MASSIVE Issue 2 2023: The O week and Girl Power Issue

MAR 6/2023

Cover by Eden Laing (she/her)

Editors letter How was your O week? Perhaps it flashed by as a bass-heavy, gin-soaked, strobe-lit time warp like mine did, or perhaps you have wonderful memories to take forward into your next three/four years at uni. Maybe you’re in bed right now with Fresher’s Flu as you read this. Either way, we have some stories for you in this bumper O Week themed issue. There’s our usual assortment of scandalous confessions, horoscopes purveying weird wisdoms and solicited advice from our resident four-legged agony aunt, Pocket. So, as you find your bearings in the jungle that is Massey university, whichever campus or desk you are located at, let us come to you with the best news, gossip and entertainment, weekly. Like the prodigal Kit-Kat, take a break with MASSIVE. Kick your feet back, relax, and laugh your worries away.

This week, we are channeling Girl Power with pictures of some of the editorial team as kids, all for the cause of International Women’s Day. I’ve even written a poem using Spice Girls lyrics for a challenge. Smash the patriarchy and support your sisters this Wednesday 8th March!

Designer Letter I hope everyone has had a good first week back at uni, or if you are first year, a good first week to the best 3-4 years of your life. I went to the Welcome for the first years on Wednesday last week down at the Marae, and I remember sitting there as a nervous fresher. I was so shy and so nervous about everything, and I’m sure some of you are too. Even though O week has finished, it’s not too late to make friends. I didn’t during O week, but I made friends later on and good memories, so no stress. O week isn’t the end all be all. There are constant opportunities throughout the year to meet people. So just go at your own pace and have fun!

What to look forward to News

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Features An O Week Memoir

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Standing Tall

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Mana Wāhine

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The Female Monster

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Hell School

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Columns Sexcapades

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Solicited Advice

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Horoscopes

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Editor Leila Lois Designer Emily Wilson News Editor Sammy Carter Sub Editor Tui Lou Christie Staff Writer Aiden Charles Staff Writer Elizabeth Chan News Reporter Tegan Jaggard Feature Editor Molly Richards Illustrator Annick Harvey Illustrator Eden Laing Te Ao Māori Editor Cameron McCausland-Taylor Social Media Chantal Janice

MASSIVE NEWS

6 MARCH 2023

WEEKLY NEWS What the hell is the census?

Kira Carrington

It’s almost census time, yet there’s so much confusion among students about what the census is, why we must do it, and why on earth Harry Styles is joining in.

The 7th of March is the final date for everyone in Aotearoa to fill in their forms for Statistics New Zealand’s 2023 census.

The Census of Population and Dwellings is a national survey of all people in Aotearoa that creates a picture of who we are as a country and how to meet our needs.

On Massey’s Wellington campus, Census marketing was proven woefully ineffective at reaching young people as very few students knew what the census was.

“It’s like a questionnaire thing that everyone has to fill out?” said one Massey student.

“Is it like a housing thing that the government puts out to verify living shit?” said another student.

“Just questions, I guess, about our lives,” said a third student.

By law, everyone in New Zealand on Census Day must fill in a census form every five years

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– even Harry Styles as he’ll be performing in Auckland that night.

The census collects information about population, who we are, where we live, who we live with, and which groups and communities we are a part of.

According to the Census and Data Act 2002, any individual who fails to complete the census is eligible for a $2000 fine.

The lack of awareness of the census is concerning as many students risk being fined and going uncounted.

Stats NZ said, “For the first time, the 2023 Census will ask questions about things like sexuality, gender, and variations of sex characteristics. This will help Rainbow communities feel seen and heard.”

Considering the sizable LGBTQ+ community within the student body, Stats NZ’s failure to engage with students could lead to the size of the rainbow community

being undercounted.

This isn’t the first time the census has failed to capture the size of certain communities, with the previous census in 2018 being criticized for disenfranchising Māori.

Te Mana Raraunga, the Māori Data Sovereignty Network, said that census responses from Māori in 2018 could have been as low as 80%.

There is a lot of confusion among students about how to fill out their census form as the census marketing contained very little information on how to do it.

Stats NZ relies on a letter sent to every household to provide people with details, a method of communication that is not effective at reaching students, especially those within university halls.

For more information, or to fill out your census form, go to www.census.govt.nz.

Many university students don’t know what the census is for. Photo / Stuff

MASSIVE NEWS

6 MARCH 2023

Yung Gravy donates 1900 bras to support women. Photo / Narcity

A DILF that donates - Yung Gravy Takes O-Week by Storm Tegan Jaggard (she/her)

Most know Yung Gravy for his music and his affinity for MILFs. What some may not know about is his efforts to donate to women’s and breast cancer charities.

Students lined up outside the event, some there for the music, some there for the memes, some there for a new step-dad?

Ben White, second-year computer science major, and his friends came from Massey Palmerston North to convince Yung Gravy to marry Ben’s mum and become his stepdad.

He also pledged to donate how much the bras were worth to breast cancer charities.

Ben said that Gravy’s charitable actions were “better than most pop stars”.

“I wouldn’t really expect it from a guy like him, or from anyone that big,” he continued. Xarah, another show attendee, mostly listens to Yung Gravy at the gym.

“That’s actually really cool, considering most people would just throw them [the bras] out. It’s cool that he’s doing something,”

she said. “It’s really hype, it’s good energy.” Jessie, another person on their way to the show, said, “considering his brand you definitely wouldn’t expect it [his charity work].”

“It’s cool that someone who uses women a lot in their branding is actually doing something to help them, instead of just using them,” she said. Evoni, another person lining up, captured Yung Gravy’s fan base perfectly with one sentence.

“We all love a MILF.”

