Massive Magazine Wellington Issue 09 2020

Massive Issue 09

Wellington Reviews

Issue 08

The Reviews Issue

Albany

Sex

1

Managing Editor: Laura Macdonald editor@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3765 Designer: Harry Weise massive@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3765 Media Manager: Caitlin Barlow-Groome manager@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3763 Staff Writers: Dani Molloy (Albany) James Pocock (Manawatū) Tyler Hambleton (Wellington) Contributors: Tess Patrick, Connie Sellers, Annalise Chan Aryaman Vijay Parulkar, Tui Lou Christie, Sana Rehman Illustrators: Padraig Simpson, Alexandra Bishop, Casey Sheard Artist Feature: Sana Rehman Front Cover: Harry Weise Publisher: Massivemagazine.org.nz ISSN-2253-5918 (Print) ISSN-2253-5926 (Online). This publication is printed using environmentally friendly inks and paper, the paper which is FSC© certified and from responsible forests, is manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems.

Massive Magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

DISCLAIMER: The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive Magazine do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, Albany Students’ Association (ASA), Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA), Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA), Extramural Students’ Association, or the Massive editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive. Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@mawsa.org.nz. Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response from Massive, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz.

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

Contents 6-9

10-20

NEWS

FEATURES

Massive’s got the scoop on what’s happening on (and off) Massey campuses nationwide.

Front and centre, our features investigate and probe at the issues or topics of the moment. Have a gander.

21-25

26-29 OPINION

ARTIST FEATURES In each issue we shine the spotlight on a talented student and their portfolio.

It could be you in the next issue!

This is the spot for all creative writing, thought pieces and anything else that makes you cock your head.

30-40 REGULARS The classics– Climate Corner, Suffrage, Salivate, Eat, Pray, Fuck and the rest all live on these back pages. We understand if you skip straight to them.

This Massive Magazine subject to NZ Media Council procedures. A complaint must first be directed in writing, within one month of publication, to the Massive Magazine email address. If not satisfied with the response, the complaint may be referred to the Media Council P O Box 10-879, The Terrace, Wellington 6143.

Or use the online complaint form at www. mediacouncil.org.nz

The Reviews Issue

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Editorial

Make Budgeting Sexy 2020

I’ve always thought that people in their mid-twenties were rich and successful. I thought I’d be a house owner with a flash car parked outside and a ring on my finger. I’m nearly 24 and I still have to ask my mum to lend me $20 at the end of each fortnight because I’ve spent all my money on Uber Eats.

I’ve always been terrible with money, and it doesn’t help that as a society we think it’s taboo to discuss personal finances.

My version of budgeting for the last five years has been blowing most of my money on pay day, followed by keeping a vague track of my account balance in my head, followed by having a panic attack when I realise I only have $50 to stretch over the next week. I then have the audacity, every single pay cycle, to wonder where the fuck all my money has gone.

It’s only recently, after broaching the subject with a workmate, that I realised the best way to start budgeting is to go through your transaction history and figure out how much you’re spending on certain things. I have somehow been spending an average $300+ on food per WEEK. That’s really embarrassing to write, because I want people to think that as a 23-year-old working professional I have my personal finances in order, but that’s clearly not the case. And I think as a society we need to be more open with our peers about money. Ask each other for budgeting tips and cheap recipes; don’t shame someone for not going out because they’re trying to save money.

Obviously I’m not recommending that you compile a spreadsheet of all your friends’ hourly rates at their shitty part-time jobs - there are some things that people feel more comfortable keeping to themselves - but make budgeting a more appetising topic of conversation. Your mates probably have some savvy recommendations, and if they don’t then at least you can find relief in the fact that you’re not the only one who’s having money troubles.

–Laura Macdonald

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

THE 2020 GENERAL ELECTION AND REFERENDUMS

Enrol now to make voting quick and easy.

Enrol online at vote.nz with your NZ driver licence or passport or call 0800 36 76 56.

Enrol. Vote. Be heard.

News The F*cking News 20/7/2020 Massive Magazine

L to R; Dr. Steve Elers, Prof. Mark Henrickson and Dr. Julia de Bres. Credit: massey.ac.nz

National

LECTURER BEWILDERED; SOME FEEL BELITTLED James Pocock

E

Alongside the open letter, there have also been two opinion pieces from fellow staff published in response, one from a senior lecturer in Linguistics at Massey, Dr Julia de Bres and another by a professor of social work at Massey, Mark Hedrickson. De Bres’ piece is titled In the piece, titled “The bewildering “Gender diverse language is something to politics of gender pronouns”, Elers celebrate.”, while Hendrickson’s piece is expresses his confusion with the large titled “Pronouns are not so difficult”. Both catalogue of terms and pronouns explore some of the social, linguistic and for gender that he deemed to be historical contexts of gendered language unnecessary. This has now opened and pronouns as well as how the evolution a wide discussion of the constantly of language is naturally occurring and evolving nature of language and should be celebrated for its ability to both acceptance of diversity in the community. empower and promote inclusiveness.

In Massive Magazine’s last issue, MUSA president Stefan Biberstein wrote an open Hendrickson said that he thought Elers letter to Elers expressing disappointment was trying to be amusing, but it “didn’t in his comments. He states at the end, work”.

“We extend an invitation to join the MUSA executive and representatives “It doesn’t have to be as complicated as people want it to be.” of diverse peoples in further discussion arlier this month Steve Elers, a lecturer in the School of Communication at Massey, published an opinion piece in Stuff that has now provoked an impassioned response from both students and staff.

around this topic”.

He thought the sentiments expressed Elers himself has said that he has spoken in the article were “disappointing” and to Biberstein and is happy to accept his “extremely concerning” given the subjects invitation to have a discussion.

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

Elers taught at Massey.

“How can you have that kind of attitude as a teacher of intercultural communication?” he said.

“It’s a problem in English. Many other languages don’t have gendered pronouns,” he said, citing Chinese and other Asian languages as examples of languages that are largely gender neutral.

The Piki service is one of a few mental health services set to expand with the new government rollout. Credit: massey.ac.nz

National

NEW MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES GREAT NEWS FOR MASSEY STUDENTS

By James Pocock

M

assey University students will be among many across the country set to benefit from a $25 milliondollar Government expansion to frontline health services for tertiary students.

Massey students in Wellington may already be familiar with the Piki service, which is one of a few such mental health services set to expand with the new government rollout.

She says that one of the key successes of the Piki service in Wellington already has been the peer to peer support aspect, where trained students can act as mentors or support buddies to fellow young people who may suffer from social anxiety.

key factors that students found impacted negatively on their mental wellbeing.

“We all have a part to play, and universities have a part to play in the way they set and over test their students, because we know that has a really big impact on those people’s health.”

“This has provided community to Massey University Director Student students who might not have it, Services Amy Heise says they welcomed and in so doing that has combated the government announcement. feelings of isolation.”

The New Zealand Union of Students’ “Our Wellington campus Student Health Associations President Isabella LenihanShe says that one of the key lessons going and Counselling Service has participated Ikin says, “From November, tertiary forward for future development in the in a pilot programme Piki through 2020 so institutions will put forward a proposal youth mental health sector that has been Massey University is well placed and will to the government about how they should learnt from the success of Piki is that be actively engaging with the Ministry of have their particular services on their students need to be involved in the process. Health through their RFP process.” campus.”

“Unless students are at the table, the From this, she estimates that between services are not going to be the best place now and November, tertiary institutions to meet the particular needs of the student should be engaging with their students community.” and considering ways they could tailor services to meet the needs of their own She also believes that improvement can be had not just from the Government, but student cohort. also the tertiary institutions themselves.

She hopes the rollout will be fully in place at the beginning of 2021, but this is yet to NZUSA’s Kei Te Pai Report from 2018 found that the stress of study was one of the be specified.

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The majority of Massey’s student associations are adopting a Yes2020 stance. Credit: unsplash.

National

STUDENT ASSOCIATIONS RALLY IN SUPPORT OF YES 2020 CANNABIS REFERENDUM

By Tyler Hambleton

M

any student associations from Association is one of the associations who universities around the country supported NZUSA’s stance, said student are adopting a Yes2020 stance president Jacob Paterson. towards the cannabis referendum.

