Massive Magazine Volume 01 Issue 06

THE VOICE OF MASSEY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS - AUGUST 2012 - ISSUE 6

BMD - TROLLZ - GREG KING - SAM HUNT - ASSET SALES www.massivemagazine.org.nz

CONTENTS ISSUE SIX Well it’s now time for edition six and I think we’ve finally got the kinks out this MASSIVE beast we produce each month. Thanks for sticking with us as we have taken on suggestions and worked on getting the look and feel of the magazine ‘refined’.

A lot of people have asked how do we come up with those crazy cool covers. While it would be good to take heaps of credit for all of them, the truthful answer is that we don’t come up with them, the artists do.

All we do is ask someone who we think fits MASSIVE’s style, and around the fifth of the month an email will pop into my inbox with the next edition’s cover raring to go. It’s usually an exciting time around the office, mainly because we never know what it’s going to be.

I mean, how can anyone demand a cover with a women with an ice-cream for a head, a picture of a living castle that other castles live in, a marionette spray painting a wall made out of spray cans, or a trick photograph of a person that looks like they have been cut in two. The amount of acid trips needed to think of all that would have hospitalised Keith Richards.

All we do is provide space, a blank canvas in the guise of 6000 front covers for this nation’s talented artists to splash their own creative flair on. The new look removes the old masthead and allows artists another degree of freedom in their designs. And that’s how you attract talented artists, let them do their own thing and trust in their artistic licence. Oh, and be open minded and receptive to new ideas. That’s what university is really for, learning new perspectives.

Matt Shand, MASSIVE editor

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REGULARS 02. IN SHORT 08. WELLINGTON NOTICES 10. PALMERSTON NORTH NOTICES 12. ALBANY NOTICES 14. LETTERS 58. COLUMNS 60. REVIEWS 62. COMIC 64. PUZZLES

FEATURES 17. THE CASE FOR THE DEFENCE 20. REPUBLIC DEBATE - A MATTER OF TIME? 24. WHY SO FERAL? BLOOD ON PALMY STREETS 26. FLATTING: A HORROR STORY 28. DISABILITY IN DISASTER - WITH A SMILE 30. SNUBBING THE TREATY? ASSET SALES & TRIBUNALS 32. BMD - BECAUSE WALLS WON’T PAINT THEMSELVES 36. THE TROLLZ THAT RUN OUR SOCIETY 40. PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM 42. REALITY ON DEPRESSION - PART TWO 46. MILLS AND POON

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT 48. FIFTY SHADES OF F**KED UP - REALLY 50. KILLING IT AT MASSEY 52. OP-SHOP CHALLENGE

SPORTS 54. CHIEFS STORM HOME IN SUPER RUGBY FINAL 56. FRISBEE WORLD CHAMPS, THE ULTIMATE

EDITOR Matt Shand editor@massivemagazine.org.nz 04 801 5799 ext 62068 DESIGN, LAYOUT & ART DIRECTION Cameron Cornelius allstylenotalent@gmail.com 04 801 5799 ext 62064 ADVERTISING & SPONSORSHIP MANAGER Jacob Webb advertising@mawsa.org.nz 04 801 5799 ext 62069 027 894 8000

CONTRIBUTORS

Jack Biggs, Olivia Marsden, Annabel Hawkins, Bridgette Bel, Tyler Dixon, Yvette Morrissey, Muhammaf Faisal, Trent Pedley, Nicole Canning, Morgan Browne, Julia Hollingsworth, Adam Dodd, James Greenland, Neerachar Sophol, Hayley Locke, Atarau Rikirangi, Blake Leitch, Olivia Jordan, Cameron Cornelius, Andrew Mcleod, Max Bell, Dick Hardy, Jenna Talia, Rhiannon Josland, Catherine Irving, Abigail Leggett, Marloes Van Geel, Paul Berrington, Claydan Kirvan, Callum O’Neill, Thijs De Koning, Roy McGrath

PUBLISHER WWW.MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ Wellington Edition ISSN 2253-3133 (Print) ISSN 2253-3141 (Online)

ISSN 2253-315X (Print) ISSN 2253-3168 (Online)

ISSN 2253-3176 (Print) ISSN 2253-3184 (Online)

This publication uses vegetable based inks and environmentally responsible papers. The document is printed throughout on SUMO Laser, which is FSC® certified and from responsible and Well Managed Forests, manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems. MASSIVE magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

IN SHORT

MASSEY ROWERS PRODUCE GOODS Jack Biggs

ERIC MURRAY AND HAMISH BOND BLITZED their field in the Men’s Pair with an emphatic victory at Eton Dorney. They won all three races (heat,semi-final and final) comfortably on their way to Olympic gold, capping off a superb dominance in their field for the past few years.

Their first heat would prove to be their fastest race of the regatta with the duo clearly stamping their authority amongst their rivals. They catapulted themselves into rowing folklore with a new world record.

The pair took roughly 6 seconds off the former record with a time of 6:08.50 with the second placed Frenchmen, Chardin and Motelette nearly 10 seconds off the pace. An amazing first up race considering the French duo would finish with the silver medal, highlighting the Masseys pairs dominance like no other across the rowing fraternity.

The semi-final proved much of the same, with Murray and Bond gaining a comfortable victory, only doing what they had to, before proceeding to the final. Their time was in fact 40 seconds down on their heat yet they had it comfortably as they put cruise control on to save their energy.

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The Friday night finals night was dubbed our “Golden Hour” with Murray and Bond storming home to win Gold with a time of 6:16.65. This feat was later matched by Mahe Drysdale in the single sculls final where he beat his demons from Beijing where he fell crook.

Naturally it was a good night for the rowers and a good haul all round, with Juliette Haigh and Rebecca Scown (Massey) picking up Bronze and the men’s double sculls of Nathan Cohen and Joseph Sullivan claiming the first of the Golds the night previously in an absolute thriller with their final 500-metre sprint.

As for Bond “It was just relief”.

“Whatever happens in the future, we know over these four years we have achieved everything anyone could’ve set out to do in the pair and that’s the main thing”.

“Before the semi-final I said we are at the Hillary Step with the summit in sight now we are there and no one can take that away”.

The golden boys delivered strongly as they were pre-Olympic favourites. A huge burden to carry yet they performed remarkably and have done New Zealand and Massey proud.

ERIC MURRAY

Age: 30 Height: 195cm/ 6’5’’ Sport: Rowing (Men’s Pair) Weight: 98kg Studied: Communications Eric began rowing at age 18 at the Avon Rowing club in Christchurch.

His reason for the taking up the sport was that he was a “chubby little fat kid” and because it would be “fun”. Now he and his rowing partner, Hamish Bond, are not only World champions but Olympic Champions.

HAMISH BOND

Age: 26 Height: 189cm/ 6’2’’ Sport: Rowing (Men’s Pair) Weight: 91kg Studied: Buisness Hamish Bond is a product of Otago Boy’s High School which is where he began his rowing career. His major ambition was to win an Olympic Gold Medal and now that dream has been achieved in record style.

MASSIVE ARTISTS, ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Cover Art – Milarky

This month’s cover art was done by the talented artist known as Milarky. A further selection of his work (and him at work) can be seen to the left and he describes himself within a free flowing rap: TWENTY THREE YEARS ON THIS EARTH, GIRTHLESS CASUE A MILARKY DONT EAT, DONT SLEEP JUST PAINT TO SOME BEAT, FEET ALWAYS WITH HIGH KICKS ON, PLAYING THE TRICKS I KNOW, AMOUNGST THE STICKS, CLICKS AND THUG FLICKS, SEASONED’LY STAINING, AND STILL REMAINING TO SELFREASONED’LY GROW, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW, AND I PAINT HOW I FLOW, SO I WONT GO DROP A CONSERTO OF MY WHY’S, THIS IS JUST ME PIECE’S, NO LIES, ALL TRICKS, AND STAUNCHLY ORIGINAL RELEASES, I’LL DO WHAT’S DONE, HAVE FUN..

THIS ABOUT HOW A MILARKY WOULD ROLL.. ..ALL TRICKS AND AIR’O’SOUL Republic Debate, a matter of time? - Neerachar Sophol Noei1984.deviantart.com Noei1984.daportfolion.com The talented Neerachar Sophol has become a regular artist for MASSIVE magazine and for good reason, her stuff rocks! Check out more of her artwork on her blogs above.

In Defence of the Defence Adam Dodd Adam Dodd works as a Web and Design Monkey. When imagining what it would be like to follow his dreams, he works in oils and acrylic. If you search for him online you will likely find someone completely different by the same name, so just visit http://exmss. org/aporia/ He doesn’t update very often but if you pester him, he might.

Reality on Depression Part 2 Artwork by Diana Russell Snubbing the Treaty? - Artwork

by Atarau Rikirangi BMD photos - Blake Dunlop: www.blakedunlop.co.nz & Damin Radford

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IN SHORT

EXCHANGE STUDENTS TELL WHAT IT’S LIKE Olivia Marsden and Belle Hawkins

NZ BODY ART SHOWCASE

Taking audiences on a journey into unknown dimensions and showing them never-beforeseen creatures, the 2012 NZ Body Art Showcase returns to the Bruce Mason Centre this September – with the central theme being “The Future.”

The seventh annual NZ Extreme Make Up and Special Effects extravaganza has always offered the audience both contemporary and indigenous styles of body painting, but this year artists are asked to give their “glimpse into the future.” Gleaming scaly monsters, glow-in-thedark creatures, and extraterrestrial beings glide across a continual catwalk, prophesising what we may come to expect in the light-years ahead.

THE MIDDLE OF WINTER IS A GOOD TIME TO share a couple of fellow Massey students exchange stories to show that travel and study is possible!

Alice Clifford, a third-year graphic design student recently returned from six months at San Francisco State University. She says the seeming never-ending process of organising the trip was well worth it. “In a way it was a good thing because I had to be totally dedicated to doing the exchange.”

And it paid off. Although her expectations of the typical American university life weren’t quite the reality that greeted her, the grounded support of the exchange programme, new friendships, and colourful experiences made the trip unforgettable. It was all about what you want out of it and being open to the challenge that living abroad brings.

San Francisco State enabled Alice to fly beyond curricular events, landing internship experience and two weeks’ work experience this month in Japan with her typography lecturer and PHD students. She also began to appreciate the flexibility that Massey provides within her degree.

As a born and bred Wellingtonion, her highlight was exploring and learning a new city’s hidden gems, as well as having San Francisco Museum at her doorstep, and having time to discover both Chicago and Mexico.

Alices’s advice for those considering an exchange is to “go for it, it’s worth it!” Keep on top of StudyLink overseas, stay open minded and embrace the spontaneity that comes your way –you never know what kind of awesome adventure you’ll find yourself in.

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Jessica Roden is on her way to the University of Montanta to complete the final semsester of her communications degree, starting on August 20.

In the lead-up to her pursuit of the all-American experience, she is making her way across the globe, pit-stopping across several continents along the way.

She left New Zealand at the end of June and flew to Hong Kong where she “shopped herself silly”. Then it was on to Italy where she “has been sampeling gelato for a month” and soaking up the language. Belgium was next, where she was nanny for an Italian family. “And yes, the chocolate is as good as you would imagine!”

Jess chose Massey for her journalism career because of its exchange programme. Her process of applying was relatively straightforward but not without its bumps along the way. “But when you really want something then you just suck it up and do it”.

She says Jenny Loveday, Massey’s Exchange Director, walked her through the process and “was an absolute lifesaver”.

Jess is heading straight into the American fall, putting z’s instead of s’s, into crispy creams, and into dorm life for the first time. Her papers include photo journalism, American history, and current affairs reporting, with the other still being finalised. For her, it’s all about putting yourself outside your comfort zone – you can never anticipate what you get to experience along the way.

For more information about the Massey University Exchange programme visit the student exchange page on the website: massey.ac.nz/massey/student-life/student-exchange-programme

This annual event has helped promote, showcase and celebrate excellence in extreme make up and special effects. Each year the event becomes more prestigious as the calibre and pool of contestants continue to grow. NZ Body Art Showcase has the ongoing support of Sir Richard Taylor of Weta Workshop and Auckland City, and the hallowed event has become a destination for Hollywood to come and sample some of the imaginative, creative and simply stunning special effects New Zealand has garnered a strong reputation for.

The showcase has also in part helped New Zealand’s film industry gain a competitive advantage internationally. With the development of the film and television industry in New Zealand, this NZ Body Art and Makeup Extravaganza will again be a landmark for special effects make-up, body art and the art of illusion throughout the world. This brings with it international interest and helps to ensure the sustained future for special effects make-up artists in this country.

The awards promise to feature international artists alongside our own homegrown talent, with some international artists already registered for the September showcase. Registration for artists, models and volunteers are now open until 22 August 2012.

Prior to the event (and highly recommended by NZBAA ), the Fine Art Body Painting Workshops, hosted by international body painting and world awards winners Alex Hansen and Tim Gratton, will take place on the 15th and 16th of September 2012. If you want to participate in exploring the craft of body painting in a spirit of joy and communal artistry, the NZBAA urge you to register now!

Visit our homepage www.nzbaa.co.nz and find us on Facebook for more information.

NZ Body Art Showcase 2012 plays: Saturday 22 September 2012 at 7.30pm Bruce Mason Centre, The Promenade, Takapuna, Auckland Buy tickets at www.ticketmaster.co.nz

KUA TUTŪ TE PUEHU I TE KUNENGA KI Bridgette Bel, Translated by Tyler Dixon

KUA TUTŪ TE PUEHU I TE KUNENGA KI Pūrehuroa! I te timatatanga o tēnei tau i whakatūria tētehi rōpu Māori hou ki Te Whanganui-a-Tara, ko ‘Kōkiri Ngātahi’ tōna ingoa, me tētehi whainga matua: Kia kōkiri ngātahi ngā ākonga Māori, kia whaia ai te ara hiranga o te mātauranga.

Ko te wawata a Kōkiri Ngātahi, he whakatū ratonga hei āwhinatanga mā ngā ākonga Māori i te whare wānanga, i waho hoki. Arā, he tohutohu me pēhea e whiwhi karahipi, he momo hākinakina, ngā akoranga Reo Māori, me ngā hākari i ia rua wiki. Kei te ngana te tūmuaki, a Nitika Eruera-Satish, ki te whakatū i ngā rōpu ako, i ngā hui whakangahau, me ngā mahi-āRēhia kia kitea whānuitia tēnei rōpu nei.

Anō nei he rākau Tōtara te tipu o Kōkiri Ngātahi.

Ka tū ana he hākari ki te rūma Whānau, anā he kanohi hou e kitea. Kua puta hoki te harikoa i

a rātou, “I taku tīmatanga ki te whare wānanga i minaminahia e au te wairua Māori, engari tē rongo. Manahau ana te ngākau ināianei i te noho kotahi, i te noho-ā-whānau nei me aku hoa ako Māori.”

Kua whakatūria kētia he rōpu Māori ki Manawatu, arā ko ‘Manawatahi’, ki Tāmaki Makarau hoki, arā ko ‘Te Waka o ngā Akonga’.

E tūmanakohia ana e ngā rōpu Māori e toru o Te Kunenga ki Pūrehuroa kia whakakotahihia ki ngā hui whakangahau. Ki Te Whanganui-aTara hoki nei, kua hono atu a Kōkiri Ngātahi ki te rōpu Pasifika, whakamarohi ake ai i te whanaungatanga o ngā ākonga o te Moana-nuia-Kiwa.

Kei te harikoa ngā kaumātua me ngā kaimahi Māori, ā, e tautoko ana a Tā Mason Durie i te whakatūriatanga me te whakatipuranga o Kōkiri Ngātahi hei rōpu āwhina i ngā ākonga Māori, kia wāia haere ai ki ngā āhuatanga o te whare wānanga. Hei tāna, me ū rātou ki te tū hei tāngata o tēnei ao whānui, engari me Māori tonu te wairua.

THE BIRTH OF THE FIRST MĀORI ASSOCIATION at the Wellington campus has already made an impact in reviving the life of Māori culture to its former beauty.

The newly formed and growing association, named Kōkiri Ngātahi, was established at the beginning of the year with a goal of Māori students advancing together as one.

As part of the commitment to Māori, Kōkiri Ngātahi seeks to provide for various academic advice, guidance, financial advocacy, scholarship advice, access to study, sports teams, Te

Reo classes and fortnightly hui.

With the leadership and assistance of President Nitika Erueti-Satish, Kōkiri Ngātahi is establishing further “study groups, opportunities for social events, cultural activities and local, regional and national representation”.

Progress has been steady, with growing numbers who attend the fortnightly Wednesday lunches held in the Whānau Room. At these hui a few students have shared their views on the Māori movement, such as “When I first came to university I didn’t have a sense of belonging.

It’s nice to finally have a place where I can be around like minded people.”

Te Waka o ngā Akonga (Albany Māori Association) and Manawatahi (Palmerston North Māori Association) have been examples of direction for Kōkiri Ngātahi.

Te Waka o ngā Akonga and Manawatahi have been established Māori associations for a number of years and all three clubs are looking forward to collective events.

On the Wellington campus, other associations are also interested in collaborating events with Kōkiri Ngātahi. Plans have been made to strengthen bonds with the Pasifika club with an event both clubs will enjoy – a huge lunch!

Professor Sir Mason Durie and other kaumātua on the Wellington campus have expressed their joy and offered support towards the evolution of Kōkiri Ngātahi. Professor Durie is pleased with the development so far, suggesting that the association will help the students involved with the club to feel comfortable to study on campus “as Māori”, while working towards being able to “actively participate as citizens of the world”.

FLAT PROFILE: RANFELLAS as would you rather give up cheese or oral sex, and Lizzy’s Big Decision: Rupert or Matt?

(Duration 30 mins, concluded with Matt).

Our flat’s name is a bit misleading. It suggests we are all ‘fellas’ but really we are six girls who love to party. We are Lizzy, Shelley, Laura, Hannah, Olivia, and Megan.

Meg has an annoying habit of leaving the water jug empty, and she leaves her blonde hair everywhere! She once tried to be Mary Poppins and slid down the stairs rail, and sliced open her leg. She has a big scar now.

Our landlord is the shit. He was around the other day planting roses around the windows (our new security system). He even gave Lizzy an expensive bottle of champagne for her 21st.

He also lets us have animals.

We have a part-time cat called Baybee. She’s gangster as. Her owner keeps telling us to stop letting her into our flat. We still do. We also have a giant rabbit named Buddy and a puppy called Griff (on the d low). Tony doesn’t know about the puppy, though.

When our guy mates get lonely they just ask for one of the girls’ numbers. Our flat motto is ‘You snooze you lose’. We came up with it when Lizzy was seeing a guy who would always go away on the weekend. She ended up seeing another dude, and when we asked

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her what happened to the first she said “You snooze, you lose”.

A recent addition to our flat is the going-up going-down board. On the up is Christian Grey, for obvious reasons, Baybee, and hair chalk.

On the way down is Woodville, boys (except for Ben), and Meg (because she left us to go on placement for a month – sad face).

Laura invented our yarn book. Because we get a bit forgetful on the wines, we record everything down when we get home from town. It also holds life’s serious questions such

St Patrick’s Day was pretty crazy. We can’t really remember what happened though.

We have a crazy old lady living next door. She puts her radio outside and cranks the horse racing on a Sunday morning to piss us off.

Once noise control got called when we were having a party, and she had her Trackside cranking too. The noise control guy didn’t know who the complaint was for – her or us!

He went and told her to turn her radio down anyway.

We thought she was dead a few days ago because she left her washing out all week.

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IN SHORT

MASSEY SPORT PSYCHOLOGIST MEETS NBA STAR

NZ BODY ART SHOWCASE

Massey University sport psychologist Professor Gary Hermansson had a chance to chat with United States basketball star Kobe Bryant yesterday, just days after inspiring a Facebook post by the NBA star.

Professor Hermansson, of the School of Sport and Exercise, is the New Zealand team’s sport psychologist at the Olympic Games.

On Friday, Bryant posted a Massey University news release and video to his Facebook page, asking his 13 million followers to discuss the ways they dealt with pressure while competing.

The post proved popular, with more than 5000 “likes” and 500 comments. More than 3000 went on to view Professor Hermansson’s video about his role as a sport psychologist.

After hearing about the post, Professor Hermansson sent a copy of his book Going Mental in Sport: Excelling through Mind Management to Bryant, who plays for the Los Angeles Lakers and is representing the United States in London.

They then crossed paths at an event yesterday and chatted briefly. Professor Hermansson says Bryant approached him after the function and thanked him for the book.

Professor Hermansson is blogging about his Olympic experience here: masseyblogs.ac.nz/ghermans

RAMADAN: THE MUSLIM MONTH OF FASTING

By Muhammad Faisal

Auckland’s premiere community light art event, Art in the Dark, is pleased as punch to present the Art in the Dark Philips Lighting Design Competition, with support from AUT. The competition gives tertiary students from across New Zealand the opportunity to come up with a concept for an amazing light installation using Philips lighting products, including their energy efficient LED lights and light bulbs.

You come up with something we love, and the organisers give you the products, platform and your name in lights.

The top 5 entrants + 1 wild-card voted for by the public will get to present their light installation concept to a panel of judges. The judges will decide the top 3 entrants – and these winners will have the opportunity to turn their dreams into reality by creating their stunning light installation to be on display at Art in the Dark 2012 for 20,000+ visitors to enjoy.

Art in the Dark is a free, public, illuminated, Art Festival hosted in Western Park, Ponsonby, Auckland, on the evenings of November Friday 9 and 10, 2012.

RAMADAN, THE MONTH OF FASTING, IS THE 9TH month of the Islamic calendar. The fasting starts when the crescent of the Ramadan is sighted.

In Qur’an, Allah describes the timings and period of fasting as: You are permitted to eat and drink (during nights) until you can discern the white streak of dawn from the blackness of night. Then, complete your fast till nightfall.

[AlBaqrah: 187] In Arabic, Ramadan literally means, “scorching or burning”. Essentially, the reason for fasting is described in the following verse of Qur’an: “O you who believe! Fasting has been prescribed for you just as it was prescribed for the people before you, so that you may attain piety.”

[AlBaqrah: 183] Ramadan has a great religious significance for Muslims since Allah chose this month to reveal the Qur’an. Muslims fast during the day and join a special night prayer during which the Qur’an is recited, which aims to revive and understand the true message of this book: perfect guidance, 06

wisdom, and a complete decorum of life.

The act of fasting has strong social impacts as it heeds us towards the hungry around us.

Fasting urges the observer not to speak about someone negatively, and be polite and kind to parents, elders, subordinates, and friends. It is mentioned that whosoever does not leave forged speech and evil actions, that his/her fasting won’t be granted.

Ramadan is also a great community time when people invite each other for breaking fast.

The Massey Muslims Society organises iftaar (breaking fast) and dinner events at the Massey Islamic centre with the help of several Muslim student Associations. So if you have a Muslim friend or neighbour, this is the time to wish ‘Ramadan Mubarak’ (congratulations for Ramadan) to them.

Muhammad Faisal can be contacted by email: mms.president@gmail.com or visit the Massey Mulsims Society website: www.mmsnz.org

Participants are challenged to be innovative with their design concepts. Ideas organisers hope to see include; light installations; interactive projects; spatial projects; landscape designs; video works; artworks; performances; kinetic structures and sculptures.

Enter via the Art in the Dark website competition entry form. Entrants must submit a paragraph to explain their art installation concept, provide sketches/photos/designs of an art installation or artwork using Philips energy-efficient light bulbs and LEDs as the principal materials. See the Philips light products available online at www.artinthedark.co.nz.

STUDYING - A MASSIVE BALANCING ACT Yvette Morrissey

STUDYING IS HARD ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT having to keep up a social life while doing lastminute prep for exams and live on a diet of two-minute noodles and toast. MASSIVE talks to four students who manage to fit studying in with more difficult circumstances than most.

Studying and balancing debt: Samantha Scott* finds studying harder than many. She is part-way through a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Anthropology with a minor in English, while struggling to maintain her debt.

