worries in perspective. Your freshman will eventually learn his or her way around the school, and before you know it, this same child will be strolling confidently across the stage at graduation with you applauding happily in the audience.

Jacqueline Tourville is a longtime contributor to PNH.

24 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

we

bsi Che c te k o f or u t e ve o u r nt de t ai

ls!

NOT JUST NHʻS #1 FAMILY FAVORITE PLAY PLACE...

Named Parenting New Hampshire’s “Family Favorite” 2011, 2012, 2013, & 2015 and The Hippo’s “Best of Nashua” 2012, 2013, 2014 & 2015!

NUThinʻ but GOOD TIMES! is a huge indoor play space for kids of all ages.

We specialize in FUN — welcoming parties and gatherings of all sizes...

Come PLAY, RUN, JUMP, SKIP & LAUGH... WE INVITE YOU TO JOIN US!

Country Village

CELEBRATING 15 YEARS

MONTESSORI SCHOOL Preschool through Elementary

“Creating a lifelong love of learning” See the difference a quality education makes!

Visit our Open House on August 25 or call to schedule a tour!

2 Overlook Drive, Amherst NH • 672-3882 www.countryvillagemontessori.com

A place to help develop those with mental or physical disabilities.

We feature a toddler soft-play structure for children less than 4 years of age. Older kids can explore our large indoor play equipment — with mazes, activities, tunnels and slides.

JOIN US and COME BY OUR TABLE at the NEW

Parents can relax and socialize, utilize our FREE Wi-Fi, read, or simply play!

LAUNCH PARTY!!!

St. Joseph’s

St. Joseph’s

Regional Catholic School Salem NH

Regional Catholic School Salem NH

Sat., Sept. 17 • 3–6 pm Itʻs National Gymnastics Day! 200 Perimeter Rd., Manchester ETCGym.com

SAVE $40 OFF

Any Event or Party booked for a weekday (Mon–Fri) during the month of October 746 D.W. Highway, Merrimack, NH w w w.nu thinbu tgoodt ime s.com

Inspired by faith and guided by wisdom, our children soar!

St. Joseph’s Discount

St. Joseph St. Joseph’s

for New Students Preschool to grade 8 • Robust curriculum • Community service, Mandarin,Regional music, Catholic theatre •School Regional Catholic School Regional Salem Salem NH Language program • Small class sizes • NH Competitive sports teams • Before & after “Inspired faith and CatholicbySchool school care • Monthly masses • iPad program guided by wisdom,

Regional Catholic School

our children soar!”

40 Main St., Salem, NH • (603) 893-6811 • www.stjosepheagles.org House, 2/4/16 @ 4:30 september 2016Open www.parentingnh.com 25pm Registration & tours now available 40 Main Street, Salem, NH (603) 893-6811

Taking care of children…

And the adults who provide for them We have served the Nashua area for close to 30 years, and moved to a brand new facility conveniently located just off Routes 3 and 101A in 2010. Our goal: provide state-of-the-art care in a warm welcoming environment – for both children and their parents.

To learn more: www.nashuaoralsurgery.com

• Wisdom tooth extractions • Corrective jaw surgery • Exposure of impacted teeth • specialized care of the mouth face and jaw

To contact our Nashua office call

603-595-9119

Lowell, MA • Nashua, NH • Chelmsford, MA

ating Celebr s! r e 12 Y a

Preschool • Pre-Kindergarten

Directors/Teachers: Monique & Darcie Sylvia,M.Ed. M.Ed. Monique Medeiros, B.E.S.Medeiros, & DarcieB.E.S. Gonsalves Sylvia, The Meeting Place/across from The Black Forest /Amherst, NH

673-3022 • www.littleeinsteins.us

Why Hampstead Academy?

Why Hampstead Academy?

CALL US TODAY!

Consider the REASONS!

603-329-4406 Preschool through Grade 8

To scan a QR code, open the QR app, point the camera at the code, and you're done!

ENROLL TODAY!

603-329-4406 hampsteadacademy.org

hampsteadacademy.org

26 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

How to talk to your kids about other tragedy and tough stuff A NH therapist provides guidance to parents on having difficult conversations

By Rob Levey

W

ith a seemingly ever-increasing number of tragedies and bad news in general being covered by news media, many parents are unsure how to discuss these difficult subjects with their children who are being exposed to this information through social media and television. I sat down with Tracey Tucker, a licensed clinical mental health counselor and executive director of New Heights in Portsmouth, to ask her how children are being affected and how to talk to them.

QUESTION: Are the tragedies we see on the news affecting our kids?

ANSWER: Absolutely. There is a lot of research linking social media use and the

24/7 news about the horrific events we have been seeing — mass shooting, etc. — with higher rates of anxiety and stress for kids. Kids feel like they have an ambiguous future. Of course, no kid knows what their future will hold…they generally should feel safe, but that is not exactly the case today. The ramp up with social media and the news — and let’s face it, we are seeing more tragedies — affects kids subliminally.

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 27

this age, it’s important to normalize things and be really honest with them. There are kids and adults that are really not well.

You can talk about how people can feel isolated and angry and have emotional disturbances. You could go into these subjects and talk about emotional health.

There are people that make tragic choices and end up shooting people — it’s important to acknowledge that and talk about it.

Q: How would you broach these subjects with a child in middle school and older?

A: With older kids, you simply go

Q: If you have a pre-middle school age child, what are your suggestions in talking about today’s tragedies with them?

A: Normalizing things is important.

Set the bar higher...

into these subjects more in-depth. It’s a really great opportunity to ask them how they feel, and you can of course ask your younger children how they feel, too. Sometimes, their reality can be really skewed, so you want to understand what they are feeling and find out where they are at emotionally and philosophically.

These sorts of philosophical conversations can go into larger concepts, such as politics, world relations and bullying.

Kids at this age tend to atunderstand things as good and bad, black and white. In elementary schools now, they are doing lockdowns — and some kids get really scared. The key is to look at your kid and understand their personality and temperament. Look at their historical temperament. Are they more fearful, more reactionary? Some kids are more curious about tragedies. Some may be more sensitive have an abnormal fear about forand your child’s middle school years. natural tragedies, for instance. Some kids, though, are not fazed. With any child at

Q: If you are concerned as a parent about social media and its

influence on your child, what are your suggestions?

