MASSIVE Issue 12: The Film Issue

MASSIVE The Film Issue

MAY 29/2023

Cover by Annick Harvey

Issue 12

Editor’s letter The film issue Kia ora koutou, This week marks the end of uni for a little while, so roll out the red carpet and enjoy some sofa time. We’re getting into the spirit with an entertaining film issue, where we froth over and rip films, with the renowned boldness of your fave student mag.

We interrogate stereotypes and fads in current cinema and delve into the world of film scores, Marvel, and teenage acting careers. Pocket gives us her picks of furry good flicks and there’s some very useful advice in the horoscopes this week to keep the plotline of your life on a good track. Grab popcorn, dim the lights, and enjoy the show! We will see you in July after a little break.

Leila x

What to look forward to News

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Features Dear Marvel

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Best film soundtracks and scores

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Opinions on Asian Representation in Films

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Disney in Te Reo Māori

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Sigma Cinema, WTF Even is This Trend?

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Confessions of a teen short film actor

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Columns Sexcapades

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Solicited Advice

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Horoscopes

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Editor Leila Lois Designer Emily Wilson News Editor Sammy Carter Sub Editor Tui Lou Christie Staff Writer Aiden Charles Staff Writer Elizabeth Chan News Reporter Tegan Jaggard Feature Editor Molly Richards Illustrator Annick Harvey Illustrator Eden Laing Te Ao Māori Editor Cameron McCausland-Taylor

MASSIVE NEWS

29 MAY 2023

WEEKLY NEWS Straight actor Pedro Pascal’s new role as a gay man sparks debate Tegan Jaggard she/her

Massey representatives say queer actors bring authenticity and personal experience to queer roles that a straight, cis actor may not be able to achieve.

Short film Strange Way of Life, starring straight men Ethan Hawke and Pedro Pascal as two cowboys who fall in love, premiered at Cannes Film Festival this month. The film has sparked debate of weather straight, cis people should play queer roles.

Connor Mcleod, Diversity and Inclusion Advisor for Massey, said, “We need to recognise the value queer and trans actors bring to their performances due to their personal experiences and authentic insights”.

He felt it was important to recognise the “potential harm cis-het performers may cause or perpetuate due to caricaturising queer people or not addressing the invisibilisation of our people”.

While Mcleod wouldn’t advocate for a blanket ban of non-LGBTQIA+ actors playing queer-centred roles, he would encourage creators to “explore the delicate balance between inclusion and erasure, and to consult our communities along the way”.

He said it was important to consider the wider context being that LGBTQIA+ people face a range of inequities and barriers both within the entertainment industry and in wider

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society.

Distance rainbow rep for Te Tira Ahu Pae, Carlee Gregory, said, “Ideally, queer roles would be played by queer actors to lend authenticity”.

However, “whether the actor is the right fit for a part is more important than their real-life sexuality”.

Gregory said, “there is no corresponding controversy when queer actors play straight characters”.

Director of Strange Way of Life, Pedro Almodóvar, is a Spanish writer whose movies are often progressive and challenging traditional ideas, including themes such as transgenderism and homosexuality.

The debate gets more complicated as Almodóvar himself is openly gay, however, he does not see himself as a “gay filmmaker”.

Rather, the director’s films focus on the universal feeling of passion between people of all sexualities.

Strange Way of Life revolves around a pair of former hired gunslingers in the Old West. The two reconnect after working together more than 25 years earlier. However, it soon becomes clear that the reason for their meeting is not strictly friendly or coincidental.

The short film was released overseas to the public in Spanish theatres last Friday.

Director Pedro Almodóvar is openly gay but doesn’t see himself as a “gay filmmaker”. Photo / The Playlist

MASSIVE NEWS

Thief sneaks into Massey design lab “on a quest” Sammy Carter (she/her)

Despite four police officers, two security guards, and three students, a thief has managed to escape with student property by climbing through vents and jumping down from ceilings.

On Tuesday the 16th of May, a man came into the Wellington concept design lab and left with a tote bag full of student belongings.

Design student Shaun Henderson was the only person to witness the entire incident.

“He kept saying he was on a quest, and he kept saying he was Luke Skywalker,” Henderson said.

After arriving to Uni at 9:15am, Henderson was alone at the lab when a man wandered in at 9:40am.

The man tried on past student’s cosplay and prop projects and kept a helmet on most of the time to cover his face.

Student witnesses said the man was very skinny, blue or grey eyes, and had a tattoo on his right forearm, potentially of a sword. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a black T-shirt with a graphic on it.

After half an hour, Master student Sara Fernańdez arrived, and the man ignored the students as they asked him to stop touching stuff that wasn’t his.

Eventually the man spoke up, Henderson said, “He was real adamant that it was his and that he was gonna take it all.”

Henderson called security around 10:25am, but they took longer to get there than he expected. After calling security twice, they showed up around 15 minutes later.

The man continued to explore and started filling up his tote bag with stuff while security and the students waited for police to arrive.

Just before police arrived, the thief ran into a small, unlocked door that led up to the vents.

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“He scuttled up real quick,” Henderson said.

A police officer ran up after the man, but after hearing a loud thump the students turned around and the man had jumped down from the ceiling vents at the other side of the room and was running away.

“He drops down behind us and just runs out of the building”.

Henderson said, “He wasn’t there mentally as far as I know. I asked if he was on anything and he said, ‘No, I wish I was’.”

The man’s tote bag was full when he left, however, only a few stolen things had been identified including Fernańdez’s tripod and another student’s EFTPOS, bus, and Massey swipe card. These have since been deactivated.

The thief attempted to take a student’s Xbox and glasses but gave it back to the student when he asked nicely.

In response to Henderson’s experience of security taking 15 minutes to arrive, a Massey University spokesperson said a member of security, who was already in the building, attended the scene as soon as they received the call.

