MASSIVE Issue 17: The Sex Issue

The Sex Issue

AUGUST 14 2023 Cover by Eden Laing

Issue 17

Your presIdents Andrew Steele (he/him)

Kia ora koutou,

My name is Andrew and I’m the new General President for Te Tira Ahu Pae.

Looking forward to meeting all of you over the coming weeks. Here’s a bit about me:

I’m an ex-military professional with experience in leadership and teamwork. I’ve worked on Humanitarian campaigns globally and have been deployed in active combat. Student voice and representation are my passion and the driving force to deliver my best performance as General President. Come say hi anytime; I am dedicated to the team here at Te Tira Ahu Pae and would like nothing more than to see the students at Massey University succeed and have a fantastic student experience whilst completing their education.

Aniva-Storm Feau (She/Her)

Ramairoa Tawera (Manawhakahaere)

Kia ora koutou,

I’m Aniva-Storm, a proud Samoan woman hailing from the villages of Fale Ula and Vailele.

I currently hold the position of Pasifika President within Te Tira Ahu Pae. I studied here at Massey both on the Ōtehā campus and through distance graduating with a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Politics and Psychology and have continued into my honours in Clinical Psych. I served as the Massey Albany Pasifika Students’ Association (MAPSA) President in 2021 and as the Pasifika Ex-Officio member of the MUSAF board in 2022. I’ve also been a member of the Auckland Youth Advisory panel and worked as a Mentor with the Manatoa program here at Massey University. More recently, I’ve been a facilitator for Mates and Dates, facilitating discussions on consent, healthy relationships, and safety in secondary schools for the past two years. I’m super excited for Te Tira Ahu Pae, it’s not often you get a student association (or any other association) making an active effort to engage and work towards being actually Te Tiriti led, so for that I’m super proud and excited to see what we can do with your input. So, on that note, give Te Tira Ahu Pae a follow and like on all socials and let us know what you want to see from your student association and #Landback always :) Tēnā koutou katoa, Ko Hikurangi te maunga Ko Waiapu te awa Ko Ngāti Porou te iwi Ko Te Aitanga-a-mate te hapu Ko Hiruharama me Whareponga ōku marae Ko Ramairoa Tawera aha

When I first arrived at Massey University, Manawatahi, the Māori Students’ Association on the Manawatū Campus, provided me the support of a Māori community in a tertiary education setting. In 2021, I was the Kaiwhakahere o Manawatahi and wanted to ensure that the experience I received was available to the tauira returning to Campus after the effects of Covid-19. In 2022, I was the Ex-Officio Māori member of the MUSAF board, recognising the issues and inequities of our 10 smaller student rōpū and believing that working together, we’d provide a unified stronger association for all students. My goal throughout all these changes and this year is to provide spaces within the University where tauira Māori can be proud and thrive at university. Furthermore, I hope to ensure that the spaces future tauira Māori walk into are ones where they can bring their whole selves and not feel like a token as mana whenua. – WHAKAMANA TE TIRITI!! manawhakahaere@tetiraahupae.ac.nz

What to look forward to News

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Features Virgin, Shame

10

Join The Massey Market Place

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The Pill-free Life

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Abiding by My Own Dress Code

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Weaving Mātauranga Māori into Sex Education

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“You saved me hero! Wanna bang?”

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Columns Sexcapades

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Solicited Advice

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Horoscopes

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Basic Witch

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Crossword

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Editor Leila Lois Designer Emily Wilson News Editor Sammy Carter Sub Editor Tui Lou Christie Staff Writer Aiden Charles Staff Writer Elizabeth Chan News Reporter Brett Kerr Feature Editor Molly Richards Illustrator Annick Harvey Illustrator Eden Laing Te Ao Māori Editor Cameron McCausland-Taylor

MASSIVE NEWS

14 August 2023

WEEKLY NEWS Students trespassed on Manawatū campus for chalking against cuts Sammy Carter (she/her)t

Two students were trespassed and followed off the Manawatū campus on open day after chalking “save our papers” outside the library and science buildings.

On August 2nd, the students were acting out after Massey staff were invited to voluntarily resign, providing an opportunity for the staff to leave the university with an “enhancement” of up to a year’s salary.

Further, one staff member was trespassed and escorted off campus for watching and recording the interaction with security.

In a video sent to Massive, the security guard was seen saying, “you’re no longer welcome on the university”. He did not specify if this was a permanent trespass or not.

A student responded, “But we are students with internal courses.”

The guard replied, “That’s the consequences … you conducted vandalism”.

The updated ‘No and Low Enrolment’ policy and procedures and the new ‘Digital Plus’ policy come to cut low enrolment courses and anchor each college to be taught at one physical campus, with online study for students near other campuses unless it could be financially justified.

Both the students and the staff member were unsure whether attending lectures would result in being hauled off campus.

Trespassed student J* said Massey security said the university would be paying contracted cleaners to remove the chalk, despite the rainy weather.

The guard told the staff member that he was an “active participant” because he was recording the interaction, despite not chalking with the students.

J* said security kept saying the chalking “wasn’t ideal” but wouldn’t confirm if they

had the authority to tell them to stop.

“We were not just escorted but followed off campus,” security vans followed them until they were off campus.

Despite the security wanting to give them a verbal trespass, the students demanded a written trespass and were taken into a room by security to talk.

Some Students Against Cuts and Tertiary Education Union members had been chalking against the cuts previously without being trespassed.

The students didn’t think the open day would make any difference to if they were allowed to chalk, “especially as internal students”.

J* said security wanted to know where they parked and felt the security may have been trying to intimidate them by knowing where they would be if they come back on campus.

“Obviously they’re not willing to listen, they’re not willing to have a conversation.

And now we try to speak up in chalk and we’re trespassed off campus.”

However, a Massey University spokesperson said three people were asked to leave campus because they were “graffitiing” buildings, but no trespass was issued.

*Name shortened to protect anonymity

Massey security said they would be paying contracted cleaners to remove the chalk, despite the rainy weather.

Photos / Supplied

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MASSIVE NEWS

“Tiny”, “Small Wonder”, “Free Ride”: low or no alcohol beer degrading names Brett Kerr Laurie (he/him)

Low and non-alcohol beers have been growing in popularity for many years now, but some brands seem to insinuate a not-so-subtle stigma that they’re for wimps.

These days, all major brewing companies offer at least one less potent beverage, ranging from 2.5% ABV to less than 0.5%.

Major companies like Speights, Heineken, and Export called their non-alcoholic range simply: “Export Gold 0.0%” or “Speights Summit Zero”.

However, craft breweries tend to get a bit more creative.

Garage Project, one of the largest in the craft space, called their 2.2% ale the “Fugazi”. This sounds quite exotic, but a quick google search reveals a translation of “something that is fake or damaged beyond repair”.

Interesting.

Their non-alcoholic IPA is more forward: the “Tiny”.

At risk of sounding like a year 10 English teacher, you could point out these names appear to imply low or no alcohol beers are fake - not a real beer - or miniature versions of their high percentage cousins.

