Massive Magazine Volume 01 Issue 07

THE VOICE OF MASSEY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS - SEPTEMBER 2012 - ISSUE 7

www.massivemagazine.org.nz BRET MCKENZIE – KARL URBAN – JUDGE DREDD – GAY MARRIAGE

Sitting in lectures for 3 hours or cruising on the Interislander...?

MASSEY SUMMER SCHOOL

For the best student rates visit www.interislander.co.nz

CONTENTS ISSUE SEVEN At the time of publication the organisation for this year’s Aotearoa Student Press Awards (ASPA Awards) were just about to be completed, and it is looking to be a very good event for student media.

The ASPA Awards are a great way for the hard work put in by student contributors to magazines all around the country to be recognised by their peers and industry professionals. The awards are a jointly organised event between editors of student publications, from Critic to Craccum and everywhere in-between. It is also a great way to meet other writers and mingle with editors and journalists attending the event.

This year the awards have been sponsored by Fairfax Media and Massey University, and are being held at the Tea Gardens, on the Massey University Campus.

MASSIVE is currently going through this year’s editions to make our entries and we are hoping for some good results.

There is a lot of great stuff written already and with this edition right on the cut off it will be a tough decision what to put forward.

It’s a good problem to have, really, and one that shows the talent of the students contributing to MASSIVE. Give yourself a pat on the back and I hope to see you all at the awards.

Contributors should already have received an invitation via email, but anyone who may have been missed can send me an email requesting one at editor@massivemagazine.org.nz

REGULARS 02. IN SHORT 10. WELLINGTON NOTICES 12. ALBANY NOTICES 14. PALMERSTON NORTH NOTICES 16. LETTERS 58. COLUMNS 60. REVIEWS 62. COMIC 64. PUZZLES

FEATURES 18. PRIDE AND GROOM 22. SPRIGS SHARPENED FOR ANNUAL RUGBY MASSACRE 24. BOY RACER ACT - EXCESSIVE AND DISCRIMINATORY 26. LIVING BELOW THE LINE 28. KARL UBAN: JUDGE, JURY AND EXECUTIONER 31. 2000AD: HOME OF THE JUDGE 34. PATH TO COMIC-BOOK FAME NO LAUGHTHING MATTER 38. SUCCESS, TITLES, AND NEOGOTIATIONS WITH KERMIT 40. FISH OUT OF WATER 46. INSIDE THE MIND OF AN OLYMPIC MEDALIST 48. COFFEE WITH KATE 50. MILLS & POON: DICK HARDY & JENNA TALIA

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT 52. MASSEY’S GOT TALENT

SPORTS

54. BLACK STICK DOES IT FOR PALMY 56. LANCE ARMSTRONG: NOW IT IS ABOUT THE BIKE

EDITOR Matt Shand editor@massivemagazine.org.nz 04 801 5799 ext 62068 DESIGN, LAYOUT & ART DIRECTION Cameron Cornelius allstylenotalent@gmail.com 04 801 5799 ext 62064

Matt Shand, MASSIVE editor

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

ADVERTISING & SPONSORSHIP MANAGER Jacob Webb advertising@mawsa.org.nz 04 801 5799 ext 62069 027 894 8000

CONTRIBUTORS

Cameron Cornelius, Jacob Sparrow, Yvette Morrissey, Annabel Hawkins, Paul Berrington, Olivia Marsden, Emilie Marschner, Harriet Lowe, Nicole Canning, Sarah Harris, Yasmine Jellyman, Danielle Ritchie, Harpreet Kaur, Harriet Lowe, Matt Shand, Georgia Todd, Logan Carr, Dick Hardy, Jenna Talia, Abigail Legget, Jack Biggs, Claydan Kirvan, Roy McGrath

PUBLISHER WWW.MASSIVEMAGAZINE.ORG.NZ ISSN 2253-5918 (Print) ISSN 2253-5926 (Online)

This publication uses vegetable based inks and environmentally responsible papers. The document is printed throughout on SUMO Laser, which is FSC® certified and from responsible and Well Managed Forests, manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems. MASSIVE magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

IN SHORT

Felicity Wren 1991 - 2012

To dear Fliss, It has been an honour to know, work, have fun with and love you.

What we are all feeling now is a reflection of just how much you gave to this world.

Always in my heart, Mon. P.s. I especially miss your bounce. XOX

Dear Fliss,

It is with great sadness that we share the news of the death of Massey University Student Felicity Wren, 20. Felicity was travelling in a car that collided with a truck on State Highway 27 south of Auckland.

Felicity was a talented photographer and was travelling to participate in Auckland’s Fashion Week as a photographer. She was in the third year of a Bachelor of Design (Hons) majoring in Photography.

On behalf of Massey University, ViceChancellor Steve Maharey conveyed his deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences to Felicity's family, friends and students and staff who knew her.

College of Creative Arts Pro Vice-Chancellor Associate Professor Claire Robinson says Felicity was an extremely talented and popular student. "She was described as sparkling and talented and was very well liked by staff as well as students."

A memorial service will be held on the Wellington campus later in the semester.

The photographs that follow are just some examples of her work. More can be found at cargocollective.com/felicitywren

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I don’t know where to start because for one I didn’t know you personally, yet I feel like I knew you anyway. Those around you spoke of you and I heard snippets, but most of all, from your beautiful sister who we met while we were in London. She carries so much love for you, and your beautiful smile lives on in her. Our family were all looking forward to meeting you at Christmas this year, but we will have to carry the torch for you and celebrate your life the only way the Stephens family know how, by laughing and sharing joy. Brett will always look after Jess. Rest easy, Fliss, and know you are in our thoughts always.

Megan x

MASSIVE ARTISTS, ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Cover Art –A.S.N.T

allstylenotalent.blogspot.co.nz

My darling Fliss, You were the happiest, most charming girl I have ever met. I loved your welcoming smile and your ready compliments, your wit and your talent. The rest of the gang and I are struggling to continue without you. I hope your last thoughts were happy ones and you left us feeling at peace with the world.

So much love and sadness, Greta and the rest of the team at Country Road

A.S.N.T graduated from Massey in 2009 with a Major in Graphic Design. He’s done a lot of work for MASSIVE over the past year as well as Magneto Magazine.

His blog features: gig posters, diaries, posters, advertising, business cards, and just generally really well ‘refined’ design.

He also loves doing work for money, so feel free to hit him up allstylenotalent@gmail.com Fish out of Water - Jacob Sparrow http://jacobsparrowsrighthand.tumblr.com

Jacob studied Illustration at Massey, graduating in the class of 2010. He approached MASSIVE Magazine looking for some work experience ‘illustrating articles, stories, obscene rants or anything’ and we were blown away by some of his work on his tumblr.

We recommend checking out some of his other illustrations online and if you have any freelance work flick him an email on: jacobsparrow@gmail.com MASSIVE would also like to say a special thanks to comic artists who helped us with the feature article: Adrian Kinnaird http://fromearthsend.blogspot.co.nz/ Adrian Kinnaird operates a blog on the New Zealand comic culture, From Earths End. It is vital reading for anyone looking for information on the scene and we would like to thank him for putting us into contact with so many comic book artists and writers for the feature.

Richard Fairgray http://blastosaurus.com/

Fliss, you were always as sweet as a melted toffee pop and as adorable as a wee kitten.

I don’t think I ever saw your face without a smile. Always so funny, kind, and caring.

Everything I always wanted to be came so easily and naturally to you. But I was never jealous, Just in awe that someone could be so amazing and inspiring. I felt like I always wanted to be around you as you were always so easy to talk to and have fun with.

I will always remember your sweet heart and friendly manner. You are an inspiration and I hope that I can make myself a better person, always treating others in the special way you would. Your an Angel that has been called home early. Fly free Fliss, and watch over us till we see you again. Love Forever, Jayne xxxx

Richard Fairgray along with Terry Jones are the collective mind behind the popular New Zealand comic, Blastosaurus. It is recommended reading for anyone taking a sanity break at assignment time.

Li Chen http://www.exocomics.com/ Li Chen operates the web comic Extra Ordinary amongst other projects. Careful when heading to her site to check out her works, you may end up spending a lot of time going through every strip one after the other.

Leo Hupert http://www.graphiccomics.co.nz/ MASSIVE would like to say thanks to Leo from Graphic Comics on Cuba Street, Wellington, for providing us with back issues, and information about 2000AD for use in our feature.

Jayne Evans

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

03

IN SHORT

UNI TEAM WINS BRONZE AT WORLD EOUESTRIAN CHAMPS TWO MASSEY UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WERE PART of the New Zealand team that won bronze at the 10th World University Equestrian Championships held in Aachen, Germany in August.

More than 200 riders from 26 countries competed on borrowed horses. This was the first time New Zealand has sent a team to the biannual event.

The competition was run in a knockout style, with the best of three riders progressing to the next round in their pool.

During the riders’ ball it was announced that the New Zealand team, then sitting in second place, along with Germany and France had made the final selection. The final team consisted of Chloe Akers (Opiki), Helen Bruce (Feilding), and Rachael Bentall (Hawke’s Bay), who competed individually and as a team in dressage and show jumping.

Akers is in her third year at Massey, studying a Bachelor of Teaching (Primary School) internally.

She has represented New Zealand overseas many times, competing in young rider show jumping and equitation. She also won the inaugural New 04

Zealand Universities Championship in show jumping.

Bruce graduated from Massey in May with a degree in applied science, majoring in agriculture. She regularly competes in eventing and show jumping at a high level, while Bentall is in her third year of at Auckland University.

“When we found out we had qualified to go into the medal final, we couldn’t quite believe it,” said Akers. “We were the new kids on the block and the other 25 teams have been participating in these student competitions all year, some longer.”

In the medal final the teams started with a clean slate and competed in group dressage and a difficult jumping course.

Akers, who is used to riding borrowed horses, said the dressage was the most challenging.

“The horses had to adapt to three different riders a day. Some of the dressage horses were tired or stressed if they had already had already been ridden twice”. Dressage coach and Grand Prix rider Penny Castle was thrilled with their

performance in the dressage.

“The riders had just five minutes to warm up inside the main arena and have never experienced anything like this before. Both France and Germany are seasoned campaigners at this type of event.” The jumping was judged on style plus any faults accumulated, and speed. Akers gained the winning score, but Bruce and Bentall had a few minor problems. Germany won with France second.

Trainer John Cottle said New Zealand’s bronze was “beyond” their expectations.

“It’s the first time New Zealand has had a team at the championships and they’ve done brilliantly.

This is out of season for us, and their efforts are a real credit to the work they have put in over the winter months.” Bruce said receiving a medal was amazing. “I wish I could bottle that feeling!” She expressed her gratitude to her team members, and their coaches.

Other events the riders attended included the opening ceremony, an Aachen town tour, and a meeting with the mayor. Yvette Morrisey

B-BOYS SHOW RIDICULOUS SKILLS THE BEST B-BOYS FROM AUSTRALIA, JAPAN, Laos, Vietnam, South Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Indonesia and New Zealand competed in the Red Bull BC One Asia Pacific Qualifiers at Vector Arena in Auckland on September 1.

It was the first time the event had been held in New Zealand, and although I’m admittedly not the best-educated person on the art of breakdancing, you didn’t have to be a professional to enjoy the night.

Red Bull BC One started in 2004 and has become one of the world’s most prestigious B-Boy competitions. It was even, in fact, voted best B-Boy Event 2011 at the World of Dance Awards. This year the final is in Rio De Janerio, Brazil, in December, and the winner from the Asia Pacific Qualifier wins a spot in the comp, which is already something to put at the top of the B-Boy version of a CV, in caps lock and bold.

To have the Asia Pacific Qualifiers in New Zealand was a huge deal for people in the New Zealand underground B-boy scene.

One of the judges from the night, Swerve, explained the excitement: “This is a highlight for the scene. We haven’t had a big B-Boy event like this in a long time. Having all the international dancers here in Auckland is a big thing.

“The local B-Boys look at these guys like superstars and to meet them is really great for us.

Events like this need to keep happening.

“The B-Boy scene in New Zealand has been around since the early 80s. The scene is still small, but well educated about B-Boying and Hip-Hop culture. It’s a healthy scene, but we need events like this to keep growing.”

It looked as though there were about 2,000 people when the event kicked off, and what I found the funniest was the diversity of the audience. They ranged from the expected underground B-boys from around the country, and mums with their children, to pretty girls in dresses, tomboys in pumas, and professional schmoozers of the socialite ‘think I’m famous but really I’m good for not that much’, Jamie Ridge-type scene with VIP tickets proudly swinging around their necks.

To be honest, the thing that really convinced me

to book that Grabaseat flight up from Wellington was the MC for the night, Rahzel, ‘Godfather of Noyse’, who is most well-known (in my mind) as being from the incredible hip-hop band The Roots. I was lucky enough to see them play for the first time just a couple of months ago, and so to see Rahzel again was an opportunity I couldn’t miss.

And booking those flights was a great decision!

During one of the shows between battle breaks, Rahzel took the mic and began to show the crowd exactly why he is known as the ‘undisputed beatbox champion of the world’. He beatboxed for around five minutes, blew the crowd away, and to make things even better, my arms got quite the workout holding my iPhone to record the entire thing. Summer is coming, ya know.

In the end it was Shorty Force from South Korea who won the final against his fellow countryman and favourite, Differ. The panel of five judges decided on the winner unanimously and BC One All Star Ronnie, from the USA, explained the decision: “Differ has a very unique style

and I respect him a lot for that, but looking at execution, Shorty Force was just on point. He pulled all the stops and went all out, while Differ looked tired and kind of looked like he gave up in the last battle.”

Unfortunately, local heroes Grub-D and Akorn from Common Crew in Christchurch got eliminated in the first round. But making it to the qualifiers is huge for them and I’m sure they’ll continue to up their game for next year’s competition.

As well as the insane battles and the beatboxing from Rahzel, BC One also showed off native dance crews Kapa Haka and Aranui Dance, and even the judging panel, which consisted of the Red Bull BC One All Stars Taisuke, Roxrite, Ronnie, and Pelezinho, and Swerve, showed off their B-boy skills before the final battle.

All in all, it was an amazing night that showcased the ridiculous skills of all 16 B-boys who competed. If you’re interested, the Africa Middle East Qualifier is on September 14 and the World Final is in Rio on December 8. Isabelle Truman

MUSA’S GOT HEART Massey University Students Association of Palmerston North (MUSA) proved that they are, contrary to popular belief, a bunch of upstanding ‘GCs’ when they came to the rescue of students stranded after a fire burned down their Morris Street home.

While they didn’t rush headlong and pull out people from the burning house, they did give the occupants a roof over their heads, and free rent for the rest of the academic year. They also provided food vouchers and free rental of appliances. What a bunch of cool cats!

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

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IN SHORT

WORLD PRESS PHOTOGRAPHY AN EYE-OPENER Miriam Richdale

THE OPENING NIGHT OF 55TH ANNUAL WORLD Press Photography Exhibition opened my eyes to something more than just an image.

“In closing, I want to pay tribute to Rémi Ochlik. I remember profoundly the day I called Rémi to tell him that he had been awarded first prize in the General News Story category for his series on the Battle for Libya. He could hardly believe it. His girlfriend later told us ‘he finally believed he was good’. On that same day when I called him, Rémi left for an assignment in Syria and 12 days later he, along with Marie Colvin, were killed when the media centre they were in was shelled by Syrian forces.” -Anna Lena Mehr, Project Manager, Contest and Awards Days, World Press Photo.

Remi Ochlik was a French photo-journalist who captured a series of moments when there was strong opposition to the rule of long-time Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi.

As a result of the opposition, intense fighting broke out between Libyan military and rebel militia, with other pro-Gaddafi forces. Ochlik managed to capture an image of rebel fighters as they conducted an assault on the Gaddafi family compound in the capital of Tripoli on 23 September last year.

Putting himself in the firing line he then captured images of rebels holding an alleged mercenary in Tripoli, and documented the body of Colonel Gaddafi as he lay in a storage room on the outskirts of Misrata.

To be a part of the World Press Photography Exhibition is an honour. I spoke to Anna Lena Mehr in order to gain an insight into 06

the challenging profession that is photojournalism. She spoke fondly of a friend who had died doing what he loved and shared the challenges of the industry.

As media, press photographers, in particular, are fronting an ever-changing landscape; the profession of photojournalism faces many twists and turns with the click of a button.

Often, the ways in which a photo journalist captures a moment in time is not taken into account by those looking at it.

The sphere in which images are disseminated is evolving. So, too, is the way in which the audience consumes. This means there is considerably less money to send press photographers away. The evolving landscape means that anyone anywhere can document these events. And this means that photographers have to find new ways to fund their projects.

Some will be required to raise money online for their ventures and think outside the box.

All part and parcel of press photography, some might say.

Anna Lena tells me that “being a press photographer has always been a challenging profession – the physical and mental exertion, the daily stress of long hours and short deadlines, and always the obligation to deliver”. As we have witnessed recently, press photographers often pay a high price to bring us the images we take for granted. Some are taken in abysmal conditions, with little gratitude or reward.

Because the nature of news cycle is to always progress towards the next tragedy, it is easy

for the most recent events in Syria or Libya to fade from our memories. The aim of The World Press Photography Exhibition is to appreciate these often unsung heroes. Despite the conditions in which they are working, they still offer a window to that part of the world.

Anna told me that in the past year, 76 journalists, four of them photographers, have lost their lives while on assignment. At least 213 are still imprisoned or declared missing.

The exhibition is still visited by more than two million people worldwide every year. Online, multimedia, or cross-media developments have not influenced the desire of people to visit an actual exhibition, which is great for raising awareness in often unchartered territory.

Deciding who will have the honour of winning the title of World Press Photo of the Year is no simple task.

The jury filters through 100,000-plus images to decide which one could embody the best photography produced the previous year.

Because some categories have up to 20,000 images, it is especially hard for the first-round jury as they have to narrow down the images while viewing each one for no longer than two seconds. This means there is no time to discuss the images in detail. For them it is really about the image being good enough to be passed through to the second-round jury.

The winning image for this year’s exhibition is of a mother holding her son who is suffering from the effects of tear gas after participating in a street demonstration in Sanaa, Yemen.

The winning photographer was Samuel Aranda. For him, the image “shows the intensity of feeling” between mother and son, and he encourages those who see it to think about the people, and not the veil, or about the prejudice that we in the West have regarding the Arab world.

Anna reinforces this, saying “we owe a debt to Samuel Aranda. His portrait of a Yemini mother and son contains both the familiar and the terrifying. Their intimate embrace is known to us all, but thankfully the suffering is not, and although their identities are concealed by affection and social custom, thanks to the work of Samuel their story is not.”

With the jury looking to select a winner for 2012 in February next year, the stakes will be high. If an image seems manipulated, the photographer is contacted before the contest starts. The jury does not censor any images, so essentially what you see before you is a depiction of real-life events as they happen.

For me, it shows a stark contrast to what is normally seen in New Zealand media and remains a consistent eye-opener.

If I could take anything from viewing the exhibition itself, it would be knowing that somewhere in some part of the world there are people doing what they love, even if it means paying the price of a life.

ONLY ONE JAY-Z

ONLY ONE www.massivemagazine.org.nz

03

IN SHORT

LA DE DA FESTIVAL TIPPED TO BE BEST YET The La De Da festival is entering its third year of existence and is promising to provide everything you want for a New Year to remember. Paul Berrington takes a look at what it has to offer.

ABOUT 10,000 PARTYGOERS ARE EXPECTED TO attend this year’s La De Da festival in Martinborough for what is being tipped as the best yet.

Those who have been before know what to expect – a great setting in the green fields of Martinborough, a diverse line-up of international and local acts across a range of genres, and a vibe that makes this one of New Zealand’s best festival experiences.

Co-promoter Josh Mossman says that going into year 3 they want “to raise the bar yet again”, and he believes they have achieved that by attracting another fantastic line-up.

David Dallas is an example of how strong local hip-hop has become over the past few years, and his reputation for outstanding live performances looks set to provide one of the highlights. International DJ duo the Nextmen have toured New Zealand many times, establishing a reputation for bringing the party to life with their blend of everything from UK rap through to D&B bringing the sound of a block party to any stage they perform on.

It wouldn’t be a truly New Zealand festival without the addition of reggae, and local heroes 1814, built around the Colbert brothers, provide a 10-piece extravaganza that features

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original songs alongside classics from Burning Spear and Dennis Brown. In addition, the self-proclaimed ‘sunshine reggae’ sound of Wellington band Tomorrow People is perfectly suited to sunny days and the festival vibe.

The sounds of drum and bass are another favourite of New Zealand festival audiences, and once again La De Da will provide a selection of acts that are sure to thrill local fans. Arguably the two biggest DJs in drum and bass, Andy C and DJ Marky, provide a guarantee of quality and fun. Andy C’s skills and tune selection are second to none, and he has defined D& DJing for more than a decade, sending fans into raptures on regular tours to this part of the world. He will be joined on stage by beatbox hero Dub FX. Coming with that Brazilian flavour, DJ Marky once again brings regular collaborator MC Stamina along for what is certain to be one of the highlights of the festival’s electronic stage.

New Zealand’s finest live act, Shapeshifter, look set to deliver another legendary New Year’s performance, and headline the event this year.

Those familiar with their previous sets know that this is one you really can’t afford to miss.

Local legend Concord Dawn will also be there,

while joining these acts on the electronic stage will be Ram Records act Delta Heavy, and dubstep innovators Bare Noize.

All of these acts are part of the first announcement, and many more are due to be added to the bill over the summer months.

Mossman says they have invested heavily in the site and infrastructure “so we can provide our ticket holders with the best possible festival experience while they make Martinborough their new home for two nights this December”.

And given the stunning location at Daisybank Farm that shouldn’t be too difficult.

Another great aspect of the festival is that you can volunteer to become part of a passionate team focused on providing a memorable New Years’ experience.

