Issue 10: The Music Issue

MASSIVE The Music Issue

MAY 15/2023 Cover by Eden Laing

Issue 10

Editor’s letter The music issue Kia ora koutou,

This week we ask: what does music mean to you? For many of us, music makes the world go ‘round, energises a dull hour, motivates us to workout and get out of bed as well as to relax and get to sleep.

As a dancer, I have always been a music nut. I have tons of playlists on my phone, too many to count, and they all have quirky titles, such as ‘Some Bunny Loves You’ and ‘Hella Good’. The cool thing about music is that it can transport us to another place and time, it has that magical power and can make us feel more connected to others. My fave thing to do is to make a playlist for people I love, like the art of letter writing, that sort of gift speaks from the heart.

This week our writers and illustrators have gone WILD for music, expressing their favourite and not so favourite tunes and investigating the music scene on and off campus. We hope you enjoy this gorgeous issue bursting with rhythm and have a lovely week.

Leila xo

What to look forward to News

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Features Why I Quit Listening to K-pop

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Discover Weekly

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The Tremendous Tunes of Tia Ward

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Wellington Night Life

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J P Homegrown

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Comedy Fest Gala

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Is This Metal Enough?

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Columns Sexcapades

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Solicited Advice

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Horoscopes

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Editor Leila Lois Designer Emily Wilson News Editor Sammy Carter Sub Editor Tui Lou Christie Staff Writer Aiden Charles Staff Writer Elizabeth Chan News Reporter Tegan Jaggard Feature Editor Molly Richards Illustrator Annick Harvey Illustrator Eden Laing Te Ao Māori Editor Cameron McCausland-Taylor

MASSIVE NEWS

15 MAY 2023

WEEKLY NEWS Frustration grows over “counterproductive” Restore Passenger Rail protestors blocking Wellington roads Tegan Jaggard (she/her)

Honking horns, irritated bus drivers and parents late for the school run, because of Restore Passenger Rail protestors blocking the roads in Wellington over the past few weeks.

Restore Passenger Rail’s mission statement on its website is that it works towards “restoring passenger rail across the country with affordable, accessible rail options and make public transport free”, a message that many people could get behind.

Restore Passenger Rail’s website

said it resorted to blocking roads to “ensure people pay attention”.

However, Victoria student Jack Landon disagreed with the organisation’s methods.

Landon said, “I agree with the message, but I think the way they’re protesting is counterproductive, they’re inconveniencing people who probably also want what they want but by annoying them, they’re just going to hate them.”

“Who doesn’t want the most efficient mode of transport to be accessible and to be accessible and affordable?”

Landon went on to say, “If they do restore the passenger rail, the protestors shouldn’t be allowed on.

The government should make a point that they had nothing to do with the decision.”

On the other hand, Massey student Tui Lou Christie said the point of protest was to be problematic.

“Creating inconvenience means getting noticed, both by the public and by the media. If protests are easy to ignore, they will be ignored.”

Restore Passenger Rail states direct disruptive action is more effective than making submissions and signing petitions.

“The long history of civil resistance has shown that change has come by people taking bold disruptive action that ensures people pay attention.

Being liked is not a prerequisite to success,” said Restore Passenger Rail’s website.

There had been instances where people started turning against organisations like Restore Passenger Rail when its protests started to cause harm.

NZHerald reported a Wellington father who was on a bus being blocked by Restore Passenger Rail on his way to the hospital for his daughter’s chemotherapy appointment.

The spokesman for the Ministry of Transport called the protests “unproductive” regarding a protest in April.

The transport minister, Michael Wood, called them “deplorable” in October of 2022.

Both statements imply that these protests are not encouraging the Ministry of Transport to Restore Passenger Rail.

Protestors blocking Glenmore Street Photo/Bruce Mackay Stuff

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MASSIVE NEWS

New Barbie movie won’t include original Barbie Girl song and I’m glad OPINION Sammy Carter (she/her)

Hiya, Barbie Hi, Ken

You wanna go for a ride?

No, Ken

Oh?

Greta Gerwig’s highly anticipated film version of Barbie is coming out on July 21st, with Barbie played by Australian Margot Robbie and Ken played by Ryan Gosling.

The famous Barbie Girl song, made in 1997 by the band Aqua, will not be included in the film.

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beloved Barbie dolls. Hopefully one that doesn’t include misogynistic references.

In a Variety interview with members of Aqua, the lead singer Lene Nystrøm said using Barbie Girl in the new movie would be too “cheese on cheese”.

“I totally understand why they didn’t use it,” Nystrøm said, “but it’s going to bring us a lot of attention, no matter what.”

Keyboardist Søren Rasted joked about it, saying, “We should say we turned it down. Ryan Gosling is not good enough.”

However, some fans suspect the real reason Barbie Girl was not included in the soundtrack was because of a lawsuit in 1997.

When Aqua’s song became a hit, the doll brand Mattel sued the band over them referring to Barbie as a “blonde

bimbo”.

Aqua attempted to minimise the backlash by releasing a statement saying, “The song Barbie Girl is a social comment and was not created or approved by the makers of the doll.”

Mattel then decided to file 11 claims against the company Aqua was signed with, MCA Records.

Mattel felt Aqua had tarnished the Barbie image by sexualising her, as well as the song violating trademark and copyright laws.

The record company filed a defamation counterclaim against Mattel. After almost five years, Mattel’s lawsuit was dismissed, and the song was protected as a parody.

Whether Barbie Girl isn’t being included because it’s offensive, or because of the 1997 lawsuit, I’m just glad it won’t be there. Period.

Instead, popstar Dua Lipa created a new lead song for the movie, and I pray it will replace the old song in our minds.

When I was a kid, I loved watching the Barbie Girl music video and singing along, but I can see how it won’t work today.

Remember these lyrics? “I’m a blonde bimbo girl in a fantasy world. Dress me up, make me tight, I’m your dolly.”

Now that the lyrics don’t go straight over my head with the fun melody, it’s not so hidden that Aqua was describing Barbie as a sex object.

The Daily Mail confirmed Dua Lipa would be the one to record the main song for the film Barbie, a brand-new melody as the official theme song of the iconic Barbie doll.

It’s nice to know we have evolved from the original song since I was a six-year-old, dancing along in my tutu and tiara.

The kids of today will soon have a new and improved theme song for their Dua Lipa will create the new and improved Barbie theme song. Photo / Vogue

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MASSIVE NEWS

Students learn to love cooking with Bargain Box 6-month price freeze Sammy Carter (she/her)

You stare at the old curry paste, cracked rice paper, or empty spice rack in your flat kitchen and realise you can’t afford to cook, actually cook.