Zed Woodman, duty manager at a bar on Wellington’s Courtenay Place, said while no one seemed to mind ordering low or no alcoholic beers, he occasionally saw people hide that they are having other non-alcoholic beverages from their friends.

“Sometimes if there’s a group of people drinking, one of them will come up separately and ask for a soda water and ask me to make it look like a vodka soda or not to tell people it’s non-alcoholic.”

Woodman also called some of the low alcohol craft beer names “degrading” and said it could come across as “you’re not as blokey” by drinking them.

14 August 2023

Good George Brewing’s “Small Wonder Pale Ale” is unsurprisingly 2.5%, while their non-alcoholic IPA is called the “Virtual Reality”, assumedly a mere simulation of the real deal.

The “Lowrider” from Croucher Brewing is pretty reasonable, except for the words “A VERY SMALL IPA” printed on the can.

Mac’s offers two non-alcoholic beers: the “Stunt Double”, because you’re not pulling any stunts drinking less than 0.5% ABV, and the “Free Ride”, so you can sober drive your stunt-pulling friends home.

The Behemoth Brewing company tops things off with their “Responsibly NonAlcoholic Hazy IPA”, which you can purchase as part of their “Hangover Free Fun Pack”.

Woodman said the companies probably don’t intend to be degrading.

“In the name, one of their tasks is probably letting everyone know that it is a low alcohol beer - just from the name.”

“To them, low alcohol reflects small things, fake things, something trying to be something else, which yes, is true, but is maybe something we should stop doing.”

Massey design student Mack Eggers is one student who occasionally drinks low alcohol beers if he’s driving somewhere afterwards.

While he hadn’t really been in a situation where there’s been any stigma around drinking low alcohol beers, he felt there was a particular theme around some craft beer names.

“They’re kind of portraying it like a secondary beer, a not as good beer.”

“It’s kind of putting the idea out there that it’s “tiny”, like a fake beer, possibly.”

Eggers pointed out it is just craft breweries doing this, who he noted tend to have more interesting names overall than their mainstream counterparts.

He said he wouldn’t have a problem ordering a “Tiny” or similarly named beer at a bar.

“I’d feel ok, the people around me wouldn’t take the mick out of me. It’s kind of giving off the fact it’s not a real beer, not a manly beer, but I’d be pretty fine with having one of those.”

A report released in January 2022 by the Brewers Association of New Zealand said low alcoholic beer sales had rocketed 1116% over five years.

Considering the numbers, it’s safe to say the Small Wonders of the alcoholic world are here to stay regardless of any year 10 English teacher analysis.

Jack Cronin said there isn’t really a stigma around drinking low alcohol beer.

Photo / Pixabay

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MASSIVE NEWS

Massey considers selling campus buildings for retirement homes and an expansion to Singapore Sammy Carter (she/her)

Vice chancellor Jan Thomas revealed Massey plans to sell and lease some buildings to be potential retirement homes and retail, as well as converting some into student housing.

The vice chancellor also discussed major plans to expand Massey to Singapore.

In a recent email to staff, Massey University announced that it was “in the final stages of progressing a Joint Venture Agreement in Singapore”.

Staff were loud and blunt at forums held on every campus two weeks ago to discuss its 20-year financial plan called Horizon 2042, as well as course and job cuts.

Students and the student association, Te Tira Ahu Pae, were not invited to or informed about the forums.

In a separate presentation sent to staff, Thomas described one of “four big shifts” as “build Singapore as a major face-to-face campus and explore other opportunities to ensure transnational education provides the resources Massey needs to maintain itself as a world class university”.

Massey recorded an $8.8 million deficit in 2022 and last month announced a year-to-date operating deficit of $14.2m.

Some staff at forums criticized the marketing of the university which presents it as being a Te Tiriti led organisation, allegedly appropriating it as a tool to attract students internationally.

In response to the concerns, a Massey 6

14 August 2023

spokesperson said the university had many overseas partnerships already and had been delivering education in Singapore for around 20 years.

They said the expansion will not use any funding from New Zealand and will provide further ability to foster Massey’s Te Tiriti o Waitangi aspirations in Aotearoa.

The spokesperson said the forums were “intended for staff members”.

“Student engagement is important to us,” they said, “which is why students were directly involved in the creation of the current University Strategy 2022-2027 and they will continue to be involved in future iterations.”

Massey Tertiary Education Union (TEU) organiser Ben Schmidt had described the move to Singapore as “a classic example of public education being inappropriately run as a business instead of a public good”.

Last month, the vice chancellor invited staff to voluntarily resign from the university with an ‘enhancement’ of up to a year’s salary.

“It is disturbing to witness Massey setting up shop in another country while cutting hundreds of jobs in Aotearoa.” says Schmidt

“It shouldn’t need to be said but apparently it does - instead of building empires abroad, the university should be keeping staff it already employs, and serving the students and the communities it is funded by our government to serve.”

For over a year, staff have been demanding and campaigning for the vice chancellor to meet in person with staff to talk about the future of the university.

“It is long overdue,” Schmidt said.

In June, the government announced

a $128 million dollar funding boost for universities and a higher education review in response to protests against mass staff redundancies and course cuts.

Te Tira Ahu Pae general president Andrew Steele was shocked when on his very first day as president he found out Massey was holding forums without students.

He said students should have been invited to the forum and a similar forum should be held for students.

“They’re entitled to their voice. It’s about student representation and advocacy. It’s giving them a fair opportunity to tell Massey what they think.”

Massey had finalised its ‘No and Low Enrolment’ policy and procedures as well as the ‘Digital Plus’ policy which would make it easier for the university to cut courses.

The ‘Digital Plus’ policy aims to anchor each college to be taught at just one physical campus with online study unless it can be financially justified.

Neither did the policies specify if current students will have to move to a different campus if they wish to continue in-person study, or if staff will be made redundant or be relocated.

Steele believed Massey had not in any way tried to get feedback from students, “I think they could have done a lot more”.

Steele had personally contacted vice chancellor Jan Thomas for more information on the cuts, however, she would not give him any.

He didn’t want students to think that the association knows more than they do, “we don’t, we find out at the exact same time as students do”.

MASSIVE NEWS

New student president steps up against Massey’s lack of transparency Sammy Carter (she/her)

General president Jake Law has made the decision to terminate his contract with Te Tira Ahu Pae due to his “belief that the general cohort was ready to step up and support their students”.

Stepping up to the plate is new general/distance president Andrew Steele, his first priority was to build better communication with Massey to represent students better.

“We wanna see way more transparency,” Steele said, “If they know something, the students need to know.”

He felt frustrated with Massey’s communication throughout the job and course cuts.

“How are people supposed to make an informed decision when they don’t

Massey cat Pocket’s owner found, but doesn’t want her back Leila Lois (she/her)

On the 1st of August, Pocket, beloved cat of Te Tira Ahu Pae Wellington Campus, made a visit to the vet with Leila, Massive’s editor.

During her general check-up, the vet spotted a microchip.

The microchip led back to the owner who had not seen Pocket (or who knows what her name was originally) in eight years.