If you’re available to help set up the stages and venue, or help during the festival, or perhaps even during pack-down then contact the organisers through the website. It’s a great way to see the other side of festival while bringing your skills to the table, and you also get the benefit of free entry. Positions are available for a number of roles, including both skilled and casual positions, including everything from carpenters through to traffic controllers and food stalls. It is also a great opportunity for Massey nursing students to put their skills to the test in a practical environment. In other words, there is a position for everyone, and with more than 500 crew involved, it’s a chance to meet like-minded people and have some fun while enjoying La De Da. All applications must be in by mid-November, so take a look and see if it works for you.

Besides these opportunities, Mawsa and La De Da combine to bring several events together, including recent shows with hip hop legends Pharcyde and Ghostface Killah, and several sold-out events featuring Home Brew and @ Peace. This ongoing relationship not only guarantees an influx of quality international acts and national tours, but also benefits Massey students.

Student discounts are available, and with a number of ticket options it is easy to work out what sort of New Year’s adventure suits you.

Passes are available for each day, meaning if you have time for only one night then you can still get a great deal, and if you’re more interested in camping and taking in as much of the festival as possible, there are discounts available for passes that will allow you to see everything.

This is the only festival in the lower North Island over the holiday period and has fast established itself as one the best in the southern hemisphere. With a wide range of acts to suit the tastes of even the most discerning music lover, La De Da provides a great option for those needing a break after a tough year of study and exams. Head over to the website to keep up to date with further announcements of acts and DJs, and with any festival news.

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www.massivemagazine.org.nz

07/09/2012 10:52

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WELLINGTON NOTICES

LIGHTENING INTO SPRING

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS PUBLIC MEETING

Overeaters Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share the common problem of food addiction: compulsive overeating, anorexia, bulimia and obesity.

We are holding a public meeting on Saturday 29th September 2012 from 10.00 to 11.30 a.m. at the Quaker meeting house, 7 Moncrieff Street, Mount Victoria, Wellington.

All are welcome, including people who have problems with their eating, people who are concerned about a friend or relative, and professionals who treat people with food addiction.

The obsession with food may take many forms, including a preoccupation with body weight, size, and shape; eating binges; starving; excessive exercising; induced vomiting or excessive laxative use following a binge; and constant “grazing’’. The physical and emotional ramifications of compulsive eating are enormous.

At the public meeting, members will share their experience and answer questions.

Overeaters Anonymous was founded in January 1960. Today there are over 6000 OA group meetings in over 65 countries. There are no fees for membership. Membership is open to all.

OA is not affiliated with any public or private organisation, political movement, ideology or religious doctrine. The primary purpose of OA is to carry the message that recovery is possible.

There are eight meetings a week in Wellington and others throughout New Zealand.

For more information, please come to the public meeting, write to us at PO Box 5332 Wellington, or telephone (04) 384 8821.

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WHAT BETTER WAY TO WELCOME THE WARMTH of spring, defrost frozen bones, and shine some brightness into our eyes than Wellington Lux illuminating the waterfront nights. From 6pm-9pm on September 1-9, four installations graced the waterfront in a new venture for Wellington.

THE SERIES INCLUDED: Acute Self, by Interrupt Collective, a Kiwi masterpiece enabling the viewer an opportunity to investigate and interact with their own movement as well as experiencing how they occupy their digital and physical space.

Enigmatica, a renowned installation by Australian artist Kit Webster.

After Light, by Storybox (NZ), explored how

light continues to inspire and influence people in our modern world. The work has three chapters and was 12 minutes long with a mesmerizing soundtrack.

Wave Light, by Squid Soup (UK), was a projection work created specifically for the festival. It allowing the audience to interact with a large virtual pool of liquid projected on to the side of Te Papa.

This new venture, a combined contribution from Wellington City Council, Massey University’s College of Creative Arts, and award-winning design company Storybox, is described by Lux’s organiser, Mary Laine, as a taste tester for years to come. “We are hoping it will become an iconic event for Wellington.” Olivia Marsden

FOOD FOR THOUGHT PIZZA WORTH A MILLION: As the story goes, Tom Kirton, the man behind Tommy Millions Pizza and Gelato, was a top law grad a few weeks into an internship before he decided pizza was his true passion. He sold his corporate clothes and headed overseas to learn pizza, New York style.

Upon his return to New Zealand he set up shop in Miramar in a pizza cart.

For his latest venture, on the corner of Courtenay Place and Taranaki St, he has teamed up with Leonardo and Lorenzo Bresolin from Scopa, who know a good pizza when they see one. But Tommy Millions maintains a point of difference, in both ambience and pizza flavours – embrace street food and eat on the benches of Courtenay Place.

The New York style is held in high esteem at Tommy Millions – thin crusts, crisp bubbly edges and classic flavours. There are no swirls of sugary sweet barbeque sauce here, no chicken, and no crusts piped full of fake cheese.

Pizza comes by the slice, sizeable slices too. $5.50 for the weekly special and $5 for the others. The Porker and Pepperoni are delicious. There is a kick to the Pepperoni, while the Porker has the soft sweetness of red onion and clusters of pork sausage meat. The four-cheese pizza is surprisingly light, and the garnish of two basil leaves is a fresh touch.

The service is quick and friendly; banter if you are that way inclined, I feel they would appre-

ciate it. Perhaps less so between 2am and 4am on Saturdays and Sundays: “It’s carnage,” they all say. The chili oil bottle has been smashed off the counter several times and the chefs stretch and twirl pizza dough at a rapid rate.

Then at a more leisurely hour on Sunday morning (11am), it starts again. The down and out (read hungover) buy pizza by the slice, while on the other side of the pizza joint couples and families have Gelissimo gelato. This in itself is worth a trip to Tommy Millions.

You cannot look past the dark chocolate; it is rich and perfectly bittersweet. I thought the tamarillo tasted a little unripe, hinting at tomatoes rather than tamarillos. The Italian Hokey, white chocolate, tiramisu, pomegranate and berry are all tried and true. Be sure to choose a waffle cone, they are more biscuit than cone.

11am-4am Friday and Saturday, 11am-11pm every other day. Harriet Lowe

CLUBS FEED

LEAVE SUNDAY BLUES AT VEGE MARKET

CHINESE STUDENT ASSOCIATION

The Chinese Student Association already has two events under their belt. In August they held a movie night for Chinese students as well as ‘Chinese Bridge,’ a Chinese language class for Massey Wellington students which also introduces them to traditional Chinese culture – with free yumcha included! Keep an eye on the poster boards for more upcoming events.

KOKIRI NGATAHI

Maori students Tyler Dixon and Renee Ferris exhibited their talented artwork at Iwi Creativity on September 12 in the CoCA building. President Nitika Erueti-Satish said the exhibition was a huge success for Maori students to have had a place in this event.

MASSEY SURF

SUNDAYS ARE NOT ALWAYS EASY. I KNOW. WAKING up at 10am fully dressed, with red wine lips and a bad case of the dry horrors (or worse, the wet ones) is hard. But for those of you who are lucky enough to have Sundays free – with the pleasure of being served as opposed to serving – then make the most of your Sundays!

The Harbourside Market is not an early morning commitment. It runs from 7.30-1pm (in winter) or 2pm (in summer). A handful of coins will set you up for a week of healthy eating and let you enjoy the colourful landscape of fresh local fruit and veges. It’s free to bask in the festive splendor of live music and floral arrangements.

Begin at the food stalls, lured by exotic aromas that tickle the palette no matter how hung-over you are. I like to wake and bake: a hot beverage from the accordingly named Espresso Rescue coffee cartel, accompanied by a pastry from the Simply Paris stall, or perhaps a Hungarian

chimney cake traditionally for special occasions.

A sticky spiraled pastry adorned with almonds, coconut, chocolate, vanilla, raisins, cinnamon.

Great for dunking.

There are tastes from all over the globe. Asian influence brings noodles, dumplings, pineapple bread, murtabak, hot crispy roti wraps, spicy curries. Latin American contribution is generous with their finger-lickingly good churros (like donuts but better), tortillas, empanadas filled with melted cheese, Brazilian skewers (halloumi and beef). From Europe we have Fritz’s wieners, worth waiting in line for if you’re in need of a good sausage, Simply Paris sweet treats, crepes, an assortment of salamis. For a reminder of home, there are always the sizzling bacon-andegg butties. There is something for everyone and I could easily keep on drooling ...

The market also offers a banquet of artisan foods at reasonable prices. Deli meats, antipasto, gourmet salt, fresh loaves of wholegrain or sourdough, fine olive oils, homemade hummus, organic honey. You will become a sticky-fingered child with gumdrop eyes, walking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.

This is the oldest Wellington market. It has been running close to every Sunday since 1920.

That’s a long time. Treat yourself this Sunday to some fresh local produce, great kai, and a bit of fun. You’ll see why this market is here to stay.

Emilie Marschner

COUNCIL BACKS FAST-TRACK FOR MEMORIAL PARK Massey Wellington has a new club in the picture. If you’re interested in joining, planning some surf trips or learning to surf, feel free to look up their new Facebook page Massey Surf.

EXPRESSIVE ARTS

Wednesday September 19, 1pm: The Expressive Arts Club presents two new short plays by Massey Expressive Arts Students: Identity Crisis at the Preloved Goods Store

by Emilie Marschner, and What the Sheep!

by Gemma Natau.

The session will be chaired by local writer Jo Randerson. Hannah Clark from the Fringe Festival will also be attending and will be presenting after the readings on how to go about putting together a Fringe Festival event.

Wednesday October 3, 1pm & 7pm: Students from Making Plays for Theatre present a series of short performances made in response to the broad themes explored in Filloux’s play, Luz. Working primarily with image, music and choreography, these original works explore our experiences of, shift and change, home and away, exclusion and belonging.

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MAYOR CELIA WADE-BROWN SAYS SHE IS delighted Wellington City Council has agreed to provide considerable support for the creation of a new National War Memorial Park in Wellington.

The Council’s Strategy and Policy Committee today agreed to support the fast-tracking of legislation to enable the park, to be called Pukeahu, to be developed by Anzac Day 2015 – the centenary of the Gallipoli landings.

The Committee also agreed that the Council will contribute a total of $5 million towards the park’s development.

“The Pukeahu National War Memorial Park

will have great significance at an international, national, civic and local level,” says Mayor WadeBrown.

“I’m delighted by Council’s support for this park, which will provide a beautiful space for contemplation.”

Pukeahu was the name of a defended pa on the ridgetop site now occupied by Massey University – adjacent to the existing National War Memorial.

A portion of State Highway One between Sussex and Taranaki streets will be diverted underneath the new park in a ‘cut and cover’ tunnel.

The Government is expected to spend around $60 million on the park and associated roading work.

Deputy Mayor and Lambton ward Councillor Ian McKinnon says the park is positive for Wellington in a number of ways. “It will provide a focal point for the commemoration of the centenary of the Gallipoli landing in 2015,” he says.

“Further, while offering another park for Wellingtonians to use throughout the year – which is particularly important with the increasing inner-city population – it will also ensure greater safety for students travelling to and from Massey University, Wellington High School and Mt Cook School.”

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ALBANY NOTICES

LAUNCH OF NEW ACCOUNTANCY AND FINANCE MASTER The College of Business is launching a new qualification in accountancy and finance.

The Master of Professional Accountancy and Finance combines two popular disciplines and will commence in February 2013.

The qualification will provide students with the skills they need for leadership in this sector and enable those already working in the field to up-skill.

“We are committed to offering opportunities to those working in the accountancy and finance

areas to enhance their knowledge base and leap up the career ladder.

The MPAF is the only professional master’s degree in New Zealand where these two popular disciplines have been combined, offering flexibility for those with an undergraduate finance major to up-skill in accountancy and vice-versa.

It is available by block course at the Wellington campus or via distance learning.

A PLACE FOR OUEENS, CATS, AND NON-SENSICAL PIMPS ... SUPPOSEDLY

Blake Leitch goes to Wonderland and finds that student balls are different to what may be imagined THE PRELUDE: I had never attended a school/uni ball before this evening. I never saw the point.

However, I decided it was time to experiment and see if these things really are fun. Newsflash: They’re not.

I’m not a fan of themes. I find them somewhat childish. However, the theme of Wonderland should be different. It’s not meant to make sense.

It’s breaking down and upholding the system of themes simultaneously.

Paradoxes are something I enjoy, so I went all out. Nice shoes, pants, and a dress-shirt as the basis of my outfit. This was followed by two ties as a case of ‘why not?’ A white top hat and some self-explanatory bling completed the attire, while the moustache and soul patch of a porn star made me look like the Pimp of Diamonds.

At first, it looked promising. Red mushrooms lit the entrance while a sign directed ‘This Way To Wonderland’. The decor should have definitely made the place feel as though one tumbled down a rabbit hole.

But there was one problem: the people.

It seemed that the majority of people forgot the memo that there was a fucking theme. I’m not saying that people have to go all out, but the majority of people didn’t have so much as a heart on their sleeve.

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Granted, I was half-expecting to look ridiculous (thus, the need for a pre-ball Heineken), but this was simply disappointing. It ended up being the fuse for cynicism that would lead to this article.

DANCING: I don’t understand dancing. Actually, let me clarify: I don’t understand club-style dancing. Nobody looks intelligent, nobody looks sociable, and you can almost hear the ankles crushing as girls in heels jump up and down.

In saying this, it wasn’t a problem I needed to think about for the first hour after my arrival (in which I was an hour late anyway). There was nobody dancing.

This may sound hypocritical of me, considering I’ve already admonished dancing, but the point of a dance floor is to look like that unsociable idiot previously described. An empty dance floor with all its potential inhabitants surrounding is like McDonald’s surrounded and uninhabited by fatties: pointless. (I can say this, I’m a fatty).

When the dancing did begin, my theory of unintelligent, unsociable, painful jumping was proven right. However, there was something else that was noticeable in this – nobody danced properly!

Again, let me clarify. People were club-dancing, but nobody did the stupid ritual right. After about four seconds of jumping and lunging and somebody mistakenly thinking they looked cool, that somebody would stop and try to talk to their friends over the horrendously loud and terrible music (a subject which will be further discussed soon).

After realising that they were inaudible, the idiotic somebody would do this all over again.

This moronic cycle was continued by every single person dancing until they decided to sit down or go and drink. Jump Stop Try and talk Fail Jump. It doesn’t work.

MUSIC: Just another part of the party culture, but another part which I find pointless. A DJ who looked far too old to be a DJ played music at such a level that could very well make one’s internal organs bleed.

Not only was the music stupidly loud, but it was absolutely terrible. If a song already has some sort of catchy riff, there is no need to add loud

electro-drums in the hope that people will dance to it.

I think there may also have been confusion as to what a ball is meant to be. Bless the two who actually tried to slow-dance to the torrent of shit that assaulted our ears, but where was the slow music?

It is to be expected that as party-culture takes its modern twist, club-music will not only be present, but will be dominant. However, for no slow music to be played in two hours makes a mockery of the supposed social event that is a ball.

DRESS: It would be very self-fulfilling if I were to continue my rant against the lack of themed outfits, but other aspects must also be discussed.

In fact, this aspect may be more important.

What is the point in high heels? I’ve been told that the reason behind them is to make one’s butt firmer. Is this really how unsure young women are about their social skills? Or are they under the influence that any good man is really this shallow? If a guy is going to be shallow enough to make a relationship or relational judgment based off of the firmness of you booty, then he’s really a guy you don’t want to be with.

I’m not averse to a beautiful booty, but it isn’t the first thing I look at when I meet someone.

There’s this thing called a face which is usually the foundation for the physical beauty which that girl holds, which every girl holds.

LEAVING THE RABBIT HOLE: In the end, it was an interesting experience for the most part. I was introduced to a world which was alarmingly similar to a conservative world I had previously known. The only differences really were alcohol and small clothes.

This is a social aspect of life that I will never understand. I enjoy conversation, not crumping.

However, this article will probably change very little, if anything at all. If it does change something, it is my hope that girls or young women, whichever you’d prefer to be called, can come to understand that not all men are assholes.

Moreover, the assholes aren’t worth making the effort for.

Oh, and could someone explain to me, what the fuck is a dougie?

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PALMERSTON NORTH NOTICES

ARTS ON WEDNESDAY

NOTICES

PERFORMANCE FIGURES HIGHLIGHT DEFICIENT TERTIARY STRATEGY

IT’S BEEN RUNNING FOR 22 YEARS, IT HAPPENS every Wednesday, it comes riddled with crazy, colourful, zombies, and it’s all about promoting the up and coming performing arts talent that Massey University has to offer. It’s Arts on Wednesday, and despite the upheaval out of the Sir Geoffrey Peren building, it’s still here and making its mark.

Held every Wednesday at 12:30pm throughout the semester, Arts on Wednesday is the chance for students, lecturers, and anyone else interested to tackle hump day and treat themselves to the delight and joy of watching live performing arts for free.

Although it may not be held in the comforting confines of the drama lab anymore, Arts on Wednesday has found its new home in the Wool

The Government has continued its attack on extramural students, infuriating Massey students with the release of misleading performance figures for the university sector.

Annual performance information released by the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) this week favours institutions that focus on full-time internal students. The performance criterion misrepresents the quality outcomes achieved by Massey which enable older students, students who are working, and students who live in isolated areas to achieve qualifications through part-time and distance study.

Massey University is being penalised for providing education to part-time students who balance study with work, parenting and financial pressures.

“The Government does not value students studying part-time,” says Ralph Springett, President of the Massey University Extramural Students’ Society. “Furthermore, these students are labelled as poor performers purely because they study part-time.”

Barriers have increased for those who wish to study part-time. Part-timers are not able to get course-related costs to travel to on-campus courses. Should students decide to continue to post-graduate study, they will be unable to receive student allowances.

They will have to study full time around work pressures, further affecting grades.

While many full-time, loan-encumbered students intend to work overseas after graduating, part-time students are more likely to be in work, have little or no student loan, and remain in New Zealand after graduation.

“The very students who are contributing to our economy, cost us less and are more likely to stay in New Zealand are those penalised,” Mr Springett says. “You’d think the Government would be focusing on educating the New Zealand workforce rather than the Australian workforce

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Building on the stark edges of campus. Once known for the taunt and terror of exams, the Wool Building has been redesigned and is now host to all things creative arts.

On various dates of the calendar, Arts on Wednesday is now being brought to the people.

In the form of an Art Attack (much like a flash mob, but different), Arts on Wednesday will be held in the dining hall.

The zombies staggering around campus come Wednesday lunchtimes are the marketing appeal for Arts on Wednesday. Developed by Massey University Arts Officer Karen Newton, the zombies are there to create interest and intent for the performances, and to show audience members where to go.

Arts on Wednesday features a range of multimedia, film, drama, dance and music. Included in the upcoming calendar are Art Attacks, a documentary called ‘Brother’ which is based on Wellington’s Blanket Man, the drama in performance students’ performance, and much more. See the events page on the Massey website for full dates, location, and information.

Arts on Wednesday relies on the huge support it receives from the School of English and Media Studies. It also relies on those involved.

If anyone would like to partake and perform in Arts on Wednesday, or you would like to put some make up on and be a zombie, contact Karen Newton k.s.newton@massey.ac.nz. Lastly, Arts on Wednesday relies on an audience so be sure to be part of it. Nicole Canning

FESTIVAL OF NEW ARTS EVER THOUGHT ABOUT FLYING? EVER THOUGHT about what flight means to you? Is it about escaping? Is it about reaching new heights? Or is it about soaring and landing at new lows?

The theme of flight, from literal to abstract, is the basis of this year’s Festival of New Arts (FONA) and will act as a loose and broad idea connecting the five plays, five poems, dance, and film that feature in the festival.

For those new to the concept, the festival is an annual performance showcasing new creative pieces that have been crafted solely for the purpose of the festival. Nothing is a re-hashed rendition of a better former version, or something you have seen 100 times before. With all of the pieces being written or developed by members of the Manawatu, the festival comes as a prime opportunity to bask in the glory of what Palmerstonians have to offer.

FONA comes intertwined with multi-media and a wide range of performing arts from dance to poetry for performance. Again, for those new to the concept, poetry for performance is not like performance poetry where someone stands on stage and mind numbingly recites a haiku. Poetry

for performance is about turning a poem into a performance by using visual means of puppetry, film, or multi-voice animation for example.

Across the five plays in the festival, are four short performances and one full length play. Named Smoke and Mirrors, the full length play, was written by Karen Markwell and won 2nd prize for Playwright of the Year hosted by the Playwrights Association of New Zealand.

FONA has a total performance and production cast of roughly 60-70 people including several professional directors and dancers. Amongst the mix is this year’s Artistic Director Jaime Dëorner, lecturer in the Performing Arts Diploma at UCOL, and director of the 2011 Summer Shakespeare.

FONA will be held over the first two weekends of October, from the 5 to 7 at the Hokowhitu campus drama workshop, and the 12 to 14 at the Globe Theater with tickets sold via cash door sales.

While performer and playwright Div Collins describes it as, "A veritable cornucopia of thespianism delights,” in none riddled terms FONA is set to be a genuine abundance of acting entertainment. Nicole Canning

TURITEA DINING HALL FOOD IS CRAPOLA

OPINION: Sarah Harris says competition on campus would encourage the serving of edible food.

THE MASSEY UNIVERSITY TURITEA CAMPUS Dining Hall is a place where students and staff gather to eat, study, and catch up with friends, especially during the common break on Wednesdays from 12pm till 2pm when no one has anywhere else to be and good luck getting a free computer at the library.

The Dining Hall predominantly serves the purpose of feeding the first years living in the halls, their bright young faces lining up each night at 5pm to get dinner and excitedly chattering about the news of the day, who’s sleeping with who in their hall, who they think has a good chance of getting into vet (sadly, statistically most of them won’t, but they don’t need to know that yet), and so on.

They tuck into plates full of food served up by staff, who look thoroughly bored, from great vats full of mass-produced food, the surface of which is usually dry and crusted from the bright heat lights above it.

Students get the following on their meal plan: one main (from a choice of about five or six, usually including two vegetarian options), salad, and dessert. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? That’s

what parents across the country think when they sign their darlings up for the hall of their choice and the meal plan that goes with it.

