10.16 Linda Lingle Is Doomed, October 12, 2006, Volume 10, Issue 16, MauiTime

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CONTENTS

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Position (& Fantasy headline) Editor: Anthony Pignataro anthony@mauitime.com (“Dave Chappelle Returns to Television”) Associate Editor: Samantha Campos sam@mauitime.com (“Holoholo Girl Receives Doctorate and Largest Grant Ever for Pleasure Study”) Calendar Editor: Heidi King heidi@mauitime.com (“Nicest Girl in World Wakes Up 50 Lbs. Lighter, $3 Billion Richer and Not Hungover”)

VOLUME 10 • ISSUE 16

ONO KINE GRINDS

COVER STORY 12

• 16 Reasons Why Governor Linda Lingle is Doomed Plus three reasons why she’ll probably win after all – by Anthony Pignataro

MAUI COUNTY 6 7 8

11

15

• Geht Deutschland!

Brigit and Bernard’s Garden Cafe celebrates Oktoberfest, island-style – by Samantha Campos

• Dining Listings

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21 24

• The Maui10 • Better Know a Candidate Lance Collins – by Corey Nielsen

• Film: Wag the Vote

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Man of the Year ( ) – by Cole Smithey

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World’s finest strummers gather at Maui’s first `Ukulele Festival – by Eliza Escano

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28 • The Grid & Calendar Listings

• News of the Weird • Ted Rall Cartoon

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25 • Movies & Times 26 • A&E: Ode to the Leaping Flea

• Eh Brah!

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

5

FUNNYPAGE

BY MICK E. FINN MICK@MAUITIME.COM

Bookshelf Reviews Where we really do judge a book by its cover Billy Boyle: A World War II Mystery by James R. Benn, 2006, Soho Press, New York. 304 pages, $23.

Man, if there’s anything I can’t get enough of, it’s World War II. I love World War II movies, World War II television shows, World War II collectible trading cards—anything and everything World War II is fine by me. I’d even sleep on World War II sheets if I could find them and they came in my thread count (1,200, if any of you sheet manufacturers are reading).

That being said, I just couldn’t get excited about placing James R. Benn’s new novel Billy Boyle: A World War II Mystery on my bookshelf, even though it clearly has “World War II” clearly printed on the spine, front cover and back cover. One reason might be the fact that I think Billy Boyle is the dumbest name ever uttered by a member of the human race, but it’s more likely that the front cover imagery is just plain weak.

The cover’s one of those soft painted jobs that were so popular before the war, showing the back of a guy in uniform—presumably Billy Boyle himself, though to be absolutely certain would require actually reading the book, which is well beyond the scope of this column—looking over your classic World War II scene: a squadron of American bombers lit up by searchlights at night as they fly over smoke-belching

factories and a burning convertible, which seems to be putting out way more smoke than the factories (that’s leaded gasoline for you, I suppose).

The guy, who takes up most of the image, is just standing there, looking around. He’s not in the middle of any of the usual action scenes we normally associate with World War II: shooting a Nazi with a submachine gun, repelling a Japanese Banzai charge with his grizzled buddies or even seducing some poor dogface’s wife while that guy’s off shooting a Nazi with a submachine gun or repelling a Japanese Banzai charge with his grizzled buddies.

Did the guy on the cover order the bombers on their mission? Is he on his way to pump up production at the factories? Is he trying to remember if his auto insurance covers worldwide conflagration? All I know is that these questions better not make up the great “mystery” mentioned in the title.

Yet the praise just crackles off the back cover, in a classy, easy-to-read type: “Billy Boyle. Not only of the Greatest Generation, U.S. Army, assigned to find a spy, but he’s an ex-cop. Ex-Boston cop. With a tale as tight as a drum. Doesn’t get any better than this.”

You know who said that? Mary-Ann Tirone Smith, the author of Girls of Tender Age: A Memoir. If there’s anyone who knows what she’s talking about when she throws around phrases like “tight as a drum,” it’s Mary-Ann Tirone Smith.

Anyway, Billy Boyle could have been a great World War II tome to display proudly on your shelf, somewhere between your copies of Stephen Ambrose’s D-Day and General Patton’s memoirs. As it is, it’s strictly bottomshelf material, useful to fill that space between your Hogan’s Heroes DVDs and Donald Duck comic The Victory Garden and not much else. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

MAUICOUNTY

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO ANTHONY@MAUITIME.COM

The Maui 10

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Alexander & Baldwin

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OIL DROPS Tesoro is in a bad spot, which is why it drops a notch this week. You know, they’re making less money these days because the price of gas is dropping—a lot lower on the mainland than here, to be sure, but it’s dropping nonetheless. And it looks to drop even further, given that the price of crude oil dropped below $60 a barrel last week. Oil for less than $60 a barrel?! Credit Suisse reporting that it doubts oil will rise above $70 in the next three or four years!? What’s so big about Big Oil if the stuff is so cheap? And how’s a company like Tesoro supposed to fight off rumors that it’s manipulating the price of oil in a brazen attempt to make the Republicans in Congress look good if it’s losing so much money?

BUILDING COLLAPSING? More bad news for the island’s biggest landowners and developers accounts for the further dropping of ML&P, A&B, Dowling and Makena Resort. “Hawai`i’s construction cycle is at a turning point,” reports the University of Hawai`i Economic Research Organization, according to an Oct. 6, 2006 Honolulu Advertiser story.

“With home appreciation largely over and affordability much eroded, the real volume of residential construction activity will being to recede gradually.”

Home appreciation largely over?

Affordability much eroded? Turning point? Can things really be that bad? While one of the UH economists says that things aren’t that bad—“We’re not talking about something that will derail the economy,” he told the Advertiser—the paper was quick to point out that most analysts thought 2007 was going to be a growth year. Uh oh… MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

7

BETTER KNOW A CANDIDATE

BY COREY NIELSEN COREY@MAUITIME.COM

Lance Collins RUNNING FOR: County Council seat representing Kahului OCCUPATION: Attorney MAUI TIME WEEKLY: Why should people vote for you?

LANCE COLLINS: I’m the only attorney running for city council. I’m young, and have a lot of legal training and education. And I can help envision a future for our children and grandchildren.

What’s the biggest problem facing your district?

Lack of affordable housing, both ownership and rentals.

What do you intend to do about this?

Insist that the county hire accountants, a tax attorney, and grant writers so the county can facilitate private capital to help with government funds for affordable housing.

Where do you think Maui will get its water in 10 years?

I actually think we have enough water for our needs. It’s a matter of getting better distribution and cutting waste.

Voters should insist the county council and mayor not allow devel-

The days when the LC sent gravely worded notices to bars, restaurants and markets warning them to card every single booze-buying customer regardless of age may be over, but your Department of Liquor Control is still hard at work prosecuting licensees for serving alcohol to a customer “who was at the time under the influence.”

Does that make you the ideal candidate?

I don’t think you have to be a lawyer to enforce the codes!

What you need to do is just not approve building commission members en masse. The county needs to take responsibility and question people.

Is it time for a moratorium on development?

What are your feelings on Hawaiian Sovereignty?

Well, I have a Master’s degree in indigenous politics, so I could ramble on for hours! There are certainly questions of legitimacy in the incorporation of the Hawaiian nation into the United States.

How about the proposed Superferry?

Surreptitious decision-making.

Now at a recent Maui Community College candidates’ forum, you said, “The planning commission has let you down” in regards to holding developers accountable for infrastructure improvements to West Maui. What can voters do to hold them accountable?

What’s the Sound of One Hand Texting?

opment without upgrades. We need highly qualified people on the council who know the laws and will enforce them.

Well, we have 21,000 units that have already been approved. But we don’t need to be approving much more, and we need to insist that future developments have concurrent infrastructure upgrades.

How about tourism?

What’s the most difficult thing that ever happened to you?

I used to be 315 pounds. I’m down to 175 now. I lost the weight naturally. It was a lot tougher mentally than physically. The Honolulu Advertiser may still have a photo online from when I was still Fatty McFatFat. Was seeing that picture the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?

I’m not embarrassed of that picture because I was protesting tuition increases. Actually, I was at a Hawaiian meeting, and we were supposed to do a chant.

There was only one word in the chant and I said the wrong word. Everyone knew I did it and was like, huh?

Mixed bag of social good and evil.

What’s the last book you read?

Pakalolo?

Hmm. I’m a little disappointed none of the ballot initiatives they wanted on there came through.

I try to read a book about every other day. The last was Nietzsche & Jung: Sailing a Deeper Night.

What’s your favorite thing about Maui?

The natural environment. MTW

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LC Watch

Like Maui Brewing Company in Kahana. At the Sept. 7, 2006 LC Board of Adjudication hearing, they got fined $2,000 (half of which was suspended pending no similar violations for a year) for serving an alleged drunk back nearly a year earlier.

According to deputy prosecuting attorney Jeffrey Temas, in the early evening hours of Dec. 9, 2005, Guy Becker finished his beer at Maui Brew Co., then a few minutes later got into an automobile accident on Honoapi`ilani Highway. When the LC questioned him at the station, Becker said in “rambling” speech that earlier that day he’d drank beer at home “in an amount he could not recall,” then went to Brew Co. and had one beer and an order of ribs, left for a short time, then returned and consumed one more beer before attempting to drive home.

Becker added that, “he knew he was too intoxicated to drive.”

But at the Sept. 7 hearing, owner Garrett Marrero said he and his staff had no idea Becker was drunk.

“He didn’t look impaired,” he said. “He was text-messaging with one hand. I can barely do it with two hands.”

Board Vice Chairwoman Marilyn Chapman asked Marrero if he had fired the bartender on duty that night.

“Absolutely not,” Marrero said. Saying the bartender was “excellent,” Marrero added that on the night in question, he had been at the restaurant and had shaken hands with the allegedly drunk customer and couldn’t put the blame on the bartender’s shoulders.

-Anthony Pignataro

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

9

MAUICOUNTY

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO ANTHONY@MAUITIME.COM

tax credits would hurt the poor production companies. “The productions would have a problem making the information public—particularly their financial information—for competitive reasons,” Hawai`i Film Commissioner Donne Dawson said in the story.

And by all means, we must protect the loyal, valiant film production companies. If we didn’t bow down to their every whim, bend over for their every request, they might just pack up their cameras, lunch wagons and incredibly hot actors and go film elsewhere, like Canada or Australia or that one Tahitian island Marlon Brando used to own.

THURSDAY, Oct. 5

WEDNESDAY, Oct. 4 Governor Linda Lingle loves to talk about how her administration offers “economic incentives” to television and movie companies to come to Hawai`i— incentives like 15-20 percent refundable tax credits. What she doesn’t like to say is she’s perfectly happy keeping those tax credits a secret from the taxpayers who ultimately have to pay for them.

“Film and TV production companies get an estimated $28 million in tax credits annually in Hawai`i, but the state will not release the names of the companies benefiting from the program,” reports the Honolulu Advertiser today.

According to the paper, state officials insist that saying who benefits from the

On this, the National Day of Resistance against George W. Bush’s war in Iraq, well over a hundred people braved the heat and humidity to march from Maui Community College to the state office building in Wailuku.

It was a festive, eclectic bunch, too—though I’m not sure what the guy dressed like a Footlocker salesman was trying to say—all marching up Main Street as they chanted and banged on drums and carried signs saying “Bring Them All Home,” “Maui For Peace” and “Torture Is Evil.” And I’m proud to say that I joined them, though by “joined them” I really mean “watched them from a table near the window of Main St. Bistro while dining on a fried chicken sandwich with mac salad while they yelled and chanted and cheered in front of the Main Street Promenade.” Isn’t freedom wonderful? Of course, there will be some naysayers out there—and don’t think that I don’t know who you are—who will

EH BRAH! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less, changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com This is for the movie-goer who had a soda thrown at her while watching the movie The Protector (Eh Brah!, Sept. 28, 2006): you’re lucky it was only a soda! I was in that same theater and you are probably one of the rudest people to ever go out to see a movie. Your non-stop gibberish and ridiculously annoying giggle throughout the entire movie was a little much, though you calling the girl who “challenged” you a “bitch” was somewhat amusing. Oh, and I saw what happened afterward—it was YOU who avoided her like a little scared chicken. There were a lot of people who wanted to knock you out that night—even the two guys you were with seemed embarrassed by your behavior. Was that your first date? I’d believe it if it was your last. How about growing up, sweetie! Or at least the next time you go to a movie, stick to a matinee where your behavior will fit in perfect amongst the children.

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OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

want to chop up the 9th District?

Celebration though, should be short-lived, because the Star-Bulletin also reported that Congressmen Neil Abercrombie (D, Hawai`i) and John Murtha (D, Illinois) announced yesterday that because the war in Iraq is going so well for the insurgents, death squads and terrorists that the President Bush will have to call up every National Guard unit we have to deal with it. You know, unless Bush would be willing to end the war. That could happen, right?

Resistance, Maui-style describe my actions as “lazy,” “useless” and perhaps even “lazy”—oh, wait, I said that already. Anyway, they’ll say I sat by and did nothing while good, hard-working people took time off from work to march in the hot, hot sun and show their contempt for a war gone mad. But what these people don’t know is that I had to sit in that restaurant for nearly an hour waiting for the marchers to pass by.

In a hard wooden chair, too! And to top it all off, my chicken sandwich was kind of hot and rather messy and I didn’t have nearly enough napkins! Who made the bigger sacrifice now?

Sherman was right—war is all hell.

FRIDAY, Oct. 6 Speaking of war, we’ve got both good and bad news in today’s Honolulu Star-Bulletin.

In a victory for state environmentalists, Earthjustice and attorney/failed Democratic Lt. Gov. candidate David Henkin, a three-judge panel of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled that the U.S. Army violated environmental laws when it brought a Stryker Combat Brigade to Oahu and the Big Island. The ruling was quite harsh, ordering the army to “cease all Stryker-related activities.” Now the army reacted exactly as you’d think the army would react: they pledged to comply with the preceding court decision that ruled they could do as they wished with the Stryker armored vehicles, yet they also promised to “take action as appropriate” with the new decision. The army had insisted that they needed to operate the Strykers—which are larger and better armed than armored cars but smaller than tanks—in Hawai`i because of the jungle terrain, but the appeals judges didn’t buy it, noting that the weapons were designed to fight in cities. Is it any wonder Republicans

SATURDAY, Oct. 7 Yeah, that’ll happen about the same time Bush starts speaking in complete sentences.

SUNDAY, Oct. 8 Fascinating Associated Press story in today’s Maui News about a new state Tax Review Commission report on the failure of Hawai`i’s technology tax credit—the most generous of any state in the Union—to create any jobs. Since 2001, the state has handed out $185 million in tax credits to encourage companies to set up shop in the state and bring in lots of high paying, high tech jobs.

Like most corporate welfare, this credit apparently hasn’t done a bit of good for anyone but the corporations themselves. In fact, the study shows the number of high tech jobs in the state dropping 2.7 percent between 2001 and 2004. The study’s authors seem mildly surprised by this, even though the AP reported that, “companies don’t have to create jobs to receive the credit.”

MONDAY, Oct. 9 Today the Sierra Club’s Hawaii chapter surprised no one by endorsing Democrat Mazie Hirono in the Second District race.

But what is surprising is that I’ve yet to receive some ridiculously inflammatory email from the National Republican Congressional Committee using this news to question Hirono’s patriotism, willingness to cut taxes, etc. Guess they’re too busy dealing with the question of whether news of recently disgraced Congressman Mark “Maf54” Foley (R, Floriduh) will completely trash any hopes of the GOP retaining their grip on the U.S. Congress.

TUESDAY, Oct. 10 Hehe… grip.

Anthony Pignataro thanks you for asking. MTW

OVERHEARD...

“I told him, ‘I knew immediately that you were from Newport Beach because you tuck your shirt into your shorts.’”

-Woman talking to her friends at Ruth’s Chris Steak House in Lahaina, Oct. 6

In September, following complaints of diners, the health department in Springfield, Mo., notified restaurants that Debby Rose’s “assistance monkey” could not be permitted to dine with her in a high chair, even though Rose said she suffers from a disabling social phobia that she can accommodate only if “Richard”—a bonnet macaque monkey— is with her. Monkeys are generally permitted under the Americans with Disabilities Act if they perform certain tasks, as capuchin monkeys have been trained to fetch groceries from shelves for wheelchair-using patrons. However, animals that provide only emotional support fall into a gray area, according to a U.S. Justice Department spokesperson quoted by the Springfield News-Leader.

four hours at a time. O’Reilly explained, on her Web site: “The work left me with an undercurrent of pigginess [and] unexpected fantasies of mergence and interspecies metamorphoses began to flicker into my consciousness.” People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals called the performance “sick.”

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I S T H E R E R E A L LY A N U P S I D E T O A L L T H I S M A D N E S S ?

OUR LITIGIOUS SOCIETY One Hindu family sued another in Springfield, Mass., in July over an arranged marriage after the bride-to-be presented herself to the groom’s family for the first time and was judged too ugly. Vijai V. Pandey and his wife claimed they were “extremely shocked” at the woman’s “protruded bad teeth” and bad complexion, among other deficiencies. A spokesman for an American Hindu organization told the Springfield Republican that he had seen “very handsome men who are happy with somewhat homely women.”

POLICE BLOTTER In an August segment on WWLP-TV (Springfield, Mass.), police chief Anthony Scott of Holyoke, Mass., described the extent of a recent domestic fight in which Ms. Yesenia Ortiz retaliated against alleged aggressor Victor Cruz: “She grabbed another knife and stabbed him in the winky...” Cruz was later arrested and taken to a hospital for treatment of his winky.

ARTISTS GONE TOO FAR In August, police in Mumbai, India, decided to get a professional opinion from the local JJ School of Art as to whether a downtown video and photographic exhibition was obscene and should be closed down. The school’s opinion of the show, titled “Tits, Clits and Elephant Dick,” has not been reported.

And performance artist Kira O’Reilly’s August show in Penzance, England titled “Inthewrongplaceness” consisted of a naked woman cradling a dead pig for

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS Pennsylvania inmate Donta Thomas was rearrested in August and charged with operating a drug ring on the outside, carried out via the Fayette County Prison’s pay phones. According to police, Thomas routinely gave explicit instructions to his accomplices over the phone despite an automated message on each call that the conversation was being recorded.

According to the state attorney general’s office, Thomas would pause during the recording, but then afterward resume planning his deals.

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

11

By Anthony Pignataro

1

It’s nearly impossible for working people making the average income in Hawai`i to afford to buy a house.Yet mainland developers are making a killing building condos, timeshares and estates for rich people to use as vacation homes. For the first three years of her administration Governor Linda Lingle did virtually nothing on affordable housing, and now she’s doing little more than paying it lip service.

2

Lingle’s a Republican, and they’re none too popular these days:This year Republican Congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham of California pled guilty to felony bribery; Bob Ney of Ohio pled guilty to felony corruption; Mark Foley of Florida resigned after allegedly inappropriate sexual contact with 16-year-old House pages; and, of course, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay of Texas resigned to fight charges alleging felony bribery and conspiracy. Now House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Illinois looks like he’s in serious jeopardy since he apparently knew a great deal about Foley’s problem for at least a year before he bothered to do anything about it. In January, the scandals involving uber-GOP lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who was convicted of fraud and conspiracy, hit home when Lingle chose to give back the $4,000 in campaign contributions she took from him.And then there’s President George W. Bush, whose mindless prosecution of the Iraq War is turning even retired army generals against him. Republicans across the country are looking at what political science types call a “disaffected base”—traditional GOP voters who just stay home on Election Day. For Lingle, that’s not good.

3 12

Challenger Randy Iwase is a very smart guy who knows the issues.

Take this statement he recently sent out to the press on Oct. 5: “Leadership in education is about providing the appropriate level

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

of funding for our public schools.Take for example the proposal in 2004 by this governor to cut 163 special education teaching positions despite the fact that it would have caused the Department of Education to violate the federal Felix consent order. Governor Lingle cut the education budget proposed by the Board Education by 68 percent and only asked for $40 million to fix our public schools despite a $500 million backlog in school projects.That is not leadership in education!”