A: As with anything, ‘all or nothing’ is

not a good solution. Access to the internet is not a one-on-one thing either because it also involves peers and their influences. Certainly it is natural if you want to moderate what they see and do online, but many kids can generally find a way around parental controls. The real key is to be present and to take every opportunity to teach your children your morals and values rather than just have them get such things from their friends.

Q: How concerned are you about social media?

A: It is affecting everyone. We are

tethered to a constant barrage of information, and how it affects you depends on your temperament, personality and ability to compartmentalize. Our brains are being rewired, so it is really important to do things like hiking or anything that can get us away from technology in general.

Social media produces instant gratification, but life is not instantly gratifying. Having conversations is important with them.

It’s a rapidly changing world — a speeding

Set the bar higher...at Heronfeld Academy th

Set the bar higher...

Montessori Children’s Garden Expanding Children’s Worlds

Rob Levey is CEO of Exponential Squared, a marketing and organizational development company focused on helping businesses achieve their business goals and promote wellness in the workplace. You will find his freelance writing in numerous publications, including Parenting NH.

Youth Programs: • Afterschool Program • Swim Lessons • Vacation and Summer Camps • Dance

Admission For information contact: Open Houses 2016: Ann F. Reis, Director of Admission October 13 and admissions@heronfield.org November 9 or 603-772-9093 6:30 p.m. heronfieldacademy.org heronfeldacademy.org

356 Exeter Road • Hampton Falls • New Hampshire 03844

private practice who are having a great deal of difficulty processing all that is happening in today’s world. Add in the tragedies, and even what is happening in the political world, and what we have is trauma. For some kids, they have also been through a lot personally — divorce or family financial difficulties, for instance — so I refer to all of this as secondary PTSD. All of these things can be paralyzing for a child. If your child is exhibiting signs of distress or anxiety, seek help. Often times, therapy can help normalize things. All a kid might need is some validation and to learn how to build coping skills.

Youth Sports: • Volleyball • Basketball • Soccer

th

The strength of our program is reinforced by small classes. Our at teachers really get to know each student.

for your child’s middle school years.

Q: Any concluding thoughts?

A: I am seeing kids all the time in my

Health and Fitness for all ages!

At Heronfield Academy, students in 6 , 7 , 8 and post-8th grade, are provided with an inspired and rigorous academic program. th

train — and that is not going to change, so the question becomes how do we set controls and patterns and behaviors and pass that on to our kids. Open and honest communication is the answer.

23 Works Way, Somersworth, NH 03878 www.workshealthclub.com

Supervised Programs: • Play Hut • Clubhouse Kids • Supervised Gym • Supervised Swim • Fit Spot • Monthly Parents’ Night Out

CALL FOR A TOUR (603) 384-3404

heronfieldacademy.org Full & Half Day Programs • Ages 2½ -6 356 Exeter Road • Hampton Falls • New Hampshire 03844 • Experienced Montessori Teachers • Authentic Montessori Program • Designed to Support all Areas of Child Development • Complete Outdoor Curriculum; Gardening, Animals, Nature Study, Etc. goffstownmontessori.com

www.conwayarena.com 28 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

Fall Fun at the Currier Art Center

K

ick start your fall at the Currier Museum Art Center. Join us for creative courses and workshops for every age and skill-level. We offer training in a variety of artistic media including paint, clay, glass, photography and more.

Fall term begins September 19.

Class information and registration at: CURRIER.ORG/art-center

180 PEARL STREET, MANCHESTER, NH, 03104 603.669.6144, X122 | ARTCENTER@CURRIER.ORG september 2016 www.parentingnh.com

29

Whitening | Bridges | Crowns | Dentures | Veneers | Extractions Digital X-Rays | Emergencies Seen Promptly We understand you might be anxious about the process of receiving dental care. So from the moment you enter our office, we want you to feel at ease. We go the extra mile to transform routine dental care into a truly pleasant experience. Our job is to listen to you, educate you and respect your decisions.

Therefore, we make a point of explaining your proposed treatment plan carefully and take the time to answer all your questions completely. Only then will we take you gently through your treatment.

Modern dentistry has many techniques, local anesthetics and relaxation methods to increase your comfort. We believe the more involved you are in making dental health decisions, the less room there is for fear and uncertainty.

Gentle Dental Care for Your Whole Family

DR. TRACEY OSBORN PIKE

CALL TODAY! 603-463-7240 49 Cotton Road | Deerfield NH 03037 LOCATED ON THE CORNER OF ROUTE 43 AND COTTON ROAD www.deerfieldfamilydentist.com

Too cool for the pediatric office?

We have more than 30 providers to choose from.

Easy to schedule: • Same-day appointments • Extended hours until 8:00 pm weeknights • Until 3:00 pm Saturdays • Urgent visits for illness, injury, stitches—even same-day physicals!

Derry • Londonderry • Windham Call 603-537-1300 – answered live from 7:30 am - 7:30 pm

30 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

Cafeteria

concerns What you need to know when your send your child with food allergies to school

By Michelle Lahey

G

one are the days of peanut butter, tuna fish sandwiches, and processed, pre-packaged snacks… in the school lunch room, at least.

With an onslaught of dangerous food allergies in the last few years, the cafeteria has become a much different place.

According to Food Allergy Research and Education (FARE), food allergies affect one in every 13 children younger than 18 years of age, which equates to roughly two students in every classroom.

Some of the more severe food allergies plaguing school-age children include peanut, tree nuts, and shellfish. Other common allergies involve milk or dairy products, soy, sesame and egg. Many kids outgrow their food allergies by age five – but not all do, especially those with dairy and egg allergies.

With all of these potential risks associated with a simple brown-bagged lunch, how can parents – and their kids – prepare accordingly for the upcoming school year?

“The primary responsibility lies with the parents of the child. When buying anything in a package you have to look for the labels saying ‘allergen-safe,’” said Traci Komorek, RD and owner of Fresh Roots Nutrition LLC in Concord. “It's also important for the child to understand they can’t share food with their friends unless they see the labels.”

When it comes to food allergies, most children will only have a severe reaction if the item is ingested – with the exception of peanut allergies, which can cause a reaction just by being in the same room as the allergic child. Fortunately, many schools statewide recognize this, and have a written IEP or a 504 plan in place for any children with severe food allergies. Other schools also keep certain areas nutfree – especially for the younger children, as they tend to be more sensitive before third grade.

