The Eden Magazine October 2021

OCTOBER 2021

EDEN T H E

MAGAZINE

DID I PLAN THIS?

BY SHERRI CORTLAND

SELF-LOVE

A PRAGMATIC APPROACH TO LIVING

BY JAYITA BHATTACHARJEE

ARE BULLIES

J

MAKING SCHOOL A NIGHTMARE FOR YOUR KIDS?

BY MELODY MADARIS "COMMUNICARE"

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH

ean TREBEK

MY TURNING FROM DOING TO BEING

BY CONNIE ZWEIG

WHAT ATTUNEMENT LOOKS & FEELS LIKE

BY EDWARD BRODKIN &ASHLEY PALIATHRA

e t o N s ' r o it Ed Welcome to our October issue.

Are you attached to something or someone in your life you cannot live without?

If this sounds like you, think twice, and ask yourself, why?

To be free is a Divine work. To attach oneself might be ego. However, if you feel the need to be attached to something, or someone that makes you feel significant or vital, try to choose a cause or purpose that brings for an ever more result.

Being non-attached doesn't mean you are careless and un-empathetic. Instead, it means you are allowing yourself to be free from what you cannot control and focus on things that you can manage.

I hope you enjoy our October issue. We are here to encourage you to stay focused on your path and work towards implementing your calling.

Maryam Morrison

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The Eden Magazine

@The Eden Magazine

Photo by Jess Bailey

@The Eden Magazine

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MEET OUR TEAM

Photo by ISABELLE RUEN

Discover the path to a peaceful life among other living beings. We are all made of vibration and light in the universe to manifest our energy around all livingness.

DINA MORRONE

Maryam Morrison

SASHA GARY

EDWARD HAKOPIAN

ALEXIA MELOCCHI

SHELLY WILSON

ARTIN MARDIROSIAN

ANGELA DUNNING

MICHAEL

SHERI DETERMAN

VITO TROTTA

PHYLLIS KING

GREG DOHERTY

JAYITA BHATTACHARJEE

JOE SANTOS, JR.

SHERRI CORTLAND

MARCO NUNZIO ALATI

ISABELLE RUEN

GRETA PAZZAGLIA

NANCY E. YEAROUT

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EDEN T

H

E

MAGAZINE

Since 2010

The Eden Magazine is a free online publication focuses on spreading compassion to all Sentient Beings living in a healing and peaceful world FOUNDER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MARYAM MORRISON EXECUTIVE EDITOR/ CONTRIBUTING WRITER DINA MORRONE COMMUNICATION DIRECTOR/ CONTRIBUTING WRITER ALEXIA MELOCCHI CONTRIBUTING WRITERS MICHAEL SASHA GARY VITO TROTTA PHYLLIS KING JOE SANTOS, JR. ANGELA DUNNING NANCY E. YEAROUT SHELLY WILSON SHERRI CORTLAND MARCO NUNZIO ALATI JAYITA BHATTACHARJEE CONTRIBUTING STYLISTS + MAKEUP ARTIST EDWARD HAKOPIAN GRAPHICS & PHOTOGRAPHY GREG DOHERTY ISABELLE RUEN SHERI DETERMAN ARTIN MARDIROSIAN (Nexision) GRETA PAZZAGLIA WEBSITE www.theedenmagazine.com 325 N. Maple Dr. Po Box 5132 Beverly Hills, CA 90209 To purchase a copy visit us in www.theedenmagazine.com

Eden Magazine is a non-profit monthly online magazine. We aim to create a better environment where we live among other living beings in peace and harmony. We support artists that their work matches our criteria. If you would like to submit your artwork, article or/and your photography for our future issues please contact Maryam Morrison at; maryammorrison@theedenmagazine.com The Eden Magazine reviews article content for accuracy before the date of publication. The views expressed in the articles reflect the author(s) opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher and editor. The published material, adverts, editorials, and all other content is published in good faith.

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Table of Contents 10

WHAT ATTUNEMENT LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE

JEAN TREBEK

By Dina Morrone

20

30

20

SELF-LOVE, A PRAGMATIC APPROACH OF LIVING

WHAT ATTUNEMENT LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE

By Edward Brodkin & Ashley Pallathra

24

SELF-LOVE A PRAGMATIC APPROACH TO LIVING

By Jayita Bhattacharjee

30

COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT GRIEF DREAMS ANSWARDED

By JJoshua Black, Ph.D.

34

34

ARE BULLIES MAKINGSCHOOL A NIGHTMARE FOR YOUR KIDS?

By Melody Madaris "Communicare"

38

WHAT IS SHE GOING THROUGHT?

By Joe Santos Jr.

40

A DAYCATION TO ELLIE LAKS

By Sasha Gary

38

42

MY TURNING FROM DOING TO BEING

By Connie Zweig

48

ACADEMY MUSUEM OF MOTION PICTURES OPENING GALA

50

24

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42

BACKYARDING THIS FALL HAS A PURPOSE WHAT'S YOUR?

By Kris Kiser

Cover by Ute Ville

Life is Essential, Feel it 62

5 THINGS YOUR MOM,DAD, OR DISABLED FRIEND MAY NOT BE TELLING YOU

By Francine Falk-Allen

62

66

THE INVITATION

By Dana Knox Wright

70

WHY ARE BUSINESS PROFESSIONALS, EXECUTIVE, AND TOP PERFORMERS MORE STRESSAND LOST THAN EVER? AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT.

By Stephen D'Angelo

76

PRACTICING GOOD ENERGETIC HYGIENE

By Shelly Wilson

70

81

A UNIVERSAL POWER TRUST & THE SHADOW OF DELUSION By michael

84

THE EXACT FORMULA FOR MAKING THE LAW OF ATTRACTION WORK FOR YOU

By Phyllis King

88

76

84

KINDNESS IS TIMELESS

By Nancy E. Yearout

90

88

DID I PLAN THIS?

By Sherri Cortland N.D.

MY PERSPECTIVE ON MY UNCONVENTIONAL.....

81

90

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Life is your Creation

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J

EAN

TREBEK

Jean Currivan-Trebek, Reiki Master, professional Sound Healer, Religious Science practitioner, humanitarian, Co-Editor of Insidewink, animal lover, mother, and wife of the most loved and respected game show host ever, the late Alex Trebek.

The Eden Magazine is thrilled to have this New York native, featured in the magazine this month.

By Dina Morrone

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At 40 years of age, I was fortunate to find a spiritual center called Science of Mind (Religious Science-New Thought) that deeply resonated with my heart and mind. I found my spiritual home and eagerly enrolled in all the classes to become a Professional Religious Science Practitioner

You are a native New Yorker. What brought you to Southern California?

I came out to Los Angeles from Long Island to attend Pepperdine University in 1982. So now, I consider myself having two homes!

As a child, what did you aspire to be?

To be honest, I did not have any great aspirations to have a certain career. Going to school, being with my friends, and helping out around my home was pretty much what occupied my mind and time. I would add, however, that the idea of being a doctor popped into my mind every now and then because I enjoyed science, health & wellness topics, and helping people feel better.

You had a career in Real Estate. How and what made you decide to switch professional paths and pursue a career as a Healer and Religious Practitioner?

I have always felt connected to spirituality and my faith. My brother, Chris, passed away in a car accident when I was young, which instilled the deep question of "where did he go?" In the late '80s, I was involved in real estate when I met Alex. After he and I got married, I became pregnant very quickly. At the same time, I decided to open a flower shop with one of my best friends, Janet. This freed me up from the 9-5 job I had in real estate, which was a blessing. Janet and I were able to create our own schedules, which allowed me more time to spend with my baby son, Matthew. All through this period, I was participating in and learning about all different religions and spiritual paths.

For those unfamiliar with Religious Science (Science of Mind), what is the most positive and beautiful takeaway, you want people to know.

Religious Science is such a benevolent, inclusive, and empowering religion. It offered me a new way of understanding my relationship to life. The Science of Mind (SOM) belief system points to the idea that we are all uniquely perfect and whole aspects of the Divine.

It poses that while we are completely united with our Creator (which I call God), we also have our own "thinking minds" that we need to navigate.

One of the sayings from SOM is, "change your thinking, change your life." Rather than moving through my life believing a whole bunch of limiting and false thoughts (which I have definitely done!), I take the time to question those thoughts and notice whether they are really true. What am I actually thinking about, what am I telling myself, and really, what am I believing? Thought is creative. So, it's imperative that if I want to experience more good in my life, I can start with what I'm thinking about and what I am really believing. The other takeaway I'd like to share here is that - With God/Love, All Things Are Possible.

Janet and I owned and operated our flower shop for 18 years. After it was sold, I pursued my long-held interest in spirituality. More specifically, metaphysics. At 40 years of age, I was fortunate to find a spiritual center called Science of Mind (Religious Science- New Thought) that deeply resonated with my heart and mind. I found my spiritual home and eagerly enrolled in all the classes to become a Professional Religious Science Practitioner.

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Would you please tell our readers the benefits of Sound Healing?

I'm someone that's always been sensitive to sounds. For instance, someone's voice has the power to uplift me, or listening to some music has the potential to motivate perhaps or calm me. In any case, if I'm feeling out of sorts, I like to listen to some non-verbal music or a crystal singing bowl.

Sound therapy is an ancient healing practice that is natural, subtle, and powerful. Sound has the ability to bring the body/mind back into harmony. It assists the brain waves to achieve profound states of relaxation, thereby restoring the vibratory frequencies, which allows for healing.

Who is the one person that continues to inspire you spiritually?

Oh, I can't pick just one. It's like asking me what my favorite flower is. There are so many wonderful people that inspire me spiritually. The list is long. But I always find solace and wisdom in the words of William Linville, Anita Moorjani, Matt Kahn, and Adyashanti.

Those people are just a few beings who I tune into regularly to remind me of my true divine reality.

You founded the wellness site, Insidewink.

What moved you to create this site?

Insidewink was created out of the desire to produce a documentary film about forgiveness. My partners and I interviewed an array of incredible visionaries and spiritual leaders about the topic of forgiveness. The problem was that we couldn't figure out how to take all the interviews and make an interesting film. So, we decided to create a website and infuse it now and then with some of the inspiring segments we obtained from our interviews. The website morphed quickly into a sort of an online magazine with a myriad of topics that promote kindness, inspiration, and creativity. One of the co-founders, executive editor, and dearest friend to me is Alison Martin. She is the real engine behind the website. She's one of the most beautiful blessings in my life - a true friend, inspiration, and exceptional person.

Oh, and she can make me laugh like no one else.

Hope of the Valley Rescue Mission is a charity that is very dear to you and your family. Please tell us the vision and goal of this charity?

Hope of the Valley Rescue Mission is a non-profit organization that Alex and I really admire and support.

Here's their mission statement taken from www.hopeofthevalley.org "Our mission is to prevent, reduce and eliminate poverty, hunger, and homelessness. We do this by offering immediate assistance and long-term solutions.

We are a faith-based independent 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that does not discriminate based on gender, age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or lack thereof. Our services are grounded in a deep respect for the dignity inherent in each human being".

The founders and facilitators, Laurie & Ken Craft, are amazing people. They are the personification of "love in action." I'm so grateful to know them and support the ongoing endeavor of preventing homelessness in the city that Alex and I appreciate so much.

Is there a famous speech or book you read that has had a profound impact on you?

There have been quite a number of great speeches and books that I've heard/read over the course of my life that have touched my heart. Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch, was the first book that started the awakening process within my being. Here's a quote that I love from this book, "The purpose of life is to create your Self anew, in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about Who You Are. It is to announce and become, express and fulfill, experience and know your true Self."

I remember the first time I read that passage, I was in awe of it, and it still resonates for me to this very day. I want to share one more powerful quote from a book called, A Course In Miracles, "Love holds no grievances." To me, that quote is so wonderful! It reminds me that the truth of my being, which is Love, cannot hold on to blame, shame or regrets. Love forgives all. Set yourself free. Let it go.

One thing I try to hold onto is to start my day with ten minutes of inspirational reading and sitting quietly. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation. Other times I like just being with myself. I use the early morning time to set the intention for my day. It's a practice I learned from a book called, A Course In Miracles With Alison Martin partner on Insidewink 14 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

To you, Alex Trebek was your beloved husband and father of your children but did you know just how much of an icon he was to the rest of the world?

Not really. Alex was my dear husband and my most beloved friend. Like most long-term relationships, we had our ups and downs, but the truth of it was that we were very close and experienced a lot of life together. It was important to Alex to keep his personal life separate from his professional life, unless it was "needed,"… i.e., attending an award show or something like that. For the most part, Alex and I enjoyed staying at home. When we did go out, it was perhaps for a quick dinner or movie every now and then, so it wasn't like we were always out in public for me to really notice his popularity.

I knew the show was very successful and that people really liked him—a lot. I started realizing just how much he was adored by people from all walks of life when he made his public announcement that he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We received cartons of mail every day filled with get-well cards, etc., at our home address, and I knew that the studio was receiving so much more.

It was astonishing!

In looking back, the fact that I did not identify Alex as an "icon" was a gift. We were equal partners in a marriage, and we had our own personal growth issues to deal with just like any ordinary couple. It would have been really weird for both Alex and myself if I thought of him as some celebrity. He could just be himself at home, and that was it.

Grief is a valley of ebbs and flows, highs and lows.

How do you stay positive and present even during the most challenging and emotional times?

I'm reminded of what Queen Elizabeth ll said when Prince Phillip recently passed away. She said, "Grief is the price you pay for having loved." It's true. There are moments of my day that I miss Alex so much, and I just have to allow myself those times. Sometimes I feel as if he's been on a long vacation, and then there are other times that the reality of the absence of his presence is really palatable. I find that being with my family and friends or doing something creative and new is really helpful.

What does a day in the life of Jean Trebek look like?

Oh, it's fascinating! ;-). Coffee first! Then it gets busy. I have a lot to do in terms of overseeing the Family Foundation, taking meetings, my activities on various boards, and generating content for Insidewink.

One thing I try to hold onto is to start my day with ten minutes of inspirational reading and sitting quietly.

Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation. Other times I like just being with myself. I use the early morning time to set the intention for my day. It's a practice I learned from a book called, A Course In Miracles, and I love it.

I surrender my concerns and decisions over to a Presence that truly Knows All (God), rather than me operating from the smallest aspect of my Self which has its own perceptions and judgments. Allowing this presence to orchestrate my activities really helps me keep it all together.

It's amazing how most of my days are filled with peace. And I will add, Peace of Mind is priceless.

Then I'll check my emails (I have a lot of those), I try to exercise (usually by walking my love-beam dog, Luna), and get on with what's presented before me.

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List three things you must do every day and would encourage others to do.

1. Gratitude! I usually wake up in the morning and say, "thank you for this day" Ideally, it helps to bookend my day with three things for which I'm grateful and writing them down.

Having an attitude of gratitude enables me to live with an open heart. This does not mean I will always "like" what's going on, but it keeps me out of resistance, which is always futile. Along with feeling gratitude, if there is any person or situation that is upsetting or concerning my mind, I send it love. Love heals all, and so I hold that person or situation in my mind, surround it with loving thoughts, and let the Universe take care of it. Thoughts of worry or anger cannot coincide with thoughts of gratitude.

2. Go outside! I find that if I can walk or move outside, it clears my mind. And I look up. It may sound odd, but when I look down at the ground, I usually think about the same old thoughts or analyze some situation. I feel stuck. But when I remember to look up and out, my mind feels freer, more expanded, and I'm not so focused on my personal Self or my problems. That open awareness is like tapping into your higher Self, and, for me, that is where great ideas come from. If nothing else, just the amazing sense of awe for life itself is revealed and experienced.

3. Sit in stillness and ask for guidance! I take five to ten minutes, close my eyes, slowly breathe and ask for guidance, clarity, or wisdom. Putting concerns "out there" helps me relax and not feel responsible for everything and everyone.

Jean & Alex Trebek | Photo by Carol Kaelson 16 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e September 2021

What is the most difficult thing about being in the spotlight?

I don't feel like I'm in the spotlight. When I went out with Alex, I knew how much his fans meant to him, so it was relaxed, and we were always respected.

What's the best thing about being a mother?

I really, really love being a mom. I felt so lucky to have my children, Matthew & Emily. Right now, the best thing about being a mom is getting to know and be with my children. They are my very dearest friends. I love talking, watching TV, and traveling with them. Just hanging out together is a great joy.

After all these years living on the West Coast, would you say you are still very much an East Coast woman?

I appreciate both Coasts, but New York will always be a bit extra special. I grew up on Long Island, and my mom, sister, and son live in New York, so it's fun to go back a few times a year and enjoy the seasons and the towns that are unique and special to me.

Special Thank you to: Jean Trebek Andean Dream Ute Ville, Photography Edward Hokopian, Hair & Makeup

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From our family to yours, we are proud to bring you deliciously good for you products.

Enjoy!

The quinoa cookies, Chocolate Chip, Coconut and Cocoa-Orange are a low-sugar, healthy and delicious alternative snack, free from gluten and the top allergens. Individually wrapped, they are great carry along snacks.

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Products can be found in natural and conventional food stores across the US. Andean Dream pasta may also be found on the menus of many popular restaurants throughout the country.

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Excerpt from Missing Each Other: How to Cultivate Meaningful Connections

What

ATTUNEMENT

LOOKS AND FEELS

LIKE

By Edward Brodkin & Ashley Pallathra

Dr. Edward Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra, using fields as diverse as social neuroscience and autism research, music performance, pro basketball, and tai chi, work revolves around the four pillars of human connection and offers and explains the science, research, and biology underlying these pillars of human connection and provides exercises through which anyone can improve their skills and abilities in each.

A

ttunement is the ability to be aware of your own state of mind and body while also tuning in and connecting to another person. It is the fundamental social skill and the foundation of human relationships, without which we are isolated from others and cut off from our own inner life. Attunement relies not only on spoken language but also on the communication of feeling states through unspoken signals that we exchange, such as acial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. Reciprocal communication is a dance between attention and gesture that flows most effectively when people are in tune with one another. The nonverbal components of communication start to develop almost as soon as we are born, and they are nurtured in our interactions with our parents or caregivers.

We continue to develop them over the course of a lifetime. In relationships and interactions of any depth, attunement plays an important role.

