12.34 Love, Sex & Carnage, February 12, 2009, Volume 12, Issue 34, MauiTime

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12

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VOLUME 12

ISSUE 34

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CONTENTS

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 34

5 MAUI COUNTY Glass mobsters and egg beaters get stolen in News of the Weird. Click of the Week is on the fake heart beat. Eh Brah! trashes recycling center rudeness. Rob Report saw the sign, and it opened up his mind. A bartender, a cop and an 18-year-old minor decoy walk into Mama’s Fish House in LC Watch. Coconut Wireless mourns another newspaper.

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION What’s your porn star name?

Editor: Jacob Shafer Engorge W. Bush Calendar Editor/Staff Writer: Kate Bradshaw Sister Knockers

10 FEATURE STORY

Proofreader: Heather Nicholson Intern: Katie Barraco

This year, Valentine’s Day and Friday the 13th fall on the same weekend. So naturally we took the opportunity to write stories about the horrors of dating on Maui and people having sex in airplane bathrooms.

Contributors: Jessica Armstrong, Caeriel Crestin, Lloyd Dangle, Rob Parsons, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower Firecrotch Art Director: Brittany Shaw Jenny Talia

14 ONO KINE GRINDS

Graphic Designer: Kellee LaVars Fonda Cox

Five places to get spicy food and five more that serve (purported) aphrodisiacs.

Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers Girth Brooks General Manager: Jennifer Russo Jenny Jolt

16 MUSIC SCENE

Administrative Executive: Judy Toba J-Ho

17 Mind Candy

Maui Kila Kila recalls the good old days.

Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown

18 FILM

Web Design: Linear Publishing www.linearpublishing.com

Barry Wurst II says the new Friday the 13th doesn’t have the campy appeal of the original. On the other hand: blood.

Publisher: Tommy Russo Coco Contreras

19 Movie Listings

MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2008 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. Maui Time Weekly may be distributed only by MauiTime Weekly’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime Weekly is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime Weekly, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime Weekly are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime Weekly.

20 DA KINE CALENDAR

Kate previews the week’s top haps, including an anti-Valentine’s Day party and a food exhibit.

22 Calendar & Grid

28 BACK PAGES

Maui Time Weekly 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com

29 Local Classifieds 30 Sign Language 31 Mind, Body, Spirit

Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime Weekly

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IS THERE REALLY AN UPSIDE TO ALL THIS MADNESS?

NEWSOFTHEWEIRD ABSTAINING FROM JUSTICE An Oregon district attorney’s office set out two years ago to prosecute David Simmons for having sex the year before with his girlfriend, then 14, while he was 17. A grand jury in Jefferson County refused to indict Simmons, but the prosecutor acted exactly like the indictment had gone through, and no one, even Simmons, noticed the mistake. Only when Simmons agreed to plead guilty in exchange for a 30-day sentence in October 2006 did the news finally reach the foreman of the grand jury that had “no-billed” Simmons, and the foreman’s complaint caused the judge to dismiss the conviction. However, in December 2008, prosecutors in neighboring Lane County charged Simmons anew for that 2005 tryst, claiming that “double jeopardy” does not apply because the Jefferson County case never legally happened (in that Simmons was never really indicted).

WELL VERSED (1) Twelve local poets jumped into the frigid Green Lake in Seattle in December, just because they thought it would be a good way to publicize their art. “It’s not enough to write,” said one.

“You need that audience.” (2) The Ontario Court of Appeal overturned the conviction of Antonio Batista in November, declaring that his “death threat” against a Missassauga city council member, in the form of a sonnet on long-neglected potholes, was more likely literary expression.

ON THE CUTTING EDGE Hysterectomies by ordinary surgery can take hours to perform, several days’ recovery and six weeks off from work, largely from the trauma of cutting open the abdomen, but recent advances in laparoscopy have reduced the burdens dramatically because the four required incisions are each only about one-eighth of an

‘CLICK’ OF

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD CHUCK@MAUITIME.COM

inch long. The Chicago Sun-Times reported in December that one of the leading practitioners, Dr. Richard Demir of South Barrington, Ill., had recently been recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records for having removed a 7-pound uterus via laparoscopy (by cutting the organ into smaller pieces and pulling each out through the tiny incisions).

CHARITABLY STUPID Police in New Britain, Conn., arrested Joel Rubin, 42, in January and charged him with using a stolen credit card, but unanswered was why Rubin also tried to use his own store discount card to get a lower price on the merchandise. It was Rubin’s name on the discount card that tipped off police, and it was not immediately clear why Rubin wanted to save a few bucks off a bill that would be sent to someone else.

EH BRAH!

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com To the racist butt-wipe who called me a “f#$%ing haole” when I showed up to recycle some stuff: You had an overflowing truckload of recycling stuff, while I had two small bags. Yet you had to yell at me and tell me to “get to the back of the line” (using a bigoted epitaph). Brah, there were eight guys working there, trying to keep the bottles and cans flowing! I was in and out in a few minutes—causing you zero delay—and you were still sorting through your stuff when I left! Then, for some reason, you decided to snap photos of me with your cell phone. Is that for your Web site, killhaoles.com? Brah, find something more significant to get upset about and, for the sake of society, stop playing the race card. And please realize that if the haoles weren’t here in 1941, everyone left alive in Hawaii would be speaking Japanese!

FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS (1) In December, Pauline McCook of Britain’s Isle of Sheppey reported the theft from her front yard of her life-sized glass statue of mobster Al Capone. It was not reported why McCook would have such a statue in the first place. (2) In Plant City, Fla., in December, Robert Thompson and Taurus Morris were charged with armed burglary after taking a woman’s eggbeater from her at knifepoint. It was not reported why they wanted the eggbeater or why the victim had to be threatened at knifepoint to get it.

RACE TO JUDGMENT In November, some African-American leaders in Danville, Ill., complained when eight black players were cut from the Danville High School basketball team at once, charging that the coach was engaging in “racial profiling” by, in the words of a black pastor, “(taking) a look at the way the young men wore their hair.” The coach pointed out that though all the dismissed players are black, so are all eight retained players, and that two of the retained players wore the same style braids to which the pastor was referring. MTW

THE WEEK

Much like the holiday itself, one of the symbols most often associated with Valentine’s Day has little to do with its source inspiration. We’re speaking of course about the heart, which gets dolled up every February and made into balloons and chocolate, placed in the arms of stuffed animals and slapped on the front of greeting cards. Lost in the cuteness is what that ubiquitous icon represents: the slimy, multi-chambered flesh pump whose incessant pulsing keeps you alive. If you want to peek at a lifelike human heart without tearing open someone’s chest cavity, check out the Web site of the Chamberlain Group, a company that manufactures incredibly realistic cardiothoracic equipment for medical use. There’s even cool/creepy videos of their products (like the Beating Heart in Thorax) in action. You’ll never look at those little candies the same way again. -JS Find it at… www.thecgroup.com

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ROBREPORT

BY ROB PARSONS ROBPARSONS@EARTHLINK.NET

Sign of the times

Feeling the sting

Looking for indications of a mid-course correction “Sign, sign everywhere a sign /Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind/ Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?”

-Five Man Electric Band, 1970 early a century ago, seven visionary women launched a campaign to ban billboards from the streets of Honolulu, and throughout Hawaii. These early efforts, begun in 1912, foreshadowed the women’s rights struggle and environmental crusades that were waged many decades later.

N

It’s curious that this requirement was included, since applicants are already required to notify, by registered mail, all property owners within 500 feet of their lot. The problem isn’t just the visual pollution of the 4-by-4 sign; the requirement also brands property owners with the Scarlet Letter for some “unspeakable transgression.”

While the council may believe they deserve a pat on the back for finally codifying regulations for one sector of island visitors who choose to stay somewhere other than beachfront hotels or condos, the length of time it took to do so was

You can bet your bottom dollar— which may be about all some island residents have left—that the Mainland miasma will have a continuing trickledown effect on Hawaii.

Despite the potential for advertising revenue that billboards might generate, and increased customer traffic, the businessmen of Hawaii agreed that limitations should take place in order to protect and enhance the unique beauty of the islands. Though it cannot be known with absolute certainty, some reports indicate that the early women of the Outdoor Circle withheld normal intimate marital relations until their wealthy and influential husbands acquiesced.

The forward-thinking beautification and preservation goals of the Outdoor Circle still reverberate today. Their mission statement is: “To protect Hawaii’s scenic environment by advocating for the planting and protection of trees, burying of utility lines, promoting recycling, and fighting for a billboard-free Hawaii, among other issues.”

While rules governing political signs for electioneering of candidates have eased somewhat in recent years, the overall landscape of signage in Hawaii is far less cluttered than any Mainland state.

So why is it I’m seeing a recent proliferation of large, 16-square-foot signs announcing that select property owners are applying for a Bed & Breakfast permit? Because it’s part of the new B&B law, passed by the county council at the end of 2008, that signs be erected as part of the notification process.

unacceptable. In fact, a similar ordinance to provide legal guidelines for so-called Transient Vacation Rentals is still languishing in council sub-committee.

The delay has caused undo hardship, and lost income and jobs for an untold number of Maui residents. Meanwhile, the local economy has run aground, not unlike the USS Port Royal, a $1 billion Navy guided missile cruiser stuck on a sand bar outside Pearl Harbor. erhaps the misfortune of that overbloated military warship is appropriately indicative of how far off course our country has strayed by placing military spending far above all else in our federal budget. Given the rancorous debate over President Obama’s stimulus plan, it appears the economy is falling faster than Washington’s partisan politics can act to revive it.

According to the New York Times, unemployment is up in all 50 states, including Hawaii, where it hit 5.5 percent in December 2008. That number is two percentage points lower than the overall U.S. rate of 7.6 percent, but more than three points higher than Hawaii’s 2.2 percent unemployment from a mere two years ago.

Nearly 600,000 jobs were lost in January, the worst plunge in 35 years.

Meanwhile, the new home sales rate hit its lowest mark since record keeping began in 1963, according to the Washington Post.

P

And you can bet your bottom dollar— which may be about all some island residents have left these days—that the Mainland miasma will have a continuing trickle-down effect on Hawaii.

So, shouldn’t we be interested in doing everything possible to correct the course, including reinvigorating the TVR industry? How much longer should it take to craft fair rules and guidelines for that once-lucrative component of our local economy? And should those applicants, too, face the draconian hurdle of erecting huge signs announcing their proposed business?

Fortunately, the Maui community will have the opportunity for another meaningful presentation on the topic of sustainability, also defined as, “Development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs.”

(Report of the Brundtland Commission, “Our Common Future,” 1987).

Ray Anderson, CEO of Interface Carpet and author of the 1999 classic sustainability tome, Mid-Course Correction: Toward a Sustainable Future, will be the fifth speaker in the Focus Green lecture series.

Appearing Thursday, February 12 at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Anderson’s visit will remind Maui residents of an appeal he made over a decade ago. n 1997, Anderson brought nearly 1,000 associates to Maui to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Interface, Inc. one of the nation’s and the world’s largest carpet manufacturers. But, upon reading Paul Hawken’s The Ecology of Commerce, Anderson realized he had barely a clue about incorporating the processes of the natural world into a business model. Rather than relegate “used” carpet, fabricated with a myriad of toxic materials, to the landfill, Anderson conceptualized a way to “re-manufacture” old carpets into new materials. An idea, and a revolutionary movement, was born.

Thus, when Anderson brought his company’s top brass and workers to Maui a decade ago, he decided it wouldn’t be just a typical corporate vacation.

Rather, he wanted to have

I

LC Watch On May 31, 2008, two men entered Mama’s Fish House in Kuau and walked toward the bar.

The bartender recognized one of them as a cop who was also a regular. The cop’s companion sat down at the bar and ordered a Corona. No sooner had the beer been cracked than the cop stepped forward and announced, in effect, “gotcha!”

Another day, another minor decoy sting operation for the Maui County Department of Liquor Control.

Flash forward eight months and the same bartender is seated before the LC Adjudication Board.

After his boss confirms a “no contest” plea, he acknowledges that he should have checked the ID of the young patron, who was 18 at the time of sale. “I didn’t do my job,” he says flatly.

But then he raises an interesting point: he saw the guy come in with a cop, a cop who was no stranger to the bar and who he thought was off-duty. Surely a cop wouldn’t bring an underage kid into a bar and let him order a beer.

Look, we’ve been running this column for a few years, and the LC has been doling out its capricious punishment for quite a bit longer than that. Every liquor seller in the county should know the score by now and be on high alert. But still. Every time one of these cases comes up (of the five cases considered at the February 5 Adjudication hearing, all were minor decoy busts) it’s hard not to see it as a pretty blatant form of entrapment, especially in an overgrown small town like Maui where everyone knows everyone and the cops are also customers.

Of course, you know how the story ends. The LC listened to the bartender make his interesting point, smirked and slapped the restaurant with a $2,000 fine, half of it suspended.

–Jacob Shafer see SIGN, page 8

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

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ROBREPORT

BY ROB PARSONS ROBPARSONS@EARTHLINK.NET

SIGN, continued from page 7 a positive impact. Anderson worked with Maui Tomorrow Foundation’s Kekula and Scott Crawford, who helped organize an “Environmental Dream Team” of conference presenters to share positive messages about an emerging concept known as “sustainability.”

Among those brought in were Hawken, Sierra Club President and patriarch David Brower, Amory and Hunter Lovins of the Rocky Mountain Institute, William McDonough and an assortment of Hawaii politicians, leaders and environmental advocates.

Interface also worked with the host Grand Wailea Hotel & Spa to conduct an eco-audit, in order to reduce the footprint of the largest commercial electrical user on Maui.

Light bulbs and fixtures were changed, recommendations were made to forego daily changing of sheets and towels and it was revealed that the waterfall feature at the resort’s entrance amounted to 10,000 gallons of water a day lost to evaporation. It seemed, for the moment, that Maui was waking up and preparing to step into the 21st century.

Current Maui Tomorrow president Mark Sheehan described the event as “the most inspiring of all the conferences I’ve seen in Hawaii, to have had all of these visionaries here on Maui at one time.”

The next two years were marked by educational efforts by Maui Tomorrow to inform county leaders of the challenges and opportunities inherent in our depend-

ence on fossil fuels. The debate over Maui Electric Company’s proposed 62-acre Maui Waena generation site on Pulehu Road opened a broad discussion on the future prices of oil and on reasonable local alternative resources.

The discussion is alive and well today, a decade later, though some would ask why the implementation of sustainable solutions has taken so long. n an article posted February 9 in the Honolulu Advertiser, business writer/guru Andrea Kay wrote that graduates with green/sustainability degrees from a growing number of colleges and institutions face a rosy future.

“Graduates have found corporate social responsibility positions at Alcoa, GE, Deloitte Consulting, Duke Energy,

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Boeing and Piper Jaffray, as well as government agencies and non-governmental organizations like the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and World Bank,” Kay reported.

(Nota bene: Please do not interpret this as a Rob Report endorsement for large corporations or especially the World Bank construct. Instead, please read this as a positive potential cross-pollination between enviros and business professionals.)

Back to the matter of signs, and their overall value to a community review process: When I traveled to Savannah, Georgia for an energy efficiency conference in June 2007, I marveled at protections offered for their historic districts.

Walking in the old town area, I passed a number of properties marked with small, clear signs denoting proposals for obtaining a “Certificate of Appropriateness.” In other words, there was an obvious public notice on the property that a change was pending.

What would be the outcome, I pondered, of an ordinance on Maui that would require developers to post a requested application well in advance of it appearing on a Planning Commission or county council agenda?

Mind you, the Savannah notices were obvious to passersby, but were not visually obtrusive, like those mandated for B&B applicants.

Many times, people have told me they had no idea what was planned for a particular property until they saw bulldozers show up one day. So wouldn’t informative, unobtrusive signage to announce proposed land use changes be a positive step for Maui? It might make sense to enlist the dedicated members of the Outdoor Circle in the effort.

