11.34 Love, Sex & Politics 2008, February 14, 2008, Volume 11, Issue 34, MauiTime

I FEBRUARY 14, 2008

I VOLUME 11

I ISSUE 34

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2

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

CONTENTS

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 34

5

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION If you made an adult film, what would you call it?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro Revenge of the Busty Cheerleader Space Vixens Who Want to Have Sex With Earthmen for no Particular Reason Associate Editor: Starr Begley Night of the Giving Head Calendar Editor: Jessica Armstrong Riding on Boys in Cars Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Lloyd Dangle, Rob Parsons, Chuck Shepherd, Cole Smithey, Ynez Tongson

14

Illustration: Guy Junker, Ron Pitts, Glenn Watson Photography: Sean M. Hower, Pietro Ortiz, Jason Waterhouse Art Director: Wendy S. H. Ortiz Frisky Business Graphic Designers: Emeline Sioson, Travis K. Tiffin Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers Butt Pirates of the Caribean Advertising Executive: Cynthia Matzke Whales Gone Wild: Hot Interspecies Intercourse Classified Sales: Robin Williams Knockin’ Boots Rockin’ Robin Style General Manager: Jennifer Russo MILF’s Gone Wild Administrative Executive: Judy Toba Auntie Mame Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown I don’t know! Sheesh!

Web Design: Linear Publishing www.linearpublishing.com Publisher: Tommy Russo Coco Contreras

MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2007 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. Maui Time Weekly may be distributed only by MauiTime Weekly’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime Weekly is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime Weekly, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime Weekly are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime Weekly.

Maui Time Weekly 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime Weekly

24

4 MAUI COUNTY

Reichel’s Halau Ke`alaokamaile, Yoga Bitch Suzanne Morrison and some big polo party at the Tedeschi Winery.

Some anonymous wad calls us arrogant in Letters. In Eh Brah!, a couple calls out a jackass thief–for leading them to a person who understands aloha. Rob Report tells us how King Corn now rules all of our lives. A local tavern owner does everything right and still gets fined in LC Watch. “Operational” is the new buzzword at Hawaiian Telcom, according to the Maui 10. Then News of the Weird tells you everything you wanted to know about dognapping. Then Coconut Wireless wonders what will happen to the poor cruise ships.

27 Grid & Calendar

11 LOVE, SEX & POLITICS

24 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

It’s Valentines Day, so we thought we’d dedicate this issue to love and other icky things. Ynez Tongson shows you the best local make-out spots. Starr Begley learns a lot about sex by working the counter at a local adult store. Jessica Armstrong explores the world of vintage pin-up girls by becoming one. And Anthony Pignataro exposes the upcoming Hawai`i Democratic Party Caucuses, which are sure to be sexy as all hell.

16 ONO KINE GRINDS Nothing says romantic dinners better than fine wine, which is good for Starr Begley, because she enjoys both. Then Jessica Armstong tells you where to dine with your sweetie in Take Five.

22 FILM Cole Smithey says there’s actually a lot of romance and comedy in the new romantic comedy Definitely, Maybe.

23 Movie Listings

Starr Begley says the new Queen of Hearts exhibit at Upcountry Fine Art sparks all kinds of Valentiney feelings. If you want feelings of a decidedly more sensual variety, check out Mind Candy’s look at sex in book form.

37 BACK PAGES Sign Language says Pisces need to stop being embarrassed by their desires. Restless Native wonders about her old flames.

CLASSIFIEDS 33 Personals

19 DA KINE CALENDAR Starr Begley tells you where to go and what to do on V-Day, then wonders how Public Property–who are from Iowa–can do such good reggae. Jessica Armstrong wants you to see Keali`i

34 Classified Listings 39 Mind, Body & Spirit

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

3

LETTERSTOTHEEDITOR

More than

45,000 readers

can’t be wrong

Available at more than 200350 locations

WE’RE ARROGANT? NO WAY! I read your magazine in 90 seconds.

It’s boring. You need outside influences.

Star [sic] Begley puts me to sleep. I sense an [sic] arrogance in the management. You’re a waste of newsprint.

Cheers.

-Anonymous, via fax

MMM… DOLLARS (The following is in response to the Feb. 7, 2008 story “Buying Power”) You can vote in the voting booth and you can vote with your dollars. So if you don’t, shame on you. If you say you can’t, you’re wrong. That’s the beauty of our system. You can be part of the solution.

Good story.

-Anonymous, via Mauitime.com

FRISCO CHECKS IN

MAUI’S ONLY LOCALLY OWNED INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER www.mauitime.com

(The following is in response to Starr Begley’s Feb. 7, 2008 story “Restless Native Goes to the Mainland”) You rode Muni? You’re quite brave.

It’s the transit agency where the timetable is merely a suggestion as to when the bus might be there. And you’re quite wise to avoid the trails off the main roads of Golden Gate Park, too, although a few are okay. Plus, you came by during the tail end of a series of storms that hit No Cal—this week’s been sunny and warmish for this time of year. And if you thought Macy’s was big, you didn’t see Bloomingdale’s.

And if you ever do brave a trip to the mainland again: if you can, fly into Oakland, not SFO. Oakland’s a smaller airport with less crowds and much less obnoxious security. SFO sucks.

-Anonymous, via Mauitime.com

TRUSTAFARIAN CONTROVERSY Hana Hou Eh Brah (Jan. 31, 2008)!

[There are] trustafarians [galore] in Paia, loitering on the sidewalks, walking in Mana Foods without slippers and shirts, juggling bowling pins at Baldwin Park.

Spare me. Go fall off the face of the earth some place else. You’re tearing the social fabric of this unique place. It’s not Santa Cruz or San Luis Obispo. Snacking on granola, with your salon dreads, while hitchhiking is not cool or welcomed.

-Kai Mokumaia, via Mauitime.com

with their EBT card.

BUT... you never know: that clean looking guy (or lady) working next to you on the job may have slept in a tent in someone’s yard the night before. Trust me. There are a LOT more homeless people on Maui than you see on the street looking destitute.

And, while we’re on the subject, apart from sanitation, why is it illegal to live in my car? I always use a toilet and I shower every day. I’ve seen homes that are less sanitary than my living “space.” I don’t need police officers listing me as an outlaw just because I have everything I own in my vehicle and pull off the road for a nap.

-Anonymous, via Mauitime.com

The first thing I thought of when I read the homeless Eh Brah was how many times, while homeless, street-people asked me if I was a narc or some other cop because I looked too clean. And yes, there are many ragged looking people on the street who carry a credit card, right along

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

MauiTime welcomes letters commenting on our coverage, but only if they’re complimentary. If you still wish to complain about something, please have the decency to use plenty of bad punctuation and grammar—that makes it easier for us to make fun of you when we respond. We also reserve the right to edit your letters.

Send your letters to the editor via e-mail (letters@mauitime.com), regular mail (Letters to the Editor, Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793-1742) or fax (808-244-0446). All correspondence must include your full name, hometown and phone number.

EH BRAH!

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com You just never know where the donkeys are going to show up. Having hiked the Waihe‘e Ridge trail over a dozen times, I mistakenly believed that I didn’t have anything to worry about when I parked my car up there last week. Maybe it was the fact that I had recently upgraded from my old Maui Cruiser to a newer vehicle, which gave you a reason to believe I might have left something valuable in my car. The humor of knowing that our wallets and cell phones were in our pockets almost overshadowed the disgust we felt when we came back from a great hike to find our car window smashed and the glove box open. Where’s the aloha? It’s not so much the car, since insurance covers that. It’s the fact that there are jackasses like yourself who feel they can just cruise up to people’s property and vandalize it in order to… get enough money to go and buy some beer?

Something worse? People shouldn’t have to think twice when they park their vehicles in order to enjoy the island. Still, there is some aloha left on the island: you nearly left us in a bad spot with no window and a rainy weekend. Luckily we pulled into Ace Auto Glass just as they closed, and they stayed late to give us a temporary fix for what you destroyed. I guess you probably don’t know (or care) that windows aren’t always in stock on the island. Then again, your lack of respect and aloha led me to someone who still exemplifies that.

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

5

ROBREPORT

BY ROB PARSONS ROBPARSONS@EARTHLINK.NET

Corn-ucopia How King Corn fattens American waistlines and corporate profits Sugar, the “king” of crops, was the foundation of Hawai‘i’s economy for nearly a century. Sugarcane first came from Southeast Asia and New Guinea and was brought to Hawai‘i by Polynesian settlers. Early Hawaiians had several varieties of cane, some surviving into the 1900’s.

Other varieties were introduced as sugar processing went from a small operation to a major industry during the 1800’s. Sugar planters, mostly foreigners, were very influential. Their effort to protect their investments led to the overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy in 1893.

As the industry grew, plantations controlled thousands of acres. They required a large labor force and workers came from Asia, Europe and the South Pacific. Sugar changed the landscape, economy and culture of the Islands like no other crop.

But sugar has fallen by the wayside, with only two plantations surviving: Gay & Robinson on Kauai and Hawaiian Commercial & Sugar on Maui. While tourism has achieved top economic status throughout the islands, another crop has risen steadily over the past decade, now earning nearly $100 million annually.

No, it’s not pakalolo, the illicit cash crop of the 70’s, before the federally funded Operation Greenharvest forced many marijuana growers indoors.

It’s corn. Corn is King across America. Nearly everything Americans eat contains corn. High fructose corn syrup, corn-fed meat and corn-based processed foods are the staples of the modern diet.

Corn is the nation’s most-planted, most-processed, most-subsidized crop. More than 80,000 acres across the U.S. grow corn, and that number is likely to continue rising, due to the push to convert corn to ethanol.

Nationally, 32 percent of all that corn is genetically modified, and most of that seed corn is produced in Hawai‘i. Nearly 5,000 acres of biotech corn were planted in 2006 and 2007 on Maui, Molokai, Oahu and Kauai.

Nine million pounds of seed corn were exported in the past year—a five-fold increase since the 1997-1998 growing season—bringing more than $94 million to agri-business giants Monsanto and Pioneer.

High fructose corn syrup has also surpassed sugar as the most-used sweetener in the U.S. According to

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

LC Watch Gray Hairs Scott Metcalfe, owner of Kahului Ale House, did everything right when he appeared before the Liquor Control Board of Adjudication on Feb. 7, 2008.

He was humble and polite, yet spoke clearly and enthusiastically about how he cleaned up the popular tavern. The board responded cheerfully, listened attentively and complimented his actions. Then they fined him $2,000.

Metcalfe appeared before the LC because an incident dating back to the early morning hours of Dec. 22, 2006.

That’s when Maui police officers encountered one Cory K. Baisa, 20, during a fight involving nearly a dozen people in the Ale House parking lot.

Baisa, still wearing an Ale House wristband, appeared to be drunk. In fact, the underage Baisa told officers that earlier that evening he’d been in the Ale House drinking four to five beers as well as a few Agwa shots (during the hearing, Deputy Prosecuting Attorney Scott Hanano insisted on calling them “A-GW-A” shots) and a shot of Patron.

Pleading no contest on one count of serving a minor, Metcalfe—a former Haleakala park ranger—rattled off a long list of changes to the Ale House he’d made since the incident. He bought a $1,300 I.D. scanner. He got his employees training in identifying intoxicated customers. He began offering free taxi rides and food to intoxicated customers. He replaced hip-hop music with Hawaiian music, then hired additional staff for big events like televised UFC fights. Metcalfe even said that he’d “fired” his “little brother” Chad, who used to be the proprietor, for “neglecting” the place.

estimates, an average person consumes more than 73 pounds of high fructose corn syrup every year.

“If you take a McDonald’s meal, you don’t realize it when you eat it, but you’re eating corn,” says Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma. “Beef has been corn-fed. Soda is corn. Even the French fries. Half the calories in the French fries come from the fat they’re fried in, which is liable to be either corn oil or soy oil. So when you’re at McDonald’s, you’re eating Iowa food.

Everything on your plate is corn.”

In 2005, federal subsidies spent $9.4 billion in taxpayer money on corn production. The glut of cheap corn-based foods is a contributing factor to an obesity epi-

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

see CORN, page 10

“I cleaned up the place,” Metcalfe told the board. “With these hands I cleaned up the place. It had been neglected. I grew gray hairs from this place already. I’m a marathon runner, so I shouldn’t be growing gray hairs.”

Of course, the board wasn’t completely without sympathy. Since the Baisa incident was Ale House’s first offense for serving a minor, they suspended $1,000 of the fine, assuming the tavern doesn’t have any similar violations in the next year.

-Anthony Pignataro

The Maui 10 Who’s the county’s most powerful player?

RANK

PREVIOUS

COMPANY

1

1

Monsanto Hawai`i

2

3

Tesoro Hawai`i

3

2

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4

4

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5

5

Maui Land & Pineapple Co.

6

6

Weinberg Foundation

7

7

Dowling Co.

8

8

Wailuku Water Co.

9

10

Hawaiian Telcom

10

9

Goodfellow Brothers

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Much like the U.S. Treasury has China to thank for financing our national debt, Alexander & Baldwin is increasingly looking to China for keeping them afloat. Kevin L. Halloran, VP for Corporate Development and Investor Relations, said as much in a Feb. 5 press release announcing $142.2 million in profits despite low local sugar production. “The Ocean Transportation business segment posted a very strong 20 percent increase in operating profit for the full year, which reflects the continuing positive impact of Matson’s China service and the emerging earnings growth of our Guam carriage,” Halloran said in the release.

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Just hours after Stephen Cooper—the man who helped transform the bankrupt, disgraced Enron Corporation into the far leaner (I think the legal term is “assetless”) Enron Creditors Recovery Corporation—took over Hawaiian Telcom, he was on the phone with analysts promising big, big action. “When I look at Hawaiian Telcom I see a company that has a tremendous amount of good DNA and a company that requires some operational fine-tuning,” he told them, according to the Feb. 6 Pacific Business News. Cooper promised an “operational plan” that fix HT’s “operational issues” and “operational upsets.” The implication of all this talk is, of course, that Hawaiian Telcom has hitherto “not been operational” (or “inoperable,” I suppose, but I’m not absolutely fluent in all the really technical corporate jargon).

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NEWSOFTHEWEIRD WATERGATE STARTED THIS WAY Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez (Alice, Texas—pop. 19,000) and her twin sister were indicted in January for hiding evidence in a dognapping case.

Saenz-Lopez had agreed to baby-sit a shih tzu but, alarmed by the dog’s sickliness, she kept it and lied to the owners that it had died. When it was spotted at a local grooming service, Saenz-Lopez and her sister allegedly began a cover-up that included the mayor’s once pretending to be her sister. The mayor told her lawyer that if not for her husband, she would go to jail “for the rest of [my] life” rather than give the dog back. Most recently, Saenz-Lopez reported that the dog had run away, but many of her constituents are skeptical.

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD CHUCK@MAUITIME.COM

That anomaly surfaced in the current presidential campaign and was verified by a Congressional Quarterly-St. Petersburg Times “Politifact” researcher in December. A USDA official admitted to the Times that there “is no rationale or logic” behind the distinction: “[I]t’s an issue that makes it look like we don’t know what we’re doing.”

GREAT ART! In January, the Centre for Recent Drawing art gallery in a London, England, suburb scheduled a series of 55 works by artist Jordan McKenzie, 40, called “Spent,” even though they consist merely of canvases onto which he had ejaculated and covered with carbon sprinkles.

McKenzie maintained that the works were “heartfelt and delicate.”

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Among the accusations that emerged from an FBI investigation of the beleaguered U.S. Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (according to a December Washington Post report) is that Ginger Cruz, the deputy director of that office, is a selfdescribed Wiccan who had been threatening to place hexes on employees if they co-operated with outsiders’ evaluations of the agency. She was cleared of those charges by the internal SIGIR staff.

OUR BELOVED BUREAUCRACY A commercial, pre-packaged ham-and-cheese sandwich using one slice of bread is regulated by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which conducts daily inspections under its jurisdiction, but a hamand-cheese sandwich on two slices of bread falls to the Food and Drug Administration, which inspects plants about once every five years.

The Austin (Texas) Police Department announced in January that it had suspended Officer Scott Lando, 45, based on preliminary indications that he had been hiring a prostitute while on duty.

According to a search warrant affidavit (disclosed in the Austin AmericanStatesman), Lando had paid for the woman’s services in part by giving her free rein over part of Mrs. Lando’s closet, declaring that his wife “would never miss” some of the items.

HEALTH CARE DEFORM In October, Syracuse, N.Y., dentist George Trusty was sued in federal court after a drill bit snapped off and lodged near a patient’s eye, allegedly because Trusty was dancing to the song “Car Wash” on the radio while tending to the patient. And in January, former Skokie, Ill., eye doctor’s assistant Joseph Vernell Jr. was sued after a patient complained that, in a dark room “exam,” Vernell licked her toes, explaining that he was actually “checking [her] sugar level.” MTW

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

Just a thought.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

-Guy talking to a girl on the Ka‘anapali boardwalk, Feb. 9

MAUICOUNTY

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO ANTHONY@MAUITIME.COM

story in today’s Honolulu Star-Bulletin on a preliminary federal government report that says downhill bike tours are “highrisk”—more dangerous than river rafting or climbing Mt. Rainier. While local bike tour enthusiasts scoff at the report—the story quotes local attorney James Fosbinder as saying climbing Rainier is perfectly safe because climbers are just “walking on a hillside”—it’s hard to imagine that park Superintendent Marilyn Parris—who has already banned snow-shoeing, bathing and the possession of explosives from the park—will restart the tours when the final report becomes available in March.

FRIDAY, Feb. 8

THURSDAY, Feb. 7 Looks like bike tours in Haleakala National Park won’t be restarting soon—or ever. That’s according to a

SATURDAY, Feb. 9 Well, the Maui County Council took up Wailea 670 (sorry—“Honua‘ula”) yesterday. The Maui News reported today that 120 people showed up, roughly split evenly between those who think the project is a gift to Maui and those who don’t. But what really intrigued me was Council member Mike Victorino saying he’s fine with the idea of doing another EIS on the proposed project. “I don’t think it’s going to throw a monkey wrench into it,” he said, according to the paper. “They have time.” Does this mean Victorino is one of “these people” Jencks sneered at earlier this week?

SUNDAY, Feb. 10 Producers Daniel Ho, George Kahumoku, Paul Konwiser and Wayne Wong won another Hawaiian Music Grammy, this time for Treasures of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar? Stop! And the producers are also making a big deal over the fact that eight of the album’s 12

tracks have vocals? Shocking! Oh, look at this: vocalists Keola Beamer and Raiatea Helm, who were also nominated, didn’t even attend today’s ceremony in Los Angeles. Astonishing.

MONDAY, Feb. 11 The spirited opposition by Governor Linda Lingle, state officials and local businesses to a proposed new federal rule that would require foreign-flagged cruise ships to spend 48 hours in at least one foreign port during a voyage vividly illustrates the cruise industry’s grip on our state.

There’s a big story on it in today’s Honolulu Advertiser, explaining it lots of detail how Lingle and others feel such a law would force the industry to cut short the time it spends in local ports like Kailua and Lahaina. In the story, Susan Aft, an Atlanta travel agent calls the rule “the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of [because] nobody wants to stay in some of these [foreign] ports that long,” but this begs the question of why the cruise ships are stopping at these ports in the first place. And the answer, of course, is that foreign-flagged ships are required to make a foreign port-of-call if they visit the U.S. They don’t want to do this because the big money is in American ports, so they’ve been interpreting that law narrowly by often just dropping anchor in some Mexican port for an hour before racing off to an American harbor or anchorage. U.S.flagged cruise ships don’t have to do this, BOYCOT T SEAFOOD FROM CANADA!