The meal plan has to at least include dinner if you live in one of the main halls situated directly on campus (Colombo, McHardy, Walter Dyer, Moginie, Craiglockhart, Bindaloe, Miro, Matai, Tawa, Totara) which are the halls that suit the demographic of most of the first years students at Massey.

HERE’S A TYPICAL MENU FOR A FIRST YEAR STUDENT AT DINNER: SALAD: This is generally pasta salad, garden salad, and roast vegetable salad. It was always a bit of a mystery to us how they managed to make all three of these salads taste identical.

Main: Fatty meat cuts, burgers with slimy lettuce and dry crusted tops, and weird green sludge labelled “curry”.

DESSERT: If I ever see another “Golden” pudding again I’ll scream.

OTHER: Fridays are always fat boy Friday, with chips, fish in batter, burgers – just stuff that made your arteries clog just by looking at it.

I remember in my first year, some of the people in my hall (Colombo) and I sat down and calculated how much we were paying for each dinner we had at the Dining Hall. We calculated that it was approximately $11 (by subtracting the rent amount from the total we pay, then dividing by seven to work out the cost of each meal, if only on the dinner plan).

We then worked out what we could make for ourselves paying that much per meal. We could easily make healthy, nutritious food for ourselves at a fraction of the cost. Good theory, but we couldn’t, because the Halls Community Group didn’t allow self catering in the convenient on-campus Halls, and still don’t.

It’s not only first years who have found themselves dissatisfied with over-priced, under-whelming food. Because the Dining Hall is one of the only places to eat on the Turitea campus, students are faced with little option if they don’t have time to make their own food to bring with them. Many students study and work, and time to put into making food daily is something many lack.

At most other universities, students have many great options for purchasing food. Waikato has nine different options, while Auckland has 15 cafes and many more shops that sell food items.

This issue was raised recently at the VC Forum, where students asked Steve Maharey to comment on the low-quality food served at the Dining Hall.

He acknowledged that something needed to be done about it.

So what is the solution?

One idea is to stop the monopoly that the Dining Hall holds over the campus. Other universities have opened up to businesses opening on campus (such as Auckland having a New Zealand Natural on campus) which promotes more options. This would be especially good for Massey because we are on the edge of Palmerston North and away from town.

Perhaps some competition would encourage the Dining Hall to stop serving rubbish and start serving edible food.

STARTUP WEEKEND WINNERS ASK ‘WHAT’S 4 LUNCH?’ A mobile app that gets children helping with food preparation has taken out first prize at Startup Weekend Palmerston North. This was the first Startup Weekend event held outside a major city centre in New Zealand.

The weekend-long, hands-on experience gave aspiring entrepreneurs the chance to find out if their startup ideas were viable. In just 54 hours, the winning team developed a website and mobile phone app to get kids interested in the food they eat.

Called What’s 4 Lunch, the app provides recipes with information about each of the ingredients, including its origin, along with video and photos. The What’s 4 Lunch team won an $8000 prize package for their efforts.

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Second place and the Open Data Prize was won by Friendsafe, an app that enables people to share their travel plans and improve personal safety. As well as sharing the start and end-point of a journey with friends, the app also operates as a communication platform and emergency feedback alert that records audio, video, and geo-location data. The Open Data Prize, worth $1000, was awarded for using local open data sources.

Little Helper Books received an honourable mention for their concept, which allows parents to create games, apps, and ebooks in which their child is a character to help them deal with difficult situations.

Startup Weekend Palmerston North was managed by the BCC, a Palmerston North based business that specialises in taking technology ideas to market. The weekend was sponsored and hosted at UCOL Palmerston North, with Massey University and Kiwi Landing Pad being the other major sponsors.

“I was blown away by the quality of what was achieved over the weekend – it was at the same level as what we've seen come out of Auckland and Wellington,” said Dave Moskovitz, Startup Weekend’s global facilitator. “What really stood out and made all the difference was the teamwork. Teamwork trumps naked skill, and too much ego in a fast-moving high-pressure situation is a recipe for failure.”

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LETTERS

LETTERS MASSIVE magazine welcomes letters of all shapes and sizes, They should be emailed to letters@massivemagazine.org.nz though they can be dropped into any student association office. The Editor reserves the right to edit, abridge, or just plain bastardise them, and will refuse any that are in bad taste or defamatory. Pseudonyms may be used.

PALMY @ WELLINGTON – GOOD WORK ON KILLING ALL THE TREES I often find myself jealous at Massey students who get to study at the Wellington campus.

Having gone there for a block course I found myself crammed into cosy little classrooms that really made the class bond together, as we were all touching at the time. During lunch you get to hang out with High School kids from the high school plonked right in the middle of the campus, the best thing is these kids don’t even wear a uniform so they all hang out at the café looking grown up with pimply faces but that was cool as well because you can be the ‘big man or women’ (but women don’t usually call themselves big women –why not? Its like ‘big man’ but for girls ……….. ok I see maybe its not the best but we need a term that has the same effect damn it!). So as I was saying before being rudely interrupted by my chain of thought, you can act like the Big Man by buying them cigarettes from the dairy so they all think you are the coolest person alive and huddle around you basking in your glow, a great ego boost for anyone really. The last piece of the puzzle comes from the lack of nature, specifically grass and trees. Grass is a weed in many cultures, as are trees, Wellington has the right idea and has more or less exterminated all grass. There is a patch taking root outside the café but I assume that will have some roundup put on it promptly.

In Palmy on the other hand the nature problem is out of control. Everywhere on our sprawling campus with there are acres of grassy areas, native trees for students to sit on and around. It’s really distracting as the native birds get in on the act and start spewing obscenities at passerby and interrupting exam and tutorials where its already hard enough to hear the lecturer because of all the space out classes have. Good job Welly Nature Hater 16

COMPUTERS WANT US DEAD, OR AT LEAST STRESSED The abundance of technology is forever changing the way that we express ourselves socially with people. Years ago all that was needed from us to keep in contact with people was to pick up the landline and call them.

Now deemed as not the norm, this practice has slowly died out to make way for texts and Facebook messages. Constant availability, constant contact to every person you know socially, even some you don’t. Gripping ourselves with a vice like grip, technology has made us become utterly reliant on that constant social feedback. What could possibly be worse than sending a message on Facebook, seeing that small but clear message, “message seen” yet there is no reply. Blatant rejection, which would seem absolutely rude if the same happened in person.

It used to be that technology was undertaken in the same way a face to face conversation would be had, no longer. The stress increase is logarithmic, with constant pressure to always be saying ‘the right thing’, why should we be surprised. Devices constantly come out with a ‘ground breaking’ features, it is forgotten the first feature of the phone. Not just to send audio from one place to another, but to communicate. With prices on cell phone calling at the cost they are now, there is no excuse. Pick up your phone and call instead, if they don’t pick up, leave a message or if you’re feeling overloaded, turn that phone off! They can always leave a message.

Liam Reilly

OPEN LETTER TO TUSSOCK CAFÉ I am writing to bring light to a grave injustice that has taken place at Tussock Café, well it isn’t really a grave injustice just more of a nuisance, well its not even really a nuisance more just me having a rant because something I really liked to eat is no longer there. And in reality I have no reason to complain but sometimes complaints that have no reason to exist are the best type of complaints or not.

I want last semesters chicken burger back.

Yes this is a selfish complaint about something I have no right to ask for but man, that chicken burger is a beacon of hope in an otherwise over blown burger market. It had everything, nice bun, crispy chicken, peppers, good sauce and served with fries at a competitive $11. The new burger, the Cajun one, just isn’t cutting the mustard as far as im concerned. It doesn’t scream quality at me, maybe it’s because ya cheeped out on the bun, maybe its because the peppers are gone. I don’t know. I do know that I was very sad when eating it, and happy when eating the other one.

Such was my disappointment I have no vowed to never eat meat again, until I have tasted an original chicken burger from Tussock again.

I’m starving BTW. Veges suck.

Rasta Rooster

SOMEONE’S DUMB POEM “ Mawsa was an awesome bunch, who often liked to go for lunch.

One day as they dined, they all became blind, ‘cos VUWSA had poisoned their punch.” “ I once took an ultimate risk and joined in with ultimate disk.

Those ultimate nerds , flocked together in herds, and barked orders at me in a lisp” “Ben had a glorious fro, with a bouncy and healthy sleek glow.

But the work pile proceeded, and his hair line receded till he looked like Don King with no mo.”

“Massey had numerous clubs who sometimes would gather in pubs.

Til the barman heard moaning and sweaty men’s groaning and busted none other than Mubs” “Pipi was an early arriver, who was stealthy and quick as Mac Gyver.

One girl got quite lippy And tried to end Pipi, because of her toxic saliva” “I once know a man called Matt Shand, Who developed a swollen throat gland.

The doctors were puzzled till they reached down his muzzle and dislodged a frisbee with their hand” “The boss of mawsa took a porsha on a cruise to Palmy, He got a flat tyre, the scene was quite dyer and George had to summon the army” “ Fringey had a little cam, His skin was white as snow, and every where that fringey went, his Cam was sure to go.

It followed him to work one day, This was against the rules, It coaxed him into purchasing, some emo cutting tools.

It made the campus cry and pray to see the fringe at school, But little did the campus know, Behind it was a fool.”

Jim Hobb

EVERY LETTER WINS! All letters receive a prize courtesy of MASSIVE Magazine.

This month it’s 250 Gram bag of Peoples’ Coffee. Either come to the mawsa office or email: competitions@massive.org.nz to collect your prize.

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FEATURE

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The debate as to whether same-sex marriage should become legal has been making regular headlines as the debate heats up in Parliament. Yasmine Jellyman delves into the waters of marriage equality and gauges student opinion on the controversial topic.

PRIDE AND GROOM On May 14, Labour Party MP Louisa Wall said she would introduce a private member’s bill, the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill, allowing same-sex couples to marry. The bill was submitted to the members’ bill ballot on May 30. Green Party MP Kevin Hague also submitted a same-sex marriage bill, the Marriage (Equality) Amendment Bill, to the ballot on June 24.

Both MPs said they would work together in support of whichever bill came up first.

P

n July 26, a ballot draw of five members’ bills saw Wall’s bill drawn.

In its introductory form it modified the definition of “marriage” in Section 2 of the Marriage Act 1955 to be inclusive of same sex marriage, and replace Schedule 2 – the list of prohibited degrees of marriage – with a new schedule using genderneutral terms.

Prime Minister John Key had said he would support any same-sex marriage bill in its first reading initially, but after the bill was drawn he said he would support the bill through all stages. Opposition to the bill came from the Conservative Party, Family First, and several religious groups. New Zealand First said it would abstain, and that the legalisation of same-sex marriage should be put to a referendum.

In 2004, a nz herald poll found that 40 per cent of New Zealanders supported same-sex marriages and 54 per cent were against. In 2011, a Research New Zealand poll found that 60 per cent were in favour and 34 per cent against, with support at 79 per cent among 18 to 34-year-olds. In May this year, a One News Colmar Brunton poll showed that 63 per cent of New Zealanders supported same-sex marriage, with 31 per cent against. The results indicate a link between identifying with a religious/spiritual group and opposing same sex marriage.

As of August 28 this year, 64 MP’s had said they would vote for the bill when only 61 were needed for it to pass the first reading. Fifteen MPs had said no, eight had abstained or withdrawn from voting, 10 had said they were undecided and the views of 24 were unknown.

Mr Hague said “the time had come” for gay marriage in New Zealand. He said it was likely the bill would have majority support at first reading because Prime Minister John Key had indicated he would support it in its early stages. “I think John Key’s support is quite important because within the National Party caucus that is effectively the green light for people who support the bill to be able to vote for it.”

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Prime Minister John Key said he would vote, in a conscience vote, for the bill to allow marriage equality for same-sex couples and transgender people because it wouldn’t impact on his relationship with his wife. He said he was unlikely to change his mind over the course of the debate.

“You go through all the merits of the argument and look at what people put up; but my view is that if two gay people want to get married I can’t see why it would undermine my marriage with Bronagh. There will be plenty of people in our caucus who will be deeply opposed – particularly the very religious ones, and I can understand that.” He said the bill was likely to reach select committee stage and he thought there would be a lot of lobbying from both sides of the debate.

Labour Party leader David Shearer said his party would cast conscience votes. “We’ve always gone for a conscience vote on these issues – and that’s what the caucus decided it wanted to do.”

He said he would support marriage equality.

“I think it’s the reality of our times. It effectively puts in place what’s already in existence.

All New Zealanders will have the opportunity to have a say through the select committee process, so I think it’s important that the bill comes forward.”

+ OPPONENTS HAVE MOBILISED AGAINST THE bill. Conservative Party leader Colin Craig said he was planning a campaign on the advantages of heterosexual relationships and traditional family structures. “I am keen to be part of a campaign to get out there on the issue.

It would look intelligently at the differences between homosexual parenting and a mum and a dad.”

Surrounding the issue is a religious debate.

Catholic Priest Father Merv Duffy argues a change is wrong and dangerous, while Presbyterian minister Margaret Mayman says it is equality that most New Zealanders, gay and straight, want.

Father Duffy said: “I oppose the proposed re-definition of marriage because it is wrong, dangerous, expensive and unnecessary. It is wrong because marriage is a historical and cultural universal reflecting our nature. It is unnecessary because the New Zealand Civil Union Act has allowed almost all the legal rights of marriage to same-sex couples.”

Rev Mayman said: “Marriage equality is no threat to families or to people of faith. With Civil Unions, New Zealand acknowledged diverse families legally. Now is the time for full social equality. It is not gay and lesbian people who have been transforming marriage.

It is heterosexuals. It seems to me that it is precisely because heterosexuals have changed marriage from an economic arrangement to a relationship of love and support, which gay and lesbian people are seeking to join it. Love is what matters. It is equality that the majority of New Zealanders, gay and straight, want for our nation” I conducted a survey of Massey students and also took to Facebook to find out people’s views. Of those surveyed, 181 were for marriage equality, 13 were against, 6 were undecided, 17 were unknown, and 68 abstained.

Jimmy Jansen, Mawsa’s Queer Executive and second-year nursing student said: “This argument does not merely address the topic of marriage, it addresses equality as a human right. If I, as a gay man, am to be denied a marriage because my/our love is considered second-rate to straight love, then by all means exempt me from other social obligations like paying taxes!”

Emma Ward, a second-year communications student, said: “I see gay marriage as a legal issue. At the moment a Civil Union is basically the same as a civil marriage – except for the name. If people want equality and legal rights, they can basically get them already. If all they want is the label of being married then they should be entitled to that. The definition of marriage is being re-defined. People getting married without thinking through the consequences and getting married for the sake of it is destroying the sanctity of marriage more 19

FEATURE

‘YOU GO THROUGH ALL THE MERITS OF THE ARGUMENT AND LOOK AT WHAT PEOPLE PUT UP; BUT MY VIEW IS THAT IF TWO GAY PEOPLE WANT TO GET MARRIED I CAN’T SEE WHY IT WOULD UNDERMINE MY MARRIAGE WITH BRONAGH.’ - JOHN KEY, PM. than gay people (Kim Kardashian I’m looking at you). As for the religious issue, God can be the judge, not us. At the end of the day, it doesn’t harm me, and it makes other people happy, so I’m for it.”

Nicola Blucher, a second-year nursing student said: “I’m for legalising gay marriage because, really, whose business is it if two people in love want to get married regardless of the fact that they are of the same sex. Someone else’s marriage shouldn’t affect you, it shouldn’t lessen the sanctity of marriage, it is just two people wanting to share their love together, so why should it matter to you? Does denying someone their rights make sense just because a few people are uncomfortable with it? I can’t imagine anyone standing by and just letting things happen if they were suddenly told that being attracted to the opposite sex was unnatural and they were no longer allowed to be married, so why is it okay for that to happen to queers?”

Tory Regan said: “I’m for marriage equality because it’s only fair that every New Zealander should be free to marry the person they love, regardless of their gender. But this isn’t just about marriage, this is about human rights.

This is another step in the battle for equality in New Zealand. When gay and lesbian people are allowed to marry it will mean they are closer to being equal with straight people, and maybe once everyone has the same rights, homophobia will disappear because straight people will no longer see gay and lesbian 20

people as being different to them.”

Robyn Sorenson, a first-year animation and digital video student at Natcoll said: “Absolutely for marriage equality. Religion should play no part whatsoever in the legal system and marriage has become more than just religious ceremony. Any ‘the Bible says no’ crap is redundant in this day and age if it’s just going to be forced on people with different views. That’s not to say you can’t have your beliefs and faiths, but keep it in your own house under your own roof and out of politics.”

Kent Harris, a third-year sport exercise student at Massey said: “I am against gay marriage. I’m also Christian. My view of marriage is a covenant with a man and a woman made with God. I believe Christians and the Church need to stand strong in what our scripture teaches us, and to be the light of righteousness in this world. We should not endorse or encourage what is a sin in God’s eyes. In saying that, there is no scripture to suggest that homosexuality is the worst or ultimate sin. In fact, it is never singled out as a sin on its own, and is only used as an example along with other sins. As Christians, we are too often quick to judge and to point out the wrong in others’ lives. Therefore it would seem wrong for me to criticise and judge the actions of someone wishing to enter into gay marriage. While I find it contrary to the word of God, I need to accept others’ right to their own values, and I will not be one to engage in protest or insult others for what they do.

Instead, I encourage all Christians to reach out to this community, offering unconditional love, without an agenda, and not judgment, loving them as people in the way that God loves them and loves us.”

Jesse Laughton said: “I’m undecided, more towards the fact as to why there is such a demand for the legalisation of it all as Civil Union is a legitimate and binding agreement between partners.

Marriage is something traditionally done through some type of religion and most of the time has something to do with church.

Now religions with a basis of church etc don’t usually gel with homosexuality so why demand to be a part of a group that tends to disagree with your sexuality. I am pro-homosexuality, I just don’t understand why there is a demand for a legalisation on the issue.”

+ ON AUGUST 29, WALL’S BILL PASSED ITS FIRST reading. Eighty MPs voted for the bill and 40 voted against it.

Wall said the calm and measured debate was a sign New Zealand had matured in its views.

“This is the first hurdle in the transition from this being a bill to an act.” She hopes the support base for the bill will grow as it progresses through the select committee. It is unlikely it would be passed and signed into law before the middle of next year. This is because the select committee stage has been allocated six months for consideration the bill, and the nature of the bill means there could be a large number of public submissions, requiring the full six months to be used, or even an extension being required.

COME SUPPORT YOUR TEAMS

MASSEY AG VS. LINCOLN SATURDAY 22 SEPTEMBER

11AM NETBALL MATCH RECREATION CENTRE COURTS MASSEY UNIVERSITY MANAWATU 2.30PM LA BROOKS TROPHY GAME SPORT & RUGBY INSTITUTE MASSEY UNIVERSITY MANAWATU (Free sausage sizzle for duration of game and cash bar available. NO BYO.) Contact alumni@massey.ac.nz for more info

MASSEY.AC.NZ www.massivemagazine.org.nz

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FEATURE

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Lincoln University’s rugby team has redefined the definition of stupidity by travelling to Massey University in a lame attempt to win the LA Brooks trophy – that we let them win last year because they cry too much and they’re lame anyway. Danielle Ritchie looks at how great our team is compared to theirs.

SPRIGS SHARPENED FOR ANNUAL RUGBY MASSACRE

Ah, it’s that time of year again – when we pretend to be terrible at rugby so Lincoln can beat us, so they can feel extremely proud of themselves when the real effort went into the aforementioned pretending by Massey’s incredibly gifted students.

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n September 22, they will put on another performance for their loyal fans, the eighth consecutive year this clash has taken place. Yes, history suggests Lincoln’s superiority in this sport, a victory to them occurring in five of the past seven years, but anyone who knows anything about rugby is fully aware that the score does not always reflect the capability of a team.

Plus, it always rains when this game’s played, so no one can fairly judge competence anyway.

Held this year at Massey’s Palmerston North campus, the game will bring together agriculture students from the two universities for a major battle on the rugby field – and also the netball courts – where they fight for the LA Brooks trophy, the aesthetically unappealing MOG shield, and 365 days of glory.

Massey’s rugby captain – lead actor, you could say – Andrew “Rusty” Drysdale, has been involved with the event for two years, having played once at home at Massey and once at Lincoln. He says the game is “hugely competitive” but that the rare opportunity for two different universities to meet in this kind of fixture and also do some mingling in a social context is what makes it such a great weekend.

The game is tied to a great deal of history and tradition, so regardless of how weird it looks, these guys are really keen to get that trophy and shield this year.

The inclusion of netball in the past few years has added to the competitiveness as well as involving the girls a bit more.

Captain Rusty says it will hopefully bring in more supporters and create a great build-up for the match. Another one of Massey’s rugby boys, Calvin Ball, says there are actually more female agriculture students than males, and their involvement via the netball is an excellent way of making sure those students are well represented. It gives the ladies an opportunity to contribute to the smashing and pulverising of those awful Southerners – something we’re all excited to see.

The social aspect of the weekend is also of great appeal to the students, giving them an opportunity to interact with their likeminded, albeit athletically-inferior, South

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Island counterparts. The Lincoln students “know how to have a good time”, according to Captain Rusty, and everyone likes a good postrugby yarn.

On the Friday night before the game, a debate will be held in front of both universities’ rugby and netball teams, which is referred to as a ‘Take the Mickey’ debate. This gives everyone an opportunity to meet and bond before they proceed with attempts to embarrass each other on the paddock the next day. You are safe to assume there’s Mickey-taking that occurs; everyone knows sport is nothing without some cheeky trash talk.

PREVIOUS FIXTURES

2005

26-12, Lincoln University*

2006

47- 0, Lincoln University

2007

19-11, Lincoln University

2008

10-20, Massey University**

2009

11-20, Massey University

2010

19-6, Lincoln University

2011

27-5, Lincoln University

*First game since 1966 **Massey’s first win since 1966 ON TOP OF THIS, THE WEEKEND SERVES AS A sort of exchange. In 2011, when Massey YFC students travelled to Lincoln, they were taken on tours of local farms and food-processing plants, says Ball. So, though the boys (and girls) do relish the physical and competitive nature of the game, the point is to spend some time around students from a similar background and with similar interests.