Since then, they had new pets and were happy that Pocket was alive

14 August 2023

have all the information?”

Steele is an ex-military professional with a decade’s worth of experience in leadership and teamwork, studying a Bachelor of Arts degree Majoring in Psychology in Wellington.

He has worked on humanitarian campaigns globally and has been deployed in active combat.

Last week, Steele, Pasifika president Aniva Feau, and Manawhakahaere Māori president Ramairoa Tawera went on a trip to each Massey campus to meet students and find ways to improve the association.

Steele also wanted to speak to Massey reps from each campus about how they can improve communication.

He said Law left him with big shoes to fill, “We suffered a loss when Jake left … Sometimes people make decisions to move on”.

This year the student association merged across all campuses to create one, Te Tira Ahu Pae. Steele said the new student association structure would mean more continuity, “We’re all

gonna be on the same page”.

Previous general/distance president Jake Law said, “Due to other commitments and my belief that the general cohort was ready to step up and support their students, I have made the difficult decision to terminate my contract with Te Tira Ahu Pae.” Law became general president of the combined student association, Te Tira Ahu Pae, after being Albany Student Association (ASA) president last year.

He said this was to ensure continuity and support to incoming student reps, as well as provide unity and support to the co-presidents.

“I am incredibly proud of what we have achieved so far in 2023 as a new organisation that represents all Massey students.”

He wished all students a successful semester 2 and sent encouragement to the general reps who are “working tirelessly to support their student communities”.

and well and had chosen the student union as her new home.

Pocket has now been officially registered with the student union.

Students will be very pleased that Pocket is not only looking, but also feline good.

Pocket has been living with the student association since 2012, sleeping on the couches during the day and leaving to hunt on the evenings.

Nothing was known about Pocket’s origin until now.

She has become a permanent fixture none the less, with food and water on tap and adoring students surrounding her every day.

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Girls Get Off answer some saucy questions How did you guys start out? What made you start up Girls Get Off?

Vulva owners purchasing and enjoying female pleasure products is super important to us, and was the main purpose behind our decision to create the GGO brand. We saw that so many women (us included) had two options when buying toys. Either going into sex shops, which usually oozed sleaze and weren’t at all empowering. Or, buying online from an overly saturated market - talk about overwhelming!

Our goal is to simplify the experience for our vulva queens and help provide a safe space where they feel comfortable and empowered to explore their pleasure, while also providing toys that help!

Tell us about walking around in vagina costumes - do you get embarrassed?

No! Not at all. The best way to break down barriers is with some giggles and that’s exactly what our costumes do. Fun fact: One of your very own Massive gals, Sammy, crocheted the pubes on one!

What do people say when you tell them you own a sex toy business?

It’s not what people expect me to say, but after the initial surprise it’s always a really great response, and usually results in a surprise for me as well, in the form of an overshare or two, haha! It’s so good how comfortable people are to talk to us about all things sex.

What’s your most popular vibrator at the moment?

Missy Mini! She ticks the boxes for so many of our vulva owners and the insanely good reviews prove that whether you’re new to vibes or a seasoned pro, you can’t go wrong with her!

What’s the funniest interaction you’ve had with a customer?

Oh gosh, there are so many! One of my favs is a woman who came up to me last year at lunch and the first thing she 8

said was that her hubby doesn't like her giving him a blowie.

Conversations really go from 0 to 100 real quick these days!

Also, currently loving updates from our customer service sexpert, Lib. At the moment she has about 2 seperate 70/80yr olds that are big fans. One she chats to regularly on the phone, because she can't ask her friends these things.

It's super sweet. She'll make a coffee and get everything ready for the chat!

What's your fave sex scene in a movie? And why?

Omg I’ve been waiting for this and have my answer primed and ready to go! It’s not a sex scene, nor a movie, but I LOVE the scene in Bridgerton where Simon tells Daphne it's ok to touch yourself.

Bonus round: One of my fave sex scenes is near the start of the Outlander series and definitely a few in Sex/Life.

Ok, none were movies, sorry haha. It definitely has something to do with the connection between the people for me!

What's your top sex position for the moment?

Haha! In the essence of honesty, I’m sorry queens. I reckon Viv would have a much more exciting answer for this because I haven't had sex in soooo long lol!

But my ALL-TIME fav would def be cowgirl! Yee haw.

Anything else you wanna add/ tell our readers?

If you take one thing out of this, go join our girls only Facebook page, Girls Get Off Uncensored! It is such an awesome supportive community - follow along for the lols, or make use of it being the best place on the web to ask for anonymous advice (obviously I’m non-biased).

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Virgin, shame.

By Molly Richards (she/her)

If you’ve ever watched a teen movie or if you don’t live under an actual rock, you are perhaps familiar with the shame around virginity. A concept, in my opinion, that is utter bullshit. This is a conversation I am evidently quite passionate about; Sex, virginity, and their weights within social standing is crap.

If you’re having sex, you’re a slut, but if you’re a virgin, you’re a loser. Both untrue and bloody hell, who wins? Simple answer: no one. Your sexual experience is not a viable measure of your self-worth. So, pack it in. Starting uni, the who’s who of virgins was unnecessary. Which is why I have never felt the need to disclose the timeline of my virginity.

If you ask, I change it each time, for me no one needs to know. It’s not important. Yes, people have had sex. Yes, people don’t. Yes, some of us have no problem sharing, and yes others don’t share. It’s entirely subjective and I’m in no position to judge you and I won’t.

Sex means something different to everyone, so the stereotypical concept of “losing” virginity sometimes just isn’t applicable. The heteronormative idea of “losing virginity” in movies is also unapplicable to many. Yet the media many of us consumed has pushed some strong narratives surrounding sex and virginity so let’s talk about sex baby.

One film that immediately comes to mind is Clueless. The line “You’re a virgin who can’t drive” on its surface is kind of funny but at the same time, what does either of those things have to do with Cher’s credibility?

Grease? I must admit I do like this movie, despite its obvious problems. It’s clearly pointed out that both Sandy and Rizzo are two drastically different sides of the same coin. Sandy is ridiculed in the unfortunately catchy song ‘Sandra-dee’ for her virgin naivety. She is portrayed as being behind the other girls because she is so virginal?? Whereas Rizzo is labelled a slut for having sex.

It’s this idea that if you are not having sex, you’re not mature.

You are uneducated and that’s shameful. Is that true though? Not at all.

Hocus Pocus. A virgin must light the black flame. What is it with virgin sacrificing?? In Hocus Pocus, Max lights the candle and is ridiculed for the fact he must be a virgin. At the time, I couldn’t understand why that would be funny.

Even in FRIENDS, not having sex in high school brings on shame. Chandler and Ross read The Lord of the Rings

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and Joey didn’t because he had sex in high school. When it’s put like that: How does reading correlate to shameful virginity? Do people who read not have sex? I suppose it’s the stereotype that the nerdy or smart kid isn’t getting laid because why on Earth would you want to sleep with someone who reads? Ridiculous. In hindsight, it really is ridiculous that this narrative passed through our screens.