4

Republicans had low turnout in Hawai`i’s primary election, which is likely to repeat in the general election. Lingle won her party’s nomination on Sept. 23 with just 31,211 votes—less than half of what she gathered in the 2002 primary.There were also 58,685 blank votes in the Democratic race for governor.While Maui News City Editor Edwin Tanji dismissed those in a recent column as probable Lingle votes— though he provided no evidence to back up his assertion—state and county Democratic Party officials instead see them as Democrats who voted for Senator Daniel Akaka but didn’t know what to do in the governor’s race.

Now that the Democrats are lining up behind one candidate, they see those blank votes as going to Iwase.When you add all this to the fact that Lingle didn’t exactly blow out Mazie Hirono back in 2002—Lingle’s margin of victory was a mere 4.5 percent, or just 17,362 of 376,656 votes cast— there’s ample reason to think the race between Lingle and Iwase will be closer than many people think.

5

While it’s not the Lingle Administration’s fault that the Ka Loko Dam on Kauai burst on March 14, killing seven people, it is the administration’s fault that until the tragedy the state Department of Land and Natural Resources failed to inspect any of the state’s many earthen dams,

the vast majority of which date to the old sugar plantation days. Stuff like that makes a bitter mockery of Lingle’s insistence that her administration “prepared for natural or manmade emergencies.”

6

Iwase is a wily pol with extensive government experience.At various times in his life he’s worked as a deputy Attorney General, Honolulu City Councilman, Aloha Tower Development Corporation Executive Director, State Senator (D, Mililani) and chairman of the Hawai`i Labor and Industrial Relations Appeals Board. He’s ran in—and won—many previous elections.

7

Iwase seemed much more vibrant, spirited and, well, alive during the Oct. 6 Governor’s Debate. Iwase spoke passionately about the tough times facing working people in the state, while Lingle looked dazed and spoke in an emotionless monotone as she insisted the state was doing fine and U.S. troops had to stay in Iraq until a “functioning democracy” took over—a dream few dispassionate analysts say was ever possible.

8

Homelessness is bad in Hawai`i and seems to be getting worse.Though Lingle likes to say her administration “has cared” for homeless people—in May 2006 she signed three bills spending $40 million on homeless programs—the problem has been getting worse. In fact, one out of every 50 people who live on the Wai`anae Coast is homeless.“Considering a population of the Wai`anae Coast, which is a little under 50,000, to have somewhat close to 800 or so homeless, that’s a pretty high density,”Wai`anae Community Outreach coordinator Michael Ullman said in the Aug. 31, 2006 Honolulu Advertiser.“It’s probably one of the higher densities certainly in Hawai`i and probably in the country.”

9 10

There are simply more Democrats in the state than Republicans.

In late September 2005, Lingle showed how she’s made state government “more transparent, open and responsive” by completely botching the 28th District state representative nomination.After 19-year legislator Kenneth Hiraki resigned to go shill for Hawaiian Telcom, it fell on Lingle to replace him with another Democrat, as the law requires. So she picked Bev Harbin, who not only wasn’t actually a Democrat, but also had three convictions for writing bad checks in

1987 and owed $125,000 in back taxes.

Lingle said she knew none of this when she made the nomination, and ultimately called upon Harbin to resign, which she naturally refused to do. In the Sept. 23 Primary Election, authentic Democrat Karl Rhodes finally solved the problem Lingle created by handily beating Harbin’s reelection bid.

11

Lingle often uses the argument that the state Legislature often refuses to work with her administration, but she’s done her own bit to bypass them. In late December 2005, state Auditor Marion Higa reported that the Lingle Administration had created 934 jobs—$30 million worth—within the executive branch without getting legislative authorization by liberally interpreting hiring procedures.The administration said they had to go around the Legislature to ensure “flexibility,” but Higa didn’t buy it.

“Since it’s the Iwase Legislature’s responsibility to appropriate money,” Higa said in the Dec. 28, 2005 Honolulu Advertiser,“if they knew where this $30 million was, they might have chosen to spend it in a different way.”

12

Lingle gives the impression that she cares more about the welfare of her party than what’s best for the state. For instance, she knew all about Republican state Representative Galen Fox’s (23rd District) December 2004 arrest for allegedly fondling a woman sleeping next to him on a flight from the Aloha State to LAX immediately after it happened, but chose to say nothing.Well, not really nothing: in June 2005—four months before a judge eventually convicted Fox of misdemeanor sex crime, forcing his resignation— Lingle told the Honolulu Advertiser that Fox was “a thoughtful and strategic leader.”

13

Remember the Gasoline Price Cap? Yes, we all know it didn’t work—gas prices in Hawai`i—and especially Maui—were high before the cap, during the cap and after the cap got dropped. Lingle railed against it from Day One, though she never offered any immediate solution to high prices at the pump (her support for alternative fuel vehicles won’t amount to anything for years).Through it all, her reelection campaign somehow found the time to cash tens of thousands of dollars in contributions from Big Oil.

14

William Aila, the Wai`anae Harbor Master who lost the Democratic Party nomination for governor to Iwase, wasted no time in endorsing his former rival.

That move does a lot to reassure environmentalist Democrats worried about Iwase’s pro-labor, pro-development background.

15

Lingle has spent an astonishing amount of time fundraising during her term in office—and not just for her reelection effort. In the spring of 2005, the state Legislative asked the state Ethics Committee to look into Lingle’s many trade missions to Asia. Specifically, they wanted to know why so many companies had paid a total of more than $800,000 for trade missions. But the committee refused, saying they could only act after receiving a complaint, which in this case they never got.

16

Unlike Lingle, Iwase is so serious about appealing to young people that he’s got his own MySpace page: www.myspace.com/iwase4gov.And he’s got 169 friends! Now that’s not as many as, say, the Jim Rose Circus (www.myspace.com/jimrosecircus), which has 12,715 friends, but it’s still more than Linda Lingle who, the last time I checked, had zero friends. MTW

Why Lingle Might Win After All 1. She’s richer than God. Since her 2002 election, she’s raised $5.7 million, and still has her hat in her hand. “What’s the point of raising more?” University of Hawai`i political science professor Ira Rohter said in the Oct. 3, 2006 Advertiser. “It seems ridiculous to spend extravagant amounts of money on this race.”

But that’s exactly what she says she’ll do, buy lots of glitzy TV, radio and print ads in a Big Push right before the election.

2. A Honolulu Advertiser poll in June had Lingle leading Iwase by 47 points. Granted that was four months ago, but damn. Fortyseven points. That’s more than a lot.

3. “Iwase reminds newcomers of the guy at the DMV who gives them crap,” a longtime observer of state politics recently told me. For Lingle, whose signature reelection slogan is “Moving Hawai`i Forward”—away from Old Boy’s Clubs, the Democratic Party, etc.— Iwase appears to be the perfect opponent.

And that appearance is all she needs.

-AP

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

13

ONO KINEGRINDS

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS SAM@MAUITIME.COM

That’s quite a sausage

Geht Deutschland!

Photo: Sean Michael Hower

Brigit and Bernard’s Garden Café celebrates Oktoberfest, island-style

14

Except for the years when war and cholera were prevalent, Oktoberfest has been an annual tradition for nearly 200 years in Munich. At its inception in 1810, the festival commemorated the marriage of Bavarian Prince Ludwig and Princess Therese of SaxeHildburghausen with a great horse race.

It wasn’t until much later that beer appeared—in 1880. Then came the bratwursts. And then in 1913, came the largest Oktoberfest beer tent of all time, “the Bråurosl,” with room for about 12,000 drinkers. Is it any wonder that World War I broke out a year later?

Since then, Oktoberfest has become a global affair, generally seen as a celebration of all things German and, most especially, all things beer.

Consider it is the world’s largest fair— according to Wikipedia, it attracts

OCTOBER 12, 2006

Brigit & Bernard’s Garden Café Oktoberfest Menu: Oct. 13-14, 20-21 and 27-28. Buffet: $35. 335 Ho`ohana St., Kahului, 877-6000. $$$

about six million people who drink six million mugs of beer and consume 219,443 pairs of sausages.

German food—we’re talking traditional hearty fare like sausage, hendl (chicken), kåsespåtzle (cheese noodles), schinken (ham) and Sauerkraut—is another beloved feature of Oktoberfest.

One of the only places on Maui where you can experience all this German good-

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Bernard Weber, chef and owner

ness is at Brigit and Bernard’s Garden Café in Kahului. Tucked back into the industrial area of horseshoe-shaped Ho`ohana Street, B&B’s Garden Café is a quaint bistro inviting visitors to feel as though they’re in the midst of an Alpine vacation— albeit one that includes a tropical climate.

In honor of Oktoberfest, during every Friday and Saturday in October from 5 p.m. to closing, Brigit and Bernard’s allows you to indulge in an all-you-can-eat buffet ($35 per person) and enjoy the sounds of a fourpiece Bavarian-style oompah band called “The Dorfmusikanten,” that plays—in full trachten, lederhosen and dirndl regalia—a selection of foot-stomping, thigh-slapping, popular stein-banging tunes.

Because beer is such a vital component of the festival, the Garden Café is

offering special Oktoberfest brews from Erdinger, Beck’s and Spaten, as well as Steinlager and Gordon Biersch on tap, and the all-popular shots of Jågermeister—apparently a widely recognized digestif in German households.

And that digestif may come in handy, with a buffet lineup that is as meat-heavy as it is fun to pronounce after two Franziskaners: Lentil soup with wuerstchen (little sausage) and schinken, bayrischer rauchschinken (Bavarian smoked ham), grill haehnchen (roasted chicken), Sauerbraten (marinated beef), kalbsbratwurst (veal sausage), pork bratwurst, pork roast, meat loaf, spaetzle (homemade pasta dumplings), potato salad, Sauerkraut and braised red cabbage.

Also, for six bucks more you can get an apple strudel with vanilla sauce.

Essen! Dein Gesicht anfüllen! MTW

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

CENTRAL MAUI AK’s Cafe - Local food, pasta, steaks and fresh fish. M-F, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and 4:45-

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

Matsu Restaurant - Japanese. Daily, 10 a.m.-6

Pulehu BBQ - Local plate lunches with a

M-F, 6:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m.; Sa-Su, 6:30 a.m.-8:30

p.m. 161 Alamaha St., Kahului. 871-0822.

Southern smokehouse twist. Daily, 11 a.m.-7

p.m. Maui Lani Golf Course, Kahului, 877-7461. $$ El Corita - Mexican food. M-Sa, 8 a.m.-8 p.m.;

Maui Bake Shop - French bakery and deli. Su-F,

p.m. 1500 Lower Main St., Wailuku, 244-4049 or

6:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; Sa, 7 a.m.-1 p.m. 2092

244-6159. $

Vineyard, Wailuku, 242-0064. $

Rainbow Dining Room - Buffet-style restaurant

Maui Coffee Roasters - Coffeehouse, deli. M-F,

featuring different foods every night. Daily, 5:30-

Su, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. 790 Eha, Wailuku, 244-5993. $

Alive & Well - Healthy food, juices and plate lunches. M-F, 9 a.m.-7 p.m.; Sa, 9 a.m.-6 p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. 340 Hana

Fiesta Time - Superior Mexican taqueria. M-Sa,

7 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sa, 8 a.m.-5 p.m.; Su, 8 a.m.-2:30

8:30 p.m. Maui Beach Hotel, Kahului, 877-0051.

p.m. 444 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-2877. $

$$

Fran’s Island Grill - Local grinds. Su-Th, 6 a.m.-8

Maui Mix Plate - Traditional foods of the people

Rosie’s - Local. 8 a.m.-close. 1322 Lower Main

p.m.; F-Sa, 6 a.m.-9 p.m. 740 Lower Main,

who call Hawai’i home. M-Th, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.; F,-

St., Wailuku, 242-1471. $

Wailuku, 242-8580. $

Sa, 9 a.m.-9:30 p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-8 p.m. 70

Ruby’s - American ‘50s cafe. M-Th, 7 a.m.-9

Gardencafe (Brigit & Bernard's) - European,

Ka’ahumanu Ave, Kahului, 877-0706. $

p.m.; F-Su, 7 a.m.-10 p.m. Queen Ka`ahumanu

American. M-F, 10 a.m.-3 p.m.; W-Sa, 5-9 p.m.

Maui Tacos - Mexican-Island fast food. M-Sa,

Center, Kahului, 248-7829. $

335 Ho'ohana St., Kahului, 877-6000. $$

9:30 a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. Queen

Saeng’s Thai Cuisine - Thai in a casual garden

Gianotto’s Pizzeria - Pizza, pasta, sandwiches.

Ka’ahumanu Center, Kahului, 871-7726. $

setting. M-F, 11 a.m.-2 p.m.; Daily, 5-9:30 p.m.

Mercado - Latin market. M-F, 8 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

2119 Vineyard, Wailuku, 244-1567. $$

325 Hukilike St., Kahului, 871-5067. $

Saigon

Mike’s Restaurant - Chinese, local. Daily, 10:30

Vietnamese cuisine with excellent service. M-Sa,

a.m.-9:30 p.m. 1900 E. Main St., Wailuku, 244-

10 a.m.-9:30 p.m.; Su, 10 a.m.-8:30 p.m. 1792

7888. $

Main, Wailuku, 243-9560. $$

10 a.m.-9 p.m. 1132 Lower Main, Wailuku, 249-

8463. $

Hwy., Kahului, 877-4950. $ Aloha Grill - Burgers with veggie styles.

M-F, 11 a.m.-8 p.m.; Sa, 11 a.m.-7 p.m.; Su, 11

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

Dunes Restaurant - Contemporary local cuisine.

8:30 p.m. 1237 L. Main St., Wailuku, 244-

8774.$

K→Kama’aina Discount

a.m.-6

270

p.m.

Dairy

Road

Marketplace, Kahului, 893-0263. $ Archie’s - Japanese. Daily 10:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.; M-F, 5-8 p.m.; F-Sa, 5-9 p.m. 1440

Lower Main, Wailuku, 244-9401. $

Free delivery! M-Sa, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. 2050 Main

Asia Star - Vietnamese. M-Sa, 10 a.m.-10

St., Wailuku, 244-8282. $

p.m.; Su, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. 1764 Wili Pa Loop,

Hanafuda Saimin - Local kine grinds. M-Sa, 9

Cafe

-

Delicious

and

affordable

Wailuku, 244-1833. $

a.m.-11 p.m. 199 S Dairy Rd, Kahului, 877-9033.

Asian Cuisine & Sports Bar - It’s in the

$

title.

65

Ichiban Restaurant and Sushi Bar - Japanese

Kaahumanu Ave #23, Kahului, 877-7776. $

and local cuisine. Su-F, 7 a.m.-2 p.m.; Sa, 10 a.m.-

Ohana Cafe - Healthy breakfast and lunch com-

Sheik’s Restaurant - Local favorites. M-Th, 5:30

Ba-Le - French-Vietnamese. M-Sa, 9 a.m.-9

2 p.m.; Daily, 5-9 p.m. Kahului Shopping Center,

fort food. M-F, 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 2010 Main St.,

a.m.-10 p.m.; F-Sa, 5:30 a.m.-11 p.m. 97 Wakea

p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-7 p.m. 270 Dairy Rd.,

871-6977. $$

Wailuku, 244-5950. $

Ave., Kahului, 877-0121. $

Kahului, 877-2400. $

Ichiban Okazuya Hawaii - Local. M-F, 10 a.m.-2

Piñata’s - Fresh and wholesome Mexican food.

Simply Healthy Cafe - Healthy Hawaiian food.

M-Sa, 10:30 a.m.-8 p.m.; Su, 11 a.m.-8 p.m. 395

M-F, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. 95 Mahalani St.,Cameron

Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-8707. $

Center, Wailuku. 249-8955. $

Daily,

10

a.m.-9:30

p.m.

Bentos and Banquets - Local comfort food. M-F, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Catering available

p.m. and 4-7 p.m. 2133 Kaohu, Wailuku, 244-

7276. $

7 days a week. 85 N. Church, Wailuku, 244-

IHOP - American. Su-Th, 6 a.m.-12 a.m.; F-Sa, 6

1124. $

a.m.-2 a.m. Maui Mall, Kahului, 871-4000. $

Bangkok Cuisine - Casual Thai food. Daily,

Island Tacos - Fresh fish, beef and chicken tacos.

11 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Nightly 5-9:30 p.m. 395

Daily, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. 2050 Main St., Wailuku,

Dairy Rd., Kahului, 893-0026. $ Café Marc Aurel - Coffeehouse, wine bar.

M-Sa, 7 a.m.-9 p.m. 28 N. Market Street,

Wailuku, 244-0852. $$ Cupie’s Drive-In - Local lunch take-out.

Daily, 9 a.m.-9 p.m. 134 W. Kamehameha

Ave., Kahului, 877-3055. $

244-1850. $ Kahili - Lunch with a view. Daily, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Pupus daily, 3-5 p.m. 2500 Honoapiilani

Hwy., Waikapu, 242-6000. $$ Kahului Ale House - Pub fare. 11 a.m.-2 a.m. 355

E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001. $ Koho Grill & Bar - American and local. Daily, 7 a.m.-10 p.m. Bar stays open serving drinks,

Da Kitchen - Local fast food. M-F, 11 a.m.8 p.m.; Sa, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. 425 Koloa St.,

pupus & burgers only from 10-11 p.m. 275

Kaahumanu Ave., Queen Ka’ahumanu Center,

Kahului, 871-7782. $

877-5588.

Da Sushi Bar - Full menu and a variety of

Kozo Sushi - Fast food take-out. M-Sa, 10 a.m.-6

sushi. M-F, 11 a.m.- 2 p.m.; Su-Th, 5-9 p.m.;

p.m. 52 N. Market Pl., Kahului, 243-5696. $

F-Sa, 5-11 p.m. 333 Dairy Rd., Kahului, 877-

4849. $$

Krispy Kreme - Warm, tasty doughnuts. Su-Th, 5:30 a.m.-10 p.m.; F-Sa, 5:30 a.m.-12 a.m. 433

Denny’s - Open 24 hours, serving break-

Kele St., Kahului, 893-0883. $

fast, lunch or dinner. 430 Kele St., Kahului,

L&L Drive In - Local. F-Sa, 8 a.m.-10 p.m.; Su-Th,

873-5550. $

8 a.m.-9 p.m. Wailuku Town Center, 242-1380. $

Dragon Dragon Chinese Restaurant -

Main Street Bistro - Upscale comfort food. M-F,

Daily, 10:30 a.m.-2 p.m. and 5-9 p.m. Maui

11 a.m.-7 p.m. 2051 Main St., Wailuku, 244-6816.

Mall, Kahului, 893-1628. $

$

Dish - Homemade meals frozen and ready

Mama Ding’s Pasteles - Specialty breads and

to pick up. They even deliver.150 Hana

pastries. Daily, 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 255 Alamaha,

Hwy., Kahului, 877-1414. $$

Kahului, 877-5796. $

Down To Earth - Yes, it is a natural food

Manaña Garage - Latin-American cuisine. Su-Th,

store. But, there is a salad bar, sandwiches,

11 a.m.-9 p.m.; F-Sa, 11 a.m.-10:30 p.m. 33 Lono

hot bar, and pastry-esque goodies as well.

St., Kahului, 873-0220. $$

M-Sa, 7 a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 8 a.m.-8 p.m. 305

Marco’s Grill & Deli - Italian. Daily, 8 a.m.-10

Dairy Rd, Kahului, 877-2661. $

p.m. 444 Hana Hwy., Kahului, 877-4446. $$

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

15

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

Simply Sweets Bakery - Bakery, deli. M-

Unisan - Sushi bar, and eclectic cuisine, with full

Bistro Molokini - California, Island cuisine.