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 31

Food allergy symptoms in children “[Older children usually] know to eat only the food that is sent in by a parent or safe for them,” said Dr. Barbara Deuell, MD of Allergy Associates of New Hampshire in Portsmouth. “For the younger children (kindergarten through second grade), I usually have parents request a peanut- or tree nut-free classroom and table in the lunch room.”

Deuell also points out that many teachers or school nurses will send a letter home to families — before school starts — letting them know there is a food allergic child in the classroom, with a list of “safe snack” suggestions. Fortunately, no matter what food allergy it is, there are some easy go-to food items parents can rely on.

“I think for, starting the school year, it's still a great local produce season here in New Hampshire,” Komorek said. “I always have a fresh fruit choice - a peach, apple, blueberries, and then a fresh vegetable…. I love having the individual guacamole and hummus containers, too, for dipping veggies.”

For those with peanut or tree nut allergies, items like cheese, yogurt, fruit, nut-free bread, and cold cuts are also good options – as long as parents are diligent about reading the labels.

“It is harder for the dairy allergic, but there are a lot of soy-based foods including yogurts, soy cheese, etc.,” Deuell said.

Komorek also recommends looking for brands that are free of all the eight major food allergens (milk, eggs; fish, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, soybeans), such as Enjoy Life and Made Good.

While lunches brought from home can be versatile and manageable, there is another issue to keep in mind: surprise school events, such as birthday parties.

“It's tough to be the kid left out,” Komorek said. “As a parent, I always ask if there are allergies when I bring something in so I have options for everyone.”

Regardless of the prevalence of food allergies in schools today, there are several ways to make sure your child (or their food-allergic peers) stay safe – including reading labels and by communicating, with the child and their teacher.

“Continued open communication with the school personnel and the allergic families is the best method,” Deuell said. “Talking with other parents who have successfully had children in the school is also very helpful. All children should have a written food allergy action plan and medications available at school in case of an accidental exposure.”

Are you concerned your child may have a food allergy? Contact your doctor if your child mentions any of the following symptoms after eating or drinking.  It feels like something is poking my tongue.  My tongue (or mouth) is tingling (or burning).  My tongue (or mouth) itches.  My tongue feels like there is hair on it.  My mouth feels funny.  There’s a frog in my throat; there’s something stuck in my throat.  My tongue feels full (or heavy).  My lips feel tight.  It feels like there are bugs in there (to describe itchy ears).  It (my throat) feels thick.  It feels like a bump is on the back of my tongue (throat).

The symptoms and severity of allergic reactions to food can be different between individuals, and can also be different for one person over time. Anaphylaxis is a sudden and severe allergic reaction that may cause death. Not all allergic reactions will develop into anaphylaxis.

Michelle Lahey is a food writer who was born and raised in New Hampshire. She also blogs about food at www. ahoppymedium.blogspot.com.

— Courtesy of the Centers for Disease Control

Prevention...

with kids, a little goes a long way!

Remember, every child needs an annual exam and up to date shots.

From, Your Neighborhood Doctors

NDA PREPARED

PREPARED FOR COLLEGE. PREPARED FOR CAREERS. PREPARED FOR LIFE.

UPPER SCHOOL GRADES 9-12

OPEN HOUSE Your kids come first with us!

Our board-certified pediatric physicians give patients and their families their personal attention.

Our extended hours, and devoted staff provide your children the continuity of care they deserve.

Now accepting new patients ages newborn–18 years

25 Buttrick Road, Bldg. E, Londonderry, NH (603) 437-1003 • www.londonderrypediatrics.com

32 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

More than 50% of our graduates declare a STEM Major.

Sunday, October 2 11:00 am - 1:00 pm

(SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, ENGINEERING, MATH)

Sunday, November 6 11:00 am - 1:00 pm

The Academy’s all-girls’ upper school program for grades 9-12 is a rigorous college prep education, with empowering opportunities and real-life applications.Young women are part of a vibrant, friendly community where they are valued as individuals, and where they will be encouraged to speak up and take charge.

100%

ACCEPTED TO FOUR-YEAR SCHOOLS $18 M

$16 M $14 M $12 M $10 M $8 M $6 M $4 M $2 M

graduating seniors earned

MORE THAN $18 MILLION in scholarships since 2015

Learn more and register at www.ndatyngsboro.org or call (978) 649-7611, Ext. 327 Academy of Notre Dame | 180 Middlesex Road, Tyngsboro, MA 01879

October 8

Open to the public!

10 am to 4 pm NH Sportsplex, Bedford, NH

$3 In Advance $5 at the door For ticket information, visit girlscoutsgwm.org.

Over 65 family-oriented vendors with raffles and giveaways!

Break-out Workshops Bake for Good with King Arthur Flour, build a “bristlebot,” jump rope like a pro, discover your inner artist, relax with yoga, meet an author, learn how to look like a zombie, attend a Fall Product Rally and more!

Main Stage Performances Fashion show and Top Pastry Chef competition, dance performances, Jump In Live! jump roping demo, and more!

Hands-on Activities STEAM Zone—featuring basic car maintenance, archery and airsoft rifle ranges, Highland Mountain Bike Park obstacle course, and much, much more!

Powered By:

Presenting Sponsor

Supporting Sponsor

LIVE Broadcast by our Media Sponsor WZID!

Health Sponsor

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 33

cook•with•your• kids PASTA IS PERFECT FOR A QUICK AND EASY WEEKNIGHT MEAL

By Susan Nye

S

chool is back in session, and the transition to a new routine is not easy. When dinner time comes, it may be tempting to call for take-out. But cooking and eating together is healthier and can strengthen family bonds.

water boiling for pasta.

Make the most of fresh, local vegetables. September is a banner month for the local harvest. The farm stand is piled high with corn, tomatoes and greens. As always, zucchini is more than plentiful.

Whether you decide to enjoy a meatless Monday (or meatless any day) or add a piece of grilled chicken or fish, you can’t beat a tasty bowl of pasta loaded with fresh veggies.

A quick and easy pasta dinner is a delicious end to a busy day. Pasta is also a favorite of most kids.