Haven’t heard from Charlie Jencks in a while. For those of you who’ve forgotten his name, he’s the “representative” (never, ever call him a “lobbyist”) for Honua`ula Partners LLC, which wants to build 1,400 homes and a private golf course on 670 acres of hitherto undeveloped Wailea (hence the old name Wailea 670). And he’s in rare form, too, snarling this time at Maui Tomorrow activists who want the Maui Planning Commission to ask for a supplemental Environmental Impact Statement (EIS) for the project on the grounds that the original EIS dates back to 1989. “This is not news to me,” he said in the Feb. 6 Maui News. “It’s always something with these people.” Isn’t it charming how he disparaged local residents who find it odd that county officials will likely approve a big golf and residential development on the basis of a two decade-old planning document as these people? As though their opposition was in some way a personal attack on him, rather than the merits of the development project he’s going to get approved anyway, regardless of the opposition (welcome to world of “entitlements”). Then again, considering he’s making substantial sum of money to get the project approved as quickly as possible, it’s easy to see why he might take principled community opposition personally.

NCL’s Pride of America: soon the company’s only U.S. flagged ship but as Norwegian Cruise Lines (NCL) recently discovered, it can get expensive.

This is because their owners must hire Americans and pay American-type wages.

The way around that is to fly a foreign flag, which allows you to hire anyone you please and pay the prevailing sea wage, which the last time I checked was a little bit more than nothing at all. Now according to the Advertiser, the new rule does have some powerful friends, including U.S. Congressman Neil Abercrombie (D, Hawai‘i) and labor unions that want mariners—all mariners—to get better wages. But missing from the whole discussion is any examination of how this new rule would affect passengers—the ostensible reason for cruise ships, right? The whole point of a cruise is to visit interesting places, right? Wrong—the whole point is for passengers to spend tons of money on the ship itself. But that’s always been true, which kinda makes the support our local officials are giving the industry look remarkably short sighted.

TUESDAY, Feb. 12 NCL just announced that this May they’ll pull their U.S. flagged Pride of Aloha out of Hawai‘i and send her to Asia.

Isn’t the global economy wonderful?

Anthony Pignataro is still doing that Twitter thing. Learn more at http://twitter.com/apignataro. You know you want to. MTW

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

PUMP DON’T DUMP IN OUR OCEAN WATERS!

Photo: Pietro Ortiz

WEDNESDAY, Feb. 6

I love Fridays: it’s when all the best bad news comes up. And Hawai`i Superferry Inc. made public some choice bad news today. Looks like their vaunted, already broken Alakai will be spending two weeks in the old dry dock starting Feb. 13, according to a press release they sent out this afternoon. This is so the company can make “permanent repairs related to the vessel’s auxiliary rudders?” Yes, apparently even a brand-new ship like the Alakai needs repairs that will take at least two weeks to carry out. And all this is to “enhance passenger comfort?” What, too many people throwing up has the boat pitched off the coast of Molokai? Of course, all of this was planned for. See, HSF has merely “moved up its annual drydock for maintenance and recertification by the U.S. Coast Guard.”

Annual? The boat’s been sailing for just three months! We’d have a hell of a navy if Pacific Fleet Headquarters decided to drydock our destroyers and cruisers every three months. But have no fear: HSF is doing all this now so it can take “advantage of the offpeak travel season.” Guess that’s how they define regularly setting sail with Alakai’s hold carrying just a fraction of her capacity.

9

ROBREPORT CORN: continued from page 6 demic the likes of which we haven’t seen. In 2004, 17.5 percent of American children were categorized as overweight or obese, up from just four percent in 1971.

Of course, cheap foods cost us in other ways. The medical and healthrelated expenses associated with obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol and other symptoms of nutritionally deficient foods are skyrocketing. Americans are essentially paying twice for their processed foods, fast foods and sodas: cheaply at the grocery checkout or fast food window, but then much more expensively at the doctor’s office.

Ideally, corn subsidies could be

turned into federal support for other, healthier foods. Making food affordable and profitable for the growers is smart and necessary, but making healthful food viable is even more crucial.

Except for sweet corn, most field corn is

eat grass, not grain. A corn-based diet causes trouble for cattle and corn-fed beef contains far more saturated fats than that from cattle raised on grass.

Increasingly, the push to refine biofu-

Nearly everything Americans eat contains corn. High fructose corn syrup, corn-fed meat and corn-based processed foods are the staples of the modern diet. bred as an industrial food, with as much starch as possible. The flavor found in the protein has literally been bred out.

Corn is utilized in food processing as high fructose corn syrup, maltodextrin, dextrose, sorbitol or other artificially derived compounds. Corn is a staple feed of the cattle industry, yet cattle evolved to

els, especially ethanol, is changing the corn economy even more. With the demand for alternative fuels competing with rising petroleum costs, corn prices are higher than they’ve been in years.

The number of ethanol plants in America is expected to quadruple in the next few years. Despite cautions from scientists and

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environmentalists that ethanol isn’t a silver bullet, recently Congress passed and President George W. Bush signed legislation requiring huge increases in its use and generous subsidies for its production.

For Hawai‘i and the U.S., biofuels like ethanol have been seen as a way to loosen Big Oil’s grip while reducing toxic emissions. But new studies published last week in the journal Science indicate that biofuel production actually causes more harmful greenhouse gas emissions than conventional fuels. The studies concluded that nearly all biofuels presently in use cause more emissions, when land-use changes, fertilizers, refining and transportation are taken into account.

Of chief concern is global destruction of natural land that is being converted to cropland—not just for biofuels, but for food plants displaced by more lucrative biofuel crops. Although crops absorb carbon, the amount taken in falls far short of carbon emitted or released when rain forests are burned or cleared and grasslands are plowed under.

Ironically, Mexico—where North American corn originated and has been cultivated for perhaps 10,000 years—has seen the price of corn tortillas triple.

“Free trade” rules in place for just over a decade have hurt the poorest people of the continent, while simultaneously benefiting rich and powerful agri-businesses. Two weeks ago, many thousands of poor Mexican farmers marched down Mexico City’s fancy Paseo de la Reforma demanding that the government reverse the provisions of the North American Free Trade Agreement.

The interweaving of political and corporate interests are rampant, and the everadvancing expansion of the Global Economy is clearly compromising the health of the planet, to say nothing of the average person. In Hawai‘i, isolated by millions of square miles of ocean, our choices for local food production and consumption are a vital part of a sustainable future.

Local residents will soon have an opportunity to examine much more about how America farms its biggest crop. Maui will host the documentary film King Corn on Wednesday, Feb. 20 at the Maui Arts & Cultural Center’s Castle Theater. The film is a benefit for Maui Aloha `Aina, a local non-profit whose vision for Maui agriculture is ”agricultural diversity above the ground and biological diversity below the ground, growing nutrient dense foods to sustain a healthy community.”

Special guests will be available at the Maui benefit King Corn screening, including Ian Cheney, co-creator and co-star of the film. Also participating in a Q&A session will be Charles Walters, the founder and executive editor of ACRES U.S.A. magazine. For more information, visit www.MauiAlohaAina.org and www.kingcorn.net. MTW

By Ynez Tongson

Great spots where you can make-out like a horny teenager

Kanaha Beach Park This is one of my favorite places. The constant but gentle lull of the ocean is showcased against the occasional airplane roar. Not only that, but you can zip off to town in a moment’s notice to take care of food or an impending curfew. But if you decide to do your smoochin’ in the car while parked inside, be warned that someone will probably interrupt you when the park closes. This can be incredibly embarrassing, especially when you’ve been caught so often they call you by name.

Iao Valley Entrance (at night) You know how in horror movies, the killer/monster/general unpleasantness always attacks when the loving couple is, um, preoccupied? This is what I always imagine at the Iao Valley entrance. So why

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lip-lock at one of Maui’s better known haunted spots? Two words: bragging rights. There’s no better aphrodisiac than the envy of your peers. And if that swollen “ego” doesn’t help set things in motion, then the fear of a serial killer/night marcher lurking in the shadows might surely do the trick.

ing an extra blanket and hope they don’t brush against the notes you printed out from Wikipedia’s wikiHow. Go ahead and check, I’m not making this up. It’s even so kind as to tell you the things you’ll need for an expedition of this magnitude. The list includes necessities such as “lips” and “a partner.”

Hosmer’s Grove

Baldwin Beach

This place is freezing cold at night.

Which makes for a great reason to get cozy. After stargazing, take your lover back to your car or tent and have him or her seeing stars for the next couple of hours. Yes, I wrote “couple of hours.” Is my youth showing? Anyway, if your shared body heat and fiery passion can’t keep you and your sweetie warm, you’re not doing it right. Compensate by bring-

Cheesy, I know. Baldwin is always fairly empty with white sand gleaming against an impossibly blue ocean. There are palm trees and the beach is lined with shady, emerald hideouts (think Big Beach, without the people and the waves). If the wind isn’t blowing silica into your eyes and every available crevice, Baldwin Beach can be the stuff dreams are made of. Then again, you and your companion

could be a bit drunk and struggling with failing, messy relationships. When the alcohol wears off and you’re wondering if sand is permanently lodged into you brain, you’ll remember that nightmares are dreams, too.

Lighthouse If you don’t know where this is, I can’t tell you. The view is fantastic, though.

You’re overlooking the ocean and the mountains are directly behind. But who am I kidding? You’re not looking at the view! The best thing about Lighthouse is that it’s fairly isolated. So if the talking leads to touching, then the touching leads to… well, go ahead and have it. By the way, if anyone caught the vague song reference… call me? It’s been a while since I visited any of these places. MTW

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Changing people’s lives, one vibrator at a time hile I was in San Francisco recently I made the grave mistake of wandering into a sex-shop called Frenchy’s, which was neither French nor particularly womanfriendly. Within 15 seconds I realized that I was the only female in the shop with an actual pulse. I felt like a small woodland creature leered at by a pack of mangy wolves. I hightailed it out, feeling super yucky and homesick.

That being said, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to work in an adult store. And by “adult,” I mean a place that sells dirty magazines, porn and strapons. Is it a dangerous job?

Would I have to keep a loaded shotgun behind the counter to ward off creeps in trench coats? What would I wear? Are stilettos mandatory uniform?

Last week I found out by spending an afternoon working at The Love Shack in Kihei (yes, they advertise with us). To say the least, I was both stoked and apprehensive.

I’ve been in The Love Shack tons of times and have always felt comfortable around the knowledgeable sales staff and The Queen of Love herself, shop owner Lila Sherman (I’m something of a sex-toy aficionado). But I was a little stressed because I wasn’t sure what the clientele would be like. I am a pervert magnet and the last thing I wanted to do was subject myself to a large pool of them.

I was wrong to be worried. In fact, it’s wrong to call The Love Shack a sex-store. It’s more like a candy-shop for grownups. After spending the day there–shadowing Lila, pricing products, entering customers into a Valentine’s Day drawing, hanging lingerie, putting labels on lube, pimping the benefits of ben wa balls and giving my input on what makes a good vibrator great, I realized a few things that surprised me…

everything—and I mean everything—about sex. “Therapists send couples to me,” she said. After spending time with her, I felt ready to tackle a gagillion new positions, erotic massage techniques and even try my hand at the Jitterbug, a dance that she introduced me to behind the counter.

W

Lila is a G-MILF “G” standing for Grandma. Before spending time with her, I found it hard to believe that someone from that generation could be so open-minded about sex and love. I’ve often “sterilized” people in that age bracket in my mind, which is ridiculous. She is absolutely amazing and knows

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

People are kinkier than they look Can’t stress this one enough. I’ve always fancied myself open-minded and explorative when it comes to activities that take place between the sheets, but also tended to think that I was kind of a freak. Not so. I rang up so many “normal” looking couples–Dockers and polo shirts–that came in and bought some items I haven’t even tried yet. Some were tourists, some were on lunch breaks, but all seemed comfortable with both their sexuality and larger than life, veiny, cyber-flesh dildos.

A longer marriage equals better sex I know that this isn’t always true, but I’m trying to think positive. Of the many couples that came in, the oldest ones seemed the happiest. Of course, my hands got clammy when they walked in the door.

I wanted to cover their eyes and apologize profusely for all the shop’s graphic nudity before ushering them outside. Again, I misjudged. They wandered the store, occasionally holding hands, whispering to each other and chuckling. They weren’t embarrassed in the slightest. They left with a toy, fresh batteries, large bottle of lube and infectious grins on their faces.

The future is looking bright, my friends.

By Starr Begley

Age means nothing At one point an 82-year-old gentleman came in. I would have never matched him and anything sex-related in a million years. He and Lila reminisced about World War II and the music of their younger years. “While Viagra is great, I wish there was something for the ladies,” he lamented as he bought a birthday card that said, “For your Birthday I bought you a 14-inch vibrator” (in the inside it said in squiggly type, “but I misplaced it somewhere”).

Later a super saucy-looking woman who appeared to be in her 30’s walked in. I figured that she knew her way around all things sex. She bought a vibrator but blanched at the mere thought of cock rings. Who knew?

The Love Shack, 1913 S. Kihei Road, 875-0303. MTW

How I found my inner Brigitte Bardot

By Jessica Armstrong

S

s who Two pin-up aren’t me.

ince moving to Maui, I’ve basically abandoned high heels and mascara. I wear my brown, wavy hair in a ponytail and I don’t own a single shade of lipgloss. Gone are the trendy jeans and manicured nails that seemed so important when I lived in a stylish metropolis. Like many girls on Maui, I’ve discovered that all I need is a good tan, cute bikini and jean skirt to fit in.

Naturally, I had some reservations when I went for a sexy photo shoot at Island Girl Pinups. I figured that I have nothing in common with models from the 1940’s and 50’s, with their miniature waistlines and killer legs. And I wasn’t sure how comfortable I’d be stripping down for a photographer, or how much skin I’d actually be revealing.

Some of those early pin-up girls were photographed in rather suggestive poses…

Then again, I’d be getting a few professional photos of myself looking smoking hot—well before my metabolism slows down and I get crows feet around my eyes. Plus I could wrap up the (hopefully!) sexy picture and give it to my beau for Valentines Day. Armed with reluctance and nervousness, I met up with Katherine Day, a stylist and co-owner of Island Pin Up Girls (yes, they also advertise with us), in her chair at Rutz Salon in Kihei. I’d spoken to Chris Ledford, her photographer/business partner, and he suggested I bring ideas for a theme and an outfit to wear with me, but I arrived sans inspiration and in my casual Maui clothes.

This was no problem for Day, a bubbly redhead with a PhD in transforming everyday girls into glamour goddesses. She plopped a book full of pin-up models in my lap and dove into her stash of sexy costumes. She surfaced with a vintage swimsuit that looked like it would cover most of my “trouble” spots and a pair of red, furry high heels. I nodded approval and she went to work converting my messy ponytail into a head of soft, voluptuous curls.

While Day worked with a curling iron and an arsenal of bobby pins, she told me how she used to work in a trendy, oversees beauty school before landing a job in a Washington D.C. salon. In no time she was up-doing Chelsea Clinton’s prom hair and delivering Hillary’s First Lady blowouts. The job paid well and came with cool perks like White House invites, but eventually she moved to Los Angeles for high style and glamour.

There she honed her powers of transformation on stars and starlets and worked long days doing hair and makeup on movie sets. She said money was phe-

nomenal, but she soon tired of Hollywood people and their eternal, insecure quest for perfection. So she moved to Maui.

After curling and pinning my hair, she moved on to makeup. We went with the classic pin up look: a bold line of black eyeliner, complimented with pink eye shadow and bright pink lipstick. She carefully glued a set of long false eyelashes in place, then fluffed and styled my bouncy new hair.

When I looked in the mirror I gasped at this stylish, pin up version of myself. I had metamorphosed into a modern Brigitte Bardot with skin so flawless I was literally ready for my close-up.

Cheesy as that may sound.

I wiggled into the black vintage swimsuit and into a whole new persona.

Everyone in the salon stopped and stared, the former normal-looking girl who now appeared to be ripped straight out of a 1950’s gentleman’s magazine.

We met up with Ledford and headed to a tiny beach that was nearby. No one else was there, luckily, or I may not have had the courage to pose.

Day, who was my own personal cheer-

leader for the shoot, demonstrated pin up poses and fluffed my hair while Ledford worked his way around me with the camera, telling me to lower my chin, turn my head and smile.

I bent over rocks, crawled on the sand and flashed my best “come hither” looks.

I arched my back and neck into poses no normal girl would ever do, and tried to look relaxed while stretched out on lava.

I channeled Marilyn Monroe and actually started to feel like a model.

The shoot took about an hour and a half. When combined with the two hours it took for Day to do my hair and makeup, the whole affair took pretty much the whole afternoon.

In the end, I got several awesome (and slightly retouched) pictures of myself. I also got to keep my sexy new persona, even if the makeup only lasted the day. I know now that there’s a hot, camera-ready pin-up inside me, even if most the time she’s wearing slippers and a ponytail.

Island Pin Up Girls, 280-9301, www.IslandGirlPinups.com. MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

13

By Anthony Pignataro

B

SO YOU WANT TO CAUCUS… Instead of doing a primary election, long ago the Hawai‘i Democratic Party decided to hold caucuses—gatherings of registered Democrats who choose their presidential nominee by standing around in groups. Party convention delegates—the people who actually chose presidential candidates—are then chosen on the basis of how nominees fared during all that standing around.

Confused? Don’t feel bad—caucuses are cumbersome, bizarre and not nearly as democratic as straight secret ballot voting.

In any case, the Hawai‘i Democratic Party will send 29 delegates to their June 7 convention in Denver. The caucuses will chose 20 of those delegates. The other nine delegates include our four U.S. congressional representatives and five state party officials.

Caucusing will take place on Feb. 19, from 5:30 to 9 p.m. (the actual tallying of “votes” will take place around 6:30). Just find the caucus site closest to your home and go.

y now, even the people with just vaguest understanding of government and politics know that for the first time since Reconstruction, the upcoming Hawai‘i Democratic Party caucuses will actually matter in the race to be President of the United States. Who will get the nod? Will it be U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton (D, New York)?

Or will it be U.S. Senator Barack Obama (D, Illinois)?

For progressives (okay, liberals), this is a thorny question.

Former U.S. Senator John Edwards and current Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich had been the favorites of those who want the next president to stand for worker rights and against corporate interests, predatory lenders and the whole military-industrial complex, and they both dropped out of the race months ago.

At press time, Clinton and Obama are in a dead heat, with neither anywhere near winning the 2,025 delegates that are actually needed to win the Democratic Party nomination. While the Hawai‘i party has just 20 delegates up for grabs on Feb. 19, neither candidate can afford to ignore them (see “So You Want to Caucus…” for details on the strange and mystical process of caucusing).

So here’s our no-nonsense, no-frills, fact-based, non-filtered, no-holds-barred, tell-it-like-it-is, balls-to-the-wall look at Clinton and Obama:

HILLARY CLINTON Born Hillary Rodham on Oct. 26, 1947 in Chicago, Illinois, she graduated from

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

The Good Clinton is an effective legislator. The Atlantic reported in November 2006 that she was so good at crossing the aisle that Karl Rove apparently ordered Republican senators to stop cooperating with her (they ignored him). She is pro-choice and the only candidate currently advocating truly universal healthcare.

