MASSIVE Magazine - Issue 15 - 2022

15

1 August 2022

The Music Issue

What’s inside

04

News

10

Features Artist Spotlight: Chase Woods

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Best to Worst Singing Shows

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TikTok Taking Over

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Spinning the Black Circle Ages and Stages A Musical Saga of Shaded Exes

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Columns Confessions of a...

Sexcapades Solicited Advice Te Reo & NZSL Horoscopes Snapchats Puzzle Time President’s Column

Massive is registered under the New Zealand Press Council which allows our readers to reach out to an independent forum for any complaints that can’t be solved by Massive Magazine, or its editorial board.

Massive is also a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association. The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive do not represent Massey University.

Please send any queries or complaints to editor@massivemagazine.org.nz

Editor - Mason Tangatatai Designer - Marie Bailey News Editor - Elise Cacace Culture Editor - Elena McIntyre-Reet Sub Editor - Jamie Mactaggart

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News Reporter - Sammy Carter Feature Writer - Mia Faiumu Feature Writer - Lily Petrovich Feature Writer - Aiden Wilson Illustrator - Kimi Moana Illustrator - Sara Moana Photographer - Amelia Radley

A comprehensive guide to crushing it at karaoke Mason Tangatatai (he/him)

Irregardless to if you’re good or not, belting out a classic tune at the top of your lungs provides an unmatched joy. We as New Zealanders love to sing.

And when I say New Zealanders, I mean our Māori, Pasifika and Asian communities. We sing to make a point, to support each other, to tell stories. We sing to our gods, we sing when we’re sad, and we sing just because we like the sound of our own voices.

I think that’s why we love karaoke so much – it’s already ingrained in us that singing has many functions other than “performance”. For everyone else, karaoke is just a good time, right?

Since Aotearoa adopted karaoke from Japan in the early 80’s, the activity has become the ideal accompaniment to a night out on the piss. To make your karaoke night a successful hit, here is a fool-proof list of karaoke do’s and don'ts.

Do: • Actually try. If you’re feeling it, by all means give it your all. Throw shapes, pose, make a scene, we love to see it all. I’ve seen people moved to tears by their own interpretive dance performances. Let those demons out, It’s your time.

• Know your range and stay in it. You don’t have to be a talented singer for your performance to be enjoyable for listeners, but high-pitched screeching is no one’s idea of a good time.

• Make sure you know the whole song, not just the chorus. I’m not saying you need to know every single word, that’s a tad unachievable. But, I beg you at least know the melody, or rhythm of the verses.

Don't: • Try to be cool. There is no such thing as a “cool” karaoke Performance. You look like a twat, and all energy is sucked out the room. If karaoke doesn’t spark joy, let others perform.

• Steal the show. DONT pick up the second microphone on someone else’s song unless invited. This has happened to me before, and it was heartbreaking. It’s also why I needed to get some do’s and don’ts off my chest (also because this is the music edition, lol). To all the maincharacter, art school girls that keep trying to steal people’s time in the spotlight – show yourself the exit.

• Sing the n-word if you are not Black. Jimmy, no.

There is no rule that you have to sing every word on screen. If you’re as pale as white sliced bread and are requesting Kanye West’s ‘Gold Digger’ to be played specifically so you can say the n-word 100 times, it's time to take a good hard look in the mirror.

Now that you’ve taken notes, you're destined to be a karaoke pro! But, before you head off to K-Zone please take into consideration what songs you will sing. Tell me to go punch myself in the face by all means, but as a veteran of karaoke, these are some of the most common mood killers I’ve witnessed in my karaoke lifetime.

Any form of rap (unless you actually know the verses), Hotel California (long awkward instrumental), Rolling in the Deep (you can't sing like Adele, don't try) Bohemian Rhapsody and Don't Stop Believing (gives basic vibes).

Go kill it kings, Mason

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MASSIVE NEWS

WHAT’S GOING ON? WEEKLY NEWS UPDATES

88% of you just lost the game Sammy Carter (she/her)

I’m sorry, but you’ve lost the game and it's time to start over. After a Massive Magazine Instagram poll, we found that 88% of readers know what ‘the game’ is, while 12% do not.

Creative Media Production student Sophie Hamilton said, “it's one of the most amazing games there is, there's only one rule, don’t remember it.”

For the 12% that don’t know what ‘the game’ is, don’t feel bad, even Massive’s editor Mason didn’t know!

‘The game’ is very simple. You are always playing, but you can never win.

As soon as you remember the game, you lose and you have to start over. You must announce that you’ve lost the game before restarting. And now that

I’ve told you what ‘the game’ is, you cannot stop playing.

1976. The first person to think about the Finchley Central train would lose.

Hamilton was on a one year streak of forgetting the game before I reminded her, whoops. She said ‘the game’ was a bonding moment for her friends when they were younger. “It was funny, we would always argue over the game and how stupid it is.” She first learnt about it in primary school, “it’s like an inside joke for anyone born around the 2000’s and the 90’s”.

In 2005, ‘the game’ started to reemerge when a site called LoseTheGame.com was launched. Then, youtubers started to make videos about ‘the game’ and how to play it. Around 2012 and 2013 the memes began, one of the first being of scrabble with the words ‘you just lost the game’ laid out. Since then, everyone started to learn what ‘the game’ was, and here you are losing it.

No one really knows how ‘the game’ came about, but lots of people have claimed to have invented it. One theory is that of Russian author Leo Tolstoy who made up a game with his brother in 1840. They had to stand in a corner and try to not think about a white bear. Another theory involves members of the Cambridge University Science Fiction Society, who created a game called the ‘Finchley Central’ in

Now, go out into the world and tell anyone and everyone about ‘the game’.

The goal is that one day, everyone on earth will be playing.

4 • Karere

1 AUGUST 2022

MASSIVE NEWS

Is Student Health worth it?

Elise Cacace (she/her)

Anyone that has required the assistance of a health professional knows how draining it can be financially. One of the perks of being a student is the entitlement to health and counselling subsidises and free health services. However, recent research suggests that saving your pennies and using these services may not be worth it.

In a recent online survey, students were asked to share their thoughts on our current Student Health System.

100 per cent of the 36 students that responded were disappointed with their experiences and agreed that the Student Health Services were operating below-par.

The Student Health Service administrators from all three Massey campuses were given a chance to have their say, however they declined this opportunity.

One Massey student says, “I don’t want to know the total amount of money I spent on multiple visits seeing doctors at Massey to not be taken seriously. I spent less on one session with a private GP and got to the bottom of my issues.”

“My Doctor said that I was complaining too much as I had come to him many times about some stomach issues. I was talking to him at an appointment about another issue that could perhaps be related to my

stomach and he told me to ‘shhh!’ and said that if I wanted to talk about another issue then I had to come back and pay for another appointment. It turns out a few weeks later I ended up going to hospital and was diagnosed with advanced endometriosis.

Because the Doctor didn’t listen to me it got worse, and it all could have been prevented a bit if he had listened to me. Massey Doctors do not have the students best interest at heart, they are just there to do their job but they have no compassion,” says another anonymous student.