Attunement helps us to feel aware of ourselves and connected to another person, and it helps that other person feel just as connected to us. Attunement is a whole-body experience, both kinesthetic and emotional, in which you can sense someone’s rhythm, affect, and experience by essentially feeling like 20 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

you’re in their skin. Attunement goes one step past empathy by creating a two-person experience of feeling connected, which is accomplished through reciprocal, dynamic responding to one another’s emotional states, needs, and desires.

Attunement should not be viewed as simply fostering a touchyfeely emotional connection with others, but as a unique power—a power that enables us to perceive communications from others, to connect and have our message understood, and to manage conflict. Rather than an abstract, intangible concept, attunement is based on a specific set of skills that, research suggests, can be developed with time and practice.

True social-emotional attunement can most easily be identified as those moments in which your attention is completely engrossed in social interaction with someone, whether that someone is your closest confidante or a recent acquaintance.

You can have a quality interaction with someone that includes elements like mindfulness, presence of mind, active listening, empathy, and cognitive understanding, but any one of these skills on their own is not attunement. True attunement is born from all of these elements working in conjunction, which allows you to be in sync and in tune with someone’s expression of their experience.

Photo by HOUCINE-NCIB

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Think of a time when you’ve comforted someone close to you who is grieving. This is a moment that calls for enhanced empathy and awareness of both your own emotions and those of the other person. A major loss, like a death in the family, can be so shocking that it stops us in our tracks, puts all of our usual distractions on hold, and reminds us of the importance of human-to-human connection. As you provide comfort, you pay greater attention to what the grieving person is saying and the body language they use. This focus helps you try to anticipate their needs, whether it be for a tissue, an embrace, or just being present as you sit and listen. As a result, you become in tune with one another, causing a positive feedback loop in which the grieving person feels connected to you, and you feel connected to their experience. While you can’t bring back the deceased person, your presence and the connection between you are deeply comforting. An attuned connection between you and another person has great power to foster emotional healing.

and their new baby laughing and cuddling; or among musicians, dancers, or team athletes who perform in close physical, mental, and emotional coordination with each other. These kinds of interactions carry with their beauty.

An important characteristic of attunement is that it has both inner and outer aspects. In other words, attunement involves paying attention inwardly to our own emotional state, thoughts, and feelings, as well as paying attention outwardly to the cues from the person we’re interacting with. When you comfort a person who is sad, it’s helpful to be somewhat aware of (but not completely overwhelmed by) your own feelings as you attend to theirs. Maybe when you’re comforting someone who has just lost a parent, it brings up emotions within you because you’re currently caring for an elderly parent yourself. An interaction like that might make you feel anxious, stressed out, or sad because you are reminded of your own family situation.

While that is completely normal and understandable, it takes a certain level of conscious awareness to identify those emotions within yourself. That awareness allows you to regulate your emotions while you maintain a mindful connection with the other person’s experience.

Without an awareness that the other person’s loss is stirring up your own feelings about your family situation, you may unknowingly get distracted by your own emotions and experience during the conversation. As a result, you may lose focus on the emotions of the grieving person. So, ironically, some degree of self-awareness can help you to stay aware of the other person. Awareness of both our own state and the other person’s state makes room for the connection between both parties to deepen.

Close relationships are the classic situations in which attunement comes into play, but the attunement can also play an important role in enhancing our ability to function in less intimate interactions, such as with acquaintances or even people who we’ve just encountered for the first time. Generating some degree of attunement with others does not require knowing them well, nor does it require having lengthy, deep, meaningful conversations. An attuned interaction is born from the experience of being present and connected with someone, for however long or short that connection may last. In less intimate situations, attunement skills enhance your ability to stay calm and to keep your eyes and ears open to perceive the other person clearly and accurately. By maintaining some awareness of your own reactions (e.g., becoming overwhelmed, distracted, emotional), you’re often better able to handle anything that arises between you and the other person and to do so much more skillfully.

Attunement can be attained in joyful situations as well.

It can occur between two people who are deeply in love with one other; between two old friends who know and understand each other inside and out; between a parent 22 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

And people who are highly connected with each other in that way often have a feeling of euphoria during their moments of attuned interaction, which they may miss when the interaction is over. For people in love with each other, for parents with their new babies, or for musicians, dancers, and athletes, those periods of connection are often the moments that they live for and can’t wait to get back to.

The more you learn about attunement, the more you’ll start to notice the diversity and versatility of these skills in your life and in the lives of others. Attunement can be useful in different ways, depending on the situation and type of relationship.

Although it can enhance your sense of closeness, attunement does not mean becoming so close to another person that you give up your independence of thought and action. Only two individuals who have a clear sense of themselves as separate individuals can be truly attuned to each other. When you give up your sense of individuality and autonomy for someone else—or another person gives up their individuality and autonomy for you—this is merging, or it could mean that one person dominates and controls the other, which is very different from attunement. Attunement involves two or more individuals finding a balance of connection with personal space and freedom, depending on the particular relationship and the context.

Attunement is even helpful for navigating our way through conflicts that seem to inevitably arise between people. While attunement certainly doesn’t quell emotions, heightened attunement skills allow individuals to engage calmly and not get overwhelmed by emotional reactivity. This perspective allows people to hear and understand each other more clearly. It enables each person to respond to what the other person actually did or said, rather than to misperceptions of what was done or said. While it may seem paradoxical, when we’re in conflict with someone, we’re actually much more effective in navigating that conflicted situation if we stay connected with that other person—when we can actually hear and understand that person clearly, and respond to what was really said and meant. If you lose your connection to the other person, your ability to assert yourself in a conflict or situation is diminished.

To make a convincing argument or case to the other person, it is crucial that you stay cool, that you listen to and understand what is being said, that you know where the other person is coming from and that you then construct your argument in such a way that the other person will be able to hear it.

It’s not easy to connect with someone who has very different views from your own. When you fundamentally disagree with someone, how can you expect to connect with them? Most people have been hit by a moment in which they realize, or are surprised to learn, that not everyone is interpreting the world the way they are. It can be a tough pill to swallow when we interact with someone who has a different perspective on the same situation, especially when those interactions relate to hot-button topics like racism, religion, politics, or parenting. There can be an almost automatic urge to either react or disengage, either of which usually leads to ineffective communication. But attunement with others does not require agreeing with them, nor does it mean having the same perspective on life that they have. It does require that you keep yourself calm enough to be aware, that you sincerely listen and understand, and that you stay in touch with your own reactions and those of the other person so that the whole interaction can go more smoothly and productively.

Attunement offers up the chance to take the path less traveled, the counterintuitive path—using the connection to navigate conflict—even in moments where throwing up your hands and walking away feels like the easier choice. It’s no magic pill, but the exercises that we offer to develop each component of attunement will allow you to take mindful practices off of your couch at home and turn them into practical strategies that you can bring into your everyday interactions.

An important characteristic of attunement is that it has both

inner and outer aspects.

In other words, attunement involves paying attention inwardly to our own emotional state, thoughts, and feelings, as well as paying attention outwardly to the cues from he person we’re

interacting with

Edward S. Brodkin, M.D. is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry with tenure at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania.

Ashley A. Pallathra, M.A. is a clinical researcher and therapist. They are the co-authors of Missing Each Other: How to Cultivate Meaningful Connections.

For more information, please visit www.missingeachother.com.

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S

elf-love

A PRAGMATIC APPROACH

S

elf-love is a state of acknowledgment, a consciousness that you need to be cherished, not left aside. It is this cognizance that arises from the actions that enhance your physical, psychological and spiritual development. The greater the self-love one develops, the more is his/her capacity to attract people. One of the essentialities in nurturing this much-needed love is to set up healthy boundaries and to live intentionally. It is then that you live and not merely exist.

Self-love is a widely discussed term today, more so in the face of mental health. The more immensely you learn how to love yourself, the more nourishing it is for your soul. Ultimately,

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TO LIVING

By Jayita Bhattacharjee

the process becomes a nourishing affair you have with your heart. It is an effortless loving, an adventurous engagement with your soul, which becomes the core of your substantial living. You cannot unlock your desires until you are nurtured inside. Your dreams begin to die as you burn malnourished emotionally. Your possibilities wane as you wander aimlessly in neglect in the moments of the unlighted dark. You become baffled and befuddled, a complete lane-drifter. Selflove determines how you are going to cope with the challenges that come along your way. Your ability to handle the obstacles is reflected in the way you love yourself first, the way you heal your own wounds, and then decide to give yourself out to this world. Or else you bleed in a silent scream, and the world gets to have a share of bleeding you.

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Ways to cultivate self-love would be to be mindful. So you tend to know what you feel, think, and long for. Know your wanting, know what tickles you in your deeps and know what extinguishes your happiness So to love yourself, you need to give yourself respect and recognition. You need to come to an understanding, a realization that you exist and that a daily cherishing, an ongoing treasuring of you, will be a renewed vitality. It cannot be just an option. Self-love is the real necessity, the pragmatic way to look at the truth of living. It is so desired for your overall well-being that the more you love yourself, the more you live fully from your soul, from a place of authenticity. And the spiral continues.

You learn to meet everyone and everything from a place of authenticity and not a superficiality. It influences every decision you ever make in your life, and thus, you bring more of life into yourself as being rooted inside self-love, you begin to shape your decisions. You have the power over yourself as you allow your soul to be nourished, your body to be held from inside.

You are held by yourself livingly, from a place of conscious choice. You learn how to live intentionally and not by slipping into a series of mistakes.

Self-love is not simply basking in the good feelings, but it is a continual state of cherishing yourself and relishing in the delights of living. This love is dynamic and springs from the actions that lead us towards maturity. When we learn to accept our flaws and weaknesses side by side our strengths, when we allow us to be gentle with ourselves, we lend ourselves forgiveness for the choices we made. Rather than being critical and judgmental, we learn to love ourselves, holding no reservations. That becomes the crucial step in learning to love your soul. You do not look to explain your shortcomings, knowing as a human, you are born imperfect, but you are striving to make a perfect tapestry out of the seeming imperfections. You have less need to explain yourself to this world. You just become you and let the world adjust to accept the newer version of you. As love is no love until it includes you, understanding is no understanding until you understand yourself. And then you step out to understand this world.

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You do not allow your struggles and shortcomings to block your way; rather, you bypass them as you are guided by another vision, the light of your soul. And such a light arises only when you nourish your heart.

From this daily nurturing, you develop a deeper relationship with your soul. It becomes a euphoric affair, one that takes you to a grand vision, a walk with your head held high. Effortlessly, you become centered in the purpose of your life; spontaneously, you become someone more grounded in values. Living becomes effortless, and you no longer strive, rather begin to thrive.

Ways to cultivate self-love would be to be mindful. So you tend to know what you feel, think, and long for.

Know your wanting, know what tickles you in your deeps and know what extinguishes your happiness. So you make a conscious choice to step into those which arouse you into life and step out of that which blows off the fire of your living.

Act on your needs and not on your wants. To turn away from things that make you feel excited and thrilled and turn into things that make you feel rooted and anchored is a vital step. So the story of your life will be ongoing and not static. As you will not be stuck by the marshes of lowlands and wetlands of life, rather you will flow like a babbling brook. Focusing on your needs, you walk away from automatic behavior patterns that keep you bogged down. You learn to skip troubles, and your life becomes stress-free. You are no longer stuck in your past, rather you let open the windows of your soul, and the fresh air comes in to renew you. You love this version of you, who emerged from the practice of self-loving.

As you practice better self-care, your basic needs are met. Your daily nourishment arises from healthy nutrition, regular exercise, a sound sleep pattern, closeness with another, and healthy social interactions. You rule out the unhealthy social interactions that do not support yourself. It is not an act of selfishness; it is an act of tending to your needs.

Boundary setting is vital to work, love, or activities that lead to gradual depletion or erosion of the self physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Anything that leads to a poor expression of you needs to be turned off.

Protect yourself at all times. This protection becomes a shield. Walk away from the ones who struggle to be happy for you in your success and let in the ones who support you, encourage you in ways you never imagined. Time spent with them is time wasted. Rather, time spent in the company of those who uplift you is time put to productive use.

Forgiveness includes you. Remember that when you become so hard with yourself is a necessity again. While we need to take responsibility for our own actions, one of its downfalls, we often overstep it and bear too much brunt when our shoulders are bending low. To acknowledge and accept that you are human born with imperfections would be to cut yourself off from the burden of invisible guilt you carry around—forgiveness gifts you the ability to walk straight guiltlessly and unashamedly.

Make a conscious choice to live intentionally. Your acceptance of yourself and your falling in love with your soul will give you further clarity as you live with a vision straight ahead, a purpose, a meaning, a knowing, an understanding of why you are here on this earth and what is the grand reason behind it. Your search becomes complete. You no longer are a homeless wanderer. You come home to yourself as you let your soul fall in love with the many beauties around the bend. You muster the courage to face surprises and learn to overcome them with confidence and self-esteem. This living becomes a process of learning. It does not arise unconsciously; rather, it is continually an intentional choice, a willful living.

It would be best if you internalized that there are many diverse aspects of you, several parts that make up the essential you. You are a mix of many facets, and not just one. Your value and worth do not necessarily depend upon focusing on one aspect only. Rather than defining yourself solely by your appearances or how intelligent you are, or what a high profile job you are doing, you can choose to shift your attention to other positive things in you.

As you are a balanced mix of many things and assorted beauty, realizing that is central to your self-love and never let just one aspect rule your idea of who you are.

Internalize the many facets of yourself consciously.

Treat yourself as you treat someone you love. Do unto yourself what you would do unto others. Indulge in things that will be playful with your heart as you would to pull the heartstrings of someone you love externally. Engage yourself in playful games with your hearts, so they will glean the lively and high-spirited you. Rather than quietening you, they will transform you into an exuberant one. Just as you would banter someone else if you would have loved, immerse yourself in those bantering activities that will give your heart a gentle nudge and push it off the edge to fly. Give yourself the freedom to do it and do it without any sense of guilt, as letting yourself loose, teasing your heart to be jubilant needs to be guiltless. It will kill your unspoken sorrows as what sat heavily inside you will now be loosened in the fresh air, and you will flirt with your heart.

Direct yourself internally and not towards external validation. If your mind is getting inclined towards seeking approval from others, immediately direct it deep inward by questioning yourself,” What is it I want to be?”

“What is my ultimate vision?”, “What is my thought and perspective about this matter?”

The outcome of exercising self-love is self-esteem enhancement. You regain your confidence back, and what kept you staggering and stuttering now comes beneath the light of courage. You wake up to an unseen version of yourself that walks with poise and determination, knowing your spirit as you have nurtured it. From this knowing, you will walk collected in your thoughts. The very definition of you changes as you have taken conscious care of yourself, engaged yourself in a lifelong affair with your soul, knowing this affair will lead you to a grand vision in life.

Your dependence on this world goes downhill as your replenishment comes from an inner well you strive to keep full. This fullness will carry you towards wholeness. It will walk you through the seasons of life, be they rugged or smooth. No matter what the terrains are, self-love will uphold you effortlessly. You are in love unashamedly, and it becomes an unregretted affair with your heart.

Jayita Bhattacharjee was born in Calcutta, India and later on pursued education from University of Houston in Economics, she had chosen her career as a trustee and teacher. Her Indian residence is in the vicinity of the famous Belurmath.

Currently, she is settled in Tampa, Florida. Her love for writing on a journey of heart and soul was hidden all within. Looking at the moments captured in love and pain, joy and grief, the hidden tragedies of life...it was a calling of her soul to write.

Her books "The Ecstatic Dance of Life', " Sacred Sanctuary", " Light of Consciousness", "Dewdrops of Compassion" are meant to shed light on what guides a person to respond to the mystical voice hidden inside, to soar in a boundless expansion with the limitless freedom of spirit."It is in the deepest joy that I write with every breath of mine."

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"Clean water, the essence of life and a birthright for everyone, must become available to all people now" ~ Jean-Michel Cousteau

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Common Questions About Grief Dreams Answered By: Joshua Black, Ph.D.

Dreaming of the deceased loved or beloved pet is much more common than you might think. For example, 86% of those who lose a partner or spouse experience one or more of these dreams. People do not need to be spiritual to experience a dream of the deceased, but their interpretation of the dream may differ. Sometimes called bereavement dreams, dreams after loss, dreams of the deceased, dreams of the dead, and visitation dreams, grief dreams serve multiple purposes that can significantly impact the mental health of the bereaved.

Grief following a death takes a huge toll on people. A lot of lives were lost during the pandemic, both from the virus itself and for other reasons. Many have had experiences with their loved ones in their dreams, but the lack of awareness and education on the topic has the bereaved afraid to discuss their dreams. This article will give you a chance to know more about dreams after loss, which will help normalize the topic within the grief journey.

30 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

W

hen my dad died suddenly in 2008, I became depressed. Three months later, I had a dream of him (which I now call a grief dream).

The dream changed my grief in ways I still don't fully understand.

In my dream, my father was on the other side of my bedroom, and he looked healthy. He actually looked far healthier than he ever had before, and he had a peace about him that I never witnessed in waking life. I walked up to him and said that I loved him and that I would miss him (acknowledging his death). We hugged, and then I woke up. When I woke up, I just sat on the edge of my bed in wonder as to what just happened. What was that? I could feel that I had changed inside, as I felt the colour come back to my life. The change happened inside me, and it wasn't based on me interpreting the dream. Whatever happened that morning, my love of grief dreams was born.

Photo by ENGIN AKYURT

After I finished my undergraduate degree, I started to provide volunteer bereavement support at a local hospice. The bereaved kept asking questions about the dreams of the deceased that I didn't have any answers for. When I investigated the scientific literature on the topic, I was shocked to find that research on it was pretty much non-existent. That is when I decided to go back to school and research this topic in both my M.A. and Ph.D. (in psychology) to help those who had questions.

POSITIVE-THEMED DREAMS OF THE DECEASED APPEAR TO BE MORE COMMON AFTER A LOSS THAN NEGATIVE ONES. Below are answers to common questions on grief dreams: What kinds of dreams might I have after my loved one has died?

There are three forms of grief dreams (dreams after loss): 1. Dreams that don't have the deceased present or mention them. The dream may be addressing feelings of the loss (e.g., running by a mountain and it collapses on you, searching for something and not finding it).

2. Dreams that don't have the deceased present but are mentioned or symbolized (e.g., a character in the dream talks about the deceased, visiting the hospital where the deceased died).

3. Dreams that have the deceased present in the dream (e.g., in human form or in another form). In terms of this third form, the deceased is usually physically present in the dream, but they may sometimes use a device to speak to the dreamer (e.g., a telephone).