Enrique’s Cocina Mexicana - Mexican food with

Th, 7 a.m.-5:30 p.m.; F, 7 a.m.-6:30 p.m; Sa,

bar. 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku, 244-4500. $$

Poolside. 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Grand Wailea, 875-

vegetarian items and daily specials. M-Sa, 10

1234. $$

a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. 2395 S. Kihei Rd.,

along with seafood. M-F, 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m.; Sa,

Bocalino Bistro & Bar - Mediterranean cuisine. 5

Kihei, 875-2910. $

Siu’s Chinese Kitchen - Chinese. 9 a.m.-8

10 a.m.-4 p.m.; Su, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. 475 Hukilike

p.m.-12 a.m. 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-9299. $$

Enrique’s Deli & Liquor - Sandwiches, wraps,

p.m. 70 E. Ka’aumanu Ave., Maui Mall,

St., Kahului, 873-4847. $

Blue Marlin Harbor Front Grill & Bar - Seafood,

salads, wine, beer and specialty tequilas. M-Sa,

Wei Wei BBQ & Noodle House - Affordable

steaks, sandwiches, pizza and sushi. 11 a.m-9

10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 11:30 a.m.-8 p.m. 2395 S.

p.m. Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-8844. $$

Kihei Rd., 875-9582. $

Buzz’s Wharf - Steaks, seafood and more. 11

Ferraro’s - Gourmet Italian cuisine oceanfront

7 a.m.- 4 p.m. 150 Hana Hwy., Kahului,

893-0700. $

871-0828. $

Valley Isle Seafood - Known for their luau stew,

Squeaky’s Family Restaurant - American.

Chinese cuisine. 9:30 a.m.-9 p.m. 210 Imikala St.,

8 a.m.-3 p.m. and 4 p.m.-9 p.m. 197 N.

Wailuku, 242-7928. $

Market St., Wailuku, 244-4100. $

Wow-Wee Maui Cafe - Unique candy bars,

Stillwell’s Bakery & Cafe - Desserts,

bagels, coffees and more. 6 a.m.-9 p.m. 333

breads, sandwiches, salads and soups. M-

Dairy Rd., Kahului, 871-1414. $

Sa, 6 a.m.-4 p.m. 1740 Ka’ahumanu Ave.,

a.m.-9 p.m. Ma’alaea Harbor Village, 244-5426.

with live violin and guitar. 11:30 a.m.-9 p.m. Four

$$

Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000. $$$

Café Café - Coffee and specialty drinks, sand-

Fiesta Time - Superior Mexican taqueria. 11 a.m.-

wiches. Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner menus com-

8 p.m. 300 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma’alaea, 244-5862. $

ing soon… Daily 6 a.m.-11 p.m. 2395 S. Kihei Rd,

Wailuku, 243-2243. $

SOUTH MAUI

Five Palms Restaurant - Local produce and fish

Kihei, 879-4700. $

featuring Pacific Rim seafood. 8 a.m.-9 p.m. 2960

Sushi Go - Conveyor-belt sushi! M-Sa, 11

Alexander’s Fish & Chips - Take-out seafood,

Cafe Kiowai - Authentic Japanese fare according

S. Kihei Rd., 879-2607. $$

a.m.-9

Fred’s Mexican Cafe - Breakfast, lunch and din-

p.m.;

Su,

11

a.m.-8

p.m.

chicken, ribs. 11 a.m.-9 p.m. 1913 S. Kihei Rd.,

to centuries-old tradition. 6-11 a.m. 5400 Makena

Ka’ahumanu Center, 877-8744. $

874-0788. $

Alanui, Maui Prince Hotel, 874-1111. $$

ner. Daily, 7 a.m.-12 a.m. 2492 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei,

Sub Paradise - Sandwiches, salads. M-F, 7

Amigo’s - Authentic Mexican food. Daily, 9 a.m.-

Cafe O’Lei - Asian fusion. T-Su, 10:30 a.m.-3:30

891-8600. $

a.m.-6 p.m.; Sa, 7 a.m.-5 p.m.; Su, 7 a.m.-9

9 p.m. 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei, 879-9952. $

p.m. and 5-9 p.m. 2439 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-

Greek Bistro - It’s Greek, of course! Apps, sal-

a.m. 395 E. Dairy Rd, Kahului, 877-8779.

Takamiya Market - Plate lunches, corned beef, sashimi, salads. 5:30 a.m.-6:30 p.m.

359 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-3404. $ Tasty Crust - Local-style cuisine since 1944. Su, Tu-Th, 6 a.m.-11 p.m.; F-Sa, 6 a.m.-10 p.m.; M, 6 a.m.-3 p.m. 1770 Mill,

Antonio’s - Italian cuisine in a cozy atmosphere.

5 p.m.-9 p.m. 1215 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8800. $$ Aroma D’Italia Ristorante - Southern Italian cuisine and full wine list. M-Sa, 5-9 p.m. 1881 S.

Kihei Rd., 879-0133. $$ Ashley’s Cafe - Burgers, local plates and sandwiches. M-Sa, 7:30 a.m.-8 p.m.; Su, 8 a.m.-2 p.m.

Wailuku, 244-0845. $

362 Hukulii Pl. (behind Tesoro gas station), Kihei,

Thailand Cuisine - Authentic Thai food.

874-8600. $

Daily, 10:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m.; Su-Th, 5-9:30

BadaBing! - Pasta, pizza, regional specials and

p.m.; F-Sa, 5-10 p.m. 70 E. Kaahumanu

full bar. 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., 875-

1368. $

ads, entrees and daily specials. Nightly, 5-10 p.m.

Caffe Ciao - Italian infused island food. Nightly,

2511 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei, 879-9330. $$

5:30-10 p.m. The Fairmont Kea Lani, Wailea, 875-

Hanafuda Saimin - Local kine grinds. M-Sa, 7

4100. $$

a.m.-11 p.m.; Su, 7 a.m.-9 p.m. 1279 S Kihei Rd,

Canton Chef - Chinese, Cantonese, Szechuan.

Kihei, 879-9033. $

Daily, 11 a.m.-1:30 p.m. and 5-9 p.m. 2463 S Kihei

Hawaiian Moons Natural Foods - It’s a natural

Rd, Kihei, 879-1988. $

food store with a salad bar and healthy pre-made

Capische? - Contemporary Italian with a twist

options. 8 a.m.-9 p.m. 2411 S. Kihei Rd., 875-

and an extensive wine list. Nightly, 5:30-10 p.m.

4356. $

Wailea Diamond Resort, 879-2224. $$$

Horhitos Mexican Cantina - Burritos, salads and

Cyberbean Internet Cafe - Gourmet coffees,

“food for gringos.” M-Sa, 5 p.m.-2 a.m. 41 E.

sandwiches, smoothies and salads. M-Sa, 7 a.m.-

Lipoa St., Kihei, 891-MEXI. $

Ave, Kahului, 873-0225. $

0188. $$

9 p.m.; Su, 8 a.m.-8 p.m. 1881 S. Kihei, 879-4799.

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a - Hawaiian and

Tiffany’s - Featuring 103 items of local and

Ba-Le - French-Vietnamese sandwiches, noodle

$

Polynesian cuisine oceanside. Nightly, 5-9:30

Asian entrees. Featuring DJ and Karaoke.

dishes, pho and more. M-Sa, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 9

Da Kitchen - Huge portions of local Hawaiian

p.m. Grand Wailea Resort, 875-1234 ext. 4900.

Daily, 10:30-2 a.m. 1424 Lower Main St.

a.m.-7 p.m. Piilani Village Center, Kihei, 875-6400.

food. 9 a.m.-9 p.m. 2439 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-

$$$

Wailuku, 249-0052. $

$

7782. $

Isana Restaurant - Traditional Korean cuisine.

Tin Ying Chinese Restaurant - Buffet

Beach ’n Bagels Cafe - Flavored cream cheeses,

Enrique’s - Deli, wraps, salads, dips, beer, wine

Daily, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. 515 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei, 874-

style lunch take-out, as well as sit-down

smoked salmon, sandwiches, salads, smoothies

and more. M-Sa, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 10 a.m.-8

1811. $$

dining. 10 a.m.-10 p.m. 1088 Lower Main

and coffee drinks. 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m. 2395 S. Kihei

p.m. 2395 S Kihei Rd, Kihei, 875-2910. $

Jawz Tacos - Island-style tacos and burritos.

St., Wailuku, 242-4371. $

Rd., Dolphin Plaza, 875-7668. $

Denny’s - Open 24 hours for breakfast, lunch or

Daily, 11 a.m.-9 p.m. 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-

Tokyo Tei - Teriyaki beef and fish, tempura,

Big Wave Cafe - Breakfast, burgers, sandwiches,

dinner. 2763 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 879-8600. $

TACO. $

katsu, saimin and more. 11 a.m.-1:30 p.m.

salads, wraps, ahi, pasta, pretty much everything.

Dina’s Sandwitch - Deli sandwiches, salads, hot

Joy’s Place - Organic foods that are low fat, low

and 5 p.m.-8:30 p.m. 1063 E. Lower Main

Daily, 7:30 a.m.-9 p.m. 1215 S. Kihei Rd., 891-

dogs, potato salad and saimin. Daily, 11 a.m.-10

salt and wheat free. M-Sa, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. 1993 S.

St., Wailuku, 242-9630. $

8688. $

p.m. 145 N. Kihei Rd, Kihei, 879-3262. $

Kihei Rd., 879-9258. $

Sunday

Saturday College Football

$ 50 Imported Drafts $ 50 Domestic Drafts

3 2

All Games Day

$ 00 Bloody $ 50 Imported Marys Pints All Domestic $ 50 Star Breakfast Pints All Day Saturday & Sunday Coldest Beer in

3

3

2

Monday

Monday Night Football

$ 50 Imported Pints $ 50 Domestic Pints

3 2

South Maui

football Azeka Makai • 1280 S. Kihei Rd.

16

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

891-2595

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

Keoki’s Fish ‘N Chips - Open for breakfast

Maui Espresso & Shave Ice - Finest Hawaiian

Orange Julius/Dairy Queen - Yummy frosty

Sansei - Japanese-based Pacific Rim dining,

at 7 a.m. Kukui Mall, 891-1400. $

shave ice, coffee, fruit smoothies and shakes.

treats, hot dogs and more. Piilani Village Center,

sushi bar and late night menu. Su-M, 5-10 p.m.;

Kihei Caffe - Breakfast and lunch with lanai

Daily, 6:30 a.m.-6 p.m. 2439 S. Kihei Rd., 874-

Kihei. $

seating, hearty portions, tasty sandwiches.

Daily, 5 a.m.-2 p.m. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., 879-

2230. $ L&L Drive In - Local. Daily, 4:30 a.m.-9

0414. $

Outback Steak House - Quality steaks, shrimp-

Maui Tacos - Mexican fast food. Daily, 9 a.m.-9

on-the-barbie and the Bloomin’ Onion. Nightly, 4-

p.m. 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kamaole Beach Center,

10 p.m. 281 Pi’ikea Ave, Kihei, 879-8400. $$

879-5005. Piilani Village Center, Kihei.$

p.m. Piilani Village Center, Kihei. 875-8898. $ Life’s A Beach - Nachos, burritos, prime

Tu-W, 5:30-10p.m.; Th-Sa, 5:30-1:30a.m. 1881 S.

Philly’s Blue Plate Diner - American diner cui-

Maui Thai - Ginger and basil and curry, oh my!

sine. Breakfast always available. Daily, 7 a.m.-10

Beef, chicken, fish and veggie dishes galore. M-

p.m. 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 891-2595. $

Kihei Rd., 879-0004. $$ K Sarento’s on the Beach - Contemporary Italian cuisine dining near the water’s edge.

Nightly,

5:15-9:30 p.m. 2980 S. Kihei Rd., 875-7555. $$$ Scuba Dogs - Smooties, ice cream, salads, subs and (of course!) hot dogs. Daily, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

1455 S Kihei Rd, Kihei, 879-4994. $

Sa, 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; Nightly, 5-9:30 p.m. The

Pita Paradise - Casual Mediterranean-style cui-

Rainbow Mall, Kihei, 874-5605. $

sine. M-Sa, 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m.; Su, 5 p.m.-9:30

8010. $

Maui’s Sweet Spot - Low carb non-fat yogurt,

p.m. Kihei Kalama Village Center, 875-7679. $

Longhi’s Wailea - Seafood, meat and

parfait, fried ice cream, shave ice and smoothies.

Pizza Express - Pizza, salad, wings. Daily, 10:30

pasta entrees. M-F, 8 a.m.-10 p.m.; Sa-Su,

Daily, 9 a.m.-10 p.m. 1819 S Kihei Rd, Kihei, 879-

a.m.-11 p.m. 1819 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei, 891-2002. $

7:30 a.m.-10 p.m. 3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.,

8611. $

The Place - Eclectic. 11 a.m.-3:30 p.m., 5 p.m.-

Moose McGillycuddys - Pub fare. Daily, 11 a.m.-

9:30 p.m. 300 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma’alaea, 243-2206.

LuLu’s - Ribs, burgers, chicken wings,

1 a.m. Food service ends at 11 p.m. 2511 S. Kihei

$$

Black ‘n Blue Ahi and more. Daily, 11 a.m.-

Rd., Kihei, 891-8600. $$

Quiznos - Toasty sandwiches. Daily, 10 a.m.-8

Mulligan’s On the Blue - Maui’s authentic Irish

p.m. 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1333. $

pub, plenty o’ Irish food, whiskey and beer. Daily,

Royal Thai Cuisine - Thai food with a large selec-

8 a.m.-2 a.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

tion of vegetarian dishes. M-Sa, 11 a.m.-3 p.m.;

a.m.-2 a.m., serving food 'til midnight! Kihei

$$

Nightly, 4:30-9:30 p.m. 1280 S. Kihei Rd., 874-

Kalama Village, 874-6444. $

St., 244-9028. $$

Nick’s Fishmarket - Fine dining in open air and

0813. $

Marco’s South Side Grill - Italian food and

elegance with amazing seafood dishes and fresh

Roy’s Bar & Grill - Hawaiian fusion entrees.

famous chef-owner Wolfgang Puck. Nightly, 5:30-

excellent wines. Daily, 7:30 a.m.-10 p.m.

fish. Nightly, 5:30-9:30 p.m. Fairmont Kea Lani,

Nightly, 5:30-10 p.m. Pi’ilani Shopping Center,

9:30 p.m. Four Seasons Resort Wailea, 874-8000.

1445 S. Kihei Rd., 874-4041. $$

Wailea, 879-7224. $$$

303 Pi’ikea Ave., Kihei, 891-1120. $$$

$$$

rib, grilled mahi mahi and lunch specials.

Daily, 11 a.m.-2 a.m. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., 891-

891-8883. $$$

Ma’alaea

Waterfront

Restaurant

-

Seafood and continental cuisine. Daily from 5 p.m. Milowai Condominium, 50 Hauoli

S I G N AT U R E F O O D CAFE STYLE A L L F R E S H A L L D AY

10 p.m. 100 Wailea Golf Club Drive, Wailea, 875-

8080. $$ Shabu Shabu Toji - Healthy and delicious Japanese style fondue. Nightly, 5:30-9:30 p.m.

2 a.m. (Food service ends at 10 p.m.).1941

S. Kihei Rd., 879-9944. $

Seawatch - Hawai’i regional cuisine. Daily, 8 a.m-

1280 S. Kihei Rd., 875-8366. $ Shaka - Sandwiches and pizza. Shaka it to me baby, yeah! Daily, 10:30 a.m.-9 p.m. 1770 S Kihei

Rd, Kihei, 874-0331. $ South Shore Tiki Lounge - Killer burgers, sausage sandwiches, mai-tais and pizza. Daily, 11

Spago - Gourmet cuisine as presented by world-

2006 BEST OF MAUI WINNER

9th Annual

KAMA’AINA SPECIAL! Oktoberfest!

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BEST BURGER ON MAUI VOTED BEST BURGER BY MAUI TIME READERS FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS IN A ROW

LIVE OOMPAH BAND

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Wednesday & Thursday 5pm - Midnight FRESH FISH STEAKS • SALADS BABY-BACK RIBS CHICKEN

Home to award winning Chef Raul Bermudez

2 FOR 1 EARLY BIRD SPECIAL 5:00 TO 6:30pm

Everyt. in a Fri. & S er

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LOCATED IN THE LONGS SHOPPING CENTER KIHEI

861-8688

W W W . B I G WAV E C A F E . C O M

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661-7082

R E S TA U R A N T & C AT E R I N G 335 Ho’ohana Street • Kahului

877-6000

On Front St. in Lahaina upstairs in

The Wharf Cinema Center

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

667-0908

OCTOBER 12, 2006

17

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

Serpico's Pizzeria and Restaurant - Traditional

Spices - Pacific rim with flair. Daily, 7a.m.-

Yorman’s By The Sea - Southern Pacific cuisine

Kitada’s - Saimin, teriyaki beef, hamburger steak,

2p.m. and 5-10 p.m. The Maui Coast Hotel,

with a blend of cajun and tropical flare. Nightly, 5-

tofu. M-Sa, 6:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. 3617 Baldwin

Italian American cuisine. Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

2259 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8860. $$$

10 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-8385. $$ K

Ave., Makawao, 572-7241. $

Corner of Old Haleakala Hwy and Aewa Pl.,

Sports Page Bar & Grill - Gourmet pub

Kula Lodge & Restaurant - Family-style restau-

Pukalani, 572-8498. $

fare. Daily, 11 a.m.-2 a.m. 2411 S. Kihei

UPCOUNTRY

rant with sweeping views of the island. W-Su, 7

Vasi Gourmet - Cakes and pastries. M-Sa, 8

a.m.-3 p.m. Pizza W-Su, 5-9 p.m. Haleakala

a.m.-9 p.m. 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku Marketplace,

Stella Blues Cafe - American comfort

Café 808 - Local diner-style. Daily, 6 a.m.-8 p.m.

Highway, 878-1535. $

575-9588. $

food. Daily, 7:30 a.m.-10 p.m. 1279 S. Kihei

4566 Lower Kula Rd., Kula, 878-6874. $

La Provence - French-style bistro and patisserie.

Veg Out - Vegan and vegetarian food, from

Rd., 874-3779. $$

Cafe Del Sol - Sandwiches and fresh fish. M-Sa,

We-Su, 8:30 a.m.-9 p.m. 3158 Lower Kula Rd.,

Mexican, Italian and Far East influences. M-F,

Subway - Eat fresh like Jared. Kukui Mall

8 a.m.-3:30 p.m. 572-4877. $

878-1313. $$

10:30-7:30 p.m.; Sa-Su, 11:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m. 810

Livewire Cafe - Coffee and snacks. Su-Th, 6

Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-5320. $

Rd., 879-0602. $

and Piilani Village Center, Kihei, 891-2341.

Café

Des

Amis

-

Delicious

crepes

and

Sunset Mixed Grill - Japanese, Chinese

Mediterranean fare. Daily, 8:30 a.m.-8:30 p.m. 42

a.m.-10 p.m.; F-Sa, 6 a.m.-12 a.m. 137 Hana

and Korean dishes. Daily, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323. $

Highway, Paia, 579-6009. $

Café Mambo - Mediterranean and Mexican cui-

Lynne’s Cafe - Homestyle local food. Daily,

WEST MAUI

sine with Moorish influences. Daily, 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

6:15a.m.-10p.m. 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 575-

Aloha Mixed Plate - Local. Daily, 10:30 a.m.-10

BYOB. 30 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8021. $

9363. $

p.m. 1285 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3322. $

Casanova - Fine Italian dining at night and

Makawao Gardens - Stylish Hippie. Daily, 11

The Bakery - Freshly baked breads, pastries,

a.m.-4 p.m. 3669 Baldwin Ave., Ste 101,

soup, sandwiches. M-F, 5:30 a.m.-1 p.m.; Sa,

BYOB. 2395 S. Kihei Rd. 891-1991. $ Surfside Deli - Plate lunches and deli sandwiches. Daily, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. 1993 S Kihei

Rd, Kihei, 879-1385. $ Tastings Wine Bar & Grill - Savory and sweet nibbles and an excellent wine list.