Until now.

Meal kit brand Bargain Box has announced a price freeze for at least the next six months to take some of the cost of living stress off university students and parents.

Trish Whitwell, head of innovation at parent company My Food Bag, told Massive with the price freeze students can “leave the stress and exhaustion behind and make dinner time enjoyable again”.

15 MAY 2023

and the Bargain Boxes (5 nights for 4 people) showed that on average, Bargain Box was 4.44% cheaper.

Mark Winter, chief executive of My Food Bag, hoped the price freeze would “help bring some spark back to dinner time”.

Whitwell said the price freeze will give students a sense of certainty for the months ahead, they will be able to budget the same amount each week and be confident it won’t increase.

“The uncertainty of food prices is a hugely unwanted barrier when there’s already so many other challenges at play.”

Bargain Box conducted research in February, surveying 600 Kiwi parents.

It reported only 1 in 10 Kiwis feel excited or inspired by the notion of cooking dinner.

Bargain Box prices start from $92.79 for three dinners for two people, through to $207.99 for six people for five nights, starting at a price of $6.90 per plate including delivery.

“We want everyone to feel confident their food budget is going to cover what they need, without any fluctuation that may impact other household finances, such as utility bills.”

“As a dad of two, I can absolutely relate to the pressure parents feel to prepare and cook a meal the kids are going to enjoy, and it is incredibly disheartening when that can’t go to plan because of external factors.”

Whitwell said that with student loans and rent to pay, students already feel under the pump when it comes to budgeting.

“And with classes to attend, ongoing extracurricular activities and part-time jobs to manage– it’s no secret that university students are short on time.”

Whitwell said Bargain Box had positive feedback from university students who “particularly love not having to think about what they’re going to cook for dinner – especially if they share the meal prep with their flatties”.

Whitwell said students like being able to easily divvy up meals so everyone in a flat can take turns cooking.

“Not to mention no one draws the short straw and has to spend their precious Sunday afternoon at the supermarket”.

A price comparison of products online from New World and Countdown

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Bargain Box hopes making dinner will be fun again. Photo / Supplied

MASSIVE NEWS

Let’s Get Together: Campus Co-Lab relaunch across Massey campuses Leila Lois (she/her)

The first week of May was a hub of activity for Campus Co-Lab; a strategic initiative to capture student voice and partner with students to enhance the student experience.

Across the three Massey campuses, staff coordinators and student

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facilitators organised get-togethers with other students to highlight what Campus Co-Lab does and gather student voice on this year’s projects.

“Most students came for the food and stuck around for the conversations,” observed the Wellington Co-Lab Facilitator team.

It certainly was a vibrant scene on Tuesday the 2nd in the Wellington Campus Co-Lab Space, each table offering delicious snacks and activities to inform students of Co-Lab projects this year, and to

give them an opportunity to express their ideas.

The focus was broad across the campuses, involving a diverse student body, including LGBTQIA+, neurodiverse, and international students.

“I felt very validated and supported by my community. There was some great discussions and thoughtprovoking questions,” voiced Jonna V, she/her, Ōtehā, Auckland Campus Co-Lab Facilitator, working on Rainbow & Takatāpui Space project.

From the informal survey of neurodiverse students on the Manawatū campus, the Campus Co-Lab found that students would like better awareness and understanding from staff, especially academic staff, support/meet-up groups, and to have more fidget toys available on campus.

Survey results confirmed the Wellington community wants a glowed-up swap/free shelf on their campus, with the main things people want to share/swap being food and clothing.

“We are going to run a similar event for our Distance-based student community in Semester 2,” student development coordinator Sam Duffy announced, “so watch this space”.

Campus Co-Lab team / Photo supplied.

Information about Co-Lab projects, and the surveys associated with them, can be found @campuscolab on Instagram and Facebook.

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Who are chaplains and what do we do…??

Chaplains offer humanity and connection for students and staff. Often it’s just a coffee, something to eat and a chat. We know life can get pretty messed up and stressy; lonely even. So we offer a place where you can land with that, talk things through, or just have a laugh.

Historically, you’ll usually find chaplaincy in difficult places, like in hospitals, the military, schools, university...places where people need some support and encouragement.

While you don’t need to be having a hard time, we won’t mind if you are.

-Albany: at the lower level of the Business School.

-Manawatῡ: at The Centre/Te Waiora on Colombo Rd.

-Wellington: usually at the Well-Being Space, between the Pyramid and Tussock.

Chaplains are people of faith, spiritual people, but you don’t have to be ‘religious’ to spend some time with us.

We think life makes way more sense when you have some faith, but that’s not all we talk or care about, most of us are Uni graduates and have a life. We’re people who care and like to connect with others.

On each campus we have regular ‘chapel’ time. That’s a time to gather, read scripture, pray and discuss things.

We’re independent from any church, but as individuals, usually involved with them.

So please drop in, meet some other students, have a hot drink, chat about the weather…flatting…art…study… music… the meaning of life...

An easy way to look us up is by searching ‘chaplains at Massey’ or a similar word search; we’re on the three campuses.

Albany Facebook: Spiritual Wellbeing Auckland Palmerston North Facebook: Spiritual Wellbeing Manawatu Wellington Instagram: masseychaplaincywellington

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Molly Richards (@mol_richards)

Why I Quit Listening to K-Pop

By Elizabeth Chan (she/her)

It’s 2023, remixes of ‘OMG’ from NewJeans and ‘Cupid’ from FIFTY FIFTY are being replayed for the millionth time across Instagram and TikTok. ‘Until I Found You’ by Stephen Sanchez occasionally pops in, but of course everyone is over that. Except me, though, because come on, it’s Stephen Sanchez. If anyone were to ask which my favourite K-Pop band is, I would say it’s TWICE and BLACKPINK. Instead of giving only one band as an answer, I always give two or more like the average K-Pop fan because you can’t love just one.

Even though I have my favourite K-Pop bands, I quit listening to K-Pop around 2020. How can someone love K-Pop but not listen to it, you may ask? Well, it’s a complicated story that some readers may be intrigued to hear, and that some may end up hating me for.

Underage Idols

I’m not saying I hate K-Pop now; I still listen to the most popular songs that have been remixed and used as background music on Instagram and TikTok. But there are still a few things that bother me during my occasional tuneins to K-Pop.

Firstly, the fact that they use underage idols creep me out.

Did you know that the youngest member of NewJeans is only fifteen? Imagine stanning (a.k.a. fangirling or fanboying) someone who hasn’t even graduated high school yet.