Is it common to dream of your loved one after loss?

There is limited research on the topic, but my research suggests it is very common for people to have at least one dream. For example, I have found that 86% of partners (after partner loss) had at least one dream of the deceased within the first year to two years after the loss. Dreaming of the deceased seems to be a common experience for those with losses categorized as disenfranchised too (e.g., pregnancy loss and pet loss). Research I have done after pregnancy loss found 57% of birthmothers/partners had at least one dream of the deceased, and after pet loss, 78% of dog/cat owners had at least one dream of the deceased.

I had heard from people that it sometimes only took a

32 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

month before they remembered a dream of their loved one, while others reported it took years. The frequency of these dreams of the deceased varies widely from person to person. Some people only have one their entire life, while others can have them monthly—and some have none.

Are there common themes of dreams of the deceased?

In my research, I have found that there are many different themes that can occur with dreams of the deceased. Two common positive themes are: 1) seeing the deceased healthy and/or happy, and 2) the deceased acting or speaking in a way that was comforting. Two common negative themes are 1) seeing the deceased dead, dying, or suffering from illness, and 2) the deceased acting or speaking in a way that was upsetting.

Positive-themed dreams of the deceased appear to be more common after a loss than negative ones. This is important because it goes against traditional dream research, which would expect negative dreams of the deceased to be more frequent after a death. The data shows that this is not the case and implies that there is something unique in how many of these types of dreams function (e.g., providing grief support).

Do children have dreams of the deceased?

Yes, it is common for children to have at least one dream of the deceased. They can have similar grief dreams as adults, but the major difference is how they interpret these experiences. This is why it is important to ask them about what dreams they may be having and how they feel about those experiences.

Why am I having negative dreams of my loved one?

Dream research has shown that dreams represent our waking life. If you're happy during the day, you are more likely to have positive dreams. If you're sad during the day, you are more likely to have negative dreams. After the loss, you are experiencing many negative emotions and can expect many of your dreams to reflect that. In my experience, many people who have negative dreams of the deceased are having issues with their unresolved anger or guilt. Additionally, the death may have been traumatic, and they may be reliving that traumatic event (e.g., seeing their loved one dying again). My research supports these links (unresolved anger/blame and trauma symptoms) to distressing dream content. If you work through your trauma or grief issues (I recommend seeing a professional), your dreams of the deceased should change to something

more positive. Additionally, there are other ways to reduce negative dreams, such as dream re-scripting.

The bereaved that are spiritually inclined may take these negative dreams as haunting by the deceased. Be cautious about making that interpretation; instead, consider carefully whether the dream imagery connects to your issues with the individual and/or your grief.

What if I want to have more dreams of my loved one?

There are many reasons why you may want a dream of your loved one; to see them one more time, hear their voice, relive a memory, etc. If you are spiritual, you may want a dream to confirm they crossed over and/or still love you. I caution against thinking that not having a dream is a sign of something wrong with the deceased (e.g., haven't crossed over) or something wrong between the two of you (e.g., doesn't love you any more or is mad at you).

In my own research, I found that the most important factor related to recalling dreams of the deceased is how many dreams someone usually recalls in general.

Some people remember dreams every night, and some people never remember their dreams. Research has found that most people remember one or two dreams a week. If you do not remember your dreams often, then it may be more difficult for you to remember a dream of the deceased (even though you really want to remember it).

Almost no one remembers every dream they produce while sleeping. So given this, it is highly likely that we are dreaming of the deceased more than we realize. A good way to increase your ability to remember dreams is to increase your value in them. One way to do this is to keep a dream journal for all of your dreams (not just the ones with the deceased). It is still a mystery why the mind only remembers certain dreams of the deceased and not others.

Do dreams of the deceased change over time?

Yes, dreams seem to change over time. In one study, I explored a dream journal following father loss and found that the dream content and themes changed as time went on (as the dreamer started to heal). Since dreams reflect our waking life, these dreams seem to change to reflect what we are currently going through.

When you are grieving death, these dreams can focus on your grief. As you start to heal, these dreams of the deceased can focus on other issues you are going through in waking life (e.g., the deceased provides you

comfort during a pandemic, the deceased parent gives advice on your relationship issues). At the end of life, dreams of the deceased can focus on helping you with the transition from life to death.

What can we learn from our dreams?

As I have already discussed, we can learn from negative dreams about issues and concerns that perhaps we have not yet given enough attention to in our waking life.

We can also learn from our positive dreams with the deceased. Many positive dreams can help resolve grief issues in waking life (e.g., a need for forgiveness, or to feel loved, to be reassured that the loved one is safe, a chance to see them healthy). These positive dreams can reflect your waking life concerns and what you're longing for. Whether or not you believe a positive dream is a visitation, it doesn't change that a positive dream can reflect your waking life.

Where can I learn more about grief dreams?

You can learn a lot about grief dreams by just asking people. Don't be afraid to ask. I have come to learn that a gift seldom given is a safe space to share one's grief dreams. Just by asking someone about their dreams, you may be giving them a gift long unopened. I have had people tell me grief dreams that they haven't shared for over 40 years because of their fear of judgment. So when you ask the question, remember not to judge or even interpret the dream…just be with them and ask them how it felt. You can also learn more about grief dreams on the Grief Dreams Podcast.

Joshua Black, Ph.D., is a grief researcher, speaker, consultant, and host of the Grief Dreams Podcast. His work focuses on dreams and continuing bonds after loss, including prenatal and pet loss. As one of the world's leading academic experts in grief dreams, which can be dreams of the deceased, Dr. Black has directed his efforts on raising awareness about this fascinating phenomenon through media interviews, including PBS Next Avenue and CBC News, in addition to speaking engagements and workshops.

In addition to GriefDreams.ca, you can find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Clubhouse.

33 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

BY COMMUNICARE

Are

BULLIES

Making School a Nightmare

FOR YOUR KIDS?

Photo by MORGAN BASHAM

By Melody Madaris

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F

ace-to-face bullying and cyberbullying by peers can threaten your students’ emotional and physical health and make their schools feel like unsafe environments. And while there’s heightened awareness of the prevalence of bullying in schools and online spaces these days, many students still struggle with reporting bullying—whether they experience it personally or witness the incidents.

Let’s talk about equipping all local students with ways to recognize bullying behaviors and protect themselves and others.

Is That Bullying?

Bullying can take many forms, including cyberbullying and can happen at any age. Bullying isn’t limited to stereotypical experiences like being aggressively bumped into lockers, having your lunch money stolen, or being tripped in the cafeteria.

WITH MORE THAN HALF OF BULLYING INCIDENTS GOING UNREPORTED, THIS MEANS THE MAJORITY OF BULLIED STUDENTS DON’T GET THE SUPPORT THEY NEED TO DEAL WITH THEIR EXPERIENCE OR HAVE THE INCIDENT HANDLED PROPERLY Bullying is a type of harassment. And in 2014, the Department of Education and Centers for Disease Control released the first federally recognized definition of bullying, defining it as unwanted aggressive behavior or a perceived power imbalance.

Here are some questions to have students ask themselves to understand bullying: • Do others make fun of my appearance or mockingly imitate me?

• Does how others treat me to make me feel isolated and excluded?

• Do others make hurtful or untruthful comments about me in person or online?

• Have I been physically hurt at school, including being shoved or tripped?

• Have I been threatened with harm in person or online?

• Has anyone used their status or age to make me do things?

• Do others force me to do things I don’t want to do, either by physical force or psychological methods?

• Has my property been destroyed purposely?

• •

Am I afraid to go to school?

Has my mental health suffered because of others’ treatment and behavior towards me?

How to Prevent and Combat Bullying According to StopBullying.gov, only 46 percent of students who were bullied during the school year notified an adult at the school. With more than half of bullying incidents going unreported, this means the majority of bullied students don’t get the support they need to deal with their experience or have the incident handled properly.

Therefore, students’ voices and actions can make a significant difference in stopping bully culture. Here are some ways your student can prevent and combat bullying in their school: • Be mindful of their own behavior; they may be exhibiting bullying tendencies without realizing it.

• Stand up for others; promote anti-bullying programs and values.

• Think before they post or comment online; ask themselves if the content could potentially harm someone’s feelings or reputation.

• If they are bullied and feel unsafe about telling the aggressors to stop, walk away. Find an adult or authority figure to report the incident.

• If they witness bullying, only step in if they feel they’re not putting their physical and mental health in danger. Then, report the incident to an authority figure.

• Be kind; sometimes bullies are the most misunderstood and struggle with personal issues causing them to take their aggression out on others.

Just a few decades ago, there were few efforts to prevent bullying. Today, we see progress as all states have anti-bullying legislation. However, there’s still more we can do to ensure that bully culture is eradicated.

Should you have a mental health emergency, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

Melody Madaris, MRC, CRC, CMHT, EMDRII, ART, LCPC, is the assistant director of Communicare, a community behavioral health clinic serving six counties in Northern Central Mississippi.

She manages more than 150 staff across seven outpatient offices, a residential co-occurring treatment facility and a mobile crisis response team.

She is passionate about Communicare’s mission to help children and adults understand, manage and recover from mental health and substance use disorders.

35 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

Food Gadgets

www.foodhuggers.com

THAT SAVE THE PLANET & YOUR POCKETBOOK!

Food Huggers is a small company that has been successfully tackling BIG problems in the kitchen. One by one, they have set their sights on creating reusable alternatives to the most common single-use and disposable items used in your everyday cooking routine. Their products are invented from the ground up to be just as convenient as their disposable predecessors ideally.

The story began in 2013 when a Kickstarter campaign

36 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e Octoberr 2021

raised $184,000 to fund the production of Food Huggers, silicone food covers that keep your fruits and veggies fresh longer. These versatile little guys are great for covering jars, open cans, or other small containers where you want to preserve whatever's inside so it can stay fresher for longer periods of time. They also have thousands upon thousands of 5-star reviews from customers singing their praises as "game-changing" solutions to make fruit last long enough to enjoy it and keep it out of the trash!

It is probably no surprise that one of the most popular Food Huggers is the set of Avocado Huggers. These silicone covers are shaped especially for saving avocados and have a patented "pit pocket" always to offer a snug fit. For all those lovers of avocado toast, this has been the solution they've been waiting for so that tomorrow's toast has the same fresh, delicious avocado as today's.

The next stop on the Food Huggers journey was to create a better alternative for covering bowls and protecting the contents inside. Their flexible fit bowl lids replace plastic wrap and foil with a dishwasher-safe reusable lid that is strong enough to stack on. Most people do not realize that these lids adapt themselves to fit snugly onto any size of conventional dishes you already own– no need for separate storage containers!

Leftovers can go straight from your ta-

ble to the fridge (and back again) in one container, saving you time, cupboard space, and leaving fewer dirty dishes.

Plus you can easily see inside, so you don't forget what you have—one of the main reasons food gets wasted.

One Green Planet finds that Americans use an average of 540 plastic bags per person per year. Considering only 9% of recyclable plastics are recycled, this is a concerning statistic for the Food Huggers team; this is why they created another way to keep your food fresh with their newest product called Hugger Bags. These reusable products are perfect alternatives for those pesky single-use plastics that take 500 years or more to break down! Replacing single-use items for sustainable swaps is a great start to help decrease the amount of single-use plastic flooding our oceans and heading straight for our landfills.

THE WAY I SEE IT

Photo by CHRISTIAN LUE

By Joey Santos, Jr.

38 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

WHAT IS SHE GOING THROUGH? M

aybe he or she is going through a bottle of gin or a bucket of fries, a box of cookies, or a tub of Haagen Dazs. Maybe he or she is going through chemo and radiation treatments, battling depression, a divorce, heartache, thoughts of worthlessness, abandonment, or maybe something even worse. Maybe, if we would answer our phones, check our messages, or call people back more often, we would find out "what he or she is going through."

But, I will say this, what we are all going through (especially now) may require a bit more awareness, less selfishness, some focus, and care from all of us.

No one is exempt. No one.

Just last month marked 20 years since the tragedy of 9/11. I was painfully reminded of the passengers and crew on those planes who knew they were facing imminent death. And how about the people trapped in the Towers frantically calling their husbands, wives, partners, children, family, friends, desperately reaching out to anyone in the hope of finding hope. They all managed to find a phone to call a loved one to say "I love you" or a sad "goodbye." How many of those calls were answered? How many now live with just a voice message left by their loved one as a painful reminder that if they could have only just answered that damn phone! I wonder what their response would have been?

I never forget that because I'm reminded of it every time my phone rings. Every time. What if someone I love is in trouble, or an accident, or lost their phone and had to borrow a phone to call me for help from a number that's blocked or that I don't recognize.

What if they were so depressed and just needed a friend to talk them back in from the edge? Could I live with myself for ignoring or being too busy to be bothered? I think not. Let me put it this way. Communication is not always tragic. There is something

called opportunity, and it doesn't always knock.

Sometimes it yells out a window. Or depending on where and how one lives, it can send a smoke signal or even a yodle. But more realistically, it sends an email, a text, or makes a phone call. Because of this, I respond to every text, email and answer every phone call. If it's not important, then good, we'll talk later.

If it is important, I'll let them know I'll be there to accept, help, give, listen, lend, laugh, or love.

The moral of my observation is simple. Let's be present. Let's live in the moment. It may not be our last moment, but it may be someone else's. What if all they want to tell us is "you got the job" or how much we mean to them, or how beautiful we are, how special we make them feel, and how much they love us.

How does that make one feel? Or, more importantly, how will it make us feel if we are simply too busy to respond? Will we continually be too busy to regret?

Joey Santos is a Celebrity Chef, Life Stylist & Co-Host of The Two Guys From Hollywood Podcast on iHeart Radio.

A Columnist for The Eden Magazine since 2016.

Joey was raised in NYC, Malibu, and West Hollywood. He is the son of Film & Television Actor Joe Santos, and his Grandfather is World-Renowned Latin Singer Daniel Santos.

To follow Joey on IG: @jojoboy13 To contact Joey; whynotjoe@gmail.com

39 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

The Healthstyle Emporium Sasha Gary

I

went on a day-cation to Santa Clarita from Venice Beach and had fun catching up with a dear friend I had not seen since before Covid.

It was so wonderful to drive out to the country and get out of the beach on Labor Day weekend. We decided to visit the Gentle Barn animal rescue. It was a super hot day, 100 degrees. I wore my best Cowgirl outfit, jeans, boots, Jack Daniels belt buckle, and my Cowgirl hat when we arrived. Many years ago, I met Michael Keaton, and he saw my Jack Daniels belt buckle. He had his eye on it. I said, Michael, you haven’t drunk enough Jack Daniels to own this buckle. It was hilarious!

We entered this amazing rescue, and we bought carrots to feed the horses. The horses are my favorite as I was an avid rider for a couple of years. Rescued These beautiful horses were, and each one had a story to tell. There were donkeys too! They were not all treated well before they arrived at the Gentle Barn.

Next, we went to visit the goats, pigs, chickens, oh my! So many animals are living gloriously amongst one another.

There was a Llama named King. He had giant teeth sticking out on the bottom. They said no to pet him.

He doesn’t like to be a pet, but he will kiss you. I said no thanks! Not with those teeth. My friend Mary a beautiful animal lover and animal whisperer, stole a little kiss! It was so sweet!

40 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e Octoberr 2021

A Daycation to As I wandered around, I saw a beautiful peacock. Then, I remembered the Gentle Barn rescued our famous peacock Tivoli who wandered the streets of Venice, Marina Del Rey, Playa Vista, and Culver City during the pandemic shut down. He was famous! People were very upset he was rescued because they all fell in love with him. Rest assured, he is happy and healthy at his newfound home.

ELLIE LAKS

One of the main things that I learned on the farm was actually seeing genetically engineered animals that are raised for food production. Henry is the biggest pig I ever saw. We need to see this with our own eyes and understand food production. Henry is doing great!

I helped keep him cool by hydrating him with water.

Next, we went to visit the cows!

Sweet cows who loved being brushed. Many of these cows are also genetically engineered, and one weighed three thousand pounds!!

There was one cow there that was a normal size cow, and the difference was outrageous. The cows were so lovely, and each cow had an adorable bow in its hair. A cow named Madonna stole my heart.

The volunteers at the Gentle Barn recommended a restaurant nearby called Tomato Joes, and we drove over to cool off in the air conditioning as it was insanely hot.

This place is fantastic! Amazing food and staff! It was an amazing day-cation and a great cause. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend visiting the Gentle Barn and making a difference by donating to them to care for the animals.

Sasha Gary is Gratitude Life Coach. actress, and writerin The Healthstyle Emporium www.theHSE.net. at is a 16 week online health program for women that shows you how to implement small sustainable changes one by one to help you with whole food nutrition, self-love and a conscious movement.

Sasha is a yogi of 25 years, a crystal healer, and an avid sound bowl meditation participant and lives in Venice California!

SPONSOR AN ANIMAL AT GENTLE BARN History of the Gentle Barn “Ellie Laks founded The Gentle Barn in 1999; it was a dream of hers since she was seven years old. Animals were always very healing and nurturing to her as she faced the challenges of growing up, finding herself, fitting in, feeling understood, etc. She majored in special education and psychology, and with her special love of animals and children, The Gentle Barn was a perfect way of putting all her talents and passions into one.

Jay Weiner joined The Gentle Barn in 2002 as a volunteer but fell in love with the place, and the two joined forces to heal even more children and animals together. Like Ellie, Jay also turned to animals for the support, love, and nurturing he needed as a child.

The Gentle Barn started on a half-acre property in the middle of the San Fernando Valley, CA. In 2003 Ellie and Jay moved The Gentle Barn to a sixacre paradise in Santa Clarita, CA. The property is complete with large horse and cow pastures, a red and white barnyard for the smaller animals, an organic vegetable garden, lots of shade trees, and a panoramic view of gorgeous mountains. Over one hundred and seventy rescued animals are safe and happy at The Gentle Barn, and there is plenty of room to welcome their visitors and the children they host.

The Gentle Barn has a second location in Nashville, Tennessee, and a third in St Louis, Missouri. It is their goal to open Gentle Barns in every state so that everyone in America can hug cows, cuddle turkeys, give pigs tummy rubs, and look into the eyes of these animals and know for certain that we are all the same and deserving of the same rights, respects, and freedoms. Since its inception, The Gentle Barn has saved thousands of animals and been host to over 500,000 people.”

