Massive Magazine Issue 23 2021

MASSIVE

OR NS OPEN F APPLICATIOEDITOR 2022 E MASSIV

ISSUE 23 m t’s How i

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OCTOBER 04/2021

Table of Contents 06 10 14 16 20 22 24 28 30 31 35 37 38

News What the Fuck Do We Do Now? How Massive Is Made MPs and House Prices Centrefold Witch Bitch Eat Cake, Save the Planet Will You Ever Find Love?

2022 MUSA Candidates Sexcapades Culinarylingus Horoscopes Puzzles

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EDITOR Caroline Moratti

PHOTOGRAPHER Callum Parsons

SUB EDITOR Jamie Mactaggart

ILLUSTRATORS Tallulah Farrar, Sara Moana

NEWS EDITOR James Pocock STAFF WRITERS Cameron Taylor, Elena McIntyreReet, Ari Prakash, Mason Tangatatai, Michael Freeman DESIGNER Micah Davis-Rae

Got a letter to the Editor? Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to rant, flirt, complain, whatever x

CONTACT/SOCIAL

Massive is registered under the New Zealand Press Council which allows our readerS to reach out to an independent forum for resolving any complaints you may have.

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The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive do not necessarily represent

those of Massey University, its staff, ASA, MUSA, MAWSA, M@D or the Massive Editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive.

Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@ massivemagazine.org.nz.

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Editorial

ELECTION SEASON SO FAR HAS BEEN A JOKE. Normally, this time of year has posters plastered all over the halls. Debates livestreamed on Facebook, a Massive issue filled with smiling faces of hopeful candidates. Only, instead, student election season is a sad, empty shell of itself. It would be comical if it wasn’t so ... disappointing.

MUSA has two candidates running. Yeah. For an exec of seven positions. ASA also only had two candidates running, for an executive of at least five positions. MAWSA filled all their positions, but only one position was actually contested by more than one candidate. Quite simply, it’s been a shocking election season, and shows a strong level of disengagement from both students and executives.

Having uncontested positions are bad enough. Sure, the spot will be filled, but there’s no opportunity for proper debate, or incentive for any campaign promises to be made, since, you know, it doesn’t really matter. Everyone knows that that person will get the spot, since there’s no one else running, so why bother? Why bother to make a stand on important issues, or promise substantial change? You’ll get the position regardless.

Sure, it’s student politics and there’s always some uncontested positions each year, mostly for small roles that fill up boards. But to have no candidates at all running for certain seats? Even seats such as, oh I don’t know, president?

That’s a fucking disaster, let’s be clear. There’s no two ways around it.

Even if those seats get filled through by-elections next year, it’s still a pretty dismal situation. No longer do executive members get the summer to work through and organise plans before executing them through the year; no, they’re thrown right in the deep end. Sure, you can co-opt students onto the board in the meantime, like MUSA probably will and ASA already have, by co-opting the current President and VP as Co-Presidents between December and March. This may solve some work issues, but it’s far from a proper democratic process. By-elections also aren’t as big or important as normal elections. There’s less student engagement and by-in, less time to receive nominations or campaign to the student body. By-elections should be used to fill in the occasional empty seat, not fill out the majority of your executive.

Could this situation have been prevented? It’s hard to say. MUSA made only one Facebook status about nominations, that’s not good enough. But on the other hand, ASA made a goddamn Oscarworthy video explaining the roles and nomination process, and still only received two candidates.

Maybe there’s no winning here. I know Covid-19 hasn’t helped the situation - far from it. And I have sympathy for that, I really do. Executives are overwhelmed and overworked, and so are students.

Elections are far from everyone’s mind, and there’s no one to blame for that.

Student execs are, and I hate to say this, important. They’re associations built for you. They’re organisations who campaign for your rights and interests on both a university and government level.

Student executives get thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars to work with. To throw events, hire staff, offer financial assistance, all of it. Executives provide crucial welfare services, not to mention foster a vital student culture, from O-Week to Clubs Day to, well, everything.

If the University is doing something naughty, your student executive is meant to be the one to speak up, call them out, or work with them – whatever will help generate change. Executives have a huge amount of power and responsibility, that’s why it’s so paramount to have the opportunity to vote for a candidate that can best represent your interests, whatever that may be. Having empty, hollow student elections robs students of that opportunity.

Worse of all, the biggest executive news in DECADES will be happening next year. The executives are looking to merge! Remember that thing? That thing that was meant to happen this year, but got delayed to this year because of the huge workload left to do? Yeah. Quite frankly, I’m nervous. At least we’ll get some good news stories out of it, huh?

However, it’s not all bleak. There’s still the M@D election to come, so fingers crossed for a few more candidates to end the semester on a cheerier note. Happy election season everyone!

X Caroline

Letters to the Editor

EMAIL EDITOR@MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ TO HAVE YOUR SAY

If you have a complaint about Massive, please email editor@ massivemagazine.org.nz. If you feel unsatisfied with the response, email complaints@massivemagazine.org.nz to pursue your complaint further. Massive Magazine is also subject to the New Zealand Press Council.

CORRECTION: In a past news story, we said that M@D were behind schedule in announcing their AGM, which they planned to do at their October Meeting. That information was incorrect, apologies to M@D. M@D had announced their AGM at their September 13th board meeting. Their AGM, to be held on October 11th, will make an official call for elections and will be asking for expressions of interest for the week following.

Massive, how dare you. Everyone knows that Fix and Fogg is the best peanut butter!!!! It’s so crunchy?? So creamy??

Yes I pay an arm and a leg for it, but it is worth every precious penny. Pics could NEVER. The flavour is untouched, unparalleled.

Thanks for that 10% off sex toy code!! Hehe - A very satisfised girl

-Fix and Fogg my problems pls

Am devastated at the Euphoria ball being cancelled!! Where will I do drugs now and pretend I’m the main character? I even bought the new Morphe palette ):

MASSIVE NEWS

Election season gets dealt another blow CAROLINE MORATTI

MANAWATŪ NEWS

Election season for MUSA is well underway, with nominations closed and revealing only two candidates running in the whole election. Marla Beissel, the current Equity Officer, is running for President, whilst newcomer Junyan Liu is running for a general executive position. This leaves five other executive positions unaccounted for, creating concerns about workload and representation for MUSA. “Hahah shit, that’s not good,” summarises one student.

Another student says they “didn’t see anything advertised about the positions. It feels kinda crazy that they closed the nominations without better promoting the election.”

Current President Fatima Imran says, due to Covid-19,

advertising of nominations was put online on Facebook and the MUSA websites instead of the usual on-campus promotion. She admits, “I believe advertisement of the nominations could [have] diversified by having FB/Insta lives or other interactive online platforms which I believe MUSA has learnt for future elections.” According to MUSA’s Facebook page, only one post, along with a cover photo change, was made promoting nominations to students.

Fatima says she’s “not necessarily disappointed but shocked” at the lack of candidates, noting “there was a lot of interaction with students this year and I was expecting more of a turnout in nominations.”

MUSA plans to have a by-election sometime within the early weeks of the first semester, much like what ASA are also doing for their remaining empty seats after the Albany association only received two candidates for their election.

The current MUSA Executive will serve for the rest of the semester, with Fatima’s role as President extending until NEWS

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December 1, which is when the new “team” will take over.

“Initially I was worried but the new board has the option to co-opt until the by-election to allow work to get done,” she says. This means that existing or new board members may be brought in to help oversee work over the summer, without the process of a democratic election. Fatima notes that “there will be guidance and help from MUSAF which would be helpful for the new team”.