There’s nothing wrong with being a fan of celebrities no matter what their age, but having a crush on teenagers?

It would be appropriate if all the fans were also around that age group, but as many fans are adults, it’s a bit weird and honestly, creepy. Not to mention K-Pop agencies are notorious for training their idols for long hours, which brings me to my next points.

Exploitation

I used to be a fan of boy band SF9 (hello to all fellow Fantasies out there) and my favourite member was Kim Seok-woo, a.k.a. Rowoon. I discovered him from watching the Korean drama, ‘Extraordinary You’, and felt thrilled when I found out that he was a part of a boy band. I was dismayed to discover how exploited and overworked he was.

I think it was around 2021 when the band appeared on a reality TV show which revealed the behind-the-scenes of K-Pop bands. It was during the episode that featured SF9 that I discovered the type of living conditions these

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idols were in. Rowoon is 6’ 3” tall (1.89 m), yet the bed he was given was too short for him. He even said that he had to cramp his feet in order to sleep in his bed. Fans were shocked, and it was later revealed in one of their fandom accounts that he suffered from severe back pain and insomnia due to overwork.

Later on, the fans called for the entertainment company to stop overworking their idols. Though fans and music listeners like us support the idols themselves, the company may actually earn most of the profits rather than their idols, which is why I feel slightly uncomfortable listening to their music after knowing this fact.

The Need to Uphold Unrealistic Beauty Standards

This might seem like an unusual reason to quit listening to a specific genre of music, but K-Pop isn’t like other genres because elements like beauty, dance moves, and outfits are prioritised in each performance. Elements that direct the audience to fall for their looks.

I remember one time I listened to a new K-Pop group and started noticing that the nose of the group leader went from flat to narrow with a high bridge as the group became more famous. When I searched for news of whether he actually got plastic surgery, surprise, there were no articles, likely because their label probably covered it up. With a genre so led by appearance, it honestly feels demotivating to see artists get cosmetic surgery just to appeal to the eyes of the audience.

Not Enough Time and Personal Era

On to my personal reasons for quitting listening to K-Pop. I never really had enough time ever since my last year of high school until now in my final year of university. Back in the good ol’ days, I used to listen to anime soundtracks and K-Pop on YouTube and actually read the subtitles. Now, unfortunately, I don’t have time for that and I now prefer listening to songs in English because I don’t have to search for videos with English subtitles or wonder what the artists are singing. I also personally prefer K-Pop from 2017-2019.

Nowadays, K-Pop just lacks the vibes they gave from their golden era.

They Can’t Sing

Readers are going to hate me for writing this, but honestly, they really can’t sing. BlackPink and FIFTY FIFTY were

okay, but that’s basically it when they sing with their natural voices. Most sound just okay. In fact, sometimes their voices crack from relying on auto-tune too much.

Sorry not sorry.

Is K-Pop Worth Listening to Now?

Although I would beg to differ, if you love songs from NewJeans and FIFTY FIFTY, then give K-Pop a try. Several things probably go on behind-the-scenes when it comes to the music industry everywhere, it’s just that K-Pop is notorious for these issues since it has gained an international fanbase. This isn’t a hate piece on K-Pop after all, but it makes me sad to see people who look like me having to go through all of this just to gain international fame.

Illustration by Kai Laing

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Is Discover Weekly the only way to find new music these days?

By Andrew Williams (he/him)

“At first I’m like this is fantastic. Then by the end of it, this is fucking ridiculous.”

NZ On Air research suggests youth audiences mostly use social media and streaming to find new music, but photography student Grace Selby is conflicted. She uses Spotify Discover Weekly, and while her algorithm has broadened her taste, she said the music often becomes repetitive. She wonders where else to look. “I want something new, please. But where do you even start?”

A fan of international artists like Fleetwood Mac and Rod Stewart, which she owns on vinyl, she said cost means she is unwilling to take risks on new discoveries. Grace’s coursemate Billy Hemmingson, while taking a break from the photography dark room, said he has bought music from iTunes in the past, but mainly uses Spotify. A fan of legendary US rappers MF Doom and Nas, he appreciates the concept of crate digging, meaning the pursuit of rare or exciting music.

However, potential costs mean he sticks to buying from local artists he wants to support, including Marlin’s Dreaming. “The vinyl that I buy is local or semi-local artists because I want to support them through buying their stuff or merch,” he said. He conceded Spotify is better for more significant artists, “because they probably make a lot of money.” Design student Alyssa Selby was sat on the ground near Tussock, listening to Hozier, when I interrupted her. She occasionally finds new music using Instagram reels, but mainly uses Spotify and listens to long YouTube compilations packed with tracks of different genres or feelings. She has a love-hate relationship with Spotify’s algorithm but sticks to the service so that she doesn’t have to “mess around trying to find new stuff.”

Alyssa said she has one extensive playlist. “If I don’t know what to listen to, I’ll just put it on and then just kind of skip through.” Audioculture’s Chris Bourke said the convenience of streaming and growing costs are to blame for young people not paying for music in physical formats.

“The young buyers used to dominate the sales, and they’ve now had this whole generation that’s grown up feeling they don’t need to own records.” “During my childhood and in the ‘70s and the ‘80s, there were record stores from the Cenotaph all the way to Newtown.”

Bourke said the Warehouse once sold 30% of all records in Aotearoa and noted the JB Hi-Fi Victoria Street

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store in Wellington has recently scaled back its vinyl selection. Speaking alongside Bourke at a talk for New Zealand Music Month, Kevin Kane said technology and fluctuating economic conditions are the biggest drivers of consumption changes. Twelve years ago, Apa Hutt and Benjamin James opened a Wellington record store called Evil Genius. They closed it down before opening another, Death Ray Records.

Nowadays, Hutt owns Creeps Record Parlour in Newtown.

He sells younger people mostly hip-hop, grunge and altrock records from decades ago.“Basically, the nineties are super hot,” he told me over Facebook Messenger. Hutt’s former business partner James now owns Herb’s Mobile Record Store — a boxy old Canter van loaded with new and used vinyl, cassettes, merchandise, and other curated bits. On a humid afternoon in Aro Valley, as the faint sounds of Nick Drake and Adrienne Lenker drifted from a portable speaker, James said students, priced out of buying records, have shifted their priorities.

“Back in my day, you’d get your student loan and spend it on records and weed,” he said. “I’ve talked to people now, and they’re getting friends together and saving for house deposits using their student allowances.” Some younger people are buying records, he said. “They’re mostly people who have left school young to do jobs like welding, mechanics and stuff.” He said it’s hard seeing young people looking for a record he has in stock that is ultimately out of their price range. “It sucks that it’s so unaffordable.”