If we are to put ourselves on the path to sustainability, Maui and Hawaii must make giant steps to achieve a midcourse correction. That’s a journey not to be taken just by a few intrepid voyagers, but by each and every Hawaii resident. MTW

MAUICOUNTY

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

BY JACOB SHAFER JACOB@MAUITIME.COM

tion is introduced to override them. So basically, the Salary Commission, which was ostensibly formed to increase transparency and oversight, has in fact decreased both. Wow, a counterproductive government agency. Color me shocked. (The good news: several pieces of legislation that would freeze future raises and/or change the way the Salary Commission operates have been introduced. We’ll see how far they get.)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5 OK, OK. To be fair: according to that same AP report, even if state officials took a 5 percent pay cut and agreed to forgo raises over the next two years, it would save “only” $6.5 million, a fraction of the deficit Hawaii is facing. But you know what? It’s something. And if anyone should be doing their part, it’s the people who are always sanctimoniously telling us that we all have to do our part.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6

Photo by Marco Pakoeningrat

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4 An AP story in today’s Maui News offers an update on the wrangling over pay raises for elected officials on Oahu. You’ll recall that state lawmakers received a 36 percent salary hike effective January 1, while back in July Gov. Lingle’s pay was boosted by more than $10,000 a year. Those raises were approved by the Salary Commission, a body created by voter mandate in 2006. The idea was to prevent politicians from getting to vote on their own paychecks, which, in theory, seems like a good idea. But the Salary Commission—the members of which are appointed by the Governor, the Speaker of the House, the Senate President and the Chief Justice of the state Supreme Court, aka the same people whose salaries they set—doesn’t hold public hearings and its recommendations go through automatically unless specific legisla-

This isn’t a news flash, but it’s painfully true: 2009 is going to be a brutal year for newspapers. The latest evidence came in today, as the Honolulu Star-Bulletin announced it will be converting to tabloid format (for those unfamiliar with industry terminology who associate the word “tabloid” with stories about Nicole Richie: in this case it refers to page size, not content) and laying off 17 newsroom workers and “an undetermined number of employees elsewhere in the company.” The paper is also dropping its bureaus on Maui, the Big Island and Kauai, meaning any neighbor island news they run will either be pulled off the wire or written on Oahu. Get ready for a lot more stories like this one.

Us media folks love to report on our own demise; writers are sadistic like that.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7 Seriously, we’re just one step shy of selfflagellation. That’s why your nasty letters don’t hurt us; we’ve already thought worse things about ourselves (but go ahead and send them anyway).

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8 You know what’s fun? Hearing the same tired, bankrupt argument repeated over and over again. So take it away Maui Police Chief Tom Phillips, quoted in a Maui News story about Hawaii’s ongoing medical marijuana debate: “We have had murders, assaults, every other crime that goes along with marijuana.” No, no, no.

And no. Those crimes do not “go along with marijuana.” Hostess cupcakes go along with marijuana. Laughing at infomercials goes along with marijuana.

Forgetting where you parked your car goes along with marijuana. Murder and assault go along with illegal marijuana.

See, when you make something that’s otherwise mostly benign a crime, you invite criminal activity. Has law enforcement (and I know, just doing their job, blah, blah, blah) really not learned that lesson yet? Or are they choosing to willfully ignore reality? Either way, it’s enough to drive a sane person to seek some form of mind-altering escape.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 9 I’ve thus far avoided discussing the Michael Phelps bong scandal in the hope that if I ignored it it’d go away. But yesterday’s entry provides a too-perfect segue.

Plus, clearly it’s not going away. Not only has Phelps been suspended and stripped of his sponsorships, which was predictable, now there’s talk that some Podunk, attention-seeking South Carolina sheriff might try to bring charges against him. Seriously.

I know everyone always says celebrities get special treatment, and that’s sometimes true. But the exact opposite is happening here: Phelps’ status as an Olympic hero has turned what would otherwise be a ridiculously ho-hum act (a 23-year-old smoking weed on a college campus—gasp!) into a headline-grabbing controversy clusterhump. Everyone: grow up. And please don’t feed me any of this “role model” crap. If your parenting skills are so weak that your kids have to rely on a goofy athlete for life lessons, that’s on you. OK, I’m done… In other news: Hey, looks like

Good swimmer; not a role model.

Grammy voters finally got wind of the fact that there’s more to Hawaiian music than slack-key guitar compilations. For the first time since the award was created in 2005, the Best Hawaiian Album statuette was given to artists who actually made a whole entire record—Tia Carrere and Daniel Ho were recognized for Ikena. Of course, Ho and Carrere both live in LA and some might say they’re as much Hollywood as they are Hawaii (a lot of insiders were pulling for lesser-known nominee Amy Hanaiali’i, the Honolulu Advertiser reports). But again, at least they’ve moved away from slack-key guitar compilations. Baby steps.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 10 Attention slack-key guitar compilation fans: even though I actually like slack key guitar, I look forward to your hate mail. MTW

Agriculture Agriculture is the science, art, or practice of cultivating soil, producing crops, and raising livestock.The first settlers of Hawai‘i made farming the economy around which their families thrived. One of our most precious crops is taro, the staple food of ancient Hawai‘i.Taro provides a vital link to our agri-cultural heritage.Today, farming remains central to our economy and culture.Taro is its symbol.The family farm preserves a legacy and provides for our keiki.

{Fresh and Local Matter} Support Grown on Maui.

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Maui Tropical Plantation, Lu’au Grounds

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

9

Love, Sex & Carnage T

his year, Valentine’s Day and Friday the 13th happen to fall on consecutive days.

So we’ve decided to cram them together into one big issue. On the surface this may seem like a contradiction: Valentine’s Day is lovers sharing a picnic under the stars; Friday the 13th is a masked killer gutting those same lovers with a rusty machete.

But these pseudo-holidays actually have a lot in common. Both have become hopelessly commercialized and are far removed from their historical roots, which date back at least to ancient Rome. Both have a sinister component—Valentine’s Day technically marks the murder of several martyred saints and, of course, Friday the 13th has come to be all about danger and bad luck. And both have a big financial impact. The sale of chocolates, teddy bears, diamond necklaces and Hallmark cards injects serious bucks into the economy each year (things may be down a bit in ’09 with global finances floundering, but the power of a guilt-tripping girlfriend supercedes a recession). Meanwhile, a significant amount of money is lost—as much as $900 million in the U.S. alone, according to one estimate—whenever Friday the 13th rolls around, as superstitious people refuse to fly, drive or sometimes even leave their homes.

We’ve chosen to mark these unique but not entirely dissimilar occasions with stories focused on three things that define them: love, sex and carnage. Which components apply to which day depends entirely on your point of view—basically, on whether you’re one of the star-gazing lovers or the dude with the machete.

Either way, enjoy.

10

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

SEX SKY IN THE

Terror alerts, disease-coated bathrooms, boob-flashing flight attendants—a Hawaii pilot dishes the mile-high dirt

By Jacob Shafer

In the 2006 camp horror “classic” Snakes on a Plane, two lovers try to join the mile-high club but are interrupted mid-coitus by one of the titular reptiles. No points for guessing the first body part that gets chomped.

In reality, an attempt to bump uglies at 30,000 feet probably won’t lead to a cobra attack, but there are other hazards.

A Hawaii-based pilot who has also worked as a flight attendant agreed to share some juicy tidbits with us, provided we left out her name and the name of her airline. We’ll just call her “Sky.” The first thing Sky offers is a strong word of caution for anyone planning to turn the lavatory into a den of debauchery. “Commercial airliner bathrooms are probably in need of biohazard tape across the door, because they are the filthiest places,” she says. It makes sense. When you consider the number of people who use those cramped crappers—and the globe-spanning countries they hail from—it’s easy to see them less as bathrooms and more breeding grounds for disease.

“People vomit in there and God knows what else,” says Sky. “And then you want to go in and do the nasty?

Someone’s gonna get sick.”

Another, equally menacing threat comes from airport security. Since 9/11, two people going into the bathroom together or moving sneakily to the back of the plane conjures up images of box cutters and shoe bombs rather than illicit romance.

“Flight attendants are on high alert,” warns Sky. “Any suspicious activity is going to immediately [trigger] a terror alert. You could be trying to ‘congregate’ and find yourself on CNN in a terrorist incident.”

That doesn’t mean airplane-related sex is all a big mood-killing downer. Sky is full of tawdry tales: passengers getting steamy under those itchy complimentary blankets on long red-eye flights (pre-2001, she says flight attendants would often giggle and look the other way as long as the lovers weren’t “showing too much stuff”); a male flight attendant who was fired for giving more than honey roasted nuts to a female passenger; a stewardess who would flash her boobs to the pilots after a particularly smooth landing.

But Sky’s best story involves a plane that never left the ground. “It was Valentine’s Day, and my fiancée caught wind of the fact that they were going to be using an old airplane for a movie being shot here,” she remembers. The plane was to be blown up as part of a climactic action set piece. Before that happened, Sky’s husbandto-be snuck aboard and stashed candles, flowers and a futon, and the couple gave the old bird one last hurrah before its fiery cinematic demise.

“That is by far the most romantic Valentine’s present I’ve ever gotten,” she says. “Now I can always watch the movie and say, ‘I did it on that plane.’” MTW

SINGLED OUT

Diving into Maui’s shallow dating pool can be a backbreaking experience—especially for the ladies

By Kate Bradshaw

W

e have heard time and time again that dating on Maui is essentially a lost cause. In fact, we’ve heard it so much that, in the spirit of journalistic enterprise, we sought to determine whether meeting someone you can stand is possible on the Valley Isle.

The answer, we conclude, is not pretty.

Gauging the singles scene in any locale is trickier than it seems. There’s more to it than looking at the total number of people who are not currently participating in a marriage. The devil, if you will, is in the details: malefemale ratio, age range, education, income, etc.

According to our research, single life on Maui has some pretty grim details, depending on what you’re looking for.

We sent an informal survey to a number of people who are or have at one time been single on Maui. In order to get a representative sample, we cast a broad net.

able among twenty-, thirty and in some cases fortysomethings on-island.

“It’s usually attached to men in the dating scene,” wrote one respondent, though this may soon no longer be a gender-specific behavior pattern. “Lately I’ve heard a lot of my guy friends tell me that they keep meeting girls that aren’t really into being in a monogamous relationship and have moved here to figure it out, so I think it goes both ways.”

Another limiting factor in finding a suitable partner on Maui is the small number of dating scene participants, which has spawned a dating scene phenomenon known as “recycling.”

While in larger metropolitan areas, “recycling” can theoretically be avoided easily, a small circle of potential partners means friends and roommates on Maui can expect to be romantically involved with the same

Most unmarried males on Maui have either already agreed to participate in a monogamous relationship, are taking advantage of the fact that there are so many brief hookups on the island or they swing the other way, which is cool.

We define “single” as being not bound to another human being by law. Thus, our definition includes those looking to have random sex in the koi pond at the Triangle as well as those who are in long-term committed relationships or even, yikes, engaged. Our survey group includes those who grew up here as well as transplants.

An overwhelming number of respondents believe that if you’re on Maui and interested in something long-term, you are out of luck, especially if you’re of the female persuasion. One survey participant wrote that “women of the more cerebral variety” have it toughest, and overwhelming experiential evidence on the part of one of our researchers suggests this as well.

“It’s a great place to play really hard and work just enough to live,” one respondent wrote of Maui, “which doesn’t necessarily create an environment for finding a serious partner.”

Most cite the women-to-men ratio as a leading cause of dating scene suckiness. Maui has, as one respondent put it, a “five women per one man” ratio. Given human tendency, this likely means that the majority of unmarried males on Maui have either already agreed to participate in a monogamous relationship, are taking full advantage of the fact that there are so many potential brief hookups on the island or they swing the other way, which is cool.

“That guy out at the bar is usually close to joblessness, alcoholism or toothlessness,” one participant joked. “I think if you stalk the airport for those few single men moving here and scoop them up before they get lost in the sea of women you’d find a good catch.”

Another respondent remarked on “Peter Pan Syndrome,” a phenomenon said to be highly observ-

individual (perhaps even simultaneously) at least once.

“That’s why people move to the other side of the island, right?” one respondent joked.

Evidence suggests that ex drama is minimal here given people’s awareness of their small circles and the high likelihood of recycling.

“Many of my best friends, well, let’s just say we have the same ex boyfriends and we’re still best friends,” wrote one survey participant.

A few respondents found tourism to be a silver lining.

While working at a Lahaina restaurant, one said, six well-to-do young men invited her to their posh hotel after work. “I was invited to come out with them afterward,” she wrote, “and hopped into the limo and off to the $10,000-a-day suite at the Grand Wailea. They sent a limo to get me every night after work and much partying ensued.”

The downside to this is the potential for long distance relationships and the disappointment they often cause.

Our conclusion? The dating scene on Maui is excellent for those wishing to remain unattached.

And it may be no rougher here than other places.

As one respondent put it: “You hear [about sucky dating scenes] everywhere you go: [you hear] that Kansas City is rated the worst town for being single, [then you have] Charlie’s Angel Natalie yelling out how hard it is to find a quality man in Los Angeles!”

In all fairness, Maui’s single population is composed of individuals, each of them having a unique experience. Some may fare better than others. And no matter how grim things are, at least we don’t have to undergo them in Kansas City. MTW

The Legend of

Pu‘u Pehe

Story of Lanai’s “Sweetheart Rock” steeped in jealousy, suicide and, perhaps, love Though it’s sold as a heartstring-tugging tale of romance and heartbreak and used as a marketing tool to lure tourists, the legend surrounding Lanai’s Pu‘u Pehe, or “Sweetheart Rock,” is actually pretty brutal.

It begins as a classic “boy meets girl” yarn, except more than “meeting” the girl, the boy—a Lanai warrior—steals her from her home on Maui. You’d think a relationship built on such a solid foundation of caring and mutual respect would last forever, but, alas, no.

Worried that others might covet his beautiful maiden, the young warrior stashed her away in a water-locked rocky prison. While he was off at battle, the sea rose up and before he could rescue her, his captive concubine drowned.

Consumed with grief, the warrior leaped from the top of the now-famous rock and, according to some versions, transformed into a shark.

Though archeologists have reportedly found no human remains atop Pu‘u Pehe (where a tomb-like structure does exist) the legend persists. Hey, it’s got everything: kidnapping, jealousy, misogyny, murder, suicide. You know, just your average relationship. - JS

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

11

KILLER COSMETICS

Want to get really freaked out the next time you apply makeup or slather on sunscreen? Read this story

By Sharon Guynup

I

t’s Valentine’s Day. You have a big night out planned. You jump in the shower, soap up and shampoo. Dry off, roll on deodorant, spray perfume or cologne. Mousse your hair. Brush your teeth. Girls, apply makeup. Guys, lather up and shave.

You smell good, look good and exude a clean, healthy glow. But ask yourself: what exactly is in the products you just drenched your body in, and how safe are they?

Naturally, we assume our government has tested and approved any personal care product that can be absorbed through the skin into the bloodstreams, right? Wrong. In fact, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) doesn’t review or regulate any cosmetic product before it hits the shelves. And the

$50 billion cosmetics industry (encompassing all personal care products except soap) is among the nation’s least-regulated.

The disturbing news is that manufacturers can put essentially anything they please into those tubes and bottles, and are exposing us to substances known or suspected to be gender-bending, cancer-causing or otherwise harmful.

For example, your luscious red lipstick may contain lead, which brightens the color and keeps it on your lips longer.

But when you eat or lick your lips, you ingest that lipstick—about four pounds worth over a lifetime, says Glamour magazine. Lead may also be found in your sunscreen (look out, Maui), foundation makeup or whitening toothpaste.

Lead accumulates in the body over time,

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12

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

and may disrupt fertility, trigger miscarriages or seep from mother to unborn child, causing brain damage.

According to the nonprofit Environmental Working Group (EWG), just 11 percent of the approximately 10,500 chemicals used in personal care products have ever been safety tested— and those were assessed by the foxguarding-the-henhouse Cosmetic Ingredient Review panel, funded by manufacturers. In 30 years, that group has identified just nine unsafe ingredients. Compare that with the European Union’s approach. In 2003, the EU Cosmetics Directive outlawed the use of 1,100 chemicals in cosmetics suspected of causing cancer, genetic mutations, or birth defects.