“Something was wrong with my stomach, it was really sore and could not digest things. I tried to book with the Student Health but it took ages. I tried to go to campus for emergency support and got declined from the service and was asked to book for other date. So I went to the Wellington After Hours Medical Centre at Basin Reserve. The doctor there said I could have died due to appendix inflation, and that I required for operation,” says another student.

“When I went to Student Health, I wanted to start acne medication again (which I took throughout high-school), but the doctor told me I should instead buy more expensive makeup,” says an anonymous student.

“I went to Student Health seeking antidepressants or some kind of mental health help, and got told to just go outside more. Heaps of people I know have had similar experiences,” says another student.

“I once went to a Doctor at Student Health, and even though she was otherwise very kind to me, she told me that I would grow out of my asexuality because I explained I only wanted birth control to stop periods and acne.”

Experiences like these are not a one off, and are not only occurring at Massey University. Student Health “I was an international student at Toi Services across New Zealand Whakaari between 2017 and 2018, and are notoriously underfunded and because the school doesn’t have any understaffed, and it is stories like these clinical facilities of their own, we were that call for a change. told to go down the street to Massey.

Now, because I wasn’t a domestic student, theoretically I wasn’t entitled to domestic rates, yet the nurses at Massey could never make up their mind about how much to charge me.

Sometimes it would be the domestic $30-$40-ish, other times it would be the $60-$70-ish international students had to pay. Any time I needed care, it was anyone’s guess about how much I’d be paying out of pocket.”

FRIENDS @splendid.nz

85 Ghuznee St, Te Aro, Wellington www.splendid.nz

As well as feeling ignored and confused by doctors, many students have received shocking advice from professionals working in the Student Health Services.

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MASSIVE NEWS

Don’t worry students, help is on the way!!!!!!!!!

Elise Cacace (she/her)

Ask the majority of the population what they think of when they hear the word ‘student,’ and you’ll most likely get bombarded with the words “poor,” “shitty flats,” “stressed,” “overworked,” and “2-minute-noodles.”

For far too long these stereotypes have been normalised and accepted, but with today’s rising cost of living and a worsening housing crisis, it is finally time we stood for change.

Thankfully, the Green Party and NZUSA, Te Mana Ākonga, Tauira Pasifika and the National Disabled Students’ Association have started the movement for us.

A survey of more than 4500 students has recently been launched “to build up irrefutable evidence on the basis of making asks and pushing for interventions. It is also to help students going through these experiences to understand that they are not anomalies, that these are not individual problems that people are going to resolve all by themselves, but that they are systemic,” says Green Party MP, Chlöe Swarbrick.

Warrant of Fitness and Rent Controls proposals.

“So frequently you will hear politicians talking about how education is a pathway out of poverty, not realising that poverty is in fact a barrier to education,” says Chlöe Swarbrick.

“You’ll often also hear narratives or myths about how ‘back in my day we were still working a million hours a week and bla bla bla.’ Well the reality is, as our research shows, that students today in real terms are hundreds if not thousands of dollars worse off than students even five, ten years ago, when you take into account all the variables around rent, and increase in course costs etcetera.”

Aotearoa’s Green party are not the first in the world to recognize the imbalance in student to worker welfare.

Germany, Denmark, Finland and

The survey found that two-thirds of students do not have enough money to buy food, clothing, pay bills, get healthcare or other basics. It showed that those living in a shared flat spend an average of 56% of weekly income on rent, when affordable housing is considered not more than 30% on both international and domestic measures.

91% of students support rent controls, 82% support a rental warrant of fitness, and two-thirds aren’t able to pay for transport or the costs of a vehicle.

To combat student poverty, the Green Party has made a number of proposals, including raising student allowances and making them universal, making public transport free for tertiary students, improving the accessibility and capacity of student mental health services, and progressing the Rental

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Iceland have some of the lowest rates of student poverty internationally due to price restrictions and cost subsidies granted for those studying.

“There are a range of countries, particularly in Europe, that provide free education and people don’t have to take on debt in order to get their qualifications. Those countries realise and recognise that education is a public good, and that in turn is reflected in productivity statistics from those countries,” says Chlöe Swarbrick.

“Every time you walk into a building or walk across a bridge and it doesn’t collapse, you’re benefiting from somebody’s education. Anytime you interact with any piece of technology, you are benefiting from someone else’s education. It really all boils down to whether we want to prioritize that education and that social

1 AUGUST 2022

MASSIVE NEWS

advancement and the opportunity for everybody to thrive, or whether we want to keep gatekeeping it.”

On the topic of implementing more strategies in New Zealand to eliminate student poverty, Chlöe Swarbrick says, “the Greens would love to do it overnight. These are things that we have been campaigning for, for a really long time. The barrier of course is Labour and obviously National who aren’t so keen on doing them.”

“So many of our students aren’t realising that our politicians are accountable for them in the same way that our politicians are accountable for the loudest voices in the room, such as the landlords and the business owners.

What it all boils down to is that we can do it all tomorrow if we wanted to, the only barrier is political willpower.”

Any students that would like to stand for this change and be a part of the

hand that digs our collective body out of poverty, there are a number of things that you can do. Firstly, it is important to gain an understanding of the politics happening around us.

Everyday members of parliament make decisions that go on to affect the future of our entire country. By recognising these decisions and responding to them, we can help force the hand of those that hold the vote in parliament.

The next steps include getting involved in a student association.

“Research shows that far fewer students than we would hope are involved in their student associations, which prompts a range of other systemic and long-term issues around how students don’t have that kind of representation that is sustainable and long-term. Our student associations are constantly having to relearn how to do their jobs every single year with new executives and do not have that ability to have that long term planning and

funding,” says Chlöe Swarbrick.

“Students have to get political, and have to realize their power. There are nearly 400,000 students in this country who make up around 6% of the population which is a huge voting block. When you consider the communities and the neighborhoods and the towns and cities and regions that students come from, and their families and all the rest who they are all connected to, well that’s a massive opportunity to push for a change and transformation.”

“It is all political and it is not going to change unless students realise their power. A part of this research process was to empower students by letting them know that they are not alone, and to encourage them to look around their lecture theatre and realise the power in that room.”

Tukua mai ō whakaaro mō te tāone ki tua Have your say on the future of the city The Proposed District Plan deals with some of the City’s key issues like enabling housing and protecting our natural environment.

Have your say at wcc.nz/pdp Submissions close 12 September 2022

1 AUGUST 2022

MASSIVE NEWS

Covid-19 is still a thing, but at least its trending downwards Massive Reporter

Finally, some good news, Covid-19 case rates are trending downwards across all regions of New Zealand, as health officials say the “worst case scenario” previously modelled is now unlikely to unfold.

Director-General of Health, Dr Ashley Bloomfield gave the update on the state of the country’s Covid-19 outbreak at a press conference on Wednesday afternoon.

The decrease in Covid-19 cases was also being seen in wastewater results and test positivity rates in people being admitted to hospital in the week to July 24.

Bloomfield also highlighted some preliminary analysis of Covid19-attributed deaths, showing “convincingly” how getting boosted was “one of the most important things you can do to reduce your risk of death”.