Before leaving the mobile record store, I bought a used vinyl copy of Lou Reed’s Coney Island Baby. Then I returned to the car while listening to an album on Spotify by south London producer and rapper Jim Legxacy, which I discovered using Shazam the day before. There are more ways than ever to discover and buy music, it’s just knowing where to look.

The Tremendous Tunes of Tia Ward

By Cameron McCausland-Taylor

Up and coming pop/R&B singer Tia Ward (Taranaki and Ngāti Maniapoto) sits down with Massive and shares a glimpse into her musical journey so far, how it’s kept her connected with her Māoritanga, and what’s next for this superstar in the making.

Growing up in Hawke’s Bay, Tia started off in dance lessons as a young girl. However, at six years old, she found herself starting to practice singing the songs she was dancing to more than the actual dancing itself. From there, she went to singing lessons for 13-14 years and knew she’d found her lifelong passion, giving a big mihi to the Hawke’s Bay Music Hub for the mahi they put in for Hawke’s Bay musicians.

“Music is what I always wanted to do,” said Tia. “I started manifesting it and dreaming about it… In high school, a lot of people were saying ‘You shouldn’t do music, you should do an actual degree’. So, I looked into criminology and psychology, but decided nah, I didn’t want to do that. Then, I discovered the Commercial Music degree down in Welly.”

Making the move to Wellington in 2020 to attend Massey University, Tia said this was the first time she’d met so many welcoming students, helping her to feel comfortable in her own skin.

“I started to feel Māori again,” she said. “For a long time, I didn’t know my whakapapa and I was scared to know it. It took me a long time to realise that, accept it, and learn from it.”

In 2021, Tia went on to release her first single “Paint Dry”, produced by Josh Fountain. During her studies, she also linked up with media company Nic Nak Media and PR company Little Sisters who assisted in the release of her 2022 EP “Me and Me Too”. Her third year of university in 2022 is when she started to delve deeper into the world of te ao Māori and Māori waiata reo. Gifted a poem from her kare Matiu Tahi (Tūhoe), she turned this into the waiata “Ko Wai Ahau” for her final university project, going on to release this waiata publicly at the end of last year.

“It was an amazing experience to release my waiata,” said Tia. “I’m not fluent in te reo Māori, but I’m really lucky to have connections that are… It was a big part of my reo and te ao Māori journey and I get to sing it on stage, especially in front of Taranaki kuia when I sang it on my marae. ”Alongside this waiata, Tia also submitted five taonga puoro tracks, telling the story of topics such as her whakapapa, her maunga in Taranaki, her pepeha, how Kupe came to Aotearoa, and the story of atua Hineraukatauri. She experimented with both taonga puoro instruments and sounds from the Taranaki whenua such as sand, water and stones.

“I learned so much about taonga puoro and how it relates to things like moko kauae, the atua, and my whakapapa,” said

Tia. “It’s been a really hearty journey and I spent a lot of time having different kōrero with people… By performing my music, particularly waiata reo Māori, I feel that I’m playing a part in the reclamation of te reo and te ao Māori. It really fills my cup and I get so excited by the different kōrero and learning about lots of new kupu.” Tia went on to recently graduate with a Bachelor of Commercial Music majoring in Music Practice and is now working as a full-time music intern with Te Māngai Pāho, a Māori language agency whose kaupapa is to ensure te reo Māori and Māori culture is maintained and thriving. To support this, they provide funding in a range of areas such as Māori radio, television, and music. Tia’s role as a music intern is helping artists with their project releases and making sure everything is up to date.

“Towards the end of my last year in my degree, we started talking about internships,” said Tia. “At the time I didn’t notice, but there were no internships related to Māori kaupapa. But anyway, I applied to all these different internships and didn’t get anything. So, I asked if there were any other internships, got hooked up with an interview at TMP, and luckily got the job.” When asked what advice she would give for rangatahi wanting to break into the music biz, she had this to say - “Be careful of everything you say yes to. People tell you “Say yes to everything”, but you shouldn’t, especially in music if you are a woman. It’s hard but it’s really important to think things through… If you have a supportive system and whānau, communicate with them, communicate with people in the industry, and talk it through with a lot of people.”

Tia has a Wellington gig coming up for the Eyegum student collective at San Fran on July 12. Keep updated with Tia’s journey by finding her on Spotify and Apple Music, on Instagram at @tiawardmusic, or on her website tiawardmusic.com.

Mihi- acknowledgement Mahi- work Māori waiata reo- songs in Te Reo Māori Kare- dear friend Kuia- Elderly woman, grandmother Taonga puoro- traditional Māori instruments Whakapapa- ancestry Maunga- mountain Pepeha- Introduction Atua- god/goddess Whenua- land Moko kauae- traditional chin tattoo Kōrero- conversation/s Kupu- word/s Rangatahi- youth

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Illustration by Annick Harvey

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Sexcapades Heartbroken and itchy

It all started last year. I was hooking up with this absolute wild card of a man my flatties and I nicknamed Splinter— because he was a bit of a prick and always ended up inside me.

Splinter and I were never going to work, I knew that from the moment he ignored me in the bar only to booty call me a couple of hours later. If you’re thinking “holy demon,” honestly, same sis.

Despite Splinter’s mad demon vibes, I continued to sneaky link with him because I was also going through a bit of a demon energy stage and his thick shoulders really ticked a box for me.

So, one night after the bars had all shut, my friends and I ended up at his place for kick ons and I came face to face with him wearing only his jocks, socks and Birkenstocks.

This was the moment I realised I had fallen neck deep into the dicksand, because the questionable fashion statement was the hottest combo I’d ever seen a man wear and 20 minutes of eye shagging later, I followed him straight into his bedroom.

After a bunch of pashing and some sweet talking from Splinter, we decided to do the deed without a rubber. Silly me thought it was a great idea since we’d been hooking up for three months and I figured he was simpy enough to not be sleeping with anyone else.

Two weeks later, it was clear I’d made a mistake. My downstairs region felt like it was being attacked by an army of killer ants and after ticking off the usual suspects like had I changed my soap, when was the last time I cleaned my vibrator, etc., I decided (was forced by my flatties) to be responsible and get an STI check.

Bad news, I was positive for The Clap.

Even worse still, when I put aside my pride and told Splinter, he left me on read. So, while you’ll never escape heartbreak, you can escape STIs.

Always wrap before you tap, legends.

This story was written by Girls Get Off Instagram: @girlsgetoff Website: girlsgetoff.com

Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story?

Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours

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Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Hi Pocket, I’m looking to discover new music. Any recommendations?

