The McGill Tribune Vol. 14 Issue 25

T •H •E

P u b lis h e d b y th e

S tu d e n ts ’ S o c ie ty o f M c G ill U n iv e rs ity

R IB U N E

M cG IL L

Thou shalt not worship false idols...

N ew s

Bad luck for Mariott as SSMU picks new food company See Page 2

Sex, sex, sex, need we say more?

See Page 11

E d ito ria l A reflection on a year of foolishness See Page 6

Some fishy business, plus the Tribune Literary Supplement, vol. II. See Page 14

SPO RTS Thyer and Papp win top awards at Annual Athletics Banquet See Page 21

Students demonstrate support for African studies •

C o lu m n is t s

P a r tic ip a n ts e m p h a s is e d e s ir e f o r g r e a te r c u r r ic u lu m

By Ron Levy

P. Darvasi............. Page 20 T. Frankel................... Page7 B. Van Dijk............. Page 7 D e p a rtm e n ts

Crossword...................Page8 Observer......................Page8 What’s O n............ Page 27 Sexual Assault Centre of McGill Student’s Society 398 -2700 Centre Contre l’Agression de l’Association des Etudiants de L’Université McGill

The Arts steps were the site o f a d em o n stratio n staged W ednesday in su p p o rt of M cG ill’s A frican studies p ro ­ gram. Concern over possible cuts to the program inspired approxi­ mately 300 protesters to turn out for the event.

Speakers addressing the pro­ testers challenged the administra­ tion to resist the tem ptation to eliminate the university’s smaller programs. They expressed fears that low-enrolment courses will not survive M cGill’s soon to be im p le m e n ted fiv e -y e a r debt reduction plan.

According to several speak­ ers, the need to maintain diversity outweighs budgetary concerns.

“We can’t have budget cuts

b ecau se th e y ’re sm aller p ro ­ gram s, because they’re weaker programs, or because they’re sim­ ply non-traditional program s,” SSM U P resid en t Sevag Yeghoyan addressed the crowd.

“Programs like African stud­ ies must continue to flourish if we want to reach diversity on this campus,” he said.

C ourse diversification was one of six demands put forward by the Black Students’ Network, the group which organised the dem onstration. O ther dem ands included the expansion o f the African studies program into an Africana studies program which would include courses covering Africa and the African Diaspora, as well as the program’s prioriti­ sation within the faculty of Arts.

The program currently has no

d iv e r s ity a t M c G ill

chair, and relies instead on a parttim e co -o rd in ato r - P ro fesso r M yron E ch en b erg from the department of history. The estab­ lishm ent of a chair o f A frican stu d ies is a n o th er o f B S N ’s demands.

Mebrat Beyne, BSN cultural affairs co-ordinator, spoke to the crowd about one of her first expe­ riences involving the program.

“As a first year student trying to register for this program, I had to w alk into D aw son hall and actually have a secretary tell me that, ‘no, I don’t think we have an A frican stu d ies p ro g ram at McGill’,” Beyne recounted.

The con sen su s am ong the crowd, also indicated by placards and protest chants, was one of scepticism regarding the need for cost-cutting at the expense of the

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program . S tu d en ts’ signs read “FIND IT $ FUND IT ,” and “ A frican S tu d ies: M ain tain Im p ro v e M ain tain Im p ro v e .”

P u n ctu atin g the d eliv ery of speeches were chants including, “ Hey M cG ill, how m any p ro ­ grams will you kill?”

Melanie Newton, the M c G ill D a i l y ’ s co -o rd in a tin g ed ito r, believes the need for budget cuts has been e x a g g era te d by the McGill administration.

“We face a university which is willing to cut all of its faculties by 20 percent, so that it can erase its debt,” Newton told the crowd.

“It has cut back on hiring new staff to save money. It has sys­ tem atically closed libraries, to save money. It has raised student fees — over the summer when we

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Page 2 N e W S

April 4th, 1995

Problems at the M cGill Phone-a-thon Marriott out, Miraval in

By M ichael Broadhurst_______ Student workers at the McGill Alma Mater annual fund’s student Phone-a-thon claim that Martlet House, the department at McGill responsible for operating the Phone-a-thon, is unfair with them.

Richard Venturi, a U3 politi­ cal science student, worked for the Phone-a-thon for one year, from March of 1994 until last month.

V enturi claim s that he was required to maintain a certain level

of fund-raising or face a student’s worst nightmare: losing his parttime job.

“I felt I was treated with a “I

en d ed u p

q u ittin g b

lack of respect in several instances,” Venturi said. “I ended up quitting because it was implied they would fire me if I w asn’t making enough [for the cam ­ e c a u s e it paign].”

w a s im p lie d th e y w o u ld fir e m e if I

Venturi

said that several co-workers had c a m p a ig n ] ,” similar experi­ ences, and that — R i c h a r d V e n t u r i , the emphasis at U 3 p o l i t i c a l s c i e n c e s t u d e n t M artlet House was purely financial. He suggests that supervi­ sors cared little about their work­ ers, concentrating simply on the amount of money each employee L a re c h e rc h e v o u s in t é r e s s e ? produced.

“I was told especially that my O u i, m a is v o u s s o u h a ite z situation would be re-evaluated in a few weeks,” he said. b é n é fic ie r d 'u n e a id e f in a n c iè r e ...

Nicholas Quaife, a Phone-athon supervisor and McGill stu­ dent who has w orked for the Phone-a-thon for four years, says that evaluation of employees is common at Martlet House.

“An employee is paid to do a certain job: that job is to raise money from graduates,” Quaife said. “T here’s a very thorough process of evaluation.”

Quaife said that all employees at the Phone-a-thon are evaluated twice each semester. Quaife also confirmed that part of the evalua­ L 'U n iv e r s i té d e S h e r b r o o k e tion process involved supervisors “plugging in” to conversations la n c e c e tt e a n n é e u n p r o g r a m m e between employees and prospec­ d e b o u r s e s p o u r le s n o u v e a u x tive donors and listening to the é tu d ia n ts et é tu d ia n te s canvassers’ technique.

Venturi claimed that the con­ q u i v ie n d ro n t y e n tre p re n d re stant pressure of evaluations made d e s é tu d e s d e d o c to ra t e t d e m a îtris e it difficult for employees to con­ centrate on work. d e t y p e r e c h e r c h e à l 'a u t o m n e 1995.

“My impression is that it got a lot more corporate,” Venturi said.

“The emphasis at Martlet House is INFORMEZ-VOUS all on money.”

(819)821-7555 But Quaife said the evaluation process is common in most compa­ nies, and particularly in telemar] keting operations sim ilar to the Phone-a-thon.

“If improvement isn’t seen, then the person is asked to leave,” Quaife said. “I can assume most people in the Phone-a-thon find it hard to raise their goals.”

Quaife added that employees of the Phone-a-thon are given many opportunities to improve their performance.

“They treat us very well. They give you ample training,” he said.

“I do believe the Phone-a-thon has a very low firing rate.”

Q uaife sum m ed up his impression of V enturi’s allega­ tions.

“I think what often happens is that people are asked to improve and feel they can’t, so they quit.” w a s n ’t m a k i n g e n o u g h

[fo r th e

COMPTEZ CORNOUS!

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is published by the Students’ Society of McGill University William Shatner University Centre. Rm B01 A, rue McTavish Montréal, Québec.. CANADA H3A 1X9 Advertising Office: (514)398-6806 Editorial Office: (514)398-6789/3666 Fax: (514)398-7490 The M c G ill T ribu n e

Editorial Office:

Letters must include author’s name, signature, identification (e.g. U2 Biology, SSMU President) and telephone number and be typed double-spaced or submitted on disk in Macintosh or IBM word processor format. Letters more than 300 words, pieces for ‘Stop The Press’ more than 500 words, or submissions judged by the Editorin-Chief to be libellous, sexist, racist or homophobic will not be published. The T ribu n e reserves the right to edit letters for length. Place submissions in the T ribu n e mail box, across from the SSMU front desk or FAX to 398-7490. Columns appearing under ‘Editorial’ heading are decided upon by the editorial board and written by a member of the editorial board. All other opinions are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of th e M c G ill T ribu n e, its editors or its staff. P le a s e r e c y c le th is n e w sp a p e r.

By Kathryn Folliott M iraval Food Services has been selected by SSMU to take over for Marriott Food Corporation when M arrio tt’s contract with SSMU expires on April 7. The decision to negotiate a contract with the company was announced

by VP Finance Paul Johnson at last Thursday’s SSMU council meet­ ing.

M arriott and SSMU started renegotiating Marriott’s contract in January. Negotiations broke down in March, prompting SSMU to go to tender for another food services company.

“Miraval is our best chance of getting not only what we want for the Shatner building but also what the students of every single faculty wants in their cafeterias,” Johnson said.

M artin G enereux, M arriott M anagem ent Services account director for McGill, was disap­ pointed by the decision. However, he refused to speculate on what M arriott could have done to improve its position in negotia­ tions.

“I’m not going to comment on things that didn’t happen,” he said.

“It’s a battle that we lost, and it’s over.”

Miraval is a small company, ow ned by M ontrealer M aurice Corey, that has been supplying and staffing cafeterias for over ten years. Glen Hogan, director of Laval Catholic High School where M iraval has overseen cafeteria operations for three years, recom­ mended Miraval on the basis of its flexible approach to prices.

“T hey’re always w illing to talk,” he said. “If there’s a prob­ lem, bring it up and they’ll deal with it.”

Johnson and Guy Brisebois, SSMU’s general manager, cited low prices as Miraval’s key advan­ tage in negotiations with SSMU. Brisebois asserted that Miraval was the only com pany to match SSMU’s proposed price list “cent

for cent”, and that Miraval’s prices undersold Marriott’s by as much as 21 percent.

Johnson pointed to Miraval’s small size as another key selling point for SSMU. A sm all-scale operation, he argued, reacts faster to the changing needs of its clien tele than a larger company.

Lawrence Wilk, a member of the food and beverages committee who paid personal visits to Miraval offices and operations, agreed with Johnson.

“From w hat we could see, Miraval is run very much like a family company, from the presi­ dent down to the employees,” he said.

Both Wilk and Brisebois were im pressed by the service they received at M iraval cafeterias Food service was highly organised and well-prepared, and Brisebois noted “what seemed to be good relations betw een workers and owners.”

C oncerns were raised at Thursday’s meeting regarding the future of food service employees presently employed by Marriott.

Johnson assured council that those workers hired by Marriott as of or before 1992 will keep their jobs and current salaries under the new management.

The futures of Gert’s Pub and the Alley were also questioned by council. Both venues have tradi­ tionally been operated by McGill’s food services corporation. This year, SSM U’s negotiating team decided that separate contracts would be offered for food and bev­ erage operations on campus. Food service companies were invited to submit proposals for the food con­ tract, the beverage contract, or both. Miraval submitted offers for both, but SSMU rejected its bever­ age proposal.

Unless and until SSMU finds an appropriate com pany to run Gert’s, the operations of the bar will be SSM U’s responsibility Similarly, there is a possibility that See Miraval Page 3

A frican Studies...

Continued from Page 1 weren’t here to protest — to save m oney.

E very m ajo r p o licy decision that this uni­ versity makes is about saving money.”

Creative means of raising the money nec­ essary to m aintain the program were suggested by some speakers. With the university unwilling to provide funds, some said, the responsibility falls on students to save their program.

SSM U A rts Rep and VP U n iv ersity A ffa irs -e le c t L isa G rushcow was among those who agreed.

“If we have to hold bake sales to keep this program going, w e’re going to do w hat we have to do.”

A s u n n y d a y p r o te s t a n d o n ly o n e B u m s S e c u rity visit

N eW S

April 4th, 1995

SSMU leaves QUSF over sovereignty issue

By Sara | ean G reen SSMU decided in a council meeting last Thursday to terminate its provisional membership with the Quebec University Students’ Federation, formerly known by its french name La Fédération Etudiante Universitaire du Québec. SSMU resolved to leave QUSF because of the pro-sovereignist position it outlined in a report to the National Commission on the Future of Quebec.

SSMU VP External Nick Benedict, who advocated joining QUSF, put forward the motion at the meeting for SSMU to terminate its status as a provisional mem­ ber. The motion passed with a vote of 13-1 in favour, with one abstention. Benedict maintains he did not know about the QUSF report recently submitted to the National Commission on sovereignty.

“I’m completely willing to say that maybe us and Macdonald College should have known this was coming but we did our best,” said Benedict. “It is unfortunate that the constitutional issues in Quebec had to disrupt a very functioning student organisation.”

When SSMU joined QUSF as a pro-

K a s s a m u r g e d c o u n c il to w it h d r a w f r o m QUSF

M iraval...

Continued from Page 2 SSMU may turn the Alley into a student run co-op.

visional member last November, it did so with the understanding that QUSF would not take an official position on the sover­ eignty question. With the exceptions of SSMU and the Macdonald College Students’ Society, all members of QUSF were given the mandate from student con­ stituents through referanda to actively work for the independence of Quebec.

Last January, a compromise was reached between sovereignist members of QUSF and non-sovereignist members of the federation: the latter would work together on the independence issue outside the framework of QUSF. A separate asso­ ciation, Le Mouvement Étudiant pour la Souveraineté, was to be created to facili­ tate this work. SSMU was to remain part of QUSF which would not be involved in the issue.

However, the organisation of MES did not occur in time to reserve a place to present a brief to the National Commission on the future of Quebec.

QUSF submitted an application to the commission with the understanding that MES would take over the representation of sovereignist university students by February 15. MES was not formed in time to make a presentation to the parliamen­ tary committee.

On March 21, QUSF issued its decla­ ration on the constitutional future of Quebec. SSMU is among the member organisations listed in the report. In the introduction, it is stated that 62.4 percent of students are in favour of a sovereign Quebec with 37.6 percent supporting fed­ eralism. A footnote to this statistic excludes SSMU and the Macdonald College Students’ Society.

The QUSF report concluded that “[t]he Federation of university /-----students reiterates its commit­ ment to the sovereignist move­ ment and looks forward to partic­ ipating in this vast collective effort that should lead us, by democratic means, to the found­ ing of a new country.”

Adam Atlas, Law rep to SSMU council, stated his dis­

pleasure regarding QUSF’s dealings with SSMU. “I don’t think [QUSF] has been deal­ ing with us in good faith. Nick Benedict led us to believe, and correctly so, that the organisation agreed not to take a stance on sovereignty. [QUSF] changed its mind,” he said. “I think Nick Benedict did his job well... he has not been leading us on.”

Residence rep Amin Kassam was pleased that Benedict initiated the motion to pull out of QUSF. “I feel betrayed by FEUQ because it seems like they deceived us in thinking they would not take a public stance on sovereignty,” Kassam said. “I ’m very pleased that [Benedict] recognised the fact that members of council didn’t want to maintain any relations with FEUQ... and that council promptly acted on this issue by terminating membership.”

The VP External of La Fédération Edudiante de l’Université de Sherbrooke, Simon Gaudreault, maintains that the dis­ pute over FEUQ’s sovereignist position was due to a lack of communication.

“There has been a misunderstanding.

FEUQ is sovereignist because most of its members are sovereignist. We understand McGill’s position, but we are disappointed because the role of the association [QUSF/FEUQ] is to protect the rights of all [Quebec] students,” he said. “We hope that after the referendum question is set­ tled that McGill will re-enter.”

Benedict was disappointed with the way the situation transpired.

“I’m willing to admit that perhaps I should have known this was coming. In retrospect, I would have made sure the deal we struck was clear and that we all understood the same thing.”

Page 3

McGill Fund approaching $200 million mark

By Sara Iean G reen______________________ The latest report from the McGill Twenty-First Century Fund, released March 20, promised over $150 million in private donations. With nine months left in the capital campaign, the Fund is approximately 50 million dollars short of its $200 million goal.

When the campaign was conceptualised in 1991, a number of university priorities were established. These included funding areas such as the construction of new buildings, and the creation of scholarships and fellow­ ships. Purchasing new equipment, improving libraries and supporting teaching and research are also assisted by pri­ vate donations.

In September 1993, the McGill Twenty-First Century Fund was officially announced. The first phase of the campaign focused on the campus community itself.

Faculty and staff members, through individual donations and salary agreements have contributed more than four million dollars to the Fund. Deputy Campaign Director of the Twenty-First Century Fund Tom Thompson pointed out that faculty and staff support greatly exceeded pledges made during the McGill Advancement Program campaign held in the 1980s.

“The academic staff is not being paid as number one in Canada, so this is an indication that there is something about McGill they are dedicated to preserving,” said Thompson.

Vice Principal Advancement Michael Keifer was equally impressed with student support for the campaign.

Faculties such as Arts, Management, Engineering, Law, Medicine, and Nursing have held, or are planning to hold referendums to pledge money to the Fund.

‘The students have been really, really fabulous. Their support of the university at a critical time in [McGill’s] See Fund Page 5

general operations of M iraval.

Johnson assured council that a full report is “in the works.”

Clubs

Rep Chris C arter and Arts Rep Lisa Grushcow asked Johnson and the food and b e v e ra g e c o m m itte e for a report on the labour relations and

J o h n so n a n d SSMU: o p tin g f o r M ira v a l

Q : Who can you call til 3am without worrying about waking someone up?

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THIS IS CHEATING!

y In the course of an examination, obtaining or attempting to obtain information from another student or unauthorized source. y In the course of an examination, giving or attempting t o g i v e i n f o r m a t i o n t o another student. y Possession, use, or attempted use o f a n y unauthorized material. y Representing or attempting to represent oneself as another or having or attempting to have oneself represented by another in the t a k i n g o f a n examination, preparation of a paper, o r other similar a c t i v i t y . y Submitting without full disclosure all or a substantial portion o f a n y a c a d e m i c w r i t i n g , essay, thesis, r e s e a r c h report, p r o j e c t , o r assignment for which c r e d i t has previously been obtained. y Knowingly submitting materials which c o n t a i n false stateements of fact or fabricated r e f e r e n c e s o r sources. y Representing the work of another, in whole or in part, as the student's own ( p l a g i a r i s m ) . y * K n o w i n g l y p r o c u r i n g , distributing, or receiving any confidential academic material such as pending examinations o r l a b o r a t o r y results.

T H E P E N A L T Y F O R C H E A T IN G CAN HE y A failed exam, a failed Course, Admonishment, Reprimand, Conduct Probation, Suspension, Dismissal, Expulsion, or any combination of the above.

For more information, please read the “Code of Student Conduct and Disciplinary P r o c e d u r e s ” which can be found in the Handbook on Student Rights and Responsibilities, or c o n t a c t t h e McGill Legal Information Clinic in room B-16 of the William Shatner University C e n t r e a t 3 9 8 - 6 7 9 2 .

M c G ill L e g a l I n f o r m a t i o n C lin ic .

N eW S

April 4th, 1995

Fund raising...

Continued from Page 3 history says a lot about the univer­ sity,” Keifer said. “There are indi­ vidual referendums taking place.

Students’ support [shows] an out­ standing solidarity. It is very grati­ fying.”

As of March 20, students had pledged over five million dollars to the Twenty-First Century Fund.

Securing donations from indi­ viduals, foundations and corpora­ tions is now the main focus of the campaign. SSMU President Sevag Yeghoyan expressed some concern regarding corporate support.

“When this plan was devised it was right after the economic boom in the 80s. However, a lot of these large corporations have not enjoyed the same profit margins which they reached in the late 80s,” Yeghoyan said. “It is still quite possible to reach $200 million by January 1, 1996. Now is the clutch time...[we’re] asking for a lot of the big gifts now.”

Although the percentage of corporate support has declined

since the MAP campaign of the 80s, Keifer is not overly concerned.

“More than 70 percent of all the money raised to date in the Twenty-First Century Fund has come from individuals while corpo­ rate giving represents ten to twelve percent,” he said. “We are still receiving the same amount in dol­ lars [from corporations] but as a percentage of the total, it is a decrease from [the MAP cam ­ paign].”

Currently, M cGill receives twice as much money from external sources versus any other university in Canada. In light of recent gov­ ernment cuts to education, Keifer regards private funding as impera­ tive.

“With decreases in govern­ ment support, the university has to maintain a high commitment to seeking philanthropic support to maintain the levels of teaching and research at high standards,” he said.

Thompson agrees that increa­ sed funding is necessary to the improvement of the university.

“Any gifts invited should be to assist the university above its operating budget,” Thompson said. “Our basic budget makes us a good university. To be an exceptional university, we need private support.”

The chair of the McGill Fund Council, Dick Pound, is confident that support for McGill will continue even though Quebec’s political situa­ tion is uncertain.

“Quebec has always been an interesting and politically charged part of the country,” he said. “W hoever is here and whatever the political arrange­ ment, McGill is an important part of Montreal and Quebec.

McGill is the leading [educa­ tional] institution in Quebec.”

F in d in g th e f u n d s

D e a r e s t 1 9 9 4 /9 5 n e w s w r ite r s Not only did you improve your writing skills, but you got to learn about lots of ridiculous acronyms, committees, and general McGill antics. A few of you became more familiar with our Shatner dungeon than is healthy.

You have our undying gratitude.

Good luck on your... aaack... exams.

Page 5

Equal, objective and fair: McGill evaluates educational equity

By T y l a B e r c h t o ld

C haired by law professor Richard Janda, and attended by the advisory committee on educational equity and a host of members of the university com m unity, M cG ill’s first public forum on educational equity was held on Friday. The forum addressed a num ber of issues pertaining to access to education for traditional­ ly underrepresented groups.

Educational equity is a gener­ al term which includes a series of initiatives aimed at encouraging diversity and acceptance on the university campus. Its primary function is to facilitate access to the university for those groups that are traditionally under-served, such as people with disabilities, people of colour, women and abo­ riginal peoples. The purpose of Friday’s forum was to gain insight into how this can be accomplished at McGill.

Participants discussed both admission standards and McGill’s classroom climate, including cur­ riculum, at length.