Tu-Su from 5 p.m. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei,

Makawao’s favorite deli by day. Daily, 11:30 a.m.9:30 p.m. 1188 Makawao Ave., 572-0220. $$

879-8711. $$

Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon - Hearty and

Thailand Cuisine - Authentic Thai food;

healthy grub from breakfast to dinner. Daily, 7

soup, salad, noodles and vegetarian spe-

a.m.-10 p.m. 142 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-9453. $ K

cials. M-Sa, 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; Nightly 5-10 p.m. 1819 S Kihei Rd, Kihei, 875-0839. $ Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Cafe - Island luxury in ambience and cuisine. Su-M, 11

Makawao, 573-9065. $

5:30 a.m.-12 p.m.; Su, 5:30-11 a.m. 991

Makawao Steak House - American. Daily fish

Limahana Pl., Lahaina, 667-9062. $

preparations and salad bar. Nightly, 5:30-9 p.m.

3612 Baldwin Ave., Makawao, 572-8711. $$ Mama’s Fish House - Fresh fish at “Maui’s

Colleen’s - 1940s-style urban bistro. Daily, 6 a.m.9:30 p.m. Haiku Cannery, 575-9211. $$ Down to Earth - Natural foods store with hot and

favorite restaurant.” Daily, 11a.m.-2p.m. and 4:30-9:30 p.m. 799 Poho Pl., Kuau, 579-8488. $$$ Mana Foods - This natural food store also has a

salad bars and deli. Daily, 8 a.m.-8 p.m. 1169

bakery and deli. Daily, 8:30 a.m.-8:30 p.m. 49

Shops at Wailea, 875-9983. $$$

Makawao Ave., Makawao, 572-1488. $

Baldwin Ave, Paia, 579-8078. $

Tradewinds Deli and Market - Deli sand-

Fresh Mint - Vietnamese vegetarian cuisine.

Milagros - South American cuisine with island

wiches and local produce. M-F, 9 a.m.-7

Daily, 5-9 p.m. 115 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9144.

influence. Daily, 8 a.m.-10 p.m. 3 Baldwin St.,

p.m.; Sa, 10 a.m -7 p.m.; Su, 10 a.m.- 5

$

Paia, 579-8755. $

Hali`imaile General Store - Gourmet dining in a

Moana Bakery & Cafe - Pacific Rim dining for

charming atmosphere. M-F, 11-2:30 p.m.; Nightly,

vegetarians and meat eaters. Daily, 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

5:30-9:30 p.m. 900 Hali`imaile Rd, 572-2666. $$$

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999. $

Hana Hou Cafe - Hawaiian homestyle cooking F-

Pa`ia Fish Market - Fresh seafood take-out or sit

Su 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Nightly, 5-9 p.m. 810

down. Daily, 11 a.m.-9:30 p.m. 2A Baldwin Ave.,

Haiku Rd., Haiku Cannery, 575-2661. $

Paia, 579-8030. $

a.m.-11 p.m.; Tu-Sa, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. The

p.m. 20 Hauoli Steet, Maalaea Harbor, 242-

9161. $ Tradewinds Poolside Cafe - Steak, seafood and more. Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

The Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S Kihei Rd, Kihei. 891-8860. $$ Vietnamese Cuisine - Vietnamese with Americanized options. Daily, 10:30 a.m.-

Jacque’s Northshore Bistro - Tropical yet fes-

9:30 p.m. Azeka Place I, Kihei, 875-2088.

tive atmosphere with a sushi bar. Daily, 5-10 p.m.

$$

120 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-8844. $$

Wailea Pizza Co. - Ummm. Pizza. Daily, 11

Kimura Saimin Shop - Casual, simple, afford-

a.m.-11 p.m. Wailea Town Center, Wailea,

able menu. M-Sa, 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd.,

874-1234. $$

Haiku Cannery, 575-5228. $

Ba-Le - French Vietnamese. Daily, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-5566. $ Bamboo Bar & Grill - Vietnamese, Thai and sushi. Daily, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. 505 Front St.,

Lahaina, 667-4051. $ Banyan Tree - Pacific cuisine with a Hawaiian twist. T-Sa, 5:30-9:30 p.m. Ritz Carlton Kapalua,

669-6200. $$$ Basil Tomato’s Italian Grill -

Specializing in

Northern Italian cuisine. Nightly, 5-9 p.m. 2780

Keka’a Dr., Ka’anapali, 662-3210. $$ K BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Deep-dish specialty pizzas and homemade Pizookies. Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 730 Front St., 661-0700. $ Blu - Oceanfront dining featuring Mediterranean cuisine. Daily, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. 839 Front St.,

Lahaina, 661-9491. $$ Pauwela Cafe & Bakery - Healthy, low-fat deli cuisine and daily fresh baked goods. M-Sa, 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; Su 7 a.m.-1 p.m. 375 W. Kuiaha

Rd., Haiku, 575-9242. $ Polli’s Mexican Restaurant - Mexican cantina.

Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 1202 Makawao Ave., 572-

Blue Lagoon - Island cuisine, surrounded by waterfalls and palm trees. Daily, 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661–8141. $ K Breakwall Cafe - Coffeehouse with snacks.

Daily, 7 a.m.-2 p.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-

7220. $

7808. $

Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. - Southern foods with “Forrest Gump” theme. Daily, 10:30 a.m.-12 a.m.

889 Front St., Lahaina, 661-3111. $$ Canoes - Polynesian-American. Daily, 11 a.m.2:30 p.m. and 5-9 p.m. 1450 Front St., Lahaina,

661-0937. $$

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18

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Captain Dave Fish & Chips - American. 126

Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 661-7888. $ Castaway Cafe - Beachside America. Daily, 7:30 a.m.-9 p.m. Maui Kaanapali Villas & Resort, 661-

9091. $ Cheeseburger in Paradise - American. Daily, 8 a.m.-10 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855. $ Chez Paul Restaurant - Fine dining French cuisine. Sa-Su 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; Nightly 5:30-9 p.m.

820 Olowalu Rd., Olowalu, 661-3843. $$$ K

DININGLISTINGS PRICE GUIDE

$→$10-$20

$$→$20-$40

$$$→$40 and up

K→Kama’aina Discount

Dollar amounts are based on dinner for two, not including beverages, tax & tip.

China Boat - Mandarin Szechwan. M-Sa,

Fish Market - Fresh Fish. Daily, 10 a.m.-8 p.m.

Kahana Sands Restaurant - American. Daily,

Maui Brewing Co. - Fresh fish and kiawe rotis-

11:30 a.m.-2 p.m.; Nightly, 5-10 p.m. 4474

3600 L.Honoapi’ilani Rd., Honokawai. 661-9888.

7:30 a.m.-9 p.m. 4299 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy,

serie meats. Daily, 11 a.m.-12:30 a.m. 4405

L. Honoapiilani Road, 669-5089. $

$

Kahana, 669-5000. $

Honoapiilani Hwy #217, Lahaina, 669-3474. $$

China Bowl - Asian cuisine. Daily, 10 a.m.-

Gaby’s Pizzeria - Casual Italian. Daily, 11 a.m.-12

Kahuna Kabobs - Soups, brown rice, veggies

Maui’s Own Ice Cream Parlor - Enough said.

9 p.m. 2580 Kekaa St., Ka`anapali, 661-

a.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8112. $

and kabobs. Daily, 9 a.m.-9:30 p.m. Lahaina

Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 900 Front St, Lahaina, 667-

Gazebo Restaurant - Casual breakfast and lunch

Marketplace, 661-9999. $ K

2663. $

0660. $ Cilantro - Fresh Mexican Grill. M-Sa, 11

with oceanside setting. Daily, 7:30 a.m.-2 p.m.

Kimo’s - Fresh fish, prime rib and their famous

Maui Sushi - Full sushi bar inside Bamboo Bar

a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 11 a.m.-8 p.m. 170

5315 Lower Honoapi’ilani Rd, Napili, 669-5621. $

Hula Pie. Daily, 11 a.m.-10:30 p.m. 845 Front St.,

and Grill. Nightly, 5-11 p.m. 505 Front St, Lahaina.

Gerard’s - Fine French dining. Nightly, 6-8:30

Lahaina, 661-4811. $$

281-2775. $

p.m. by reservation. 174 Lahainaluna St., Lahaina,

Kobe - Japanese Steak House and Oku’s Sushi

Maui Tacos - Casual Mexican. M-Sa, 9 a.m.-9

661-8939. $$$

Bar. Daily, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. 136 Dickenson St.,

p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-8 p.m. Lahaina Square, 661-

Giovani’s Tomato Pie Ristorante - Fine Italian

Lahaina, 667-5555. $$

8883; Napili Square, 665-0222. $ Mercado - Latino/Mexican market. M-F, 8 a.m.-

Papalaua St., Lahaina, 667-5444. $ CJ’s Deli & Diner - Comfort food. Daily, 7 a.m.-8 p.m. 2580 Keka’a Dr., Fairway

Shops, Ka’anapali, 667-0968. $ Coconut Grove - Steak, seafood and other island favorites. Nightly, 5:30-9 p.m. 1312

Front Street, Lahaina, 661-5648.

Cold Stone Creamery - Make up your own

dining. Nightly, 5-9 p.m. 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.,

L&L Drive In - Local. Daily, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

661-3160. $$

Lahaina Cannery mall. 1221 Honoap’ilani Rd. 661-

5:30

Hard Rock Cafe - American food amongst rock ‘n

9888.

Honokowai, 665-5900. $ Michael Anthony’s Pizza - Gourmet pizza deliv-

p.m.

3636

L.

Honoapi’ilani

Hwy.,

roll memorabilia. Daily, 10:30 a.m.-10 p.m. 900

Lahaina Coolers - Eclectic American with late

Front St., Lahaina, 667-7400. $

night menu. Daily, 8 a.m.-12 a.m. 180 Dickenson

ery from Lahaina to Kapalua. Nightly, 5 p.m.-

Lahaina, 667-2744. $

Hawaiian Village Coffee - Old Hawaiian-style

St., Lahaina, 661-7082. $

close. 669-7499. $$

Comercial Mexicana Store - Authentic

coffeehouse. Daily, 5:30 a.m.-6 p.m.

Lahaina Fish Co. - Pacific Rim specialties pre-

Moose McGillycuddy’s - American, bar. Daily,

Mexican food. Daily, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. 840

Honoapi’ilani Hwy., 665-1114. $

pared with fresh island fish. Nightly, 5-10 p.m.

7:30 a.m.-1:30 a.m. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-

Wainee St., Lahaina, 661-6193. $

Hecocks - Italian restaurant and cocktail lounge

831 Front St., Lahaina, 661–3472. $$

7758. $

Compadres Bar & Grill - Western cooking

oceanside. Daily, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. and 5:30-9 p.m.

Lahaina

-

Mr. Sub - Subs, salads, soups. M-Sa, 9 a.m.-9

with a Mexican accent. Daily, 8 a.m.-10

505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8810. $$ K

Cosmopolitan. Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 744 Front

p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. 129 Lahainaluna Rd.,

p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-7189. $

House of Saimin - Ono homemade saimin,

St., Lahaina, 661-9090. $$

Lahaina, 667-5683. $

Cool Cat Cafe - 1950s-style dinner. Daily,

chicken sticks, and haupia pie. Old Lahaina

Leilani’s On The Beach - Pacific Rim cuisine

Mulligan’s at the Wharf - Authentic Irish pub.

11 a.m.-11 p.m. Wharf Cinema, Lahaina,

Center, 667-7572. $

beachfront dining. Daily, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. 2435

Daily, 7 a.m.-2 a.m. Wharf Cinema Center,

Hula Grill - Barefoot bar and beachside dining,

Ka’anapali Pkwy., 661-4495. $$

Lahaina, 661-8881. $$

1940s-style. Daily, 10:30a.m-11p.m Whaler’s

Livewire Cafe - Gourmet desserts, coffee drinks,

Nachos Grande - Mexican. Daily, 9 a.m.-10 p.m.

Village, Ka’anapali, 667-6636. $$

smoothies. Daily, 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. 612 Front St.,

Honokowai Marketplace, 662-0890. $

i`o - Pacific Rim cuisine among awesome sunset

Lahaina, 661-4213. $

Nagasako Okazu-ya - Local deli. Daily, 7 a.m.-10

views. Daily, 5:30-10 p.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina,

Longhi’s - Elegant fine dining. Daily, 7:30 a.m.-10

p.m. Old Lahaina Center, Lahaina, 661-0985. $

661-8422. $$$

p.m. 888 Front St., Lahaina, 667-2288. $$$

Nalu Sunset Bar & Sushi - Japanese. Nightly, 5-

Jack’s Terrace Restaurant & Bar - Breakfast,

MaLa - Oceanfront dining and organic whole

10 p.m. Maui Marriott, Ka’anapali, 667-1200 ext.

burgers, sandwiches, muchies, steak, seafood,

grains cuisine. M-F, 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Sa, 9 a.m.-

51. $$

ice cream flavor and watch them create.

Daily, 10 a.m.-10 p.m. 900 Front St Bld. B5,

667-0908. $ K Curry-In-A-Hurry - Vegetarian curry dishes. Tu-Sa, 11:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m. 840

Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 661-4370. $ David Paul’s Lahaina Grill - Fine Pacific Rim cuisine in the intimate dining room.

4405

Store

Grille

& Oyster

Bar

Nightly from 6 p.m. 127 Lahainaluna,

Lahaina, 667-5117. $$$ K Dollie’s Pub & Cafe - Pizza and full bar.

Daily, 11 a.m. to 12 a.m. 4310 L.

Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana Manor Shops, 669-0266. $ E & O Trading Co. - Southeast Asian Grill.

pasta and stir fry. Daily, 7 a.m.-11 p.m. 843

10 p.m.; Su, 9 a.m.-9 p.m. 1307 Front St.,

Okazuya Deli - Japanese plate lunch. Daily, 10

Waine’e St, Lahaina, 667-9616. $

Lahaina, 667-9394. $$

a.m.-2:30 p.m. and 4:30-9 p.m. 3600 Lower

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Coffee bar and cafe. M-

Mama’s Ribs & Rotisserie - Classic BBQ

Sa, 6 a.m.-9 p.m.; Su, 6 a.m.-5 p.m. 3350 Lower

options. Daily, 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Napili Plaza, 665-

Old Lahaina Luau - It’s a luau. Nightly at 5:45

Honoapiilani Hwy., Honokowai, 665-0512. $

Honoapi’ilani Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787. $

6262. $

p.m. 1251 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4300. $$

667-1818. $$

Jonny’s Burger Joint - American-Mexican. Daily,

Mango Cafe - American and local cusine. Daily,

Ono’s Surf Bar & Grill - Hawaiian style. Daily,

Feast At Lele - Luau. Nightly check-in: 6

11:30 a.m.-12 a.m. 2395 Honoapi’ilani Hwy.,

7:30 a.m.-10 p.m. 2290 Ka’anapali Pkwy., 667-

6:30 a.m.-10 p.m. The Westin Maui, Ka’anapali,

p.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 667-5353. $$$

Ka’anapali, 661-4500. $

1929. $$ K

667-2525. $

Tu-Su, 4-10 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall,

KAMA’AINA & SEAFOOD

SPECIALS ALL WEEK LONG

NOW OPEN IN LAHAINA!

NIGHTLY SPECIALS

MON-1-1/4 LB LIVE MAINE LOBSTER $24.95 TUES-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES WED-1LB. ALASKAN KING CRAB LEGS $24.95 THUR-14OZ PRIME RIB $21.95 FRI-KAMA’AINA 50% OFF DINNER ENTREES Kama’aina valid w/ HI ID & 17% Gratuity prior to Discount

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3-6

$3.00 TROPICALS / WELLS $3.25 BUD-BUD LIGHT-COORS LIGHT $1.00 FRESH OYSTER SHOOTERS DOLLAR DOUBLE ALL DAY

Buy 1 Fish & Chips Get 2nd 50% OFF WITH THIS COUPON

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT NIGHTLY (See page 34 for line-up)

Full menu and keiki menu available 11:30am - 9:00pm

658 Front St. in the Wharf Cinema Center across from the Banyon tree • 661-8881

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

19

DININGLISTINGS

• Pizzas • Sandwiches

ar

k

El

lm

an

’s

“Who said a great meal has to be expensive”

Ch

ef

M

• Nightly Seafood Specials

Outback Steak House - Americanized

Sea House Restaurant - Pacific-Rim, eclectic.

Australian steak house. Nightly, 4-10 p.m.

Daily, 8-10:30 a.m. and 11:30 a.m.-2 p.m. and

4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 665-

5:30-9 p.m. 5900 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Napili,

1822. $$

669-1500. $$

Pacific’O - Elegant oceanfront contempo-

Smoke House - BBQ, American. Daily, 11:30

rary Pacific cuisine. Daily, 11 a.m.-4 p.m.

a.m.-10 p.m. 927 Wainee St., Lahaina, 667-7005.

and 5:30-10 p.m. 505 Front St., Lahaina,

$

667-4341. $$$

Spats Trattoria - Italian. Nightly, 6-9:30 p.m.

Pad Thai - Thai, local. Daily, 9 a.m.-9 p.m.

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali, 667-4727. $$$

658 Front St., Lahaina, 661-1971. $

Sports Club Kahana Grill - Healthy deli. M-F, 5-

Penne Pasta - Mark Ellman’s Italian bistro.

11 p.m.; Sa-Su, 6-10 p.m. 4327 Lwr. Honoapi`ilani

M-F, 11 a.m.-9:30.; Sa-Su, 5-9:30 p.m. 180

Rd., Kahana, 669-3539. $$

Dickenson St., Lahaina, 661-6633. $

Sunrise Cafe - Casual and cozy outdoor lanai,

Pho Mai Vietnamese Cuisine - M-Sa, 10

serving American. Daily, 6 a.m.-4 p.m. 693 Front

a.m.-10 p.m. Lahaina Center (near Hilo

St., Lahaina, 661-8558. $

Hattie’s parking), Lahaina, 667-5809. $

Terrace Restaurant - Breakfast. Daily, 6:30-11

Pho Saigon 808 - Vietnamese cuisine.

a.m. Ritz Carlton, Kapalua, 669-6200. $$$

Daily, 10:30 a.m.-9:30 p.m. 658 Front St.,

Thai Chef - Thai food with curry, Pad Thai, sum-

Wharf Cinema Center, 661-6628. $

mer rolls and more. M-F, 11 a.m.-2 p.m.; Nightly

Pioneer Inn - Eclectic Island cuisine. Daily,

from 5 p.m. Old Lahaina Center, 667-2814. $

7 a.m.-10 p.m. 659 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-

Tiki Terrace Restaurant - Seafood specialties,

3636. $

steaks and Hawaiian cuisine. Su, 9 a.m.-1 p.m.;

Pineapple Grill - Asian Pacific cuisine.

Nightly 6-9 p.m. 2525 Kaanapali Pkwy, Kaanapali,

Daily, 8a.m.-10p.m. 200 Kapalua Dr.,

661-0011. $$

Kapalua, 669-9600. $$$

Tropica - Steaks and fresh fish. Nightly, 5:30-9:30

Pipeline Pizza - Fast food. Su-Th, 8 a.m.-

p.m. Westin Ka’anapali, 667-2525. $$

9:30 p.m.; F-Sa, 8 a.m.-10 p.m. 126

Vino - Comfort and contemporary cuisine.

Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina, 661-7888. $

Nightly from 5:30 p.m. Village Course Clubhouse,

Pizza Paradiso - Award-winning pasta dish-

Kapalua, 661-8466. $$$

es, salads and Greek gyros. Daily, 11 a.m.-

Vinny’s Pizza - Authentic New York style pizza,

10 p.m. Honokowai Marketplace, 667-2929.

calzones and heros. Daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. 840

$ Plantation

•Pastas

Mediterranean

Wainee St., Lahaina Square, 661-6773. $ House

-

Hawaiian-

West Maui Baking Co. - Bakery/deli and coffe

Daily,

drinks. Daily, 7 a.m.-3 p.m. Emerald Plaza,

cuisine.

breakfast/lunch 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Nightly from 6 p.m. Lounge stays open for duration. 2000

• Salads

Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua, 669-6299. $ Quizno’s Subs - Toasted subs. Daily, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. 170 Papalaua St., Lahaina Mall,

667-5111. $

• Beer • Wine

Lahaina, 661-6699. $ Zuihao - Chinese cuisine. Daily from 5 p.m. 900

Front St., Lahaina, 667-9020.

Zushi - Japanese take-out. M-Sa, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. and 5-8:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 667-5142.

Reilley’s - Gourmet steaks and seafood.

nothing over $15.95

Nightly from 5:30 p.m. 4405 Honoapi`ilani

Hwy., Kahana, 667-7477. $$$ Roy’s Bar & Grill - Hawaiian fusion entrees in an upbeat atmosphere. Nightly, 5:30-10

Non-Dairy Mozzarella Available NOW! Plus, Brown Rice Pasta!

Wheat & Gluten Free!

50¢ extra / Cooked to order so it takes a few minutes longer

661-6633 180 Dickenson Street • Lahaina

p.m. 4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana, 669-

6999. $$$ Rusty Harpoon Restaurant & Tavern American. Daily, 8 a.m.-2 a.m. Whalers

Ruth’s Chris Steak House - USDA prime steak and fine wines. Nightly, 5-10 p.m. 900

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

this section, please fax

Front St., Lahaina, 661-8815. $$$ Sansei Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar Japanese, Island. Nightly, 5:30-10 p.m.

Sushi and pupus only Th-F, 10 p.m.-1 a.m.

$$ K

OCTOBER 12, 2006

to get your listing in

Village, Ka’anapali, 661-3123. $$

600 Office Rd., Kapalua Resort, 669-6286.

20

For corrections or

244-0446

Viva La Aztec Monkey!

Friday (Oct. 13), 7:30 p.m. at the Castle Theater [LATIN/HIP-HOP/ROCK] Most successful musical acts today fill an easily categorized niche that can be summed up in one brief, marketable word or phrase: grunge, synthpop, Appalachian folk, Zulu jive, etc. But when Ozomatli came around 10 years ago, genres coalesced into one big musical menudo; Afro-Cuban soul, Latin-jazz, funk, hip-hop, ska, rock, reggae and Mediterranean influences all make up this multi-culti, multi-Grammy Award winning band. Often hailed as one of the greatest live bands in the world, as well as “party band with a brain,” Ozomatli peppers their highoctane musical style with a healthy dose of anti-war activism. Appropriate for a 10-piece band from the West Coast that takes its name from the Nahuatl word for the Aztec astrological symbol of the monkey—the god of dance, fire, the new harvest and music. Their new album, Don’t Mess with the Dragon, is due out early next year. Until then, come see what everyone at last year’s Kokua Festival was raving about—Ozomatli knows how to rock the crowd in all languages. Opening band: Gomega. An all-ages show with dance floor! Tickets: $23 advance, $28 day of show—purchase online at www.mauiarts.org or call 242-SHOW. The Castle Theater is located at the Maui Arts & Cultural Center, One Cameron Way, Kahului.

[SAMANTHA CAMPOS]

SEND YOUR LISTINGS & PHOTOS FOR DA KINE CALENDAR TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM OR FAX (808) 244-0446 MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

21

ThIS WEEK’S PICKS

by Samantha Campos

Las Vegas or Bust!

Jesus Loves Rock!

Thursday—Saturday (Oct. 12-14), 7:30 p.m. at McCoy Studio Theater

Saturday (Oct. 14), at Hope Chapel in Kihei

[STAGE] Every once in a while, a friend will visit and make another location seem very appealing. That’s what happens to Wally Fukuda when his friend Harry comes to town in the play Aloha Las Vegas, by Edward Sakamoto. Wally is recently retired and living close to his children in Honolulu. Harry is from Las Vegas and makes the sparkly desert city seem like just the thing to make life interesting for Wally. Wally is sufficiently enticed and thinks it’d be a great idea to up and move. That is, until Wally tells his children about his new plan. Watch as the Kumu Kahau theater troupe displays what happens when Dad tries to flee the nest.

You’ll laugh. You’ll cry.

You may even move to Vegas. Tickets: $22, half price for keiki.

McCoy Studio Theater is located at Maui Arts & Cultural Center, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469. [HEIDI KING]

THURSDAY

[CHRISTIAN ROCK] Christian rock has come a long way since the days of Stryper and Creed (greatest T-shirt ever: “Even Jesus Hates Creed”).

These days, bands seem to understand the advantage “not sucking” can have on their ability to deliver their message to a broad audience. Exhibit A is Olivia, whose “Butterflies” is currently a Top 20 song on the Christian rock charts. Members Reed, Justin, Gabe and Christian hail from Oahu and San Diego, and have recently played shows on Kauai and Oahu to adoring fans. Don’t believe me? Check the comments on their MySpace page (www.myspace.com/oliviatheband). They’re beloved for their high-energy, inspirational live shows that are neither overtly preachy nor compulsively devoted to the sacred themes of secular music: money, ho’s and parties. Olivia’s independently produced CD’s and merchandise will be available at the show. One shirt that won’t be for sale—or necessary—“Even Jesus Hates Olivia.” I’ll bet he loves them. [COREY NIELSEN]

➤➤➤➤➤ FRIDAY ➤➤➤➤➤ SATURDAY ➤➤➤➤➤ SUN

In the heart of Olde Makawao Town

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY with DJ BLAST

Friday, October 13th

FRIDAY ELENIKI

Casanova’s Famous Ladies Night The Evening That Earned Casanova The Award “Best Late Night In Maui” Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $ 10 Cover

Saturday, September 16th

THE CD RELEASE PARTY with special guest

PITO & RHYTHM’S GATE

REVIVAL

Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $10 Cover

THE CD RELEASE PARTY with special guest

SHILO PA & KOHOMUA Music Starts @ 9:45 pm $15 Cover

Make it a memorable evening. Dine and dance at Casanova.

For dinner reservations call 572-0220 www.casanovamaui.com 22

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Holy Aural Globalizations!

The Notorious Arias!

Various days, times and places island-wide

Tuesday (Oct. 17), 7:30 p.m. at Founders’ Court

[WORLD MUSIC] Here’s our chance to go on a weeklong trip around the world without ever leaving Maui: There’s Brazilian jazz with Renata and Bita on Thursday (Oct. 12), 7:30-10:30 p.m. at Café Marc Aurel—no cover. The legendary Algerian techno-world-beat DJ Cheb I Sabbah on Thursday (Oct. 12), 9 p.m. at Hapa’s—$15 cover, with Haidai visuals, bellydancing and DJ Raphael opening. Middle Eastern bellydancing on Saturday (Oct. 14), 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. at Café Marc Aurel— no cover, featuring Melanya and Saahirah of Raqs Shakti Bellydance with live percussionists.

Also on Saturday (Oct. 14), a Brazilian bash featuring Bande Dende at Charley’s, 10 p.m.—$10 cover.

There’s classical Indian sitar music on Tuesday (Oct. 17), 7:30 p.m. at McCoy Studio Theater, MACC—$28 (call 242-7469), with fatherdaughter sitarists Manilal and Mita Nag (right), and Ananda Gopal on tabla.

[CABARET/DRAG] One of New York’s most notorious drag queen cabaret performers, as well as current Las Vegas Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity emcee, Joey Arias dishes out a bawdy, one-diva act of monologues and song, utilizing everything s/he’s learned from hanging with the likes of Andy Warhol, Iggy Pop and David Bowie. And hey, if that means dressing as ‘50s pinup vixen Bettie Page, and belting it out like Billie Holiday then so be it. For more info, visit www.NeoComedy.com. Tickets: $18. Founders’ Court is located at Maui Arts & Cultural Center, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469.

DAY

Mayoral Smackdown!

Wednesday (Oct. 18), 7 p.m. on Akaku Channel 53 [DEBATE] This Wednesday Sierra Club Hawai`i officials Lucienne de Naie and Lance Holter will moderate a debate between Mayoral candidates Charmaine Tavares and Alan Arakawa. The theme is “Our environment is our economy.”

We can only hope the candidates will finally start saying bad things about each other. [ANTHONY PIGNATARO]

➤➤➤➤➤MONDAY ➤➤➤➤➤TUESDAY ➤➤➤➤➤WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY, Oct. 12th

THURSDAY 10/12

ROCKTOBERFEST FRIDAY 10/13

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

23

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY COLE@MAUITIME.COM

Wag the Vote Barry Levinson throws a cinematic softball at voter fraud Writer/director Barry Levinson (Rain Man) squanders an attempt to stir debate over republican voter fraud that marred the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections, and that threatens to cloud the upcoming 2008 balloting, with an imploding satire about a television comedian who runs for President of the United States. Tom Dobbs (Robin Williams) is a freethinking political talk show comic, ala Jon Stewart, who takes up a challenge from his fan base to run for President as an independent.

Dobbs relies on a grassroots movement and refuses to run an expensive television ad campaign that would obligate him to special interest groups that might support him. What starts out as a promising political satire quickly sinks in a quagmire of overleveraged dramatic subplots and an ending that neutralizes the film’s apparent thematic intentions.

“People are watching comedians for news. How crazy is that?” The words of Tom Dobbs’ speech writer Eddie Langston (Lewis Black) illuminate America’s pop cultureobsessed public who are more interested in voting for the next American Idol than they are about addressing republican voting duplicity that led to the destruction of civil liberties under an authoritarian tyrant. But Black’s character doesn’t go far enough with his appraisal in defining the unintended effect that political comedians have in creating

an illusion of an effective opposition against a corrupt government manipulated by exploiting corporations.

Man of the Year

★★★★★ Rated PG-13/102 mins.

Eleanor Green (Laura Linney) works as a programmer for Delacroy, a computer company responsible for making the new electronic voter machines used in the election. Eleanor sets herself up as a target when she discovers a glitch in the voting program that favors double letter patterns, and sends an email to the CEO of the suddenly prosperous company advising him of the problem. Her letter is dutifully ignored and Tom Dobbs erroneously wins the election to the chagrin of his cocky opponents and to Eleanor’s dismay.

In her apolitical heart Eleanor feels responsible enough for the voting catastrophe to personally divulge the circumstance to president-elect Dobbs. The higher-ups at Delacroy are one step ahead and send a thug over to furtively drug Eleanor at home. She’s fired the next day after suffering a drug-induced freak-out in the employee cafeteria.

Even after successfully introducing herself to Dobbs, and opening up romantic possibilities to the political prankster

Sunny Garcia

THEY NAILED AL CAPONE

THEY WILL NAIL YOU

If you’re having trouble with the IRS, haven’t filed tax returns in years, or owe money, we can help. We’re the “we’re weird, we actually love doing taxes” folks, so if there’s anyway humanely possible to make this a pleasant experience, it’s with us. And now that our tax season is finally over this is the best time of the year for us to help you with your little problem.

Start soon though. We don’t want to scare you but... it can take months to gather lost/missing information, prepare returns, wait for IRS assessment, request penalty abatement, prepare an offer in compromise, and all the other miriad steps necessary before your problem is resolved for the least amount possible.

24

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

244-7770

One Main Plaza - Wailuku www.dklevincompany.com

Would you vote for this man?

turned politician, Eleanor inexplicably loiters for an eternity before revealing the fallacy of his electoral win. The movie stalls out as Linney’s miscast role, and the film’s shift away from comedy toward a political thriller, takes its toll.

Publicly smeared as a drug addict by Delacroy’s public relations flack Alan Stewart (underplayed by Jeff Goldblum), Eleanor takes up refuge in a motel while Dobbs contemplates a crisis decision that will verify the film’s premise that “change isn’t always a good thing.”

Like Levinson’s previous swipe at politics, Wag The Dog, Man of the Year is a hollow concept movie that never dives to

its ostensible depths for fear of drowning in the murky narrative ocean of its complex circumstances. It’s a misleading movie on several levels because it reneges on its promise as a comedy and as a political satire.

There are some great laughs in the first third before the movie dodges the inevitable implications of its troubling subject. But if Levinson wanted to crack into the mood behind such corruption, he needed to revisit the gallows humor of political satires like M*A*S*H or Slaughterhouse Five that witnessed the desolation of liberty with a keen eye on the absurdity behind such cruelty. MTW

MOVIECAPSULES

SHOWTIMES

Maui Film Festival’s Candlelight Cinema Wednesday, Oct. 18

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL Castle Theater, 572-3456 Trust the Man - R - W 5, 7:30

TRUST THE MAN - (R) - Julianne Moore, Billy Crudup, Maggie Gyllenhaal, David Duchovny and Eva Mendes star in this exploration of modern relationships and modern men and women in all of their humor, tragedy, imperfection and triumph. 103 min.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

New This Week THE GRUDGE 2 - (PG13) - Horror - The sequel. Whoo. Lots of grayish-white cover up and dark eye make-up. 95 min. (Heidi King) MAN OF THE YEAR - (PG-13) - Comedy Robin Williams plays a Jon Stewart-like talk show host who ends up running for President. Also stars Laura Linney, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Walken and Lewis Black, who really should run for president.

115 min. (Anthony Pignataro) THE MARINE - (PG13) - Action, Drama, Thriller - A badass Marine comes home only to have to deal with a gang that kidnaps his wife. It’s like the masculine equivalent of a cheesy romance novel. 93 min. (HK) ONE NIGHT WITH THE KING - (PG) Drama - No, I didn’t yet make an adult film.

This is about Queen Esther, once an orphan who wins the heart of a king. It looks like The Passion part deux. 100 min. (HK)

Now Showing ALL THE KING’S MEN - (PG-13) - Drama This remake of the 1949 classic stars Sean Penn as an idealistic though dirty Southern politician and Jude Law as the reporter who follows him. 120 min. (Anthony Pignataro) CELESTINE PROPHECY - (PG) - Drama, Adventure - Through a random chain of events, John Woodson finds himself in Peru

HIGHLIGHTS!

Maui Arts &Cultural Center Local troupe- local comedy KUMU KAHUA THEATRE in

ALOHA LAS VEGAS THU-SAT • OCT 12-14 • 7:30 pm McCoy Studio Theater • $22, 1/2 kids Funk-Ska-Reggae-HipHop...Rockin’!

OZOMATLI FRI • OCT 13 • 7:30 pm - GDQFH ÁRRU

I see gray people on the path to find the Celestine Prophecy which supposedly unlocks the mystery that is life and happiness. Is that where self actualization is— Peru? How much are tickets? 100 min. (HK) THE COVENANT - (PG13) - Horror, Thriller - Four teens have magical powers and use them for basic debauchery...until another magical guy shows up and is apparently super powerful, super evil, and super jealous of their easy living. 97 min. (HK) THE DEPARTED - (R) - Crime, Drama - This Martin Scorsese picture is set in South Boston and stars Leonardo DiCaprio as a young cop who infiltrates the mob and Matt Damon as a young mobster who infiltrates the cops. Also stars Jack Nicholson and Mark Wahlberg. 150 min. (AP) EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH - (PG13) - Comedy Two boys (Dane Cook and Dax Shepard) duke it out to win the title of “Employee of the Month” because they believe the hot new cashier (Jessica Simpson) will put out for the winner. 103 min. (HK) FEARLESS - (PG13) - Action, Drama - Jet Li plays real-life martial arts legend Huo Yuanjia, who became the most famous fighter in all of China at the turn of the 20th Century. This is supposedly Li’s last martial arts film. 103 min. (HK) FLYBOYS - (PG-13) - Action, Adventure - A group of Americans right out of Central Casting join a French squadron to fly combat missions in WWI. The movie runs two hours and 19 minutes, which is rather long for a picture about airplanes that don’t have any snakes on them. (AP) THE GUARDIAN - (PG13) - Action, Adventure, Drama - Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher star as men training to become the best at sea rescue

possible. Let’s be honest, there are going to be hot bodies getting wet and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! 145 min. (HK) THE ILLUSIONIST - (PG13) - Mystery, Romance Boy falls for girl. Girl gets engaged to a Prince.

Boy masters magic tricks to get her back. Stars Edward Norton and Jessica Biel. 110 min. (HK) INVINCIBLE - (PG) - Drama, Sports - Mark Wahlberg plays Vince Papale, a 30-year-old substitute teacher/part-time bartender/loser who never played college football but ended up signing with the Philadelphia Eagles. Amazingly enough, this actually happened. 104 min. (AP) JACKASS NUMBER TWO - (R) - Comedy - The Jackass boys are on the loose and have put themselves through pain as well as awkward and dangerous situations for your viewing enjoyment. 105 min. (HK) THE LAST KISS - (R) - Drama, Romance - It’s a coming of age story for mid-life and quarter-life crisis victims. Stars Zach Braff. 96 min. (HK) OPEN SEASON - (PG) - Comedy, Animation - A domesticated bear gets himself stuck in the forest during hunting season. He and his furry friends have to turn the tables on the hunters in order to survive, but they have to do it in a PG way, so no blood and guts. 95 min. (HK) SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS - (PG13) - Comedy - Jon Heder stars as the guy who wants the girl, so he takes a class on how to get chicks taught by Billy Bob Thorton’s character. 110 min. (HK) TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING - (R) - Horror, Thriller - It’s a prequel set years before the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie and it looks really, really scary.

105 min. (HK) THE WICKER MAN - (PG13) - Horror, Thriller Nicholas Cage stars as a police officer who’s daughter goes missing. When he goes to some creepy island to look for her he discovers he may be up against a cult. 118 min. (HK)

Castle Theater • $23 advance $28 GD\ RI

1st Annual STARBUCKS

‘UKULELE FESTIVAL

Herb Ohta • Holunape • Hula Honeys PRUH

SUN • OCT 15 • 2-6 pm

$8*

A & B Amphitheater • FREE!!!