“When I was working I got credit cards. I thought it would be easy to pay them off as I was still living at home and not paying much in rent.

Then I had a breakdown, and was diagnosed with quite a few mental health labels, and had to quit my job. My income reduced to less than half of what I was getting, and when I moved out of home I sometimes needed the cards to get food. Now I’ve maxed them out,” she says.

Samantha started off with $2000 in debt when starting study, but that has increased to $4000, not including her student loan.

“I am not dealing with [the debt] that well. I am keeping up with the monthly payments, however, the interest keeps me from paying it off.”

Being in this much debt means Samantha cannot get an overdraft like other students.

Due to her repayments, she also has less cash to survive on after paying for rent and food.

“Sometimes I am lucky to have one dollar left by the end of the week,” she says.

Massey offers a budget service for students, and Samantha is planning on making an appointment for advice on how to control her debt, and how to start a savings plan.

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But although she is in debt, she still proves studying is possible.

“Once I complete my degree and get a job, paying off what I owe is my first priority.”

She offers her advice for students struggling with debt: “If you can work, get a part-time job. Cut up your credit cards as they are very tempting to rely on when you are short on cash.

Necessities always come first, and what money you are left with may not be much, but that is the reality of debt.”

Being a parent and studying: Paula Smith* is a mother to her two-year-old son, David*, and is halfway through a Bachelor of Nursing.

David goes to day care when Paula is studying, which she says is “good for his development and learning.”

She says the hardest part about being a parent and studying is “when I have the sudden drive or inspiration to write an assignment, but I can’t because David needs my attention. “It is also hard if David gets sick. I would rather spend the day cuddling him than working on assignments!”

Once completing her degree, she plans to become a scrub/surgical nurse.“I know that once I finish my degree I will have a stable job with a good income to support my son.”She gives advice for parents who are thinking about studying: “You have to be organised and motivated, but go in knowing that you’re going to be an inspiration to your kids! It’s hard work but it’s worth it in the long run.”

Studying with a language barrier: Kelvin Zeng, as well as many other international students, struggles with a language barrier. English is

his second language, his first being Cantonese.

Kelvin is studying a Bachelor of Information Sciences and is in his second year. He finds using his second language to study challenging.

“Making references for my assignments is hard.

Sometimes I have to ask my friends for help.”

His language barrier hasn’t stopped him from making many Kiwi friends, and he finds this is a great way to help with his studies and work on his English. He hasn’t used any Massey services for assistance yet, but says everyone he has encountered has been helpful, and he wouldn’t hesitate to use these services in the future.

Working full-time and balancing study: Balancing study while working full-time may seem an impossible feat to some. However, Rachel Hope proves it can be done. Rachel studied a Bachelor of Communications with a double major in Expressive Arts and Media Studies (minor in Public Relations), while working full-time as manager of a retail store.

Like many students, Rachel found working part-time was not enough to cover expenses such as rent, food, petrol and bill payments. She trialled working part-time for her first semester of study, but then took up a full-time role for the remainder.

“I would work around 40 hours a week, building up to some 50-60 hour weeks around sale and Christmas periods,” she says.

She used her evenings and days off to study, complete assignments, and catch up on lectures she missed. She says that despite having the extra cash, being so busy had its complications.

“Socialising went out the window, and compulsory tutorials were rather stressful. I had to drive from work to Massey, find a park, run to my tutorial, complete the work, run back to my car, drive back to work, and find a park all in a lunch hour. It was rough!”

She says having the income to support herself was what kept her going.

“Working was a nice break from study. It kept my mind and body active and gave me a chance to think of something other than study.”

It took her two and a half years to complete her degree, enrolling in Summer School and also taking five papers some semesters to speed the process along. She graduated in May 2011 and now is working as manager of a gym.

She offers her advice for students considering studying and working full-time: “We are capable of more than we think. Studying full-time and working full-time sounds crazy, but it is also achievable. I would only recommend it if you are very focused, love being busy and handle stress extremely well. Overall, I enjoyed the challenge!” *Names have been changed 07

WELLINGTON NOTICES

MASSEY MARKET LAUNCH

A GUIDE TO COFFEE

Ruth Chan reviews her favourite coffee destinations in Wellington CBD. MEMPHIS BELLE Voted Wellington’s Best Café for a reason…

Uber-friendly team of passionate inked up baristas who offer coffee in all its forms: syphon, chemex, V60, etc. Great vibes for good chats and prime spot for talent scouting.

CUSTOMS The total caffeine experience with its coffee grind close to perfection. Its rad, art-deco atmosphere and optimal outdoor seating makes this place the go-to-guy when on a date with a smoker.

SUPERFINO Waiting for your coffee here is like stepping into a glamourous 1950’s fashion magazine.

Elegance and class is evident in this venue as well as its fine blends, idea for your yo-pro friends.

AUGUST August is the new salty kid on the block and run by the people from Milk Crate. Its gallery-like layout gives you unobstructed views of the different art pieces on display, including those working behind the espresso machine.

MIDNIGHT ESPRESSO Convenience in its late hours can be justified when alcohol just isn’t giving you that energy-kick, complete with awesome vege and vegan options. Top coffee or pin ball matches until 3am, 363 days of the year.

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Annabel Hawkins

SHORT OF WALKING DOWN CUBA ST WITH RACKS trying to sell off their clothes, Massey student Sophie Deans and friend Rosie Broughton have collaborated to set up the university’s first student market.

It’s set to run from 10am till 2pm on Wednesday September 18 in the new Te Ara Hihiko building.

And it’s free for all students to set up their own stalls – tables and racks provided.

Anything goes, aside from selling food, although Deans says she wants to keep it to a high standard.

“We want it to be cool. It’s such an awesome platform to showcase what you’ve made, what you’ve collected and anything second-hand you want to sell. Aside from that, anything and everything’s welcome.

“Students are in-touch with what’s cool, with

what sells. We know what we want so it’s a great opportunity to make that happen.”

On the heels of the wave of online shopping and trading schemes, the pair wanted an honest, sustainable space where students could engage in creative conversation and see what’s going down across the university.

“You’ll know what you’re getting, you can see it, and you can talk to whoever owned it or made it.

It’s honest and face-to-face. Massey’s all about that.”

Thanks to the new Clubs Development Officer Anna Hobman, with support from Events Manager Mike Ross, the market has full support from the university, so now all it needs now is you.

The market follows the opening of the Creative arts building, Te Ara Hihiko, celebrating a collaborative space for all schools across the campus. Deans says the market isn’t just for design students, but an event for everyone to contribute.

Providing it is a success, the market will run as a part of each semester’s O-Weeks next year.

The Massey Market falls in the middle of week 8, following the mid-semester break. Take the time out to get crafting or get together that hoard of second-hand clothes and op-shop gems you’ve accumulated over the years and set up a stall. It’s a free, easy way to showcase your stuff and make some money. Eftpos will be available on the day, and stall-holders are encouraged to bring their own cash float.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

MONTEREY – CHEESEBURGER HEAVEN: Monterey is a small bar restaurant near the corner of Adelaide Rd and Rintoul St in Newtown. It’s charming in a brick-a-brac market sort of way. Behind the bar is an eclectic mix of liquor bottles, cocktail shakers and old vinyl. The walls are stencilled and the floor is carpeted. The tables are covered in pattern paper held down by bulldog clips, and there are old sardine cans to hold pencils: feel free to doodle.

Tuesday night is $10 burger night. Get there early and be prepared to wait. But, boy, it is worth the wait. All burgers are served on

ciabatta style bread with crispy, well-seasoned fries. Try the halloumi with onion rings and barbeque sauce, pulled pork with apple kraut or cajun chicken with ‘slaw and barbeque sauce, or maybe the old-fashioned cheeseburger with a beef pattie, aged cheddar, pickles, and relish.

The cheeseburger really is king here – aged cheddar is the key. The chefs might have been over-zealous with the barbeque sauce – I’d like to actually taste the halloumi and the chicken.

But eat these burgers with your hand, soak up the juices with the fries, and mop your plate with the bread. Go on. Harriet Lowe

CLUBS FEED

TURNING TEA INTO AN EXPERIENCE

EXPRESSIVE ARTS CLUB The Expressive Arts Club is underway with its first Arts on Wednesday’s event on the 22nd of August, at the Wellington Campus (Theatre lab 5D14) at 1pm.

The event features students from Making Plays for Theatre presenting a staged reading of excerpts from American playwright Catherine Filloux’s new play, Luz. Filloux is an award-winning writer whose plays explore issues concerning human rights.

Lecturer Emma Willis explains “Luz explores the stories of women forced to flee their homelands because of violence, only to encounter a different kind of violence in the process of migration.”

Filloux has asked a number of different groups around the world to hold staged readings in anticipation of the work's premiere at La MaMa Theatre in New York late September this year.

In New Zealand Massey students from 139224 will present this reading. Later in the semester they will stage their own creative responses to the play's themes and issues.

Everyone is welcome to come and enjoy the reading from the talented Catherine Filloux, support fellow students and make the most of free lunchtime refreshments.

MACS How good is it when someone says a sincere thank you. Often our teachers here at Massey get little recognition for their hard work. So for the first time this year MACS wants to say a massive public THANK-YOU to one faculty member of the Bachelor of Communication as voted by YOU. Is there someone you think deserves to be rewarded for their hard work? Then email macdreamers@gmail.com with the name of your nominee, the paper they tutor, lecture or coordinate, and why you think they deserve to win the MACS Teacher of the Year 2012.

You must be a current student at Massey (student I.D# please) and you may submit an individual or group nomination. Nominate as many people as you like but you can nominate the same person only once. Please indicate if you want your nomination to remain anonymous.

The winner will receive a trophy, a certificate with all the nice things you guys say about them, and a gift from MACS at an award ceremony on campus in week 10.

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Olivia Marsden

A PURE LOVE FOR TEA IS WHAT IGNITED THE business dreams of Massey entrepreneur Katie Hammond.

Katie launched her fair-trade tea business, KTea, in 2010 after taking Massey’s enterprise development paper for which she had to design her own business plan. Her inspiration was sparked on her first visit to Dunedin’s Farmers’ Market where the smell of loose tea leaves lured her.

“After that first cup, I was in love,” she says.

She saw a definite gap for a Fair Trade product, and using her business degree and the support of an entrepreneur uncle and her family (“allowing me to fill the spare room with boxes of tea leaves and spices”), KTea was under way, beginning with Fair Trade.

“I want to create a product that is good for you but good for those who produce it as well”.

Finding Fair Trade suppliers as well as working to support her growing business were definite challenges, but Katie says the challenges produce the constant highlights.

Once KTea’s stall at Frank Kitts underground market was luring its own crowds, Katie was able to export larger amounts of tea leaves directly from Sri Lanka, organic and Fair Trade-certified.

KTea’s spices are from the South Island, and also organic. They are blended in a commercial kitchen near her Upper Hutt home, and it’s this artistic faculty that makes her beam: VelveTea Vanillla - Black tea with real vanilla pod; DelectabiliTea - Green tea with hibiscus flowers and rosehips; ZeeTea - Green tea with chamomile and lavender.

Competing with the strong Wellington coffee culture is a focus for KTea, but Katie thinks the appreciation for good-quality tea is growing.

At a time where everything is so fast paced, “Tea enables you to sit there and take a moment compared to on-the-go coffee ... take a moment and enjoy a cuppa tea”.

PROVOCATIVE ART WINS AWARD

HANNAH SALMON, A TWENTY TWO YEAR-OLD Massey University fine arts student from Wellington, has won a 2012 New Zealand Art Show Emerging Artist Award. She will receive $3000, thanks to the NZ Affordable Arts Trust, NZAAT, and the generosity of trustee/patron Richard Nelson.

The executive director of NZAAT and the New Zealand Art Show, Carla Russell, says “Hannah works across an impressive range of platforms and has actively brought art out into

the community. We look forward to seeing her work in the New Zealand Art Show this August.”

Ms Salmon’s art practice spans zine and comic publishing, posters for musicians and record labels, and exhibitions in galleries and project spaces. Her art is political and provocative, seeking to use the power of art to spur social change. For example, her zine Daily Secretion often satirises powerful people and institutions, and won the Wellington Zinefest Best in Fest award in 2010. She has been instrumental in founding the Concerned Citizens art collective and two community-based gallery spaces, the Garrett Street Gallery and the 19 Tory Street Open-Source Community Gallery.

She says the award is a huge boost: “I feel very privileged. I think it’s great that the relationship between art and activism is being recognised at a time of social and economic upheaval. I look forward to the opportunities to engage with both the art world and the wider community this award will provide.”

09

PALMERSTON NORTH NOTICES

WOMEN’S FOOTBALL TEAM MAKES FINAL

Trent Pedley

NOTICES

UNISIFE TEAM THIRD AT NATIONALS The names Nest Egg, Accountable Accountants, and SIFE Impromptu may mean absolutely nothing to you, but these three initiatives led the Massey University SIFE team to third place in this year’s SIFE (Students in Free Enterprise) nationals.

Eleven students travelled to Auckland to compete in the competition on July 14.

In addition to their placing they received the SIFE spirit award for outstanding team dynamics.

SIFE is an organisation that works to create change in the community. The students coordinate with local business leaders to implement initiatives in their area.

Nest Egg, the first of the three initiatives put forward by the Massey team, is a programme designed to teach intermediate students the value of saving. The second initiative, Accountable Accountants, involves accounting students offering advice to non-profit organisations to help them improve their accounting systems. The third, SIFE Impromptu, involves the replanting of 200 trees at Skoglund Park. The group is also working with local councils to protect the native plants on Massey Hill.

These ideas were well received by the judges and the group received a lot of positive comments. The judging panel included the CEOs of Coca-Cola Amatil and Foodstuffs, and a partner of KPMG. SIFE Vice-President Emma Wilson says the nationals were an invaluable experience.

“We got to meet prominent business leaders and like-minded students, and gain contacts and skills that will assist us beyond our time at Massey University.”

Emma has been a member of SIFE for six months and says it was awesome to see how much the students involved had grown in skill and confidence when they competed at nationals.

For more information about SIFE, send an email to: sife.massey@gmail.com

10

THE MASSEY WOMEN’S FOOTBALL TEAM, DESPITE being the underdogs in the semi-final, have made it through to the final of the ASB Women’s Cup knockout.

Gemma Lindegren, the Clubs and Activities officer at Massey, said the girls “have done amazingly well” and have been “consistently performing over the past four years”.

This year they faced more than their fair share of pressure, not just from tough competition in Hamilton in the semi-final, but from the financial strain of hiring the Green Room at the Rugby Istitute so they could train.

Coach Simon Lees said the training grounds “take a hammering over the winter. We tried training last week outside and nearly had to call training off because it was that muddy.”

It doesn’t make things any easier for the team that the Central League is based in Wellington, meaning they have to travel every second week at their own cost, and then to Hamilton for the semi.Lindegren said the Hokowhitu campus grounds “have not been up to regulation standards,” and the team had to use Memorial as their home ground. Though this ensured a good playing surface, the team had to pay for it out of their own pockets.

Also, the Relay for Life, which is hosted at Hokowhitu with no barriers around the pitch a week or two before the competition starts, left it in an unplayable condition.

This year has been “particularly hard” for the girls, although she had secured extra funding for Massey’s elite teams from MUSA. But because most teams and clubs are affiliated to MUSA, all charitable trust grants go through MUSA with all of the association’s applications.

Lindegren said they needed “more positive role models”, and having one of the top women’s teams in the country is “empowering to young females,” but we need to be “supporting the women’s team”.

The team is leading the Lotto Women’s Central League by five points. Three Kings United, who will be their opponents, are leading the Northern Region Women’s League by three points. Three Kings United have won all 12 of their games, while Massey has won 11 and drawn one.

What’s even more pressing is that Three Kings have two Olympic players, six under 20’s, and five under 17’s. Massey have no current New Zealand players.

Coach Lees said the girls “worked extremely, extremely hard, and their hard work has paid off”.

The venue for the final will be decided by the location of the men’s final, but will be in either Auckland, Wellington, or Dunedin.

Lees’s one word to describe how he feels about the girls results this season was “ecstatic. It’s the first time a central team has got to the final.”

UNITY AND DIVERSITY

UNITY AND DIVERSITY (U&D) WILL BE HELD at the Globe Theatre on August 18 with two performances – the matinee at 1pm and the evening performance at 7pm.

U&D’s aim is to celebrate the variety of cultures on campus and the cultures that exist within Massey University and Palmerston North, with performances by those groups.

For the first time in a while it’s being organised by one person. Lynelle Munns, who has stepped into the recently created role of club support person, will be taking this on with some pretty big ambitions. She does, however, have the support of the committee which has organised it in the past.

The event used to he hosted at The Regent on

Broadway, but over the years it has downsized.

Lynelle hopes to make it “bigger and return it to its former glory”.

Last year there were a range of performances

by Malaysia, Indonesia, Pasifika, Papua New Guinea, Merlion, Massey Choir, and the Fire Club.

Though U&D typically has an international focus, any club can enter. To give a wider focus, Lynelle is inviting clubs from the Massey Wellington campus.

She has big plans wanting to extend invites to school groups “once this one is out of the way”.

“This year we are waiting on the clubs to see what they will have, and what students they will have next semester.”

So, if you represent a club and want to showcase your stuff, Unity and Diversity could be what you’re after. Ticket prices are to be confirmed.

For further information, contact: Lynelle Munns, MUSA Clubs support officer 06 3504500 ext 81155, clubsupport@musa.org.nz

CLUBS FEED

YOUNG GREENS The Young Greens have had a relaxing year so far after winding down from the election, but they are starting to roll up their sleeves as they start to focus on the no-asset sales referendum petition.

The club is a subsidiary of the Green Party.

“We provide a younger view of politics to the Green Party. We comment on policy, have debates, make submissions, and educate others about Green Party politics and policy,” says member Adam Canning.

The Young Greens meet on a semi-regular basis but run only when they feel the need.

“It depends what our focus is at the time or what’s happening politically.”

If you would like to see New Zealand be “sustainable and awesome,” why not join?

The Young Greens are looking for new members and is open to all, so contact either Megan Hunt via email: masseyyounggreens@gmail.com or Adam Canning on 027667960.

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TECHENSOC With more than 100 members in Palmerston North, Techensoc (Technology and Engineering Society) offers a wide range of networking opportunities.

The highlight of this year was the Mock CV night, where members were interviewed by professionals as they would in the real world.

Techensoc isn’t all that serious, though. The club allows engineering students to be able to socialise outside university, and there will always be someone willing to help answer any engineering questions.

Techensoc hosted a ball on August 4 at the Convention Centre. This was open to all, and last year more than 160 attended. Member Chris Barstead says it’s usually a good night.

Each half semester, Techensoc also host a couple of lunches. They understand it’s pretty busy trying to be an engineer so they hold one or two events a semester.

“A lot of people think it’s the engineers’ club, but it’s not exclusive. It’s for friends to do fun stuff outside of uni. Relaxing with a few brews is good for a student at the end of the day,” says Chris.

For more information contact Chris Barstead: techensoc@massey.ac.nz or during the Wednesday common break from 12pm-2pm in the Riddet Complex Atrium by the bus stop.

RUGBY RIVALRY OVER TOILET SEAT TROPHY The annual rugby rivalry between Massey and Lincoln universities kicks off again as the LA Brooks Cup rugby match looms closer.

Lincoln will be travelling to the Massey University Palmerston North campus for the match set to take place on Saturday, September 22.

The LA Brooks Cup first arose in 1952 as a competition between New Zealand’s two agricultural colleges, Massey and Lincoln.

The cup was a regular feature until 1966 where it took a 39-year hiatus before its revival in 2005.

The cup, also known as the Mrs LA Brooks Cup, was apparently named in honour of the mother of former Lincoln student Harold Brooks. The winning team also receives the famed ‘Mog Shield’, a wooden trophy bearing a startling resemblance to a toilet seat.

The competition is open only to students currently studying an agriculture-related course, so although Massey has broadened its programmes to become a comprehensive university, those studying other courses will have to cheer on their team from the sidelines.

The game kicks off at 2:30pm on the SRI fields. There will be a free sausage sizzle for supporters as well as a cash bar.

11

ALBANY NOTICES

MASSEY ALBANY STUDENT HAS PARALYMPIC MEDAL IN HIS SIGHTS

POWER CUTS AFFECT CAMPUS

An afternoon power cut at the Albany East Precinct campus on Friday August 3 forced students and staff members to evacuate the campus, with classes and meetings cancelled.

The outage was reportedly caused by an exploding transformer at the main entrance, one of the campus’s three transformers.

“The explosion was very loud,” said Amy, a 2nd year business student. “I got to leave class early. I guess I can’t complain about a long weekend!”

The outage also severely interrupted an event that the university student bar, The Ferguson, was due to host. “It was challenging for us,” said owner Andrew Waite. “We were halfway through setting up the sound system, the staff had arrived and were getting ready for the night. Overall, we lost money as we still had to pay for the setup and the performers. We got the rug pulled out from underneath us but it was just one of those things.”

Insurance cover has reportedly changed since the Christchurch earthquakes, meaning The Ferguson was unable to claim insurance for business interruption.

“I’m happy to say that the event still went on in a bar in Auckland City,” said Waite. “The people who paid for tickets still got to see what they had paid for and we did everything to ensure that it would still be a good night.

“A lot of people were unhappy because it’s easy to come to Ferg’s, whereas it is a bit of a hassle organising transport into the city, but there wasn’t an alternative, except to cancel, and we didn’t want to have to do that.”

The university IT team and Vector worked overnight to restore power for the weekend.

Power was also lost to the accommodation at nearby Millennium Village, though it was restored several hours later, while the other Albany campus, Oteha Rohe, was unaffected.

12

MASSEY UNIVERSITY BUSINESS STUDENT DANIEL Holt’s personal motto is: “No one ever said it was going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it.”

It’s a phrase that has held him in good stead as he prepares for his first Paralympics at the end of this month.

Born with a condition called albinism, the swimmer has only around one-tenth of the vision of a person with normal sight. He is also extremely sensitive to bright lights, so the sunnier the day the less he is able to see.

“It affects my swimming by making it harder to spot the wall and, at the start of the lap, I can’t really judge my distance into the wall. If it’s an outdoor pool, it’s even worse,” he says.

The condition also creates challenges in other aspects of his life. He can’t drive, and has to carefully plan out walking routes with safe crossings, or organise rides with friends. He says being organised is something he learned from a very young age, and it’s helped out enormously in later life, including at university.

“As a student at first, I found it a little bit harder.

But once you have learnt where everything is, and you have networked with people who are willing to help you, it doesn’t hold you back too much,” he says. “It’s just about working out systems that work for you, whether it’s getting your notes in advance, or just being a little more organised than most people. I like the Albany campus. I find it easy to get around, it’s not too big and everyone around here is really friendly.

With the College of Business everything is located in one area so it’s only really learning [the layout] of a small part of the university.”

Daniel is a real contender for a medal at the London Paralympics in his strongest event, the 400m freestyle. He came fifth at the 2010 World Championships and believes he has gone from strength to strength since then.

“I’ve done a lot of work over the past few months and my times are coming down, so I am hoping to be extremely competitive in London,” he says.

London is his first Paralympics, a considerable achievement when you consider he began swimming competitively only in 2007.

Eight months after joining the North Shore Swimming Club he competed at the IBSA World Youth Games in Colorado, and returned to New Zealand with four gold medals.

Four years ago, competing at the London Paralympics was just a pipe dream. “I didn’t really think it would be achievable in four years, I was looking more towards Rio. But I put in the extra effort and worked hard, and it paid off.

It’s going to be a great Games, and I am really looking forward to it.”

Post-London, Daniel says he will take stock and decide whether he will continue swimming until the 2016 Paralympics in Rio de Janeiro. At this stage he would like to, and in the shorter term, he is also keen to get back into his studies.

While graduation is still a long way off, he is grateful for the flexibility of being able to study part-time while pursuing his sporting career.

