Venice

THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I thought there was a risk — that people in Oroville would notice the mobile cave. It is a small town and the LV is pretty conspicuous. Also, by this time we were infamous, and reporters had found out that many more dialysis clinics were having issues than just those immediately around our encampment. More than a dozen clinics had capacity problems: generally in the smaller towns where the vampire count was small.

DaVita had several clinics near Oroville so they weren’t having any service-delivery issues from the patient perspective. DaVita could convince enough vampires to do double shifts that no patient was without.

But the cell in that area (Oroville) somehow managed to recruit 8 vampires and run every shift on every day. 60 dialysis patients “disappeared” and stop going to DaVita clinics. That shocked the company ($3m/y vanished from the till) and the rumor of a cave in the area was pretty intense.

I later found out the story —

They found the LV — stationed well-north of the dam. Hiding in plain sight might have been better, but cells are independent and this was their choice for that week.

A camouflaged golf cart pulled up and blocked the 450 (gutsy, given the size differential) while the escort SUV was picking up patients. Two guys armed with AR-15s jumped out and simply rang the doorbell. Vampires don’t scare easily, but they can be startled, and if Carl could fly he would have hit the ceiling.

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Carl goes to the door and peaks through. Not wanting to be discourteous, he opens the door (also gutsy but not literally)…

The taller of the two start out: “Hi neighbor, this is Butthead & I am Beavis [not their real names]… and you are?”

“Standing here. This is a free country right?”

“Less than we want, but let me try again. We are here to welcome you into the neighborhood.”

“You brought me a cake? Or a fruit basket?”

Butthead chimes in with “Can people on dialysis eat cake?”

“I can eat all the cake I want. Why do you bring up dialysis?”

“We, as in the town, are pretty sure you are one of the satellite dialysis clinics. So we are here to find out what is up with that”

“Well, again, I thought this was a free country. So I am not sure why you care.”

“Welllll… we think there is a good chance ‘the man’ knows where you are. And they might come visiting”

“That might be unpleasant. I would very much like ‘the man’ not to visit me and my friends. I am Carl by the way.”

“Thanks Carl. We would like ‘the man’ not to visit you either. At least not while you are in our territory.”

“You want us to leave?”

“No, you are free to stay as long as you like. Especially if you are doing free dialysis for some of our residents. In that case, we actually

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invite you to stay. With us. ”

“I need to stay with this RV. It is a bit large to move into someone’s driveway”

“You should see our driveway!”

So the Oroville cave “moved in” — with Beavis and Butthead — who are actually not at all like the characters — in a secluded compound a bit closer to the dam. Getting the LV up the dirt driveway going fairly vertically into the hills was a notable undertaking, but they offloaded most of the provisions and transported them with the trucks after getting the LV in place. It ultimately had a very scenic view overlooking the valley, which the patients may have enjoyed in spite of having very little idea where they were.

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