People who had not received two doses of Covid-19 vaccine were six times more likely to die if they caught Covid-19 than someone who’d had at least one booster dose, when adjusted for all other factors.

For people under 60, that risk was even higher – more than 13 times greater for those who were unvaccinated or had less than two doses, compared with someone who was boosted.

Officials estimated half of all Covidattributed deaths of people aged 20-60 could have been avoided if all of those people had been boosted.

8 • Karere

As we’ve come accustomed to, with all good news, comes the bad news.

On Friday, the beloved Dr Ashley Bloomfield will be stepping down as the Director-General of Health.

Meaning kiwis will no longer be seeing the national icon on our television screens.

For many people, Bloomfield was the bright face of hope that pulled us through the lockdowns of 2020 and 2021. For his duties and selflessness, Massive would like to encourage all students reading to pour one out for Daddy Bloomfield. You will be missed king x

Artist Spotlight:

e s a Ch Woods /h er ) M ia Fa iu m u (s he

Im ag es : Ja im e Le

10 • Aronui

it h

Chase Woods, a young emerging artist from Palmerston North, is someone that should be in everybody’s sightline right now.

With an upcoming EP release on the horizon, Chase’s music takes you on an auto-biographical journey of a young boy’s life growing up amongst hardships in Palmerston North. His music masters the duality between singing and rapping through a unique blend of exciting, homegrown sounds. It is the harmonisation of these skills that provides a fresh and innovative sound for listeners and the Aotearoa music scene, pulling together a diverse portfolio of music that draws from his own experiences, while still finding strong influences from different sounds.

The upcoming EP, titled Terrace End Tapes, should be perceived as a collection of stories that take you on a journey depicting the life of Chase Woods from start to finish. Similar to indulging in your favourite Netflix series, each track will plummet you further into the depths of Chase’s life, allowing you to unpack more about the inner workings of the young artist.

Chase grew up with his older brother Tahu and his dad in what he describes to me as similar to a flatting experience. There were rules, although Chase notes they were very loose, meaning the boys had pretty much free reign of their teenage years.

There were often times when the family had no power, or no hot water, or the boys were chased by police dogs down the streets of Palmerston North.

Although through Chase’s charisma and humour, he effortlessly shines a celebratory lens on his past and implores listeners to seek out positivity in any situation.

The single, Silent Nights, as well as the wider EP, reflects a turbulent upbringing in Palmerston North that connects to wide ranging audiences across Aotearoa who have experienced similar hardships or are familiar with the small-town experience.

Many can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape the small town they were raised in. This was true for Chase, who acknowledges the feelings of resentment he held towards his hometown.

“I’ve always kind of seen Palmy as my Achilles heel,” he tells me.

“I hated coming back here.”

“I told myself I was never going to get inspiration from this place,” he explains.

Silent Nights, as well as Terrace End Tapes, tries to navigate these feelings by shining light onto what may be seen as negative experiences and exemplifies an ability to remain positive in the face of adversity.

Chase has been able to hone into his own experiences as a young Māori boy growing up in Palmy and use his music as a way to tell his personal story. Allowing himself to view his hometown, and his upbringing more generally, through a positive lens has opened up a doorway to his new music and lyricism that drops you into the memories, past and present, of Chase Woods.

“Silent Nights is about celebrating the struggles and putting it into a more celebratory light rather than talking down on it,” explains Chase.

With an undeniable sense of assuredness about him, Chase also matches this with a sense of humbleness 11 • Aronui

that brushes away these often-heavy stories with a causal sense of humour. He laughs while telling me the different meanings behind the lyrics, and the further scenes in his new music video.

“It’s funny because whenever me and Tahu talk about it, it’s not in a bad way,” he says.

“They’re really just good memories and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

As Silent Nights is the first instalment of the upcoming EP, this is our first proper look into Chase Woods and the story behind his music.

The Silent Nights music video, directed and shot by friends Joshua Crosland and Nathan Blundell, assisted by Jamie Leith and Willson Kim, takes us back to Chase’s childhood in Palmy.

The music video opens by seeing Chase’s nephew play his younger self, biking through the tree-laden streets of Palmerston North and visiting his local childhood dairy.

This gives the video its warm nostalgic feeling, and adds a deeper narrative by connecting the music to the locations from Chase’s life that are reflected in his song writing.

The dairy scene speaks to the integral landmark that the Palmerston North Rangiora Dairy was for Chase and his whānau. Chase tells me the owners, Jase and Tina, knew them fondly and gave the family a tab that was paid, or not paid, at the end of each month.

Chase also describes the candlelight scene, explaining it was based on a real experience of coming home from a tangi in Taranaki to no power.

While away at the tangi, Chase says they had a memorable week of treating themselves – buying takeaways along with feeds of hangi and boil-up at the marae. He remembers a slight questioning look shared between Tahu and himself at the shop, but too focused on the extra lollies their dad said yes to, they pushed their inquisitive thoughts to the back of their minds.

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As they arrived home from the marae, Chase and Tahu attempted to watch TV but became quickly aware that nothing would turn on. Chase laughs as he tells me he now knows where the extra money for the treats came from.

That wasn’t the only time Chase’s whānau experienced having no power. Chase says his dad had an eclectic candleholder collection scattered across their family home for this very reason.

“All the scenes in the video are real life scenes that we all went through,” explains Chase.

Each song tells a story of a time or place in Chase’s life. Each song is unique and truthful, making effort to focus on celebrating every moment.

He explains that the EP is like a Netflix series, coming out in installations or episodes.

“They all have different settings and scenes, and there’s a place in Palmy that that song relates to,” Chase tells me.

“That’s what I think the cool thing about it is. You have to wait and at the end you see why I am how I am and also how I grew up… which is how a lot of kids grow up, especially in my generation around Palmy.”

It is also evident that Chase’s music is supported by a hard-working team of multi-faceted, talented creatives and friends wanting to see him succeed.

A major hope for Chase is that his music and the wider message of his songs are able reach audiences and young people who can relate and see themselves within the work he puts out.

Role models have the ability to serve as prophecies for kids to imagine who they could potentially become. This is especially important for kids experiencing hardship, in which seeing themselves being articulated and represented across music and the arts can be incredibly meaningful.

This is important for Chase, who acknowledges that many kids in Aotearoa grow up just like he did.

“It’s not special. It’s just how it was,” he says. “I don’t talk about it to flex on how hard my life was and that’s why I try not to dwell on it.”

Young kids therefore are a pivotal audience for the upcoming Terrace End Tapes, who may be able to find themselves reflected within the music.

“Hopefully they relate to it,” Chase tells me.

“That’s a big thing.”

“I want kids to hear it. It’s for kids who think they’re struggling and think that there’s no way out.”

“That’s my dream and that’s the hope for the music – for someone else to just relate to it.”

Through extending an invitation to look deeper into his own life, listeners will hopefully find these connections to their own lived experience within Chase’s music.

“Each song talks about a time in my life from start to finish,” explains Chase.

“They can expect to know a lot about me afterwards and know that everything I’m saying in there is experience that I’ve lived or been through.”

13 • Aronui

It is therefore clear that this team and their friendships mean a lot to Chase and contributes heavily to the quality of his work.