“I chose to study at Massey because of how flexible they were. I spoke to other universities but I could see that Massey was going to be the most accommodating,” he says. “I’ve formed good relationships with my lecturers so my notes are always there when I need them, and if I need an extension it doesn’t seem to be a problem.”

Whether it’s competing in the swimming pool or in the world of business, Daniel believes his albinism has given him an advantage because he has developed key life skills at an early age.

“Because you are always being faced with problems, you are used to figuring it out, while others might struggle a bit more. You also develop time management skills because you need to plan your day. You know what you want to set out to do – in sport and life that helps a lot,” he says.

“And when people doubt you, you have to step up and prove them wrong, and by doing that you show yourself what you can do, and it gives you more confidence. Nobody said it’s going to be easy so, at the end of the day, what you get out is what you put in.”

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LETTERS

LETTERS MASSIVE magazine welcomes letters of all shapes and sizes, They should be emailed to letters@massivemagazine.org.nz though they can be dropped into any student association office. The Editor reserves the right to edit, abridge, or just plain bastardise them, and will refuse any that are in bad taste or defamatory. Pseudonyms may be used.

YO HOOK US UP WITH SOME COFFEE To Massive Magazine I have no coffee in my cupboard and am too lazy to go to the shops. Can you please print this letter so I can have a free bag? I think I deserve points for honesty.

Coffeeluva89

CASUAL RACISM, IS IT REALLY RACISM? I recently encounted a disturbing situation.

A well intentioned, community event that I was lucky enough to be part of ended in disaster when a casual joke was taken with far too much gravity turning said jolly shindig into somewhat of a racial boxing match more suitable to the 2012 London Olympics than a back yard bbq!

Since when was the good old English, Irish and Aussie joke to be given the same weight as the ignorrant rants of a cross burning neo - nazi?

What has the world come to?

Where did this generation of highly strung, PC, nipple twisters come from? In my opinion they all need a good bog wash and a dose of cod liver oil! Asking an Aussie to say ‘fesh’n’cheps’ is hardly the same as making a middle aged negro woman sit at the back of the bus!

Maybe the average Kiwi couldnt care less if they got called a sheep shagger, partly because its only a silly generalisation and partly because a freshly shorn Romley Cross would stir the loins of any true blooded New Zealander.

Either way, the average New Zealander doesnt mean any offence by a good hearted ribbing aimed at our less fortunate - accented hombres. Those of you who choose to take offence at our friendly joshing should keep an eye out for the comedy police and their testie twisting bog washers - now you shall have no pie!

P.S. All Frenchmen smell.

14

TWO’S COMPANY THREES A CROWD To Peter Jackson (because I’m sure he reads Massive and I don’t know his email address) When Bilbo Baggins sat down and decided to write a lovely little book called, ‘There and Back Again’ he wrote it by hand with a ink pen. As such it is actually quite a short book and while Bilbo was happy to sell the reproduction rights to J.R Tolkein, mainly because he was no longer getting long life from the one ring and realised that he needed money to live out his last days wherever that elf boat took him in luxury, I am certain that a trilogy of movies was not what he had in mind.

The thing is the book is like 200 pages long, which would mean that each movie would cover off like 70 pages of the book. In film class we were told that one page equals around 1 minute of film, so this must be the most in-depth film adaptation of a short book ever devised. I also think I have found the problem, I spoke with Bilbo the other day on Skype. Bilbo (or as his skype name calls him: ‘xX Precious Bagman xX’ said that he could not recall meeting a Legolas in his journey. I thought this was odd as Orlando Bloom has been seen acting like a big shot spending up large in the $2 shops around Wellington shouting with a crew that walks in front of him constantly shouting, ‘oh shit here comes Legolas son everybody look over there’ which is what he did when Lord of the Rings was being shot, so one can only assume that he has been cast in the trilogy when he didn’t even appear in the text.

Bilbo was like hmmmmmm, that would mean that he would have been well clued up on the ring, and Bilbo when he met them in Rivendale in the other film, yeah….that’s not canon.

Then he started to cry and said, what have I done? I sold out, the ring finally corrupted me and I became what I always hated. He tried to hide it but had the video on the skype call. It felt awkward. I hung up. He called back but I pressed ignore.

I guess my laboured point here is that, aside from spacing the films into a trilogy to create the world’s largest money fort, why spend all this time adding characters that make little sense to the film and just stick to the story, and if you are going to add characters that make no sense – why not add some better ones.

The Hobbit will be much cooler with the addition of King Leonidus from 300, Maximus from Gladiator, Tyrion Lannister, Judge Dread or even Optimus Prime…or a combination of all of them.

More people would turn up to see a butchery then a accurate rendition.

Or you could make some original movies for once.

OMFG - Why a effin Trilogy? (hey that rhymes)

BULL RUSH SHOULD BE AN OLYMPIC SPORT Now I’m not saying the Olympics aren’t a great sporting event. Its cool to flick on Prime at any time of the day and seeing top sports people doing what they do best, but there is something missing. That good old kiwi classic, bull rush. I like to think that after the closing ceremony all the teams pick one of their best athletes to head out behind the stadium, away from pesky drug testing officials where some good old fashioned grudge match tackling action.

Forget the medals, just imagine the politics.

New Zealand would probably only go after Australia, then after three or four attempts will bring it down then talk about being the best tackler, ‘per capita’.

Then Australia will buddy up with America, who is having a hell of a time after being steamrolled by the plucky Vietnamese with a killer sidestep and a mean fend.

England will spend its time being pounded by all the other countries they used to own in some kind of strange retribution before teaming up with the rest of Europe and group tackling Germany who was making a strong showing against the other Europeans because hey, old habits die hard.

But what would be really interesting is who would be picked last, and why? There are two theories on who is picked last, one is that it’s the biggest, baddest guy and you need everyone to bring him down, or it’s the kid that no-one likes and you need everyone to bring him down hard to teach him a lesson.

Looking at the current spread of the Olympics it would probably have to be Jamaica, the size and power of their sprinters would terrify any would be tackler and the fact that when they line up to sprint everyone is pretty much treating silver as gold cos there’s no chance. Some of those athletes will be looking for payback for their wasted time learning how to sprint, problem is the plucky little country will probably be the one that makes it through the bull rush and gloat about how cool they are, and its probably well deserved.

As Usain Bolt says, ‘smallest country biggest heart.’

But seriously, how cool was the 100m finals.

Now imagine that with tackling.

EVERY LETTER WINS! All letters receive a prize courtesy of MASSIVE Magazine. This month it’s 250 Gram bag of Peoples’ Coffee. Either come to the mawsa office or email: competitions@massive.org.nz

to collect your prize.

WANTS YOU

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17

Throughout the trial of Ewen MacDonald, defence lawyer Greg King dominated our television screens. In a rare, spare moment in his hectic schedule he talks with Julia Hollingsworth about the way the media covers trials, his desire to increase the public’s knowledge of the justice system, and his endless stream of bizarre hate mail.

q

reg King sits at his large, sun-lit desk wearing a navy “United States of America” hoodie. Boxes of files and folders are strewn around his designer orange couches, but there’s still a feeling of airiness in his vast Lower Hutt office. The walls are packed with pictures; there’s a sketch of University of Otago’s clock tower, a picture of his two daughters, and a photo of his best friend, Bernie Fraser (an ex-All Black and Brooke Fraser’s father), in a Fight for Life competition.

The owner of a small law practice and one of New Zealand’s most prominent defence lawyers, King has come a long way from his early beginnings. He was born to teenage parents and grew up in a state house in Whanganui. It was a happy childhood, he says. “There didn’t seem to be any stigma attached to being in a state house. It was just how we lived.” After completing high

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THE CASE FOR THE DEFENCE school as head boy, he went to law school at the University of Otago, took a job at a commercial law firm, and then landed a three-year internship with Judith AblettKerr.

For someone who recently defended Ewen Macdonald in a trial-cum-media circus, he looks incredibly relaxed. He’s just back from Palmerston North, he tells me, defending a client accused of a double homicide. The week before, he was defending a client in Hamilton accused of careless driving causing death. It’s nothing new. Over the course of his career, his clients have included Clayton Weatherston, Antonie Dixon, Peter Ellis, Scott Watson, and John Barlow.

Needless to say, he has received a fair amount of media attention. But he laments that the attention is rarely balanced and evenhanded. “I think the coverage of big trials is, by and large, appalling,” he says. The

coverage of the Scott Guy trial, in particular, was widely criticised for turning the trial into a soap opera, and for referencing works of fiction. “It’s a soap opera, it’s Shortland Street,” he says, although he notes that Stuff. co.nz reported on the trial well. King himself incurred the disdain of media commentators when he referred to the trial as a “whodunit” – although he adds that the phrase was “used in law long before Agatha Christie ever came along”.

King has also called the media’s crazed interest in the case racist, arguing that the media was interested only because the key players were beautiful and white. He adds that he’s had horrendous cases that never made the news, such as a cannibal murderer who bit off the end of a man’s penis.

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BUT IS THERE REALLY A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN the media drawing in the public with snappy headlines and literary references, and King’s ‘showmanship’ in his bid to keep the jury interested in his closing speech?

“I think there’s a huge difference,” he says.

“I’m doing my job to assist a jury to make an extremely difficult decision in a case that has severe and profound consequences. To draw the viewers in, obviously the media are going to sex it up. Do I respect that? No, because it’s not a soap opera – it’s real. It’s real people and real situations.”

As well as salacious headlines and tearful pictures, the media have been accused of holding ‘trial by media’, deciding on an accused’s guilt themselves.

He is unsure how much effect skewed media coverage can have on the outcome of a trial. Some instances – such as releasing information about prior convictions – can obviously affect a case’s outcome. But reporting that seems to condemn the accused may not necessarily affect the verdict. “I have been involved in a number of very, very highprofile trials where I thought the jury would not be able to distance themselves from the bad publicity to reach a proper verdict on the evidence. I have been pleasantly wrong.”

The main problem with media and trials, he says, is the possibility that jury members may read the press and absorb a media commentator’s opinion. Of this, he says diplomatically: “It’s naïve to think it’s never done, but it’s equally naïve to think it’s always done.”

Though the public may become embroiled in an all-out 21st Century witch-hunt, 18

King has to remain unemotional about his clients. Regardless of what a client has done - or alleged to have done - King maintains a professional relationship with them all. “I’ve never patted anyone on the back and said ‘well done, that’s a good thing you’ve done’, but you have to appreciate and understand their frailties, and their own circumstances that have lead them to do things.”

He compares his client-relationship to that of a surgeon’s. Just as a surgeon will still try to do a perfect job even if they dislike their patient, King works hard for his clients even if he thinks they’re scum. “You just have to do your job, regardless of what you might think about them in another world.”

He finds that paedophiles are often wonderful clients - “often they’re very, very charming - it’s an occupational requirement.”

Drug addicts, on the other hand, are terrible clients - “they’re late, they’ll steal from you if you look away”.

I couldn’t help but ask what his relationship with the universally hated Clayton Weatherston was like. “On the occasions that I met him, we got along very well.”

As a high-profile defence lawyer, King is never short of mail. He received plenty of correspondence in the weeks of the Scott Guy trial and after it - he estimates about 500 people contacted him to share their opinion.

There are the people who try to help, there are psychics who claim to have the key to the trial, and there are people who offer leads.

“For the Scott Guy case, we have 15 Eastlight folders of puppy sightings … How do you discourage people from doing that when at

the end of the day maybe they have got the key to the case?”

He also gets plenty of letters from prison inmates. They’ll cite the quote from his website (“injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”) and claim that their case is that injustice. He pulls out a letter that arrived that week, written in beautiful swirling calligraphy on lined refill, requesting that he take a look at the prisoner’s case.

It’s not all fan mail, of course. He is often told while walking down the road that he will “burn in hell”, and he’s had his fair share of hate mail. One man wrote a diatribe calling him all sorts of adjectives across four emails, finishing with “You are an evil little man”. So he emailed him back saying, “I resent that.

I’m not little - I’m 6”2 and 104kg”. He laughs, his brown eyes sparkling. “We actually engaged in dialogue over a couple of days, and it actually got quite humorous. We got to a point where he eventually apologised and I said, ‘nothing to apologise for, good on you for expressing your opinions’.”

King’s bravado seems genuine - he doesn’t appear to take his unsavoury contact with the public too seriously. “For me, that’s just meaningless drivel. It’s bizarre to me the mentality of the person who would actually take the time to write to a lawyer.”

Given the type of people he represents, it’s not surprising there’s a lot of interest in him.

But what is interesting is the lack of understanding about what he does. “I think the public are completely ignorant, by and large, about how the courts work, why they work, what people do, the work, the roles people Illustrations by Adam Dodd

play in it. There’s astonishing ignorance to it.”

It’s true of many professions - quantum physics, to name one - but the difference, he says, is that a quantum physicist’s work isn’t publically scrutinised and debated. “They see snippets of our work and they judge us accordingly. They see snippets of the case and they therefore think they are experts, and they’re not … everyone’s entitled to their opinion. But obviously, there are informed opinions, and there are uninformed opinions.

“There’s a tendency of people who don’t know better to attribute the sins of the client to the lawyer,” he says. He thinks the word “defending” may mislead people at times. “It has all sorts of moral connotations to it. In a sense it’s correct, but I just think it’s open to misunderstanding. You’re not condoning what they have done, you’re assisting the court to see that the right conclusion is reached on all of the evidence.

“There’s a real lack of appreciation about the rules under which we operate … I find it quite frustrating at times that people don’t have enough insight.”

+ IMPROVING THE PUBLIC’S KNOWLEDGE OF THE system is one of King’s passions, not least of all because he believes the legal system is so important to democracy. “It’s an important job I do - it’s not curing cancer, let’s not blow it out of perspective - but it’s an important, absolutely necessary job. And anyone who values democracy in any form will know that the strongest measure of democracy

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is the strength of the independent bar [the defence].”

Despite that, people from democratic countries are sometimes outraged when people accused of horrendous crimes get a trial. It’s not an uncommon sentiment that Anders Brievik, who confessed to killing 77 people in Norway a year ago, should have been just locked away rather than put his victims’ families and survivors of the shooting through the pain again. But King believes a desire for the “public good” never overrides the need for a fair trial. “If you do that, you’re bringing in some sort of moral witch-sniffing ability, which we just don’t have as humans.

A trial is about assessing the evidence.”

He is adamant that to make media coverage better - and as a result, to educate the public - cameras need to be removed from the court.

He also thinks court reporters should be a dedicated host of freelance journalists who then make their reporting available to the various media outlets.

He’s so passionate about educating the public about the justice system that he has dabbled in two television shows - What’s Your Verdict and The Court Report - and spoken at the Sensible Sentencing Trust, all with mixed results. What’s your verdict presented evidence from old New Zealand cases to new juries and watched them battle to reach a verdict. The programme was recently criticised by Radio New Zealand’s Colin Peacock for being just as salacious as the media coverage King had criticised.

“It’s not something I’m proud of,” he admits.

“Sadly, it dropped the ball, and it became a

titillating display of people’s misery.” He sighs that what he’d really like to do is write a book for the families of those who have been murdered, and for murderers, explaining the steps of the justice system for them.

But any educating he will do has to fit around his busy schedule, which includes a murder, a sex case with multiple complainants, and two manslaughter cases before the end of the year.

With the perpetual flood of violent and dire cases, does he ever become depressed about humanity? “Yup,” he says, without missing a beat. So how does he deal with it? “I drink too much. Speaking of which, do you want a beer?”

The beers are in a fridge in another room where front pages featuring his clients are mounted on boards. One wall features Barlow, another set, waiting to be hung up, cover the Scott Guy trial. He points to a Dominion Post front page that pictures Anna Macdonald and Kylie Guy sobbing, with the headline ‘Tears at the dock’. “I mean, that just infuriates me,” he says. “For one, they weren’t in the dock they were in the witness box.”

We resume our seats, his feet now propped on his desk, while we discuss why he loves law.

“For me, law was about the courts, and representing the little guy – and the little gal.” He points out that with law there’s something for everyone – whether your interest is flying planes or mountain-climbing - “You wanna climb Mt Everest, you need a lawyer long before you need a Sherpa.” In King’s case his interest was always humans, and battling for the underdog. “My whole life I’ve been inspired by people who have stood up against a regime or a system and fought for change.”

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Illustration by Neerachar Sophol

It’s an issue that pops up from time to time, usually in the pubs among members of the ‘old guard’.

But recently the debate for New Zealand becoming a republic has been heating up. The republicanism movement in New Zealand is being fuelled by the royal family’s lack of political relevance. But will that mean a change is on the cards anytime soon? James Greenland looks into the history of The Crown’s influence in New Zealand, how it has shaped the country, and if it’s time to become a republic.

REPUBLIC DEBATE – A MATTER OF TIME? After 172 years, the Queen of England remains New Zealand’s highest authority, regardless of the monarchy’s dwindling relevance to political life in this country. Her political impotence has led to calls for reformation from certain factions, notably the Republican Movement of Aoteaoroa New Zealand. It’s time for an elected head of state, they say – time for a Kiwi to wear the crown of our country. But, however small their influence over law making may be, the royals continue to feature large in our national media.

H

ill and Kate were married after that ‘fairytale’ engagement the whole world watched, and the noble Prince visited Christchurch in March last year, too. Prince Charlie turned heads playing DJ and weatherman for the BBC recently – a disarmingly desperate bid for relevance during his employ as king-in-waiting. His mum, our Queen, Lizzy, got older, turning 86 in April, and is celebrating 65 years on the throne. Surely you didn’t miss her cameo at the London Olympics – parachuting from a plane with agent 007. Priceless! And, as a tribute to dear Betty, John Key put her husband, Philip, on New Zealand’s highest honours list and has invited Chuck to a lunch in New Zealand, on us – the taxpayer, too.

Like, love or loathe them, the royals are first-name-basis familiar faces in most New Zealand homes and their celebrity is as A-list as anyone’s. Of course, the British monarchy is woven into the fabric of our society, at the apex of which sits Queen Elizabeth II as head of state. But, it is rarely the monarchy’s role in our social structure that makes the national news, perpetuating the royals’ relevance. Discussions about our constitutional framework are far less common than paparazzi pics of Pipa in a new frock – and she’s not even really one of them. It is primarily with fame, rather than power, that the royals retain their relevance to New Zealand society.

Lack of political relevance is one of the reasons republicanism is growing in this country.

As the historical, hierarchical power structures of monarchy erode under the modern pressures of democracy, the royals’ perceived right to rule is weakening. For the Republican Movement of Aoteroa New Zealand – and their more than 4,000 Facebook followers – the problem with the monarchy is closely related to our independence and identity as

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a nation, as they express on their website, www.republic.org.nz: “The Republican Movement wants a New Zealand republic to replace the monarchy in New Zealand with a democratically elected New Zealander as our head of state, to truly represent our unique culture and our place in the world as an independent nation.” Republicans know the modern British monarchy has little-to-no actual political power within the Commonwealth of Nations over which they formally reign. Let’s take a moment to consider our country’s history, paying close attention to our constitutional development. The story can be told quickly, and has a common theme.

+ AS WE ALL OUGHT TO KNOW, MAORI WERE here for some time before England arrived, living off the land with their own cultural sense of sovereignty and ownership. But, jumping on ahead, by 1840 Britain had signed the Treaty of Waitangi with support from a majority of Maori, and so the Crown claimed New Zealand as another South Pacific jewel. After a little while, 1852, Kiwis set up a Parliament, doing things pretty much the way Britain did.

Soon though, nuances of life on the long white cloud called for a form of government that suited us specifically, and so the first four Maori seats were introduced to the Parliament in 1867. By 1893 the work of some good New Zealanders was finally recognised as women proved, and won their right to vote. Kiwis pioneered this political evolution, which took off around the Western world, signaling the willingness of our people to independently reform politics when necessary. By 1907 New Zealand ceased being a colony, becoming a dominion. The Evening Post reported on the 26 of September that New Zealand “went ‘up one’ in the ‘school of British nations’.

Abroad … there is a notion that New Zealand is … merely the little tail of the great dog; but the Prime Minister is determined that the tail is not to be overlooked, nor to be despised in any way.” We may have moved up one, but Aotearoa was still a small player.

Until 1947 Britain retained the right to make laws for New Zealand, which was only abrogated by acceptance of the Statute of Westminster – legislation that had existed, offering us independence, for 16 years. New Zealand was, like a nervous adolescent, reluctant to move out of home into the real world. But move we did, slowly and consciously, away from the paternal guidance of our British forebears. By 2004 we had abolished the right to appeal to the Privy Council in London, and established our own Supreme Court in our own capital city.

That was the last look back. It’s now 2012 and what’s left of royal power in New Zealand is only ceremonial.

New Zealand is a constitutional monarchy, a member of the British Commonwealth as a result of history. But modern MMP democracy vests real political power with an elected Prime Minister and political party, with which they execute the functions of State. The common theme of New Zealand’s history is of liberalisation and moves toward political independence. We were slow to accept our own identity, and it took some time to fully shake the vestiges of a colonial past.

But ultimately our history is a story of the people taking power. Current parliamentary process for the passing of laws requires the Governor-General to assent, on behalf of the Queen, to any legislation the Prime Minister presents him or her with. The Queen’s power to reject laws or dispel Parliament legally exists within our unwritten constitution, but in modern practice that power is merely formal – the monarch’s representatives are required to acquiesce our independence, 21

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to assent our laws. Political ties with the monarchy remain, but they are customary and historical by nature, and are not integral to New Zealand’s constitutional identity should we chose to cut them.

The chairman of the Republican Movement of Aotearoa New Zealand, Lewis Holden, is a young, regular, Kiwi bloke working in the computer software industry.

He says he became interested in the republican movement at university in Wellington after realising how little sense it made to maintain past connections with Britain when New Zealand’s real goal ought to be moving forward as an independent nation.

These days he runs the organisation, attending functions to represent republicanism, writing blogs, and regularly lobbying Parliament in an effort to inspire reform.

He describes his aspirations for New Zealand with an earthquake metaphor: “When studying buildings to assess their vulnerability in an earthquake we make note of weak points before the ground starts shaking.

We want to fix things now, before they fall down broken.” The same is true of our political constitution, he says. Why wait until something breaks?

Mike Wilkinson, the treasurer of the movement, agrees that we need to be proactive in reforming the constitution, and not wait around for a problem to arise before changing things.

“It’s about democracy, independence and national identity,” he says. “I think New Zealand is awesome, and I want to keep it that way. That’s why we need to keep assessing what it is that makes us awesome and protect that.”

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For these two men, New Zealand’s awesomeness stems from the Kiwi spirit of independence, that resilient No 8-wire approach of our people to the practical problems of life. Both hope to see political reform in this country achieved via the instrument of referendum, which would ask Kiwis to consider abolishing legal links with the monarchy and establishing an independent office for the New Zealand head of state. They say this will bolster democracy, clarify national identify, and empower our independent autonomy. They want forwardthinking change.

+ MONARCHY NEW ZEALAND REPRESENTS THE other side of the story. They are the organisation dedicated to celebrating and further entrenching the monarchy within the public psyche. They want things to stay the same.

Their website, www.monarchy.org.nz, lists many reasons why Lewis Holden and Mike Wilkinson and the republicans are wrong, though they evidently don’t believe in evidence. Constitutional monarchies are the most stable forms of government, they say.

Hereditary succession is the fairest form of power transfer, they say. The Queen is entirely a-political they say, dedicated purely to her position of ceremonial leadership.

Whatever validity these and other arguments may have if proven, Monarchy New Zealand is not willing to engage in debate with republicans.

‘This is their chairperson Sean Palmer’s response to questions about republicanism in New Zealand: “To engage in a debate with

those who would throw away [constitutional monarchy] implies that the two ideas have equal merit.”

He was given the chance to discuss his position but chose to deflect the opportunity with a bold, but hollow email: “Empirical evidence around the world over the past several decades has demonstrated clearly that constitutional monarchy is a very important part of a successful democracy. To suggest that it isn't, could have very dangerous constitutional ramifications which we would not want to inadvertently encourage.”