“He has a calm and soothing vibe,” Ben explained.

According to Narcity, Gravy had collected and donated 1900 bras while on tour in the US as of December 2022, even helping sort the bras for a company called I Support the Girls.

Jessie, Evoni and Natalie lined up for Yung Gravy. Photo/ Tegan Jaggard

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MASSIVE NEWS

“Sleeping with one eye open”: Wellington students lose big in burglary Brett Kerr-Laurie (he/him)

A laptop, PlayStation and DJ decks worth $2600 stolen, and the culprit remains uncaught.

“I felt violated, considering someone came into my private space when I didn’t know about it. I feel like I’m not safe anymore in my own home.”

On a dusty Sunday last month, 3rd year Victoria student Zed Woodman noticed his five-person flat had been burgled.

“I went to turn on the PS4 and it wasn’t there. I realised everything was gone,” he said.

“I ran all the way out to the road, just in some irrational hope someone would be walking away

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with all our gear in their hands.”

Woodman and his flatmates were out most of the night partying and fell straight asleep before they noticed they had been burgled the next morning.

Woodman called police and a forensic officer took fingerprints the next day.

He also contacted surrounding businesses for CCTV footage, but nothing was captured.

The next week, police told Woodman nothing came of the fingerprints and “pretty much the case is closed.”

“We’re not gonna be getting our stuff back which is the most upsetting thing. It feels like [a] full stop.”

The flat never expected to be targeted as they are hidden from the road, now they are more cautious.

“Now I’m locking my doors

Students burgled and left feeling violated. Photo / Shutterstock

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of course, and shutting the windows— and sleeping with one eye open.”

Advice he gives to others is: “Lock your doors, every day, when you leave, when you go to sleep— and don’t leave your shit lying around.”

Woodman hasn’t been the only victim of a break-in recently as on the same day last month, one Tasman Street woman woke up to a man sitting on her bed leaning over her.

In a Vic Deals post the intruder was described as “wearing a beanie, raggy looking jersey, had long hair...”.

The girl’s partner told him to “fuck off” and he fled.

No physical harm was done, and the intruder has since been arrested.

The man has had one court hearing and is due for another on March 6th as he faces charges for a similar incident in late December as well.

On the 20th of February, another Vic Deals user had their Mount Victoria flat broken into.

A burglar stole valuable items including an expensive hairdryer and epilator, and the thief remained unidentified.

The post said, “Luckily the person that broke in didn’t get close to our rooms where we were sleeping.”

If you find yourself victim of theft or burglary, call police on 105, or 111 if you are in danger or suspect the burglar is still on your property.

Avoid disturbing potential forensic hotspots until police have gathered evidence.

MASSIVE NEWS

Massey short film Woman about endometriosis wins big Sammy Carter (she/her) Woman shows endometriosis in an authentic way, asking the question ‘does the womb make the woman?’

Massey third-year film project Woman has won multiple awards including a Best Actress and Trailblazer award. Siän Hailey Ledingham, the writer and director of Woman, was inspired by her own experience with endometriosis.

The film tells the story of Eva, a young girl with endometriosis who falls pregnant, and the dangers that come with this. Ledingham said, “I have really never seen any representation of endometriosis in media, and it can be extremely lonely not really knowing if others around you are going through the same pain and confusion as you.”

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the Trailblazer Award at the Screen Arts 2022 awards was Ledingham’s proudest moment.

“I felt like our film had truly taught people something and touched them in some way, and that’s all I can possibly dream of.” Lead actress Jorja Baylee won Best Actress in an International Film at the Taylor’s University Film Festival.

Despite having family and friends with endometriosis, Baylee felt she had no idea how hard it really was before playing Eva.

“A lot of the film talks about how hard it is going to the doctor with endometriosis and having to consistently talk about your pain and having to consistently fight for yourself within in the healthcare system.”

Baylee didn’t know she was in the running for awards until she saw an Instagram story announcing she’d won Best Actress while in the middle of a show.

“I went outside and did a lap. I ran around the whole theatre and just thought ‘oh my god’.”

She said she was surprised at how switched on and aware the Massey film students were.

“I was really amazed with the fact that this is a really sensitive topic for a film and the way that they all handled that and worked with grace.”

The film will be released to the public towards the end of the year, updates will be on the @woman.shortfilm Instagram.

Ledingham has struggled with the condition since she was 13. It took her three years of pain to even get close to a diagnosis and surgery.

She felt Eva’s story connected with her, “I live in constant fear of both falling pregnant and of infertility, because I’m so aware that either way I will struggle, either way I will face judgement.”

Her main goal with Woman was to show the audience how much endometriosis truly effects your life, and how it’s so much more than just period cramps.

“A lot of the time, due to the physical nature of the disease, you end up having to make hard decisions that can ultimately upset yourself the most.” Winning

Short film Woman portrays the real struggles of endometriosis. Photo / Supplied

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An o week memoir

By Lelia Lois (she/her)

Ah, O week. Touted as the most exciting week of the university experience, yet I can’t help but feel that Fresher’s week is often not fully representative of this experience as a whole.

O week is certainly a unique experience. Rarely in life will you encounter a random assortment of people all in one place to do one thing: study. Yet the constant meet and greet can feel invigorating or overwhelming or laborious, and all of these feelings are valid. I remember during my O week (which was a fair while ago), tiring of the standard script as another fresher approached.

“Hello, my name is Leila and I’m studying Geography, what are you studying?”