For those who are playing, Captain Rusty has some advice. That is to try their best, obviously, and to “enjoy the privilege of being involved in such a unique fixture”. But also to let themselves be motivated by the support of the screaming fans. The one thing Massey has that Lincoln doesn’t, besides a capable team, is home advantage. I say ‘screaming’ fans, but mild yelling is more likely. Still, that provides plenty of motivation. Even vague cries. You see, that yelling and those cries will be calling for supporters to rise up and make our university proud. Calling for us to destroy Lincoln, and bring Massey an entire year of gloat-worthy glory. And those who go down to the game to support our boys and girls should make sure they’re actually yelling and crying (not crying crying, that’s counterproductive) because otherwise Captain Rusty’s advice will have gone to waste, as will this paragraph.

My father often says a silent home supporter at a rugby game is worse than an obnoxious opposition supporter. Actually, he’s not that articulate, but that’s the general gist.

So, when the weekend of September 22 rolls around, I hope you all get out your war paint and banners and support your team, because there is no satisfaction greater than proving the North Island’s superiority.

For the past seven years since the fixture was reinstated, Lincoln have had more than their share of victory, but this year they are going down, and it is in your best interest to be there to witness it. Massey’s greater ability on the field, combined with their higher IQs, will result in every tackle, ruck, maul, lineout, scrum, line break, Sonny Bill-esque offload, and glorious try, serving as an embarrassment to Lincoln as they struggle to make their kickoff go 10 metres, or fail to win their own ball from lineout, effectively clean out the ball from a ruck, or even spend any time in Massey’s 22. (You guys should learn this lingo – it’ll help you fit in).

Supporters should remember: yelling and (positive) crying is the way to motivate your team and drive them to victory! Players should remember: if you can tip it, you can catch it.

GO MASSEY 23

FEATURE

BOY RACER ACT - EXCESSIVE AND DISCRIMINATORY? On the 21st of June 2012, New Zealand saw its first crushing of a boy racer car.

However, the question is whether the controversial law was the right punishment for the crime or a target on teenagers in New Zealand. Harpreet Kaur reports.

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ew Zealand’s first crushing of a boy racer car which took place this year under the “Boy Racer” Act law was aimed to be a warning against street racers. However, the law is perceived as being discriminatory by some.

The Nissan Laurel was crushed on the morning of June 21, 2012 at Lower Hutt under street racing destruction laws, after its owner Daniel Ronald Briant was found guilty of ‘sustained loss of traction’, dangerous driving and driving while suspended.

After the car was crushed it was auctioned on TradeMe and sold to the Museum Of Transport and Technology (MOTAT) for $818.

Proceeds were donated to Youthline.

The car will be displayed by the museum with the aim of educating the public of the importance of safe driving and to show the technology used to crush the car.

Minister of Police Anne Tolley, who pushed the button that crushed the car, says this crushing process is carried out to protect the communities by reducing noisy, dangerous driving and anti-social behaviour that goes along with illegal street racing.

The “Boy Racer” Act was introduced in 2008 by the then Police Minister Judith Collins

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and was passed to tackle the issues of illegal street racing and reduce the numbers in these offences. According to this law, the offender’s car is only crushed after offenders get three strikes.

The Land Transport Amendment Act 2003 states that police officers can impound vehicles with the discretionary powers they have.

“At the last count there were 116 offenders on their second strike. Hopefully the first car crushing will have made it clear to them that a third strike won’t be tolerated,” said Minister Tolley.

Minister Tolley feels that the museum is an appropriate place for the car to be displayed so that young people will be warned about the effects of dangerous driving.

Alongside with that, Minister Tolley defends herself for smiling in pictures while standing on the crushed car by saying that it was done to get media coverage to show that the Government will not tolerate such behaviours.

She adds that this law is fair and is proving very effective, with 800 fewer illegal street racing offences since the law was introduced.

It also serves as a wakeup call for all the boy racers.

However, some say that the crushing law is

not a suitable punishment for this crime. A criminologist and sociology professor at the University of Canterbury, Greg Newbold, feels that this law is age discriminatory.

“The law itself is not discriminatory but the way it is presented and the way it is being carried out is. And that’s why it is for the boy racer car. They are not going to crush the cars of older people. They are only going to crush the cars of boy racers who repeatedly offend.

All they are doing is aiming at young people,” he said.

“It is just a way of stigmatising the young same as the zer0-level tolerance law which came in. There is pressure upon the Government to lower the drink driving age but the adults didn’t want that cause that means that we would not be able to go drinking and then drive. So instead they just made an zer0-level tolerance for young people and everyone was happy with that. This is because the young people do not have a voice. It is the same in this case.”

In Professor Newbold’s opinion, this law should not have been used to punish Briant.

He states that “boy racing” is much safer than what it was in the past. Today, cars are equipped with safety features and drivers are more responsible than they were before. But no one has the right to destroy the things of other people.

“And when you see that Anne Tolley standing on top of a crushed car I think it is disgraceful.

That car would have been worth tens of thousands of dollars. You confiscate the

car, you sell the car. You put the car up for auction and give the money to charity. Give the money to a group of children, give the money to hospitals or something. You don’t destroy things. I thought that was an absolute disgrace.”

“Briant was penalised much worse than anybody else just because he is young and had a nice car. That’s why he got penalised so heavily. We will never do that to an adult offender. They have just made an example of a young boy,” Professor Newbold adds.

With this law in place, there will be a harsher punishment for offenders. Professor Newbold feels that it is not fair that other offenders get a lenient punishment compared to “boy racers” who take pride in their cars.

“The law should apply equally to everybody.

If they are going to start crushing cars, they should go on a massive campaign of crushing everyone’s cars whoever is a repeat offender.

There shouldn’t be some strict rules on whose cars get crushed and whose don’t. The actual fact is that it is a total waste to destroy people’s stuff like that. Now I think the law should be reasonably applied and should apply in the same way as everybody.”

“And I don’t think there is any place in the world that allows destruction of other people’s property.”

He adds that this law will be ineffective as it will result in disrespect from the young people towards the police and they will resent the police.

“Boy racing is not a major issue. The laws are

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fine without the “boy-racer” laws and it would be effective if it is policed correctly, reasonable and consistently. It is “not right to wreck someone’s prized possessions.”

In addition, accounting and management student, Neil Marriott feels that this law breaches people’s rights to personal property.

The 20-year-old has followed the legislation closely and says that any young person driving a Japanese car is considered a boy racer.

A young person driving over the speed limit in a Japanese car is more likely to be caught compared to a businessman driving an expensive car over the speed limit.

“This is purely based on police perception and discretion.”

He adds that the law is unfair. A person may be driving on a wet day and, due to sustained loss of traction, the wheels may spin. After three such instances his car may end up getting crushed.

+ AFTER GETTING HIS THIRD STRIKE, BRIANT tried to switch the ownership of his car multiple times so that it would not have to undergo the crushing process. The 19-yearold faces a 21 month disqualification, is awaiting a charge on his fourth offence, has had his car crushed and was indirectly penalised as his car was worth $9,000.

Compared to other crimes such as drink driving and speeding in excess, Briant faced a heavy penalty as well as losing his car.

Marriott said that instead of the crushing punishment, Briant’s licence should have been taken away from him for a longer period. As soon as he gets back his licence, he can go and buy another car.

Marriott adds that the crushing has invaded Briant’s rights to his personal property when the car was not the root cause of the problem.

“It is not fair for him to receive this double punishment. The punishment has to fit the crime and someone should not be punished by arbitrary amounts at the discretion of someone sitting in an office chair.”

Also, Marriott says that the museum is providing the wrong message. The message behind the display should be that one should “become a competent driver and have high regards for other road users and not to take risks and commit any illegal acts.”

There should be driver training that focuses on confidence and coordination to reduce accident.

Marriott feels that there are other bigger issues such as the drug market where time and resources can be spent on enforcement.

“At the end of the day, generation Y is a generation whose collaboration is achieved by having them on your side. and communicating well with young people, unlike previous generations who were more accustomed to being unquestioned of authority,” he adds.

“Education, the right penalties and providing ways to indulge their passion without putting their innocents at risk should be sufficient for those who commit illegal acts.”

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FEATURE

LIVING BELOW THE LINE Harriet Lowe looks at way of tackling poverty that is catching imaginations in four countries.

i

t’s easy to be a cynic when it comes to poverty eradication campaigns. It’s easy to think it’s idealistic to believe we can end global poverty. It’s easy to think that as long as corrupt despots hold governance there is little we can do.

On the flipside, it’s easy to feel guilty for how we live and the opportunities and privileges inherent to the lifestyles of the middle class and above. Perhaps being cynical is easier than feeling guilt. Guilt is an increasing complex and common issue in our society. For many of us, as long as we feel the pangs of guilt we feel like better people. Guilt is a reminder of our social conscious. Charity campaigns and anti-poverty organisations keep our social conscious in-check.

We are aware of so many problems facing our society: extreme poverty, global warming, deforestation, rising sea levels, the obesity

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epidemic, the financial crisis, frictions between the haves and the have-nots, frictions between the United States and the rest of the world. We are aware. We feel the pangs of guilt for what we have and how we live.

Now we have to feel guilty because dropping the shrapnel from our wallets into a street appeal bucket and wearing a sticker on our lapel is no longer enough. We have to participate, we have to discuss, motivate others, and engage with the issue of global poverty.

Live Below the Line is a relatively new antipoverty challenge and it’s getting people talking. Started in 2009 by the Global Poverty Project (GPP), Live Below the Line aims to change the way we think about poverty.

“We want to let people know some of the facts about poverty, the good and the bad, without the pity,” says Teri Anderson, an ambassador for GPP.

Teri cites an example that extreme poverty halved between 1980 and 2005 – from 52% of the world’s population to 25%.

Participants in the Live Below the Line challenge have $11.25 to spend on food for five days while gaining sponsorship to their choice of charity; Unicef, Tear Fund, Oxfam, Volunteer Service Abroad, GPP, P3, Christian World Service, World Vision.

There are rules. No free gifts or donated food are allowed – monetary donations only.

Cupboard staples such as oil, flour, herbs, salt and sugar can be used only if their cost per gram is worked out and factored into the daily budget. The same goes for home-grown produce: the labour and production costs must be calculated.

A household can pool their daily amount.

Rebecca Wood, a second-year nursing student, will participate in the challenge with her five flatmates. They will pool their money: $50 on food and $1.25 each for “treats” for the five days.

“We are doing it as a flat to support Unicef while also being able to closer relate to how

the people who live in poverty feel every day,” she says.

In the harsh world of those living in extreme poverty, $2.25 must cover all daily expenses: food, fuel, transport, healthcare and basic sanitation. Most likely those workers receive his or her daily income in coins when they clock off. In New Zealand, Australia, the UK and the US, the only four countries participating in the challenge, the daily amount is for food only.

During the five days participants can text, twitter, or get on to Facebook from their iphone or smartphone; drive, take a taxi or a bus; continue to pay rent, phone and electric bills; watch TV; go to uni or to paid employment of at least $13.50/hour. During the five days of eating only $11.25 worth of food, they can buy a $200 pair of leather shoes, should they feel inclined.

But you wouldn’t do that, because the tendrils of liberal guilt would be well and truly wrapping themselves around you.

Will Watterson, the creative director of the Live Below the Line project, says that

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though guilt might stimulate a one-off transaction, long-term guilt can stifle progress and paralyse action. As much as Live Below the Line is about raising awareness of poverty, he says, it is also about celebrating the progress that has been made in eradicating poverty and the potential there is to do more good.

He explains a basic philosophy of Live Below the Line and the GPP as “every person in a democracy realising they have an amazing power to change the world around them”.

As with all charities, participants need to be wary of how their money is used. Live Below the Line is more flexible than other campaigns because participants can choose a charity that aligns with their beliefs and world view.

In 2011 the Global Poverty Project spent 83% of funds raised on campaigns encouraging awareness about poverty, says Teri Anderson.

The remaining 17% was spent on administration costs.

GPP is “building consciousness,” Watterson says. They are not guilt tripping but getting people excited.

This may seem wishy-washy, getting people

excited and engaged in the issue of global poverty, but perhaps this is the best system we have. There is no overnight solution and handing over billions of dollars in aid will not necessarily lift people out of poverty in the long term. Campaigns and concerts don’t solve poverty, says Watterson. What is needed is a movement.

Jeffrey Sachs, an American economist and advisor to Ban Ki-Moon, appears on several of the videos on the Live Below the Line website.

On ending poverty, he says: “This has been a dream of humanity for as long as human beings have been dreaming, but now in our time we can make these goals not only our goals but our accomplishments.”

Watterson says guilt will not achieve anything and it will not make us feel any better or more important. What’s needed is compassion, understanding, and education.

The Live Below the Line challenge is just a taster of impoverished conditions, and rather the cynic in me think this is a fault, perhaps living below the line is the start of something bigger.

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FEATURE

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Karl Urban has won awards both locally and internationally, taking on such roles as Dr Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy in Star Trek and being considered as James Bond. Now he has taken on what is perhaps his greatest challenge, the role of Judge Dredd in Dredd 3D, a big-screen version of the legendary 2000AD comic character. Paul Berrington

spoke to him about his inspiration for the role, the filmmaker’s efforts to “get the story right”, and the thrill of riding the Lawmaster through the streets of Cape Town, South Africa.

KARL URBAN: JUDGE, JURY AND EXECUTIONER “I began reading 2000AD over 15 years ago”, says Urban enthusiastically. “My first introduction to 2000AD came through a friend who introduced me to Quality Comics, and I was instantly taken by the morality tales set under totalitarian control in a world where judge is also jury and executioner”, first experiencing the British comic as a 16-year-old working in a Wellington pizza parlour.

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is experience and enjoyment of playing Dredd is easy to sense in Urban. He speaks strongly when asked about some of the risks associated with the role, given that the previous film adaption displeased fans and critics alike.

“I was a long term fan of Dredd, so the only pressure came from a personal need to get Dredd right”, something that he sees as an essential ingredient to his acting. “I believe when approaching any role the main focus must be on the character.”

Does this mean he believes it is important for comic book adaptations to remain faithful to original material?

“By and large, yet I think it depends on the project”, though he admits that, “Dredd contains a few contextual differences to the comic book, yet remains faithful to the original meaning the creators intended”.

It’s obvious how much this means to Urban, including the fact that Dredd never removes his helmet in the original comic. “For me it was incredibly important to keep the helmet on, and I wouldn’t have done the film if it had been any other way.”

He believes that “one of the great aspects of Dredd is that you never fully see his identity”, yet doesn’t that go against the grain of lead actors in general? He laughs at this. “With Dredd, his identity is what he does and that was important to me. There is a variety of this style of heroes in film … in a way this Dredd is a modernised version of Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name, combined with a little of the dry black humor of the 80s Schwarzenegger films”.

I don’t like to compare the two films”, he says when asked how this version is more successful than the previous Sylvester Stallone starring misfire.

“That is not my job and this is a completely new film and adaptation. All I can say is that there was a focus on getting the story right”.

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This is a theme that has been very important to the filmmakers in general, with an emphasis on bringing Dredd to life in a way that will please fans of the original comic.

“Alex was a long-term fan as well”, Urban says of Alex Garland, the screenwriter and novelist behind The Beach, 28 Days Later, and Sunshine. “When we hooked up in Cape Town to discuss the script Alex saw that I’d crossed out some of the dialogue and asked me why. I said that Dredd says less.”

He says “there was a confidence in the collaborative process, with various drafts of the script developed between screenwriter, director, and lead actors. Garland had delivered an amazing script, yet the fact that further developments were done within a tightly focused group allowed the story to be developed on the page.

I think this really shows in the film.”

+ OBVIOUSLY A LOT OF THOUGHT HAS GONE INTO the portrayal of Dredd as a character, yet given physical nature of the role, Urban says it is the toughest character he’s had to prepare for.

“The preparation was the most intense I’ve experienced in a film. There were 13 weeks of two gym sessions a day, and I was also working on promoting Red at the time. Perhaps the hardest thing is the nutrition … having to eat every 15 minutes becomes a real chore.”

The constructed world of mega city one, the setting for Dredd, created an experience in itself, and one of which Urban speaks enthusiastically. “The set design was fantastic.

The film’s narrative takes Dredd and rookie Anderson to the Peach Tree tower block where they become trapped and must fight to survive. The Peach Tree sets were incredible and there was no use of green screen, meaning the construction of Dredd’s world was done through set design exclusively”.

Not that it is easy work, as Urban confesses, “making a film is like trench warfare, yet it

is a truly rewarding experience. This was an extremely difficult shoot, and shooting in 3D meant fewer shots and more of a need to get things right. What helped was that Dredd is truly collaborative experience”. In particular, Urban found that Olivia Thirby (Juno, United 93) who plays rookie judge Anderson, a pleasure to work with. “Working with the incredibly talented Olivia Thirby was also an inspiring experience”.

Also inspirational was the chance to work with Academy Award-winning cinematographer, Anthony Dod Mantle, whose talent Urban was quick to promote. “Anthony is a real artistic powerhouse whose final contribution cannot be measured, and this means Dredd will reward repeat viewings.”

When asked about how much he enjoyed the role, Urban can barely contain his thrill.

“The opportunity to play someone you’re not in reality is the best. It was a real thrill to play a fearless character walking in the face of danger. Perhaps the most enjoyable moment of filming was riding the Lawmaster, a fully functioning motorbike that in reality didn’t turn corners particularly well, through the streets of Cape Town during the day in costume and mask. “Researching the role was also satisfying as I got to read some of the more recent Dredd stories, which were a bit more questioning and dealt with the origins of Mega City One in America.”

So it seems fans can expect much to enjoy in Dredd that the previous adaptation couldn’t deliver back in 1995.

“I think the evolution of cinema plays a role in the creation of tone and content, and with Dredd there are significant differences in the mood due to the fact it was made today. Look for more of a character-driven script”.

And a New Zealander who has more than enough talent to handle it.

Dredd is realsed on the 10th of October, the film is reviewed on page 60 of this issue.

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT WE ARE PROUD TO SUPPORT THE 2012 AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS Where isAWARDS the best place to find a bargain in New Zealand? Op-Shops have been steadily popping up all over ASSOCIATION AND and make great places for students on a budget to shop. But where are the best ones? Each month MASSIVE WISH ALL CONTENDERS THE will send out two students from two different campuses to find a ‘new’ outfit for less than $25. This month VERY BEST OF LUCK FOR Rhiannon Josland and Catherine Irving take up the challenge FRIDAY 28 SEPTEMBER.

OP-SHOP CHALLENGE RHIANNON JOSLAND

Age: 20 Year: Three Degree: Graphic Design, Massey Wellington

You can’t put a price on freedom, but in this instance, $25 to spend on clothing was just the key I needed to unlock me from the dungeons (Massey Wellington slang for computer labs under the Museum building).

Money in hand, I ran for the hills and some fresh air, winding up at Kilbirnie’s Opportunity for Animals.

The great thing about Kilbirnie is that for the average op-shop goer, it’s a little too much effort. If you want to walk there you have to dress in sensible shoes, and that’s a fashion faux par in itself. Luckily for me it meant no changing room wait time and clear aisles. I also didn’t feel the need to snake-eye any potential item-snatchers.

As much as I am one for animal advocacy and activist spirit, the best thing about Opportunity for Animals has got to be the free bin. As a student, second hand clothing is good, but free clothing is the pinnacle. From

this I found my shoes, gleaming up at me, diamonds in the rough.

However now I was faced with tremendous guilt of not having supported the animal cause. I made my way to their sister store in Newtown and brought a horse shirt for $4 to consolidate my animal affections. After failing to find a cute clutch, I settled on a crimped red headscarf accessory for $2.

Lastly it was round the corner to the old Sallies in Newtown where I foraged through, eventually finding my ¾ pants emblazoned with zips for $7. An entire outfit for $13. I’m quietly rather pleased with myself.

It’s true Wellington doesn’t have anything that compares to Seekers, and you may find a few extra scratches on your arm post shopping, but nothing can beat the eclectic array of clothing that Wellington op shops seamlessly hoard. Now it’s time to make it up to my sagging wardrobe rack…

Anyone who knows Wanganui may set on this skirt from the very beginning. understand why I was apprehensive doing The material is a luscious mixture of velvet this challenge in the holidays. Smelly and and chiffon, making it quite appropriate for unfashionable clothes anyone? Don’t get me winter. I would probably team it with tights wrong, I love the little city, with or without and get so much wear from it for such little money – only $5, to be exact. the ‘h’, but it isn’t exactly Cuba St. Bracing myself and with my mum to my I then picked up a short knit jumper to match. right, I was about to learn that an ‘op-shop’ At the counter I saw a box of socks. If you’re was more than a band. My focus was to get a thinking this is kind of gross, so was I. At winter outfit which I could wear to classes. It least you can wash socks, though so I decided was good to have a focus but of course I was to get these instead of shoes to save my feet from an unknown foot disease. bound to stray.

First stop was St Vincent De Paul’s. First The final touches, courtesy of Hospice, are thing I spotted? Free rack! Minds out of the these gold earrings and an outrageously ‘me’ gutter, people. Inside the shop, however, necklace. At home I added on a chain at the was my first buy. It has nothing to do with back to give it some length. my finished outfit but, hey, didn’t I tell you I was so impressed with how much I got for I’d stray? A maroon shirt with chiffon sleeves only $20. Op shops you served me well and I am so sorry for my past ignorance. I will visit and a heavily detailed body for a mere $2.

MASSEY.AC.NZ/SUMMERSCHOOL Next we went to The Salvation Army.

There you all again soon because I am a changed woman.

I think even my 739) mum is! was just so much to choose fromOR but CALL I was 0800 MASSEY (627

IT’S SAFER TO BE AT SUMMER SCHOOL

Get a head-start on Semester One 2013 by taking up to 60 credits at Summer School.