“At our last executive meeting a document This comes after the students’ associations was brought forward surrounding the who are members of NZUSA voted in referendum, and the recommendation favour of the national association to take from the national office was that we take a a Yes2020 stance.

Yes2020 stance, there was debate between NZUSA’s spokesperson, Isabella Lenihan- the presidents from different student Ikin said,”There is a huge opportunity for associations on the decision of yes or no.” young people and students to engage in political conversation that for so long they have been excluded from.”

“NZUSA encouraged us to vote for a yes stance, the decision wasn’t unanimous but it was a majority vote yes.”

“We have this issue around cannabis, that I think every young person or every student has a personal connection with, whether MUSA, Palmerston North’s student it is our personal use with cannabis or our association, also took a Yes2020 stance at friends’ use of cannabis.” the start of the year, explained president She added, “We’ve all had friends who Stefan Bibstein. have been arrested or who have been put “MUSA believes in harm reduction, we in prison or have interacted in some way think it is far more important to educate with the justice system because of their and look after vulnerable people than it is use of or interacting with cannabis and to put them in jail,” he said. other drugs.”

ASA have decided not to take a stance and Massey at Wellington Students’ instead focus on educating and providing

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

resources on the referendum.

“We feel that because this isn’t a topic that everyone has even a majority of unity on, it is therefore not our place to take a particular stance,” said student president Dallin Niuelua.

“We feel our role in this is to be neutral and provide information and facts from all sides of this topic/debate to help make students make an educated vote.”

On September 19th 2020 New Zealanders will vote for or against the legalisation of cannabis.

The referendum will be held at the same time as the general election and official results will be released to the public on October the 9th.

MAWSA Events Coordinator Dani Watt modelling a Kiwi Wellness Club sweatshirt.

Credit: Dani Watt.

Wellington

MAWSA STAFF MEMBER DOING GREAT THINGS FOR MENTAL HEALTH

By James Pocock

M

AWSA Events Coordinator Dani Watt is looking forward to launching her clothing brand Kiwi Wellness Club this month in an effort to raise money for the Mental Health Foundation.

The idea for the brand was conceived after the Covid-19 lockdown, and from August 3rd sweaters and tote bags will be available for pre-order.

Watt says, “The realities surrounding Covid-19 have left Kiwis more vulnerable to depression, anxiety, and domestic violence due to job losses and isolation. I wanted to do something to help in an area Covid is having a huge effect on but hasn’t been talked about enough, mental health.”

She says that she has undertaken this project herself with help from designer and recent Massey graduate Stephanie Howard.

“It doesn’t have to be confrontational and scary, simply taking the time to ask someone, ‘How are you? Like how are you really?’ Just being there to listen and support can go a really long way.”

“The support from my partner and my friends has also really encouraged me to follow through with the idea and see it 100% of the profits from all sales will be come to fruition.” donated to the Mental Health Foundation.

She says that the Mental Health KWC sweaters will retail for $65 and the Foundation was the “obvious choice” tote bags $25, with worldwide shipping. to fundraise for. “The Mental Health Everything can be purchased from the Foundation is a charitable trust that lies webstore on the @kiwiwellnessclub close to my heart. They provide so many Instagram. incredible support services for New Zealanders and have a holistic approach to health which is something I strongly believe in.”

The brand is an ‘eco-friendly athleisure brand’ that provides 100% cotton garments made with sustainable waterbased ink.

“If the pandemic has taught us anything it’s that we rely on each other’s love and kindness to keep going. We’re not alone, each of us has played a collective part in “I’m always daydreaming about a bunch of looking out for each other and protecting different business ideas but am often too our community here in Aotearoa.” scared to actually put them into action so She adds that she is hoping that the it’s amazing that this one has become a campaign can encourage people to start a reality!” says Watt. conversation with one another.

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THE

ONLINE ORDEAL

Dani Molloy

Whether you were eating mashed potatoes in bed or hunched over your desk, everyone had a different experience with Massey’s online exams last semester. Dani Molloy investigates.

2020 has been a tumultuous year filled with unprecedented challenges.

Due to the lockdown, there were no on-site exams in Semester One. Instead, all exams were held as online examinations or were replaced with alternate assessments.

While online examinations could be the way forward – especially for Massey’s 12,000 distance students – the online examination period has received mixed responses from students and many have even found themselves missing the exam hall experience.

Massey psychology student Claudia felt there was less support than usual for her exams and found the instructions for how to complete her exams were unclear.

“We didn’t have much support and a lot of us were very confused so we set up a Facebook page. I definitely would have failed without it!”

She also added that she found getting into an exam mentality difficult while staying in student accommodation where, “the Wi-Fi is slow and there are distractions from others – like the apartment next to me!”

Fellow psychology student Paige agreed the online exams prevented her from feeling like she was in the proper exam headspace.

“I hated it!” she said. “It didn’t feel like I was sitting a proper exam so I didn’t have the same drive and motivation to study for it. Plus, knowing it was open book led to me studying less hard than I usually would to memorise everything.”

The Reviews Issue

“I think I just prefer traditional paper exams because that’s what I’m used to doing throughout my whole education,” she said.

“The whole environment of being in the exam room with other students and supervisors watching us makes it feel a lot more serious than sitting an exam on my laptop alone.”

Adriana, a second-year Massey business student, explained that while she liked doing online exams, she believed that they were “marked much harder this way”.

Madeleine, a first-year law and commerce student from the University of Otago was concerned about how much knowledge she had retained through the online assessments because this was her first encounter with tertiary exams.

“I feel like there was less pressure with online exams because ours were all open book,” she said. “Now I’m worried for future exams because I won’t know how to study hard for when I don’t have notes to fall back on.”

Another Otago law student, Joel, explained that he thinks universities “My friends and I all scored much lower than we usually do,” she said. “If are still “a wee bit away from having a that’s going to be the case in the future, reliable system that could work” when it comes to online exams.

I probably would prefer in-person “There’s too much to go wrong with exams.” online exams. I know many people Students from various other couldn’t access their exams or couldn’t universities across New Zealand have access Wi-Fi.” also backed these sentiments. Leon, a science student at the University of Auckland, agreed that online exams seemed harder than usual and the marking was harsher.

“I feel like it was poorly balanced,” he said. “Obviously, they need to make it harder and longer but it ended up taking ages. Plus, they seem to be marking quite harshly.”

Meanwhile, University of Canterbury psychology student, Caitlin, said she couldn’t get into the exam mindset without her pre-exam chats with peers.

“Having a pre-exam chat with other people in my class helped me get mentally prepared for the exam – I find comfort in being around other stressed people!” she laughed.

However, Joel added that he was able to employ a rather unique approach to stress relief during his online exams as he ate mashed potato in the middle of his exam – something that he “10/10 would recommend.”

The online exam period was an inventive solution to last semester’s challenges; however, most students seem eager to return to traditional examination methods and some even missed the overzealous invigilator that treats you like a criminal for forgetting to bring your water in a transparent bottle.

11

The Land of the

LONG

WHITE CLOUD

Tyler Hambleton

Darts. Durries. Vape Naysh.

Smoke connoisseur Tyler Hambleton reviews his favourite ways of sucking nicotine into his system.

In 2011 the New Zealand government decided on a major goal; to make the country and its people smoke free by the year of 2025.

Since this goal was first announced, New Zealanders who smoke have only really seen one thing on the surface level to stop them from smoking - price increases.

This price increase happens annually, fittingly on New Year’s Day. In the lead up to New Year’s the majority of smokers say they will kick the habit - come 3am they are still smoking, assuring everyone around them that come morning they will stop. This may be the case for some, but most continue to purchase cigarettes, despite the increase in prices. Others turn to more modern alternatives such as vaping, or the modern phenomenon known as social smoking.

I believe that the New Zealand government’s smoke free goal is mere wishful thinking hence the reason I am writing this today. I am going to review the world of all things that contain one of the world’s most popular drugs, nicotine.