So far, despite “campaigning” for the two candidates being open since September 22, at the time of writing (September 29), there has been no mention of the candidates shared on either the MUSA Facebook page or website. Fatima says the opportunity has been given to candidates to advertise on the MUSA Facebook, but up to them if “they would like that as a platform to campaign”. The campaign season will last until October 12, where after students will get an opportunity to vote for the two candidates.

ASA election results announced!

Two candidates, two positions filled! No surprises there lol

Angelo did, however, win the Cultural Officer election uncontested by 19 votes, but chose to take the Welfare seat instead, telling Massive that he was “really hoping to get Welfare Officer” and that he's looking forward to being in the position to help other people at Massey.

Current President Ben Austin says he’s “very happy with the election results” and can’t wait to start working alongside the new executive.

As several seats of the executive are still left unfilled, including President, a by-election is planned to be held next year in March, where students can vote then for candidates to fill the positions. In the meantime, at ASA’s recent AGM, a motion was passed to co-opt current President Ben Austin and Vice-President Michaela Futter as Co-Presidents from December through to the March by-election to help “mentor and guide and incoming ASA executives”. The motion was carried unanimously over Zoom.

Ben says the decision for co-presidency was “an extremely important one especially with MUSAF becoming more and more prominent”. He adds, “I’m privileged to be working alongside Michaela while still being involved in ASA and MUSAF for this short period of time.”

Auckland students allowed to escape lockdown bubble Coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine JAMES POCOCK

CAROLINE MORATTI

ALBANY NEWS

ALBANY NEWS

After weeks of campaigning, the results of the ASA Executive election have been announced.

Marizaan Zwart has won the position of Vice-President with 24 votes after running unopposed for the position, and for the position of Welfare Officer. Meanwhile, Angelo Fray is ASA’s newest Welfare Officer, landing the position despite only gaining eight votes compared to 15 votes for Marizaan.

This is because candidates can only serve on one seat in ASA’s executive, so by Marizaan winning the VP position, Angelo became eligible for the Welfare Officer seat despite not winning the popular vote.

The Government announced last Tuesday that people would now be able to leave Auckland, provided they were leaving permanently to a property or travelling to a tertiary education residence.

This means students who had left halls in Manawatū and Wellington to be with their family in Auckland over lockdown are now free to return, provided they test negative for Covid-19 in the 72 hours before departure.

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The Government and Massey are both recommending that students who wish to return to halls contact their residential hall staff in advance to let them know. Emails and posts by Massey also state that halls staff will contact any students they know who are affected by the changes.

Investigations into online fileshare cheating at Massey

“Students won’t be required to isolate upon arrival into a Level 2 region, but you will need to follow the protocols in place such as wearing face coverings and physical distancing,” communication from Massey said.

Finally, any students who wish to cross the regional boundary must have documentation with proof of the reason for travelling, such as proof of enrolment, and not be unwell in any other way.

Massey received 500k for Hardship Fund JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS JAMES POCOCK

NATIONAL NEWS

Massey has confirmed there have been investigations into cheating based on file sharing from online services.

An anonymous Massey lecturer told RNZ earlier last month that their students had been cheating since last year's lockdowns through subscriptions to an online file sharing service that took requests for answers to any questions and publicly shared the answers.

Massey has confirmed it received just over $500k in funding from the $20 million the Government recently put towards the Hardship Fund for Learners.

“This has been put towards the continuation of the Emergency COVID-19 Hardship Grants and Technology Loan Grants,” a Massey University spokesperson said.

As of two weeks ago, the University had received 3,142 hardship applications and had paid out 2,109. 256 had been declined or lapsed or withdrawn. Applications could be declined if the student was not enrolled in New Zealand or because their hardship was not directly Covid-19-related (kinda rude, tbh). However, support staff are advised to offer other options if a student does not meet the criteria for the Hardship Fund. According to Massey, the University doesn't ask for evidence of hardship and is operating a “high-trust model” for support.

Around $1 million in grants and tech support has been distributed by Massey so far.

“The grant amounts vary between $75 and $650 based on need, with the average pay out being $410,” according to Deputy Vice-Chancellor of Students and Global Engagement Tere McGonagle-Daly.

"You pay a monthly fee. You actually submit the specific question that you want the answer to and then the contractor in India writes the answer for you immediately, like within 15 minutes of the question, and the answer is being posted publicly for all the other members of the website to see. So not just a student who posted the question, any other student in the class who looks for it,” an anonymous Mathematics and Science staff member at Massey told RNZ. The staff member notes that in these circumstances, “sometimes it's difficult to get proof” and students would typically be let off despite an investigation.

A Massey University spokesperson confirmed for Massive that there had been investigations into that kind of cheating but could not comment on any more specifics.

“Massey has robust processes for investigating suspected breaches of academic integrity. In cases such as these, which involve file sharing, the academic integrity officer’s investigation would include investigating file metadata and other elements of the digital footprint, as well as providing the student with an opportunity to explain what had happened before any decision was made or penalty imposed,” the spokesperson said.

The spokesperson added that as soon as Massey becomes aware of any Massey University material being used on file sharing sites, they contact the company to request they take it down. Penalties to students for cheating can range NEWS

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from failing the assessment or course to being stood down from the University, depending on the severity of the offense.

the funds to organise the trip. Covid-19 also came along at the same time to throw a spanner in the works for the early fundraiser plans.

“The University tries to take an educative approach to breaches of academic integrity where this is appropriate. We take breaches of academic integrity very seriously. We have recently reviewed and renewed our Student Disciplinary Regulations in order to help provide clearer rules around academic and non-academic disciplinary breaches including academic integrity,” they said.

“We pitched to the class about fundraising ideas, and this is how all these ideas came about. Behind the scenes there are still ideas that are starting to be organised as it’s taken us a wee bit longer to figure out how to run them! Without the help of the class and the class reps, Sophie and I would never have been able to do it all!”

Massey was one of five tertiary institutions to experience an increase in academic misconduct in the move to online from 2019 to 2020, with a 10% increase (149 to 164 cases).

In response to concerns about online assessments leading to an increase in cheating, a university spokesperson said that they are confident their existing processes assure academic integrity, and they are focusing on the selection and design of assessments to help minimise integrity issues.

“As a university, with a focus on digital and blended delivery, we believe that academic integrity in online assessment and online exams can be upheld when managed appropriately,” they said.

The Massey University spokesperson said that there had been 70 instances of academic misconduct recorded at Massey so far in 2021.

Vet School fundraisers held for halfway day trip

Some of the ongoing fundraisers include the sale of handmade masks, keyrings and scent diffusers. Two other fundraisers, class tea towels and proceeds from the show ring at the NZ Virtual Cat Show, will have 10% of their proceeds donated towards The Whale and Dolphin Trust NZ. A mystery art fundraiser is also being run, which allows people to pay for a piece of art of their pet or an animal of their choice by a randomly assigned mystery artist at different price tiers.

Vet student Leigh said they have been blown away by the support from people willing to help with making the art and the amount of people signing up to purchase a mystery art piece.

“I was personally expecting us to just do a couple of cute low tier pieces, but everyone has been so supportive and kind with their donations. One of the artists said, ‘People hate to pay even a little money for a portrait of themselves but happy to do anything for their animals.’ The human-animal bond is strong, [it’s] lovely to see how much people adore their animals. Creating art is excellent for your mental health and it’s so wholesome to see how happy our art receivers are with the results,” she said.