Classes start 19 November 2012.

52

ENROL NOW!

In the lead up to the launch of the new Dredd film, MASSIVE Magazine got a few minutes of speak to 2000AD Editor-in-Chief Matt Smith about the iconic British comic and the Judge.

l

2000AD: HOME OF THE JUDGE

t is pure science fiction. Pages flooded with impossible scenes of action, violence and sex wrapped in narrative and coated with a twisted dark humour. Its content was both shocking and fantastic. Each page carried a new curveball, a new alien landscape and new characters. Characters that oozed cool.

Swashbuckling rogues, genetically engineered super soldiers, broadsword wielding barbarians, time travellers, mutants, aliens, killer robots and, of course, the ever-present symbol of law and order Judge Dredd. This is 2000AD.

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

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A selection of 2000AD covers from throughout hte years

FEATURE

‘THE VISORED FACE WAS BASED ON THE FRANKENSTEIN CHARACTER FROM THE DEATH RACE 2000 POSTER, AND CO-CREATOR CARLOS EZOUERRA ADDED THE EAGLES ON THE UNIFORM AS SYMBOLS OF POWER AND FASCISM’ MASSIVE: How would you describe the ‘vibe’ of 2000AD. How has it evolved over the years?

MATT SMITH: 2000 AD has always been an action comic – it's full of fast-moving SF, fantasy and horror thrills with an irreverent and often satirical edge. Different editors have different tastes, so they may prefer some stories that are perhaps more comic or whimsical. Around the early 90s, there was a trend for more quirky strips. But mostly it's been about anti-heroes, big guns and blazing action.

M: Making a weekly comic strip must be pretty challenging. Can you talk our readers through the process in creating a comic book strip for publication?

MS: It starts with a story pitch from a writer usually. If that's OK'd, they go away and write up the script. That's sent to me, I OK it, and pass it on to an artist. They usually take 2-3 32

weeks to draw a five page story. Once I have the art, it may need colouring, which takes another week, and it's passed on to the letterer, who takes a few days to add the balloons.

Once I have the lettered strip back, logos and credit boxes are added, it's checked over, and exported as a PDF. PDFs are uploaded to the printers. All in all, scripting and art can take a good couple of months before it sees publication.

M: Where did the original concept for Dredd come from?

MS: John Wagner originally wrote a New York cop series called One-Eyed Jack for Valiant comic. When it came to coming up with characters for 2000 AD, he developed this further, so it became a no-nonsense cop in the future, a futuristic Dirty Harry with the powers of summary justice. The visored face was based on the Frankenstein character from the Death Race 2000 poster, and co-creator

Carlos Ezquerra added the eagles on the uniform as symbols of power and fascism. The name came from an amalgamation of a supernatural character that Pat Mills was creating but was never used, called Judge Dread.

M: Dredd is a complicated character to understand in just one strip or film. How would you describe Dredd to our readers who may not have heard of him before?

MS: He's a zero-tolerance cop in the anarchic metropolis of Mega-City One. With the powers of judge, jury and executioner, he is the personification of the Law – the Judges are all that stands between a city boiling over into chaos.

M: What is it about Dredd that has allowed him to remain popular over 35 years?

MS: The writing and the art, for one thing – it's always had a very high standard on both.

But it's an exciting world too, and he's an easy character to pick up and understand where

‘THERE NEEDS TO BE SOME FAITHFULNESS TO THE CHARACTER. WE NEVER SEE DREDD’S FACE IN THE COMIC, SO WHY SHOW IT IN THE FILM?’ he's coming from.

M: Dredd has become a symbol in his own right. How often do comic book characters transcend their print forms like Dredd?

MS: Very rarely. It shows how well designed he is that he can be embraced in so many different mediums.

M: The new Dredd movie is about to be released How closely did 2000AD work with the movie creators and actors in build up to this film?

MS: 2000 AD itself had very little contact with the filmmakers when they were working on it – it's its own entity, they were creating their own variation on the world, with a few nods to the strips. But John Wagner had input on the script.

M:How important is it for film adaptations of characters to maintain his comic-book identity, eg: leaving the helmet on?

MS: I think there needs to be some faithfulness

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to the character. We never see Dredd's face in the comic, so why show it in the film?

M: What other 2000AD characters can we expect to see in the film?

MS: Psi-Judge Cassandra Anderson is Dredd's rookie in the film. Other than that, it's entirely new characters created for the movie.

M: Given that the success of Watchman, and Dark Knight do you feel that Hollywood is now producing comic-book films that are true to their source material?

MS: It depends on the property and who’s making it. There are still plenty of failures amongst the successes like The Dark Knight.

But the filmmakers have probably realised how powerful a force the fanbase can be, and adaptations can live or die depending on the reaction at somewhere like San Diego Comic Con. M: What other 2000AD characters can we expect to see get movies in the future?

MS: No others are locked in to be filmed at the moment, but Button Man, which was published in 2000 AD, is inching closer, with Drive's director attached.

M: There is a new 2000AD app. How are apps changing the comic market place?

MS: Digital comics are completely changing the distribution of titles, and now anyone in the world with an iPhone/iPad can get an issue of 2000 AD the same day it’s released.

It cuts down cost and time enormously, and it’s a great way to reach a new audience.

You can download the free app from Apple Newsstand, as well as a free 69-page sampler.

If you take out a subscription you can get back issues free too. Those with an Androidenabled device can get digital issues from shop.2000ADonline.com Read the full interview online at: Massivemagazine.org.nz 33

FEATURE

PATH TO COMIC-BOOK FAME NO LAUGHING MATTER But, as Sanjay Parbhu and Hamish McNicol discovers getting started can be easier that you think.

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he suggestion of a New Zealand comic book industry would be foreign to most of us, but for those budding fans hoping to create the next global superhero, getting started is perhaps easier than you would think.

Love to doodle during your lectures? Have fun creating moustachioed masterpieces on pictures in MASSIVE? You may even be a talented illustrator with an eye for drawing characters flexing their muscles in a manner not too distinct from Sonny Bill Williams.

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Perhaps you are a sucker for a good story with an incredibly creative mind. In any case, creating your own comic book is as easy as simply sharpening your pencil and having a crack.

MASSIVE spoke to three New Zealanders who had created their own comics, their own way. Adrian Kinnaird, Li Chen, and Richard Fairgray all had roughly the same model for getting started in the industry, and as long as you are passionate then you can make it work. That said, there will inevitably be some

stresses, scrawled-out drawings, tears, and erasers used along the way to comic book fame.

Li Chen is the creative genius behind the Extra Ordinary online comic series. The idea for Extra Ordinary was conceived in her final year at university in 2008, and was based largely from conversations, observations, and doodles from her sketchbook.

It seemed fitting to ask her how does one get started into creating comics? Her advice mirrored a popular shoe company’s slogan: “Just do it! Really, it is that simple. You don't need any fancy equipment to start either – you literally only need a pen and some paper. The only way to get good at something is to work really hard at it, and to learn from others.”

Artwork by (starting from left to right and moving clockwise): Tank Girl reimagining: Ant Sang, Extra Ordinary: Li Chen, Scene from Born to Fly: Andrew Burdan, Red Bull: Ant Sang, Scene from Shaolin, Cover art for Ngarimu: Andrew Burdan, Blastosaurus cover: Terry Fairgray, scene from Shaolin Burning: Ant Sang

This sentiment is mirrored by freelance illustrator Adrian Kinnaird. When talking about comics, Kinnaird is a fountain of knowledge.

His blog “From Earth’s End” contains anything and everything relating to comics in New Zealand. He has also worked on a variety of New Zealand comic books and is a prominent blogger on the comic book industry. He also has a graphic novel about to be released.

Kinnaird gives the impression that comic books are far from a bit of fun, but really an entirely unique and vitally important art form.

“It’s pretty easy to get started: write, draw, print, and you are officially a cartoonist! That probably sounds overly simplistic, but those really are the fundamentals.”

Chen and Kinnaird also speak a lot on

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the subject of persistence. It is easy to get discouraged, and many future comic book greats have probably ended up in the wastepaper bin or torn to shreds. Chen adds: “I think a lot of people get discouraged early on if they think their stories aren't good enough, or that their art is shit. If you don't persist, you'll never get any better.”

She would like to draw on key mantra of hers for budding comic artists out there – “persistence”.

That may well be good advice starting off, but what about and actual idea? Where can the inspiration fountain be tapped and turned on and off at will? Each artist will have their own source of inspiration. For Chen, funnily enough, it flows from her everyday interac-

tions. “My boyfriend and I always have funny conversations, so we thought it would be cool to turn some of them into comics. Extra Ordinary is a sort of surreal reflection of our lives.”

Richard Fairgray has a somewhat different approach. He is responsible for one of New Zealand’s more successful comics, Blastosaurus. This follows the adventures of Blastosaurus (not to be confused with Blastoise) who is a mutated dinosaur keeping the streets of Freak Out City safe as a working policeman.

In 2010 the comic book was released to American audiences at the San Diego Comic Convention. Although originally working on the comic alone, Fairgray has introduced a co-writer, Terry Jones.

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FEATURE Fairgray says Blastosaurus was originally inspired as a parody of 90s cartoons Gunasaurus. “He just appeared as an advertisement for a new Saturday morning show in one of my previous graphic novels, Wilhelm Scream. It wasn't until a few years later that I thought to use the character for something more.”

“While he still retains a certain level of parody he's now a far more realistic take on that silly genre. Blastosaurus is a mutant, crimefighting dinosaur with a ray gun from the

Sang's Shaolin Burning (Harper Collins), there are no major publishers for comic books.

Kinnaird paints a somewhat double-edged comic community in New Zealand. “In fact, the New Zealand comics industry is unique in that it is almost entirely self-published. Unlike the US or UK comic markets which have had large publishing houses with solid distribution since the early 1930s, New Zealand stopped printing comics in the late 1950s due to censorship concerns and regulation issues, and that was the end of local mass-production.

‘WE BRAINSTORM IDEAS AND PITCH PLOT OUTLINES TO EACH OTHER, WE WRITE DIALOGUE, WE REWRITE DIALOGUE WITH DESCRIPTIONS OF ACTION, WE FORMALISE THAT INTO A SCRIPT, WE REWRITE THE SCRIPT WITH PAGE LAYOUTS, AND THEN I GO AWAY AND DRAW THE WHOLE THING AS A COMIC.’ – RICHARD FAIRGRAY future, but in a fairly realistic world that isn't really an advantage. He can't go undercover, he can't fit comfortably in a police car, and no one ever showed him how to use the gun.”

Fairgray says the process behind creating Blastosaurus required collective patience and brainstorming. “Terry and I write together – we quite literally sit in a room together and write the whole thing as a duo. We brainstorm ideas and pitch plot outlines to each other, we bullet point out storylines, we write dialogue, we rewrite dialogue with descriptions of action, we formalise that into a script, we rewrite the script with page layouts, and then I go away and draw the whole thing as a comic.”

This type of back and forth can be really useful for collaborating ideas very quickly. “It's rare that either of us can pinpoint any single part of a story that one or the other has come up with because it all just happens in this bizarre backand-forth process. I get freaked out when we speak in unison – as does he”

+ SO IT ALL STARTS WITH A THOUGHT, SOME spark of creativity that must be captured.

From there it evolves into a “on the side thing”. Soon it develops into a serious project where you give it your all. If you have a pencil, paper, and ideas then you’re all set, and selfmotivation is a must if you want your work to be known, and when it does it will all pay off in more ways than one.

And what about the pay off? Comic book writers all agree comic books are easily doable, but how many are successful? The reality is that after you’ve spent hours drafting, inking, tearing up pages, re-inking, and adding the title and possibly a little FIN box you are still only halfway there. How does one get published in New Zealand?

Publishing your comic in New Zealand can be seen as a problem. Though some are published by major companies such as Ant 36

“Without wide distribution, New Zealand cartoonists really had to publish their own work to see it in print.”

It’s not all bad. Because locally produced comics have had to exist at the edges of the nation’s cultural community for decades, the isolation this brings has bred a remarkable variety and quality of comic unmatched in other parts of the world.

“I think what sets New Zealand comics apart is its sheer depth of variety, in both genres and styles,” Kinnaird says. “One of the unexpected bonuses of not having an entrenched publishing industry is local comics haven't had to follow dictated sales trends the way the US and UK have fixated on superheroes and humour respectively. Creators have had the chance to follow their own creative path, resulting in extraordinarily individual styles like that of Barry Linton or Roger Langridge.

“While it hasn't been a financially rewarding journey for many local cartoonists so far, the new opportunities offered by graphic novels and the internet means they will soon be finding a global audience for the first time.

And New Zealand can re-discover one of its own best-kept secrets.”

Publishers will be looking to see if a comic is marketable first. But to get noticed your work will need to be original and of high quality. “If your work is of a high standard in story and art, people will take notice. Also, tell a story readers can relate to. Publishing isn't cheap, so your comic needs to reach the widest audience possible for a publisher to think about investing in it.”

Publishing firms are not the only way to get noticed, however, and plenty of Kiwi comic artists have said “stuff that” to publishers and gone it alone.

You could always come up with the money yourself and try talking to your mate who works at a Warehouse Stationery copy centre, but sometimes you have to rely on others to fund your projects and this was the main

concept behind the website Kickstarter. This site offers people the opportunity to give a certain amount of money to develop a wide variety of products and causes, and with this knowledge at hand, Li Chen was able to create the fourth most successful project on Kickstarter.

She says: “I had wanted to publish my comics as books for quite a while but I didn't have the time or money to do it. Kickstarter gave me the opportunity to raise the funds to make the books and allowed me to take the time to make them the best that they could be. I'm sure that eventually I would have found another way to fund my books but I'm really happy that the Kickstarter project was so successful.”

Once your comic is finally printed, the question remains: how do you get people to look at it?

The use of the internet can really play to your advantage, by using sites such as DeviantART and Tumblr to post your character stills and backgrounds. As well as the web, attending conventions such as Armageddon and Zinefest can guarantee word of mouth, allowing you to engage in your targeted audience.

Self-promotion was also the technique that helped bring Blastosaurus into the public’s eye and, according to Richard Fairgray, is the most effective:

+ “WE NEVER TOOK BLASTOSAURUS TO ANYONE. We were approached by a company called American Original when they were first starting out. They eventually got a comic imprint through Top Cow. I'm not sure if they exist any more as a comic company ... that's sort of complicated. We have other projects that we are seeking a publisher for, but I'm not really willing to let go of Blastosaurus again since last time we ended up with nothing being released for so long. As for promotion, it was all done through convention appearances. I appear at Armageddon and Supanova conventions throughout New Zealand and Australia and LFCC in London. We promote through a Facebook page (on a very minor level) and have a severely under-used twitter account.

Most of Blastosaurus' success has been through word of mouth.”

So there it is, a rundown of the somewhat murky, yet fun rapid waters of the New Zealand comic-book industry.

If you want to create a comic then pick up the pencil and get started, but be prepared to burn the midnight oil. Just remember, creating the book is only half the job, as Richard Fairgray knows all too well. “I've worked with people in the past who view the printed book as the end result but I think you're not done until people are reading the book, and in a country this small and in an industry with so many choices you have to take responsibility for getting your book seen.”

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35

FEATURE Fresh from his recent success at the Oscars, star Bret McKenzie spoke to Paul Berrington about working with the

Sarkies brothers in their latest movie Two Little Boys, his not-so-dramatic rise to success, and how it feels to have such an important title.

SUCCESS, TITLES, AND NEGOTIATIONS WITH KERMIT

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film about two bogans from Invercargill whose world is turned upside down by the accidental killing of Norwegian tourist may not seem like comedy gold, but in the hands of Duncan Sarkies, and starring Bret McKenzie and Andy Blake, Two Little Boys takes that premise and delivers a bellyfull of laughs.

The film premiered at the Berlin Film Festival earlier this year and received positive reviews from many critics, the Hollywood Reporter cited the film as “one to watch out for” at the famous cinema market place.

Given the closeness of the New Zealand comedy community it comes as no surprise that McKenzie had worked with the Sarkies brothers before Two Little Boys.

“Yeah, I’d worked with Duncan before at uni. We were part of a group at Vic Uni that included Jermaine and Taika, and had worked on a play he had written called Bodyplay. In the show we wore flesh-coloured suits which allowed us to appear nude on stage and featured such props as detachable penises.”

“I also helped Duncan develop some of his short stories for a national tour. I feel like I’ve worked with him a lot as part of the Welly community. Robert came into the scene a little later, yet I have worked with them both when they were developing the Scarfies script.”

In Two Little Boys, McKenzie is Nige, a uniquely Kiwi character. “Well I thought the script was hilarious, and dark, and very different from the other scripts I was being offered at the time, which were mostly Rom Com’s that I was not excited by at all. I read the script at a time when I was touring America and thought it was a perfect contrast to that style of comedy.”

Duncan Sarkies has described his characters as representing the ‘great southern bogan’, something many New Zealanders can relate to, but something which McKenzie confesses he’s never been. “No, not a bogan, I grew up playing jazz and doing theatre, about as far away from a bogan as you can be.”

Yet he was enthusiastic about the experience.

“It was fun being exposed to a really different culture. I remember the stunt driver took me out to teach me handbrake turns in the Mazda 323. We found a quiet street in Invercargill, which wasn’t hard, and got to work.

“Working with Hamish was hilarious”, McKenzie says of co-star Blake. “We hadn’t worked together before so it was all new 38

and fresh. To be honest I wasn’t particularly familiar with Hamish and Andy, so it was exciting and a lot of laughs because we were both from comedy duos. Hamish made a great joke about how we were having an affair with another comedy duo.”

Two Little Boys balances slapstick comedy against something far blacker and satirical, pushing the genre into something more interesting. “I hope the film engages the audience.

I think it succeeds in this way by existing in its own world and this helps the viewer to engage with the story and characters. I think too many comedies are often built upon sketches and ignore narrative.”

McKenzie is now in such high demand that he must balance his time between the glamour of Hollywood and laidback nature of New Zealand. “First of all, making films is relatively new thing for me. Yet I am excited by it and find it really interesting. I think film is a great format to explore so I am keen to do more.

Besides that, though, I would say I balance my time between NZ and the US by half and half.

It is important to me to find that balance, and I will always share my time between the two.”

+ AS FOR OTHER NEW ZEALAND COMEDIANS looking to follow in his footsteps, “you need to develop your material in front of audiences, which can be hard in New Zealand. Testing your material on a range of audiences is really important. “Besides that, you need a lot of stars to align, an element of luck. Having done Flight of the Conchords has really opened the door for me.”

He sees it as essential that locals push themselves outside their comfort zone. “First of all, go overseas. New Zealand is a great place to develop material, it is small and manageable, and you get an honest response.

You’re away from the spotlight and you can make mistakes, which helps you to improve your routine before taking it overseas.

“You have to be really into it. Early on, touring with Jermaine was hard. I remember at our first international show at the Canadian Fringe Festival, where we were billeted. There was one person in the audience. But that gives you a thicker skin”, he says, debunking the myth of his dramatic rise to success.

“We were playing the same songs then as today where we might get 10,000 people at a show.

Another time in Edinburgh we had to crash at a friend’s apartment. Jermaine had to sleep in a cupboard, and to makes matters worse, there was a wasp infestation.

“When we first went to Los Angeles we were told it was a car city but neither of us had a car.

It was a four-hour walk to the shop and back, sometimes without any footpaths. One time we were walking home and somebody yelled to us, ‘get a car’. At the time these sorts of things can be depressing, but in reflection they make great material.”

After achieving so much over the past couple of years, it might be difficult for some to remain inspired, but McKenzie is still hungry to use that success. “I guess I’ve ticked a lot of the boxes really. I’d like to try to make stuff in New Zealand using my experience and the contacts I’ve made. I am really hoping to bring a big project here, with some big names involved”.

So, given this stance and his ability as actor, musician, and comedian, it is interesting that he is most comfortable as a musician. “I grew up playing in bands and touring, so it is natural to me. Yet as I’ve got more roles I started to really enjoy acting as well.”

And how has he avoided this success going to his head? “Partly by coming back and forth from New Zealand and the USA. LA is strange – the longer you’re there the weirder you become. The whole place is industry-obsessed and is all about becoming a star.”

An example of this was his recent return to New Zealand for Red Nose Day. “I loved it and we had a real blast, the kids were amazing.

We interviewed kids from inner-city schools in Wellington and Auckland. Some kids were really shy and others incredibly open and funny. The whole experience was a real honour.”

He was also honoured by his recent addition to the New Zealand Order of Merit. “I was actually really proud to be considered. I am scheduled to have lunch at Government House with the Governor-General, which I think is really cool and a privilege.”

Rumours of a Flight of the Conchords film are unfortunately just that, with McKenzie confirming there is nothing set in stone.

“Well, we have been throwing around ideas about the possibility of a film, but there has been nothing definite.” It seems he is due for some down time. “I am personally taking a bit of break at the moment … and I’m also in negotiation with Kermit.”

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FEATURE

Georgia Todd takes us through life at the bottom of the bottle into a world of alcohol, drugs and addiction and her attempts to break free of addiction..

FISH OUT OF WATER Chairs were laid out and the brochures displayed on the table. The room began to warm up as I pulled down the dusty blinds. Taking a seat, I glanced at the door then down to my watch. It was time to begin. I’m an Alcoholic.

B

lcohol had filled me before I was born. Wrapped in my gene pool was a penchant for losing control and excessive consumption. Through a grandmother who hid bottles of this and that all over the family farm, to a father who eventually learnt that sobriety could be his only way of life ... it took his eldest to follow down that twisted lane of alcoholism and rock bottoms before finding her way to the same serenity.

It sure as hell wasn’t easy, and to feel the peace that sobriety has brought me at such a young age is truly a miracle. I could have hidden behind my cohorts – the girls in stilettos drinking bubbles on Ladies’ Night, or the guys I knew who started their bar shifts with shots of Jager, as well as their mornings. I knew

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where I would end up if I did that. It was a place I would rather never visit if it meant a lifetime of what I was already living in, pure anxiety, fear and addiction.