Along this vein, the first kiss drama? I remember, growing up, the stress of having my first kiss be the most magical experience ever. In reality, it was far from that, but I don’t regret it one bit. If anything, kissing someone I thought was cute and wanted to kiss me one random Friday wasn’t firework-inducing but it also wasn’t a big deal. I’ve found the experiences that are closest to magical came from times everyone was comfortable and the feeling was mutual. It is not a race. If you want to wait, that’s your choice, if you don’t, that’s your choice too.

I had grown up watching films like The Princess Diaries where Mia goes on and on talking about the idea of a “foot popping” first kiss. Well, we saw how that worked out. Not to say my first kiss had my foot tangled in a fishing net, but it really wasn’t far off. Firsts can be awkward and unsure.

You just don’t know what you’re doing and that’s okay! Later in the film when Mia and Michael kiss in front of the fountain, only to kick on the fountain with her foot was certainly magical. Life is no movie however, so it is crazy to assume that things like that happen in real life. Not to say it couldn’t.

Movies are fake, consent is key, take your time.

On a lighter note, if you are interested in watching some sex related film and tv that isn’t absolutely nauseating, I’d recommend Sex Education. It’s been around Netflix for a while and not only is it hilarious (in my professional opinion), but surprisingly informative. I suppose that goes without saying for a show so aptly titled.

I have spent a little bit too long trying to remember and think of some more positive depictions of virginity in film and have come up a little short. Not to say there aren’t films and TV shows like this, I just wish I could name more of them. I think it’s time movies let this weird obsession with virginity shaming go.

Illustration by Annick Harvey

Illustration by Piper Van Rinsvelt Otter

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

Recently, I had a chat with Chloe Stephenson and Piper Van Rinsvelt, two Massey University students who also operate small businesses. Together with Campus Co-Lab, they’re working to set up an online platform with the goal of helping student-run small businesses sell online in a way that is cheap and accessible, bringing their creativity beyond Instagram.

“The idea will be to create a student-run platform,” explains Piper. “A place where students can upload their artwork and sell from a main selling base, kind of like Etsy would but run

by Massey instead. The idea is to make it more affordable and not take as much of a cut from students and make it easier to do.” Chloe elaborated that they are aiming to “make it simple, so that people can just log on and say, ‘this is what I made this week, does anyone want it?’”

The pair have are hoping to receive a ‘Grand Ideas’ grant from Massey Ecentre, a pitch competition that aims to provide student enterprise with funding and mentoring, on top of the funding they have already received as part of CoLab. “Our minimum viable product for this year is to get a website going,” said Chloe. “We are hoping to find someone to pass it on to for next year, as this is our last year [of university] ... Hopefully we will have secured lots of funding for the people who will be continuing on, and they can turn it into much much more.”

Piper explained that the initial plans are to start out with a small group of businesses based near Wellington campus and sell on their behalf. For their first prototype of this platform, they’ll be using Shopify starter, a service that allows businesses to connect to and sell through their social media platforms. One day, they hope it can spread across all campuses, and will have the scale and security for people to be able to log in and list their own projects. They hope to launch their first prototype by the end of semester.

“People don’t think it’s really possible because there’s 12

such a stigma saying that selling art isn’t a healthy career and stuff like that,” Piper said. “It’s part of making it more accessible,” said Chloe, “this project could make it more doable. It’ll make it easier for people who don’t have the time to do all the advertising and go to every market.”

Beyond a bit of financial security, running a small business has so many other benefits. Piper explained that many student artists still completing their degrees and fresh grads without relevant experience find it difficult to find a job in their field. “Having a well-running business can be enough relevant experience to get you into those big fancy art jobs you want,” she said.

Another benefit is the potential opportunities for networking, creating a community, and fostering mentoring relationships. This is a huge focus for both Chloe and Piper, and it was clear throughout our conversation that these artists are passionate about helping other young people like themselves. “We want it to be very community-driven, by students, for students,” said Piper. “Personally, I would have loved something like this earlier on when I first started.”

“I’ve had experience for three years with this amazing community, and I just want to hand down knowledge... I’ve learned so much and I’ve been all self-taught, and learnt a lot from mistakes, basically... Helping others learn has always been important, and this project that we’ve been called on for by Co-lab is the perfect opportunity for that.”

“Me and Piper have both been in that position of ‘it’s my first market, not sure how this is gonna go’,” added Chloe. “You have to get all your stuff together and have the confidence to stand at your stall in person, and it’s just really scary and challenging, so I wanna make it really easy for other artists.

Especially for introverts!”

The pair hope to launch not just a platform for the benefit of students, but a community and safe space full of support.

If you are interested in being involved, there will be a

Marketplace afternoon tea at 1 pm Thursday 17th August in the Campus Co-Lab space. Bring along something you've made for a show-and-tell while we snack and chat about what you'd like to see in an online Massey marketplace. See you there!

You can contact them at: masseymarketplace@gmail.com or @masseymarketplace on Instagram.

Illustration by Chloe Stephenson

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The Pill-free Life

By Emily Wilson

Many people start taking birth control in their teens and continue consistently without a break for years. When it comes to quitting birth control, there is a barrage of information available out there detailing the bad and the ugly, from breakouts to severe mood swings, tender breasts and irregular or non-existent menstrual cycles and if you don’t know where to start, it’s daunting and overwhelming.

If you’re thinking about giving birth control the boot but you’re not sure what living a pill-free life will be like, this is my experience.

It wasn’t until recently that I learnt just how important it is to understand your body as someone who experiences a menstrual cycle, and how our menstrual cycles affects each and every day we have.

Let’s start back in 2017. I was a bit of a late bloomer, and I didn’t get my first period until I was 16. All I remember was that they were super painful and very irregular which was my reason for starting on birth control. Just one quick trip to the doctor, no information apart from the possibility of blood clots which could cause a stroke, I started taking the pill.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2023, I decided to stop taking the pill and stay off it after being on it for about 6 years. I won’t lie, I was scared, as only about 8 months beforehand I decided I was sick of it and stopped taking it and I quit cold turkey. This was the worst thing I could have done. I know it doesn’t sound bad, but I got acne (I know, I know), but for me I don’t get acne, so this was bad, and it started to affect me mentally. An easy fix was to give in and start taking the pill again. I felt guilty because I knew this was an easy fix and wouldn’t be a long-term fix, but I didn’t know what else to do, and after going to the doctor they also suggested the easy fix to go back on the pill even though deep down that was the last thing I wanted to do.

After being back on the pill for a few months I had noticed such a negative change in my mood, and I genuinely hated myself, to the point I had to put a towel over my mirror because I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. I knew this was the consequence of starting the pill for a second time, so I decided to come off it (again) once and for all. This time around, I wanted to do it properly; I booked a naturopath appointment to help me through this and to help aid the horrible side effects which can come with stopping the pill, 14

along with all the side effects I had while on it.

My naturopath really guided me through this and yes, I was taking quite a few different supplements, and powders, but it was worth it to keep my skin clear, limit my bloating and most importantly to understand what it’s like to feel like me as a woman.