Hello dear reader and music lover. Here is my latest musical curation. I mainly listen on vinyl, otherwise I just hear covers by the local strays in the small hours of the morning.

Cat’s in the Cradle- Harry Chapin Phenomenal Cat- The Kinks Woman- Doja Cat Cool Cat- Queen Wild World- Cat Stevens Cat People- David Bowie The Lion Sleeps Tonight- The Tokens Year of the Cat- Al Stewart What’s New Pussycat?- Tom Jones Eye of the Tiger- Survivor The Lovecats- The Cure Leave my Kitten Alone- The Beatles

Open your Spotify app to scan the code above to listen to Pocket’s Playlist

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Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered?

DM Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Aries

Aquarius

Pisces

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Try stomping around to this one, it’s fun. Stomp to: My Way – PVRIS

Get the best of both worlds!

How about: Gimme What I Want – Miley Cyrus

Don’t listen to the haters, try this: Heavy Metal (feat. Rahzel) – Bring Me The Horizon

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Apr 20 - May 20

May 21 - June 21

June 22 - July 22

It’s your birthday season, so… a musical gift for you, Taurus: Master Of Puppets – Metallica

IDK, but this week calls for: Wannabe – Spice Girls

Have a wee little dance this week Cancer, for you: September – Earth, Wind & Fire

Leo

Virgo

Libra

July 23 - Aug 22

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Sep 23 - Oct 23

Need I say more, watch your spending this week Leo. This song’s calling out: Money, Money, Money – ABBA

A bit different, but: Fear City – Sunflower Bean

A surprise this week, do you need to make a change?

Try this: Change – Djo

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Oct 24 - Nov 21

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Just a good song to pump up whilst you do those assignments you’re procrastinating. For you: New Gold (feat. Tame Impala) – Gorillaz, Tame Impala, Bootie Brown (Dom Dolla Remix)

In a funk or a jam this week, Sagittarius? How about a funky jam: Caught My Eye – Strangely Arousing

Have a moody jam this week, you need to unwind. For you: Sultans Of Swing – Dire Straits

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Wellington Night-life: The Dying Pulse of a Vibrant City

By Dana Whale (she/her)

Once upon a time, Wellington City prided itself on its rich & diverse nightlife. It was a city full of young creatives empowered to make things and put them out there.

Wellington’s gig scene has been a giant part of the Wellington student experience. Every weekend held the promise of something unique and exciting, you could find the perfect atmosphere for any mood you were in – whether it was a bit of electronic music, drum and bass, house, or live bands. The city was held together by the vibrant community of artists, musicians and promotion companies who built and sustained the creative pulse of our capital city.

Flash forward to today, 2023, and what was once a vibrant scene has now completely collapsed. One by one, those venues that provided spaces for local artists and artists from afar have either gone into liquidation, aren’t deemed earthquake-proof, or their leases are up. Wellington’s nightlife now consists of pubs that can only afford to run because much of their revenue comes from feeding young people alcohol. All that remains are the clubs you go to if you’re keen to write yourself off for the night or to listen to really bad Justin Bieber mashups.

So, why is this? It is easy to point the finger at COVID as the catalyst for the city’s waning creative nightlife, but it is safe to say there is a little bit more going on behind the scenes.

I spoke with Tobias from Tub’s Audio, a passionate supporter of the local music scene in Wellington. He has been providing high-quality sound systems for gigs, festivals, and creative spaces for little or sometimes no price at all since 2013. Tobias originally came to Wellington because of the vibrant music scene and creative community, which he thought was “cool”. He thinks things have been changing within Wellington nightlife even before COVID. “I think what it comes down to is a generational divide, because you’ve got the boomers who are a huge cohort compared to a lot of us, and they are just on a different vibe with what they want,” Tobias says.

One major obstacle faced by venues and pubs throughout the city is the opposition from the DHB (District Health Board) and the police when they seek to renew liquor licenses. “It’s a strange time, the problems are all being blamed on COVID or whatever, I think it’s more the police,

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the DHB and the liquor licensing authorities that have done more damage than COVID” Tobias says.

At a time when we’re trying to recover from COVID, this seems counterproductive. If for some reason the police are trying to make their jobs easier, those pubs that make tons of money from alcohol are the ones that are doing real damage to our city. Those are the venues where a lot of violence happens. Whereas those smaller venues that need the licensing aren’t trying to make heaps of money from selling alcohol, they are trying to cover the costs of bringing musicians here so we can all enjoy them. People love going to these events for the music, for creativity, and for the community – these have always been, for the most part, safe and welcoming spaces, so why have they been taken away from us?

As Tobias said, it is mostly a generational issue, with the grumpy old guys thinking they know what is best for our city.

They generally aren’t thinking about the young people’s experience, and that maybe it isn’t very good now. Who wants to live in a city that doesn’t have a proper nightlife as a young person? The DHB and police are there to protect us from harm, not to decide what goes on in our city. They are causing more harm than good.

Musicians and artists throughout Wellington are also packing up and leaving town because of the few spaces and opportunities left. Alice Agnes, a local Wellington DJ, says the switch lately has definitely affected her as an artist.

“When Lacuna and 121 were running, I was getting two to three gigs a month, I knew I was going to get them. Now it feels like it’s going to be very dead over the winter, with pockets of things happening, but no regular income.”

So, is there hope for the restoration of Wellington’s creative nightlife? Tory Whanau, Wellington’s mayor, ran on a policy to fix Wellington’s nightlife, and the majority of Wellington voted for her, so Wellingtonians want better nightlife. The council can probably help with things such as modifying earthquake-prone buildings or allowing events to be run in empty spaces around the city. Tobias says conversations have been had with the council and events department on how at a low price point, they could make people feel different about the city. Suggestions of events like dance

and house music being run during the day at the waterfront on Sundays, for example.

However, the council and those that can make a difference seem to lack a sense of urgency and seriousness regarding the state of Wellington’s nightlife. Their response to Tobias’s suggestion was that, well, they were in the process of planning Welly Christmas! (Woohoo!!) So, basically just doing the same things they do every single year in the city. “I am sure they get positive responses about Welly Christmas, but the people who are really upset about the direction the city is going in are not so stoked about Welly Christmas.”

The city and local council need to understand that young people aren’t just looking for more places to drink and party for the sake of it. The conversation extends beyond that. Providing spaces for young people and artists to express themselves is vital for a happy and functioning city.