+ IT ALL BEGAN INNOCENTLY ENOUGH. ONE OF my earliest memories is that of tippling over in my nana’s high heels, about nine or 10 years old, with a glass of red sherry in a mini champagne flute. I remember the giddiness, the feeling of being on a theme park ride. I enjoyed the loss of control and being left with just a floating warm feeling.

It didn’t take many years until I was left with more than just a nice feeling, and at around age 13 I first tasted disaster and shame from

my drinking. It was at a funeral, after an older friend snuck me glasses of this and that. I woke up feeling feverish and unnerved in my baby brother’s cot with the grainy memories of feeling disconnected as disapproving faces glared at me. People around the town gossiped about it, I felt guilty everywhere I went, and the local gym teacher told my brother I should be ashamed of myself. I was, but in the years to come, that shame would be eased over with more alcohol, like fuel to fire.

Later I learnt this type of behaviour leads to your emotional development becoming stunted. Makes sense. Each time I felt any strong emotion, it would be glazed over with alcohol and pot ... time and time again I dealt with things in this way, my friends dealt with things in this way – but with fewer consellustrations by Jacob Sparrow

quences – and I refused to learn valuable lessons.

Teenage years were undeniably hard, and at 17 I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression following the identifying symptoms such as spending weeks in bed, not eating, hardly sleeping, paranoia when it came to relationships, and finally a general physical sickness which manifested in a nasty kidney infection – my body’s way of warning me of what was to come if I carried on in my wicked ways.

At this stage I was drinking as much as any other fresh-out-of-home teen, but again the consequences meant neglect of my overall health. I refused medication, moved cities, and picked up the bottle with more relish than ever before. I turned 18 and the sun stopped being my friend. In the depths of the South Island I lived like a vampire and became well known at all the bars and clubs for bad reasons rather than good.

Years passed in this way, life turned unmanageable, I was in and out of extreme moods, partners walked away, friends abandoned shipwrecked friendships, and family closed their eyes. I ruined Christmases, birthdays, graduations, and baby showers. Oh, and of course funerals.

+ I HAD JUST TURNED 22 WHEN I RAN OUT OF places to wreck in New Zealand and decided to head across the ditch, where things took a new turn for the worse and my drinking career screamed to a halt.

I arrived on St Patrick’s Day – perfect. The flat I moved into contained an assortment of travellers and one local. There were a couple of kiwis, an English couple, and an Australian roof-layer in the final throes of drug addiction. We didn’t realise he was up in his room burning his brain with chemicals, but it figured once we found out.

Meanwhile, we all whiled away the days and nights with casks of cheap wine affectionately called Goon. The most tossed-about phrase was “Anyone up for some Goon?”

And why not. We were in Australia, land of plenty. And shit, was there plenty all right.

Drugs, money, guns, bikie gangs, skyscrapers, sun. It all turned into one big sick rollercoaster ride, where normal life meant you couldn’t function without some high-paced drama filling in the week.

I finally landed a job worth taking seriously.

I was ‘high’ at the job interview, but still impressed the women who hired. In a place that bordered the beach, with enough clubs per square metre to satisfy the throngs of party animals coming through, Surfers Paradise should have been called Alcohol and Drug Paradise. The job was with a promotional company. It was summer year round, so bikini babes were in hot demand to promote

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anything worth promoting. It was $50 an hour, with shifts rarely going for more than five hours.

The interview was in a large glass building, with a woman called Larissa, of Babe Promotions. I had never really considered myself a Babe, but for $50 an hour I was sure it would be worth the effort of getting a spray tan and maybe a better haircut. The party lifestyle had left my body trim, with a permanent smoker’s cough, and slight spidery veins on my cheeks which were easily covered with makeup.

I entered the reception floor and saw the large sign ushering hopeful Babes into the interview room. My God, a group interview, then. I took my place in the seminar room, among

at the beach. “Wear your heels!” She called mysteriously.

Was she kidding? I opted for strappy sandals and casually knocked back half a bottle of cheap bubbles for good measure before the ride showed up. My flatties were jealous, especially the guys, who, being the slack Kiwi males they were, hadn’t really gotten anywhere in the ‘pulling’ front since arriving.

Last I saw of them they were heading to the Bottle-O for sacks of Goon. Typical, I tipsily chuckled to myself as I finished the last of my glass. I wasn’t as bad as them as long as I drank alcohol that was priced a little higher, and why not when I had just made a new friend and secured a job all in the one day.

“DRUGS, MONEY, GUNS, BIKIE GANGS, SKYSCRAPERS, SUN. IT ALL TURNED INTO ONE BIG SICK ROLLERCOASTER RIDE, WHERE NORMAL LIFE MEANT YOU COULDN’T FUNCTION WITHOUT SOME HIGH-PACED DRAMA FILLING IN THE WEEK.” a plethora of blondes in tiny shorts with huge sunnies pushed up on their impossibly immaculate plastic hair. I nervously tucked a strand of real hair behind my ear, hoping I had pulled off the rest of the look okay.

Larissa click clacked her way onto the small platform stage. “Okay, ladies, thank-you for all making it, and welcome to the best job of your life!”

It was the socialising and alcohol that made my eyes glimmer, as Larissa gushed how our clients were looking for the kind of girls who knew how to party, but could do so elegantly.

Hmmm ... we may have a problem there, I mused inwardly. The gigs were simple enough.

Larissa had a number of strong contracts around the city and all the Babes’ eyes lit up at the mention of the casino and other various well-known venues. We had poker nights to run, car washes at burger bars, various alcohol promos at clubs, and two huge annual surf comps to host and promote, hence the recent job hiring.

Ruby was the first and only girl there who paid me any attention.

“Are you a natural brunette?” She asked suspiciously, while twirling a blond curl of extension properties.

“Yeah, I am and it’s real too – were you once one of us?” I asked, thinking no parent would name a blond baby Ruby.

“Yeah, but I haven’t had, like, my real hair since I was 14!” She leaned in further to whisper, “My actual hair is only about 10cms long.”

“Oh,” I managed while trying not to imagine her bald.

After we had signed our contracts and walked out into the bright promising sunshine, Ruby offered me a lift to my place. By the time we got there, I was getting picked up by her girlfriend’s sister’s cousin at 4pm for a BBQ

Little did I know that the party set I was about to met, would hang me out to dry in the next few months.

The ensuing theme park ride from hell caused my rock bottom to hit sooner than what it otherwise may have had I stayed in safe little old New Zealand. The non-stop sickly mixture of parties, drink, money, and drugs carouseled me round and round until I was flung off into the darkness where my skin itched and I couldn’t stand the silence. Nightclubs where the bouncers ushered us in, bar tenders plied us with free drinks, and rich old guys were generous with their candy, all brought me closer to the cold reality dawning on me that I was fucked. The realisation tasted like cold steel in my mouth. After a close brush with a psych ward and softly spoken words from a good doctor, I crept through the doors of my first AA meeting and began to live “one day at a time.”

+ THE WEEKEND HAD BEEN INFINITELY TOUGH. Stretching on in windy blue days, the whole two days felt like a week because I was doing my usual, without the usual by my side. It was indeed like trying to enjoy yourself in the company of others after breaking up with your one true love. My mind wandered around, thoughts knocking together in my skull that was empty without the aid of alcohol to fill it. Nobody noticed, of course. Shots were accidently offered to me, and then on purpose – a type of inclusion that fuelled my anger more then just being ignored. I really tried to hold my head above the need to knock back a few just for the hell of it. Just cause it was Saturday.

After a dry Friday night where I had goodnaturedly joined my cousin and her friends at 41

FEATURE a nearby pub (and wanting to leave the instant I got there), I noticed in the sharp daylight that the weekend wasn’t divided up into day-time niceties and night-time drink-fuelled activities. It all rolled into one for those who could drink with the rest of them. Everybody got up well after lunch. Dregs from the night before thrown back into dry mouths, eyes half closed in the enjoyment of this game beginning all over. Not for me, not for someone like me.

I’d done it all, and more besides. Many of those morning drinking sessions were owned by me, the party girl you can rely on. I’d put pumping, punching, sing-aloud music on, happily clean up with half-hearted bursts of energy as more

The weekend had then evaporated back into the week, and I tried to fill my days with yoga classes, meditation, and AA meetings. It was supposed to be something like 90 meetings in 90 days. Just managing a week was a total miracle for me, but the mantra “one day at a time” seemed to be working. The people around me blended into everyday routine and I didn’t feel so isolated as we cooked, watched TV, and read in the balmy late afternoons.

Once or twice, the idea of going and buying a cask of wine was tossed about, with me snapping, “What on Earth would you want to do that to yourself for?” and the others staying quiet.

“THE MORE ANXIOUS I GOT, THE MORE I DRANK TO OUIET MY DISCOMFORT. SOMETIMES THE WORLD FELT SO ACHINGLY SMALL, AND I SO INSIGNIFICANT AT THE SAME TIME – AND SO I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN. ALCOHOL, DRUGS AND PARTIES CURED ME BY DISTRACTION.” alcohol kicked its way into my system and got rid of any responsibilities I might have had.

To counteract reality dawning on all this, I’d find the bong, some weed I’d hidden away from everyone else, and I’d head down the back, smoking up and getting high, loving every long second in the pouring sunlight.

And we’d do something exciting and interesting that day, always fuelled by alcohol that reached well into the night where eventually I would collapse into some drama that would eat at me for days afterwards.

I had survived the first weekend, but only just the next. At two in the morning, with the party in full swing downstairs, I had Googled local backpackers, thinking that’ll show them, next weekend, when I trot out the door with a suitcase and they ask – Where you going? Ha. But it didn’t help the current situation. Two Xaniax later I was half asleep and getting there, drifting into dreams where I would chop a bottle of vodka, take my pants and underwear off, and dance around then have violent sex at my high school reunion.

I woke underneath a layer of cool sweat, music faintly playing still as the tea-stained light of early morning covered my room. Wandering downstairs for water, or something, I saw that everybody had managed to get upstairs and bodies littered the lounge floor, pillows and blankets scattered between, useless in the heat. There were always half bottles of mixer, so I took a few different kinds and headed back upstairs. I took a swig of warm coke and put on a meditation CD. I had been trying to start each day with the CD since my decision.

After a good 15 minutes of failing to meditate I wrote in my journal. This was also part of the new me, but I found it was working marvellously – a friend who wasn’t interested in drinking the days and nights away, something I could rely on.

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They lasted till Thursday and the next great affair begun, a BBQ to celebrate the start of summer. The boys got a small fire going in the old clay stove outside, some friends turned up with a bottle of tequila and limes, my stomach curdled and I disappeared upstairs. I put on a surf movie. I hadn’t ever really got the hang of surfing but lately I had been renting more and more surfing docos out. There was something in the calm, sweet music and the experience of being inside a tunnel in the wave, seeing it all from their point of view. Tunnel vision.

I’ve had tunnel vision for the past five or so years I guess. Seeing only the light at the end of the tunnel getting fainter and further away. It’s never reached while living a life where everything else around you is ignored. I began to realise this, but the realisation didn’t make anything any easier. It was just there in black and white. You are sick. And you have been sick for a long time. Knowing this about myself, it could be quite easy to look around you and start noticing that everybody else may have something wrong with them, too – that it’s not just you, and this can bring at first comfort and then madness. I can recognise the dangers in this. It is a similar illness, becoming obsessed about the other people around you. I think to myself that they are on their own path, the wind is in their sails and they will steer the ship where they want it to go, whether it’s into the path of a storm or towards land.

+ THE NEXT DAY WAS AN IMPORTANT ONE: A date with my psychologist. We hadn’t really gotten anywhere in the month I had been seeing her. She was extremely busy and I saw her every two weeks. Hence the fact we hadn’t really gotten anywhere. I had just told her my story,with all the gory details. She didn’t

even flinch – even when I described putting my car through a neighbour’s garage, fleeing the scene, and then waking at a friend’s house with no recollection whatsoever. I didn’t get caught, and I didn’t stop drinking, either.

I got up from a slow stupor – the result of a drug-induced sleep. I was always aware of how crap I felt after such a binge. No matter what the drug, I always seemed to milk it for all it’s worth. Alcohol being the easiest to get hold of, I guess it was just a matter of natural progression. I began to wonder if there was such a thing as a psychological hangover from alcohol, and if others suffered from the same.

The same anxiety, crawl into a hole and die, impending doom. Seldom did people talk about this affect, which alcohol seemed to hold over me. The more anxious I got, the more I drank to quiet my discomfort. Sometimes the world felt so achingly small, and I so insignificant at the same time – and so I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Alcohol, drugs and parties cured me by distraction. When drama unwrapped itself like a bad surprise after a binge spell it would take my mind off the creepy crawly feeling by getting me tied up in the neurosis of life. The life of an alcoholic.

On these thoughts and others I mused, as sobriety continued its hold. My determination when it had been for the greater bad was to get good at getting fucked up. Now my focus had shifted and I went to two AA meetings a day.

I was even looking at helping set up a hospital meeting at the local psych ward.

+ IT DRIFTED, TURNED, AND SPILT SUDDENLY into six months without a drop. Sometimes I would dream rich, intense dreams. Dreams that would spill into reality, where I would wake two or three times in yet another dream, in a cold sweat thinking I had drank. Dreams filled with parties, New Years Eve’s and Christmas’s, my birthday and I’m on a table top dancing, swigging from a bottle of champagne.

I say to everyone – it’s all right! I’ve learnt my lesson! And I actually – this is the scary part, the nightmare indeed – believe that I have learnt my lesson. That I can have a couple and be alright. The thing is, I never am. And then I wake up and in the weak light of the morning sun pooling in, I think for a split second that I have succumbed.

I still went out. I loved to hit the gig scene. Live music became a fix. The music rolled off my shoulders and rippled down my legs. I came alive and relished in the sounds. Deep urban bass, creamy vocals, and soul, baby, soul. It was a high to hear that shit sober. I couldn’t believe how numb being so drunk had made me to certain events. The first fireworks I saw sober since I was 12 blew me away. I shed some tears as I shook with the booming explosions and crackles, became overwhelmed llustrations by Jacob Sparrow

by the bursts of colours that super-imposed themselves upon my eyelids when I crinkled my eyes shut.

My decision to return to study was swift. I had always thought I would go to university when I had grown up a bit more. I had completed one-and-a-half years of tertiary study, coming out with a diploma in creative writing and a certificate in television production. But university had never been thoroughly entertained in my mind. Until now. I decided to start a degree in psychology, begin to make some sense of the world around me and the world within me.

So life had taken on a new meaning. It seemed appropriate to take a new avenue and do something with this new-found freedom.

It was a sticky hot day, lightly dipped in sun showers when I threw a garage sale/leaving party with a “Blue Hawaii Elvis” theme, and farewelled everyone from the past and present who I had the pleasure of sharing so many memories with, and sometimes the horror,

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too. We did lines of Speed in the sunlight, my friends drank wine and crashed out in the upstairs lounge, while potential couch-buyers rolled by, having to ignore the bodies lolling around. I was leaving – for university back in my homeland, New Zealand. The situation was certainly intense.

+ A YEAR AFTER PUTTING DOWN THE BOTTLE, I landed home. The rain was sideways in Wellington, our glorious capital and, as usual, I found myself in an unfamiliar freezing cold, empty old colonial house of a distant relative who was out of town. I thought I would die of exposure, it was so freezing. I slept huddled in the lounge, waking up scared shitless every three hours or so.

The next day, some pale sun was trying to shine, even though the wind was ripping clouds across the sky at ridiculous speeds.

Clouds should not go that fast. It felt like bad

news. I had enrolment, and a week-and-ahalf till the university year begun. I had some people I needed to see in Nelson, a place filled with reminiscent bumps of alcohol and drugfuelled years of misspent glorious youth, being 19 forever. Yeah, there were a few people down those ways I had to speak to. Step 9 of the AA Big Book – it’s all about the amends. The making of amends is a huge part of creating a new life, carving out a new path. I had decided to get through this intensely sickening process before I began to study. I wasn’t prepared for the depth of this thing, and had no idea of what lay in front.

I had to go through memories of falling off planes, climbing out of moving cars, crashing out on various floors, falling asleep on the sidewalk, and other such amusing treats to sample down memory lane. It was a wake-up call, but the support was overwhelmingly supportive. I felt I had gotten off too easy. My never-fail apology didn’t seem enough – that I would continue to make right on my wrongs

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FEATURE

by remaining sober. To me, that seemed like the promise of a lifetime. To them, well, I wondered if they thought they had heard it all before.

Most difficult had to be the ex’s, especially when the new girlfriend was there too. It was extremely uncomfortable to expose oneself in that situation. Of course, I couldn’t go into much detail, so on that I felt – for a long time – that I had gotten off too lightly.

+ UNIVERSITY BEGAN. I RELISHED IN THE HUGE halls with whispers floating along their booklined walls, hushed feet sliding on worn carpet imprinted with thousands of eager young students’ soles heading towards their future.

This place to me felt sacred, a gift I was being given in the aftermath of an alcohol-fuelled chaotic life. Here was order. Timetables to adhere to. I could do timetables, and I could also make it on time.

Club Day was during the first week, and I eagerly wondered around, looking for something of interest to join. There were vegetarian clubs, religions of every description had stands, political parties held out petitions 44

to sign, the medieval club brandished swords at passersby, colourful languages floated through the courtyards ... but something was missing … I suddenly realised I already belonged to a club, one which now held high importance of my entire welfare: AA\, or Alcoholics Anonymous.

I looked around for some support. I asked the president of the overall clubs. There wasn’t a club for drug addicts, either. I wonder how many of us sick bastards made it to university, anyway. Certainly there must have been more of us in recovery as students.

Once finding out that absolutely nothing existed, I decided to do something more about it. A sense of purpose tied in with my desire and gave me fuel for the fire that day. For once I was concentrating my energies on getting good at being sober.

A university meeting sprung up. I spent one hour a week in a dusty room, bone-dry heat spilling from heaters, seeing if any other alcoholics would show up. At first, nobody. I had to spread the word. I wrote articles for the student magazine, went to as many meetings in the city as I could – standing up near the end to announce a new meeting at the uni, open to all. Old timers, as they’re known in AA,

came along and we sat together sharing about the bad old times and the new bright ones.

Those people were so valuable to the action of holding a meeting. They were thread that joins together the fabric of that fellowship.

But this is not a story about my involvement with Alcoholics Anonymous, although that beautiful, wise and patient fellowship is integral to my recovery from alcohol. It is a story about addiction. It starts with the sharing of my story, in a room offering some hope.

Without the space to express I may never have spilled those horrors which kept me awake at night, forever looking for ways to escape.

Sitting in a room with the curtains drawn, the chairs all spread in a circle, I take a deep breath. I let the peace of just one moment wash over me. Gone is the need to be somewhere else, bouncing from one shallow amusement to the next. Gone is the uncertainty of what will happen next. Nowhere is better than this moment right here. The sound of humming fills the air from the wall heaters keeping the chilly air at bay, winter waiting just outside.

The door opens, lemon-filled light cuts a slice on the carpet and a figure pauses hesitantly at the threshold.

Would you like to share?

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TERMS & CONDITIONS: Entry into this competition is deemed acceptance of these terms and conditions. Entry is open only to New Zealand residents 18 years or over at time of entry. All entrants must be New Zealand students. Prize conditions: The winning entrant shall receive a prize of two return economy class flights to Bangkok departing from Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch which is subject to availability and is at Student Flights’ discretion. The promotion commences on 17 September 2012 and ends on 31 October 2012. The winner will be drawn at random and notified by phone or email on 2 November 2012 and the Judges’ decision is final. Travel must be completed by 31 October 2013 and be booked by 30 April 2013. Travel must be booked at least 30 days prior to departure. Blackout dates may apply. Prize is non-transferable and is not redeemable for cash or foreign exchange. Prize winner and travelling companion are subject to the terms and conditions of carriage of suppliers. The prize is subject to availability & at the discretion of Student Flights. All incidentals including, but not limited to travel insurance, meals, extra sightseeing or activities, accommodation, personal spending money, visas, vaccinations, transport to and from departure point and all other ancillary costs as well as obtaining any of these, are the responsibility of the prize winner. Winner & companion must travel together.

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FEATURE

INSIDE THE MIND OF AN OLYMPIC MEDALIST Yvette Morrissey catches up with Olympic Games bronze medal cyclist Simon van Velthooven

K

y first impression of Simon van Velthooven when we meet in a cosy café in Palmerston is ‘your typical, Kiwi bloke.’ He sits next to me, rather than on the opposite couch, and I immediately feel at ease in his presence, as though I am having a coffee with an old friend, not interviewing someone who has won his first Olympic medal at the mere age of 23.

He reaches inside his backpack and withdraws a small black box and plops it in my hands.

Inside is something millions of people saw on the telly but never got to hold: his bronze medal. It is heavier than I expect, and the lanyard looks well-worn, probably from big nights out celebrating. He takes a photo of me wearing it, before I reluctantly hand it back.

The barista who brings our coffees sees the medal and his eyes widen. “Shot bro!” and gives 46

him a high five and asks if he can hold it. “Sure mate, wear it around the café.” The barista excitedly goes back to show his co-workers, and they swarm around the medal.

“Aren’t you worried he might take off with it?”

I ask. “Nah”, he shrugs nonchalantly.

It is, after all, “the nation’s medal”, as van Velthooven dubbed it.

Van Velthooven grew up between Feilding and Palmerston North under a country influence.

Though his parents were raised on farms, they both work in town. His father, Paul, was a rower and a rugby player and represented New Zealand “once or twice” in both disciplines. He is now Managing Director for Morgans Property Advisors and a registered valuer, which is what Simon is studying towards extramurally at Massey.

Like most kids, Simon started riding bikes and

competing in triathlons. It wasn’t until he got to Palmerston North Boy’s High that he started bike racing with classmate Jesse Sergent.

“We went to our first international race together and made our first New Zealand team together. High school got me into racing the most.”

They went in different directions in their cycling careers, Simon into sprint cycling and Jesse competing overseas in the best team on the pro tour.