“There has been an increase in training for security around recognising

students at risk and the introduction of standard operating procedures for incident response, which are regularly reviewed.”

The spokesperson said Massey had taken steps in recent years to ensure campuses are safe, including increased lighting in poorly lit areas, and security cameras in car parks and around building entrances.

Witness Sara Fernańdez is an international student from Colombia, “The fact that everyone can enter, it was spooky for me at the end of the day.”

“I think that is the most frustrating, that he escaped with the police here,” she said.

“He told me, ‘I am a Jedi’.”

She approached him to make sure he didn’t take more, “When I touched him, he reacted like ‘don’t touch me’… He was such a crazy man.”

The university has since put locks on the doors to the lab vents and added a 24/7 swipe card access to Block 10 and the lab entrance. It has also increased security in the area and was looking into getting design students lockers for their valuables.

If you find yourself in an unsafe situation on any Massey campus, you can call security on 0800 627 750.

A witness snapped one picture of the thief hiding under a lighting lamp. Photo / Shaun Henderson

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MASSIVE NEWS

‘So wholesome’: Students show off their creations at Massey Halls market day Sammy Carter (she/her)

A Wellington Massey Hall market day was a safe space for students to show off their artistic creations for the first time.

Students sold crochet, crystals, paintings, drawings, jewellery, and much more at a market day at first year hall, Kāinga Rua, on the 16th of May. Flatmates Tamar van Niekerk and Anovshka van Boekhout-McKenzie were drawing one-minute portraits for $2 dollars each.

The pair were inspired by Wellington market, PARK(ing) Day, where an artist was doing one-minute paintings, “I thought it’s something we could do,” Boekhout-McKenzie said.

Niekerk said it was their first time ever doing a market stall and it made it fun having people they knew around, “It’s not too intimidating.”

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“It’s been so wholesome”, Niekerk said.

After such a good experience, they wanted to do more markets together.

The artists had their two other flatmates and friends at the stall supporting them.

Phoebe Ingram started crocheting a year and a half before deciding to sell a table full of chunky yarn beanies and more.

“We saw that the halls were doing a market day and my mum told me, ‘you need to get involved’.”

“It’s a nice introduction to a larger scale market,” she said, “It’s a cosy start off kind of thing.”

Ru Allpress had her business called Ru Creates for five years, starting in Year 9 with scrunchies, and evolving into jewellery and tote bags.

Her table had a range of handmade treasures, from her own artwork, to earrings, to knitted scarfs.

The business revolved around whatever she wanted to create, evolving with her new hobbies and interests.

She loved trying lots of hobbies and crafts, “I have way too many art

Danica Waters and Lucas Omidyar had almost completely sold out of their crochet creations after an hour.

Photo / Supplied

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supplies”.

“I love Spotlight. Going through the bead aisle is so fun,” Allpress said.

Danica Waters and Lucas Omidyar had almost completely sold out of their crochet creations after an hour.

Waters said, “We were really worried we weren’t gonna sell anything.”

“It’s nice having it as a smaller event, it’s nice having people you know around.”

Eli Armstrong had been running a crystal business for 3 years.

While he used to do around 12 markets a year, it was his first market since starting university.

He said it was a chill event to get back into it, “It’s not a stressful environment.”

The business, Celestial Creations, all started when Armstrong was bored in Year 10 and went to Spotlight and bought beads to make jewellery.

In 2022, his small business won him the Young Enterprise Scheme and he left high school a year early to study at Massey.

Originally from Palmerston North, Armstrong felt it was nice to bring a piece of home to Wellington and show his hall friends.

Second year student, Tay, was sharing a table with the creations of her three flatmates, Jaisy, Will and Bell.

With her hall’s bedroom filled with plants, Tay made 60 cuttings of a golden poco plant.

Tay said she would do another market day at the halls, “It’s fun here”.

It was design student Lucia Stoneman’s first market day. She was selling cat stickers, “They’re doodles from my books, really obscure little cats”.

She said she’d not only enjoyed the market but learnt a lot.

MASSIVE NEWS

29 MAY 2023

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New social platform Kāhui Irarau aims to create more rainbow inclusive spaces at Massey campuses Maisie Arnold-Barron (she/her)

Massey’s Wellington campus, usually empty of all life on Fridays, was full of excitement from the launch of a new queer platform, Kāhui Irarau.

One of those at the launch on the 19th of May, second-year student Pfuma Mahowa said Kāhui Irarau fulfils a need for more rainbow support on campus.

“It’s really beneficial to have a community that aids young people who might be coming to their identities with a safe and positive space.”

Over the years, there had been concerns from students that Massey needs to offer more support for rainbow and takatāpui communities.

Mahowa said, “It just proves that Massey is open to everyone. Having a space for another group of people is amazing and expanding it into our community ensures everyone’s safety.

I think it’s just the best.”

Kāhui Irarau is a Massey-run social platform that promotes, plans, and hosts events for rainbow and takatāpui staff, students and their whānau.

Kāhui Irarau’s policies strive to make Massey safer and more inclusive.

According to Kāhui Irarau policy: Staff are encouraged to use genderinclusive language, campuses will have easily accessible gender-neutral bathrooms, all accommodation halls must accept all gender identities and provide “rainbow focused spaces”.

At the Kāhui Irarau community launch event with drinks and nibbles, Amy Heise, executive director of the student experience at Massey, said a challenge to further resource rainbow communities had been discussed for over three years.

Connor Mcleod, Massey University

“Our rainbow takatāpui and people, we are natural to this country”, says Kāhui Irarau visionary Connor Mcleod.

Photo / Supplied

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diversity and inclusion adviser and visionary explained how the brand got its name. “Kāhui’ is a gathering, as a constellation, or as a flock of manu (birds). ‘Irarau’ either speaks to your gender, your life principle, and unique genetic makeup.”