Vet student Bryony said she was also “pleasantly surprised” by the support of donators and the talented artists. She said the halfway day was a chance for Vet students to briefly escape study.

“Basically, it's for us to get out of our office chairs, relax, take a deep breath and re-centre, and reconnect with each other as friends and human beings (having just spent the past 2.5 years as study robots, and planning to continue roboting through the next 2.5 years),” she said.

Vet student Kiana said halfway day is extra important to the students due to both the high intensity and demanding nature of the degree, as well as its length.

JAMES POCOCK

MANAWATŪ NEWS

Massey’s third year Vet students have been “blown away” by the support shown as they continue to fundraise for the traditional Vet School halfway day celebration trip to Taupō.

“We'll be having our halfway day when most students have already finished their Bachelor’s lol. So, getting the chance to go out and have a weekend away is good to relax, spend time with our classmates, and unwind before [fourth] and [fifth] year kick our asses.”

Vet student Eloise said she and her fellow halfway day organiser Sophie first decided to move the date of halfway day to the beginning of next year rather than the actual halfway mark of the Vet degree after realising they lacked NEWS

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WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO nOw? STUDENTS CONFRONT THE END OF THEIR UNIVERSITY CAREERS

WORDS BY ELENA MCINTYRE-REET PHOTOGRAPHY BY CALLUM PARSONS

T

he academic year at Massey is starting to reach its end, our StudyLink payments are disappearing into the sunset and most of us are not sure what we’ll do without them.

Many of us have been at studying for at least three years, and being a student is an integral part of our identity. At the end of this year, there will be no worrying about assignments, no 8am lectures and no glorious course-related costs to spend on something not courserelated. Some students have a crystal-clear vision of what graduating looks like for them, and some have no fucking idea.

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Regan is finishing up this year and has mixed feelings about her time as an undergraduate coming to an end.

She’s finishing up at the end of this year, and then heading off to Waikato to take a full immersion reo Māori course called Te Tohu Paetahi.

“I’m so excited to be done with undergrad 90% of the time, the other 10% is just anxiety. What if my grades were actually so bad that I’ll never get internship opportunities? What if I’ll never actually be good enough to achieve my dreams, no matter how big or small? The overwhelming feeling, I have though, is gratitude,” she tells Massive.

There are so many different paths to take once you’ve graduated. Some people will go straight into working or decide to extend their pain and take on a postgrad course. One student, Jean, an honours Design student, isn’t sure if she wants to pursue either of those options.

She’s known she wanted to study design at Massey since she was 12, so she’s not quite ready to let go of that identity yet.

“It’s been so long of just going to uni and doing on my own projects, not working for anyone in such a weird time with [Covid-19]. I haven’t really pictured myself outside of being a uni student. I love design, but I don’t necessarily think I want to go out and get a proper design job like two weeks after I finish studying. Making money and climbing up the career ladder isn’t the most important thing for me right now. I know I’m always going to be able to draw and be creative outside of uni, so I’m happy just living my life. I just want to make my coffees at my work and live for a little bit,” Jean says.

She does have ultimate career goals once study is over though, she’s passionate about conservation and hopes to work as a designer for the Department of Conservation one day.

For Caitlin, also finishing up her Design degree this year, the prospect of leaving uni and joining the workforce is an exciting yet nerve wracking one. She’s dealing with a lot of uncertainty because none of her plans after she graduates are set in stone. Trying to be proactive, she sent out her portfolio to a bunch of design companies and got back what she described as “positive” rejections.

“It’s obviously daunting, I’ve gotten into the habit of calling myself a student. It’s going to be a lot scarier dealing with real clients. Something I keep telling myself is that, for the past four years I’ve been paying to do what I love, but next year someone will pay me to do

FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS IVE BEEN PAYING TO DO WHAT I LOVE, BUT NEX T YEAR SOMEONE WILL PAY ME TO DO WHAT I LOVE. THATS REALLY EXCITING

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what I love. That’s really exciting,” she says.

For those of us who have to complete summer school, the fear about StudyLink payments not coming through anymore isn’t so great. We can coast for a little longer while working part-time and not doing a whole lot. For others though, the fear of financial insecurity is beginning to hit home. Abby is finishing her degree soon and is trying to cement plans post-studying that will allow her to pay all her bills.

“I had this idea in my head that once uni is over, I’m going to be super rich from working full-time which just isn’t true. I’m still going to have to pay rent and power and all that without the assistance from StudyLink, it’s extremely daunting.”

Ruby has dealt with the undergrad anxiety before, and decided to pursue her honours after finishing.

Despite being ready for a break from the gruelling life of academia, she’s feeling nervous about the transition to full-on adult life.

“I’m looking forward to start a life that is more tangible than just grades, essays and tests. I feel like I’ve moved on from my university self, it’s like I’m a new person stuck in the same old place. I’m excited to move on to the ‘real world’ and fully develop and understand myself,” she tells Massive.

Despite the excitement to flourish in the grown-up world, like a lot of, she’s feeling nervous about the financial side of things.

“Once uni is done, I’m moving back to my hometown.

Rent is more expensive but I can move home and find a job so I can afford to pay rent there. Basically, I’m ready to leave uni but I’m not sure what my life will look like once I’m away from StudyLink funding,” she says.

The main burden a lot of students are faced with is finding a job relevant to the degree they’ve put themselves into major debt to achieve. Massive’s very own Caroline has some words of wisdom for students about to finish up at uni.

“It’s tough out there, and I really understand the anxiety that people face when leaving university. At the same time, make sure not to rush into anything just because of that anxiety. I did that and ended up working full-time while also having to write my dissertation. I almost wish I had relaxed a little bit, waited until I’d graduated, had a last summer with my friends before making the big transition from studying to working. Uni is a big, tiring thing. It’s okay to take a breath and figure out your next steps,” she says.

She also offered some advice about entering the workforce after graduating.

“My advice is to really perfect the art of writing a good cover letter. Don’t copy and paste the same bullshit about your time management skills. Make it specific to each job, show that you’re interested. It takes a bit of time, but it makes the world of difference. Also consider working for your local student magazine, you get paid to write, illustrate or take photos which is a mean bit of experience and looks great on your CV.” At the end of the day, try not to devote too much of your energy on the ‘what ifs’, focus on getting your assignments in, or studying for your exams. If you’re super stressed about your career or study options, then the Massey academic advisers are a real hit. Work hard, don’t take StudyLink payments for granted, and remember to drink water. It’ll all work out.

ITS OKAYTO TAKE A BREA TH AND FIGUREOUT YOUR NEXT STEPS FEATURES

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How It’s Made: A Day in the Life of the Massive Magazine Editor Words by Caroline Moratti

Kia ora! Do you love all things Massive?

Are you a slut for shitposting and covering important issues? Want to oversee an awesome team of staff and volunteers? Well, look no further! Applications are open for Massive’s 2022 Editor. It’s a full-time paid position where you can nap on the sofa as much as you want, as long as you get the magazine out each week. Check out Seek or our Facebook page for more details xx In the meantime, read below for a sneak peek at an intimate look of our editor’s schedule.

You, too, could one day fuck up the crosswords!

Dream big!

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TO-DO LIST:

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6:02pm: Time to call it a day, boys. Just anot her day at the office, eh? Not bad. Not bad at all.

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Are MPs personally incentivised to keep house prices high?

Massive investigates.

Words by Michael Freeman Do you ever think about owning a house?