The children can scrub and peel vegetables and set the table while you chop and sauté and get the

Susan Nye writes for magazines throughout New England.

She shares many of her favorite recipes and stories about food, family and friendship on her award winning blog, Around the Table, at www.susannye.wordpress.com.

SPAGHETTI WITH FRESH TOMATOES Serves 4

• • • • • • • • • • •

8-12 oz. spaghetti Olive oil 1 clove garlic, minced 1 pinch crushed red pepper flakes 1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved or quartered 1 T. extra-virgin olive oil 1 T. butter, cut in small pieces 2 T. fresh chopped basil 1 T. fresh chopped flat leaf parsley Freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste Put a large pot of salted water on to boil for the spaghetti. Add pasta to the boiling water and cook according to package directions less 1 minute.

While the pasta cooks, lightly coat a skillet with olive oil, add the garlic and pepper flakes, and cook on very low heat until garlic is fragrant. Stir in tomatoes, season with salt and pepper, and raise the heat to medium-high. Sauté tomatoes for 1 minute.

Reserve about 1/4 cup of the pasta water, then drain pasta, add it to the tomatoes, and toss to combine.

Depending on how thin your sauce is, add some or all of the pasta water and toss again. Cover and cook over medium heat for 1-2 minutes.

Remove pan from heat, drizzle with extra-virgin olive oil. Add butter, sprinkle with herbs and toss to combine. Transfer to individual plates and serve with freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano.

34 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

BOWTIE PASTA WITH RICOTTA, ZUCCHINI AND CORN Serves 4

• • • • • • •

Olive oil 1/2 small onion, finely chopped 1 pinch crushed red pepper flakes 1-2 medium zucchini, quartered vertically then chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 8-12 oz. bowtie or your favorite pasta About 1 1/2 c. (2 ears) fresh corn kernels Put a large pot of salted water on to boil for the pasta.

Lightly coat skillet with olive oil, add onion and sauté over medium-high heat until translucent. Add garlic and pepper flakes and cook for 1 minute. Add zucchini, season with salt and pepper and, stirring frequently, cook until tender, about 5 minutes.

While the onion and zucchini cooks, add pasta to boiling water and cook according to package directions less 2 minutes. Add corn kernels and cook 1 minute

• • • • • •

About 2/3 c. ricotta 1 T. fresh chopped oregano 1-2 T. fresh chopped flat leaf parsley Zest of 1 lemon Crumbled feta Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

more. Reserve about 1/4 cup of the pasta water, then drain pasta and corn.

Add pasta and corn to zucchini and toss to combine.

Add ricotta and toss again. Add some or all of the pasta water if the mix seems dry. Cover and cook over medium heat for 1-2 minutes. Sprinkle with chopped herbs and lemon zest and toss to combine.

Transfer to individual plates and serve immediately with a sprinkle of crumbled feta.

FUSILLI PASTA WITH WHITE BEANS AND SWISS CHARD Serves 4

• • • • •

Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste 1 T. olive oil 1 T. butter 1 small onion, finely chopped 1 lb. Swiss chard, chop stems and cut leaves into ribbons

• • • • •

Put large pot of salted water on to boil for the pasta.

While onion and beans simmer, cook pasta according to package directions less 1 minute.

Heat olive oil and melt butter in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and chard stems, season with salt and pepper, and sauté until onion is translucent.

Add garlic and pepper flakes and cook for 1 minute. Add white beans, white wine and herbs. Cover and simmer on low for 5 minutes.

2 cloves garlic, minced 1 pinch crushed red pepper flakes About 2 c. (1 can) small white or cannellini beans About 1/4 c. dry white wine or chicken broth 1 tsp. finely chopped fresh rosemary

When pasta is about half-cooked, stir Swiss chard ribbons into the beans and season with salt and pepper.

Raise heat to medium-high and cook for 2-3 minutes while stirring frequently.

• • • •

1 tsp. fresh thyme leaves 8-12 oz. fusilli or your kids’ favorite pasta Juice of 1/2 lemon Freshly grated Pecorino Romano

pasta. Add pasta and lemon juice to the beans and greens and toss to combine. Add some or all of the pasta water if the mix seems dry. Cover and cook over medium heat for 1-2 minutes.

Transfer to individual plates and serve immediately with a sprinkle of freshly grated Pecorino Romano.

Reserve about 1/4 cup of the pasta water, then drain

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 35

Saturday, October 22, 2016 Race begins at 9am YMCA of Greater Nashua

dad on board Connecting through the notes THE TOUR BUS LEFT WITHOUT ME, BUT PLAYING MUSIC WITH MY KID IS SO MUCH BETTER

BY BILL BURKE

I Register at www.runreg.com/the-telegraph-santa-fund-run

The

Mad Hatter Tea Party

Saturday, September 17 Manchester Community College, Manchester, NH

$15 per child parents are free

Tea Times: 1:00pm, 1:30pm 2:00pm and 2:30pm Children ages 3-12 are invited to arrive dressed to impress as their favorite storybook character and attend a special preview of the CHaD Storybook Ball Enjoy a special book reading by author Dave Bastien of his newest release "Pick Me! Pick Me! The Story of the Magic Pumpkin!"

Activities include table judging, red carpet photos with the Mad Hatter, a sweet treat and more!

More than 30 incredibly designed storybook-themed tables

Advance ticket purchase is required. Visit www.chadstorybookball.org or call 603.629.1238.

Presented by

The Wright Family &

Proceeds Benefit

36 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

was told there would be roadies.

There are no roadies. There are no tour riders. There are no sold-out gigs at the Enormo-Dome. However, I have a daughter who’s a pretty good bass player, and that’s plenty.

When I first started dreaming about being a rock star, it was the early 1980s. I had visions of traveling the world in a tour bus with armies of grizzled roadies to carry my many excellent guitars. In those daydreams I had intimidating hair and stood nearly seven feet tall.

Spoiler alert: I ended up fairly short with very little hair and very little real talent.

At some point in life you have to come to grips with the fact that you're not necessarily very good at some of the things you love most. I continued to play, but the tour bus left without me.

My daughter came into the world surrounded by the thumping of my bass and the jangling guitars and driving drums of her uncles. It was a family pursuit for the most part, and she fell into her role early. She started on violin and switched over to upright bass a few years ago.