The design and artistry of Kāhui Irarau was led by Michael Kelly, the creative director of Toi Rauwhārangi Massey College of Creative Arts and his entirely queer creative team. The colour palette was carefully curated and inspired by native birds: tūī, kererū and kākā.

Kāhui Irarau’s first significant events were held at Massey’s rainbow orientation week, with over 600 students in attendance.

The rainbow events were picking up momentous attention across all three campuses. Gunch (lunch but gay) was the final Wellington rainbow orientation event that 85 students attended.

Mcleod said, “Our rainbow and takatāpui people, we are natural to this country, and we are natural to this Earth. We’ve always been here, and we always will. We might have different feathers, and we might have different voices, but that’s who we are and we belong here.”

Massey alum and staff member Kiran Morar said the platform’s launch acknowledges Massey’s prominent queer culture.

He said, “Historically, Uni Q’s have had to be student managed. A universityrun rainbow platform is a nice focus on our growing queer populations at our Wellington and other Massey Campuses.”

Kāhui Irarau hosted a Queer affirming Glitz and Grab at Wellington campus and the Manawatū campus last week.

The Auckland event will take place this Tuesday 30th of May in the Student Lounge.

All event donations go to Gender Minorities Aotearoa, a nationwide organisation run by and for transgender people.

Follow @kahui_irarua on Instagram and Facebook to stay updated on upcoming events and initiatives.

Dear Marvel, we don’t want your forced ‘girl power’

By Megan Rostron (she/her)

When a million shots of Scarlett Johansson’s behind are replaced with a scene showcasing women being strong and powerful, you’d take that as a win right? Wrong. With Marvel’s latest film Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 having been released earlier this month, it is worth taking a look into their past filmography and whether or not Marvel is actually moving with the times.

and a resentful “oh God,” as I watched the next painful three minutes of Marvel trying to be feminist-friendly.

This forced girl power scene seemed so out of place and unnecessary I am still shocked that anyone thought it had been executed effectively, or if there ever even was a way to do so.

For Marvel, the well-known Avengers: Endgame scene where all of the lead female characters come together and are shown fighting alongside each other is a great example.

The scene begins with Captain Marvel arriving on the battlefield and telling Spiderman that she will deliver the all-powerful gauntlet to safety and, essentially, save the day.

When questioned by Spiderman as to how she was going to achieve it, all of the female characters arrive on screen to show that they are going to help her.

What is so frustrating is that conveying positive girl power is possible. We have seen the success and positive response that Marvel’s Black Widow received, following being directed by a woman. Coincidence? I think not.

The idea of ‘girl power’ and having strong female roles in film are concepts that have grown in demand and popularity in recent years. When reflecting on films trying to be inclusive and stay current, we need to ask, are they exhibiting a true example of female empowerment, or does their attempt fall short to a rather embarrassing and quite frankly offensive forced ‘girl power’ moment?

The women then go off into the battle and are seen defeating the bad guys as a team. According to Endgame’s executive producer, Trihn Tran, the scene did not bode well with audiences even in test screenings. Tran revealed that the audiences felt the scene was pandering by simply “putting the scene in there just to put the scene in there”.

Audiences would rather the scene have been excluded entirely as it added nothing to the plot, so why put it in the first place? Of course, this is not Marvel's first dance with backlash regarding sexism in their films and certainly wasn’t the last. We have seen them go from critiques of the hyper-sexualisation of their female characters, to anger over them forcing a girl power moment, to the horrific shehulk reveal that none of us will ever forget.

So, while we have (hopefully) left the all-too-frequent cleavage and booty shots in the past, there is still a lot of work to be done. With their most recent films, and even more that are planned to be released, it will be interesting to see how, or even if, Marvel has actually taken this criticism into consideration. We can only hope that large and influential franchises such as the Marvel films actively try to do better and avoid any more pandering productions.

Cutting the scene from the movie entirely was considered, but Tran was determined that it would remain. This led to filming additional scenes of the female heroes fighting in smaller groups before coming together in an attempt to make the converging more seamless.

These changes did not make the scene feel any less pandering and insulting to viewers. Captain Marvel had just flown across the galaxy and now was needing help from characters who don’t possess anywhere near her abilities.

Instead of flying the gauntlet to safety, she remained on foot fighting alongside her female companions.

The lack of Captain Marvel using her abilities seemed entirely out of place and like an erasure of how powerful her character actually is. I myself can distinctly remember being 16 years old, in the cinema, and immediately having a bad taste in my mouth.

From the instant I saw the other female characters enter the screen, I knew what was happening. I let out a sigh

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Best film soundtracks and scores

By Molly Richards (she/her)

Have you ever watched an old film with no scoring? Like one your grandparents forced you to endure. Just dialogue and the sounds of silence. Chilling. Soundtracks and scoring are the lovers you only miss when they’re gone.

What I’m saying is it’s not something you really think about until it’s gone. Films today almost always have some form of scoring rolling through the speakers. It’s as much a part of the story as the characters on screen. From the early ‘60s, films would largely be accompanied by some impressive orchestral backing. This is still the case today but with some added spice. You have your big and building space opera masterpieces and pumped-up contemporary bangers. Think Guardians of the Galaxy. This week, I’ve decided to pluck out a variety of my favourite film scores and soundtracks in this hodgepodge list of cinematic masterpieces. You may disagree with my list but with my being the keyword, I’m not too sorry about it.

How to Train Your Dragon

How could I write this and not include this absolute banger of a score? 79 minutes of pure epic orchestral proficiency.

DreamWorks and John Powell had no business producing this. Over 30 percussion instruments captured my braincells and heart with an iron fist and refused to let them go.

Guardians of the Galaxy

A shift in gears but still a certified bop of a soundtrack.