I feel as if I am rather experienced in this world, although my first experience with tobacco was mixed with weed.

This is how I moved into being a full time smoker, as I would buy cigarettes to accompany my pipes and joints, at the age of 14. It was a long segue into smoking full-time but by the age of 16 I was smoking at least a pack a week and more if I was drinking on the weekends.

This continued into my later years and at 24 I am still a pretty social smoker, mainly whilst drinking or stressed. I have also adapted the same method as most 24 year old would-be quitters who cannot afford the mounting pressure of spending $30+ a day on 20 cigarettes, and bought a vape.

Firstly, I’ll review some cigarettes. I was lucky enough to start smoking at a young age, a pack of the good stuff - ‘Lucky Strikes’, with the slogan ‘It’s Toasted’ were only $13, who can complain about that? I remember cheating the dairy owner into letting me use my snapper bus card to buy them, naughty I know! Lucky Strikes are now a thing of the past, but I still remember their inherent toasted taste like yesterday. Since they were my first The Reviews Issue

love, I will rate them a solid 8/10, they only lose two points as they probably contributed to shortening my A-class life.

You can’t talk about cigarettes without mentioning the one brand that has always had a hegemonic rule over others, you could almost call them the designer brand of the nicotine industry.

You guessed it, Marlboro. The red and white delight. Marlboro is not just a tobacco brand, it is an institution, a fashion house and so much more.

When Emporium on Cuba Street was in its peak, it was decked from head to toe with Marlboro merch and every hipster from Wellington central to the Bluff was sporting a cap and smoking one of their packs.

When regarding all of Marlboro’s endeavours and their genius marketing over the many years I’ll rate them pretty highly. That’s a 9/10 as the tobacco industry is inherently fucked and so is any company that works within it.

Now, let’s talk about my favourite brand of cigarettes. Rothmans. Rothmans have always had my back since the move from Marlboro in late 2015, the price point was just too good to pass up on. I remember the day of soft packs before the country made the change to plain packaging.

I shifted from destroying my lungs with reds to blues after I got a cold and still wanted to smash a pack a day and I haven’t looked back since. The company, as mentioned before, retains a pretty reasonable price point when other brands go up, and they usually make a new alternative to their more expensive pack which just keeps me smoking them.

I’ll give Rothmans a solid 7/10 as sometimes they taste like shit but they do the job considering the price point.

I’m still searching for some merch though, which seems like a pretty elusive thing these days!

Don’t worry, yes I started smoking again but your boy still knows a thing or two about the vape nation!

My first real experience with vaping was while I was working at the infamous Club 121.

Multiple companies sent the club products for promotion purposes, we

all got a few free ones and proceeded to vape on the bar throughout the night.

The first company was HAIZ, they were sufficient enough but the pods often burnt out quickly. This meant you would be spending an arm and a leg on pods every weekend. I’ll give my first experience a rating of 6/10 as I quickly learnt that there were better brands out there.

The next brand that made an appearance in my life was also at the club. VYPE came in hot with their rather horrifically sized vapes that came with an array of weird flavours set to piss you off when they leaked into your mouth.

We tangoed together for a short period and I ended up giving seven of them away to others of the vape nation. VYPE had a weird presence and marketing strategy towards suits that frequented Lambton Quay more than anywhere else, so they receive a mere 3/10 for their products.

I finally found solace in the beautiful little square vape device which is Caliburn. Caliburn comes in two different shapes, either a long rectangle, or a little square. I have always opted for the little square, as it is easier to conceal and smoke in a club. If you want one, you can easily pick one up from most VAPO stores, or Cosmic also sells them at $50 a pop.

The pods cost $30 for four and last for more than a week, which makes them a lot more economical than conventional smoking. For creating such a popular vape, I’ll have to give Caliburn a solid 8/10, as sometimes the pods burn out quickly.

I’ll give you a couple more tips since I’ll probably never give up the world of nicotine and all things bad for your body. If you buy a vape from a dairy, you are missing out on a whole other world of quality. If you buy a vape from a store and the pods taste like shit, go back and ask for some new ones, they will usually understand and give you them for free.

Also, it is personal preference but take it easy on your nicotine content, you can start off small and build up if you need to. Enjoy it, but don’t over do it. As my mother always says, “You can’t burn the candle at both ends.”

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Barbie: Into the Barbieverse A short review by Tui Lou Christie As someone born in 2000, I LOVE the straight-to-DVD Barbie films. Barbie herself stars as an ‘actress,’ with themes like love, bravery, and friendship being the bastions of the BCU (Barbie Cinematic Universe). The early 2000’s was the best era of Barbie films by far. If you could get these suckers on VHS they had to be good. I knew other people out there must have grown up with them too, so I posed the question on my Instagram: Which is the most iconic Barbie film? The answers flooded in.

All six of these films were released between 2002 and 2006 and were within the first nine Barbie films released. There are 36 total, the latest being from 2017. This says a lot about the quality of these storylines, as it's definitely not the animation that makes these films so appealing. Consider this a guide for your future watchlists.

Barbie Swan Lake This was the most popular by a wide margin. The ballet-themed Barbie films have a WILD amount of talent poured into them. Not only was Barbie’s dancing modelled on a principal dancer from the New York Ballet, the whole soundtrack was performed by the London Symphony Orchestra. That’s a lot of big names for a movie with the graphics of a PS2 cutscene. This impressed me enough to make up for the lack of sense this film made. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it fully, but there is not a lot going on here beyond the dancing.

Rating: 6/10 disturbing forest children Barbie: The Princess and the Pauper The first Barbie musical in this list. This was the second most popular, partly due to the absolute banger “I Am A Girl Like You.” This movie has zero instances of women being stuck and needing rescue. Annalise is trapped by the goons in the woods and she straight outwits them. Erica is stuck in the jail cells and uses her fantastic voice to overcome the guard. This movie has everything you want: several counts of mistaken identity, an old man trying to marry a teenager (gross), an absurdly French horse, and two cats getting married. This should go back on your watch list.

Rating: 10/10 bad accents Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus Third most popular response. I thought this was going to be a horse girl movie but it’s actually the lesser used, but perhaps more important, ice skating girl movie. Well, there is a horse that is actually a girl, but that’s neither here nor there. The production team seemed to put a lot of effort into rendering the blacksmith Aidan, because he’s the only person that ever gets a close up in the whole film. They never go closer than a mid-shot for any other character, and he gets like five close-ups? I also never thought I would find a more punchable character than the Pak’n’save stickman, until I met Shiver the polar bear. Now I know Shiver seems like she’s Barbie’s friend, but don’t be fooled. She is the main antagonist, not Wenlock. Everything bad that happens in this film is because of that goddamn polar bear.

Rating: 5/10 wands of light Massive Magazine | Issue 09

Barbie: Fairytopia Mermaidia Mermaidia tied for fourth by numbers, but the sheer enthusiasm shown by respondents puts it in this spot. One person wrote: “Mermaidia hands down… the COLOURS… the whole turning into a mermaid sh*t… unbeatable.” This passion cannot be argued with. The first thing the Fairytopia series does is establish that fairies are beautiful and graceful and also racist. Elena spends the whole first movie of this trilogy getting her wings, so you understand why she’s so hesitant to give them up even to save Prince Nalu in Mermaidia. This film is fine, but the animation is confusing as always. They really said, “How do we make a dolphin wear a pearl necklace and not look stupid?” and then no one had an answer.

There’s also that turtle that looks like an old woman and a baby at the same time… it’s a whole thing.

Rating: 8/10 bottomless whirlpools Barbie as Rapunzel This one comes via special request from Massive’s editor Laura Macdonald, and naturally I jumped to include it. This film’s got magic paintbrushes and secret tunnels and dragons, so it’s a good choice if you’ve got little ones but just alright for grown-ups. It is a little hindered by the early animation, but I’ve actually grown to love the weird clunky look of these films. If I could ignore it as a kid, I can certainly ignore it now. The ferret Otto’s voice is just someone doing a poor impression of a very camp gay Norwegian man, which was definitely a choice.