Now she's at the age I was at when I began having rock star dreams. She can read music like she reads English thanks to a great music program at her school and some excellent teachers. And she's actually quite good. Thankfully she’s got a much better ear than her dad. A TV theme will come on, or a catchy commercial jingle will play, and I’ll say, “Play that.” She’ll get up, walk over to her upright bass, pluck a few notes and play whatever challenge I throw at her without much effort.

Not long ago I put a bass guitar in her hands, picked up my own Telecaster, and for the first time we started making music. Not in parallel, but together. It was just a few three-chord things, and despite my fumbling, it sounded like it was supposed to. We had a conversation without saying a word; her hands going up and down the neck effortlessly, and dare I say, throwing some 13-year-old funky thunder. It was as fun as any basement or garage jam I’ve ever taken part in.

We packed everything into the tour bus — a sensible Subaru — and took it on the road to her cousins’ house. One cousin plays ukulele, one is a great singer, my brother-in-law sat-in on drums and I strummed along on guitar. Suddenly, we had formed our own band – not quite the Partridge Family (no one wants to be Rueben Kincaid), and not quite the Allman Brothers (only one drummer), but still, there we were making music.

It was three young teens and two old guys, but we were banging out music that sounded pretty good. Truth be told, it was much more satisfying than any rock star dream I had as a teenager.

While I was supposed to be in the band Motorhead by now, I’ll gladly take our family band as a substitute. Cookouts and lazy Sundays are a little better when the soundtrack is homemade.

Bill Burke is a writer who lives in southern New Hampshire with his wife, and his own personal bass player, but no roadies. He is also the managing editor of custom publications at McLean Communications.

learning curve

Dr. Mark Harrison We specialize in providing excellent dental care that is especially suited to the needs of children, and adolescents.

Start the school year off right

T

TIME-MANAGEMENT AND ORGANIZATION STRATEGIES SET THE STAGE FOR A STUDENT’S SUCCESS

BY ELIZABETH FEINGOLD

he first month of the school year is an exciting time.

In September, everyone goes to school with new energy and a new focus for the year. Students are in a new grade, so the teacher — or teachers — are new to them, as are the content, skills and coursework being presented.

There are extracurricular activities to become involved in, icebreakers, freshly waxed gym floors, and friends and colleagues to catch up with or get to know. For teachers, there are seating charts to establish and memorize, classroom rules to learn, and new advisory/homeroom activities.

While all of this is novel and fun, it’s important to make sure your student is staying on top of everything before the real work begins.

It’s crucial for each student to set up an organizational system that works well for him or her. Even the youngest students — with help from family and school personnel — can establish simple organizational strategies. This can range from your student keeping school materials in the same place at home, to checking the backpack every day to keep it organized and tidy, to setting up a folder for school-to-home announcements and materials. Older students should use an agenda/planner system that works for them. This could be a store-bought academic planner or a planner app on a smartphone or iPad. The teachers will sometimes ask students to use a particular system, especially in the lower grades, to introduce and teach these essential organizational and time management skills. If that is the case for your child, a great idea is to help your child review these skills at home by encouraging him/her to check off the work as it’s completed, or by helping him/her develop a highlighting system for the completion of work.

It’s helpful to have your student learn to record his/her extracurricular activities into the planner so they can budget his/her time. Students need to learn early on how to manage their time well so everything is done in a timely manner.

For example, if your child has soccer practice four days a week, make sure the time is accounted for in the planner, and that homework, dinner and relaxation time is also written in his/her schedule. Being able to balance work, commitments and fun is a lifelong skill that should be worked on at the earliest age possible.

When establishing a setting and time for homework, make sure your student has a distraction-free work environment. That means making sure the electronic devices are set aside (unless needed for the homework on a particular day), the TV is off, and there isn’t any noise or visual distractions. This will help your student focus on schoolwork, which will in turn help him/her get the work done expediently. The gain will be more relaxation time – and less stress – for everyone.

These days, schools and teachers have websites. You and your student should check these regularly. It will keep you informed, and will keep your student on task with daily assignments.

Establishing some simple ways for your student to stay on top of everything before the year gets underway will help him/her stay positive as the year rolls along.

Elizabeth Feingold retired from Kearsarge Regional School District, where she worked for over 30 years as a special education teacher and coordinator at the elementary, middle and high school levels. She is now a consultant and advocate. Reach her through www.seacservices.com or email seacsvcs@gmail.com.

40 Portsmouth Avenue Exeter, NH 03833

SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY!

(603) 778-0400 drmarkharrison.com

Hits for the

whole family!

Z107fm.com september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 37

house calls Teens learn by watching us CHILDREN ACQUIRE SAFE DRIVING HABITS FROM THEIR FIRST DRIVING INSTRUCTOR — YOU For six years, the handsome fella (or gorgeous gal!) above has served as our Family Favorites mascot but sadly, he or she is missing a name.

In order to fix this dilemma, we're calling all of our pintsized friends to help us name our famous cow!

Wait...what's Family Favorites? It's our annual awards program, where our readers are given the chance to recognize the places, people and things that make New Hampshire a great place to raise a family. Voting ends Sunday, August 28.

Name the Cow contest details: From now until September 12, we invite our readers to submit a name for our Family Favorites cow. Then, the Parenting NH team will pick our top 5 favorite submitted names and ask you to vote and ultimately pick the best name for our cow. Voting will take place from September 13 through October 7.

The best part? Not only will our beloved bovine friend finally have a name but the person who submits the winning name will have the chance to appear on the cover of the November issue of Parenting NH! What else? We're so excited for you to be a part of this process that we also have some fun participation prizes that we will randomly give away, including:  1-year Clubhouse Membership to the Children's Museum of New Hampshire  Family four pack of tickets to the Conway Scenic Railroad  Two Fun Pass booklets filled with more than $1,800 worth of coupons and discounts to New England's favorite attractions

Submit a name for our cow at www.parentingnh.com/Name-TheCow-Contest/

BY HOWARD HEDEGARD

M

otor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death and injury for teens. Novice teen drivers continue to have the highest crash rate because they lack experience behind the wheel and experience with life itself. Teens are less likely to recognize and understand risk. Because of this, they are more likely to drive distracted and are less likely to wear seat belts.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, almost 3,000 teens die in motor vehicle crashes every year in the United States. Almost 300,000 are injured and some 55,000 of those injuries are serious enough to be life-altering.