A dm ission standards vary from faculty to faculty. In the past, the focus has been on the academ­ ic achievements of the individual applicant. C urrently, however, many faculties are changing their criteria in order to cater to circum­ stances specific to the applicant.

Associate Dean of Admissions for the faculty of Law Rosalie Jukier explained how her faculty has m ade the selection process increasingly thorough. For exam­ ple, it requires that the applicant submit a two page personal state­ ment.

“We invite the individual to discuss his or her cultural back­ ground. We believe that different past experiences, different cultures and d ifferen t econom ic back­ grounds should be included in the faculty of Law,” she said. “We have no quotas but we try to achieve diversity through this ‘holistic’ admission process.”

Mebrat Beyne, cultural and community affairs co-ordinator for the Black Students’ Network, out­

lined the perception of M cGill among the black community in Montreal.

“Among students who are not white there is an understanding that it [McGill] is predominantly white,” she said, adding that grad­ ual change will prove to be the most successful. “Until this [grad­ ual change] happens at the bottom level this recruitment and promo­ tion will not be effective.”

Once the applicant has been accepted however, the issue of retention emerges. The question was raised as to how the university can make the campus more sensi­ tive to all groups. Primarily, this may include the establishment of services such as the ombudsper­ son, on-campus daycare, and a more diverse curriculum.

On a more personal level however, the importance of a sen­ sitive climate in the classroom was affirmed. Astrid Jacques, political co -o rd in ato r for the Black Students’ Network explained that often an insensitive classroom can affect a students’ academic perfor­ mance.

“I have stopped doing any­ thing [in the classroom]. It’s a sticky place. At first you are pro­ pelled but then it gets discourag­ ing. It’s difficult to be motivated to work. You start to think ‘why put yourself through all of this?’

They have to do something about the mentality of the teachers,” she said.

SSMU VP University Affairs Jen Small also asserted the impor­ tance of changing the atmosphere in the classroom.

“It’s as simple as feeling that you’re welcome in the classroom,” she stated. “When I was one of six women out of sixty in an engineer­ ing class, I felt it.”

What was clear at the meeting was a consensus on the need for change. Janda asserted this.

“We covered a broad range of issues. I sensed from a variety of quarters acceptance that this is a discussion worth having. We didn’t have any people saying that this is illegitim ate. I think that already puts us several steps ahead.”

Nonetheless, the lack of de­ bate did raise some concerns.

“It was encouraging but if we’re all in agreement, why aren’t things happening? I wonder if it was the right audience. Where are the people who aren’t in agree­ ment,” asked Jacques.

Overall, however, participants were satisfied with the outcome.

“I think it’s great to take a step to call for a re-evaluation [of how the university deals with edu­ cational equity],” said Konrad Ng, Arts Rep to SSMU. Janda outlined the agenda for the future of this issue, including a survey for students on equity issues in September and eventual policy recom m endations to the university.

J a n d a : H o w d iv e r s e a r e w e ?

Congratulations to those, like one of us, who are graduating.

To the rest, we hope to see you back at this rag next year.

In te rn s h ip S tu d e n t S c ie n c e

fo r W

rite rs

The McGill Reporter is looking for students interested in writing about scientific research projects being carried out at McGill. Those selected for an internship will be expected to investigate ideas, interview researchers and prepare articles for publication in the Reporter. Training in writing for newspapers will be provided and a fee will be paid for each article.

Computer time is also available.

Candidates should have a science background. Writing experience is desirable. If you are interested, please respond in writing to: Diana Grier Ayton Editor, McGill Reporter Room 110, Burnside Hall 805 Sherbrooke West Montreal H3A 2K6 Fax: 398-7364 This program is made possible by a grant from the Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council.

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Page 6

April 4th, 1995

E d it o r ia l T

♦ H

* E

Published by the Students’ Society of McGill University

McGILL TRIBUNE “ C lo w n s to th e le f t o f m e , jo k e r s to th e rig h t. H e re w e a r e , s t u c k in t h e m i d d l e w i t h S S M U . ” - with apologies to Stealer’s Wheel M ichael Broadhurst E d ito r -in -c h ie f

C hristopher Ricney A s s is ta n t E d ito r -in -c h ie f

Steve Smith A s s is ta n t E d ito r -in -c h ie f Editorial

A whole lot o f nothing

By Steve Smith____________________________________________ Normally at this time of year, the T ribu n e strips itself naked and indulges in a bit of self-flagellation. Yet talking about a year’s worth of journalistic screw-ups excites little interest: it’s stuff we’d rather forget and it’s probably safe to assume that most of you have for­ gotten about it anyway. Besides, as much as we like to talk about our­ selves, it’s much more fun to talk about other people.

A lot of people screwed up this year. We have a pile of back issues containing the SSMU executive candidates poll if you would like examples as to whom. But everyone’s had their say on the results and we’re not about to rehash the pathetic farce the poll became.

Speaking of screw-ups, though it’s hard to blame Nick Benedict for the misunderstanding over FEUQ’s stance on Quebec sov­ ereignty, it’s also hard to be sympathetic. What were you thinking? Did you really believe that a federation representing university students, the traditional vanguards of idealism, would miss the opportunity to take a stand on this most ideal issue? You initiated the move to bail out of FEUQ yourself, and we respect you for that. Let’s hope your predic­ tions for CASA hold a little more water.

Oh, a new catering company has signed a contract with SSMU. Much to Students' Society’s luck, the cleaning staff began to vacuum rigourously just as the negotiators began discussing the ‘prof­ its’ from previous years. Good luck, Miraval, you’re going to need it.

Everyone’s hopping on the ‘New Right’ bandwagon nowa­ days: Chrétien’s government, the United States (did they ever fall off?) and now McGill. Times are tight and even Canada’s once-premier uni­ versity is having to face fiscal facts. But where to trim the fat? Cut overlapping courses. Who needs African studies when we’ve got British Imperial Policy from 1783...

Evidently, this recent re-emphasis on the right has started to confuse a lot of people. Just when Mississippi finally acknowledged the pro-reform wave that lifted Lincoln Clinton into office by recently con­ demning slavery as illegal, Alabama celebrated the resurgeance of the right by re-instituting chain gangs. Yet while we laugh at the back­ wards antics of the Southern U.S., extreme drunkenness remains a viable defence in Canadian courts. Why didn’t the Airborne argue extreme drunkenness — maybe they didn’t m ea n to be poop-munching racists.

But let’s not give old Canada too hard a time, eh? We’ve got a lot on our minds these days and don’t need the extra weight of reminders that we’re not perfect, especially at a time when we think we are: 40,000 tonnes of Turbot can’t be wrong. Yet once again confusion arises. This time, it’s a question of Canadian identity. Select one of the following: I am a) a sexy, gun-toting, wildman/woman of the high seas; or b) a friendly, polite, D u e S outh, “Stop or my dog’ll get mad” guncontroller. It’s a choice we’re faced with and you can’t have both. Who would’ve believed being a Canadian would be so tough.

So what does all this mean? Hell, I don't know. Not a whole lot. People are confused, the world’s a wacky-goofy place and it seems no one in charge does anything right, as in correct, that is.

It's a big, scary world full of screwed-up people and I'm about to enter it. Give me courage, Geddy. Good luck, have fun, be casual and as we like to say in the Ottawa Valley, K'BA.

Sylvie Babarik, Monique Shebbeare................................. N e w s E d ito rs Lizzie Saunderson, Paromita Shah............................ F e a tu r e s E d ito rs Joyce Lau, Harris Newman.............................. E n te r ta in m e n t E d ito rs Allana H enderson............................................................ S p o rts E d ito r Liz Lau, Emma Rhodes................................................... P h o to E d ito rs Micol Zarb.................................................................... N e tw o r k E d ito r Ram Randhawa, N icholas Roy ........................P r o d u c tio n M a n a g e r s Sanchari Chakravarty................................. P r o m o tio n s C o o r d in a to r Paul Slachta......................................................... M a r k e tin g M a n a g e r Anne-Marie Racine, Pangiotis Panagoloupolos.................. A d s a le s Barbara MacDougall, Don McG owan............................ T y p esetters Amy Hutchison............................................... W h a t’s O n C o o r d in a to r

Letters*.♦ . . . to

th e e d it o r

Small apology I would like to clarify one of my comments from last week’s article on sexual assault in resi­ dences. I did not mean to imply that all floor fellows and directors share the type of mentality that blames the survivor for the assault.

Instead I wanted to underline the important role that floor fellows and directors have to ensure that this type of mentality is not pervaI sive in the residence environment.

I am sorry for any misunderstand­ ing and I would like to thank Steve Cohen for bringing this matter to my attention.

Jennifer Small VP University Affairs, SSMU

Res story unfair This letter is in response to your recent article concerning sex­ ual assault and harassment in resi­ dences. As floor fellows, your arti­ cle concerned us, as we pride our­ selves with looking out for the safety and well-being of our resi­ dents. There appear to be many misconceptions about the nature of our role, which we wish to clarify.

We fear that we are being misrep­ resented.

Our primary concern is for the residents. We are instructed in our training to use the McGill Sexual Assault Centre (SACOMSS) as one of many resources of referral.

In fact, we feel that it is our prima­ ry resource.

The article alludes to the fact that residence is an enclosed envi­ ronment, and that floor fellows supposedly use confidentiality as a method of damage control. This is not true. In fact there is no situaj tion in which we would not work with SACOMSS, it being the stu­ dent organisation best trained to deal with these situations. It would not be in the student’s best interest, and therefore not ours, if we did not present a survivor with his/her range of options. The allusion that residence is an insular environ­ ment, and talk of nefarious “cloaks of secrecy”, concerns us as we fear residents might be apprehensive to use us as confidants.

Regarding the com m ents made by Jen Small, who implied that it is our m entality to ask insulting and irrelevant questions of a survivor,such as “What were you wearing?”, this is ludicrous and barely dignifies a response.

Furthermore, as McGill students, we take umbrage at the sensation­ alism and lack of class that our VP University Affairs has demonstrat­ ed.

What do you think we do up here? We work very hard to foster an environment in which every res­ ident feels comfortable. As assis­ tant directors of two of the six McGill residences, we consider ourselves friends and confidants to those in need. Furthermore,we are unconditionally supportive of our residents, and they know that.

John Vaughan, A ssistant Director, Douglas Hall Steven Cohen, A ssistant Director, Molson Hall

Caring about Res. Your article alleging that McGill residences create an atmos­ phere which is conducive to sexual assault is both incorrect and unjus­ tified. Floor fellows work very hard to provide an environment in which people feel safe, and we are extremely sensitive to the feeling and concerns of our residents. Jen Small’s insinuation that floor fel­ lows would respond to a case of sexual assault with a “blame the survivor” mentality is unfounded and ridiculous. Floor fellows are selected by a committee of resi­ dents because we are seen as sensi­ tive, caring, intelligent people. As such, Small’s assertion that our response to a sexual assault victim would involve questions such as “were you drunk?” or “what were you wearing?” is downright insult­ ing.

Floor fellows are not experts on sexual assault, and we under­ stand our limitations. Our role in dealing with an assault victim would involve providing them with comfort and assistance, and help­ ing them to get in contact with people who are qualified experts.

We take a great deal of pride in our work, and our care for the residents far surpasses any vested interest we may have in keeping the resi­ dence community looking good.

Your suggestions to the contrary

are false, and only serve to under­ mine the good work that we do.

Sincerely, Steven Shirtliff Kris Borg-Olivier Floor fellows, Gardner Hall

Another SSMU exec mem­ ber grovels before the public Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Reading the results of the T rib u n e test of SSMU executive candidates was a painful experience: not the point scores themselves, in this case, but the comments printed beside unan­ swered questions. Reading my T ribu n e a couple of Tuesdays ago, 1 saw beside the question “What Redmen football star played in the American Shrine Bowl last year?” my unfortunate answer “get a life.”

Of course, the figurative cas­ sette player in the interviewer’s head is always recording and the interviewer is not obligated to print endless column inches of “context” beside each quote, so I unfortu­ nately can’t really complain about what I read. On the other hand, I can and will write my own clarifi­ cation.

I certainly never m eant to im ply disrespect to M atthieu Quiviger, the McGill Redmen foot­ ball team, or McGill athletics. The answer I blurted out reflected my frustration at missing a question — expecially one that didn’t involve the nuts and bolts of External Affairs. Obviously, I never intend­ ed this answer to stare at me from the pages of the T rib u n e the next day. Then again, having it stare back at me did make me realize that being swamped in an extreme­ ly busy year as VP-External and as an occasional student was probably not a good enough excuse for an SSMU executive to be ignorant.

To make a long story short, I would like to apologise for any offense I caused, and to promise to throw away my copy of the R eplacem ent Player Baseball Preview and to go to more McGill athletic events next year than just the McGill-Queen’s football game.

My apologies, Nick Benedict, VP-External E d ito r ’s N o te : The Tribune is c o n sid e rin g p o lic ie s th a t w ill g u a r ­ a n te e th a t y o u w ill n e v e r h a v e to r e a d le tte r s lik e th is la s t o n e a gain .

C o rre c tio n In last week’s editorial “McGill should take the money and run” it was stated that McGill received an offer from the Quebec government for the sale of land occupied by John Abbott College. No such offer has been officially made, The T rib u n e regrets the error.

S ta ff M ila A u n g - T h w i n , T y la B e r c h to ld , S c o tt B r o a d y , D a v i d B u s h n e ll, H u g o C a m e r o n , P a u l D a r v a s i, D A r c y D o r a n , K a t h r y n F o llio tt, T e d F r a n k e l, S a r a J e a n G r e e n , T im H o m y a k , A le x L a m b e r t, R e u b e n L ev y , R o n L evy, K u r t N e w m a n , S h a n n o n R oss, R a c h e l S to k o e , J a c k S u lliv a n , D a n a T o e rin g , A l e x U sher, B e a tr i c e v a n D ijk , C h r is ti a n e W est, D a w n W e stle y , K a s h i f Z a h o o r

Page 7

April 4th, 1995

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W here have you gone Jo e D iM aggio?

Like an exiled patriot return­ ing to his m otherland, M ichael Jordan announced his return to bas­ ketball with quiet resolve. “I’m back,” noted the sports legend as he fended o ff a mad swarm of reporters. Just a week later, the whole dram atic scene was replayed, this time with ex-convict Mike Tyson gracing the spotlight.

I’ve seen Presidential assassination attem pts that didn’t garner this much attention. Was this the sec­ ond-coming of greatness or has sport just run out of heroes?

The fact is that the reserve of true superstars is slowly drying up.

There hasn’t been a decade in a long time which had so few out­ standing sports figures. It’s not only the pathetic worship of hasbeen Tyson and reluctant king Jordan which points to this truism.

T here’s been rum blings about putting figure skaters on boxes of

Wheaties. Sure, I’d love to wake up to Elvis Stojko’s smiling face, but I when I think of “the breakfast of champions” I don’t picture compe­ titions that involve show tunes.

Call me close-minded or call me a traditionalist but the fact remains sport has to clamour these days to exalt new leaders. Take hockey for exam ple. Wayne Gretzky, the kid from Brantford who had a skating rink in his back­ yard, is reliving those days by play­ ing out the string in L.A with the intensity of a shinny reject. While M ighty M ario earns his salary w atching the satellite feeds at home, the NHL feels his pain.

It’s nice that kids like Jaromir Jagr and Sergei Federov are carry­ ing the torch on the ice, but as Don “Grapes” Cherry would agree, to be a big star in this league, your name should be easily pronounce­ able.

The infusion of Europeans into the NHL raises some questions about stardom. To be considered star material in sport, does an ath­ lete need to be more adept at pitching Gatorade or shooting pucks? There’s no question that the athlete’s personality plays a big part in endearing themselves to fans. How else can you explain Jim McMahon’s fame? This is some­ thing that’s definitely been lacking in the latest crop of all-stars.

Reggie Jackson had style and wit.

Barry Bonds just has a lot of gold jewellery.

It’s not that skill isn’t a factor.

Football deities Steve Young and Jerry Rice, members of the beloved 49ers clique, are definitely long on talent. These guys also have an aura of success that some idolize and others enjoy detesting. Few sports heroes have to take newspa­ per routes during the post-season because they’re usually too busy with winning. It’s no coincidence that Jordan won three cham pi­ onships before he went down to the farm and that Tyson once held the heavyweight title before he went up the river. Fans don’t soon forget

Please send m oney

W ANTED: Lots of cash, and/or a sugar daddy who will treat me to several trips abroad simply (and o n ly ) for love of my witty conversation and charming person­ ality. Contact me by writing, or sim ply sending a cheque to: B eatrice van Dijk, c/o M c G i l l T r i b u n e , S tu d en ts’ Society of McGill University.

Why do I need your help?

Because I don’t want to be left behind. My closest friends are leaving me behind this summer.

One is going to Europe and one is going to Indonesia. I am going to Toronto. Lots of people are leaving me behind — all those privileged youths heading off to explore exot­ ic places and steep themselves in rich traditions. They are leaving me behind to wallow in my own provincialism.

Boo Hoo Hoo Hoo. After the trauma of final papers, final exams, and packing up to move a g a in , I get to crawl back to Sewer Lake City — and crawl into work and w ork-seeking im m ediately.

Vacation? What vacation?

Do any m isguided p hilan­ thropists feel sorry enough for me yet to send money? C’mon — who cares about poor inner-city children of single parents? They don’t really need to be sponsored for a brief relief from car fumes and dog-toilet patches of grass which serve as

parks. Don’t spend your precious charitable funds giving them holi­ days — real ghetto kids don’t know what they’re missing because they’ve never seen the alternative.

Now m e , on the other hand... a walk through the McGill ghetto rubs my face in alternatives to my thrilling summer — overheard con­ versations about language-learning jaunts to Italy for example. See — i t ’s really me who needs your money, so send cash quick.

While my roommate is living her very own B e fo r e S u n rise , I’ll be staring at an office wall. While my Indonesia-bound friend is tick­ ling orangutangs (and I hope that’s all he tickles), I’ll be pounding the pavement between Gap stores with palms outstretched in supplication for a job.

Of course, I could have saved my pennies by never eating out, never going shopping and never boozing. I could even have kept my apartment a little more freezing in February. Then I could fly off to Prague to find myself. But is such a life worth living? (No, my dear philanthropist — don’t ask the inner-city child I mentioned previ­ ously that last question. It was rhetorical.)

This column is dedicated to everyone who is staying behind to work all summer. It doesn’t matter if your job is going to be interest­

ing or stultifying, or pay you tons or a pittance. Your are still not get­ ting a proper holiday. And you know you deserve one — anyone would after trying to write five papers in three weeks, right?

Try to look on the bright side of being left behind. If you’re boomeranging back home to live with mummy and daddy while you work, you may be sacrificing your independence and sense of person­ al identity for the summer, (maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up), but you’ll get some benefits in return. Benefits denied to those poor souls wandering from youth hostel to youth hostel in total liber­ tyIf your parents have a dish­ washer then you don’t have to stare down a pile of biological experi­ ments on your counter for another four months. If your apartment is technologically backwards like mine, you can rediscover the joy of renting movies. It’s not so bad being left behind to go home and work, now, is it?

But what am I saying?

Actually, my life is full of suffer­ ing. So come on, sexless sugar daddy — come whisk me away to Morocco at the end of April, just for the hell of it. And you kindhearted philanthropists? Send your charitable donations in, care of the T rib . I am not a privileged young woman brainwashed into thinking I must spend money to make my life meaningful — I am a poor, suffer­ ing, vacationless waif who needs your financial help.

B e a tr ic e van D ijk , in r e a lity , o w n s h e r o w n ya ch t.

these accomplishments. In politics and in sport, winning is everything and sex is dangerous.

Magic Johnson’s sad retire­ ment from basketball may have touched the world but it also com­ pounded his fame. The hardships that players endure bring them closer to fans. The pampered image of today’s athlete makes it tough for the average fan to relate to potential heroes. Chris Webber’s recent pouting to have his multi­ m illion dollar contract laid on someone else makes humble and hard-working Larry Bird seem all the more legendary.

So who’s to blame for this sorry state? It doesn’t help that the press are always pointing out blem­ ishes in the athlete’s heroic pose.

Mickey Mantle was a miserable drunk, but that bad boy could hit

the ball, so who really wanted to know about his drinking habits? It could just be that we expect too much, too soon. Frank Thomas and Ken Griffey Jr. may not have the charisma of Ruth and Gehrig now, but they haven’t really been given a chance to mature.

So as I sign off for the year, I leave you with this thought.

Perhaps it’s time we look for glory within our own lives instead of siphoning it off others... nah, his Aimess Jordan still rules my world.

I thank all the readers who shared this space with me this year, my roommates for putting up with me, my parents for having me and the T r ib u n e for giving this nomad a place to call home.

T e d F r a n k e l, in r e a l i t y , is B e a tric e van D ijk.

The Tribune wishes to thank the foliowing people for the time, effort, dedication, and tolerance of Michael and Nicholas over the 1994-95 season:

In News: Mia Baudry, Tyla Berchtold, Irene Bloemraad, Maggie Clay, Kathryn Folliot, Noah Gitterman, Sara Jean Green, Mark Heyck, Jeff Kishner, Todd Kramers, Rich Latour, Wendy Levant, Ron Levy, Jonathan O ’ Brien, Melanie Radier, Alice Rhee, Sam Robinson, Tinda Sebe, Adam Sennett, Merwin Siu, Lee Anne Wallace, Alex Waxman, Tony Wong In Features: Dayna Aaron, Husaifa Adamali, David Bushnell, Hugo Cameron, D’ Arcy Doran, Cecily Eckhardt, Rick Evans, Haim Gorodzinsky, Jacquie Jordan, Jinnie Jung, Arnold Kwok, Scott I-anaway, Anna Lepine, Scott Mahafy.