Great to dance around to and fight off some aliens, who knew?

Star Wars and Lord of the rings

Circling back with some more epic scoring. In both these cult classics, the scoring plays a character that cannot be denied. I don’t know about you, but if you are in need of a tune to stomp down the halls at uni like a god, flood Darth Vader’s theme into your ears. In this vein, have you watched those music matters clips on Tik Tok or YouTube? The ones that show an iconic scene and then dub the original scoring with another. On topic, the scene where Darth Vader arrives back on the Death Star but rather than the iconic dundun dunda dun da da its swapped out with Spandau Ballet’s True. If you want to procrastinate some of that precious study time you had planned, I implore you to have a watch through these clips.

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Spirit

Moving right along, if you remember this film, I thank you.

Who knew a film about a wild and untameable mustang could have an opening song that goes so hard? If you feel like you want to simultaneously cry and run through a field, this is the film for you.

Pirates of the Caribbean

I pride myself on my Jack Sparrow run and the score for these films couldn’t be any more perfect.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Want to live your life in a Wes Anderson film? Romanticise your day with this soundtrack. Side note: If you see me and you’re listening to this please tell me, I love this film with my whole caffeine-fuelled heart.

The Lion King

Need I say more? Not only did this film open with a powerhouse tune but managed to keep up the energy throughout. You may find me randomly burst out singing The Circle of Life. It lives always rent free in my brain.

Burlesque, Grease, Hercules, Highschool Musical.

How could I not include these absolute classics! I present you the musical greats from my list and coming from this musical pessimist, it’s quite a feat. Sure, they may not be the greatest films ever made but bloody hell you can have a good boogie to them.

Honourable Mentions.

Now, unfortunately, I don’t have the words to go through my full list so for the sake of space I have added some honourable mentions. Obviously, the classics brought to you by Pixar; are Cars, Monster’s Inc. and Toy Story.

Staples from my childhood and the soundtrack to every primary school movie night. That Monster’s Inc. theme tune, you know the one I’m talking about. In the floating doors opening scene.... well, that saxophone randomly pops into my head at unexpected times. If you see me staring off into space, likely that’s what’s playing as elevator music in my brain.

Illustration by Kai Laing

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My Unfiltered Opinions on Asian Representation in Films

By Elizabeth Chan (she/her)

First of all, I love the fact that Hollywood is becoming more diverse and that they are including stories from racial minorities, unlike the old days.

And when I say the old days, I mean the cliché of some Asian man or woman who has a highly complicated past, who is somehow extremely committed to their family that conveniently complicates both their backstory and the plot of the movie, who spontaneously breaks out in their own mother tongue language just for the sake of showing that “this person is bilingual and Asian” while he or she speaks with a strong American accent for the rest of the film.

Aside from the stereotype associating the Asian character with maths and science, it all feels extremely overused and unrealistic, therefore massively cliché. It goes without saying, but most of us who are Asian or are of Asian descent do not talk or act like that in real life, not all of us have that much of a complicated past, and some of us (like me) don’t even know how to speak their mother tongue.

Thankfully, Hollywood has changed to feature more “authentic” films that show what it means to be Asian while recognising Asian cast members. Specifically, as a proud Malaysian, it was empowering to see Michelle Yeoh win the Oscar.

But just because I’m happy and proud that people who look like me are getting recognised and represented does not mean that I like the films that earned them awards.

Here are my honest, unfiltered opinions on films that feature and centre around Asian representation:

Crazy Rich Asians (2018):

You would think I would shower this acclaimed “old but gold” film since it garnered international praise for featuring Asians, namely Southeast Asians, as the stars. Wrong. This film is, in fact, the one I hate the most from this list.

Again, I am happy that Michelle Yeoh and Henry Golding, stars who hail from Malaysia, gained recognition from the film. But I still despise the film because it is extremely inauthentic. The biggest reason why I find the film inauthentic is because Singaporeans do not sound or talk like the way the cast did. Just like how Australia and Aotearoa are neighbouring countries that share a lot of similarities and are confused with each other by people from other parts of the world due to having a similar accent,

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Malaysia and Singapore are similar in that aspect, too. Both are neighbouring countries and people from both countries sound exactly the same while sharing the same accent. So, as a Malaysian, I can assure you that we do not sound or talk the way they did in the film.

Unless, of course, the characters have been born and raised in Western countries overseas, in which I’m aware that the protagonist, Rachel Chu, was a professor who lectured in New York.

That gives a valid reason for their accents, but then again, it changes the entire narrative of the story. Why does the film use characters who have spent their whole lives overseas and not in their native countries to represent “authentic” Asian representation? Won’t they be the ones who know the least about what it’s like to live in their native countries?

Also, I find the scene where the whole family gathers around this plant that has a flower that blossoms only once a year absurd. I’ve been to family gatherings, and I’ve never seen every member of the family so focused on seeing a flower.

If that ever happened to my family in real life, all the children would still be on their iPads or distracted with something they saw outside while the adults would still be talking. The book might have been better, as all books are compared to their movie counterparts, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still loathe this film with an unbridled passion.

Parasite (2019):

I did not understand this film and had to go to YouTube to watch explanations of the themes of the movie. In hindsight, the fact that I had to research the meaning of a movie I just watched shows that the film did not convey the events of the plot clearly. However, it is an arthouse film, which is why I did not fall under the niche market it was aimed at.

Although, it succeeded in making me feel disturbed and horrified, rather than the traditional horror movie involving some supernatural being to add the horror factor. It also conveyed the social class difference clearly. Because I’m not South Korean, I cannot say whether the film was authentic enough. However, personally, watching a movie take place in the settings of the native country of the characters and watching the characters speak in their native language instead of being dubbed to speak American English made the film feel authentic to me.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Once again, I am immensely proud to see Michelle Yeoh, a Malaysian actress who was from Ipoh, a town near my hometown, win the Oscar. However, the movie is debatably another arthouse film, and I was not a part of the niche market it was targeted at. The title is essentially what happens in the movie, in which everything that happens in the plot occurs everywhere all at once, leaving viewers like me discombobulated.