The reality is that almost all crashes are preventable. In spite of the common use of the term, very few crashes are accidents. Common causes of crashes, for teens and adults, are driving while distracted, driving under the influence, driving while drowsy and excessive speed.

We can minimize the likelihood of our teen being in a crash by better preparing them for this new experience and by making certain they understand the risks and responsibilities associated with the privilege of driving.

We can begin this education process long before they become old enough to drive by making an honest assessment of our own driving behaviors. They learn by watching us, and in essence, we are their first driving instructor.

A critical thing to know is that as a parent we have the greatest influence over our teenager’s driving behavior. This may seem inconsistent with everything we hear about teen-parent relationships, peer pressure, etc. but it is true. Our teens need us now more than ever and really want us to be involved in their lives. They just don’t always show it.

Research shows that teens with involved parents are twice as likely to wear seat belts, 70 percent less likely to drink and drive, half as likely to speed, and are 30 percent less likely to use a cell phone while driving.

Consequently this means that teens with involved parents are less likely to be involved in crashes. It also means they are less likely to receive tickets for risky and illegal behaviors that result in suspensions of their newly earned driving privileges, increased insurance premiums and other costly outcomes.

Many resources exist on a national and state level to provide parents and their teens with the information needed to guide them in becoming safe and responsible drivers.

New Hampshire has an increasingly effective teen driver program. Peer-to-peer programs are being developed in high schools around the state and within a few months, a teen driver resource toolbox will be distributed to all Granite State high schools.

A new resource specifically designed for parents of teen drivers contains a significant amount of useful information. This resource (www.nhparentsofteendrivers. com) contains information on the risks, statistics and facts related to the teen driving experience and a list of additional resources.

The bottom line is that we get the driver that we are. We need to be our best as drivers and parents as we guide them in this new, important and risky part of their lives. Parent support is key.

Howard Hedegard is the Highway Safety Specialist for the Injury Prevention Center at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center. For more information, go to www.chadkids.org.

38 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

Destructive discourse WE NEED TO KEEP OUR CHILDREN IN MIND WHEN DISCUSSING POLITICS

BY TRACEY TUCKER

I

t’s hard not to notice the vitriol we as a country are experiencing in our own political system. News bites, commercials, and of course our friends and family are making it quite clear what they think about our political candidates and political system as a whole.

Unfortunately, much of what is being said by adults in our lives is filled with words like “liar,”, “cheat,” “crazy,” “dangerous” and a whole host of other phrases and statements that vilify political candidates and populations of our society.

The general norms and values of our society, caring for each other, compassion and empathy have been replaced by blaming each other and making it seem that opposing views are not allowed in our society in general. Whatever political party we stand for, I hope that we can take a deep breath and think about our children.

Children, at all ages, are sponges that soak up knowledge through verbal and nonverbal ways. They understand anger and they can feel happiness just by looking at a face. Children often struggle emotionally when their household is in crisis—whether that be parental conflict or maybe a financial crisis for parents. These difficult moments of stress can greatly impact children’s behaviors at home and at school.

Given that stress can have such an impact on adults, think about what it must be like for young children to see conflict and hatred day in and day out. These behaviors exhibited by adults, who are mentors or authority figures for all children, can be confusing and difficult for them to process.

Kids are taught early on that we should treat others with kindness, everyone is our friend, and we should accept each other’s differences. These teachings start early on in home, child care center and school. When kids see adults not mirroring the same behaviors they are taught, they can begin to exhibit these behaviors in their own environments.

This column has nothing to do with political ideology or political “sides.” Clearly, unkind and scary behaviors exhibited by adults happen beyond the political arena, too.

However, given the time of year, it is important to remember some key things to help keep our kids from feeling stressor confusion around negative behaviors. it is completely fine to teach your kids your own morals, values and political • Although beliefs, try to keep the ideas to an ideology rather than a person. Talk to your children

• • •

about what you hope for the country — not your feelings about political candidates.

Do not condone behaviors that contradict children’s everyday teachings, such as being kind to each other; treating everyone with respect; showing empathy for friends and peers; and using their words rather than physical actions.

Talk to your children about differences and ways to respect each other’s differences.

People can disagree with each other in a healthy way.

If your child is asking questions or showing signs of stress due to the incongruence with what they see and what they have been taught, talk to them about how they feel and listen to them.

Children can be some of our greatest teachers, as they bring innocence and innate compassion to everything they do. In these very stressful, tense times, children might be better teachers than adults.

Tracey Tucker is Executive Director of New Heights: Adventures for Teens and a licensed mental health counselor at Tradeport Counseling Associates in Portsmouth.

Experience the Magic!

2016 Portsmouth Fairy House Tour Fairy House: Nancy Zechel Photo: Caroline Piper

Bring your family to see more than 150 enchanting fairy houses on the grounds of Strawbery Banke, the Governor John Langdon House and Prescott Park.

Build your own fairy house on Peirce Island! Meet Fairy Houses author/illustrator, Tracy Kane!

SEPT. 24 & 25 11-3 p.m.

Tickets now available online at

portsmouthfairyhousetour.com or at select Portsmouth retailers. proceeds benefit local non-profits & schools FOR MORE DETAILS VISIT:

portsmouthfairyhousetour.com

PBS KIDS! ON NHPTV WEEKDAYS 6:00 AM 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30 11:00 11:30

Arthur Odd Squad Wild Kratts Ready Jet Go! Nature Cat Curious George Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood Sesame Street Peg + Cat Dinosaur Train Dinosaur Train

SATURDAY 6:00 AM 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30

Peep and the Big Wide World Space Racers Thomas and Friends Bob the Builder Arthur Nature Cat Odd Squad Wild Kratts Ready Jet Go! WordGirl

12:00 PM 12:30 1:00 1:30 2:00 2:30 3:00 3:30 4:00 4:30

Super WHY! Thomas and Friends Sesame Street The Cat in the Hat Curious George Curious George Arthur Nature Cat Ready Jet Go! Odd Squad

SUNDAY 6:00 AM 6:30 7:00 7:30 8:00 8:30 9:00 9:30 10:00 10:30

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood Bob the Builder Sid the Science Kid Arthur Ready Jet Go! Nature Cat SciGirls Cyberchase Granite State Challenge Odd Squad o rg v. nhpt

parenting in the moment

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 39 Parenting NH September 2016 1/4 page: 4.38” X 5.42”

out about

septemb 7TH ANNUAL HARVEST FESTIVAL 17 SATURDAY LACONIA – Prescott Farm, 928 White Oaks Road.