Chris McDougall, Garen Mikirditsian, Lara Nahas, Stephan Patten, Eryn Pond, Catherine Porter, Shyam Rangartnam, Jane Rigby, Matt Rosenberg, Heather Ross, Dan Roth, Matt Roy, Jack Sullivan, Gibran Van Ert, Richard Ventura. Dawn Westley In Entertainment: Nicole Armour, Richard Bitar, Andrew Boon, Christina Bouchard, Jen Budgell, Dave Bushnell, Rob Cohen, Brendan Cully, Mark Davies, Thomas Doherty, Cecily Eckhardt, Genevieve Emond, Lori Fireman, Jessica Freiheit, Erika Fuchs, Sue Glover, Brian Goodwill, Haim Gorodzinsky, Tim Homyak, Sam Horodezky, Kristina Horwitz, Dustin Sean Issacs, Bryant Johnson, Dorian Kerelal, Mia Kirshner, Anne-Marie Labbé, Marc Lanteigne, Alice Lin,

Barbara MacDougall, Tanya Meinecke, Lyla Miller, Natasha Mitchell, Rebecca Margolis, Dave Morris, Kurt Newman, Melissa Radier, Jordan Raphael, Anthony Robart, Stewart Ross, Melanie Rutledge, Andres Pelenur, Catherine Porter, Kevin Siu, Rachel Stokoe, Luke Tromly, Jessica Werb, Ian Wineberg, Tony Wong In Sports: Mila Aung-Thwin, Jordana Berger.

Scott Broady, Matt Campeau, Yvan Carrière, Paul Coleman, Joshua Colle, James King, Mark Luz, Andrew Morrison, Andrea Mulligan, Paul McKeown, Alyson Slater, Charles Thomas, Dana Toering, Joe Wong, Kashif Zahoor Photographers: Tanim Ahmed, Daniel Assaf, Ramsey Blacklock, Cameron Booth, Joyce Boro, Hugo Cameron, Joanne Davis, Rabindra Harchandria, Ben Johnson, A vi Joseph, Alex Lambert, Shannon Ross, Laina Scolnick, Jack Sullivan, Witold Tymowski, Dawn Westley Production Assistants: Brenda Chow, Koto Fume, Reuben Levy, Peter Melnyck, Christiane West Columnists: Paul Darvasi, Ted Frankel, Geoff Gibson, Mark Luz, Mr. Manners, Alex Usher, Beatrice van Dijk Dogs: Willy, M ilo2

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Page 8

April 4th, 1995

Many people have asked me why I chose to devote my life to the fight against ill-breeding and perver­ sity. Is it tough? Is it fun? Do you get babes? Are you licenced?

What’s you real name, Asshole, so I can kick your ass?

To many, the battle against the blissfully neanderthal would seem intimidating, nay, futile at best. To spend one’s days rummaging nosedeep through life’s putrid, stinking waste admittedly holds little appeal for those who consider themselves civilised. Yet like the good doctor tackling a yeast infection, it’s just one ugly part of an otherwise satis­ fying career. Few sensations com­ pare to the soft drop of thankful tears on your shoulder after resolv­ ing an especially tough moral stand­ off. Few things satisfy like the knowledge that you’ve undermined the reputation of someone you’ve never met before. How do I know

that those accused of vulgar actions are actually guilty of perpetrating the said actions? Each letter I receive I hand over to my rockerridden, shrivelled-apple-of-a-grandmother from the Ukraine. As she slowly licks the paper, the letter’s authenticity is revealed to her. If it is indeed a legitimate document, she begins to poke at me with a stick and calls me bedroom names once reserved for my grandfather while making slurping sounds with her dentureless gums.

Needless to say, it is from her side that my craft is passed down.

Yes, while schools for etiquette do exist, my training was done at home.

Promoting refinement has a long tra­ dition in my family. Targeted by the NKVD for criticising S talin’s insensitive public-displays of affec­ tion, we were forced to flee the Soviet Union. Through war-ravaged Europe we crawled at night, our path p u K s ia

lit by the torches of the Resistance.

During the day we posed as travel­ ling cheese merchants. From town to town we sold our pungent wares to an even more pungent clientele, a routine to which my poor, sensitive brother eventually succumbed.

Mother, unable to bear having him deposited in an anonymous grave, had me carry him on my back. Two weeks later we reached the English Channel. My mother’s concerns were not in vain. Using my brother’s bloated body as raft, we floated across to England, where my broth­ er, wearing his best cheesecloth, was given a hero’s burial.

Life in etiquette’s trenches is all I know. Please be gentle.

Dear Mr. Manners, April Fool’s Day has passed by and nothing happened to me.

Normally on this day, I’ll wake up to the poorly repressed guffaws of my roommates with my hand in a bowl of warm water or some chili in my underwear or something. This year, nothing — not even Saran Wrap pulled tightly over the toilet bowl. Though I usually refuse to participate in the more perverse antics of this unfortunate day, I do

McGill wouldn’t know how many stu­ dents it had if it didn’t have to collect money from them.

Eunuchs have been important political figures throughout history. In A u x U sh er Assyria, Rome, China and Byzantium, eunuchs were considered the safest servants of the state. They could be entrusted with the secrets of the palace because they couldn’t found a dynasty of their own and couldn’t be suspected of trying to build up a power base to hand over to their children. Many people who wanted jobs in the civil service willingly cas­ trated themselves in order to meet this requirement. So it goes at McGill; the real power at McGill lies with the bigmoney research-sluts in Science and Medicine, and every­ one who works for them had better castrate themselves or else. Vice-Principal Prichard got the chop last week because someone detected residual traces of testicle in him.

In ancient China, there was a practice of replacing the removed testicles of the castrati with small ringing bells sewn into the testicle sac. I would heartily recommend this practice here at McGill for our own eunuchs. Imagine Dean Gopnik: “Well, I’ve been a Professor of English for 20 years (tinkle, tinkle), and when I threatened Sevag (tin­ kle, tinkle) it was just satire”. Or Francois Tavenas: “Well, agga (tinkle, tinkle), I think what we really have to look at, agga (tinkle, tinkle), is where the money is going to come from”. At least it would make Senate more interesting.

The eunuch brigade in James Admin doesn’t worry about the fact that all the numbers they have are so much hog wash. They have their numbers and they’ll stick by them. Quantification of the intangible is the last refuge of those without the courage to make decisions themselves.

But they have forgotten the fundamentals of education.

Education cannot be reduced to a science, or a search for maximum utility. To quote Bruce Trigger quoting Nietzsche, “utility is simply a figment of our imagination and may well be the fatal stupidity by which our civiliza­ tion may one day perish.”

Education is not simply about utility, it is about self­ exploration, about reaching out to and understanding the furthest limits of human experience. It was for this reason that the Faculty of Ephemera was founded. The bizarre is by definition at the bounds of human experience. Urban legends, deviant sexual practices, mass hysteria and popu­ lar delusions defy all utility and logic, yet they are essen­ tial to the human condition. Embrace the odd, study the weird, and you come closer to being an educated person than any administrator with a PhD who lies prostrate before the idols of “utility.”

And, unlike them, people will actually w ant to talk to you at dinner parties.

The Faculty of Ephemera Today is convocation. So before I launch into this year’s final s p ie l, I would like to take some time to announce this year’s list of honourees. I would like to con­ gratulate this year’s student su m m a cu m la u d e , Eric Hoffstein (who has the makings of an ephemeralist even if he doesn’t know his ass from a transorbital lobotomy), and the winner of the visiting scholar award, Suzanne Scott of the University of Alberta. Congratulations are also due to this year’s recipients of honourary doctorates from the fac­ ulty: Dr. Fiona Deller, Dr. Rolf Strom-Olsen, Dr. Robert Winters, Dr. Terry Nordoff-Perusse, and Dr. Nicholas Benedict. Dr. Dougald Lamont has been awarded the title of Professor Emeritus of the Faculty for his lifetime contri­ butions to ephemera. Finally, honour is due to the Faculty’s patrons, Messrs. Broadhurst, Smith, Randhawa and Roy, all of whom will have a bookshelf named after them when the new library opens.

Convocation speeches are supposed to be stirring and thought-provoking. So I would like to send you all on your way with some thoughts about technocrats and eunuchs; for it is the inescapable conclusion of any longtime watch­ ers of McGill politics that this institution is run by a small coterie of desk-bound micro-management freaks without balls (or, in the case of the rare female who actually makes it to the top here, ovaries).

McGill is in the midst of an acute fiscal crisis brought on largely by the insane hiring decisions of former Principal Johnston and his crew (we’re $70 million in debt - better hire more professors to do less teaching!). Having made these supremely irrational hiring commitments, McGill has now decided that it must cut programs. And to help make the painful decisions these people have decided not to make qualitative decisions about which programs are the best or most useful, but have decided instead to do some number crunching and allow raw figures to tell them which departments are “the weakest” and are due for the chop. These numbers are called “performance indicators”, and used in the inept fashion that McGill plans to employ them, will be an utter disaster.

It’s all a matter of which numbers one chooses to monitor. The testicularly-challenged technocrats of this university don’t like to think too hard, so they plug in meaningless numbers like staff/student ratios, research dollars earned, cost per student and so on. Ask them to get a number like teaching hours performed per staff member - a really useful indicator of how much academic work is being done with undergraduates - and they tell you they don’t know that information. Read that again: They d o n ’t k n o w h ow m uch th e ir ow n p r o f e s s o r s te a c h . I swear,

A lex U sher d o es not expect to be in vited to speak a t an oth er convocation anytim e soon.

enjoy playing the odd innocent prank like switching the sugar and salt or telling my roomate his broth­ er called to say his parents had died in a fire. Yet I too did not participate in this day of the capriccio.

Since this day a troubling thought has plagued my mind. What if my roommates strike after the time alloted for the playing of ruses?

At the time of writing, my clock is making for midnight, at which time it will be April 3. Are they justified?

Is there a set amount of time in which the pranks are to be played?

I’ve heard the deadline was Noon, April 1. Please help me. I’ve locked myself in my bedroom just in case and have kept a close watch on the doorknob for signs of movement.

Sounds are becoming so clear and intense. Jesus, what if they’re in here with me?

— Alone and at the mercy of my psychosis Dear Alone, If there is one thing you’re not it’s alone. April Fool’s Day is a tra­ ditional source of anxiety for the dignified. Often they feel torn by their desire to play a cheerful prank and their ever-present concern for

CROSSWORD

by THOMAS JOSEPH ACROSS 1 Emulated Marceau 6 Actress Uta 11 Winged 12 Glue 13 Threecard game 14 Aver 15 Muddles 17 Youngster 18 Pub quaff 19 Type bars 22 Rock’s — Lobos 23 “Oh, sure!”

24 Some doors 25 Enter­ tainer Rita 27 Crow call 30 Dinner and lunch 31 Son-gun connec­ tion 32 Fire 33 Game search 35 Shore of song 38 Cartesian line 39 Keen 40 Build 41 Pollster Elmo 42 Fizzy quaffs DOWN 1 Man or

mouse 2 Philippine port 3 Tailless cats 4 Caesar’s question 5 Discards 6 “For — a jolly...”

7 Fitting 8 Wee beard 9 Blackmail 10 Kremlin denials 16 Fracture aids 20 Jazz instru­ ments 21 Network

propriety. Is this a respectable joke to play? Would I be infringing on the direct object’s personal space, as most jokes tend to? It is a welldeserved cause for alarm in manner circles, and one that has been hotly contested. Last year, the delegation from the recently-renamed European Community decided to protest the day all together, arguing that all pranks are in fact infringements on personal space and are therefore to be avoided. Questions as to the solidity of the European union were raised, however, when the delega­ tion from Britain circled the EC president and administered a jarring wedgie in defiance of the Community’s stance. The Noon time limit to which you refer was in fact a result of that bitterly-contest­ ed, 72-hour session. As the Brits paraded around the conference room with their shredded trophy, the Noon time limit narrowly took the day over a Mexican representative’s plea for an earlier limit. In an touch­ ing address, he lamented that a later limit would fall to close to siesta­ time thus rendering his slumbering compatriots more vulnerable to pranks.

V A D E E X I L T E S T T O Si W A N T I N A s T R R E C A O N A B U T B A S I C L I N S I N G

R E S T S H H E O1 S T T O w C E E

with an eye 24 Pitching stat 25 Chi­ huahua setting 26 Become communi­ cative 27 Cajoled

F O R K S A R E N A T 1 M E S G O E S E A T L M E T S L 1 C 1 T S O N i.

S N A El A N T F A R A Dl A F O R E R U L E R

28 Chad's place 29 Belt locales 30 “M*A*S*H” role 34 Casino game 36 Had lunch 37 Yon lass

N eW S

April 4th, 1995

Page 9

C FS suffers as schools pull out during spring elections

By Michael Broadhurst Seven university student asso­ ciations voted to withdraw from m em bership in the C anadian Federation of Students in referen­ dums held in the past three weeks.

The seven universities are U niversity of W indsor, the U niversity C ollege of Cape Breton, Mount Allison University,

U niversity of New B runsw ick (Fredericton), UNB (Saint John), U niversity of O ttaw a, and St. Thomas University. Current CFS National Chair Guy Caron is a for­ mer president at U niversity of Ottawa’s student federation.

Many of the universities were displeased with the direction that CFS has taken in recent years.

Student leaders at the various

associations cited financial mis­ management, an agenda inconsis­ tent with students’ interests, and poor lobbying results as primary reasons for their students’ decision to withdraw.

But Caron said that the depar­ tures were nothing to worry about.

“It’s obvious that it’s disap­ pointing, but is it a reflection of what students think?” he asked.

Greeks vying for recognition

By Sylvie Babarik The Inter G reek L etter Council brought forth a renewed plea for interim club status at a March 30 SSMU Judicial Board hearing.

In 1989, the Judicial Board ruled that the Inter-Fraternity and Pan H ellenic C ouncils - then respective umbrella organisations of fraternities and sororities - dis­ criminated on the basis of gender.

As section 2.3 of the SSMU con­ stitu tio n restricts any group deem ed d iscrim in ato ry from obtaining official club status, the Judicial Board ruled that the two should have th eir recognition revoked.

In Septem ber of 1994, the newly formed IGLC asked that council adm it the group as a SSMU club in light of the structur­ al change. In place of the sexually segregated umbrella organisations, IGLC was formed in 1993 so as to represent both the men and women of the “Greek” system within a single body.

In a narrow 13/10 vote coun­ cil chose to deny the request based on the belief that IGLC still violat­ ed section 2.3.

IGLC m em bers claim that their purpose in once again seek­ ing club recognition, in “good faith”, is based on their desire to “facilitate their social and philan­ thropic endeavours” and promote the “Greek” system.

As a SSMU club, IGLC would be entitled to have space within the Shatner building, a cen­ tralised phone line, and the right to publicise their existence on cam­ pus. The other important motivat­ ing factor relates to the negative image which fraternities and soror­ ities claim to be victims of.

“Right now members are hesi­ tant to wear their letters around campus because of the looks we get,” said IGLC President Shawn Wolfson. “We would like people at McGill to see that we are ‘good people’ and get them to participate in our social and philanthropic events.”

Outgoing President Natalie Frank went on to note that the Judicial Board findings are of par­ ticular significance due to the prin­ ciple of being labelled discrimina­ tory. “ [This finding] will be an important official statement,” she said. “We will still have to deal with the politics of it after.”

As the request for interest group status was done under the auspice of IGLC, rather than its fraternity and sorority affiliates, the petitions contend that the alle­ gation of discrimination is invalid.

Not only does IGLC accept male and female members equally, but they also admit individuals who do not belong to a “Greek” society.

Presumably all types of member­ ship are equal. For the time being, the only member of IGLC who is not affiliated with a particular house is SSMU President Sevag Yeghoyan.

When asked whether such a structure was not at risk of becom­ ing a type of two-tier membership, the petitioners suggested that the notion of democracy was being carried too far.

“Most societies and govern­ ments have structures with differ­ ent levels,” said IGCL advocate Martin Ertl. “As the organisation exists to promote the “Greek” sys­ tem at McGill it is therefore rea­ sonable that most members of the IGLC council be members of [fra­ ternities and sororities].”

Aside from challenging the pow er structure of the IGLC, SSMU claimed that despite the change in the structure o f the “Greek” society organisation the question of discrim ination still exists.

“You cannot conceive of an umbrella organisation without its constituent groups,” noted VP Internal Cornell W right. “Any group that segments on the basis of gender is discrim inatory. If there is an established legal prece­ dent that says we can’t recognise a group directly, we certainly cannot do so as a part of an um brella organisation.”

The petitioners, countered that the SSMU constitution lacked a clear definition of discrimina­ tion, and therefore offered their own.

“Distinction is not enough to construct discrim ination,” said Ertl. “Above and beyond, there must be the denial of a substantial benefit for there to be discrimina­ tion.”

The second IGLC advocate, Sean M uggah, w arned against

“throwing around” the term dis­ crimination. He suggested that a deeper understanding of the word was necessary.

“We must look more deeply and ask why it is that we have a policy on discrimination,” stated Muggah. “It is something that tries to prevent harm.”

In defence of fraternities and sororities, VP Finance of the IGLC Lawrence Wilk added that their gender division was comparable with those that exist in most team sports.

“I can definitely tell you that being part of a brotherhood is based on the same reasoning that leads to women not taking part in male rugby teams,” said Wilk.

From the outset, SSMU argued that the petitioners were wrong in regarding the JB posing the authority to decide on club recognition. SSMU claimed that the B oard can only determ ine whether the IGLC is violating the discrimination clause or not.

Using the analogy of a highjump competition, the petitioners expressed concern that if IGLC was to clear the discrim ination hurdle, that an SSMU council in disaccord with a ruling could try to find other reasons to restrict the group from obtaining club status.

Therefore, they maintained that the Judicial Board should rule to grant IGLC recognition if it agreed with the petitioners arguments.

When asked how he felt other clubs within the Shatner building would react to the acceptance of IGLC as an SSMU club, Clubs Rep Chris Carter described the response of the groups which he had spoken to on the matter.

“All those who responded were concerned that the atmos­ phere in the Student Society, whether legitimate or not, would become less tolerant if IGLC set­ tled in Shatner.”

The JB is expected to present the ruling on the IGLC plea by the end of this week.

“On many of these campuses there has been CFS-bashing.”

Caron added that efforts, led by the UNB Fredericton Student Union, to withold member dues while CFS sought a court injunc­ tion to halt Ottawa’s referendum will not affect significantly the ability of CFS to meet its payroll or continue its activities.

“I don’t think it’s a big deal,” he said. “Many of these associa­ tions were question marks any­ way.”

Jean-Michel Picard, the VP External of Ottawa’s student asso­ ciation, argued that the referendum results were to be expected.

“CFS is not representative of students anymore,” he said. “They were the only national student voice. They’ve completely lost touch with their members.”

Pat FitzPatrick, VP University A ffairs of the UNB Student U nion, agreed w ith Picard.

FitzPatrick was recently elected as the UNB student association’s VP External.

“You can start w ith gross financial mismanagement, the way they’ve tried to bleed CFS services dry, and straight to pushing a left wing agenda,” FitzPatrick said.

“T hey ’re in trouble, but I don’t think you’ll see CFS dying,” he added. “I think you will see it emerge as a students’ social lobby group.”

Caron was not concerned about the future of CFS, noting that seven other schools, six of which are in N ew foundland, recently joined CFS.

“1 don’t think there is a wide discontent with CFS,” he said.

“There’s a discontent with some student politicians.”

That discontent led to the cre­ ation of the Canadian Alliance of S tudent A ssociations. Both University of Ottawa and UNB F redericton, as well as M ount Allison and St. Thomas universi­ ties, are m em bers of CASA. Picard explained why so many schools want to leave CFS and join CASA. “CFS is alienating its mem­ bers,” he said. “CFS is spreading itself too much.” Picard added that while CFS has advocated zero tuition increases for nine years, tuition in Ontario has doubled in that period.

FitzPatrick said that the recent referendum results are very posi­ tive for CASA. “It’s a great sign,” he said.

“At least in terms of being the pre­ dominant organisation to represent students.”

He also said that Ryerson Poly technical, York and Acadia universities have notified CFS that they will go to referendum next fall, meaning CFS could lose up to 30 percent of its membership in less than six months.

SSMU VP E xternal Nick Benedict, a prime mover behind CASA’s creation, said that recent events do not bode well for CFS. “Obviously it puts CFS in dif­ ficulty in a financial and political sen se,” B enedict said. “But schools have left before and are going to continue to leave.”

News Briefs O p tin g f o r in fe c tio n p r o te c tio n ; n o g o to o c u la r a id s

McGill students will now be eligible to get partial reimbursement for the Hepatitis B vaccination under the SSMU student health plan, as a result of a SSMU council decision last Thursday to choose the vaccination over partial reimbursement for prescription eyewear.

The decision was based in part on the results of a plebiscite on the health plan included during the recent SSMU election. 67 percent of stu­ dents said that the Hep B vaccination should be included in the health plan, as opposed to 53 percent of students endorsing the eye glasses and contact lens option.

It is unprecendented for a preventitive benefit, such as Hep B vaccina­ tion, to be included in a student health plan.

“Students cannot get [reimbursement for the Hep B vaccination] any­ where else in the country,” said SSMU VP Finance Paul Johnson.

D e m o c r a c y ? W e th in k n o t

The department of biochemistry’s student association held its annual elections for student representatives last Friday. These elections, however, set off alarm bells with those who care about democracy.

What made this election unique is that it seemed to stray from con­ ventional democratic process. Voters were required to write their names and student numbers on the ballot and there was apparently no ballot box.

However, it was ultimately resolved that the irregularities did not come about as a result of biochemistry’s desire for totalitarian rule. What occurred was simply a miscommunication. Outgoing president Matthew Bates took a sick friend to the hospital and was unable to monitor the elec­ tion in the manner he wished.

“It was a mistake,” he said. “It wasn’t very well run and it was my fault.”