Our government also fails to protect us through labeling. While companies are required to list ingredients, there are no labeling standards. So any manufacturer can legally trumpet its products as “safe,” “natural,” “non-toxic” or “organic,” even when they contain numerous synthetic, petroleum-based chemicals.

Scientists know with certainty that some toxic ingredients should be avoided. Foremost are parabens, which disrupt hormone, immune and brain function and are linked to cancer. But they are widely used by manufacturers as preservatives—pesticides that allow us to leave shampoo in the shower for years without growing bacteria or fungus. They are used in so many products that researchers have found traces in nearly all urine samples taken from American adults. They’ve also been found in breast tumors.

Three-quarters of us also have detectable levels of triclosan in our bodies, a “germ-fighting” ingredient in most soaps that lowers testosterone and alters other hormone levels, and interferes with metabolism by disrupting thyroid function.

But many of the most dangerous components of your shaving cream, hair dye, or deodorant are not even listed on the label. Many are byproducts created in the manufacturing process, such as dioxane and formaldehyde, which readily penetrate the skin and

are classified as probable human carcinogens by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

And as much as we love wearing an alluring cologne or soaking in a scented bath, we’re barred from knowing what makes up those fragrances. Since fragrance is considered a trade secret, companies are exempted from revealing the innumerable synthetic compounds brewed into their products.

What scientists also find alarming is that little is known about how chemicals in personal care products accumulate or interact inside the body, or how exposure in-utero or in childhood impacts health. We do know that mothers exposed during pregnancy to phthalates (common in deodorants, makeup and soaps) are giving birth to sons with smaller and feminized genitals. And a 2006 university study suggested that the earlier your daughter starts using certain cosmetics—and the more she uses—the greater her risk of developing breast cancer.

Critics charge that the FDA essentially functions as a marketing arm of the cosmetics industry, not a public protector. We deserve stronger federal oversight and regulation of toxic chemicals in cosmetics.

But until safety standards are overhauled, we must make informed choices. You can assess product safety at EWG’s “Skin Deep” Web site (cosmeticsdatabase.com), which ranks the hazards of 30,000 beauty products and 10,000 ingredients, using data compiled from over 50 international government and university databases.

On average, an American adult is exposed to 120 chemicals daily through personal care products. To be truly safe, use less, since what we slather on our bodies can have consequences that go further than skin deep. MTW Sharon Guynup’s writing has appeared in The New York Times Syndicate, Popular Science, The Boston Globe, Nationalgeographic.com and other publications. © 2009 Blue Ridge Press

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

13

ONO KINEGRINDS

Aphrodisiacs

BY JEN RUSSO

Hot stuff

BY KATE BRADSHAW

ASPARAGUS & AVOCADO

HOT BLONDE

Casanova, Makawao

Maui Brewing Co., Lahaina

Since ancient times foods that are regarded for their sensual powers reference anatomy. We can thank the Romans and Aztecs for that. Case in point: the asparagus spear and avocado bulb. Allusions to genitalia aside, they are absolutely delicious. At Casanova’s you can get them together in one fabulous dish, the asparagi al prosciutto. Chase it down with some of the fabulous Italian wines they have and see if you can make it past first base. 118 Makawao Ave., 572-0220.

I used to be of the persuasion that beer is beer and spicy is spicy and never the twain shall meet. Yet this beer has made a believer out of me—beer buzz plus spicinessinduced rush equals warm giddiness. The beer consists essentially of the Brew Co.’s Bikini Blonde lager with an infusion of chili peppers. Degree of spiciness varies by batch, but regardless, this drink is not for the faint of heart. 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., 669-3474.

BANANAS

CHILI PEPPER-INFUSED DARK CHOCOLATE

Stella Blues, Kihei; Green Banana, Paia

Mana Foods, Paia

What could be sexier than consuming the sweet creamy banana? This phallic yellow food is rich in B vitamins and potassium, which can get the hormones rollin’. Served in gardens islandwide, but I prefer mine prepared. Start with the irresistible Banana pudding at the Green Banana and end (if you’ve got room) with Stella Blues’ Bananas Foster with macadamia nuts and rum-smothering ice cream. 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 8743779; 137 Hana Hwy., 579-9130.

Chocolate. It is something I allow myself to eat once every, oh, I don’t know, four weeks or so. I can’t say whether I’ve ever consumed enough to give me an endorphin rush, but I would bet that a capsaicin injection would substantially kick up a rectangle of dark chocolate’s buzz potential. 49 Baldwin Ave., 579-8078.

CHOCOLATE

THE HAWAIIAN SUPERMAN

Maui Bake Shop, Wailuku

Lulu’s, Lahaina

Chocolate has got it all: neurotransmitters, mood enhancers, antioxidants—this stuff is the antidote to the ole “I’ve got a headache” problem. It’s also a very popular Valentines gift. Get your chocoholic the homemade truffles at Maui Bake Shop; they’re the most amazing chocolate fix ever. 2092 W. Vineyard St., 242-0064.

December, 2008. The Maui Time holiday bar crawl. We’re all pretty much on our way, save for the DD. I spot this drink on the menu and decide to give it a go. A martini made with gin and chili water warrants the following exclamation: oh, hell yes! My colleagues thought the drink a little too spicy, but I found the heat hard to resist. Those planning on ordering one are advised to bring gum. 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy., 661-5304.

OYSTERS The Waterfront, Maalaea

GREEN CURRY

They say not even vestal virgins can resist the temptation of oysters. Served raw in the shell, chilled on ice with lemon squeezed over them—there is a primal force at play as you devour this delicacy of the sea. Plus, they’re full of protein and low in fat, a great energy source just in case you need one. (Wink.) 50 Hauoli St., 244-9028.

Saeng’s, Wailuku It’s kind of surprising that Saeng’s isn’t more famous for its green curry. As a curry enthusiast I believe I have the authority to deem this dish a culinary requirement for all who periodically dine in the vicinity of Wailuku. I admit to regularly ordering the stuff in the median spice capacity, but believe that everyone should try to push his or her sensory limits by going full throttle at least once in a while. 2119 W. Vineyard St., 244-1567.

CHAMPAGNE Ulupalakua Winery sparkling wines, available islandwide

LI HING MARGARITA

A little bubbly can hit the bloodstream quickly. Inebriation drops inhibition and drives desire, but too much is a buzzkill so don’t overdo it. The Ulupalakua Winery makes two sparkling wines: the Hula O Maui with pineapple and Rose Ranch Cuvee, a dry pink champagne. Serve them chilled with muddled fresh berries and you’ll be able to cut the pheromones in the air with a knife. (877) 878-6058, mauiwine.com. MTW

Milagros, Paia Instead of going the obvious route, which would be burritos or what-have-you, I sought the unconventional for my last entry, which also happens to involve booze. Go figure. So this margarita won’t turn your tongue to cinder, but the powdered li hing that lines the rim kicks up the drink’s tartness quotient. 3 Baldwin Ave., 579-8755. MTW

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FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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Happy Valentine’s Day MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

15

MUSICSCENE

BY KATE BRADSHAW KATE@MAUITIME.COM

Back in the day Longtime Maui musicians rekindle the flame magine, if you will, Paia, circa 1973. Dogs sleep in the street. A young Mary Lee, fiddle in tow, waits to hitch a ride from the next motorist to pass through town. It’s a long wait. But at least she’s got the scenery. And the music.

Lee, now of the eclectic gypsy/island acoustic outfit Maui Kila Kila, was part of a collective of musicians that populated Maui a few decades ago. They tended to congregate at Modelia Studio in Maui Meadows, which produced the highest quality recordings on-island.

She and fellow Kila Kila band members Wesley Furumoto and Steve McGee have played in various configurations since then, though the size of their musicians’ network has dwindled.

“We’re the only ones left out of the old crew,” Lee says.

McGee says there was a time when jamming with the likes of Neil Young and Stephen Stills was no big deal.

Shortly after the release of Young’s 1974 album On the Beach, McGee

I

spotted Young at a bar in Lahaina. “Wanna go jam?” McGee asked the legendary rocker. Sure, said Young. The next day, McGee said, he ran into Young in Haiku. “Wanna go jam?” McGee once again asked the legendary rocker. Sure, said Young.

Maui Kila Kila Next gig: Friday, Feb. 13, 7:30pm at Café Marc Aurel, Wailuku Web site: myspace.com/mauikilakila Lee, Furumoto and McGee have an endless arsenal of similarly random and wonderful stories from back in the day.

During a gig at the Rodeo Club (what is now Casanova), one of Lee’s former bands caused a big enough sensation Upcountry, she said, that a couple of guys rode into the bar on horses.

McGee arrived on Maui for the first time in 1973, fresh from serving on a sail-

boat crew during a 34-day trip from California (the boat’s original destination was Baja, but the Kiwi captain decided on a minor change of course).

But the band can’t be defined merely by the past.

The three have played together in their current lineup for about seven months.

“We complement each other’s playing styles,” Furumoto says.

The result: a conscious, fiddleinfused island sound that transcends geography. Furumoto, who writes most of the combo’s music, says that they draw influence from Celtic music, Bob Marley, Bob Dylan, Gabby Pahanui, U2, Ben Harper, Olomana and, of course, the Beatles.

Lee, who has played violin in a symphony, plays everything from classical to pop,

blues to Celtic. Former tugboat captain and multi-instrumentalist McGee is fluent in guitar, mandolin, ukulele, and bagpipes. Wes plays guitar, Hawaiian nose flute (on one tune) and does most of the band’s vocals (though they are working on three-part harmonies).

Maui Kila Kila plays at various venues islandwide, and does a lot of fundraisers.

Mary plays fiddle on St. Patrick’s Day at the Kahului Ale House. The band will also play Haiku’s Ho‘olaulea and has a gig at Café Marc Aurel this Friday evening.

Times may have changed, but the music is still here. And it always will be. MTW

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FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

MINDCANDY

BY KATE BRADSHAW KATE@MAUITIME.COM

Songs for the single girl Mazzy Star, “I’ve Been Let Down” This breezy, nearly bluesy acoustic tune on the 1996 release Among My Swan possesses a rare degree of vulnerability.

Despite a mere three chords and simple lyrics, the tune manages to convey a universal yet highly unhealthy emotional state (“make me feel like I belong to you/make me feel it even if it ain’t true”). The narrator is well aware of her affliction, but won’t pull herself away from it. Use this tune sparingly, as Mazzy Star tends to be habit-forming. I prescribe a few spins for when the asshat who somehow caught your attention stops calling once he realizes you’re are smarter than he is. Yeah, it seems like it sucks now, but you should be focusing on your career anyway. Mazzy Star produced some of the most amorous music on the planet, much of it revolving around heartbreak and disappointment. You’d be much better off experiencing these sentiments vicariously through them (singer Hope Sandoval’s vocals are like plum wine) than seeking out your own disappointment, trap or distraction. So bust out the pink nail polish, pour yourself a glass of moderately priced pinot noir and throw on this sonic gem.

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Memphis Minnie, “Kissing in the Dark” Okay, so you know the Zeppelin tune “When the Levee Breaks?” That body slam of a song that closes out Zeppelin IV? Bet you didn’t know a girl wrote it. Not too many people are aware of Memphis Minnie despite her immense influence on music. The Algiers, Louisiana native ran away from home at age 13, played clubs in Memphis, joined the circus and later became the most popular female blues musician during the Great Depression. Her guitar work was more tapestry than ribbon and her voice a well-oiled machine. If you’re a fan of those super-gritty Robert Johnson recordings you may want to dial up songza.com and search for some of her tunes. This woman’s phenomenal talents and tasty tunes are only part of the equation; the fact that everything she was flew squarely in the face of convention should inspire single young women to foster their independence, flamboyance and rebellion rather than settle unquestioningly into the life of a breeder. Memphis Minnie was living proof of the adage, “well-behaved women seldom make history.”

Joni Mitchell, “Cactus Tree” Most boys do not like Joni Mitchell. I can see why, as every note of her music, especially her early stuff, exudes unabashed femininity. Coupled with her musical talents, her work can be downright intimidating.

Mitchell’s compositions tend to be extremely elaborate, utilizing guitar tunings of her own invention. Her lyrics are painting-like portrayals, packed with subtle social commentary and character studies. Independence is a common theme. “Cactus Tree” describes a young woman’s various suitors, who are trying to reel her in while “she’s so busy being free.”

Now, Joni wrote this during a time when young women were sent to college to find a husband rather than cultivate a meaningful career or pursue their true passions. This song’s protagonist is a traveler who runs away out of fear that one of said dudes “will ask her for eternity.” Sheltered individuals may accuse her of being a woman of loose morals, in an attempt to defend their own gravitation toward easy answers. But this is clearly not the case. Instead, romance is secondary to our heroine, who clearly has other, bigger things on her mind. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

17

FILMCRITIQUE

BY BARRY WURST II BARRY@MAUITIME.COM

Next ‘Friday’ Slasher remake not as campy— or gory—as the originals he best way to hear it is sitting around a campfire, on a dark night, preferably at Camp Maluhia: Years ago, a boy named Jason Voorhees drowned at Camp Crystal Lake and his death was avenged by his mother, who murdered the camp counselors that neglected her son. Yet it seems Jason wasn’t really dead after all, and is still out there, in the woods…waiting…

T

the end. The 2009 remake/pseudo-sequel tries and fails to match the classic closing scene and doesn’t really surpass the original in any other way, either.

This intense, not-bad slash-fest never tops it’s lean, shocking and funny precredits sequence, which delivers everything you’d want from this movie in 10 minutes flat. What follows is a seen-itbefore teen romp-gone-bad with a group of college-age misfits staying in a cabin for

She just realized she has to put this on her resumé.

Something else you should know: I like the old Friday the 13th movies because they’re enjoyably cheesy, tacky artifacts from the 80s. I have been to Camp No-Be-Bosco in

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Friday the 13th

★★★ ★★★ Rated R/95 min.

Blairstown New Jersey, where they filmed the original and it is one of the most beautiful places on earth (though it’s no Camp Maluhia). I have faux hockey masks that were signed by two of the actors who have played Jason Voorhees and have seen the original three times at midnight screenings, including one where the usher put on a hockey mask and chased moviegoers around the theater.

The original, released in 1980, is a dated, silly thriller that nonetheless has a knock-your-socks-off scare at

a weekend of sex and drugs, not noticing that Camp Crystal Lake is less than a mile away. The old teen slasher movie moral still holds: the ones who don’t get high don’t die, while the ones who get stoned and have carefree sex die horrible deaths.

The murder scenes (there are 13—I counted) are sometimes routine, but a few caught me by surprise.

The Jason in this movie is more like Rambo than the lanky, slow-walking zombie from previous films. Director Marcus Nispel, who also helmed the recent Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, excels at filming dirt-covered antiques, creepy rednecks and high-adrenaline chase scenes.

Unfortunately, storytelling isn’t one of his gifts; despite an eerie cameo by Nana Visitor as Jason’s mother, the back story will only be clear to longtime fans, while the rest will feel cheated by half-baked plot twists and ludicrous, newly added plot holes.

Surprisingly, this isn’t the most violent in the series (part four, The Final Chapter, and part nine, Jason Goes to Hell, were far more disgusting and mean-spirited).

Unlike the charmingly lousy originals, the remake won’t stick with you. On the other hand, it’s hard to think of a more sadistic Valentine’s Day date movie. MTW

MOVIECAPSULES Maui Film Festival Candlelight Cinema THE WORLD UNSEEN - PG13 - Art, Foreign - Set among an Indian community in 1950s South Africa, this film explores the barriers that lie along lines of ethnicity, gender and social convention, as well as unconventional love that such barriers seek to stifle. 94 min.

New This Week CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC PG - Thriller - This one actually sounds kind of twisted and somewhat pertinent. A young New York City woman gets herself into debilitating credit card debt due to a grotesque shopping addiction, but manages to score a gig writing a financial advice column.