Annual event includes horse-drawn hayrides, face painting, petting farm, food, music, oxen, games, raffles and hay jump. Free admission. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 366-5695; prescottfarm.org

Cour tes

y photo

HERMANN’S ROYAL LIPIZZAN STALLIONS 2-5 FRIDAYMONDAY

GOFFSTOWN – UpReach

Therapeutic Equestrian Center, 153 Paige Hill Road. Don’t miss the only new performances in New Hampshire in 2016 of Hermann’s Royal Lipizzan Stallions. With intelligence and endurance, they perform classical dressage, exquisite Pas de Trois, dramatic Airs Above the Ground, including difficult measures such as as the Courbette, the Capriole and the Levade. The 90-minute performance will conclude with a military Quadrille. Advance ticket purchase is recommended due to limited capacity. Tickets (advance purchase): Adult, $20; child, $15 (6 to 12 years). Show times: Friday, 7 p.m.; Saturday, 3 p.m.; Sunday, 5 p.m. and Monday, 3 p.m. 497-2343; www.upreachtrc.org

HAMPTON BEACH SEAFOOD FESTIVAL 9-11 FRIDAYSUNDAY

HAMPTON BEACH – Ocean

Boulevard. Sample world-famous seafood at New England’s largest beach party. Sixty of the Seacoast’s top restaurants will serve an abundance of mouthwatering seafood. Choose from favorites like fried clams, shrimp, and lobster (steamed, fried, or in a roll) to non-seafood items like BBQ Ribs, “Blooming Onions” and desserts. Arts and crafts vendors, a beverage tent with beer and wine, continuous entertainment on two stages, Kiddie Land, Lobster Roll Eating Contest at 2 p.m. Saturday, fireworks at 8:15 p.m. Saturday, and more. Free shuttle service.

Admission: Friday and Sunday, $5 for adults; Saturday, $8; children under 12 always free.

Hours: Friday, 4 to 9 p.m.; Saturday, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m.;

40 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

Sunday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. www. hamptonbeachseafoodfestival. com

SEMI-ANNUAL CONSIGNMENT SALE

10-11 SATURDAY – SUNDAY DOVER – Hellenic Center, 219

Long Hill Road. Find gently used, great quality children’s clothes for infants to teens, maternity clothing, baby gear, footwear, toys, nursery furniture, books and more at outstanding prices.

Saturday, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Sunday, 10 a.m.to 1 p.m. (most items half-price) www.childrensmuseum.org

41ST NH HIGHLAND GAMES & FESTIVAL

16-18 FRIDAYSUNDAY LINCOLN -- Loon Mountain

Resort. A three-day celebration of Scottish music, food and drink, athletics, dance, heritage and more. You don’t have to be Scottish to enjoy the pageantry and excitement of piping and drumming performances and competitions, highland dancing, fiddle, harp, sheep dog trials, and heavy Scottish athletic competitions. Scotland’s cultural history comes to life in living history encampments and the clan village, where more than 60 clans wear their tartans and share their traditions.

Scottish and Celtic performers will be playing traditional and modern music, ranging from traditional ballads to tribal beats and bagpipe rock.

Children can participate in the Festival Youth Program, which features games (including children’s caber tossing), crafts, storytelling, and more. Rain or shine. Weekend tickets are $60; single-day tickets available. 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. each day. For a full schedule of events and activities, go to www.nhscot.org.

FALL FUN FEST 17 SATURDAY

HUDSON – Presentation of

Mary Academy, 182 Lowell Road. Join PMA for its 21th annual Fall Fun Fest. New this year are Zorb Balls and a bungee jump. Inflatables for all ages, face painting, pumpkin painting, petting zoo, tie-dye your own shirt or hat, theme basket raffles and more than 250 penny sale items.

Also climb on a fire truck, ambulance, S.W.A.T vehicle, Waste Management’s large trash truck, DARE or Hudson town truck. Grilled food and

mber

homemade apple crisp and more. Free admission. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. 710-6841; www. pmaschool.org

MILITARY FAMILY EXPO 17 SATURDAY

CONCORD – Grappone

Conference Center, 70 Constitution Ave. All service members, veterans, and military families are invited to attend the Military Family Expo. The free, family-friendly event features New York Times bestselling author Fmr. Capt.

Luis Carlos Montalván, a wounded warrior, and Tuesday, the golden retriever who saved him. Attendees can connect with military resources, stories, employers, and each other.

DIY workshops, health fair, self-care spa, coffee lounge for vets, and food. Activities include a climbing wall, photo booth, art for all ages, gaming competition, and free statecertified childcare available.

The Military Family Expo is an initiative of the NH Department of Health and Human Services, and presented by NAMI New Hampshire in partnership with NH Care Path. Free. 9 to 5 p.m. www.nhmilexpo.com

AUBURN DAY AND 24TH ANNUAL DUCK RACE 17 SATURDAY

AUBURN – Auburn Village,

22 Hooksett Road. Enjoy a fun-filled day for the whole family with a celebration for the town of Auburn featuring the

famous duck race, Salmon Falls apple pie contest, antique car show, New Hampshire artisans, crafters and vendors, food and more. Music will be provided

by DJ Paul Lepine. There will be a special children's blowup duck race and the 24th annual duck race begins at 2:30 p.m. Children’s activities include Wildlife Encounters, Heidi Gorman, Vertical Dreams climbing wall, arts, crafts and more. Enjoy a variety of booths including wool and quilted goods, local honey, jewelry, sweet and desserts, cheese, maple syrup and much more.

Free admission. 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. www.auburnhistorical.org

HEALTHY KIDS RUNNING SERIES 18 SUNDAY AND 25 SUNDAY

DOVER – Shaws Lane Athletic

Fields, 1 Shaws Lane. The Healthy Kids Running Series is a nonprofit youth running program for kids in prekindergarten to eighth grade.