There’s also a charming subplot about the sassy dragon sidekick seeking paternal approval, but all of this is missing the most important feature of the film: ANJELICA HUSTON PLAYS GOTHEL. And this fact alone brings the total rating up for me.

Rating: 7/10 timeless actresses Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses This is another ballet one, again with the New York Ballet, with themes by Felix Mendelssonn performed by the Czech Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra????

How did Mattel pull this off????? This is one of my personal favourites, and I was waiting for people to answer this because I was about to throw hands if it got snubbed. The opening scene with the silhouettes? Iconic. Derek the royal shoemaker? Handsome. The little girls who love collecting insects and naming them things like ‘Harold’? Delightful!!! This is the weird little girl representation I have always needed. The villains, Duchess Rowena and Brutus the monkey, are especially wonderful and hateable. There’s no chance of the classic “goons have a change of heart and become good,” because none of them have a shred of good in them. That monkey isn’t evil because he works for an evil mistress, he’s just genuinely an asshole. Fantastic.

Rating: 12/12 dancing princesses

The Reviews Issue

15

Massive–Iced Coffee Tasting Review

By Lactose Intolerant, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Depresso I enjoy sucking back a barista made coffee as much as the next frazzled student, but sometimes you have to make do with an iced coffee from the library vending machine at 9PM. We’ve reviewed a selection of vending machine, supermarket and petrol station bought iced coffee so that you don’t have to. Unfortunately we all had wildly different favourites because one was a trained barista and enjoys a long black with a side of coconut milk, one was a psycho that drinks 3-5 triple shot flat whites, and one was a fuckin’ simp that drinks mochas with marshmallows.

Puhoi Valley, Colombian Espresso 300ml, 135mg caffeine $3.50 (Countdown) Initial thoughts: “Ew it’s too rich.”

“Very thicc, probably a good thing that it comes in a 300ml bottle. Feels like it could be whipped very easily.”

“Exactly what you need when you’re dusty but if you wanted a caffeine hit, this is not for you.”

Tasting notes: Fake cream donut from an average bakery Rating: 6/10 Bowel movement prediction: Coming down the Ngauranga Gorge at 10PM - straight through.

Suntory Boss Coffee, Iced Long Black 237ml, 5 calories per can (Note: doesn’t list caffeine content) $4.00 (BP) Initial thoughts: “Smells like the sweet fermenting stink of silage, looks like wastewater.”

“Shit tastes like watered down Hennessey or another dark cognac, and not in a good way.”

“Almost as disappointing as my love life.”

Tasting notes: E. coli infected water.

Rating: 1/10 Bowel movement prediction: Would never drink that shit again so will be fine.

V, Iced Coffee 500ml, 154mg caffeine and 600mg guarana extract $4.00 (Countdown) Initial thoughts: “At 500ml this is a whole ass meal. Hands are starting to shake. Trying hard not to imagine this as a V drink mixed into instant coffee. You drink this for the energy, not the taste.”

“Tastes like V but I think I’m tripping from the previous five coffees.”

“Thought this was gonna taste like the jager bombs I have every weekend for some reason. Pleasantly surprised but quite sweet.”

Tasting notes: Creamy jungle juice for stressed students Rating: 7/10 Bowel movement prediction: Shitting through the eye of a needle/10 Massive Magazine | Issue 09

Minor Figures, Latte 200ml, doesn’t list caffeine content $4.30 (Countdown) Initial thoughts: “Sounds like a NASA spacecraft launching, 10/10 for special effects. Silky crema, sex appeal is high. Smells like chlorinated coffee, if that was a thing.”

“Unfortunately that first sip is very creamy and nutty, it once again lacks the coffee hit, which is something I desire in a caffeinated beverage.

“UPDATE, my inner white girl has come out and I have picked up the can and will probably finish it.”

“Opened with a bang. That’s what I cum for.”

Tasting notes: Caffeinated version of a one night stand with a popular boy; lures you in with the aesthetic and the hype but is bland and disappointing.

Rating: 4/10 Bowel movement prediction: The oat milk is likely to give you the runs, not the caffeine

Barista Bros, Double Espresso 500ml, 140mg caffeine $4.00 (Countdown) Initial thoughts: “This was my go-to at university and brings back memories of a lot of time dissociating on the toilet by the NZ section of the library.”

“Light on the coffee taste, pretty heavy on the milk.”

“Honestly, not incredibly strong caffeine wise, but definitely the best flavour and consistency. Would go in for round two.”

Tasting notes: Spicy chocolate milk Rating: 7/10 Bowel movement prediction: Through the fucking roof, just looking at the bottle gives me the shits

THE FINAL DECISION LI’s favourite beverage: Barista Bros Double Espresso. It’s large and creamy enough to replace as a meal when you’re pulling a late one at the library and Uber Eats is too expensive. Also gives you an excuse to take a study break every half an hour because you’ll be high-tailing it to the shitter. You drink this for the 140mg of caffeine that drags you through a 3,000 word essay, not the taste. The 10 teaspoons of sugar also gives you a hit that makes the mic drop ending.

D’s favourite beverage: Minor Figures Latte. I exert myself in every other aspect of my life including partying, drinking and socialising, working and more, so I try to eat and drink as healthily as I can to make myself feel better about the inherent pressure I am putting on my body on a daily basis. I also like the branding and if I was to design my own iced coffee brand I would probably do something very similar.

IBS’s favourite drink: Puhoi Valley Colombian Espresso. Sipped from the bottle so the other fuckers couldn’t have any more. Perks of COVID am I right?? After a few more gulps, it tastes like the sweet sugar filled iced coffee I need and love. It kinda feels like I am on the Whittakers ad, swimming in an iced coffee pond in the middle of a forest.

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17

Casual racism: The definitive review Aryaman Parulkar

This is from every person of colour that has been subject to yours or someone else’s casually racist comments. Do better.

“You’re really pretty for a *insert ethnicity* guy/girl” 8/10 Thank you so much for thinking you’ve given me a compliment when actually you’ve reinforced the idea that people of colour don’t meet the Western standards of beauty and that I am an outlier to the norm that you perceive.

You would of course be wrong about that and we will be filing you into “Swipe Left” quality people. We feel bad for you that you are so limited in your taste in people that you don’t see the beauty in every sort of person, irrespective of the amount of melanin their body produces.

“I don’t usually go for a *insert ethnicity* guy/girl” 7/10 No surprise there Jacob, seeing as the majority of your body count comprises of Caitlyn’s and Georgia’s. And now you find yourself in the novel situation of stepping “outside” your comfort zone, using this as an excuse to say really racist things around your friends and justify it because, “I slept with one before”. Keep in mind, the moment you say that ruins any chance of you getting into my pants; I have removed my dick and placed it back in my clutch.

POC that grew up in NZ: “Yea, I went back home for the break”. Casually racist person: “Oh you mean *insert where they think you’re from*” 8/10 This one is for my POC’s that have grown up in New Zealand: I’m from Auckland, Emma, and yes it was racist for you to assume that I’m from somewhere else. Regardless of whether or not you know I’ve grown up here or even born here, it is incredibly tiny-minded of you to infer that I was talking about whatever country you have (again) assumed I’m from. When you assume, you make an ass out of you and just you. Next time, if you really want to know where I went, ask the question, “And where is home for you?”

“You’re so exotic” 5/10 Mmmm yes daddy fetishize me more. I’m so glad that I can help you fulfil your spicy, oriental fantasy, because those are definitely the words you used to try and butter me up. I am extremely fascinating because I come from the country that gave you the number zero or the country that Marco Polo took from to give you spag bol. I am not, however, going to teach you the Kama Sutra so put your socks back on and leave.

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“Yea, but you’re not really *insert ethnicity*” 7/10 Oh, because I’ve had to assimilate to Kiwi culture because it can actually be dangerous if I didn’t? Yes, please praise me for having to adapt to your way of living to fit into a society that still thinks it’s okay to refer to people from China as chinks and complain about Indian people smelling like curry. I’ve had to act this way to get anywhere in this country, so it means so much when you praise me for suppressing my culture so that you feel more comfortable around me.