Van Velthooven says their mentor, former Commonwealth Games sprint cycling silver medalist Mike McRedmond, got them to where they are now. “He didn’t push us. He believed in us and showed us professionalism and hard training.”

He trains for roughly 20-30 hours a week but says it’s a “24-four hour, seven days a week job”.

“You have to get the right amount of sleep, eat the right food, get enough sugar in your system. It’s full on but it’s a lot of fun.”

With a career like this, it would be hard to have a normal Kiwi social life. “I was very alcohol-

driven when I was younger, especially in America”, he says. “Four days a week we were hammered, but now I train so much harder and it’s not worth it. I’d much rather be fit and healthy than hungover on a Sunday morning.

I do envy everyone else – working, having lots of money, getting on the piss every weekend and going on holidays, but I’ve seen the world 10 times over and that makes up for everything I get jealous of.”

In the 2010 Commonwealth Games he won bronze in the Keirin, and another at the 2012 world championships in the kilometre time trial.

Nicknamed ‘Rhino’ by his cycling mates, he believes the key to success is rationality. “You have to be rational thinker in life. You have to prioritise, set goals, and be rational. That’s the secret to being successful, being an athlete, and general life. You can’t spread yourself too thin, or not be focused.”

It was this mindset that got van Velthooven to London to compete at the Olympics.

His final in the men’s Keirin (a sprint in which riders follow a motorised pacer until the final

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600 metres) was once of the most nerveracking moments of the Games, and saw him tie with Teun Mulder of the Netherlands for bronze. Ties are virtually unheard of in cycling, but because the rear wheel of silver medalist Max Levy was between van Velthooven’s and the Dutchman’s, they could not be separated.

“I raced to get that medal. I was nervous, but I had no history on that line and didn’t know what to expect. It was all in that last lunge”.

Van Velthooven idol, Sir Chris Hoy, of Great Britain, won his sixth gold at the Games. They managed to catch up in a nightclub in London, which was a highlight for the young Kiwi.

“We had a yarn for an hour and a half. He’s a living legend and so down to earth. He gave me his email so I could contact him if I have any questions.”

Though some may think the Olympic village is an all-night party-zone, van Velthooven says different. “Everyone says it’s a big party, but in reality it was really tense. Everyone is there to win their medals.”

However, after winning his, he was able to have a few nights out on the beers, including a

Saturday night on the town in Palmy.

In his spare time, van Velthooven enjoys tinkering with classic cars, drinking coffee, and mowing down carrot cake.

He has two years’ part-time left in his Bachelor of Applied Science with a major in valuation.

“It’s nice to be able to do some university work [with training] because I can use my brain. It’s good to be stimulated in that way.”

He says that one day he’d love to go rural banking, but feels as though he has too much knowledge to not give back to cycling. “I’ll probably end up coaching one day.”

So what’s next? He’s heading to Japan, the pinnacle of sprint cycling, before the World Cup later this year. Next year he has the world championships and, of course, he is aiming for Rio in 2016.

When it’s time for van Velthooven to collect his medal from the café staff, he happily poses for photographs, shakes many hands, and even gives out a few signatures.

“Did you get this much attention before the Olympics?” I ask. “It’s not me,” he replies, “It’s the medal.”

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FEATURE

Kate Rodger, 3News’ Entertainment Reporter and Film3 reviewer, is one of the most recognisable names in the New Zealand screen and journalism industry. She has been working at TV3 for almost 10 years, and travels around the world to interview some of big names in Hollywood. Her charisma endears her to film lovers, and she has become an authority on all things film. Logan Carr caught up with her over coffee to talk about her career, the Kiwi film industry, and the world of journalism and media.

COFFEE WITH KATE

H

ASSIVE: You have one of the coolest jobs in the world. You get to travel the globe attending film festivals and premieres, and you interview major stars and directors. When did you fall in love with film and realise this was what you wanted to do?

KATE ROGERS: Aw, that’s going to give away my age, isn’t it?! Star Wars pretty much kicked it off. I was 11 years old when it came out and I couldn’t believe it. But it wasn’t until I moved to London, when I was in my 20’s,

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that I started to get really hooked because I got a lot more art-house cinema over there – so film became less of a pass-time and more of an addiction. Then I moved back to New Zealand and got this job, which is the first time I had an idea that I might be able to work in film and turn what was an addiction into a job.

M: Early on you were involved in radio. How did you transition from radio to television?

Was it a big adjustment process?

KR: Yeah, it was, and it’s all about having the balls. I didn’t think that I could do television,

so I didn’t make the leap from radio until after I travelled. Radio was a revelation for me – it was definitely my first love. I worked breakfast radio for a decade in Auckland and Taranaki, and I had this part of me that wanted to give TV a crack, but I never had the guts. Then I went and lived overseas, and when you do that you get the confidence to do more. So when I came back to New Zealand I went to TVNZ and TV3, and TV3 gave me a crack without having had any experience in television. The first two years at TV3 was the most challenging

situation I’ve been in. I wasn’t doing entertainment at that point, just pure daily news, which is relentlessly challenging. You have to know about a whole lot of things, and I wasn’t very good at it [laughs] – I knew I had to specialise.

M: Speaking of specialising, in 2010 you launched your own half-hour local film show Reel Late with Kate – New Zealand’s only locally produced film show – full of reviews, interviews and behind-the-scenes access.

As a self-confessed film junkie, how big an achievement was that?

KR: It was huge. One of the things I noticed about UK television was it had a few excellent film shows. I came back thinking ‘I wonder what New Zealand’s doing with its film shows?’

– but there was nothing. I knew immediately that was going to be something that I was pushing hard to do. But as anyone who tries to make television in New Zealand will tell you, you’re pushing shit up hill. It’s tough. I got my executive producer, Charlotte Purdy, on board with her production company, and I took the Film3 brand, which I’d introduced into 3News.

That brand had cemented itself, so we were in a position where we could do something; and TV3 was going to support us, but support us in a warm fuzzy way – not in a financial way [laughs]. We had to go out and 100% fund the show with sponsorship. But we did, and we went on for 35 episodes on the trot. It was the most satisfying project that I’ve done because we had the opportunity to tell longer form, and we were able to get people in the industry to come and guest star and talk film – we had everyone from Karl Urban to Vincent Ward to the Outrageous Fortune stars.

M: You’ve been quoted as saying “we’re an awesome little country doing awesomely big things in the film industry”. Having reviewed films and been exposed to it for years now, how do you think the Kiwi film industry is evolving?

KR: I feel like we now have two distinct industries. One of them is the Avatar’s and The Hobbit’s and those big films that come down here and employ talented Kiwi filmmakers, from lighting all the way through to location scouts and so on, and that seems to be getting stronger and stronger. Then you’ve got a mixture of films which are made or financed by the New Zealand Film Commission and New Zealand On Air, and films that are made by independent Kiwi filmmakers who can’t get funding, and subsequently do it themselves.

M: In your line of work, you’re forced to travel a lot. How hard is it to balance your professional life with your personal one?

KR: It’s difficult. You have to work hard on your relationships because you’re out of the country a lot. While it can be glamorous, the reality is you spend a lot of time on the road and in hotel rooms on your own. I don’t often travel with a crew because junkets – a junket

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is how they term the fact that all the reporters turn up at a hotel and they have cameras in each room with each star – don’t require a crew. From a journalistic perspective, you’ll sit outside a hotel room, you walk in, Christian Bale is sitting there, and there’s a camera pointing at you, and a camera pointing at him, and you have three or four minutes to “speed date” with him, and then they give you your two takes and you walk into the next room and it’s Chris Nolan. I’m on my own for that, and I’d say probably about 80-90 % of the time I’m travelling by myself, so it can be quite an isolated environment. You build relationships with your fellow entertainment reporters from other countries, and that’s a lifesaver.

M: How do you prepare for an interview?

How much work goes into it and how scripted are the questions?

fair enough because there is that perception that Disney, or whoever, flies me first class to the States to stay in a five-star hotel and they show me this film and they give me a big movie star like Johnny Depp and so of course I’m going to love it – but if you allow yourself to be swayed by that you’re in trouble. I try to be as unbiased as possible because that’s fairness to the filmmaker and the profession.

When you’re sitting opposite big names in the film industry – and sometimes some of the sexiest people in the world – how do you stay calm and collected?

KR: And how do I not leap across the chair and straddle them and pash them? [laughs].

I confess, in the early days, I used Rescue Remedy to calm me down. Also, some people are a letdown in the flesh – I’m not going to say who – but some are. But generally, movie

‘YOU WALK IN, CHRISTIAN BALE IS SITTING THERE, AND THERE’S A CAMERA POINTING AT YOU AND A CAMERA POINTING AT HIM, AND YOU HAVE THREE OR FOUR MINUTES TO ‘SPEED DATE’ WITH HIM.’ KR: I am an over-researcher. I’d rather be overprepared than under-prepared because there’s nothing worse than that. When I did Casino Royale – this was when Daniel Craig was first cast as James Bond – I got a 35-minute interview with him for that. Unheard of! The next Bond film? Four minutes. For a fourminute interview, you’ve barely got time to get started, but for a 35-minute interview you need to know your stuff. But I enjoy it, because who doesn’t want to read about Hollywood stars like Daniel Craig and stare at photos of him? [laughs]. You also get extensive production notes from the studio for films with all sorts of awesome things: the production comments from the cast, where it was shot, how it was shot, scripting – lots of detailed information like that – which can be really useful. One of the main things is narrowing down what your question line is going to be. It’s also listening to what the interviewee is saying, and knowing that you can go on with them entirely somewhere else. So what happens is I write the questions down, and I take in my little notebook like a safety blanket, but I never end up looking at it because I already know what I’m going to ask and I crack on with it.

M: You have interviewed some of the biggest names in the business – some of them that come to mind are Johnny Depp, Emma Stone, and Sir Peter Jackson – and then you’ll review their films. How hard is it to maintain professionalism and objectivity after sitting down and meeting them?

KR: Not hard, because I know there’s no way when I review the film in a month’s time Christopher Nolan is going to Google my review [laughs]. I get asked that question a lot and it’s

stars are movie stars because they’re smoking hot! I’m heterosexual, but Emma Stone is beautiful. So is Jessica Alba. You look at them and you know why they are who they are.

And it’s not just styling – they’re just another breed, some of them. Meryl Streep is another example. That woman has the most beautiful skin and bright blue eyes, and she’s beautiful, and you sort of go “wow”.

M: What’s your advice to someone who wants to get into film and television or journalism?

KR: Back yourself, be relentless, and learn as much about how the industry works from the inside. If there’s anybody that you know, or you have a contact, use them. It’s about equipping yourself with as much information and knowledge as you can so that you know what choices are available – and those choices are constantly changing. Our online news department grows by the week. That’s the perfect grassroots start to journalism. If you want to get into television, work out if they have an internship system and who you need to speak to; and don’t just send out an email and sit around waiting. They’re not going to get back to you on the first email – learn to hound subtlely.

M: You’ve achieved so much already, but do you have any more significant career goals?

KR: I’d really like to see Reel Late with Kate back in some capacity because it saddens me that we don’t have a local film show on air. It’d be great for the industry to have that back up and running. Then there are still some people on my hit list that I’m yet to interview like Robert De Niro, Martin Scorsese, and I’ve got to interview Tom Cruise [laughs] – so I can’t die until that’s done.

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FEATURE

MILLS & POON: DICK HARDY & JENNA TALIA Dick Hardy concludes his adventure on the way home from the Ferg Bar, and even puts his ego aside and lends Jenna Talia a ‘hand’ in a boring lecture theatre in the lead up-to the Wonderland Ball.

DICK HARDY THE BLONDE AND THE REDHEAD

g

o, for those of you who didn’t read last week’s episode, here’s a brief rundown to bring you up to speed.

I was at the Ferguson bar with two female friends who had both been drinking. I was sober and had managed to get both of the girls feeling bold. A little bit of Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl was all it took to get a three-way kiss going on, and before long the girls had agreed to come back to my house to continue the fun. I could hardly wait.

We arrived at my house, both of the girls flustered and excited from an adventurous car ride, and I was also suitably aroused from watching them in the rear-view mirror. The blonde asked for my bathroom straight away and I pointed her to it while I took the redhead by the hand.

‘So, you looked like you were having fun in the car,’ I smirked at her.

‘This is so crazy, but I’m so turned on,’ she blushed at me and so I turned toward her and I let my tongue find hers. She jumped up so her legs were around me and her dress rode up around her waist. I caught her legs and carried her into my bedroom. Laying her down, I pressed my weight into her and she began to

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tug at my shirt. In moments, I was left only in my jeans, and just as quickly I had her down to a bra and panties.

‘Well this looks fun,’ the blonde said seductively from the door, having returned from the bathroom. Redhead squirmed out from beneath me and said she needed to go to the bathroom too. Girls and their bladders.

Sheesh.

As she went to shuffle past, the blonde, they fell into each other’s arms and shared a long and wet kiss. The blonde’s hand reached down and gripped the redhead’s ass underneath her underwear and I just about jumped up to join them before the redhead scampered off toward the toilet. Left alone with the other girl now, I crawled properly on to my bed and patted the space next to me. Obliging, she came and lay down next to me. I was more aroused than I can ever remember being and she must have been too because we attacked each other with searching hands and tongues.

My fingers slipped between her thighs and found themselves wet and hot. I looked up as I heard the redhead come back into the room and, standing at the end of the bed, she undid her bra letting her breasts fall free. The three of us smiled at each other, nervous, excited and horny.

‘Lie down,’ the blonde told me. I did as I was told, and together the girls pulled my pants and jockeys off. My manhood was straining against the air, eager to be touched, eager for release. The girls giggled excitedly and I closed my eyes as I felt fingertips trace up and down my legs, across my stomach and over my chest. I inhaled sharply as they made their way to my shaft.

Quickly I reached over to my bedside drawer and pulled out a conveniently placed condom.

I dropped the packet onto my stomach and the girls laughed at my hint. The redhead gripped my member tightly and I just about lost control at the sudden pressure.

‘Shit, I need that inside of me,’ she moaned and feeling brave, she rolled the condom over me and in the same haste, sunk herself on top of me. I groaned in pleasure and the blonde silenced me with her lips. The redhead reached behind her as she was riding me and began squeezing my balls and the blonde began licking inside my ear while her hands tweaked my nipples.

I knew I wouldn’t last long with so much stimulation so I needed to distract myself. I pulled the blonde roughly so she had a leg on either side of my head. At first she seemed a little self-conscious but then I leaned up and buried my tongue into her panties and she relaxed her weight on top of me. I heard them making out on top of me and I began furiously working my tongue across the blonde’s clitoris. The redhead was thrusting herself back and forth against me like she was in a race and I realised

I couldn’t hold back any longer.

With a mouth full, I began moaning and releasing at the same time, intent on still using my tongue. My senses were overloaded with arousal and the girls didn’t stop, even as my orgasm subsided. Still hard but super sensitive, the redhead kept going until I felt her contract. I continued flicking my tongue against the blonde’s mound and suddenly, I realised the two girls had begun to orgasm at the same time on top of me.

‘Unnnghhhmmmaaahhh,’ they groaned into each other’s necks, humping, animalistic beings, any reservations gone.

Finally, exhausted, they rolled off me in euphoric stupors. Eventually we fell asleep in a three-way spoon train and so ended the first of many similar fun-filled evenings!

+ JENNA TALIA ERECTION IN A LECTURE

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ince writing these articles, my hormones have been in overdrive.

Watching people read my stories in lectures, the idea of having such a dirty little secret is very exciting. When the last edition came out, I was sitting in my lecture when who other than Dick Hardy himself sat two seats across from me. He purposefully placed his newly picked up edition of Massive on the desk and looked up at me. As hard as I tried to suppress them, I couldn’t help feeling butterflies at what I realised he was about to

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read. His smile was cocky. It annoyed me that he was such an expert at looking attractive.

But I knew his dirty secrets too. I flicked my own edition open and we both raced to the Mills and Poon section. I quickly read his story while he read mine and when I had finished I looked over at him with raised eyebrows.

I wanted to doubt his story but after getting to know him better recently, I realised it was probably true. When he finished reading mine he looked up at me, his eyes dripping with lust. He licked his lips at me and I scoffed at his objectifying gaze, although I was secretly happy it had turned him on. He shuffled in his seat and then moved to the seat next to me.

‘Well how am I supposed to pay attention in class now when I have a furious erection?’ he asked me cheekily. I almost burst out laughing but risked a quick peek. He wasn’t lying! He even leaned back to let me observe his rigid tent pole, the audacity! I quickly looked around to see if anyone else was watching but our lower torsos were pretty much hidden beneath the desks. I wanted to match his boldness and so looking nonchalantly in the opposite direction, I reached out and grabbed his manhood firmly and massaged him through his pants. I heard him suppress a groan and just as abruptly, I stopped what I was doing and looked back to the lecturer. I smirked at him and began taking notes, ignoring his frustration.

‘Oh two can play at this game, Miss Jenna Talia,’ he whispered at me. I continued writing, enjoying the power I had over him when I felt creeping fingers on my leg. I slapped his hands

away, angry at the electric touch his fingers had. He was persistent though, and stronger than me. His hands brushed higher on my thigh and it annoyed me that I was letting him get to me.

‘I have much better control of myself than you, ya know,’ I bluffed.

‘No, you’re just better at hiding it,’ he said.

‘So did you hear we’re getting free tickets to the Massey Alice in Wonderland ball?’ As he asked the question, his hand slid right up to the lining of my underwear but his question distracted me.

‘Uhh, yeah, it should be good,’ I said, ruffled.

I reached down and moved his hand away, insistent this time. He looked at me with a strange look in his eye.

‘Who are you going with?’ he asked.

‘Oh, wouldn’t you like to know,’ I teased. I was going with a guy friend, but strictly as mates.

It made me happy to see the disappointment on his face.

‘Okay, well I guess I’ll see you there then,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna ditch this lecture, I can’t seem to focus very well today,’ he laughed.

‘Ok, Hardy, I’ll see you on Saturday,’ I said.

As he got up to leave, I wondered who he was going with and I knew it would shape up to be an interesting night. Anyway, I’m sorry if this week wasn’t quite as racy as you’re used to, but stay tuned for the final edition next week where things will definitely heat up ;) until then, Jenna Talia

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT It is important to encourage a culture of appreciation and respect for those who base their aspiring careers and achievements around the passion they have for their creativity and talents. New Zealand no longer needs to be fed on a culture of Tall Poppy Syndrome. Relish in the talents of your peers – those who study alongside you at the same institution, those who you pass in the hallway, and those who you stand in the line with at the cafe but who you seldom get to appreciate for their hard work due to a difference in what your major is. The quality of work in design and arts being produced at Massey is outstanding. KIlling it at Massey provides a platform on which our artistically minded students can share their craft. Abigail Leggett talks to some of Massey’s talented students.

MASSEY’S GOT TALENT AMBROSE HICKMAN

Age: 24 Year: Two Degree: Post graduate diploma of fine arts Place of Origin: Christchurch

This man is a little bit of an inspiration to all us suffering students out there. He’s already got his degree, and one in Fine Arts from the University of Canterbury to boot! So he’s been there done that and moved on to bigger and better things, which is a post-grad Diploma in Fine Arts at Massey, Wellington.

This says to me he must be so passionate about his art, about his photography, and that passion has been absolutely translated into his photos.

Hickman chose photography out of a love of making images and meeting people he would otherwise never meet in everyday life. Incorporating a passion for photo-journalism with inspiration taken from the works of Chauncey Hare, Alec Soth and even Louis Theroux, Ambrose has conjured a photographic style all of his own using his prized Phase One medium format camera. This is a labour of love for Hickman who goes out nearly every day of the week on the hunt for new aspects of

our world to capture, new snippets of human life to document. One thing that Ambrose has expressed that is essential to his photography and for his audience to know is that these are not quick snapshots done for ornamental purposes. He has spent a lot of time with the people he has captured and keeping in mind that approaching strangers is never easy. In some of his most recent work he shot a series of fathers and sons around New Zealand. In the words of Hickman, himself “These images, like most of the images I have made, happened by chance, being in the right place at the right time and more importantly seizing a moment before it disappears. I want these images to encapsulate the idea of belonging and ‘home’.

The feeling of what home is... and what home is for me.” View more of Ambrose’s incredible work at a postgraduate exhibition in the Engine Room at Massey, Wellington after the semester break.

NICK CLITHEROE

Age: 19 Year: Two Degree: Fine Arts Place of Origin: Christchurch

Whenever I see a piece of Nick Clitheroe’s artwork I get a funny feeling inside. It’s like what I imagine it would be like to see a UFO and to just want to show everyone right then and there because you know you’ll never fully be able to express in words the gnarlyness of what you’ve seen. You question yourself and think ‘maybe it was just a plane’ but on reflection you know that it is really so much more than that and you come away from it a little bit ‘mindfucked’.

Drawing inspiration from the works of Jean-Michele Basquiat and from time spent in New York, there is a sort of bizarre ‘non-environment’ feel to his own work mixed with some sort of buzzy, hallucinogenic haze feel to his work of multi-media pictorial elements. These are not political statements.

These are street art with aspects of doodling you would have done in those boring as hell, high school maths classes which is exactly 52

where this all started for Nick. He’s thrown this knack for incessant scribbling in with bold straight-up visual elements, easy to read evocations and scores of motifs and symbols created through the use of spray paint, paint pens, oil paints and stencils (even a couple of donated skateboards).

At this present point in time, Nick has been working on pieces that draws from elements of neo-expressive tribal art and African masks for his uni assignments and they’re looking just so damn rad that I’ve got my eye on a few.

In the future, he’s going to continue in the art world as a practising, full-time fine artist creating works for all audiences. Whatever he’s intending, Nick Clitheroe has something to say through his artwork. It hits you in the face and makes you stop and stare. Get ready to see this work blow up everywhere. You won’t forget it. You can’t forget it.