Nothing too fancy, just a small plot of land and somewhere warm to chill and feel secure. For many of us this seems like a distant, vague and unattainable dream. But it isn’t a dream for those in power. The 120 current sitting members of parliament have interests between them in 224 properties, and only 12 of them have no interests in properties. So, do you think they have an incentive to keep house prices high?

And in the process continue to fuck us over by shutting first home buyers out of the market and perpetuating a cycle of forever renting? Who really cares? You should. This isn’t an abstract problem; it affects you now and will most definitely affect you when it comes to trying to buy a house. Should you be angry? Have they, as Greta Thunberg said, ‘Stolen our Future’? Or do our representatives put aside the gain they get from owning an appreciating asset and act in good faith when attempting to deal with the housing crisis?

To answer these questions, let’s first examine who has interests in what assets, provided by the Register of Pecuniary and Other Specified Interests. It’s been legally required since 2005 that

Illustration by Sara Moana members of parliament declare most financial interests they have, as a way to foster public trust (if you can’t be fucked reading the waffle, I created a tool to more easily search the data called politiciansinterests.site). Let’s examine some of the more interesting numbers here, shall we? By party, National MPs have an interest in an average of 3.5 properties each, while Labour MPs have interests in an average of 1.66.

Jacinda Ardern owns just one family home, Judith owns three properties and David Seymour also owns three. Sure, many of these properties are in trusts or retirement schemes but even in this position they’re still used as instruments to create wealth.

The big dogs in parliament are David Bennett, having interests in eight properties and Christopher Luxon with seven. Unsurprisingly these two are both members of the National Party.

Housing Minister Dr Megan Woods (Labour) owns just one residential property. I believe, however, that what should be taken away from this data are the bigger picture trends. Overall, members of parliament have an interest in an average of 1.86 properties each.

That’s fucked. How are you meant to

live in more than one house when you can only be in one place at a time? There are just 12 members of parliament who own no properties, which does not mean they are renting but gives an indication that they might be. That’s just 10% of our representative body who do not own a house, compared to the 37% and rising of the general population in the same situation.

Owning a property is not just a matter of keeping a roof over your head. Residential properties can and are often used as a speculative asset, which has always seemed weird to me. Why must one of our most basic needs, simple shelter, be treated like any other commodity in the markets?

Water was not treated as such up until recently, because people recognised that it was vital for survival. Sadly, as the world slips slowly into a climate dystopia, some stock markets such as the NASDAQ have started selling water futures. If a house is too expensive when you get round to thinking about buying one, maybe another one of life’s essentials is a good fall-back plan.

Property speculation is a part of life and it’s here to stay, which means there are reasons for house prices being so high.

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Unless you want to live in the forest, catch your own food and avoid regular DOC worker patrols, the market will force you to continue renting.

One such reason is the concept of supply and demand. If demand is high and supply is low, such as in our housing market, prices tend to go up as buyers are willing to offer more money to ensure they get the product.

So why is New Zealand’s supply so low? The current Labour Government likes to state that they inherited the housing crisis from the previous National Government. And that’s true, I’m not giving John Key and Bill English a pass, but house prices rose by an average of 9.5% nationwide in 2016 and a median of 25.5% between August 2020 and August 2021. Labour promised to fix the housing crisis, to provide homes for those children and families who were living in poverty, and to ensure first home buyers had a chance in the market. But all they’ve done is allow house prices to skyrocket, either through neglecting their promises, incompetence, or an intentional effort to ensure their assets continue to make them rich. (Also National, ACT and

NZ First would have done just as bad of a job so put those pitchforks down, this problem pervades every party but Labour just pretends to care more than the others.)

Members of the Government may have an incentive to keep house prices high to line their own pockets, but does the Government as an institution stand to gain in the form of taxes or some other metric? When owning or selling a house, there are a few ways in which the national or local government can make money. While New Zealand has no flat capital gains tax, there’s many caveats and special cases which means that when selling a property there’s a likelihood that you will have to give the government at least a small kickback. The laws have two main components, the ‘intention to sell’ and the bright line period. From the end of March 2021, no matter your intent, if you

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sell your property within 10 years you'll have to pay a whopping 39% tax on any profit made. Let’s ignore, for now, the fact that this makes it harder for renters to get on the property ladder and focus on the ‘intention to sell’. This intention is not a well-defined term, and can depend on factors such as your property selling history and how many properties you have owned previously.

If the Government believes you bought the property with the intention of selling it, or if you did not live in the property for over a year, you guessed it. Tax Time. These measures are in place to stop people using property speculation as a method of wealth generation and it remains to be seen if this works. In the short term, however, discouraging people to sell their homes serves only to ensure we, the young people, are shut out of the property ladder for longer. As mentioned before, this is a problem of supply and demand and these policies serve only to restrict supply in a futile attempt to curb prices, while demand remains higher than ever.

Even your most beaned out first year finance student knows this, so why does government policy not reflect reality?

Could it be that 39 cents from every dollar profit that goes into their back pocket? Surely not.

Currently, the state of things looks a little grim. But what does the future look like for those of us who do not own a house? To give this and the previous government credit, there have been attempts in the past to solve the problem, such as KiwiBuild. Not to give them too much credit, however, KiwiBuild appears to have failed to build anywhere near the promised amount of houses and looks to be heading towards the can. But it had the right idea. More people want houses than there are houses available, so more must be built. For the foreseeable future, rents will continue rising, as will house prices, and both would have continued to rise even if KiwiBuild was in full swing. For people like us, housing will

continue to be a luxury that we cannot afford without reliance on the generosity of others, such as family or friends.

Unless you want to live in the forest, catch your own food and avoid regular DOC worker patrols, the market will force you to continue renting. It appears that we may be trapped in a cycle of forever renting where rents are too high to save for a house and house prices continue to rise, further increasing rent and making it harder again to save enough for a house deposit. Massive reached out to our elected members of parliament for comment on what the next ten years might look like for young renters and first home buyers, but no response was given. Only the Hon Dr Megan Woods replied, who is, amongst other things, the Minister of Housing, so that’s a start. She told Massive, “We have rebuilt the public sector’s ability to plan and build new housing and are working hard to fix problems like a lack of available land, a slow resource and planning processes, and the need to coordinate with transport and other infrastructure to ensure new housing, whether owned or rented, can grow into thriving communities.” Woods also notes the need to provide immediate support for those in urgent need of housing, promising more than 18,000 public and transitional housing places to be delivered by 2024.

Woods says that the current Government has made multiple changes to improve the rights of renters, “including limiting rent increases to once a year” and enabling tenants to request a rent reduction through the Tenancy Tribunal if they suspect their rent is not in line with market rates. “Increasing rental supply is also a key part of creating better housing outcomes. The shortage of a good supply of highquality, well-located and well-managed rental properties offering secure tenure at affordable rents helps explain many of the poor outcomes many New Zealanders who rent continue to

experience,” she says.

Of course, for some, renting provides the level of flexibility and responsibility which suits their lifestyle, and there are of course situations where renting is needed, such as for students or people with temporary jobs. However, shelter is one of the few things which is absolutely vital for a person to survive. Our housing, and by extension our survival, should not be dependent on someone else having spare.

So yeah, we’re in a bit of a Catch-22 situation. Those who we entrust with making sensible decisions for the good of our society have interests which directly contradict this prerogative. It becomes clearer every year, as the price of a house creeps ever upwards, that general population interests are being tossed aside so those in power can make a quick buck. Those who we elected on promises of a better future are working towards the exact opposite. This is not a problem with the current government, or the previous one, or even the next one. It’s a problem of power, of accountability and of selfishness. A party can have all the rhetoric they like but at the end of the day it is just an organisation made up of people. And the one certain thing in this world is that people will always act in their own self-interest.