Though the monarchists fear New Zealand is not ready, too immature, for republican independence, childishly they will not entertain discussion of republicanism for fear of the ramifications. Perhaps they are right to fear the inevitable tide of change, for the only certainty in politics is that what is now will not remain.

There are two sides to this debate, one calling for change, and the other continuity. Which will prevail, and when?

This year New Zealand is undergoing constitutional review, though republicanism has explicitly been left off the agenda. It seems that the royals’ pageantry and pomp of late has Kiwis fond of, and reluctant to talk of cession from, the British.

Lewis Holden’s recent blogging suggests that republicans might be preparing to bide their time, relaxing on lobbying for a while, waiting for the wave of populist royal support to wash away.

My theory is this: New Zealand will become an independent republic, severing all but our historical ties with the Crown, and elect a national as head of state. But it will not happen soon. Our country has a history of independent evolution, but such tends to be pragmatic not proactive. Despite the lobbying of groups like Republic New Zealand, there is a heavy inertia accompanying political change in New Zealand which is usually slow to manifest.

Truth is, things work pretty well here in God’s Own, and no one really feels oppressed by regal tyranny. But as time marches on, and the past stretches long behind us, Kiwis will eventually look forward to a new political arrangement which recognises and represents our independence within the world of nations. This will not happen until the currently comfortable status quo shifts to the point where opinion is so unbalanced against the reigning monarch that a referendum might make change. Queen Bitts won’t get the boot from Kiwis, but less-loved Chucky might. We like Wills, and Kate is great, but by the time they play King and Queen the baby boomers will be passing power to generation You and Me, and we are much more likely to try change for change’s sake. Time will tell.

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FEATURE

WHY SO FERAL? BLOOD ON PALMY STREETS Nicole Canning examines the issues behind the student drinking scene in Palmerston North and how to stay safe on a night out.

• Walking through the Square induces beatings, rape, or otherwise.

• Going into Malbas is like asking to be stabbed.

• Wandering eyes in Beer Barrel can lead to flying fists.

• Bar-hopping down Main St is like asking to be picked up by the paddy wagon.

u

hese statements, humorously and casually passed down through generations of students in Palmerston North, may seem like nothing more than harmless jokes, yet in the misty hours between 12 and 3am Thursday through Saturday, their reality sinks in.

Recently, a situation got so out of hand that it led to a young man being stabbed at Malbas Bar and Nightclub.

As serious events such as these unfold, and the word spreads, students begin to question the safety of going out. But how much merit do these words actually hold? And what’s causing this type of behaviour in the first place?

In the later hours of the evening, things get warmed up. Girls swarm around mirrors, applying make-up, straightening their hair, and sourcing their sexiest dress. While back in the lounge, guys joke around with a box of beer and plenty more where that came from. The music is pumping and everyone is gearing up for a big night out. There’s a live DJ at Malbas, and Beer Barrel is set to go off.

Everyone drinks to the point of peaking as they wait for the only socially acceptable time to head into town: midnight.

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It is in these hours that the cultures of pre-loading and binge drinking play their role.

Loved by students, and despised by the community, these cultures cop a lot of flak.

Admittedly though, they are the initial cause behind a lot of things, violent behaviour being one. Although there is no direct connection between alcohol and aggression, the effects that alcohol has on the brain, including increased sensitivity and reduced anxiety, can heighten the chances of someone starting a fight. So, the more alcohol consumed, the more widespread its effects.

Amid all the hype of those initial hours, any student who stumbles out their front door, down the driveway, and on to the street will find Massey University Community Police Constable Chris Day patrolling studentfavoured areas, including the Halls of Residence, Morris St, Ada St, and McGiffert St. Contrary to what many believe, he’s not there scoping out which party to shut down first.

“We are not here to break up the fun,” he says. “We just want to keep everyone safe.”

His main goal is to keep an eye out and prevent things from getting out of hand.

Chris Day has seen enough trashed houses and burning couches in his 12 years in

the Police to build a tolerance for student shenanigans. All he asks in return is that when students have a good time they don’t be idiots about it. He aims to keep on par with the students and teach them about host responsibility and keeping things controlled.

Since the initiation of Operation Combi this aim has seen new light.

Operation Combi is organised by Palmerston North City Council, Massey University, Neighbourhood Support, MUSA, ACC, and the Fire Service and the Police. It began as free furniture pick-up for students wanting to get rid of old furniture at the end of semester and grew into an operation aimed at building the relationship between students and community organisations, such as the Police.

The aim is to teach students, especially those living in the main student areas, about host responsibility and violence prevention, to tear down the barriers between Police and students, and to take away the stereotypes associated with both sides. At the beginning of the year, Palmerston North Police held a BBQ in Ada St and invited the students to meet their staff. This was a huge success.

Palmerston North is the only place in New Zealand with a system like Operation Combi, and it seems to be working. Since it started last year, the number of callouts for violence, excessive noise, and student behaviour has drastically reduced.

When midnight finally rears its head and the students roll out to the first club of the night, things are initially quiet. No one is quite ballsy enough to dance just yet and the crowds are rather maintained. People wander around the club finding their mates and getting a feel for what the night has in

store. The bar is fairly steady and the effects of the alcohol consumed before town begins to sink in as students slink into the free-ofinhibitions mood they know so well.

As the crowds pour through the doors and the bouncers start making people queue-up, things get a little more heated. Suddenly, behaviour and social cues are misread, and what might have been an innocent glance is taken to be an evil glare served up with the response, “What the fuck are you staring at?”

Professor McMurran of Nottingham University says alcohol “…narrows our focus of attention and gives us tunnel vision. This means that if someone provokes us while we are drunk, we’re very sensitive to that threat.” More often than not the provocation is nothing more than a simple mistake.

Further into the night, and everyone is getting agitated as more effects become apparent.

The risk of losing a temper and becoming confrontational is higher. In the meantime, anxiety levels are lower, leading people to take risks. Actions that may be normally shrugged off, such as a spilled drink down a dress, or clown feet trodden on open toes, become problems, compounded by the raging dubstep drowning out any attempt at apology.

It is in these circumstances that the drinking environment can cause aggressive behaviour.

There is only so much drunken pushing and shoving to and from the bar before someone takes matters into their own hands.

On a routine night, about five or six fights break out in a club like Beer Barrel, and at least 20 people are thrown out. And it is often the bouncers who bear the brunt of violent behaviour as they turn away disappointed drunks. After a night of drama and

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dealing with people who don’t know when enough is enough, it comes as no surprise that the bouncers themselves are known for losing their temper and physically throwing drunken people out of their club and on to the street.

And this is often when students out to simply have a good time innocently wind up in the middle of it.

+ MASSIVE SPOKE TO SOME SECOND-YEAR students about some of their experiences with violence and here are some of their stories: “I was once walking from the office to the taxi stand on Main St. A guy came up behind me and put his hand between my legs. I said, ‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ He took me by the throat and said, “Your worst nightmare.”

“I saw a fight break out at Malbas. A guy got knocked out and hit his head three times on his way to the floor. No one did anything about it.”

“My mate once said hi to a guy she knew.

His girlfriend didn’t like it, so she beat her up. She threw her on the ground and started punching and kicking her. My mate ended up with five stitches and half an eyebrow.”

But although these stories may suggest otherwise, it would appear the issue of student violence in Palmerston North is not as bad as many may think.

Alcohol does not discriminate, and its effects can occur to anyone, anywhere. Otago University, for example, is consistently dealing with drunken student riots and hefty fist fights.

Chris Day says Palmerston North students are more likely to do stupid things than to throw their weight around. He says he once came across a student multiple times in one night trying to steal road cones and street signs. When asked why he kept trying to get away with it, the student said, “I’m a student.

I’m supposed to do stupid things.”

Often, those who cause issues are from smaller towns such as Wanganui and Dannevirke who are in the big smoke for a night out.

The large military presence in Palmerston North also plays its part.

Although the Square is still not the safest place, since it was redesigned it has become the main foot traffic thoroughfare between Malbas and Beer Barrel, and the only sex that takes place there is of a somewhat consensual nature. It is also heavily monitored by community security.

The main student clubs, despite what most people believe, are also not the most problematic areas. Main St, the home of clubs such as Highflyers, Shooters, The Office, and The Cobb, is where the majority of violencerelated issues are.

As with any issue, no select group of people or area of town can be singled out.

Chris Day says it is a responsibility that everyone has to take on. He says people need to stay alert and recognise when things go wrong. “Look after your mates, remove them from bad situations, or ask for help from bouncers and bar staff.”

He recommends basic safety like staying in pairs, telling people where you are going, and keeping a cellphone on you. At the end of the day, don’t get so legless that you can’t look after yourself.

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FEATURE

FLATTING: A HORROR STORY Our houses are shit, we are cold, what’s new? When your house is making you sick, you wonder about the endurance required to survive student flatting. Annabel Hawkins looks at New Zealand housing standards.

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ew Zealand’s housing standards are some of the worst in the world. So much so, that the worst houses are making us sick.

The problem is widespread, affecting the three biggest factors in our society: it’s impairing us socially, economically, and environmentally. It turns out that for almost centuries, countries have been tailoring their buildings to suit their surroundings.

As winter bites into August, the natural hibernation indoors ensues. But when the cold is inescapable, when mould creeps into your clothes and under your sheets, and lines the shower walls and the windowsills, and the curtains and even the ceilings, the level of such endurance must be tackled: just how much of this should students have to put up with?

Recent research by the Business Council for Sustainable Development (NZBCSD) suggests that more than one million homes are not properly insulated. Insulation means that warm air generated in your house stays inside instead of escaping through the floor, the roof, and the windows. It means that when you make the call to turn your heater on, it’s actually going to be mildly energy efficient.

Those one million homes contribute to the more than 50 cases of respiratory illness accepted by our hospitals every day, and are responsible for New Zealand having one of the highest rates of asthma in the world. And

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while all that’s going on, those one million houses are generating enough wasted water to fill 9,200 Olympic-size swimming pools.

Stories of mould-ridden clothes, lampshades, and disintegrating bed sheets and mattresses are blown off as the status quo for students.

But the issue is beyond the banter over beers about whose flat is the coldest or who lost their flat bet about who would pike out and turn on the heat pump first (loser buys a keg).

Architecture professor Robert Vales (Victoria University) told the Sunday Star-Times recently that the average house is “scarily cold, badly insulated, has huge expanses of single-glazed glass, and a nightmare to heat.

In terms of energy efficient homes we are not very far along. It’s pretty much where the Scandinavians were in the 1960’s”.

Our homes suffer from something called ‘Sick Building Syndrome’ which is characterised primarily by flaws in heating and ventilation.

Back in the day, before Mark Ellis endorsed HRV systems and Stephen Fleming was the face of Fujitsu, building standards such as insulation, sealing windows properly, and using efficient building materials were of less salience. And we are now reaping the rewards of the post-colonisation building frenzy when timber was ‘in’, and wearing multiple woollen jerseys was the norm. And that’s not an exaggeration. All houses need in this day and age to constitute being ‘liveable’ is a stove

and a plug in the wall. This makes insulation seem like a tall order.

Landlords are bound by the Residential Tenancies Act (RTA) 1986, and the Housing Improvement Regulations under the Health Act which states that “the landlord shall … comply with all requirements in respect of buildings, health, and safety under any enactment so far as they apply to the premises.” Tenants have rights to live in a house that is not sub-standard to the extent it is impacting on their general wellbeing.

In cities with the regular influx and exodus of students around the university calendar, students are vulnerable to signing up to whatever they can find, come semester 1.

Often when leases are signed it’s February and sun is still (relatively) ample and “great indoor-outdoor flow” is a euphemism for “the inside of this flat will be colder than the air outside, but it’s OK ‘cos you’ve all got laptops you can use for knee heaters.” Pile on those merinos Mum bought you from the Kathmandu sale and “she’ll be right”.

Following a month on the flat hunt, Canadian exchange student Michael described his shock at the state of Wellington flats: “In Canada, sure, it’s snowing outside, but you’re walking around your house in your boxer shorts.” An unfathomable sight for sore eyes for many Kiwis, according to recent statistics.

In 2008 the Green Party achieved its Warm Up New Zealand: Heat Smart initiative – a bid to subsidise the installation of insulation into sub-standard housing. As it stands, houses built before 2000 are eligible for funding ($1,300 or 33%) towards the cost of ceiling and under-floor insulation and

its installation. Tenants with Community Services Cards (which any student with a loan is eligible for) are able to get a 60% discount for their landlord.

The initiative has wrapped up close to 200,000 homes, reportedly saving close to $1 billion and 16 lives in the process. Yet, Green MP Holly Walker says those making the most of the subsidy are predominantly owneroccupiers, with many tenants and landlords unaware of the extent of the initiatives cost and wellbeing benefits.

+ THOSE FACING THEIR SECOND (OR MORE) consecutive year in student squalor may become a bit more conditioned to lower standards of health. But, as Walker says, the issue permeates the entire country: “There is a huge demographic outside of the student demographic that are suffering pretty badly with our poor quality housing.”

You may have also noticed the governmentinitiated ‘Energy Spot’ adverts featuring that guy in the puffer vest advising us which car to buy or how to run our dishwasher. As useful as they are, unfortunately a lot of the tips tend to not apply to the income bracket of most of those affected by housing decay. The vulnerability of tenants to such inadequate/ inexistent housing standards can leave them in compromised living situations.

Sophie, 21, is bound to a 12-month lease even after one room in her flat is being blamed for some tenants having uncontrollable asthma attacks, and another bronchitis. A doctor said they should move out as soon as possible, a

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seemingly impossible move when $600 of bond is concerned. It is difficult to navigate your rights as a meagre, vulnerable tenant to the monopoly of property owners. Get out of jail free card, anyone?

The Department of Business, Innovation and Employment (the newly merged Housing NZ) was unable to comment before publication deadline on the issues raised, except to say their responsibilities lay in implementing government policy and reviewing legislation.

There is great frustration among tenants who feel their landlords are negligent, disinterested, or who are overseas. On the Warm Healthy Rentals Facebook campaign, tenant complaints regarding poor communication with landlords abound. But a statement by one participant tends to ring true: “Until there is more security in the rental sector, most tenants prefer to put up with what they can get for the price, or move on. The tenant will always pay the price for challenging an unwilling landlord, I suspect.”

So do we need to just don on Swanny, fill a hottie, and harden up? Walker tends to disagree. “It’s a bit of a cultural thing. We feel like it’s a rite of passage to live in a cold, damp, shitty house. Especially students. People tell these stories to show how hearty they are. It’s really not a healthy state of affairs.”

It seems the obvious solution is to avoid a grimy flat altogether. After all, the “woe is me poor student” spin gets a bit old. Unfortunately, there is a reality to relatively strict rent parameters and locations for students, as well as a general fear of becoming homeless.

Yet, amid the haze of dragon breath and dewy condensation, students have the ability to

exercise their power.

Students make up a substantial portion of the rental market. No, they aren’t asking too much when they say they want reasonable standards for their houses, and yes, they have the right to be uncompromising about this.

Landlords and tenants depend on each other: landlords need the rent just as much as students need somewhere to live. If students do not rent the grimy three-comefive-bedroom-flat-with-minimal-naturallight-and-no-insulation-or-ventilation then landlords can’t pay their mortgage, let alone do all the other things wealthy property owners do – like go on holiday so they don’t have to answer their emails. It’s really simple supply and demand.

Mould and general decay is not “wear and tear”, a dehumidifier is a chattel, and you are well within your rights to ask for one if you think it’s raining outside when it’s actually just the condensation on your windows.

Students are the market and have the power to drive this change in standards, and it’s about time ‘we’ did.

Flatting horror stories are not in short supply in New Zealand. Apparently in the United States, ‘student housing’ simply refers to densely populated student areas, as opposed to an unhealthy level of ‘shabby chic.’

The moral of the story? It’s like dating. Have standards. Be uncompromising to these.

Talk to your landlord if you feel these are not being met. Convince him or her to insulate the skeleton of your flat, and get some meat on those bones. In the meantime, word on the street is that bubble wrap does the trick pretty well too.

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FEATURE

DISABILITY IN DISASTER – WITH A SMILE Blake Leitch talks to a manager in emergency response about helping those who it’s easy to miss in times of crisis.

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n February 2011, an earthquake struck Christchurch City and hundreds of thousands of people had their lives upturned. One month later, Japan was hit by an earthquake, a tsunami, and nuclear radiation incidents. Millions of people had their lives changed forever. In 2010, Haiti suffered from a major earthquake. In 2004, more than 200,000 people died as a result of the Boxing Day Tsunami. In mid-2011, the United Nations declared a famine in East Africa for the first time in nearly 30 years – a famine that continues to this day.

Disasters have affected humanity throughout history, but with recent developments in disability awareness and inclusion, who is it that makes sure that those who can’t care for themselves are taken care of?

Valerie Scherrer is the Senior Manager for the Emergency Response Unit (ERU) at CBM; an international development and disability organisation. CBM works in more than 70 countries with more than 700 partners around the world. CBM works on making disability inclusiveness not just an idea, but a reality.

After Scherrer spoke at a disability inclusiveness symposium in Christchurch, I sat down with her to understand more fully her 28

job, her views, and her life. Scherrer, who lives in Brussels, Belgium, began working in the development field in 1997, working in a refugee camp and managing orthopaedic workshops for people affected by landmine explosions. She saw people disabled by the world around them and wanted to help. One of the things she realised was that efforts for attitude change can be magnified during times of emergency. With more resources and higher community awareness there is a better chance of attitude change for disability inclusiveness. If disability issues can be included in emergency response then there is potential for a positive long-term impact.

Scherrer says her role requires her to look after all disaster/conflict area emergencies around the world. With a team of just four people, ERU provides support to partner organisations in response to emergencies, making sure people with disabilities are being taken into account. This is done through making sure relief activities are accessible while specific needs and services are fulfilled.

Able-bodied people are not excluded, but ERU simply ensures that the disabled community is catered for in time of need.

The role of Senior Manager is two-fold: on one hand, it requires getting awareness in

mainstream relief so people with disabilities are not only considered, but understood.

When clean water is provided, you can’t put the tank at the end of a road which is full of rubble – a person in a wheelchair won’t be able to reach it and a person with a visual impairment will have difficulty in accessing it. So it’s about making the environment as accessible as possible in every way possible.

On the other hand, a personal level must also be focused on. If a disabled person loses a device which aids in their overcoming an otherwise inaccessible environment (wheelchair, hearing aid, crutches, cane, etc.), these need to be replaced or substituted as soon as possible. If a disabled person loses part of their support network (family, friends, carers, etc.), then this support network needs to be found or rebuilt. So it’s not just about making the environment accessible, it’s also about rebuilding those accommodations which make a disabled person independent.

Scherrer says she does not see that making disability access and inclusiveness a reality is an extra effort, despite the level of work involved. She feels that people with disabilities have the same basic needs as everybody else to survive after a disaster. The only thing that prevents disabled people from receiving these basic needs is that in disasters they are often “invisible”. In developing and developed countries alike, it is also often the case that there are disabled people hidden within the communities. So CBM and ERU strive to make these disabled people visible by trying

to help disabled people organisations take an active role in emergency response.

For Scherrer, disaster and emergency are an opportunity for change, in both attitudes and accessibility. If planned properly, emergency response can be used to make a huge change in a very short time. This is one of the reasons she puts so much effort into her work – it’s a good opportunity for change and evolution towards better inclusion and consideration of disability issues.

+ WHEN I ASK HOW YOUNG PEOPLE AND young adults can help create an all-inclusive society, Scherrer talks about how disasters and emergencies create an environment of solidarity and community; how everyone wants to help. Young people are energetic and committed to the cause of helping as much as possible.

As young people are encouraged to build better what has been destroyed, they can bring newness with it; new ideas, new initiatives, new innovations. These are things that get lost with age as people get into a routine, where they simply want things to be the way they were before. Young people look at improving the condition of life of everyone in a post-disaster situation.

She says that though she has spent only a little time in New Zealand she feels there is at least a minimally acceptable level of accessibility for disabled people. However, she qualified

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it only due to her lack of experience in New Zealand as it relates to disability accessibility.

One of the things she feels could be focused on to continue towards an all-inclusive society is the inclusion of disabled in jobs. For example, although she met many disabled workers as representatives of the Ministry of Health, Ministry of Education, she feels they should not always have to work within offices of disability issues. If disabled people are hired to work only with disability issues, that is not full inclusiveness. It needs to go a step further – to include disabled people in any and all types of work.

Scherrer says that during her many international travels she has discovered a difference in the treatment of disabled people, with the poorest countries seeming to be best in regards to disability inclusion in the community. One reason for this she puts down to the community spirit, and says that is something that seems to be lost when countries and communities become developed; our neighbours can mean nothing to us anymore, compared to a developing country where a neighbour is part of the family.

The other reason is the difference in attitude among disabled people. In developed countries they are more inclined to ask the government for aid, but in developing countries there isn’t the government infrastructure, and so disabled people must be more proactive on a personal level. So the spirit of the people is different.

Taking all of the work and travel that Scherrer undertakes into consideration, I ask her how she is able to cope on a personal level. She says she doesn’t feel it is any more difficult than any other job. It’s just a matter of being organised and knowing when and where she has to be. In fact, for her it’s not difficult at all, because she has a good network, a good family, and good friends around her. They know what she does, why she does it, and they understand her choices.

What can be a bit hard is developing long-term plans, and any that are made usually have to be cancelled. So she is used to living on a very short time frame. It requires her social network to have a very good understanding, and it can be more difficult for her friends and family to cope than for her.

Seeing the workings within CBM, I have had first-hand experience of the friendship and camaraderie in the organisation. With this in mind, I ask Scherrer how CBM, acting like a family, helps to make it an international leader in the area of disability inclusiveness.

It turns out this equality is one of the reasons she joined CBM in the first place.

As she sees it, this means sponsors are more than money-lenders; they are partners to grow with. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a small local business or the WHO which is involved - it’s the same level of partnership.

It’s a two-way relationship between CBM and every partner, and this is one of CBM’s greatest strengths. Everything is done on the same equal basis.

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FEATURE

Hayley Locke traces the asset sales debate and wonders if it’s worth spending so much time on solving such a small part of the problem.

SNUBBING THE TREATY? ASSET SALES & TRIBUNALS

H

e could choose to ignore whatever findings they might have. I am not saying that we would, but we could.”

Those were John Key’s resounding words when asked on TV One’s Breakfast on July 9 about what the Government’s response would be to the Waitangi Tribunal’s findings on Maori’s rights to ownership of the water used for hydro-generated electricity under the Treaty of Waitangi. And quite suddenly the Waitangi Tribunal shot to the forefront of public consciousness and debate, arguably for the first time since the Foreshore and Seabed controversy in 2004.

John Key promised, as part of his election campaign last year, that if he was to be re-elected National would sell up to 49% of the public’s stake in the Mighty River Power, Meridian, Genesis, and Solid Power energy companies, as well as 74% of Air New Zealand, bringing in $6 billion to help pay off the nation’s debt. Now that he’s clinched the title of Prime Minister for the second time, Mr Key is beginning to deliver on his promise.

This didn’t make him particularly popular with a portion of voters for a myriad of

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reasons. Many are opposed to the $1000 minimum spend for a share parcel, which is vastly unaffordable for a lot of New Zealanders.

He has said that while KiwiSaver, iwi, and the Superannuation fund will be big investors, he also expects that “mums and dads” will take a slice of the pie. Presumably by that he means those earning up around the top of the pay-scale who coincidentally also have children, rather than middle-class parents like mine who, though they can provide for themselves adequately, don’t have a spare thousand bucks hidden between the couch cushions.

But the Prime Minister’s words have angered more than just those who will be financially unable to participate in the investments.

Many Maori are furious at the idea that shares in the electricity companies could be sold, potentially to foreign investors, because they believe that, under the Treaty of Waitangi, Maori people have rights to fresh water. In particular, the Poaukani iwi believe that a number of the dams used for the Mighty River Power company use water that flows from a riverbed that they have legal right to.

Understandably the Waitangi Tribunal’s ascension to prominence in the media can lead to a few questions about its operations: what is it for, what are its goals, and what is its role in asset sales?