Speaking extra slowly around someone of colour 6/10 How considerate of you to match your talking speed with the speed of your brain.

Instead of convincing yourself that you’re being considerate for being inclusive, what you failed to realise is that I probably have a better vocabulary than you because I’ve had to learn to speak another language by living here.

*Introduces self* “Oh damn, do you have a nickname?”

No. I don’t. What I do have is a multi-syllable name that requires you to open your mouth just a little bit more than normal. And it is possible to say it without trying to justify imitating whatever accent you think fits my name. If you can pronounce Schwarzenegger or Cumberbatch without batting an eyelid, then you can make the effort to not belittle my literal being.

“Teach me swear words in your language” 5/10 Bold of you to assume that I can speak enough of my mother tongue to know the swear words. And even if I did, for you to only find value in expletives of a language that is thousands of years old for your own crude entertainment is just sick. Just so you can blurt them out to other people that speak the language for a giggle.

“But don’t all lives matter?” 10/10 Not until the ones that have been persecuted and discriminated against are given the same respect and importance as your privileged ass. Luckily for you, speaking from a position of power, you have not experienced any of the difficulties and obstacles that the rest of us have to face because we came looking for a “better life” in your society when instead we’ve been met with prejudice and apprehension.

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SANA REHMAN

“I'm just a trigger happy person who likes to look for the rawness of culture in different settings.�

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When I started taking pictures, I used to try to capture them without any people, without any sort of messiness. I liked clean lines and perfect colours but after seeing so much of the world (around 30 odd countries), I realised that the reflection of a place can only be truly captured when you include the stuff that isn't immediately aesthetically pleasing.

The raw-ness. The unadulterated culture.

The pictures you see are precisely that; I edit them to include how the place made me feel.

When I look at the final edit, it's almost as if I can feel the temperature of the place, breathe in all the smells. It's not just a picture to me, it's an entire journey in a frame.

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I’m moving out…well kind of Annalise Chan

I’m moving out…well kind of. About a month ago I decided I was ready to start flatting. Yesterday I moved into my new flat. But wait, there’s a twist.

As someone who has lived in the same house on the same street in the same city for all my life, you’d think I’d be desperate for a change of scenery by now. But the truth is, I’m really fond of the location of my family home and I can’t think of any other suburb I’d rather be residing in. With stunning views, a thriving village area and nostalgia at every turn, what’s not to love? Also Massey and my part time job are easily within walking distance.

I had no real means to leave home but at the same time, I felt like I’d reached that stage in my life where I was inclined to fly the nest. So then came a solution to my predicament. In order to still get a taste for independent living without sacrificing my ideal location, I moved into the house next door.

Yes, that’s right. I’ve moved out and my parents are my next door neighbours.

Moving out happens differently for everyone but I’d say my circumstances are a little stranger than most. Let’s be honest, you’ve heard of people flatting in the same city they grew up in but I bet you’ve never heard of someone flatting right next to their childhood home. It’s almost laughable how close I am to my parents without actually being under the same roof as them.

If you’re sitting here reading this

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and thinking how ridiculous this all sounds, I don’t blame you. But at the same time, is it really so irrational to live so close to the place I called home for 20 years? Let me just say, moving out all my personal belongings was a breeze. All it took were several trips on foot to uproot my entire room from one house to the next, and there’s no issue if I left anything behind because it’s so easy for me to go back and retrieve it. Another plus is that I know the neighbourhood like the back of my hand so I won’t be having to reorient myself with the area. My sense of direction is so bad, who knows how long that would have taken.

Although some may think the close proximity of my parents is a little contradictory, I don’t believe it will deter me from getting the full flatter’s experience. Regardless of my parents being one door over, I will still be paying bills, living with strangers and cooking my own meals just like everyone else. I’d even go as far to say I’m feeling the exact same emotions of any other person leaving home for the first time. It’s exciting and invigorating to know I’ll be living on my own but at the same time, I am worried about how I will cope financially, whether or not I’ll get along with my new flatmates and how I’ll be able to handle all the

basic chores and responsibilities while balancing my studies and job. It’s scary moving out and there’s still so much to do/think about now that I’ve moved in.

Power, gas, internet, bonds and tenancy agreements; these are all things I knew absolutely nothing about going into this and I doubt I’m the only first time flatter who felt this way initially. Thank goodness I have friends and family who are willing to share their knowledge and give me advice as I start this next stage of my life. Just because I’m trying to be independent, doesn’t mean help from others is completely off the table.

This is something that I’ve already learnt from all of this and I know there will be plenty more life lessons along the way.

My younger brother has claimed my old bedroom now that I’ve gone. That bedroom was my pride and joy for so many years, I thought I’d be really sad to leave it behind. But I wasn’t. I guess that’s growing up for you. One day I’ll be ready to leave this flat and this neighbourhood, maybe even New Zealand - who knows? But for the meantime, I’m here and I couldn’t be more content with that.

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CONCH A short story by Tui Lou Christie

Deep in the lagoon, a haven in Te Moana Nui a Kiwa, the first pair of hands found me.

They were long fingered, practiced, and plucked me nimbly from my coral crevice. I rose from deep black to light blue, fresh out of water under a new sky. I was fished up and flushed out.

I was polished, prized, catered to and carted around in woven whāriki. For protection. Hands after hands turned me over to you until we sat together under a woven roof. I was much older than you, but just as new in this unfamiliar place. Only days out of the water, both of us knowing only what we had. Like two darling stars ready to move across the sky. Boxes and boxes passed us by, mats, baskets, church hats, packaged away. I was kept in mind and on display, after a journey away. Your mama came home in the rain with coats and long trousers. I was a cream coloured curve placed out of small arm’s reach, on top of the new fireplace. This was the heat we knew now; the life of better, but not the weather.

You were small, your pair of hands grabbing like squat little starfishes.

Your mama held you at my level with her strong hands and explained how delicate the both of us were. We were thin bones, smooth from touch and care. You, new as morning, as easily broken. Me, old as dust, this close to settling forever. This was our new

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home, all of us a long way from where we originated. You slept, fists quiet, in a bassinet safe as an oyster shell. Your kuia touched your gentle black hair and asked, “What is the most important thing in the world?” Your mama smiled at the old idiom, and replied, “He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.” Your kuia curled her wrinkled hands around yours and knew instead, “he tamariki, he tamariki, he tamariki.”

You didn’t take long to grow, shaking unruly seaweed hair and sprouting long frond limbs. Dark eyes, with two tongues like fishes alive in your mouth.

You grinned like a clam with your first pair of rugby boots, coming home each time colder and muddier and happier than the last. I would call you together, to see you stand taller and broader with the line of other flower haired girls and bare chested boys. A community of the future. Your kuia called the old songs with a starling’s voice. I watched your practise, fluttering hands echoing the tides that brought us here. All your kikau skirts, in time, swished an ocean chorus of ‘home, home, home.” I sat on the mantle as always, my fixed stare ensuring you kept in step.

When your kuia died the house rang with mourning. You decorated the place with a woven raranga of Aue! Aue! Like a pair of hunched black

waves, you and your mama cried a torrent. You cried for your mountain back home to hear it. You held each other as tight as your hands would allow. Over here in New Zealand most people don’t touch the dead anymore, but you brushed her grey hair out like a halo around her quiet face, as gently as you would a baby. Your eyes dried up like old rivers, but your voices wavered still. Birds unsure. Your mother called through me again with shaking hands, emptier and hollower than I had ever sounded before. Your kuia joined me on the mantle, proud and straight backed, a flower ‘ei on her head forever.

Aue. We are all thin bones underneath.

Eventually, you were tall and whole, an arm full of books and an arm around your mama. You glittered like the crests of the waves when you went out with your friends, clusters of coral curves laughing like dolphins. You hugged and loved as if you had known one another forever. When you were home from work, your papers stacked up on the dining table, attending you while you studied and studied. This was why we were here. This is a future.

Tattoos bloomed across your skin, like a moving tivaevae quilt. A ring of waves on your calf for strength. A tiare flower armband for beauty. A conch on your back, for your home. I watched

over your studies with my eye open, as every reason. I am uncle, aunt, mother, father. Your kuia and I were calcified on the mantle, into ornamentation, but not futility. I kept your head to your paper and in turn you would dust the naked pink waterline of my eye.