I’d swiftly forget their response due to the sheer volume of introductions flying around and spend the rest of the event/party scrambling to remember their names. Dylan would take exception at being called Duncan; the Computer Scientist would recoil at the suggestion that they were an arts student. Being too much of a people-pleaser in O week was me going to lots of events I’d rather not have; with people I’d rather have avoided. One encounter was with a carnivorouslooking ex-all boy’s private school guy who guilttripped me into joining him for an introductory tango class, where I spent most of the class running away from him. Another was the sessions labelled ‘icebreakers’. They were just tedious. But the best times in that week were the low-key cups of tea and

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chats with the other students in my halls. The student digs were crumby, and our culinary skills were at the level of stir-in pesto dishes, but we were, for the first time most of us, living out of home. We felt wild and free. O week was actually a bit of a gin-soaked blur, but some of those friendships I made in the first week, and the antics we got up to, will endure a lifetime, I’m positive.

If I were to give my former self or new freshers any advice, it would be not to feel obligated to do EVERYTHING and, related to that, to prioritise wellbeing. Nearly all of us succumbed to the dreaded ‘Fresher’s flu’, the result of late nights on sticky dance floors and a diet of mixed drinks and 3am fries. I wish I’d realised you didn’t have to say yes to every party, and you could say some firm ‘nos’ to sleazy unwanted advances. Instead, I spent a fair portion of Fresher’s week feeling anxious and avoidant when I should have been having fun. You can definitely ask your newfound friends to look out for you! Overall, it was an opportunity to meet some wonderful people from all over the world, who have remained great friends but keep it in balance. This is only the beginning of three to four years where you will grow immensely. Take your time and enjoy the journey.

Surviving the student halls

By Emily Wilson (she/her)

Let me start by saying living in the uni halls will be the best and worst uni experience you will have. I was in the Cube a good few years ago and got put into a room with strangers who I had to live with for a year. This was a scary thought; I had even gone to boarding school, so I already had the experience of living away from home. But this was different because who you are sharing a space with can really determine the rest of the year.

One of the biggest things you learn in your early 20s is how to live with different people, and you start to realise people do weird things such as keep eggs and chocolate in the fridge?? Anyways, you also start to get a sense of how your peers were treated growing up. They never do the dishes, or worse ONLY do their own and refuse to touch anyone else’s; probably spoiled by their parents. They clean the bathroom and the hair out of the drain; an absolute angel.

I have this vivid memory of my flatmates coming home at 3am (very loudly).

There were 6 extra people along with my 3 other flatmates, all very drunk and I was not happy. I must admit, back then I was a bit uptight in general, but it is all a learning process. Should they have invited a whole other flat over at 3am when they knew I needed to sleep? No. Should I have reacted the way I did?

Also no.

Learning how to live with people who are different to you and have different values and beliefs is going to be difficult at the best of times but it’s all a part of the learning experience and you will also make the most amazing friends who’ll last a lifetime, so enjoy (while you have the chance).

PS. If you are someone like me who was uptight about everything, just remember; it’s only going to make you upset, just relax and live laugh love, nothing is that serious. x

Illustration by Annick Harvey (she/her)

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If you wanna be my lover

By Leila Lois (she/her)

You gotta get with my friends but only if you’re down with nail dips and donuts or bawling through movies where Audrey Hepburn finds her cat by the bins and the cigarette butts.

Baby, you don’t have to cry too, only, take one look at my baby-doll dress and say: “You look hot,” and hold my hand as we dance down the street, not; “you’re showing me up, put that sparkly thing away”.

Write me a song, bring me coffee and croissants, let me read poetry in bed with you on Sunday, bathbombs and candles, that’s the way it is.

Because baby, taking is too easy, You have got to give.

12 Illustration by Annick Harvey (she/her)

“Each time a women stands up her herself, she stands up for all women” 13

Become

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

This sewing machine is a woman I didn’t meet but she tells me I’m pretty.

I grow out of my own music like an itch, shed clothes, old skin.

Become paper. Fold into soft points. Become slips and silks, chemise draped with loose purpose.

Tap out a blinking cursor, print and trace and cut.

Read the Greats. Become.

Daisies open in hazy white, a choir turning as the sun does, I stop having dreams that I’ve sewn my fists shut.

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A woman must always be shiny, if she ought to stay

By Sammy Carter (she/her)

The Barbie poses in a pink box with hearts.

Her hair is smooth and tidy She’s shiny, she’s new The girl plays with the Barbie all day, She meets doll friends Pool parties Drives around carpet streets The Barbie’s hair grows matted from play Shoes chewed off Dress seams ripping Sharpie eyeshadow drawn on The girl grows bored of playing with her and asks for a replacement.

She’s stashed away from tea time and ken dolls T he brand new Barbie poses in a purple box with stars.

Her hair is smooth and tidy She’s shiny, she’s new 17 Illustration by Eden Laing (she/her)

Standing

tall

By Elizabeth Chan (she/her)

“Wah, you’ve grown so tall since the time I’ve last seen you,” my aunty says as she sizes me up, eyeing my shoulders enviously. “And your shoulders are so broad! Even my son’s shoulders aren’t as broad as yours.”

These were the words commonly uttered by my relatives whenever I visited them as a child in Malaysia. Sometimes, even the local shopkeepers would mistake me for being older than my age due to my height. To this day, I still don’t know what my height actually is. Though, back then I was 5’ 3” tall (about 1.6 metres). Although, it is considered an average height for girls in Aotearoa, it is tall in Malaysia.

Rather than feeling good about this, their compliments made me feel more conscious about having a different build compared to other girls.

When I looked around me, all the other girls were shorter than me and had narrower shoulders.

Whenever I talked to anyone, I had to look down and sometimes hunched over to look smaller so that I could be the same height as them (stupid, I know).

Instead of feeling ultimately superior, I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb.

Just recently in 2020, when I was stuck in Malaysia due to the pandemic, I noticed that I’ve grown taller during my high school years in Aotearoa. In fact, I’ve even grown as tall as most of the men in my district, and taller than some.