MASSIVE will explain the basics so that the next time you’re with those superopinionated, hyper-political types (you know, the ones who practically have Stuff news intravenously injected into their veins to keep themselves up to the minute on political happenings, and who are jumping up and down as they fervently discuss the Waitangi Tribunal’s relationship to asset sales), you can join the conversation rather than sheepishly checking Facebook on your phone hoping no one asks you what you think.

The Waitangi Tribunal was established in 1975 by a corresponding Act of Parliament in order for Maori to formally, and legally, resolve any grievances when they felt the Treaty of Waitangi had been breached.

Though that seems straightforward, it is difficult to conclusively prove the exact terms of the Treaty, given that it was written in English then translated into Maori for Maori to read and sign, but resulted in two versions Illustration by Atarau Rikirangi

which are fundamentally different due to a few key errors in translation.

Both texts are clear that the Treaty was to give the Crown the right to govern and create a British settlement, and that Maori were to have full rights as British subjects in that settlement. The first differences in translation are evident in the preamble: the

claims for misconducts that occurred before 1992), but aim to have dealt with all of these matters within the next five years.

The Treaty of Waitangi (State Owned Enterprises) Act 1988 was created to instruct how the Crown and Maori were to deal with the transfer of land to state-owned enterprises, and within this Act was the inclusion of

‘Many are opposed to the $1000 minimum spend for a share parcel, which is vastly unaffordable for a lot of New Zealanders.’

English version suggests the Treaty’s main purpose was to establish a government, protect Maori interests, and allow a British settlement, whereas the Maori translation places emphasis on retaining the right of Maori chiefs (rangatiras) to have authority over their own domains, as well as the protection of Maori land ownership.

Controversy arises from Article 1 of the Treaty because of the mis-translation of the word sovereignty. The English text stated that the Crown would have full sovereignty of New Zealand, but at the time there was no direct translation of this word into Maori.

Instead, the word kawanatanga was used.

The meaning of this word is actually closer to meaning governance than sovereignty, and gave the impression to the Maori that their rangatiras would still have autonomy to manage their own affairs, though they would be regulated by the Queen.

Article 2 also contains room for misunderstanding, given that the English text gives Maori “the full exclusive and undisturbed possession of their Lands and Estates, Forests, Fisheries and other properties”, while the Maori text refers to this by using the term tino rangitiratanga, meaning highest chieftainship. It is feasible that the Maori understood the terms in Article 2 to further emphasis their right to the authority of their domain, the right which appeared to have been promised to them in Article 1.

The issue becomes even more complicated when you consider that it is impossible to determine whether these mistakes were done by someone with a poor grasp of the Maori language or whether it was done maliciously to trick the Maori.

The Treaty was written on the instruction of the British Crown, and William Hobson, co-author of the Treaty, was specifically told that all dealings with Maori were to be conducted in good faith, and that the Maori were not to be coerced into signing any contracts which would injure them in any way. Unfortunately, that is not what has occurred. The Waitangi Tribunal is still dealing with historical grievances (that is,

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Subsection 9 of the State Owned Enterprises Act 1986 which says the Crown cannot act in a manner that is inconsistent with the Treaty.

The Treaty doesn’t have the power to enforce any of its findings; it merely makes recommendations to the government of the day, hence John Key’s comment about how National could choose to ignore the findings.

Furthermore, State Owned Enterprises Minister Tony Ryall said the Government would be drafting new legislation, namely the Mixed Ownership Model Bill, designed specifically to exempt partial asset sales from being within the ambit of the State Owned Enterprises Act 1986.

+ JOHN KEY’S ACTIONS HAVE LED TO PUBLIC outcry and extreme disdain from the likes of Maori Party co-leaders Tariana Turia and Pita Sharples, who threatened to withdraw their confidence and supply agreement with the National Party over the issue. “The main issue was that this Government would treat our people in the same way the Labour Party did by legislating away their rights,” Mrs Turia said over her concern about the potential asset sales.

The Labour Party’s refusal to allow the foreshore and seabed of the Marlborough Sounds to be given to Maori was what caused the Maori Party to switch allegiance from Labour to National, meaning that the Maori

take notice, especially now that the Waitangi Tribunal has made a decision that the Government should halt proceedings: “We therefore conclude that the Crown ought not to commence the sale of shares in any of the Mixed Ownership Model companies until we have had the opportunity to complete our report on stage one of this inquiry and the Crown has had the opportunity to give this report, and any recommendations it contains, in-depth and considered examination.”

John Key responded to this announcement on One News by saying the Government would listen to the advice of the Waitangi Tribunal recommendation before making any decisions: “We owe it to the tribunal and interested parties very much to consider that in good faith and very carefully.”

Many Maori believe this is a step in the right direction, with Mana Party leader Hone Haraweira, who believes the Maori Party should abandon their confidence and supply agreement with National if asset sales come to fruition, telling One News he “couldn’t be happier” about the tribunal’s decision: “The question now is whether the Government will listen to the tribunal and halt the sale of state assets or whether they spit in the face of the tribunal like the Prime Minister said they would.”

The future of asset sales is still tenuous.

The Government looks resolute in its determination to go through with them, but opposition is fierce. The Government is serious about proving they are cutting down national debt, but at what cost? Asset sales are expected to raise only $6 billion. Finance Minister Bill English announced in his 2012 Budget speech that he expects the national debt to reach $70 billion, meaning the money brought in would be only comparative to a drop in the ocean.

The Government needs much more than a short-term fix to bring the country back into surplus, and all this time wasted on solving such a small part of the problem is highly counterproductive.

In the short term, the outcome could have colossal negative ramifications for National

‘Many Maori are furious at the idea that shares in the electricity companies could be sold, potentially to foreign investors, because they believe that, under the Treaty of Waitangi, Maori people have rights to fresh water.’

Party are being very steadfast in attempting to disallow asset sales.

After so much backlash it seems the Government has got the message of distaste for asset sales loud and clear. The issue of the Treaty of Waitangi has been something the New Zealand media has been fixated on, and that has forced the National Party to

in regards to both their relationship with the Maori Party and the Maori community at large if they go through with their plan.

Will the small cut it makes to public debt be worth it? We can muse all we like on the various outcomes, but in the end only time will tell what the price of asset sales will be for the New Zealand Government.

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FEATURE

BMD –BECAUSE WALLS WON’T PAINT THEMSELVES The mysterious group bmd have been painting murals around New Zealand’s streets for years now. Despite this they are a hard group to track down. We left paint pots by empty walls, shone a ‘bmd’ bat signal in the sky and eventually learned that they were in Singapore. So we took the MASSIVE Magazine jet over there, held them against a wall and demanded an interview… they were quite nice about it really.

MASSIVE: Your artwork has a very distinct look to it. When I see one of your paintings on all a wall I can instantly recognize it as being bmd. How did you come to develop such a distinct style?

BMD: If you want to meet a new breed of assholes, get into graffiti. There’s more drama than Shortland Street. Bmd learned early that the only way to get anything done in life is to flip yo negs to possies. Although we didn’t know it at the time, all the hate we got – from graffiti community, our parents, and our girlfriends - really shaped our aesthetic, our style and our ethic. You wanna do something twice as much if people tell you that you shouldn’t. We loved simple things, but we weren’t getting any respect for it. Drypnz 32

once said to us that anyone could do our work. I was like thanks, asshole. But that’s the kinda shit that made us go all out. We weren’t getting many pats on the back from anyone, so it made us tighten our operation, produce more and produce larger scale works. We’re also lucky that we have many brains working toward one goal, so our developments always been quicker than your average tagger. We put in work evolving our style behind the scenes, and spent a lot of time in the library flicking through art and children’s books, and watched heaps of cartoons. Without giving too many fucks, bmd has always tried to be unpretentious, fun and positive, and we try to translate through what we paint.

M: Where does your interest in painting

walls stem from? Have you always been interested in street art as a medium or did you start off with paper and canvases and then evolve to walls?

BMD: I hate the idea of some asshole artist spending two years on a painting and then some bigger asshole in a suit buying it and letting it gather dust on a hallway wall. Art is more than just something that breaks up the trip to the toilet. We’ve very rarely stepped away from painting in public spaces for the very reason we believe people should experience art. We were raised in a small town with little to do apart from get pregnant or do up your Honda civic. And the art scene consisted of pictures of the mountain and/ or beach. It wasn’t a stimulating place, and us sneaking around stencilling felix the cat faces on power boxes was our feeble attempt at changing the mundane. You gota create what you want to see. But this taught us the power of team work; the ability to conjure up something twice as fast with four hands, and the peace of mind having four eyes looking

Questions by Cameron Cornelius & Olivia Jordan. Photo by Nigel Roberts

out. I’m not sure if you’ve ever done anything illegal with your best friend, but it’s about the most fun you can have. Before we’d paint, we would see each other’s sketches and trip; it was always a frenzy of ideas and we grew off one another quickly. But the drawing time was like a rainy day activity, we were more often than not out of the house trying to trick someone into letting us paint their wall.

M: I notice a lot of your work explores the idea of anatomy specifically the dissection of it. Is this just something you like to draw or is there a deeper meaning behind it?

BMD: There’s always a girl involved somewhere with this kind of shit. Don’t want to get all ‘emo’ on ya’ll but girls have been our gift and our curse. Sometimes being the supportive shower co-pilot carefully cleaning the paint off our bodies, or sometimes being the nagging phone call half way through a piece saying we forgot to make the bed. Everyone has loved and lost, and we’re no different. Painting has always been coping mechanism to get back on track. The

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anatomy experimentation started during a dark time for us a few years back when we were like “fuck all this happy lovey-dovey street art shit” and just started killing our characters. For this reason, it was quite ironic for us to paint a girl chopped in half for your last issues cover. Although the initial intentions were a bit negative, the outcome pushed us in an uncharted direction, which has since become a huge part of the bmd aesthetic.

None of our work makes any sense, so its fun trying to give something so ridiculous an anatomical explanation. Graphically and spatially, anatomical artworks fit perfectly for painting a public space – you can cover more space for less by chopping it and spreading it around.

M: There are numerous places around the world that could be considered meccas for street art, such as Berlin, East London or the Bronx in New York. Does bmd have aspirations to paint in any of these places and if you could paint a specific wall anywhere in the world where would it be?

BMD: We’re trying to grow some wings and move aboard, but we’re in no hurry. So far we’ve done stuff around Asia, Canada and the Pacific islands, but there’s still plenty more walls.. Berlin is definitely the hub for it all, and we’ll join the party there sometime.

South America has also always appealed to us, but maybe that’s the idea of cheap coke and big booty hoes. This kinda shit takes you to some weird places and we’re trying to keep as open as possible about everything.

M: Is there any rivalry between street artists? Are there certain walls / areas for particular artists or collectives, or is it all fair game?

BMD: It’s a game of knives out there. When something’s in the public arena you lose control of it, it’s like a drunken jock at a party.

Some shits gonna go down that no one wants, but you can’t stop the motherfucker. There are rules, but no one gives a shit. Good luck trying to get a bunch of criminals or artists to agree on something. The good side is that there’s always something new going up, but 33

FEATURE

the bad side is that works can be destroyed easily. Most of our favourite walls by our friends have been long painted over. It’s the nature of the beast and you know how it is when you sign up. It’s a small city and everyone’s out to get the same spaces, make their mark and do their thing. Everyone’s trying to stop you – the fuzz, the council, buffers, vigilante old men, your girlfriends, advertising companies, bitch ass graffiti writers, your mum even. Not going to get into an economics lesson on ya’ll, but a bit of competition does everyone good; it advances things quickly and pushes everyone to do crazy things. Read a book.

M: The Tate Modern London, with its iconic street art exhibition a couple of years ago, did a lot to elevate the profile of street art in Europe, where it is now protected, supported and considered a valuable art medium.

Do you feel street art is as valued in New Zealand? Could you imagine, for example, the Auckland Art Gallery doing something similar?

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BMD: The times have changed from a “lock them up and throw away the key” to a “oh look that’s cute, it even has a little anus at the back”! We live in a very conservative climate in New Zealand, but it’s becoming more credible with time. Mainly for the fact that people can’t deny the work ethic and quality of works that many of our artists are doing, with or without society’s blessing.

Cut Collective had a show at the Auckland Gallery a few years back, and they painted the outside of the building which was big news at the time. Askew is a leader who’s branching out to different institutions, and changing the conventional perception of what it is to be a graffiti artist. He’s like homeboys with the mayor of Auckland; king of fingers in all the pies. In Wellington we have the likes of Editor and Drypnz who are pushing the limits of what it is to be a visual artist and doing unconceivable quality work, which adds enormously to the credibility of the culture as a whole. Even if they are weirdos.

M: I read recently that Barack Obama

praised Shepard Fairey work for ‘its ability to encourage Americans to change the status quo and achieve change’. With so many street artists using the medium for political and social change, does your work seek to motivate a particular reaction?

BMD: Our leader certainly doesn’t care for change, must be a black guy thing. Bmds main intention is to add some fun to a space, not force a message onto someone. We’re not Brian Tamaki. Changing public space can be a very powerful tool for change, but you’ve got to trek carefully with your messages.

Maybe one day we’ll do like a “eat your vegetables” mural or something. We ain’t Mother Teresa either, and we’re not trying to change the world, but if there were a reaction we’re after, it would be to encourage people to do something positive with their lives. Shit, even if you hate us, don’t be bitter – be better.

M: Has the success of street artists such as Banksy, Shepard Fairey, JR and Blu had a detrimental effect on street art at all? Are there artists out there skipping straight to

Photos by Blake Dunlop (above, bottom right, bottom second from right): www.blakedunlop.co.nz & Damin Radford (top right)

licensed works without any concept of the original ethos or experience on the streets?

BMD: Love or loathe these artists, they have put graffiti on the map. They’re the people who gave their lives to public arts, and have set an unprecedented standard for other artists. Even if you don’t value the artistic content of their work, you can’t deny the impact their work has had on society. Even my nanna knows what a bankski is. The other side of that is that people frequently take their concepts, chew them up and spit them out as their own. This happens all the time in graffiti, but its pretty transparent when it happens. There are leaders and there are followers, and there was probably a time when leaders were followers. Ideas all come from somewhere, however there comes a time when you got to walk in your own shoes.

But it happens in everything; I’m sure there were a million people doing the moonwalk after M.J. came out with it. Lets hope the paedophilia thing doesn’t catch on too.

M: I can think of more than one brand that

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has used street art to advertise themselves.

What’s your view on this?

BMD: While we don’t agree with it, it depends on how you go about it. The cold hard reality of the world is that you need to produce something for someone to get a buck. Be as real as you want, but you can’t eat paint or pay your landlord with a painting. I’d much rather see someone making rent from their creative talents, than from making burgers for $11.38 an hour. I personally think fuck a day job. You only get one shot, so believe that the most fulfilling way to make a living is through your own ideas. But you got to draw the line somewhere. The last thing we want is big Glassons x CFG billboards.

M: Your recent cover art for MASSIVE, highlighted the capabilities of your work off the wall. Can we expect to see your art explore different scopes like this in the future? Or can we expect you to follow other street artists into the realms of clothing, commercial prints etc.?

BMD: We’re always down to paint a naked

girl. Ladies get in touch if you got the curves.

Send your pictures and $10 to bmdbmdbmd@ hotmail.com. Last months cover with Denelle and Sloan was a great project for us and has opened up a whole new kettle of fish. We’re working on lots of new projects with some other creatives that will all be off the wall but highly interactive. We’ve been lucky to work with the talented Blake Dunlop of Emulsionburns.com on a few photo and video projects, and hoping to trick him into doing some more in the in the coming months. So expect some freaky, edgy, space age, contemporary, new wave, exotic artworks from us soon.

M: What does the future hold for Bmd? Do you have any specific goals in place? Are there plans for taking over the world and turn it into some kind of wall painted utopia?

BMD: We’re grown men spending our time convincing property owners that their asset will look absolutely fantastic with a three story drawing of a skinned animal on the side of it. We’re currently reviewing our life choices.

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36

Is street art an act of vandalism or an act of art? It really depends on your own perspective. Street art is a powerful and growing artistic medium in today’s society with new pieces appearing on street walls every day.

Andrew McLeod tracked down street artist ‘Trollz’ who speaks out about street art.

THE TROLLZ THAT RUN OUR SOCIETY Some 30 million years ago, when T-Rex’s approached domestication, Dodo’s flew free, and homosapiens were beginning their rule on the animal kingdom, neanderthals gave birth to a concept that shaped the world as we know it – imagery.

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t was Lucius the Hunter who, upon defeating an elusive wildebeast, decided to draw a life-size image using nearby chalk, at the entrance to his humble abode. Lucius's tribe were originally bewildered by the hunter’s installation, but before long adjusted to the image and thereafter referred to Lucius as the tribe’s best hunter.

The following 30 million years saw the imagery develop from a stick wildebeest to the finer arts that now grace our collections, our galleries and our streets. The burning questions in the minds of historians – was this abstract depiction a selfish drawing or did it have the intent of education?

In New Zealand we are blessed to have a plethora of talented street artists – O.D, BMD, Drypnz, Mr. G, the list goes on. But if people from the future were to discover the artwork that is created in our era, what conclusions would they draw? In modern society, corporate advertising is a large factor in how our lives are shaped, considering they use similar mediums, but does art have the same power? Would street art as a forum for freedom of speech help our society to be less … fucked up? Does the increasing commercial interest in street art start to render the art meaningless?

In the beautiful city of Paris, fines for tagging on public property can reach up to the equivalent of NZ$95,000. Nevertheless, in the early 80’s, returning from a trip to America and seeing the artistic tags that covered the underground in New York, a young Parisian native by the name of Xavier Prou (Blek Le Rat) helped shape a culture that would later spread around the world by running the risks and projecting his characters around the city.

His satirical pieces, including ‘Television Head’ which creatively exaggerated the premise that those who watched too much TV would evolve with square eyes, quickly boosted his reputation as an artist, and before long he had gained the title of Godfather of the stencil. He would go on to be considered one of the artists that helped the movement get to where it is today. When questioned on his motives behind his art, his response was

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“I had a desire for recognition—that people know who is Blek.”

To help me address some more of the street art scene in New Zealand, I managed to track down the anonymous Auckland artist Trollz, whose artwork has started to spread across the Super City, and he was willing to share his views on what street art is.

“For me, street art is art created without rules or guidelines,” he says. “I guess it’s really anything created, usually non-commissioned, in a public space specifically outside in the open.”

FOR THOSE POSSIBLY UNAWARE OF THE artwork Trollz creates, his work can be seen scattered around the city, distinct troll characters displaying assertive messages to our society.

“The idea for my Trollz initially came from my willingness to explore some art that shared the views I have on the current state of the world. During my day job I create art of a very different nature – it's fun and I totally love it, but it doesn't allow me to really ‘say anything’ or share ideas of a conscious nature.”

Trollz clearly has an appreciation for artists of any creed: musicians, painters, poets and

filmmakers, especially those who have the ability to communicate social or political ideas.

“I have always had a fascination with any art that has a message, especially music and street art. And since I can't play an instrument in any way and love to draw, I thought it'd be a cool way to finally share some of the stuff that's been floating around my head for so long.”

In the early years, the culture of street art consisted of the ‘under-appreciated’ in our society, where talented individuals took to the streets to do what had previously been done in the confines of their bedroom. No one did it for recognition, or money; their motives were purely to reach an audience, be appreciated and gain cult status, albeit through an anonym.

Then along came Banksy.

I hope Banksy needs no introduction. For those unfamiliar with the name, take a Google-refresher course, because at very least you ought to recognise his work.

Here was an artist with the desire to take his society-doubting messages to an international audience. His work in the Gaza strip, the eye of international media, provided that boost, and almost overnight Banksy translated his cult status into a household name.

The attention his work warranted would see him in 2006 front an art gallery showing in a Hollywood warehouse that boasted a starstudded guest list, complementary wine and single prints starting at $500.

The exhibition, a first for the street art movement, would later cop criticism from the purists. It was defined by some to be pretentious and commercialised, with Banksy taking away the title of a “hypocritical sell-out”. When later asked about Banksy, Blek Le Rat lashed out, defining the integrity of an artist by their desire “…to be seen. Not be sold or to be recognized in a museum”.

Regardless of the critics, Banksy has an amazing ability to create art that causes people to question society and educate the generations on a new perspective. In rebuttal of Blek’s definition, Banksy is an artist who 37

FEATURE

Legends of street art: ‘Above’ (far left), Blek le Rat (second to left) & Banksy (right hand page) managed to capture the entire world as an audience, and if that is achievable as well as making some money is the meaning of his art really lost?

The irony and pinnacle of Banksy’s so-called commercialisation was encapsulated in one of his pieces that features a pompous art auction where the piece for sale reads ‘I can’t believe you morons buy this shit’.

“I think anybody who labels somebody else, especially an artist, a sell-out is doing it purely out of jealousy,” Trollz adds. “I personally really dig his stuff and his approach to art, and there are no rules when it comes to getting an idea out there or commenting on the hypocrisy in the world. Artists are supposed to evolve and change. What's the point in remaining stale? You’ll just become irrelevant!”

As for selling his artwork in galleries, Trollz defends Banksy’s ability to sell his art, saying everybody has to eat and put a roof over their head. The fact that some pieces sell for millions of dollars is probably affirmation of how fickle the art world is and hardly the fault of the artist that he is apparently paid too much.

“If some pompous rich idiot wants to spend that much money on some art because somebody told them it's good, that’s hilarious and probably something Banksy laughs his arse off at! If somebody is good with cars or has a passion for engines, they should be a mechanic. People who are good at packing bags should work at a supermarket. People 38

who can draw and be creative should also be able to make money off their talents!”

Art in a gallery is one thing, but street art is usually painted on canvas supplied by the unsuspecting public. Buildings, screen doors, stop signs, and even railway cars are all accessible under the light of the night.

For many members of public it is easy for the message within the art to be lost, and the piece described as selfish vandalism. So what do artists like Trollz feel when people label their work so simply?

+ “WELL, EVERYBODY IS ENTITLED TO THEIR opinion, that's the point of art, really. You can't help people taking art at face value but it's a shame because, for the most part, those are the sort of people I'm aiming my stuff at. By its public nature, street art is, in my opinion, open to opinion more than other art forms. You're not putting paintings up on a wall in an exclusive gallery for your friends and rich people to come check out – it's there for anybody and everybody to judge.

I think that's what's fun about it, too, especially stuff that's ‘saying something’ – getting ideas out to as many people as possible. But at the end of the day I don't care what people think ... they can love it or hate it ... if they're talking about it at all then I'm happy!”

Following the progression of street art to mainstream channels, corporations started

to see it as an opportunity as a fresh medium for advertising.

Recently, the New Zealand Police commissioned Otis Frizzell, a well-accredited New Zealand street artist, to create stencilled pieces featuring Police officers in action. The irony of the work stirred up mixed emotions, some loved the work, most thought it irrelevant, some condemned the fact that the artist had agreed to help street art be used as advertising.

“Obviously, advertising at its core serves a purpose,” says Trollz. “A business, whatever, its size, needs to make people aware of its products in order to be a business, [and] to do this some of them need to employ artists/ creative people to help come up with a good way to do such a thing. Where things become a little immoral in my mind is when some companies/advertisers exploit people’s insecurities to sell products. Also when big companies/corporations use advertising to distort how they actually are ... banks pretend to be your mate in their TV ads but in reality all they want is you in a lifetime of debt … BP says they are trying to be green/ eco and getting away with murder in the Gulf Of Mexico.”

With the international boom of street art as an advertising medium came stories of ruthless artists hijacking the artwork to backfire on the corporation commissioning the piece, and probably the most prolific would be Above’s piece in South Africa.

Around the same time as Banksy, Above was

another audacious and extremely talented street artist, a young California local, who was also starting to make his mark in the street art movement. His artwork gained a reputation for strongly displaying his opinion and refusing to compromise his morals and meaning of his art for financial gain. In early 2012 one piece in particular seems illustrate this perfectly.