According to the environmental watchdog site Grist.org, Clinton wants to tax Big Oil’s “excess profits,” then use the money to invest in “clean energy technologies.”

She wants to cut U.S. greenhouse gas emissions. She also opposes dumping nuclear waste at Yucca Mountain and drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).

The Bad From 1986 to 1992, Clinton sat on the Board of Directors of Wal-Mart, even then one of the largest and most anti-union companies in the world. Her seat did not exist before she joined the board, and wasn’t filled when she left to focus full-time on

husband Bill’s presidential run. What exactly Clinton did while a member of the board remains largely mysterious, though we do know that the company itself grew ten-fold during her tenure. According to the May 24, 2000 Village Voice story “Wal-Mart’s First Lady,” the company grew from 21,600 employees to 279,000 during the 1980’s, with sales rising from $1.2 billion to an astonishing $25.8 billion.

More recently, U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton went out of her way to help New Hampshire-based International Paper, Inc. burn tires. In 2005, the company asked for permission to conduct a two-week test in which it would help save its electricity bills by burning tires. Clinton, who could have easily ignored the request (not her constituency), instead lobbied reluctant New Hampshire officials to approve the test.

They did, and the resulting burning emitted so many toxic chemicals that officials called off the test after three days.

A few million dollars’ worth of Clinton’s campaign contributions have come from big Wall Street brokerage firms like JP Morgan and Goldman Sachs—firms known for pushing a pro-corporate, antiworker agenda in Washington.

The Ugly As has been pointed out incessantly, Clinton voted to authorize the invasion of Iraq. Though these days, she insists that President Bush “misled” her on what he intended to do in Iraq with congressional authorization for war. “When I spoke at the time of the vote I made it very clear that this was not a vote for preemptive war,” she said in the November 2006 issue of The Atlantic. “[T]his was a vote, I thought, that would enable diplomacy to

CAUCUS LOCATIONS • Kalama Intermediate School, 120 Makani Rd., Makawao • Hana School • Lahaina Intermediate School, 871 Lahainaluna Rd.

• Haiku School, 105 Pauwela Rd. • Kihei Elementary School, 250 E. Lipoa St. • Baldwin High School, 1650 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Wailuku • Paia Community Center

Of course, only registered Democrats can caucus. But have no fear: you can sign up for the party at your caucus location.

Oh, and they only take registered voters, but they’ll sign you up for that, too. Call (808) 596-2980 for more information. -AP

Illustrations: Travis Keenan Tiffin

14

the ultra-elite Wellesley College and then the I-guess-it’s-still-elite Yale Law School (where she met future husband Bill).

Active in the Children’s Defense Fund, Clinton was one of only two female staffers working on House Judiciary Committee effort to impeach President Richard Nixon. She joined the Little Rock-based Rose Law Firm in 1976, eventually becoming a powerful partner. As First Lady when husband Bill became president in 1992, she led the controversial and ultimately fruitless effort to bring about health care reform. In 2000, she moved to New York and got herself elected to U.S. Senate.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

succeed because we would have a unified front between the president and our Congress to go to the Security Council to try to get the inspectors back in. Obviously we now know, in retrospect, that the president and vice president and his team probably didn’t intend for the inspectors to do their work.”

While Clinton today says she opposes the war and wants it to end, her plan doesn’t envision the last troops leaving until 2013, which is five years past “now”–the general public’s preferred end date.

In March 2006 she voted to reauthorize the Patriot Act. And in February 2007, Clinton reportedly told members of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) that Iran was a “threat” and that “in dealing with this threat... no option can be taken off the table.”

BARACK OBAMA Born Aug. 4, 1961 in Honolulu, Barack Obama grew up in Hawai‘i and Indonesia.

He graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School, where he became the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review. Elected to the Illinois Senate in 1996, he eventually served eight years. In 2004, he got himself elected to the U.S. Senate, representing Illinois.

The Good As he’s fond of mentioning, in 2002 Obama publicly opposed the invasion of Iraq. “I know that even a successful war against Iraq will require a U.S. occupation of undetermined length, at undetermined cost, with undetermined consequences,” he said in Chicago in October 2002. “I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East, and encourage the worst, rather than best, impulses of the

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$

245,843

240,788

SOURCE: The Center for Responsive Politics

Arab world and strengthen the recruitment arm of Al Qaeda.”

Obama wants to slash greenhouse gas emissions, increase fuel economy standards and the percentage of American electricity that comes from renewable sources and wants all new buildings in the nation “carbon neutral” by 2030. He opposes oil drilling in ANWR and has, according to Grist.org, “voiced support for labeling genetically modified foods.”

Obama is also an inspired public speaker, preferring to appeal to voters’ hopes, rather than bludgeon them with fear.

The Bad Obama enjoys close ties to agribusiness, especially Illinois-based firms like Archer Daniels Midland (ADM) and Aventine Renewable Energy. He’s a tireless advocate for ethanol, which is very profitable to both firms. In an age when the words “appearance of impropriety” have been repeated to the point of cliché, Obama traveled free on ADM corporate plans twice in his first year in office, according to a November 2006 story in Harper’s. The completely predictable bad publicity surrounding those flights led Obama to issue an office-ban on accepting free travel from corporations.

He also voted for the Bush Administration’s reprehensible 2005 energy bill, which was packed with tax breaks for Big Oil as well as “billions in subsidies to ethanol producers,” according to Harper’s.

Obama also likes nuclear power.

According to the Center for Responsive Politics, so far he’s accepted $220,267 from corporate officers with Exelon, the nation’s largest nuclear power plant operator.

Like Clinton, Obama has also taken millions of dollars in campaign contributions from big Wall Street banks and brokerage houses.

The Ugly Obama opposes the war in Iraq, but doesn’t want to pull the troops out until 2010, and even then would leave thousands of “advisers” in place to “train” the Iraqi army.

One hallmark of contemporary politics is that it’s no longer enough for a presidential candidate to say merely that he or she would only use the military to defend the U.S. or its allies. These days, candidates—even the so-called “liberal” ones— have to show how tough they are by committing to attack anyone, even our allies.

Thus, last August Obama said he’d bomb Pakistan—a U.S. ally—if he had “actionable intelligence” (a phrase President Bush has used many times to justify the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq) on the location of Al Qaeda terrorists. He has also called Iran a “major threat” and said that he’d consider “surgical air strikes” against that country if he deemed them necessary.

OUR CALL Anyone have a coin? Heads it’s Clinton, tails it’s Obama… MTW

*Same day booking only. Subject to availability. Kama‘aina friends and family! Only one ID required.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

15

ONO KINEGRINDS

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Vino for Lolos The 411 on Valentine’s Day’s most popular beverage Though I like wine, the only thing that I know when tasting it is whether I like it. It’s easy for me to admit that while sitting behind a desk, but being a wine idiot is a lot harder to swallow while under pressure on a date with someone you want to impress.

Bin 69 Maui Wailea Town Center, 879-0069

Hawaii Liqour Superstore

Sauvignon is more intense and is good with red meats prepared with peppercorns, veggies, char from wood grilling or sauces reduced with aromatic herbs; Pinot Noir is lighter and goes well with fish; and Zinfandel is woodsy and pairs well with barbequed meats.

Then there are the whites. Chardonnay is good with pork, veal and chicken; Sauvignon Blanc adds nicely to salads with vinaigrettes or cheeses like Chevre; Chenin Blanc is great with chicken, seafood and fish; And Riesling, which matches up nicely with seafood.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY: Okay. Now explain to me how wine plus food equals love.

pair well with many different regional cuisines of the world.

TAKAHASHI: When matching food with wine it is more easily understood when the taste or flavors of the wines are thought of in the same way as the taste or flavors of the dish. Good cooking involves a balance of the ingredients and technique; good wine and food matching involves focusing on how the specific components in wines interact and achieve a sense of harmony and balance with the specific components of the dishes.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY: Any recommendations?

MAUI TIME WEEKLY: So how and why are reds and whites different?

DOUG MOORE: Basically, you don’t want either the wine or the food to be overwhelmed by the other. You have to find that balance and middle ground.

Maui Market Place, 877-8778

Fear not. Recently I admitted my wine ignorance to Travis Takahashi, Wine Director of Bin 69 Maui in Wailea and Doug Moore, Wine Buyer of Hawai‘i Liquor Superstore in Kahului.

According to these two experts, Merlots are generally dark and good with lamb, beef or duck; Cabernet

16

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

TRAVIS TAKAHASHI: The process for making wine either white or red is the same with one exception. Upon crushing and pressing, the winemaker will immediately separate the juice from the seeds, skins and solids. With this step any unwanted color and tannins [astringent and bitter compounds found in grape seeds and skins] will be kept out of the white wine. For the most part, red wine is left in contact with its skins to extract color, flavor and tannins, while white wine is allowed very little skin contact during the fermentation.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

TAKAHASHI: The two ways that wines are successfully matched are by similarities and contrasts. For example, a piece of fish in a buttery sauce can be enhanced by the buttery, creamy texture of an oak barrel-fermented white wine.

Or the sweetness of a white wine can balance the saltiness of an Asian inspired dish. For the most part, in my opinion Riesling or Pinot Noir are a few grape varietals that will

TAKAHASHI: [Reds escalating in price from affordable to extravagant] Boarding Pass Wine, South Australian Shiraz 2005; Scherrer, Sonoma County Pinot Noir 2005; Clarendon Hills, South Australian Shiraz “Hickinbotham” 2004.

[Whites] Ruggeri & C., Italy Prosecco “Gold Label”; Wegeler, Rheingau, German Riesling “Pure” 2006; and Patz & Hall Sonoma Chardonnay “Durrell Vineyard” 2006.

MOORE: I don’t think I could narrow it down. We have about 3,000 different types of wine in here. MTW

COCONUT

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Under New Management LIVE MUSIC DAILY HAPPY HOUR 3-7 DANCING 10PM-CLOSE

2/14 Thurs - Rampage 2/15 Fri - Erin Smith 2/16 Sat - Off Tomorrow 2/17 Sun - Open Mic 2./18 Mon - Kanoa 2/19 Tues - Vince Esquire 2/20 Wed - The Crunch Pups

Try our Classic Corned Beef & Cabbage

TAKEFIVE

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG JESSICA@MAUITIME.COM

Places that Offer Romantic Dining LAHAINA STORE GRILLE & OYSTER BAR Slurp fresh, raw oysters from around the world right out of the shell while sitting in the rooftop dining room, watching the sun slowly set behind Lanai. If you’re lucky, you might get a table right next to the waterfall. The wine selection is impressive and they make an amazing rack of lamb. 744 Front St., Lahaina, 6619090. Open daily, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. $$

CHEZ PAUL

875-9669 1913 S. Kihei Rd. Kihei • Kalama Village (across from Foodland)

1913 S. Kihei Road. 808 891-8010

The cozy dining room and intimate tables make this a great spot to splurge on a romantic meal. Plus, French food is very sexy. Begin with foie gras or caviar appetizers, then move on to fresh island fish poached in champagne and served with leeks and capers. Save room for a major indulgence after dinner, like the Crepes Suzette with orange and Grand Marnier, prepared tableside for two. 820 Olowalu Village Rd., 661-3843 Open Sa-Su, 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Nightly 5:30-9 p.m. $$$

MAMA’S FISH HOUSE

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Listen to the rhythm of the Tahitian drums from the neighboring luau while dining on silky Thai curry asparagus soup, scallops wrapped in jalapeno bacon with ponzu cream sauce or rare, panko-crusted ahi served atop a green papaya salad. Suggested wine pairings for each dish take the guess work out of ordering the right vino for your meal. 505 Front St., Lahaina, 661-8422. Open nightly, 5:30-10 p.m. $$$

rafts s $2 Bud D g in W t o H ¢ 50 ks $3 Well Drin

FRESH FISH • STEAKS • SALADS BABYBACK RIBS • CHICKEN Serving lunch & dinner 7 days a week

Dickenson Square • 180 Dickenson St. • Lahaina

661-7082

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

This little but terribly pricey establishment offers Maui’s ultimate romantic dining experience. Mama’s is set right on a secluded North Shore beach where the swaying coconut palms and the sound of rolling waves accompany an intriguing menu based on the traditions of old Polynesia. Dine on macadamia nut crab cakes and mahi mahi stuffed with lobster and crab or go all out—loan applications processed while you eat!—and order the Tristan Island lobster tail and filet mignon with mushroom bordelaise sauce.

799 Poho Pl., Kuau, 579-8488. Open daily, 11 a.m.-25 p.m. & 4:30-9:30 p.m. $$$

Located on front street in Lahaina overlooking the Banyon Tree

THE WHARF CINEMA CENTER 667-0908

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

PICNIC BLANKET ON A SECLUDED BEACH Of course, a romantic evening doesn’t have to break your budget. Why not surprise your lover by choosing a private spot on a favorite beach and bring along a bottle of bubbly and a selection pupus from a local deli. Don’t forget the chocolatecovered strawberries. Bonus move: bring a guitar or ukulele and serenade your sweetie(s) while the sun dips beneath the waves. $

Shot through the Heart Thursday, (Feb. 14) at various times and locations all over Maui [EVENTS] Love is in the air. Or is that the faint smell of stress? Nothing freaks single folk and new lovers out as much as Valentine’s Day. Yeah, we know that flowers, chocolate and hearts in shades of vixen red and bubblegum pink are meant to bring on that fuzzy, “head over heels” feeling. But let’s face it, Valentine’s Day puts a whole bunch of expectations on the table. If you’re single, you feel like a schmuck, and if you’re in a relationship and want to keep it that way, you feel like you need to come through with something wonderful. Whatever your situation may be, there are cool events for you to take part in this Vday. For those of you with someone, book a trip on the Pacific Whale Foundation’s Valentine’s sunset and dinner cruise. If you’re single (or hooked up with a swinger) try Casanova. There will be cool DJ music with Pio and Gretchen (See MTW’s “New Groove” in Jan, 24th issue) as well as a sultry ambiance that only real Italians can pull off. If you hate gimmicky, lovey dovey events–and we feel your pain on this–check out author Brandon Wilson as he discusses his new book Along the Templar Trail: Seven Million Steps for Peace at the Wailuku Library. And for those of you who want to celebrate the vagina (without actually getting laid), consider The Vagina Monologues at the Iao Theater.

Not only is it a cool production, but the pickup line possibilities after watching something like this are endless. For more information: Pacific Whale Foundation 249-8811; Casanova 5720220; Wailuku Library 243-5766; Vagina Monologues 242-6600. [STARR BEGLEY]

SEND YOUR LISTINGS & PHOTOS FOR DA KINE CALENDAR TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM OR FAX (808) 244-0446 MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

19

ThIS WEEK’S PICKS

by Starr Begley

Hula Madness

Say OM

Friday (Feb 15) at 7:30 p.m.; Saturday (Feb 16) at 2 & 7:30 p.m., Castle Theater, MACC

Saturday (Feb 16) at 7:30 p.m., McCoy Studio Theater, MACC

[HULA/MUSIC] Keali`i Reichel is a dedicated man. He’s spent his life studying Hawaiian language and culture, founding an immersion school to share his passion with others. Not satisfied with being a master of hula dancing and Hawaiian chanting, he’s become a kuma hula and begun a hula school, too. And while I’m sure he thinks the 19 Na Hoku Hanohano awards he’s received are nice and all, he says his motivation for creating new traditional and contemporary compositions in the Hawaiian language is so his hula students will have fresh, new material. If there’s a major hula music or dance competition, you can bet that Reichel will be there. That’s his turf, and he’s coming here with his Halau Ke`alaokamaile for a show that’s going to knock your slippers off. Tickets: $45, $35, $10. 242-7469. [JESSICA ARMSTRONG]

THURSDAY

[COMEDY] A two-month yoga retreat on the sandy shores of Bali seems like a stressed-out girl’s dream come true, right?

Wrong, according to Suzanne Morrison, who found out that the downward dog position was anything but rejuvenating when she had a health-crazed yoga guru breathing down her neck and a flock of fashion obsessed, spoiled rich women looking down their noses at her. Yoga Bitch is her one-woman show about all the things that went horribly wrong when she traveled in search of serenity, peace and a washboard stomach. The funny thing is she’s coming to Maui (where you can’t throw a stone without hitting a yoga studio or health food store) to tell us about the dark side of the search for tranquility.

Tickets: $20. 242-7469. [JA]

➤➤➤➤➤ FRIDAY ➤➤➤➤➤ SATURDAY ➤➤➤➤➤ SUN

In the heart of Olde Makawao Town

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LADIES NIGHT Q103 and the Big Hawaiian present

Dj Styles, DJ Jammin J & DJ Shaggy THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” and “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI” Music Starts at 10:00pm $10 cover

Thursday February 14th

NITE LIFE DJS PI-O & DANNY FRY WITH SPECIAL GUESTS GRECHEN RHODES & TATO MELGAR SHOW STARTS AT 9:45PM $20 AT DOOR

FRIDAY February 15th

GODDESS ALCHEMY PROJECT & RANDOM RAB

Sunday February 16th

LOCAL BOY IS BACK FROM THE MAINLAND

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WITH E.L.F. GABRIEL Music Starts at 10:00pm $10 BEFORE 11PM $15 AFTER

REGGAE•SKA•HIPHOP ONE OF THE TOP REGGAE BAND IN THE NATION Music starts at 10pm $10 COVER

Make it a memorable evening. Dine and dance at Casanova.

For dinner reservations call 572-0220 www.casanovamaui.com

20

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Monday Nights 10PM

LIVE MUSIC One Round trip inter-island ticket giveaway each Monday from

THURSDAY

FEBRUARY 14th 10pm

Polo Party Sunday (Feb 17) 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Maui Winery, Ulupalakua Ranch

Public Property Saturday (Feb. 16) at 10 p.m., Casanova, Makawao [MUSIC] Believe it or not, Iowa does reggae, and they do it rather well.

This weekend Public Property–Dave Bess (vocals/guitar/ukulele), Ben Franklin (drums), Paul Hala (keyboards/vocals), Margaret larson (vocals), Jeremiah Murphy (bass), Mireva Minerbi (vocals) and Andy Parrott (guitar)–will bring their popular, funky tunes from the Hawkeye State to Upcountry Maui. Interestingly enough, both Bess and Minerbi are from Hawai`i. They met in Italy, and now they’re coming back to the Islands to play in an Italian restaurant. Pretty groovy. Tickets: $10. 5720220 or www.myspace.com/publicprop for more info.

DAY

[SPORTS/HISTORY] Polo is a big deal on Maui. I guess it makes sense, given the island’s laid-back lifestyle and the rich paniolo ranching history. I know it’s a big deal because the Ulupalakua Sunday Drive series is featuring the history and culture of polo, with an exhibition game between team Ulupalakua and team Leo Lani (1 p.m. - 2:30 p.m.)

There’s also going to be live bluegrass music, a polo history display, two cultural tours at the Maui Winery (10:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.) and a barbeque lunch at the Ulupalakua Ranch Store.