C o u n c il d e n o u n c e s H u m a n L ife I n te r n a tio n a l

At the March 30 SSMU council meeting, student leaders voted to condemn the radical anti-abortion group Human Life International. They also pledged their support to the McGill coalition against HLI. Though SSMU does not usually vote on matters outside the universi­ ty realm, Clubs Rep Chris Carter convinced councillors that because many McGill groups had taken a position against HLI, it was appropriate that council support these students. Though SSMU does not take sides when issues could divide the student body, Carter argued that was unlikely that any students choose to support HLI, in light of their allegedly racist, homophobic, anti-feminist and anti-semitic statements.

Students' Society of McGill University

Itssociotion Ctudionte de l'UniversitĂŠ McGill

Congratulations to oil the auuard recipients C am pus G ro u p o f th e V eor

niescc R unner Up

Anatomy Students' Society S S M U C lu b o f t h e V e o r

U.N.S.A.M. H o n o u ra b le M e n tio n

SOAR

A c tiv ity o f t h e V e o r

H o n o u ra b le M e n tio n

Architecture Cafe McGill Students' Biology Students Union

Open Air Pub C o m m itte e R e p o f th e V e o r

Cric Hoffstein fa c u lty o f th e V eor

Engineering Undergraduate Society Nursing Undergraduate Society

S e rv ic e o f th e V eo r

McGill Students for Literacy

C o u n c illo r o f t h e V e o r

H o n o u ra b le M e n tio n

Lome Daitchman

Sexual Assault Centre Volunteer Bureau

H o n o u ra b le M e n tio n

V o lu n te e r o f th e V eo r

S e n a to r o f th e V eor

Christos Coloritis

P u b lic a tio n o f t h e V e o r

Red Herring H o n o u ra b le M e n tio n

The Plumbers' Poucet

Janet Bingley Christoph Sicking

Sara Mayo Lexy Relph H o n o u ra b le M e n tio n

Christionne Brunelle UUilliom Phillipson

M any thanks to Caroline Barsoum for her tireless assistan ce in organizing the festivities. Special appreciation is due, a s uuell, to M aria K eenan, Kathy Bow m an, Pina M astrom onaco, and Donna Fernie - four consistently dedicated and enthusiastic SSMU staff m em bers w ho generously contributed a sunny Satu rday to the task of adding life, colour, and balloons to the Shatner Centre

Indents' Secie (S.S.A.D.)

Distinction

Congratulations to the following recipients for their d isplay of ocodemic excellence and unrelenting dedication to extra-curricular activities

Nick Carson Sieve Cohen Jonathon Urn ebecca Margolis ; sti

Sexuality beyond definition

S ex and Drugs: how chem i­

• Transgender ind ividu als transcend L B G issues

cals help you rock & roll

gender people. If, for example, LBGM didn’t move to include bisexuals in their name, there “A transgender individual is anyone who would be many bi’s who might be intimidated does not enter into the mainstream genders to come in. It’s the same case with transsexu­ which are appointed to men and women. als. Right now at McGill, there are people Transsexuality is only one extreme pole of who don’t know that transsexuals are out this. At the other pole are all people who have there; and if there are transsexuals who are experienced that of another gender. This is not looking for support, they might not know a dictionary definition, this is only what I where to go.”

Vogel referred to a similar comparison. think; and I still have a lot to learn,” explained “Transgender people are facing the same Jorge Salcedo.

Salcedo is a M cGill student and an problems bisexuals were facing some years LBGM coordinator. This summer, he plans to ago. They’re finding it hard because of social work towards the formation of a Montreal- attitudes within the gay community. based “transgender space” where transgender [Transgender people] are different in nature individuals can go to discuss and evolve. and attitude. They have different political, Salcedo hopes to create a group which focuses social and legal concerns.”

Though they have yet to be approached less on therapy and more on practical applica­ tions in society. Salcedo stressed everyday by any transsexuals, LBGM hopes to create a action in the fields of politics and artistic space for them before they necessarily call for one themselves. expression.

“We don’t want to wait for people to start “On one hand, we don’t want to be there just to teach transvestites how to put on make­ complaining that there is no space for trans­ up. On the other hand, people need more than gender people. We want to act before that hap­ just a psychotherapy session. We want to pens,” said Chris Carter, LBGM coordinator make people’s lives easier. If someone comes and SSMU Clubs rep.

Salcedo, too, is working towards creating to us with a story, we won’t analyse or criti­ cise. We’ll see if there’s a way to get it pub­ a space though there is no reassurance that it will be met with any great interest. lished.”

“I am not sure how many transgender Several groups have cited a need for the emergence of a separate space for transgender people are out there, and whether this is what they want. individuals.

This is all Within the “ I a m e x p lo r in g m y s e lf a n d th e w o r ld o f very new LBG com ­ t r a n s g e n d e r p e o p l e , b u t I d o n ’t w a n t t o to me. 1 munity, they have been e x p l o r e a l o n e . I d o n ’ t b e l i e v e i n r u l e s a n d ju st know that I’m on perceived as r e g u la tio n s . I s till n e e d to e x p lo r e a n d b e a search for a group o p e n m in d e d . N o th in g is p r e - m a d e , w h ic h people who which has are com ­ i s w h y I u r g e p e o p l e t o c a l l m e a n d h e l p played a fo r ta b le c o n tro v e r­ m e .” with the sial, if not J o rg e S a lc e d o , L B Ç M c o o r d in a to r a n d t e r m marginalised f o u n d e r o f M o n t r e a l “ t r a n s g e n d e r s p a c e ” [‘transgen­ role. This d er’], and se p a ra tio n stems partially from the fact that a transgender comfortable with themselves,” said Salcedo.

For Salcedo, the first step in initiating a individual may not necessarily be lesbian, bisexual, gay, transvestite, or physically trans­ transgender space will come in the form of self-education. Not only will Salcedo attend sexual.

‘The categories are quite distinct,” said seminars on handling group-dynamics, but he Chris Vogel of the Winnipeg-based Centre for will also contact the medical community, other Canadian transgender groups, and any­ Homosexuality.

According to Vogel, though all people of one who responds to his postings on the inter­ alternative sexuality face similar societal net.

“I am exploring myself and the world of opposition, the subject of their distinction transgender people, but I don’t want to varies greatly.

“One of the only things we share is the explore alone,” said Salcedo. “I don’t believe common problem of an intolerant culture,” in rules and regulations. I still need to explore said Vogel. “Past that, we are very different. and be openminded. Nothing is pre-made, Homosexuals define themselves by sexual which is why I urge people to call me and help preference, transvestites by certain fetishes, me,” said Salcedo.

Because his proposed group will focus and transgender individuals by gender identi­ more on personal action, and less on therapy, ty ” “Transsexuals are different from homo­ Salcedo is adamant in not becoming a leader sexuals and bisexuals because many of them or an assigned councillor. “I ’m not getting have no need to stand out. While homosexuals trained to lead, but to initiate, share and expe­ chose an alternative sexuality within a given rience. I’m not teaching anyone to walk, it’s gender, transsexuals change their gender. It going to be a self-help thing.”

“I’m not going to be an administrator. can be even more difficult for them because it’s like flipping a switch to a new life. There’s There is no one person who can speak for all transgender people. I can’t offer contributions no looking back,” Vogel continued.

In proposing to adopt a more inclusive on transsexuality because I’m not transsexual. name, LBGM has reflected an increased The same goes for bisexuality or being a les­ awareness of transgender issues at McGill. bian. I know my limits. I have no right to talk However, the decision to change LBGM’s for other people,” continued Salcedo.

“We have our own ways of relating to name has been highly contested .

“We want to change our name to include life. The purpose of this space will be to allow transgender people, though there has been people to develop their own skills based on some resistance,” said Sean Addis, LBGM their personal experiences.” coordinator. “People don’t want the name to I n t e r e s t e d p e r s o n s c a n c o n ta c t J o r g e get too long, or to have a name that will scare people off.... Still, we want to include trans­ S a lc e d o a t L B G M , 3 9 8 -6 8 2 2 .

By Joyce Lau_________________________

By H ugo C ameron As John Cleese, the indomitable British comedian once said in the Monty Python film T he M e a n in g o f L ife . “Sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex... Pay attention in the back, please!” The use of drugs (both pharmaceu­ tical and non-pharmaceutical) has come to play an increasing num ber of roles in humanity’s endless drive to attain the ideal sexual life.

For many people, sex can be a frighten­ ing experience. Both men and women may be afflicted by problems at all three stages of human sexual response: desire (libido), excitement (erection in male, lubrication in female), and orgasm.

Rest assured, sexually challenged.

Though a universal aphrodisiac has yet to be developed, modem medicine has come up with a number of drugs that improve perfor­ mance at all three levels.

Dr. Pierre Assalian, professor of psy­ chology at M cGill and director of the Human Sexuality Unit at Montreal General Hospital, outlined for the T ribu n e some of the most common problems at each stage and described how these could be remedied with the proper use of medication. Assalian focused predominantly on male sexuality.

“Women are affected by the same phys­ ical processes, but they don’t need the same amount of blood for performance or excite­ ment,” argued Assalian.

It d o e s n ’t h a p p e n lik e th is

true aphrodisiac.”

The most common problem in men at the excitem ent phase is what Assalian termed “erectile dysfunction,” or the diffi­ culty in achieving erection.

“We have medications that can improve this condition. The drug yohimbin can be taken in pill form and will serve to stimulate erection in men. Papaverine or prosgaglandin are used in extreme cases, such as with patients who have sustained spinal chord injuries that prevent the message from getting to the penis from the brain.

These drugs are adm inistered “ T h e b e s t a p h r o d i s i a c i s w h a t ’s through direct injections into the penis,” explained Assalian. b e t w e e n y o u r e a r s , n o t w h a t ’s Finally, with regard to the b e tw e e n y o u r le g s .” orgasm phase, Assalian outlined D r . P i e r r e A s s a l i a n , d i r e c t o r o f medication that can be used to pro­ t h e H u m a n S e x u a l i t y U n i t o f long erections for men considered M o n t r e a l Q e n e r a l H o s p i t a l to be rapid ejaculators. Ultimately, the intention here is to improve the sexual experience for both partners by allowing the woman to achieve By extension, problems in this area orgasm with her (now effectively potent) seem to be more prevalent in men. The first partner. phase is sexual drive, or libido.

“Approximately 20 percent of the male “For those whose libido is low because population has this problem [of rapid ejacu­ of hormones, prescribing testosterone for lation], Effective drugs such as anafranil or men and estrogen for women can restore prozac help men to keep their erection lagging desire,” he stated. “We’re still in longer and improve the quality of sex,” said search of a true aphrodisiac, however; some­ Assalian. thing that would give a person with normal Assalian reassured the T r ib u n e that hormone levels yet with low desire a higher these drugs are both effective and safe if desire level.” used properly. As for side effects, Assalian On the issue of traditional aphrodisiacs, assured that, “up to now we haven’t seen such as those purportedly extracted from any harmful effects from these drugs.” endangered species (for example seal penis Before rushing out to the drugstore to and rhinocerous horn), Assalian was scepti­ buy these products, be advised that they are cal. only available through prescriptions.

“The best aphrodisiac is what’s between your ears, not what’s between your legs,” he said. “Some people talk of chocolate as an ap h ro d i sia c , but one of my patients argues that chocolate will lift your belly before it lifts your penis.

Even studies with ginseng have not been able to prove that this is a D r . P ie r r e A s s a l ia n o n a p h r o d is ia c s , c h e m i c a l a n d n a t u r a l

Page 12

April 4th, 1995

Checking M cG ill’s sexual pulse: Tribune S ex Survey ’9 5

By David Bushnell and D'A rcy Doran, Tr ib u n e Sexperts The thaw has started, Spring is here, and love is in the air. In an effort to understand the sexual psy­ che of McGill students, the T ribu n e sent two reporters to gauge perver­ sity on campus. In previous years, the T ribu n e tried to study sexuality through a survey on reading habits with one or two questions about sex, but this year the editors decid­ ed that a brazen, overt study would be best.

A representative sample of the McGill student body was chosen on a volunteer basis, with respon­ dents receiving the control and variable questionnaires on a ran­ dom selection basis. Subjects were found in the Roscoe lounge in RVC, the McConnell cafeteria, the Redpath cafeteria, the W illiam Shatner University Centre, and in various locations throughout the campus. There was no monetary rem uneration for participation.

(Sorry!) The questionnaire involved 21 multiple choice ques­ tions ordered in such a way as to reveal the subconscious sexual ten­ dencies of the participants. All names have been kept confidential.

Except ours.

1. Are you having o r have you had sex?

Yes 86 % No 14 % The data suggest that a lot of

people have sex. No surprises here; this result was expected. As VP Internal Cornell W right said, “Some students live by lust instead of by law.”

2. W hat is the average energy output when having sex? a) enough to power a digital watch..................................4% b) enough to Are up a light bulb ............................................ 12% c) enough to power several kitchen appliances........... 64% d) enough to power a Pink Floyd concert............................... 20% The responses to this question suggest that while students do believe that there is energy pro­ duced while having sex, they are humble enough to believe that their output is relatively moderate. The fact that the appliances were kitchen-based suggests that the respondents see the kitchen as a place for “cooking” (if you know what we mean). Most revealing answer: “They call me ‘the genera­ tor’.”

3a. H ave you ev e r fa n ta sise d about having sex with a pro­ fessor?

Y e s .......................... 43 percent No ........................... 57 percent The fact that 57 percent of respondents do not fantasise about their professors shows that the

majority of students keep their aca­ demic and personal lives separate.

Either that or maybe McGill just has ugly professors. Be sure to remember this when filling out question 8 on your course evalua­ tion - “Does Professor stimulate

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“On James McGill’s grave”, “SSMU General Office (Cornell’s always there!)”, “ T rib u n e office”, “Dean Gopnik’s office”, “Under Bernard Shapiro’s car”, “3 Bares during the day” 7. Do you find MacPoulet mys­ teriously attractive?

Yes 18% No' 82% Listen up, Jen Harding! Love for a mascot is directly propor­ tional to love for a school; ergo, 82 percent of students do not like McGill. It is our belief that stu­ dent apathy would disappear if M cGill had a sexier symbol around which to rally. It is your job, Ms. Harding, as incoming VP Internal, to make sure that something is done about this.

Perhaps sheer stockings would help.

D a te le ss, ta s te le ss a n d u p u n til n o w fa c e le s s : B u s h n e ll a n d D o r a n

8. On the whole, whom would you assume is most attrac­ tive?

3b. If yes, how was it? a) b a d ....................................... 3% b) good....................................17% c) great................................... 30% d) scholarly............................ 50% 50 percent found their experi­ ences “scholarly” and only 30 per­ cent answered “great”, suggesting that students could be fantasising more vividly. An important thing to keep in mind while fantasising about educators is the fact that they are people too, who have their own wants, their own needs, their own desires, their own mnmmm...

The preference for the “Raging Mongoose” affirms that students are seeking frenetic physi­ cal activity during sex, not unlikefurry, stripey, cobra-eating, click­ ing and hissing m ongoose. Of course this physical activity is tem­ pered by the gentle playfulness of the child-like “Duckies and Bunnies”. It is not surprising that the “Vomitator” received only 10 percent, what with the average stu­ dent’s limited resources. Few can afford the roulette wheel, astrobright condoms and field mice required for this position.

5. W hat’s the best place on cam­ pus to do the nasty?

“Too many to list”, but here’s a list anyway: “On top of the M arriot sandw ich counter”, “B lacker-W ood folio section”, “Redpath stacks during exam peri­ od (great stress-breaker!)” , “Practice room in the music build­ ing”, “3 Bares at night"

e) Kelly Remai.....................8 % We refuse to com m ent on these results as we may incriminate the actual photographer. (Your secret’s safe with us, Jen.) 12. How sexually attractive do you think you are?

(5 being very attractive, 1 being not attractive) 5: I stop traffic....................22 % 4: I ’ve had a lover for seven years and sometimes (s)he will hold my h an d ......... 3 % 3: I just am ........................ 57% 2: I ’ve stopped kidding myself a long time ago................. 12 % 1: Only Nick Benedict hits on m e....................................6 % 57 percent of respondents essentially answ ered that they merely exist. What’s wrong with you? We’re a good looking univer­ sity! Chin up, you’re all vibrant sexual beings, listen to the 22 per­ cent who are out there stopping traffic.

13. Does this look infected?

Yes 40% No 60%

interest?”

4. Which of the following sexual positions sounds most appeal­ ing? a) The Raging Mongoose ....................................... 37 % b) Tea and Cakes.............. 15 % c) The Catcher Position ... 15 % d) Duckies and Bunnies ...24 % e) The Vom itator.............. 10 %

1 Od/ddi McGill WITH I

o. w n a i s m e w o rst pi d C C campus to do the nasty?

a) T rib u n e editors................. 26% b) D a ily editors......................28% c) R e d H e r r in g editors__ 22 % d) Leacock porters............24 % The most obvious explanation for these results rests in the layout.

Students read the T ribu n e and think that T ribu n e editors are more con­ servative in bed, and come [out] less often. [ O b v i o u s l y , s u c h a n a s s u m p tio n w o u ld b e in c o r r e c t E d.]

9. Can you say “lubricant” with­ out giggling?

Yes 80% No 20% What does this reveal about McGill students? 80 percent are liars. You expect us to believe that you can say, “Hold on for a second, I need to get ‘da loooobricant” and keep a straight face?

Phew! Of course that’s not a medical opinion.

14. Which of the following is a good euphemism for sex? a) Swearing in the Prime M inister.......................... 16% b) Miniature Golf...............0% c) Stoking the F ire.............40% d) Electric Bugaloo_____ .44% Few can resist the lightning, light and dancing implied by the “Electric Bugaloo”. This might be because it harkens back ten years to a time before lam bada movies, when break dancing was where it was at; who could forget B r e a k in ’ 2: The E le c tric B u g a lo o ? It is sur­ prising that “M iniature G olf” received a resounding 0 percent of the vote, as it is closely related to “Stoking the Fire”; both involve the use of long phallic instruments, but whereas “Stoking the fire” implies the presence of great heat, “Miniature Golf’ is associated with a need for endurance, as one must last “18 holes”.

10. Who is McGill’s resident expert sexologist? a) Dr. Desmond M orton.... 9 % b) Dr. M yrna G opnik.........21 % c) Dr. Pierre Assalian____ 11 % d) Dr. Bernie “burnin’ love” Shapiro................................ 59% 15. The noise you make during sex is like: Apparently the admiration for a) a mongoose.................. 10% M cGill’s new principal extends b) two mongooses............ 24% well beyond his academic creden­ c) no sound, just the MacCauley tials. 21 percent think Dean Gopnik Culkin face from “Home is a very lucky man, and despite his Alone” ...........................36% appearances on Canada AM, 9 per­ d) Pac-M an.......................14% cent of students are still unsure of e) Feedback..................... 16% Des M orton’s actual position (maybe it’s because he has two first 36 percent said, “no sound.” names). Apologies to M cG ill’s Hmmm ... maybe that’s why cam­ actual sexologist, Dr. Pierre pus is so quiet, because of the silent Assalian (see page 11); maybe he awe of sex. 24 percent answered should do more advertising on “two mongooses”, which proves campus. our previous hypothesis from ques­ tion four. Students enjoy and need 11. One of the recently elected more furry, stripey, cobra-eating, SSMU executives took a pic­ clicking and hissing sex. Hey, tu re of 93-94 VP E x te rn a l when it comes to sex, two mon­ Andrew W ork in the nude. gooses are better than one.

Who was it? a) Nick Benedict.................... 38% 16. When having sex, whose b) Lisa Grushcow...................2% responsibility is it to clap off c) Jennifer H arding..........40 % the lights? d) Helena M yers___ ____ 12 % See Quiz Page 1 3

Page 13 April 4th, 1995

M cG ill: It’s sexquizite!

Continued from Page 12 a) m ine............................ 16% b) my partner’s ..............26 % c) lights on, b ab y !..........58 % This brings the results of num­ ber 12 into question; if people are not secure in their beauty, why would they want the lights on dur­ ing sex? Of those who like to have the lights off, 62 percent shirk the responsibility of clapping off the lights onto their partners. This is probably because when it comes to sex, people are either lazy or just don’t feel like it’s worth clapping for.

17a. Have you ever answered the phone while having sex?

Yes 52% No 48% A very slim m argin. This shows the conflict between the ani­ mal instinct to “get it on” and the human instinct to answ er the

phone. Possibly, 48 percent never answer the phone because they can’t reach it before the answering machine picks up the call.

17b. If yes, did you continue the conversation?

Yes 76% No 24%

T o o u r m o st b e lo v e d

...........................................50 % Hats off to you, young lovers!

But a recently jilted Dave cautions, “Sex is purely a physical act. We all die alone and afraid. Turn your backs on hope and love. You can thank me later.”

A pparently, 76 percent of respondents like to flatter their partners by pursuing an outside conversation. B esides, i t ’s so cheap! (The phone rates, that is.)

“Oh, nothing, what are you doing?”

19. What is your lovemaking music of choice? a) Nana M ouskouri............. 11 % b) P antera.............................9% c) Wang Chung....................20% d) we orchestrate it ourselves ...........................................60%

18. How long do you stay with your partner after having sex? a) until my other partner calls me on the phone............. 20 % b) as soon as I’m un tied..... 22 % c) I live with my partner; I’m not allowed to leave........ 8 % d) I care about my partner; why would I want to leave?

It appears that 60 percent of respondents are afraid to admit that they listen to Wang Chung. There’s no shame in it. After all, Wang Chung is especially conducive to lovemaking, because of the open invitation, “Everybody have fun tonight,” not to mention to “Wang Chung tonight.”

20. Is premarital sex a sin if you do it with a priest?

Yes 33% No 67 % Forgive us, Father, for we have sexed. This statistic tellingly reveals the cause of the decline of Western civilisation; don’t blame yourselves, blam e over-sexed priests! The Pope was unavailable for comment.

Bonus Question: 21. W ould you consider dating either one of us?