Especially for students living away from home for the first time, to have that experience of exploration in music and art. It is essential for connecting, and for finding people just like them. Some of my closest friends in uni were made through our shared love for music and discovering new music in cool places together. If there aren’t spaces like this around, it makes it hard for young people to connect in real life and makes Wellington a city no young person wants to

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live in. “I think now more than ever we need that, because now we have apps and social media that connect us, and they connect us on really lame metrics,” Tobias says. Young creatives choose to study in Wellington for its creative programmes, yet what’s the point of studying what you love when you aren’t able to immerse yourself or establish yourself in the scene when there is hardly a scene?

Nobody wants to go to university in a town that sucks. The opportunities that were once here are shrinking.

However, universities could be a strong push in helping revive Wellington’s nightlife. Just like venues, promotion companies, and musicians, universities also rely on exciting nightlife to thrive. Massey and Vic could collaborate with students to advocate for improving the city’s creative spaces and the restoration of its nightlife. The student’s voice has proven to be strong in the past in making changes for issues beyond their control. It could be a promising beginning to bring positive change to our cultural scene.

For now, we should buy the tickets, go to the gigs that we can, support the local music scene, keep what is left of it alive, and continue spreading the word to the higher-ups to stop shitting on our city, please. No one wants Wellington to become a bedroom, and it’s well on its way to becoming that.

2019

2023

Illustration by Annick Harvey

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J P Homegrown

Get it like the music festival ha ha

By Aiden Wilson (they/them)

Recently I was lucky enough to have a sit down and chat with Jaz Paterson, an electronic pop artist born and raised right here in Aotearoa!

Within the last two years, Paterson has released a five track EP titled ‘Ache’, four sperate singles (two being collaborative), and has started working on material and crowdfunding for her next EP.

Despite technical hiccups, an unstable internet connection, and a plethora of off-topic jokes and banter, I was able to learn a lot about Jaz’s inspirations, process, and what she’s currently got in the works. Over the course of an hour, we had some fantastic yarns, and at the risk of sounding extracheesy, it’s nice to know the artist is as neat as their music.

Have you started working on your next EP yet?

I feel like I started writing new tracks for that maybe six months ago. And it’s just been this really slow and fairly painful process of writing, refining, playing round with new ideas, collaborating, so yeah, I’ve started the process of making that body of work.

Well with the writing process then, do you sit down and go “OK I’m going to write this,” or is it more like, “I have an idea so I’m going to write it down and then we work on it another time”?

The way that I wrote my last EP, I was doing an artist development programme. So, I was writing for a few months, and my mentor gave me a deadline ‘cause I work well with deadlines, and I sort of spent the best part of two or three weeks writing and writing and writing in my room to get everything exactly right. So, I’ve kind of got a similar-ish process with this. I’m taking my time and making things as they happen, going with ideas as they come up, but at some point, I’m going to give myself a deadline to be like OK! This is the finished product, and you need to live with it… cause otherwise I feel like perfectionist me could be working on this for years… I don’t know how many I’ve written already, but a lot of songs HAVE been written and WILL be written, and I’m gonna pick five or six.

Does that mean there’s gonna be a fair bit of stuff that doesn’t make it onto the EP that can be put on something later?

Yes and no. In my mind the music exists in little eras and projects. So, something I’ve written for this EP that didn’t quite make the cut probably wouldn’t be reincarnated onto the next body of work ‘cause they exist separately in my 22

mind, but I would do it live. I’ve already got a few songs now that I’m like “that would do really well live,” but I’m not sure it quite fits on the body of work. But a lot of them will just go to song heaven, a lot of them will just… die.

Aww :( that got really sad…

It is really sad! But not all of them can make it. I will write maybe like a hundred songs…

Overall, who would you say your biggest musical inspirations are?

Banks, Lorde, Tove Lo. If I were to have a ‘girls’ night out’, it’d be those three.

Are there any genres you would like to explore outside of what you’re currently doing?

If I was gonna explore in any direction, it would be maybe more of a heavier production style, or maybe some more hip-hop influences. Like maybe slightly more hip-hop or pushing some of that electronic stuff a bit harder.

Is there a dream artist you’d want to collaborate with at some point?

If I could slide into anyone’s DMs and they’re keen, it would be… like honestly, it’s so unrealistic but I would love to do a beautiful, melodic verse on something like an A$AP Rocky tune, something you just wouldn’t see coming at all.

I feel like it could be real fun to do something like that. Or someone like… Banks! Banks would be the dream if I was gonna do a collab. But then I would like to do something that people just weren’t expecting, collaborate with someone I’ve got nothing in common with, just jump on one of their tunes, you know?

“And now here’s Jaz Paterson with Slipknot”.

Okay, maybe not that far out…

At this point the discussion was side-tracked as I began talking about my personal favourite out-there collab, Bring me The Horizon and Ed Sheeran. … they did a really heavy reimagining of Bad Habits, and you wouldn’t think it would be good, but it was genuinely amazing.

Kinda like when you combine different types of food together and you’re like “this should not work” but it absolutely does, that’s the vibe…

Back on topic: crowdfunding! Tell me a bit about that.

It is quite expensive to do an album or EP… crowdfunding is basically like I’m putting a hat into the internet and going “if you’ve got $20 that needs a new home, I’m trying to make the best music that I possibly can, and if you’re into my music, like what I’m about, and you would like to contribute, I would appreciate that so much.” And as my way OF saying thanks, I’ve made up a bunch of new merch, or if you want me to sing at your wedding or 21st that’s also a perk. I really appreciate anything, literally the tiniest bits make a difference. All of that goes directly towards the creation of this new EP, mixing, mastering, production, recording, graphic design, promotion, marketing, the whole thing! It all goes straight into that.

It’s really cool to be able to contribute directly to an artist as opposed to having your money go through so many different hands before reaching the people who actually make the stuff…

Yeah, that’s true! Literally whatever people pay me goes directly into studio fees, or posters, or paying my graphic designer, stylist, photographer. It’s like… if you’re someone who’s really into my music and you like what I do, you have directly contributed to a next body of work that you’ll hopefully be in to!

What would you say the reality of being a full-time musician has been, and from your experience what advice would you give to people who wanted to make music their full-time job?

I’ll cook some food, go to therapy, read, go for a run. I feel like my unwinding revolves around connecting with people, having a drink, having a dinner. Lately I’ve been thinking I really need to get out in nature more ‘cause usually I exercise in a gym, but nature is good chat so more of that!

To unwind, I literally need to throw my phone in the bin, so once a week I delete my social media apps. Once a week I pretend I don’t have messages to catch up on, no emails I need to see to, and I just make a little bubble that nothing can interrupt for a day and then I get back out into the world.

That sounds like a really good system!