On the bright side, the film did an amazing job in spreading awareness on how it feels to be a racial minority, specifically an Asian American, in a foreign country. It was a refreshing perspective to see a woman, especially a Southeast Asian woman, who is sixty years old as the protagonist. It also had good underlying themes that are not often discussed in the media, like nihilism and existentialism. But I still feel like these ideas could have been conveyed better to make audience members like me understand.

Asian Representation or Asian American Representation?

As an Asian who has been raised and practically grew up in her home country, Malaysia, I personally did not relate to or like most of the Asian representation featured in films because they felt Americanised and inauthentic. I am proud that people who look like me are getting the recognition they deserve, but I would also prefer to see films that feature Asians, people of Asian descent or any other people of colour in their native country to not only enhance authenticity but to also show that America isn’t the one and only place to live in.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

Honestly, the best one from the list. As some of you may have known from my past feature on MARVEL movies, I am a huge MARVEL fan and was delighted to see a person who looked like me as the superhero of the MARVEL franchise.

I heard there was some criticism of the movie specifically about what happened between Shang-Chi and his father, like his father being “whitewashed” to “symbolise the Yellow Peril,” according to NBC. I did not know what the Yellow Peril was until this day, it’s basically the idea of the danger of East Asian people overthrowing Western civilisation.

Crazy Rich Asians 2018

Personally, I did not interpret the movie and its characters to the extent of symbolising something as horrible as that, I plainly saw it as a superhero story with the hero trying to save the world.

Although, I was bothered with the part where Shang-Chi’s father sent him on deadly missions when he was a tween and how Shang-Chi briefly refers to that as his traumatised past at certain points of the film because it buys into the clichéd Asian representation I mentioned. But I suspect that this aspect was added because the film was following what happened in the actual comic books that were probably written or influenced by non-Asians. Apart from these aspects, I personally enjoyed the film.

Parasite 2019

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Illustration by Eden Laing

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Sexcapades Mastie May When I heard about Mastie May I was intrigued.

My libido is pretty hectic as it is. She’s up, she’s down, she’s getting whipped, flipped and dipped. She likes to keep up. But, 31 days of naughty under the covers behaviour? Could I hack it?

The thing is, Mum didn’t raise me to be a quitter; she raised me to be an emotional, independent, slightly unstable adult. Key word there is independent.

So, on the 30th of April I made the executive decision to partake in Mastie May, and since I live in a flat with five girls, I felt it was only fair I warned them of the impending solhoe activities.

“Hello friends, tis I, the horniest flatmate. If you hear my vibrator every night for the next 31 days, please do not be concerned. I’m not having a menty b. I’m on a journey of selfdiscovery - aka. Mastie May. You can join but you must do it by yourself because otherwise it wouldn’t be Mastie May— and I don’t actually know if I want to see you touch your downstairs. Lots of love, Queen horn dog.”

The girl gang thought it was hilarious while also being intrigued as to whether I could Samantha Jones my way through May (minus the men).

After 10 days, I was going strong and mostly getting off with the help of my beloved vibe and a few sex flashbacks. But by day 15, things had taken a turn. I needed some help.

So, one arvo when everyone was in class, I decided to add a sexy, risky element to my challenge and watch porn on my laptop in the middle of the lounge.

The vibes were immaculate, the (ethical) porn was doing what it’s intended to do and my phalanges were earning a 10/10 rating. Then, I heard the front door open. I froze, my body couldn’t move, my hand was still down my pants, and the porn was blasting. Shit.

My flattie made it to the lounge before realising the sounds were porn and not some horny Netflix move. We locked eyes, she looked at my hand, moans filled the room from my laptop, and I saw her life flash before her eyes before she hastily retreated to the safety of the street.

We’ve never spoken about it again, so to flattie #3, thanks for respecting Mastie May. You da real MVP.

This story was written by Girls Get Off Instagram: @girlsgetoff Website: girlsgetoff.com

Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story?

Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours

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Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Pocket, my flatmates all have COVID and I fear that I’m next. What are your favourite movies to get me through my potential isolation period?

Prevention is better than distraction, my friend. Keep your distance, wash your hands, smear blood on their bedroom doors as some kind of warning, whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. In terms of movies, I just love classic films, like The Aristocats (1970), That Darn Cat! (1965), and Bill Murray’s Garfield (2004). I’ve always been an old soul in all my past lives. If you’re stuck inside, you might want to opt for fun, light-hearted comedies. My favourites are Marley & Me (2008), Old Yeller (1957), I Am Legend (2007), and any other film where the dog dies at the end. Never fails to get a laugh out of me!

Sincerely, Pocket

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Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered?

DM Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Aries

Aquarius

Pisces

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Mar 21 - Apr 19

You’re a big dreamer, Aquarius. Maybe it’s time to realise your movie star ambitions.

Whether it’s making a hot TikTok busting moves or auditioning for NZ’s Got Talent, now is your chance to shine. Lesser talent has made the bright lights. Give it a shot, and all that jazz.

Being a water baby, we know you love to swim. Lakes, seas, baths, you name it. But this week, watch out as you may encounter a certain dorsal finned monster. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.

Look, we know you’re probably right and you really love to fight. But really, make love not war, Aries. There’s far too much fire in the atmosphere this week. Don’t create a Backdraft with all your hot headedness, leave that to the pyrotechnic experts.

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Apr 20 - May 20

May 21 - June 21

June 22 - July 22

Calm down, Taurus. Stop digging your heels in and being such a bull. Make like the Aristocats and be a kitten instead. If you need tips on how to be adorable, come see Pocket at the student union building. She’s great at playing innocent.