Hope

Miracle

Chrissy

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Photo by MIKE KENNEALLY

More than 10 billion single-serve coffee pods end up in landfills each year. The number consumed since 2009 could wrap around the planet more than 175 times.

In 2017, from the iconic surf town of Santa Cruz, Steeped Coffee founder and CEO Josh Wilbur decided to do something to change that.

REVOLUTIONIZING THE COFFEE INDUSTRY WITH AN INNOVATIVE BREWING METHOD SIMILAR TO TEA

Today, Steeped Coffee is leading a revolution to stop the world’s dependency on non-recyclable, single-serve coffee pods by offering the first single-serve brewing method that is completely compostable. Quickly becoming the new standard in quality single-serve coffee, Steeped’s innovative method requires no additional equipment or machines to brew a simple cup of specialty roast coffee.

Top roasters are quickly jumping on board, offering iconic local brews in Steeped Packs, freshly ground pre-portioned coffee that is triple nitro-sealed to guarantee the perfect, ‘Barista-approved’ cup. Within three short years, Steeped Coffee launched a Kickstarter campaign. It grew to deliver sustainable coffee to enthusiasts across the country, available

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at grocery stores, hotels, offices, and online direct to consumers.

“We started Steeped Coffee to provide a positive solution to the growing single-serve coffee problem while also making quality specialty coffee more accessible to all,” said Josh Wilbur, CEO, and Founder of Steeped Coffee.

“We all have a role to play when it comes to protecting the world we live in, and we take that responsibility seriously, especially when it comes to packaging. Our certified commercially compostable GuiltFree Packaging™ takes every possible step to ensure that your sacred coffee rituals go unnoticed by the next generation.”

The company launched the “You Give; We Give” campaign in 2020, designed to lift the spirits of frontline doctors, nurses, firefighters, police, and first responders. The program was featured on The Ellen Show, and over 70,000 coffee packs were donated to frontline heroes across the country. Steeped’s PACKS FOR GOOD is an ongoing program giving back 20% of all sales to non-profit organizations.

To date, we have delivered fresh Steeped Coffee packs to; Stanford Hospital Palo Alto Dominican Health Santa Cruz Sutter Health Santa Cruz Santa Cruz Public Health Office Valley Medical San Jose El Camino Hospital Mountain View St. Alphonsus Hospital Boise American Medical Response Scott's Valley Good Samaritan Hospital San Jose Santa Cruz Police Department Folsom Police Department Folsom Sacramento Police Department Sacramento Marshall Hospital Folsom Mercy Folsom Hospital Folsom Sutter Roseville Hospital Roseville Help us continue to show support for doctors, nurses, firefighters, police, and first responders on the frontlines of the COVID-19 crisis by making sure their next great cup of coffee is on us.

Photo by LUKE ELLIS-CRAVEN

Photo by JOSHUA

Your generosity has been inspiring since day one of You Give, We Give, and together we have gifted over 2000 packs of fresh coffee to support frontline healthcare workers across California!

ENVIRONMENTAL RESPONSIBILITY We all have a role to play when it comes to the world we live in. At Steeped Coffee, we take these responsibilities seriously, especially when it comes to packaging. Our Guilt-Free Packaging takes every possible step to ensure that your sacred coffee rituals go unnoticed by the next generation. Each Steeped Single Serve Coffee Bag is made of a non-GMO food grade renewable and biodegradable material. Our award winning outer Steeped Pack packaging is made using compostable and renewable materials. Steeped Coffee retail cartons are recyclable and made using 100% recycled materials with a minimum of 85% being from post-consumer materials or recycled fiber (with no virgin materials used).

And each element of our packaging is utilizing every known innovation that we are aware of, while also preserving our coffee's quality and freshness. We continue to learn, innovate, and improve our materials as a top priority (not an afterthought). You can be assured that we'll keep doing our best, so by all means... don't buy garbage and leave just your 'actual' footprints wherever your journey takes you.

Steeped founder Josh Wilbur

Steeped, Inc. based in Santa Cruz, California, is a Certified B Corp and Benefit Corporation focused on every detail from farm-to-cup and beyond, to bring people the most convenient, quality, ethically sourced, and sustainably packaged products available. Steeped is the new standard in coffee helping to make quality coffee more accessible through its propriety technology and Steeped Brewing Method that is licensed to over 200 of the top specialty roasters around the globe. Steeped delivers 100% freshly roasted, precision ground, and nitro-sealed specialty coffee pre-portioned within Steeped Full Immersion Filters. Steeped Coffee is the simplest way to make a perfect cup of coffee by just adding water, with no machine needed.

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My Turning from Doing

to Being

By Connie Zweig

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With extended longevity comes the opportunity for extended personal growth and spiritual development. You now have the chance to become an Elder, leave behind past roles, shift from work in the outer world to inner work with the soul, and become authentically who you are. This book is a guide to help get past the inner obstacles and embrace the hidden spiritual gifts of age.

Offering a radical reimagining of age for all generations, psychotherapist and bestselling author Connie Zweig reveal how to use inner work to uncover and explore the unconscious denial and resistance that erupts around key thresholds of later life, attune to your soul’s longing, and emerge renewed as an Elder filled with vitality and purpose. She explores the obstacles encountered in the transition to wise Elder and offers psychological shadow-work and diverse spiritual practices to help you break through denial to awareness, move from self-rejection to self-acceptance, repair the past to be fully present, reclaim your creativity, and allow mortality to be a teacher. Sharing contemplative practices for selfreflection, she also reveals how to discover ways to share your talents and wisdom to become a force for change in the lives of others.

E inward.

ach day, as sunlight dims and dusk falls, I stop. For more than fifty years, I’ve watched the light turn to darkness, then closed my eyes to make the transition from doing to being, from fast to slow, from outward to

For me, dusk, the time when the glare of the day diminishes but the blackness of night has not yet blanketed the sky, is a sacred time. So, I have paid attention to dusk, the time between the world of light and the world of darkness, and I noticed a feeling of loss as another day wanes and a feeling of eagerness as another evening embraces me.

Eager for what? I’m eager to immerse myself in the expansive ocean of silence that is simply there as I close my eyes and enter meditation, breathing in, breathing out, releasing the day’s stimulation, emptying the internal noise that goes with it, and sinking into the vastness.

After some years of feeling precious intimacy with my breath, I realized that each meditation is like practicing dying, going deeper within, letting go of it all, and breathing out one last time. Then I realized, while writing this paragraph, that this ritualized practice has helped me to prepare for the greater dusk—for aging

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consciously into the twilight of my time here.

Before we cultivate pure awareness, our inner world is splashed with the colors of intense emotions, we believe our fleeting thoughts, and we unconsciously identify with the shadow character that is emerging at the moment. In the context of aging, the result is grief, paralysis, shame: “I’m too old or weak for that,” rather than “I’m feeling weak today.” Or “I am useless,” rather than “I’m not feeling like doing much today.” We become lost in the shadow character—and have no portal to silence.

After we cultivate pure awareness and learn to witness those characters, we can watch the feelings of the moment and notice our thoughts without believing them.

They float like clouds through the sky of our minds.

Our deeper identity remains clear, uncolored by the passing phenomena. We might say, “I feel sad about this loss, but I know it will pass.” Or “I can’t do that anymore, but I know that it doesn’t detract from who I am.” Or “I can accept that this is how it is, even though I wish it were different.”

As we open daily to this state and watch, breath by breath, we begin to realize that we are not those thoughts, those shadow characters that are complaining, judging, or rejecting our circumstances. We are not those feelings that ebb and flow. Rather, we are that simple, silent, observing awareness. And the more we identify with it—rather than with the noise—the quieter the mind grows, the wider the heart opens, and the deeper we sink into the timeless emptiness. And the more we embrace life as it is.

This capacity to break our unconscious identification with the shadow character and return to pure awareness or the silent vastness brings many gifts: It provides the body with deep relaxation and recovery from stress, as our heart rate and blood pressure go down. And meditation alters brain waves in positive ways, as indicated by years of research.

SO, FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE, WE CAN’T CHOOSE THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF OUR AGE. BUT WE CAN CHOOSE THE QUALITY OF AWARENESS WE BRING TO THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES.

In addition, more recent studies demonstrate that meditation may slow aging at a cellular level. Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn, who won the 2009 Nobel Prize for the discovery of telomeres (the protective caps on chromosomes whose length is a metric for aging), has linked stress to shorter telomeres, meaning shorter lives. If meditation reduces stress, she reasoned, it could increase telomere length. In a series of studies, she found that it did.

Meditation also appears to slow age-related degeneration in our brains. Neurologist Eileen Luders at UCLA looked at the link between age and the brain’s white matter volume, which typically shrinks with age. She reported that this decrease was less prominent in meditators as compared to non-meditators. On average, the brains of longterm practitioners appeared to be seven and a half years younger at the age of fifty than the brains of non-meditators.

With practice, we can sit in silence one day, watch the flow of thoughts and feelings come and go, and distinguish the voice of a shadow character from the whisper of the soul. In the context of aging, we can identify age— but not identify with it. Rather, the changes that inevitably arise with age become a vehicle for the soul’s evolution.

On the other hand, when we hold on and resist change, a wave of grief arises. Everything changes; we don’t want it to change. Everything ends; we don’t want it to end. We cling for dear life. And we feel terrible grief to the degree that we resist ever-changing change.

Fortunately, in our time, with the democratization of mystical and contemplative methods that used to be kept hidden for a select few, we can now explore many practices and choose one that fits our natural tendencies and/ or beliefs. We can cultivate a state of mind—pure awareness or nonduality—that opens an internal space where we can notice how thoughts come and go, how shadow characters come and go, and how bodily sensations come and go. Here, the ego has no agenda and no goal. It’s not trying to get anywhere, fix anything, or resist anything.

Instead, we let go of the contents of the mind and rest in pure awareness itself.

As George Harrison sang to us, “When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find peace of mind is waiting there.”

So, from a spiritual perspective, we can’t choose the circumstances of our age. But we can choose the quality of awareness we bring to those circumstances. We can open the portal to the silent vastness and experience our thoughts and feelings as a quiet witness, free of the grasp of the shadow.

Connie Zweig, Ph.D., is a retired psychotherapist, former executive editor at Jeremy P. Tarcher Publishing, former columnist for Esquire magazine, and contributor to the LA Times. Known as the Shadow Expert, she is the co-author of Meeting the Shadow and Romancing the Shadow and author of Meeting the Shadow of Spirituality and a novel, A Moth to the Flame: The Life of Sufi Poet Rumi. She lives in Topanga, California. https://conniezweig.com

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ACADEMY MUSEUM of MOTION PICTURES Opening Gala Photo courtesy by ©Academy Museum Foundation Stefanie Keenan

O

n September 25, 2021, as part of a week of celebrations culminating in the museum’s public opening on September 30, 2021, the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures hosted an Opening Gala co-chaired by Jason Blum, Ava Duvernay, and Ryan Murphy. The celebratory evening included the presentation of the inaugural Vantage Award to Haile Gerima, for his work as a filmmaker who has helped to contextualize and challenge dominant narratives around cinema, and the inaugural Visionary Award to Sophia Loren , for her extensive body of work that has advanced the art of cinema. The Vantage and Visionary Awards were generously presented by Rolex. Bob Iger, Annette Bening, and Tom Hanks were also recognized with the Pillar Award for their leadership of the recently completed Campaign for the Academy Museum. Designed by the Haas Brothers, the Pillar Award references the soaring sphere of the Academy Museum and the iconic gold of the Oscar.

The event was attended by many notable actors and filmmakers, who came together to support the new museum, which advances the understanding, celebration, and preservation of cinema. Produced and designed by Opening Gala Creative Director Lisa Love and Artistic Director Raúl À vila, the evening was inspired by Academy Award®-winning movie Spirited Away , written and directed by acclaimed filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki. From a cocktail hour on the Wilshire Terrace, guests passed through a whimsical Hayao Miyazaki inspired “tree tunnel” to a dinner under the stars on the Dolby Family Terrace. Guests enjoyed a special musical performance by Lady Gaga and the opportunity to preview the museum’s highly immersive exhibitions, including a retrospective of the work of Hayao Miyazaki. Dinner was prepared by Wolfgang Puck Catering, which oversees catering services at the museum and its restaurant Fanny’s.

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Generously presented by Rolex—founding supporter and official watch partner of the Academy Museum—with leadership support from J.P. Morgan, who has more than one hundred years of experience in the entertainment industry, the evening raised more than $11 million to support the Academy Museum’s access, education, and programming initiatives.

The Academy Museum is located at 6067 Wilshire Boulevard, in Los Angeles, 90036.

It's the largest museum in the United States devoted to the arts, sciences, and artists of moviemaking. The museum advances the understanding, celebration, and preservation of cinema through inclusive and accessible exhibitions, screenings, programs, initiatives, and collections.

Designed by Pritzker Prize-winning architect Renzo Piano and Renzo Piano Building Workshop in collaboration with Gensler as executive architect, the museum's campus contains the restored and revitalized historic Saban Building—formerly known as the May Company building (1939)—and a soaring spherical addition. Together, these buildings contain 50,000 square feet of exhibition spaces, two state-of-the-art theaters, an education studio, restaurant, retail store, and beautiful public spaces. The museum opens to the public on September 30, 2021.

BACKYARDING This Fall Has a Purpose What’s Yours?

By Kris Kiser, President of the TurfMutt Foundation

Backyarding – the trend to use the backyard for everything from teleworking and working out to relaxing and recreating, especially as COVID cases are on the rise again – has a different purpose for each of us. Identifying your backyard’s role in your family’s health and happiness is the key to cultivating a purposeful outdoor space this fall that is customized to your needs. The first step is to identify what type of “backyarder” you are, and then you can get to work in your yard this fall with that idea in mind.

Here are just a few of the most prevalent backyarding personality types. Which one(s) are you?

Landscaper Your yard makes neighbors green with envy.

You know how to maintain a healthy living landscape all year long, and you have the latest outdoor power equipment to make even big jobs easier. You know that yard work in the fall provides a double benefit because what you do in the fall to maintain your yard will also get it ready for spring. You put the right plant in the right place, so your green space is always thriving.

Work From Home Pro Your work from home means nature is your background, and there’s no lag on the living landscape. You have been living for fall when the temperatures are perfect to take your office outside to your own backyard throughout the workday. The birds, squirrels, and the family dog your co-workers see on conference calls are all real. All you need is strong wi-fi, your nicest leisurewear, and a jacket for chilly morning meetings, and you’re ready for work.

Pet Pamperer Your focus is on Fido – no one knows your yard better – and you take cues from your four-legged friends about how to purpose your backyard. You’ve planted appropriate turfgrass that can stand up to pet play, and you’ve used soft foliage to create a natural barricade between “off-limits” areas and

the rest of the lawn. Trees and shrubs are strategically planted for shade, and you’ve even set up a shallow water feature to help your pup cool off on hot days. Planting with the purpose for you means keeping toxic plants for pets out of the picture. (For a complete list, visit ASPCA’s list of non-toxic and toxic plants.)

Kid Zone Creator Whether your kids are going back to the classroom this fall, are studying from home, or have a hybrid set-up, you know the safest place for them is in your own backyard, and you work hard to create an outdoor fun and learning zone they will never want to leave. An outdoor study area set up under a shade tree? Check. A flat area of sturdy turfgrass to play sports and pitch a tent? Check. Treehouse? Check. Did zipline string safely between backyard trees? Check.

An elevated garden where they can help grow family meals? Check. Natural playscapes, like a patch of sand bordered by rocks and log stump seating? Check. “Fun” is your middle name, and you are winning at this game.

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Entertainer Extraordinaire Your backyard was the neighborhood hot spot long before the pandemic made that trend posh.

Family milestones, birthdays, graduations, reunions, socially distanced BBQs – your yard is *the* place to gather. Your yard is set up for success with patio furniture, a fire pit, yard games, plenty of outdoor seating, string lights, and maybe even an outdoor kitchen. Now that fall is upon us, you have a whole new canvas upon which to build memories to last a lifetime, and you can’t wait to let your creativity flow.

Nature Lover You know that nature starts at your own backdoor, and you understand pollinator support and make plant choices accordingly. You prefer to spend your free time in the urban habitat of your living landscape, watching the birds, bats, butterflies, and other wildlife that count on your yard for food and shelter. For you, the changing season means a new lineup on “Nature TV,” and you can’t wait to watch Mother Nature put on the show.

Outdoor athlete Forget basement workouts – you have an outdoor gym and exercise space that makes the neighborhood running club want to pit stop at your house. Your yard is the ideal place to stay active and inspire others to work out, too.

Kris Kiser & his pup, Mulligan. Photo by Allie Filley

Zen Master Your yard provides you and your family a place to be still and de-stress. Whether it’s coffee in the morning or yoga in the afternoon, you know that spending time outside is good for your health and well-being and that thanks to your yard, these benefits are only steps away.

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Photo by BENJAMIN KLAVER

Family Yard Fall To-Dos No matter what kind of backyarder you are, you will want to make the most of your outdoor living space by properly prepping your living landscape. Here’s what you need to do now to have a fabulous and TurfMutt-approved family yard this fall and beyond.

Remove Leaves: Mulching your leaves rather than raking and bagging is good for your lawn and the environment. As shredded leaves decompose, they feed your lawn naturally.

Aerate the Family Lawn: Aerating prevents soil from becoming compacted and covered with thatch – a thick layer of roots, stems, and debris that blocks water, oxygen, and nutrients from reaching the soil.

Mow at the Right Height: Keep cutting your grass until the first hard frost. Find the just-right length for your species, typically between 2-3 inches, to keep your grass healthy when it turns cold.

Water Wisely: If you’re not getting at least an inch of water each week from Mother Nature, you’ll want to keep watering through the fall. Install watering solutions, such as smart controllers on irrigation systems to help conserve water.

Sign up for Mutt Mail, a monthly e-newsletter with backyarding tips and all the news from the TurfMutt Foundation here.

To learn more about creating the yard of your dreams, visit TurfMutt.com. **Fall Lawncare Sidebar**

Photo courtesy for Backyarding to The TurfMutt Foundation

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T WOMEN'S EMPOWERMENT

Catherine GOURDIER www.catherinegourdier.com

C

atherine Gourdier, author and second assistant director in the film business for over 20 years, takes us on a journey through her devastating grief in Breathe Cry Breathe.