Get amongst his work at nalc.tumblr.com

Opposite page, LEFT HAND SIDE: A selection of Ambrose’s photographs Right hand: Two of Nicks paintings (photographed by Brynn Chadwick)

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53

SPORTS

BLACK STICK DOES IT FOR PALMY

Yvette Morrissey talks to the Black Sticks’ top scorer at the Olympic Games, Nick Wilson, about the highs and lows of London MASSIVE: What are you studying?

NICK WILSON: A BBS (bachelor of business studies) majoring in finance and property.

M: Tell us about your time in London?

NW: It was awesome. It was my first time at the Olympics, and it was a really great atmosphere. London did a great job in organising it.

It was a great experience off the field. The only thing over-riding it was our performance. That took away from it a bit, but looking back, the experience was amazing.

M: Do you ever get sick of training every day?

NW: I love training – it’s just like anyone else who loves their job and it’s my passion. You know that it’s all worth something too. You’re going to the biggest show on Earth and you’ve got to be at your best. I find that my Massey work keeps me fresh. It can be quite hectic both training and study.

M: Did the Kiwis party harder than anyone else in London?

NW: The village got louder and louder as everyone finished their events. Our games were right throughout so we had to sleep well and couldn’t go out and party until the end.

When we finished we partied for about four nights. It was really good to let your hair out.

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M: How did you feel you guys performed in London?

NW: I was quite happy with my performance individually, but it doesn’t matter because the team didn’t perform so well and that overrides everything. I was really disappointed. We came in seventh in the world [championships] and anything below that is a disappointment.

We were hoping to get in the top 6. There were a number of things [that went wrong], but for me I feel we didn’t play as a team.

M: You guys tied with Germany (the gold medalists) in one of your pool matches. What was going through your mind the last 10 minutes of that game?

NW: We had to win by five goals to get into the fifth and sixth playoffs, so there was a lot to play for. We were trying to go forward as much as possible, but that was the story of the tournament. We had patches where people were trying to do things they shouldn’t have.

We seemed like we were going in different directions. It’s hard to remember what happened.

M: The woman’s team did quite well in London. If you guys were to play them, who would win?

NW: Definitely us [laughs].

M: What do you think of team mate Phil Burrows making one of the Mirror’s hottest athletes of the Olympic Games?

NW: Good for him. I don’t know who voted for it ... he’s single so he’ll probably enjoy that exposure!

M: How was the Opening Ceremony?

NW: It was one of the best things about the Olympics for me. You walked out and there was about 50,000 to 80,000 people cheering for New Zealand. It’s hard to describe, but I couldn’t stop smiling the whole time.

M: Did you meet any famous?

NW: I talked to Kobe Bryant and I asked him to say “This is for Palmy” on camera, and he did.

M: That’s awesome!

NW: It’s a pretty cool video.

M: Who was your favorite athlete at the games?

NW: Probably Lisa Carrington. She’s awesome to watch in the gym. She’s so strong and lifts more weights than us.

M: What’s next for the Black Sticks?

NW: We have the Champions Trophy in Melbourne in December. Our coach said he will probably still be involved, but not as a head coach, so a new coach will potentially come in. That transition will be interesting.

About 12 of us will be playing hockey in the Netherlands soon.

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SPORTS

LANCE ARMSTRONG: NOW IT IS ABOUT THE BIKE

Jacks Biggs looks into the witch hunt surrounding Lance Armstrong AS THE HUGELY INSPIRING AND MUCH STUDIED autobiography of Lance Armstrong is titled, “It’s not about the Bike”, sadly for him and his many supporters across the globe it is well and truly about the bike.

The United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) has revealed what they deem as evidence to slap a lifetime ban and strip Armstrong of all seven of his Tour de France victories. He has, allegedly, been doping throughout his career with specific “evidence” found during the 2009-10 season.

Unfortunately for USADA, they appear to have no physical evidence to support their damaging claims. At the moment all they do have are “witnesses”, former teammates, doctors, and old friends who are willing to give evidence against the seven-time champ.

Big Tex, as he is nicknamed, has had enough of what he describes as “an unconstitutional witch hunt”.

Most of his career has been shadowed by claims of doping that he has fought all of his life. None of the more than 600 drug tests administered by the main cycling body, UCI, during his career have produced a positive result. Whatever your opinion, one thing is for certain and that is that doping is crippling the sport of cycling.

The Tour de France is an amazing competition.

The fact that these riders can race tirelessly for the better part of a month through rugged terrain is a remarkable feat and an indication of what the human body can handle when pushed to its limits. It is no surprise, then, that many riders have been found out to be drug cheats. This doesn’t make it right but it does 56

not surprise me in the slightest.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not being soft.

Generally in regards to issues such as sports cheats I am the king of sceptics and the first to throw the book at them. The hand of God, Chappell’s underarm, and Nadzeya Ostapchuk, the Belarusian shot-putter who claimed gold at the London Olympics, for a short while at least (that’s another column in itself) are classic examples of sporting fixtures marred by cheating controversy in some capacity, whether drugs or foul play.

If Armstrong is definitely found to be guilty when some physical evidence shows up then he will certainly top that list.

I struggle to condemn a man who has inspired a generation for his amazing feats in the sporting world. A comeback from testicular cancer, where he was given a 40 per cent chance of survival after his first surgery, and then to not only live but to win his seven titles from 1999 to 2005 is astonishing, drugs or no drugs. USADA believe they have reason and the authority to strip him of his titles and ban him from competitive cycling for life. In their release they say that “in addition to the lifetime ban, Mr Armstrong will be disqualified from any and all competitive results obtained on an subsequent to August 1,1998, including forfeiture of any medals, titles, winnings, finishes, points and prizes”.

After all these years and the on-going “witchhunt”, Armstrong has chosen not to defend these claims any longer. He has fought them his whole life. Some say this is a sign of guilt and it may well be.

Maybe Big Tex wants to keep the whole

process hush hush so as not to tarnish his name further. The French Cycling Federation also sees this as an admission of guilt.

I still can’t get past the fact that he has been tested more than 600 times and no positive tests have surfaced. He is the most tested athlete to have walked the planet. Some people don’t seem to want to believe that what he has achieved was legal.

It still confuses me as to why he is trying to be torn down years after his wins. Is there somebody out there who desperately wants to bring him down? Why? Is there some hidden agenda? Or are these “witnesses” merely jealous and have been offered under-the-table deals to co-operate? He may well be guilty but the lengths some people are going to in order to make this point seems excessive and almost addictive due to how fixated they are.

Armstrong appears, on the surface, to be at peace with himself, no matter what comes out of this in the following months when USADA hand over their evidence to the UCI. “I know I won those seven tours, and everyone I competed against knows who won those tours – the toughest event in the world where the strongest man wins. Nobody can ever change that.”

Maybe I am clinging on to false hope by thinking he is still innocent. I think no matter what truly comes out that part of me will always think he is. No matter how you slice it he is an inspiring person. The trials and tribulations he has faced amount to an incomprehensible height. But until I see some factual, solid, evidence he is innocent until proven guilty in my eyes.

THE FACTS ARE …

• He has been tested more than 600 times and never found to be positive.

• A two-year federal investigation into his doping came up empty handed.

• The USADA facts are merely based on hearsay and witnesses who may or may not be reliable.

This may still be enough to wipe the name Armstrong from the history books and tarnish his miraculous achievements but he will still go down as a legend in some capacity. He is adamant he knows he is a true legal champion.

Lance Armstrong was told after his first surgery for testicular cancer that he had a 40 per cent survival chance. Now I would diagnose the same percentage with this fight that may shadow him for the rest of his life.

Now he has more important things to concern himself with – his family and charitable foundation.

This quote from the Stephen King novel, Misery, perfectly displays Armstrong’s feelings and contentment with his achievements: “There is a justice higher than that of man. I will be judged by him”.

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39

COLUMNS

HORROR – THE BEST IS YET TO COME

FILM BUFFED

Paul Berrington seems to know everything in the world about film, and wants you to as well

With Temuera Morrison’s Fresh Meat scheduled for release next month, I thought I’d take a look back at New Zealand horror films.

There were few horror films made in New Zealand until the early 80s, around the same time that a boom in the genre was happening worldwide after the slasher hits Friday the 13th and Halloween. After them came a wave of New Zealand productions that dealt with supernatural forces and gothic overtones.

Sam Pillsbury, who would go on to direct many Hollywood misfires, got the ball rolling with The Scarecrow (1981), a murder mystery set in Taranaki and adapted from Ronald Hugh Morrieson’s novel. It was the first New Zealand film to be selected for the Cannes Film Festival.

Death Warmed Up (1984) established David Blyth’s reputation as avant-gardist with a taste for the provocative, blending explicit sex scenes, sociopathic madmen, and new-wave style into a film that, though the epitome of ‘B’ movie,

is also unlike anything else this country has ever produced. Blyth’s recent Wound (2010) has also established itself as a favourite on the festival circuit.

Later in the decade, the film that established arguably our greatest director, Peter Jackson, was released. Bad Taste (1988), featured such grand scenes as an exploding sheep and shared puke drinking.

Into the 90s, another fine Jackson effort, the hilarious Braindead (1992), confirmed him as both flamboyant showman and master of Marx-brothers style slapstick.

Something he would refine into a Hollywood compatible vehicle with another horror film, The Frighteners (1996), starring Michael J. Fox as a goony psychic, and showcasing some of the cutting edge effects that would soon make Weta Digital the go-to for spectacular imaginations.

From a far nastier imagination came Scott Reynold’s The Ugly (1997), a film that balances psychological horror against sheer terror, and

stands as perhaps New Zealand’s best example of the genre, developing a cult status internationally.

Garth Maxwell’s Jack Be Nimble (1993) should also be noted, blending the cinema of unease of classical New Zealand cinema with a profound supernatural world.

Since 2000 there has been rise in the production of films made in New Zealand, but one criticism has been the lack of distinctive local content.

This is certainly true of New Zealand horror, with films such as The Irrefutable Truth about Demons (2000), Devil’s Rock (2011), and The Ferryman (2007) sharing more in common with American straightto-video shockers.

Jonathon King at least incorporated our local icon into Black Sheep (2007), a film which celebrates Peter Jackson’s early output.

And so back to Fresh Meat, a film focusing on a battle force of cannibals. So don’t get your hopes up, it seems New Zealand’s golden age of horror is still yet to come.

SHAVEN HAVEN VS NATURAL WONDER

ASK A GURU

Similar to the back of the bus, this is where all the juicy shit is.

Each month we will answer your questions via.

Formspring.me/massiveguruz

58

Q: I’ve recently found myself a fella.

We were taking things slow but have found ourselves wanting to take our love life up a notch if you know what I mean . I’m pondering whether I need to strip the old down below area or if guys don’t mind a bit of extra fluff down there?

A: Congratulations on finding another half! So I am taking it you guys have just been pashing and he has been boob grabbing, and now you both want to spice things up.

The predicament that you are in however is that of a tricky one; go bare or be al’naturale.

In this day and age, where the porn industry is booming, and masturbation is rife among both sexes (yes, everyone masturbates), we are exposed to so many images of females with little to no pubic hair, and the commercial pressures of shaving play a big part in females making the decision to shave, and also create a fallacy of females all being shaven among males.

We must first think, would he mind

whether you choose to shave or not? If you answer this question with a yes then you should really reconsider taking things up a notch.

Sex is special; and should not have anything to do with whether you are shaven or not. If you answer the question with no, and believe he won’t care at all, do what you feel comfortable with.

As mentioned before, in this day and age, males believe most females are automatically hairless, so this may be a good reason to shave it off. However, you could play to the ‘European’ woman stereotype that never shaves and is a purely natural goddess.

It all comes down to preferences – guru can’t make the generalisation whether males prefer shaven or unshaven. It’s something you need to speak to him about, or watch his reaction when he is making the bang-bang with you. Does he look confused, or a bit weirded out, or is he smiling and making weird faces.

This will answer your question. If he

is a heterosexual male, then he will most likely be smiling and making weird faces, whether you are shaven or not. He should consider himself lucky that he even has a girlfriend.

Guru reminds you all that safe sex is good sex. No one wants the clap, so make sure you protect yourself before you make the tap.

Claydan Krivan, MASSIVE’s in-house Guru

Wanting more of a Guru fix?

Questions are answered weekly and will be posted to MASSIVE magazine’s Facebook page: facebook.com/MASSIVE.magazine

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59

REVIEWS

DREDD Logan Carr

FILM

2012

Directed by Pete Travis Staring Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, and Lena Headey

Based on the acclaimed Judge Dredd comics from 2000 AD, Dredd takes place in a brutal, futuristic metropolis where criminals rule the streets. The only order lies with the urban police force, known as the “Judges” who possess the combined powers of judge, jury, and executioner.

The film revolves around one day in the life of Judge Dredd (Urban), a ruthless but morally incorruptible figure in a decaying world, who is reluctantly paired with psychic rookie Anderson (Thirlby). They soon end up trapped and having to battle it out with former prostitute and drug leader Ma-Ma (Headey) and her clan, who want the Judges dead to protect the “time-slowing” drug they deal, SLO-MO. Screenwriter Alex Garland (28 Days Later, Sunshine) delivers a solid script, while director Pete Travis

(Vantage Point) - with input from Judge Dredd creator John Wagner - brings the grim and unrelentingly brutal world of the comics to life with strong visuals, gritty battles and gory violence. Shot in South Africa with no use of a green screen, it has a very “real” feel and steers clear of unnecessary special effects.

Even the use of the drug SLO-MO, which gives the user the sensation that time “is running at 1% speed” fits into the diegesis and isn’t just thrown in to look pretty.

Kiwi Karl Urban is excellent as Judge Dredd, further staking his claim as a Hollywood leading man.

With his newfound physicality, gruff voice and witty one-liners, he comes across as the perfect Dredd.

Olivia Thirlby, as rookie Anderson, does a decent job carrying the emotional heart of the film, while Lena Headey is wickedly good with

her twisted portrayal of Ma-Ma. But while these things work, there are a few that don’t. The action scenes become repetitive, and the story has been done before. The most glaring problem though is the lack of emotion. Outside of Anderson, the other characters lack the humanity to make them truly engaging. That’s because although the script is strong on the surface, it fails to delve much deeper. Of particular note is Dredd’s character.

The film at times hints at something deeper, behind the helmet but doesn’t quite pull it off.

Despite these imperfections, Dredd is still well worth seeing. It succesfully captures the essence of the comic and while it never scales the heights of some other recent comic book hero films – it is a solid action flick and a must-see for fans of Judge Dredd or the action genre.

THE YEAH YEAH YEAH’S - SHOW YOUR BONES Roy McGrath

ALBUM

2006

Label Interscope (U.S.) Polydor (UK)

60

I started listening to this record a lot during 2011. I’d encountered it in 2006 when it was released but it wasn’t until a few years later that it really got me, and I really got it. Show Your Bones is New York indie-rock-royalty the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s second full-length album.

Sandwiched between 2003’s Fever To Tell and 2009’s Itz Blitz!, Bones shows a side of the YYYs that they have not shown before or since. With strummed acoustic guitars, soft wailing vocals, highly emotive/suggestive lyrics and tight/confident percussion. This version of the YYYs is a lot more considered and offers a sound that’s just as intense and deliberate as what you hear on Fever, but in a calmer and far more collected way.

The record opens with Gold Lion, this song is the YYYs putting their foot down. It’s an announcement

that they’ve confidently and deliberately moved away from the frantic pace and hyperactive delivery of Fever and replaced it with something more considered and calculated. It’s the sound of a band that’s comfortable in its own skin and is developing substance to back up the punch-in-the face that their live act and first record is.

The album continues on with the confessional-sounding and emotionally rich Way Out. Songs like this invite you to engage with the band on a more intimate level; the sound is more personal. It’s like Fever was an easy way to access the band and Bones is where you really become a fan. The sound blatantly departs from the high-energypunk-sound of Fever and is the chalk to Itz Blitz’s cheese, but there is enough desperate wailing from frontwoman Karen O, moody

guitar and sophisticated sense of melody that reminds you that this record is still the same band This is a great record, an example of a multi-faceted, highly creative act, showing just one of its sides. If there’s a drawback it’s that, while the YYY’s are clearly making a point of showing a particular string in their bow, it can feel like a bit of overkill. “You have a different sound to Fever, we get it”. It’s not a rounded record showing their full palette which can give the listener a narrow view of their sound.

The best parts of this record are O’s vocals and lyrics. She is an incredibly gifted poet, a master of using enough suggestive language to tell her story, yet leaves enough room for the listener to put themselves in the picture. The desperation and conviction in her delivery let you know she means it..

SPECS OPS: THE LINE Matt Shand

GAME 2012 Platform Xbox 360, PS3, PC

www.massivemagazine.org.nz

Spec Ops: The Line redefines the clichéd shoot-everyone-you-see military shooter game. It resembles nothing of its predecessors in the Spec Ops franchise and really focuses on making the player think about the morality of what they are doing. It will take you through the visceral world of war, progressively presenting harder and harder ‘no-win’ situations that will leave your psyche fractured, body twisted and soul wrenched… But that’s a bit heavy early on.

The game is pegged as a modern day take on the classic novel, Heart of Darkness (or Apocalypse Now for those who don’t read). The game follows Captain Martin Walker and his two somewhat capable, and clichéd A.I buddies to search for survivors six months after a sandstorm ravaged Dubai. Early on you run across a group of Arab

survivors and amidst some communication issues, you end up shooting them. This kicks the hornets’ nest and starts the journey through the ruined city of Dubai and the interfaction warzone it has become as you search for Colonel John Konrad who seems to have rounded up survivors. But whose side are they on, and whose side are you on? It is never really clear. Nor should it be.

The main drawcard for this game is its story line and storytelling. The game developers really understood how to tell a story using a game medium. Decisions that seem logical in a game environment suddenly have human consequences and can really make you squirm from time.

One such event has you walking through the devastation caused by a mortar It is surreal and you find yourself genuinely moved by your actions as you watch wounded

enemies suffering all around you. Every decision is tough and immoral, there is no right answer, everything you do is essentially a shit sandwich. You just have to eat it and hope for the best.

On the way you get to watch your squad fall apart, and you eventually begin to truly despise Cpt Walker as he deteriorates into something sinister and evil, but continue to play to see how it turns out for him.

It is hard to write about Spec Ops: The Line without ruining the game for the player. The action is standard third-person stuff, the multiplayer is shit, but the plot more than makes up for it.

I recommend gamers who like good story arcs to hire this game out, shut the windows, grab a six pack and play it through on easy in one sitting to experience story telling the way it should be done.

61

COMIC

Awaits!

ADVENTURE

CONTINUED next month...

62

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© Lovatts Puzzles

CROSSWORD ACROSS

1. Alaskan natives 4. Beef cut 8. Lethal 11. Rifle or gun 16. Stately 18. Patiently enduring (4-9) 19. Ignoble 21. Supplies anew (2-6) 23. Let loose 26. Most hurried 28. Brought in (harvest) 30. Flung 32. Illegally helps 34. Roll (of money) 36. Proverb 38. Cavalry swords 39. Lighter (shade) 42. Incendiary crime 45. Mail (service) 47. In a state of activity 49. Synagogue scholar 50. Cosy homes 53. National song 55. Misbehaves (4,2) 56. Orb 57. Footpath slabs, ... stones 59. Title document 60. Invasive plant

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61. Open 63. High seas robber 66. Snail relatives 68. Spend time idly 70. Surgical procedures 71. Actor, ... Curtis 72. Lightly fry 73. Resounding noise 76. Glum 77. Spirit of optimism 78. Insert more bullets 79. Used to be 81. Artificial curl 83. Seductress, ... fatale 85. Blend 86. Garment edge 88. Suspect’s excuses 90. Of oceanic flow 91. Old Testament book 92. Largest Italian island 93. Pimple rash 95. Met by chance, bumped ...

96. Stinking 97. Married 100. Senor & ...

102. Mooring hook 103. Amusement (park) 105. ... & chairs

106. Yankee Doodle ...

108. Geronimo’s tribe 110. Offensively loud 112. Collect 114. Modern 117. Depart 119. Mouth part 121. Lion family 124. Rhymes 127. Fuel oil 129. Untie (horse) 130. Meanest 131. Asserting 132. Strongmen 134. Dictionary compiler 135. Fortune-telling pack 136. Enlists (5,2) 137. Rainbow-making glass 138. Farmyard birds 139. Emotionally unmoved (3-4)

DOWN

1. Blow up (photo) 2. Preschools 3. Well-built 5. Increase (volume) (4,2) 6. Actor, ... Schwarzenegger 7. Barrel 8. Short-lived trend 9. Disembark 10. Rosebush pests 12. Uncommon items 13. Shortened words 14. Musical genius 15. Counterbalance 17. Crept (towards) 20. Mother 22. Media 24. Singer, ... Diamond 25. Immense periods 27. Make suitable 29. Savoury jelly 31. More rational 33. Radiated 34. Parcel up 35. Sponges 37. Biblical text 40. Blood vessel 41. Explodes (of volcano) 43. Small wave 44. Uptight (2,4) 46. Explorer, ... Polo 48. Frog stage 51. Use needle & thread 52. Urged (on) 54. Opinion column 58. Deep love 62. Horrify 64. Inactive 65. Artist’s stand 66. Sawn-off tree trunk 67. Rugby formation 69. Auctioneer’s hammer 71. Faucet 74. Sack material 75. Bullring cheer 79. Hips to ribs region 80. Achingly comical (4-9) 82. Gentler 83. Aspects 84. Admiration 85. Engulfs 86. Snobbish (4,3,6) 87. Wise Men’s gift 89. Grain-cutting tool 92. Remained 94. Ram’s mate 98. Fire fragment 99. Willy Wonka’s creator, Roald ...

100. Hit with hand 101. Speaks gratingly 104. Haul strenuously 107. Army exercise 109. Gear change pedals 111. Prayer ending 113. Line of rotation 115. Sexual abstinence 116. Harsh screeches 118. Destructive rodents 120. Charged particles 122. Estimate 123. Calculated 125. Courting male 126. Dress bottoms 127. Cross out 128. Moral principles 133. USA nickname, Uncle ...

134. Record of ship’s voyage

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