7 minute read
12 A family journey
A family journey
Dan Roos and Annah Sophia say a baby will complete their family but face medical help to make it happen. As the devoted couple embrace their IVF journey they talk to Paula Hulburt about their hopes for the future.
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DAVID JAMES PHOTOGRAPHY
Pushing open the bar door, the clamour of conversation rose to greet him as he shut out the cooling night air.
Warmth and the tang of wine mixed with laughter to promise good times ahead. Dan and his friends moved towards the bar when his gaze caught the eye of an attractive red head; she smiled back. The chance meeting was the second time their paths had crossed that night. Five years on and the pair sit together at their kitchen table. A diamond engagement ring adorns Annah’s left hand. Boxes are scattered throughout their Tua Marina home as the couple prepare to move to Blenheim. The paraphernalia of a busy household has mainly been packed away. Their 10-year-old son Luca is away with family for some of the school holidays while Dan and Annah grapple with last minute jobs. While she packs, Annah is conscious that had their first embryo implantation been successful, she would now be pregnant. However, this time, it just wasn’t meant to be.
“It was either going to be the best Christmas ever or I was going to enjoy a champagne cocktail instead,” explains Annah ruefully. “It would have been the best Christmas present.”
Annah was a proud mum to son Luca when she first met Dan in 2016. Describing him as an “amazing stepdad” she knows he will also be a doting dad to any children they have together. “He’s not experienced fatherhood from babyhood. It’s huge for me to want him to be a dad. I know I’ll have the support and mutual excitement that I didn’t get to have with Luca from day one, it will be a big celebration from the start.” The sought-after professional makeup artist who runs her own business and has worked on Miss World and Miss New Zealand beauty pageants, says having another child was not a priority – until she fell for Dan. “The first time I saw him, I thought ‘that’s a beautiful man so I smiled at him. Unfortunately, I then got shy and ran off,” she laughs. “I was determined to be Miss Independent on my own,” she explains. ‘I’ll definitely kept my guard up.” Annah was due to fly home in the next few days, Dan, 31, took his chance and asked Annah out on a date the next night. They went out for dinner and then walked along the waterfront. “The rest is history,” smiles Dan as he looks at his fiancée. “I wasn’t even supposed to be out that night, but it was my birthday and my friends insisted. I booked my flight that same night for two weeks time to Blenheim to see Annah again.” For Annah, 33, letting Dan into her life was a big move. She was just 22 when Luca was born and was determined to make her own way with Luca being her main priority. She worked hard to create a happy home for the two of them. Born in Dunedin and growing up in Wanaka, Annah was living in Christchurch with her former partner when the earthquake hit. “Luca lived in six houses in the first year of his life, so he was a little gypsy. I’d resigned myself to having just one child, it had been quite a turbulent journey, however I wouldn’t change a thing.” Talking about their son, both Annah and Dan light up with joy, Luca is obviously the centre of their world. “I had reservations and didn’t want just anyone to meet my child, but Dan made me feel safe. He started off FaceTiming Luca and sent videos before he even met him, building a friendship foundation, and that was so special. Discovering she was pregnant with Luca came as a huge surprise as doctors had told Annah she wouldn’t be able to conceive a child naturally after a medical condition caused rupturing in her fallopian tubes and left her with scar tissue blocking the way meaning conceiving naturally was unlikely. “Luca was a surprise as I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant. They [doctors] said when I wanted to have children, I’d need to go down the IVF route. He is my miracle child. “Dan was definitely a curve ball, but I saw the magic he had, especially with Luca. Luca has been begging for a sibling for years and has asked for a little brother or sister for every birthday and Christmas,” Annah smiles. Certain about their feelings for each other, Dan made the move to Marlborough, and three years later on Annah’s birthday in 2019, The Clubs of Marlborough CEO proposed. “I told Luca what I was wanting to do and asked him if he was OK with that, and also asked permission from her mum and dad,” explains Dan. Luca has been included in the family’s plans every step of the way and understands that his mum must have injections to help her have a baby.
The pair regularly take time out of their busy schedules to reconnect as a family.
“We were planning a wedding for November just gone which turned out to be bang in the middle of when we were approved to go through IVF, so we have put that on hold just now,” Annah says. “Our life is in limbo,” agrees Dan. “For two years we were actively trying to conceive and then we went to see our GP,” Annah explains. “We bought ovulation kits and thought that as I’d had Luca that we might be successful in conceiving naturally.” Later investigations showed Annah’s scar tissue had worsened, and her tubes were blocked.“It was good that they found a problem as we were looking at a 12 to 18 month waiting list for public funded treatment,” she says.” Couples need to meet several criteria to receive a referral for a publicly funded consultation with a fertility specialist in New Zealand. Priority for treatment is worked out using a scoring system known as the fertility Clinical Priority Assessment Criteria (CPAC). If one does not meet the qualifications or chooses to bypass the wait list, the cost for an IVF cycle sits between $12,000 and $17,000 per round, Dan says they are eligible for two cycles of treatment.
For Dan and Annah, the help and support they have received from the team at Fertility Associates at St George’s Hospital in Christchurch has given them hope.
The day their first embryo was implanted was very special they say. “We walked in and there were five or six girls all smiling; it was like a little celebration,” Dan explains. “We had a lot to learn, and they have been there every step of the way. Annah smiles as she recalls how the team even sent them a photo of the embryo. “That was amazing; to see that we had successfully mixed our DNA, however I didn’t feel an immense connection to the image of the embryo, though I know other people do. As well as ongoing support from the team at Fertility Associates, the pair found couples online going through similar journeys on a Facebook group. Sharing helps make the hope tangible. From daily hormone injections to blood tests, scans, exploratory procedures, egg collection and embryo implantation, IVF is a commitment, both mentally and physically. “It affects a lot of people differently,” Annah says. “The hormonal medication made me feel easily tearful, and while not uppity, I was definitely sensitive.” “She handles it very, very well,” Dan replies, smiling at the woman who will one day be his wife and hopefully mother to his biological children. ‘We feel very blessed to be on this journey, we don’t feel hard done by. We are very lucky to live in a country that provides this.” With three more blastocyst embryos in the freezer available for transfer with their first cycle of IVF, the pair are quietly optimistic. “IVF can be quite a taboo subject for some people, but there is no reason why people need to grieve in silence and, if one can have a support base around them, while learning and educating as they go along, then that’s amazing. “A lot of people are rooting for us and on this journey along side us. We are not just a number in a process, “Annah adds. “This is a special journey that we are whole heartedly embracing, however, whatever the outcome, we are still a happy wee family.”
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