Regardless, she finds her life unraveling because of her debt...this is a Disney flick, so I’m guessing the ending will be a happy one. 112 min.

FRIDAY THE 13TH - R - Horror - In this absolutely necessary remake of the classic horror flick, a young dude stumbles upon an abandoned summer camp after going to the woods to look for his missing sister. He ends up among a bunch of partying college kids, all of whom begin to learn the hard way that bears are not the only killing machines that live in the woods. 95 min.

THE INTERNATIONAL - R - Action - Here we have an attractive and unlikely pair (Naomi Watts in the form of a New York prosecutor and an Interpol agent played by Clive Owen) that happens upon a very powerful bank that sees nothing wrong with funding terrorism. As they cruise the globe in search of, I don’t know, clues?, they find that their own lives may be at risk. And not because of bears. 118 min.

Now Showing CORALINE (3D) - PG - Animation - A young girl discovers a parallel reality with striking similarities to her own mundane existence. Luckily, there some sinister nonbear elements that threaten to tear away at her host reality. 100 min.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON - PG13 - Drama - A peculiar story of a man who is born in his eighties and ages backwards, becoming younger through time. 108 min.

GRAN TORINO - R - Drama - Clint Eastwood plays a grizzled racist/Korean War veteran who has remained in his Detroit neighborhood despite white flight (hey, that rhymed!). His concept of reality gets thrown for a loop through his interactions with a family of Hmong immigrants. 114 min.

HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU - PG13 - Comedy - A group of loosely-connected young-ish people, all fumbling through the whole romantic relationship minefield, all

BY KATE BRADSHAW CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

dealing with their own shortcomings as well as those of the people that surround them, all figure it out in the end, presumably. 129 min.

HOTEL FOR DOGS - PG - Family - You would think that such a title would bear a metaphorical significance to a film, or perhaps allude to the existential longing shared by a film’s characters, but no. This is actually about a hotel for dogs.

Stars Don Cheadle. Seriously. 100 min.

INKHEART - PG - Fantasy - A young girl’s father discovers he has the power to bring certain characters from the stories he reads to life.

Unfortunately none of these characters are Jesus, Pan or even Tom Sawyer (all of whom are the topics of about six Rush songs). 106 min.

MY BLOODY VALENTINE - R - Horror - So, basically, an inexperienced coal miner causes the deaths of a bunch of people, which sucks.

He’s got other things to deal with on top of this, like unrequited love and a vengeful mass murderer, which both also suck. On the other hand, there is a lot of blood in this flick, which is entertaining. 101 min.

NEW IN TOWN - PG13 - Comedy - A Renee Zellweger-esque woman is climbing the corporate ladder. A project that guarantees a promotion lands her in a Podunk town where she inevitably meets a dreamy gentleman. Sacrificing one’s career for a dude is the worst thing a girl can do, so let’s hope that doesn’t happen. 96 min.

PAUL BLART: MALL COP - PG - Comedy - A scathing commentary questioning the aptitude of quasi-governmental entities that occupy mercantile centers in present-day New Jersey while tackling the most complex of existential quandries. 87 min.

PINK PANTHER 2 - PG - Comedy - They made a second Pink Panther. 92 min.

PUSH - PG13 - Action - A young dude and a teenage girl are forced to battle a destructive element that works outside the physical realm with hilarious results. 90 min.

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD - R - Drama Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet star as a suburban couple in the ‘50s who discover the meaninglessness of their existence and actually try to do something to resist it. 119 min.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE - R - Art, Foreign - A Mumbai street kid attempts to become a contestant on India’s ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’ to find the girl he loved and lost. 120 min.

TAKEN - PG13 - Drama - It’s been, what, two weeks since you’ve seen a movie or television show involving government operatives, kidnapping and conspiracies? This one stars Liam Neeson as a CIA agent whose daughter gets kidnapped. Good times. 93 min.

UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS - R Thriller - Based loosely on the life of Mark Twain, this prequel to the first Underworld chronicles the conflict between upper-crust vampires and a race they once held as slaves. 93 min.

THE UNINVITED - R - Horror - After the tragic non-bear-mauling death of her mother, a young lady finds her mother’s former nurse putting the moves on Dad. Mom’s ghost warns of ill intentions. Audience members get repeatedly startled.

Everyone wins. 102 min.

SHOWTIMES

.com

Maui Film Festival Castle Theater, 572-3456 The World Unseen - PG13 - 5, 7:30

Front Street Theatre 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees: MF until 6:30pm, Sa-Su until 3:30pm, Discount Tue), Confessions of a Shopaholic - PG - F-W 4:30, 7, 9:30. Sa-M 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30.

Coraline (3D) - PG - Th-W 1:30, 4, 6:30, 9.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - PG - Th 4:30, 6:45, 9 Push - PG13 - Th 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30 . F-W 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. Sa-M 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45.

Slumdog Millionaire - R - F-W 4, 6:45, 9:30.

Sa-M 1:15, 4, 6:45, 9:30.

The Uninvited - R - 2:30, 5, 7:15, 9:30

Ka’ahumanu 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 1-800326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm), Friday the 13th - R - 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:15 GranTorino - R - Th 11, 1:40, 4:20, 7. F-W 12, 5, 7:30.

He’s Just Not That Into You - PG13 - Th-W 11, 12, 1:50, 2:50, 4:40, 5:40, 7:30, 8:30, 10:20. FSu 11, 12, 1:50, 4:40, 5:40, 7:40, 8:30, 10:20.

The International - R - F-M 11, 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:20. M-W 11, 1:50, 4:40, 7:30.

Taken - PG13 - Th-W 11:20, 1:25, 3:30, 5:35, 7:40. F-M 11:20, 1:25, 3:30, 5:35, 7:40, 9:45.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans - R - Th-W 11:10, 1:20, 3:30, 5:45, 8. F-M 11:10, 1:20, 3:30, 4:40, 7:30, 10:20.

The Uninvited - R - Th 11:20, 1:25, 3:30, 5:35, 7:40. F-M 2:45, 10. F-M 2:45, 10. Tu-W 2:45. TuW 2:45.

Kukui Mall 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 ( Matinees: everyday until 4pm), Friday the 13th - R - F-Su 11, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:15, 10:15. M 11, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:15. Tu-W 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:15.

He’s Just Not That Into You - PG13 - Th 1:30, 4:40, 7:15. F-Su 11, 1:50, 4:40, 7:35, 10:20. M 11, 1:50, 4:40, 7:35. Tu-W 1:30, 4:20, 7:15. TuW 1:30, 3:35, 5:40, 7:45.

Pink Panther 2 - PG - Th 1, 3:05, 5:10, 7:15. F-Su 11:05, 1:10, 3:15, 5:20, 7:25, 9:30. M 11:05, 1:10, 3:15, 5:20, 7:25. Tu-W 1:10, 3:15, 5:20, 7:25.

Push - PG13 - 12:30, 3, 5:30, 8 Slumdog Millionaire - R - Th 12, 2:30, 5:15, 8:15. F-Su 11:15, 1:45, 4:30, 7:30, 10. M 11:15, 1:45, 4:30, 7:30. Tu-W 1:45, 4:30, 7:30.

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Maui Mall Megaplex Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm), Confessions of a Shopaholic - PG - F-M 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. Tu-W 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10.

Coraline (3D) - PG - Th-W 2:30, 5, 7:50, 10. FM 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - PG13 - Th-W 4:30, 8. F-M 1, 4:30, 8.

Friday the 13th - R - F-M 12:10, 1:30 2:35 3:50 4:50) 6:10 7:10 8:30 9:35. Tu-W 1:30, 2:35, 3:50, 4:50, 6:10, 7:10, 8:30, 9:35.

Hotel for Dogs - PG - Th only 1:40, 4, 6:25 Inkheart - PG - Th 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:45. F-W 1:35, 4:05, 6:35, 9.

My Bloody Valentine - R - Th only 2, 4:25, 6:50, 9:15 New In Town - PG13 - Th-W 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:20.

F-M 12:05, 2:20, 4:40, 7, 9:20.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - PG - Th 2:45, 5, 7:15, 9:30. F-Su 12:30, 2:40, 4:55, 7:15, 9:30. Tu-W 2:40, 4:55, 7:15, 9:30.

Pink Panther 2 - PG - Th-W 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50. F-M 12:25, 2:45, 5:05, 7:25, 9:45.

Push - PG13 - Th 1:45, 4:20, 7:05, 9:50. F-W 1:45, 4:20, 7:05, 9:40.

Revolutionary Road - R - Th 1:30, 4:10, 6:55, 9:35. F-W 8:50.

Slumdog Millionaire - R - Th-W 3:25, 6:15, 9:05. F-M 12:35, 3:25, 6:15, 9:05.

Wharf Cinema Center 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day), Friday the 13th - R - F-W 2:30, 4:45, 7, 9:15. SaM 12:15, 2:30, 4:45, 7, 9:15.

He’s Just Not That Into You - PG13 - Th 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. Sa-M 12:30, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. Sa-M 12:30, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30.

Pink Panther 2 - PG - Th 2:30, 4:45, 7, 9:15. FW 2:15, 4:30, 6:45, 9. Sa-M 12, 2:15, 4:30, 6:45, 9.

Taken - PG13 - 2:15, 4:30, 6:45, 9

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

19

THIS WEEK’S PICKS Double header

Silky what now?

Friday (Feb. 13), 10pm, Mulligan’s on the Blue Saturday (Feb. 14), 6pm, Mulligan’s on the Blue

Friday (Feb. 13), 9pm, The Cellar 744

It was a moral dilemma of Jurassic proportions: how do I highlight two very important nights that are occurring at the same venue without monopolizing Picks of the Week?

After careful deliberation I determined that the best course of action would be to give them ink in the same entry. So, first we have Erin Smith, playing with her acoustic band and the BrownChicken BrownCow String Band on Friday. Both acts are extremely entertaining, to say the least. Plus: beer. For Valentine’s Day types (don’t worry I’ll do some obligatory Valentine’s Day bashing in a minute), or fans of phenomenal eclectic/Hawaiian music, Saturday’s Valentine’s dinner show, featuring the legendary Willie K, is essential. I’m probably supposed to wax poetic about treating your sweetie, or whatever, to this evening of tasty music, but I’d rather just let the fact that Willie K is playing speak for itself.

Plus: beer and food. (Buffet & show: $55; Drinks, buffet & show: $75.)

THURSDAY

Okay, so there probably are some readers who don’t think Valentine’s Day is obnoxious.

I can deal with that, I suppose. I have had a few tolerable February 14ths. My favorite Valentine’s Day is the one I spent sipping Captain and Diet Coke and eating an obscene amount of maraschino cherries in downtown St. Petersburg, Fla. with my best chick friend, and having a lengthy discussion about Hunter S. Thompson with the bartender.

This can be done anywhere, I suppose, if one can stomach all the Hallmark cheese, etc.

The Cellar is high on the recommendation list, even though their celebration, entitled Silky Love, takes place Friday instead of Saturday. California-based DJs Richard Vission and Mars will be providing tunes, as will G-Spot and Daniel J.

Haters unite Saturday (Feb. 14), 10pm, Santa Fe Cantina Hmmm. It seems a second dilemma has burrowed its way into the folds of my brain. On one hand, I love making fun of Valentine’s Day. But everyone bashes it these days.

Anyway, I’m not sure declaring war on Valentine’s Day is all that effective, but ignoring it hasn’t really done much for the cause. Santa Fe Cantina has come up with a brilliant solution: cheap Jager. It surprises me that they’re the only ones I’ve heard of so far to put on an Anti-Valentine’s Day Party. The unattached would, after all, like some kind of alternative to spending the day at home drinking rum and watching ’Nam flicks. Saturday’s antiV.D. shindig features the sounds of DJ Mike Rozak and happy hour drink prices.

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

LADIES NIGHT TUESDAYS 7–11pm

333 DAIRY ROAD

871-1414

BY KATE BRADSHAW

Food stuffs

On the ground

Opens Saturday (Feb. 14), Maui Community College, Kai‘ike Building

Wednesday (Feb. 18), 10pm, Hard Rock Café

Cuisine is a key element of any regional culture, as one can plainly see on Maui.

Not once during the five years I lived in Florida did I see Spam musubi or bags of poi being sold at a gas station. And you’d be hard-pressed to find gator (yes, frickin’ gator!) tacos here. Key ingredients of every local cuisine are often closely related to a region’s history; Spam is a case-inpoint. This is the inspiration for the Smithsonian’s traveling exhibit, “Key Ingredients: America By Food,” which opens at Maui Community College this weekend. The exhibit not only explores food by region, but also changes in food preparation technology and the availability of certain ingredients. Think the microwave and the slew of plastic frozen food that appeared in the wake of its availability. This, of course, signifies our collective desire for convenience at any cost. So food, in turn, becomes an avenue by which we can examine culture as a whole. The exhibit will also be gathering info on the Maui food scene, which will then become part of it.

DAY

One of the easiest ways to unite people is to play Bob Marley. Whether one merely dabbles in Legend or is a connoisseur of the deep cuts, I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t like Bob. To some his music can invoke generic tropical images and serve as the sonic component to a marathon grass-puffing session. To others, his tunes signify the havoc the West has wreaked on all the Earth’s other cultures, and resistance to said havoc. That’s why Groundation, the band that’s bringing its Bob Marley tribute show to Maui this week, has it made. This reggae collective formed in the Sonoma State University music department.

Soecial guests include Will Bernard and Leroy “Horsemouth” Wallace” (formerly of the Wailers and Burning Spear). I suspect that they’ll draw a sizeable as well as diverse crowd this Wednesday. $35.

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Dj Styles & dj Jammin J THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” and “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI” Music Starts at 10:00pm $ 10 cover Friday

CASA NUEVA TANGO Classes, Show & Milonga Classes Starts at 7:00pm $5 Donation

Guerilla Jazz DR. NAT “EVERYWHERE BUT NOW” February 13th

Saturday February 6th

Dance Romance with

With DJ JP

Music Starts at 10:00 pm $ 7 cover

& RIO RITMO with special guest

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Music Starts at 10:00pm $10 Donation

Make it a memorable evening. Dine and dance at Casanova.

For dinner reservations call 572-0220 www.casanovamaui.com

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

21

Big Shows Kenny Rankin - Fri, Feb 13. Rankin is a seasoned, highly skilled purveyor of pop musician, jazz vocalist, among other things, but I’m told he transcends genre. He covers a broad range of musical bases, including old standards, Beatles tune and more. $39. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Richard Vission/Mars - Fri, Feb 14. L.A. Mashup DJ Richard Vission and Mars come to Maui for Silky Love, The Cellar 744’s clever Valentine’s Day party, Silky Love. Sexay. A Love & Light Production. 9 p.m.-2 a.m. The Cellar 744, 744 Front. St., Lahaina.744-661-3744.

Inspired by Love - Sat, Feb 14. This Maui Civic Light Opera show includes farewell performance

by Debra Lynn and Jerry Eiting as well as appearances by Eric Gilliom and others. Valentine’s Day enthusiasts are sure to dig this one. $35/$25. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Makana - Sat, Feb 14. Part of the MACC’s Mele Series, Makana will play the slack key and world styles that earned him opening slots for the likes of Santana and Sting. $30/keiki half price. 7:30 p.m.

McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Hawaii Youth Symphony - Mon, Feb 16.

Maestro Henry Miyamura conducts Youth Symphony I, which is said to be one of the finest youth symphonies in the country. Bonus: Willie K. performs with them. Free. 7 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Groundation Marley Tribute - Wed, Feb 18.

This globally-acclaimed reggae is taking its Bob Marley tribute on the road. This band formed in the music department at Sonoma State University and has successfully and independently toured the globe. 10 p.m. Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina. 667-7400.

Tickets on Sale Alisdair Fraser & Natalie Haas - Fri, Feb 20.