Yes 30% No 70% For those of you who have had doubts concerning the authenticity of this survey, this last statistic should prove this article’s veracity.

Hey, we’re good-looking guys! But not to worry, because with all our papers and exams, 30 percent of the student body should last us until the end of May. We can be reached c/o the T ribu n e, 398-6789.

w riters: F o r all th e in v e s tig a tiv e re p o rtin g , la te n ig h ts , a n d d ilig e n c e you h a v e p u t in to y o u r sto ries, we are p ro u d to p ro n o u n c e y ou g ra d u a te s o f th e W o o d w a rd a n d B e rn s te in ’s S c h o o l o f J o u rn a lism . W i th o u t yo u w e w o u ld h a v e lo st s to ­ ries... a n d o u r san ity .

M ay th e fo rce b e w ith y ou all.

A w e , T ^ e v u u K ite t a n d

S ex: the uncut version - kiss ’n tell “I started seeing this girl in high school. We were both pretty young and inexperienced, but I didn’t realize just how inexperi­ enced she was until I asked her to give me a blowjob. She went down and began literally exhal­ ing on my penis.”

By D awn W estley There are few activities that are as potentially humiliating as sex. The point of the endeavor is to achieve some realm of ecstatic oblivion. The means to this end is found in the most compromising position, while butt-naked and exchanging bodily fluids of transfusional proportions. Sex is supposed to be spon­ taneous, erotic, and passionate, but let’s face it, we’ve all had our share of blushes while doing the horizontal mambo.

“My boyfriend and I were fool­ ing around in my basement one night when he decided it would be interesting for me to give him a blow job while wearing my retainer. So I put it in and away I went. Suddenly, he started yelp­ ing as his pubic hair got stuck in the retainer. I stopped and tried to get untangled but I couldn’t. I coudn’t get the retainer off either. We struggled for awhile but it got too painful. Finally, we had to climb the stairs, me on my knees with my face attached to his groin until we found a pair of scissors. We can laugh about it now.”

“My boyfriend and I prid­ ed ourselves on our openmindedness and sense of humour in bed. However, once my boyfriend began making farm animal nois­ es to see how I’d react.

Unfortunately for him, 1 doubled over in hysterical laughter when he began mooing. My convulsions were excessive to the point that our sexual encounter ended. I was embarrassed and he was sad.”

“My girlfriend from high school and I were in my car in the dri­ veway in the front of her house fooling around. Her dad was a really scary guy and that’s why we were in the car and not in her house. She was maneuvering onto my side of the car when suddenly her butt hit the horn for an extended period of time. She leapt out of the car and I peeled out of the driveway.”

“This girl and I had been seeing each other for about a month or two. We were at my house having sex in a hot, steamy shower. I was sitting on the edge of the tub and she was on top of me. We were both enjoying the moment until I laid this really loud and phospho-

rous one. The heat and steam didn’t help. I lost my erection and she just began laughing and try­ ing to hold her breath. I don’t think we ever had sex in the shower again.”

“My boyfriend and I were taking a relaxing country drive when we decided to stop at this spot on the top of this hill where the view was particularly spectacu­ lar. The situation became hot and heavy and at a very inopportune moment I kicked the gear shift into neutral. The car started roaring down the hill and my shirt and bra went flying out the window. We finally came to a halt in a ditch beside this pretty little coun­ try home. An elderly gentleman and his wife came rushing out to see if we were okay. My boyfriend had his boxers hanging around his ankles and I was clad only in a gold chain and a graduation ring.”

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R E M IN D E R T O U P D A T E Y O U R AD DRESS I f y o u h a v e a M A I L I N G A D D R E S S o n y o u r s t u d e n t r e c o r d it is u s e d b y m o s t M c G i l l o f f ic e s a ll y e a r . I t is i m p o r t a n t to u p d a t e t h a t m a i l in g a d d r e s s a t a n O A S I S s ta t i o n o n c a m p u s i f y o u a r e c h a n g i n g y o u r r e s id e n c e th is s u m m e r .

Y o u w o n 't w a n t to m i s s a n y c r it i c a l ( o r j u s t p la i n i n t e r e s t i n g ) c o r r e s p o n d e n c e .

Please help us keep in touch!

Best wishes for a happy summer from the Registrar's Office staff

Page 14

Tribune Literary Supplement ♦

April 4th, 1995

D a n ce , D a n ce , D a n ce

By Haruki Murakami Vintage/ Random House ($17.95)

H e llo , g o o d r e a d e r s . T h is T r i b u n e c o n g lo m -

This d ecade has witnessed a strange eroticisation of Japanese pop culture, as America has become entranced with the funhouse reflection of its own image, its pantheon reproduced in blinding neon colours, its kitsch and refuse mined and interpreted like a jukebox of records played simultaneously on 7 8 . Haruki Murakami is a product of this trend, but dodges the chronic cutesy-ism that relegates much of Japanese pop product to wacky fetishes prized by closet cultural imperialists. Murakami blends pulp fiction conventions with a tangen­ tial, lateral imagination to create a vibrant, real and often very funny novel.

D a n c e , D a n c e , D a n c e is a sequel of sorts to A W i l d S h e e p C h a s e ; the narrator and some characters reappear, as does the Dolphin Hotel, the home of a psychic projection/guru named the Sheep Man. W hereas the Dolphin Hotel was previously a run-down, rent-by-the-hour joint, in D a n c e , D a n c e , D a n c e it has become a fascistically bureaucratic mega-hotel. This transformation is represen­ tative of the novel's main theme — the search for meaning in a cruel, advanced capitalist society. If that sounds as excruciating and sophomoric as your average pained journal entry scribbled at the Phoenix, think of Delillo, Pyncnon, and Vonnegut, Murakami's contemporaries in hyper-cerebral writing.

Murakami is often accused of using surrealism for its own sake, cultivating a bizarre dreamworld for no other reason than its inherent 'c o o ln e s s .'

T hese a tta c k s h av e som e foundation in the truth — D ance, D ance, D ance fe a tu re s a number of characters who are sensual per­ so n ific a tio n s —r a prostitute with exquis­ ite ears, a one-armed Vietnam veteran haiku poet, a flaky photog­ rap h er w ho can do very little but see. The usage of this device is more than a little bla­ tant, and while it does serve to explore frac­ tured, dysfunctional reactions to a cruel, meaningless world, it feels som ew hat con­ triv ed . Even m ore ridiculous is the char­ a c te r of H akuri M akam uri, a failed writer, who is obvious­ ly m ean t to b e a reflectio n of Murakami. The author takes little advantage of this self-refer^ptiality; its effect is essentially the same as comedians who keep their first names on their sitcom vehicles. The novel suffers from a few other problems — a passive voice that occasionally renders it akin to explanatory chapters in S w e e t V a lle y H ig h novels, and cultural refer­ ences that are truly dated (the book w as originally published in 1 9 8 7 — who would have known that seven years later invoking the name of Boy George just isn't okay).

While problems abound, Murakami is an extraordinarily gifted writer. His exploration of grief among people who cannot relate beyond economic transaction is brilliant, and his novel is ultimately a plea for negation of the immiseration and alienation of consumerist society. The protagonist is brilliantly rendered, a picture of a too selfconscious pulp hero, trapped in a world of repetitive ritual and end­ less consumption. His relationship with a young teenage girl is care­ fully and stylishly drawn. Murakami writes graceful and economic dialogue, and sometimes his cerebral symbolism brings everything into context, resonating with truth. Ultimately, Murakami is concerned with beauty in a grotesque world, which elevates him above the nihilistic anti-aesthetes, and renders D a n c e , D a n c e , D a n c e a work of true quality and occasional brilliance.

B y Kurt N e w m a n

Thanks to the R ed H e rrin g for making elections interesting.

Thanks to Ram and Nick for being Gods.

And thanks to the columnists. You're the best.

Best of luck, Michael, Steve, and Chris

m e ra tio n o f su m m e r r e a d in g in c lu d e s s o m e ­ th in g f o r t h e s e r i o u s b i b lio p h ile a n d t h e flip p a n t b e a c h - s id e s k im m e r a lik e .

A ll the Trouble in the W o rld

By P.J. O'Rourke Random House ($28.00) As first the W hite House correspondent for and then as the international corre­ spondent, P.J. O'Rourke has m ade a career of observing insanity from the sidelines, and comment­ ing on it with unfailing acerbity and wit. O'Rourke is not just a political gadfly, he is a gadfly with two right wings. No politicallycorrect sacred cow is too sa c re d , no P C -conventional w isdom is too entrenched that he will not puncture it with the unerr­ ing dart of common sense. A ll th e T rou ble in th e W o r l d is a collection of O'Rourke's observations about some of the problems that allegedly afflict our burdened planet, making it unliveable even as we speak. These observations are culled from his field work for Rolling S to n e , and so his leaps from topic to topic mirror his discontinuous leaps from hot-spot to hot-spot around the globe. He peels back the lid on Somalia (except, as he points out, there are no lids in a country without roofs), follows the invasion of Haiti, and mocks the environmental conference in Rio R olling S to n e ,

The F erm a ta

Written by Nicholson Baker Vintage Contemporaries, ($14.95) Last winter I went to see an exhibition of the late Robert Mapplethorpe's work in Tel Aviv.

O rganised as a retrospective, the show in clu d ed not only M applethorpe's later controver­ sial black and white portraits, but also his early collages, culled from 1 9 6 0 's h ard ­ c o re p o rn o g ra p h y . The placement of the ultimate in iow culture, recontextualised for the temple of the high­ brow was jarring. Nicholson Baker's brilliant novel, The F e r m a t a , has a sim ilar effect. It deconstructs the role of the objectified image by placing it in the centre of a serious literary work. While the exploration of explicit sexuality has been an essen­ tial movement in literature for many d ecad es, few works h av e so b oldly ta c k le d A m erican smut culture as

de Janeiro. This up-to-the-moment reporting also has the advantage of freshness; many of the events that O'Rourke describes are still fresh enough in the pub­ lic memory to offend as well as entertain many. Al G ore, still the U.S. Vice-President (but for how long...) comes in for more slagging than a logger at a convention of brown-spotted owls.

And this man is smart. No matter how right wing O'Rourke becomes, he always has the might of right on his side, because his truths, uncomfortable as they may be, are truths. He presents horrendous statistics about the environment, and oh, what a novel con­ cept, does the math, proving that there cannot be any topsoil left in the continent of North America, let alone the American Mid-West.

You can't agree with everything that he says.

Like the fool in Lear's court, not everything makes sense. But that's not the point. There lie enough grains of truth scattered throughout the book to make all but the most entrenched, die-hard geo-political, multi-cultural environmentalist tub-thumpers think about the things they say, and what they really mean. And that's the point.

integrity directing the novel's hazy tone. In many ways, The F e rm a ta reads like Camus' The O u ts id e r as a skin flick directed

by W oody Allen.

A fe rm ata , in m usical nom enclature, is a b ird's eye sign that extends a note's dura­ tion, and violates the traditional rhythmic regularity of a composi­ tion. The F erm a ta hinges on the conceit of its protagonist, Arno

The F erm ata.

B aker has m a d e a c a r e e r of ex a m in in g the minutiae of modern life, and the alienation of modern sex­ uality (he is the author of the bestselling phone-sex novel V ox). He is also a literary editor at T he N e w Y o rk e r, and has previously indulged in nudge-nudge wink-wink postmod­ ern tomfoolery. All of these ele­ ments congeal in T he F e rm a ta .

The onanistic imagination is fear­ lessly explored, the line between thought and action blurred, a perverted inner logic and ethical

Strine, possessing the ability to stop time. Strine, a 30-ish temp w o rk er, d e v e lo p s an alm ost sacramental approach to life, but finds not spirituality or commu­ nion, but o p p o rtu n itie s for arousal. His alienation and isola­ tion g ro w s m ore a n d m ore

B y N ic h o la s R o y

oppressive over the course of the novel, as the negation of time inherent in sexual expression becomes a grotesque prison, an echoing void w allpapered with H u stler magazine.

Baker parallels the narrative development with his own liter­ ary manipulation of porn conven­ tio n s. Arno S trin e 's v o ice is d u p lic ito u s-in te lle c tu a l a n d insightful at one moment, crude and infantile the next. His battle to overcom e destruc­ tive impulses a n d the lan­ guage that directs or reflects them is central to the novel.

At points, The F e rm a ta halts entirely, leaving the reader to face pages on end of triple-X prose, and to question both literary and moral values.

Baker's ability to capture Z e i t g e i s t is phenom enal— whereas The M e z z a n i n e iso­ lates five minutes in the life of a businessman to illuminate the soullessness of corporate life, The. F erm ata, like a bel­ ligerent, hyperactive child, scream s a n d flails at the moral confusion created on one hand by post-sexual rev­ olution mores, a n d on the other by fantasy legislators like C ath erin e M cKinnon.

Masturbation is hot stuff these d ays — see S e in f e ld , S p a n k in g T he M o n k e y , and the pathetic art confessionalism of Mike Kelly, and tormented boys à la Lou Barlow. Baker imposes a brilliant structure on the issue, and subversively paro­ dies both phallocentric male cul­ ture, and our reaction to it.

B y Kurt N e w m a n

April 4th, 1995

Tribune Literary Supplement ^

plays on words, or absurd juxta­ positions of images and irrele­ vant phrases.

As in their last piece, the

By Henry Beard and Christopher authors' wide-ranging political Cerf comprehension and initial con­ Villard Books ($14.00) cept of using humour to combat O n c e a g a in , the satirists the restrictions of political correct­ are c o m m e n d a b le . re s p o n sib le for T h e O f f i c i a l ness However, the amount of knowl­ P o litica lly C o r r e c t D ic tio n a ry a n d edge they seem to possess has H a n d b o o k sk a te the e d g e b e tw e e n o ffe n siv e n e ss a n d certainly not been put it to good humorous social com m entary, use. They w aste fertile literary a lb e it n o n e ground customm ade for too skilfully.

T H E O F F I C I A L quirky satire, With the p a s s in g up exception of excellent th o se c ita ­ o p p o rtu n itie s tions from in favour of on T h e DICTIONARY A DATING GCIIDF, preadolescent Ame r i c a n p en is jokes G e n d e r thinly d is ­ Society, guised in adult B eard a n d lin g o .

For C erf w ork those well-read entirely from individuals l egi t i ma t e w ho g e t the sources, d ra w n from in sid e jokes, this book will the im p res­ seem trivial at sive stash of best. For those dirt they w ho will use s c r a p e d up this b o o k a s from the their initiation w o rld s of and only academia HENRY BEARD AND CHRISTOPHER CERE insight to the and pop culworld of politi­ t u r e cal c o rre c t­ M anipulated by the authors' sardonic intent, ness, it will only serve as a good various legal documents, feminist way to laugh at dumb liberals, writings and church propaganda and nothing more. This is pop alike are most haphazardly quot­ academ ics at its best, a fly-byed out of context. W h a t w as night cash cow dolled up in slap­ intended to be hyperbole or figu­ stick com edy for the benefit of rative language in the original the slightly conservative moolahtext is taken too literally. The wielding masses.

B y J o y c e ta u majority of the humour stems from The O fficia l S e x u a lly C o rre c t D ictio n a ry a n d D atin g G u id e

SEXUALLY CORRECT

H om e a n d A w a y

By Ronald Wright Vintage Books, ($15,00) Y e s t e r d a y ’s d u s k h a d f a l l e n on a la n d s c a p e lik e th e p r a ir ie s g r e a t w h e a t f i e ld s in g rim , lo g ic a l s q u a r e s . ...T h e su n r o s e o n r e d e a r th a n d g a u n t v e g e t a tio n m i r ­ r o r e d in p o o ls o f f lo o d w a te r . I'v e s e e n d e s e r ts e ls e w h e r e , b u t n o th ­ in g h a d p r e p a r e d m e f o r th is. It d i d n ’t s e e m to b e lo n g to p l a n e t E a rth . N o t a s in g le p la n t s p e c ie s w a s f a m i l i a r , a n d th e v i b r a n t b r ic k - r e d s o i l lo o k e d e x a c tly lik e th o s e p ic tu r e s s e n t b a c k f r o m th e su r fa c e o f M a rs.

— from “Australia’s Outback”, by Ronald Wright: writer of history and travel (or “non-fiction short stories”) in H o m e a n d A w a y , a collection of his best travel pieces.

A native Briton and a Cambridge grad, Wright made Canada his home early on but continued to wander through lesser-known parts of our globe on assignments for jour­ nals such as D e s ti n a ti o n s , E q u in o x , and S a tu r d a y N ig h t. In addition to his itinerant writings, Wright has published a book on the history of Native American perspectives on colonialism entitled S to le n C o n tin e n ts: T he “N e w W o r ld " th ro u g h In d ia n E y e s.

Indeed, what distinguishes W right’s travelogues from mere romps through exot­ ic loci is his sensitivity to the past and to

The Big B o o k o f W eird o s

Paradox Press ($ 17.95) By betraying the magnitude and gravity of what lies within, the terribly silly cover-art and title invite immediate dismissal by the book's target au­ d ie n c e of e s o ­ teric, studied types.

W ith his ex cellen t text, writer Carl Posey som ehow c o n ­ vinced 6 7 top com ic artists to portray wretched, ac tu a l real-life people, for once.

Thanks to a DCheavy p o sse of artists, 6 7 freaks of history benefit from individu­ alised visual rep­ resentation. The book co u p les terse, high-impact historical accounts with black and w hite com ic art ex ecu ted in a p leth o ra of m ed ia.

Andy W a rh o l's life is represented in soft grey pencil, Kafka's in a stark woodcut.

For all their disappointing brevity, these historical briefs take the form of surprisingly detailed, comprehensive ana significant studies into the minds and works of extrao rd in ary individuals.

Human tragedy is tastefully bal­

indigenous peoples. Through the eighteen tales of H o m e a n d A w a y , W right’s treks take him to the likes of Belize, Fiji, Egypt, Peru, and Turkey. Each experience is sus­ tained by an acute consciousness of history and traditional cultures. In exploring some of the most remote clusters of civilisation in the world, such as the Marquesan Islands in the South Pacific, Wright often arrives at insights which can affect our own historical appreciation. In ‘Sex, Lies, and Escape’, W right follow s the obscure trails of Melville’s T y p e e on the bewitching isle of Nuku Hi va, the largest of the Marquesas. A history of missionary onslaught, alcohol, and the spread of European diseases thanks in part to a syphilitic Gauguin - had reduced the Marquesan native population to 2,000 by the beginning of this century.

Wright acknowledges and respects this, all while preserving a basic sense of humour.

Among the remote monuments of the canni­ balistic Marquesans he observes that O n e o f th e a n c i e n t t e m p l e s h a d b e e n c le a r e d o f bru sh , r e v e a l­ in g s e v e r a l s t o n e p l a t f o r m s f la n k e d b y sta n d in g f i g u r e s a b o u t life -s iz e b u t s q u a t a n d p o t-b e llie d , w ith th e ir k n e e s f l e x e d a n d g r im e x p r e s s io n s o n th e i r f a c e s , a s i f stra in in g to e v a c u a te th e ir b o w e ls.

P e r h a p s th e y w e r e : a d i e t o f h u m an f le s h is n o to r io u s ly c o n s ti­ p a tin g .

A nother story, ‘Beyond W ords’,

anced with a darkened humour; a few choice pieces even go as far as delving into the psychology of childhood, or exploring the social relativity of a life all the while holding onto the beauty of trashy trivia.

Despite the great variance of artistic styles, the text retains cer­ tain themes throughout the book.

While weaving its way through stories of historical characters and lesser-known token freaks (like Walter Freeman, the king of

recounts with poignant intimacy the strug­ gle of Yukon natives to preserve their Athapaskan languages (e.g. Han, Tutchone, and Tagish) in the face of a colonial mono­ culture, i.e. the residue of m issionary schooling, where native children were beat­ en if they, spoke in their own tongue. In ‘Condor’, a vivid picture of an incredible c o r r i d a in the Peruvian Andes, Wright delves into the Incan mythology of the con­ dor, strapped to the back of a baited bull, and how it is transformed into a symbol of redemption for Peruvian Indians during the Spanish conquest of South Am erica.

Strange, but true. Wright delivers these tales in a m asterful, learned prose that evokes the foreign landscape and its dwellers with deft strokes. Describing the tombs in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings, W right recalls their murals, “the blind harpist, a row of baboons singing to the sunrise, and in the burial chamber above the sarcophagus, the long slim body of Nut, the sky goddess”. I’ve seen these tombs, as well as the nearby temple of Karnak at Luxor, and Wright renders all their sheer, ponder­ ous presence with an experienced fidelity, if a tad too briefly. Even the notorious Egyptian custom of b a k sh e e sh (tipping for “favours rendered” - often outright scams) is portrayed with a jocular, ironic wit that had me chuckling.

A veteran voyager, Wright has a singu­ lar knack for unearthing a good tale, and spinning it into an even b etter yarn.

Descriptions effectively transport you to whatever far-flung lands he pokes through,

frontal lobotomy malpractice), this book consistently addresses the relationship between the dement­ ed mind and ingenious achieve­ ment.

Much of the documentation, especially in the earlier histories, are skewed in their accuracy, for they rely on myth and legend where solid facts do not exist. In ad d ition, cartoon re p resen ta tio n is b a s e d on hyper­ bole and artistic lib­ erty. In comics, the manic look of an eye often says more than any w o rd s.

Thankfully, the book is never absurd past the point of histori­ cal probability.

The book only suffers in that it tries to cover too much material, and does not d e d ic a te enough p a g e s to each subject. A lim­ ited 2-4 pages on your favourite freak can be horribly anticlimatic. Otherwise, it is a text well worth its price, wonderfully unsym­ pathetic in its rendi­ tion and unapologetically rated R in its delivery.

A ls o lo o k for th e B ig B o o k s o f D e a th , C o n s p i r a c i e s , L ittle C rim in a ls, a n d F reaks, a ll from P a ra d o x Press.