Each race series takes place once a week and offers ageappropriate running events including the 50-yard dash, the ¼-mile, the ½-mile and the one-mile run. Kids compete each week of the series for a chance to earn points. At the end of the series the top boy and girl with the most points in their respective age division receive a trophy. All participants receive a medal and gift bag for their achievements. HKRS was created to combat childhood obesity by providing kids with a positive, educational, and fun experience in the world of running. Parenting

NH is a proud sponsor and supporter of this event. A $35 registration fee covers the entire five weeks of the series.

3 p.m. each Sunday. http:// runsignup.com/Race/Events/ NH/Dover/ HealthyKidsRunning SeriesFall2016DoverNH

GRANITE STATE COMICON

17-18 SATURDAYSUNDAY MANCHESTER – Radisson

Hotel, 700 Elm St. The Granite State Comicon returns for a 14th year to the Radisson Hotel for two days of comic book and pop culture fun.

This family-friendly event features hundreds of comic book creators, media guests from "Game of Thrones," "Star Wars" and "Power Rangers," vendors from around the northeast bringing the hottest collectibles, and more.

Attendees can get their pictures taken with superheroes, stormtroopers, pirates, princesses and other characters.

Come in costume for a chance to win prizes. There will also be a kids con with activities including workshops, coloring contest, face painting and character meet-and-greets. 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Admission: $25. www.granitecon.com

Wild Rover 5k Road Race and a Celtic music festival. The day of festivities takes place outside the Wild Rover Pub, and the street is closed to traffic. Food and drink is provided by the Wild Rover, Irish music and entertainment happens all day long and includes Irish step dancers and cloggers. Other events include face painting, rock wall climbing, chair massage, psychic readings, extreme hula hooping and more. Free admission. 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. www.stbaldricks.org/ events/wildroverpub2016

14TH ANNUAL SCHNITZELFEST 24 SATURDAY

MANCHESTER – Wild Rover

Pub, 21 Kosciuszko St. The Wild Rover Celtic Festival is a "holy trinity of events" that includes St. Baldrick's Day, the

24 SATURDAY MANCHESTER – Amoskeag

Fishways, 4 Fletcher St. Did you know the Merrimack River is home to many species of underwater insects? Observe these live bugs up close, and learn how to identify them using NH Audubon's Creek Critters app. The day will include aquatic insect crafts, games, exploration and identification. Vote for your favorite river bug to win in the "Most Loved Bug" category of 2016. Admission: $3 per person; $6 per family. 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. 626-FISH; www. amoskeagfishways.org

HILLSBOROUGH -- Butler

Park, 5 Central St. A day of German food, beer and entertainment during foliage season in downtown Hillsborough. Authentically prepared schnitzel, sauerkraut, potato salad, breads and desserts are served under the tent. There are also plenty of beer, wine and craft vendors, shopping opportunities, oompah music and more. This event benefits the HillsboroDeering Scholarship Fund and other Chamber initiatives. A meal ticket is $15. Beer, wine, and desserts are extra. Noon to 5 p.m. www.schnitzelfestnh.org

WILD ROVER CELTIC FESTIVAL 18 SUNDAY

RIVER BUG FESTIVAL

Courtesy photo

Visitwww.parentingnh.com our online events

calendar at

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 41

DISCOVER SCOTLAND NO PASSPORT REQUIRED. September 16-18, 2016 • Loon Mtn Resort, Lincoln, NH

41st New Hampshire

GAMES

&

FESTIVAL

BUY TICKETS at www.nhscot.org or call 1-800-358-7268

42 www.parentingnh.com september 2016

five•for families

COMPILED BY JACQUELINE TOURVILLE

Hillsborough County Fair: Get your fill of fair fun at the Hillsborough County Fair taking place Sept. 9- 11 in New Boston. Animal exhibits await, including 4-H kids competing with their pigs, rabbits and goats for that elusive blue ribbon, plus oxen- and horse-pulling competitions, giant pumpkin weigh-off, an apple pie contest, live music, entertainment and exciting midway rides and games. For a complete schedule of events, go to www.hcafair.com.

Harvest Festival: At Prescott Farm in Laconia on Sept. 17, celebrate harvest time traditions in New Hampshire with festivities including horse-drawn hayrides and tractor rides, petting farm, music, crafts, kids games, food, and more.

Afterward, take a walk on the farm’s nature trails to catch the first wave of fall foliage season. Visit from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.; admission is free. www.prescottfarm.org

UFO Festival: Have an out-of-this-world great time at Exeter’s annual UFO Festival on Sept. 3 and 4. The festival, held throughout Exeter’s downtown area, attracts both UFO enthusiasts and skeptics for two educational and exciting days devoted to aliens, unidentified flying objects and the possibility of life on other planets.

Adults can attend the festival’s lecture series, and for kids there are outer space-themed games and crafts, music and a special children’s UFO “crash site” to explore. www.exeterufofestival.org

What is it about September that makes New Hampshire want to celebrate? With fairs and festivals, and other fun events to keep your kids on the run, it’s easy to fill in the time between school days with family fun.

UNH Ocean Discovery Day: On Sept. 17, dive into marine science when the University of New Hampshire opens the doors of its marine research laboratories to families for a day filled with hands-on demonstrations, tours and talks about UNH’s ocean research. Check out the hand-powered wave tank, dip your hands in the marine touch tank, watch animations of whale movements and drive mini-ROVs (remotely operated vehicles). Ocean Discovery Day is at the Chase Ocean Engineering Laboratory on the UNH campus in Durham. Admission is free. www.marine.unh.edu/oceandiscoveryday

Fairy House Festival: Welcome home the fairies and other wee folk at the 12th annual Friends of the South End Portsmouth Fairy House Tour held Sept. 24-25.

The festival is inspired by New Hampshire author Tracy Kane’s popular Fairy Houses series of books. More than 150 fairy houses will be on display on the grounds of Strawbery Banke, the Governor John Langdon House and in Prescott Park. Then build your own on Peirce Island. Dried flowers, leaves and other natural finery are available to festival-goers to give your fairy home extra curb appeal. Afterward, watch excerpts from the Fairy Houses ballet performed on the Prescott Park Arts Festival Stage. www.portsmouthfairyhousetour.com.

Jacqueline Tourville is a freelance writer and PNH’s travel and tourism expert..

september 2016 www.parentingnh.com 43