Maui Celtic presents the return of the World’s Top Scottish Fiddler. Fraser, a musician of unsurpassed eloquence and passion is paired with sizzlingly-talented cellist Natalie Haas. Special guest, Hawaiian musician Ü, will join Alasdair in a Hawaiian/Scottish tribute to Hawaiian Princess Ka’iulani. Courtyard

Celtic Music Preshow, 6pm. $30. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Pepper - Fri, Feb 20. This badass reggae/dub/rock outfit, originally from Island of Hawai’i, come to Maui for one night. Bonus: The ALLIEZ and Inna Vision open. You can find tickets at Quietstorm and Hard Rock Cafe in Lahaina, Request Music in Wailuku, Otopia in Queen Ka’ahumanu Center, all Maui Tropix locations and online at groovetickets.com. Enter to win tickets to the show by emailing pepper@mauitime.com, $25. 5:30 p.m.

Lahaina Civic Center, 1840 Hono`apiilani Hwy., Lahaina. 661-4685.

Angelique Kidjo - Sat, Feb 21. West African singer and composer Kidjo has captivated audiences and won acclaim worldwide for her amazing voice and commanding stage presence. $12/$30/$47/keiki half price. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Jimmy Buffet & the Coral Reefer Band Tue, Feb 24. Yeah, Jimmy Buffet’s coming. 7 p.m. A & B Amphitheater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, HI, 96732. 242-7469.

Hapa - Fri, Feb 27. This postmodern slack key and vocal duo, consisting of Barry Flanagan and Nathan Aweau, takes the MACC stage for a rare, can’t-miss performance. Will also feature chant from Charles Ka’upu’s and a hula performance by Malia Peterson. $12/$28/$37/keiki half price. 7:30 p.m.

Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Steve Miller Band - Sat, Feb 28. Jokers, smokers and midnight tokers rejoice: Steve Miller Band is coming to Maui. I’ve seen him live before; the man is a machine and so are the musicians with whom he surrounds himself. Jungle Love, anyone? $55/$65/$85/$125. 7 p.m. A & B Amphitheater, MACC. 242-7469.

Lines Ballet - Sun, Mar 1. Artistic Director Alonso King brings his unique and highly acclaimed show to Maui. 5 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Sam & Howard Ahia: Generations - Fri, Mar 6. This legendary father and son team jam on stage with their mellow island tunes. $25. 7:30 p.m.

Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Augie T - Sat, Mar 14. This award-winning, megapopular comedian and drive time DJ returns to Maui to crack some jokes about Hawaii life. $25.

7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Home: Inside & Out - Sun, Mar 15. Three young Hawaiian men, each from a different island, will perform a series of vignettes that deal with home, family and cultural identity. Tickets available at MACC box office, by phone and through mauiarts.org. $20/keiki half price. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

India Jazz Suites - Thu, Mar 19. Award-winning dancers Chitresh Das and Jason Samuels Smith perform alongside one another put on a rare, eclectic and captivating performance that spans all genres and embraces both tradition and innovation. $12/$22/$37.

7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Diana Krall - Sat, Mar 21. Grammy-winning jazz vocalist and pianist Diana Krall comes to Maui for one night of cool, smooth, genre-transcending tunes. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Na Leo Pilimehana - Sat, Mar 28. The translation of this best-selling Hawaiian female trio’s name is “voices blending together in warmth.” These three family women and long-time friends not only write and record their tunes, but they have even launched their own record label. $12/$28/$37. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Events THURSDAY, FEB 12 Maui Orchid Society’s Valentine’s Day Show & sale - The Maui Orchid Societyís annual Valentineís Day Orchid Show & Plant Sale is here! Check out a wide variety of orchid plants grown by local growers and hobbyists will be on display and available for purchase. Come see a beautiful exhibit and purchase a blooming plant for you special Valentine! For information see Website www.mauiorchidsociety.org. 9 a.m.4 p.m. Maui Mall - near IHOP. 870-1067.

Lahaina Caregiver Support Group Everyone needs a little support sometimes. This is a chance to meet other caregivers and people in the industry. Free. cathy Focus Green Lecture - Founder & chairman of Interface, Inc., who some call the greenest CEO in America (a tough title to attain indeed), will speak on how the intersection between environment and entrepreneurship. $5 (students free). Benefits the Hawaii Nature Center. 6 p.m. MACC, Kahului. 270-0567.

Cinema Night - Cafe Mambo will be hosting an evening of classic and cult classic films for the 21 and older crowd. This week’s flick is The Ring. 9 p.m. Cafe Mambo, Paia. 579-8021.

Mystic Garden Party - This four-day camping retreat/experience includes three daily yoga classes, two daily sweat lodges, workshops and more.

Guest speakers include Ram Dass, Alex Grey, Daniel Pinchbeck, and kupuna Auntie Pua. Features countless musical acts. A vegan meal plan is available for a bit more. Festivities last through Sunday.

Tickets are available at Mandala Ethnic Arts in Paia or online at mysticgardenparty.com. $225 until 2/10, $300 thereafter. Camp Keanae. (888) 966-2568.

FRIDAY, FEB 13 Whale Information Station - An expert from Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary expert will be on hand to answer any whale questions and even help you spot a humpback whale or two in the waters off West Maui. 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Whalers’ Village Boardwalk, Ka’anapali. 879-2818.

Metal Recycling Nonprofit Fundraiser - If for whatever reason you have a few loads of scrap metal you need to get rid of, this is your chance to get rid of it while at the same time helping a good cause: In exchange for each unlimited load of scrap metal, SOS will accept a voluntary donation to Sharing Aloha instead of collecting its usual fee. 8 a.m.-4 p.m. 2000 Mokulele Hwy., Puunene. 280-8844.

Maui Shriner’s Lunch - The Maui Shrine Club hosts a guest speaker and luncheon. $10. 12 p.m.

Maui Country Club, Paia. 283-6943.

Chapman Stick Performance - On the heels of his release Under the Banyan Tree, Chapman stick performer Michael Kollwitz will be performing as part of thisWhaler’sVillage concert series. 6-8 p.m. Whaler’s Village, Kaanapali. 661-4567.

Producers’ Night - Want to learn the techniques of producing a quality film? Tonight’s media salon event, which is exclusively for producers, will feature the screening of Cinematographer Style, a film featuring those most skilled at the craft. Event includes light pupus and beverages. 6-8:30 p.m. Akaku Community Television, 333 Dairy Rd., Kahului. 871-5554.

Ukulele Performance - A chance to check out the uke chops of Po’Ha’ku Ukulele. The performance starts right at sunset, too. Not a bad way to usher in the weekend. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, Center Stage. 871-1307.

rnsth 26!

Mooses Lahaina tu Thursday, Feb. 19

Come to Fred’s for Amazing Whale Watching & Margaritas 844 FRONT ST., LAHAINA • 667-7758

22

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI • 891-8600

2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI • 891-8600

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 02/12

Friday 02/13

Saturday 02/14

Sunday 02/15

Monday 02/16– Wednesday 02/18

DJ Del Sol No cover, 10pm

Estee Graham No cover, 10pm

Erin Smith No cover, 10pm

Joe Benedett No cover, 8:30pm

MON - A Kettle Prime; TUE - Kahala and Indio

Rio Thing

Maui Kila Kila

Gene Argel

MON - Open Mic

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

Casanueva Tango/Milonga $5

Guerrilla Jazz/DJ JP $7, 10pm

Dr. Nat/Rio Ritmo $10, 10pm

WED - Ladies’ Night, $10, 10pm

CELLAR 744

Jammin’ J’s Latin Takeover

Richard Vission/Mars

P.O.R.T.A.L.

Smokin’ Hot Thursdays 9:30pm

The Alliez 10pm

Eek A Mouse $25/$30, 10pm

Orin & Junior

Dave Carroll No cover

Dave Carroll No cover

Quiz Night (Super Freak Out)

Pau Hana

Ryan Robinson Band

MON - Jordan & Friends/Open Mic, 10pm, No cover; TUE - Scott Baird/Merika, 10pm, No cover

Up Next

Vince Esquire Band

Kanoa & Friends

TUE - Backyard Jam, 7pm

Doll House Show w/ DJ Michael Fong; $10, 10pm

Ultra Fab V-Day w/ DJ Michael Fong; $10, 10pm

WED - WII Wednesdays w/ DJ Michael Fong,10pm

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 891-1011

CAFE MARC AUREL 28 N. Market St. Wailuku - 244-0852

CASANOVA 744 Front St., Lahaina 661-3744

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9668

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

EHA’S POOL BAR 1234 Lower Main, Wailuku - 242-1177

GIAN DON’S 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-4041

P.O.R.T.A.L.

MON - Willie K, $10, 9pm

MON - Marty Dread; WED - Groundation, $35, 10pm

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

Rampage No cover, 10pm

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

MON - Erin Smith; TUE - Jazz Night; WED - Howard Ahia, No cover

Eric the Whale Shark No cover

HARD ROCK CAFÉ HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH

MON - Manic Mondays; TUE - Hot Latin Tuesdays; WED - Pool Night

Karaoke

SATURDAY, FEB 14 Pregnancy & Prematurity Awareness Health Fair - Sponsored by Maui March of Dimes. Also includes a a preemie reunion, which honors those who were born after less than 37 weeks gestation. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Queen Kaahamanu Center, Kahului. 244-6042.

Swap Meet & Farmers’ Market - From camo hunting gear and koa carvings to vintage aloha postcards and delicate, locally-crafted jewelry, this place pretty much has it all. Killer produce market, too.

Admission: 50 cents. 7 a.m.-12 p.m. Maui Community College, Kahului Harbor side. 877-3100.

He’ui Art Fair - This art fair is kind of a big deal.

It features the work of local artisans and craftspeople. Banyan Tree Park takes on the form of an old school marketplace. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Banyan Tree Park, Lahaina. 667-9194.

Papale Pepe Na Kupuna Knitting & Crocheting Club - This group meets every second Saturday and last Friday to knit and crochet caps, scarves and lap blankets for chemo patients, Hale aMakua and Women Helping Women. Group members also share patterns and teach knitting and crocheting methods. Call Alma for further details or to donate. 1 p.m. Kahului, call for details. 214-9864.

Medicine Buddha Teaching - Chan Yi De Chu conducts this introductory two-evening workshop on this fascinating and beneficial topic. Second half to take place Sunday evening. Lectures can also be conducted by appointment. Sacred Garden of Maliko, Makawao. Call to reserve. 281-7955.

Rotary Lahaina Fundraiser - The fundraiser has a retro-Hawaiian surf theme will feature live and silent auctions, pupus and entertainment. Attire is casual Hawaiian with special prizes to be awarded for the best Hawaiian shirt or dress. $40. 6-9 p.m.

Lulu’s, Lahaina. 250-5073.

Valentine’s Day Sunset Sail - Super-gourmet food. Drinks. Whales. Sunset. All on a boat (the Trilogy). Romantic, if you’re into it. Call to reserve. $69. Ma’alaea Harbor, Lahaina Harbor, Kaanapali Beach. 661-4743 ext. 225.

SUNDAY, FEB 15 He’ui Art Fair - This art fair is kind of a big deal.

It features the work of local artisans and craftspeople. Banyan Tree Park takes on the form of an old school marketplace. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Banyan Tree Park, Lahaina. 667-9194.

MONDAY, FEB 16 Lahaina Arts Society Art Fair - Yes, this killer display of the work of local artists is happening on a Monday. It’s Presidents’ Day, after all, so venturing down may prove a worthwhile endeavor. Also, Chapman Stick performer Mike Kollwitz will be performing throughout the day. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Banyan Tree Park, Lahaina. 661-0111.

Ballroom Dance Sweetheart Social - This is the Central Maui Chapter of the Hawaii Ballroom

Dezman

AnDen

Karaoke w/ Melani

Live Music

Live Music

Gina Martinelli No cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Dance Association’s annual ballroom dance deal. Bust out the fancy attire if you haven’t already traded it for food. 6-9:30 p.m. Masui Beach Hotel. 244-3263.

Pizza Night Fundraiser - With coupon, part of the proceeds from pizzas purchased during regular store hours will be donated to Maui High School Project Graduation. Email MHSProjGrad09

MON - Kanoa of Gomega, 10pm; TUE - Lucky Bum Girls; WED - Kahala

MON-WED - Karaoke

Keiki

West Side Storytime - Every Tue & Sat. Lahaina’s biggest bookseller is hosting keiki story time, so get them hooked on reading early. Tue., 10 a.m.; Sat., 11 a.m. Barnes and Noble, Lahaina.

Keiki Issues? - Thu. The Parent Project, a program for parents of strong willed children. Wrestle the phone away from the child and make that call.

Free. 6:30-8:30 p.m. Hui Malama Learning Center.

289-5050.

Story Time - Thu. Keiki story time and crafts. Free.

10 a.m. Hawaiian Village Coffee, Kahana. 665-1114.

Toddler Story Time - Thu. Brush up on the latest in children’s books with your little one. Free. 10 a.m. Makawao Public Library. 573-8785.

Yu-Gi-Oh - Sat. Little gamester get out your cards and get ready for a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament! Free. 3 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-4766.

Swimming Lessons - Sun. Valley Isle Aquatics is offering keiki swimming lessons in conjunction with the County of Maui, Community Classes.

Folks can call or go to www.valleyisleaquatics.com for further information. 12:15-4:15 p.m. Kihei Aquatics Center. 572-4665.

Yo Yo Workshop & Demo - Sun. Yo Yo’s are silent, so encourage your kids to learn how to use them and finally get some peace and quiet! Free. 45 p.m. Maui Toy Works. 661-5304.

Keiki Chess Club - Mon. For little masterminds age 8-12. Taught by magician Neil Bruce. Free. 2:304 p.m. Makawao Public Library. 573-5313.

Keiki Shots - Wed. (Central Maui) Bring children up to the age of 18 without medical insurance in for vaccinations. Bring all immunization records. Walkin basis. Free. 12-3 p.m. Wailuku Health Center.

984-8260.

Scholastic Book Fair - Thu. Yes, reading is cool.

This book fair allows younguns to check out just how cool it is by perusing the titles on hand. It’s never too early to introduce the kids to the work of Joseph Conrad. 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Wailuku Elementary School. 984-5644 ext. 230.

After-School Help - Mon-Fri. Hui Malama Learning Center offers after-school homework help and classes. Call for directions and hours. 244-5911.

Athletic Club Outreach - Every Tue & Thu. Got tough kids? Get them instruction on Olympic weightlifting, power lifting, body building and sports-specific weight training by an experienced team of coaches. Ages 11-19. Free. 4:45-6 p.m. St. Mark Weightlifting Hall, Good Shepherd Episcopal Church, Wailuku. 244-4656.

Free Keiki Art Classes - Every Mon, Tue, Wed & Fri. Lahaina Arts Society offers free children’s art classes island wide. MON - Lahaina Surf Hawaiian Housing, 3-5 p.m. & Baha’i Faith Maui Center, Makawao, 9 a.m.-12. TUE - Kehekili Park Terrace, Wailuku, 3-5 p.m. WED - Baha’i Faith Maui Center, 9 a.m.-12 p.m.; Honokowai Kau Hale, 2:30-4:30 p.m.; Ka Hale A Ke Ola, Wailuku, 4-6 p.m. FRI Haiku Boy’s and Girl’s Club, 3-5 p.m. For more info call 661-0111.

Advance Health Care Directive Workshop - Thu. Interested in advanced health care directives?

Probably not, but if you feel you can benefit from an advance health care directive, you may want to check this out. 6:30-8 p.m. Kaiser Permanente, Maui Lani. 243-6050.

Lecture on Vegetarianism - Fri. Tonight’s expert in this Maui Vegetarian Society Lecture will focus on the following question: “What Are We Vegetarians Actually Consuming & Avoiding and What Sense Does It Make?” This free lecture is definitely worth checking out. See how the vegan half lives by way of vegan pupus that will be served. 7-9 p.m. Cameron Center, Wailuku. 298-8544.

Dorje Chang Buddha Is Living in America - Sat. Over 100 enlightened dharma kings and great rinpoches have acknowledged and recognized Master Wan Ko Yee as the third incarnation of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha. Zhaxi Zhuoma Rinpoche, a close disciple of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III, will explain the precious Buddha-dharma that can enable living beings to quickly become enlightened.