For now, the average person can only sit, watch, and save. Those in power will continue to act in whatever way they see fit, and will turn on the charm machine during the election to make you conveniently forget their current failures. Don’t let them lie to you.

Demand accountability. Email your MP, hell even pop into their local office.

It seems that they have forgotten that they should work to enrich us and not the other way around. Maybe it’s time they were reminded. Stay safe, make your voice heard and remember, the revolution will not be centralised.

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MASSIVE

it B h c it W Finding Magic in the Everyday World Words by Ari Prakash

Illustrations by Tallulah Farrar

I’ve been hearing about the WitchTok community of TikTok for some time now. After the stress of this year, I just want to CHILL. If I have to cast a few spells to do that, then I will. I saw a video not that long ago about using herbs and essential oils for relaxation.

I ended up putting some in the bath and marinating for a while like a rotisserie chicken, feeling kinda calm but definitely not ashy. But what even is the witch community? I’m guessing it’s more than scrolling through occultism on an Instagram feed.

other hand, came around in the 1950s and was made popular by Gerald Brousseau Gardner, a man who looks like he belongs to the woods. Student Rachael, says she is “a Pagan, and that means I observe the life force in all things. It means I hold reverence for the natural cycles of life and death that are being played out around us at all times... I am also a witch, and while some people use the term witch and Pagan interchangeably they are not the same thing. Witches practice witchcraft, whereas a Pagan might not.”

But first, what is witchcraft? It’s definitely gotten a bad rap over the centuries. Not only was it literally demonised, but once you were accused of being a witch, it was all over. Ways of “testing” a witch included throwing people into bodies of water or weighing them against a random number of bibles. While this shittery is in the past, there is still some confusion about magic. What is it? Who are the people who use it?

For some people, like Athena, it was just a way of life. She said, “I come from a Romani background in a family where magic was practiced as a matter-of-fact rather than being something unusual.”

Magic combined with everyday family life included “tarot to be laid out on the kitchen table for big life decisions and even to settle family disputes”. Tarot cards are often used for fortune-telling, and something that I dabbled in when I found a pack at a friend’s place. But imagine being ratted out by a deck of cards to your family when they asked why you were out late. Why play cards when they can play you? Athena also said that she was encouraged to find her own path in life and ended up practicing Christianity via Mormonism but ended up finding her way back to Paganism

Wicca and Paganism, like all religions, see many people finding comfort and meaning in it. Paganism is a preChristian religion that is centred around a strong connection to nature.

It's a blanket term for many types of spiritualities where people choose different gods and goddesses, depending on what they relate to. Wicca, on the

again because it resonated more with her values.

Others discovered their calling to magic via serendipitous research, like Rachael in the Invercargill Library. There, Rachael stumbled across a dictionary about witchcraft and a couple of books about practicing Wicca when she was fifteen. “Every new page I turned seemed to make me come more and more alive with excitement and a ‘knowing’ I had never experienced before.” Within the diversities of town libraries, there could be a future novelist somewhere or someone changing their whole religion. You never know. Siobhàn also discovered witchcraft through research, about public holidays of all things. It’s ironic how Harry Potter was banned because some parents were afraid of their kids getting into witchcraft - looks like it was the public holidays that they really needed to watch out for.

The line between science and magic is much thinner than I thought it would be. Athena integrates science into her practice which works with “[her] postgraduate research in Social and Medical Anthropology, and [her] current career in [academia]”. Her work includes “contributing to preventative medicine research and teaching population health and epidemiology to first-year Health Science students”.

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tch Athena is also quite open about her practice and often wears crystals, and has visible tattoos of moon and goddess imagery. So, people are not too surprised to find out her alternative spiritual beliefs. Bex also has a background in science as an ecologist, and for her “all the magic is in nature for me. It’s not something that can only be accessed by people who follow certain paths - it’s just everywhere.” Her interest in nature is not only part of her job but played into how she came across witchcraft. In Bex’s case, “It was never called witchcraft - it was nature, natural medicine and an appreciation of flowers… I don’t have a huge desire to call myself a witch (not bothered either way), but under modern and ancient philosophies, I think it may be what it is called.” In the same philosophical vein as Saweetie, Bex added “tap in, or don’t. It’s your decision.”

Wicca/Paganism is a hands-on type of belief system. People can forge their own connections and modify practices

to fit their own lifestyles. Siobhàn has a keen interest in herbal magic and said she loved “making spell bags that have herbs for different situations.

Things like mint and fennel make for a great energy spell.” She also recommends chamomile, lavender, rosemary and mugwort if you need some calm and a bit of R&R. The practice can also be eclectic, where you can mix bits and pieces depending on what you relate to, but there is an emphasis on being respectful to other cultures. Rachael said she was “very invested in decolonising [her] practice” which includes being aware of the origins of practices. For example, the much-loved white sage “smudging” you see on TikTok is a closed practice of indigenous Native Americans, meaning only people from a certain heritage can do it.

Overall, “no thoughts, only vibes” would be how I would describe the energy of the witchcraft community. There’s a

true emphasis on being in tune with the world you live in and yourself. The witchcraft community is a truly diverse practice with people from all walks of life taking a part in it.

But while the community has grown, the attitudes towards it have remained stagnant. Many people still think of the practice as silly or dangerous. But after practising for 27 years, Rachael says, “not much has changed... so it has become extremely important to me to try and challenge stereotypes surrounding witchcraft and Paganism.”

Siobhàn summarises some of the ethics with an old Wiccan saying “if it harms none, do what ye will”. From what I’ve seen of the community, many have found grounding and comfort in these types of practices. It makes people happy, helps them cope with life or find a form of catharsis. The fear of it comes mainly from ignorance because at the end of the day if it harms none, why do ye care about it?

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EAT CAKE, SAVE THE PLANET

WORDS BY MASON TANGATATAI ILLUSTRATION BY TALLULAH FARRAR

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Being broke and eating shit food is basically a trademark of being a student in New Zealand. The constant financial pressures of overpriced courses and soaring rents means the necessity that is kai, is often last on our menus. What if I told you that this doesn’t have to be true, and that you can contribute to helping climate change all at the same time.

With my tummy rumbling as we speak, lets dive into a few ways you can positively contribute to the environment while eating tasty kai.

FOODPRINT (AUCKLAND/ WELLINGTON) Eat cake, save the planet – sounds good to me. Foodprint is a food waste application that is combating the climate crisis by minimising surplus food from going to waste. Foodprint operates by offering generously discounted surplus food from eateries to customers to ‘rescue’ before it is thrown out. Customers order and pay for food in the app before collecting directly from the eateries, with significant discounts ranging from 30 to 90 per cent off the normal retail price.

Almost 50,000 tonnes of food is wasted by the hospitality and retail sectors in New Zealand each year, over 60 per cent of which is still edible. When food is thrown out it decomposes in landfills and emits the greenhouse gas methane, making food waste a huge contributor to the climate crisis.

In a world where students are scrounging for any edible morsel on a dusty Sunday morning, it’s crazy to hear that we can contribute to the climate crisis by eating peoples left overs – how good!

Foodprint founder Michal Garvey, is honoured to lend the students of Aotearoa a helping hand.

“Being environmentally friendly is often something you need disposable income to do, it feels good that we can help students not

only contribute to saving food waste, but also contribute to feeding them good food,” says Garvey.