Sure, receiving compliments on one’s height is often taken as flattery. But what does it mean to be that one tall girl?

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Some of you might think I’m overreacting to receiving compliments on my height, after all, it’s a good thing to be tall and to have broad shoulders. Clothes will fall nicely on you; you might even receive compliments that you have the potential to be a runway model.

“You won’t look so fat when you put on weight because your height will give the illusion that you’re slim,” added my relative, who was probably low-key harbouring jealousy whenever they compared me to my cousin, when I think back on it.

But, why must we as women feel this way? Why must we worry about looking “fat” or feel as if we don’t fit in with our peers just because we are a few inches taller than everyone else?

Masculin ou Féminine?

Until this day, I’ve often been told by my relatives that it is good to be tall, but not too tall. I usually nod and agree, even though growing taller isn’t something I can control. Many male animals are larger than their female counterparts. This is just a theory, but that might be why society associates tall height and broad shoulders with being masculine. Or could it be the undermining of the patriarchy as it grapples to maintain control of society?

Associating height with masculinity is never said, but it was always implied. Back then, I had extremely low self-esteem and constantly worried about what others thought of me.

Habitually overthinking, I never really believed in the compliments I received on my build because I was worried about how I looked to my peers. I already had trouble fitting in with others in middle school, so I actually believed that my appearance was enough to

set me apart from other girls.

As I grew older, I still felt insecure about my build because of the upheld imagery of “cute” couples in the media, depicting the much smaller girlfriend who “fit right into the arms” of a much bigger boyfriend who was taller and had broad shoulders.

And this imagery wasn’t just seen on social media, it was everywhere in movies, TV series and (most) YA fiction novels. It felt as if girls can only be seen as “cutesy” and “feminine” if their height did not surpass the height of the male love interest, while girls who were taller would be seen as “masculine”.

Though I usually try not to buy into stereotypes portrayed into the media, at the back of my mind, a little bit of me actually believed in it. That being tall and having broad shoulders as a girl automatically makes you masculine and therefore, less romantically desirable.

O-Week: A Whole New Perspective

Flash forward to my first year in the Auckland campus, I realised that there was no need to feel insecure about my build. As I struggled to find my classroom during O-Week, there were girls who passed by me.

Most were the same height as me, some taller, and some shorter than me. There were girls who dressed to express and girls who did not give a damn about how they looked because they just wanted to get to their classes on time.

At that moment, I realised that everyone is created different. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes. There’s no need to cave into society’s image of being “slim” or “petite enough” in order to “fit in” and to be “feminine”. I also realised that I shouldn’t feel the need to change myself for anyone, and neither should you.

Now, as far as my habit to hunch goes, I will stand taller.

Illustration by Eden Laing (she/her)

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Illustration by Annick Harvey (she/her)

Mana Wāhine For the Win

By Cameron McCausland-Taylor

TW: Sexual violence, domestic violence International Women’s Day is upon us, which means I have two words for you: mana wāhine.

As a wahine, and a wahine who is attracted to other wāhine, of course I love an entire day that celebrates us. But, as a Māori wahine, it also brings a tinge of hurt to my wairua, Having such a day highlights how deeply colonisation has infiltrated Māori ways of life from a gender perspective. The colonial truths of it all really hit home for me during an interview I did last year with Dr. Shonelle Wana of Te Whare Wānanga o Awanuiārangi, discussing her doctoral thesis “Kia Whakawahine Au I Ahau: Give me the strength of a Woman”. Her thesis covers how balance needs to be restored for leadership roles between Māori men and women, which became unbalanced in the wake of colonisation where the rights of Māori women were stripped away. When I heard that, something sparked in me. From there, my understanding and passion for the concept of mana wāhine has only developed, strengthened and caused a shift in how I view myself.

The European influence on Māori communities is grim, to say the least. We know this, nē? Rebecca Wirihana’s thesis “Ngā pūrākau o ngā wāhine rangatira o Aotearoa” dives into this on a deep, knowledgeable level, but I’ll sum it up a little. In the 1800s, colonial men who believed women are inferior to men had the nerve to stomp onto our whenua and really fuck up our flow through the likes of assimilation, conversion to Christianity, and the

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1907 Tohunga Suppression Act. The idea of the exotic “other” was also introduced, sexualising Māori women for the desire of these colonial men. Such consequences exist in the modern-day world in the realms of health, poverty, sexual violence, and more, in which Māori women are far too over-represented.

I had the absolute privilege of attending a Mana Wāhine Kaupapa Inquiry hearing last year, held by the Waitangi Tribunal, which expands on such ideas.

Ani Mikaere, giving submissions on behalf of the late Moana Jackson, talked about how destruction of Māori women became “the norm”. However, every single part of tikanga and mātauranga Māori is based on the idea that both Māori men and women hold equal value, meaning that the colonial idea of women being inferior is “intellectually incomprehensible and culturally impossible” through a Māori lens. If our tīpuna saw how Māori women are treated in today’s world, such as the staggering pay gap between a man and a Māori woman, they wouldn’t even know how to fathom it. My experience as a court reporter has also shed a huge light on how many Māori tāne inflict violence against their wāhine partners, another concept that, to our tīpuna, would make absolutely no sense.

Tina Ngata, a Ngāti Porou mana wahine LEGEND, also made submissions that absolutely shook me to my core. Like Mikaere, Ngata also touched on the sexualisation of Māori women, talking of how

sexual and physical violence is “part of the colonial process”, and how such attitudes are entrenched within the likes of the Department of Corrections, the police, and investigative authorities. “It is part of the reason why when we are sexually assaulted it is not taken seriously,” she says, “because the idea we are lascivious beings is still alive in the imagination of settlers in those positions”. She also called out the white feminist movement (as she should), speaking of how so many white feminists throughout history have sat still in their privilege instead of standing with their indigenous, black, brown and migrant wāhine.