Besides just having a great time and enjoying a little history, music and food, you can learn how to get involved with Maui polo clinics and help carry the sport to Maui’s next generation and beyond. Plus, who doesn’t like hanging around a bunch of horses? 878-6058 for more info. [JA]

➤➤➤➤➤MONDAY ➤➤➤➤➤TUESDAY ➤➤➤➤➤WEDNESDAY

Maui’s Online TV Station MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

21

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY COLE@MAUITIME.COM

The Crying Game Valentine’s Day Movie Shoots a Batch of Arrows For a Valentine’s Day romantic comedy Definitely, Maybe hits all the right notes of commitment, honesty and maturity that go into a young father’s explanation to his daughter about the women he dated before she was conceived. Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds plays Gen X politico upstart turned advertising executive Will Hayes whose bumbling ‘90s era dating life forms the story’s backbone.

Abigail Breslin perfectly plays Will’s precocious daughter Maya, but it’s Aussie actress Isla Fisher who keeps the romantic tension bubbling.

Definitely, Maybe

★★★★★ Rated PG-13/100 min.

Will is in the midst of a divorce with Emily (Elizabeth Banks) just as their curious 10-year-old daughter is starting to grasp adult relationships.

It’s in this pressurized atmosphere that Maya tells her dad to spill the beans on his sordid past. Will concedes, but changes all the names to throw Maya off the scent of which liaison became her mom.

At college in Madison, Wisconsin in 1992, Will preens in a mirror where

he fancies himself worthy of presidential status. He’s off to New York City for a two-month stint working for Bill Clinton’s campaign, and leaves behind his girlfriend Emily, who his gnarly roommate has threatened to bed while he’s away.

New York’s intoxicating effect eclipses Will’s toilet paper gathering job at the Clinton headquarters where he meets April (Isla Fisher), a determinedly apolitical spirit destined to become Will’s platonic soul mate, if not actual love interest.

Writer/director Adam Brooks (Wimbledon) baits the story with a diary sent from Emily that Will is dispatched to deliver to Emily’s ex-girlfriend Summer (Rachel Weisz), now residing in Manhattan as an ambitious journalism student.

Naturally, Will can’t resist reading the journal, which is filled with reflections on Emily’s and Summer’s lesbian encounters.

The significant thing about the characters is that we recognize and empathize with them in a transparent way because Adam Brooks drops so many great clues.

These are people who want love with a passion that makes them attractive, not just as pretty people—which all of these actors clearly are—but as versions of folks we know or have known.

The ever-capable Weisz seems pleased to play a departure from her trademark

Please hurry, honey–your stuffed animal is consuming my elbow

dramatic fare, and Summer introduces Will to an ethical question in a way that shows fiber beneath the fur. But it’s Fisher who rightfully connects the film’s shifting tone with a comic timing that pulses. The camera loves her, and her romantic sensibilities are spot-on for their combination of shyness and eagerness. For her part, Abigail Breslin is an effortless, welcome replacement to the Dakota Fanning era.

Definitely, Maybe is a multi-layered romantic movie that builds from four

crosscurrent female directions. Emily, Summer, April and Maya are forces of nature that bewitch a guy with the world on a string, except that he doesn’t know what he has, much less what to do with it.

Will needs the help he gets from Maya to prioritize his romantic focus, and it says a lot about Maya’s character that she is so able to do so. And yes, your girlfriend, wife, lover, mother or friend will cry more than once. MTW

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Every Thursday Publisher Tommy Russo, Editor Anthony Pignataro and Associate Editor Starr Begley discuss the thinking and decisions that went into the week's issue.

It's called

‘Beyond the Ink’ and it's another way we're bringing you Maui's most interesting and informative coverage.

Check it out at www.mauitime.com

MOVIECAPSULES

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

Maui Film Festival’s Candlelight Cinema

SHOWTIMES Maui Film Festival Castle Theater, 572-3456

KING CORN - Unrated - Documentary This film follows two guys as they discover how easily (and poorly) a bumper crop of America’s favorite starch can be produced and sold, raising big questions about what we’re eating. 88 min.

King Corn - Unrated - W only 5, 7:30

New This Week

The Bucket List - PG13 - Th-F, Tu-W 6:45; Sa-M 1:30, 6:45

Front Street Theater 900 Front Street, 249-2222 Atonement - R - Th-F, Tu-W 3:45, 6:30, 9:15; SaM 1, 3:45, 6:30, 9:15

DEFINITELY, MAYBE - PG13 - Comedy Will takes a trip down memory lane as he attempts to explain his impending divorce and past failed relationships to his nosey 10year-old daughter, but changes the names to keep her guessing which woman is her mother. 120 min.

Fool’s Gold - PG13 - Th-F, Tu-W 3:30, 6:30, 9:10; Sa-M 1, 3:30, 6:30, 9:10 Michael Clayton - R - Daily 4, 9:15 The Spiderwick Chronicles - PG - F, Tu-W 3:30, 7, 9:20; Sa-M 1:15, 3:30, 7, 9:20

JUMPER - PG13 - Sci-Fi - Hayden Christensen plays a guy with some genetic quirk that allows him to teleport himself, which is great until he realizes he’s now being hunted by people who don’t like that for some reason. Also stars Samuel L. Jackson, who plays the kind of guy Samuel L. Jackson usually plays. 105 min. (Anthony Pignataro) THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES - PG Fantasy - Jared and his siblings go on an adventure to uncover a bunch of prankster goblins, fairies and ogres that are hanging around their uncle’s old Victorian house before they get blamed for causing the mischief themselves. 105 min.

STEP UP 2: THE STREETS - PG13 Drama - Here comes another dance movie.

The moves may be different but the plot’s the same: a ridiculously hot street dancer becomes an outcast at an elite arts school until she teaches all the preppy kids that hip hop moves are cool and then they all love

Ka’ahumanu 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910 27 Dresses - PG - Daily 11:50, 2:45, 4:45, 7:10, 9:45 The Bucket List - PG13 - Daily 12:05, 2:35

Wasn’t this guy in Demolition Man?

Definitely, Maybe - PG13 - Daily 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:05 The Eye - PG13 - Daily 12:35, 3, 5:20, 7:45, 10

her. Yawn. 105 min.

McConaughey to watch. 90 min

Now Showing 27 DRESSES - PG - Comedy - Jane has walked down the isle more than two dozen times. No, she’s not a hussy, just a perpetual bridesmaid.

When she and her sister fall for the same guy she discovers that she’s not satisfied with sitting on the sidelines anymore. 107 min ATONEMENT - R - Drama - In this adaptation of the novel by Ian McEwan, two upper-class British sisters form the base of a love triangle with the housekeepers son. Dramatic misconceptions lead to false accusations and betrayal, jealousy and, years later, the possibility of atonement. 123 min.

THE BUCKET LIST - PG13 - Comedy - An aging auto mechanic (Morgan Freeman) and a billionaire corporate executive (Jack Nicholson) go on a skydiving, tatoo-getting, race car-driving mission to do all the things they wanted to do before kicking the bucket after a pair of heart attacks land them in a shared hospital room. 97 min.

THE EYE - PG13 - Horror - Jessica Alba stars as a blind violinist who, after a double corneal transplant, regains her sight only to start seeing freaky, shadowy figures that may or may not be real. As if having a creepy surgery wasn’t horrific enough. I’m rooting for her to go totally freaking insane. 105 min.

FOOL’S GOLD - PG13 - Comedy - Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson team up again in this unfunny movie about a divorced couple who go on the hunt for buried treasure. At least there’s going to be plenty of topless

$10

HOW SHE MOVE - PG13 - Drama - Raya’s dream of becoming a doctor is dashed when she’s torn out of prep school and tossed back into her ghetto neighborhood high school after her sister dies of an overdose. But wait! There’s an upcoming hip-hop step dance competition with a grand prize big enough to put her back on track to med school! This doesn’t sound familiar at all... 98 min I AM LEGEND - PG13 - Sci-Fi - Will Smith plays the last guy on Earth, which makes me think twice about the, “I wouldn’t screw you if you were the last guy on earth” line. Anyway, he’s (along with his trusty side-kick German Shepherd) looking for a cure to the cancer-killing virus that wiped out the planet. Oh yeah, and there’s hairless flesh eating vampires. Can’t forget about them. 100 min Starr Begley JUNO - PG13 - Comedy - Juno is a teen who, though really smart, ends up pregnant, then decides to find the perfect wealthy, suburban couple to raise her baby. Iím sure this kind of thing happens all the time. 91 min. (AP) MEET THE SPARTANS - PG13 - Comedy - The 300 warriors of Spartan are no match for the 300 idiotic guys in skirts and shields and mind-numbing but funny pop culture references that pepper this satirical comedy. 84 min.

MICHAEL CLAYTON - R - Drama - Michael Clayton is a slimy, burned-out lawyer and former criminal prosecutor who faces the challenge of a lifetime when a multi-million dollar lawsuit led by his firm is threatened by a guilt-ridden attorney.

120 min.

RAMBO - R - Action - For twenty years Rambo’s been hiding out, river fishing and generally living peacefully in back country Thailand until a sorry group of aid workers interrupt his simple life on their way to a refugee camp at the war torn border with Burma. In all that time Rambo has not aged a bit or become any easier to understand.

133 min.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD - R - Drama - The dark, haunting story of a greedy Texas oil man and his exploitation of a egotistic minister who’s sitting on an enormous oil deposit. All is well as the rich man gets richer, except for that little nuisance called a conscience that wont seem to let him sleep at night. 158 min.

WED., FEBRUARY 20

5 PM & 7:30 PM

$10 WITH 4-FILM MFF PASS Single Tickets - $12 Phone: 572-3456 www.mauifilmfestival.com

WELCOME HOME ROSCOE JENKINS PG13 - Comedy - Geeky, awkward Roscoe Jenkins had managed to transform himself into a suave LA talk show host with a hot fiance and a best selling self help book, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to get any respect from the family when he goes home to the South for a reunion.

94 min.

How She Move - PG13 - Daiy 12:15, 2:45, 5:05, 7:35, 9:55 Jumper - PG13 - Daily 12, 2:25, 4:55, 5:45, 7:30, 8:15, 9:40

Kukui Mall 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 Fool’s Gold - PG13 - Th-Sa 1, 4:05, 7, 9:30; SuW 1, 4:05, 7.

Jumper - PG13 - Th-Sa 1:45, 4:45, 7:45, 10; SuW 1:45, 4:45, 7:45.

The Spiderwick Chronicles - PG -Th-Sa 1:15, 4:15, 7:15, 9:40; Su-W 1:15, 4:15, 7:15.

Step Up 2: The Streets - PG13 - Th-Sa 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 9:50; Su-W 1:30, 4:30, 7:30.

Maui Mall Megaplex Maui Mall, 249-2222 Fool’s Gold - PG13 - Th, M-W 1:30, 3:30, 4:30, 6:40, 7:20, 9:20, 10; F-Su 12:30, 1:30, 3:30, 4:30, 6:40, 7:20, 9:20, 10 I am Legend - PG13 - Daily 2:05, 4:25, 7:05, 9:25 Juno - PG13 - Daily 2:25, 4:45, 7:10, 9:30 Meet the Spartans - PG13 - Th, M-W 2:30, 4:35, 7:15, 9:45; F-Su 12:15, 2:30, 4:35, 7:15, 9:45 Rambo - R - Daily 1:40, 4, 6:55, 9:15 The Spiderwick Chronicles - PG - Th, M-W 1:30, 2:20, 3:50, 4:40, 6:30, 7, 8:50, 9:20; F-Su 12, 1:30, 2:20, 3:50, 4:40, 6:30, 7, 8:50, 9:20 Step Up 2:The Streets - PG13 - Th. M-W 1:30, 2:20, 3:50, 4:40, 6:30, 7, 8:50, 9:20; F-Su 12, 1:30, 2:20, 3:50, 4:40, 6:30, 7, 8:50, 9:20 There Will Be Blood - R - Daily 1:30, 5, 8:30 Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - PG13 Daily 1:40, 4:20, 7, 9:40

Wharf Cinema Center 658 Front Street, 249-2222 Jumper - PG13 - Th-F, M-W 1:45, 4, 7, 9:20; SaSu 11:30, 1:45, 4, 7, 9:20 Step Up 2: The Streets - PG13 - Th-F, M-W 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15; Sa-Su 11:15, 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15 Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - PG13 - ThF, M-W 1:15, 3:45, 6:30, 9; Sa-Su 11, 1:15, 3:45, 6:30, 9

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

23

ART&ENTERTAINMENT

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Catalyst of Love The Queen of Hearts exhibit sparks warm Valentiney feelings

(Above) “Serenity” by Deybra Faid

Years ago, my girlfriends and I would say Valentine’s Day should be renamed “Screw the Stupid Bastard Day.” This would be fitting regardless of your relationship status.

Oddly enough, all of us are now happily involved with guys that are man enough to look past our cynicism and bitchiness when it comes to all things love. In fact, we’re even looking forward to V-day this year.

“Queen of Hearts” Upcountry Fine Art, 1156 Makawao, Avenue, 573-6000

Not only have I been stockpiling frivolous heart-shaped paraphernalia from Wal-Mart, I’ve been checking out V-day art as well. And no, I’m not just talking about the wide variety of singing Valentines at Hallmark. I’m talking actual art, like The Queen of Hearts exhibit at Upcountry Fine Art in Makawao.

Owners Pam Nesbith and Peter Fisher are not only awesome artists themselves, but they have great taste in art supplies, too. How genius is that–a gallery that not only exhibits some of the coolest creations on the island, but also sells artist supplies.

I was so inspired and swept up by the pieces in their exhibit that I bought some watercolor paper and pencils so I

24

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

could paint a Valentine especially for my very own stupid bastard–I mean—my Lovey.

Checking out The Queen of Hearts exhibit before sitting down to a cozy dinner in Makawao would be a great Valentine’s date. Just make sure you have some input about how the art makes you feel, because chicks dig that stuff. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the exhibit: “Serenity” Acrylic by Deybra Faid I’m into Deybra. I’ve seen her work before over at her gallery on Baldwin Avenue. Her work usually involves big bold black lines and bright funky colors.

This one is no different. “Serenity” is a large picture of a cartoonish blue-hued woman holding a rose to herself. If it weren’t for the crown, I’d picture her as the Madonna. My second thought is that, because of the crown, this would make a great “Queen of Hearts” in a deck of cards.

“Oh the Frequent Seas” Oil on canvas by Randy Ross Randy Ross won the 2006 Schaefer Portrait Challenge Marion Freeman People’s Choice Award for a ginormous, stunning self-portrait. “Oh the Frequent Seas” is a dark and brutally honest look at the idea of “love” or possibly infatuation.

Ross presents two women (presumably the same person) with a lot of black, greens, tans, flesh tones, blues, oranges, reds and white. The predominate one is right side-up. The other is upside down.

The former is posed playfully and

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

(Left) “Queen of Hearts” by Erin Pieguez (Right) “Oh the Frequent Seas” by Randy Ross

provocatively, with eyes are open and bright and rosy cheeks. She looks beautiful and healthy. The second woman looks dead. Maybe that’s just me. It confuses me and makes me wonder. His work is thought provoking and disturbing in a delicious way.

“I am U2” Acrylic on Wood by Stephanie Clifton Stephanie Clifton’s work has been exhibited at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center’s prestigious Art Maui. “I am U2” is one of those paintings that seems really simple and pleasing at first glance, but grows more complex each time you look at it. An androgynous person (child?) wearing a crown smiles at us front and center. A rainbow shines above its head.

Behind its back is a castle wall adorned with what looks like bird silhouettes. There’s a bird’s nest and blue egg on its crown and little fish jump in front of its heart-printed clothing. The name “I am U2” suggests that duality merged into a whole, but just when I think I get it, another interesting quirk pops up.

“Queen of Hearts” Acrylic by Erin Pieguez

This is probably my favorite piece in the exhibit. In vibrant colors, the artist depicts a living tree with a big Afro of green leaves adorned with hearts. Her branches stretch towards the sky like arms, gesturing “Aren’t I fantastic?” or “Ta-Da!” Not only does the tree have boobs, she has nipples, which I honestly adore. It’s playful while still being classically pretty and a great interpretation of the title. MTW “I am U2” by Stephanie Clifton

MINDCANDY

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Sex in Book Form Sex Toys 101– A playfully uninhibited guide

By Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah [BOOK] This attractive tome comes to us from the founders of Toys in Babeland–a fun loving, feminist shop dedicated to selling only quality sex toys. It does a great job of providing clear, useful information on how to use different toys while maintaining a flashy sense of fun. It’s filled with photos of sex toys that have been made to look like art.

One page show a mosaic of glass and steel dildos, crops, whips and paddles and colorful and puffy vagina pillows. Chapters include stuff about vibrators, dildos, anal toys, lube, sexual anatomy and bondage and domination. There’s something for everyone here, and the hip, cool presentation that the information is laid out in makes learning about it easy on the eyes.

101 Nights of Grrreat Sex

By Laura Corn [BOOK] This book has been around for over a decade. What makes it so popular is that it includes 101 different sexual adventures that are written either for “His” or “Her” eyes only. Once a week a couple should flip through the book (individually) and choose an adventure. Now most people will find some of the adventures rather cheesy (“The Tender Outlaw” involves creating a wanted poster and outfitting yourself with a toy gun, holster and mask). But the book does offer some great ideas. I recommend flipping through the book, find a few scenarios you find appealing, tear them out (perforated pages), roll and close with tape (so that they can be chosen at random) and stick them in the cookie jar. Have your lover do the same. This way you both know that you’ll be into whatever adventure comes your way.

The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica Edited by Maxim Jakubowski [BOOK] Every year Maxim Jakubowski reads thousands of published erotica stories and picks the best of the best for his anthology. I’m not sure how many he’s put out–six or seven?–but they’re all good. Reading a “best of” anthology is important when it comes to erotica because there are so many sex-story sites out there that a boatload of crap awaits the uninitiated. And unlike porn—where you can usually see right away if something appeals to you—it takes reading at least a paragraph or two before you can figure out if a story’s going to turn you on. In Volume Six, check out “Everything You Want” by C.D. Formetta, “Five Girls” by Riain Grey, “Neon Nights” by Susan DiPlacido and one of my personal favorites, “Jenny and the Big Bad Department Store” by Tara Alton. MTW

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

BIG SHOWS

about who might be hearing a little too much about

ancient songs comes from sheet music that has

Sun, Mar 2. Mark your calendar for this celebration

your own private business. Tickets: $18. Fr & Sa:

been preserved for hundreds of years. They also do

of eclectic music. The non-stop sounds of local

The Big V - Thursday, Feb 14. Women Helping

7:30 p.m.; Su 5 p.m. Iao Theater, Wailuku. 242-

Renaissance music, Gregorian Chant and American

favorite artists like Tita, The Rowan Brothers, The

Women presents Eve Ensler’s The Vagina

6969.

folk music. Tickets: $35, $25, $10. 7:30 p.m. Castle

Mana’o Radio Orchestra, Gypsy Pacific, Voodoo

Monologues, a funny and touching play that goes

Coconut Caberet - Saturday, Feb 16. Yoga Bitch

Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Suns, Lawa, Haiku Hillbillies, Vince Esquire Band,

where no play has gone before... $25. 7:30 p.m.,

is a hilarious one-woman show about the dark side

Source - Fri, Sat & Sun, Feb 22-24. This interactive

The Hula Honeys, Randall Rospond will keep you

Iao Theater, 242-6600.

of the “OM.” Comedian Suzanne Morrison has

arts, music, healing and educational festival is a cre-

shaking and grooving all day long, plus there will be

Keali`i Reichel - Friday & Saturday, Feb 15-16.

been cracking up audiences across the nation with

ative collaboration focused around the celebration

wonderful food, a silent auction and lots more fun.