Foodprint has been operating for two years in Auckland, connecting 35,000 consumers in with 400 eateries with discounted leftover food through the app. Garvey and her team are delighted to have been able to expand to Wellington this month with the support of Creative HQ’s Climate Response Accelerator.

“Wellington has been our most requested city, from both customers and eateries,” says Garvey.

“With the high concentration of top-quality eateries, the walkable nature of the city and the food-obsessed population, it’s the perfect city for Foodprint.”

Foodprint has partnered with 30 eateries in central Wellington so far including Nam D, Yoshi Sushi, Basbousa, The Lab, Fix & Fogg, and Verve Cafe. They join the community of almost 400 eateries in Auckland that have been rescuing food and reducing their ‘foodprint’ with the app. Cafe operators have praised Foodprint for its sustainability purpose and usability.

“Foodprint is genius, it’s a beautiful and easy to use app which means we can get our delicious lovingly made food into someone’s tummy that previously would have ended up in the compost,” says Megan May, founder of Little Bird Kitchen in Ponsonby.

“We waste less, and it gives people access to

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food that might usually be out of their price range.”

If you’re craving something on the finer side of life this week, put your mee goreng packet away and see what you can scavenge on from your favourite local eateries.

THE FREE STORE (WELLINGTON) The Free Store was founded in November 2010 after an art project inspired a group of friends. Kim Paton, an artist from out of town, set up a regular-looking shop stocked with food on the shelves.

The peculiar difference being that customers could simply take the food for free. The art project came and went within a matter of weeks, but this instalment got a group of Wellingtonians’ brains buzzing.

After discovering that much of the food in this shop was surplus food from local cafes, they asked, what if this could be a sustainable food supply?

The Free Store, an initiative which redirects surplus food from cafes and eateries around Wellington, operates out of a shipping container in the car park of St Peter’s Church on Willis St. This is a mere 10 to 15-minute walk from Massey Wellington’s campus.

A normal weekday sees volunteers pushing trolleys around Wellingtons CBD, collecting food from over 60 retailers in the area. The food is brought back to a line of people gathered in the church car park, who chat over a cup of tea while they wait.

The food from the Free Store is exactly that, free. Many students shy away from using services like this as they don’t believe it’s made for them.

Anyone is welcome to partake in the bounty.

The Free Store is an inclusive space built on a foundation of mutual respect, generosity and friendship.

If you are a student struggling for food, don’t be afraid to use services like The Free Store, as they are in place to help people in all stages of life struggling to fill their puku.

JUST ZILCH (PALMERSTON NORTH) Our Palmy campus can also join in on the food waste kaupapa, and for free! Just Zilch operates a free store solving two problems at once by taking food that would otherwise have gone to waste, and making it available to those who need.

Just Zilch is New Zealand’s longest running free store, providing food to over 350,000 kiwis since opening in 2011.

Just Zilch has removed more than 3.36 million food items from the waste stream, equalling more than 1,176 tonnes of food from landfill. With more than 100 volunteers, they give away nearly $80,000 of food each week.

Like the Wellington Free Store, Just Zilch is built upon a guilt-free foundation and guided by aroha kore - love without condition– and kaitiakitanga – together taking care of our resources.

As students it can feel like a mountainous task contributing to climate change initiatives. It often feels that you need access to sizable amounts of money to make a real contribution to this kaupapa - when in reality, it doesn’t Reducing food waste had been identified by international research as the third most important action consumers could take to fight climate change. If all we need is space in our puku and an ounce of agency to get down to these stores or download an app, then what is our excuse.

Eat up!

The Free Store works of the basis of no questions asked and no strings attached.

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POWERSHOP MASSIVE INTRODUCES

WINNER #2

DIMITRIS POTUSA

Power to the people – The Freedoms.

@workinghandle!

will you ever find love? take our quiz to find out... words by Caroline Moratti io is.....

Your Tinder b Hey hot stuff! ata to collect D ig n’t want B do u Yo y. pt A) Em out you. information ab much you ote about how qu b m du e om B) S like to drink. ents. ight measurem C) Your exact he ents plus m re ht measu ig he t ac ex ur D) Yo three inches.

You arrive at your date. They are a clown. You....

A) Are also a clown. It is no problem to you.

B) Ask them to tell you a joke.

C) Ask for a big helping of their cream pie.

D) Squeeze their big nose only to discover they are not in clown costume. Not all clowns wear costumes 24/7. They have a normal life too. Oh God why did you just squeeze their nose?

pirations you of their as Your date tells ne o al The Gemst to one day ste treasure e at ir p nt e anci Medallion, an a. You... beneath the se that lies deep have the ur gun. You also A) Whip out yo dammed ns and you’ll be same aspiratio ure with an to split the treas if you’re going e hunter. amateur treasur l about your and tell them al B) Ignore them siness selling a local small bu plans to open ble. from farm to ta fresh produce, ve a little ot y, nice” and ha C) Say “pirate bo chuckle. s to acquire about their plan D) Ask politely usin who co Say you have a onths such treasure. m of thing, a couple tried the same ago.

You’re g do you oing out on a date prepa ! Cute re?

A) Scre ! How a B) Gho m into the vo id. st them your m and ge at t food at Mac C) Buy es. ca’s w condo ms.

D) Do y our lau ndry fo month r the fir lol. st time in over a

Zoo-wee-mama! The romance is heating up! However, you really need to pee. You...

A) Wait until they need to go to the restroom, and go with them. The date never stops!

B) Pat your stomach loudly and say you need to go “see a man about a dog”.

C) Hold it in. When they make you cum later, it’ll all come out, one way or another.

D) Wait for a lull in conversation and excuse yourself. Ask the waitress for directions.

Even if you know the way.

Your date begins to gr ow suspicious of you, muttering how you plan to steal The Gemstone Meda llion. You see a glint of a knife under their napkin....

A) Continue holding yo ur gun at them. You never stopped. Your arm is getting a little bit tired but you’ve been training for this moment for years. But still.... you’re getting tired.

B) Laugh manically.

C) “Is that a knife or are you just pleased to see me?”

D) Tell a longwinded sto ry in order to casually drop in the fac t that you’re allergic to gemstones.

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Ahhhh! Your date has just attacked you! You are bleeding heavily! You...

A) Attack the bastard ba ck. If you go down, they’re gonna go down too, dammit. You lunge for them, but the y manage to duck, just in time.

B) Immediately message the group chat.

“WTF lol???”

C) Google if blood can be used as lube.

D) Cry and try to bandag e your wounded leg.

Your date appears of the ca from the vern. “I’v shadows e been w time for aiting a lo you,” the y say. ng A) “I know ,” you rep ly wasn’t fo . “That clo oling any wn disgu one. I co ise clown fro uld tell a m a fake tr u e a n B) N/A y day.”

C) N/A D) N/A

ve you in . But now I ha so e b ay m t “Tha me the you WILL tell nd A . es ch ut cl my edallion!”

Gemstone M e th f o n o ti the date loca ly, knowing that ow sl , ile sm u A) Yo gun.... has only just be B) N/A C) N/A D) N/A

st efforts, you’re Despite your be Uh oh! el lightheaded. beginning to fe You.... cation ver tell you the lo A) Cry out, “I’ll ne die ll u’ Yo e Medallion! of The Gemston nd ou ar s rn Your date tu trying to find it!” ould C . ed gu escape, intri er from their daring ep ke le so e at you are th it be possible th of n ia rd ua promised G of the keys? The way, ery grave? Either at w s n’ lio al ed M the find out.... they’re willing to age g breath, you man in B) With your dy ed for ne o N er account. itt Tw ur yo ck lo to tnut. d that little ches your parents to fin the as on ed like as so C) You already di . de du y u. Sorry m knife touched yo you s I loved them,” nt D) “Tell my pare . ss tre rrified wai whisper to the ho t??? a dark cave! Wha You wake up in ???