Following a year of being commissioned to create artwork for corporations seeking a fresh advertising medium, Above was approached by a collective of diamond traders in Johannesburg named Jewel City, who were responsible for exporting the majority of rough diamonds mined in South Africa. An agreement was reached to decorate a previously humdrum wall with the phrase ‘Diamonds are a woman’s best friend’. As the piece came close to completion, the owners of Jewel City approved of Above’s artwork, then headed home for the night just as Above was getting started.

The next morning, Jewel City employees arrived to see the final product. He had completed the piece but, intent on addressing the societal flaws ingrained in the diamond industry, had made slight additions. The mural now read ‘Diamonds are a woman’s best friend, and man’s worst enemy’. Above had disappeared, his job complete. This piece highlighted his refusal to forfeit his values.

Instead, his reward came from the inherent reaction from the public and his targeted commissioners.

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“I guess my message isn't super focused but my hope is just to make people think outside their normal boundaries, to think about the current mess we're in and how we got here,” says Trollz.

But any reaction is a good reaction. Even if that reaction is just tearing the message down! “It makes me smile when people go around just ripping off the messages and not taking the whole piece down. It means what I said actually got to them. I also dig it when people write their own messages over them, even when they tell me to ‘shut the f**k up!’, Stuff like that only makes me want to do it more!”

+ ALTHOUGH CLEARLY UNEDUCATED IN ART history, I have a deep admiration for the inspiring art-work these talented artists have produced. My kinship with silent crusaders created by Trollz initially started in Auckland central where the picket ‘Respect existence or expect resistance’ caught my eye. However, during a time where our city’s Square had been transformed into a free-of-charge camp site, I assumed it was a part of the soon-to-be redundant occupy-Auckland protest.

It wasn’t long before the trolls set their sights on bigger targets, migrated north and, with vengeance, spread their propaganda around the so-called affluent northern suburbs surrounding the university. This time their messages were a little more restive – ‘It’s

time to unfuck the world’ and other messages that poked fun at the status-quo of ‘consume, deplete, repeat’, making me reason that these lippy creatures were smarter than originally credited, realising that if people actually gave them a chance then the fog that covers society’s eyes may eventually lift. Which, to my mind, is a small success for my vicarious alter-ego, because many who surround me appear to be preoccupied with a state of satisfaction and a reluctance to question society. And if nothing else is to come from Trollz’s campaign, the awe-inspiring irony of watching a subordinate employee diligently removing a ‘Think for yourself’ and ‘You can’t stop us now’ from his employer’s facilities would easily suffice.

As expected, it was a real pleasure to talk to Trollz regarding his own art and his opinions on others. I would like to thank him for agreeing to talk – he’s an interesting guy. Head over to his Tumblr trollzbtrollin.tumblr.com to check out more of his work, as well as checking out his instagram at #trollz_b_trollin for some more insights from him.

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FEATURE

Morgan Browne talks (and laughs) new poems, old poems, and poets with Sam Hunt.

PLAY IT AGAIN, SAM Sam Hunt is New Zealand’s pre-eminent poet. He has been writing poems almost all his life and has toured New Zealand and beyond for over 40 years. His impressive number of publications and his memorable performances contribute to his popularity and wide readership.

He has read his work in Australia, New York, and Washington DC, and is best known for his performances in pubs, bars, and concert venues.

He was awarded a Queen’s Service Medal in 1986 for his contribution to New Zealand poetry.

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sat down with him in a little café in Dargaville, Northland, near where he lives, and shared a bottle of red wine on a drizzly Sunday afternoon, weather which he said he very much enjoyed. I found him engaging, awe-inspiring, and humorous, and greatly appreciated his time to give me an interview as he has been declining to give any to anyone else since the release of his new book, Knucklebones.

+ MASSIVE: You are New Zealand’s most published and popular poet. It must have been an incredible achievement for you having a top-selling book. What’s next on the horizon?

SAM HUNT: Another top selling poetry book! (laughs) Next on the horizon? New poems, particularly. For me, I go over the stepping stones up the river of poems, that’s the immediate thing and what matters to me most. Every so often a book, album, or film 40

happens involving oneself, but I don’t really think in terms of making a book – that comes as a result of getting the poems down. That’s the poet’s job – to get the poems down. I’m not a poet when I’m not putting a poem down, I’m somebody waiting for a poem. I can’t even work out how people can say they go on to write a book of poetry. I think of it in terms of poem by poem. Story, genesis and ending. I suspect some people write poetry but they’re not really writing poems, so I make a big distinction. Same with the teaching of the subject. When people are teaching so-called ‘poetry’ they forget that it’s about poems. Lecturers and English teachers often seem to think that the theory on what poetry is is more important than the poems that make up that tradition. So next on the agenda are new poems! I’ve been working on a bunch of new poems just lately called ‘Tomorrow or Today’. Great poet W H Auden once said “The only thing I don’t like about writing poems is the dread that it may be my last one.” Everything else is cool! (laughs)

What I’ve been doing lately is having to say a word or a phrase like, doubtless, knucklebones is a bit like throwing a rope out on the ground and it is random how it falls, but you know that within that space that is where your poem is. If I was still around in 10 or 20 years’ time I may say something quite different, but for now it seems to be the most productive way to work. Tapping into the subconscious all the time, finding different ways to do things to suit the occasion.

M: to succeed in a small country like New Zealand, one may feel like they have to write for popular culture. What do you think about this?

SH: I think that’s shit. Full stop. (laughs) M: Was there a particular defining moment in your early years that cemented your passion and your dedication to your poetry?

SH: There were a number of such moments.

Some of which that I can remember and others that I can’t. There was a moment when I was 14 and I was wagging school yet again. I had gone out to Castor Bay beach

[Auckland] for the day. I’d be there all day, went swimming – all sorts of things. I used to often meet my girlfriend there! But over this particular day I was walking down where the Castor Bay bus ended its route on a, what was then, a gravel road to the sea. I couldn’t quite see the sea. I’m in this moment of walking without my school shoes on, with the whole day free ahead of me from all that shit at school and saying aloud, but nobody could hear me – ‘I want this moment to last forever’. Whenever I go back and encounter a poem – they often seem to come towards you at a very fast speed – whenever that moment comes, you want that moment to last forever.

There were those moments, this one being the most powerful one in those six quick steps on the road. I’m really hitched to this memory. Not deliberately or consciously but it has been coming back to me a lot lately.

M: Your poetry is much more than it is on the written page. Is it your delivery of your poetry, being the man and the voice that are the instruments that qualifies your poetry as ‘road-songs’? Is that how your poetry is received best?

SH: For me, the poem is just as much a piece of music as the music that you listen to. The poem written down on the page is not actually the poem. That’s the score of the poem. The poem really finds its place, for me, when I hear it. Usually, if I’m lucky and the poet’s still alive, by the poet themselves. We can’t listen to Shakespeare now. We can’t listen to so many of the poets we wish we could. Not all poets do justice to their poems, either, though. A great friend of mine, Alistair Te Ariki Campbell, was a wonderful poet and I don’t mean he just worked from the page, but you had to take it from the page and not from him. Because when he said it, he killed it.

Asides from that, the poem in its full glory is there to be told. My mantra is ‘Tell the story, tell it true, charm it crazy’. Anything short of that is a cop-out.”

M: You won the hearts and the minds of the people of New Zealand – what would you say about how the literary establishment views and interprets your poetry?

SH: (laughs) I don’t give a fuck!

M: Do you think that your poetry is as valid and valued today as it was when you first wrote it – does it still mean the same to people?

SH: Yes. I hope the answer is yes. Obviously it wouldn’t with every poem. In some ways it becomes more relevant over the years.

History comes around and you go “Oh, I wrote about this 20 years ago, beat them to it!” It is a bit like dreams. Dreams can predict things. It is a similar process between dreaming and encountering a poem.

M: What sparks an urge to begin a poem?

It would be too easy to say that it is magic.

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But it would probably be the most honest answer. I don’t know, but at the same time I do have a few theories. A poem usually sparks from a couple of words rubbing together and sparking each other off. “Thick with light” or something. It may be enough to just start. I’ve never written a poem about anything, I just find out later that it is about something. But I wasn’t setting out to write a poem about that.

M: Poets often write for a reaction, positive or negative. Is it fair to say that readers extend the same reaction towards the poet?

SH: I don’t know that a poet writes for a reaction! I don’t. I write for a personal reaction within myself. I’ll then try it out on an audience or a friend. It’s up to the readers how they view the poet. I’m not inside their heads. Well, not personally – my poem may be! (laughs) Let me quote a wonderful

SAM HUNT’S new book, Knucklebones, has just been published and is available at most bookstores. It covers a span of 50 years of his poems in chronological order 1962 to 2012.

A film in the New Zealand Film Festival 2011 made about Sam Hunt called Sam Hunt: Purple Balloons and Other Stories is now also out in DVD stores.

definition of poetry. Dylan Thomas, a Welsh poet, once was asked “What is poetry?” He replied, “Poetry, madam, is what makes me laugh or cry or yawn, what makes my toenails twinkle, what makes me want to do this or that or nothing. Makes you feel alone but not alone. All that matters about poetry is the enjoyment of it, no matter how tragic the poem”. You have to give the poem a chance to be heard. One of my pet hates is the fact that poetry has been stolen since the invention of the alpha printing press 450 years ago. Poetry has been taken from the people who only the educated could read. In a conspiratorial way, poetry has been taken but it has come back through song. That is what I love about Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan – people ask “is this poetry?” And I go “of course it’s

fucking poetry, it is poetry in its highest order! It has been heard, it is out there.

M: You have been variously described as being debauched and a drunkard. What would you say to people that have called you this?

SH: I would say they are absolutely right! (laughs) Right first time! (laughs) Would you like me to continue? I could go on for a long time! (laughs) I don’t consider myself debauched. My lifestyle could be said by some to be outrageous but I don’t see it as that. I have always lived my life as honestly as I can and I don’t really give a fucking toss if somebody says “oooh he should be doing this or that”. When I was younger I felt under a lot more pressure than I do now. It is easier now. In my 20s there was a lot of drinking taking place – a lot of working at night, doing shows. I spent my whole life doing shows.

Naturally, there is a lifestyle that is different to somebody living the suburban dream. I have two kids, though, so I’m getting closer to the suburban dream! (laughs) M: Poets have been recognised as being tortured souls. How much truth is there to this?

SH: A lot! A lot! Tragic and tormented, that would be right. Anyone who has got any sensitivity to their life and others about them can’t help but become tormented. Not because you’re a poet but because you’re a human being. Because you’re a member of a fairly fucked human race. That is where the torment would start coming. If you happen to write poems about it, well that is a bonus.

Also, poets don’t always have this reputation.

There have been many poets who have lived very straight lives, great poets. An obvious example is English poet Philip Larkin – all these poets who have cushy jobs in university English departments. It doesn’t mean they don’t write good poems. But most of them write shit. Just absolute crap. Some people have never written a proper poem. Just borrowed bullshit. But, there are some. C K Stead was a university man. People would say if you’re an academic you’re stuffed as far as poetry goes, though I wouldn’t go with that. I know someone who is a grave digger and that is every bit as honest a job as anything else!

M: Many poets are often only appreciated after death. You’ve achieved the nearly impossible by making a living out of your poetry. Is it a poor existence?

SH: No. It has dodgy moments! No regular pay check but I didn’t once expect that I would get that. I somehow always knew that I would cope okay. My father, who was a wonderful lawyer, never made a lot of money because he helped people who couldn’t afford to pay him, and I learnt a lot from that man.

You have enough answers from me now for 5,000 interviews! (laughs).

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FEATURE

Continuing from a place of dark depression, Max Bell finds that managing yourself is the first step to anything else.

This article continues this two-part journey through depression. Part 1 appeared in the July MASSIVE. You can read it online at www.massivemagazine.org.nz

REALITY ON DEPRESSION - PART TWO

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever.” - 1984

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recently met my father at a cafe. To this day I know nothing about this figure who, to me as a child, was always so tall and always smelt like leaves or grass or sawdust. In spite of growing up in the same house as him, I feel like I’ve never met the man.

So having lunch, I asked him about his past.

“I had a breakdown when I was 19. I was never the same since. The rest of my life was wondering around not achieving much, and taking drugs. I was surprised your mother took an interest in me.” That’s it? What a way to sum up your life, what a message to pass on to your sons when they’re just as lost in life as you are! What a way to continue the cycle, to pass on your depression and a life of underachieving to your offspring!

Where’s at least a spark of recognition that your sons are going through what you went through? Where’s the guidance? Where’s the fatherly love that we never had? Just show 42

some remorse, or at least some emotion other than withdrawal and self-pity! If you broke down when you were 19, why did you just watch as I went through the same thing around the same age? If you know what it feels like, why didn’t you warn me? Why didn’t you help me? Why didn’t you prepare me for or protect me against the pain? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! My brother once told me that if he ever met our dad again he was going to punch him in the face.

I realised I had put too much faith in and expected too much from the immature man who was essentially a boy masquerading in a man’s body – a boy playing dad without knowing, or even caring, how to.

I needed to change, to move on. I tried to get over whatever the indescribable affliction smothering me was. I tried to act normal. I tried to show up to lectures, to sit down and

study, to get on with life. But by that point in the semester I couldn’t make it to classes any longer, nor could I even concentrate enough to read any sort of text book; my mind was purely a tornado of negative, distorted interpretations threating to kill me. I got so far behind in studying that I dropped down from four papers to one. I had essentially become a part-time extramural student, even though I lived right next to campus.

What was me and what was the depression?

I no longer knew. I had never known. Were all my neurochemicals and serotonin levels and hormones and whatever in me in such a messed up state that they controlled who I was more than I did? What caused it? Was the monster a personality weakness or was it an illness?

+

llustrations by Diana Russell

DON’T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE HIGHER education. I love how the Wellington Massey campus is on the same street as the city homeless shelter. I love how, as I crossed the pedestrian crossing to campus one day, an old woman stopped, looked me in the face, and screamed “Fuck ya! Ya piece of shit!

You’re just a shit-faced cunt!” I love how that

be normal, and instead all I could do was accuse myself of not being able to.

Instead, I had to say, fuck you, I want out of your silly game and your silly rules that are society. And instead of causing trouble and rocking the boat and screaming and shouting and getting wasted like every other good but misguided person, I internalised that anger,

‘I couldn’t make it to classes any longer, nor could I even concentrate enough to read any sort of text book; my mind was purely a tornado of negative, distorted interpretations threating to kill me.’

drunk homeless lady tried to intimidate me by yelling in my face. And I love how I had the option to put in my headphones and walk the rest of the way to Massey in an iPodinduced haze of Eminem screaming hatred, at times giving voice to his own depression, and transforming it all into an art-form that sells millions. What’s the difference between him and that insane homeless lady? What’s the difference between me and that insane homeless lady? Where is this mental illness of depression going to make me end up?

I couldn’t get her out of my mind. She signified my rock-bottom. I had some options left to me: suicide was the alluring promise of a pleasant and taboo escape, the forbidden apple in the Garden of Eden. Ending up like her – homeless, loveless, overlooked as beyond hope by society – was the scare tactic.

I needed to force myself into taking action.

I had some jewellery of the blonde girl’s in my flat in Wellington, something she forgot to put on again when she left for Auckland. I finally put it in an envelope and mailed it back to her. After leaving the post office, I realised I should have couriered it rather than send it in the general post. Sure enough, she informed me she’d received my letter, along with an already-opened envelope and an attached sticker saying it had been “Damaged in transit”... which was really code from the post office for “Someone working in our company has realised what you posted in here, opened your envelope, stole it, and decided to still be a dick and process it anyway.”

The sticker became another kick in the stomach, a message to me saying “Fuck you, you idiot for posting something expensive.”

Although I couldn’t help but feel gratified at her losing something valuable. I hope she knows frustration. Screw her. I hate the blondie on a bench.

I remembered once being asked as a teenager by my best friend “Why can’t you just be normal?” and I didn’t have an answer. I still don’t. I was meant to go along with some game that I didn’t understand and never wanted to play in the first place. As I grew older, I was meant to lie down and fit in and

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I took it personally. And it killed me, slowly piece by piece until I was just a shell, a walking machine that could no longer go on living because somewhere along the way I stopped living a long time ago and I became just a rote robot. I went along with the motions and the long game and the never-ending dance, and I worked and I contributed to society and I could have had kids, but the only way I could do that peacefully was if I became depressed or was drugged into submission. I was at war with myself. Rather than having the courage to be a revolutionary, I forced myself into submission through an unconscious numbing of my own mind. I hurt myself.

I lost the battle, on purpose, before it ever started.

+ THE SCHOOL SYSTEM HAS ITS PRIORITIES wrong. I was required to be taking accounting and statistics, before I dropped them, and those subjects are all very well and good at some point in the future, but how were they meant to help me then? How was I meant to survive through the day or the week or the month? How was I meant to not step in front of a bus when it ventured hazardously and alluringly past the Wellington campus on Wallace St? Emotional intelligence, social skills … these things are never taught. There’s an

brain, who are not able to fit into the tacit assumptions that underlay every upwardspiralling system?

These people can just be ruled off as casualties to the great progress of man, can’t they? This life, this academic achievement and career success all hinges on being able to manage yourself first – to actually be able to go to a lecture, or go to work, or think clearly without having a pair of glasses in front of your eyes constantly covered in rain drops that you’re unable to ever take off.

How does the university system deal with this? I found guidelines intended for staff on the Massey website of signs that may indicate a student would benefit from referral to Student Health and Counselling. But what happens when depression is involved? What happens with those who are unable to seek help? Because the ultimate “fuck you” to the sufferers from whoever invented depression is that one of the symptoms is you don’t want to seek help. You don’t think you deserve treatment. You feel worthless. You feel guilty for being a strain on the system, and in the end this ultimately costs everyone more time and money as they clean up the mess you leave behind when you live a life of ruin, and potentially pass those problems on to your partner or your kids or those around you.

Or you decide to end it faster and potentially kill an innocent by guiding your car into an oncoming truck, having it knock the wreckage of your car out of control to spiral into the rear passenger seat of a car holding a young child, and just spread the trauma further on your escape from the hell on earth that you perceive the inside of your mind to be.

For something that affects so many people, there’s not enough acknowledgment. There’s too much ignoring the issue and people hoping that if we just leave such and such a relative in the family alone then they’ll eventually get over it and go back to being normal, and we can carry on watching TV and living life again, and she’ll stop slicing her arms open or he’ll stop drinking himself to oblivion every other day.

‘I remembered once being asked as a teenager by my best friend “Why can’t you just be normal?” and I didn’t have an answer. I still don’t.’

assumption that you’re meant to learn them somewhere “out there” in the world.

Massey offers a few lectures at lunchtime on ‘wellbeing’ and ‘stress’ and ‘mindfulness’ and the like. But what happens to those who don’t learn these? What happens to those who don’t have a stable household or a well-built society to model after, the people who have never had these things hard-wired into their

I would walk around and see friends and they would ask, “Hey, how’ve you been?” And I avoided the question. I couldn’t just say I’d been depressed. Why not? Because I was afraid. There is a deep shame that goes along with depression. There is also a judgment. I could see it in their eyes ... and they wouldn’t get back to me. Or, they would give me some form of patronising pity, or a reply along the 43

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lines of “Get over it” or some other misunderstanding that makes you feel even more inadequate – such as they started telling me a time that they felt ‘depressed’ and it was nothing like what the word actually means for those who know. Instead it was something insipid along the lines of “I felt down once. I needed to take a holiday.” Or “I felt better after taking a walk on the beach.”

Or “I find singing gets me over those moods.”

And I just wanted to stab them in the eye to make them ache like I ache. I just wanted to tell them that the pain of the scars on my arms was nothing compared to the mental pain I was feeling when I put them there. I wanted to redefine the word ‘depression’ in the dictionary into some sort of metaphor portraying utter self-hell.

The author William Styron insightfully explained the shortcomings of such a common word by explaining that it’s “used indifferently to describe an economic decline or a rut in the ground, a true wimp of a word for such a major illness.”

+ 44

“WHEN WE WERE YOUNG WE DREAMED OF adventures and great deeds. Of a creative and energised life. This is our birthright and we need to recapture it.” I read that phrase in a book, The New Manhood, while I was sitting in a cafe in Auckland in March not hanging out with a blondie on a park bench.

Was life meant to be that way? All I wanted was an answer. Or an explanation, or a lie, or something. Just tell me it would all be okay. Tell me there was some meaning to the suffering. Tell me there was something else at the end other than death and numbness. Tell me anything. Just don’t leave me alone in the darkness forever. I decided I would change or die. Those were my only two options.

I woke up after sleeping 17 hours straight and walked to Student Health and Counselling to see a doctor. I walked out of the doctor’s office with a prescription for three different things and a recommendation for one other supplement. Only one was a psychoactive drug which was an anti-depressant, fluoxetine (aka prozac); the rest were things, essentially pretty harmless, that revolve around its purpose.

I finally decided I needed professional help.

Depression is best treated by a triad of

medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes. So I started seeing a counsellor, I started reading a ton of self-help books, and I got back into the habit of exercising which had practically kept me sane for the past few years. I also needed to be constantly at garrison to catch and restructure my thoughts – thoughts that have been built over a lifetime of bad habitual thinking, and no one pointing out to me, or me never realising, that thoughts should be any other way.

I hadn’t talked to the blondie on the bench in a while. However, via the strange works of Facebook I sent her a draft of this memoir.

She said that it was impressive and also “I’m still sorry. When all that happened I was hoping I wouldn’t make things worse for you ... but apparently I did.”

“Thank you,” I said. “Sex is a fascinating game in that it plays so much with human emotions.”

It is a dangerous game, the world is a dangerous place. I often wonder if it’ll be easier not to play. However, the colourblindness was starting to lift and I remembered that the world was actually a place of colour and resplendence, if you chose to look at it through the right frame. llustrations by Diana Russell

I don’t mean to blame her for everything, as I feel that attributing problems to just one cause is overly simplistic for something as complex and as beautiful as human behaviour. Maybe I put too much meaning into things – she signified foreign adventure and sex and normalcy for me – maybe my mind worked too differently, maybe I needed

gain or loss; difficulty concentrating; fatigue and lack of energy; feelings of hopelessness and helplessness; feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and guilt; becoming withdrawn or isolated; loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed; trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping; thoughts of death or suicide.

Maybe I needed to shut out the world more than others, which is after all one way SSRI anti-depressants are thought to work – to numb the emotions that people feel, especially negative ones.’ to shut out the world more than others, which is after all one way SSRI anti-depressants are thought to work – to numb the emotions that people feel, especially negative ones. There are millions of these insidiousness things in the world being taken daily and their exact function on the human brain is still not understood. As disturbing a thought as that is, maybe depressives are just too damn sensitive to operate optimally in this world.

On the night before the exam for the one paper I was still managing to take, I sat on the floor of my new apartment, an apartment that my mother had paid for to get me out of my old funereal flat and its even more depressing company, and I tried to catch up in one night for the remaining study that I was unable to do for months. Instead, I understandably panicked. I should have avoided the stress, knowing that depression is my coping strategy. I became anxious and tossed and turned in bed and got only two hours’ sleep before I woke to the sound of my alarm clock, managed to find my antidepressant in the bathroom mirror cabinet, and then fell back under my covers again.

I slept through the exam. I slept through life, like Elizabeth Wurtzel’s dad in ‘Prozac Nation’. I missed the e and submitted for aegrotat. But I should have at least attended it so I could file for impaired performance for the parts I hadn’t managed to study for.

But mental illness doesn’t fit so neatly into the little categories of the bureaucratic separation between aegrotat and impaired performance. The night before, I didn’t know whether I would wake up being capable of facing the world or not. Depression can’t be as neatly quantified as falling down the stairs and breaking your arm and being unable to write in an exam. No one can objectively look at your mind from the outside and know for certain that it’s fractured and needs a cast and prevents you from being able to write or think. The difficult thing about the mind is that it’s all subjective, and it changes daily.