This beloved Hawaiian recording artist and kuma

her story of a two month yoga retreat gone wrong

of water, the feminine and community. Participators

Tickets: $20, $10 for keiki & kapuna. 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

hula has won more than 20 Na Hoku Hanohano

and her unfulfilled expectations of peace and seren-

are invited to experience each others talents, gifts

Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, Kahului. 876-1553.

awards and toured the South Pacific spreading tra-

ity. Tickets: $20. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater,

and art and share their own. The festival will feature

Kenny G - Fri, Mar 14. This smooth jazz soloist and

ditional Hawaiian music, chant and hula. Tickets:

MACC. 242-7469.

a wide range of arts and activities, from still art to

soprano sax master has been toping music charts

body paint, acupuncture to astronomy and music

and dominating jazz radio for over 20 years. His

and dancing to ancient Polynesian Ho’ano cere-

trademark long, luscious curls are nearly as recog-

monies and much more. Ticket price includes two

nizable as his emotion-packed saxophone infused

meals per day, camping space or bunk bed, and all

jazz music and he’s just released a new album of all

the amazing art, educational workshops and fun

original music called Rhythms and Romance that

you can handle. Tickets: $60 per day, $150 for three

I’m totally going to get my mom for her birthday.

$45, $35. F 7:30 p.m.; Sa 2 p.m. & 7:30 p.m. Castle

Theater, MACC.

Public Property - Saturday, Feb 16. Here I was thinking reggae music was only popular in places

Kenny Rankin - Friday, Feb 15. This world class

with swaying palm trees and rolling waves. These

singer, songwriter and guitarist has had an amazing

guys, however, are bringing the groovy roots with

career that has spanned over 35 years, beginning as a guitarist for Bob Dylan. He’s famous for his

them all the way from Iowa. $10 at the door. 10

p.m., Casanova, Makawao, 572-0220.

classic songs like “You Are So Beautiful, “ “Penny Lane” and “With a Little Help From My Friends” as

TICKETS ON SALE

days. Tickets available at Supernatural in Makawao

Tickets: $85, $75, $65, $55. 7:30 p.m. Castle

or www.sourcemaui.com. YMCA, Keanae.

Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

War - Fri, Feb 29. This California funk, jazz and Latin

Incubus - Sat, Mar 22. OK, I know it’s a little early

emotional and relateable lyrics has made him one

Huun Huur Tu - Thu, Feb 21. This incredible for

music band emerged from the ethnic melting pot

to be saying this, but this show is probably going to

of America’s most beloved musicians. Tickets: $39.

man ensemble from Tuva (which is just North of

of Los Angeles and rocked the nation during the

be the biggest rock show on Maui in 2008. I haven’t

7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-

Mongolia, I checked) is keeping one of the oldest

1970s, with a socio-political message of peace and

lived here long, but I’ve been around long enough

7469.

musical forms and the traditions of their tiny north-

brotherhood and hit songs like “Low Rider,” “Why

to realize that most big name bands only play Oahu

ern nation alive. It’s called throat singing, and the

Can’t We Be Friends” and “The Cisco Kid.” After

venues if they make it to Hawaii at all. The guys

artist produces two distinct pitches, one low and

four decades and over 50 million records sold.

from Incubus, however, are ending their world tour

one high, simultaneously. This is definitely some-

they’re still pretty funky and still touring the country.

here on Maui and then taking some quality time to

thing you won’t see anywhere else. Tickets: $25.

I like their website because it’s covered in hippie

chill out and surf. In case you didn’t know, some of

speak or understand English. Thinking he’s harm-

7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

flowers and peace signs. It makes me think of

their popular songs are “Drive,” “Megalomaniac”

less, they spill their guts about all types of small-

Anonymous 4 - Fri, Feb 22. These four ladies

Volkswagen buses. Tickets: $55, $45, $35. 7:30

and, among many others, “Wish You Were Here.”

town gossip, closeted skeletons and sinister plans.

travel the nation with a sacred, Medieval repertoire

p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Disturbing fact: Wikipedia tells me an incubus is an

This hilarious stage production will get you thinking

of music. Their haunting, a capella renditions of

Mana’o Radio’s 2nd Annual Barry Fest -

ancient demon that seeks up on women in their

well as many, many more and his penchant for

The Foreigner - Friday, Saturday & Sunday through Feb 28. An extremely shy guy named Charlie convinces a cast of shady characters in a backwoods Georgia fishing lodge that he doesn’t

Enjoy Kihei’s Best Sunsets with a Basket of Free Chips and Sip on Our

Killer Margaritas!

2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI • 891-8600

New Menu

Happy Hour 4-7pm

Great Views!

844 FRONT ST., LAHAINA • 667-7758

2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI • 891-8600

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

27

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 02/14

Friday 02/15

Saturday 02/16

Sunday 02/17

Monday 02/18– Wednesday 02/20

1913 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 891-1011

Adam Bowen & Wolf of Lawa, No cover, 9pm

Estee Graham No cover, 10pm

Erin Smith Band No cover, 10pm

Sisters Grimm No cover, 9pm

MON-DJ Del Sol, 9pm; TUE-Kahala & Indio of LAWA, 10pm; WED- DJ Louis Mole, 9pm

CAFE MARC AUREL

Sexy Latin w/Rio Thing

Pau Hana Party

Tango Night

MON - Open Mic Night

Public Property $12, 10pm

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DJ Styles, DJ Jammin J & DJ Shaggy $10, 10pm

AMBROSIA 28 N. Market St. Wailuku - 244-0852

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

Find Your Valentine w/ DJs Goddess Alchemy Project Pio & Danny Fry; $20, 9pm & Random Rab; $15, 10pm

CHARLEY’S

Temporarily

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9668

closed

to

due

fire

Salsa $5, 10pm

COMPADRES Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

Unknown No cover, 9pm

Dave Carroll No cover, 9pm

Dave Carroll No cover, 9pm

The Whale Shark No cover, 9pm

MON - Michael Moore; TUE - Jazz Night; WED - The Whale Shark, No cover, 9pm

Ryan Robinson Band No Cover, 10pm

Irish Sing Alongs w/Murray 10pm

Off Tomorrow, No cover, 10pm

Crunch Pups Unplugged No cover, 10pm

MON - Silky Ringo, TUE - Scott Baird; WED - Off Tomorrow, All no cover, 9pm

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

TUE - Live music

HARD ROCK CAFÉ

Silky Ringo No cover, 9pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

Marty Dread, $10, $5 Kama aina, 10 p.m.,

sleep and has sex with them. I don’t think this has

Whale Quest Kapalua - The whales are the

Hula Classes - Hula Classes - Every Sat. Halau

anything to do with the band. Opening act: Siversun

focus all weekend long weekend in Kapalua, with a

Kawaianuhealehua holds open hula classes for chil-

p.m. Maui Tropical Plantation, Wailuku; Island

Pickups. Tickets: $55, $45 in advance. A & B

huge lineup of educational seminars and displays

dren, teen and adult wahines and kanes. 9 a.m.

Spirit Yoga; Lahaina. 249-0032.

Amphitheater, MACC. 242-7469.

by top whale researchers and naturalists, new doc-

Maui Waena School.

Jam Session - Musicians are invited to head on

umentary screenings, and art and photography

Parade of Whales - Gather your family and

down to Waikapu and jam away with other players.

exhibit by National Geographic,, environmental

friends to watch musicians, dancers, gymnasts,

I used to live next door to the community center

seminars and a charity golf tournament. For a com-

horsebackriders, and whales amble by on their way

down there and I swear, it was like a free concert

plete schedule of activities visit www.kapalua.com.

to the Whale Day celebration. Parade begins at

every weekend. Hooray! Bring a chair and your

Ritz-Carlton, Kapalua. 665-9160.

Kihei Public Library and travels to Kalama Park.

instrument. 3 p.m. Waikapu Community Center.

Evaluating Your Idea - Is your business concept

Register your school class, civic group or family and

269-2704.

a good one? David B. Fisher will discuss the

march for the whales!. 9 a.m. South Kihei Road. To

process of evaluating your idea with a special focus

sign up call 856-8311.

EVENTS THURSDAY, FEB 14 Come Out and Play - Elizabeth Ann Brandon, MA wants to make friends with your inner child using cognitive therapy, hypnosis and transactional analysis. Free. 12-3 p.m. Dragon’s Den, Makawao.

573-2424.

Lahaina

on market research. Free. 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.

Maui County Business Resourse Center, Maui Caregiver

Support

Group -

Everyone needs a little support sometimes. This is

Mall. 873-8247.

at this benefit luau for Maui Coastal Land Trust.

Tickets: $150. 5 p.m. Old Lahaina Luau. 244-5263.

bration that includes music, food, a crafts fair, a chil-

tioner, helps you energetically rebalance after living

active stations to educate kids about whales. Watch

yet another day in a toxin-filled world. Walk-ins only.

your whale cross the finish line in the mini-regatta

Sliding scale pricing. 2-5 p.m. Dragon’s Den. 573-

of rubber humpbacks, first prize is round trip airfare

Love Boat - Take your sweetie on a romantic din-

2424.

for two from the mainland or visa versa. Golf pack-

ner cruise out of Ma`alaea Harbor this Valentine’s

Contact Improvisation - Sounds dirty, doesn’t

ages, restaurant gift certificates, art and more are

Day aboard one of the Pacific Whale Foundation’s

it? Actually, it’s exercise meets dance, meditation

up for grabs at the silent auction. There will also be

power catamarans. $99.95 plus tax and harbor

and stretching. By donation. 4-5 p.m. Maui Lotus

informational booths on humpback whales, the

fees. 249-8811 x1.

Yoga, Kihei. 874-9642.

environment and living green. Don’t miss the

cathy@madcc.org

FRIDAY, FEB 15

Stellar Rejuvenation - Experience the natural healing benefits of soliton lasers. Free. 4-6 p.m. The

Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace, Haiku, HI, 96708. 575-9390.

He’s Back... - Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is coming to Maui and will be signing copies of his book Real Change: From the

“Curtain of Whales” massive display of 30,000

SATURDAY, FEB 16

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

evening of classic and cult classic films for the 21 and older crowd. This week’s flick: Taxi, the original in French. 9:30 p.m. Cafe Mambo, 30 Baldwin

Ave., Paia, HI, 96779. 579-8021.

SUNDAY, FEB 17 Whale Quest Kapalua - See Fri. Feb 15 or for a complete

schedule

of

activities

visit

www.kapalua.com. Ritz-Carlton, Kapalua. 665-9160.

Tantra Temple Services - Embrace the spiritual

huge and includes John Cruz, the Barefoot Natives,

essence of all faiths with tantra, an ancient high-

Marty Dread, Vince Esquire and much more with a

spiritual practice. Free. 10 a.m. 2138 Vineyard St.,

special appearance of funny man DJ Auggie T. Free

Wailuku. 244-4103.

parking and shuttle service available from Hope

Intro to Acting - Learn what it takes to be cam-

Chapel. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Kalama Park, Kihei. For more

era ready from a professional talent manager and

info call 249-8811.

acting coach. This free class is an intro to the full 12

Maui Master Gardeners - Tired of garden

week course. Free. 11 a.m.-2 p.m. The Studio

pests, diseases and weeds? Learn how best to

Maui, Haiku. 344-1009.

manage them at this organic gardening clinic. Free.

Drum Cirlcle - Bring your drum and beat away

10 a.m.-12 p.m. Haliimaile Community Garden.

with others in the community. Free. 4 p.m.-sunset.

will raise awareness for cancer education, preven-

Entreprenuer & Business Fair - Meet represen-

Kihei. 298-9022.

tion and research. The relay kicks off with a survivor

tatives for organizations that support small business-

Sunset Drum Circle - Come and drum, dance

lap around the track and continues all through the

es and enter to win a grand prize of $1000 worth of

and shake it on the beach with Omzone. Free. 4:20

night and into the next day. Highlights include a sur-

advertising from KONI radio. Free. 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

p.m. Kamaole Point. 298-9022.

vivor dinner and touching luminaria ceremony. War

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 873-8247.

Memorial Soccer Field. 244-5553.

Meet Miss Maui - Meet the 12 contestants for

come on down for some line dancing by the Maui

Whale Quest Kapalua - See Fri. Feb 15 or for a

the Miss Maui Scholarship Pageant as they intro-

Paniolo Posse. Lessons: 6:30 p.m.; Dancing: 7 p.m.

complete

visit

duce themselves and their cause for the upcoming

Lahaina Cannery Mall.

www.kapalua.com. Ritz-Carlton, Kapalua. 665-9160.

competition. Free. Noon. Lahaina Cannery Mall.

Swap Meet - I’ve always wanted to unearth some

661-5304.

Relay for Life - This Relay for Life youth event

28

Cinema Night - Cafe Mambo will be hosting an

paper origami whales. This years musical lineup is

World That Fails to the World That Works. Free. 6 p.m., Borders, Kahului.

and entertainment and bid on silent auction items

Save the Whales” is the theme for this huge celedren’s carnival and a keiki “whale-a-thon” with inter-

industry. Free. 2-3 p.m. West Maui Senior Center.

Buy Back the Beach - Enjoy an amazing buffet

Whale Day Celebration - “Go Green, Help

Biofeedback - Mary Higgins, QXC/SCIO practi-

a chance to meet other caregivers and people in the

$20 for nonmembers, $15 for members. Noon-1:30

schedule

of

activities

Line Dancing - Practice your ìtush pushî yaíll and

MONDAY, FEB 18

totally awesome treasure at a random flea market.

Century Luncheon - Get the inside scoop on

Lokelani `Ohana - Join Lokelani `Ohana for din-

This might be a good place to start. Admission: 50

Barack Obama from his half-sister and Hawai`i

ner and an evening of community support for adults

cents. 7 a.m.-12 p.m. Pu`unene Ave., Kahului. 877-

spokesperson Maya Soeoro-Ng at this luncheon

with developmental disabilities and special needs.

3100.

sponsored by the Maui Democratic Century Club.

They’ll be discussing their present projects and

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

their vision for the future. 5:30-8 p.m. Cameron

Free. 6:30-8:30 p.m. Hui Malama Learning Center.

thought. Let them do their thing and cruise with the

Celebrating Your Life - Tue. Learn about creat-

Center. RSVP 249-0254.

289-5050.

other crazies for story time, juice, cookies and

ing a legacy video about your life for your loved

Investment Club - Learn about investing your

Yu-Gi-Oh - Sat. Little gamester get out your cards

painting. $15. 10-11 a.m. Maui Mall. 877-7819.

ones from author Harold Bloomfield and Steven

money and meet new people. Special topic: why

and get ready for a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament! Free. 3

West Side Storytime - Every Tue & Sat.

Fried. Free. 7-9 p.m. Kalama Heights, Kihei.

www.yourlegacyvideo.com.

you should sell most stocks and bonds now and

p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-4766.

Lahaina’s newest bookseller is hosting keiki story

buy gold. Free. 6 p.m. Manana Garage, Kahului.

Yo Yo Workshop & Demo - Sun. Yo Yo’s are

time, so get them hooked on reading early. Tue., 10

214-5082.

silent, so encourage your kids to learn how to use

a.m.; Sat., 11 a.m. Barnes and Noble, Lahaina.

Stop Sabotaging Yourself - Sometimes we

them and finally get some peace and quiet! Free. 4-

Baby Hui - Every Wed & Fri. Here’s a huge under-

A Whale’s Life - Daily. Learn about the life cycle

can be our own worst enemies. Discover the

5 p.m. Maui Toy Works. 661-5304.

statement: raising babies is challenging. But you

of the humpback whales from a certified marine

underlying beliefs you hold that are keeping you

Bisque it Baby - Mon. Sometimes, as a mom, all

don’t have to go it alone. Meet other parents for

naturalist and how Hawai`i’s geology creates a spe-

you might need is a little time to do something cre-

group meetings designed to empower families to

cial environment for them. Free. 12 p.m. Maui

Learn to Swing Dance - Lindy Hop Swing

ative. Get together with other Moms and babies

meet the challenges of raising those little monsters

Ocean Center, Dicovery Center. 270-7000.

Dance lessons. Come learn the original swing

and paint something! Maybe a mug or a teapot,

with positive parenting skills. Free. www.thebaby-

Coastal Restoration - Fri. Habitat restoration at

stuck in that rut. 6 p.m. Call for details. 874-6441.

ENVIRONMENT

dance craze that started it all! $5. 7 p.m. Open

and de-stress. Studio fee only. 9-11 a.m. Kids and

hui.org. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Call for details. 244-6042.

Waihe`e coastal dunes with Maui Coastal Land

Room, Kenolio Park. 344-8180.

Company, Maui Mall. 877-7819.

Keiki Shots - Wed. (Central Maui) Bring children

Trust. 8 a.m.-12 p.m. Waihe`e. 244-5263.

Flamenco for Beginners - Rosalind Modica

After-School Help - Mon-Fri. Hui Malama

up to the age of 18 without medical insurance in for

Space Weather - Fri. Dr. Ilia Rousseu is giving a

teaches the passionate and powerful movements

Learning Center offers after-school homework help

vaccinations. Bring all immunization records. Walk-

talk on stormy space weather and it’s how it affects

of exotic dance from Spain, Morocco, India Persia

and classes. Call for directions and hours. 244-

in basis. Free.12-3 p.m. Wailuku Health Center.

environmental conditions in our ozone. As if pre-

and other far-away lands. $18 per class. 7:30 p.m.

5911.

984-8260.

dicting the weather on earth isn’t hard enough!

The Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace, Suite 265, Haiku, HI, 96708. 575-9390.

TUESDAY, FEB 19 Learn Folk Dancing - Shake it folk style with the Maui International and Israeli Folk Dance Group. Learn folk dances from around the globe. 5 p.m. 634 Alulike St., Kihei. 874-5397.

Non-Profit Polynesian Dance - Support the kids of the Napili Kai Foundation by watching their Polynesian dance show. $10 adults, $5 kids. 5:30 p.m. 669-6271.

Kihei Community Association Public Meeting - Bring a can of food for the Maui food drive and come early to talk story and socialize. This month the meeting topic will be volunteer groups in South Maui. 6:30 p.m. Call for details. 879-5390.

WEDNESDAY, FEB 20 Blood Drive - If you’re in good health and age 18 or older you can give the gift of life by donating blood. Bring a valid photo ID. 8:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

Baldwin High School Multi Purpose Building. 3729966.

Ayurvedic Consultations - Margo P. Uma Gal, CAP., offers up wisdom on diet and lifestyle from over 20 years of experience as an Ayurvedic Practitioner. Walk-ins only. Free. 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

Makawao. 572-2424.

Little Music Makers - Every Mon, Wed & Thu.

Free. 6:30 p.m. IFA Maikalani, 34 Ohia Ku St.,

Music Together Maui offers early childhood music

LECTURE

programs for infants, toddlers, preschoolers and

Walk the Talk - Thu. Maui author and photogra-

Save the Forest - Sun. The Pacific Whale

kindergarteners and the adults who love them.

pher Brandon Wilson is sharing his story about how

Foundation is hosting a group of ten volunteers to

Come play with instruments, sing, chant and

he spread a message of peace on a walk that

pull invasive pine trees near Hosmers Grove.

dance. Maui Tropical Plantation, Wailuku; Island

traced the trail of the first Knights Templar from

Transportation is provided. Bring warm clothes,

Spirit Yoga; Lahaina. 572-5603.