It is! And like, I’m not being irresponsible and not replying to emails for a week, it’s just for one day. There’s a Lorde song that talks about throwing her phone into the ocean and being like “can you reach me? NO, YOU CAN’T!” and that’s kinda the energy I have on Wednesdays.

There you have it, if Jaz Paterson can take a day off to rest and look after herself, you can, too.

We’re lucky as a country to have such a thriving local scene, and Jaz Paterson is a shining example of just how dope our music industry is. If you’re interested in Jaz and her music, you can follow her on Instagram @jazpatersonmusic.

If you wish to support her crowdfunding, the link can be found in her Insta bio.

And finally, go stream Ache on Spotify cause it’s a tune start to finish and you’re missing out if you don’t.

My experience has been that it pays the bills well. I feel like my life is kind of ‘money in money out’ at the moment, because I’m working on this whole new project, but if I wasn’t funding a new EP… it’s doable. It’s actually doable.

But you do have to be proactive in getting new gigs, and maintaining good relationships with everyone that you work with. Also being professional, showing up on time, doing a good set, packing down quickly, saying thanks to everyone…

What I found helpful when I was starting to transition from working a “job job” to doing music is a transition period in terms of your income. I wouldn’t go cold turkey. I think that crossover period was really helpful, instead of yeeting myself into the deep end. So, you’re not IN your comfort zone, but you’re not so far out of your comfort zone that you’re panicking. That’s what I’d recommend.

Well then, when you’re not doing music, what do you do to unwind?

There’s my worst self and my best self. One version of me will go get a burger from Maccas’, even though I’m gluten intolerant. I’ll sit in bed, even though that’s poor sleep hygiene. And I’ll just watch random YouTube videos. So that’s one thing I do to unwind.

Best version of me – I take one day a week off, and I try to hit all the walls of the Te Whare Tapa Whā wellbeing model.

Like I’ll try to see a friend, I’ll phone my mum. I’ll exercise.

Jaz Paterson Photo / Chasing film

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The Comedy Fest Gala; Acts to Remember

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

I recently had the pleasure of attending the Comedy Festival Gala, a line-up of some of the best acts that the Comedy Festival has to offer. This is a quick rundown of the acts and the details of their upcoming shows. The gala kicks off a full month of comedy programming, and while our print schedule means this can’t go out in time for you to find out about all these shows, there are so many more on offer. Check out comedyfestival.co.nz to find out what’s happening in your city and see what appeals to you!

Melanie Bracewell was the host of this year’s gala, and she had fantastic rapport with the audience. Her casual style and dry sense of humour feel uniquely kiwi, with an added enthusiasm that makes for great comedy.

Forget Me Not runs in Auckland, May 8 & 9 at Q Theatre, in Wellington, May 13 at St James Theatre, and in Christchurch, May 27 at James Hay Theatre.

Kura Forrester has an incredibly warm energy while still being absolutely hilarious. You might recognise the Billy T award winner from her role as Dessy on Shortland Street, or her appearances on Taskmaster and Educators, and her stand up is just as fun and full of character. She chatted to us all about being an aunty and the pitfalls of dating men, like having a conversation with your funniest friend.

Here If You Need runs in Wellington, May 9-13 at BATS theatre, and in Auckland, May 16-20 at Basement Theatre.

Coming on strong, Anne Edmonds started out, with her proper Aussie accent, to discuss the importance of having a big ass when it comes to motherhood. As seen on Have You Been Paying Attention?, Anne has been nominated for multiple Melbourne Comedy Festival awards and her wit and profanity are a hilarious mix.

Why’s My Bag All Wet? Runs in Auckland May 9th

Tom Sainsbury is known for his political satire and impressions. At the gala, he commentated various dramas from the comments section of the Christchurch City Council Facebook page

Gone Bananas Runs in runs in Wellington, May 9-13 at Te Auaha, and in Auckland, May 16-19 at Q Theatre.

Award-winning comedian and podcaster, Tim Batt is

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political and personal with plenty of edge to go along with his humour and solid point of view. He regaled us with stories about fatherhood and taking drugs, and his upcoming solo hour promises to be as hilarious and inappropriate.

Is Climate Change Funny Yet? runs in Auckland, May 1720 at Q Theatre, and in Wellington, May 23-27 at Fringe Bar Ray O'Leary is known for delivering huge laughs from short punchlines. Incredibly witty, smartly written, and often dark comedy delivered with his signature deadpan style makes for an absolutely stellar performer. As just one example from the Gala, he had us in tears laughing while telling a story about putting down the family dog. I was laughing so loudly that people turned around in their seats and looked at me. Must see!

Everything Funny All The Time Always runs in Wellington, May 19 & 20 at Te Auaha, and in Auckland, May 23-27 at Q Theatre

Becky Umbers has a unique take on life and a unique voice to match. You might have seen her on The Project or 7 Days, and you would remember if you had. Her joyful and whimsical demeanour pairs well with her absurd and dark writing, which I’m sure will be on full display at her debut solo show in this year’s festival.

Big Bad Beck and the Three Little Pigs runs in Auckland, May 10-13 at Q Theatre, and in Wellington, May 23-27 at BATS theatre.

One of my highlights of the gala, Lloyd Langford stepped out on stage and told the spotlight operator that he could take the next six minutes off, as the performer has “absolutely no razzle dazzle”. He delivered excellent deadpan comedy in his strong accent about growing up in Wales and his daughter’s tendency to eat bark chip at playgrounds. In case you missed him this fest, make sure to keep an eye out for whenever he’s back in the country.

Current Mood runs in Wellington, May 7 at San Fran, and in Auckland, May 9 at Q Theatre Sameena Zehra started off strong and political, walking on stage to the Celtic’s fans chanting, “you can shove your coronation up your arse”. She had us laughing with her about her homicidal tendencies, miniature making, and the comedic bureaucracy of immigration. She’s a natural

storyteller, and her solo hour will be full of stories from a life of travelling, and the trials and tribulations of actually trying to settle.

Immigrunting runs in Wellington, May 9-13 at Fringe Bar, and in Auckland, May 16-20 at Q Theatre

As seen on Taskmaster NZ, 7 Days, Have You Been Paying Attention? and his own hit TV show, Guy Montgomery's Guy Mont-Spelling Bee, it’s Guy Montgomery! He’s equal parts sharp and silly, personable and awkward, unhinged and hysterical. He told us his varying theories on the relative roles of letters and numbers, dressing ourselves in the morning, and being a step dad in his six minutes on the Gala stage, and had me cackling the whole way.