What’s going on You tly where you are.

A) You know exac o. ag e a long, long tim time have been here re fo of civilisation. Be Before the birth itself.

B) N/A C) N/A D) N/A

answers: If you answered mostly:

A) Yes! You will find love! In an unexpected but thrilling way! Your passion will take you all over the universe, chasing each other from treasure to treasure. Once, and only once, you’ll share a fleeting kiss before they ultimately betray you in an untimely fashion.

B) No. C) No but with a boner.

D) No.

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MUSA 2022: Meet Your Candidates!

It’s that time of the ye ar again where you get to vote for your next year ex ecutive team to repr esent your voice both regionally and nationally. I enco urage you all to place your votes in as this will de cide who you would like to ad vocate for your right s. It seems like yesterday when I was campaigning m yself for the president’s role and since then time has flown by. I have learnt a lo t and have built rela tionships across the country with individuals who share the same passion for be ttering the lives of st udents but also standing up for what is right. As you can see that even af ter this election ther e will be vacancies on the bo ard for 2022 so this is the perfect opportunity for people who wer en’t able to put their nam e forward this time ro und to put themselves fo rward in the by-elect ion early semester 1 20 22. If any of you have any questions regard ing the board positio ns do not hesitate to co ntact me on my emai l president@musa.or g.nz but other than that get voting from the 13th of October!

- Fatima Imran (Pre sident of MUSA 20 21)

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Marla Beissel – Candidate for President Tenā koutou hoa akonga! (Hello my fellow students!)

My name is Marla Beissel and I’m running to be your 2022 MUSA President!

My passions include sustainability, second hand shopping, the arts, people, and great food. This year I’ve served on the MUSA Board as both the Equity and Welfare Executive, and would love the opportunity to continue and increase the work I want to complete, next year, as your MUSA President.

If elected, my main focuses would be on improving the quality and variety of food supplied on campus, improving the overall sustainability of MUSA and Massey Manawatū (specifically by creating a second hand consigner store on campus where students can on-sell their old textbooks, clothes, kitchen items, etc, creating an eco friendly event policy so that all MUSA events are sustainable, and helping to make “sustainable-minded living” generally more accessible for students). Ialso want to work on increasing the amount of quality student housing in Palmy, and finally, be someone that students feel they can come to if they’re having an issue or would like some support.

I’m here for ALL students, I believe strongly in equity, and I believe that students should be treated like the individuals they are, and not only as a collective.

If any of this interests you...

Vote for me, Marla Beissel, to be your MUSA President for 2022!

Kia Kaha!

Junyan Liu– Candidate for Executive Junyan Liu was the president of the student’s association of Guangxi University between 2013-2014. He volunteered to teach computer science and physics in a remote reginal intermediate school in 2015. Junyan received his Master’s degree in science and was awarded the China distinguished postgraduate scholarship in 2018, followed by the commencement of his PhD study in School of Agriculture & Environment (SAE) at Massey Manawatū.

Junyan served the postgraduate community of SAE in 2019, involving a variety of events, such as the third SAE Symposium. Although Junyan is a cricket newbie, he initiated an executive group for the establishment of Massey Student Cricket Club in 2020 and led the group successfully organising the first indoor cricket tournament for Manawatu students. Junyan is eager to challenge himself, continue serving a broader student audience, join the MUSA executive team, and to stand up and speak out for students.

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Sexcapades

Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story? Email sexcapades@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours xoxox I was reading Massive in the library, mostly just the sexcapades and the horoscopes, let’s be honest.

WHEN THEN, this super-hot girl came down to sit next to me. Like actually just an unbelievable babe. Fucking 10/10 stuff. She’s holding a copy of Massive too, and immediately flicks to the sexcapades. Bingo.

About 30 seconds in, she gives a little laugh and nervously looks around to see if anyone has caught her in the act. I catch her eye and, hold up the same copy and say “fucking crazy, right?”

“Right??” she says, and pulls up her chair a bit closer. We chat about our favourite sexcapade (Me: the guy that pissed the bedsheets. Her: the broken banjo chord). She even tells me that her friend submitted one, but was very tight-lipped about which one it We pull up her computer and start reading one about sex outside (very juicy), our knees kinda touching underneath the table. After finishing it, she looks at me, pauses and says “I’ve actually never had in public outside before...”

“Me neither,” I admit.

“What do you think it’s like?”

“Honestly...kind of hot. Maybe a bit scary. But that’s part of the thrill,” I reply.

“Wanna try it?” she asks. UM FUCK YES. I can barely contain my excitement. She takes me by the hand and leads me to the library bathroom. By this point I was practically coming in my pants. We find a private stall and immediately she unzips my pants, spits in her hand and starts rubbing my cock. We’re kissing and it’s amazing and before I know it, she’s riding me, all whilst I’m sitting on the fucking toilet. I’m so afraid the toilet might break but I’m too busy having the time of my life to care.

I feel a climax building up and she’s moaning softly in my ear. But then- fuck! Someone comes in through the bathroom, and immediately we both pause. The other person obviously walks to the next stall and we’re sitting there, her inside of me, anxiously waiting. Only for...the room to fill with the sound of shit. Yeah. The sound of it too. It’s clear the other person is gonna be there for a fucking while. Awkwardly, my hot girl dismounts me and gives me a sad smile.

“I’ll see you around,” she says, before disappearing from my life. Massive- please help me find this incredible hottie so we can pick up from where we left off. Please.

Kia ora, e hoa!

Looking for a job?

We can help with that.

Full-time jobs, internships and graduate roles, available to you, up to two years after you graduate.

Find yours at sjs.co.nz

Culinarylingus

Cherry Tomato Pasta This is a bit of a fancy one. Good for having guests over or if you’re feeling a bit boujee! It’s fairly easy to make, but does require 90 minutes of baking, so make sure you get this one started nice and early. If you don’t have a food processor, halve the amount of cherry tomatoes, and replace with a 50ml of tomato passata.

INGREDIENTS: • • • • •

1kg cherry tomatoes (fresh or tinned) 500g dried pasta of your choice (I like pappardelle for this dish) Tbsp of dried oregano 250ml olive oil 100g capers

• • • • •

150g ricotta 1 bulb of garlic Pinch of chilli flakes Salt Pepper

METHOD: 1. Preheat your oven to 180°C. 2. Place all the cherry tomatoes in a deep baking tray. Throw in the garlic bulb (you don’t need to take it out of its skin), chilli flakes, oregano, olive oil, salt and pepper.

3. Place the tray in the oven for around 90 minutes, stopping every 20 minutes or so to give the tray a shake and make sure the tomatoes don’t burn.

4. Once the tomatoes are cooked through, take them out and strain the oil into a separate bowl. Place the tomatoes into a large mixing bowl, big enough to mix in with the pasta.

5. Use some of this oil to fry your capers.

6. Set a large pot of water to the boil. Salt aggressively and once boiling, cook your pasta according to package instructions.

7. Pulse half of your tomato mixture in a food processor. Re-add to the mixing bowl.

8. Add your cooked pasta, along with half a cup of the salted pasta water and stir to combine.

9. Add the fried capers and ricotta and serve.

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Horoscopes AQUARIUS

ARIES

So, you wanted to do an OE but Covid came in and fucked all your plans up for after uni. Babes, I feel you. But do not apply for postgraduate for the sake of it now. Paying to be sad and stressed for another year? Not really your vibe, is it Aquarius? Buy a van and travel the South Island. Be free.