SPONSORED BY KPOA & MAUI TIME

MANILAL & MITA NAG TUE • OCT 17 • 7:30 pm

McCoy Studio Theater • $25, 1/2 kids

ONLINE

242-SHOW MON-SAT 10 -6 A

P

www.MauiArts.org

donor discount

food / beverages available

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910 Departed - R - Th, M-W (2), 7:05, 10:05, F-Su (12:45), 4, 7:05, 10:05 Employee of the Month - Th, M-W (2:15), 4:45, 7:15, 9:45, F-Su (1:05), 4:45, 7:15, 9:45 Guardian - PG13 - Th, M-W (1:45), 4:30, 7:20, 10:10, F-Su (1), 4:15, 7:20, 10:10 Jackass 2 - Th, M-W (2:40), 4:50, 7:05, 9:50, FSu (12:30, 2:40), 4:50, 7:05, 9:50 Open Season - PG - Th (3), 5:15, 7:30, 9:30, FSu (1, 3), 5:15, 7:30, 9:30, M-W (3), 5:15, 7:30, 9:30 School for Scoundrels - PG13 - Th, M-W (3), 5:20, 7:45, 10:05, F-Su (12:40, 3), 5:20, 7:45, 10:05

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 Departed - R - Th, Su-W (1), 4:05, 7:15, F-Sa (1), 4:05, 7:15, 10:15 Guardian - PG13 - Th, M-W (1:15), 4:15, 7, F-Sa (1:15), 4:15, 7, 10 Grudge 2 - PG13 - F-Sa (1:30), 4:25, 7:30, 10:05, Su-W (1:30), 4:25, 7:30 Jackass 2 - R - Th only (1:45), 4:35, 7:45 Open Season - PG - Th (1:30), 4:25, 7:30, F-Sa (1:45), 4:35, 7:45, 9:45, Su-W (1:45), 4:35, 7:45

FRONT STREET THEATRE 900 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 Departed - R - Th (3:30), 6:40, 9:45, F-W (1), 4:30, 8 Jackass - R - Th only (4:30), 7:30, 10:05 Man of the Year - PG13 - F, M-W (4), 7, 9:30, SaSu (1:30), 4, 7, 9:30 Marine - PG13 - F, M-W (4:45), 7:30, 9:45, Sa-Su (1:45), 4:45, 7:30, 9:45 School for Scoundrels - PG13 - Th only (4:45), 720, 9:40 Texas Massacre - R - Th (4), 7:50, 10, F, M-W (4:15), 7:45, 9:50, Sa-Su (2), 4:15, 7:45, 9:50

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

Renowned Family of Sitar Musicians

BOX OFFICE

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Showtimes) = Matinee All the Kings Men - PG13 - Th only (4:05), 7, 9:50 Covenant - PG13 - Th, M-W (1:50, 2:45, 4:25, 5:15), 6:55, 7:45, 9:20, 10, F (12:20, 1:50, 2:45, 4:25, 5:15), 6:55, 7:45, 9:20, 10, Sa-Su (12:20, 1:50, 2:45), 4:25, 5:15, 6:55, 7:45, 9:20, 10 Fearless - PG13 - Th-F, M-W (1:50, 2:10, 4:30, 4:50), 7:05, 7:20, 9:30, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:50, 2:10), 4:30, 4:50, 7:05, 7:20, 9:30, 9:50 Fly Boys - PG13 - Th, M-W (3:30), 6:35, 9:40, F-Su (12:25, 3:30), 6:35, 9:40 Grudge 2 - Pg13 - F (12:05, 2:05, 2:45, 4:25, 5:10), 6:50, 7:30, 9:20, 9:55, Sa-Su (12:05, 2:05, 2:45), 4:25, 5:10, 6:50, 7:30, 9:20, 9:55, M-W (2:05, 2:45, 4:25, 5:10), 6:50, 7:30, 9:20, 9:55 Illusionist - PG13 - Th-F, M-W (1:30, 4), 6:40, 9:10, Sa-Su (1:30), 4, 6:40, 9:10 Invincible - PG - Th, M-W (2:20, 4:45), 7:25, 9:45, F (12, 2:20, 4:45), 7:25, 9:45, Sa-Su (12, 2:20), 4:45, 7:25, 9:45 Last Kiss - R - Th only (2:45, 5:10), 7:30, 9:55 Man of the Year - PG13 - F, M-W (1:45, 4:20), 7, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:45), 4:20, 7, 9:50 Marine - PG13 - F (12:15, 2:35, 5), 7:15, 9:40, Sa-Su (12:15, 2:35), 5, 7:15, 9:40, M-W (2:35, 5), 7:15, 9:40 One Night with the King - PG - F (1:10, 4:05), 7, 9:50, Sa-Su (1:10), 4:05, 7, 9:50, M-W (4:05), 7, 9:50 Texas Massacre - R - Th, M-W (2, 2:40, 4:15, 4:55), 6:30, 7:10, 9:35, 10, F (12:10, 2, 2:40, 4:15, 4:55), 6:30, 7:10, 9:35, 10, Sa-Su (12:10, 2, 2:40), 4:15, 4:55, 6:30, 7:10, 9:35, 10 Wicker Man - PG13 - Th only (1:45, 4:10), 6:45, 9:15

WED., OCTOBER 18 *with MFF passport (5 films-$40)-single tickets Phone: 572-3456 www.mauifilmfestival.com

658 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7865 Employee of the Month - Th-F, M-W (1:45, 4:15), 7:15, 9:45, Sa-Su (11:15, 1:45), 4:15, 7:15, 9:45 Guardian - PG13 - Th only (1, 4), 7, 10 Grudge 2 - PG13 - F, M-W (1:30, 4), 7, 9:30, SaSu (11, 1:30), 4, 7, 9:30 Open Season - PG - Th-F, M-W (1:15, 3:30), 6:45, 9, Sa-Su (11, 1:15), 3:30, 6:45, 9

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

25

ART&ENTERTAINMENT

BY ELIZA ESCAÑO ELIZA@MAUITIME.COM

Holunape

Herb Ohta

Ode to the Leaping Flea World’s finest strummers gather at Maui’s first ‘Ukulele Fest The `ukulele has been part of Hawai`i’s culture for more than a century. Once a fading art form, today it brings international kudos as a solo instrument, thanks to tireless musicians and teachers who have worked hard to keep it by our fingertips.

One such teacher is Roy Sakuma.

Founder of four `ukulele schools and a legend in his own right, Sakuma and his wife Kathy produced Oahu’s first `Ukulele Festival in 1971. Since then, they’ve brought the tradition to the Big Island and Kauai. The free event annually draws thousands of artists and fans all over the globe, and is finally making its way to our shores.

“It’s very exciting,” Sakuma said.

“We have always wanted to bring the festival to Maui. [The Maui Arts & Cultural Center] believed in what we are doing and saw the natural connection between the festival and the community and it’s just going to grow.”

Those attending can enjoy a picnic and the hypnotic melodies of virtuoso performer Herb “Ohta-san” Ohta, whose musical career has spanned an incredible 40 years and more than 50 acclaimed releases. Winner of the Na Hoku Hanohano Lifetime Achievement award, it was Ohta’s “Sushi” song in 1964 that captivated Sakuma, then freshly kicked out of high school. A meeting with the maestro led Sakuma to intensive training and soon, the self-proclaimed “lost child” turned into

26

OCTOBER 12, 2006

Ohta’s brilliant protégé.

“I loved that song so much, that the music became a life-long passion,” Sakuma said. “My wife and I wanted to build a foundation that can carry on without us and keep the `ukulele recognized throughout the world.”

In 1974, Roy Sakuma `Ukulele Studios

who will grace the stage this weekend— Ka’au Crater Boys, Noel Okimoto, Daniel Ho, Herb Ohta Jr. and, of course, the great Ohta-San. “The show will be such a wonderful surprise to the audience,” Sakuma said.

Festival highlights include guitarist Nando Suan, father-son trio Manoa

the houses of Kamaka, KoAloha, GString, Kanile`a, Pono, Mele, Kala and KoAlana.

There’s also a free, all-ages workshop by the Sakumas on Saturday, Oct. 14, from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. Attendees are required to bring their own `ukulele, paper and pencil. To reserve a spot, call 242-2787.

“I’ve taught 40,000 in my lifetime, mostly children,” Sakuma said. “Once you’ve learned the `ukulele, you’ll never forget it. It’s an ideal instrument to carry and it’s been an inspiration to so many children. You can branch out to other instruments. It’s easy for a five- or sixyear-old kid to learn, which is an ideal age to start.

`Ukulele Festival Sunday, Oct. 15, 2-6 p.m. at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center.

FREE.

Manoa DNA

opened its doors and welcomed future string masters. Taking the leap into original production, the Sakuma couple also established their own record label in 1987.

The label’s releases feature notable works from award-winning Holunape—

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

DNA, Hula Honeys, Da `Ukulele Boys, Kalama ‘Ukulele Band, and Alu Like `Ukulele Kapuna.

To sweeten the deal even more, fine new `ukuleles will be given away in drawings throughout the afternoon, from

“I will teach three simple chords and a basic strumming pattern,” he said. “Plus some secret techniques I’ve developed throughout my years of teaching.”

Log on to mauiarts.org and roysakuma.net for more info. Event sponsors include the County of Maui, KPOA radio, Starbucks as well as this paper. In celebration of the festival, Friday, Oct. 13, will be the signing of the Mayor’s Proclamation for `Ukulele Week on Maui. MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

27

FRANKLIN vs. SILVA Saturday, Oct. 14th 4 PM

Breakfast SUNDAY Football7-11 NO ONE DOES IT BETTER. TRUE HIGH DEF.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

52.50

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ALL U CAN EAT WINGS BUD, STEINY & COORS DRAFTS

DA KINECALENDAR BIG SHOWS Momix: Lunar Sea - Thursday (Oct. 12). Momix sets itself apart with flawlessly executed daredevil tricks that highlight the individual talents of each performer, and with its use of props as inanimate members of the company. The stage explodes with a sense of the magic, danger, sensuality, quirkiness, humor and beauty. Tickets: $40, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

DJ Cheb I Sabbah - Thursday (Oct. 12).

Internationally reknowned DJ Cheb I Sabbah is back on Maui for one night only. Opening set by DJ Raphael, visuals by Haidai and bellydancing by the BellyRoll Dance Company. $15. 9 p.m., Hapa’s, 879-9001.

“Aloha Las Vegas” - Thursday-Saturday (Oct. 1214). Wally Fukuda, a recently retired Honolulu baker, gets a visit from his high-rolling Las Vegas friend Harry who tries to persuade him to sell his house, make the move to Vegas, and enjoy a new life. It sounds like a good idea... until he tells his family about it. Tickets: $22. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Ozomatli - Friday (Oct. 13). A multi-racial, multicultural 10-piece band that is heralded as one of the greatest live shows on the music scene.

Tickets: $28, $23. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469. Also appearing Oct. 12, at Aloha Tower Marketplace, Honolulu, (866) 4683399 and Oct. 14, at Kauai War Memorial Convention Hall, (866) 468-3399.

Mohala Mai 2006 - Saturday (Oct. 14). Join nä Kumu Hula Näpua Greig and Kahulu Maluo-Huber along with Hälau Nä Lei Kaumaka O Uka as they celebrate the hälau's 10th year anniversary. The halau again shares the stage with Na Hökü Hanohano award winners Kaumakaiwa Kanaka'ole and Aaron Sala, as well as several other special surprise guests. Tickets: $30. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

‘Ukulele Festival - Sunday (Oct. 15). If you enjoy the annual slack key festival, you’ll love the new ‘ukulele fest as well! A full afternoon of ‘ukulele music, featuring Herb Ohta (2006 Na Hoku Hanohano Lifetime Achievement Award) with guitarist Nando Suan, Holunape (2006 Na Hoku Hanohano "Group of the Year"), Manoa DNA, Hula Honeys, ‘Ukulele Boys and more! Free. 2 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, 242-7469.

Manilal & Mita Nag - Tuesday (Oct. 17).

Recognized in music circles as one of the world’s most talented and serious exponents of the classical sitar and one of India’s most popular concert sitarists. Manilal Nag comes from a family of musicians who have evolved the Vishnupur Gharana, a style of music that originated 300 years ago. Tickets: $25. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Joey Arias - Tuesday (Oct. 17). The phenomenal Joey Arias, currently performing with Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas, will grace the stage with his amazing presence, channeling the voice of Billie Holliday and a personality all his own. Also featuring Elliot Douglass on piano. Tickets: $18. 7:30 p.m., Founders’ Court, MACC, www.NeoComedy.com or 242-7469.

TICKETS ON SALE

Two For One

Lunch Menu Items & Dinner Specials

KAHULUI

ALE HOUSE

355 Kamehameha Ave.

877-9001

28

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Pops Fernandez - Oct. 19. Philippines concert Queen Pops Fernandez, singer, dancer, actress, model and spokesperson, will perform with Grand Champion singer Jed Madela for an evening of non-stop, high-energy electrifying popular music and dance. Tickets: $95, $75, $55, $35. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Chris Isaak - Oct. 20. Isaak has been nominated for two Grammy awards, starred in his own critically-acclaimed TV series, acted in several major motion pictures, released nine extraordinary albums and 12 singles. Stellar songwriting matched with a smooth, dusky baritone make him a must-see. Tickets: $65, $55, $45, $35. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Maquerade Ball - Oct. 21. Haunted house, live music, cocktails, food, contests, and more.

Tickets: $75. 5:30 p.m., Iao Theater, Wailuku, 242-6969.

Tau Dance Theater: Naupaka - Oct. 21. PeterRockford Espiritu, director and choreographer for this stellar contemporary dance company from O‘ahu, aims to bring Hawai‘i's oral-history tradition into the new millennium with this ambitious new presentation. Naupaka is an Hawaiian crosscultural experience: an operatic telling of a tragic Hawaiian love story through modern dance, ballet, hula, chant and slack-key guitar with orchestra accompaniment. Tickets: $35, $25, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

The Prophet - Oct. 26-27. A new play, third in a trilogy, from an internationally acclaimed Maori playwright. A young boy takes his own life, and five of his cousins return to their “home” on the east coast of New Zealand to grieve; over the course of three days, they cope with the loss of one of their own, and grow into adulthood. The Prophet is chill, funny and unforgettable. Tickets: $28. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Laurie Anderson - Oct. 28. Laurie’s latest performance piece, “The End of the Moon,” is the second in a trilogy of solo performance works that combines stories with music for violin and electronics, creating a duet between the spoken word and Laurie’s signature sound. Based on her experiences as artist-in-residence with NASA (the first and only) she transforms her insights into sound and space in her own eclectic, multimedia style: smart and thought-provoking, sometimes humorous, sometimes poetic. Tickets: $38, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Monster Mash - Oct. 29. A Halloween “Spooktacular” with The Maui Pops Orchestra under the direction of Stuart Chafetz. Get in the holiday spirit and wear your costume! Tickets: $35, $25, $20. 3:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Olomana - Nov. 4. Taking the name of a beautiful windward O‘ahu mountain, Olomana (Jerry Santos, Wally Suenaga, Willy Paikuli, Haunani Apoliona) blends contemporary and traditional musical styles to create a unique sound deeply rooted in the land, people and culture of Hawai‘i.

Tickets: $35. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Masters of Rhythm - Nov. 5. Experience a landmark cultural event in Hawai`i dance history when the highest global levels of a true American art form converge in an explosion of rhythm and style with live music and drumming. Lead by Emmy Award winning choreographer Jason Samuels Smith and directed by Chloe Arnold (Los Angeles Tap Festival), outstanding professional tap dancers from North America, Australia and Japan. Tickets: $30, $20, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, www.MauiTapExperience.org or 242-7469.

Maggie Cassella - Nov. 9. Maggie is a political ranter in the style of Lewis Black. In this politically charged month, Cassella brings her version of The Daily Show on crack. An ex-lawyer turned writer, producer and talk show host, Maggie spends most of her time frantically scanning the news for the latest political screw-ups, entertainment news, nightmares, stupid studies, ludicrous lawsuits, and ridiculous rulings and regulations.

Tickets $20. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, www.NeoComedy.com or 242-7469.

Pro Bull - Nov. 10 and 11. For the first time in the Professional Bull Riders' history, top ranked bull riding athletes will compete on the Hawaiian islands. Tickets: $80, $25. War Memorial Football Stadium, 242 7469.

Maui Music Fest - Nov. 12. With Willie Nelson and The Doobie Brothers. The timeless voice of Willie Nelson has touched audiences for decades. Join American legends Willie Nelson and his friends The Doobie Brothers for an evening of live music at the 6th Annual Maui Music Fest; proceeds benefit the Tuition Assistance Program of the Montessori School of Maui. Tickets: $50, $40. 5:30 p.m., A&B Amphitheater, MACC, 242-7469.

Ying Quartet - Nov. 13. The Yings’ enthusiasm for performing in diverse settings has led to concerts in every major international venue as well as hospitals and juvenile prisons, as they strive to make artistic and creative expression an essential part of everyday life. Tickets: $30. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Solomon Islanders - Nov. 16. The hit of the ’04 Pacific Festival of the Arts, these superb performers from the center of Melanesia, in the Solomon Islands of the Southwest Pacific– home to a fascinating panpipe music tradition. Panpipes are clusters of bamboo tubes ranging from a few inches in length to 4-5 feet. Sixteen musicians and dancers, contribute visual excitement to the virtuosic music. Tickets: $30, $20, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Cecilio and Kapono - Nov. 17. “C & K,” as they are fondly known, have won lasting stature on the contemporary Hawaiian music scene as well as in the hearts of their audiences. Between the two, Cecilio Rodriguez and Henry Kapono have released more than 20 albums and received multiple Na Hökü Hanohano Awards as both duo and solo artists. Their unique blend of Hawaiian and folk/rock harmonies make this show an enduring favorite, evoking memories of good times together. Tickets: $37, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Na Lani ‘Eha - Nov. 18. A program to celebrate

DA KINECALENDAR and illuminate the cultural accomplishments of royal siblings King Kaläkaua, Queen Lili‘uokalani, Princess Likelike and Prince Leleiohoku, offering a glimpse into the life, talent, personality and humor of each. Tickets: $35, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Richard Thompson - Nov. 19. With special guest Danny Thompson. One of the all-time great talents of British rock music, Richard Thompson founded the renowned group Fairport Convention while still in his teens. Singer, songwriter and guitarist, his solo work is consistently intelligent and pure, which is why musicians like Elvis Costello, Lou Reed and David Byrne praise him. Tickets: $35, $30. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Sun, Sand and Hoops - Nov. 20-22. The annual EA Sports Maui Invitational. Lots of really tall guys scoring like crazy... on the basketball court!

You have to get online to get tix. www.mauiinvitational.com.

Lewis Black - Nov. 25. You’ve seen him on HBO, Comedy Central, and in a regular spotlight bit “Back in Black” on The Daily Show. Lewis Black, the fed-up humorist hanging at the end of his rope, brings new meaning to “Black” humor.

Lewis’ style is reminiscent of the late greats Lenny Bruce, Sam Kinison and George Carlin.

This show will contain mature explicit subject matter. Tickets: $45, $35, $25. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Storytelling Festival - Nov. 25. The essence of traditional and contemporary Hawaiian storytelling incorporates a number of different ways to tell stories. The evening performance features traditional master storyteller Tom Cummings, the dynamic young contemporary slam poet Kealoha Wong, and Maui’s own beloved “Tita” Kathy Collins. Tickets: $20 (each performance). 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Ebb & Flow Ensemble - Nov. 30. Robert Pollock, composer, pianist and founder of Ebb & Flow Arts, with principals from the Honolulu Symphony: Scott Anderson, clarinet; Ignace Jang, violin; and Mark Votapek, 'cello. Ebb & Flow features the premieres of recently commissioned international works and Pollock's own Mana Loa Quartet, plus contemporary favorites.

Tickets: $25. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Andy Bumatai - Dec. 2. From the TV special “All in the `Ohana” to the Monarch Room of The Royal Hawaiian Hotel, Andy has tickled audience funny bones from the islands to the mainland. An island boy by birth, he lived for a time in the Los Angeles area where he made the improvisation circuit and worked his way up to opening for major concert stars, from Tom Jones to the Beach Boys. Now he’s back to his roots and serving up one laff riot! Tickets: $34, $28. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, 242-7469.

“The Santaland Diaries” - Dec. 7. Coconut Cabaret presents David Sedaris’ brilliant evocation of Christmas as seen from the other side— through the eyes of a slacker working as a Macy’s elf! Our hero, Crumpet (you have to go by your elf name) weaves a tale of humiliation, bitterness and the occasional celebrity sighting all the while trying to get his big break on One Life To Live.

Starring John Michael Beck. Tickets $20. 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, 242-7469 or www.NeoComedy.com.

Matato’a - Dec. 8. Matato`a, from Rapa Nui (Easter Island), came together as a family group to promote the music and dance traditions, costumes and body art of Rapa Nui in ways that would inspire their own younger generation as well as rest of the world to listen, watch, learn and enjoy. Their original sound combines modern rhythms and instruments with traditional instruments and ancestral songs: a dynamic fusion of Rapa Nui, Polynesian, reggae, Latino and rock.

Tickets: $35, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Makaha Sons - Dec. 15. For 30 years the Makaha Sons have committed themselves to the perpetuation of traditional Hawaiian music throughout the world. They are one of Hawai`i’s premiere musical groups, with a vibrant sound, full and rich with harmonies. With Louis “Moon” Kauakahi on guitar, John Koko on bass and Jerome Koko on 12-string guitar, their incomparable arrangements and delightful stage presence have won the allegiance of fans everywhere.