The menstrual cycle is something I really wish was taught more in schools. I’m 22 years old and only now truly starting to understand the menstrual cycle and what each phase is. Our hormones go on this incredible journey over around 28 days (about 4 weeks) which means we are going to feel differently literally every single day. It really boggles my mind that more people don’t understand this.

Our menstrual cycle and our hormones literally impact everything about us; our mental health, our physical symptoms, how we can exercise, our productivity, creativity, our social needs and our sexual needs. And, the wild thing is that male hormones, their testosterone, goes on this 24-hour journey meaning it resets every 24 hours. Making them perfect for the society we live in. The other half of the population has had to learn how to operate within this 24-hour clock, meaning we’re supposed to wake up every single day feeling the exact same way, when that’s just not it.

Have you noticed that some days you are feeling amazing, confident, skin is glowing, and just everything is right with the world? You very well may be ovulating. But then, other times you are an anxious mess, you don’t want to talk to anyone, you hate yourself and anyone who tries to come close? That could be because you are in your premenstrual phase which is known as the Luteal Phase.

We have four phases which make up our menstrual cycles and each phase is incredibly different than the next. We are going to feel slightly different, and we are going to need different things at each of these stages.

Menstruation

The first phase which everyone knows about is Menstruation. This is typically days 1-5 of the cycle and this is when bleeding occurs. Hormone levels are low, lower energy, we can experience physical discomfort such as cramps and headaches, we are more prone to mood swings and irritability.

Follicular

The next phase is the Follicular phase, usually days 6-14,

Illustration by Annick Harvey

where your body prepares for ovulation. Our oestrogen levels increase, we have more energy, more motivation and feeling more sociable and creative.

Ovulation

Day 14 is Ovulation. This is halfway through the cycle and oestrogen levels peak; this is when we are feeling our most confident and our sexual desire is heightened. This is also the optimum time to get pregnant.

Luteal

The last phase is the Luteal phase where progesterone levels decrease and we start to see changes in our mood, we are more irritable and may experience more anxiety and feel tired.

Learning about this has been so important for me as I have learnt to recognize what phase I am in and what I need to do to care for myself during that. We’re not even taught about how amazing our Follicular and Ovulatory phases are.

No wonder why we are so tired all the time, no wonder why PMS makes us hate ourselves, make us want to break up with our partners, and quit our job, no wonder why periods can be so painful that sometimes we can’t get out of bed.

Because we are not taught how to care for ourselves.

For me personally, I don’t think I could ever go back to taking synthetic hormones. I understand some people don’t get this choice, so I’m grateful that I do. But if this is something you’ve been considering for a while, talk to someone who knows what they are talking about; specialists, OB-GYNs, or naturopaths for a more holistic approach if that’s what you’re into.

My biggest advice to anyone thinking about a pill-free life is research all methods of contraception. Not everyone reacts the same. My friends are on the pill, and they are okay! My body just didn’t react well to the pill and that’s also okay.

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14 26 18

Sexcapades Big-O or big-no I’m a 22-year-old chick, I’ve got 4 vibrators, a series of ex boyfriends, 2 hands and 0 orgasms. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.

The thing is, I love sex. I love getting dicked down in Dallas. Some people play social netball as a hobby, not me. I shag.

When I was 16, I got glange, binged Sex And The City over the course of a week, and during my sickly, emotional and very vulnerable state, I connected with the horny queen, Samantha Jones. Since then, I’ve based my entire personality on her - yes, I’m even studying to become a PR queen, and sometimes don’t wear underwear to work just to have a naughty little secret for the day.

So, tell me why whenever I get my kit off and do the dirty with a lad, I’m 0.5 seconds from having what I can only assume is a glorious big-O, when bang. Out of nowhere, the pleasure escapes me.

The mental cock block hits, my body tenses, the tingles evaporate and one of life’s greatest gifts is no longer within reach. I end up with more anxiety in me than a shaky li’l chihuahua and usually end up lying there, furrowing my brow, faking a big-O so boo thang doesn’t feel shit, and wondering who I pissed off to be given this absolutely povo curse.

The same thing happens when I use a toy

or my hands. It’s like the moment is there for the taking and then it’s snatched away. I can enjoy the entire journey but as soon as I’m close to the destination, the car breaks down, the plane turns around, the vibe goes flat mid mastie. Every single disappointment in the world hits me all at once. I genuinely want to scream.

Meditation hasn’t helped, being super comfortable with my shagging buddy hasn’t helped, nor has alcohol or chatting it through with my gals. I am genuinely at a loss, and can’t help but wonder, will I ever get the chance to have a sheet gripping experience?

---

Happy vibes always, Use code BIGOBIGNO15 for 15% off at girlsgetoff.co.nz

This story was written by Girls Get Off Instagram: @girlsgetoff Website: girlsgetoff.co.nz

Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story?

Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours

19

Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Hey Pocket, I slept with my classmate but neither of us have talked about it. How do I avoid that dreaded awkwardness Monday morning?

Yes, the dreaded feeling of awkwardness. A symptom of humanity I gladly avoid myself. Throughout my perceptive existence I have been able to spot this condition. I know what you have done. The awkward looks at one another passing through the corridors speak volumes; how tragic. If you have tried simply acting aloof – a talent I have mastered – you could do that little wave of acknowledgement. I have noticed this act could be more awkward than the fact you’ve seen each other naked. Honestly, there is only two things you could do; don’t show up to class or do and pretend not to see each other. This tactic seems to suffice for the myriad other students who have done the exact same thing.

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Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered?

DM Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Aries

Aquarius

Pisces

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Mar 21 - Apr 19

On the floor – The bed is a sure bet, but is the floor uncharted territory? If so, give it a go now you can really sing along to ‘It Wasn’t Me’, and bang on the bathroom floor.

Missionary – You’re feeling classic this week, but classic doesn’t mean boring.

Spice up missionary with a vibrator or your sex toy of preference and set a rhythm.

69 – You’re a natural multitasker this week Aries. So, I recommend putting your talents to some use and get sixtynine-ing.

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Apr 20 - May 20

May 21 - June 21

June 22 - July 22

Slow and sensual bath time – You are feeling extra luxurious this week so why should sex be any different? Draw a bath and get busy. Bubbles and candles really set the mood.

By yourself - It’s time for self-reflection this week Gemini. Take some time out yourself and figure out what you really like.

Cowgirl/Cowboy – You’re on top this week, Cancer. Saddle up and take a ride in style.

Leo

Virgo

Libra

July 23 - Aug 22

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Sep 23 - Oct 23

Going down – If you feel like this week is going down the toilet, might I suggest going down. Get in on the ground floor with some good old fashioned oral. Give, receive, and bask in pleasure.

Wheelbarrow – Like Aries, you’re multitasking. This position will really give those arms and legs a workout. The cosmos knows you’ve been skipping the gym.

Doggy – This week is going to be on the rougher side for you Libra. You need a sure-fire release, go back to basics, and lean into your animalistic side with some doggy style.

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Oct 24 - Nov 21

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Against the wall – Sex doesn’t have to be horizontal and Scorpio, you’ve been quite up and down recently. Why not embrace the vertical and bang against a wall?