B y J o y c e Lau

whether in C anada’s backyard or atop Uluru, the Ayers Rock in the dry heart of Australia’s Outback. But it is perhaps the people he meets along the way that really distinguishes this book. People like Des Carne, an activist for Aboriginal land rights, living in a gypsy camp com m unity of natives alongside A u stra lia’s Stuart Highway. Or Bengt Danielsson, one of the original mariners of the 1947 K o n T ik i expedition that tried the theory of South American migration to Easter Island via Inca ships. From the M ayan ruins of Bonampak, Mexico, to Haddon Hall, one of the finest m ediaeval houses in Britain, Wright conjures up his surroundings with compelling clarity and depth of perception.

And woven into the sea journeys, overland treks, and unanticipated encounters are autobiographical threads, tied together in brief prefaces to each piece, and providing for a sense of continuity between, say, places like Cappadocia, Turkey, and the archaeological digs at Lamanai, in Belize.

Ancient civilisations and history come alive through W right’s observant eye and his probing talks with locals, be they anthropol­ ogists, refugees, or villagers curious about a g r in g o . Forget electronic net wanderlust; H o m e a n d A w a y is perfect for vicarious travel, and equally compelling in its telling stories of real people in the real world.

Wright has been lauded as one of Canada’s most gifted writers, and H o m e a n d A w a y is a brilliant reason why.

B y T im H o r n y a k

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till April 4th, 1995

The facts and fiction o f prostitution in M ontreal B y S t e p h a n P a tten

The stereotype of a prostitute working in the “red light district” and leading a risky lifestyle often invol ves images of drug f~g use, ex p lo ita­ tion and the practice of unsafe sex.

This stereotype may not be entirely true.

Dr. Fran Shaver is a pro­ fessor of soci­ ology and anthropology at Concordia University. Her 13 years of research on S te r e o ty p ic a l “r e d p ro s titu tio n suggest that commonly held stereo­ types are not entirely accurate.

A common misconception is that prostitutes work for exploita­ tive pimps. Shaver found that only half of the women interviewed said that they worked for a pimp while the other half worked for them­ selves. These prostitutes were gen­ erally older, had fewer customers and were more likely to have regu­ lar clients.

“The exploitation is not clear cut,” explained Shaver referring to the pro stitutes who work for pimps. She added that these prosti­ tutes often work for a husband or boyfriend.

“Most prostitutes interviewed in the study practised safe sex,” explained Shaver. “One hundred percent of women used condoms in penetrative sex whereas 82 percent of male prostitutes used condoms,” stated Shaver.

“Safe sex practices are weaker among students than prostitutes and clients,” noted Shaver, citing a study of Concordia students that reported that 48 percent of women

lig h t d i s t r i c t ’’

with multiple sex partners and 40 percent of men were practising safe sex.

The notion that prostitution is usually a means of supporting a drug habit was not confirmed in the study. “In the St. Laurent-St. Denis area, seven percent of the women we spoke to were using hard drugs the week before we interviewed them. Of the men we spoke to, 50% used hard drugs,” stated Shaver.

Lieutenant Henri Cardinal of the MUC police suggested that criminal activity, including drug use, takes place where prostitution is prevalent. “Around prostitution you have associated criminal activ­ ity: dope dealing, people who sell stolen goods, stealing, etc.,” stated Cardinal.

The amount of prostitution in the St. Laurent- St. Catherine area has decreased due to the efforts of

the MUC according to Cardinal. tion should be decriminalised,” she This decrease was echoed by an said. employee at Restaurant La Belle McGill criminal law professor, Province, located on that corner. Ronald Sklar, commented on sec­ “There used to be a lot before. We tion 2.13 of the Criminal Code that have a much bigger prob­ deals with prostitution. lem with punk rockers “Prostitution is not a crime in now,” stated the employee.

Canada. What is a crime is procur­ “They used to congre­ ing for prostitution in a public gate there [St. Laurent-St. place. There are a num ber of C atherine] because the crimes that a person that is a pros­ night clubs used to be there. titute can commit, but being a pros­ The night clubs have spread titute is not a crime in itself. Being across the city and the pros­ a pimp is a crime,” said Sklar. titutes have to o ,” m ain­ Creating a “red light district” is not a feasible solution according tained Cardinal.

Cardinal pointed out to Cardinal. “I doubt that owners of that prostitution can take the legitimate businesses would say following different forms: ‘Let’s tolerate this.’” escort ser­ vices, mas­ “ S a fe se x p r a c tic e s a r e w e a k e r sage p ar­ a m o n g s tu d e n ts th a n p r o s ti­ lours, nude tu te s a n d c lie n ts ” dancers and the prostitutes on D r. F ra n S h a ver, the side walk. “It C o n c o r d ia p r o fe s s o r o f may not have gone s o c i o lo g y a n d a n th r o p o lo g y away, it will have gone out of sight,” explained Cardinal.

An employee at the Restaurant S haver’s sociological ap­ La Belle Province demonstrated proach was that of prostitution as a the restaurant’s general attitude service industry. “I think prostitu­ towards prostitution. “It doesn’t

really bother us here that much. If anyone like that comes in here, we more or less... [makes hand gesture towards the door].”

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April 4th, 1995

Page 19

ENTERTAINMENT

R heostatics turn up the heat on Canadian fish m usic

By M

ic h a e l

Broadhurst

Seven years ago, Dave Bidini and M artin T ielli w ent to St. Lawrence Hall in Toronto’s mar­ ket to play in front of roughly 200 high school students celebrating their graduation. At the time, it was one of the best-attended and best-paying gigs the Rheostatics had. Last week, as they prepared fo r a show w ith u p -a n d -c o m in g Montrealers Local R abbits at C lub Soda, Bidini and Tielli reflected on seven years of steady work and grow ing a u d i­ ences. “ I t ’s been a long steady climb, and usu ally you can see the next step,” Bidini said. “ So i t ’s nothing really shocking.”

The R h eo ­ statics, whom M a c l e a n ’s recently called “fierce­ ly nationalistic” — and attributed one of Bidini’s statements to Blue R o d eo ’s Jim C uddy — w ill release their latest album , last year’s I n tr o d u c in g H a p p in e s s , in the U nited States next month.

Bidini noted that, for many other Canadian acts, the American mar­ ket is not the ultimate goal.

“As the record comes out, I guess we have to p rep are for p o ten tial m isery or p o ten tial glory,” Bidini said. “Most of me says I don’t care — love us for

who we are.”

But Bidini thinks that despite the C anadian fla v o u r o f the band’s music, the American mar­ ket m ight warm up to the R heostatics. “On a w orldbeat kind of level people will appreci­ ate it,” he said. “I don’t think it’ll be a hindrance; if anything, it will have a strange appeal.”

In several Rheostatics songs,

hockey plays a pivotal role, par­ ticularly on the early song ‘The B allad of W endel C lark ’. The band, who are tried and true Toronto Maple Leafs fans, don’t think Clark’s trade last summer to the Quebec Nordiques makes the song any less relevant.

“That song was built to last,” B idini said. “P eople w ill be singing it for years.”

“Remember, it says ‘Wendel w a s a man’,” adds drummer Don Kerr.

Tielli suggested that the band

is no t co n cern ed ab o u t th e ir music becom ing tired. “M aybe [our style] holds us back com ­ m e rc ia lly ,” T ie lli said.

“Eventually people will discover what it’s about — we have a very distinct sound, or at least I hope that’s something w e’ve aspired to.”

But the trip has not always b een cham pagne w ishes and ca v ia r dream s.

Before that fated high-school fo r­ m al, the band broke up for about a year. T ielli ex p lain ed w hat happened. “I just got sick of them,” he said. “ We spent two months in a hostel in Ireland and ju s t got hostile.”

T ielli said th at the reason they got back to g eth er was an accident of sorts.

A professor asked the band to play a book release party, and after that they started jam m ing and decid ed th at th e ir songs sounded better. So they gave it another shot. Three albums, and a movie soundtrack later, the band has no re g rets. A nd the band makes no apologies about their cover art obsession with sea crea­ tures. 1991’s M e l v il le features a whale on the cover, 1993’s W h a le M u s i c features several whales, and I n t r o d u c in g H a p p i n e s s fea­ tures fish.

“There’s a lot of imagery of underwater stuff, I’m very into natural history,” Tielli said. “We like fish because they’re funny.”

“On this last record, we went snorkelling [in Barbados, where it was recorded] and it was amaz­ ing,” Tielli added. “It was fish overload.”

As for the arrival o f Kerr, who replaced original drummer D ave C lark a m onth ago, the band turned to aquatics for an explanation. “W e’ve killed our drummer; we fed him to fish in our aquarium,” Bidini said.

The band is also known to tre a t its au d ien ces to sp ecial attention. At Club Soda two years ago the four band members ven­ tured into the middle of the crowd to play an acoustic version of ‘Legal Age Life at Variety Store’ and have led an entire audience to the boardwalk in Vancouver for a m ini-set by the sea. Tielli and Bidini explained that their audi­ ence is the most important player in the music scene.

“We don’t want it to be idol­ atry: not a ‘worship the artist’ pow-wow,” Tielli said “More a ‘worship the audi­ ence’ pow-wow,” Bidini added.

Tielli said that without the impromptu audience interaction, p lay in g liv e can be b o rin g . “ S om etim es I ’d ra th e r hang around with my pants down on Yonge Street,” he said. “I’d prob­ ably make more that way.”

The Rheostatics have always tried to help out new bands like Local R abbits. Two years ago they invited the band, who they

Dum m ies take over the deserted F o x Shoes B y Ra c h e l St o k o e

A gang of self-professed dum­ mies have made a practice of usurping vacant store space to use for their own purposes. Instead of storing arms in the lots, they fix it up and perform their own original theatrical work. Dummies Theatre Com pany, headed by Anna Papadakos, tries to make commu­ nity-friendly theatre that is accessible, thought -provoking and fun.

An n a P apadakos first had the idea back in 1991. She was living above an empt y store and realised its potential as a theatre space.

In exchange for renovating the area, her landlord allowed her to use it for her performance. Soon, he wanted to rent and Papadakos found herself with a great idea and

nowhere to realise it. She decided to try her luck with governmental funding projects. Her applications were met with accolades from the Bronfman Foundation and other federal and national institutions.

She harnessed support so easily because her idea not only enriches the community, but tackles impor­ tant societal issues.

The three plays that the Dummies Theatre Company have performed have all dealt with the idea of alienatio n .

Part of t hi s w a s in sp ir­ ed by the un­ used lots that the group con­ verts into their theatre. “The em­ pty stores show decline.

We are so used to things dying, we become numb,” says Papadakos.

“All of this adds to our sense of

All of these factors suggest an alienation in society.”

There is an intentional clash experimental approach to the the­ between the themes in the plays atre. Papadakos, however, wants the p erfo r­ and the way mance to be in which accessible. “It’s “ T h e e m p ty s to r e s s h o w they are car­ definitely not ried out. d e c lin e . W e a r e so u s e d realism, but it Dummies to th in g s d y in g , w e has to be com­ Theatre b e c o m e n u m b .” prehensible. At tra n sfo rm s an alienating A n n a P a p a d a k o s , the same time, if you keep seespace into fo u n d e r o f D u m m ie s ing the same s o m e th in g T h e a t r e C o m p a n y b u llsh it, you com m unal, never open opening the doors to everyone without a fee. In your mind. I try to end the perfor­ a way, then, Papadakos has mance on a positive note. I’m try­ resolved the tension she presents in ing to say that, if you just confront the problem, that’s the first step to the performance.

The performance is a theatri­ wholeness.”

For Papadakos, the script is cal, multimedia spectacle. Papa­ dakos incorporates film and video personally influenced. “D u m m ie s w ith live perform ance. “I am ‘9 5 is more subtle than in the past. showing a splitting of the self, a It’s more mature. It is reflective of compartmentalisation. I try to use where I am now. The last line in all the different elements to make the play is, ‘I’ve been sweeping the earth off the earth.’ I think this is an organic whole.”

In the play being performed positive. Maybe that’s what life is, this year, she uses video to reflect its endless, a cycle. Theatre for me the characters’ pasts. She uses the helps to do something for the com­ film to reflect the dream state, and munity in the abstract. It’s not as the actual acting combines the alter hands-on as, say, volunteering, but ego and the characters’ present it still has an important, tangible effect.” states.

had met earlier that day, on-stage to play ‘Record Body Count’ dur­ ing their encore. The Rabbits had informed Bidini that they did the song in their own set, and Bidini remembered what it was like to break in.

“It was hard, but the good thing about Canada is that there’s no room for assh o les,” B idini claimed.

“You can’t have the bullshit star structure you have in the States,” Tielli added. “W e’re not as alienated and as giant.”

And Tielli said he doesn’t see the band becoming a standard bearer for Canadian values, or likely to make any significant p o litic a l statem en ts w ith its music. “It gets annoying when people are too timid to express o p in io n s,” he said. “ B ut i t ’s equally annoying the other way.”

“For me, music is about feeling, g ettin g around to the crux o f things,” he added.

Bidini summed up the band’s politics. “You can address that type of stuff through metaphor.

We’re a pretty apolitical band.”

W e just wanted to say that we aren't at all jaded by all o f the shit that came w ith ed ito r­ sh ip . W e lik e d o u r jobs. We almost learned to write. We met many niee people.

There were free music peo­ ple and free art people and free book people and free film peo­ ple and free drama people and free dance people. There were people who invited us to super c o o l fe stiva ls and people w ho granted us smashing cool inter­ view s and people who craw led into bed with us.

M o s t im p o r ta n tly , there were many w rite r people and sta ff people, whom we w o uld smother with mushy gestures o f affection and gratitude i f only they’ d let us touch them. A n d also reader people, w ho w ould write us letters o f complaint and then be fake and pretend to like us when they bumped into us in the A lle y .

But no w o rrie s fo r those w ho fo ile d and vexed us this year; you have been forgiven for y o u r la c k o f v e r a c ity and in te g r ity . A s jo u r n a lis ts , we have learned to be enlightened d e sp o ts w h o w o u ld re ig n supreme w hile transcending all pressures o f mere human moral­ ity. Sure.

So b y e -b y e n ic e pe o p le.

Thank you for your help. May you fro lic happily w ith Rachel Stokoe and Kurt Newm an next year. They 're nice people, too.

Hugs and kisses.

J o \c e & H a rris

Page

20

ENTERTAINMENT

April 4th, 1995

Out o f W ater

Peter Murphy C a sc a d e

(Beggar’s Banquet/BMG)

Matthew Sweet 1 0 0 % Fun

(BMG) At a listening party for this album hosted by BMG, I was given a shiny pamphlet which read: “The time is now for Matthew Sweet to join the ranks of what the main­ stream considers the big league.”

Well... the album has its problems.

It isn’t diverse enough and is tact­ lessly and generously seasoned with m ultiple overdubs, which leave a pasty and slightly nauseat­ ing taste in my mouth. Not to give the impression that it sucks. Like Sweet’s other albums, this one’s stocked with Power Pop à la Sugar, as well as the slow, depressing-yetinsightful ballads that he does best, a few of them almost in the same league as his ode to Winona Ryder on G irlfrien d . After listening to the lyrics a few times, my heart aches for him; somewhere out there must be an evil she-devil who has left him a bitter, bitter man. My predic­ tion is that this is not the album which will send Matthew Sweet shooting off in a dizzying spiral toward worldwide fame and teen idol status, but it’s probably better this way. Success might minimise the anguish which seems to pro­ vide him with all his m aterial, destroying his status as Sensitive Tormented Boy. — L y la M ille r Arcane A s s o r te d A rtists

(Virgin/EMI) The various artists that have the professional m isfortune to make an appearance on this disc include Nigel Kennedy and Jane Siberry. Both of them should have known better: surely they can’t be t h a t short o f rent money. This album is generally devoid of melody, except where it compen­ sates by drawing on the soft-rock school of composition. The produc­ ers have evidently tried to appeal to the fans of cross-cultural music, failing miserably. Who decided to

include the flugelhom in this mish­ mash? A better question might be why? Cheesy guitar mixed with what one hopes are other-worldly percussion. And now we know where John Tesh draws his saxo­ phone inspirations. How ironic — the cover matches the contents; it looks like an oil slick.

— N ic h o la s R o y

The Sea Beggars F a rm ers, M a r ty r s a n d H e r o e s

(Guardian) Rather than building a local following by aggressively touring the small circuit of Montreal area clubs and pasting their stickers on lampposts and bus shelters, local band the Sea Beggars have gam­ bled everything on a CD that will hopefully speak volumes for them.

The album is an unexpected gem, especially for an independent release — the irresistibly catchy overall sound makes up for any gaps.

The music style is quite distinctive, and also sets them apart from most bands on the local set. There is defi­ nitely a rockabilly attitude with just the right am ount of country twang. But the Sea B eggars have an upbeat sound, and playful irony subtly finds its way into their music. There’s also a definite Britpop influence. So it’s Blue Rodeo with a bit of Violent Femmes and a twist of R adiohead or the W edding Present. The lyrics are always interesting and honest, and accom­ pany the music as well as the violin that is beautifully woven into the fabric of the songs. Given that it’s an independently produced release by a local group that’s still in its infancy, this is an exceptional album.

— M ila Aung-Thxvin

In a time when everyone is trading in their Quaaludes for Prozac, the master of morose, Peter Murphy, is a welcome change. His new album, C a s c a d e , delivers his signature sham anic lyrics and haunting m elodies that graced Bauhaus in its heyday. For those who are suicidal, Murphy’s style may be a little too extreme, but for those seeking the occasional hour of good old-fashioned self pity, this album indulges. However, the fans looking for another ground breaker solo record, like D e e p or I n d ig o E y e s, may be disappointed with his newest work. At times his poetry doesn’t mesh with the music, espe­ cially in ‘Gliding like a Whale’, and it comes off as sentimental sap.

At other times, especially in the last two songs ‘H uuvola’ and ‘Cascade’, Murphy reminds us just how beautiful depression can be.

— R a c h e l S to k o e RadioOne T ra n sit R a d io , O b s e r v e d

(Independent) This debut from Montreal band RadioOne takes the m elan­ choly to new levels.

Singer/songwriter Scott Lanaway has penned five songs which explore the darker side of existence and rela­ tionships, and the musi­ cal accom panim ent treats the subjects well.

Lanaway, who croons in a style similar to Bono — though without the falsetto flourishes — lends a som bre and understated vocal to his own guitar work, and the solid key­ board fills of producer David Sorbara. ‘Im m une’ and ‘Away N ow ’ are among the standout tracks on this ultra Gen-X collec­ tion of urban angst and libido lost.

But as Lanaway and crew relocate to Toronto, those of us in Montreal will have to work harder to see a fine, upcoming band, live and in person. Check this CD out if you can; you will not be disappointed.

- M ic h a e l B ro a d h u rst

G u stav m a h ler S y m

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McGill Symphony Orchestra Timothy Vernon, conductor Maria Popescu, alto McGill Women's Chorale and F.A.C.E. Treble Choir Friday, April 7,1995 at 8:00 pm, Saint-Jean-Baptlste Church Rachel Street betweenDrolet andHenri-lulien(metroMont-Royal ) Tickets: $20/ $12onsale 27at the PollackHall BoxOffice. 555SherbrookeSt. West Phonereservations (Visa. MasterCard): (514) 398-4547 SRC

ill McGill

About 700 Words Pa u l D

Lloyd had driven all the way from Charlottetow n to spend a weekend in Montreal with his sister on her birthday. In the event that he arrived later than anticipated, Grace, his sister, had given him directions to a bar where she would be celebrating her birthday with a group of friends. Once in the city, he stopped at a gas station and called her. The machine picked up, and the message confirmed that she had gone to The L o o p for drinks.

He parked the car, polished off an eager mickey, and set out to get to the bottom of all he’d heard about mountain town’s much lauded night life.

Lloyd navigated up the strip, passing through a phantasmagoric stream of people, piling in and out of the busy bars. About a block ahead he spotted a large, round neon sign of a snake biting its own tail, circling the words ‘The Loop’ glowing in a bright electric hue of candy apple red.

Inside he found himself in a dingy little watering hole with black walls, a couple of pool tables and a sparse, tolerably dejected looking clientele, marinating in the stink of stale beer and cigarette smoke. He was im m ediately struck by the bluntness of a large mural painted on the rear wall behind the pool tables, crudely depicting a wild Bacchanalian feast in some mytho­ logical meadow. Pot-bellied satyrs ran in pursuit of laughing nymphs, while others drank from huge flasks of wine and devoured enormous pieces of meat. One of the goat men played the pan flute, accompanied by a nymph on harp, while his fel­ low revellers indulged in their vari­ ous pursuits of pleasurable fulfil­ ment.

Grace was nowhere to be seen, so he took a stool at the bar and was quickly approached by an alert looking barman with a razor thin smile.

“What’ll it be?” he asked, his tone bored or amused, it was diffi­ cult to tell.

Lloyd ordered a ‘Fin du Monde’, the beer publicised on the bartender’s T-shirt.

The bartender returned with the beer and a shot of rum.

“The shot is from the lady at the end of the bar,” explained the barman, nodding in the direction of the silent benefactor.

Lloyd looked over and saw her at the end of the bar, more ghost than woman, hovering over her drink, a spectre silently absorbing a roomful of eyes. He raised his glass to demonstrate his appreciation and sucked it back. It was impossible to tell if she acknowledged because her face was so uniformly pale, it made it hard to distinguish any fea­ tures other than her small mint green eyes. He looked to see if he could determine whether she had tired eyes waiting anxiously for sleep, or eyes that were bullshitting sham elessly, or eyes that were telling it like it is, or eyes rendered vacant by too many nights of sitting

arvasi

at the end of the bar.

The potential for dramatic melancholy in a new city was more than his imagination could resist; he stood up and approached her at the end of the bar.

“Hi. I’m Lloyd. Thanks for the...”

“Do you want to hear my fish story?” she interrupted hoarsely, her much scrutinized eyes not taking the trouble to meet his.