Intersectional feminism for the win, ALWAYS. With all of this intergenerational trauma and mamae stored within the tinana of our wāhine Māori, it’s incredibly courageous and inspiring to see so many examples of mana wāhine within our modern world persevering and thriving. I’m often thinking “how the fuck do they find the strength to continue on through the pain?” Now, I can’t speak for other mana wāhine.

However, I can speak on my own experience of what helps me to push through; looking to my ātua, my tīpuna, and the examples of mana wāhine in my circle.

Looping back to the hearing, Materoa Dodd spoke on the greatness of our Ngāti Awa tīpuna called Wairaka, the daughter of the Mataatua waka chief Toroa, and how her legacy has lived on through the Mataatua region. In Whakatāne, we have the “Lady on the Rock” statue, commemorating the bravery of Wairaka when the Mataatua waka arrived to Whakatāne. The tāne left the wāhine on the waka while they went ashore.

However, the waka began to float back out to the ocean, prompting Wairaka to go against the tapu of a wahine handling the waka. She seized the paddle, crying the well-known whakatauki “Kia Whakatāne au i ahau’ – I will act the part of a man.” That is how Whakatāne’s name came to be. After hearing Dodd’s kōrero, I began to encompass our tīpuna’s way of thinking into my own life. During times of pain, loss, and hurt, I channel Wairaka’s mana, reminding myself that her whakapapa flows within me. Our ātua, such as Papatūānuku, Hinemoana, Hineahuone, and more, are also coursing through my veins at all times. Just

being alive is a constant reminder that I’m never truly alone, because my many ātua and tīpuna wāhine are always around and within me, wrapping me in a cloak of aroha and manaaki.

On my learnings of mana wāhine, it also became extremely clear that I’ve been surrounded by this powerful energy my entire life. On my Māori side of the whānau, my nan is a strong image of matriarchy, taking no shit and always standing strong in her mana. As Ngāpuhi and a legal secretary for many years, she exhibits the mana of Hongi Hika’s daughter Rongo Hongi, who also acted as a secretary and scribe during the treaty war of 1845. My māma and my three aunties are also clear examples of mana wāhine, with both Wairaka and Rongo Hongi deeply within their souls. To grow up surrounded by this sheer mana is such a blessing, and it inspires me to pass on the mana of our whakapapa to our future generations in my own unique way.

There are mixed feelings for me around International Woman’s Day, both painful and delightful. I choose to enter this year’s commemorations by reflecting on the gruesome past of our Māori mana wāhine, celebrating our mana wāhine of both past and present, and planning ahead for a future where mana wāhine will prevail and thrive. Māori wāhine are an intrinsic and deeply important part of Aotearoa, overcoming all the odds stacked against us and changing the tapestry of our communities for the better. Get with it or get lost.

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Sexcapades Did you just hookup with my roommate lmao

The Tonsil Tickler

One night I was at a party, and I ended up running into this guy at the party who I was buddies with and was my ex’s roommate who I’d always thought was really cute. Anyways, after a bit of talking and flirting with him, I ended up back at his house that same night and whad’ya know, we started to hook up.

Throughout this sexcapade, he managed to stick his entire hand down my throat.

I genuinely thought I was going to throw up, it felt like he was trying to finger my tonsils.

THEN he also managed to stick his tongue in my ear. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some flirty ear kisses or bites, but tongue, IN MY EAR? Then, to top it off, he also missed once and aimed for the wrong area…ouch! If I wasn’t already on the verge of tears at this point, I sure was about to be.

Yeah lol At 4 a.m. I got up to use the bathroom, threw on his oversized shirt, opened the door, and guess who was standing there?

MY EX. I was so drunk that I didn’t allow myself time to think, ‘maybe I shouldn’t go (loudly) hookup with my ex’s roommate in the same home, on the same floor.’ He had clearly been standing outside the door listening, but he pretended he didn’t see me, turned around and booked it back to his room. I slammed the door shut and went back into the guy’s bedroom and started crying like a five-year-old and told him that I wanted to go home.

Read: 2:37AM

So, if I can give you any advice please don’t hook up with your ex’s roommate, because it’ll never end well.

Got a confession, a naughty tale, a sexy story?

Email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz to submit yours

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e l a m e F e h T r e t s n o M

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

CW: Minor mention of sexual violence What is a monster?

What defines that hazy, creeping figure? Where does a monster come from? Why do we invent them?

Monsters in the gothic are usually reflections of culturally ingrained fears. Monsters are deviant by definition. They are defined by their differences to the rest of us. The monsters you think of most immediately are probably categorised by physical differences, drinking blood like vampires, grey skin like zombies, etc. They present a physical threat; they could literally kill or maim you. More importantly for literary analysis, however, is looking at the ways monsters embody social deviation.

Lots of gothic narratives include social differences or deviant behaviour to create unease and define villainy. Of course, this is always contextual, not everyone in every time fears the same things— narratives change with historical events and shifting cultural ideas, which also vary from place to place. In Dracula, there is a clearly reflected cultural anxiety about foreign powers infringing on the UK, which is responsive to the place and time that Bram Stoker was writing in. Frankenstein is similar, with the clash of science and nature reflecting the contemporary scientific advancements and religious backlash of Mary Shelley’s historical context. Gothic texts reflecting collective fears from different contexts also means that the same subject 26

matter can be presented in completely different ways; this is the case for the female monster.