Standing – Standing still isn’t the go this week, Sagittarius. Have you tried standing sex? Perhaps branch out? Don’t skip leg day, you need the support.

Tabletop – You’ve been busy working at that desk so don’t forget a work/life balance. Tabletops have other uses, *hint hint* get busy doing something pleasurable.

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avascript:;

Basic Witch

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

A humble review brought to you by a local Witch-about-Wellington, reviewing the places and things that will help you develop your pagan practices, revel in your arcane knowledge, and ascend to your highest self.

Place:

Spotlight Wellington 4 stars ★ ★ ★ ★

Illustration by Eden Laing

There are seven suburbs in Wellington that start with the letter ‘K’, and Kaiwharawhara is the most cursed.

I don’t mean that in any kind of generalised sense, I happen to know a lot of talented hexers who are either heavily anti-industrial or spiteful about being overcharged at the panel beaters. The Spotlight here is a frequent haunt of mine, as I am often there for trussing twine, carving tools, fondant, polystyrene heads, and scissors. The issue with craft scissors is that they aren’t always sharp enough for a witch’s wants. Fabric scissors are delightfully keen, with small serrations perfect for myriad magical purposes, so they usually end up in my cart. Not a full five stars because they make the underpaid staff ask what project I’m working on and that’s none of their business.

Place:

Wellington Airport 1 stars ★

This week, I was visiting Rongotai to attend a witches’ knitting circle. After we finished, I took off back home afterwards on my broom from the top of Spruce Goose (that’s where we meet). I had barely made it into an updraft when I was forced to land by a flying witch’s second worst enemy, the civil aviation authority (our first enemy is large, well-cleaned windows. We’re prone to bird strike in major cities.). I had to sit in a holding area in Wellington Airport for almost three hours while they established that I was not, in fact, a drone or lightweight personal aircraft, and am instead a mostly human person. Turns out, they don’t have protocol for that, and I was eventually released. It was a wildly demoralising experience, not least because a sandwich was $18. My advice; fly low until you get to Lyall Bay!

Album:

Soft Brutality by Marianna Hardly and the Wailing Keys 5 stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

This soulful local group of fusion post-industrial-blues-rock-neo-noise-goblin-punk-half-wave-newmetal players are real up-and-comers in the scene. Originally hailing from outer Wairarapa, the trio of reanimated corpses made the big move over the hill to Welly both to kickstart their careers as a live act, and to escape some of the prejudice they get in more rural areas for their ghoulish, peeling appearance.

The meaty guitar riffs, moving yet incomprehensible lyricism, enchanting back up wailing, and the unconventional use of the accordion really bring the vibe of the album together.

22

Abiding to My Own Dress Code

By Elizabeth Chan

“The way I dress doesn’t equal consent.”

You’ve probably heard that statement or seen some female empowerment posts on social media centring around that message.

The message is out there and to prove that you’re not a chauvinist pig or a trad wife, you immediately hit the ‘like’ button or even share it on your Instagram story to show that you’re a human being who gets involved with human rights. Maybe you were confused by this message like I was, and didn’t know the connotations behind. Maybe you wholly agree with that message and genuinely shares similar content on your socials.

Yet, is that message ever incorporated in real life today?

Can a woman ever go anywhere by herself in a dark secluded area without worrying about her surroundings or the way she’s dressed? Whether she’s dressed “un-sexily” enough to not attract some unwanted attention?

Rather than just a feminist/female empowerment post to share to your Instagram story or something to Tweet about in X (can never get used to Twitter’s re-branding), this is a call to action.

Dressing to Express or Impress?

There were a couple of instances in Malaysia where I got several rude roving stares just because I donned a crop top that showed my midriff. It wasn’t even a top that was too revealing, yet several men stared, not looked, stared at me up and down, as if my crop top gave them my consent to stare.

Now that I’m on the topic of consent and ‘revealing’ clothes, I expect that our readers would be sensible enough to at least wear some clothes and not wear anything that tends to accidentally expose their genitals. My friends and I were just talking about this TikTok video where this lady accidentally saw another woman’s private part because she wasn’t wearing anything under there. She basically made a great argument about how people would inevitably look at you if you have your genitals on display.

So, basically, there are clauses to my message. In other words, wear clothes that clearly show that you are wearing some clothes.

Back to the beginning of my story of dressing up, there was a time where I began dressing to impress in order to “be like

24

the other girls” by wearing shorts when I was a tween and I became worried about how my former guy friend (former, because he started getting creepy) would think of me if I just wore jeans all the time.

After a while, I stopped dressing to impress and started dressing to express. I went back to donning jeans and culottes because I was (and still am) a clean freak while matching them with a cropped tee because I like choosing both comfort and style. I felt much better being myself because I stopped worrying about what my outfit would say about the type of person I was.

This got me thinking, is it our fault for dressing to impress and will people stop associating the way one dresses with consent once we begin dressing to express?

The answer is, no and probably not.

Dressing to impress is so normalised in our society with all the movies glorifying the male gaze by connecting types of outfits to consent, so it’s definitely not our fault for wanting to dress to impress.

No matter how much I try not to care about what others think of me, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t worn a pair of shorter shorts out just to look like one of the ‘it girls’ in high school at least once my life. Yet, there is nothing wrong with wearing shorter shorts and some of us may want this attention. But it’s up to us to decide what to wear and no one has the right to tell us otherwise, whether it be culottes or shorts.

There was also one other thing I noticed about dress codes and consent: it all depends on the type of culture your society lives in.

For example, my home country is extremely conservative and strict on dress codes for religious reasons. Because of that, even though I was wearing culottes, I still got roving stares just because I wore a cropped tee that showed my midriff. That one other time I wore denim shorts, people not only stared at me but tried to touch me and get uncomfortably close to me.

So, although I began wearing what I wanted to wear, changing my attitude towards picking my OOTD did not singlehandedly eliminate the problem because many men in my district weren’t educated to not stare at and try to touch a woman depending on what she wore.

In contrast, I noticed there’s more freedom of expression in Aotearoa because people have been educated on consent.

With that being said, unfortunately, sexist attitudes to what women wear still persist.

But what you can do is to continue wearing what you want to wear, be assertive in saying when it’s not okay to be touched or get too close to and most importantly, stop normalising sexist behaviour.

Basically, dear readers, stand up for each other and keep wearing what you like!

Illustration by Eden Laing

Weaving Mātauranga Māori into sex education

By Cameron McCausland-Taylor

TW: Sexual assault

Yes, he’s an adult that has to front up to his actions, which he did wholeheartedly. This is not me saying he has no fault in the matter. But we live in a very individualistic Western world, conflicting with te ao Māori in which collectivism and community are key components. I couldn’t look at the individual without looking at the wider context in which he was placed, with a startling lack of sex education at the centre. Being assaulted also exacerbated issues I already had with sex; these feelings that I had to hypersexualise myself as a fat woman who had grown up being called “ugly”. These feelings that my body was my currency in this world, that it was all I was worthy of giving, a meaningless quest to prove I was desirable. Of course, it was a vicious cycle that never proved shit, but that I found so difficult to detach from for a long time.