The eldest of eight siblings, Gourdier, was born and raised in Kingston, Ontario, Canada. At 18, she moved to Toronto to attend Seneca College. After graduating with honors, she became a certified esthetician and cosmetician. Two years later, she went back to college to study Sales and Marketing, and for sixteen years, enjoyed a successful career as an independent sales agent. In 1991, an unexpected event led Gourdier to follow her dream of working in the film and television industry. Initially, her jobs were in front of the camera; background extra, actress, and stand-in. Within eighteen months, she found out her strength would be in the detail-oriented job of second assistant director. Some of the many projects she has worked on over the years include Rehearsal Manager/A.D. for the Academy Award(R) winning movie-musical Chicago and producing/writing the screenplay for the film, Some Things That Stay, based on the book

by Sarah Willis. Gourdier divides her time between Toronto, North Kawartha, California, and yearly visits to Kingston, with her husband, producer, Don Carmody.

One sunny fall day in 1996, Gourdier’s world changed forever when two of the people dearest to her, the biggest loves of her life, her mother Wanita Tuepah and youngest sister Julie, were tragically killed. Her father, Bill Gourdier, died a few weeks later from a broken heart. Yet, through all the pain, sorrow, and emotional toll it took on Gourdier, she managed to forge ahead and write this beautiful heartfelt book, Breathe Cry Breathe, which she dedicated to them.

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By Dina Morrone Growing up in Kingston, Ontario, Canada, did you ever dream of being a published author?

No, never! Even though I started writing in diaries when I was ten or eleven, and have been writing poems and song lyrics my entire adult life and adapted a few books into screenplays (of which one was made into a low budget feature), writing a book was never on my bucket list.

Like many young girls, I always dreamt of being a singer or actor. I left Kingston, Ontario, when I was 18 to attend college in the big city of Toronto. I had to work to support myself in my downtown apartment, so my desire to be a performer (except for singing at a few charity events) remained an unfulfilled ambition.

joyed. But I quickly found my way to the big-time film and television industry, where I started as a background worker(extra), stand-in, and production assistant. Within two years, I moved up the ladder to second assistant director. Despite the title, the second assistant director is not an assistant to the director. Instead, the second A.D. creates the daily call sheet collaborating with the production manager and the key crew or department heads. The second A.D. is also responsible for liaising with the actors to process them through hair, make-up, and wardrobe.

With my passion for singing and dancing, my ultimate film experience was working on the Academy Award(R) winning film, Chicago, as rehearsal manager /assistant director, responsible for scheduling the song, dance choreography, and lighting rehearsals. On one of my days off, I had the great pleasure of taking my mother to visit the jail set, where she ended up meeting Richard Gere and Catherine Zeta-Jones. She was over the moon excited!

I also enjoyed working on the 'horror films, Wrong Turn and Orphan. In 2003, I produced and wrote the screenplay based on the book Some Things That Stay, written

by Sarah Willis.

You have spent the last 20 years working in the film industry. Would you please tell us about your work in this field, and some of the projects you have worked on?

After fifteen successful years in sales and marketing, I made a drastic career change to the film industry. My initial experience was as a production manager for a small company that produced commercials. The 'owner/ director' even cast me as the host for several infomercials.

This work in front of the camera was something I en-

Photogrpahy by GAIL HARVEY

Flash forward to my family tragedy in November 2009-and I was compelled to write. Writing about my loss helped me to unload some of my pain. My initial thought was that I would share my alternative healing therapies to help others that are grieving, but at some point, I realized that the readers should know why I was mourning. What it felt like for me to grieve the loss of three close family members. To tell the full story, I had to introduce them to my family (I'm the eldest of 8 siblings) and share the whole story of what happened that night and the weeks, months, and the few years following the accident. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be writing a book that would eventually be published by a behemoth publisher such as HarperCollins!

What do you like to do in your spare time when you are not writing?

I love walking. I used to walk with pop music blaring in my ears, but about eight years ago, I started practicing yoga, and shortly afterward, I ditched the music. I believe in the benefits of meditation, but because I sit at a desk for several hours a day, I meditate while I'm walking. (I appreciate the early morning serenity of walking the horse trails and streets in my California community of Hidden Hills equally as much as hiking in cottage country near our lake house in Canada.)

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sent me back into a new state of mourning.

Photogrpahy by GAIL HARVEY

Is there a charity that is near and dear to you?

If so, please tell us about it.

I’ve supported a ‘foster’ child in a third-world country since I was 25 years old, but I really didn’t have a ‘pet’ charity until after my youngest sister, Julie, died.

As I mentioned, I love to sing. I'm able to live my childhood dream of being a singer and performer in my community theatre's annual Charity Musical! The rehearsals with my friends and neighbors are so much fun.

I'm an avid reader, particularly non-fiction memoir and biography, although I'm a big fan of Paula McLain's books. She brilliantly weaves fiction into her non-fictionbased stories.

I love going to live events, especially musicals or bands.

And dancing! My husband and I love to host dinner parties or invite friends for cocktail hours poolside in California or on our dock at the lake house. Sitting in my comfy wicker chair with my bare feet resting on a footrest, cocktail in hand, reading a magazine or a book on our quiet lake is my favorite way to relax.

You share your time between Canada and the United States, is there a place outside of North America that you would like to visit soon?

My husband and I booked a cruise for mid-November providing we can do so safely by that time. We'll be going to Barcelona, the Greek Islands, Croatia, and Turkey. I've never been to any of these destinations. Greece and Spain were always on my 'must' list, so I can't wait!

How does your husband and immediate family, feel about your journey and how you bravely shared and handled your grief in this extraordinary book?

My Aunt Joan was my biggest supporter. She even said, 'you should make it into a movie, honey, as a tribute.'

Sadly, she passed in 2015. Many of my cousins have sent me notes congratulating me on my courage and how my book is helping others. My husband, although not painted lovingly in the first half of my book, has truly been my hero through this difficult journey. My two brothers are supportive, but much to my dismay, my four sisters, have not spoken to me since its publication. This revelation has

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Julie was a Special Olympic basketball player. Since her death, I have organized seven fundraisers in her memory. Special Olympics, the world’s largest organization for children and adults with intellectual challenges, provides year-round training to more than five million athletes worldwide. Sports training also helps the athletes develop social skills and gain self-confidence. I learned that the organization could not exist without the support of donors and volunteers. I have witnessed several times the joy that playing sports brings to these athletes. It gives me immense pleasure to support this aptly named ‘special’ charity.

What's next for Catherine?

I want to write another book. I have a few nonfiction topics in mind. Being childless, my experience as a step-mom, perhaps a book of stories of all the men in my life. One was a serial killer. I dated him after he murdered the first woman but before he killed the second!

And I'd love to write a song. I would need to work with a professional musician, but I want to write the lyrics and come up with a melody for a heart-wrenching ballad.

Excerpt from, Breathe Cry Breathe

head-bands to keep her thick brown hair out of her eyes. I picked it up, squeezed the ends together. While I was reminiscing about the many times I’d washed her hair, I heard a faint voice.

“Hello?” Was that Dad? I heard it again, a timid, stuttering “He-hello?”

Photo by KRISTINA TRIPKOVIC

Anxiety enveloped my body. The open bedroom door was visible from the bottom of the four-step carpeted staircase, but I was not. I had to reveal myself. I finished rolling up a pair of black socks, then braced myself and stepped into the hall. There he was, my six-foot-tall dad, standing at the bottom of the stairs, his hands in the pockets of his baggy blue jeans. His sorrow-filled eyes told me what I already knew.

A

couple of weeks after the double funeral, I was in Julie’s nursery-sized bedroom, sitting on her bed, a white plastic laundry basket at my feet.

Looking up at the darkened television screen, I remembered when Julie had a twelve-inch RCA. In 2004, I’d swapped it out for my old twenty-five-inch Sony. She’d proudly told everyone she had her own “big-screen TV.” She’d spend five hours a day watching soap operas, sitcoms, horror films or reruns of Dallas. My heart ached as I folded my dad’s white briefs.

Seeking a distraction, I turned the television on to the local news channel, the volume barely audible, the community announcements scrolled across the screen, I pulled Dad’s navy golf shirt out of the basket and thought of my mother. She used to watch this channel while she folded laundry, checking the weather five times a day, even if she wasn’t planning to go outside.

The television wasn’t helping me feel better. I was in my parents’ home on a Tuesday, folding my father’s laundry because my mother and sister were dead. I placed the folded clothes on the mint green comforter and looked around the room.

A poster of the character Paul from The Young and the Restless made me smile as I recalled how excited Julie was to get his autograph. A collage on a corkboard revealed more Julie memories: swimming in my pool, in the hot tub with my husband, petting my cat, Julie as a bridesmaid at my wedding. A slew of country CDs and horror movie DVDs and VHSs filled her bookcase.

There was a white plastic headband on her dresser. She wore

It was not me he was hoping to see.

I told my tears to build a dam.

“Hi, Dad.” That was all I could muster. I couldn’t find healing words or witty words either. Words wouldn’t change anything.

Julie was not in her bedroom watching soap operas, and she never would be again. Instead, his eldest child was in his youngest child’s room, doing housework his wife would normally be doing. His new reality was literally staring him in the face.

Dad simply said, “Hi, Cath,” and went back downstairs to attempt to watch Matlock.

I went back into Julie’s room, lay down in a fetal position, hugged her pillow and let the dam break.

----------------------The agony experienced after the sudden loss of loved ones can’t be explained to others. Some days, I felt that I was in such an abyss of sorrow that I could never climb out. Being the eldest, I wanted to help ease the sadness my brothers and sisters were feeling, especially in the early stages when our pain was unimaginably raw. I soon concluded that there was nothing I could do to relieve their suffering. Grieving is an individual process. Each of us took our own meandering path toward healing. One of my paths was writing and sharing my journey.

Thoughts of Mom, Dad and Julie float in my head every single day. I still miss them so much.

Healing takes time. After five years of therapies, fundraising and other practical diversions, I was finally rewarded when acceptance came and wrapped its arms around me. Sometimes, if you can find the strength to open your heart, you just may find some blessings on the other side of mourning.

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Photo by DAVID KNUDSEN 62 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

5

Things Your Mom, Dad, or Disabled Friend May Not Be Telling You

By Francine Falk-Allen

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veryone eventually has physical challenges as he or she ages. Many of my girlfriends and I started having arthritis or other painful hand issues as early as our late 50’s or early 60’s, and we sure did not consider ourselves old! I have had a mostly paralyzed leg from polio since I was three, so I am aware of hidden difficulties and also know that people with disabilities or physical challenges often don’t like to bring them up.

Frequently people feel that admitting these issues is also conceding to aging or that people don’t want to hear about physical problems. Well, no one likes to hear a lot of grousing, but it’s important to know if our relatives or friends need a little compassion or assistance.

1. Pain or weakness is not always obvious. People have different pain tolerances, and sometimes people will put up with pain and try to hide it until there is physical detriment which

might not be reversible. Tendinitis (painful tendon) can be healed with rest and physical therapy, and tendinosis (permanent damage to a tendon) requires making adjustments to live with it. If your friend or relative is limping a little, that’s almost always due to pain or weakness. Please don’t say, “Oh, don’t let it bother you, just keep walking.” Shorten the hike and kindly ask what the problem is. A trip to a doctor may be in order.

2. People in wheelchairs hate to be patted on the head, just as deaf people don’t like to be shouted at. These are condescending actions. Patting someone on the head when they are seated is treating them like a child or a pet. Additionally, it’s hard on one’s neck to talk to people at length when they are standing above you. So sit down in a chair where you’ll have direct eye contact and relate on an equal basis; if it’s just a brief set of comments, squat next to the person.

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3. Many disabled or challenged people hate to ask for help unless it’s a dire circumstance, such as a fall. I need assistance much of the time, and rather than ask for it constantly; I save up my requests for the most significant needs. Mom may find shopping more difficult or not be able to lift things as “light” as ten pounds. I finally learned to ask for carrying out help at the market, rather than keeping up the pretense that I didn’t need help. When someone casually asks, “Need a hand?” it’s easy to say “Yes.” 4. “I don’t want to be seen on a mobility scooter, but I sure wish I didn’t have to walk this far.” When I realized I was starting to need a scooter, I was an accountant and went to three-day tax seminars held at huge convention centers or hotels. It’s never been easy for me to walk the distances other people can, and these big venues became exhausting for me. But I had a biased mindset that people who used scooters were either obese and lazy or giving up on themselves and that walking was always good for me and others. I had a prejudice about disabilities, even though I had one! Walking is not always good for people if it causes pain or exhaustion. I tried renting scooters on vacation and had a much better time! I eventually bought a folding one that comes apart, which I can lift into my trunk. Mine is a TravelScoot, but there are others; some are heavier and good for rougher terrain but may require a helper, a van, or a lift in order to transport them. I saw a guy with a nifty golf-cartlooking one recently; it was red, streamlined, had a windshield and roof, and would be good for the twomile distance from my home to our nearest shopping center.

5. This house (and/or garden) has gotten too difficult for me to maintain, but I love my home and don’t want to think about moving.” This can be a tough one. If you notice that your mom’s or friend’s place is looking a little dirtier, messier or shabbier than it did in the past, there are a few approaches I’d suggest.

One is to offer to chip in when you visit or offer a particular time when you could come by for an hour to help clean, sort, or whatever. If there’s money to pay for extra help, you might say, “I have a great cleaning lady/gardener/handyman I think you would love; I’ll leave the phone number for you,” or offer to make the call. (Word to the wise: My 82-yearold mom refused help from her church, though her eyesight was so bad that she couldn’t see the dirt. She was too proud to have a “stranger” come in.) If things have gone beyond needing just a little help, it’s time to address finding a new and easier home environment; this is especially true if memory becomes an

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issue. Bring up these kinds of conversations far in advance of when a move or change is needed. Sometimes parents don’t feel comfortable with their adult kids “nosing through the checkbook” or changing things in the home, so a good way to begin this is to offer to help in small ways so that the parent (or friend) feels safe with your participation. We all love our homes to be bastions of privacy and safety. Abrupt changes are especially unsettling the older we become.

Some things about aging are welcome: the freedom from a full-time job or having time to read or see friends more often. But physical difficulties will come to all of us, and they always feel they’ve come too soon. Your gentle, non-invasive inquiries about someone’s needs will likely be welcomed and generate a closer relationship!

Francine Falk-Allen, Author of No Spring Chicken: Stories and Advice from a Wild Handicapper on Aging and Disability, and Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability—A Memoir. https://FrancineFalk-Allen.com www.Facebook.com/francinefalkallenauthor

Buddha Board

This blank slate offers you a chance to paint away the daily stressors that sap us of our creativity and energy without needing a long list of supplies or a lengthy chunk of time.

Simply grab your board when things start to get overwhelming and let the act of putting brush to tablet absorb your focus. Water “paint” in the abstract, make a picture, or give shape to your feelings. As the water evaporates you’ll be left with a clean slate and a clearer mind.

Buddha Board Highlights:

• Designed with a sleek, modern aesthetic • Reusable • Quick to set up • Painting is truly MESS FREE • Encourages mindfulness • Doesn’t add to your digital footprint • Taps into your creative side • Fun for all ages • Helps kids explore the creative process judgment free • Perfect for relieving stress at home, in the office, or when traveling • Original Buddha Board measures 12” x 9.5” x 1/4”

Take care of yourself, and you’ll help take care of the world with a little help from Buddha Board 65 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e August 2021

The

INVITATION TURTLES IN A VAN

By Dana Knox Wright

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wenty-seven years ago has never seemed so distant as it does now.

“If you don’t mind squeezing in,” we told them as we slid the van door open.

Until recently, it seemed to me, the gap in time between then and now was filled with usual changes one would expect–changes in the costs of things, hairstyles, clothing trends, parenting styles, music, and of course, in technology. Until a few months ago, I felt the world I live in now and the world I lived in then could still recognize each other, kind of like meeting up with a childhood friend, who, even with years and years of age on her face, is still recognizable to me beneath the wrinkles. A continued familiarity exists when change is slow.

I prefer life to change in this way–slowly, so I don’t lose my connection to what was.

So the two women buckled in the back seat where their daughter double-buckled in the lap of one of them. One of our sons joined them on the bench seat. Two of our kids buckled on the middle bench. My husband and his sister rode up front, and I sat in the little space on the floor near the sliding door holding the box of turtles.

I don’t always get my way, though. On occasion, things change drastically between a single sunset and sunrise.

I remembered a road trip in 1992. We were heading home in a blue chevy minivan–my husband and I, our three kids, one sister, and a couple of turtles we’d found along the way.

We were four hours from home when we stopped at a convenience store to gas up.

Two women with a small child were looking for a ride after their car had broken down. They needed to get home for work the following day.

You wouldn’t happen to be heading to Austin, would you? They asked. We said we were heading that way, and we apologized as we told them our car was completely full.

As we pulled onto the highway, our oldest son said, They could ride with us. We have extra room.

And we did have extra room–one seat. If you could’ve seen the look on my boy’s face–the purest and innocent compassion for those strangers–perhaps you’d have done what we did as we turned to the van around.

We all became instantly friendly in our close quarters. We played car games and sang songs all the way home–just over two hundred miles.

I spy something red.

I’m going on a picnic, and I’m taking an Apple. I’m going on a picnic, and I’m taking an Apple and a Beet.

Punch-buggy yellow. Punch-buggy red.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is my name too.

Four hours later, we dropped off our friends for a day at their home, which happened to be one neighborhood over from ours. We hugged, I remember, and though we never saw them again, every one of my people remembers that road trip home spent in the company of strangers and turtles.

In fact, we remembered it just two nights ago, as we sat on the porch with our son and his family–a happy presence in our limited social circle during this COVID pandemic.

I’m incredibly sad, though, because, for the first time, I caught myself remembering the happy story through a filter of germs and masks and gloves and social distancing. I hate that I’m retrospectively aware of having been overpacked in a small space with strangers and no hand sanitizer. I hate that my brain recognizes this as odd behavior–as if the current situation has become the permanent standard. I worry this might not just be a slight shift between then and now, but rather a complete break.

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I’m afraid I might soon look back on the ways of the world in 1992 and find them so strange–forgetting that they absolutely were not. I’m afraid we’ll forget how we used to do days– when up-close kindness to strangers required no hesitation at all or when hugs were a mere reflex or when I could pour you a cup of coffee and transfer the cup from my hand to yours without a single urge to wipe away any trace of human touch.