The Monstrous Feminine

Even when the gothic developed into outright horror, and dominant popular media shifted from novels to movies, the female monster remained a small but ever-present part of the gothic media landscape. Female monsters have common threads. Like all genres, there are archetypes, stereotypes, subgenres, and common themes. What is socially acceptable for women has changed across the centuries, as has how people of all genders have responded to these social expectations through narrative. Are gender norms being challenged or reinforced?

While I am using mainly binary language in this article, gender and biological sex are totally separate and I do not wish to be exclusionary. There is so much room for queer and non-binary readings and interpretations of gothic texts including those on this list, which is a topic for a future issue.

Social deviation in women, or behaviour that is ‘unwomanly’ as defined by dominant cultural ideals, is reflected in fiction’s famous female monsters. These present a threat to patriarchal order, meaning they can be threatening or empowering depending on personal perspective. This includes ugliness or undesirability, masculine gender presentation, deviant sexuality, forgoing ‘feminine’ traits like mothering, and embodying ‘unfeminine’ emotions like rage.

Here is a very short selection of iconic female monsters and how they related to these themes and archetypes.

Carmilla Carmilla by Sheridan La Fanu (1872)

Carmilla, a short novella, is one of the very first works of vampire fiction, predating Dracula by 25 years. Carmilla, a strikingly beautiful, mysterious, and voluptuous woman, befriends the teenage Laura when her carriage crashes outside Laura’s family castle one dark night. As she stays with Laura’s family, evidence starts to pile up that Carmilla is not a normal person. Girls from the nearby town start being stricken down by the same mysterious illness. She does not partake in their prayers or hymns. She makes romantic and sexual advancements on Laura, who seems unable to resist…

Carmilla is pretty much the earliest sexy vampire we have, with part of her terrible appeal being her expression of independent sexual desire. Women expressing sexual desire was frowned upon in the Victorian period, and some believed women didn’t have sexual desire at all, as they were inherently ‘moral’ and ‘good’. One doctor, William Acton, went as far as to say that “the majority of women (happily for them) are not very much troubled by sexual feelings of any kind” in an actual medical journal, which is a very public space to declare that your wife doesn’t find you attractive. Carmilla also makes sexual advancements on another woman, meaning her desire is threatening to hetero-patriarchal norms. Carmilla is a good example of how gendered readings can alter the meaning of the text.

Carmilla is either an inherently dangerous woman who poses a threat not just to Laura and her family, but the very stability of society… or the world’s first bloodsucking goth lesbian gaslight gatekeep girlboss!

Carrie White Carrie by Stephen King (1974)

Carrie follows a teen girl with hidden telekinetic abilities who is bullied and outcast from her high school peers. At home, her religious zealot mother is abusive and controlling of her sexuality and autonomy. When she gets her first period in the gym showers, she becomes a target of further mockery.

Finally, when a bucket of pig’s blood is dumped on her at the school prom, the extent of Carrie’s telekinesis and violent capabilities are released and she burns down the school gym with everyone trapped inside it, before levelling half of

the town on her way home to kill her mother.

Reproductive power often plays a part in the female monster. While women live in patriarchal systems, there is a level of power that comes with being able to bear children which threatens this ‘natural’ domination. This is where we get the trope of a girl’s first period being the start of her monstrous transformation, like in Carrie or Ginger Snaps. It’s also where we get the archetype of women as ‘monstrous vessels’ or carrying within their bodies (sometimes in the womb, sometimes not) monstrous entities or progeny (Rosemary’s Baby, The Exorcist, etc.), it’s all about fear of an inherently ‘female’ power (of course not all women have wombs). Carrie’s outburst is presented as a direct consequence of the sexist bullying and abuse she faces, which can be taken as a warning for wider society rather than making Carrie inherently the villain.

Jennifer Check Jennifer’s Body Dir. Karen Kusama (2009)

Teen girl Jennifer Check is brutally sacrificed to Satan by an indie band trying to make it big. Since she isn’t a virgin, something goes wrong and she is inhabited by a demon to become a succubus, seducing and eating boys to sustain her life. Eventually her best friend Needy, who she also makes sexual advances on at one point, must kill her to stop any more murders.

Jennifer’s Body presents the female monster as a direct consequence of social violence, similarly to Carrie and other more modern horror films. Jennifer is a constant subject of the male gaze, objectified out of personhood.

Her gory sacrifice is also framed as a kind of sexual assault. Her monstrous transformation sees the power in Jennifer’s hands, and in her subsequent murder spree she has complete autonomy over her own sexual/gastronomic choices.

While Jennifer’s Body was panned on release, it has since gained a cult classic status and for good reason.

The director, Karen Kusama, said in an interview that this reappraisal is likely because of the film’s “distinctly female perspective”, and that she had intended to create a film where young women could see themselves. I don’t think she’s talking about literal teen girl representation here, but rather an emotional undercurrent that is present in most people who were raised and socialised as women. While gothic and horror aren’t inherently feminist genres, they do create space for women’s rage. A lifetime of unfairness builds up in a person, but women are often raised not to express that kind of emotion. There’s something about a woman absolutely losing her shit that is so cathartic— she’s expressing my rage, as well as her own.

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Hell School Some Musical Advice – What I should’ve done earlier

By Molly Richards (she/her)

This isn’t a review. Okay?

I am no critic. I have no frame of reference for what differentiates a good musical from a bad one. My singing voice is reminiscent of a screaming goat— and I’m at peace with that. So, this isn’t a review. This is a recount with some somewhat informed advice.

Have you ever been bored? Well, you’re reading this so most likely. Finding something new to do or see can be difficult if you don’t know where to look. Like many, I have been looped into a work/uni cycle with interspersed birthdays filling up my social calendar.

Having moved to Wellington, you could argue there is no shortage of new events and sights to see. I agree with you. However, I’ve found seeking these exciting new things to be the hard part, much less actually getting out the door.