My Brain is Blowing Me Crazy runs in Wellington, May 1720 at Te Auaha, and in Auckland, May 24-27 at Q Theatre

Guy Montgomery’s Guy-Mont Spelling Bee runs in Auckland, May 26th at Q Theatre

Becky Lucas is a child of divorce, which she made clear to us immediately even though her jokes made it apparent.

She’s quick, with a sharp writing style that isn’t afraid to wander into the graphic (like the story she told us about buying a vibrator and getting it stuck in her butt).

So Funny! runs in Wellington, May 11th at Te Auaha, and in Auckland, May 13th at Q Theatre

Winner of the Fred award and host of podcast Eating Fried Chicken in the Shower, James Nokise is a legend on the New Zealand comedy scene. A famous storyteller, he keeps up the pace with the punchlines rolling. His knack for highlighting the ludicrous means he’s an audience favourite, and in the 6 minutes he was onstage at the gala he had a clear point of view, pointing out the natural ridiculousness in bigotry and hate. He ended his set with “Protect trans youth”.

in Funny Girls, or otherwise you might recognise her hilarious absurdist humour from Taskmaster, Celebrity Treasure Island, or 7 days. Her set for the gala was a few ‘impressions’, consisting of impressive physical comedy and added on sound effects. Her newest hour of absurdist sketch comedy, Frigid, is sure to be raucous, silly, and hilarious from start to finish.

Frigid runs in Wellington, May 16-20 at BATS theatre, and in Auckland, May 23-27 at Q theatre.

Advait Kirtikar is known around Wellington for his oneliners and finding the absurdity in the daily. His awkward delivery style relies entirely on solid comedic timing, and he delivers. His debut solo is a good opportunity to see this rising star.

The Awkward Indian Guy Act runs in Wellington, May 2327 at Fringe Bar

Hayley Sproull is a high-energy performer who practically bounces across the stage, delightedly telling us all about the graphic after-effects of a hypothetical pregnancy and that time she screamed at a child at Rainbow’s End. I’ve also seen her deliver incredibly high-quality musical comedy, and her new solo hour will be full of that, too.

Ailments runs in Auckland, May 9-13 at Q Theatre

You might recognise James Mustapic from last year’s hit TVNZ show, Abandonment Issues, where his sharp satire and dry sense of humour were on full display. He has a great comedic presence, telling us all about hailing from Dunedin, being a hit with middle-aged women, and the imagined horror of raising a heterosexual child as a gay man.

Into the Multi-Media-Verse runs in Auckland, May 10-13 at Basement theatre, and in Wellington, May 16-20 at BATS Theatre

Right About Now runs in Auckland, May 9-13 at Q theatre, and in Wellington, May 16-20 at San Fran.

Musical comedy fans, Two Hearts is for you! This double act who are real life married have been nominated for so many awards it’s hard to list. When they walked on stage as our headlining act, their energy was so high it bordered on unhinged mania, which I really appreciate. You might recognise Laura Daniel and Joseph Moore from their appearances on 7 Days, Taskmaster and Have You Been Paying Attention?

Til Death Do Us Hearts Runs in Wellington, May 9-13 at San Fran, and in Auckland, May 16-20 at Q theatre.

Brynley Stent is a Billy T award-winning sketch comedian, and she’s incredibly good at what she does. You might have seen her sketch work opposite other kiwi icons 25

Is this metal enough?

By Molly Richards (she/her)

I’d say it is ironic how musically-charged my upbringing was, considering my lack of musical talent. Unfortunately, I have never been a gifted muso. I think my Nan had some degree of hope when she bought me a flamenco guitar at six years old. I wonder what my life would have been like had I learnt to play it. I didn’t, but that’s not to say my life has been devoid of music. Quite the opposite in fact. I grew up on all the classic ‘70s and ‘80s artists that my mum and dad had collated neatly in a CD tower. From Queen, Bon Jovi, Duran Duran, Dire Straits, The Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin to Meatloaf. The greats of my household.

Despite the lacking musical talent in my house, we made up for it in our listening. So, it is no surprise my Spotify Wrapped gets up to 97,000 minutes of listening per year. I shifted away from the CDs when I finally got access to my very own Spotify account, and I think I’ve gone through all the expected phases in my musical journey so far. Yes, I had the emo phase, and to be honest, I don’t think I ever left. Unsurprisingly, I ventured down the rock ‘n roll road and now I have ended up in my metal era. It is at this time of writing that I realise I was never that far off.

At the same time, I have always been a film nerd. I got the music from Mum and the films from Dad and the two go hand-in-hand. A notable story I’d just like to throw in there because I’m still reeling comes from my mother. Originally, our family resided in the ever-sunny UK. My mum would tell me the story of Robert Plant (from the ever-famous Led Zepplin) and how he would often play at Mum’s local pub. Specifically, The Plough at Kinver. It’s close to Worcestershire, not the sauce, and it must have been 1988.

That is still one of the coolest things ever to me and I am very proud.

Back to the matter at hand. Film and TV (and other of facets of popular culture) impact what we listen to. I know it has for me. Most recently and notably, in Stranger Things...

Eddie Munson’s totally metal guitar solo from Metallica’s 1986 Master of Puppets (off the album of the same name) had me in awe. This scene revived the metal lover within me. I would be ashamed of this if Lars Ulrich (Metallica’s drummer) wasn’t so “psyched” with the pairing. I suppose that’s the thing. It’s totally okay to be a new or returning fan. I often feel like I’m a fraud, that I’m not metal or not this or that enough to enjoy something. That I’m not a true fan, which is complete and utter bullshit.

I spoke with fellow metalhead and resident writer Aiden Wilson about metal, some recommendations, and the new fan tension. What is metal enough? The original fan stigma is a curious one. It’s normal to feel protective over

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something that you hold dearly. I get it. I don’t get why I feel bad for coming in late. I’m no less of a fan, yet I feel a fraud.

Metal, from my understanding, is about freedom, rebellion, and as Aiden so eloquently put it, “telling people to shove it.” We spoke about Bring Me The Horizon’s FU to the haters with their song “Heavy Metal”. I love the song and I felt guilty about it, which in hindsight is just dumb. Why should I feel bad about liking a song just because people have their own preconceptions of what something should be? If I don’t know all the bands and their corresponding songs, does that make me a fraud? No, but it sometimes feels like it. As Aiden said, “who cares if it’s not what your narrowminded view of “Heavy Metal” is? Let me enjoy what I enjoy, however I found it, however it sounds.”

Now, I have decided to say ‘uh whatever’ when some pumped up disk jockey asks me to name three songs. It’s not my problem, so don’t worry about it. I’d say it doesn’t get more metal than that.

Molly Richards (@mol_richards)

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