You can be so duplicitous, Gemini, you sus little trickster. Seriously you deserve an Oscar for how you pulled the wool over people’s eyes this week.

Cancer, you love the sea, it’s your happy place. Now make like Moana and book a beach holiday for uni break. You deserve it.

You’re Welcome.

Leo

Virgo

Libra

July 23 - Aug 22

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Sep 23 - Oct 23

It’s just the Circle of Life, Leo, you big old pussycat. Try not to get too caught up in all the BS and remember, Hakuna Matata means ‘no worries’.

Virgo, you are so dignified all the time. Take a step down from your pedestal this week and relax a little. Uni break is coming up – let your hair down.

We know you’re always weighing up your options, Libra, but seriously, do you think you’re a movie star or something? They’re good looking and smart enough. You don’t have to get married in Positano, just give them a chance.

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Oct 24 - Nov 21

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Work harder at the gym this week if you want to be anything LIKE The Scorpion King, Scorpio (aka The Rock). Second thoughts... no matter how many pull ups you do, you’ll never be that, so maybe aim for a more achievable aesthetic.

Put that bow and arrow away, Sag. You’re going to get yourself in trouble walking around Newtown like that. Plus, it’s not ACTUALLY The Lord of The Rings round here.

Being the sensible, hardy beast that you are, Capricorn, this week is the week for you to try and live your life like a romance movie. Great love affairs are rarely practical.

Why not take the plunge and ask someone you’ve been doing close-ups on in the library for a drink? They can say yes or no, what have you got to lose? Here’s looking at you, kid.

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Disney In Te Reo Māori: It’s Bigger Than Words

By Cameron McCausland-Taylor

Seeing our most beloved Disney animated films adapted into te reo Māori has played a huge part in healing my inner child. As a kid, never would I have thought I’d be living in a world that contained a future of watching my favourite childhood characters kōrero my native tongue.

These translated films all provide an accessible platform for people to participate in the revitalisation of our reo, a movement that has been ongoing and unwavering since the 1970s in Aotearoa. However, it’s important to acknowledge that there’s so much more that goes into these translated films than just language-based mahi; it’s about capturing and creating the strong links between the Disney films’ themes and motifs, and those of te ao Māori.

The te reo version of Moana, released in 2020, appears to be a pretty obvious choice for the first Disney film to be adapted, and with good reason! As a movie rooted in Polynesian cultures, including te ao Māori, Moana hit home for us, finally seeing our culture so incredibly represented on such a huge platform. Do I wonder if we would’ve seen this on the big screen had it not been two white men co-directing the project? Yes, yes, I do. Engari, the story evolved through nine versions with a load of South Pacific expert hands on deck, ensuring our pūrakau were done justice. Translating into te reo just takes it that one level higher, making the story feel so much richer and more authentic.

Next, we have The Lion King released in 2022, which not only translates the film into te reo, but pays homage to five of our different dialects including Tainui, Tūhoe, and Te Tai Tokerau. Despite being an African-based story, the adaptation was clearly embedded in te ao Māori. In an interview with director Tweedie Waititi, conducted by Liam Maureen, Waititi discussed the examples that set the Māori film version apart; “For example, in the English [version], Scar says: ‘Well, I was first in line until that hairball was born’.

Then Mufasa says: ‘That hairball is my son.’ In the Māori version, he says: ‘Ko tā tāua tama,’ ‘That’s our son,’ because you’re always raised by a village. We don’t own our children.

It’s our job to make them and it’s the iwi’s job to raise them.”

It goes back to that idea of weaving a link between Disney and te ao Māori, with this example being one excellent way of how The Lion King smashes it.

Frozen was released shortly after in 2022, celebrating the dialects of Ngāi Tahu, Ngāti Tūwharetoa, Rangitāne, and Te

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Tai Rāwhiti. Frozen from a Māori perspective is honouring the diversity of Māoritanga, including those who have fair skin or Pākeha whakapapa. As well as Frozen bearing similarity to Ngāi Tahu’s colder climates in Te Waipounamu, the film also contributes to Ngāi Tahu’s iwi-based language revitalisation strategy called Kotahi Mano Kāika.

Honestly, when I first saw that this was the next te reo Māori adaptation, I was low-key confused. Frozen just seemed soooo far from Te Ao Māori in every way. However, as said by Waititi in a New Zealand Herald article in October 2022, “Our reo can be used to translate whatever we want, however we want… Why should we box ourselves in?”

Lastly, we have Coco on the horizon, due to come out in time for Matariki this year. With Coco ecentered around the popular Mexican celebration Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), it bears a striking resemblance to Matariki’s value of honouring those who have passed. In a December Newshub article by Darren Bevan, producers touched on this shared value of te ao wairua (the spirit world), as well as values of whānau and intergenerational respect. Again, it’s that matter of not boxing in our Māori filmmakers and shaping the film from a te ao Māori perspective.

Reading up on the deeper meanings behind it all got me in a really imaginative vibe, inspiring me to take a more in-depth look into the Disney films I know and love, and connecting them with te ao Māori. One film I’d really love to see in te reo Māori is Tangled, a dream I’ve had for a few years since seeing a te reo kapa haka performance of “I See The Light”.

From my point of view, the connections I see between Tangled and te ao Māori are the intertwined themes of hair and healing. I know damn well I was not the only one that felt devastated when Flynn cut Rapunzel’s hair, even if it was for the best. Looking back on this film now in this te ao Māori context, I’m drawn to pondering Māori tikanga around our hair, landing on a Spinoff article What hairstyles meant to our Māori ancestors by Te Miri Rangi.

In this article, Miri explores Māori worldviews around hauora and begins his journey in growing his hair long.