And then there you were, graduation cap barely fitting over your long curly hair. You practised the speech to your peers for me first, staring ahead with your dark eyes. With a flax work grin, you carried your lagoon blue korowai on shoulders wider than Wellington harbour. When you came home, paper in hand, my white and pink shell was reflected in your pearl teeth and flushed cheek. Your mama held the inside of your elbow like an anchor, clutching her woven church hat to her head, eyes shining up at you as happy moons. She said she cried when they read out your name, because it was her grandmother’s.

You left this house a long time ago now, coming back to her every few Sundays with washing and a smile. You would eat and laugh and sing and talk like you had never left, language like shoals of multicoloured fish swimming through the room. One day you started coming home with a boy. Your mama liked him enough to have the reception at the house, and you danced with your

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new husband, the gentle crash of waves in a protected cove. Your friends stood in for those who couldn’t cross the ocean, circling your peaceful dance like the reef. One day you started coming home with a boy and a baby. Another starling held gently between your arms.

Black hair laying like a mat, so much like you when we were new on the Earth. The first time you brought her over, you and your mama crumpled into a wet hug around her, like two palm trees falling in towards each other for a kiss. Earth shaker, born of a star. Two new unfurling starfish hands reaching up to move the heavens, tangled into your matching curls. On that day, your mama took me down off the shelf, turned me over in her hands, and gave me to you.

Now, I sit in the east-facing window of your house. Your daughter plays in the sunbeams that pour over us like so many waterfalls. She has grown enough to sit, to stand, to sing. To rub the dirt from her knees and her face. Before she was tall enough, you would hold her up to me so we could look right at each other like old friends. Now, she reaches me easily with her sure hands, raises me to her lips to relish the sound, to drink it in like mountain water. Your daughter speaks clearly, with two tongues like fishes. She dances with

you under my watchful eye, flowers blooming around your wrists and necks like fringed corals. She dances with the other children, feet stamping and drums pulsing a beat of promise, a beat of “Home. Home. Home.” Her hair shines as black as yours, and she has your kuia’s name.

All I knew once was ocean, sand, darkness, light, wrapped in a cloak the vague colour of a sky indistinguishable.

My learning was of coral bastions and avenues of fish, of tide and current seen from below. My learning was not of people, of happening or new. When I was taken out of the ocean, my watery eye was clear enough to see the stars above.

What is the most important thing in the world? It is the people, it is the people, it is the people. It is the children, it is the children, it is the children.

No longer do I guard soft flesh from ocean predators. Rather, I guard powerful voices from buffeting winds, guard soft hands from calloused cold.

I guard you, from the distance of the currents.

29

Eat, Pray, Fuck Tatted Twink

Cave sisters and Listerine I won’t lie to you, no one looks back on their first year absent of all regret or shame. Mine was simply rose tinted in the blush of embarrassment as I look back on it. This lovely story encapsulates what it means to be a queer guy in Wellington. So, there I am, fresh out of the trials and tribulations of Massey Halls O-Week ready to have my Wellington cherry popped. Logically I go on the app we all know about too well, Grindr. The app advertises itself as a gay oriented dating app allowing people to chat and date. I like to think of it as the digital equivalent of the Dakota Men’s bathrooms, reeking of piss, homoeroticism and poor choices.

simply the attempt to absolve oneself of their own faults in a relationship.

Either way, about as common as a harness at a pride parade. I digress; we go back to mine and proceed to have some mediocre sex. I always question the people who ask; “did you cum?”. It seems quite apparent if a person cums in my experience, either by the excess of fluid now staining your sheets or the exhaustion following. In my excessive 20 years of living, I’ve learnt that orgasms aren’t everything but they sure as shit are something.

The second person I had actually managed to go on a few dates with.

They were into drag and dressed like I begin scrolling through blank every Thrasher-wearing-skater ever. I profiles and a seemingly endless array never even saw their forehead because of faceless torsos, chatting to the their beanie seemed surgically attached odd individual as I go until I really to them until we had sex. This time, start talking to this guy Moses. Mr we sat in my inward facing lounge Part-your-Red-Sea was cute, awkward which literally meant a viewing party and undeniably twinky. You may ask of everyone else on the floor was across yourself the practicality of The Tatted from us in the mirrored common Twink going after other twinks but room. It starts romantic with just hey, I’m not against topping unless it cuddling and talking, almost like we starts looking like a Chihuahua fucking are in some coming of age film before a Great Dane. The pragmatics of sex the introduction of some problematic are always ideal to discuss with the dynamics. During this talking, the complicated tangent of queerness but, topic of exes yet again resurfaces and in all honesty, I’ll just about stick my there is the kicker. Of all the gays in dick in anyone if they make eye contact Wellington, the two individuals I’ve long enough. back-to-back gone on dates with are exes. Both calling the other crazy, We meet in war memorial park like manipulative or psychotic. Good one, two cruising queers from the preTatted Twink. However, this overlap Grindr 90s. Best to remember what bandana you have in your back pocket. of sexual history, in other words “cave sisters”, did not stop me because, yet We yarn about uni and work and he covers his crazy ex. You may ask, “Who again, despite the articulate nature of some of these articles, I absolutely am talks about their ex when meeting directed by the wants and needs of my someone to sleep with?”, well let me penis. tell you…Gays. It’s Gays. I couldn’t tell you if its commonality is related to The viewing party across the building obsession with an unresolved flame or was ever growing, looks shot to me

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by peers, associates and even my RA. My current company and I opted to migrate to the bedroom. As we started ‘testing the suspension’ I found my usual problem of being unable to relax enough to get it in. You’d think that’s gloating but I’m in no way attempting to suggest my guts haven’t been used and abused more than the Treaty itself.

After a bit of trying, we finally get the ball rolling and in all honesty the sex is good. And then it came. Echoing down the hallway from the lungs of a girl I can describe as someone who would take longer to spell “COCONUT” that it would for her counterpart to cum, shouting “____ IS FUCKING A DUDE IN THERE”. As you can imagine, it brought the sex to a grinding halt and my company turns to me and coldly says “I’m never coming here again”. And that was it, they dressed themselves and left whilst I apologised defeatedly.

Upon their absence and in the presence of the slightly ashamed uncomfortable viewing party, I walk to the bathroom, grab my Listerine and gargle it in front of them for one last show. This story is probably more embarrassing for my sexual counterparts, but Christ was it quite the start to the sexual anthology that was my 1st year of university. As usual, we may search for some deep moral lesson here but this one’s pretty simple. Fuck with my sex life and I’m gonna put on expired staining makeup and tell the bouncer you’re too drunk to get in. Bitch.

Yours truly The Tatted Twink

Climate

Corner Connie Sellers

Racial inequities in climate change Within the wave of renewed BLM protests, light has been shone on the links between racial injustices and the climate crisis. An essential part of moving forward in the climate movement is including and listening to a variety of voices, especially from POC who are often left out of the conversation.

The direct links between climate change and racial injustices have long been subjects of research among environmental leaders and researchers.

The unfortunate truth is that those who contribute the least to the climate crisis are the ones who will suffer the most from its consequences. On the other end, those who contribute the most to CO2 emissions (often the wealthiest) are the ones who will be affected the least.

The voices of POC in the United States have been significantly marginalised from climate conversation and organisations. According to a 2014 Green 2.0 report, minorities make up 36% of the US population but make up no more than 12% of environment organisations studied. This statistic is especially concerning considering the disproportionate impact climate change has on communities of colour and lowincome communities globally. In the US, POC are more likely to be exposed to air pollution than white people. This is partly due to the disproportionate exposure to pollutants. A University of Minnesota study found white people were exposed to 17% less pollution than they created. Conversely, Hispanic people were exposed to 63% more than they created, and black people were exposed to 56% more than they created. Consequently, POC are three times more likely to die from exposure

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to air pollutants than white people.