France to Jerusalem. Free. . 6:30 p.m. Wailuku

long pants and closed boots. Pick ups: 7:30 a.m.,

Music Menagerie - Tue. A music inspired hour

Public Library. 243-5766.

Harbor Shop, 300 Ma`alaea Rd; 8:15 a.m.,

of dance, story time, puppetry and interactive play

SeaTalk - Tue. Meet marine naturalist Katie

Upcountry Tavares Community Center. RSVP

for little ones and their parents. $15. 9:15 a.m. The

Velasquez and view her amazing photo essay about

856-8341.

Studio Maui, Haiku. 575-9390.

her summer spent in the Humpback whale’s north-

Smarter than a Sand Crab? - Mon-Fri. Get

Toddler Tuesdays - Tue. Toddlers are insane.

ern feeding grounds. Free. 6 p.m. Maui Ocean

free info about marine life and answers to all those

Seriously, I can vouch that they are without rational

Center, Open Ocean Exhibit, Ma`alaea. 270-7075.

pesky questions that keep you up all night. The

Pukalani. 573-9513.

ays Thursd

y e a t d u I l o R Abs ge F ction Crazyood G Chanwith DJ FRI with DJ Nutmeg DJ Louis Mole ys Saturda

with

Joe El Gato

$7 Martinis $2 Domestic Drafts

$7 Martinis $2 Domestic Drafts

Dance Lessons - Open Registration to learn the cha-cha and foxtrot. $50 for three months. 6:309:30 p.m. Kihei Community Center. 879-0555.

$7 Martinis & $2 Domestic Drafts

WOW! - Every Wed. Wailea on Wednesdays presents live island music, gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. . 6:30-8 p.m. 897-6770 x2.

King of the Crops - In conjunction with Maui Film Festival’s screening of King Korn, an eye-opening journey into the USA’s largest subsidized crop, there will be special appearances by Ian Chaney, the film’s producer, and Chuck Walters, founder of ACRES USA, an eco-agricultural publication. $12. 5 & 7 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

KEIKI Story Time - Thu. Keiki story time and crafts. Free.

10 a.m. Hawaiian Village Coffee, Kahana. 665-1114.

Keiki Issues? - Thu. The Parent Project, a program for parents of strong willed children. Wrestle the phone away from the child and make that call.

744 Front St. • Lahaina, HI 96761 808.661.9090 www.LahainaStoreGrille.net • $5 Cover • Visual Enhancements • Large Dance Floor 10-Closing

744 Front St. • Lahaina, HI 96761 808.661.9090 www.LahainaStoreGrille.net • $5 Cover • Visual Enhancements • Large Dance Floor

744 Front St. • Lahaina, HI 96761 808.661.9090 www.LahainaStoreGrille.net • $5 Cover • Visual Enhancements • Large Dance Floor

10-Closing

10-Closing

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

29

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 02/14

Friday 02/15

Saturday 02/16

Sunday 02/17

HECOCKS

Sonny B No cover, 10pm

505 Front St, Lahaina - 661-8810

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

MGM No cover, 9pm

Hard Drive No cover, 9pm

Colin John No cover, 9pm

DJ El Gato & DJ Jay P $10, 10pm

DJ Jay P No cover, 9pm

Vince Esquire

Kenny Roberts No cover

El Vato Loco No cover

Kenny Roberts

Crunch Pups $5, 10pm

Danny Murray No cover, 9pm

JACQUES 120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB 36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE 355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

LAHAINA COOLERS

Gina Martinelli No cover

TUE - Da Hawaiians; No cover WED - Chico & Da Kine; No cover

Jared No cover

MON - DJ Boomshot, $5, 10pm, TUE -Keoki & Friends

Live Music 10pm

Dickenson St., Lahaina - 661–7082

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

WED - Local Boys, Jacob, Tony & Matteo; No cover, 10pm

Maui Underground No cover, 10pm

KIMOS

LIFE’S A BEACH

Monday 02/18– Wednesday 02/20

Erin Smith 9pm

Rampage 9pm

Off Tomorrow 9pm

Open Mic

MON - Kanoa; TUE - Vince Esquire; WED - Crunch Pups

Pacific Whale Foundation Marine Naturalists are

p.m. These hours can change due to events. To dou-

2009.

definitely smarter than a fifth grader. The question

ble check you can call, 270-6135..

www.mauiarts.org or 242-2787.

several influential and established Maui artists.

is, are you?. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Ulua Beach, Wailea.

Keiki Surf Contest - Sun. The Keiki O Ke Kai

Queen of Hearts - See “Catalyst of Love” pg.

Each will contribute three pieces; one from the

249-8811.

surf classic contest is at “STurns” in Kahana. Open

24. Upcountry Fine Art, Makawao, 573-6000.

early years of their career, one from the middle and

Volunteer on Vacation - Mon-Sat. Get to know

to gromets age 8-17, and registration is free and lim-

Dancing Feathers - Daily. New works of feath-

Maui better by volunteering time to one of many

ited to 100 entries. There will be trophies, goodie

er art by Ellen Levinsky are on display. Watch her

important environmental projects. Meet local

bags and drawings, and entry forms are available at

experts and learn about the history and environ-

most surf shops and at www.sturns.com. . 662-

ment of the land and get a free t-shirt from the

0159.

Pacific Whale Foundation! Various dates and times.

Paddling for Breast Cancer Survivors -

Submission

forms

are

available

at

demonstrate her technique every Friday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. . Banyan Tree Gallery, Lahaina. 661-

0111.

& Mon). View a retrospective collection of works by

a recent piece that represents their current interests. 11 a.m.- 5 p.m. Schaefer International

Gallery, MACC. 242-7469.

Art Bistro - Sun. Local artists display their wares, from photography and painting to jewelry and sculptures. 5-10pm. Jacques Northshore Bistro,

Maui Plein Air Painting Invitational -

120 Hana Hwy. Paia. 808-269-0961.

808-856-8341 for more info.

Every Mon & Wed. Get together with other sur-

Save Honolua - Tue. Meeting to inform, educate

vivors for canoe paddling. Free. 6:45 a.m. Kihei

and involve the community on the proposed devel-

Canoe Club. 243-2999.

opment of Honolua Bay. This weeks speaker is Aha

Tai Chi - Tue. Practice the 36 movements of the

p.m., painting at D.T. Fleming Beach and the Ritz

Moku council representative Tim Bailey. 6:45 p.m.

“short yang” style of tai chi chuan. $10 per class.

Carlton, Kapalua; Tue., Feb 19, 4 p.m., Jean Stern

Lahaina Civic Center. 870-0052.

5:30-6:30 a.m. Unity Church, Wailuku. 242-9327.

and Kevin Macpherson lecture at Pioneer Inn,

STAGE

Walk, Run, Train - Every Tue & Thu. Whether

Lahaina; Wed., Feb 20, painting at 505 Front St.,

you’re a walker or a runner, you’ve got a group to

Lahaina. 661-5559.

Open Mic - Every night is open mic night at

Calling All Readers - Mon-Fri. Want to read for

train with. 5:30 p.m. Runner’s Paradise, Maui Mall.

East West Art Show - See the work of a collec-

Hawaiian Village Coffee. Kahana Gateway location,

Maui On Stageís Bare Essential Theater? Roles are

877-5300.

tion of artists in mediums such as ceramics, wood,

call 665-1114.

announced at monthly readings and scripts are

Yoga for Surfers & Paddlers - Tue. An inter-

paintings, hand painted silk and glass. Meet the

Express Yourself - Every Mon. Open Mic Night

given out in advance. Call Kristi. 244-8680 x23.

mediate Yoga class, great for beginners, that tar-

artists at a reception on Sat., Feb 16, 6 p.m. M-Sa

with music, song, poetry! Free. 7 p.m., Cafe Marc

gets the shoulders, and focuses on balance,

9 a.m.-5 p.m.; Su 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Viewpoints

Aurel, Wailuku, 244-0852.

strength & creating flexibility. $12 per class. 5:30-7

Gallery, Makawao.

p.m. Maui Lotus Yoga, 115 Lipoa Street, Suite 201,

Village Galleries Exhibit, Lahaina - View

original work, your favorite poem, or just come to

Kihei. 874-9642.

new works in oils by Macario Pascual. This collec-

be inspired. Free. 6:30 p.m., Lahaina Public

SPORTS Pool Hours - Daily. Pool Hours - Besides the fear of contracting super-strain ukuís, I really enjoy a good swim in a public pool. Sometimes the

will be painting en plein air around Maui, with special events open to the public. Sat., Feb 16, noon-3

ART

thought of dealing with sand is just too much to

Twenty six artists from Hawai`i and the mainland

tion of paintings that capture the majestic beauty of Maui were created in plein air as well as in his stu-

bear. Kahului, Kihei, Lahaina, War Memorial,

A Call to Artists - The Maui Arts and Cultural

dio. Village Galleries, 120 Dickenson St., Lahaina.

Pukalani, anthe Old and New Wailuku Pools: M-W,

center has announced the a Schaefer Portrait

661-4402.

F, S 9 a.m-4 p.m.; Th 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m.; Sun 12-4:30

Challenge, 2009. The exhibit is scheduled for Jan

Vintage: A Group Exhibit - Daily (except Sun

Art Night - Fri. Stroll through dozens of art galleries in Lahaina Town. Special gallery shows, featured artists-in-action and refreshments. Free. 6:30 p.m. Lahaina. 661-6284.

POETRY

Poetry Reading - Every second Tue, read your

Library, 662-3950.

Open Mind Open Mic - Every Mon. Open Mind Open Mic with spoken word, poetry, comedy— whatever you have to say here’s your chance. 7:30

p.m., Moana Bakery, Paia, 244-9091.

Open Mic - Every Saturday the Maui Media Lab hosts an open mic night for poets, muscicians and

ECO Rental Cars

others who want to be heard. Sessions are recorded and fed to the internet. All ages are welcome.

Free. 6-9 p.m., Maui Media Lab, Baldwin Ave,

zumatribe@yahoo.com.

Poetry Reading - Every second Thu Maui Live Poets Society hosts an open poetry reading on the

BIO-BEETLE.com 808-873-6121

West side. Free. 6:30- 9 p.m. Lahaina, 661-0517

TV/RADIO The Restless Native Speaks - Every Mon.

Maui Time Weekly’s own Starr Begley talks story on the Ed and Greg show. 10 a.m., WILD 105.5

Powered By BIODIESEL 30

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FM. Filipino Language - Mon-Fri. Fred Duldulao, Leo Agcolicol, Rey Patao and Maggie Evangelista host a

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

Filipino language talk show. 4-6 a.m.; 7-10 p.m.,

BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Wed-Fri, John Kane;

KNUI 900 AM.

Sat, Harry Troupe; Sun, Greg DiPiazza; Mon, Tue,

Talk Story - Every Mon-Thu. Political figures take

Marvin Tevaga. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m. 730 Front

calls and answer questions on the air. 7-8 a.m.,

St., Lahaina, 661-0700.

KAOI 1110 AM. Tune in and call 244-9145.

Cheeseburger In Paradise - Mon, Tue, Scotty

Mind Body Spirit - Every Mon from 6:30-9:30

Rotten; Wed, Fri, Harry Troupe; Thu, Sat, Sun,

p.m., Tue from 11 a.m.-2 p.m., and Thu at noon. Liah

Brooks McGuire. All sets 4:30-10:30 p.m. 811 Front

Howard, psychic and guests. KAOI 1110 AM.

St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

Maui Talks - Every Tue. A live, public affairs, call-

Compadres - Tue, 4 p.m., Live music. Lahaina

in talk show, hosted by Nick Nikhilananda. 7 p.m.

Cannery Mall, 661-7189.

Channel 53. Call in at 873-3430 or for info call 572-

Cool Cat Cafe - Thu, Erin Smith; Fri, Sat, Dave

8787.

Carroll; Sun, Wed, Whale Sharks; Mon, Mickie

Words of Peace - Every Wed-Thu. Prem Rawat

Moore; Tue, Jazz; . all sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf

broadcasts messages of world and inner peace.

Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Not associated with a specific religion. Wed, 9

Hula Grill - (Early sets) Wed, Thu, Fri, Ernest

p.m.; Thu, 8 a.m. Akaku Channel 52, www.contact-

Pua’a; Sat, Sun, Mon, Kawika Lum Ho; Tue, Jarret

info.org, 800-558-0940.

Roback. Early sets 3-5 p.m. (Followed by) Thu,

Conversations with Friends - Every Thu.

Braddah Brian & Roy; Fri, Brian, Roy & Kawika;. Sat,

Mary Omwake and James Jacobson interview

“TBA”; Sun, Ryan Tanaka & Friends; Mon,“TBA”;

New Thought leaders. 11 a.m., KAOI 1110 AM

Tue, Albert & Roy; Wed, An Den. Late sets 7-9:30

Smallville - Every Fri. Small Town Maui, a onehour, weekly radio program that shares the memoexplores how we can learn from Maui's past to cre-

music. All sets 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapi`ilani

ate a better future. 7 a.m. KAOI, 1110 AM.

Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787.

Call In - Every Fri. Political and public affairs, call-

Kimo’s - Mon- Wed, Sat, Sun, Sam Ahia. Fri,

in talk show with Teri Lawrence. 12-1 p.m. KAOI

deAquino Bradaz. All sets 6:30-8:30 p.m. 845 Front

1110 AM Call in 242-7800.

St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

Uncle Charlie’s Corner - Sat. Kahu Charles

Leilani’s On The Beach - Fri, Scott Baird;. Sat,

Kauluwehi Maxwell, Sr. talks story. 6-10 a.m.,

JD and Harry; Sun, Kilohana. All sets 2:30-5 p.m.

KNUI 900 AM.

2435 Ka`anapali Pkwy, Building J, 661-4495.

Free Zone/ Zona Libre - Every other Sat. A

Moose McGillycuddy’s, Lahaina -

multi-lingual, multi-cultural radio program featuring

Llayne & Pro Ed; Sat, Mark & Mike. All sets 6-9

world music, fresh thought, live interviews with

p.m. 844 Front St., 667-7758.

local and international artists and NO commercial

Mulligan’s on the Wharf - Fri, AnRil. All sets 7

breaks. 6-10 a.m. Mana’o Radio 91.5 FM.

p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661-8881.

Maui Matters - Sat-Sun. Pacific Radio Group

Pioneer Inn - Thu, Ah-Tim Eleniki; Tue, Captain

News Director Wendy Osher discusses local

Billy Bones; Wed, Greg Di Piazza. All sets 6-8 p.m.

issues. 1-2 p.m., KNUI 900 AM.

658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Spanish Language - Sat-Sun. Carlos David

Sea House Restaurant - Thu, Albert Kaina and

Hernandez discusses news and plays music in

Kincade Basques; Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Kincade

Spanish. 2-4 p.m., KNUI 900 AM.

Basques; Sun, Andrew; Wed, Albert Kaina. All sets

AM.

Only 4 Houses from the Ocean!

p.m. 2435 Ka`anapali Parkway, Building P, 667-

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Mon-Sat, Acoustic

Japanese language show. 7-8:30 p.m., KNUI 900

Wailuku Studio

6636.

ries and values of the small towns we love and

Japanese Language - Sun. Yumi’s long-running

For Rent!

Fri,

6:30 or 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900

Honoapi`ilani Rd., Napili, 669-1500.

• • • • • •

A/C Available Utilities included Washer/Dryer Microwave Hood Full Size Kitchen Hi-Speed Internet & WiFi included • Hardwood Floors • FREE Telephone w/ long distance included

SOUTH MAUI

Save Honolua - Every Wed at 8 p.m and Thu at 7:30 a.m., AKAKU Channel 53.

KARAOKE Isana Restaurant - Daily, 9 p.m. 515 S. Kihei

Rd., Kihei, 874-1811.

Kobe Japanese Steakhouse - Fri-Sat, 9:30 p.m., 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 667-5555.

Longhi’s - Sat, acustic music. 10:30-11 p.m. 3750

Wailea Alanui Dr., 891-8883 Ma`alaea Grill - Thu, Fri, Sat, Benoit Jazz Works.

All sets 6:30-9 p.m. Maalaea Harbor, 243-2206.

Moose McGillycuddy’s, Kihei - Fri, Erin Smith; Sat, Anuhea; All sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. 2511 S.

Kihei Rd., 891-8600.

Mulligan’s on the Blue - Fri, Joyce & Gord,

Lulu’s - Wed, 7 p.m., 1941 S. Kihei Rd., 879-

5:30-8 p.m.; Sat, Sun, Celtic Tigers; Mon, Gypsy

9944.

Pacific; 7 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

Sansei - Thu-Fri, 10 p.m., 600 Office Road,

South Shore Tiki Lounge - Thu, Sun, Tue, Tony;

Kapalua, 669-6286; Thu-Sat, 10 p.m. Kihei Town

Fri, Eclipse; Sat, Erin Smith; Mon, Kanoa; Wed,

Center, 879-0004.

Kenny Roberts. All sets 4-6 p.m. 1913 Kihei Rd.,

Tiffany’s - Daily, 9:30 p.m., 1424 L. Main St.,

Kihei Kalama Village, 874-6444.

Wailuku, 249-0052.

Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café - Sun, Mon,

Unisan - Thu-Sat, 9:30 p.m., 2102 Vineyard St.,

Brittany; Wed, Sat, Merv Oana Thu; Fri Margie; Tue

Wailuku, 244-4500.

Jamie Lawrence. All sets 6-10 p.m. The Shops at

Wailea, 875-9983.

DINNER MUSIC

Tradewinds Poolside Cafe - Thu, Kawika Lum

$975 plus depost.

No Smoking / No Pets Available Immediately Now showing! Call Tommy at 283-0512

Ho; Fri, Kaleo Cullen; Sat, Louise Lambert; Sun,

WEST MAUI

Mon, Kenny Roberts; Tue, Ramen & Cora; Wed,

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

31

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 02/14

Friday 02/15

Saturday 02/16

Sunday 02/17

Monday 02/18– Wednesday 02/20

Anastasia & Nils, No cover, 9-11:30pm

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, No cover, 9-11:30pm

Anastasia & Eddie Aviles No cover, 9-11:30pm

Dr Nat No cover, 9-11:30pm

MON- Anastasia & Eddie Aviles, TUE-Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, WED- Reiko Fukino & Guest, All 9-11:30pm

LOBBY LOUNGE Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

Crazy Fingers 9:30pm

LONGHI’S 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S

Neto Latin Salsa No cover, 9pm

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

The Willy’s & DJ Shaggy No cover, 9pm

All Access & DJ Shaggy No cover, 10pm

WED - Karaoke, 9pm

MAUI BREWING CO.