Tickets: $37, $28, $10. 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Shanghai Circus - Jan. 5. A perennial favorite for audiences of all ages! Born of a 2500-year Chinese tradition of athleticism and artistry, the Shanghai Circus features acrobats, jugglers, contortionists and other skilled performers who dedicate their life to the achievement of physical excellence and perfection of form. Witness astounding feats of balance, breath-taking acts of body-bending, sly comedics and derring-do by

knife-throwers and plate spinners… all laced with traditional Chinese themes and props. Tickets $22, $16, $10. 2 and 7 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Pink Martini - Jan. 11. “Part language lesson, part Hollywood musical,” this Oregon-based “little big band” is equally at home with its multi-lingual repertoire on concert stages or in smoky bars. With an eclectic, perhaps even eccentric music mix, Pink Martini draws a wildly diverse crowd for its performances. Tickets: $40, $35.

7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

EVENTS Whalers Village Center Stage: Thu, 3-4 p.m., hula lessons; Fri, 12-2 p.m., lei making class; Sat, 6:30-7 p.m., Polynesian hula show, 7:30-8 p.m., Tahitian dance; Sun, 7-8 p.m., Rhythms of Aloha with Benny Uyetake; Mon, 6:30-7 p.m., Dances

of Polynesia, 7:30-8 p.m., Drums of Tahiti; Tue, 11 a.m.-1 p.m., lei making class. All shows are free.

Dog Training - The Maui Humane Society is now accepting enrollment for dog training classes that start Tue, Oct. 17. $110, $60. 877-3680.

Pennies for Polio - Proceeds raised will be used to buy Polio vaccinations as part of Rotary’s National Immunization Days. For more information about the project call Laycie-Ann, 984-3522.

Aloha Festivals - This year is the 60th anniversary. The theme, “Na Paniolo Nui O Hawai`i” translates to “The Great Cowboys of Hawai`i.”

Thu, Oct. 12 - Hawaiiana night with performances by Hula Halau. 6:30 p.m., Hana Ball Park, Hana, 248-7379.

Fri, Oct. 13 - Hawaiian style hoe-down. 6:30 p.m., Hana Ball Park, Hana, 248-8360.

Sat, Oct. 14 - Hana Aloha Week Luau. 5 p.m., Hana, 248-8989 or 248-8231.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12 Oral History - Oral histories and talk story about the war years on Maui, includes panel discussion with audience participation and features a presentation by Lillian Mangum. 6:30 p.m., Wailuku Public Library, 243-5766.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13 Salsa Night - Beginner class followed with a dance party. Class 6 p.m. Party 7:30-10 p.m. $10, $5. The Studio Maui, 575-9390.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14 `Ukulele Workshop - Lesson will be for beginners and intermediate; the only requirements are that the student can hold C, F & G7 chords and can bring their own ‘ukulele. Free. 10-11 a.m.

MACC, 242-7469.

Fashions for Success - Discover how to dress

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

29

OZOMATLI

A Tom Moffatt Production

THEY’RE BACK! The world’s greatest party band! with

GOMEGA

FRIDAY

MACC - Castle Theater

OCTOBER 13

• • 7:30 pm please note date change from Nov as previously announced

tix: 30

OCTOBER 12, 2006

242-SHOW • www.MauiArts.org MAUI TIME WEEKLY

DA KINECALENDAR

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15

WOW! - Wailea on Wednesdays presents live performances at The Shops at Wailea in the Lower Courtyard. This week: Jamie Lawrence Hawaiian Band. 6:30-8 p.m., Call 891-6770 ext. 2.

Dance - Valley Isle Ballroom Dance Club's monthly dance. 7-9 p.m., Wailuku Community Center, 879-8266.

KEIKI After-School - Every Mon. through Fri. Hui Malama Learning Center offers after-school homework help and classes in two locations. Call for directions and hours. 244-5911.

LECTURE

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 17

Improve Writing - Hui Malama Learning Center offers help for adults who would like to improve their reading and writing skills. Class dates and times vary, call Jill at 242-1174.

English as a Second Language - Every Thu. & Tue. Hui Malama offers ESL classes for residents and visitors. 9 a.m.-12 p.m., 160 #A N. Market St., Wailuku, 249-0111.

GED - Every Thu. Hui Malama Learning Center offers a free GED class to residents of Hana. 5-7 p.m. Hana Library, 244-5911.

Green Thumb - Sat, Oct. 14. Introduction to garden-composting class. $5. 9-11 a.m., 164 Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 878-6666.

Loan Officer Seminar - Sat, Oct. 14. Learn how to become a trusted mortgage advisor/realtor. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. 875-1600.

Give it to Me Raw - Wed, Oct. 18. In this presentation you will discover the wonderful world of raw foods. You’ll also find practical advice and useful tips on not only transitioning to a raw foods diet but also happily staying with it. 7 p.m., Cameron Center Auditorium, Wailuku, 575-7694.

Action Team - Citizens patrol of Kalama Park with purpose of keeping it safe, clean and friendly.

5:30-6 p.m., Kihei Community Center, 879 5654.

ENVIRONMENTAL

MONDAY, OCTOBER 16 Digital Bus - Learn how to test the waters.

Digital Bus uses Vernier Lab Pro equipment, which includes great gadgets like handheld computers and an array of water testing probes and sensors. 12-3 p.m., Digital bus, outside Maui Ocean Center, 270-7000.

Badminton - West Maui Parks & Recreation Badminton Nights on Mondays. 6:30-9 p.m., Lahiana Civic Center, 661-4685.

Haleakala - Tue, Oct. 17 and Wed, Oct. 18. A

meeting to make a plan. The plan will identify necessary and appropriate commercial services in the park, and the best way for the National Park Service to manage them. Bring your ideas.

Tue, Helene Hall, Hana; Wed, Hanibal Tavares Community Center, Pukalani, 572-4445.

SPORTS Group Effort - Every Thu. & Tue. Whether you’re a walker or a runner, you’ve got a group to train with. 5:30 p.m. Runner's Paradise, Maui Mall, 877-5300.

Memory Walk - Sat, Oct. 14. The community is invited to join in the fun at the Alzheimer’s Association’s 12th annual Maui Memory Walk. $30 minimum donation. 6:30 a.m., Center stage, Queen Ka’ahumanu Center, 242-8636.

Youth Championship Race - Sat, Oct. 14. We are the champions, my friend! 7:45 a.m., Keopulani Park, 280-5801.

ART Glass Jewelry - Every Fri. in October. Artist in Residence, Bob Hoffmeyer, will be his incredible glass art jewelry. 6-9 p.m., Maui Hands Lahaina Gallery, 667-9898.

Jean Marc Offergeld - Fri, Oct. 13. Emerging artist, Jean Marc Offergeld, demonstrates his charcoal drawing techniques. 6:30-9 p.m., The Quan Gallery, 667-2757.

Art Night - Every Fri. Stroll through dozens of art galleries in Lahaina Town. Special gallery shows, featured artists-in-action, and refreshments. Free and open to the public. 7-10 p.m., Front Street, 667-9194.

POETRY

Sweet Life Fruit Co. u

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Judi Riley - Maui author, illustrator and school teacher Judi Riley talks story about the islands and endangered species. 12-1 p.m., Borders Maui Marketplace, Kahului. 2-3 p.m., Borders Express, Lahaina Cannery Mall.

Sunset Jazz at Whalers Village - The jazz performances are free and feature some of Maui’s, and America’s, greatest jazz artists. 6-9 p.m., Whaler’s Village, Kaanapali, 661-4567.

“An Inconvenient Truth” - An Inconvenient Truth screening with free popcorn and a moderated discussion following. Free. 6:30 p.m., Unity Church, Wailuku, 242-9327.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18

Oa h

your best over lunch. $50. 11 a.m., Maui Beach Hotel, 877-8963.

Konawind Band - Every Sat. Konawind Band plays for your listening enjoyment. 6-8 p.m., Kihei Market Place.

Rollin’ - Shake, rattle and belly roll. It’s a shimmy night with the BellyRoll Dance Company. 7:30 and 8:30 p.m., Cafe Marc Aurel, 244-0852.

Libra Party - Zodiac party for the libras. Dance the night away with the InsPirates! comedy troupe and even get astrology and tarot readings. $5. The Studio Maui, 575-9390.

Gift Baskets•Fruit Baskets•Flowers

Live Poets Society - Thu, Oct. 12. Maui Live Poets Society in Lahaina meets for open poetry readings. 6:30-9 p.m., Lahaina, 661-0517.

Express Yourself - Every Mon. Open Mic Night with music, song, poetry! Free. 7 p.m., Cafe Marc Aurel, 244-0852.

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Monday Nights 10PM 900 Front St. • 667-7400 • Lahaina MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

31

Thursday 10/12 Kilohana $5, 10pm

BOCALINO

1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

CAFE MARC AUREL

Friday 10/13

Saturday 10/14

Tom Cherry Band $5, 10pm

Ohana Groove $5, 10pm

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

Eleniki CD Release Party $10, 9:45pm

Rivival CD Release Party $15, 9:45pm

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DjBlast, $10, 9:45pm

Conscious Healing $10, 9:30pm

Big Brazilian Bash $10, 9:30pm

MON - Kanoa & Friends, 9:30pm; TUE - DJ Durty, 7:30pm

COMPADRES

Salsa $5, 10pm

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

DJ $15, 10pm

E & O TRADING CO.

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 667-1818

HAPA’S NIGHTCLUB

Wild 105.5 Party 9pm

DJ Ched I Sabbah $15, 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-9001

Flirt w/Boogie Man Productions, 9pm

Teen Night

MON - Willie K, 9pm; TUE - Joey Arias after-party w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 9pm; WED - Dolla Balla w/DJ LX, 9pm MON - Reggae on the Rock w/Marty Dread, $10, 10pm

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL

Tony Ray No cover, 9pm

The Edge No cover, 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

Wild Rose No cover, 9pm

POLITICAL

TV/Radio

West Maui Taxpayers Association - Thu, Oct. 12. By attending the WMTA forum, prospective voters not only will get a steak dinner, they will learn in just one evening enough to make an informed decision when voting. 5 p.m., Lahaina Civic, Center Social Hall, www.westmaui.org.

Arakawa - Fri, Oct. 13. Mayor Alan Arakawa will be showing a video of his 14-day goodwill visit to the Philippines during a free get-together with Filipino dinner included. 6 p.m., Binhi At Ani Filipino Community Center, 249-2526.

Iraq for Sale - Fri, Oct. 13. “Iraq for Sale: The War Profiteers” is a new film by Robert Greenwald and you can catch a screening. 7 p.m., Ka Lama 104, MCC, 573-3255.

Meeting - Mon, Oct. 16. Mayor Alan Arakawa has announced a series of county-wide informational meetings to gather public input for the County of Maui Fiscal Year 2008 budget preparation process. Members of the mayor's cabinet will also be present to respond to questions or address any community issues or concerns. 5:30 p.m., Kihei Community Center, 270-7855.

Forum - Mon, Oct. 16. Candidates Forum on Hawaiian Issues. Paukukalo Community Center, Wailuku, 385-3030.

Candidates Night - Tue, Oct. 17. Kihei Community Association's Candidates Night. Small groups will question opposing candidates for all races. 6:30-8 p.m., Kihei Community Center, www.kiheicommunityassociation.org or 879-4836.

Meet the Candidates - Wed, Oct. 18. Friends of Pat Borge's “Meet the Candidates Night.” 5:307:30 p.m., Paia Community Center, 573-5511.

Talk Story - Every Mon-Thu. Political figures take calls and answer questions on the air. 7-8 a.m. on KAOI 1110 AM. Tune in and call 244-9145.

Maui Talks - Every Tue. A live, public affairs, callin talk show, hosted by Nick Nikhilananda. 7 p.m.

Channel 53. Call in at 873-3430 or for info call 572-8787.

Words of Peace - Every Wed and Thu. Prem Rawat broadcasts messages of world and inner peace. Not associated with a specific religion.

Wed, 9 p.m.; Thu, 7 a.m., Akaku Channel 52, www.contactinfo.org, 573-3084.

Smallville - Every Fri. Small Town Maui, a onehour, weekly radio program that shares the memories and values of the small towns we love and explores how we can learn from Maui's past to create a better future. 7 a.m., KAOI, 1110 AM. Call In - Every Fri. Political and public affairs, callin talk show with Teri Lawrence. 12-1 p.m. KAOI 1110 AM Call in 242-7800.

Debate - Wed, Oct. 18. Mayor Alan Arakawa and Council Member Charmaine Tavares have agreed to a one hour long Mayoral election debate live on Akaku TV. 7 p.m. Channel 53.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Wed, Thu, Fri; John Kane. Sat; Harry Troupe. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m.

730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700.

Cheeseburger In Paradise - Live music nightly.

FOOTBALL HEADQUARTERS Watch the Games!

College & Professional

PLAY QB-1 FREE! Maui’s #1 Happy Hour

844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758 • 2511 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8600 32

MON - Industry Night, No cover, 10pm; TUE - The New Project, $5, 10pm, WED -Lava, No cover, 9:30pm MON - Open Mic, No cover, 7pm; WED - Hand Jive Jazz Trio, No cover, 7:30pm

The Easy $10, 9:30pm

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9453

DJ Shark in the Water No cover, 9:30pm

Monday 10/16 – Wednesday 10/18

Shimmy Night Bellydancing No cover, 7:30 and 8:30pm

Rio Thing No cover, 7:30pm

28 N. Market St., Wailuku - 244-0852

Sunday 10/15

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Gina Martinelli 7pm

All sets 4:30-7:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

Compadres - Tue; Damien Awai. 4 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-7189.

Cool Cat Cafe - Thu, Sat, Sun, Tue; Howard Ahia.

Mon, Fri; The Carroll Brothers. Wed; Hau Phat.

All sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Hula Grill - (Early sets) Wed, Thu, Fri; Ernest Pua’a. Sat, Sun, Mon; Kawika Lum Ho. Tue; Jarret Roback. Early sets 3-5 p.m. (Followed by) Thu; Braddah Brian & Roy. Fri; Brian, Roy & Kawika. Sat; “TBA”. Sun; Ryan Tanaka & Friends.

Mon; “TBA”. Tue; Albert & Roy. Wed; An Den. Late sets 7-9:30 p.m. 2435 Kaanapali Parkway, Building P, Kaanapali, 667-6636.

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Fri, Sat; Acoustic music.

All sets 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd., 6670787.

Jack’s Terrace Restaurant & Bar - Thu; Harry Troupe. Fri; Joshua. Sat; Greg DiPiazza. Tue, Wed; Bentley Kaloway. All sets 7-10 p.m. 843 Waine’e St., Lahaina, 667-9616.

Kahana Sands Restaurant - Thu, Sat, Tue; Wayne Dunn. All sets 3-6 p.m. 4299 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy, Kahana, 669-5000.

Kimo’s - Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat, Sun; Sam Ahia. All sets 6:30-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 6614811.

Leilani’s On The Beach - Thu; JD on the Rocks.

Fri; Scott Baird. Sat; JD and Friends. Sun; Kilohana. Wed; Scottie Rotten. Thu-Sun sets 2:30-5 p.m. Wed sets 3:30-5:30 p.m. 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy, Building J, Ka’anapali, 6614495.

Longhi’s - Fri, Sat; Scotty Rotten. All sets 5-7 p.m. 888 Front St., Lahaina, 667-2288.

Mango Cafe - Fri, Sat, Sun; Live entertainment.

All sets 5-7 p.m. 2290 Ka’anapali Pkwy, Ka’anapali, 667-1929.

Maui Brewing Co. - Thu, Fri; Nino Toscano. Sat, Wed; Marvin Tevaga. Mon; Brian Haia. Tue; Kawika Lum Ho. All sets 6:30-8:30 p.m. 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy #217, Lahaina, 669-3473.

Moose McGillycuddy’s - Thu; Greg & Steve. Fri; Llayne & Greg. Sat, Sun; Mark & Mike. Wed; Anastasia. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7758.

Mulligan’s on the Wharf - Fri; AnRil. Sat; John Taylor. All sets 7 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661-8881.

Pioneer Inn - Thu; Ah-Tim Eleniki. Tue; Captain Billy Bones. Wed; Greg Di Piazza. All sets 6-8 p.m. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Reilley’s Steaks & Seafood - Thu; Shiro Mori.

Fri; Darrin Lenett. Mon, Tue; Gene Argel. Wed; Angie Carr. All sets 6-8 p.m. 4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Ste #304 Kahana, 667-7477 Sea House Restaurant - Thu; Albert Kaina and Kincades Basques. Fri, Sat, Mon, Tues; Kincade Basques. Sun; Kapule Paoa. Wed; Albert Kaina.

All sets 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapiilani Road, Napili, 669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI Blue Marlin Harbor-Front Grill & Bar - Fri, Mon; Boy Kana’e and Ka’ Uhaneleo. Sat; Braddah Frances and Friends. Mon-Sat sets 6:30-9 p.m.

Sun; Terri Garrison. Sun sets 4-6:30 p.m Maalaea Harbor, 244-8844.

Cafe Cafe - Tue; Joshua. 7-9 p.m. 2395 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 879-4700.

Capische? - Thu, Fri, Sat; Mark Johnston. Sun, Wed; Brian Cuomo. All sets 7-10 p.m. Diamond Resort, 555 Kaukahi, 879-2224.

Enrique’s Cocina Mexicana -- Fri; Eddi Delgado.

Sat, Mon; Island Stylin’. All sets 7-8:30 p.m. 2395 S Kihei Rd #111, Kihei, 875-2910.

Ma’alaea Grill - Thu, Sat; Benoit Jazz Works. All sets 6:30-9 p.m. Maalaea Harbor, 243-2206.

Marco’s Southside Grill – Nightly; Various artists (piano). All sets 7-10 p.m. 1445 S. Kihei Rd., 8744041.

Moose McGillycuddys - Sat; Joshua. 7-10 p.m.

2511 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei.

Mulligan’s on the Blue – Thu; Gene Argel and Makana, 7 p.m. Fri; Raita Helm, 8 p.m. Sat; Celtic Tigers, 7 p.m. Sun; Octoberfest, 5:30 p.m. Mon;

Thursday 10/12

Friday 10/13

Saturday 10/14

DJ Boomshot $5, 10pm

Live Entertainment 9pm

Live Entertainment 6pm

Kenny Roberts 6pm

El Nino 6pm

The Dogg House 10pm

TUE-WED - Da Hawaiians, 6pm

Thirsty Thursday $6, 9pm

No Info

No Info

Curtis Williams No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ Terry, No cover, 9pm: TUE - TBA, No cover, 9pm; WED - Adam Bowen, No cover, 9pm

TBA 10pm

Carroll Brothers 10pm

Karaoke 9:30pm

Karaoke 9:30pm

JACQUES

120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB

36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA COOLERS LIFE’S A BEACH

Rampage 9pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

Monday 10/16 – Wednesday 10/18

Live Reggae Music No cover, 9pm

Dickenson St., Lahaina - 661–7082

LOBBY LOUNGE

Sunday 10/15

Fine Line 9pm

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm Johnson, 8:30-11:30pm

LONGHI’S

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Gypsy Pacific, 7 p.m. Tue; Benoit Jazz Works, 7 p.m. Wed; Erin Smith, 9 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

Seawatch Restaurant - Nightly music 6-9 p.m.

100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., 875-8080.

South Shore Tiki Lounge - Thu, Sun, Tue; Tony & Peter. Fri, Wed; Trevor Jones. All sets 4-6 p.m.

1913 Kihei Road, Kalama Village, 874-6444.

Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café – Thu, Tue; Patrick Major. All sets 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983.

Tradewinds Poolside Cafe - Thu; Kawika Lum Ho. Fri; Kaleo Cullen. Sat; Louise Lambert. Sun, Mon; Kenny Roberts. Tue; Kaleo Cullen w/ hula

by Cora. Wed; Keoki Ruiz. All sets 6-9 p.m. The Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S. Kihei Rd, 891-8860.

Yorman’s By The Sea - Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat, Sun; All That Jazz Band. All sets 7-10 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Rd. Kihei, 874-8385.