TUESDAY, FEB 17 Pacific Whale Foundation Fundraiser - Part of the proceeds from all pizzas purchased will go to he Pacific Whale Foundation. 5-10 p.m. Flatbread Pizza, Paia. 249-8811 ext. 1.

WEDNESDAY, FEB 18 African Drumming and Dance Performance - In celebration of Black History Month, Xavier & the African Drum Ensemble perform. Event also features poetry by Ayin Adams. 10 a.m. Clearview Christian Girls’ School, Kula. 243-5766.

Love Habits Tour - Learn about the dating and mating habits of animals including Humpback whales, spinner dolphins, various sharks and more while on a personal tour with an Ocean Naturalist.

11:30 a.m. & 1:30 p.m. Maui Ocean Center, Ma`alaea. 270-7089.

President’s Week Democratic Fundraiser Neil Abercrombie joins Maui Democrats in celebration of President’s Day and to help raise funds for the group. Gail Swanson will perform, and heavy pupus will be served. Tickets are limited to the first 65 guests. $100. 5:30-8:30 p.m. 310 Hauoli St., Maalaea. 579-9442.

Lecture

6:30-8 p.m. 170 Kaahumanu Avenue, Kahului, Maui. (415) 238-1239.

Families With Mental Illness Course - Wed. Course aims to help families of individuals with serious mental illness. Free. 5-7:30 p.m. Cameron Center, Wailuku. 572-3757.

Workshops Confidential Small Business Confrontations - Fri. Experienced SBA business specialists are offering confidential consultations to small business owners to share valuable resources and information on how the programs and services of the federal agency may help their business. 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Bank of Hawaii, Kahului Branch. 5412990 ext. 210.

Dare to Chair Workshop - Fri. In this tantalizing, two and a half hour workshop you’ll learn how to turn a simple chair into an object of your sensuality. We’ll start with a warm-up stretch to get the blood pumping...and then heat things up with a lesson in striptease techniques (no nudity in class) and chair dance routines. Women only. Beginners welcome.

ThePoleRoom. 6-8:30 p.m. 142 Kupuohi, Lahaina.

Transform Your Life - Tue. This if the first of two Laurie Grant workshops. The course aims to help you discover the spiritual key to unluck your potantial for happiness, prosperity, etc. $15/$20. Call for time. Studio Maui, Haiku. 757-9306.

Whale Quest Kapalua - Daily. This three-day symposium gives kids and adults alike a chance to learn everything they ever wanted to know about humpback whales. $40. 7 a.m. Kapalua Resort. 665-9160.

Lifesaving Class - Sat. DLNR hosts this free session on how to safely operate firearms and archery as well as first aid and survival skills. Free.

8 a.m.-3:45 p.m. Maui Economic Opportunity Family Center, Kahului. 800-353-4868.

Israeli Folk Dance Workshop - Every Sun & Tue. Long time dance teacher Yael Wohl, who is affiliated with a dance group at the 92nd Y in New York City will lead two workshops on Israeli folk dance on Maui. Sunday’s workshop takes place from 4-5:30 p.m. at Grace Church Kula and Tuesday’s will be happening from 6-8 p.m. at Beit Shalom Synagogue Kihei. 4-5:30 p.m. (Sun.), 6-8 p.m. (Tues.). Grace Church, Kula (Sunday); Beit Shalom Synagogue, Kihei (Tuesday). 280-1051.

Environment Bamboo Tours - Sat. Whispering Winds Bamboo is offering free educational tours of its bamboo forests. Sample goods from nearby farms as well.

Half an hour past Hana. Call to let them know you’re coming. 11 a.m.-2 p.m. 248-7561.

Sundays in the Garden - Sun. Come get some dirt ‘neath your nails while reconnecting with the ‘aina. Also includes lecture, potluck and short hike to the pools. Donations expected; call Stevo for further details. 9:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Huelo, call for directions. 572-8299.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

23

Friday, February 13th

DOLL HOUSE SHOW with DJ Michael Fong 10:00pm $10 cover Saturday, February 14th

BOBBY INGRAM JAZZ Dinner 6-9pm

ULTRA FAB

VALENTINES PARTY

Wednesday, February 18th $35 — Tickets available at

Hard Rock Cafe, Cash or at West Side Vibes with Credit Card

JUST IN! BON JOVI DESIGNS GET ONE AND SUPPORT HIS CHARITY

with DJ Michael Fong 10:00pm $10 cover Sunday, February 15th

JAZZ with Joyce and Gord 4:30-8:30pm • no cover Wednesday, February 18th

WII NIGHT with DJ Michael Fong 10pm • no cover

NOW DOING

HAPPY HOUR DAILY 4–9 $2 Bud Light Drafts $3 Wells/Shots

Thursday, Feb. 12th

LATIN NIGHT Jammin J’s Latin Takeover Bennie Blanco Drink Specials

Friday, Feb. 13th LOVE N’ LIGHT presents

SILKY LOVE Richard Vission & Mars lovenlighthawaii.com Saturday, Feb. 14th

DJ BLAST $2 Bud Light Drafts

JON BON JOVI

HELPING TO BREAK THE CYCLE OF POVERTY

Take-out • Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner 1445 S. KIHEI RD. KIHEI • 874-4041

Sunday, Feb. 15th

PORT HOLE

Monday, Feb. 16th

MANIC MONDAYS Alternative Night DJ Astro RAF $3 Cosmos

Tuesday, Feb. 17th

HOT LATIN NIGHTS Jammin J’s Latin Takeover Mexican Beer Specials Bienvenidos Argentina

Wednesday, Feb. 18th

10PM–MIDNIGHT • $5 COVER

POOL NIGHT

Pool Tables Open • Free Pupus @ 4pm Group Lounge • DJ Mike Rozak

KAMA‘AINA

20%OFF Food, Beverages & Merchandise CANNOT BE USED WITH ALL ACCESS OR IN COMBINATION WITH ADDITIONAL DISCOUNT PROGRAMS. VALID HAWAII ID REQUIRED.

ALL FOOD, NON- ALCOHOL BEVERAGE AND NON-CHARITY MERCHANDISE

900 FRONT STREET

LATIN NIGHT

Thurs., Feb. 19th -

Fri., Feb. 20th - GUERRILLA Sat., Feb. 21st Mon., Feb. 23rd -

JAZZ

DJ BLAST

MANIC MON.

Tues., Feb. 24th -

HOT LATIN

POOL NIGHT/ GROUP LOUNGE

Wed., Feb. 25th -

LAHAINA, MAUI • 667-7400

Doors Open at 4 pm Happy Hour 4 – 9

24

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 02/12

Friday 02/13

Saturday 02/14

DJ Del Sol $10, 9:30pm

DJ CIA No cover, 9:30pm

Vince Esquire Band No cover

Kenny Roberts No cover

Way Back Machine No Cover

Bring your iPod

Q103 & Kila Kila $6, 9pm

JACQUES 120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB 36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE 355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

KIMOS KOBE STEAKHOUSE LOS PELONES

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

TUE - Da Ha-Y-ans, No cover WED - Chico & Da Kine, No cover

Danny Murray

MON - Internet Jukebox; TUE - Hawaiian w/ Kilo Hana; WED - The Crunch Pups, No cover, 8pm

Salsa Night $7, 10pm

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-9900

LULU’S LAHAINA

Kahala No cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Monday 02/16– Wednesday 02/18

Maui Underground, 9pm

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

LULU’S KIHEI

Pekelo...A Kanikapila

Sunday 02/15

TUE - El Dogg

Neto Latin Salsa No cover, 9pm

Inferno Fridays $5, 10pm

DJZZ $10, 10pm

Reggae w/ DJZZ $5, 10pm

TUE - Rave Night w/DJZZ, $5, 10pm; WED - DJZZ No cover, 10pm

Classic Rock 9pm

Hip Hop DJ 9pm

Hip Hop DJ 9pm

DJ 9pm

MON - DJ; TUE - Kanoa Mixed Plate; WED - Neto Latin Salsa

DJ Decka 9pm

DJ Dolla Drink $5; 9pm

Erin Smith/BrownChicken Brown Cow, 9pm

Willie K Valentine’s Show

Cheryl Rae Band 10pm

WED - Willie K, $25/$45/$65

Silky Ringo No cover, 10:30pm

Wee D’ono No cover, 10:30pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10:30pm

MON - Duh Boyz, No cover, 10:30pm; TUE - Unifires, No cover, 10:30pm; WED - Open Mic

MAI TAI LOUNGE 839 Front St., Lahaina - 661-5288

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S 844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MULLIGAN’S AT THE WHARF Cinema Center, Lahaina - 661-8881

Wee D’ono No cover, 10:30pm

Humpback Whale Interpretive Station Daily. Learn about humpback whales and whale watch with a Pacific Whale Foundation naturalist at this free information station. 8 a.m.-12 p.m.

Papawai Point, West Maui. 808-249-8811 ext. 1.

Kanaha Beach Project - Every Tue & Thu. Join group leader Val Magee in removing invasive species, clearing marine debris and planting native species at Kanaha Park. Bring water, snacks and sunscreen. Wear cool clothing, a hat and good walking shoes—and bring your swimsuit if you wish for a refreshing dip afterwards! Meet at the Canoe Hale at Kanaha Beach Park in Kahului. 8:30 a.m.-11:30 a.m. Kanaha Beach Park. 808-294-8811 ext. 1.

Save Honolua - Tue. Meeting to inform, educate and involve the community on the proposed development of Honolua Bay. 6:45 p.m. Lahaina Civic Center. 870-0052.

Smarter than a Sand Crab? - Mon-Fri. Get free info about marine life and answers to all those pesky questions that keep you up all night. The Pacific Whale Foundation Marine Naturalists are definitely smarter than a fifth grader. The question is, are you?.

8 a.m.-1 p.m. Ulua Beach, Wailea. 249-8811.

Building supplies - Every Wed, Thu, Fri & Sat. Spring cleaning! Donate new and nearly new building materials or purchase them at reduced prices.

Volunteers needed to stock, display and price merchandise. Reduce the amount of usable building materials going into the landfill. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Habitat for Humanity, Market St., Wailuiku. 986-8050.

Weed and Pot Club - Wed. Did that get your attention? Push up your sleeves and rake, hoe and pull weeds in a beautiful garden setting. Tools, gloves and drinking water provided. Bring sunscreen and tennis shoes. 8:30 a.m. Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, Kahului. 249-2798.

Maui Coastal Land Trust Service Project Fri. The Pacific Whale Foundation’s Volunteering on Vacation program gives you a chance to help save unique ecosystems at Maui Coastal Land Trust in Waihee. Be prepared to help weed out invasive plants or help with other tasks. Get a free t-shirt for your efforts!. 7:45 a.m.-12 p.m. Maui Coastal Land Trust, Waihee. 808-294-8811 ext. 1.

Honokowai Valley Restoration - Sat. Visit remote Honokowai Valley, which is closed to public access, with leader Ed Lindsey. Help save archeological sites of old Hawaii, pull invasive plants and possibly plant native species. Get a free t-shirt for your efforts! Sponsored by County of Maui Office of Economic Development and Hawaii Tourism Authority. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Honokowai Valley, West Maui. 808-294-8811 ext. 1.

Valentine’s Crater Service Hike - Daily.

Friends of Haleakala National Park will be hiking into the crater to help restore the land to its natural state while taking in some pretty killer views. A 2day trip. Call to reserve a spot. Haleakala National Park. 876-1673.

Haleakala National Park Service Trip - Sun. Through Volunteering on Vacation, a free program

offered by Pacific Whale Foundation, help pull invasive weeds at Haleakala National Park. Free transportation and park admission provided. Get a free Volunteering on Vacation t-shirt for your efforts!.

7:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. Haleakala National Park. 2498811 ext. 1.

Save the Forest - Sun. The Pacific Whale Foundation is hosting a group of ten volunteers to pull invasive pine trees near Hosmers Grove.

Transportation is provided. Bring warm clothes, long pants and closed boots. Pick ups: 7:30 a.m., Harbor Shop, 300 Ma`alaea Rd; 8:15 a.m., Upcountry Tavares Community Center. RSVP 856-8341.

Volunteer on Vacation - Tue. Get to know Maui better by volunteering time to one of many important environmental projects. Meet local experts and learn about the history and environment of the land and get a free t-shirt from the Pacific Whale Foundation!. 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Honokowai. 249-8811.

Sports Keiki O Ke Kai Surf Contest - Sun. The seventh edition of this surf contest takes place February 15. This free event is for kids aged 8-17.

Prizes include trophies and goody bags. Free breakfast, lunch and snacks. Entry forms are available at surf shops islandwide, at s-turns or by calling 6699165, 669-4549 and 662-0159. . Pohaku Park.

Dragon & Tiger Medical Chi Gung - Every Tue, Thu & Fri. This exercise is believed to fight cancer in China. Free class sponsored by the Pacific Cancer Foundation. 3-4 p.m.; 5:30-6:30 p.m. Maui YMCA, REPS Fitness Training Center, Wailea Town Center, respectively. 243-2999.

Maui Croquet Club - Every Sun, Tue & Thu. You could be an amazing croquet player and not even know it. No mallet? No problem. 2-5 p.m.

Waipuilani Park, Kihei. 879-0087.

Group Run - Wed. Stay in shape while taking in some beautiful views! Group meets at Kihei Community Center. Open to runners of all ages and fitness levels. Refreshments will be provided after.

Sponsored by Valley Isle Road Runners. Free. 5:30 p.m. Piilani Highway and Lipoa Parkway.

Paddling for Breast Cancer Survivors Every Mon & Wed. Get together with other survivors for canoe paddling. Free. 6:45 a.m. Kihei Canoe Club. 243-2999.

Tai Chi - Every Mon & Fri. Get your Tai Chi in during your lunchbreak with Dr. Lorrin Pang. Free. noon12:45 p.m. State Building Plaza, Wailuku. 984-8200.

Tennis for Two - Daily. The Tony Vansteen Memorial Tennis Tournament is no longer accepting entries, but the matches are open to the public.

Food by Clambake Hawaiian Style Catering. Call for times. Wailea Tennis Club. 879-1958.

Volleyball Day - Sat. Bump, set, spike! Open to everyone. Free. 12 p.m. Kamaole III Beach Park, Kihei.

TUE - DJ Dolla Drink, $5, 9pm

Art Water - Along the Ganges - Fri. This exhibit features the work of Daniel Sullivan, who photographed dramatic scenes along the Ganges River, focusing on the role of water. Reception includes a performance by Karen B,. 6-9 p.m.

Indigo, Paia. 579-9199.

Plein Air Invitational Kick Off - Sat. Are you an outdoor painting enthusiast? If so, this “paintout” will kick off the Maui Plein Air Painting Invitational with a vengeance. Artists will be painting at some very inspirational locales, including D.T. Fleming Beach, Kapalua Bay and Honolua Bay. Paintings will be for sale at Village Galleries in the Riz Carlton, Kapalua. 12-3 p.m. 669-6200.

Portrait Challenge Winner Reception - Sun. They’ve been hanging for over a month now. Today the winner of this long-running portrait competition will finally be announced. Free. 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

Schaefer International Gallery, MACC. 242-7469.

The Basics of Great Painting - Tue. Part of the Maui Plein Air Painting Invitational, Jean Stern of the Irvine Museum will deliver a lecture on painting techniques. 7 p.m. Pioneer Inn, Lahaina. 661-3636.

Sunset Paint-Out - Wed. Plein air artists will be interpreting a Maui sunset via paint next to 505 Front St. 4 p.m. Kamehameha Iki Park, Lahaina. 298-6360.

Maui Glass Art Expo - Daily. Features the work of 25 phenomenal glass artists (no bongs). Work is on display in the open air lobby outside Mala Wailea restaurant. 8 a.m.-10 p.m. Wailea Beach Marriott Resort & Spa. 293-9921.

Meet the Artist - Daily (except Sun & Mon).