Aries, this week make sure you take care with who you choose to bitch about your flatmates to. I have it on good authority that one of your friends is secretly hooking up with your flatmate, and it would be really bad if any shit talking got back to them. Tread carefully.

Flower of the week: Orchid.

Flower of the week: Honeysuckle.

CANCER

Yep babes, it’s time. Buy some dirtcheap wine, get some ice cream (it’s a good chaser), and listen to 2014 Sam Smith. It’s the best balance of cheap and effective therapy. IT FEELS FUCKING GOOD TO CRY. Oh, and clean your sheets this week if you get a chance.

Flower of the week: Water Lily.

GEMINI

Don’t let anyone make you feel like gossiping is a bad thing, Gemini. It actually has many proven benefits such as relieving stress and building friendships. Whoever says they don’t gossip is a big, fat liar. In fact, the stars tell me there is some really juicy gossip coming your way this week. Enjoy!

Flower of the week: Lavender.

LIBRA

CAPRICORN

I know you’ve been grinding hard recently, Cappy, and I’m really proud of you. Just make sure you remember to step out into the Spring sunshine and maybe pick a flower or two. You can’t smell the roses through a computer screen, bestie. Go and live.

Flower of the week: Violet.

LEO

Call your grandparents this week, Leo. They’re really old, they love you a lot, and they just want to have a yarn.

You love talking about yourself and grandparents love to hear it. So don’t be a dick and pick up the phone. It’s been way too long.

Flower of the week: Sunflower.

PISCES

Celebrations are on for you, Libra!

Don’t stress about upcoming final assessments and exams, take this week to really let loose. Trust me. You’ll have heaps of time next week to make up for lost study time. No need to stress just yet.

Pisces, babe, you really need to stop flirting with other people in front of your partner. And stop talking about your exes all of the time. Your partner knows you’re hot, but you’re kind of making it seem like anyone would be better but them. Play nice.

Flower of the week: Rose.

Flower of the week: Daffodil.

SAGITTARIUS

SCORPIO

The stars tell me that if there was ever a week to take a big risk it would be this week. High risk, high reward, baby. Tell that person you’re in love with them. Ask that waitress for her number. Email your lecturer for an extension. You’ve got this.

Don’t be afraid to tell your flatmates how you’re really feeling this week, Scorpio. You need to be brave and tell that one bitch to clean their dishes, otherwise you’re going to internalise all your anger and have a really shit last month or so in the flat.

Flower of the week: Carnation.

Flower of the week: Geranium.

TAURUS

You’re so cool and hot and perfect and smart and talented and better than everyone else in every way.

Keep doing what you’re doing, bestie.

Flower of the week: Foxglove.

VIRGO

Your friends call you picky, you say you have standards. And you are absolutely right, Virgo. Whatever you do this week, don’t succumb to your friends’ pressure and drop your standards for a sub-par root. Keep your head high bestie, The One is closer than you think.

Flower of the week: Buttercup.

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PUZZLE PAGE! WORD WHEEL

The target is to create as many words of 4 letters or more, using the letters once only and always including the letter in the middle of the wheel.

4-letter words: 23

7-letter words: 1

5-letter words: 9

9-letter words: 1

M N

6-letter words: 2

B

O

D 29/09/2021, 29/09/2021, 09:15 09:15

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4

11

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32

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15

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6

95

95 4

49

3 8 51 3

8

1

3

4

7

09/28/2021

31 5

5

2

7 7

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4 4 3

2 5

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68 84 4

6

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26

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6

7

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6

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6

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MEDIUM

MASSIVE TOP 2 9 MAG 5 4 10 6

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09/28/2021 09/28/2021

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Printable Sudoku - Hard - 09/28/2021

Sudoku Sudoku - Easiest - Easy

EASY

2

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Printable Sudoku Printable - Sudoku 29/09/2021, Sudoku for-kids Easy 09:16 - -09/28/2021 09/28/2021

SUDOKUS

O

2

3

83

Blushing Pickle 6 Darling 2 Mood 4 Ring Lorde

89

7

1

78

8

3

7

93

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5 49

19

2

7

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7

6 7 4

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6

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3

That Life Unknown Mortal Orchestra 5 Dominos Lorde

1

9

COLUMNS

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38

CROSSWORD Courtesy of Critic and Ciara White

ACROSS 1. Upbeat (8) 5. Condiment made from horseradish (6) 9. Scruffy (6) 10. ______ and cheese (8) 11. Everything (3) 12. Immediate (7) 15. Zodiac sign (3) 16. Awa (5)

17. Living (5) 18. Head of a company (3) 21. Coffee-maker (7) 23. ___-size-fits-all (3) 24. Saying (8) 25. Companion (6) 26. Word made by removing one letter from ‘rejects’ (6) 27. Brothers and sisters (8)

DOWN 2. Facilitate (6) 3. Jewish religious leader (5) 4.Restricted (7) 6. Adjust, evolve (5) 7. Extremely cute (8) 8. Drink made with coffee, whiskey and cream (5,6) 11. Farming (11)

13. Small novel (7) 14. Fail to care for properly (7) 16. Casino game involving a spinning wheel (8) 19. Former National Party leader: Simon _____ (7) 20. Up-to-date (6) 21. Charred (5) 22. Fourth month of the year (5)

QUIZ QUIZ ANSWERS: 1. D) 2. B) 3. C) 4. A) 5. A) 6. C) 7. D) 8. B) 9. C) 10. A)

1.How many blue stripes are there on the U.S. flag? a) 6 b) 7 c) 13 d) 0 2. In which year was the film The Godfather first released?

A) 1969 B) 1972 C) 1983 D) 1995 3. What is “cynophobia”?

A) Fear of beetles B) Fear of feet C) Fear of dogs D) Fear of criticism 4. Which of Shakespeare’s plays is the longest?

A) Hamlet

LAST WEEK'S CROSSWORD ANSWERS - Across: 2. Intelligence 7. Disappear 9. Vain 10.

Ache 12. Rosa 15. Soar 18. Kaimoana

B) Romeo & Juliet C) Macbeth D) Richard III 5. Which monarch officially made Valentine’s Day a holiday in 1537?

A) Henry VIII B) Henry VII C) Francis I D) Charles I 6. Who is Kourtney Kardashian currently dating?

A) Machine Gun Kelly B) Scott Disick C) Travis Barker D) Chris Martin 7. What is the rarest M&M color?

A) White B) Red C) Green D) Brown

19. Tale 20. A bit 21. Notorious 22.

Nuts 24. Hint 25. Et cetera 26. Scar 29. Menu 30. A lot 33. Limp 34.

Scoundrel 35. Gordon Ramsay

8. Who composed the music for Sonic the Hedgehog 3?

A) Childish Gambino B) Michael Jackson C) Elton John D) Eminem 9. From which country do French fries originate?

A) France B) America C) Belgium D) Ireland 10. Who famously (and drunkenly) once said: “My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly.”

A) Winston Churchill B) Oscar Wilde C) William Shakespeare D) Stephen Fry

Down: 1. Understands 3. Eden 4.

Lira 5. Elves 6. China 8. Awakens 11.

Consoled 13. Fifty-two 14. Gourmet 16. Orb 17. Ratatouille 20. Ashamed

23. Tea 27. Cairo 28. Rapid 31. Tsar 32. Poem

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