These environmental inequalities also affect indigenous communities. It is estimated that climate change is going to hit 350 million indigenous people worldwide hard and fast.

information, seek out a range of voices.

Joining a climate organization?

Check if their leadership includes and endorses Tangata Whenua perspectives. At the very least, simply listening can go a long way.

Historically, indigenous people have had a closer connection to their lands, meaning they have a far greater knowledge of adapting to changes in the environment and ecosystems.

This knowledge operates in a more localised, community-centred context than science, exploring an understanding of how to cope with and adapt to environmental variability.

Our exploitation of natural resources is something indigenous people have been talking about for years. And while indigenous people face a greater threat from climate change, they are seldom included in the global processes of decision making, such as the official UN climate negotiations.

Some of the same racially intertwined climate injustices exist within New Zealand. With climate change comes expected health effects. For New Zealand, these consequences will likely be more hard-hitting to Māori people than Pakeha. For example, increasing global food prices could aggravate food insecurity, compromising nutrition.

We already know that there is presently a higher burden of food insecurity for Māori compared to non-Māori, and climate effects will compound this disparity.

How is this problem to be resolved?

I’m no authority, but inclusion is a good first step. Steps to fight racism in any other stage must be employed in earnest in the climate community.

When sharing and looking into

31

Suffrage Tess Patrick

It’s 2020 and the air is thick with cancel culture.

‘PC gone mad’, if you want to quote ‘Davidandjudy’ from the Stuff comments, but we’re walking an extremely thin line. Step a toe out of line and you’re instantly cancelled; by definition either 1. to make void; revoke; annul or 2. to decide or announce that a planned event will not take place; call off.

leaders the Greens have seen, after her admittance of election fraud some decades ago. Arguably we even saw it with John Key, who undoubtedly sensed the end of his reign. It’s the idea that if we’re not capable of leading the party to success, we have nothing further to contribute to the political landscape.

I’m not going to delve into what you should or shouldn’t be cancelling, I’ll let your morality and the influencers you follow be the decider of that. What I will reiterate is that cancel culture leaves little room for growth, for ideas and beliefs to evolve. It effectively eliminates people without giving them a chance to be better. And when cancel culture crosses over into politics, it becomes particularly hairy.

So who’s next in this game? There’s plenty of incidents deserving, but it leaves little room for growth. Little show of human error (although sometimes it’s debatably more than this) from our leaders entrenches the idea that some people can do no wrong. Normalise admitting we are wrong. Normalise growth. Normalise changing your mind when you’re confronted with new opinions, new ideas, new facts and a new way of seeing things. Normalise making mistakes, especially for politicians.

Even if they are flogs, they’ve made it to where they are because they know something that could drastically change our society for the better. Give them the opportunity to share it.

Take David Clark, for example.

Absolute flog for taking a day trip to the beach during lockdown, even bigger flog because he’s the health minister, but the cancel culture preventing him from redeeming himself sent him plummeting down a slippery slope, only to blame border bungles on Dr. Ashley Bloomfield and effectively end his own political career.

Paula Bennett’s resignation is another indicator of the inherent cancel culture, and how entrenched the idea is in us that to save face we need to cancel ourselves before our public cancellation. We saw it with Bill English after his failed attempt to pull National over the line. We saw it with Andrew Little conceding the Labour Party to Jacinda to a certain extent. We saw it with Metiria Turei, one of the most headstrong and compassionate

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Salivate Tess Patrick

Salivate is here to help you get the most out of your measly student meals, while still making the most of your weekend.

Last week I went on a road trip. The kind that movies are made about. Where you drive for days on end and only see truck drivers at dingy diners. These kinds of road trips are possible when you’re trying to reach the extremities of Australia. So 29 driving hours (and one hand-knitted sweater later), I was feeling pretty stoked to be back in my kitchen. Don’t get me wrong, I love a pie from the servo as much as the next truckie (although that’s become a little harder since the celiac diagnosis) but dear god I was just craving some really good, wholesome vegetables by the time I rolled in the door. We

call this a Nan & Pop meal in our flat.

Steamed veggies and some bloody good mash. Easy on the taste buds.

I say steamed, even though your grandparents probably boiled their vegetables. One of the first things I learnt on clinical placement was steaming actually helps you retain the nutrients in your foods, whereas boiling them leaches a lot of nutrients into the water to be discarded down the drain. It’s a small part of the reason our ageing population is becoming increasingly nutrient deficient.

Only, steamed vegetables kind of suck.

They’re bland and beyond exhausting, but there has to be a better way. I was halfway through ordering Uber Eats when I remembered my first-year saving grace. All it needs is a little dipping sauce, and it’s a dish straight off of the Chow 2 for 1 Monday menu.

This week’s recipe goes out to all of you broke, malnourished students desperately in need of your 5+ a day. All you need is a stash of sauce and seeds, with some nice, fresh vegetables. Whip up a side of sushi rice or quinoa if you’re in need of a more hearty meal.

Ingredients

Method to the Madness:

For the veggies:

1. Boil the kettle and arrange your veggies according to cooking time. Put them on to steam (it’s best if you have a bamboo steamer, also available at Yan’s, where you can add and remove layers) and make sure you only have a small amount of water in your pot.

Assortment of fresh, seasonal vegetables, diced into bite sized chunks Flakey sea salt Olive Oil Squeeze of lemon For the sauce: 50ml soy sauce (tamari if gluten-free) 2 tablespoons mirin (you’ll find this at Yan’s or in the international aisle, otherwise rice wine vinegar will do) 4cm piece of fresh ginger, peeled and finely grated (or a tablespoon of jarred ginger)

2. While steaming, mix together the ingredients for your dipping sauce in one bowl.

3. You can also use this time to lightly toast your seeds in a dry frying pan, shaking gently and frequently to avoid burning.

4. When your veggies are ready, pop them on a plate, sprinkle with your seeds, and dip away.

5. Have a shower and get an early night’s sleep, you’ll feel better by morning.

2 teaspoons maple syrup ½ teaspoon toasted sesame oil For the crunch: 2 tablespoons sunflower seeds, lightly toasted 2 tablespoons pumpkin seeds, lightly toasted 2 tablespoons sesame seeds, lightly toasted

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Reviews

Dani Molloy

Poūkahangatus by Tayi Tibble Tayi Tibble’s first collection, Poūkahangatus, provides readers with an exploration of her identity that feels deeply personal and yet widely accessible. Tibble makes insightful commentary on gender and race politics in Aotearoa while exploring themes of sexuality, fetishisation and otherness. From the onset, this book – with its clever title mimicking the Disney classic ‘Pocahontas’ – critiques media representation of women of colour while celebrating its own author; an unapologetically brilliant Māori wahine.

Some of my favourite pieces in this collection would be ‘Assimilation’ and ‘Shame’ which both look at the systemic ways that minority cultures are oppressed in Aotearoa and critique the country’s assumption that we’re much more “progressive” and “modern” than other countries. ‘Assimilation’ looks at how a Māori woman’s cultural values are overlooked in her relationship with her (presumably Pakeha) husband and how this can manifest itself into societal ignorance towards minority cultures. Meanwhile, ‘Shame’ explores the ways that all of us can be made to feel shame and the subtle ways that shame manifests itself in us with lines such as; “the winz lady who smiles has a sign in her office that says he aha te mea nui o te ao he tangata, he tangata, he tangata but she says the most important thing in the world is getting back into the workforce” Tibble also makes droll commentary on pop-culture with allusions to Twilight, Game of Thrones, and a hilarious description of ‘wtn boys’ with their ‘six hundred dollar leather jackets’. ‘Vampires versus Werewolves’ turns a satirical commentary on the pop-culture phenomenon of Twilight into an exploration of the fetishisation of otherness; “We had brown boys running around topless during PE and calling themselves the wolf pack and the white girls took them home to see if their parents would bare their teeth.”

As a young writer, Tayi is in tune with pop-culture yet able to transcend her own life span when exploring the experiences of her whakapapa and the representation of Māori women in the 60s and 70s. Poūkahangatus is a brilliant example of the recent resurgence of New Zealand poetry coming from the mouth of a bright young writer whose presence demands to be felt on every page.