WED - Open Mic Night, 10:30pm

4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Kahana - 669-3474

DJ Jo Jo No cover, 9pm

DJ J-Woo No cover, 9pm

Guitar Hero No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Mello Yello No cover, 9pm

Live Music No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ Mello Yello, 9pm; TUE DJ Mackie Mac, 9pm, WED - DJ Mellow Yellow, 9pm

Tom Conway Trio

A Kettle Prime No cover, 9pm

Celtic Tigers No cover, 10pm

LAWA No cover, 9:30pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific; TUE - Randall Rospond; WED - Steve Sargenti

Wee D’ono No cover, 10pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10pm

Hazmatt No cover, 10pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10pm

MON - Live Music; TUE - Two Dimes & a Nickel, Beck Weathers; WED - Open Mic

DJ El Gato $5, 10pm

DJ Louis Mole $5, 10pm

DJ Nutmeg $5, 10pm

Lounge & Beats No cover, 10pm

MON & TUE - Lounge & Beats, No cover, 10pm; WED - Live Music, $5, 10pm

Kanoa of Gomega No cover, 10pm

MON - DJ Louis Mole, 10pm; TUE - DJ Boomshot, No cover, 10pm; WED - ADD Twins, No cover, 10pm

DJ Shark in da Water, No cover, 9:30pm

TUE - The New Project, No cover, 10pm; WED - DJ Del Sol, No cover, 9:30pm

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S 2511 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8600

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S 844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MULLIGAN’S AT THE WHARF Cinema Center, Lahaina - 661-8881

OYSTER BAR 744 Front St., Lahaina - 661-9090

Live Jazz No cover, 9pm

PACIFIC’O 505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Durty No cover, 10pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Freaky Friday w/DJ Sonny No cover, 10pm

DJ Louis Mole No cover, 10pm DJ Blast, $15, 9:30pm

SPATS TRATTORIA Hyatt Regency, Ka`anapali - 667-4727

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

Crunch Pups No cover, 9:30pm

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

Yo Mama No cover, 9:30pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Kenny Roberts No cover, 9:30pm

Colin John $3, 9pm

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

Kahala & Matt No cover, 10pm

TIP-UPS TAVERN 1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

Tom Cherry & Positive Energy; No cover, 10pm

Ohana Groove No cover, 10pm

Keoki Ruiz. All sets 6-9 p.m. The Maui Coast Hotel,

Weeping Banyan Lounge - Nightly, Live music.

Larry Golis; Sun, Margie Heart; Mon, Ernest Puaa;

■ WAILEA MARRIOTT

2259 S. Kihei Rd., 874-6284.

All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony

Tue, Brian Haia; Wed, Pam Peterson. Tue-Sun

3700 Wailea Alanui, 879-1922

nightly.

shows, 6-9 p.m. Mon, 5:30-9 p.m.

Kumu Bar & Grill - Nightly, Hula dancing. 6-9

■ KAANAPALI BEACH CLUB

Tropica - (Early sets) Thu, Wed, Brian Haia; Fri, Sat,

p.m.

104 Ka`anapali Shores, Lahaina, 661-2000

Mon, Marvin Tevaga; Sun, Josh Kahula; Tue, Ernest

Mele Mele Lounge - Nighly, Live music. 9-11

Ohana Bar & Grill - Wed, Thu, Live music; Fri,

Pua`a. Early sets 3-6 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Fri,

p.m.

Patrick Major; Sun, Wayne and Friends; Mon, Tue,

Wed, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Tue, Mitch Kepa; Sun, Steve Sargenti; Mon, Josh Kahula. Late sets 6-9

■ RENAISSANCE WAILEA BEACH RESORT

Ernest Pua`a. All sets 5:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

p.m.

CENTRAL MAUI AK’s Cafe - Fri, Ron Kuala’au. 6:15 p.m. , Sat Tarvin Makai 6:15 p.m.1237 L. Main St, Wailuku,

244-8774.

Café Marc Aurel - Tue, Live Music; Mon, Open Mic Night. 7:30 p.m. 28 N. Market St., Wailuku,

244-0852.

Main Street Bistro - Th-Fri, Rhythm & Blues

■ KA`ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL

3550 Wailea Alanui, 879-4900 Sunset Terrace - Wed, Thu, Bobby Krueger; Fri,

SOUTH MAUI

Mahalo Greg; Sat, Rama Camarillo; Sun, Mondo

2525 Ka`anapali Pkwy, 661-0011

■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA

Kane; Mon, Tue, Lono. All sets 6-9 p.m.

Wailuku, 244-6816.

Kupanaha - Nightly, Hula show, 6:30-7:30 p.m.

3900 Wailea Alanui, 874-8000

■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL

Sushi Go - Wed, Live music. 4-8 p.m. Queen

Tiki Courtyard - Nightly, Alanui with Uncle Rudi;

Lobby Lounge - (Early sets) Thu, Steve Repollo

Ka`ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744.

Sun, Hula show. All sets 6:30 p.m.

and Alan Villeran; Sat, Mon, Island Style Trio with

Molokini Lounge - (Very early sets) Fri, Mon,

■ NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT

hula dancing. Early sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. (Followed

Wed, Mele `Ohana Duo. Very early sets 9 a.m-1

5900 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500

by) Thu, Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson; Fri, Clay

p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Sat, Sun, Tue, Ron Kuala’au;

Mortensen and George Tavoularis; Sat, Mon, Nils

Fri, Mon, Wed, Mele `Ohana Duo. Early sets 6 p.m.

and Anastasia; Sun, Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria;

(Followed by) Thu, Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Wed, Mele

Wed, Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata. Late sets

`Ohana Duo. Late sets 8:30-10:30 p.m.

with Freedom. 5-7:30 p.m.. 2051 Main St.,

UPCOUNTRY MAUI Hana Hou Cafe - Thu, Haiku Hillbillys; Wed, Tom

Thu, Kincaid and Albert; Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Kincaid

Conway and Randall Rospond. Sat, Live music. All

Basques; Sun, Kapule Paoa; Wed, Albert Kaina. All

sets 6-9 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd, Haiku Cannery, 575-

sets 7-9 p.m.

2661.

Jacque’s - Mon, Live Jazz. 5 p.m. 120 Hana Hwy,

■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT

2780 Keka`a Dr., Ka`anapali, 661-3611

Paia, 579-8844.

Royal Ocean Terrace - Thu, Fri, Sat, Live Livewire Cafe - Tue, Green Room Blue; Wed, Eddie Float; Sat, Joshua. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m.

137 Hana Hwy, Paia, 579-6009.

Moana Cafe & Bakery - Sat, Live jazz music

Hawaiian. 6-8 p.m.

■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL

2605 Ka`anapali Pkwy, 661-0031

with Mark Johnstone & Friends, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. 71

Lagoon Bar - Nightly, Hula dancing during sets.

Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

Thu, Mon, Tue, Bobby and Ralph; Fri, Ralph and

RESORT SHOWS

8:30-11:30 p.m. Torchlighting ceremony nightly.

■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA

3850 Wailea Alanui, 875-1234 Botero Bar - Wed, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music.

Humuhumunukunukuapua`a - Nightly, 5:30 p.m., Strolling Hawaiian Duo. ■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI

Allan; Sat, Sun, Fausto and Kawaika; Wed, Nathan

Lobby Bar - Nightly, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music.

and Ralph. All sets 6-8 p.m. Torchlighting and cliff

■ THE SHOPS AT WAILEA

diving ceremony at sunset nightly.

3750 Wailea Alanui

■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL

East Wing - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Marti Kluth.

■ HYATT REGENCY MAUI RESORT & SPA

2365 Kaanapali Parkway, 667-2525

Lower Courtyard - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Jamie

200 Nohea Kai Dr, Lahaina, 661-1234

Ono Bar & Grille - Thu, Sat, Steve Sargenti; Fri,

Lawerence and Friends.

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

EAST MAUI ■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI

Hana, 248-8211 Paniolo Lounge - Thu-Sun, Live music. 6:309:30 p.m.

Main Dining Room - Thu, Sun, Hula dancing.

7:30-8:15 p.m.

4100 Wailea Alanui, 875-4100

WEST MAUI

32

5400 Makena Alanui, 874-1111

Send your listings and photos for the Da Kine Calendar to Jessica Armstrong at calendar@mauitime.com or fax (808) 244-0446

Adult Services BODYWORK FOR MEN XXX ADULT DVD’S Strong & soothing hands offering a 2-4-6 Hour $9.95 ea.•6/$39.95 full body session for men by ADULT TOYS, MAGAZINES & MORE trained male. Private studio. Call DETOX, TEST KITS & SUPPLEMENTS SMOKING & HOOKAH ACCESSORIES 344-3425.

USED BOOKS & RECYCLED RECORDS

MEET HOT SINGLES Connect locally. 18+ 808-5216696. Ad#4288 ENCHANTED GARDENS Melt to my Magical Hands Rhythmically Chanting upon your Whole Body. Balmy Breezes, OceanVistas and Lush Green Gardens abound as you are Tenderly Touched, Transported into Tantric Ecstasy. Elegant, Discreet, Intimate. Irresistible. Couples & Women especially Invited. 8758388 SWEET SENSATIONS Sexy, voluptuous beauty provokes erotic tantric pleasures. Loving domination & caring companionship for men and couples.

Northshore 280-0601 PINK SO FOXY Maui’s largest selection of lingerie and adult toys. www.pinksofoxy.com ENERGY FOR YOU Feel great with a sweet touch.

Outcalls only. 276-9205 SWEDISH DELIGHT Voluptuous, Mature Escort. 2500272 Be My Valentine!

SWEET DREAMS COME TRUE 269-5362

Carmen’s Den Smokeshop PHONE: 244 - 6100 VISA/MC INTERNET • SPECIAL ORDERS! DAILY 11:00 AM - 7:00 PM 1883 WILI PA LOOP•WAILUKU MILLYARD (ACROSS FROM WAILUKU POST OFFICE)

Lady Love

Offering you the finest in sensuous bodywork with lots of Aloha!

250-8354 For A Deliciously good time... call

Cherry

280-1694

SCANDINAVIAN BODYWORK Unbelievable Blonde Private • Inexpensive

385-5648

Pleasures in Paradise Exquisite Tantric Touch

LADIES:

Treat your friends

to a

LoveShack

party in your home

Tantric Touch Deep Bodywork Cuddle

NOW HIRING

Embrace

NAUGHTY FRISKY KITTIES Individuals • Couples • Bachelor & Bachelorette Parties

269-2483

Sweet Island Beauties Are Waiting For You...

344-3414

DREAM GODDESS Experience the Divine Feminine through ❤ SENSUAL ❤ ❤ TANTRIC ❤ ❤ BODYWORK ❤

Soothe the Savage Beast

intimate, loving, playful meow...purrrr...

891-2700

1.800.710.8735

TO LISTEN & RESPOND TO ADS, CALL

1.900.226.0169 $1.99/MIN. MUST BE 18+ TO LISTEN & RESPOND TO ADS USING

344-5999

A CREDIT CARD, CALL

Beautiful Blonde Arriving Feb. 7th

702-629-0057 Sensual Polynesian Goddess

357-6750

1.800.721.0152

To pay for our services using a check, call 1-800-252-0920

WOMEN Seeking Men EARTH ANGEL....

Seeks a good man who has got it together, N/S, SWM, 40-60, young at heart, healthy, loves to laugh and have fun, share wine, sunsets, cozzy candle-light dinners, stimulating conversations. 616262

MEN Seeking Women HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU SM, 38, 4’11”, employed, likes fishing, sunshine, simple times. Wishing to meet a sweet SF, to share talks, dates, laughter, life and possible LTR. 224338

Relaxing, Soothing, Discreet

808-344-7212 Kahului Where your need for love is fulfilled.

AD DEADLINE MONDAY 4PM

The Garden of Sensual Delight Beautiful, sexy and sweet!

250-6274

TO ADVERTISE Call 283-3260

North Kihei

INANNA

Sensual Island Goddess to nurture your body, mind & spirit

264-6325 ~ Let your Wildcat out ~

TO BECOME A MEMBER, CALL

Caress

Sexy, Sweet and Satisfying

Unconditional love from the heart in or out call

Call 573-0303

IN/OUT CALLS

250-6206

Come Play...

Tantric Loving Bodywork

879-3500

FUN - GIFTS - INFORMATIVE

Exotic RoomService 276-0002

Incalls - Outcalls Couples Welcome Located in Kihei

LOVE GODDESS

264-7117

CLASSIFIEDS

GET LUCKY TONIGHT! Meet Island Singles! 18+ 808-521-6696. Ad# 4003

Angel on Maui

visit us online at www.mauitimepersonals.com

FAX NUMBER 808-244-0446 EMAIL classifieds@mauitime.com

WEBSITE www.mauitime.com

MAILING 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

DROP OFF 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201, W ailuku

866.399.5979

18+

For customer service call 1-617-450-8773 or email MauiTime@placepersonal.com

LINGO: A-Asian; B-Black; C-Christian; D-Divorced; F-Female; G-Gay; H-Hispanic; J-Jewish; M-Male; N/S-Non-Smoker; P-Professional; S-Single; W-White GUIDELINES: Personals are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses and have first meetings occur in a public place. This publication reserves the right to edit, revise, or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content of or replies to any ad. Not all ads have corresponding voice messages. To review our complete guidelines, call (617) 425-2636 0212

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

33

CALLING ALL HOME HEALTH STAFF!

EMPLOYMENT

• RNs • Physical Therapist • Occupational Therapist • Nursing Assistants Excellent Pay & More • Create your own schedule for busy Home Healthcare Company

IMMEDIATE HIRE for • F/T-P/T Guards - Lahaina • F/T Office Mgr. - Wailuku Apply at: 210 Imi Kala St., Ste. 4 Wailuku Industrial

Work for a Company that treats you like “FAMILY” Fax resume to 871-7366

WEST MAUI GOLD 667-7689

Call 244-7052

HAWAII HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS, INC.

1000 LIMAHANA PL. LAHAINA

BRANCH OUT TREE SERVICE

JOIN OUR FIVE-STAR TEAM!

Apply online at www.hhcpcaring.com

COOL TRAVEL JOB ! ! !

One Month Paid Training! $500 Sign on Bonus. Must be free to travel & start today. 1-800-7357409 (AAN CAN) GOVERNMENT JOBS Earn Up to $12 to $48/Hour.

Benefits, Paid Training, Homeland Security, Law Enforcement, Administrative, Clerical, Office, Accounting, Finance, Wildlife, More! 1-800-320-9353 x.2001.

(AAN CAN)

Want Dependable FT & PT Merchandisers, PT hours can be flexible. Must be avail for some weekends and some holidays. Job entails rotation & restocking of products, with some heavy lifting req. Must have registered & insured auto w/valid driver’s license. Exper pref but willing to train eager candidate. Position also avail for Lahaina resident to service the Lahaina area.

PT $11.50, FT $12.00 Apply in person 8am-4pm (M-F) PARADISE BEVERAGES 821 Eha Street, Wailuku EOE

Serendipity Maui FT/PT Sales on Front St in Lahaina. Evening shift 4-11 PM. Must be enthusiastic, energetic, and have a positive attitude! Great pay, bonuses, 401-K, benefits, and discounts.

Julie 283-5767.

MERCHANDISERS

CASHIERS (KIHEI) (KIHEI)

P/T BAKERY CLERK

All positions require customer service skills & a good attitude. Apply in person at

3600 Lower Honoapiilani Rd. • Honokowai

• Industry high commissions • Full benefits • Company trips

Contact Dan 800-947-8500 x203

STOCKER POSITION

WANTED

Apply in person at

Call 808-205-1270

AUTO or FURNITURE UPHOLSTERER

Non-profit, seeking compassionate individual to provide life skills training to adults with disabilities in a group home setting. Salary ($22K/yr.) and private room provided. Required: H.S. diploma or equivalent, D.L. w/clean traffic abstract.

Desired: Social/Human Service exp. Send resume w/ cover letter & position title to:

Full time, experienced.

Apply at: 261-B Dairy Rd. Kahului Mon.-Fri. Call Joe or Jodi

LAHAINA, MAUI

STEADFAST HOUSING DEVELOPMENT CORP. 677 Ala Moana Blvd., #713, Honolulu, HI 96813 Fax: 808-599-1821 or Email: kpantaleon@steadfast-hawaii.org

NOW HIRING

!

• A.M. LINE COOK • P.M. LINE COOK Apply in person 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Azeka II Mauka

877-4466

AVAILABLE

FOR ESTABLISHED WAILUKU BUSINESS Immediate position available.

Fax Resume To: 442-9899

Hawaiian Moons Natural Foods 2411 So. Kihei Rd. Kihei

MAUI’S BEST SUSHI! High volume, high energy restaurants now hiring professionals with experience, aloha & team spirit.

SANSEI Kapalua • Line Cook (F/T) • Hosts • Reservationist

808-669-6286 SANSEI Kihei • Hosts (F/T & P/T) • Line Cook (F/T & P/T)

808-879-0004

Placing an E M P L O Y M E N T A D is Easy!

CALL 264-8039

EVENT & CONVENTION STAFF Friendly, responsible people with their own transportation for seasonal programs.

Days and Evenings

TOP PAY! Send resumes to: Fax: 808-244-7036 or

hr@hawaiimeetings.com

34

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FAX NUMBER 808-244-0446

FULL CHARGE BOOKKEEPER Flexible hours. F/T or P/T. We are looking for a smart, hard worker who is proficient in all accounting functions, including A/P, A/R, G/L, Bank Reconciliation, Financial statements, G.E. taxes, as well as Payroll. Must be familiar with QuickBooks, Excel and Word Pay is commensurate with experience.

$500 POLICE IMPOUNDS Cars from $500! Tax Repos, US Marshall and IRS Sales! Cars, Trucks, SUV’s, Toyota’s, Honda’s, Chevy’s, more! For Listings Call 1800-706-1738 x1712. (AAN CAN)

ACE AUTO GLASS 185 E.Wakea, Kahului

871-7921 PARADISE MART

ACE

Custom Upholstery and Auto Detailing Inc.

WANTED! for office equipment sales

TO ADVERTISE IN THE EMPLOYMENT SECTION Call 264-8039

An Equal Opportunity Employer

Executive Sales Rep

BIKINI DANCERS FOR MUSIC VIDEO $50 - $100

(HONOKOWAI)

FT & PT positions. Customer service oriented individuals needed for our Honokowai Store in Maui.

Excellent benefits. Flexible shifts available.

LIFE SKILLS SPECIALIST

1977 MERCEDES 450 SL Convertible with hard top. Clean.

New tires. $5,577 or best offer.

Call 244-0161 or 242-1350

AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES

F/T DELI LEAD CLERK

~ Honokowai ~

Customer Service & Experienced Kitchen Help

AD DEADLINE MONDAY 4PM

(HONOKOWAI)

DELI CLERKS

THE FISH MARKET MAUI Now accepting applications & resumes for

CARS - FOREIGN

(KIHEI & HONOKOWAI)

MEDITERRANEAN BISTRO:

Hostess-Manager; Line Cooks; Prep and Pantry; Waiter/Waitresses; Busboy and Dishwasher - AM/PM Shifts Production Workers for Wholesale Division Apply at 810 Kokomo Rd. Vasi's Deli or call 573-8056

AUTOMOTIVE

COURTESY CLERKS

Tree Trimmers, Ground & Yard

BARTENDERS NEEDED Maintenance Help. Male & Female.

Looking for part/full time barF/T. No Drugs. Driver’s License Req. tenders. Several positions availCall 572-1636 able.No experience required.With hourly wages and tips make up to RESTAURANT POSITIONS $300 per shift. Call(800)806-0082 AVAILABLE TO START MID FEBRUARY AT ext.200.(AAN CAN) HAIKU TOWN CENTER FOR OUR

DATA ENTRY PROCESSORS NEEDED! Earn $3,500-$5,000 Weekly Working From Home! Guaranteed Paychecks!