CENTRAL MAUI AK’s Cafe - Fri; Ron Kuala’au. 6 p.m. 1237 L Main St, Wailuku, 244-8774.

Café Marc Aurel - Sat; Belly Dancing. 7 p.m. & 8 p.m. Mon; Open Mic Night. 7:30 p.m. 28 N. Market Street, Wailuku, 244-0852.

Mañana Garage - Nightly; Neto & Friends. All sets 6:30-9 p.m. 33 Lono Ave., Kahului, 8730220.

Sushi Go - Wed; Live music. 4-8 p.m. Queen Ka'ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744.

Unisan - Mon, Tue, Thu; Billy. Wed, Fri, Sat; Allen. All sets 6 p.m. 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku, 244-4500.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI Hana Hou Cafe - Thu; Haiku Hillbillys. Wed; Tom Conway and Randall Rospond. All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd, Haiku Cannery, 575-2661.

Jacque’s - Mon; Live Jazz. 5 p.m.120 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-8844.

Livewire Cafe - Wed; Joshua. 7-9 p.m. 137 Hana Highway, Paia, 579-6009.

MON - El Dogg, No cover, 9pm TBA 9pm

Live DJ

MON - Open Mic w/Adam Bowen, 9pm; TUE - Kanoa & Shawn, 10pm; WED - Danny Murry Show, 9pm

Nils & Anastasia 8:30-11:30pm

Dr. Nat, 8:30-11:30pm

MON - Nils & Anastasia, 8:30-11:30pm; WED - Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, No cover, 8:30-11:30pm

Erin Smith $5, 9:30pm

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI ■ EMBASSY VACATION RESORT 104 KA’ANAPALI SHORES, LAHAINA, 6612000 Ohana Bar & Grill - Wed, Thu; Live music. Fri; Patrick Major. Sun; Wayne and Friends. Mon, Tue; Ernest Pua’a. All sets 5:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

■ HYATT REGENCY MAUI RESORT & SPA 200 NOHEA KAI DR, LAHAINA, 661-1234 Weeping Banyan Lounge - Nightly; Live music.

All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

■ KA’ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL 2525 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0011 Kupanaha - Nightly; Hula show, 6:30-7:30 p.m.

Tiki Courtyard - Nightly; Alanui with Uncle Rudi.

Sun; Hula show. All sets 6:30 p.m.

■ MAUI MARRIOTT 100 NOHEA KAI DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 6671200 Nalu’s - Sat; Kawika Lum Ho. 5:30-7:30 p.m.

■ NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT 5900 Honoapiilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500 Thu; Kincaid and Albert. Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue; Kincaid Basques. Sun; Kapule Paoa. Wed; Albert Kaina. All sets 7-9 p.m.

■ RITZ-CARLTON KAPALUA ONE RITZ-CARLTON DRIVE, KAPALUA, 6696200 Lobby Lounge - Nightly; Live music. All sets 6-10 p.m.

Banyan Tree Restaurant - Thu, Fri, Sat, Tue, Wed; World fusion duo Ranga Pae. All sets 6:159:45 p.m.

■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT 2780 KEKAA DRIVE, KAANAPALI, 661-3611 Royal Ocean Terrace - Thu, Fri, Sat; Live Hawaiian. 6-8 p.m.

■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL 2605 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar - Nightly; Hula dancing during sets.

Thu, Mon, Tue; Bobby and Ralph. Fri; Ralph and Allan. Sat, Sun; Fausto and Kawaika. Wed; Nathan and Ralph. All sets 6-8 p.m. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset nightly.

■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL 2365 KAANAPALI PARKWAY, 667-2525 Ono’s Bar & Grille - Thu; Scott Baird. Fri; Larry Golis. Sat; Steve Sargenti. Sun; Margie Heart.

Mon; Ernest Puaa. Tue; Brian Haia. Wed; Kalani Smythe. All shows 6-9 p.m.

Tropica - (Early sets) Thu, Wed; Brian Haia. Fri, Sat, Mon; Marvin Tavagan. Sun; Ray Gooliak. Tue; Ernest Pua`a. Early sets 3 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Fri, Wed; Benny Uyetake. Sat, Tue; Mitch Kepa.

Sun, Mon; Josh Sumbicay. Late sets 6-9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI ■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA 3900 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 874-8000 Lobby Lounge - (Early sets) Thu; Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran. Sat, Mon; Island Styl Trio with hula dancing. Early sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. (Followed by) Thu; Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson. Fri; Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis. Sat, Mon; Nils and Anastasia. Sun; Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria. Wed; Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata.

Late sets 8:30-11:30 p.m. Torchlighting ceremony nightly.

■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA 3850 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-1234 Botero Bar - Wed; Live music. 5:30-9:30 p.m.

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a - Nightly; Strolling Hawaiian Duo. All sets 5:30 p.m.

■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI 4100 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 875-4100 Lobby Bar - Nightly; Live music. All sets 5:309:30 p.m.

■ THE SHOPS AT WAILEA 3750 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA East Wing- Wed; Marti Kluth. 6:30-8 p.m.

Lower Courtyard- Wed; Jamie Lawerence and Friends. 6:30-8 p.m.

■ WAILEA MARRIOTT 3700 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-1922 Kumu Bar & Grill - Nightly: Hula dancing. 6-9 p.m.

Mele Mele Lounge - Nighly; Live music. 9-11 p.m.

■ RENAISSANCE WAILEA BEACH RESORT 3550 WAILEA ALANUI, WAILEA, 879-4900 Sunset Terrace - Wed, Thu; Bobby Krueger. Fri; Mahalo Greg. Sat; Rama Camarillo. Sun; Mondo Kane. Mon, Tue; Lono. All sets 6-9 p.m.

■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL 5400 MAKENA ALANUI, 874-1111 Molokini Lounge - (Very early sets) Fri, Mon, Wed; Mele `Ohana Duo. Very early sets 9 a.m.-1 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Sat, Sun, Tue; Ron Kuala’au. Fri, Mon, We; Mele `Ohana Duo. Early sets 6 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Wed; Mele ‘Ohana Duo. Late sets 8:30-10:30 p.m.

EAST MAUI ■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI HANA, 248-8211 Paniolo Lounge - Thu, Fri, Sat, Sun; Live music.

6:30-9:30 p.m.

Main Dining Room - Thu, Sun; Hula dancing.

7:30-8:15 p.m.

Send your listings and photos for the Da Kine Calendar to calendar@mauitime.com

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

or fax (808) 244-0446

OCTOBER 12, 2006

33

Thursday 10/12 LOTUS

Shops at Wailea - 879-6088

LULU’S

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Neto, Latin salsa night, No cover, 8-11pm

Friday 10/13

Saturday 10/14

Sunday 10/15

Monday 10/16 – Wednesday 10/18

DJ LX $20, $10, 10pm

DJ Jay P & crew $20, $10, 10pm

The Willies, No cover, 8-11pm

Live Music, No cover, 8-9pm; Live DJ, No cover, 9pm

WED - Karaoke, 9pm

Salsa Music & Dancing No cover, 9pm

MON - Neto and Barbara, No cover, 10pm; WED - Chris Galfas Group, No cover, 9:30pm

Ladies Night Dub Club w/ DJ EdV & DJ Durty, 10pm

MANGO GRILL & BAR

2290 Ka`anapali Pkwy, Ka`anapali - 667-1929

MANANA GARAGE

33 Lono Ave., Kahului - 873-0220

MAUI BREWING CO.

WED - Open Mic Night, 10:30pm

4405 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Kahana - 669-3474

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S

DJ Mackie No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie No cover, 9pm

DJ Danyoll No cover, 9pm

DJ Tark No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ Danyoll, No cover 9pm; TUE - DJ Mackie, $5, 9pm; WED - DJ Mackie, No cover, 9pm

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Gene & Shea Argel No cover, 7pm

Barefoot Natives No cover, 8pm

Celtic Tigers No cover, 7pm

Celtic Tigers No cover, 7pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific, No cover; TUE - Benoit Jazzworks, No cover; WED - Erin Smith, No cover, 9pm

Trevor Jones 9pm

Local Artist Debut 10pm

Erin Smith 10pm

Steve Sargenti 9pm

TUE - DJ Bern, 9pm; WED - Open Mic Night, 10pm

The Easy No cover, 9pm

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

Live Jazz, No cover 9pm-12am

Live Jazz, No cover, 9pm-12am

844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MULLIGAN’S AT THE WHARF

Cinema Center, Lahaina - 661-8881

NEPTUNES

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-2555

PACIFIC’O

505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

MON - Danny Barry, No cover, 9pm; TUE - Adam and guests, No cover, 9pm; WED - House music, No cover, 9pm

PARADICE BLUZ

Rocktober Fest w/ Freedom

Kohomua and Revival

Sin City Flava Zone $8

SANSEI 600 Office Rd., Kapalua - 669-6286 SANSEI Kihei Town Center - 879-0004

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

Karaoke, 10pm-1am Karaoke, 10pm-1am

Karaoke, 10pm-1am

DJ Durty, No cover, 9pm

Backyard Party, No cover, 9pm

Backyard Party, No cover, 9pm

744 Front St., Lahaina - 667-5299

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Hyatt Regency, Ka’anapali - 667-4727

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

MON - DJ Boomshot; TUE - Karaoke; WED - Dollar Live

Kanoa No cover, 10pm

MON - DJ Ed V, 10pm, No cover; TUE - DJ Afro-Flatulence, No cover, 10pm; WED - Crunch Pups, No cover, 10pm

Hale No cover, 9:30pm

TUE - Danny Murray, No cover, 9:30pm; WED - John Moore Project, No cover, 9:30pm

DJ Blast, $15, 9:30pm

SPATS TRATTORIA

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

Soprano Sunday

Kenny Roberts No cover, 9:30pm

Crunch Pups No cover, 9:30pm Caldera $3, 9pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

Fatima and Curtis $3, 9pm

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34

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

35

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36

OCTOBER 12, 2006

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

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SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) You’d never find a self-respecting Scorpio in one of those couples sporting matching outfits, spouting baby-talk at one another, or acting pathetically codependent. (Obsessive, maybe, but not pathetic.)

Self-imposed restrictions like these are good but they can be taken too far, such as when they keep you from engaging in other romantic behavior that should come naturally to Scorpios, like making out in public, spreading the love (rather than hogging it all yourselves), or indulging your sense of adventure. Is it possible you’re limiting yourself unduly? If so, remedy that this week: do something fun, sexy and potentially embarrassing as soon as possible.

Surround an abandoned building with barbed wire, mount “keep out” signs to its doors and windows, and post a guard. It doesn’t matter. If the place interests a Sagittarius, nothing will keep him from exploring it anyway. I respect that your healthy sense of adventure extends to people as well. However, please remember that people aren’t derelict buildings, ripe for pillaging. If you venture into someone’s forbidden territory, remember this karmic rule: Leave things in better condition than you found them in.

Succeed in that, and you may even be invited back.

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To your eternal dismay, some people actively seek conflict. They desire it. Instead of working on finding a solution to a potentially difficult situation, or being willing to compromise, they attempt to escalate it. Don’t try to understand why, because you probably never will. Maybe they’re bored, angry, or just plain screwed up. When you encounter someone like that this week—as you’re quite likely to—don’t expect him or her to be the least bit reasonable. They’re trying to get a rise out of you. Logic won’t settle this; nor will duking it out. There’s only one real option: walking away.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

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Some people wear their self-definitions so obviously that they invite easy categorization. Anyone who tries to shove you in a box and keep you there is in for a shock, because you’re likely to not only transcend the definition they’ve slapped on you, but completely contradict it. You should encourage people to take you as you are, not as they imagine you to be. Here’s how: return the favor. No matter how one-dimensional someone seems, please expect more. You may be disappointed, but at least you’ve given them the chance, which is all they should need.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) One type of lily pad is so effective at covering the surface of the ponds it inhabits that it chokes out all other aquatic plant life by depriving them of sunlight. Sometimes Aquarians are a bit like that—so good at what you do that “lesser” talents never get a chance to shine. But is your way really the “best” way? Is there a possibility that someone else’s less strictly efficient or effective way might be more interesting, fruitful, or fun in the long run? Try it. If someone else offers to step up this week, back down, let them, and—this is key—support them.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) Even though you’re actually better at coping with and rolling with the unknown than virtually anyone else, you also sometimes fear it more than the rest of us. Your innate flexibility, original viewpoint and creativity make you ideally suited to thrive in chaos and fertile disorder, yet you allow yourself to experience so much anxiety about it. Why? The truth is you usually blossom under those conditions, and wither in safer situations that are more controlled. I hope my unbiased observation can help you feel more at ease when surfing life’s uncontrolled messiness: You’re good at this shit. When chaos comes your way, don’t fear it. Enjoy it.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Forget all this astrology bullshit. Ignore the fact that you’re supposed to get along well with Leos and Sagittarians and not with Taureans. In fact, try to forget every kind of preconceived notion about the kind of person you are and the type of person you usually like or get on well with. Instead, try to simply be open, and pay attention to what naturally happens between you and whoever else. Allow things to unfold as they seem to want to. This is hard, I know, but once you let go of your silly ideas about how things are “supposed” to be, it’ll get easier. It might—perish the thought—even be fun.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) You’re like a spider with prime real estate around a light near a pond. It’s criminally easy to get fat here, with curious bugs wandering into your web faster than you could ever consume them. You’ve even started to get picky, only acknowledging and eating certain kinds of insects, and totally ignoring the others. Bad move. What if the light bulb attracting all your easy prey burns out? Then where will you cart your swollen, spoiled ass? Enjoy the plenty you have now (instead of taking it for granted), while admitting, finally, that it probably won’t last forever.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Making the transition from theory to practice is often a difficult leap. Ask any martial artist; practicing the moves against your fellows, whose actions you can predict and know how to counter, is a far cry from fending off real attackers on the street, who are unpredictable and fight dirty. Nevertheless, figuring out how to apply the knowledge you’ve acquired in a semi-artificial environment out in the real world is this week’s primary objective. If you encounter a setback, don’t give up and conclude that your wisdom is actually worthless. You just haven’t hit upon the right application for it. Hint: it’s probably one you’d never expect.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) You’re lucky. You asked for a little vacation from life’s strife and struggle and you got one. This week and next week should be relatively easy to handle. What’s more, next week’s balanced New Moon in Libra is your perfect opportunity to set up your next chapter so that its challenges come in a more distributed way, instead of the periodic chaotic surges of overwhelming crap you’ve so often experienced this past year. Make the right plan regarding how you’ll assess and react to life’s inevitable challenges, and your feast-or-famine days could actually be over.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

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This week you’re likely to allow yourself to do something you rarely give yourself permission to do.

Luckily this week’s astrological influences are ideally suited to help you ignore the rules you’ve concocted for yourself and try something new (or something you haven’t tried in a long while). You’ll also probably experience some form of success (as well as fun) while doing it, which I’m hoping will encourage you to break that rule more often, or, better yet, throw it out completely.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Virgos don’t usually have time for artificiality. That’s one of the things I love about you, that what I see is (mostly) what I get. This week, however, you’re likely to experience a bit of pressure to hide or distort what and who you are, and may even have the luxury of trying. I hope you resist, however.

Remember, whatever illusion you dream up will be impossible to maintain over the long term, and will ultimately keep you from doing and being what you’re best at. You might impress someone in the shortrun only to disappoint them later. And what, I ask, is the point of that?

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

OCTOBER 12, 2006

37

Mind Body

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THERAPEUTIC BODYWORK LESSINS IN LOVE RELATIONDeep, Gentle, Relaxing & SHIP COUNSELING Effective. In Haiku or outcalls. All orientations & love styles. relaMAT#7589. Call Tennessee at 281- tionship & sexual issues , female 6685 ejaculation, male ejaculatory control. Bring romance into your life HEALTHY HAWAII EXPO with Tantra & our matchmaking Promote your business or practice srvices. www.schooloftantra.com face-to-face to hundreds of poten- 244-4103 tial customers! 10-5, Saturday, Oct.21 at the Lahaina Cannery MOVE YOUR BODY & THRIVE! Mall. For full details on exhibiting, Ina Nia class, you can expect to call 281-7645 or 669-9091 feel: joyful, strong, de-stressed, comfortable, excitement, commuFind Maui’s Holistic Events! nity, empowered, safe, and free.

Visit www.mauivision.net today Sound good? Start down that path and explore our extensive mind, now! www.niamaui.com for full body & spirit listings.

New schedule or 280-0149 October/November edition out this weekend! Call 669-9091 for info.

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SACRED TOUCH BODYWORK Upcountry. $50/hr. Call Autumn BELLYDANCE INTERM./BEGIN. 344-4814 CLASS BODYWORK FOR MEN w/Leyla Atwill. Begins 10/26. Maui Full-Body, combining alternative & Comm College Thurs. 6:00 p.m. traditional styles for a truly unique 984-3231. Also Tues. 7:30 p.m. experience. Private studio. Call Maui Lotus Yoga 115 Lipoa, Kihei Dennis at 344-3425 or visit 874-9642. www.mauibellywww.MauiBodyWork.com dance.com

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HOLOHOLOGIRL

BY SAMANTHA CAMPOS SAM@MAUITIME.COM

Slippery When Wet! I tried phone sex—it gave me an ear infection. – Richard Lewis Ever have a chafed vagina? How about extensive rug burns on your ass? Or even, let’s say, a fractured penis?

Safe sex be damned, for there are numerous injuries sustained in the act of fabrication de l’amour. Sure, there’s the occasional soreness, muscle cramps and inflamed genitalia some folks get from overuse or enthusiastic interaction. But there are even greater hazards. And I’m not necessarily talking about the deliberate bruises, bites and lacerations of mild S&M play, nor the intentional pain inflicted by adventurous forays into body modification or even, bathroom fornication.

Hey, sex in the tub or shower—as Mr. Bubble might say—makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty. And people have lots of piercings in lots of places these days. You know, from what I’ve heard. But lately I’ve been interested in tales of the more gruesome kind.

During a recent informal poll I conducted amongst my friends—and a couple shocked but compliant strangers—I wanted to find out what serious mishaps people have gotten into during, or because of, sex.

While nobody fessed up to heart attacks (rare), broken penises (not that rare), or popped blood vessels in the eye from orgasmic screaming (it’s been known to happen once or twice), stories about horrific sex injuries were fairly common.

One yoga instructor, confident in her flexibility, engaged in a pose with a lover on a porch swing that ultimately resulted in a hairline fracture of her hip. She had to stop doing yoga for at least a year.

Congress of a Cow inhibits Downward-Facing Dog—who knew?

Another friend, while attempting a position that employed the use of a chair— or it might’ve been the balcony rail, she can’t remember—actually broke a rib.

She’s not exactly sure when the injury occurred, but she was definitely in pain when she woke up.

“It was in the throes of passion,” she said. “I didn’t even notice.”

But then this is coming from a seasoned sexual stuntwoman, who told me she’d also broken her nose, head butted and broke the windshield of a boyfriend’s car with her forehead in the coital quest of years past.

She really can’t be blamed. With or without orgasm, sex triggers endorphins— the chemical equivalent to morphine and our body’s natural painkillers with a euphoric effect that can last up to a few hours. But don’t get me wrong; the pain of bad sex can last years.

A male colleague of mine recalled an excruciating experience in the aftermath of sex; as he was trying to make a hasty exit, he got his member caught in the zipper of his jeans.

“It was just Frank,” he said. “Not the beans, but still.”

And yet another friend had to be carried into the chiropractor’s office by her man after she severely injured her lower back and couldn’t walk. The cause? A tryst in a tree interrupted by a San Diego coast guard. That’s right—a tree.

“The problem was the positioning,” she said, “and that getting caught made me freeze and lock up the muscles.”

“But how did you explain it to the doc?” I asked.

“I just told him I slept on it wrong,” she said “You slept on your lower back wrong?” I asked, snickering.

“Whatever, it worked,” she said. “He didn’t ask me too many questions.”

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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