So much fear.

All of it because the sun set one day, and when it rose, the next, I almost didn't know where I was. It was like the first seconds of wakefulness when I’m away from home in a strange bed–when I can’t remember exactly where I am. Every day it feels like this. But just because every day feels like this does not mean it is this.

It’s said if we do something for thirty days straight, it becomes a habit. If that’s true, after a year-and-a-half of dealing with this, almost all of us are in the habit of staying more to ourselves than ever before. And even though the world is easing back into something, I’m not entirely sure what it is. I feel ready to resume in many ways and not ready to resume in others.

When the green light comes, and I give it some gas, something new happens, and I slam on the brakes again. I feel like some of my muscles have atrophied, and there is a social awkwardness where there used to be none.

I’M PRAYING WHEN ALL OF THIS IS OVER, AND WE’LL SHIFT IT OUT–KIND OF LIKE PANNING FOR GOLD. All this said, here’s what I intuitively know down in my gut.

We can’t remain here like this. This is not us. This is not normal. We need each other, and social media is an unacceptable replacement for real, three-dimensional contact. Fear brought us here, and it will hold us here if we let it. It will hold us here if we don’t turn loose of it.

So we push through this learning curve with the hope of our great return–when we’ll put one foot in front of the other, breathing in the fresh air and each other until it once again becomes our habit because we were not created to live in a bubble. We absolutely were not. I am not afraid of you. Please don’t be afraid of me.

I’m praying when all of this is over, and we’ll sift it out–kind of like panning for gold. We’ll keep the nuggets–all the valuable things gleaned from this experience–and we’ll let everything else wash away so we can get back to the business of being us.

This might mean on some glorious day we’ll pack too many people in a van if it’s the kind thing to do, leaving just enough room for a few turtles.

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Dana Knox Wright began letting go of fear at fifty. It’s the decade where, in an odd twist, Sandra Bullock asked for her autograph—the decade she began hiking to places with seriously wild animals, rafting in crazy rivers and eating wild blackberries with only mild concern rabid foxes eat from the plants, too. After a long career in radio voiceover, she found a passion for spreading goodness and living to the full. She has offered readers encouragement, hope, and sisterhood for almost ten years through her essays published on her blog. Dana holds a degree in Journalism from The University of Texas at Austin and author of Saving Stories: Afternoons with Darrell. She is the mother of three adult children and three grandchildren and currently lives in a small river town in the Texas Hill Country with her husband and an English Mastiff named Pearl. danaknoxwright.com

Why Are Business Professionals, Executives, and Top Performers More Stressed and Lost Than Ever?

AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

By Stephen D'Angelo

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Stress seems to have become synonymous with life these days. If we are not constantly performing or producing, we assume we are failing or not living up to our truest potential.

In this constant quest for success, are we really living?

Or are we merely running ourselves into the ground?

Life is precious and is meant to be enjoyed rather than wasted away with endless efforts to achieve fame and fortune.

Stephen D’Angelo is a business executive with more than 30 years of experience in the software technology industry leading high-performing global organizations. Through his extensive business success, he has a keen awareness of the critical success principles everyone should follow to live a happy, healthy, and successful life. Stephen is a proponent of holistically approaching leadership which ensures that everyone, regardless of their chosen field, has the tools, knowledge, mindset, and support needed to achieve greater success and happiness.

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hether we realize it or not, many of us are living our lives in a constant state of heightened stress. This is physically and mentally draining, and increased cortisol levels can cause severe health problems and diminish life expectancy and quality of life.

Unfortunately, stress seems to have become synonymous with life these days.

times impossible!

Over the years, I have gained a keen awareness of the critical success tenants leaders should follow to reduce stress, develop high-performing teams and live a happy, healthy, and successful life…for themselves and their employees. I learned to be a proponent of holistically approaching my life, family, and business with these tenants.

Success is a marathon and not a sprint. That marathon must come with built-in "water breaks" if we are to reach the finish line unscathed. The reasons behind so many people living a stressful existence are many—work demands, family commitments, personal desires, etc. We live in a capitalist society, and success will always depend on working hard.

Appropriately so, there is a large focus on productivity, but we must balance that with quality of life. What is the meaning of success if we are killing ourselves in the process? Our successes should allow us to live a meaningful and fulfilling existence, rather than stealing all of our time with those we love and leaving us feeling drained and overwhelmed in the process.

I often ask business professionals, executives, and those looking to enhance the quality of their lives to stop and think about the following questions: • What does it mean to align your personal self with your professional self?

• Why are business professionals, executives, and top performers more stressed and lost than ever?

• How can we all align the various aspects of our lives to achieve success, personal fulfillment, and the ultimate goal . . . happiness?

• How can we recognize and remedy the dangerous symptoms and effects of burnout?

• How well do you communicate and put into action leadership principles so that everyone is in alignment and wins collectively?

Many people find themselves operating from the mindset that "my worth is directly related to my productivity." If we are not constantly performing or producing, we assume we are failing or not living up to our truest potential.

This goes both for our efforts in our home and professional lives. In this constant quest for what we think success is, are we really living? Or are we merely running ourselves into the ground? Life is precious and meant to be enjoyed.

As a business executive with more than 30 years of experience as well as being a married father of two, I know firsthand that balancing the many demands of life is difficult. Some-

When addressing stress in a professional environment, the first step is to reduce stressors and create an environment where everyone in a group, organization, or company is aligned, creating positive energy conducive to achieving success. Leaders must follow what I call Spiritual Leadership. What is Spiritual Leadership? It is not what you think!

What does "Spiritual" leadership mean?

When Spiritual Leadership is executed, a positive energy and spirit culture exists throughout the company, and everyone wins!

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I have seen time and time again that when leaders execute these tenants, they create an environment of less stress and burnout for themselves and their entire organization. Don't confuse this with a soft and easy environment. It's not.

Grinding, working hard, and sweating together to achieve success create a very positive energy environment.

To quote Vince Lombardi, "I firmly believe that any person's finest hour—her/his greatest fulfillment to all he/she holds dear--is that moment when she/he has worked his/her heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle—victorious."

Here are the nine principles of Spiritual Leadership that will lead to an environment of success: • Winning – Everyone must understand that we are in business to win. You must define what winning is, and every organization in your company must be committed to that definition. During these times, too many

ACHIEVING A BALANCE BETWEEN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE IS NECESSARY TO FEEL FULFILLED. I SEE THAT MANY PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH THE MEANING OF LIFE, WHICH IS WHY WE MUST ALSO LOOK AT OUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, GOALS, AND HABITS

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• •

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Photo by BRUCE MARS

If you are going to implement this kind of leadership, you must actively live these principles. Too many leaders claim they will operate with these attributes, but their behavior is not actually consistent with their claims. Then they wonder why their children, spouse, executive team, and employees don't completely trust and value them. This is the mortal sin of mortal sins! Not practicing what you preach will kill any leader's ability to successfully navigate their team. If you don't effectively navigate and lead your team, you will not succeed. Plain and simple.

companies have gotten soft. They are caught up in free lunches, ice cream trucks visiting the company, etc., and they forget that if they don't win, they will be gone.

Accountability – Everyone must know they will be held accountable for achieving the results that are expected. No excuses.

Continuous Learning – If I'm going to hold my team accountable, I must also enable them. It is the company leaders' responsibility to help their people be the best they can be. Your team must know that you are committed to making them successful as long as they demonstrate the proper work ethic and desire.

Transparency of Brutal Facts – Creating a great culture is based on trust. Trust is achieved when people feel they are being communicated within a transparent way.

They admire when leaders discuss and address the brutal facts of what is going on positively and negatively with the business.

Process, Data, Metrics – Assess and lead the team with published data so that everyone is in 100% alignment as to how you measure the business and individual contribution.

Market-Driven – While you will innovate based on your vision, you must keep a close eye on the signals the market gives you. Your team must be confident that you will listen to their feedback and that of your clients/ prospects.

Diversity – Diverse thinking drives innovation and optimization. Encouraging diversity is important to success.

•

•

Caring and Recognition – Your team needs to know that you care about them as people, not just as employees who deliver certain results. Recognizing their contributions and providing guidance to further their careers is critical.

Having Fun – Building a successful global company takes significant personal sacrifice and hard work. It is important you find time to have fun together in an appropriate businesslike approach.

When the team has fun together, they are more committed to the cause and take more pride in their contribution.

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Photo by OLUWAKEMI SOLAJA

•

Achieving a balance between personal and professional life is necessary to feel fulfilled. I see that many people struggle with the meaning of life, which is why we must also look at our personal experiences, goals, and habits.

The trick to personal fulfillment is understanding that we no longer have to seek the answers to this age-old question about the meaning of life from the world around us, but can instead rely on our own strengths, our own wisdom, our inner voice/spirit, our own mindset, and our own power to create the life that we deserve—a life that is fulfilling, stable, and aligned with our core values and life goals.

Other tips that will help alleviate stress from our personal and professional lives are as follows.

• Spend time in silence - The world we live in today is bombarded with "outside" noise. Smartphone

messages, social media, TV media, friends' opinions, etc., aking time each day to be silent allows the inner you to speak to you more clearly. Here is where awareness heightens.

Connect your inner spirit with the universe Making the conscious effort of being aware that you are a spirit in a body and connecting that spirit to the universe allows you to manifest the realities you desire. This allows you to connect more effectively with the power of the universe.

Have a mindset of gratitude - Each day, list the three things you are thankful for. The art of gratitude creates calm and happiness and attracts you to more of what you desire. Most importantly, it feels good!

Create positive self-talk statements - Most people have to change how they see themselves. Changing their "I am" starts with conscious thought about what they want to be, and creating and repeating positive self-talk statements makes these a reality.

We become what we think, and this activity sets you on course to self-discovery.

Spend time with positive people - Put yourself closer to the people who bring you positive energy and spend less time with those who negatively impact you. This is often a difficult thing to do because we have many friendships, and some are toxic. You don't have to eliminate them completely, but adjusting where you spend your time will make your life more pleasant and peaceful and help you be the best you can be.

Understanding the how's and why's of a stressful existence is crucial in being able to implement a plan of attack. No one wants to live in a constant state of stress, yet our fast-paced society tends to have many of us on a fast track to burnout. Identifying where the stress is coming from in both a personal and professional sense can help leaders and individuals cultivate a sense of satisfaction and balance in the workplace, at home, and within themselves.

Stephen D'Angelo is an author and Silicon Valley veteran with more than 30 years of experience in the tech industry. His highly anticipated book A Single Day of Peace guides self-empowerment success in both business and personal endeavors. Follow Steve on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephendangelo/

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LA WISDOM MYSTIC UNIVERSE WITH FASCINATING JOURNEY BEYOND THE BOUNDARIES OF SPACE AND TIME TO THE WORLDS BEYOND Photography by Farzad G.

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escriptions of this reality beyond have descended to us, in the form of an epic, through religion, mythology, sacred painting, and architecture - striking in both mystery and beauty. Due to the synthesis of art and modern technology, visitors will be able to join the knowledge of ancient civilizations, see reconstructed ancient monuments of architecture, and unravel the secrets of the sacred universe.

For thousands of years mystics and scientists have tried to depict the scheme of the universe, beginning with a map of the starry sky, and ending with three elephants standing on a turtle supporting the Earth. However, for the first time in the history of mankind, and with the assistance of computer graphics and animation, we can see the ideas of ancient sages embodied in the works of modern artists.

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Shows were included: Yogi's Journey - A unique 360-dome projection show based on the ancient scriptures. The experience shows 14 levels of heaven and hell, inspiring the viewers to examine their own realities. The worlds are presented in an outstanding comic book style of an award-winning graphic artist and writer Igor Baranko.

Fractal Time - An abstract, immersive film that plays with the origin and future of our universe. Julius Horstuis considers his work “a journey of discovery” and the audience is invited to step inside these new, fractal realities.

Luminokaya - This full dome show takes the audience to Angkor Wat, and shows it as an ancient model of the cosmic world – a miniature universe set in stone. The creators of the show have attempted to portray the metaphysical aspects of the temple to show mystical and spiritual ideas behinds its design Angkor Wat - Explore Angkor Wat, the temple complex of the ancient Khmer capital located in present day Siem Reap, Cambodia.

Time-lapse photography makes visitors appear as ghost-like figures as the camera slowly pans through the crumbling ruins.

Beyond Nirvana - Discover spiritual worlds beyond the world of exploitation and the void of Nirvana. This 360-degree immersive experience welcomes you to the spiritual sky, Vaikuntha, which means the place where there is no anxiety.

Samskara - Samskara is a journey through consciousness, beyond the mind, and its goal is to discover the inner self via visuals and sound.

A visionary artist, a fearless explorer of spiritual mysteries in the human imagination. The digital art created by this artist is a psychedelic mixture of images of entities from other dimensions (demons, deities, and avatars) with sacred symbols and fractal geometry.

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PRACTICING GOOD ENERGETIC HYGIENE

By Shelly Wilson

Are you really as clean as you think you are?

As an energetic being having human life experiences, the residue from these experiences can remain in our energetic body. Whether we consciously realize it or not, many times, these experiences can affect us physically long after the actual experience occurred.

Much like we would practice good hygiene by showering our physical bodies, brushing our teeth, combing our hair, and so on, it is essential to practice good energetic hygiene by clearing our chakras and aura regularly as well as keeping our energy centered and grounded. Doing so benefits our physical health and mental/emotional well-being. The following tips will assist you with attaining and maintaining a balanced energy system so that you can sparkle and shine bright!

Grounding Grounding our energy keeps us present and at the moment. It completes the energy circuit and anchors our energy to the earth below. Keeping firmly planted energetically helps prevent feelings of fuzziness or spacey-ness that can often disperse our personal energy. Being grounded will help us feel more balanced and stable.

To ground your energy, visualize your legs as 76 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

tree roots growing deep into the earth. Then, visualize energy passing from the Root chakra to the center of the earth or roots sprouting from the bottom of the feet. Drinking water and staying hydrated, going barefoot, gently stomping your feet a few times, and walking outside in the grass or on the pavement are ways to ground your energy as well. Crystals, such as hematite, black tourmaline, jet, obsidian, and smoky quartz, work well, too.

Not only do these crystals assist in grounding and protecting one’s energy, but they also dissolve negativity and harmonize body, mind, and spirit.

Centering Centering our energy involves finding that calm spot deep inside us that is eternal being-ness and connecting to the peace within. To begin, visualize a white ball of light at your core, which is the Solar Plexus chakra, with this light transforming into yellow light to center your energy. Then, take a few deep breaths and bring awareness inward to the central essence, that place that is peaceful and serene no matter what the external circumstance. When our energy is centered, we have the ability to affect the energy that is around us rather than allowing the energy around us to affect us. Simply speaking, it allows us to respond rather than react to situations.

Photo by VLADISLAV NAHORNY

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Clear and Balance Chakras Clearing and balancing our energy centers is an easy task to accomplish. Doing so clears the energetic clutter and revitalizes our energy. As we become more adept at visualizing the chakras and their associated colors, we can do this very quickly. Begin with the red Root chakra, move upwards to the orange Sacral chakra, the yellow Solar Plexus chakra, and the green heart chakra. Continuing upwards to the blue Throat chakra, up to the purple Third Eye chakra, and finally, we are at the white Crown chakra. This simple exercise will enable you to visualize each one of these chakras being their respective vibrant color, healthy, cleared, and balanced.

Clear the Aura Taking an Epsom or sea salt bath will assist with clearing our auric field. A purification bath comprised of one pound Epsom salt and one 16-ounce bottle of hydrogen peroxide is soothing. You may be guided to add some drops of your favorite essential oil as well.

Lighting dried sage and outlining your body with the smoke of the burning sage is another technique. This can also be done with incense. Another suggestion is doing a dry wash. To do this, hold your hands a few inches above your physical body. As you move your hands in a washing motion, visualize clearing the stagnant energy from your auric field. Then, shake your hands and move your body to disperse the cleared energy.

Cutting Energetic Cords Cutting cords assists with clearing the lower vibrational emotions from our energy field. There can be an energetic cord between every person and us we have had a relationship with or even simply an encounter with. This can include interactions in the grocery store, work environment, and even while driving on the roadway. The intention is to clear the heavier, lower vibration energy that may accumulate, especially when the interaction is less than pleasant.

The process is simple, and it’s energetically healthy to cut these cords periodically, saying, “I cut cords to anyone and anything that no longer serves me or my Higher purpose,” while either doing a swiping, cutting, or chopping motion in front of your Solar Plexus chakra. The cords being cut are lower vibrational cords associated with fear, worry, doubt, guilt, shame, frustration, regret, jealousy, etc. Cords associated with love will grow back instantaneously, so there is no reason to fear cutting cords.

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Please excuse my bluntness with the next suggestion.

Being human, we eliminate waste from our physical bodies. At the same time, this bodily function is occurring; we can also envision (without visualizing the process) the energetic waste being eliminated as well.

Protect our Energy Protecting, also known as shielding, is important to keep our energy protected from another person’s junk and helps keep personal energy separated. An easy protection technique is to visualize a white light or a bubble surrounding you. Some people prefer to envision themselves wrapped in a cloak, wearing a cape, or carrying a shield. Use the visualization that feels most comfortable and resonates best with your energy at the time. Only love can penetrate this protective shield; everything else will be dispelled and fall away.

Clear our Home’s Energy Clearing physical clutter from our home is necessary to change the energy. Removing unused items by discarding, donating, or selling them will instantly provide a shift in the home’s energy. Intentionally choosing personal décor that fits our personality will lighten and brighten our space.

In addition to clearing the physical clutter, setting the intention to clear our space energetically can be achieved by lighting a candle or burning incense as well as sagging our space. Clearing our home’s energy can also be accomplished while doing housework. As you dust the furniture, sweep the floor, and vacuum carpet, you can easily clear energy at the same time.

Recognizing that emotions can linger in our home, this type of clearing will alter the energy in our space very quickly.

Shelly Wilson is an author, intuitive medium and conscious creator who is passionate about helping people wake up to their greatness. She supports others as they navigate their own journey into consciousness to experience aliveness.