No Experience Necessary! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now! http://www.bigpaywork.com (AAN CAN)

JEWELRY • DIAMONDS • WATCHES COINS • COLORED STONES MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS SURF BOARDS

EMAIL robin@mauitime.com

WEBSITE www.mauitime.com

MAILING 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

DROP OFF 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201, Wailuku

WAKEA

$ MODELS WANTED $ For magazine print work. $250$900. Ages 18 to 35. 573-3712

FREEMAN

GUARDS, INC.

$BUY & SELL $

employment CLASSIFIEDS

OUTDOOR YOUTH COUNSELOR Do you love the outdoors and helping troubled teens? Immediate openings at Eckerd outdoor therapeutic programs in NC, TN, GA, FL, VT, NH and RI. Year-round residential position, free room & board, competitive salary/benefits. Info and apply online: www.eckerdyouth.org. Or fax resume to career Advisor/AN, 727-442-5911.

EOE/DFWP (AAN CAN)

MIDAS

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES HELP WANTED Earn Extra income assembling CD cases from Home.

Start Immediately.

No Experience Necessary. 1-800-405-7619 ext.150 h tt p : / / w w w. e a s y wo r k greatpay.com (AAN CAN) MAKE $150/HOUR Get paid cash for your opinion!

Earn $5 to $75 to fill out simple surveys online. Start NOW! http://www.paidchoice.com (AAN CAN) POST OFFICE NOW HIRING. Avg. Pay $20/hour or $57K/yr. includes Federal Benefits and OT. Offered by exam services, not affiliated w/USPS who hires. 1-866616-7019 (AAN CAN) ****$700-$800,000 FREE CASH GRANTS/PROGRAMS-2007!

Personal bills, School, Business/Housing. Approx. $49 billion unclaimed 2007! Almost everyone qualifies! Live operators1-800-592-0362 Ext. 235. (AAN CAN)

FOR RENT

MYSTERY SHOPPERS Get paid to shop! Retail/Dining establishments need undercover ALOHA VALUED READERS clients to judge quality/customer service. Earn up to $70 a day. Call We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of 1-800-901-9370 (AAN CAN) our ads. We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct inforPARTNERS WANTED In oil/gas wells in Texas. $15,000 mation that advertisers want. If minimum investment. Call 214- you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not 793-9481. (AAN CAN) submitted directly to us. If you have a question directly concernHOME REFUND JOBS! Earn $3,500 - $5,000 Weekly ing AAN CAN, please check out Processing Company Refunds aancan.org

KIHEI VILLAGES CONDO 2 BR/1.5 BA, TWO PARKING STALLS!, very clean, upstairs, A/C, W/D, dishwasher, pergo-like floors, covered lanai, views of Haleakala and partial ocean view. Walking distance to beach. Avail. April 1st. $1650/mo. First + deposit. 1 yr lease. No smoking/pets.

Contact: kiheicondoapril@gmail.com

Online! Guaranteed Paychecks! No Experience Needed! Positions PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION? Available Today! Register Online Now! www.rebatework.com (AAN Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with CAN) Families nationwide.

LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s Kihei Restaurant $65K One True Gift Adoptions 1-866-413Wailuku Restaurant $65K 6293 (AAN CAN)

ALL AREAS - ROOMMATE.COM Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: www.Roommates.com (AAN CAN)

NOTICES

Lahaina Restaurant $20K Kahului Restaurant $250K Paia Restaurant $145K

FREE AND ANONYMOUS HIV TESTING OFFERED THROUGH Michael Capuano YOUR HAWAII DEPARTMENT 873-7133 OF HEALTH Kihei-Mondays at Keolahou Church 11am-2pm. Wailuku-Monday thru Thursday at Wailuku Health Center 8:30 am-12pm. Paia-Wednesdays PETS at Paia Community Center DALMATIAN NEEDED 12:30pm-3:00pm.

LahainaLOOKING FOR MALE DALMAT- Thursdays at Lahaina IAN FOR BREEDING. Comprehensive Health Center CALL 264-4587 9am-12pm. Results returned in 2 wks. Sponsored by State Dept. of Health, for more info call 984-2129

BUY & SELL

CLASSES & INSTRUCTION

Yokis • Custom Dresses & Gowns • Custom Bridal Gowns • Lingerie • Alterations

SHARED HOUSING, ROOMMATES

VACATION RENTALS CLEAN, AFFORDABLE Accommodations in our vacation rental from $69 per day. Call Toll Free Wailuku Guesthouse 877-9868270 or www.wailukuhouse.com

Kaimana’s Beach Hale

at Baby Beach www.kaimanasbeachhale.com Special this month. $125-$195 a day. Your own private Ohana.

Continental breakfast served.

Full kitchen with espresso machine & D/W. Call 667-6968 for info.

CREDIT REPAIR! Erase bad credit legally Money WHALES ARE BACK AND SO back Warranty. FREE Consultation & Information: 1.866.410.7676 ARE HEATED WETSUITS Dive with SHAKA DIVERS in luxuri- www.nationalcreditbuilders.com ous warmth this winter. (AAN CAN) Professionally Guided SCUBA Tours $CASH$ and Lessons Daily 9 AM 2 PM & 5 Immediate cash for structured setPM Night Dives. Scooter Dives tlements, annuities, law suits, FOR SALE too! (808) 250-1234 Diving with inheritance, mortgage notes & ‘Shaka~Doug’ is SHAKARIFIC! WAILUKU cash flows. J.G. WENTWORTH #1 Lowest priced 3bd/2ba home in 1-800-794-7310 (AAN CAN) MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS Kehalani subdivision. Single level Earn up to $500/day for television, home on a large, corner lot with a CONSOLIDATE BILLS CD/videos, film, fashion. One fenced back yard and West Maui week course in Los Angeles while Mountain ocean views. $539,000 Good/bad credit Welcome. $2,500 building portfolio. Brochure 310- Josh Jerman, Broker (808) 283- - $200,000. No application fees.

Save Money Now! SOLUTIONS 2222 Century 21 All Islands 364-0665 FOR ALL YOUR FINANCIAL http://www.MediaMakeupArtists.c NEEDS. 1-866-931-BILL (2455).

UPCOUNTRY om (AAN CAN) Two Upcountry side-by-side half http://www.PaylessSolutions.com acre double building lots with three (AAN CAN) County water-meters and ocean views. Currently eligible to build 4 PENIS ENLARGEMENT houses and 2 ohanas. $798,000 Gain 1”-3” permanently. FDA Josh Jerman, Broker (808) 283approved medical vacuum pumps, 2222 Century 21 All Islands Viagra, Cialis, Levitra and SERVICE Testosterone. Free Brochures. Se STOP RENTING! MAINTENANCE Habla Espanol 619-294-7777, 24/7, Government and bank foreclohttp://www.getbiggertoday.com sures! $0 to low down! No credit INSTALLATION CODE: ALTERNATIVE (AAN CAN) OK. Call now! 1-800-454-8939 Fast, Friendly, Reliable (AAN CAN) CALL STEVE ONLINE PHARMACY BANK FORECLOSURES Buy Soma, Ultram, Floricet, 808.757.1830 Prozac, Buspar. 90 Qty $51.99 180 Homes from $10,000! 1-3 bedQty $84.99 PRICE INCLUDES room available! Repos, REOs, PRESCRIPTION! We will match FDIC, FSBOs, FHA, etc. These any competitor’s price! 1-866-465- homes must sell! For Listings Call 1-800-706-1739 ext. 4107. (AAN 0794 providing Landscaping, Tree trimming, http://www.rxmedscentral.com CAN)

572-5884

ANYTHING COMPUTERS 808-351-6383

www.websitesonmaui.com

Ad Deadline Monday 4pm To Advertise Call 244-0777 Fax Number 244-0446 Email classifieds@mauitime.com Website www.mauitime.com Mail 33 Market Street, Ste 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

CHARGE CLASSIFIED IT! LINE AD RATES Maui Time Weekly

Attention

accepts credit cards

Vacation Rental Owners!

for classified

Permit legal cleaning co., NOT! Maui Cleaning Co. is licensed, insured & bonded. You operate legally, make sure your cleaning co. does too. Call 879-3332 mauicleaningcompany.com

CLASSIFIEDS

and display ads

The Colour Authority

PATRICK HAKOLA

5 lines included – approx.

140 characters

Frequencies of: 1-8weeks $18/week* 9-26weeks $13/week* 27-52weeks $9/week* Additional lines are $3 per each Bold and/or caps are $3 per line

Don't gamble with your hair color!

Will work with any budget.

Kihei 276-3389

*Does not apply to Backside or Adult Services.

Please call for pricing details.

SERVICES

REAL ESTATE

HEALTH

Kihei Air Conditioning

PACIFIC OHANA & VEA LANDSCAPING Stonewalls and Concrete work. Licensed.

(AAN CAN)

ARTS ADULT ISSUES AND EMOTIONS Exposed by Branch Isole The ‘Voyeuristic Poet’ Old Lahaina Book Emporium www.manaopublishing.com

CHARGE IT!

808-264-6997

ROB REPORT

GERMAN CLEANING & ORGANIZING offers thorough house cleaning

PROVOCATIVE ENVIRONMENTAL COVERAGE AND COMMENTARY EACH WEEK.

& ordering. Detail oriented & reliable, refs. available.

Check it out on page 6

ask for Tevita

Call 385-1323 MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

35

Now Hiring Full-Time Split Shift & Part-Time: Transportation Security Officers Officers provide security and protection for air travelers, airports and aircraft.

Full-Time Split Shift (Kahului): Starting at $36,648 per year Plus Benefits Part-Time (Kahului): Starting at $17.56 per hour Plus Benefits (Includes 25% Cost of Living Allowance and 25% Retention Pay)

Part-Time (Lanai): Starting at $14.49 per hour Plus Benefits (Includes 23.75% Cost of Living Allowance) TSA will pay the maximum government contribution for health benefits under the TSA Health Benefit Incentive for part-time TSOs. All part-time TSOs will pay the same lower cost for federal health benefits as full-time employees.

Minimum Requirements: U.S. Citizenship or U.S. National • High school diploma, GED or equivalent, or one year of security or aviation screening experience • English proficiency • Pre-employment medical evaluation • Pass a background/credit check

Please apply online at: www.tsajobs.com 1-800-887-1895 • TTY: 1-800-887-5506

TSA is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

36

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

I SOLD A $365,000 CONDO with a $9 classified ad in MauiTime!

Josh Jerman, Broker

SIGNLANGUAGE

CAERIEL CRESTIN SIGN.LANGUAGE.ASTROLOGY@GMAIL.COM

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) If a song gets stuck in your head this week, don’t share it. Grit your teeth and keep the thing to yourself. You’re likely to get infected with persistent memes you just can’t get rid of right now, like tricky, antibiotic-resistant infections. It’ll take a tremendous effort of conscious will to keep from sharing this shit with the world, but please do that. Look at it this way: If you can quarantine this crap inside your own head, when it dies there it’s gone. If you spread it, though, even once you get rid of it, you won’t be safe.

Sooner or later, it’ll come back around to haunt you again.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) Stop being embarrassed by your desires. So you’re a guy who likes fat chicks, or you have a pie-in-theface fetish, or you think wealth is sexier than six-pack abs. Own it. Sneaking around and indulging yourself only when no one else is looking is no way to live. Think about what a relief it’ll be to finally walk around with your large lady at your side, or stop scrambling to describe your lover’s better qualities when they’re all green and live in his wallet. You’re ready to own who and what you are, right? This week, show us.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

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It’s so easy for you to take all the blessings in your life for granted—sometimes especially those you have no real right to. I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy the fruits of your good fortune; quite the opposite, actually. Do enjoy them, as fully as possible. Be grateful for them, and savor them. Sometimes you rush through stuff and barely notice it, which is more or less what you’ve been doing lately. When was the last time you simply stopped and really savored something wonderful? The next time you’re asked that question, I want the answer to be: “Five minutes ago.”

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) It’s astonishing to me that I have to remind and instruct Aries to take the time to enjoy the pleasures in their lives when you—the ultimate hedonists—live right next door. Your ability to savor your life’s delights is legendary. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt when I ask why you haven’t been explicitly sharing them with everyone you know, and assume that it’s because you guessed they wouldn’t appreciate them. While it’s true few could squeeze out as much enjoyment from these things as you can, please share them anyway. They might not really know how to relish this stuff. That’s not a reason to deny them, though. It’s a reason to teach them.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) You’re spending most of this week in line for an awesome rollercoaster. Most of the time you’ll be bored out of your skull, until suddenly everything will happen at once. Then the thrilling ride will grind to a halt and there’s nothing for it but to get back in line once again and wait. The insanity of your stop-andgo existence (with more stopping than going, these days) is probably perplexing to those around you. It’ll start to become confusing to you, too, after a few more rounds on the rollercoaster. At that point, though, don’t feel trapped. Exercise the option you’ll probably have forgotten about by then: get out of the line.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) How are Pisces so relaxed, when they’re just as sensitive and perceptive as you are? Drugs, probably. It could also be a logistical thing. You conceive of a new worry and simply add it to your list, never doubting your own ability to get to fretting about it eventually. When a Pisces’ list gets too long, she crumples it up and throws it away, because she knows her own limitations. Your To-Fret-About list is too long, only you’re deluding yourself that you can get to it all. Can’t you find a reason to discard and forget about it, like your Pisces cousins? Never mind that your worrying won’t do any good. Accept that you don’t have enough time in the day and at least tear the damn thing in half.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Everything’s a trade-off. Eat that triple chocolate fudge cake and it’ll go straight to your ass. That’s just the way life is; we balance the good vs. the bad and we make decisions about whether or not dessert is worth the extra time we’ll have to put in at the gym (or fat we’ll have to look at in the mirror). Stop looking for the perfect deal. In fact, most of the deals this week are just sort of fair—no great bargains, but no huge rip-offs, either. If you wait for the amazing deal that’s likely never going to come, you’ll end up not getting anything at all.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) You’ve gotten so into the habit of giving good advice that you forgot to notice that some people stopped asking for it. In fact, that you keep giving it without prompting completely cancels the fact that it’s probably sage wisdom; they’re too busy being pissed off to notice. Shut your mouth, right now. Stop dishing out your two cents for a while. Don’t be bitter about it. Just hang tight and wait. See who asks for it, and of course give it to them. As for those who never speak up—well, they’re one less thing you have to worry about. Take that and run with it.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) As you age, you’re going to look and act more and more like your parents. That may thrill you or horrify you (probably the latter), but I hope you find a way to accept it gracefully. You’ll probably realize that in some cases they weren’t as deluded or unreasonable as you thought they were—either that, or you’ve become nearly as bad. Whatever the case, don’t dwell on your newfound perspective, but use it to wrangle some newfound appreciation for your parents from your sorry, ungrateful ass. They’re hardly perfect, but they’re better than you thought they were. Go tell them.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Some Scorpios say something is “water under the bridge,” but they don’t really mean it. They secretly harbor resentment, and express it in nasty, passive-aggressive ways. You may have guessed that this is not a good thing. But how to let this shit go? That, my dear, is the question of this week, this year, this lifetime. How do you forgive and forget—or, even if you can’t truly forget, how can you truly forgive? I assure you it’s possible, even for you stubborn Scorpions. This may not be something you can learn on your own. Find your most compassionate and laidback friend. Ask them for lessons. This week your homework is this: truly letting go of at least three wrongs you’ve been hanging onto for far too long. Don’t rest until you figure out how.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) There should be no surprises here. If there are things that shock you in this situation it’s only because you’ve deliberately blinded yourself to them and refused to acknowledge their reality. This is like when parents of a gay kid go into denial about it. They know, but they just don’t want to know, and think they can retain plausible deniability as long as they’re not told about it. You think you can, too, but it’s hardly plausible in either case. Just open your damn eyes already. This is what it is. Nothing you can do will change that. You can, however, finally accept it. This week, please do that.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Get your own house in order before you try to set someone else’s straight. There’s a reason psychiatrists are supposed to receive mental therapy as well as give it; you can’t help other people if your own head is all kinds of screwed up. That doesn’t mean things need to be perfect before you’re able to lend a hand to someone who’s worse off than you. But a degree of stability is desirable—one slightly higher than what you’ve got now. This week is work-on-your-foundation week. If someone else is raising a barn, they’re going to have to do it without you.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

37

RESTLESSNATIVE

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

The Ghosts of Valentine’s Past

CELEBRATE YOUR UNIQUENESS It is in this celebration that I draw my inspiration for a private yoga exchange that helps cultivate the personalized yoga practice we are all destined to enjoy. I offer a traditional and effective approach where a precise analysis of the physical body is taken in order to create a refined self-practice custom designed to heal and serve you.

The nature of this work is highly therapeutic and is therefore also suitable for individuals experiencing physical limitations/injuries.

Through the use of specific yoga asanas (poses) and alignment with one’s integrity, we rehabilitate the body. This opens the doorway to our limitless potential for personal growth and the infinite opportunities to create the life we desire.

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FEBRUARY 14, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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I recently received a press release from Classmates.com claiming that 90 percent of members polled not only thought regularly of an old flame, but also would like to be contacted by them. Granted, this survey was conducted on a site where people log on to reconnect. But still, nine out of 10 people is a lot.

And here I was thinking that I was an anomaly.

It’s not that I’m secretly pining away for the “one that got away” or even wish that I was back in high school and could re-date the boys I kissed behind the weight room. I loathed high school.

I wouldn’t redo prom for a dump truck full of money, even though my date was (and still is) quite hot. And senior prom? Not only did I go with a boy that ended up completely breaking my heart, my best friend ended up messing around with the guy that I had been in love with since he first pulled my curls while sitting behind me in history class.

But still, I wonder how everyone is doing.

Living on Maui, sometimes I run into childhood boyfriends. Most of the time, it’s pleasant. We’ve grown-up, so to speak, and are able to put our adolescent squabbles behind us. How are the kids? What have you been up to?

Then there are others who I rarely run into, even though I know they’re still on Maui. These are the ones that get to me. Not that it’s any of my damn business, but I wonder how they’re doing, if they need a hug or maybe just a swift kick to the ass. I wonder if they’re finally happy and at peace with the life they created. It’s the ones that I don’t run into often that I dream about sometimes.

Mostly they’re just there, haunting me in the background.

While in college, I ran around with this guy named Isaac for a while. “Dated” is too strong a word. Mostly we drank a lot and “studied” together. I wonder about him all the time. The last time I saw him, he was in bed and I was saying goodbye because I was heading back to Maui.

“Goodbye my beautiful woman,” he said.

“Goodbye my beautiful man,” I said, in Italian. I can’t remember the words now, but that was one of the things he taught me, besides how to shoot 151. I never saw him again and doubt I ever will. The last I heard, he had gone to prison and when he came out became a flair bartender. Who would’ve guessed?

I do keep in touch with one old flame–originally from Texas, now living in Taiwan. It’s been over a decade since we first got together, but only a few years since we last hooked up. This is also the guy that I sent in for an HIV test after the first time that we slept together (he came up clean). I can’t believe we’ve remained friends after all of the stupid crap I’ve put him through.

And then there’s the relationship that I won’t talk about because it was at once beautiful, messy, hurtful and deep. And that one affects me every day.

Now that I’m happily married, I wonder if it’s even okay to want to know what ex-boyfriends and flings are up to. I guess, according to Classmates.com, it’s more than normal. But it would sure piss me off to hear my husband talk about it.

Starr Begley can’t help but laugh every time she hears The Scorpion’s “Rock you like a Hurricane” on the radio. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 14, 2008

39

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