Why, you may ask? This is because our tīpuna always referred to the head as a tapu part of our body, with Miri wondering whether his continuous head shaving was limiting his mana and potential. He poses the rhetorical question, “Does having long hair give me some type of super power?”, which is quite literally Rapunzel’s entire life.

As someone who impulsively cuts my hair whenever I feel a

menty b coming on, this really got me thinking; have I been dishonoring the mana within my locks? I may not sprout magical strands that can heal shit, but maybe growing it out can heal some mamae in me and connect me to my tīpuna.

Another film I think could be beautifully done as a te reo Māori adaptation is Inside Out. Its original foundations are already strongly set up to teach our tamariki about their complex emotions and how they may interact with one another. As a holistic culture, these teachings are crucial for our tamariki to take on board. Therefore, a te reo Māori adaptation of this film may allow them the opportunity to learn how they can balance out their Te Whare Tapa Wha (physical, mental, family and spiritual wellbeing) by portraying these Western frameworks of joy, sadness, fear and other strong emotions through a te ao Māori view.

With the abundance of emotionally moving metaphors we have within te ao Māori, just imagine how poignant this adaptation could be!

As I’ve heard from many fluent te reo Māori speakers, you can’t just learn the language; everything in te ao Māori connects to each other, meaning that with te reo Māori comes learnings of tikanga, concepts, and worldviews. The same very clearly applies to the te reo Māori adaptations we’ve covered in this article, displaying a significance that goes much deeper than the language. You could pop an English film script into te reo Māori all you want, but without te ao Māori knowledge and viewpoints informing the filmmaking process, there’s far too much room for error.

These adaptations are just the beginning of an impactful legacy that bridges many gaps, done the tika way.

Glossary: Te reo Māori - the Māori language Kōrero - to speak Te ao Māori - the Māori world Engari - but/on the contrary Pūrakau - stories Māoritanga - Māori culture, traditions and way of life Whakapapa - genealogy Te Waipounamu - the South Island Tikanga - Māori customs/procedures Hauora - health Tapu - sacred Mamae - hurt Tīpuna - ancestors Tamariki - children Tika - correct

Illustration by Annick Harvey

Sigma Cinema, WTF Even is This Trend?

By Aiden Wilson (they/them)

Trigger Warning – this article discusses topics which allude to violence towards women, abusive behaviour, and misogynistic extremism. While these mentions are not graphic in their depiction, reader discretion is still advised.

You’ve most likely seen the term pop up here and there.

Sigma Males. What does it mean? Why are so many men attracted to this? Why are there so many videos of Christian Bale on my timeline??

Read on and find out…

Sigma wha?

Urban Dictionary describes a sigma male as “a more internally focused sibling to the alpha male. While the alpha male quantifies himself on his high position in the social hierarchy, a sigma male prefers to forego the social hierarchy and need for external validation altogether and pursue internal strength instead. Essentially a “loner” or a stray man, although sigma males may have a close circle of friends and loved ones with whom they share a deep connection.”

Another definition from Urban is “The newest role that insufferable incels have latched onto as an end-goal.

Similar to an alpha male but instead of having sex he is a sociopath who devotes his life to financial success and “the grind” and sacrifices his life on the altar of capital.

Probably wants to live in Dubai or something.”

If you’re someone who defines themselves as a sigma male and have come to this article with the words “literally me” in mind, I suggest you make like a tree and leaf because this is not for you.

The Edits.

We’ve all seen them.

Those ridiculous edits featuring that god awful electronic remix of Bring Me the Horizon’s Can You Feel My Heart.

They have the stupid effects, slo-mo, zooms, the whole shebang. And they ALWAYS feature a genuinely awful film or television character, saying something vaguely threatening, sexist, or even homophobic as the beat drops.

These types of videos have cropped up all over within the last year, always focusing on the same cast of edgy male 22

characters from incredibly mainstream films that filmbros will try to convince you are underground as hell.

I’ll describe an example.

We open with the aforementioned music playing quietly.

Patrick Bateman, as portrayed by Christian Bale in the film American Psycho, walks towards the camera. The music continues as we are shown him walking, wearing his headphones, various quotes from the film playing over top.

We cut to a shot of Patrick in bed with two women.

The music cuts out as he angrily pulls away from one, aggressively saying –

“Don’t touch the watch.”

The beat drops, various slow-motion effects occur, we get that one shot of him nodding and smiling. The irony lost on this video’s audience is the character and film he’s from are a commentary on toxic masculinity, capitalism, and all that good stuff.

The problem.

Viewing characters in cinema as being “sigma males” and aspiring to then be like them is a trend which is not only stupid, but highly disturbing. Ever heard of a red flag film?

A movie that if someone told you it was their favourite, you’d probably turn tail and run? Well, the characters being idolised in these videos are red flag characters. Patrick Bateman is NOT someone the audience should look up to, he is a commentary on hypermasculinity and the toxicity that comes along with that. He’s sexist, homophobic, and he also may or may not kill a guy named Paul. But he’s also successful, rich, has a lot of sex, and wears a nice suit.

These are all qualities that are seen as desirable, especially to younger male audiences who are being pushed towards ideas of “the grind” by figures like the Tate brothers and Joe Rogan.

I am FULLY aware that this is coming across as a ramble, but there’s good reason for all the ridiculous details. I want to highlight just how toxic of a trend this is. Men, specifically younger men, are being targeted with these videos and fed disgustingly patriarchal ideas about how they should be.

The movies that are being used as examples of what a man should be were literally written to critique that exact fucking idea.

Is this why they’re all age restricted? Because audiences

who are too young will get the wrong idea? Probably not, but it also goes to show the immaturity on display. Thing is, this trend isn’t restricted to men below the age of 18. It’s a widespread thought-process shared by men in their 20s and older, encouraged by misogynists who have more of a platform than they deserve.