The Internet taught me everything about sex. I was never really taught about it in school, and I wasn’t taught by any parents or adults in my life. I looked to the world wide web for guidance, which unfortunately, is a common experience.

Sadly, this is also the way I learnt that I had been sexually assaulted by ‘stealthing’, or non-consensual condom removal. If you haven’t heard of stealthing, I wouldn’t be surprised, given the little information there is about it. Luckily, this is changing, and there’s a much greater awareness of it now than when it happened to me.

In preparing for this essay, I came across an article that has assisted me in reframing how I look at sex through Mātauranga Māori: Indigenous (Māori) sexual health psychologies in New Zealand: Delivering culturally congruent sexuality education by Jade Le Grice and Virginia Braun. Provided in the article is a table of sexual health psychologies and Mātauranga Māori. This article is SENSATIONAL and it’s just what we need in Aotearoa.

I would consider myself somewhat of a sex education enthusiast. It is one of my core beliefs that we all deserve access to excellent sex education, and that as humans, we are on a lifelong learning journey on the subject until our demise. However, despite those emotions of enthusiasm and excitement, my relationship with sex has also been, and still is, very fraught with tension, shame and pain. I’ve seen a lack of sex education land me in some dangerous situations, and am now on a healing journey towards reframing how I view sex. In a recent discovery, I’m also learning how to use Mātauranga Māori in that journey.

These conversations are vulnerable and uncomfortable, but I share them in hopes it may help someone else. This is the kōrero I needed to hear a long time ago.

I made the very risky decision to take my case to court, but was one of the lucky ones who actually got a decent outcome (shocking, I know). My case took 18 months to resolve, and at the beginning, I was filled with so much hate and rage, the pain still raw. However, over time, I was provided with so much closure. I learnt about this man and his life, and I didn’t see a malicious human before me. I saw an ashamed, embarrassed young man who had been let down by everyone around him his entire life. From a young age, he was isolated from his peers, lacking in social skills and education on many things, including sex. His behaviour is in no way excused, but I empathised with his situation.

He had been failed by his wider network (Huge disclaimer; this is my own individual scenario. I’m not saying everyone should empathise/forgive their assaulters, ‘cause I bet most of them don’t deserve it).

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One of the mātauranga listed is “Relationships involve an acknowledgement of one another’s sacredness (e.g. notion of tapu).” In many of my sexual encounters, I wasn’t acknowledging my tapu or the tapu of the other person involved. These interactions felt transactional for me, a shitty coping mechanism to fulfil a fixation on desirability and worthiness. I wasn’t only doing myself a disservice, but I was doing a disservice to them, which is unfair. Now, being in a loving relationship, I acknowledge that during sex, it’s an energy exchange between us. I not only acknowledge both of our tapu, I honour it.

Another mātauranga Māori listed reads “Considering sex as a taonga engages positive sexual agency and a discourse of erotics.” I absolutely LOVE everything about this. For a long time, the casual sex I was having left me feeling super empty, especially because a lot of it was lacking in aftercare.

Newsflash; no matter who you’re engaging in intercourse with, AFTERCARE IS KEY. Showing manaakitanga for

someone post-sex doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship with them, bro. It’s just common decency. Whether it’s with someone you love or someone you just met, you deserve to have the taonga of joyful intercourse and joyful aftercare.

Lastly, two more that really stuck out to me was, “Cultures of secrecy and silence around sexuality are antagonistic to learning,” and “Talking about sex is not tapu, both women and men can talk about sex without judgement.” Many young adults, including me and my offender, hold distorted views of sex and relationships. We were brought up in environments where we weren’t properly educated by the network around us, taught that sex was bad and shouldn’t be spoken about. I can remember a handful of times when sex came up in conversation with my parents, and their reactions were enough for me to internalise that those topics should be off-limits between us. It shouldn’t be like that, e te whānau!

Sex education and all the nitty gritty it includes, even the most uncomfortable topics like sexual assault, NEED to be normalised. Even more than normalisation, our sex education in this country needs to have a te ao Māori lens woven into it. I imagine an alternate world in which me and my offender grew up in a world with that type of sex education normalised in our respective environments; might things have turned out different? I like to think so. The proper sex education from a te ao Māori point of view could radically change, and even save, lives. I’ve said it many times and you know what? I’ll say it again; what’s best for Māori is best for everyone.

Glossary:

Kōrero - conversation, discussion, etc

Te ao Māori - the Māori world

Tapu - be sacred, prohibited, etc Taonga - treasure

Manaakitanga - kindness, generosity, etc

27

“You saved me, hero!

Wanna bang?”

By Aiden Charles (he/they)

Video games are an incredible medium. They let us interact with worlds and characters we would never see in our usual day to day. They allow us to become the lead in a fictional story of our choosing, be it the hero or villain, or maybe just some Joe Bloggs trying to get by. They’re a space for narrative exploration and interactivity like no other.

So of course, when people realised you could use them to get off, they did just that.

Sex and sexual content have been in video games since the early days. While not appearing as often within the mainstream ‘til much later down the line, even the retro Atari systems saw high levels of sexual content appearing occasionally, with games like Custer’s Revenge becoming notorious and very convincing arguments for video games corrupting the minds of our children. Keep in mind that games at this point were still seen more as toys for kids as opposed to a pastime for all ages to enjoy, so any content of the hyperviolent or sexual variety was a big no no.

But we’re not here to talk about the disgusting garbage that is Custer’s Revenge, we’re here to discuss MY thoughts regarding sex in video games, because this is my article, not yours.

When I was eight, I played the original God of War (2005) on PlayStation 2, an amazingly fun and violent spectacle which saw main-man Kratos carve a path across ancient Greece on his quest to destroy the titular God of War, Ares. Being one of the edgiest games ever, it was full of gore, angry shirtless men screaming, and of course a heaping pile of objectified nameless female characters. It’s a game which was made to appeal to the teenage boy market, not eightyear-old Aiden. So, you can probably imagine my shock and surprise when after beating the first level I was given the option to perform a sex minigame with two women for upgrade points. Seemingly knowing the majority of the player base would perform this minigame, out of horniness or comical shock, the developers made the number of points you’d earn from it the exact amount you’d need for the first weapon upgrade.

Being eight, I threw my controller down and ran away ‘cause nudity was not what I had expected that evening. I don’t think I even picked up God of War again until the age of 12, having been slightly scarred by my initial playthrough when I was a young’un.

But now we get to the meat of this article – whyyyyy? From

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a narrative standpoint it doesn’t make sense, as Kratos is doing everything to try to avenge the death of his wife and daughter. He’s meant to be a family man, yet he’s having the most sex possible whenever he can. From a narrative design standpoint, it’s just plain creepy. You beat the first boss, CONGRATS! Have a threesome for your efforts. It serves nothing, it’s just there as stimulation for the player.