“If I ever dog the boys, I’d quit music,” Chase tells me outright.

“I don’t ever want that connection to go away – it’s too valuable to me. I couldn’t do any of this without them.”

Passion, drive and determination is what makes a good team and that’s exactly what Chase has in his corner.

It’s apparent that these boys share broad creative talents, and all want to see each other succeed in their respective domains. It’s a relationship that is far and few in a world where people tend to focus on individual gain and competition.

The whole team works together to build each other up and collectively see each other succeed. Chase says this has been essential for him and sees this as the way friendships should be.

“I couldn’t just have friends that just want to do the same thing,” says Chase. “They push me to be a better man.”

It’s pretty clear that we can only expect bigger and better things to come from Chase and the wider team as they continue to explore more facets of Chase’s musical identity.

When asked what lies in the future for the rest of 2022, Chase says hopefully a lot more performing, and learning will come from this year.

The team, consisting of producer/videographer Joshua Crosland, photographer Jamie Leith, videographer/ manager Nathan Blundell, and marketing lead/manager Willson Kim, are essential to the production of everything Chase Woods. He describes the team as a dream come true.

“I don’t think I’ve quite found my sound yet,” he says. “A lot of the stuff I’m doing now is just putting out feelers.”

“I think I know what I want to talk about. I know me, my personality and who I am now.

It’s just trying to figure out how to communicate that across and make it different to what’s out there.”

“I can’t even put into words how much I appreciate them. It’s ridiculous to think about what we started around this time last year.”

He acknowledges the importance of finding people that share a genuine passion and drive for the music and the wider work that goes into being an artist. While these boys are all close friends, they all share a deep passion for the arts and are creative in their own right which fuels the greatness of the work they create.

Readers and listeners alike can therefore be excited to see what comes from the emerging young artist and prepare themselves for the upcoming release of Silent Nights and the wider EP, Terrace End Tapes.

“You can’t force people to do things,” explains Chase.

“You might be passionate about the music but if you’re not passionate about taking photos or videoing then it’s not going to work and it’s not fair for me to put pressure onto people.”

oming out c s t h ig N Silent 2022. t s u g u A y earl

14 • Aronui

Mason Tangatatai (he/him)

Illustrated by Kimi Moana (she/her)

Singing shows best to worst

(but they’re all kinda shit)

I have a love-hate relationship with singing shows. While I’m fully aware they’re another trashy reality TV show disguised by talented, hopeful individuals, singing shows have continued to hold tight grip over my teenage and young-adult years. I can date back my misguided infatuation to 2009, when Stan Walker was crowned the winner of Australian Idol’s final season. Little did I know, but this moment would mold my future - for the worse.

In the early days of the singing show genre, the concept was fairly simple: judges listened to people sing, and gave them feedback. This ranged from universal praise to the scathing criticisms made famous by Simon Cowell, the Gordon Ramsey of this particular realm. Thanks to the resounding success of American Idol, we were eventually subjected to various iterations of this formula, whether it involved a

panel that couldn’t see who was singing until they pressed a button to turn their magic throne around, or having celebrities dressed up in costumes while belting out tunes and letting less famous celebrities try to guess the identity of the vocalist in disguise.

I’ve spent years trying to figure out why I, and the general public, have such a fascination with watching people sing. And while this question remains unsolved, I’ve instead refocused my attention to dissecting where each show fits on the ladder of entertainment. Many of these atrocities have quickly come and gone over the years but plenty of them are still going strong, and as a result, I decided to rank the biggest ones that remain from best to worst.

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1. The Voice The premise of The Voice essentially boils down to the belief that ugly people shouldn’t be allowed to be famous singers. Yes, this may be true in an industry of aesthetics, The Voice gives the average joe a chance to perform without the weight of societal pressures….

But, once the chairs have been turned, and the rest of the competition unfolds, contestants are once again placed back into the blender of societal standards. Therefore, the show sadly loses steam and becomes another version of American Idol. The rest of the season frankly sucks, there’s little innovation season to season, and the performances never seem to match the breathtaking auditions.

Now, you may be surprised to see The Voice take top spot on this list after my scathing criticism, but for me it was a no brainer. The Voice auditions are the pinnacle of ALL reality TV. I’ve watched THOUSANDS of hours of Voice auditions. Not just the U.S version either.

France, Mongolia, Netherlands, Australia, Brazil and many many more. Each country has its designated YouTube channel full with hundreds of auditions. Nothing can match the excitement of binging an entire season’s audition, waiting to find the next big thing.

Plus, it's always fun seeing the judges' disappointment when they turn around and the contestant is ugly.

2. American Idol As I mentioned, we largely have American Idol to blame for all of this, as it’s managed to pump out 20 seasons since the first episode aired in 2002 and launched the career of Kelly Clarkson.

Sadly, it has also resulted in a myriad of scandals, and slowly the focus of the show has shifted from the intended singing, to the back-stage drama, tacky judges and soppy backstories.

To its credit, American Idol has produced a few winners who eventually became bonafide sensations. While it appeared it has lost its magic after being canceled by Fox decided to let it die in 2016 only for ABC to resurrect it in 2018 as a shell of its former sell. It might’ve been a no for me, dawg, but in the end, it’s much more of a “yes” than the rest of the shows to follow.

3. Got Talent Got Talent is more than just a singing competition and I initially debated whether or not it should qualify for this list in the first place, as you have to be kind of a moron to think that being able to sing can compete with magicians, jugglers, or a guy who swallows and then regurgitates everything from light bulbs to goldfish to billiard balls.

While Got talent has proven to be crackup at the best of times, it does tend to lack actual talent in the singing department. Most serious(ish) singers tend to choose the more conventional titles to show off their vocals, and Got Talent is left with outrageous sob-stories, and 500+ child singers.

I also don’t like Howie. Fuck Howie.

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4. The Masked Singer The Masked Singer is an international import from South Korea that asks a simple question: what happens when you take some semi-famous people, dress them up in costumes, and have them anonymously show off their vocal pipes in front of a panel of less famous people?

If you answered “Some garbage television,” you absolutely nailed it!

Although the singing is trash, I still find myself watching the occasional performance when it crosses my Tiktok for you page.

This is yet another show that baffles me, as I can’t fathom why people would devote time to watching an entire season speculating if a guy in an egg suit is Justin Bieber only to discover it was Nick Lachey the entire time.

That’s truly electrifying television if I’ve ever seen it.

5. Lip-sync Battle Now, this may be a slightly controversial pick, as Lip Sync Battle has many of the elements of a traditional singing competition without any of the, you know, singing.

Lip Sync Battle is basically a TikTok video with a production budget that seems impossible to justify. For some reason, society has reached a point where having the ability to pretend to sing is considered a talent even though there are plenty of others that are arguably more difficult to master but don’t get nearly enough praise, like: • • • • • • • •

Shadow Puppets Ventriloquism Stamp Collecting Regular Puppets That “Invisible Box Trick” That Mimes Do Knot-Tying Air Guitaring Impressionists

There are plenty of others I could add to that list but I think it’s a pretty solid collection.