Given, it was an odd question, but Lloyd, in the spirit of travel and adventure, was more than willing to play along.

“Sure, I’d love to hear your fish story,” he said, sounding not a little facetious.

“You self indulgent petty little fuck,” she slurred, “but I’ll tell you anyway.”

He had sustained no injury, he was sombre and composed. He’d let it ride.

“The first time I saw it was when I went fishing with my daddy,” she began, barely able to formulate words. “It was flapping and smelly, the little trout, and then it just smelled. That was it.” She started to giggle uncontrollably, and when her watery eyes had stopped rolling Lloyd had a pretty good idea that it was bye-bye.

“It really did seem like some­ thing inside of it was struggling,” she resumed “trying to hold on quite hopelessly, most desperately, to that thing which it was doing before. What that was, I d on’t know, ‘cause he wasn’t around long enough to tell me.” Her giggling had turned to sputtering and now it was coming dangerously close to tears.

“I imagine it involved other fish and an abundance of water.” she continued, stumbling for match­ es to light a shaky cigarette. “Life becoming, absorbing and ideally depositing life. Beyond that, it’s pretty cloudy. And now, or then, or whenever that day I went fishing with my daddy was, it died. A slab of delicately refined matter wasting.

Soon, sooner than we would ever imagine possible, there will be nothing left of it. Daddy’s clock don’t stop. It was just a little baby trout, nipped at the bud. I guess that’s worse, because it missed out on all the other fish stuff he could have done, had he been cut a little more slack. I squished it, and slapped it on the side of the pier, but nothing. Just a scaly greasy rindy...”

She trailed off, babbling inco­ herently into her glass of cheap draft.

Lloyd looked at her, and was overcome by pity.

“The past makes promises the future can’t keep,” he said.

She looked like she was going to reply, but lost her strength and collapsed.

“Where the hell was Grace?” he wondered silently in a catacomb someone had decided to call a bar.

P a u l D a v a r s i lo v e s a g o o d fish sto ry.

Page 21

April 4 th, 1995

Thyer and Papp run aw ay with top prizes at athletics banquet out was with the year the football team had this year. We had a lot of Friday n ight’s star-studded success and a lot of great memo­ 18th A nnual A thletic Awards ries,” commented Papp. “This year Presentation Gala saw M cGill’s was especially memorable, with us fin est gathered to honour this going to the O-QIFC final and also year’s most outstanding achieve­ the big come-from-behind win in the Shrine Bowl, so I’ll definitely ments.

Two fleet-footed athletes ran rem em ber this year as a great away with major awards as foot­ year.”

As for Thyer, the nine-time ball wide receiver Steve Papp and cross-country running and track All-Canadian continued her utter d o m in atio n and field star, of the athlet­ Linda Thyer, ic domain at both put the M cGill by crowning touch­ winning the es on their illus­ Gladys Bean trious careers by Trophy for being named the second male and female consecutive Athletes of the year and the Year. third time in Papp, a first four years. year m edical T h e student and medical stu­ Academic Alldent from Canadian from Nelson, L o n d o n , Br i t i s h O n t a r i o , C o lu m b ia , received the D. garnered first Stuart Forbes team AllTrophy in Canadian recognition of M c D o u g a ll n e r v o u s a c c e p ts tr o p h y status in an outstanding in a n ti c ip a t io n o f th e s lid e s h o w both o f her year. He led the Redmen in all-purpose yardage for sports for the fourth year in a row, the fourth time in five seasons and and ended her intercollegiate reign became the team’s all-time kickoff by winning gold m edals at the return er with 751 yards on 43 CIAU national cross-country returns. In addition, the man with arguably the biggest heart in Canadian university football, won the Alouette Alumni Trophy as the Most V aluable P layer o f the O ntario-Q uebec In te r­ university Football Confe­ rence, the Canadian Inter­ university Athletic Union Russ Jackson Trophy for academ ics, ath letics and community service, and was named to the all-conference a ll-star team . As the OQIFC MVP, Papp was also R e d m e n R u g b y d r e s s e d u p f o r th e o c c a s io n a nominee for the CIAU’s cham pionships in London, Hec Creighton Trophy.

“Of course it’s a nice way to Ontario, and in the 3,000 metres at go out, but the nicest way to go the national track and field cham­ B y Sc o t t B r o a d y

pionships held in Winnipeg.

It seemed everything that this Queen Midas touched turned to gold, as she extended her winning streak to 15 consecutive Québec Student Sports Federation meets over five years, and was twice named CIAU Athlete of the Week.

“It does make it a little more special because it is my final year but it’s a great honour any time to be nominated for the Athlete of the Y ear,” stated Thyer.

Oddly, one of her most memorable moments came w hile she was running a relay at the recent national track and field cham­ pionships.

“I ’d never run a relay at a national meet M a o y e r i r e c e iv e s and it was excit­ ing to be part of a team that ran so w ell,” she recalled. “We came fourth after being ranked last and we made a big mark for McGill on the national scene. That was defi­ nitely one of the highlights.”

B asketball player Todd McDougall, one-half of the famed “Twin Towers”, was the recipient of the Richard Pound Award, while volley­ ball player Maryam Moayeri received the M uriel V. Roscoe Award. The awards are given annually to those students who, in their graduating or final year of eligibili­ ty, show a proficien­ cy and leadership in athletics.

M cD ougall, a CIAU Academic AllC anadian for the third straight year, was also named an All-Conference second team all-star for the third consecutive season, and received

and received the annual $7,000 Grenville Smith scholarship.

The Mac Teskey Award for “courage and morale worthy of honourable mention” which recog­ nises athletes “who through sport, have som ehow in sp ired those around them” was bestowed upon M artlet basketball player Vicky Tessier, who battled back from a career-threat­ ening knee injury to becom e the league MVP and CIAU sec­ ond-team AllCanadian. The stalw art fo r­ ward from C hateauguay, Q uebec, led the Quebec University Basketball League in scoring while averaging 15.6 points per w e ll- d e s e r v e d r e c o g n itio n w ith R o s c o e a w a r d . game and was with him giving me the trophy and third in rebounding with 5.8 per I think that will be something I’ll game. She was the team ’s top scorer 11 tim es and was the always cherish.”

M eanw hile, M oayeri, a Molson Cup player of the month fourth-year volleyball forward for November.

With the help of Tessier, the from Vancouver, and co-captain of the Martlets for the past four sea­ M artlets b ask etb all team was sons, was named Tournament All- nam ed the M artlet Foundation Star at the Vermont Invitational team of the year, thus dethroning and was a member of the 1991 the women’s soccer team which British Columbia provincial cham­ has virtually owned the award for the past five years. pionship team.

Under the tutelage of firstSw im m er Anna Leong of Victoria, B.C. was the winner of year head coach Lisen Moore, the the Uldis Auders Trophy, awarded Martlets finished atop the league annually to the second-year stu­ with an 8-4 record and for the sec­ dent who demonstrates a high aca­ ond time in three years made the demic standing combined with dis­ trip to the CIAU Nationals held in tinguished athletic accom plish­ Thunder Bay, Ontario last month. ments. The 20-year-old biology They took fifth-place in the eightstudent did just that with a 3.67 team tourney, to register their bestgrade-point average to go along ever finish.

The Molson Cup Outstanding with a bronze medal which she won as a m em ber of M cG ill’s Player-of-the-Year awards went to 4x200m relay team at the CIAU Papp and Wes Barbour (football), B rian Rae and Julia M aughan finals in Quebec City last month.

Leong was also named to the (soccer), Guy Boucher (hockey), Principal’s Student Honour Roll, and Chad W ozney and Anne made a Royal Bank All-Canadian, Gildenhuys (basketball). the 1938 Champions Award for leadership and academic excel­ lence.

“This is kind of an all-around award so it’s really special,” com­ m ented M cD ougall, who will graduate this spring with a degree in mechanical engineering. “I’m going to find Richard Pound and I'm going to get my picture taken

DEPARTMENT OF ATHLETICS

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FromMay1throughAugust 20,theDepartmentofAthleticsof fpg McGill Universityoffers monthlyand seasonal memberships.

Memberships are required for all summer users, though full­ time McGill students may take advantage of reduced rates.

Occasional users can avail themselves of day passes, and childrenare welcome when accompanied byan adult.

1995 SPRING AND SUMMER INSTRUCTIONAL PROGRAM SESSION I-MAY 8 -JULY 3 A COURSE

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•YELLOW, ORANGE (Children 4 Adults)

ThestudentrateappliestoindividualswhoattendedMcGill on afull-timebasisthroughthe1995 wintersemester. Toencouragefamilyparticipation, special ratesareavailableforspouses and children (upto 16 years of age) of our members.

Memberships can be purchased in Office G3 of the Currie Gymnasium.

BLUE, GREEN. GREY. WHITE (Adults Only) MONDAY

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09:00-10:00

25/46

18:00-19:15

30/50

17:30 -1 9 :0 0 Classroom 19:00-21:00 Pool 48/68

BRONZE MEDALLION TUES 4 THURS (prerequisite Ufe Saving 1.2. 3 or equivalent)

17:30-19:00 Classroom 19:00-21:00 Pool 42/62

TUES 4 THURS

12:15 -1 3 :0 0

18:00-19:00

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STROKE IMPROVEMENT ‘ Begins May 6,1995

WEDNESDAY

COURSE

DAY & TIME

JAZZI JAZZ II

TUES 4 THURS TUES 4 THURS

17:45-19:15 19:15 - 20:45

COST M/NM 50/90 50/90

SOCIAL DANCE

MONDAY MONDAY

18:30-19:45 19:45-21:00

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18:00 - 20:00 17:15-18:45 18:45-20:15 17:15-18:45 09:00-10:30 1 0 3 0 -1 2 3 0 09:00-11:00 18:45-20:15

COST M/NM 67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 67/82 102/132

TENNIS INTER

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY TUES 4 THURS

18:00 - 20:00 17:15-18:45 18:45 - 20:15 09:00-10:30 10:30 —12:00 09:00-11:00 18:45-20:15

67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 67/82 102/132

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WEDNESDAY TUES 4 THURS

17:15-18:45 18:45-20:15

52/67 102/132

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TENNIS JUNIOR STAR —14 YRS OLD)

SATURDAY SUNDAY

12:00-13:15 1 1 3 0-12 :15

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MO N-FRI JUNE 19-JU N E 23

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Through the spring and summer, the Department will be 1 offeringanexcitingpay-as-you-gofitness program. Theafter workclasseswill featureStepAerobicsaswell asthepopular Total Workout. Both activities are designed for a total body workout.

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Total Workout........ TUES/THURS

17:30- 18:30 hrs.

Tickets go on sale in the lobby of the Sir Arthur Currie Gymnasium30 minutes before class.

‘Book of 10 tickets for $17.00 purchased in advance, (members only)

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SUNDAY, MAY 28 44/47

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SATURDAY. MAY 27

ROOSTER C O M Bi MOUNT SNOW. N.Y. 42/45

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HIKING

SATURDAY, JUNE 17 42/45

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1 830-20:00 17:15-18:45 1 0 3 0 -1 2 3 0 1 230-13:30 0 9 3 0 -1 0 3 0 17:15-18:45 18:45-20:15

COST M/NM 67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 102/132 102/132

TENNIS INTRO II

WEDNESDAY FRIDAY

18:50 - 20:15 17:15-18:45

52/67 52/67

TENNIS INTER

MONDAY WEDNESDAY SATURDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY TUES 4 THURS TUES 4 THURS

1 830-20:00 17:15-18:45 1 0 3 0 -1 2 3 0 1 230-13:30 0 9 3 0 -1 0 3 0 17:15-18:45 18:45-20:15

67/82 52/67 52/67 52/67 52/67 102/132 102/132

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57/69

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«WEEKS/

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YOGA

WEDNESDAY

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50/70

CPR BASIC

SAT., MAY 27 4 SAT., JUNE 3 09:00-16:00 SATURDAY, MAY 27 09:00-16:00

BASIC FIRST AID

SAT., MAY 27 4 SAT., JUNE 3 09:00-16:00 •(Includes CPR Heart Saver)

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HIKING

SATURDAY, JULY 22

BLUEBERRY COBBLES, N.Y.

M E M B E R S H IP S A L E S A N D IN S T R U C T IO N A L R E G IS T R A T IO N 1 8 , 1 9 9 5 , 0 8 :3 0

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C U R R IE G Y M N A S IU M , O F F IC E G 3 , 4 7 5 P IN E A V E N U E W E S T IN F O R M A T IO N : 3 9 8 - 7 0 0 0 O R 3 9 8 - 7 0 1 1

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ISLANDS OF LAKE CHAMPLAIN, V. T.

T U E S D A Y , A P R IL

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Gymnasium Members.................. $1.70*/$2.50/class Non-Members................................... $6.00/class

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Step Aerobics is a challenging lowimpact class centred around stepping onto an adjustable platform.

Total Workout isanupbeat, advanced highimpact aerobics class.

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* Booklets of 10 Tickets for $17.00 purchased in advance. (Members Only)

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TOTAL WORKOUT (Pay as You Go)*

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(a ll p r i c e s in c l u d e G S T a n d Q S T )

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d u r in g t h a t s e s s i o n .

2 . C h i ld r e n u n d e r t h e a g e o f 1 4 m u s t j o i n w ith t h e i r

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COURSE

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ACTION AEROBICS (Superfit)

25/46

A s p o u s a l m e m b e r s h i p i s a v a ila b le to a n y o n e w h o s e

h u s b a n d / w if e h a s b e c o m e a g y m o r t e n n is m e m b e r

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TENNIS INTRO

•BLUE, GREEN, GREY. WHITE (Children 4 Adults) SATURDAY

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Department of Athletics Membership (all facilities included) CATEG O R Y MONTHLY SEASO N S CH A R G E PASS Full-time M cG ill Students $ 25.00 $ 85.00 M cG ill Staff $ 30.00 $1 05.00 Alumni $ 35.00 $1 20.00 General Public $ 40.00 $1 3 5 .0 0 Spouse $ 30.00 $1 0 5 .0 0 Children (6-15) $ 20.00 $ 70.00 MOLSON STADIUM T R A CK MEMBERSHIP Full-time M cG ill Students $ 8.00 $ 25.00 G eneralPublic $ 1 0 .0 0 $ 35.00 DAY P A SSE S (Gym or Tennis) General Public $ 6.00 M cG ill Students $ 5.00 Seniors and Children $ 3.00 1.

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and outdoor tennis courts through September 3,1995.

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4 th , 1995

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Cheers! M cG ill’s Team of the Year goes to Martlet hoops A ndrew Bo o n

W hen the 1994-95 M artlet basketball season began, three R ’ s sum m ed up th e ir o b je c tiv ie s .

R ed em p tio n , R e sp ect, and Recognition.

The redemption came when the M arlets captured the provin­ c ial title after losing last y e a r’ s title m atch to C o n co rd ia. The respect came when they posted a 2-1 record to capture the consola­ tio n fin a l at the N a tio n a ls in Thunder Bay, Ontario. The recog­ nition fin a lly cam e last F riday when the Martlets were awarded McGill’ s Team of the Year at the 18th A nnual A th letics A w ards Banquet.

Considerng the fact that the aw ard has gone to the wom en’ s soccer team for five consecutive years, it is certainly indicative of the progress the Martlet basketball program has made.

Their season had it’s ups and do w n s, but M cG ill p o sted an impressive 19-13 overall record, which included winning seven of their final nine games.

After defeating Laval 67-60 in the league final on March 4, the M artlets headed to Thunder Bay to tip o ff a g a in st the b est the country had to offer. After suffer­

ing a tough opening loss to the third-ranked Manitoba Bisons, the M artlets served notice that their long trek w asn’t ju st a vacation.

They were there to play ball, and p lay th ey did. M cG ill defeated M em orial U niversity 73-64 and then dropped fifth-ranked Victoria 64-59 in the consolation final.

In addition to the team hon­ ours, the M artlets had v ario us individual honours handed out last Friday night. V icky Tessier was named the team’ s Most Valuable Player, which w ill sit nicely next to her league MVP, QUBL allstar, and seco n d -team A llC anadian honours. T essier was also aw arded the distin guish ed M acTeskey trophy, given to the student who exem plifies courage and morale.

T essier battled back to play a fter su ffe rin g a serio u s knee injury which required reconstruc­ tive surgery.

T e s s ie r fe lt honoured to receive the award.

“There are not many athletes who have received this trophy, so receiving it is very flattering,” she said. “To be recognised for over­ coming the obstacles I faced with my knee certainly felt special.”

Sen io r M elan ie Gagné was awarded the Team Player honour

for the M artlets. Whether it was sinking three-pointers, or shadow­ ing opponents, Gagné’ s hard work made her an easy choice for this award.

“It’s an honour to receive this award, especially since my team­ mates voted for me, and with this being my last year, I guess I’ m ju st very satis­ fied w ith the team and our se a so n ,” stated Gagné.

S eco n d -year M a rtle t In grid M arch an d w as nam ed the te a m ’ s M ost Im proved Player. Considering Marchand also rep­ re sen ts M cG ill in track and field, it is a wonder she finds the e x tra tim e to spend improving her basketball skills.

“The aw ard means quite a lot to me. I’ve worked all year long and this provides some motivation to work even harder for next year,” said Marchand.

Anne Gildenhuys, a secondyear forw ard, w as aw arded the Molson Cup Outstanding Player

of the Year, as w ell as capturing the M olson Cup P la y e r o f the M onth aw ard fo r M arch .

O riginally recruited as a vo lley­ ball player, Gildenhuys has trans­ formed into a pow erhouse fo r­ ward by dominating gam es both

build on next year in her quest for a national championship.

The 1994-95 M a rtle ts in c lu d e : G agn é, A n n ab e lle A m b ro ise, G e n ev iev e G agn é, D an ielle G oldfarb, H enderson, L esley Stevenson, G ildenhuys,

offensively and defensively.

With veterans Gagné, Allana H enderson and A n n ab elle A m b ro ise the o n ly g rad u atin g p la y e rs th is y e a r , h ead co ach Lisen Moore has a solid base to

Jen n ifer S tacey, T essier, Jo see Deloretto, K elly Davidoff, Karen R ice , M arch an d, N ishi R aw at, Isabelle Beaureguard, head coach M oore, and a s s is ta n t co ach es Stephan Perrault and Jane Ross.

An end and a beginning to the good ol’ days of sports B y A l l a n a H e n d e r s o n _____________

The End. N orm ally such words come after all has been said and done; after the last buzzer has sounded, the last goal has been scored, or the last page has been written.

This time, the words are at the beginning and they are there for a reason.

By default, the “end” is also a beginning.

As p arad o xical as the two terms may seem by definition, they are contingent upon each other and mutually consequential.

In sports, it would appear that lives end with retirement or, in the case of university athletics, with graduation.

Unless you are Wayne Gretzky or M ichael Jordan, you might as w ell just smile and say “Merci et bonsoir la visite,” on your way out the door. Out of sight, out of mind.

But what really happens to the athletes at the end of th eir careers? Where do they go? And, more important­ ly, what do they do when the cleats are hung up and the uni­ form folded for the last time?

For the ath­ letes themselves, the end is bitter­ sweet.

The stories w ill be retold and the old photo album s w ill be pulled out of the V eteran a t h le te s th e to rch .

what has been done with the end. In the long run, it is the beginning that really counts.

C a re e rs only last a few years — fiv e at the most in C a n a d ia n interuniversi­ ty sports. The b e g i n n in g comes at the end of those years when ath letes can no longer T hyer g e t s last w o r d f r o m m e n to r a n d c o a c h D en n is look front B a rrett row-center at age, and the memories will fade. All courtside to see their parents look­ the tangibles w ill remain as evi­ ing on with pride and in anticipation dence of a place and moment in the of their child’s performance; when sun — that one shining moment athletes no longer get a pat on the will be recorded somewhere in the back for a job well done or for hard depths of sports history — but the work put in; when leaps of happi­ in tan g ib les w ill only provide ness and chills running from the in creasin gly base of the spine to the tips of the hazy pictures fingertips no longer provide inex­ of glory days plicable highs at the end of gamelong, tooth and nail battles. gone by.

Skills, chills and a little luck T h ese are parts of thrown in for excitement. Those are the “end” , the good ol’ days of sports.

How many times w ill Jason but only half of the real Tsadillas look back and remember the incredible last minute-touchstory. down run that sealed a Redmen T h e beginning is com e-from -behind victo ry over the forgotten Concordia in the football playoffs? part amongst How many times will Rick Varisco all the good­ or Jen Stacey think about their lastbyes, thank- second hail-Marys and free-throws yous and which, time after time, sent games a c c o la d e s . into overtime or the Redmen and The b egin ­ the Martlets into the winner’s cir­ ning is what c le ? B etter yet, how often w ill com es next, Linda Thyer reminisce about cross­ c o n t i n u e to p a s s as a result of ing the finish line in one of her closet time and time again, but the trophies will gather dust, the news­ paper clippings w ill yellow with

gold-medal performances?

They will all remember every now and again, but the events ended w ith the buzzers, banners and awards. Only the feat is captured in a picture, the experience itself could not be described in its entirety by even a thousand more.

While the “career” chapter is over, the end is only just beginning.

What most people forget is that athletes learn skills and develop qualities that transcend their respec­ tive playing fields.

The concept of teamwork is underrated in any job description, discipline and hard work are selfexplanatory necessities for success, but unmentioned qualities such as perseverance, focus, ability to han­ dle a diversity of demands and vari­ ous forms of adversity under pres­ sure, and to do so w ith a high degree of class are what make the “end” become the “beginning.”