Sculptor Bill Mack, who now owns the Hollywood sign for some reason, will be exhibiting his work during a 5-day trip to Maui. Free. 7-10 p.m. Sargent’s Fine Art, 802 Front St., Lahaina. 667-4030.

Schaefer Portrait Challenge - Daily (except Sun & Mon). This showcase of Hawaii artists is kind of a big deal. It happens only once avary three years and features the work of many artists’ diverse take on the portrait, from sculpture to painting. Free. 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Schaefer International Gallery. 242-7469.

WOW! - Wed. Every Wed. Wailea on Wednesdays presents live island music, gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. . 6:30-8 p.m. 897-6770 x2.

Meet the Artist - Thu. Painter Mort Luby will be on hand to talk about technique, inspiration and other things art-related. Luby was an AP reporter for more than 40 years, filing stories from dozens of countries, so he probably has some iinteresting stories.7 p.m. His work will be hanging at the gallery throughout February. 7 p.m. Maui Hands Gallery, Lahaina. 573-2021.

Art Night - Fri. Stroll through Lahaina Town’s many art galleries. Special gallery shows, featured artists-in-action and refreshments. Each week features a different guest artist. Free. 6:30 p.m.

Lahaina. 661-6284.

Oil Painting Demonstration - Fri. Maui artist Jack Hamilton shows how it’s done. 4-7 p.m. Maui Hands Gallery, Lahaina. 667-9898.

Art Bistro - Mon. Local artists display their wares, from photography and painting to jewelry and sculptures. Live music, too. 5-10pm. Jacques Northshore Bistro, 120 Hana Hwy. Paia. 808-269-0961.

Farmers market, Art/Craft Fairs Farmers’ Market and Craft Fair - Every Tue, Wed, Fri & Sat. Great deals on locally grown produce and locally made goods. 8 a.m.-5 p.m. Maui Mall, Kahului. 871-1307.

Ho`olokahi Arts & Crafts Fair - Every Tue & Fri. Fresh flower lei-making classes from 9-11 a.m. on Fridays. 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Wailea Beach Marriott Resort south lobby. 879-1922.

Ohana Farmers & Crafters Market - Every Tue, Wed & Fri. 8 a.m.-4 p.m. Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 877-3369.

Farmers Market of Maui - Every Mon, Wed & Fri. Sample the goods at this local market for fresh produce. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. 61 S. Kihei Rd. Honokowai Farmers Market - Every Mon, Wed & Fri. Lots of fresh local produce plus baked and canned goods. 7-11 a.m. Lower Honopiilani Hwy. Resort Craft Fair - Every Wed & Fri. Hawaiian arts and crafts. 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Renaissance Wailea Beach Resort.

Aloha Craft Fair - Fri. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Maui Mall.

872-4320.

KBH Craft Fair - Fri. Cultural crafts and live demos. 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Ka`anapali Beach Hotel lobby. 667-5978.

Organic Farmers Market - Sat. Fresh produce that’s cheaper than the grocery store. 6:30 a.m.noon. Eddie Tam Memorial Center.

Poetry Open Mic - Every night is open mic night at Hawaiian Village Coffee. Kahana Gateway location, call 665-1114.

Poetry Slam - Every First Fri. Poets 13 and over are encouraged to share their stuff with the First Friday crowd. Pieces are limited to three minutes. $5. Ha Gallery, Wailuku, 244-3993.

Express Yourself - Every Mon. Open Mic Night with music, song, poetry! Free. 7 p.m., Cafe Marc Aurel, Wailuku, 244-0852.

Poetry Reading - Every second Tue, read your original work, your favorite poem, or just come to be inspired. Free. 6:30 p.m., Lahaina Public Library, 662-3950.

Open Mic - Every Saturday the Maui Media Lab hosts an open mic night for poets, muscicians and others who want to be heard. Sessions are record-

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

25

• Veggie Dogs • • Chicken Gouda Cheese Sausage • • 100% Beef Jumbo Dogs • • New Orleans Hot Link Sausage • • Maui’s Own Red Snap Dog • • Maui’s Largest Burger •

Daily Specials - All with fixin’s

KAVA BAR OPEN 75 HANA HIGHWAY

(across from the Shell Station)

26

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-2414

Thursday 02/12

Friday 02/13

Saturday 02/14

Karaoke w/Toby 9pm

Hypnotize 10pm

DJ C 9:30pm

RUSTY HARPOON SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 -879-0004

2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

MON - Silky Ringo;TUE - Willie K

Karaoke

Bingo Pajama

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke Anti-Valentine’s Day Party

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7805

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

TUE - Karaoke w/ Toby, 9pm

Karaoke

SANTA FE CANTINA

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Monday 02/16– Wednesday 02/18

DJ Mike Rozak No cover, 10pm

2290 Kaanapali Pkwy - 661-3123

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

Sunday 02/15

DJ Slackin No cover, 10pm

DJ Sonny No cover, 10pm

DJ Magnetic No cover, 10pm

Kanoa of Gomega No cover, 10pm

MON - DJ Blast; TUE - DJ Nature Boy; WED - DJ Decka; All no cover, 10pm

Vince Esquire No cover, 9pm

The Crunch Pups No cover, 10pm

STELLA BLUE’S 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

The Haiku Hillbillys $3, 10pm

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIP-UPS TAVERN 1279 2. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9299

UNISAN 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku - 244-4500

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON - WED - Karaoke

DJ Malik

Byron Brown

The Crunch Pups

Open Mic

MON - Da Kine; TUE - DJ; WED - Bobby’s Blues

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

ed and fed to the internet. All ages are welcome.

Free. 6-9 p.m., Maui Media Lab, Baldwin Ave, zumatribe@yahoo.com.

Poetry Reading - Every second Thu Maui Live Poets Society hosts an open poetry reading on the West side. Free. 6:30- 9 p.m. Lahaina, 661-0517

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Wed-Fri, John Kane; Sat, Harry Troupe; Sun, Greg DiPiazza; Mon, Tue, Marvin Tevaga. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m. 730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700.

Cheeseburger In Paradise - Mon,Tue, Scotty Rotten; Wed, Fri, HarryTroupe;Thu, Sat, Sun, Brooks McGuire. All sets 4:30-10:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

Cool Cat Cafe - Thu, Erin Smith; Fri, Sat, Dave Carroll; Sun, Wed, Whale Sharks; Mon, Mickie Moore; Tue, Jazz; . all sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Hard Rock Cafe - Mon, Marty Dread, 6:30-8:30 p.m. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 570-7400.

Hula Grill - (Early sets) Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat Ernest Pua’a; Sun,Mon, Kawika Lum Ho; Tue, Jarret Roback. Early sets 3-5 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Braddah Brian & Roy; Fri, Brian, Roy & Kawika;.

Sat, “TBA”; Sun, Ryan Tanaka & Friends; Mon,Oversized Productions; Tue, Roy & Friends; Wed, An Den. Late sets 7-9:30 p.m. 2435 Ka`anapali Parkway, Building P, 667-6636.

Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Mon-Sat, Acoustic music. All sets 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapi`ilani Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787.

Kimo’s - Mon- Wed, Sat, Sun, Sam Ahia. Fri, deAquino Bradaz. All sets 6:30-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

Leilani’s On The Beach - Fri, Scott Baird;. Sat, JD and Harry; Sun, Kilohana. All sets 2:30-5 p.m.

2435 Ka`anapali Pkwy, Building J, 661-4495.

Moose McGillycuddy’s, Lahaina - Fri, Llayne & Pro Ed; Sat, Mark & Mike. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844 Front St., 667-7758.

Mulligan’s on the Wharf - Fri, AnRil. All sets 7 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661-8881.

Pioneer Inn - Thu, Ah-Tim Eleniki; Tue, Captain Billy Bones; Wed, Greg Di Piazza. All sets 6-8 p.m.

658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Santa Fe Cantina - Tue, Ryan from Silky Ringo; 5-8 p.m. Fri, Mike Carrol & Friends, 4-7 p.m. Sat, Damien Awai; 5-8 p.m. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 667-7805.

Sea House Restaurant - Thu & Fri, Kincaid Basques; Sa,-Coelho Morrison; Su, Andrew Kaina; Mon, Albert Kaina, Tue, Kincaid Basques; Wed, Albert Kaina. All sets except Sat. 7-9 p.m. Sat set is 6:30-9p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapi`ilani Rd., Napili, 669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI Beach Bums Ma’alaea - Tue, Randall Rospond, 5-8 p.m. 300 Ma’alaea Rd. 243-8226.

Haui’s Life’s A Beach - Thu, Erin Smith. 1913 South Kihei Rd., 891-8010.

Henry’s Bar and Grill - Gina Martinelli Jam. 6-8 p.m. 41 E. Lipoa St. Kihei. 879-2849.

Longhi’s - Sat, acoustic music. 10:30-11 p.m.

3750 Wailea Alanui Dr., 891-8883 Ma`alaea Grill - Thu, Fri, Sat, Benoit Jazz Works.

All sets 6:30-9 p.m. Maalaea Harbor, 243-2206.

Mulligan’s on the Blue - Thu, Rick Glencross Fri, Gail Swanson; 6-8 p.m.; Sat, Willie K Valentine’s Dinner Show, 6 p.m. Sun, Celtic Tigers, 6:30 p.m.; Mon, Acoustico; 7 p.m. Tue, Joyce & Gord; 6:308:30 p.m.; Wed, Willie K., 7:30 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

Shangri-La - Sat, Acoustic Sitar By the Sea. 6:308:30 p.m. 760 S. Kihei Road. Suite 109, Menehune Shores, Kihei, 875-4555.

South Shore Tiki Lounge - Sat, Erin Smith; Mon, Kanoa. All sets 4-6 p.m. 1913 Kihei Rd., Kihei Kalama Village, 874-6444.

Stella Blues - Sat, Valentine’s Dinner Show with Gail Swanson. Reservations suggested. 6:30 p.m.

1279 S. Kihei Rd. 874-3779.

Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café - Sun, Mon, Brittany; Wed, Sat, Merv Oana Thu; Fri Margie; Tue Jamie Lawrence. All sets 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983.

Tradewinds Poolside Cafe - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho; Fri, Gina Martinelli; Sat, Monda Kane; Sun Merv Oana, Mon, Bobby Ingram & Fulton Tashombe; Tue, Dan & Ann; Wed, Kaleo Cullen. All sets 6-9 p.m. The Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S. Kihei Rd., 874-6284.

CENTRAL MAUI Café Marc Aurel - Live Music on various days.

Mon, Open Mic Night. 7:30 p.m. 28 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-0852.

Kahului Ale House - Thu, O‘Kaleo. 5 p.m. Wed, Kilohana. 6 p.m. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului. 877-9001.

Main Street Bistro - Th-Fri, Rhythm & Blues with Freedom. 5-7:30 p.m.. 2051 Main St., Wailuku, 244-6816.

Unisan - Sat, Ola Hou, 6-9 p.m. 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku. 244-4500.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI Hana Hou Cafe - Wed, Dorothy Betz and Les Adam with Vince Esquire. Thu, Haiku Hillbillys. Sat, Live music. All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd, Haiku Cannery, 575-2661.

Moana Cafe & Bakery - Wed, Benoit Jazzworks; 6:30-8:30 p.m. Fri, Soulful sounds of Gerad Shea 6:30-8:30 p.m. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

TUE - WED - Karaoke

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI ■ HYATT REGENCY MAUI RESORT & SPA 200 Nohea Kai Dr, Lahaina, 661-1234 Weeping Banyan Lounge - Nightly, Live music.

All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

■ KAANAPALI BEACH CLUB 104 Ka`anapali Shores, Lahaina, 661-2000 Ohana Bar & Grill - Wed, Thu, Live music; Fri, Patrick Major; Sun, Wayne and Friends; Mon, Tue, Ernest Pua`a. All sets 5:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

■ KA`ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL 2525 Ka`anapali Pkwy, 661-0011 Kupanaha - Nightly, Hula show, 6:30-7:30 p.m.

Tiki Courtyard - Nightly, Alanui with Uncle Rudi; Sun, Hula show. All sets 6:30 p.m.

■ NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT 5900 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500 Thu, Kincaid and Albert; Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Kincaid Basques; Sun, Kapule Paoa; Wed, Albert Kaina. All sets 7-9 p.m.

■ RITZ CARLTON 1 Ritz Carlton Drive, Kapalua, 669-6200 Banyan Tree Restaraunt - Wed & Thu, Ranga Pae 6:15-9:45 p.m.

■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT 2780 Keka`a Dr., Ka`anapali, 661-3611 Royal Ocean Terrace - Thu, Fri, Sat, Live Hawaiian. 6-8 p.m.

■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL 2605 Ka`anapali Pkwy, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar - Nightly, Hula dancing during sets.

Thu, Kulewa; Fri, Ralph and Allan; Sat, Fausto and Kawaika; Sun; Kulewa; Wed, Nathan and Ralph. All sets 6-8 p.m. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset nightly.

■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL 2365 Kaanapali Parkway, 667-2525 Ono Bar & Grille - Thu, Sat, Steve Sargenti; Fri, Larry Golis; Sun, Margie Heart; Mon, Ernest Puaa; Tue, Brian Haia; Wed, Pam Peterson. Tue-Sun shows, 6-9 p.m. Mon, 5:30-9 p.m.

Tropica - (Early sets) Thu, Wed, Brian Haia; Fri, Sat, Mon, Marvin Tevaga; Sun, Josh Kahula; Tue, Ernest Pua`a. Early sets 3-6 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Fri, Wed, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Tue, Mitch Kepa; Sun, Steve Sargenti; Mon, Josh Kahula. Late sets 6-9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI ■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA 3900 Wailea Alanui, 874-8000 Lobby Lounge - (Early sets) Thu, Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran; Sat, Mon, Island Style Trio with hula dancing. Early sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. (Followed

by) Thu, Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson; Sat, Mon, Nils and Anastasia; Sun, Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria; Late sets 8:30-11:30 p.m. Torchlighting ceremony nightly.

■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA 3850 Wailea Alanui, 875-1234 Botero Bar - Wed, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music.

Humuhumunukunukuapua`a - Nightly, 5:30 p.m., Strolling Hawaiian Duo. ■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI 4100 Wailea Alanui, 875-4100 Lobby Bar - Nightly, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131 Wailea Wednesdays w/ WIllie K - Wed, 7:30-10 p.m.

■ THE SHOPS AT WAILEA 3750 Wailea Alanui East Wing - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Marti Kluth.

Lower Courtyard - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Jamie Lawerence and Friends.

■ WAILEA MARRIOTT 3700 Wailea Alanui, 879-1922 Kumu Bar & Grill - Nightly, Hula dancing.

6-9 p.m.

Mele Mele Lounge - Nighly, Live music.

9-11 p.m.

■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL 5400 Makena Alanui, 874-1111 Molokini Lounge - Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat, Mele `Ohana Duo. Tue, Thu Ron Kuala’au; Sun-Thu sets 69 p.m.; Fri, Sat sets 6-10 p.m. Sun, Mele `Ohana Duo, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Mon, Wed, Fri, Hula performance, 6-6:45 p.m.

EAST MAUI ■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI Hana, 248-8211 Paniolo Lounge - Thu-Sun, Live music. 6:309:30 p.m.

Main Dining Room - Thu, Sun, Hula dancing.

7:30-8:15 p.m.

Send your listings and photos for the Da Kine Calendar to Kate Bradshaw at calendar@mauitime.com or fax (808) 244-0446

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

27

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DISTRESS SALE Lowest priced 2bd/1.5ba condo in Southpointe, Kihei. Bamboo floors and marble floors, Granite bathroom countertops, new designer fans and lighting. Two parking stalls. Only $187,500 Josh Jerman, Broker (808) 283-2222 Century 21 All Islands

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KIHEI VILLAGES Top floor 2bed/1.5ba condo with ocean views across the street from Maui’s longest beach. Stop paying rent - Invest while the market is soft. Pets allowed. Only $199,000 Josh Jerman, Broker (808) 2832222 Century 21 All Islands

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GET A NEW COMPUTER Brand Name laptops & desktops $600 Weekly Potential $$$ Bad or NO Credit - No Problem CENTRAL MAUI CONDOS Smallest weekly payments avail- Helping the Government, PT. No able. It’s yours NOW - Call 800- Experience. No Selling. Call 1-888- Five 1 and 2 bedroom condos 213-5225 Ad Code: H15 across the street from the blue 803-8819 (AAN CAN) Pacific ocean and walking distance $600 WEEKLY POTENTIAL$$$ to Maui Community College, the GET A NEW COMPUTER Helping the Government PT. No MACC, shopping, and restaurants.