6. Any New Zealand spin-off In dead last, and rightfully so, is any New Zealand version of mainstream singing shows. Not very patriotic of me, I know, but it’s a fact that Aotearoa does not do talent TV well. Each show is a tacky shell of its richer country counterparts. We’ve had a few memorable moments. You might remember in 2015 Willy Moon and Natalia Kills outburst at contestant Joe Irvine, for appearing to rip off Moon’s image.

Kills accused Irvine of copying her husband "from the hair to the suit", and said he was a "laughing stock" and made her "sick". The couple was promptly sacked from the show and memed by viewers across the globe.

Other than seething snippets of drama, and the legend Beau Monga, New Zealand singing shows haven’t produced more than a few garage singers, and cringe moments. If I wanted to listen to aunties singing, I would simply go to a whānau piss-up.

Kudos for trying Aotearoa, let's stick to our strengths, like rugby and Shortland Street.

17 • Aronui

Tiktok taking over Lily Petrovich (she/they)

Illustrated by @geegebee

When Tik Tok first came out as Music.ly in 2014, no one was prepared for the influence the app would have on the music industry. But here we are, eight years later with Tik Tok having the utmost pull on what music is going viral. This of course has been great for smaller artists, who are able to blow up with little to no platform.

Traditionally, signing with a record label was a given.

With the rise of the internet came the opportunity for music to be promoted to a wider audience, where the artist would create the music and the label would take care of the business and promotion. But, that has changed.

Before talking about Tik Tok itself, looking at the influence of the internet as a whole can help us to fully understand where Tik Tok’s rise has come from, and what factors have already changed the industry.

Seems like a basic story, the internet came around, we developed international connections where people could share their music from anywhere in the world.

Instead of paying for advertising in radio, magazines, posters or billboards, artists could share their music on social media. It worked; it brought us Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, Skrillex, The Weeknd, Arctic Monkeys, the list goes on.

Back then, and still largely now, the way music deals would work is that a record label would approach an artist and, in exchange for the full rights of any music released by them, the label would pay an advance and give them somewhere around 15% of the money earned from their music (i.e., Spotify streams).

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This advance typically can range from $50k-$350k, which sounds great as artists need money to live and invest in their music. The catch-22 is that this money, as an advance, is essentially a loan. Which yeah, if an artist absolutely blows up, the advance is something you can cover. But, (because there’s always a but), paying it back can be a struggle. Now is a good time to remember that artists were typically making only around 15% of profits from their music. This money would then go back to the very label which took the other 85%.

By this point we’re all pretty aware of the struggle's artists face with record labels, some examples of famous battles between label and artist would be Ke$ha and Taylor Swift. These musicians are only two of the many who have been taken for granted by labels set up to help them thrive, that have instead fallen prey to exploitation.

Things, however, have begun to change. Every time the internet has some new significant addition or development, things tend to speed up. We all saw the effects of Tik Tok’s quick video structure, from ‘microtrends’ lasting days, to the speed of virality, to what the app has done to any user's attention-span: everything is consumed at a rapid pace so much more quickly than pre-internet times where “trends” would last years.

Today, artists are blowing-up overnight. Someone can release a snippet of an audio and if people like it, they will listen. Unlike on any other music app, where we see how many views/listens an artist has, generally with Tik Tok music unless you look for it, you don’t see how popular an audio is, we aren’t biased against small artists because we don’t really know where the clips of music are coming from. Short snippets mean we get to listen to the catchy bits, but not like a radio where you’re stuck listening to songs you’ve never heard of. Instead, the song grows on us slowly, until we go outside the app to listen.

Labels are now getting into ‘bidding wars’, fighting to get artists just as they are blowing up. This means artists are getting better deals such as partnerships offering a 50/50 split, or record labels switching exclusive rights to artists' work, to a licence lasting 1215 years. This is a significant change, and certainly a shift for the better, but is it enough?

Many artists still don’t think it’s good enough, and there have been growing movements of ‘bedroom pop’ and independently released music. The thing that holds more artists back are the crazy deals that these labels have with our good friend, Spotify.

Spotify has a ridiculous influence on music today which is a whole other rabbit-hole but overall, the algorithm dictates who is promoted, from personal ‘discover weekly’ playlists, public playlists with thousands of followers, ads for those with Spotify Free, and constant recommendations. It is important to consider the fact that Spotify was designed for record labels, which means working with it as a solo artist definitely adds some difficulties.

The music industry is in a shambles. Whether these deals are an absolute rip-off is up to the individual.

While giving artists the chance to focus on their art itself, labels can also throw artists into an endless cycle of working and producing until burning out. It’s a very tricky thing; seeing how much attention we pay to music, we should also start to focus on how these labels work and how they treat the artists we idolise so heavily.

Putting music on Tik Tok works for new artists, and it works really well. Olivia Rodrigo and PinkPantheress are two of the biggest examples of artists whose fame began at Tik Tok, but there are so many others.

Today, independent artists hold a noticeable share of the music industry. While record labels still hold the large majority, it doesn’t change that competition is growing. With unlimited access to potential artists, anyone can upload their music, which means more people are doing so. Audience attention however, isn’t without limits. Tik Tok blew up around the time when Covid-19 was holding back artists from touring, which was many artists' main revenue stream.

Essentially since 2020, record labels have grown a hunger for new and upcoming artists.

19 • Aronui

Kodak Gold 200 Dylan Frost - Sticky Fingers - Napier Janurary 2020

Spinning The Black Circle “Oh yeah well I have the The Smiths picture disc so eat my shorts” – every alt kid in high school ever.

Aiden Wilson (he/him)

Illustrated by Marie Bailey (she/her)

If you’re a regular to my articles, then I’m assuming you probably envision me as some snobby musician type who’s really into vinyl “cause it just sounds better.”

AND YOU’D BE GOD-DIDDLY-DAMN RIGHT! No medium has changed formats over the decades as quickly or drastically as music. I guess you could argue film, but for the sake of this we’re gonna ignore it, kay?

Vinyl, 8-Track, cassette, CD and of course our beloved digital streaming services. In less than one hundred years we went from the most popular format being a rubber disc that would melt in the sun, to an application in a device that fits in our pocket.

And yet, we have regressed!

And why is that?

Why do so many of us have nostalgia for a format we were never around for?

Are we just alt losers who think we’re so deep and meaningful cause our copy of Ohms is on a gold vinyl disc? (My copy is on a gold disc, suck it.)

Do we TRULY believe that it sounds better?

Are we trying to evade the gaze of megacorps who wanna steal our data, know everything we are listening to at all hours and then shame us with their “spotify wrapped”, which reveals to you and your friends that maybe you like Korn a little tooooo much and at one point it was ironic but now you’re in too deep and can imitate the song Twist perfectly?

Within the last decade, the resurgence in vinyl and cassette has been astounding. CD has managed to stick round, never really dying out but never being the giant it once was, but vinyl has come back kicking and screaming.

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My first ever vinyl was a copy of Magical Mystery Tour by the Beatles. I’ll never forget the day I got it, starting my collection officially. You’d think it would be for sentimental reasons that I wouldn’t forget it, but it’s mostly that the night I first listened to it my mum made fun of my friends and I for the way we handled it. The idea of her son and his mates being so overly cautious and gentle with a vinyl record, something she grew up with, was hilarious. To her its just a vinyl, but to sixteen-year-old kids in 2016 it was a mystical artifact from before anyone had heard of a Spotify, iTunes or YouTube to MP3. Watching that archaic thing spin right round baby right round, like a record baby, right round round round was… mesmerizing.