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

Girl, Woman, Other by Bernadine Evaristo Girl, Woman, Other balances both labels of “political fiction” in a work of prose that explores race, sexuality and politics while also depicting fleshed-out, three-dimensional characters whose experiences are both poignant and thought-provoking.

The novel consists of twelve characters – the majority of which are black women – who each have their own eponymous character where they share their experiences migrating to or being raised in London. With so many characters, it would be easy for some to feel less developed than others however, Evaristo creates a range of vastly different yet developed people each with their own unique voices and stories.

Each character’s perspective feels important as they ponder questions of modern womanhood; lesbian activist and playwright, Amma, wonders if she’s “sold out” by having her play performed at the National Theatre. Meanwhile, her daughter Yazz learns the complexities of identity politics as she discovers that just because someone at university is black like her, doesn’t mean they have the same experience as her and aren’t privileged in other ways.

Many of the characters, like Amma and Yazz, are related either as family members with a mother/daughter contrast between chapters or as co-workers, friends or just two people that interact over Twitter. I think the mother/daughter contrasts started to feel a little overdone by the third mother/daughter section with Shirley and Winsome’s chapters but overall, they were a great example of how different generations face prejudice living in London whether it’s overt racism or microaggressions.

Evaristo’s novel is evocative and enlightening and raises discussions from how to have healthy conversations with people that may not be as “woke” as you to how to identify an emotional abuse in a lesbian relationship. The fast-paced writing style with a lack of capitalisation and punctuation creates a stream-of-consciousness narration. Generally, I find neglecting punctuation to be cliché – especially in modern poetry – however, I think it works in Girl, Woman, Other and makes each chapter flow on from the one before it. This connects every woman’s experiences into one continuous story, which is very powerful.

The Reviews Issue

35

Horoscopes This week we’re going old school and letting Mattel’s dusty Magic 8-Ball answer your big life questions.

Close your eyes, think of a yes/no question to ask the Magic 8-Ball and then look under your horoscope for the answer x AQUARIUS

LEO

“As I see it, yes.”

“Better not tell you now.”

PISCES

VIRGO

“Reply hazy, try again.” (Editor’s note: sorry pal :/)

“You may rely on it.”

ARIES

LIBRA

“Don’t count on it.”

“Outlook good.”

TAURUS

SCORPIO

“It is decidedly so.”

“My reply is no.”

GEMINI

SAGITTARIUS

“Very doubtful.”

“Cannot predict now.”

CANCER

CAPRICORN

“Signs point to yes.”

“Without a doubt.”

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

President’s Address

Hey you!

Wanna do some actual shit on this campus and meet some like-minded passionate folks? MAWSA are setting up 4 student groups so we have a place to connect on issues we care about, and actually make a difference. If you want to be a part of any of these groups, email me and I’ll hook you up with the deets.

Academic Committee Did you come here to study, being promised that Massey offers the best course in the country, but it turns out it’s actually shit? Do you think Massey is fucking us over with this ‘blended learning’ thing? Do you think students should have a say in how your courses are run? Then the Academic Committee for you. Some stuff we want to do includes; lecture records Sustainability Committee Us leftist hippies obviously care about the environment and that’s hot. But you know what’s hotter; fighting together, with every bit of power we have to make the spaces and systems we inhabit sustainable. Some stuff we want to do includes; composting on campus, community garden, divesting in fossil fuels.

Welfare and Equity Committee We got work to do. Decolonising our space, our thinking, our systems. Fighting for our rights in a system that is built by those with power, those of us without power have to stick together in the face of injustice. In the Welfare and Equity Committee we will fight together to build a fairer university/MAWSA/world for all.

Clubs Committee Every year we have $20,000 to give to clubs who want to have fun and do some cool shit on this campus, there were no grants over lockdown so now we have $17,000 to spend in 12 weeks or it goes back to the Uni! If you wanna help us build a cool vibe here this is the committee for you. president@mawsa.org.nz

– Jacob Paterson MAWSA Student President

The Reviews Issue

37

Poetry The Week That Was

By Gabriel Field (@bilerag)

Original thoughts are about as hard to come by As healthy work environments Name me a business staying afloat And I’ll name you a handful of casuals with more dirt under their fingers than confirmed shifts Alas, rejoice! For Kanye and Falloon are the new posterboys of men’s mental health!

No wonder we’re all killing ourselves.

There should be a referendum on whether we want to be a nation still suckling milk from breast and vomiting it back into our own rivers or whether we should give our mother a fucking rest It’s been 250 white years we’re probably old enough and ugly enough We no longer have to eat the putrid food served up by our step-forefathers: 3 meat and 1 dredge Keeps jack a boy And jill straight The Right dry-hump excuses for their mistakes Squirting blank promises to keep the tax hikers and immigrants away This MP is rated M: May contain unsolicited pornographic images As predatory as a praying mantis With the grace and decorum of A blobfish It’s an election year so everyone please

Massive Magazine | Issue 09

Vote with gay abandon Do your research through Facebook comments And your extroverted friends flexing their knowledge at BYOs and on mouldy flat couches It’ll all be fine you don’t really have to listen to them it’s all pretty redundant anyway (like half the country) there’s a new and improved strain of swine flu coming Ever notice how pandemics seem to occur in decadal waves Like preferred cuts of jeans and other fashion crazes.

First boyfriend then flair now covid. Nice.

PSA: smoke weed illegally while you can Before you’re outside a café buying edibles for your prepubescent cousin and his runty friends As you do please spare a thought for the alcohol industry Their body count will take a bigger hit Than national’s shadow cabinet Show me a billionaire and I’ll show you a man who has more dollars than seconds lived You know what they say Behind every successful man is A nepotist father’s yellow-golden grin In my narrative my mum called me by the dog’s name again I think that places me well In the grand (pyramid) scheme of things

90.9

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Show your appreciation for your favourite little friend by helping keep him safe from HPV-related cancers and genital warts.

HPV immunisation is free* from the Student Health Clinic, so get yourself down there right now or visit bestshot.co.nz to find out more.

* GARDASIL® 9 is a prescription medicine, for females aged 9–45 years and males 9–26 years of age. It is a nine-valent recombinant human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine. GARDASIL® 9 is indicated for 9–45 year-old females and 9–26 year-old males, for prevention of cervical, vulvar, vaginal, and anal cancer, precancerous or dysplastic lesions, genital warts or lesions, and infection caused by the HPV types in the vaccine. Each 0.5 mL dose contains the following HPV L1 Proteins by type: 6 (30 µg), 11 (40 µg), 16 (60 µg), 18 (40 µg), 31 (20 µg), 33 (20 µg), 45 (20 µg), 52 (20 µg), and 58 (20 µg). GARDASIL® 9 has risks and benefits, and should be used strictly as directed. Ask your doctor if GARDASIL® 9 is right for you. Tell your healthcare professional if you or your child have ever had an allergic reaction to any vaccine or to any of the listed ingredients for GARDASIL® 9, or if you or your child has a serious illness, blood disease, bleeding disorder, a high fever, or a weakened immune system (e.g. due to medicines, a genetic condition, or human immunodeficiency virus [HIV] infection). Common reactions are headache, fever, and injection-site pain, swelling, and redness. Fainting can occur. Allergic reactions are rare but serious. If you are worried by any side effects, see your doctor, pharmacist, or healthcare professional. Go to the nearest hospital if you experience wheezing, shortness of breath, or difficulty breathing; or pinkish, itchy swellings and rash, especially on the face. Immunisation replace09 the need for regular cervical cancer screening. Additional product information and Consumer Medicine Information is available from www.medsafe.govt.nz (October 2019), and from Massive Magazinedoes| notIssue Seqirus (NZ) Ltd, Auckland, on 0800 502 757. GARDASIL® 9 is funded for both males and females aged 9–26 years – normal charges will apply for other patients. Copyright © 2019 Merck Sharp & Dohme Corp., a subsidiary of Merck & Co., Inc., Whitehouse Station, NJ, USA. All Rights Reserved. NZ/GAR9/0120/0073a TAPS NA12097 INSIGHT 10219A.