Sports entails mastering more See The End Page 26

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24 S P O R T S

1 St-Bruno

efforts and unbelievable individ­ ual ach ievem en t are o versh ad ­ owed by headlining law yers and b u sin essm en who n ev er even

although most don’t have the guts or willpow er to boycott, there is As the famous baseball strike an alternative for those who are of 1994-1995 has finally come to seriously disillusioned with being an end, it might be high fans in the age of big tim e that sp o rts fans business a sse sse d th e ir m oral C ollege sports are judgement and started to now, more than ever, a look at a very attractive popular altern ativ e to alternative to the profes­ the “show”, and sports sional sports circus that fans across Canada and has been ru in in g the the U .S. are turning to m orning sports p ages their local colleges and for the past few months. universities to see excit­ The 90s h ave not in g actio n in a fun, been very kind to sports young and en erg isin g fans in North America, atmosphere. as the once m y s tic a l W itness the craze w orld of Red G range, In the wake o f the strike, the R edbirds’popularity soared. that comes over North Ja c k ie R o b in so n and A m erican sports fans M aurice R ichard has been long played the games they pretend to every time March comes around. replaced by the world of m ulti­ represent.

M arch M ad n ess seem s la rg e rSports fans have been given than-life every year and the fact m illion dollar contracts, strikes, and lockouts. Legends of heroic the bum -rap for too lo n g, and that it’ s a phenomenon com ing from the college ranks never ceas­ es to amaze. What automatically comes to mind when the Madness is mentioned is a sea of cheering, ecstatic, painted faces following two team s step-by-step through exciting, nail-biting games.

The ath letes’ faces te ll the real stories though, as each game could realistically be the end of a r long season. = No sc a n d a ls , no co n tract hold-outs, no strikes, basically no B.S. In reality, what the sports fan gets from the fine performances put on in collegiate competition is a larg e group of cham pionship teams at the peak of their seasons, fiercely competing for a chance to reach the ex clu sive F inal Four.

What the fan is getting is a fine performance. Point finale.

Everything a sports fan could c o n c e iv a b ly w ant in term s of spectatorship can be found in the to urn ey and th a t’ s w hy North America turns into an insane asy­ lum for the month of March.

Here in Canada, especially in the fickle sports city of Montreal, college sports are making a come­ back; one only has to look at the attendance at M cG ill-Concordia fo o tb all gam es and b ask etb all gam es fo r the e v id e n c e . T h is y e a r ’ s Sh rin e B ow l attracted a crowd of close to 8,000 at Con U ’s Loyola Stadium and capacity cro w d s w ere w itn e sse d at a ll McGill-Con U basketball games this year.

Thanks to the television expo­ sure of TSN and the coverage by the local media, the CIAU is gain­ in g in p o p u la rity y e a r ly and The McGill Legal Information Clinic can help you!

Canadians are starting to rediscov­ er the fact that a high calibre of sport is played in our own back­ yard.

So, for those sports fans who have seriously been turned off the or drop by our offices in the Union Building, professional sports scene, there is a brand new season of co lleg e 3480 McTavish (Rooms B16 and B01B). sports righ t around the corner.

Com e Sep tem b er, hundreds of We are open from 9:00-5:00 Monday-Friday to help you with CIAU team s w ill get back into problems ranging from your lease to your marriage contract. play and another year of exciting, y o u th fu l, u n in terru p ted , and unselfish college competition is guaranteed to satisfy.

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4 th , 1995

Resurgence of college sports has fans going mad

By D a n a T o e r in g

N iq u e t

A p r il

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!

A p r il

SPO RTS

4 th, 1995

Page

25

Hot fun and hard work for athletes in the summertime requires a membership at a local gym and at least a three-day cycle w ith each w orkout takin g from An early and unexpected spell one to three hours. Weight training of warm weather hit Montreal this helps to increase an athlete’s over­ year and as spring fever sweeps its all strength and muscle mass but w ay through the halls of McGill, also benefits the athlete’s level of most students are thinking about a agility, running speed and power. summer of making money, relax­ It is b e lie v e d that w e ig h t­ ing and attending the occasional training athletes are less vulnera­ social gathering. Of course there is ble to injuries than athletes who do the burden of exams approaching not weight train. If an injury does in the next few weeks but, beyond occur weight-trained athletes often that, the average student’s mind is lose less time in rehabilitation and preoccupied with taking advantage recovery than their counterparts. of the hot weather and sunshine in A n o th e r a nice cushioned focal point in a lounge chair. co m p lete o ff­ As u sual season training though, there is c u r r ic u lu m one exception to co uld be the rule, and yes, P 1 y o m e t r ic once again , it is tra in in g . For the stud en t-ath ­ h ig h - im p a c t , le te who is the quick-transition exception. sports such as The b ig g e st hockey, basket­ obstacle working b a ll and fo o t­ ag ain st studentball, plyometrics ath letes as th ey are a key to suc­ try to meet their c e ss.

P ly o ­ off-season goals m etrics include of either obtain­ pow er and ing starting posi­ A th letes w ill o p t f o r s u m m e r s u n s h i n e a n d w a r m w e a t h e r a s strength training tio n s w ith th eir o p p o s e d to s ta te o f t h e a r t in d o o r w e ig h t r o o m f a c i li t i e s but the objective respective teams or to im prove th eir in d iv id u al Throughout the regu lar season, is to improve overall explosive­ and pow er. players are introduced to numer­ n ess, a g ilit y skills, is time.

Plyometrics intensifies and speeds ous skill-development drills and a During the school year, ath­ letes are expected to keep up a mastering of these drills in the off­ up the switch over from eccentric strict training regimen while bal­ season puts the athlete in good to concentric muscle contraction. ancing their respective sports and standing, not only athletically, but Quite sim ply, the aim is to pro­ duce the most force in the least their studies. Time is limited and in the coaches’ eyes as well..

The develo p m en t of amount of time. great strides have to be made dur­ The fin al catego ry athletes ing a specified period. There are endurance through cardiovascular fewer, however, distractions con­ training is a second general com­ monitor during the off season is nutrition. Good nutrition is essen­ sidering that it is cold outside and ponent of sports’ training A w arm -w eather jo g keeps tial for athletic success. It m ay “ev eryb o d y e ls e ” is in sch o o l­ the athlete’s blood pumping in the begin with the old adage of three mode too.

The summer vacation lasts for o ff-seaso n . W hen done a few well-balanced meals from the four a full third of the year and, as any tim es a w eek, a conversational- b asic food groups, but there is serious student-athlete knows, this paced, relaxed, afternoon jog is a much more to eating properly than is the time when good players and sign of a good athlete. A “top-o’- m eets the eye. A thletes should the-morning” faster-paced run is monitor carbohydrate, vitamin and better athletes are made. m ineral intakes as w ell as con­ The o ff-seaso n is an id eal the sign of a truly dedicated one.

Running can, actually be split sumption of caffeine and water, time for athletes to improve in all areas of their sport. Not only are into two more formal categories. due to the fact that they are more the worries of school put on hold A naerobic training is of shorter prone to depleting their stores of for four months, but the weather d uratio n and h ig h er in te n sity , these resources than the average cooperates with outdoor activities commonly entailing some form of beached whale-with-the-good-tan to b eat the drab settin g of the sprinting. Aerobic training is of lyin g in the pool next door. The sweaty weight room in the dead of longer duration and keeps the ath­ temptation to indulge in beers and lete at a more comfortable pace, barbecues all summer long exists, winter, hands-down.

The summer job and a little unless of course, comfortable to but the d ed icated ath lete w ill socialising are potentially the only you is sweating profusely, being observe the “moderation” rule.

So w h ile most students are things which could hold the dedi­ out of breath and having a red face sitting by the pool sipping cock­ cated athlete back in the summer­ from a temporary lack of oxygen.

In addition to the sk ill and tails after a hard day’s work, the tim e. These are, how ever, only minor obstacles and can definitely cardiovascular components, off­ dedicated athlete is working up a be balanced with an intense and season training should also involve hard sw eat either in the w eight a personal weight training program room, on the fields, or around the effective training regime.

The name of the game is dedi­ geared to the individual and their track. The good times can come cation, time management and dis­ resp ective sport. For most, this later.

B y D a n a T o e r in g

cipline. Depending on the sport, most student-athletes try to follow regim ens that cover some major components of being “in shape.”

S k ill lev el is of param ount importance for any elite athlete.

Whether it’s basketball, football, soccer or baseball, the majority of sports require athletes to refine specific skills to enhance their per­ formances.

Coaches expect to see their athletes come back from the off­ season with marked improvement in th e ir areas o f w eak n ess.

Perry Koziris, who is respon­ sible for putting together the off­ season train in g m anual for the Redmen football team, offered his thought on off-season training for athletes.

“As far as I ’ m co n cern ed , there are three types of people with regard to achieving potential.

These have nothing to do with the amount of natural talent someone has, but have everyth in g to do w ith w hat he/she does w ith it.

T here is the lo se r, the m ake

believer and the winner. The win­ ner is goal-oriented and makes the best of the natural talent he or she is given.”

While every athlete dreams of the beginning of their respective sport season, not everyone has a plan to realise that dream. Being a dream er only goes so far at the intercollegiate level and it is those student-athletes who construct a realistic plan for the summer who w ill com e b ack b ig g e r, faster, stronger and prepared to compete.

□ CD aSB PGSS

The Post Graduate Students' Society announces its

A nnual G eneral M eetin g W e d n e s d a y , A p r il 5 , 1 9 9 5 6 :0 0 p .m .

Thomson House, 3650 McTavish Street 3-Bean Veggie Chili Beer and Baguette T h e A g e n d a o f t h e A n n u a l G e n e r a l M e e t i n g w ill i n c l u d e :

Meet the new Executive End-of-year reports of the PGSS Executive Resolutions pertaining to Constitutional Amendments All regular, associate, specal, life and honourary members of the Society are welcome to attend. For more information, please call 398-3756.

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STUDY CANADA NEXT YEAR 106-200B INTRODUCTION TO THE STUDY OF CANADA (3 credits) Professors Elizabeth Gidengil, Will Straw An overview of approaches to the study of Canada, including cultural, economic, political, and historical dimensions, offered by McGill experts and prominent Canadians.

106-300A TOPICS IN CANADIAN STUDIES I: NATIONALISMS IN CANADA (3 credits) - Professor Desmond Morton A study of theories and experiences of ethnic, socio-political, economic and cultural nationalism in Canada and its impact on the shaping and evolution of Confederation.

After a remarkable playoff run which spanned almost the entire month of March, the Martlet hockey club saw its season come to an end on April Fool’s Day in Repentigny.

The McGill squad faced off against Team LECI in the consolation final of the eight-team league, only to find themselves on the losing end of a 3-1 tally, as the club returned to Montreal wondering what could have been.

“The team played pretty well in general,” said head coach John C larke. “The effort was alw ays there, but as far as which team con­ trolled the game throughout, it was pretty much back and forth.”

A fter a sco reless opening frame, the two squads kept the per­ fect game going until Team LECI pulled ahead with a mere 45 sec­ onds left in the second period.

Given the M artlets’ in ab ility to close one- and two-goal deficits throughout the season, the prospect of having to dominate the final peri­ od seemed a bit daunting for the McGill club.

With one period of hockey left in their season, the Martlets came out in the third period firing on all cylinders. But, as has been the case in other games which the Martlets have controlled this season, domi­

nance does not alw ays produce goals. W hile the Martlets worked on gettin g the eq u aliser, Team LECI took advantage of their oppo­ nents’ offensive-m indedness to score a lucky goal of sorts, doubling their lead minutes into the third period.

The 2-0 score remained until the closing minutes of the game, when the M artlets, who already held a five-on-three pow erplay advan tage, p ulled goaltender Annette Van Der Linde to get the extra attacker. With twice as many skaters on the ice, it took only 24 seconds for McGill forward Heidi B loom field to pull the M artlets within one goal with just 1:36 left in the game.

The Bloom field goal would become the last of the season for the Martlets, who gave up an empty net goal seconds later which clinched the consolation final and third place for Team LECI. Clarke expressed mixed emo­ tions in summing up the loss and the season.

“We played very solid team defence throughout the season, giv­ ing up an average of two goals a game. We really played excellent at the end of the season, but it was a shame that we couldn’t score the important goals when we had to,” said Clarke.

S T I L L H A V E N ’T F O U N D W H A T Y O U ’R E L O O K I N G F O R ?

301-350A MATERIAL CULTURE IN CANADA (3 credits) Professor Annmarie Adams (O ffered through the D epartment o f A rchitecture and open to students in Canadian Studies) A study of the "stuff1of our lives; using a multidisciplinary approach to the interpretation of the non-textual materials which have shaped the lives of past and present Canadians, using the resources of the McCord Museum and other Montreal museums, galleries and collections (Awaiting University approval).

106-401B CANADIAN STUDIES SEMINAR I: WOMEN AS LITERARY PIONEERS (3 credits) - Professor Nathalie Cooke A study of the special experience of women as pioneers in 19th century Canada and their modem critical reinterpretation, using archival and printed sources.

106-402A CANADIAN STUDIES SEMINAR II: ISSUES IN CANADIAN CULTURES (3 credits) - Professor Will Straw By examining various cultural forms, including cinema, literature and music, the course looks at major issues surrounding culture in Canada, including language, regionalism, multiculturalism, and the proximity of the United States.

106-403B CANADIAN STUDIES SEMINAR III: A TRANSFORMING WAR (3 credits) - Professor Desmond Morton A detailed, multidisciplinary study of the impact of the Second World War on Canada and the resulting social, economic and political evolution of Canadian government and society.

166-475B CANADIAN ETHNIC STUDIES SEMINAR (3 credits) Professor Morton Weinfeld An interdisciplinary seminar focusing on current social-sciences research and public policies in areas relating to Canadian ethnic studies. Topics will include ethnic and racial inequalities, prejudice and discrimination, ethnic identities and cultural expressions, the structure and organization of minority groups.

V .

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The McGill Institute for the Study of Canada L'Institut d'études canadiennes de McGill

4 th, 1995

Martlets fall in April The End...

Fool’s consolation final B y C h r ist o p h e r R ig n ey

E V E R Y T H IN G R E D U C E D

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26 S P O R T S

Continued from Page 2 3 than just the technical skills needed to hit the three-point shot or to throw the touchdown pass. It is a mastery of the art of improving oneself, learning about people and pressures and accepting challenges A cu rio sity and enjoym ent gets children to play the sport, the love of the gam e is what keeps them going. A development of self in terms of esteem and respec ; independent of performance is the overall outcome.

A few years put in and a life­ time comes out.

The term “blood, sweat and tears” was coined for a reason. If you are one of the chosen few, the blood, sw eat and tears may put your name in the record books or even on a trophy. If you are not, the only writing that means anything is w hat is w ritten in the years to come.

On Friday night, at the Delta Hotel, over 250 athletes showed up at the Eighteenth Annual Athletics Banquet to honour the outstanding athletes in their fields and to cele­ brate a season gone by. Looking around the room, there was such an astonishing array of talent and peo­ ple deserving of respect in so many ways that if justice had been done, there would have been hundreds of awards given as opposed to the few that were actually handed out.

And, co n trary to what Principal Shapiro so uncouthly star ed with regards to athletes’ fashion consciousness, everybody in that room looked pretty damned good and d eservin g of an im m ense amount of recognition and respect from the entire community for what they have put in throughout the past few months.

The banquet represented the end of only a season.

That one, lon g-sh in in g moment has only just begun.

Team T HEY K N O W H I M I N

THE BREAKING OF f t R E A D ^ 'L K Z H - 3 ^ Y ou 've clim b ed th e h igh est m o u n ta in s a n d s c a le d the c it y w a lls, a n d y o u still h a v e n 't f o u n d w h a t y o u 'r e look in g f o r ?

B u t h a v e y o u s e a r c h e d d e e p w ith in , w h e r e "the lo v e o f G o d has p o u r e d o u t in o u r h ea rts th rou gh the H oly Spirit w h o h as b e e n g iv e n to u s" (R o m 5 :5 )

Dare to live this new life in the freedom of the Spirit.

A p r i l t h e 1 3 t h t il l t h e 16 t h is t h e C h r i s t i a n L i tu r g ic a l c e l e b r a t i o n o f t h e L o r d 's p a s s io n , d e a t h a n d r e s u r r e c t i o n . W h y d o n 't y o u p l a n t o j o i n u s!

PA SC A L TR1D U U M SCHEDULE Holy T hursday G o o d Friday E aster Vigil E aster Sunday S unrise Prayer Service Easter S unday m orning

8 pm 3 pm (ecum enical) 8:30 pm (Saturday) 10 am 5:15 am (m eet a t N ew m an)

For m ore inform ation, call Father F rancis: 398-4106 NEW M AN CENTRE OF McGILL U N IV E RSITY C A T H O LIC SERVICES

3484 rue Peel S treet, M o n treal

MVP.s are

as fo lio te s Badminton - Stéphane Lemieux and Dougall Molson: Baseball - Todd Savage; Basketball - Vicky Tessier and Chad Wozney: Cheerleading - Rodelyn Wisco; Cross-country - Linda Thy el­ and David O'Hara: Fencing - Mita Sen-Roy; Field Hockey - Gillian Roper; Football - Steve Papp: Hockey - Annette Van Der Linde and Todd .Ylaivellus: Rugby - Desiree Lidon and J.F. Charland; Sailing - Caroline Brise-bois;' Skiing - Kate Hurtig and Mark Schindler: Soccer - Julia Maughan and Chris Drysdale: Squash - Andrew Thompson; Synchronised Swimming Jennifer Peterman; Swimming - Carol Chiang and Léo Grépin; T rack and field - Linda Thyer and Pumulo Sikaneta: Volleyball - Anie de la Fontaine and Chris Campbell. j

A p r il

<1 Ok

4 th , 1995

Thursday. April 6 The Department of Mechanical Engineering hosts the annual Presentation of Design Projects. 2-5 pm, McConnell Engineering Common Room.

The Faculty of Music pre­ sents The McGill

Contemporary Music Ensemble, works by Raab, Burke, Luk and Morel. 8 pm, Pollack Hall.

The Faculty of Music pre­ sents the McGill Chamber Singers, works by Parsons, Telemann and Harvey. 8 pm, Redpath Hall.

Wednesday. April 5 The Department of Hispanic Studies presents Carlos Fuentes speaking on Imagination and History. The lecture is in honour of the late Dr. Victor Oulmette. 7 pm, Stephen Leacock L-132, H. Noel Fieldhouse Auditorium.

The McGill Society of Montreal presents The Sandwich Generation, a dis­ cussion about changing fami­ ly patterns and roles. 6:308:30 pm, Martlet House, 3605 Mountain Street.

Friday. April 7 Monday. April 10

The Faculty of Music pre­ sents McGill Two Piano Ensembles, works by Schubert, Brahms and Saint Saens. 8 pm, Pollack Hall.

The Yellow Door Coffee House presents all open stage Music! Last Friday Coffee House of the season. 8 pm, 3625 Aylmer.

For more info call 398-

The Faculty of Music pre­ sents McGill Early Music Ensembles, works by Monteverdi, Bach and Telemann. 8 pm, Redpath Hall.

*20f a t ’4 Gdr

The Centre for Applied Family Studies School of Social Work presents Suzanne Hooper speaking on Loss in

The Faculty of Music pre­ sents McGill Student Soloists, works by Liszt, Prokofieff, Chopin and Poulenc. 8 pm, Pollack Hall.

PROJECT YOUR IMAGE WITH PROFESSIONAL WORD PROCESSING Manuscripts& Résumés Cover andbusiness letters Editing and translations Top-qualitywork Highly-experienced Competitiverates

The Biochemistry Department presents Dr. D.W. Nicholson speaking on Biochemical Events in

Apoptosis: Role of ICE/CED-3 Proteases.

DAK-TI-LO-DJK 696-4329

Noon, McIntyre Medical Sciences, 903.

STUDENTS: ARE YOU MOVING? WASESKUN MOVERS, INC.

6243/2371.

Ongoing

the Native Community: Implications for Social Work

Saturday. April 8

and Ashna Vohra speaking on

The Yellow Door Coffee House presents Roy Forbes.

7:30 pm, 3625 Aylmer.

The McGill Black Student Network presents Halifax Artist Buseje Bailey with his exhibit Body/Politics. April 3-7, University Centre 310.

For more info call 398-6815.

Children in the Inner City: Challenges for Social Services in the School System. 12:30-1:30 pm, Wendy Patrick Room, Wilson Hall, 3506 University.

The McGill Cancer Centre presents Dr. Hirschberg speaking on Topography of

Post-Translational Modifications in Mammals and Yeast. 11:30 am,

Andy Sheppard is playing solo acoustic guitar at The Alley with special guests The Garden Bards. 9 pm, 3480 McTavish.

Sunday, April 9 The Faculty of Music pre­ sents McGill Saxophone Ensembles, works by Bach,

McIntyre Medical Sciences

10%DISCOUNTWITH VERIFICATIONOF STUDENTID A ro u n dth ec lo c km o v in g(w ith24 h o u rn o tic e ) L o c a la n dlo n g -d ista n cem o v e s jm L o w ra te s Km 14 fo o tc u b icv a n Km H a lfto ntru ckfo rsm a llm o v e sa n d d e liv e rie s

Come have lunch in the Womens’ Union. All women are invited to use our microwave, read our books and meet other women.

Lunchtime Monday — Friday. Shatner 423.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: 932-0215 or 635-7537 after hours pager 362-3878

BE A PART OF M cGILLS ONLY CARPOOL SYSTEM The SSMU Transit Network needs executives for next year

WILL SMITH

MARTIN LAWRENCE

27

Players Theatre is currently accepting proposals for the 95-96 season. If you need information come see us at the theatre or call 398-6813.

Deadline is April 7th.

Bozza and Marshal. 8 pm, Redpath Hall.

903.

Tuesday. April 4

Page

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The Q uebec Public Interest Research Group (Q P IR G ) is currently soliciting applications for summer stipends of $2000. as well is for fall semester projects wbicb fit into Q P IR G s mandate of research, education and action on environmental and social Justice issues in the Montreal community.

Application forms are ava liable at the Q P IR G office. 3647 University.

Call 398-7432 (or more information. Deadline April 7

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(514)281-8461