That’s what O-Week is for. Pushing you out the door and into that toga. However, O-week doesn’t last all year so if you still want to do stuff that extends beyond drinking that orange gin (wouldn’t recommend, trust me) at that boring house party, I have some news for you. Firstly, I want to take a second to address my first-year friends out there.

Relax. Please, just come with me on this, you might learn something from this tired fourth year.

Recently, I attended my first theatre production since living in Wellington. Crazy! I know. Unfortunately, it just never occurred to me I could just go to a production and enjoy it. It all feels very adult. Yet, I went on a whim; I had no choice. My flatmate was starring in it, I had been roped into attending. I’m glad I went.

I saw Hell School: The Musical at the Hannah Playhouse on the 22nd of Feb. The show, directed

by James Wenley, was the first Fringe Festival show I have attended and it’s fair to say this won’t be my last.

I found this production to be both painfully relatable and somewhat cathartic. At times I felt as though

28

I was transported back into high school – which is scary. Yet, it was a welcome trip down memory lane.

High school was Hell, but laughter truly is the best medicine, and this show had no shortage. The songs, the details, the well-thought-out narratives, and THE BAND made this experience truly one I won’t hope to forget.

The show centred around a group of former students who, at their reunion, get sent back to 2009. Right back to high school – sounds like Hell, right? For this musical, that’s kinda the point. Honestly, I’m not a big fan of musicals. The peppy dancing and jazz hands never really appealed to me. However, this show proved me wrong. Dark and observational comedy is right up my alley, ding dong.

In the show Alice (Annie Black), a high-achieving somewhat uptight individual, and her classmates made a deal with demons that come back to bite.

The demons cleverly reflect the cards in which the deal was dealt. Led by Joker (Jules Daniel), Hearts (Zayne Barefoot), Diamonds (Marie Katsanos), Clubs (Faith Holley), and Spades (Lulu Harkness) terrorise the returning students.

I particularly loved the attention to detail that went into this show. The Nokia phone Alice pulls from her pocket and the shock on her face matched mine. The Gaga-esque jams and references to my childhood’s pop culture icons like Mean Girls (“she doesn’t even go here!”) and Camp Rock’s iconic “what-ever-majorloser” (yes with the hand movements) were highlights for me.

Certainly, reliving the beep test wasn’t something I expected at the theatre. I suppose that’s what makes new things exciting, the surprises. I sat down with stars Annie Black (Alice and the Assistant Set Designer) and Zayne Barefoot (Hearts) to chat about the show.

Annie aptly described the experience as “ridiculously camp and inclusive,” Zayne explains that the show “challenges the stigma of high school being Hell.” I asked them why students should keep an eye out for these types of experiences. Annie explained that “it’s experiencing different things… [and] the amount of culture you can receive from a city from watching a show which locals performed in.” She explained that “there is a lot more to learn than what people think.”

I can’t help but agree. I learned that a night out at the theatre watching a show for $15 (!) was surprisingly fun.

Zayne explains that watching a show like this is also “such an encouragement,” to watch other students demonstrate something you could be doing. It’s about getting excited and inspired by others. As Zayne said, he couldn’t “wait to get to that point” after he saw other student performances.

Annie went on to say it is also a ‘networking opportunity.’ I’m sorry to bring that up but it’s the truth. If you go out, you will talk to more people, and there’s a chance you’ll meet some likeminded individuals.

If you find yourself in need of some fresh experiences that don’t drain the bank and support new talent: talk to your friends. Find out what people around you are up to or have been working on and go. Hell, even if you don’t know anyone performing at the gig/show/ club/gallery, go; you might have a good time. Take it from this cynic, even if you don’t like the event, take some friends and just get out there. Worst case scenario, you hate it. You dip early and laugh about it later. You may be surprised. So, pick a card, roll the dice, take a chance, and see for yourself.

Credit: Alex Rabina Photography

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The Adjustment Period, Or ‘Help! I blinked and became a uni student!’

By Aiden Charles (they/them)

There’s that sad TikTok audio with the where did the time go song, and I think that’s what life feels like for many of the people reading this…

Everything about uni is so overwhelming and terrifying.

Now on the surface, I might seem like a wise old post-graduate student, but inside I’m still that same nervous first year who stumbled onto campus back in 2020. Getting back into study after a few months of break is awful! And I know for a fact that so many freshers will feel the same, albeit most likely a little more excited than I. Just the initial return to campus before study even begins can be a spooktacular experience.

Take O-Week for example.

O-Week can be an overwhelming and overstimulating time if you’re neurodiverse like me. I was in no way involved with O-week, yet I still felt the anxiety shakes when coming onto campus.

Start of Uni is a little spooky no matter what area of your study you’re in, but it's especially scary for the first years. This whole time is a huge change, a massive adjustment period for many students. I think at times it pays to have someone tell you it’s not going to be scary forever, and that things will settle.

Part 1 – This ain’t my house!

While not a common experience for all students, moving out of home on top of starting tertiary study can become the single most stressful thing in existence… for a time at least.

Not only are you trying to navigate classes, but you’ve got to cook for yourself, buy your own hygiene products. I once had a breakdown in first year because I didn’t have the money to buy myself an ice cream. It’s scary as Hell!

But it won’t always be. Once you’re through the initial stage of living either alone or with new people, it only gets easier. Heck, I’m kind of in the same boat as you freshers right now, having moved into a new flat right before the beginning of uni. I’m having to worry about things I’ve never even dreamt of, like paying for my own internet and buying food regularly! It’s kind of a soft reassurance to know that in time, this adjustment period will be over. Once it’s over, the only way is up.

A small hack I’ve found to make your new living situation a bit calmer: MEAL PREP EVERYTHING.