The symptoms of depression can include: agitation, restlessness, and irritability; dramatic change in appetite, often with weight

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Depression is defined as a mood disorder. It is both an illness and a social problem. It is characterised by low mood, low self-esteem, and negative distorted thinking. It often feels like you’re in a fog, a bell-jar, a black shadow.

It’s a multi-faceted illness that can’t be easily defined. As chaotic and as beautiful as people are, it seems depression comes in that many forms and has that many influences.

+ THERE IS NO SINGLE THEORY THAT CAN explain it and no single treatment that can be used to solve it. It is known that there is some biochemical component, some genetic component, some early childhood component, some self-esteem component, and so on, to cover a lot of explanatory areas.

But how to pull it all together, not just focus on one miniscule area while trying to break a person down into parts, is beyond the health practitioners who claim to be able to treat it. And while we wait for an answer, while the psychologists and the psychiatrists and the youth counsellors and the pharmaceutical industry and the researchers and the DSM and everyone and his dog continues to debate it, the rates of depression continue to increase. There is a silent epidemic going on that no one understands – not those who suffer from it, not those who treat it, not those who watch loved ones go through it.

I have to express my belief that it’s all one

New Zealand” became an engine of selfdestruction. It was, of course, not meant to be that way.

I have yet to hear back about the aegrotat, or hear back about the limited fulltime student allowance from StudyLink due to disability from mental illness, and I lost the fees from the three papers I dropped. I also have yet to decide how many papers I will be able to study next semester. I am still searching, I am still confused and angry, and my degree is going to take an extra year, or possibly more … that is if I don’t cave in again further down the track.

I’ve set up appointments to see two psychologists specialising in different areas, I’ve found a men’s group to start attending, and I’ve seriously collected a metre-high pile of books in my lounge that I’m reading through, as well as a list of bookmarked websites to read and online lectures to watch. All of this research is to try to find an answer for how to survive with myself. There has to be a way through it, at the risk of sounding clichéd – like a depression hand-out in a doctor’s office.

I wonder if I figure out the ‘how’ to life, then will I be happy? For me, the solution is knowing how not to break down. Knowing how to resist the morbid urge to hold my hand in the flame a second longer than I should, knowing full well that fire equals pain but not caring.

Solve this, and I think you’re doing alright in life. I think you’ve succeeded. Managing yourself is the first key to doing anything else. Figure out how to work with yourself and you’re at least on track to surviving “New Zealand’s defining university” and cultivating a happy, fulfilled life. Underneath it all, that is what any of us really want, is to be happy.

What I have figured out thus far is what I don’t want ... and that is to weaken and fall apart at the seams into what I had in the past.

I don’t want to continue the vicious cycle that is passed on from father to son, from one generation to the next, and that is going on in my head constantly. Maybe this institution really is the honorary sanatorium to be at to work towards a new life.

‘Depression is defined as a mood disorder. It is both an illness and a social problem. It is characterised by low mood, low self-esteem, and negative distorted thinking.’ big – in fact, monumental - fuck-up of the human race to understand ourselves. I have so much angst directed at nothing, no enemy to aim it at, so in the past I became my own target, and the majority of my time turned into feeling sad and lonely and scared and pathetic. Any potential I once had was turned inwards and burned, the “Engine of the New

Do you want to tell your own story?

MASSIVE magazine is always looking for Creative Non-fiction submissions for publication.

To find out how to submit content email editor@massivemagazine.org.nz

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FEATURE

MILLS AND POON: DICK HARDY & JENNA TALIA Dick Hardy continues with tales of his latest sexual adventures at Albany’s famous Fergusson Bar. By popular demand, Jenna Talia reveals that she has some adventures of her own and takes on a long, but invigorating, ride home from the Erotica Expo.

O

he Ferguson Bar was packed and I was in the middle of a conversation with a good friend of mine.

She was a gorgeous blonde who I had hooked up with a few times and our conversation lingered between flirtation and sexual tension. We joked about how we felt like the oldest people there and reminisced about younger days when we were the babies of Ferg.

I reminded her of those younger days when she would call me baby in the bedroom. Her alcohol confidence stopped her from blushing and instead she bit her lip and fixed me with a sultry gaze. I stood closer to her, ready to re-ignite old passions when I noticed another friend coming toward me. She called out to me and greeted me with a tight embrace. She was originally a brunette, but tonight her hair had been dyed bright red and she looked exotic and luscious.

I introduced her to my blonde friend and we all began dancing and talking together. I decided to lead them to the busy dance floor; it always looked good to be caught between two gorgeous girls. I knew both girls were attracted to me – I could tell by the way their eyes kept catching mine and the too-common brushes of skin against skin. Finally, I decided to spice things up. Standing between them I leaned toward the redhead and, keeping 46

my eyes locked with the blonde, I leaned in and merged our lips. I saw the initial look of disappointment and then excitement from the blonde. Then I reversed the technique and, keeping eye contact with the redhead, leaned over and kissed the blonde. Then I leaned back and smiled gently, to ease any apprehension.

Both girls followed my lead and smiled. Then they circled me hungrily and began dancing on either side of me and I felt four hands sliding all over my body. We were surrounded by drunk, dancing teenagers and nobody noticed their eager fingers racing beneath my shirt and then, although I wasn’t sure whose hands they were (maybe both), slipping down the front of my pants and began to massage my member.

Suddenly the music changed and I begin to grin wildly as I recognised a familiar tune.

It was a dubstep remix to I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry, and I stepped out from between the girls, hands still fondling me. I pushed them together and told them I loved this song. They took the hint and looked at each other. They had had a bit to drink and I could tell they were both aroused.

As the chorus came on they laughed and the redhead lunged in, gripping the blonde by the waist. They began making out fiercely and I watched in fascination as they pressed

themselves against each other. It was then that I realised their antics had begun to get attention and I broke them up briefly.

“Maybe we should take this somewhere more private,” I suggested, and they agreed. They each said goodbye to the people they had come with and with hands in mine, I took them to my car.

“How about we go back to mine?” I asked, uncertain if they would be brave enough.

But they both seemed more excited than I did, and jumped in the back seat together as an answer. I got in the driver’s seat (I was sober – safety first!) and, trying not to speed, headed for my house … and almost crashed when I looked in the rear view mirror to see them all over each other, hands lost from view beneath dresses and skin. I had to turn the air con on high to stop the windows from fogging up! I knew then I was in for an amazing night.

Unfortunately, that’s all I have time for this time, but stay tuned for the next edition to hear how my night ended!

+ JENNA TALIA AND THE LONG WAY HOME So, thanks to everyone showing their support for my article last week – the editor of MASSIVE has asked me to continue writing!

When I asked what I should write about, I was told to give a run through of one of my more ‘racy’ escapades so readers could get to know me a little better. I think I have one that fits that description.

A girlfriend and I had decided to attend an erotica expo. The day had been filled with

gorgeous girls, hunky half-naked men, and a general air of sex. I had watched in fascination as my friend took a vodka shot from the cleavage of one of the promo girls. And she had squeezed my hand in encouragement when I got called on to the stage to have the Men of Steel rub their oiled muscles all over my body.

I must say the day had made us both quite flustered. We browsed through the huge variety of vibrating, slippery, big and small products, each of us giggling like excited schoolgirls. Both of us are quite adventurous, and in the end we decided to each buy a variety pack which contained an assortment of goodies.

And finally we decided to call it a day and head home. Unfortunately, it was more than an hour’s drive to get home. It hadn’t been 10 minutes in the car before I noticed my friend rifling through her purchases.

“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get home to use these,” she said. She pulled out a large pink vibrator and turned it on. “I think I found my new best friend!” she laughed.

“You are so horny,” I told her, “But I can’t say I wasn’t a little hot under the collar when I was up on stage! The things I would’ve done to him if there wasn’t an audience!”

We both laughed, aware of the long and frustrating ride home. I looked over at my friend and I saw she was testing the vibrator out on her arm.

“How’s it feel?” I asked curiously, at which she reached over and pressed it to my chest, aiming for my nipples.

“You tell me!” Even through my bra, the

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vibrations were strong and felt good.

“Daaamn, I’m glad I bought one of those too,” I said, but pushed her away so as not to get distracted from driving.

“Oh, come on, don’t be such a prude,” she laughed, and forced it back at me.

“Stop, I’ll crash,” I laughed, but was wary to push her away, choosing to focus on the road instead.

“You’ll be fine!” she assured me and cheekily moved the vibrator down to my navel. Then suddenly she thrust it at my crotch and I squealed in surprise. She held it there with a devilish grin and I squirmed in my seat, trying to keep my attention on the road.

Suddenly I realised that the vibrations were moving through my clothes to a spot deep inside that had been building in anticipation the entire day.

“Ooh, you like it!” my friend exclaimed happily. I nudged at the disturbance between my legs, trying to get away from the feelings that I couldn’t help to enjoy. Then, almost without being aware of it, I let out a slight moan. I looked quickly in embarrassment to my friend to see if she had realised that her joke was becoming something more and I was shocked at the look on her face. Her pupils were dilated and her cheeks slightly flushed. In that moment we both realised how aroused the day had made us, and my friend seemed to be getting off on the idea of my helpless desire.

Then slowly, as if unsure she should continue, she reached over and began to unbutton my jeans. She stared at my face the whole time, checking to see if I would let her. I watched

the road intently, rippling with nerves, but at the same time too turned-on to stop her.

Then, taking my silence as acceptance, she pressed the squirming machine down to a place that I knew was becoming increasingly wet. The intensified feelings raced through my body, and I pressed my mound hard against the dildo, forgetting any shame.

I was driving more slowly and I turned my indicator on to pull over. As the car came to a stop, a feeling that had been building in me all day washed over my body in a powerful orgasm and I released an unrestrained groan of pleasure. I felt the pressure let off as my friend went to pull her hand away but I gripped her hand, pulling her hard back against me. I began to spasm in my seat uncontrollably as waves of pleasure took control of me.

Finally, too sensitive to go on, I pushed her away and collapsed into my seat with what was no doubt a dopey grin on my face. After a few minutes of silence I looked over to my friend who burst into a smile. We were both shocked at what had just happened and weren’t quite sure how to deal with it.

Finally she spoke. “That was so sexy.”

We both cracked up laughing at how quickly things had escalated. We talked for a while about how crazy we both are and, in the end I got my friend to drive the rest of the way home.

So that was my ‘racy’ story, and hopefully that helps my readers get to know a little more about me: that I know how to have a good time!

Until next time, Jenna Talia 47

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

FIFTY SHADES OF F**KED UP – REALLY

Yvette Morrissey takes a closer look at the book that is rebranding the phrase ‘Mummy-Porn’

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, BY E.L. JAMES, HAS become an instant hit, selling more than 31 million copies worldwide and claiming the title of fastet-selling book of all time.

Dubbed ‘mummy-porn’, or ‘clit-lit’, Fifty Shades of Grey is about innocent virgin Anastasia Steel (Ana), who becomes involved with sexy and rich businessman Christian Grey. They begin a steamy BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) romance, set largely in the American city of Seattle The book started out as a fan-fic of Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, but has since beaten its predecessor in sales. It seems women all around the world are caught up in the Fifty Shades fantasy, and the movie rights have recently been sold for more than $5 million. Sex toy companies even attribute the book for increased sales of their products used by the main characters, with some product sales rising by 400 per cent.

However, despite all the media hype, Fifty Shades has disappointed critics, with many labeling it “clunky and anti-feminist”.

A regular criticism is that the writing is terrible.

The book has been called “treacly cliche” by The Telegraph. I think it is utter crap. Repetition is a characteristic used heavily to the point that even fans of the book will admit it. The words “oh my” features 79 times in the first book, and the phrase “ghost of a smile” is used three times in the first 50 pages. Worst of all, James uses the nauseating cliche “inner goddess”, to describe Ana’s sexual alter-ego, 58 times.

The unrealistic characters are also a target for criticism. Considering that Ana is an extremely naive virgin, it comes as a surprise when she becomes an instant sex goddess overnight.

Literally overnight. Christian is a billionaire and CEO of his own company, devilishly handsome, and has a big ... well, let’s just say he has a big helicopter. He also donates a portion of his billions to starving children in Africa. Aww. GAG. He also never appears to do any work 48

throughout the book, and spends most of the time having sex or stalking Ana. Should writing like this earn an author millions? Is it even justifiable to call E.L. James an author?

Sheila O'Flanagan, an award-winning Irish author doesn’t see what all the fuss is about, either."I've read small parts of the trilogy. To be honest, I love characters and I think the woman in Fifty Shades is so pathetic that I couldn't get past her. She's meant to be an intelligent woman but she's just too silly for words,” she openly told the media.

The first sex scene doesn’t appear until Chapter 10, so readers are left with the abrasive banter of Anastasia debating whether a BDSM relationship is what she wants. It isn’t. What she wants is to heal Christian of his abusive childhood which turned him into a sex-crazed maniac, so they can develop a ‘normal’ relationship.

Anastasia’s love may be the remedy for Christian’s “fifty shades of fucked up,” as she refers to him multiple times, but in reality this creates a disturbing ideal of relationships to women.

The way Christian treats Ana is abusive, contract or no contract. The first time he spanks her, she cries, gets drunk, and refers to the spanking as “he hit me”. Oh, but wait. After she sends him emails saying she didn’t like the spanking and feels as though she is a girl he likes to fuck occasionally, he rushes to her and explains that having control over her and causing her physical pain turns him on. He then goes on to say that he thought she enjoyed it because of the evidence he found downstairs. Forget the crying and the substance abuse, her hoo-hoo was alive and kicking! She could have peed herself from fright for all we know. Her tears then turned to tears of joy, and all was well in spanky-land.

Here Christian demonstrates physical and emotional abuse.

Women’s Refuge says psychological/emotional abuse is about “manipulation and coercion, and

affects your emotions and personality, rather than your body. Victims of emotional abuse can feel like they are going mad, are very frightened, and often feel like it’s their fault.”

Sound familiar? In one quick motion Christian is able to convince Ana that it wasn’t his fault, but hers, because to him, she enjoyed it. Oh, but yes, he did give her a contract to sign, they did discuss the places Ana wouldn’t go sexually, but the fact she contradicts herself constantly throughout the book gives the impression that she is simply putting up with Christian’s kinks so he won’t up and leave her.

In a blog, author and critic Marina Delvecchio writes that “One of the many reasons women don’t leave abusive relationships is because the women believe that the men will change.

If a woman is patient enough, kind enough, forgiving enough, then the man will be altered by her love for him. This is not how it really is in abusive relationships. People are how they are designed, and abuse is abuse.”

Many times Ana admits to herself that her best friend and parents wouldn’t approve of the relationship if they knew of Christian’s ‘extracurricular activities’, hinting herself she doesn’t see this as a healthy relationship. What guys like Christian need is therapy, not whips and nipple clamps. Another thing, Christian’s only good qualities are that he is good-looking, rich, and can play the piano. Are women really that superficial? If Christian Grey was all of these, but five foot tall with a hairy back, would women find him as endearing?

Perhaps the only thing vaguely different about Fifty Shades of Grey is the mostly vanilla, occasionally riske sex scenes. If you really must read this book, skip to chapter 10 and save yourself the misery of James’ writing and pathetic characters. Here’s an idea. Instead of purchasing this book why not donate $20 to Women’s Refuge? I’m sure they need it more than James.

Damaged Candy BOUTIQUE Sweetness gone BAD!

10% Discount For Students With I.D.

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

It is important to encourage a culture of appreciation and respect for those who base their aspiring careers and achievements around the passion they have for their creativity and talents. New Zealand no longer needs to be fed on a culture of Tall Poppy Syndrome. Relish in the talents of your peers – those who study alongside you at the same institution, those who you pass in the hallway, and those who you stand in the line with at the cafe, but who you seldom get to appreciate for their hard work due to a difference in what your major is. The quality of work in design and arts being produced at Massey is outstanding. KIlling it at Massey provides a platform on which our artistically minded students can share their craft. Abigail Leggett talks to some of Massey’s talented students.

KILLING IT AT MASSEY DENELLE&CHADWICK

Age: 19 Year: Two Degree: Photography Places of Origin: Blenheim & Australia

Denelle&Chadwick, is a collaborative photography name that you should get used to hearing. The 19-year-old duo began photographing in a collaborative dimension to provide a fresh take on what structures photography generally takes in society. The dynamic aspects that this collaboration possesses show photography that has utilised an equal balance of male and female influence in the guise of self confessed headstrong students with a passion for still visual stimulation and evocation. This provides a high-calibre quality to the stills in the sense that both have a strong need for their ideas to come across but both agree that shooting together allows for them to draw on each other’s strengths for a more seamless and holistic approach to photo production and development.

Photography has been a major part of both

of their lives. In terms of style, there isn’t anything in particular that is a definite, they confess. However, their artistic choices show that their general photography objective has a strong organic feel, in terms of what subjects will be shot, and a definite focus on high resolution, supreme definition and outstanding clarity. A perfect example of this is in the two photos featured in this article.

Clean, simple, natural beauty is portrayed in the stunning images of Izzy Luseane and Courtney Joe. The pair both quote Terry Richardson as being an inspiration with regards to their photography careers and would like to thank Jane Wilcox and Shaun Waugh (Massey Staff) for their help and abundance of knowledge that they have supplied to the pair. Check out more of the duos work at denelleandchadwick.tumblr.com or denelleandchadwick.wordpress.com.

JAKE FAIRWEATHER

Age: 20 Year: Third Degree: Fine Arts Place of Origin: Los Angeles

Born in the States, Jake actually spent most of his youth in Christchurch. Moving to Wellington after high school he began a degree in Fine Arts with a passion for the oil paint medium. Choosing this degree was an easy choice for Jake as he felt “It seemed the most open of all the degrees.” Two words to describe Fairweather’s work are ‘atoms’ and ‘sinews’ with clear inspiration that can be found coming in from the works of Rimbaud, Van Gogh and the ever evolving human body.

This connection with certain physicalities of the human body is depicted in his work and also translates into his choice of his favourite paper in his degree so far, ‘Drawing the Body’. Jake’s art has a certain aesthetic to it

that compels the viewer to question what he or she is seeing. There are so many hidden ideas, sentiments and points to be made in his work that make it beautiful in a world all of its own. His pieces are honest and raw yet beautiful and deviant and occasionally frightening. When asked what life was like at Massey for Jake he replied with. “To become Riah King-Wall.” Who I later discovered to be a friend of Jake’s. However it is this artistic respect and appreciation that Jake has for other Massey students such as King-Wall and Samin Son, that has allowed Jake to learn from and develop his own unique style.

Follow Jake’s journey through paintings at jakef.tumblr.com.

Opposite page, TOP: Photographs of Issy Luseane (left) and Courtney Joe (right) by Denelle&Chadwick BOTTOM: Two of Jakes paintings (photographed by Felicity Wren)

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Where is the best place to find a bargain in New Zealand? Op-Shops have been steadily popping up all over and make great places for students on a budget to shop. But where are the best ones? Each month MASSIVE will send out two students from two different campuses to find a ‘new’ outfit for less than $25. This month Rhiannon Josland and Catherine Irving take up the challenge

OP-SHOP CHALLENGE RHIANNON JOSLAND

Age: 20 Year: Three Degree: Graphic Design, Massey Wellington

You can’t put a price on freedom, but in this instance, $25 to spend on clothing was just the key I needed to unlock me from the dungeons (Massey Wellington slang for computer labs under the Museum building).

Money in hand, I ran for the hills and some fresh air, winding up at Kilbirnie’s Opportunity for Animals.

The great thing about Kilbirnie is that for the average op-shop goer, it’s a little too much effort. If you want to walk there you have to dress in sensible shoes, and that’s a fashion faux par in itself. Luckily for me it meant no changing room wait time and clear aisles. I also didn’t feel the need to snake-eye any potential item-snatchers.

As much as I am one for animal advocacy and activist spirit, the best thing about Opportunity for Animals has got to be the free bin. As a student, second hand clothing is good, but free clothing is the pinnacle. From

this I found my shoes, gleaming up at me, diamonds in the rough.

However now I was faced with tremendous guilt of not having supported the animal cause. I made my way to their sister store in Newtown and brought a horse shirt for $4 to consolidate my animal affections. After failing to find a cute clutch, I settled on a crimped red headscarf accessory for $2.

Lastly it was round the corner to the old Sallies in Newtown where I foraged through, eventually finding my ¾ pants emblazoned with zips for $7. An entire outfit for $13. I’m quietly rather pleased with myself.

It’s true Wellington doesn’t have anything that compares to Seekers, and you may find a few extra scratches on your arm post shopping, but nothing can beat the eclectic array of clothing that Wellington op shops seamlessly hoard. Now it’s time to make it up to my sagging wardrobe rack…

CATHERINE IRVING

Age: 22 Year: Fourth Degree: Post graduate diploma in teaching, Massey Palmerston North

Anyone who knows Wanganui may understand why I was apprehensive doing this challenge in the holidays. Smelly and unfashionable clothes anyone? Don’t get me wrong, I love the little city, with or without the ‘h’, but it isn’t exactly Cuba St. Bracing myself and with my mum to my right, I was about to learn that an ‘op-shop’ was more than a band. My focus was to get a winter outfit which I could wear to classes. It was good to have a focus but of course I was bound to stray.

First stop was St Vincent De Paul’s. First thing I spotted? Free rack! Minds out of the gutter, people. Inside the shop, however, was my first buy. It has nothing to do with my finished outfit but, hey, didn’t I tell you I’d stray? A maroon shirt with chiffon sleeves and a heavily detailed body for a mere $2.

Next we went to The Salvation Army. There was just so much to choose from but I was 52

set on this skirt from the very beginning.

The material is a luscious mixture of velvet and chiffon, making it quite appropriate for winter. I would probably team it with tights and get so much wear from it for such little money – only $5, to be exact.

I then picked up a short knit jumper to match.

At the counter I saw a box of socks. If you’re thinking this is kind of gross, so was I. At least you can wash socks, though so I decided to get these instead of shoes to save my feet from an unknown foot disease.

The final touches, courtesy of Hospice, are these gold earrings and an outrageously ‘me’ necklace. At home I added on a chain at the back to give it some length.

I was so impressed with how much I got for only $20. Op shops you served me well and I am so sorry for my past ignorance. I will visit you all again soon because I am a changed woman. I think even my mum is!

8pm Wednesdays @ The Southern Cross

$100 bucks in vouchers to be won Free to compete Free to play

04 384 9085 www.thecross.co.nz 39 Abel Smith St, Te Aro

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45

SPORTS

CHIEFS STORM HOME IN SUPER RUGBY FINAL Jack Biggs examines the Chiefs 37-6 victory over the Sharks in the Super Rugby final

THE CHIEFS RAN IN THIRTY-SEVEN POINTS ON their way to becoming the third New Zealand franchise to win the coveted Super Rugby title.

Playing against a gritty, tough, yet fatigued Sharks outfit who could muster only six points proved why the Waikato-based side is very much deserving of the title.

The Chiefs follow in the path of the Crusaders and the Blues, the only other New Zealand sides to have claimed the title in the competition’s 14-year history.

Unfortunately, as the Chiefs themselves pounced on the opportunity so did the low-lifes who targeted head coach Dave Rennie’s house during the match. It was ransacked and many valuables stolen.

“It certainly put a dampener on the night,” Rennie said. “It is concerning. Unfortunately there are people who prey on these situations.”

That aside, his first season as head coach of a Super franchise could not have gone better. With a classy coaching staff behind him, including Wayne Smith, it has certainly been a marvel of a season for this deserving side and coach.

Focusing on Rennie; he has achieved a lot in his coaching career to date. Three Junior IRB World Championships, an NPC title with Wellington (2000) and a solid campaign by Manawatu over the past few seasons who always punched above their weight.

THE GAME A 37-6 score line in a Super Rugby final is an absolute thrashing. Finals rugby is supposed to even-up the playing field, yet the Chiefs were able to put their own finals horrors behind them (61-17 loss to the Bulls in 2009) and run out victors in Hamilton.