At best, the average player would get a chuckle and some points out of it, but we all know that it wasn’t put in to just appeal to someone playing. Its literally there so teenage boys can feel a sense of gratification and satisfaction for doing good at the previous level. It’s porn; comically overdone moans, and all. Keep in mind you don’t see the act itself, but you hear everything while watching a vase shake about wildly.

I think when done correctly, sex in a narrative can work. This is not correctly,; this is literally just TnA for the lads-lads out there.

While linear games like God of War have it, it’s the more open ones that tackle sex in a… variety of ways.

Classic example: Grand Theft Auto! Strip clubs full of women who are there for you and you alone, with the player being incentivised to break the clubs ‘no touching!’ policy to increase their chosen stripper’s LIKE meter. Get it high enough, you can take her home for some off screen-sex and ask for her number so you can engage in off-screen sex whenever you damn please.

Games would only continue to realise that sex could be forced in whenever the developers wanted. The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings, saw Geralt be rewarded with sex from an elf lady for saving her from a fire. A very graphic sex scene that is essentially shot like porn. What purpose does this serve? It’s a cutscene made to stimulate the player. You could argue there’s a roleplaying aspect to it, but if you’re arguing that then I personally think you should stop talking.

While Witcher 3 toned down how graphic the scenes were, reusing the same animations and moans in nearly every sexual encounter, that didn’t stop the player base creating their own fantasies. While we can’t hold developers responsible for the creations of independent modders, they did leave all the tools there for mods to be made.

It’s the same with Skyrim, a game made without ANY sexual content in mind, but due to Rule 34 (where there is something, there is porn), people of course have gone to

hell and back to sexualise and degrade the NPCs, especially the female ones, as much as they can.

While bad, these games aren’t even the worst offenders.

I want to make it clear; sex can be done right in video games. Mass Effect features a variety of tastefully shot sex-scenes for both the binary male and binary female player customisation options in the game. Your character can be gay, straight, bi, even have interspecies relationships with the alien cast. These romance scenes, however, occur near to the end of the main story, and only after hours upon hours of relationship building with the character you’ve chosen to chat-up during that playthrough. And the scenes aren’t graphic, just kissing with implied nudity from both parties, before fading to black. They’re made to be appealing to all players, not just a patriarchal fantasy of deserving a reward for saving a woman’s life.

Honestly, I’m at a loss here. Games should be a medium for all players to enjoy, out of place sexual material included, yet the content present seemingly always fall into nasty, misogynistic, and overly sexualised. I think games just need to do better. Like it or not, sex is going to be in games as long as games exist. And it CAN be done well. Like in film, it can be used to show love and connection, even be used for comedic purposes to relieve tension. Even the most testosterone-fuelled game on Earth, Wolfenstein: The New Order (amazing shooter, please go play it, one of my favourites), features an incredibly touching, amazingly shot, toned down sex scene between the two leads. One where they’re out of focus in the corner while main man William ‘BJ’ Blazkowics narrates about sometimes when everything’s terrible, you just need to feel human again.

Later in the game there’s a rather graphic, clothed scene between the two leads, played for laughs initially with the other characters overhearing and essentially going “what, again??”, before cutting to the act itself, with the leads stopping mid-sex to talk about how they want a life together once the world’s back to normal. Graphic, but not shot for any gaze, just storytelling purposes, showing humanity surviving in a Nazi controlled post-WW2 world.

Not every game is trying to be a narrative masterpiece, or commentary on the nature of our species. For every Wolfenstein, there is a GTA, and for every well-shot, emotionally evocative sex scene, there is a piece of misogynistic, digital pornography.

But hey, the next Grand Theft Auto is meant to feature a female lead so who knows? Maybe we’ll start to see even the biggest offenders in the industry make a change…

Illustration by Eden Laing

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Down 1. Facial 2. Nip 3. Horny 4. Leash 5. Box 6. Lubricate 10. Flash 11. Missionary 12. Magicwand 14. Wet 15. Pegging 16. Amateur 18. Watersports 19. Bareback 20. Thirdbase 28. Breeding 31. Swings 33. Load 36. Cruising 38. Dry 39. Drip 40. Wee 41. Petting 43. Tits 44. Hung 46. Edging 48. Teabags 49. Finger 50. Cum 51. Pipe 53. Choking 56. Bonk 59. Rub 61. Anal 64. Bum 65. Gag

1. _____ pack, worn round the waist 3. Golf target 7. Connect to a network, say 8. Lotions and ointments 9. Complete 11. Brendan Frasier’s 1999 film The ____ 13. Lady horse wrangler 17. Always ____ on the pie 21. Dined 22. Bird or carpet 23. Elevator locale 24. Donkey 25. Sow’s fella 26. ______-me Elmo 27. Threaded Bunnings purchase 29. Subterranean plant system 30. Unclean 31. Sloth or pride, say 32. Uncooked

34. Jewellery strung with oyster product 35. Putting into port 37. Dam animal 42. Year of Woodstock 45. Flesh for eating 47. Hazel or Pine 49. Closed hand 52. Japanese manufacturer of construction and personal equipment 54. May have come first?

55. _____ out, may help with spelling 57. Clifford or Snowy, say 58. Servitude; slavery 60. Brain surrounds 62. Bend, as in a hose 63. Eraser to some 66. Type of toothed whale 67. Galas or round playthings 68. Prepare a paddock for planting 69. Mote of soot, or corn mould

Down:

1. Luxurious skincare treatment that may involve a cucumber 2. A small bite 3. Like the heads of bulls and rhinos 4. Dog tether 5. Vessel shoes and cereal are bought in 6. Oil up 10. Great for nighttime photography 11. Travelling religious salesman 12. Wizard’s stick 14. Is water this?

15. Securing a tent or laundry 16. Novice 18. Diving, swimming, and canoeing, say 19. Riding without a saddle 20. One before home, in baseball 28. Procreating 31. Playground equipment you mustn’t walk in front of 33. To fill a vehicle or container; burden

Answer key Across: 1. Fanny 3. Hole 7. Hookup 8. Creams 9. Finish 11. Mummy 13. Cowgirl 17. Blow 21. Ate 22. Shag 23. Shaft 24. Ass 25. Hog 26. Tickle 27. Screw 29. Root 30. Dirty 31. Sin 32. Raw 34. Pearlnecklace 35. Docking 37. Beaver 42. Sixtynine 45. Meat 47. Nut 49. Fist 52. Hitachi 54. Egg 55. Sounding 57. Doggy 58. Bondage 60. Head 62. Kink 63. Rubber 66. Sperm 67. Balls 68. Plough 69. Smut

Across:

that is carried 36. Flying at altitude 38. Arid; parched 39. Swag, or what a tap might do 40. Very small 41. Activity at (and name of) a certain type of zoo 43. Crude bird family 44. Like a painting… or a horse 46. Outlining; border 48. Units of Earl Grey 49. Index or middle 50. Summa ___ Laude 51. What Holmes famously smoked with 53. _____ hazard, not suitable for under 3’s.

56. Onomatopoeia of cartoon hammer 59. Barbecue flavour application 61. Uptight, particular 64. Homeless person (derogatory) 65. A funny