That first listen set a trend for myself, one that I’ve found hard to shake, that being handling my records with nothing but painfully gentle care.

Removal from the case, to setting down on the turntable, all the way back to putting it away, it’s all a grueling experience of trying not to touch anything that could scratch the disc or get any grubby fingerprints on the etchings. It’s almost ritualistic, and for that reason I do not listen to vinyl as often as I would like. Streaming services might lose the physical aspects of music, but they also lose the whole experience of setting up an album. Good cause it means no spooky scary “will I damage my record from using it this one time”, bad cause no dope packaging.

What I’m trying to get at is this: vinyl is fun but if you scratch that thing then that’s forty to eighty bucks down the drain right then and there. As a student who is very much a material gorl, collecting physical media is something I thoroughly enjoy, and knowing that one misplaced fingerprint or accidental dropping of a slipcase could destroy a record gives me so much anxiety that vinyl has become a purely collectors medium rather than a listening one for me.

Look at me perpetuating the vinyl snob stereotype out here, Mr “I only collect it”.

But to be honest, in the age of streaming why would we listen to anything other than Spotify? The only reasons I can think of are sound quality and novelty of having to do a side change. But, once again to be honest does it really sound better? We (people who listen to vinyl) all claim that it does, but are we just saying that as a superiority thing or does it genuinely sound better?

Pure convenience in cost and timesaving is starting to leave physical music by the wayside. What’s the point in going to a store and buying an album, or shipping it to your home when you could simply load up a music app and stream it directly to a speaker? Long as your internet is stable, that’s uninterrupted music at the push of a button.

And for only a few bucks a month you can download what you listen to, having hundreds of albums at your fingertips for the price of a pie and coke, as opposed to a single disc with an hour of music spanning a flip from A to B. But I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – vinyl is an experience that you can’t get with digital downloads and streaming! There’s so much novelty in the amount of care, the absolute wankery of getting a disc out like a snobby artiste type, dropping a needle down onto it and then prattling off about how “superior the quality is”.

In conclusion, vinyl and basically any physical music media turns us listeners into pretentious hipsters.

And the day Spotify gains the ability to do that, I’ll cook and eat my original pressing of Plastic Surgery Disasters by Dead Kennedys, with The Wall by Pink Floyd for dessert.

23 • Aronui

AGES AND STAG STAGES

How music changes with us.

Elena McIntrye-Reet (she/her)

24 • Aronui

Similar to rugby or football club loyalty, some people will die on the hill that their favourite band is the best band of all time, or that they're a true original fan, or that Nickelback is actually worth listening to. The days of tumblr and the rise of social media mean that a lot of peoples identity changes with their music taste. For example, the pipeline of directioner to Harry Styles Stan is one that should be studied for years to come.

As soon as I got my first iPod shuffle I was loading it up with all the songs that I used to listen to on CDs in my Dads car. I'd clip that little fucker to my school bag and listen to Kenny Rogers for my whole walk to school. When I got older and discovered the magical world of Limewire (which permanently damaged my Dad's computer), I got the chance to explore my music taste more and got really into Ke$ha.

The point is, music is a constant in a lot of our lives and you we tie phases in our lives to songs or artists, core memory type of shit.

The first thing to dive into, has to be the classic 'name five Nirvana songs if you're wearing a Nirvana t-shirt from JayJays. People got SO defensive about rock bands they probably barely listened to themselves, but for some reason you had to go through an interrogation to prove you were worthy of wearing a cheap t-shirt. People were obsessed with gate-keeping the music their parents listened to and it was so confusing. If you actually could name five songs, they'd claim you were a Bandwagon fan, you literally couldn't win!

It's worth noting, if you were a girl you had to work a lot harder to make yourself seem like a legitimate fan of anything. This just in: girls are ridiculed for their interests constantly.

This brings me to the next phase of life that's tied to music taste: The boyband/Justin Bieber era.

It was the best of times and the worst of times; the height of YouTube covers and when X Factor was in its hay day. I had a friend who had a legitimate life size poster of Justin Bieber on her wall. The poster had a lipstick mark on it and she swore it came like that, but I didn't believe her for a second. Many of us covered our walls in A4 cutouts from Crème and Girlfriend magazines. To be a fan of pop music meant dealing with constant ridicule about what 'real music' is. Hot take: if you have

fun listening to it and it makes you happy then it's probably real music. Having you own opinion on music isn't a bad thing, personally I think drum and bass is fucking awful and I know that's an opinion that will get RnV fanboys very upset.

The hate of pop music because it fun and light made no sense. My tomboy self was honestly more scared about coming out as a directioner than I was about liking girls, which is ridiculous.

When IPods became a thing of the past, and we couldn't use Itube to stream songs, Spotify was the saving grace. I'm a firm believer that if you want to know someone's heart and soul all you need to do is look at their Spotify playlists. The ability to curate different playlists depending on your mood and search up any song or artist whenever you want changed the way we interact with music. You get exposed to so many more artists and genres, so your music taste can properly develop on its own. I'm an absolute slut for a Discover Weekly, it feels like a little present just for me every Monday. Spotify has made our music tastes more diverse and kind of gives you a sense of community with your friends. Making someone a Spotify playlist is the most wholesome thing you can possibly do. Despite the can of worms streaming services open it terms of the treatment of artists - it also makes music a much more open experience.

I honestly don't even want to think about listening to Now That's What I Call Music CDs on my portable boombox, or using YouTube to MP3 downloaders. The absolute trauma of it all!

People sometimes look back at the music they used to enjoy and cringe, which I think is a habit that we as a society need to stop. There are exceptions to this rule of course, if you feel proud of being a Chris Brown fan then you should reconsider your life choices. Flip the switch and instead of feeling embarrassed you should think about all the memories you associate with specific phases of your music taste. For example, when I think about my One Direction phase, I think about my Belieber friend and how she absolutely stole her mums lipstick so she could kiss that life size poster.

25 • Aronui

A Musical Saga of Shaded Exes

Sammy Carter (she/her)

A revenge album, singing the record straight and rapping threats to beat up your exes' new man all in the past few months. Music artists sing about their life and experiences, but often they take it too far and expose people. Especially their exes. July saw Sabrina Carpenter’s comeback album addressing relationship drama between Joshua Basset and Olivia Rodrigo. The same month, Johnny Depp got revenge against ex-wife Amber Heard in new songs saying, "If I had a dime, it wouldn't reach your hand.” And earlier this year Kanye rapped threats to beat up Kim Kardashians new boyfriend, comedian Pete Davidson. But the angry ex is a trope we’ve all seen before.