For the Sharks, who many were surprised when they beat their South African conference rivals, the Stormers, in the semi-final, it will be a tough pill to swallow despite what the scoreline says.

The travel would have certainly taken a lot out 54

of them, yet the Chiefs thoroughly deserved the home final after a stellar season. It is now the fourth time the Sharks have finished runners-up.

The Chiefs scored the first of their four tries early in the piece, with a try on the left flank to Tim Nanai-Williams along with two Aaron Cruden penalties before halftime.

In the second half they began to run away with it as the floodgates began to open.

First, Kane Thompson took the ball from the back off the scrum and charged his way over despite the defence surrounding him. The TMO gave it the green light.

Towards the end, the game became loose, and Lelia Masaga pounced on a lost ball after a strong Andrew Horrell tackle on his opposite and ran in. Sonny Bill Williams would have the last say, surprise, surprise. A huge gap left for him under the posts capped off a superb season for him in Chiefs’ and All Blacks’ colours. He kicked off the party at Waikato Stadium by launching himself into the crowd.

The Chiefs capped off their strong season with a haka created for them by the Te Wharekura O Rakaumanga School. This reflected on the strong cultural significance and value the team holds and the close bonds they share, which is evident in their play.

“They’ve been a really tight group and enjoyed each other’s company and they’ve worked hard for each other and been there as a team for each other” a proud Rennie said.

The Chiefs are very much deserving off this title and the country seems thrilled for them after playing a positive and exciting brand of rugby all season long.

Now we look forward to a hotly contested Rugby Championship which will be the real indication of where this All Blacks outfit is at.

The unsuccessful Australians have had more time to prepare as none of their sides made the semi-finals. They believe they now have the edge. We shall see…

KEY PLAYERS SBW What can’t this guy do? His X-factor alone adds 10 points to a game and now he can add the Super Rugby feather to his cap.

NRL title…boxing titles…Rugby World Cup title…and now this. What’s left to achieve?

The shoulder charge crept in late in the piece and he must be warming himself up for the NRL next season, which I eagerly await to see. SBW has evolved the game as we know it. The offload is here to stay.

TAWERA KERR-BARLOW A product of one of Rennie’s junior All Blacks squads, Kerr-Barlow quickly stamped his mark on the Chiefs by ousting main stayer Brendon Leonard from his halfback duties. This guy is young, confident, and an exciting talent who is sure to be All Black material. He was a huge part in this team’s success working well in tandem with Cruden.

AARON CRUDEN What is there to say? This guy is a winner.

Brought into the World Cup late, he did a remarkable job against the Australians in the semi-final and now a year on is a Super Rugby champion. Some people are born winners, and Cruden is certainly up there.

Without a doubt he was the form five-eight in the competition and lynchpin of the Chiefs’ success. Hansen has a big decision on who his number 1 No 10 is.

LIAM MESSAM Thank God this guy is in the All Blacks, particularly after the departure of Jerome Kaino. I have been very critical of Messam in the past as an international player because he always seemed not quite ready. His added responsibility within the Chiefs ranks this season has shown he certainly is ready.

Messam is clearly in career best form and I believe has made a huge claim for Kaino’s jersey. His contest with Adam Thomson will be exciting.

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

SPORTS

FRISBEE WORLD CHAMPS, THE ULTIMATE

Massey vet student Marloes Van Geel (bottom left) was selected to play for the New Zealand women’s team at the World Ultimate Frisbee championships in July. She tells MASSIVE about her trip.

ALMOST A YEAR AGO I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO be selected for the New Zealand women’s team to play at the World Ultimate Frisbee championships in Sakai, Japan, from July 7 to 14. I know most people who read this will have never heard of ultimate Frisbee, and neither had I before I started playing roughly eight years ago.

So what is it? The World Ultimate and Guts website (WUGC) says describes Ultimate Frisbee as “a team sport on a 100-metre grass field with end zones similar to those used in American football. Each team has seven players on the field in games to 17 points. Teams advance the disc by passing it to one another, with one point scored for each time it’s caught in the end zone. No player can run with the disc, and the opposing team may intercept the disc at any time.

“Athletes must possess an incredible combination of endurance, speed, agility, technique and teamwork. Because the sport is played without referees, the athletes share a strong commitment to fair play, even in top competition. Players must arbitrate their own calls in the heat of competition using a well-refined system of rules.”

HERE’S MY DIARY FROM THE TRIP: Wednesday July 4 - Friday July 6: The first three days the team was in Japan were spent acclimatising to the heat. Temperatures were in the late 20’s to early 30’s but the high humidity made playing in the heat almost unbearable.

We had a training game against a Japanese University team and against the German women’s team. Both were very difficult games due to us not being used to the climate and because we still had a lot of things to work out as a team. We also had to figure out the public transport system and we learnt the hard way what happens if you don’t drink enough water or if you forget to put sunblock on! The New Zealand squad had roughly 70 people all staying at the same motel in Namba, a popular tourist destination in Osaka, so nights were spent 56

walking around and tasting all the delicious food Japan had to offer.

Saturday July 7: The opening ceremony! I can still remember seeing the New Zealand flag being held up and how proud I felt to be part of this whole experience. The New Zealand men’s team was lucky enough to be selected to play in the opening ceremony game against Japan in front of a packed stadium crowd. Our boys did incredibly well, but ultimately the Japanese team showed the Kiwis why they were the No 1 ranked team in the world.

Sunday July 8: We kicked off the tournament with a very hard game against Great Britain.

We were down by a lot of points and ended up pulling it together to make it 15-15 with it being a game to 16. Unfortunately, GB showed they were stronger and won 16-15, which was incredibly disappointing for us but at the same time we were all stoked with how well we had played. In the afternoon we had an easy win over Singapore, 17-5.

Monday July 9: On day 2 we were thrashed by world No 1 Japan, but in the afternoon we had our confidence boosted when we had an easy win against Mexico, 17 - 5.

Tuesday July 10: On day 3 were were up against Colombia and Canada. I said earlier that every team at this tournament had good fair play and sportsmanship, but Colombia was an exception, and the result of this was a bitterly disappointing loss, 17-5. In the afternoon we lost to Canada 17-1, but despite the score it was a great game. We were all in awe at how good they were as a team and I personally really aspire to play at that level some day.

Wednesday July 11: Day 4 brought us another loss, this time against the USA, 17-3. As with the Canada game, it was a well-spirited game and we were pleased with how we performed against one of the top teams of the tournament.

Our afternoon game against Germany was the game we had been looking forward to all week!

We were lucky enough to play this game in the stadium and it was being filmed and streamed

live online. Many of our friends and family back at home were watching, including a packed bar in Wellington and a viewing in one of the lecture theatres at Massey Palmerston North.

We played the best we have ever played together as a team and won 17-15, with me throwing the winning point! Everyone in the team played out of their skins and I know we all have very fond memories of this game.

Thursday July 12: Fatigue really set in at this point, both mentally and physically. Playing two games a day was okay for the first few days but even the fittest members of the team were having trouble by now. The morning game was a devastating loss to Finland, 12-11. We had to play in gale-force winds, the worst I have ever played in, and you can imagine what it’s like trying to throw a frisbee into the wind! Finland scored one more upwind point than us which won the game for them. We lost our afternoon game against Australia, but since we had already played them in Sydney in the lead-up to the tournament, we had expected this result.

Despite the trans-Tasman rivalry, everyone in the Australian team is really friendly and we always enjoy playing them.

Friday July 13: The draw worked out that we had to play Australia and Great Britain again in placing games for 5th to 8th place. Both these teams had beaten us previously so ultimately we came 8th in the tournament. We were all stoked with this result given how small the sport is in New Zealand, and how big it is in the some of the other countries.

A special thanks goes to the Fitzherbert Lions Club and the Manawatu Ultimate Association for helping me with funding towards this trip.

Bring on the next world championships in four years’ time!

Students interested in playing Ultimate Frisbee on campus can contact: Manawatu: Manawatu Ultimate Association: www.musa.org.nz or head to the Massey University Club Page, MUCOUS. Albany: Massey University Flying Frisbees (M.U.F.F), masseyfrisbee@gmail.com Wellington: Anna Hobman, clubs@mawsa.org.nz

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03

COLUMNS

FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

BEER GUY

As our regular beer columnist is away this month, this month Simon Cooke from the Massey Brewing Society takes us through how you can brew your own beer from home.

Beer has been brewed domestically for thousands of years, slipping through the grips of prohibition and regulation to where it is today.

It is also easy to do and cheaper than buying a slab of fizzy-yellowwater. Shake off any horrible encounters you’ve had with Uncle Steve’s gnarly rocket-fuel, you can brew great tasting beer in your flat, for as little as 50 cents a bottle.

There are a few pieces of equipment you’ll need to get started. A 30-litre barrel, a thermometer, a hydrometer to measure the alcohol content, a plastic spoon, an airlock to allow CO2 to escape without letting germs in, and a bottling tube. You can get all this gear in a tidy wee package called the Copper Tun Starter Brewery, from The Brew House, or you can join the Massey University Brewing Society and hire it for free.

With your equipment ready to go, you’re going to need some ingredients. Beer is brewed commercially with malt, hops, yeast and

water. The living yeast cells eat up all the sugar extracted from the malts, and turn this into alcohol and CO2. The hops add flavour and preserving qualities. All the hard stuff has been taken out thanks to do-it-yourself home brew beer kits, with all the flavour of your desired beer style condensed down into an extract syrup in a can. There are many different brands and beer styles to choose from, but I find ‘Mangrove Jack’s’ gives me the tastiest brew. Now, let’s get brewing.

1. Sterilize your barrel and equipment, 2. Add 2L boiling water to your barrel, 3. Add 1kg of dextrose sugar, and your can of malt extract and stir. 4. Top up with tap water up to 23L, and record a reading on your hydrometer. 5.

Sprinkle the yeast over the surface of the brew. 6. Screw on the lid, fill the airlock with water and fit it to the lid.

Leave your brew somewhere nice and warm (18 – 24°C) to ferment

for 7 days. You’ll know it’s finished fermenting when the airlock stops bubbling and your hydrometer is reading around 1.008. Then you can bottle your brew in plastic or glass bottles with some carbonation drops and in two week’s time you’d better throw a party because your beer will be fizzy and ready to drink!

As you can see, brewing beer at home really is a piece of cake and the sooner you give it a go, the sooner you can be impressing your flatmates with cold pints of your very own houseale.

For more information, check out the following resources:

Join the Massey University Brewing Society. They run on-campus brewing tutorials, and offer free equipment hire to members.

Facebook.com/MasseyBrewSoc

HIS WEINER’S A PEANUT!

ASK A GURU

Similar to the back of the bus, this is where all the juicy shit is.

Each month we will answer your questions via.

Formspring.me/massiveguruz

58

Q: I ventured into town looking for a boy to satisfy my sexual needs, not wanting anything serious.

However, I’ve been meeting up with this boy sober and having sex with him. I kind of like him, and I think he likes me, but I have one problem: he has a peanut dick, and because of that I just don’t climax.

Help me Guru, what do I do?

A: Firstly, thank you for your question. I want to stress to all the readers of the Guru column that each question we receive is real, and not made up by MASSIVE magazine or Guru. These are real-life situations. Now to the question at hand.

You went wrong after the first time you had sex with him. You should have noticed at that stage that he had a small penis and it just wasn’t satisfying you, so you never should have pursued. During this answer I will give you tips on how to climax without making your boy feel like lesser of a man.

However, we must first state that it

is not your male friend’s fault that he has a small penis. The average penis size according to the Google machine is 14cm (5 ½ inches), so if you are that or above then you are completely normal. Another quick fact about penises and vaginas is that the vagina is able to be successfully stimulated with only four inches of penetration, as long as other parts of the vagina are stimulated. And this is what you and your boy can work with.

The vagina is extremely sensitive, and if touched, licked, or prodded properly, a girl should be able to climax without penetration at all.

You need to teach your boy where to touch you. You know what feels good for you, so guide him and teach him what you know. He’d be more than happy to make you happy because males enjoy seeing their female counterpart’s pleasure face.

As with the penis, it’s not how big it is, but how you use it. Have sex in specific positions where you

can actually feel it. So this means avoid doggy style or you sitting on top. Stick to the simple missionary position and try standing positions or using objects as leverage so maximum insertion can be achieved. While this happens, stimulate sensitive parts of yourself, or get him to do it. Then it’s a win-win for you both.

If all else fails, and you still can’t achieve climax, you might have to let the poor guy go. Remember, boys are extremely sensitive when it comes to penis size, so don’t tell him it was because of his small penis, and make up some other lame excuse. Or maybe, get over it – it’s not what is on the outside but what’s on the inside that truly counts.

Claydan Krivan, MASSIVE’s in-house Guru Wanting more of a Guru fix?

Questions are answered weekly and will be posted to MASSIVE magazine’s Facebook page: facebook.com/MASSIVE.magazine

DOCUMENTARIES THAT CHANGED THE WORLD

FILM BUFFED

Paul Berrington seems to know everything in the world about film, and wants you to as well

Like many other journalistic fields, the documentary film genre has the ability to expose corruption or bring awareness to issues that would otherwise be swept under the carpet.

The West Memphis Three are now common knowledge, partly due to the interest of Peter Jackson, but mostly due to the Paradise Lost series. Beginning in 1996, directors Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky began to uncover inconsistencies and a coerced confession in the case against three teenagers accused of the gruesome murder of three young men. The filmmakers interview police, and locals exposing the deeply suspicious nature of small-town Arkansas and, over a period 15 years, help bring awareness to the innocent men’s cause. Three feature-length documentaries later, the West Memphis Three were released after 20 years inside a maximum security prison.

Perhaps the finest documentarian

of the modern era, Errol Morris, came to prominence with another film The Thin Blue Line that helped free a wrongly convicted man. Morris had already gained plaudits for two independently produced films, Vernon, Florida and Gates of Heaven, yet moved into investigative mode for this superb and haunting film. After the 1976 murder of a Dallas police officer, detectives hungry for prosecution follow a lead given to them by a confessor to the crime. Arrested and sentenced to death, Randall Dale Adams is a local hood, stupid enough to be framed for the crime and without a sole willing to help him. Morris creates a spellbinding solving of the puzzle, creating a mystery that clicks like Hitchcock, and weaves re-enactment between interviews and the increasing instability of the case. Adams served 12 years in jail until the evidence uncovered

by The Thin Blue Line exposed the corrupt police case against him.

Morgan Spurlock and Michael Moore have one thing in common, they like to be the star of the show, while many consider their brand of documentary-making flawed because of this, they do get results.

Spurlock indulges in a 30-day binge on McDonald’s in Super Size Me, gaining weight, losing sexual function, and generally becoming exactly what you’d expect after upsized Big Mac combos. As well as bringing awareness to the problem of obesity. Spurlock brought about the Healthy Choices menu. Maybe he should have just gone somewhere else. Moore’s film covers the Columbine shootings in his imitable style, drawing black humour from the tragedy he clearly sees as avoidable. In his protest of the USA’s liberal gun laws he managed to change mega-retailer K Mart’s own policy towards selling ammunition. Given the recent Colorado shootings it seems a cause that could be further documented.

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59

REVIEWS

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS Paul Berrington

FILM

2011

Directed by Drew Goddard Staring Chris Hemsworth, Kristen Connolly, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Anna Hutchinson

On the surface so much seems familiar about The Cabin in the Woods that it might be a little redundant. The idea of five ‘twentysomethings’ heading towards a sinister fate is nothing new, yet that is where the film delivers the most, subverting the horror genre into a new form, creating a hybrid that is gloriously entertaining and looking destined to become a classic in its own right.

The story follows Dana (Connolly) as she and four friends head out to the woods for a relaxing weekend away. The cabin has recently been purchased by Curt’s (Hemsworth) cousin, and upon arrival the friends discover that it is far from the dream home. Soon mayhem arises and they must battle for their survival against an unstoppable force.

Parallel to this is the apocalyptic tale of a government organisation

trying to stop the end of the world through two men, Hadley (Jenkins) and Sitterson (Whitford), which also relates to the cabin in question.

As the two strains align themselves in an ingenious and witty way, we are witness to enough twists and turns for several films.

Joss Whedon’s (Buffy, Firefly, The Avengers) precise dialogue makes the script a pleasure, with his conversations between the cynical Hadley and Sitterson particularly rewarding. He creates humor, with apparent ease and frequent momentum. Co-writer and director Drew Goddard (Cloverfield) delivers the action scenes with surprising skill, never substituting satire for thrills. Both men seem perfect for the project, being schooled in horror, and providing loving parody throughout the creative process, not just poking fun at cliché for the

sake of it. This allows The Cabin in the Woods to function on two levels, firstly as rollicking entertainment for any filmgoer, and secondly as a subversive examination of the horror genre for fans. Technically the film is also a bold statement, with set design and CGI never contrived, and a bevy of freaks and monsters to be amazed by.

While heavily borrowing from Friday the 13th, Evil Dead, the Matrix, and Clive Barker and many others. Each element is treated to its own reinvention, or re-examination, and it is this clever analysis of horror convention that creates a film of sheer thrills and entertainment. What is clear is that in subverting the very genre in which it exists, this is a film that will now sit easily alongside the classic influences it wears so happily on its sleeve. Yes, it really is that good.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES Paul Berrington

FILM 2012

Directed by Christopher Nolan Staring Christian Bale, Thomas Hardy, Michael Caine, Joseph GordonLevitt, Anne Hathaway, Gary Oldman, Marion Cotillard, Morgan Freeman,

60

Not quite reaching the status of masterpiece, Nolan’s final Batman film delivers Hollywood entertainment in a stylish and spectacular way, filling the screen and plot with a multitude of interrelated characters and superior set design and effects.

Eight years on from The Dark Knight, Gotham, through the implementation of the Harvey Dent reform bill, has seemingly gotten rid of organised crime, meaning there is no need for the masked crusader, who has become a reclusive Howard Hugheslike figure. Yet evil lurks in the figurehead of Bane (Hardy) and his group of financial backers. Upon this premise is layered a typically complex plot from Nolan and his screenwriting brother, Jonathon, leading to the need for Batman to rise to Gotham’s help once again.

Further plot strands involving Catwoman (Hathaway) and blue collar cop John Blake (GordonLevitt) make this a film that keeps you guessing until the very end.

Bale once again plays an effective Bruce Wayne/Batman, believable even in the most comically intense scenes, yet vulnerable enough to portray Wayne’s haunted and sociopathic nature unlike any before.

Hardy is also superb as the lead villan, Bane. His calmness before and during violent acts creates a seemingly unbeatable opponent.

The fight scenes between the two are brutally effective. Freeman as Lucius Fox, Caine’s perfect Alfred, and an impeccable Cotillard, add the weight needed to maintain the serious tone of the film.

As a spectacle the film impresses in many ways. Sure there are gadgets and such, yet it is some of the

city scenes that appeal the most .

Massed fighting on city streets has never looked this good before, and the design of Gotham under siege is detailed and realistic. The film is epic in every sense of the word, featuring many settings and huge effects. Filmed in IMAX, every single shot is loaded with as much detail as possible.

Perhaps the only weakness are moments of illogical silliness.

Despite this, The Dark Knight Rises functions as superior blockbuster entertainment. In a year where Hollywood epics have become contrived and removed from pure cinema, this film stands as a suitably engrossing end to an outstanding trilogy. Fans have every right to be excited about what is easily the best thrill ride of 2012 so far, and stands as a highly impressive piece of filmmaking.

SUPERBROTHERS: SWORD AND SWORCERY EP Callum O’neal

GAME

2011

Platform PC

Art, it’s a subjective thing. Whether a painting is a masterpiece or just some colour on canvas is entirely up to debate. As is whether video games can ever be considered art?

Superbrothers: Sword and Sworcery EP is art, plain and simple. It’s stunning, it’s gorgeous, it’s moving, it gets down to the bottom of your heart and invokes the deepest levels of emotion.

Happiness, sadness, loneliness, fear, these are the feelings that have stuck with me after the completion of the Scythian’s woeful errand.

And what an errand it was. Sword and Sworcery doesn’t really explain much. You’re a Scythian, you’re on a quest of some kind, you wake up in a forest and are pretty much left to figure out the rest by yourself. The game presents its story through messages that are all less than 140 characters. It’s all

very self-aware, quite humorous stuff and it’s what sets the tone of the game, lighthearted, but with serious undertones. To say more would spoil the journey.

The art design of this game is simply gorgeous It’s an eye-popping, pixel art tribute to adventure gaming greats like Kings Quest, while at the same time maintaining its own totally stunning style.

The sound is equally as impressive.

From the subtle rustling of bushes to the slashing of the sword, everything just sounds simply fantastic.

The soundtrack was done by Jim Guthrie and it is breathtaking.

As I stood on the precipice of that cliff admiring the beauty in everything around me, I thought to myself “If this isn’t art, I really don’t know what is.”

Unfortunately it sort of falls away on the gameplay side. The game

took me four hours to finish and that’s with me meticulously going through everything. What is there is very simple, there are some light puzzles and some rhythm-based combat scenarios reminiscent of Punch Out for the NES. The gameplay doesn’t really need to be all that engaging anyway, it serves simply as a delivery mechanism for the sheer emotional journey that the game is. Nor is the length anything to be phased by. If it were any longer the game would begin to grow tiring and at a price of a mere $7.99 US (roughly $10 NZ) you can hardly go wrong.

It’s not a game for everybody, I’m not really sure it’s enough of a game to even be called a game.

But one thing I can tell you is that it’s a simply brilliant thrill-ride of emotions that stay with you long after you’ve gotten out of the ride.

LAWRENCE ARABIA - THE SPARROW Roy McGrath

ALBUM

2012

Label Bella Union

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

The Sparrow is the third record

by New Zealand artist James Milne aka Lawrence Arabia. The Sparrow is a thoughtful and clever example of meaningful pop music.

Milne combines piano, a variety of strings, some off-beat percussion and at times lurking bass-lines to produce an album that is quickly rewarding on some songs and a little more slow-burning on others.

The record is put together in a narrative structure, telling an over-arching story of a protagonist’s journey into the big bad world in search of success and the struggles/adventures he has when it doesn’t materialize instantly.

The story starts with the song Travelling Shoes, a sickly-sweet and upbeat number that sees Milne mix together folky strings with an almost doo-wop rhythm and too-pretty-to-be-sung-by-a-boy

vocals; the resulting song works nicely as an opening to the record and a standalone pop song.

From here, Milne starts to peel the wool away from the optimistic traveler’s eyes as he starts to explore the idea of failure. What’s intriguing about this is the way Milne manages to tackle the subject in a way that remains lighthearted and almost comical. In The 03, Milne describes a case of tallpoppy syndrome as the Travelling Shoes have come home, “with my tail between my legs”. The broken beats and plucked strings at the beginning of this song give way to some Lennon-esque strumming and swooning that evokes memories of Beatles songs like Because and A Day in the Life.

This is a lovely track that deals with failure in a philosophical way.

Milne shows his musical evolution

from catchier-than-a-cold pop songs like Auckland CBD and Apple Pie Bed in tracks like Early Kneecappings. Here, we see/hear a richer and more filled-out sound combined with lyrics that are more sinister and more daring. This song is, if not the best on the record, the most particular to the record. It gives a real sense of where Milne is at now and resists the urge to revisit the sweeter pop landscape that he has come from. In tracks like The Bisexual, you can see the sense of humor in Milne is still alive and we are reminded why Taika Waititi asked him to compose music for Eagle Vs Shark.

The Sparrow is a beautiful record which manages to subtly remind the listener that it was made in New Zealand without making you cringe. It acknowledges Milne’s past and hints at an exciting future.

61

COMIC

YES, YES AHA. You all look very capable at least.

Ind eed !

APART FROM YOU! MUD MAN!

NEVERTHELESS your short lived existence will not be in vain.

we will not tolerate THIEFS in our kindom!!

You will retrieve this STOLEN relic and return it to the river statue in the valley of OMN.

Sir

RAMPARTS CRUMBLING AWAY!

!

I WON’T HAVE ANY DISINTEGRATING SOLDIERS!

CONTINUED next month...

62

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