Shelly’s books, 28 Days to a New YOU, Connect to the YOU Within, Journey into Consciousness and Embracing the Magic Within are available in paperback and eBook. She is also the creator of Cards of Empowerment and Clarity Cards. ShellyRWilson.com EmbracingTheMagicWithin.com

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Photo by ANGELA BAILEY 80 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

A UNIVERSAL POWER

TRUST AND THE SHADOW OF DELUSION By michael

T

rust, a universal power greater than any army, and the shadow of delusion are both in the hands of each of you and me.

A power so great, they have both stood the test of time, until now. Please note, these two powers are one and the same single power representing two sides of the same coin. For thousands of years, man has trusted in the cycles that travel earth through many chosen time-frames to nourish mankind with flowers, food, traditions, thoughts, and lasting friendships.

This is the presence of natural movement, an essential essence, which has allowed a connection to all-natural cyclic transitions, which feeds one’s human senses and beyond. Humility comes from a high sense of selfpurpose, starting with a mindset that has upgraded itself, thanks to permitting unconditional thoughts.

Not to just remain standing stationary on a single idea that one knows, rather from moving moments, now that one has finally understood one’s own equality. Now humbly, one can understand and respect that which is greater than one’s self.

To truly understand that life is more then a definition, allow the formation a vision from within to one’s unique path Even though one’s thoughts may have been twisted long ago by innocent choices, the fires of acceptance are alive and kicking, still burn within the prison, chosen mistakenly. For it is the mind that chose, ideas now long forgotten, reduced to a smoldering existence, designed as an exit strategy, still waits in

anticipation of a revival’s nod. Did you not get the email? The show must go on!

When one is confronted by risk, the gates of risk-opportunity have been chosen to remain closed till the next episode reinvents itself. For the watery cycles of repetition will be reborn as a false foundation of security, minus doubt, acting out its sense of absolute certainty. Hallelujah, we are born into the arms of the many. By the by, the risk is absolute power, by being aware of, when one’s portal opens, then with correctly chosen action. If you decide to step through, be reminded, be prepared, when the first practice is chosen, it may not end with the sweet smell of roses.

This is not the concept of an idea, be aware, WE are, YOU are Transformation.

A long, long time ago, when the elements were being reborn, formed within this universe, a kinship of enduring love bonded between Mother Earth “the foundation” and “flowing Waters” the forward-motion of forever life”. Earth has been, and for now, still is, man’s keeper, for she has held mankind, close within her bosom, all throughout our unfolding years. For centuries we have traveled our ancestor’s path, also the lineage of our first birth name, and the so-called evolution of the collective.

Our time to travel has emerged, where once the earth cradled the walking Water creatures, now, that time has come to pass. She is releasing us from her grasp, as all mothers do, out into a new era of human development.

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We live in a world created by our ancestors, built upon a lack of understanding; thereby we, act, function, know and live by incorrect definitions. Now regardless of who you may be, all is seen/separated within the two limited categories of good, bad, right, wrong, beauty, ugly, black-white, us them. And we wonder why we are so blind as a being. This is the way of a civilization that has built a series of rules and then learned how to respond accordingly using only those very same limitations.

Trust isn’t something you pull out of a hat like a rabbit. It comes with a deeper grasp of how one chooses to live their life from self-recognized independence rather than from some man-made system concocted from a mindset lacking respect. When trust is placed, given over to another identity, person, class, machine, study, following, or tradition, one has handed overall control of the self, as they now move forward in life. It’s from that moment on, all forward motion, actions, thoughts, feelings, the mindset will be originated from that source of allegiance and that source only. We may think it is one’s natural self, doing, and thinking; sadly, it’s not the case. One now lives, is the shadow of delusion.

Are we all frogs in our man-made well?

Ask, are you a frog in your well?

Photo by WARREN WONG

When one is seeking growth as an individual, one comes to terms with all true beliefs. This is stating every single person’s beliefs on this planet are a real fact. What makes it interesting is which side of the fence they reside in? According to this universe system of natural laws, as their essence, that belief will be either of a positive or a negative energetic essence that belongs only to that individual.

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On another note, here is another common misperception that has been left out of our mindsight for eons.

We are not individuals.

We are in fact independents!

We do what we do and think what we think. These are one’s chosen limiting boxes; we constantly imitate as we move through life. These are all one’s personal creations. We surrounded ourselves with these patterns, long ago, possibly long before dinosaurs walked this earth. What these boxes represent is of no meaning; what matters greatly, how many have one singled out, and has one decided which to keep as they are, which of these we transform. For it is in the transformation one allows, moves, turns forward, towards one’s independent life-path.

What is a life path? It will be different for each independent.

One thing is certain, all directions as one heads further down the rabbit hole are chosen from freedom, free of one’s everyday overly busy mindset.

All of humanity and this planet, over the last eighteen months, have been given a breather. It has been a space where reflection may enter. A time to clean out the clutter among the mindset cobwebs that drive one towards a chosen goal, a vision, one’s futures rewards, regardless of when our goal/goals were formalized, now would be a good time to recalculate if it fits into your tomorrow’s world. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Does it even matter? It’s a thing, nothing more, nothing less; how we move forward from this moment is one’s next decision.

This too shall come to pass.

Abundance Corner

By Phyllis King

Photo by DARIA SCHMYRIN

THE EXACT FORMULA FOR MAKING

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION WORK FOR YOU 84 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

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hen we plant a seed for an apple to become an apple, it is destined to become an apple.

Even though the seed will assuredly be an apple one day, it still cannot circumvent all the stages it must go through to become an apple. We humans are not so different from the apple. Success and happiness are promised for all of us in the continuum of life. If we are not happy, our story simply isn't finished yet.

The challenge as human beings is to become peaceful with our growing success inch by inch. We want to believe that success happens in one big earth-shaking moment. It does not. Success happens inch by inch.

That is the natural course.

Entertainment and all stimulating experiences offer necessary respites from life's challenges. They help us break free from our relentless mind chatter. We have a tendency to believe quick fix magical stories that come to us through mechanisms like movies and TV. Or, we escape the challenge of being present through shopping or using mood-altering substances, or disconnected sexuality. When respite turns into fostering a false reality, disappointment, frustration, and fatigue set in, we unintentionally push out our true fulfillment and make it more difficult to achieve.

Make no mistake, and it is a good thing to take breaks and separate from the labor of living Life is difficult.

The more we maintain a presence at the moment, the easier it becomes to realize our goals, this inner muscle of presence matters. It is so very human to wish for a rescue by someone or by a circumstance. Big wins are rare.

Sometimes we do get a big win. That is typically after years and years of inch-by-inch dedication to a course of thought or action. Just as we admire a baby or a toddler or marvel at the idealism of a teenager, we look forward to who they will become in the world as an adult. We know that requires time. As we develop the same perspective for our own experience success, will finds us. We do not chase it; we attract it.

In terms of "energy speak," as we master the practice of presence, we raise our vibration, which directly correlates to magnetism. We literally expedite the arrival of the thing, the person, or the opportunity we want to experience. Quantum physics proves to us that perception precedes tangible matter. What we think about something influences it on a physical level.

Magnetism is a powerful word and has far-reaching implications. It affects whether or not we will see results using the law of attraction. Broken down, if we

are worried, frustrated, or otherwise bathing in some form of scarcity, we can only attract vibrations equal to those scarcity frequencies. We cannot escape our own magnetism.

Magnetism automatically provides what we need. Intention can provide what we want. Magnetism is what makes the law of attraction possible. It is what most often is lacking in a person when it does not work.

What follows is the formula for making the law of attraction work for you.

1. Practice presence.

2. Develop the ability to see each moment as if you chose it. Mine the gold from every moment.

3. Develop self-awareness to attend to your wounding/reactivity 4. Develop a strong and robust sense of humor 5. Learn to set intention without attachment to outcome 6. Develop a disciplined mind 7. Learn a practice to surrender to higher wisdom 8. Practice radical gratitude and appreciation Every situation we have provides an opportunity for growth, wealth, and love. Look for those opportunities. Measure your results based upon how you feel, not what things look like. How you feel is the barometer for how much magnetism you have and how much you can receive.

If you are feeling awful, your immediate task is to give your attention to it until it shifts. If you are feeling frustrated, give your attention to that until you shift.

The goal is to learn to honor the moment for the divine food it is. We cannot be given a learning experience we do not need. Ultimately all our needs are met beyond our wildest expectations. When we live in that reality, the external reality can only be great.

Known as the Common Sense Psychic (tm), Phyllis King has worked with tens of thousands of peoplein 25 countries. She is known for her practical and down to earth approach. She has been featured on, ABC, CBS and NBC TV, radio programs across the country, and has been published in over 70 print and online publications.

She has four books, including Bouncing Back, Thriving in Changing Times, with Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Her latest book The Energy of Abundance is available in bookstores now. Phyllis holds a B.A. in Sociology. www.phyllisking.com 85 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

DIVINE LOVE was written to share the secrets and keys for living with profound love. Love has to start with radical self-acceptance and self-respect. Parents, school, peers, cultural norms, media, and religion constantly bombard us with ‘shaping,’ ‘conforming,’ and ‘judgmental’ messages: how we should look, how we should feel, and act. Self-love comes from discovering who you are, living with deep authenticity, and accepting your entire being. As your self-love deepens and expands, your love toward all other people will naturally deepen and flow. Divine Love is a book about authenticity and intimacy, a guide on how to live truly. It’s about creating a slice of heaven on Earth.

Stephen Shaw is a spiritual teacher, mystic, energy healer, shaman, transcendent life coach, and Tantra master. He is the author of 12 bestselling spiritual books: I Am, Heart Song, They Walk Among Us, The Other Side, Reflections, 5D, Star Child, The Tribe, The Fractal Key, Atlantis, The Sorcerer, Divine Love. Stephen's mystical books reveal the secrets for deep love, profound healing, joyful living and spiritual transcendence. Visit the website: \ www.i-am-stephen-shaw.com.

"One of my favorite personal exercises I get all my life-coaching clients to do is The Deathbed Exercise: Lay on your bed or sofa. Take a few deep breaths and relax deeply. Imagine you are dying. You have only a few days left to live. You are on your deathbed. Ponder what mattered in life. What gave you the greatest joy?

What are your beautiful, fulfilling memories? How could you have spent your precious time differently? In a diary or journal, write your thoughts and learnings. The thoughts and learnings are almost always about love and relationships." ~Stephen

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STEPHEN SHAW Teaching, Transforming, Giving

12 BOOKS FOR TRANSFORMATION

STEPHEN SHAW CAN DISCUSS: • • • • • • • • • • •

Shifting consciousness to manifest your dream life.

Life alignment and finding your true path.

Trusting your heart and listening to your intuition.

Find deep self-love and loving intimate relationships.

Experiencing awesome mystical-tantric states.

Clearing negative energy from energy fields.

Clearing past life trauma, drama and karma.

Accessing high-resonance energy and Divine Light.

Upgrading chakras, and the ecstasy of Kundalini.

The transformative power of Divine Love The ultimate path of Awakening and Ascension.

THE BOOKS I Am: A journey to enlightenment including radical self-acceptance.

Heart Song: Create your dream life and manifest an awesome reality.

They Walk Among Us: Transform your life through the power of love.

The Other Side: Explore the question: Where do we go when we die?

Reflections: Discover one spiritual teaching on each magical page.

5D: Exciting secrets unearthed. Answers to intriguing historical enigmas.

Star Child: Cosmic gods, magical shamans and Divine Tantra.

The Tribe: Ecstatic Tantra and Kundalini. The love of soul mates.

The Fractal Key: Reveals the secrets of the shamans, and the practices of psychedelic healing and transcendent journeys.

Atlantis: Illuminates the star beings and Earth’s ancient history.

The Sorcerer: Dive deep into mantras, meditations, love and Tantra.

Divine Love: Living a life that is authentic, intimate, real, raw and vulnerable.

Discover deep love, profound joy and resounding bliss.

12 MYSTICAL BOOKS REVEAL THE SECRETS FOR DEEP LOVE, PROFOUND HEALING, JOYFUL LIVING AND SPIRITUAL TRANSCENDENCE

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HIGH ROAD TO HUMANITY

By Nancy Yearout

KINDNESS ISTIMELESS 88 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

Life is forever changing, but as the years come and go, kindness remains timeless. As we travel through life, it is the moments of kindness that we recall the most.

As the years roll on and we look back, it is the kind words or gestures remembered that warms your very soul.

It’s that one approving smile growing up at school from your favorite teacher or the wink of fondness from that special guy that warms your heart. It has felt like and looked like kindness had lost its power in our world for a while now. Many have chosen the path of hatred and anger instead of grace, love, and compassion.

It’s interesting how the universe works, how energy works. The more goodness we put out to the world, the more goodness we receive back to ourselves. We reap kindness when we give kindness.

As you change how you approach life more kindly, you will be amazed to see how new people come into your life, new opportunities, and how the old seem to fall away easily.

As we create more kindness in the world the quicker, we will raise our vibrations to a kinder loving planet.

If we can all become a little bit kinder, it will have an energetic ripple effect on humanity. We can make a difference if we choose to. Truth be told, everyone likes a little praise now and then. Often, it’s the ones closest to us that we forget need encouragement and some extra sugar now and then.

A kind word to a friend or a stranger who is having a bad day can be a game-changer for a person having a bad time of it. One of the best ways to spread some kindness every day is to thank the grocery clerk and wish him/her a good day with a smile, tip the waiter or waitress, open the door for a stranger and even let the car go before you say hello to the mail person, wave at your neighbor.

Slow down a bit and pause for a moment before you speak; think about what kind of words you can say instead of one of those automatic reactions we all seem to have. Many of us are so programmed with the same response that we may not realize we could approach life in a kinder fashion.

Approaching life with grace and ease can make a huge difference in your life and the people around you.

It is the choice of changing your mindset to be aware of your words and thinking in each moment before you open your mouths to speak.

You begin to realize how we use our words and thoughts to create our reality and the people who are drawn to us by the vibration we are sending out to the universe.

There are small things we can do that will make a difference in each other’s lives. The First Law of karma says: “As you sew, so shall you reap.”

Nancy Yearout is an Psychic Reader, Intuitive Life Coach, Author and Inspirational Speaker. Her religious and spiritual work has enabled her to help many people to live the life they desire! Nancy feels inspired to share the wisdom and the messages she receives with others. Her real-life experiences are shared each week on her Radio Show/Podcast, High Road to Humanity where insightful, spiritual guests share their story. This is Nancy’s way of each sharing new insight about raising the vibration and consciousness for all of us to create a healthy, Loving and kinder people as well as a safe harmonious place to live. My Credentials: Sales Coordinator for General Motors Corporation, Sales Manager for multiple, Owner and Qualifying Broker of The Harville Estates Real Estate & Development LLC, Owner of Energy Girl Publishing LLC., Author of, Wake Up! The Universe Is Speaking to You, Author of Monthly Contributor to Eden Magazine, Motivational/Inspirational Speaker, Intuitive Personal Coach Intuitive card reader, Energy Healer, Radio Host/Podcast High Road to Humanity.

Nancy Yearout Hosts a Radio Show/ Podcast every week on Toginet radio and iTunes called High Road to Humanity. Visit her website www.NancyYearout.com or her Podcast www.Highroadtohumanity.com

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Photo by ALONSO REYES 90 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

Did I plan THIS?

By Sherri Cortland, N.D.

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n 2009, my first book, Windows of Opportunity, was published. It’s full of channeled information that was given to me via automatic writing from my Guide Group, the “GG.”

One of the main points that the “GG” wanted to get across at that time was that we have the power and responsibility to plan each lifetime. The way it was given to me was this.

“Picture yourself sitting at a conference table with many other entities. You’ve known these entities for literal eons and spent many different lifetimes with them in different capacities. Some are beloved teachers and guides who are part of the meeting to advise you and make sure you are not overly optimistic about what you think you can accomplish during the incarnation you are planning. They love you.

They know your strengths and weaknesses.

Like an outline of chapters for a book, you and your planning committee will create a lifetime of opportunities to accomplish everything you want to accomplish. You will

even create backup opportunities in case you don’t get it quite right the first time. These opportunities for learning and growth are called windows of opportunity.”

From 2009 through 2015, I lectured, wrote articles, and gave workshops about how we plan most of what happens to us and how to spot our windows of opportunity, so we go through them closer to the ground floor instead of the penthouse; saving ourselves a lot of drama and pain.

In 2016, I was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer.

I had no symptoms to clue me in, and if I hadn’t gone in for a pre-colonoscopy exam, during which the doctor felt something on my ovaries, I wouldn’t be here writing this article today. I had an operation, went through chemo, and was in remission for almost three years when I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. That meant another operation and more chemo. My oncologist was as shocked as I was that I got cancer again, and she had me do some genetic testing.

Sure enough, I have the mutated BRCA1 gene, which is a strong indicator of ovarian and breast cancer.

I WANT MY FELLOW SOJOURNERS ON THIS PLANET TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEINGS AND HAVE THE POWER OF CHOICE AND THE POWER TO MANIFEST WHAT WE DESIRE.

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All of the above is the “back story.” This is not a boohoo, I had cancer twice, and now I’m on a chemo pill for the rest of my life, feel sorry for me, story.

My reason for sharing this now is because I found myself in the position of having to put into practice what I’d been preaching for all those years. It’s easy to talk the talk but much harder to walk the walk, as I quickly learned from my cancer-related windows of opportunity.

With stage four cancer, I could easily have chosen to lay down and die, and Heidi pointed out to me that for years I have said that I would be happy to leave this incarnation, and she asked me why I didn’t go— that opportunity was certainly there for the taking.

She brought up an interesting point, and it’s true that I’ve said that many times. After all, I hate the violence and pain that animals go through because people choose to eat them.

After the initial diagnosis, I went online and researched ovarian cancer. It was all doom and gloom, and from everything I read, I would soon be dead.

I’m not going to lie, I felt sorry for myself for about 24 hours; and then I remembered everything the “GG” wrote about planning and responsibility and realized that I could not allow myself to wallow in grief, even though that would have been easier than trying to figure out the “why” of it all.

I thought long and hard about what Heidi brought up. I realized that I declared to the universe I was staying the first time because my husband and I have many rescued cats that need to be taken care of. The second time I made my declaration, it was because my husband nearly died twice in 2020. I needed to take care of him.

I remember in hour 25 saying to myself that none of what I read applied to me, that I was a powerful being, and that I needed to remember who I am and that I planned this for a reason.

And that’s when the work started, and it took me a long time to figure it out. Well, I figured out some of it on my own, and some of it was pointed out to me by my friend, Heidi—our family and friends often see our windows from a different perspective and give us invaluable insight.