Cry Me a River

Justin Timberlake (2002) After Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears’ Hollywood romance split, rumours spread that Spears cheated on the singer with choreographer Wade Robson. A heated phone call with Spears lead Timberlake into the studio enraged. The life like music video of the song, confirmed the rumours had to be true. In the video, Timberlake breaks into his ex-girlfriend's home, who looks and dresses a lot like Spears. In case we didn’t get the message, a shot flashes of Spears’ lookalike cuddling Robson’s lookalike, trucker hat and all. Timberlake even grabs a fairy statue that resembles Spears’ tattoo on her back.

So What Pink (2008)

Oh the memories of screaming this in the car with no idea what it was about. Pink sings, or rather shouts, about her marriage in this hit. She made references to her husband, motocross racer Carey Hart after they separated over rumored infidelity.

This was Pink’s first solo #1 on the billboard 100, so I guess you could say she’s got her rock moves so she don’t need him. Even so, the pair got back together and had baby willow in 2011.

Don't

Ed Sheeran (2014) Ed Sheeran let out his fiery red hair with this one. After confirming he was dating Ellie Golding in 2013, Ed Sheeran came out with this angry break up song the next year. He confirmed the song was about Ellie Golding and Niall Horan in a 2014 interview with The Sun, "I got over the anger the moment I wrote the song," he said. But later denied the song was about him the next year, bit sus.

26 • Aronui

Much Better Jonas Brothers (2009)

Before we get to the queen of dissing exes, Joe Jonas paid back his ex Taylor Swift after she dissed him on her album, ‘Fearless’. The song compares Swift to Joe Jonas’ new girlfriend at the time, Camilla Belle. The lyrics confirm its about Swift with reference to her hit song ‘Tears on my Guitar’. But of course Swift couldn’t let the song slide, making a comeback to their comeback with the song Better than Revenge’ in which she repeatedly used the lyric “So much better”. It just goes round in circles. Lots of other Disney stars throwed shade in songs around this time, like Miley Cyrus in ‘7 Things’ and Aly & AJ in ‘Flattery’. And they all dissed the Jonas Brothers!

Not to worry because the feud is all over now, with Swift even sending baby presents to Joe Jonas and his wife Sophie Turner.

Shout Out to My Ex Little Mix (2016)

With a list of songs that expose exes, I can’t miss the one that says it in the title!

Perrie Edwards and One Direction singer Zayn Malik were together for four years and engaged, before he broke things off in a single text message! Lyrics like, "Guess I should say thank you for the 'hate yous' and the tattoos" were obviously aimed at Malik as he had a tattoo of Edwards covered. The same year as their split, Malik went Instagram official with supermodel Gigi Hadid.

The girl group said the song was not meant to be a sad break up song but rather one to empower women. Edward said, "We just thought, ‘You know what? Women need to feel empowered.' Everybody needs to feel empowered after a breakup and we feel like this song can relate to everyone because everybody's had an ex."

Thank u, next Ariana Grande (2018)

Anyone else have this one repeat after their first break up? Ariana Grande hit new records with this self-love hit. It came after her whirlwind relationship with comedian Pete Davidson. The pair first announced their relationship in May 2018, engaged in June and broke everything off in mid-October. The relationship felt intense with matching tattoos, PDA and a song named after Davidson in Grande’s previous album. Awkward. Grande starts the song referencing four exes, Big Sean, Ricky Alvarez, Pete Davidson and Mac Miller.

Davidson addressed the song during a performance, he said. “Here’s the thing about the breakup song. Usually breakup songs you know who it’s about but you don’t really know. That G named all of us.” While Grande said she sent the song to her exes before she put it out, Davidson said, “That shit came out before I had to put on a fucking duck hat and be like, ‘derrrp here’s the pizza!’ So all my friends were there. It was a sad day. We didn’t know it was going to happen.”

27 • Aronui

28 • Rangitaki

Confessions of A...

Taylor Swift hater

When I saw that the music edition of Massive Magazine was quickly approaching, I knew this was my moment to shine. In all honesty, I can be a passionless person a lot of the time, there isn’t a whole lot that gets me riled up. But, one thing that I’ve always defended like my life depended on it, is that Taylor Swift is trash.

TayTay, Taylor, if you’re reading this, please take it personal. I think my resentment started way back in 2012 when I Knew You Were Trouble was released.

Taylor was at the peak of her influence, every advert featured one of her head-bopping jams, and every teenage girl was fangirling to the max. And for some reason it ignited a burning flame within me.

I understand Taylor is technically one of the most successful artists of all time. With 11 Grammy’s it's hard to argue her influence has been mammoth.

But I think building a brand off being spiteful to past relationships is weird and immature.

Now, you might think that it’s immature of me to say she's trash, and by all means it is, but when Taylor Swift fans come all guns blazing, you have to fight fire with fire.

DISCLAIMER: Half way through writing this scathing piece, and after doing a bit of research about Taylor, I had a realisation. Below are my reconsidered thoughts.

I know what you’re thinking. But no, by no means am I now a fan.... But maybe I've realised that my vitriol is slightly displaced.

In an age of piece-of-shit celebrities, maybe Taylor isn’t the worst. In fact using lived experiences to fuel songs is kind of the cornerstone of song writing.

I guess I've completely ruined my initial argument.

But, if there are any fellow Taylor Swift haters reading, it’s time to take a look in the mirror.

Especially if you’re a man. I feel like men hate Taylor out of pure misogyny, and that’s not on.

Taylor, I’m sorry, please forgive me, and don’t write a song about me x

Confessions of a is an anonymous column tha looks o t unearth viewpoints from unique individuals ta Massey Univesr it.y Each e w ek e w wil gie v the spotlitgh o t someone new, so If o y u think o y e u’v got an intee r sting story o t e t l, please get in o t uch with diE o t r@ massivemagzine.org.nz 30 • Rangitaki

SEXCAPADES

Cube Conundrums Fucking a fresher is probably the most shameful thing I've done in my lifetime. You may think I’m being dramatic, but doing this disgusting deed wasn’t just a gross action, but it also unveiled the down-bad headspace I’ve been in this year.

Let's paint the picture for you. I’m a fourth year student at Massey. On top of that, I started Uni when I was 20 years old. Meaning I am 24 on the verge of 25.

Twenty-fucking-five. The boy I willingly fucked hasn’t even voted in his first election.

Anyways, I think the story of how this happened is quite funny, not for me, but hopefully for all the sexcapade readers out there.

So, I’m a DeliverEasy driver on the side, it supports the studies. I picked up an order from Gorilla Burger and saw the location I was headed towards The infamous Cube. Just my luck having to deal with freshers. Anyway, I get to my destination and am greeted at the door by this handsome well-mannered boy, lets call him Josh. Josh was cute, I was having problems getting my bike stand down so he rushed over to help. Once I was off my bike I took my helmet off, as soon as he saw my face he reacted surprisingly. He had this look of endearment, it was a lovely feeling. We chit chatted back and forth a little bit, before I was about to leave, he asked if he could have my number. I said yes, probably due to the small

ounce of courtesy he approached me with (most any dude has graced me with in years).

Fast-forward two weeks from the fateful day we met.

It’s 2:30 in the morning, I’ve just gotten home from a wine and cheese night with the girls. I'm a little bit tipsy, but nothing out of the ordinary. I suddenly receive a call from an unmarked number. I pick up and after a few mumbled sentences I realise it's the Cube boy, Josh. He asks If I want to come over to “watch a movie”, I laugh down the phone and tell him nice try. This is where my dignity flew out the window.