To keep this on theme, let’s discuss some male archetypes from film that have been idolised over the years.

The Drifter – emotionally distant, loner, usually very mentally ill. Featured in many films critiquing the American government, the draft, and the Vietnam War.

The Poet – emotionally distant, loner, usually very mentally ill. Featured in many films critiquing society, capitalism, and the emotional state of men.

The Batman – emotionally distant, loner, usually very mentally ill. Featured in many films about Batman.

Do you see the common factor?

Let’s go back to that definition from urban quickly: “Essentially a “loner” or a stray man…”

What is it about emotional distance that attracts male audiences? Is it the old idea about how it isn’t manly to show emotion? Most likely. This idea is, everyone say it with me… bullshit. But it’s making it’s way back into media and the hearts and minds of young men once more.

While we haven’t seen the term “sigma male” appear until recent years, the ideas it abides by have been around since the beginning of cinema. As beloved of a character as James Bond is, he’s still a womanizer who sleeps with a new girl every movie, played by actors who in some cases have supported Bond’s behaviour. Sean Connery famously said “I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong in hitting a woman, though I don’t recommend you do it in the same way you hit a man…” in an interview with, surprise surprise, Playboy Magazine. And while he’s not around today, his portrayal of Bond is arguably the most beloved and the one people would look to and see “sigma”. Not to mention, in one film he has sex with a lesbian woman, ‘turning her straight’ cause he’s James Bond, which is just fucked up. Bond isn’t a character designed to critique hypermasculinity but embrace it, and I fear the day the sigma crowd discover him, especially with Connery’s comments potentially backing up their own thought process.

Like it or not, fictional media can heavily influence thought processes, especially those of people who are already carrying these toxic ideas with them. It can enable behaviours to end up in the extreme. Today’s misogynistic teen has the potential to be tomorrow’s abuser, and the echo-chambers created by so-called sigma men only

increase this likelihood. While incel-identifying males are NOT sigma males, they’re two sides of a similar coin. Incel violence is real, with an attack happening in Auckland JUST LAST MONTH. 26-year-old Caleb Riley Bell attempted to kill two female high school students with his car, his reasons being that his lack of a girlfriend was an injustice, and he was tired of seeing others happy when he was not. In 2009, a teen inspired by Fight Club created his own clubs, and then attempted to replicate Project Mayhem (a pivotal subplot in the movie) style acts of destruction by blowing up a Starbucks. At the time, the bomber was 17.

To look at this sigma trend with anything less than concern is to plead ignorance. Sometimes it’s funny to see the edits, but those making them wholeheartedly believe what they’re saying, and the comments section shows they have amassed groups of men who believe the bile being spat out.

It’s terrifying to think that these trends spread like wildfire and indoctrinate so many young, impressionable men. It’s sad. We’re living in an era where men should be waking up and taking responsibility for their actions, striving to not be like those who came before. Instead, people who don’t understand the message of the source material are twisting it to their own ends, using film as a way to justify their own shitty world view. Those of us who are mature enough to understand the messages of these films and characters can scoff all we want at the ridiculousness of living in their image, but the reality is people genuinely are.

To be a sigma male is to go after the grind, love sex, hate women, believe you’re top of the foodchain. It’s a trend that needs to die, desperately. Sad thing is, with men like Tate indoctrinating the young, and men like Connery justifying the old, it might already be too engrained within hearts and minds. However, we can stand up to injustice when we see it and hope this weird internet fad is just that.

Fight Club

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Confessions of a teen short film actor

By Leila Lois (she/her)

Before I became a dancer, writer, and editor, I was a teenage drama queen.

My mum had always been a huge film aficionada, so my brother and I watched obscure, arty, and foreign films from a young age. I cut my teeth on Pedro Almodóvar and Jean Luc Goddard as a teen; dramatic, intense film makers from Spain and France. The dramatic temperament developed into a love for theatre. After school I went to acting classes, and I started being cast in plays, rehearsing on weekends alongside my other passion, dance.

again. Spending an intense filming period with someone so irksome I learned quickly wasn’t very fun!

I left home for university around 18, and got involved with the ballet club, leaving behind my acting career. My experience of the silver screen wasn’t lustrous, but it was very entertaining, and it is funny sometimes to pull out the old disk when I can find someone who still has a DVD player and have a giggle.

When I was about fifteen, my mum took a degree in creative writing and photography and thus began my rather unremarkable career as a teen film actor. My mum made two films that I can remember and screened them at a few local film festivals. The first role I starred as was a nun in medieval Britain. When I told a friend in high school that I couldn’t come to a party one weekend because I was ‘playing a nun in my mum’s home movie,’ I quickly realised how weird that sounded. But it wasn’t THAT weird... just a little avant-garde.

We arrived on set just before sunset, at a gloomy, cold stone church. My parents had a caravan as the ‘star cabin’ where me and my co-actor could have a cup of tea between takes. I was glad my nun’s ‘habit’ was woolen, and I wore thermals underneath as it was so icy. Luckily it was a short film, so the filming didn’t take too long. I only had a few lines. I was a nurse to an ancient queen on her death bed, and the film was a bit dark and morose, bats crossing the sky and flitting between the gargoyles. I was glad when filming was over. I had expected being in movies to be glamourous and sets to be much warmer.

At 17, I agreed to act in Mum’s new project, a short thriller called The Upper Window. This one was set in a dilapidated old farmhouse, with a menacing looking goat in the garden, which was a repeated ‘motif’ in the film, featuring in a lot of zoom-in shots. The effect was more comical than scary, but perhaps the funniest part of the whole exercise (in retrospect) was that my on-screen co-star fell (unrequitedly) in love with me and would not take any deterrent. Believe me, I tried my best to put him off. By the end of filming, I was very glad I wouldn’t have to see him

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Leila in the Upper Window

Leila dressed as a Nun

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