So, after much introspection, here’s why I believe I planned two cancers and a mutated gene for myself: My lesson wasn’t about cancer; cancer was a hardcore window for me to understand our power truly and to use our power. I’ve had other “power” windows in the past, and I thought I had learned the lesson, but apparently, I didn’t learn it well enough. Cancer, for me, was a penthouse window.

At hour 25, I loudly and clearly screamed to the universe that none of the doom and gloom I read about applied to me. At that point, I was manifesting my power and telling the universe exactly what I intended for myself—and that was to live.

I’m sharing my experience with the worst window of opportunity I’ve ever gone through because I want my fellow sojourners on this planet to understand that we are powerful beings and have the power of choice and the power to manifest what we desire.

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I think this also illustrates the power that we have.

I had two clear windows of escape; if I chose to use them—windows I might have been happy to take at another time. But things changed, and I had important reasons to stay, not the least of which was to walk my own talk with regard to taking responsibility for planning these windows. And I so let the universe know of my intentions.

As we’re planning our lives for each incarnation, we write the draft for our story. As we’re living our lives, we are in control of how the chapters are finalized— we have the free will to alter our course. My experience with cancer is just a small example of what is power of us. My experience with cancer is just a small example of the power within us.

Namaste

Sherri Cortland has been communicating with her Guide Group, the “GG,” since 1987 via automatic writing. Much of the information she has received is included in her four books, which were originally published by Ozark Mountain Publishing and are currently available on her website and on Amazon.

On Sherri’s website, you will find several free classes and meditations, along with more articles and workshops on video. www.Sherri-Cortland.com https://www.facebook.com/ChanneledGuidance

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RECLAMING YOUR TRUE SELF

By Angela Dunning

Conscious Vulnerability "To grow up is to accept Vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable." ~Madeleine L'Engle

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e are taught from a very early age not to show our vulnerabilities. We learn to mask and suppress our true feelings and needs.

We don't express our emotions healthy because, as a society, we are told that to be vulnerable is to be weak.

Going against one's true nature in this way and to the extent that we all do well into adulthood takes a considerable toll on both ourselves and those we interact with. To constantly have to cover up what we are feeling and what we need takes huge amounts of energy, the energy that could go into more creative and healthy outlets. Not only that, but we muddy the waters of our relationships, whether this is with our close intimate partners, friends, family members, colleagues, or strangers. Within families, in particular, these complicated ways of relating become the norm. A pattern is set within 94 THEEDENMAGAZINE.COM e October 2021

each family, and each member finds a way to fit into this mold and go against their own grain, including when as adults, we return home for get-togethers and holidays.

Yet, such conforming and suppression of one's true nature can be crippling and even devastating for the individual. It can lead to serious problems with forming other adult relationships, as well as getting on in our career and even having our own family.

Many, if not all of the adults I work with, bring such complex relationship patterns into our work. With the help of the horses who are fluent in authenticity and clear boundaries, we start to unpick the client's tendencies and templates; they practice learning to stay connected to what they are actually feeling in each moment, emotionally and physically, as well as tracking their needs as they rise and fall.

Photo by KENNY WEBSTER

Throughout, I emphasize how welcome their Vulnerability is into the space and the three-way relating going on. Again, the horses help enormously with this issue as they connect more readily and deeply when the person is allowing themselves to feel their vulnerable states, affirming to them that their needs and emotions are indeed very welcome and far more preferable than when they are suppressing or covering them up with facades of well-being and false confidence.

I've been through a number of traumatic experiences as an adult and curiously, more so since embarking on my work with horses and people. Following a riding accident and later significant losses and bereavements, I was plunged headon into deep and profound states of vulnerability. What I experienced was a complete undoing of my usual defenses, particularly my defenses when relating to other people. With my draw-bridge raised and fortress walls dismantled for a time, I felt utterly different. I was much softer, more open, friendly,

less guarded, more trusting, and ready to engage with other people. In addition and somewhat paradoxically, my business also improved during these periods as it seemed I was more visible and accessible to others. As someone who experienced early relational trauma, I have heavily guarded defenses, so these periods stand out for me, and strangely, each time I felt I was leaving those states and returning to my normal mode of living, I felt sad, and I actually missed my vulnerability.

What a shocking realization that was!

Recently I spent time with my mother, the person with whom I have the most complex relationship dynamics, and who has herself, spent a lifetime in a state of incongruence: unable to know what she is feeling or needing in any moment; unable to ask for help and yet at the same time, manipulates everyone around her, especially me, to help her. Her unmet needs are insatiable and overwhelming.

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Being around her brought home to me just how destructive it is to deny our vulnerability by leaving it languishing in our unconscious; unseen, unfelt, and unmet.

Here's what I learned from my latest interactions with her: If we don't make our needs and vulnerabilities conscious, then we unconsciously press them onto others and silently expect them to take care of us. Further, we will find ways to subtly manipulate others into taking care of us and carrying our unmet needs whilst at the same time denying we need help.

This causes huge problems in our relationships as it is inherently incongruent and thus, makes the other angry and frustrated with us.

As I discovered during my intense vulnerability times, the truth is there is actually tremendous strength and integrity in being vulnerable and asking for help when we really need it. As well as learning how to shoulder the responsibility for those needs we CAN meet for ourselves. Knowing yourself in this way makes all of your relationships run more smoothly: You can ask for help when you need it; you no longer seek from others what you can give to yourself, and you also stop looking for validation from people who are incapable of giving this to you.

In his book Barefoot Doctor's Handbook for the Urban Warrior: A Spiritual Survival Guide, author Stephen Russell says: "Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don't mask or deny your Vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things, can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e., open."

To aim to bring our Vulnerability to consciousness heals each of us and the world a little bit more. It benefits our relationships and leads to richer, more authentic individuals and societies. Each time one of us honors our true needs openly and honestly, we contribute to the change our modern world so badly needs.

Photo by GIORGIO TROVATO

Angela Dunning is a regular contributor to The Eden Magazine.

She is the author of The Horse Leads the Way: Honoring the True Role of the Horse in Equine Facilitated Practice. Angela writes regularly on Facebook: ebook.com/thehorsestruth.

You can learn more about Angela and her work helping people and horses at: www.thehorsestruth.co.uk.

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DORIS BERGMAN’S

ELEVENTH ANNUAL LUXURY LOUNGE & LUNCHEON HELD AT LA BOHEME RESTAURANT HONORS TELEVISION’S BIGGEST NIGHT Photography by Sheri Determan

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est Hollywood -- On Thursday, September 16, 2021, La Boheme -- THE iconic West Hollywood Restaurant on Santa Monica Boulevard, opened its doors to Bergman’s Luxury Lounge & Luncheon -- in celebration of the 73rd Annual Emmy® Awards.

Over 100 of Hollywood’s finest turned out to celebrate and honor the television industry’s Emmy® Nominated actors, former Emmy® winners, presenters, stylists, and industry VIPS. This highly anticipated invitation-only event, hosted by Precious Vodka and presented by The Abingdon Co., Bergman showcased an incredible array of fashion for him and her, including couture gowns, bespoke tuxedos & suits, men & women’s casual wear, fancy footwear, fabulous timepieces, vegan leather bags, the finest in beauty, skin & hair care, outrageous CBD products, stunning jewelry collections, gorgeous accessories, health foods, scented candles, La Boheme signature cuisine, Bulgarian vodka, organic Tequila, delectable gourmet sweets and much more. (The special attraction? Live from Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, was Minneapolis-based ‘80’s Pop Group -- “The Jets” -- who made their “luxury lounge” debut with VAI -- their own brand of CBD Wellness Water!)

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2021 Daytime Emmy Winner/Best Actress Jodi Long (“Dash & Lilly,” 2021 Emmy Nominee Anna Maria Horsford, Former Oscar Nominee Bruce Dern, Multiple Award-winning Actors Bill Duke & Maria Conchita Alonso, former Emmy Winner/Best Actor Kim Estes, John Otto (Platinum/Grammy Winning Drummer LIMP BIZKIT,) Kylee D. Allen, Lucius Baston & Mychal Bella Bowman (2021 Emmy Nominated Series/”The Underground Railroad”,) Former Emmy Winners Tristan Rogers (“General Hospital”) and Victoria Konefall (“Days of Our Lives,”) Abraham Lim (Lead role in “Clickbait” - #1 show on Netflix,) Victoria Park (“The Flash,”) Jasmine Davis (“The Chi,”) Laila Odom “Salt ‘N Pepa,”) Jake Busey (“Stranger Things,”) Jean Elie (“Insecure,”) Jeryl Prescott (“All The Queens Men,”) Hollywood Royals -- Joely Fisher & Tricia Fisher, Julio Macias (“Selena” & “On My Block,”) Michael Campion (“Fuller House,”) Miles Tagtmeyer (2018 Emmy Nominee,) Naomi Grossman & Selena Sloan (“American, Horror Stories,”) Chris Browning (“Bosch” & “The Lincoln Lawyer,”) Sofia Milos (“CSI: Miami & “The Sopranos,”) Ryan Ochoa (“Pair of Kings”), to name a few, were among the cadre of celebrities and industry VIPS who were treated to the best of the best!

In the spirit of giving back, guests & sponsors made monetary donations and/or donated unwrapped gifts for young adults (ages 13-18) for a Pre-Holiday Gift Drive benefiting ‘Wednesday’s Child’ -- a weekly segment airing on KTTV FOX 11 News, Los Angeles, with Anchor Christine Devine. ‘Wednesday’s Child’ highlights ‘harder to place’ young adults in the LA County foster care system who are in need of adoptive families. “In Los Angeles County, alone, there are over 30,000 children receiving child welfare services,” says social worker Dr. William Wong. Bergman always invites at least two foster youth to join in on the festivities and experience what it feels like to be treated like a VIP. http://www.foxla.com/ wednesdays-child.

Gifts and services were provided by: VAI CBD Wellness Water; Sub Zero Ice Cream; Dulce Vida Organic Tequila; Timmy Woods Handbags; Hypofootwear; The Abingdon Co.; Custom Candle Co.; CBD Live Natural; My Saint, My Hero; Precious Vodka; Twisted Silver; Hint Water; Art Lewin Bespoke; Sue Wong Couture; Beauty Kitchen Skin Care; Milena LA; True Gold Honey; Spongelle; Popcornopolis; Mixit Fresh; The Hollywood Trinity and VIP Gift Bags provided

by Twisted Silver.

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HOW INDIGENOUS COMMUNITIES ARE BUILDING ENERGY SOVEREIGNTY

By Natalie Peart This story originally appeared in "YES! MAGAZINE” It is republished here as part of The Eden Magazine partnership with Covering Climate Now, a global journalistic collaboration to strengthen coverage of the climate story.

O

n the Hawaiian island of Moloka’i, residents— many of whom are Native Hawaiian—pay a high price for electricity: $0.41 per kilowatt hour compared to the United States average of $0.13.

Though Moloka’i residents use the least energy of all the Hawaiian Islands, they are saddled with the greatest expense.

This energy inequality has led the community to try and gain more control over how their energy is sourced and distributed.

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The Moloka’i are one of many Indigenous groups around the U.S. making inroads toward energy sovereignty. But the approach and methods differ depending on communities’ belief systems, landscapes, and local politics. For two rural cooperatives in Hawai‘i and New Mexico, energy sovereignty means taking actions toward decentralizing resources, increasing solar power plus storage, and centering community and the land in the process.

Not All Renewables Are Created Equal The residents of Moloka’i are still in the nascent stages of gaining more community control over their energy. To find the best renewable solutions that fit both their culture and the natural environment, they have turned to their traditions and beliefs.

“The land is the chief, and we are the servants,” says Lori Buchanan, vice president of Ho’ahu Energy Cooperative. The cooperative was formed in 2020 and was officially incorporated in February of 2021 with the aim of providing locally owned, affordable, renewable energy. “The people are there to serve the resources and to ensure that the resources are not only sustainable—which is a word I don’t like to use—but make them abundant in perpetuity, because we think hundreds of years down the road. Our vision is not shortsighted like corporate greed and a quick buck, but very longsighted for the next generation and the next generation.”

The first step toward reaching that goal has been devising a proposal to submit to Hawaiian Electric, the main energy utility in Hawai‘i. In 2015, the state mandated that Hawaiian Electric consider community-based renewable energy projects in their work, so Ho’ahu Energy Cooperative and the Moloka’i community are demanding to be considered.

Their plan is for the cooperative to own solar panels and battery storage while Hawaiian Electric would continue to own the poles and wires that transfer electricity to residents’ homes. Hawaiian Electric would purchase the solar power from Ho’ahu Energy Cooperative and provide renewable energy to cooperative members at a discounted rate.

Buchanan is Native Moloka’i and one of many on the island who has staved off extractive energy projects through protest. In 2012, she and other residents of Moloka’i organized to stop 50 wind turbines from being put on the island because of the degradation it was anticipated to cause to both the environment and the residents living there.

While wind is considered a renewable energy source, it alone cannot supply a community’s energy portfolio. When the wind stops blowing, tapping into energy storage, including batteries, could help power the turbines. After that storage is used, a community may still need to use the fossil fuels provided by the existing grid. Wind turbines range

in size, and the larger the turbine, the more chances there are for environmental interference as seen from the much-protested wind farm in Kahuku on the island of O’ahu.

“There’s a Hawaiian saying,” says Todd Yamashita, president of Ho’ahu Energy Cooperative, “He wa’a he moku, he moku he wa’a—‘the canoe is an island, the island is a canoe.’ Of 7,000 people, we only have what we have and that’s all we have. So if you have anything to do here—whether it is cultural, educational, environmental, economic—if it’s extractive in nature, you are absolutely unwelcome.”

Time of Transition In 2020, renewable energy usage (wind, solar, and hydro power) in the U.S. accounted for 19.8% of total kilowatt hours, compared to 60.3% from fossil fuels (natural gas, coal, petroleum, and other gases). A meaningful transition to renewables at scale will involve both existing electric utilities and new models, like that of Picuris Pueblo.

Located in the mountains of northern New Mexico, Picuris Pueblo is the smallest tribal nation in the state. With relatively few opportunities for economic development in their remote location, Picuris partnered with Kit Carson Electric Cooperative in 2018 to embark on a solar power project that would create revenue for Picuris, meet 100% of daytime energy demand with solar power, and reduce energy costs for tribal members.

Through funding by the Department of Energy, Picuris built a 1-megawatt solar power system with about 4,000 solar panels. The energy generated is sold to Kit Carson Electric Cooperative, which relies on a mix of solar and non-renewable energy sources to provide power to its membership, including Picuris. Thanks to the solar array, residents of Picuris receive a $50 to $75 credit on their energy bills.

The project has been so successful that Picuris Pueblo is expanding their solar power operations to include a second initiative. Kit Carson is also increasing its solar power grid. The cooperative estimates that it will be able to buy solar power at $0.03 cents per kilowatt hour compared to the $0.05 cents per kilowatt hour it costs to purchase coal. Its members will save the difference on their energy bills.

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“THE LAND IS THE CHIEF, AND WE ARE THE SERVANTS,” SAYS LORI BUCHANAN, VICE PRESIDENT OF HO’AHU ENERGY COOPERATIVE. “We define [energy sovereignty] as you’re free to decide which type of fuel source you want to use,” says Luis Reyes, CEO of Kit Carson Electric Cooperative. “So, in the case of Kit Carson, if we don’t want to be tied to the fossil fuel pipeline, our power suppliers would allow this kind of energy independence to find a fuel source that best fits our needs.”

The partnership benefited Kit Carson Electric Cooperative too: Picuris Pueblo’s added solar capacity brought them closer to providing 100% daytime solar power to its 33,000 members, a goal they are on track to reach by 2022. More solar power also means less reliance on natural gas and coal, some of the main sources of energy used in New Mexico.

The cooperative will provide solar-generated power to its membership during the day, and at night, it relies on stored energy in batteries the cooperative owns, as well as supplemental energy from Four Corners, the site where they source their non-renewable energy.

In 2016, Kit Carson bought out of their contract with their former vendor, Tri-State Generation and Transmission Association, because they were only allowed to provide 5% solar power to their customers. The cooperative then partnered with Guzman Energy, an independent energy contractor to pursue their solar power plan.

Since Kit Carson has developed its solar infrastructure, the cooperative has purchased less coal energy from Four Corners. What was a 90% purchasing rate of coal energy in 2016 has decreased to around 40% in 2021. However, if Four Corners were to incorporate more solar sourcing into its model, it could help retain vendors who prioritize sustainability, such as Kit Carson, in the long run.

“If Four Corners today were to put solar, maybe some wind, then we would continue to buy from them and then we would continue to build solar locally,” Reyes says.

A New Energy Future As countries across the world have pledged to reduce carbon emissions, many Indigenous communities

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across the U.S. have been and are creating new energy futures. Blue Lake Rancheria, a tribal nation in Humboldt, California, has developed enough of its own solar energy grid that it can “island”—a term that the renewable energy sector uses to describe communities that can use power separate from the grid. When rolling blackouts were happening across the western part of the United States in 2020 and in 2021 because of an overtaxed grid, Blue Lake Rancheria was able to still provide electricity to its residents on the reservation and reduce stress on the main grid.

Even with success stories like these, the renewable energy sector is facing significant questions. As of now, the industry does not have a responsible way of disposing of certain pieces of the solar panels once they have exceeded their lifespan, usually an average of 30 years. There are also concerns about the environmental degradation and human rights abuses associated with mining the materials needed to make electric battery storage. But experts argue renewable energy is still less damaging than our current model of fossil fuel dependence. And as the world invests big in renewables, the sector will likely see myriad community-led innovations and improvements, which continue to inspire the residents of Moloka’i.

“As we go, we’re hoping to do many creative projects that pushes the technological envelope for what you can do on a small island community,” says Yamashita of Ho’ahu Energy Cooperative. “Projects that have equity, that directly benefit the people. And I can’t think of any better way than the people here building it themselves.”

Natalie Peart is a 1.5 generation Caribbean-American multimedia journalist and artist living on Lenapehoking lands (Brooklyn, NY).

Her work centers on the environment, spirituality, and alternative economies. She is an urban gardener who loves processing food scraps and making windrows that become compost.

Natalie is currently pursuing her master’s degree at the Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism where she is studying documentary filmmaking.

She is a member of NABJ. She can be reached at npeart@yesmagazine.org