Not only are you gonna save prep time, you’re also not going to be worrying nearly as much about dishes.

Meal prep breakfast, lunch, dinner. Make too much pasta for one meal so you need to have it the next day. A problem I and many others face during these times is not eating, whether that’s due to the stress of food prep or being too tired to make anything.

Empty bellies can make everything seem much more overwhelming, so prep some of them meals and keep yourself full.

And hydrate! Or else.

30

Illustration by Kai Laing (they/them it/its)

Part 2 – What do you mean this isn’t my classroom?

Part 3 – Just breathe

Remember in high school when everything was easy to I think something to remember (especially for the find? The layout was just so easy to navigate, you didn’t young’uns reading this) is that the big scary spooky have three different science towers, two auditoriums isn’t going to last. and a three-story library to navigate. Oh, how we took There’s always going to be moments where it that all for granted. The scope of campus is as inspiring feels like the world’s out to get you, but they’re not as it is terrifying. The first time you have to go place to permanent. Sometimes it can even be a little hilarious place without the aid of a guide can be stressful. Not to with how much awfulness can occur during these mention the inevitable walking into a room and meekly periods of adjustment, but it always comes to an end enquiring is this *insert class name* only to be told it’s eventually. not, followed by every single person turning to you like a muskrat, peering over their shoulders at you one by one Most of you went through your final high school years during a global pandemic. Hell, us class of 2020 until you shamefully slink out the room. peeps have spent our whole uni lives in the pandemic, I can guarantee we’ve all experienced that. If I’m being and we’re still kicking! This might sound cheesy, but honest, these moments don’t even stop after first year, the light at the end of the tunnel is real, and it’s not and they’re just as embarrassing whenever they do something stupid like the headlamp of an on-coming happen. train; it’s a way out. The end might feel just out of One way of looking at it would be the universe reach, but it’s still in sight. seeking to humble you with minor inconvenience and While the push might feel too difficult, it’s gonna be embarrassment. Another would be that it’s a sign you worth it, it’ll all be fine. haven’t gotten to grips with a new layout and need to So, to the perfectionists who feel like they’re already check that timetable again. failing, the sleepy guys who missed their first 9am, Personally, I believe it just shows that these periods take the kids who forgot their textbooks, the post-grads a lot of time. Sometimes every day is a new adjustment who wonder why they’re still here, and the freshers period, presenting some new challenge to spice things wondering if they made the right choice: chill out. It’s up and test you. I don’t even know if it’s helpful to realise only week two. these kinds of things will always happen, or if it’s just Be kind to yourself, and just breathe. overwhelming. But hey, if you find it nice to know that post-grad students still get lost then there you go.

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Solicited Advice

From Pocket

Solicited advice is a weekly column where Massive’s own four-legged Agony Aunty, Pocket, shares her wisdom and experience with you all. She speaks only truths.

Hi Pocket how do I get someone I like, to like me back?

Okay, so I’m really good at this, I have turned a few humans into liking cats more than dogs. So, what you need to do is be really cute (obvi), maybe purr a little bit so they know you’re interested and feel comfortable around them. But you also gotta act uninterested from time to time, that’s what I do and I get all the pats I want. It’s all about the chase.

How do I make friends in O week? I’m really shy and kind of awkward…

Friends, who needs those? Except where free treats are involved. Guarantee at least some of the peeps you make friends with during O week won’t be your besties for life.

Bonding over a favourite TV show or where they went for their gap year won’t cut the mustard when you realise what an idiot they really are. My advice, hold your cards close to your chest.

Walk into a room like they’re lucky to know you, and you’ll be sweet. I’ve personally survived 11 years on the mean streets of Mt Cook, I should know. People will love you more if you don’t give off desperate vibes; instead, work that swagger.

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Do you have a question you’re dying to have answered?

DM Massive Magazine on Instagram or editor@massivemagazine.org.nz and look out for next week’s issue - no question is too difficult for Pocket.

Horoscopes Aries

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Aquarius

Pisces

Order the miso soup. It will be life-affirming

Take a dip in the Manawatū campus pond and be blessed with good skin for the rest of the week.

Kiss a stranger in O week. Aim to never bump into them again.

You will get a phone call that will change your life as it relates to pizza. Embrace it.

Spend some time at the beach this week. Invest in a dinghy. It will be smooth sailing.

Order a double shot at Tussock Cafe on Wellington campus and enjoy double the luck for the rest of the week.

Repeat the following mantra in the morning for maximum good fortune: “Cats rule the world.”

Keep an eye out for rabid foxes this week. And people with green shoes.

Worship Pocket the cat in the MAWSA building on Wellington campus. She brings good fortune.

Close your eyes and choose a random book from the library shelf. Enjoy wisdom this week.

I don’t know, take a look at your coffee grounds? I heard that it could predict the future.

Try a new hair product. It will bring you great fortune in the romance department.

33

Time to say Goodbye :,( Khushboo

The good Khush is signing off! From being your MAWSA Clubs and Community Officer in 2021 to MAWSA Vice President and MAPS President in 2022 we have had a good run! From flipping sausages on the bbq, planning arts weeks and balls to submitting council on how free public transport would greatly help students my time here has been extremely rewarding. But all of these wouldn’t have been possible if YOU the student body hadn’t of elected and re-elected in The Good Khush and I’m forever grateful to have been allowed the opportunity to serve and represent our Massey Welly Students!

These 2 years wouldn’t have been the same without the students!

Everything we have done here at MAWSA and MAPS has been for you and I hope our little community here continues to flourish! Xoxo The Good Khush

Mirabel I'll definitely miss meeting with students and my lovely team here at MAWSA. I hope everyone will be taking care of Pocket and giving her pats.

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