Against every moral fiber in my body, I for some reason text him asking his address. Next minute I’m in his room about to embark on a first for me.

As expected, he sucks at sex. I have to show him where the hole is, how fast to go, not to pull on my hair like it's a fucking tug-of-war competition. He finishes, I don’t. Suddenly I start bursting out in tears at the atrocity I just took part in. Instead of consoling me, he shows his age by telling me that he doesn’t want any emotions attached, and that he couldn’t have a girlfriend at the moment. Classic boy behaviour.

Maybe this isn’t a “funny” story, but it is a sign to IGNORE the fresher in your DM’s. Actually, just stay away from the Cube in general.

31 • Rangitaki

SOLICITED ADVICE

Solicited advice is a weekly column where an underqualified anonymous guru answers the questions you want answered.

This won’t include the stock-standard, sugar-coated advice you’re used to hearing – we’re talking about the truths that are REALLY on your mind.

What genre of music should I play at parties?

For starters, the Editor sent me this question and spelt parties as party's… #FIREMASONTANGATATAI2022 For real tho, any iconic song released between say 20082018. Anyone can enjoy a bit of Halo, Cooler than Me, Dance Wiv Me etc. Those are the best nights where you just let go and feel the most free… nothing to prove, just you and the night. A thousand possibilities and a million memories to be made. You don't make memories to wawawawa,drop, bum bum bum bum bum, but you do to Unwritten… you know.

Is it too late to learn an instrument?

No! Learning an instrument is so good for the mind, body and soul. The main prohibitor is time and cost but if you can do it, please do - don't be held back by age. Training your brain to do something new is so good for it. As for my mum, she's reading a brain book at the moment and will not shut up about it (shout out mumzie). I intend to militantly not only force my kids to learn instruments bass and trombone <3 but I will also make them get up to grade 8 in piano and clarinet (squid ward villain arc) when I retire from this column.

Best headphones?

Whatever u can afford. Bonus points if u don't plug them in and I just see a chord dangling into nothingness x

Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered? DM Massive Magazine on Instagram and look out for next week’s issue.

Also, follow us while you’re at it x 32 • Rangitaki

Te Reo and NZSL Words of the week Revitalising Te Reo Māori and NZSL is of paramount importance. Take a few minutes out of your dat to learn and memorise these words.

It’s the least we can do.

Puoro Music

Kita Guitar

Waiata Sing

33 • Rangitaki

Horoscopes Cap, you are typically the most hardworking and ambitious sign of them all, but don’t be afraid to take a step back and give yourself some time to chill out.

It’s all about work-life balance, baby!

Cancer

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Aries

You’re very empathetic, Aquarius, but try not to take on the weight of the world.

The news is always looking pretty grim, but make sure you give yourself some TLC as well as others.

Leo

‘The asteroid of commitment’, Juno, has entered your sign! What will it be, Pisces?

A new partner? A new job? A new #girlboss habit like attending all your lectures? Whatever it is, commit!!

Virgo

I know that everywhere you look it seems the world has gone to shit but try to remove yourself from the doom-scrolling pattern and make a real effort on finding the positives around you!

Libra

Communication is key for you this week, Taurus. Don’t let your stubbornness hold you back from having those important conversations. You’ll regret it if you don’t speak up!

Happy birthday season, Leo! A new moon in Leo has just arrived – so use this week to refresh and set some goals.

Manifestation works, baby! But, you know, keep it realistic.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: If you haven’t already, BUY A SEX TOY! I don’t care whether you have the best, most loving, partner ever – get yourself an SP2 or something!! Trust me on this one, Virgo.

Don’t get tunnel vision this week, Libra.

Whether that’s an assignment, a person, or a bit of hangxiety from the weekend: Make sure you don’t get too in your head.

Find ways to share your time.

Try not to take life too seriously, Scorpio!

The pressures of imminent adulthood are coming down hot, I know, but go ahead and buy a selfie stick! Get the animal shaped pasta! Have some fun!!

Scorpio

Taurus This week is all about being fun and flirty, Gem! If you ever wanted to start a casual fling with someone but were scared you would catch feelings – this is the time to do so without that fear! Get it!

Gemini

Try to catch up with old friends this week, Cancer! Seeing an old pal will help you feel calm in the face of whatever anxieties you may face. How about a happy hour drink?

We’ve got a Jupiter in retrograde, which means this is the perfect time for you to do some self-reflection and growth! I think now would be a good time to invest in a journal, Sag.

Sagittarius 34 • Rangitaki

MASSIVE_MAG MASSIVE

ODA T Y

MASSIVE

Send us snaps to get featured in next weeks edition

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A regular repeated pattern of sound (6) Most played instrument globally (6) Musician who was a shitty actor in yesterday (7) Between 160-180 BPM (3) What bands album is this issue's cover inspired by? (8) Bieber's first (4) No vocals (12) Who won best rap song at the 2022 Grammy's? (5) Whats is the highest singing group in a choir? (7) Rapper who is apart of the Minions soundtrack (4) 36 • Rangitaki

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13.

15.

16.

Dave wanted a slice of (6) How many 6's? (5) The E in EDM (10) Snare, ear (4) Released controversial te reo album in 2021 (5) Huge wooden xylophone (7) What genre led the rebellion of the 1970's (4,4) Lead vocalist of Drax Project (5) Host of American Idol (8) Coin operated music playing device (7) Beatle's drummer (5)

Get Lost

37 • Rangitaki

LAST WEEKS CROSSWORD ANSWERS ACROSS: 3 BOKCHOY, 8 MUNDANE, 1 SHARSIES, 12 LEO, 13 AKI, 14 VALORANT, 15 HOUSEWARMING, 16 PSEUDONYM, 18 BALE, 19 KID LAROI, 20 LESNAK DOWN: 1 JOHNSON, 2 SKITISH, 4 OUTLK, 5 SELTZER, 6 WHITAKERS, 7 WIKI, 9 ALOF, 10 HOMEGROWN, 17 UNDERDOG

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20 by 20 orthogonal maze

The target is to create as many words as possible from the letters within the Word Wheel.

Word Wheel

Sudoku

Presidents Column

Fiona & Lizzo

MAWSA

"What is your study music vibe? Do you listen to lofi, folk, white noise, classical? Just to test who reads the back, tell us at president@mawsa.org.nz and get a $20 food voucher to Countdown. First in first served, must be in Welly sorry!"

Sam

M@D

Music has always been special to me. I grew up in a household where I witnessed alcoholism and traumatic abuse. Music was my only escape. Hiding in my room and getting lost in the song lyrics was therapeutic and shaped the person I am today. Research shows these therapeutic properties are more than teenage emotions. Listening to music releases dopamine (the feel-good chemical) in the brain and evokes nostalgia.

In my spare time, I play guitar, harmonica and banjo and have performed as the frontman of several bands. I find music helps me to deal with stress in life including stress associated with study. I find it is a form of release and I encourage other students to at least give this a go when they are feeling overwhelmed.

38 • Rangitaki

39 • Rangitaki