Brand Name laptops & desktops Bad Experience, No Selling. Call: 1-888-213- Investors, these units rent for $1100 or NO Credit - No Problem Smallest 5225 Ad Code L-5. VOID in Maryland - $1250/m. Price from $54,900 to $99,000. Josh Jerman, Broker (808) weekly payments avail. CALL NOW - and South Dakota. (AAN CAN) 283-2222 Century 21 All Islands Call 800-816-2232 (AAN CAN) POST OFFICE HIRING NATION-

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HOUSES FOR RENT OHANA FOR RENT One bedroom cottage at Lahaina’s Baby Beach. $2500 plus electric, completely furnished. Call 667-6968.

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

29

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There’s not much point in worrying about meteors hitting the Earth or manmade black holes devouring the universe; these things are utterly out of your hands. The truth is, at least half the things you let keep you up some night fall into this category. You probably won’t be able to let them all go, but try to cross at least a few off your list. You’ve got plenty of stuff worth worrying about—the shit you could actually do something about. Stop wasting time on crap you can’t control, so you have more energy and attention to devote to the stuff you can.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) Lacking other means, many animals will communicate to others what they consider “theirs” by urinating on the borders of their territories. You, too, have a pressing need to clearly demarcate inviolate boundaries. However, please consider more subtle methods than you have in the past. Pissing in the corners might get your point across but there’s got to be a way that is even more clear (and less disgusting).

However, if that’s what it takes, do it; all I know is that you need to do something new, because whatever you’ve been trying so far just hasn’t worked.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) No one said you couldn’t have your fingers in multiple pots. So why does someone’s simple scrutiny make you feel a little like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar? Only you can decide whether you care if this person judges you, or if their judgments are justified. Beware of stark black and white kneejerk reactions, though. This is a gray area; a subtle, considered response is probably the only one that will bring you both to your happy places. Lashing out will not only make you miserable—it’s also likely to make you deeply regretful, sooner rather than later.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) When was the last time you stretched your brain and learned something complex and new? I’m not talking about memorizing a bit of trivia; I mean acquiring a totally new skill. I’m betting it’s been too long.

Taureans get stuck in ruts (admittedly comfortable ones) much more easily than most signs. You may not have even noticed how rutty your reality has gotten lately. You’ve pretty much gone off the road and are now navigating the deep drainage ditch alongside it. You probably have a lousy view of the scenery, and virtually no access to turn-offs and detours that might be quite entertaining or enlightening. Luckily, there’s an easy, fascinating, and fun way out of this rut: make your brain do something completely new.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) I’m glad you’ve gotten a lot better at articulating your dreams and desires, but you still need to practice actively manifesting them. They’re not going to just get dropped off on your doorstep like unwanted babies, simply waiting for you to take them in and cherish them. Sometimes blessings do come into your life that way, unlooked-for and undreamt before they appear, but in this case, getting what you want will require a bit more effort on your part. I mean, do you want this stuff or not? You’re not going to get it sitting on your ass and pining for it. Get up, get out, and get it.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) The problem with being over the moon with joy is that it’s a long way down from there. This is why you so rarely let yourself fly so high anymore. I get it. However the next time you get the chance to be that happy, I hope you fearlessly seize it. You’ve got a parachute and a safety net; you’ll be fine. You’ve spent a long time setting things up just so you could go there. Letting fear keep you from it—especially so unnecessarily (for this is a lot less risky than many things you’ve already done), would be a damned shame.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) How is it that a task you find impossible one day can prove simple a week, month, or year later?

Perhaps it’s the planets coming into alignment, or your conscious or unconscious mind finally coming around to what needs to be done, or just plain luck. Whatever the case, something you thought was a hopeless closed case can and should now be reopened. Instead of marveling at it endlessly, being paralyzed by indecision, or just screwing it up by giving up all over again, try stuff. Experiment, be creative, and generally put yourself out there. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what happens next.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

– – “Na– ‘Oiwi ‘Olino – People Seeking Wisdom” 6:30a.m. – 9a.m. weekday mornings on

– – “Na– ‘Oiwi ‘Olino – People Seeking Wisdom” is a morning drive-time radio program presented by the Office of Hawaiian Affairs, with hosts Brickwood Galuteria and Kimo Kaho‘a–no.

• • • •

The Best of – – Na– ‘Oiwi ‘Olino 9:00a.m. – 10a.m.

Sunday mornings on

Community guests Classic Hawaiian music Hawaiian news and issues OHA programs and updates

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Confidence may be sexy, but acting like you shit gold or speak with the voice of god won’t impress anyone. You have good reason to be confident, but be realistic about it. Trying too hard or excessively extolling your virtues (no matter how subtly) will have exactly the opposite effect from the one you intend.

Yes, your quiet, low-key confidence might mean you get overlooked. But just consider how much more effective it will be if you do get noticed. You’ll look a lot classier than that fellow parading around in the one-man-band get-up. This week isn’t about self-promotion. It’s about trusting that what you’ve already done and who you naturally is enough; and being cool with it if it’s not.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Empowering Hawaiians, Strengthening Hawai‘i

30

That so many people in your life have a hard time taking “no” for an answer has less to do with their stubbornness and more to do with your unwillingness to refuse them in the first place. Boundary-setting is not your forte, and probably never will be. However you still need to get better at it. Start practicing this week. The bad and good news is that the first few fences you put up will be the most difficult, seeing as how people have already stepped past their lines and are currently trampling your private gardens.

Still, it’s got to be done—kick them out and put up the barbed wire if necessary. After your first three are up, it’ll only get easier from there.

Naturally you want someone to appreciate your unique qualities, but when someone fixates on them it can get creepy. You don’t want to feel like just a vehicle for your red hair or large breasts or perfect ass.

Therefore this week feel free to flaunt your assets, but don’t sell them too hard. You’re a package deal, more than the sum of your parts. If you feel like someone is only into a piece of you, ditch them. While there’s probably no one prepared to appreciate every single aspect of your being, there are many, many people ready to enjoy and celebrate most of who and what you are.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) Let’s not kid ourselves; there’s something insanely compelling about a cute face, a fat wallet, or a royal title. But you shouldn’t be blinded by this kind of thing. Ultimately if you want someone who will actually make you happy, you need to learn to look past these nearly blinding qualities. And if you really think wealth or beauty by themselves will keep you happy, you might want to examine that, too. By themselves they’re ephemeral, superficial, and not particularly fulfilling (having a gorgeous or filthy rich partner isn’t purely the picnic you may think it is). Even if you focus primarily on deeper qualities, you’ll probably be tempted to include cuteness or wealth as integral factors in the equation. In your shoes, however, I’d leave them out.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Skinning cats may be old hat to you, but you still shouldn’t need to be reminded that there’s more than one way to do it. Since even your best tried and true methods are likely to yield only adequate results this week, it’s a great time to experiment with new ways to flay felines. Exercise those stiff creative muscles.

Just because you spent ages refining your techniques doesn’t mean they’re the best you can do. You can do better! Even if you don’t believe me, this week you should at least give it a good try.

CLASSIFIED

MIND BODY SPIRIT

Green Ti

HEALING HANDS M4M Experience whole body, therapeutic, and nurturing touch for men using a variety of healing energy modalities. In-calls as well as outcalls, serving all of Maui. Call 1877-303-2009.

MIND-BODY COUNSELING Change old patterns with EMDR and other body/mind techniques.

Helpful with old trauma, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression & anxiety, Most insurance accepted. Dr. Karl Jacobs, licensed psychologist. Makawao 572-0631

Akashic Readings

(Deep Tissue Upgrade - $10)

Cranial Sacral Therapy

Unique Gifts, Local Artist Jewelry, Therapeutic Products, Aromatherapy

Sophia the Logos

Spiritual Counseling

Massage Specialist

DNA Activation/Reprogramming

Massage • Gifts 40 N. Market St. Wailuku • 242-8788 Open 7 Days M-W 10-6 Th/Fr 10-7 • Sat-Sun 9-5

Richard Experience a Swedish-based session, incorporating a variety of therapeutic bodyworks. Deep Tissue, Acupressure, Reflexology and Sports Stretching. Schedule a relaxing and healing session by calling 280-8557 High Touch Jin Shin Jyutsu Experience profound healing results with Jin Shin. This affordable and effective technique balances all body systems. Reiki and Cranial Sacral also offered. Call: Wendy Areus at 283-9248 Find Maui’s Holistic Events!

Visit www.mauivision.net today and explore our extensive mind, body & spirit listings. New February/March Maui Vision Magazine Out Now! Call 669-9091 for info.

SOOTHING HEARTFELT BODYWORK Releases Aches and Pains.

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Balancing Body, Mind & Soul. Relax & let go, relief guaranteed, please call 875-8399. Let your spirit soar ...

La’a Kea Holistic Bodywork Deep Tissue, Efflorage, Energetic, Cranial, Deep Belly. Contact Autumn @ 463-0043. Upcountry, $40/hr, 9am-9pm MASTER NUTRITIONIST designs eating programs for weightloss. Improve energy and all symptoms of allergies, chronic cough, congestion, skin, poor digestion, constipation. Receive powerful support to make changes.

Grace Purusha. 808-879-5511 HOLISTIC BUSINESS SUCCESS 6 speakers, $69. 10-3, Thursday, Feb. 19 at the spectacular Kapalua Adventure Center, conference room. James Jacobson, Mary Traynor, Haiku Helen, Eric T. Richter, Margaret Phanes and Fred Spanjaard all in one day! For info or to register, call 808-669-9091 or email MauiVision@aol.com for PayPal link. Limited to 30 people for enhanced learning.

MASSAGE LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPY Enjoy a Relaxing Professional Massage. Private, Comfortable Haiku Lanai by a Certified LMT $60/hr. For Pregnancy Massage, Deep Tissue, Lomi or Swedish, call Susan 276-2114. Same day appts. available. MAT#8984

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

FEBRUARY 12, 2009

31

back

side

HIGH VISIBILITY! LOW COSTS! BACK SIDE CLASSIFIEDS WORK!

BMW / MINI • VOLVO MERCEDES • VW / AUDI

SERVICE • PARTS • ACCESSORIES FREE MINI-DETAIL WITH LARGE SERVICE • Scheduled Maintenance to Major Overhauls • Towing • Extended Warranty Service • Custom & Performance Products & Installation • Collision Repair • Restorations • Detailing • Tires • Wheels • Mufflers • Batteries • Air Conditioning Computer & Electronic Diagnostics

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ISLAND WIDE SERVICE AMERICAN • ASIAN • CARS • SUVS • TRUCKS 3135 Lower Kula Road • Behind Kula Hardware

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Dynamic Web Design. Maximize your web presence, ask us how!

Anew Tattoo Your Pain is our Pleasure

For an appointment with Nancy or Hano call 808-872-1113. Private tattoo studio by appointment. Email inquires to tat2oasis@yahoo.com, or view gallery at myspace.com/wwwpiratebitchcom. Anchored at the Harbor, 111 Hana Hwy, #202B, Kahului. Above Bounty Music in the back.

Air Maui Helicopter Tours 2 for 1 Special!

West Maui/Molokai Special. Only Air Maui offers this incredible flight! Call now for your 2 for 1 Kama’aina special or special visitor rate! Expires Dec. 31, 2009. For reservations call 877-7005

MAUI TATTOO COMPANY

Traditional, Custom, Polynesian, Cover-Ups, Portraits & Permanent Makeup. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., under Lu Lu’s. 874-0034

THIS SPACE IS NOW AVAILABLE!

On The UPside with TERI MAUI’S HOTTEST “CALL-IN” RADIO PROGRAM

Tune in every FRIDAY at *NOON* on KNUI 900 AM. Call in 808-871-5900. Check us LIVE online at www.stickam.com/terionupside,

HOLISTIC BUSINESS SUCCESS

6 speakers, $69. 10-3, Thursday, Feb. 19 at the spectacular Kapalua Adventure Center, conference room. James Jacobson, Mary Traynor, Haiku Helen, Eric T. Richter, Margaret Phanes and Fred Spanjaard all in one day! For info or to register, call 808-6699091 or email MauiVision@aol.com for PayPal link.

Limited to 30 people for enhanced learning.

• Detox Kits • Drug Tests • Blunt Wraps • Digital Scales • Hookas with Mainland/ • Shisha 80+ Flavors Online Prices!

SUPER STORE

www.HawaiianHolySmokes.com LOCATED at 320 Ohukai, #404 • Kihei

808•879•2826

Helping Patients to Find Exceptional Surgical Care and Alternative Therapies NOW OPEN IN OUR NEW LOCATION 411 Huku Lii Place - Suite 301 • Kihei

875-7595

3rd Floor • South Shore Plaza “the only 3 story building in the area”

Laptop Stolen-Please Return HEADING UPCOUNTRY? 17” Dell Inspiron Laptop stolen from my truck at Maui Mall Friday Night 2/6. Contains a lot of STOP BY FOR LUNCH OR hard work please return no questions asked to Paia Post Office, or use the business cards in DINNER AT SERPICO'S PIZZA the bag to reach me. I will offer a reward for return. Help a person get their hard work back.

Wednesday, February 18th at 10:00 p.m. Pink drink specials and Door prizes courtesy of The Love Shack. Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 South Kihei Road

GREEN TI BOUTIQUE & MASSAGE VALENTINE SPECIAL!

50 minute Swedish Massage and one dozen roses for just $100. Call 242-8788 for details. Green Ti is located at 40 N. Market Street in Wailuku

Maui's Original New York Style Pizza, freshly hand made and hand tossed pizza dough. Pizza, Calzone, Subs, Stromboli, Classic Italian Entrees. Open 7 days a week 11am-10pm Located on Old Haleakala Hwy in Pukalani. Call 572-8498

FACIALS •European Facial $75

•Oxygen Facial $90

•Microdermabrasion Treatment $125

808 DELI FIRST ANNIVER- BLUES, BREWS & BBQ'S AT SARY - 50% OFF ALL FOOD! TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE! Sunday, February 15th Only. $1 Scoops of Gelato Too! Deliveries andbeverages not included. 2511 South Kihei Road

Monday 6-9 pm, Beer Specials, $9 BBQ Plate, Live Music. Located at the Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S. Kihei Road

The Fastest Growing Privacy Hedge Available!

SPORTFISHING

Stop Wishin’ & Go Fishin’ 42 ft. Bertram Sportfishers

Call

Hurry! Space is Limited!

• Spinal Trauma and Orthopedic Injuries • Neurologic Injuries & Diseases • Chronic Neck and Back Pain • Shoulder, Knee & Hip Pain

Maui’s Smoker

PRE-FORECLOSURE CONDOS ADIES NIGHT AT THE SOUTH Kihei and Central Maui locations. Prices from $54,900 and up. Contact Josh Jerman, Broker SHORE TIKI LOUNGE! 808-283-2222. Century 21 All Islands

for as low as $115/wk

283-3260 for Details

D R . ROBERT LEY Comprehensive Pain Management

10% DISCOUNT ON til Feb. PARTS & LABOR 28th, 2009

Yellow Seed Bamboo

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INJURED? We Specialize in Accident Related Injuries Emphasis on: • Car Accidents • Whiplash Injuries • Work Injuries • Low Back Pain INSURANCE ACCEPTED

MAUI FAMILY CHIROPRACTIC Maui’s Chiropractor for over 25 years Dr. James H. Hattaway

95 Lono Ave., Suite 203, Second Floor • Kahului

871-6218